Stop Letting External Validation Control You

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If you’ve ever felt like you’re only as good as your latest success, your job title, or how others perceive you, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down the difference between ego and self-worth—why one is fragile and fleeting while the other is unshakable. I’ll share a powerful Buddhist metaphor that will change how you see your ego, plus introduce my Check Ego Light—a simple tool to catch yourself when your ego is running the show. 

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or constantly seeking validation, this conversation will help you break free and build a deeper, more lasting sense of self-worth. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show.
I'm your host, cameo.
If you are someone whostruggles with feeling like
you're never enough, you're notsuccessful enough, you're not
loved enough, you're not worthyenough, then today's episode is
for you.
We're talking about ego andself-worth, two things that
often get tangled, but they'reactually very different.

(00:21):
So I'm going to break down thedifference.
Share a metaphor that willchange how you see your ego,
pull in some wisdom fromBuddhist teachings to help you
reframe your perspective andintroduce you to a tool that I
use, something that I call thecheck ego light to catch myself
when my ego is running the show.
So let's start with a quickdistinction.
Ego is the story you tellyourself about who you are.

(00:46):
It's the story you tellyourself about who you are.
It's the voice in your headthat says I matter because I'm
successful or I'm lovablebecause people approve of me,
but it's fragile because itdepends on external things money
, status, relationships,achievements, all of those

(01:06):
things that are outside ofourselves to feel secure.
Self-worth is different.
It's deeper.
It's the intrinsic knowing, thesteady, knowing that you have
value, even when the job title,the applause, the Instagram
likes and followers disappear.
It's not based on anythingexternal.

(01:29):
It just is.
Here's the tricky thing aboutego.
Ego isn't something that weconsciously choose.
It's ingrained in us from anearly age.
Think about it.
As kids, we are taught tomeasure our worth by grades, by
trophies, by gold stars, bypraise and feedback.

(01:52):
Isn't a bad thing, none of thatis bad.
It just wires us to seekvalidation outside of ourselves
instead of developing a realinternal sense of self-worth
real internal sense ofself-worth.
So think about your childhood,your grades, maybe your lack
thereof.
Grades, the awards for sportsor music, the recognition that

(02:14):
you received as a child and howthat formed in your early years,
how you saw yourself.
In Buddhism, ego is described asan illusion, something that we
believe is real, but when weexamine it closely, it
completely dissolves.
One of my favorite metaphors isto imagine that the ego is like

(02:37):
a cloud in the sky.
It's constantly shape-shiftingand appearing and disappearing.
And if you think about your egolike that shape-shifting and
appearing and disappearing, andif you think about your ego like
that shape-shifting and comingand going, you never can truly
know who you are.
Another way to see it is like amask.
Imagine you're at a masqueradeball and the mask represents

(02:57):
everything you think, definesyou, your job, your achievements
, your appearance, yourrelationships.
Your job, your achievements,your appearance, your
relationships.
It's decorated to impress,maybe, maybe and this gets deep
really fast maybe even toprotect you.
But over time you forget it's amask and you start believing
that it is you.

(03:19):
And then life happens.
You graduate high school whereyou got all of your awards.
You have a job loss, you breakup with somebody who you think
completed you.
You have a moment of failureand the mask cracks and instead
of realizing that you were neverthe mask to begin with, you
panic and then you scramble tofix it and make it shinier and

(03:43):
prove that you're still somebody.
And it's a never-ending wheeland it gets really, really messy
and confusing because a lot oftimes, those things that we feel
like define us or define ourworth, are things that we care
about, they're things that welove, they're things that we
enjoy.
The chase of it's onlydangerous when we allow it to

(04:07):
dictate how we feel aboutourselves inside.
The ego wants you to believethat you are separate from
others, from change, from thedeeper flow of life.
It tells you that your worth issomething that you must earn.
Let me say that again.
Your ego tells you that yourworth is something that you must
earn.
But self-worth isn't aboutclinging to an identity or to a

(04:29):
label of what you are and whatyou do and what others expect of
you.
It's about recognizing thatunderneath all of that, you are
already whole.
You are just you.
Now I've had to learn to catchmy own ego in the act.
Over and over and over again,it just keeps sneaking up on me.

(04:52):
It's not fair, but I do thiswith something that I call in my
upcoming book the reset button,the check ego light.
It's like a silent alarm thatI've trained myself to recognize
, and a true tell for me is whenI start to feel defensive, when
I crave validation fromsomething outside of me, or when
I move really quickly to angerand don't stop and ask hey,

(05:17):
what's really going on here?
What's really important?
Where is this drive coming from?
What am I seeking?
Am I making this decision fromself-worth, from what really
makes me feel fulfilled, or isit my ego trying to protect me
from something fragile?
Is it my ego trying to feelbetter about itself because I
think I need someone else totell me what I am?

(05:37):
More often than not, it's myego stepping in to shield an old
wound or pump me up, but when Isee it for what it is, I can
choose differently.
So here is the takeaway thedifference between ego and
self-worth.
We dug into ego quite a bit.
Self-worth is prettyself-explanatory.
They just get tangled.
Next time you feel like yourworth is slipping, I want you to

(06:00):
ask yourself am I losingsomething real?
Do I feel threatened bysomething internal, something
real, something about me that Iknow to be true?
Or is it just the mask I'vebeen wearing?
Is it just the story that I'vebeen telling myself about me and
what makes me valued as aperson and worthy of love?

(06:25):
And you have to be really,really honest with yourself.
And when you feel that inneralarm going off, that check ego
light, it's time to check in andsee what you're really, what's
really going on deep inside.
And it's not easy to do.
And if you feel this way andit's a struggle you are not
alone.
Have some self-compassion,because it's a practice, and

(06:46):
just constantly remind yourself,as hokey as it sounds, I'm
enough.
Just me.
These things that I do are notme, they're just things that I
do, and without them I am stillenough.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday.
We have new episodes everyWednesday.
If this hit home, share it witha friend, share it with your
spouse, share it with your teen.

(07:07):
You really do not ever knowwho's struggling with this.
Confidence and self-worth arealso not the same, but that's
for another time.
I hope this helps you recognizethat you are enough and gives
you a starting off point tostart differentiating between
when your ego is leading or whenyour self-worth is lacking.

(07:27):
We're all along this path.
The best thing we can do issupport each other, share ideas,
check in on our people andcheck in with ourselves until
next time.