August 5, 2025 • 19 mins
We are still on our summer break so we are dropping this Greatest Hits episode.
In a world flooded with opinions, losing your inner voice is easy, resulting in overwhelm and confusion. In this episode, I share why this happens and
- Why our brains love certainty
- How to shut out the noise of other people’s opinions
- When we are most susceptible to other’s opinions
- How to tap into your instincts to know the next career move
- Why do you need to tighten the opinion circle
- 4 proven ways to strengthen your connection to your inner voice
Jill Griffin, host of The Career Refresh, delivers expert guidance on workplace challenges and career transitions. Jill leverages her experience working for the world's top brands like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton Hotels, and Martha Stewart to address leadership, burnout, team dynamics, and the 4Ps (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and personalities).
Visit JillGriffinCoaching.com for more details on:
- Book a 1:1 Career Strategy and Executive Coaching HERE
- Build a Leadership Identity That Earns Trust and Delivers Results.
- Gallup CliftonStrengths Corporate Workshops to build a strengths-based culture
- Team Dynamics training to increase retention, communication, goal setting, and effective decision-making
- Keynote Speaking
- Grab a personal Resume Refresh with Jill Griffin HERE
Follow @JillGriffinOffical on Instagram for daily inspiration
Connect with and follow Jill on LinkedIn
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey friends, this is the Career Refresh and I am your
host, Jill Griffin.
Today I'm talking aboutsomething that I am seeing a lot
of lately.
It's everywhere.
It's the pandemic of otherpeople's opinions, opinions that
are so loud they crowd out yourown inner wisdom, and then you
add on all the other decisionsyou have to make, you add on
(00:22):
what's going on in your world,locally, nationally, globally,
and in front of you.
You have all of these decisionsand things to think about and
the result is overwhelm, anxiety, stress, uncertainty, all of it
.
So here's what usually happensAgain, taking it into career,
(00:44):
you have some thoughts aboutwhat to do in your career, how
to approach a strategicinitiative, maybe even a
situation at work.
Maybe you want to apply for thatinternal position or transfer
to another industry, figure outhow to transfer your skills,
start your own business, start aside business while you're in
your current job, or you have acompelling idea that you've put
(01:07):
some thought to and you want tolike kick around a bit more.
And then you ask the peoplearound you and those people you
consider your trusted advisors.
They know you right.
So you ask your colleague, yourdad, your spouse, your friends.
Everyone has something to say,and sometimes they might even
offer their opinion without evenbeing asked.
(01:28):
And here's what I've heard justin the last month, and I have
permission to share theseexperiences.
My dad said I have noexperience in that line of work,
so I should just stick withwhat I know.
My fiance is completely freakedout because she now thinks that
I'm moving to another state.
My husband thinks I'm crazy foreven considering this and oh,
(01:51):
actually, that was my work.
Husband thinks I'm crazy foreven considering this idea.
And my friend, who happens tobe a registered nurse, thinks I
should just quit, get a stablejob and leave the tech sector.
So you see, this is all theseopinions that are out there, and
the one that I'm seeingprobably the most right now is
(02:13):
when someone is looking fortheir next job, or if they're
unemployed, and they get thequestion how's the job search
going?
And then there's the pause,Cause you're like, uh, what do I
say?
Cause you're not necessarilythinking that this rando person
is going to ask you this andthat's the giveaway.
So now they're going to tellyou how you need to get a job,
what you need to do, how youneed to change your resume, how
(02:34):
you need to show up how you needto apply.
You're getting all of thisfeedback and what I also hear
from people is that the feedbackdoesn't fit, it's conflicting,
it's distracting.
So now you spend timecorrecting everyone and trying
to re-explain so that they mightunderstand better the exact
question that you're asking themor the exact piece of area that
(02:56):
you're looking to get feedbackso they can give you better
advice.
And I know I've personally beenin situations where I feel
myself it's like slow motion allof a sudden.
I'm like no, and I'm rollingmyself back out of a
conversation because the peopleI was talking to, well, they're
experts in their own life, notmine.
(03:17):
People are messy and they oftendon't know how to not center
themselves.
In every conversation, they'realways looking at themselves as
to how they fit into thescenario or what they would do,
so they're centering it onthemselves and they're thinking
what they would do with.
So they're centering it onthemselves and they're thinking
what they would do with yourcircumstances.
And that doesn't really workbecause they don't have your
brain, they don't have yourcircumstances, they don't have
(03:39):
your education, your lifeexperience, your lived scenario.
So there's some directionaladvice perhaps, but it's not you
, so they're not there.
Their lived experience and theconsideration that I'm talking
about was so different than mineand the best.
And, of course, as a coach, I'mable to like be the watcher of
(04:01):
my brain and I love when I gettriggered because I'm like, ooh,
what's going on here?
The interesting thing was theyweren't even curious about my
life, they just straight up,were telling me what to do with
like an aggressive level ofdemand, and then what they don't
realize which, again, I thinkis funny is I sort of turn into
silent coach mode and then I'mlike, oh, why are you asking me
these questions?
But honestly, if I really godeeper and peel back, the
(04:26):
experience was really alienatingand uncomfortable and it made
me withdraw from people becauseI wasn't clearly being seen for
me, but I was being seen forrather what you think I should
be, do, have or say based onyour experience.
So why do we do this toourselves?
Well, friends, our brain lovescertainty.
(04:49):
Our brains want to make meaningand understanding of what's
happening so that we can becertain of what to know and what
to do next.
It comes from evolutionarybiology.
Our brain is always taking ininformation and deciding very
quickly.
Is this danger?
Do I need to do something.
How do I need to handle this?
What do I need to do?
(05:09):
Our brain is always doing itand your brain is working
perfectly normal and beautifully, and that's what it's supposed
to do something.
How do I need to handle this?
What do I need to do?
Our brain is always doing itand your brain is working
perfectly normal and beautifully, and that's what it's supposed
to do.
But our brains hate uncertainty.
And what I find is that whenwe're feeling shaky or
vulnerable or uncertain or whatI call HALT hungry, angry,
lonely, tired we want someone totell us what to do to be safe.
(05:31):
Let them run the show.
And I remember there were timesin which I loved my career, but
the pressure of the week, ofthe new business pitch or
whatever it was that we'reworking on, was so intense that
by the time I got home witheither to a roommate and then,
eventually, my husband, it was Idon't know what I want to eat,
just make a decision.
I don't know what I want to dotonight, just make a decision.
(05:52):
And in those cases it wastotally fine for me to outsource
because I had nothing left togive.
So you want to be reallycautious when you're in those
places of hungry, angry, lonelyand tired, because it's usually
the time that we give away ouragency and we let someone else
make the decision.
As I said, the challenge is thateveryone has an opinion, but
there's no strategic ops teamthat's going to come in and help
(06:16):
you with the solutions and thenshepherd you to the desired
result.
Right, it's a drive-by thatthey're having a conversation
with you at a family barbecueand that's the attention we're
getting.
Your colleagues, your friends,the people you live with and
love they all want the best foryou, but they think they know,
based on your career and yourchoices and your lifestyles,
(06:37):
what you should do.
It's that inherent bias thatcomes through and here are some
of the ways that I also see itshow up, so you might be able to
identify yourself in some ofthese scenarios is, you want to
get everyone's advice on yourcareer or a career move, so you
go to people in your circlebecause someone is going to have
the best answer.
(06:57):
So you collect opinions.
You then start to sort them out, maybe combine similar ideas
and try these opinions or datapoints or information on,
because you think that the dataor the opinion or the
information is going to tell youhow to move forward.
It's not, it's your thoughtsabout the data or the
information that's going toteach you or show you where you
(07:18):
should move forward.
And you're afraid because youdon't want to make a mistake,
because time and money areprecious.
So if I do that, what mighthappen?
If I do this, what might happen?
You get to choose, you get tomake the decision, and just
while we're at it, I don'tbelieve in bad decisions.
I believe there's just otherdecisions to make.
We get data yeah, sometimes itwasn't the best decision, but
(07:40):
there's still something to learnfrom that experience and then
you can apply it to where you'removing forward.
My next example is like ideasare coming out of your gorgeous
brain.
You may want to apply for thatopportunity.
Maybe you want to work foryourself?
Hey, maybe I should switchcareers.
What if I move to the WestCoast office and you start
(08:01):
sharing these ideas with others?
The problem is is that you arelike a baker who is thinking of
making a cake.
However, you haven't even takenthe batter and you haven't even
taken the eggs and the butterout to rest at room temperature.
So you're having all theseloose ideas and people don't
know what to make of it.
So they tend to negate youridea because they're thinking
(08:24):
well, what does this mean for me?
So, depending on who the personis, your idea and your ideation
may impact them.
So suddenly they're on theroller coaster with you and,
depending on what the person is,your idea and your ideation may
impact them.
So suddenly they're on theroller coaster with you and,
depending on what theinformation is, they're thinking
what does this mean for me?
So I'm not telling you not tobring people into your ideas.
I'm saying if the butter andeggs aren't room temperature yet
(08:45):
, maybe we can wait a little bitbefore we bring them in.
Maybe we can start decidingthat it's going to be a vanilla
cake versus a chocolate cakebefore we bring people into our
thought process.
That's what I'm saying.
Thinking.
That's what I'm wanting you todo, so that you're relying on
yourself first and you'retapping into your own inner
wisdom before bringing in thecacophony of voices that are
(09:07):
going to come at you.
The next example that I see alot is that you got some mixed
performance information right.
So your work performance yougot some mixed information.
Was this true?
Is this really me?
It's nuanced what was said.
There's parts of it that againfeel like all right, I could
agree with that.
There's parts that maybe youdon't agree with it.
It's funny because we often sitwith the negative parts and
(09:30):
we're convinced that those aretrue, but we don't give equal
weight to the good pieces ofinformation that we received.
So you want to figure out again.
You're asking your trustee crew, you're asking them what they
think this means, what youshould do as a next step,
because we want them to help usmake meaning and we want to be
(09:51):
able to make meaning from whatwe see or feel.
We always want to make meaningof this.
Then we go down the spiral ofwhys why did this happen?
Why do we feel this way?
Why did they say this?
What should I do as a coach?
Sometimes, why is a reallypowerful question?
And sometimes, why is theshittiest question ever?
(10:13):
It can be terrible because itspins us into a spiral of
questions that usually result inmore whys Because we don't have
the answers yet, because wehaven't done the thinking.
It's not helpful and it's goingto lead to overwhelm.
So you can't possibly think ofall the answers to all of those
questions that you feel arevital when you're feeling time
(10:34):
and resources are precious.
You're feeling hungry, angry,lonely, tired.
You're asking yourself allthese questions Well, what
should I do then?
And then, if that happens, whatshould I do with this?
And then, if this is done, whatshould I do there?
Right, so you're on this.
Why spiral?
So we often then, when theoverwhelm happens, is that we
lean on the people nearby us andhelp them, and we want them to
help us get out of it.
(10:54):
But again, people are messy andthey could have had a really
bad day at work.
And suddenly you're asking thema question and they're giving
you an answer and you're likewait, what?
So I want you just to take amoment and really realize that
when you listen to everyone else, you lose yourself.
And I'm going to say that againwhen you listen to everyone
(11:15):
else, you lose yourself.
So what do you do instead?
I got some ideas.
One breathe, literallybreathing.
This is going to calm you down.
This will help you pause andtap into the inner voice,
especially if you're feelinganxious or it feels urgent, and
(11:36):
I don't mean urgent, like theline isn't chasing you, you're
not running out of a building.
Yeah, that's when it's urgent.
Go for it.
But you want to breathe.
You want to stop pushing.
Why don't I have the answer?
Why hasn't this been decidedyet, right?
Why don't I know yet?
Ease up on yourself.
Sometimes we keep pushing anddemanding an answer from our
brains and it doesn't work thatway.
(11:56):
It's usually when we giveourselves space for meditation,
exercise, taking a walk innature, walk the dog, doing a
hobby or doing anything elsethan thinking and trying to
figure it out is when we have achance to hear that voice, to
(12:17):
figure it out, is when we have achance to hear that voice.
The next building on that isgetting quiet.
This is the time that streamingservices, people, social media,
music all of those voices andactual noise around you makes it
really hard to hear your ownvoice.
I often like to ask myself aquestion, write it down,
meditate or read a book for abit, go for a walk if meditation
(12:39):
isn't your thing.
And then I come back to thequestion and give a free write
to the answer Meaning.
I ask myself what should I doabout blah, blah, blah?
Give it a little space, comeback to it and just start
writing.
At first you're like I don'tknow what I'm writing.
Trust me.
In time you start writing andyou're almost coaching yourself.
You're giving yourself somethoughts to explore further and
(13:00):
some additional answers.
And this is where, again, Iwill say, I find that the
universe's message to you isnever urgent.
It's usually quiet and awhisper and you'd be surprised
what may you may tap into ifyou're giving yourself an
opportunity to hear it.
The next is, I would say, make asuper tight list of who is in
(13:23):
the inner circle and I've doneepisodes before on board of
directors.
Not everyone might be in yourinner circle for everything.
You might have someone youwould talk to about a
relationship issue, whetherplatonic or romantic, and you
might have a different personthat you might talk to about a
business situation.
My point is get tight on it.
Not everyone needs to be partof your inner process for
(13:45):
everything.
This is not a referendum.
It is not a public vote.
Returning again to the cakeanalogy maybe get the batter
whipped up into a cake panbefore you start asking everyone
or telling everyone that you'vemade a cake right.
Get some concrete ideas andinformation before you start
sharing with others and listen.
(14:07):
You want to be able to be in aplace of curiosity and openness
and maybe neutrality, becausewhen you then bring in other
people on the opinion.
They're not going to be readingany negativity off of it.
They're going to sense thecuriosity and the neutrality in
you and you may get a differentresult from them.
I'm talking in your innercircle.
(14:27):
Maybe it's a coach, maybe it'sa mentor, maybe it's one other
person, depending on the topic.
And I want to be clear we arenot excluding people, we are not
being secretive.
We're simply letting our ownthoughts take hold a bit so that
you're not like a piece ofseaweed getting all knocked
around and get knocked a bitwith every different piece of
(14:49):
opinion.
All right.
And then the last thing that Ilove to do is a little game I've
invented and I call it theknowing game.
And I made this game out of myown desire to find ways to
strengthen my inner voice beyondmeditation.
Because, yeah, I put my butt inthe seat every day, for I don't
know what it's 25 plus years atthis point.
(15:10):
I'm also a certified meditationinstructor, so I teach others
how to meditate, but sometimes Ican't meditate.
I will tell you, I have figuredout how to meditate on the New
York city subway and, um, that'smeditation, with your eyes open
, for sure, but it's reallyfinding a way to tap into that
inner knowing.
So when I've suggest this to myclients, I will tell you they
(15:31):
first think I am batshit crazy,they think I'm nuts, they think
it won't work.
But then they always come backto me with really interesting
ideas and new perspective.
So here's how it work.
You are not allowed to doanything without tapping into
your inner voice and decidingfirst.
So now you're thinking whatdoes this look like?
(15:51):
Okay, so you're getting dressed.
In the morning you are going todecide that you want to wear
jeans and a t-shirt or you wantto wear that cute dress.
Before you open your closet oryour drawers.
You make the decision first.
Then you go find what you want.
You're not allowed to standthere in your closet or with
(16:12):
your drawers and wonder what towear, because again, that's like
pushing away your agency.
We want to come into that innervoice Hungry.
Don't open the pantry or thefridge without connecting in and
deciding what you want.
You're dying for Koreanbarbecue.
Great, connect with that andI'm going to guess the odds are
(16:35):
you don't have that fresh andready for you in the fridge.
That's okay.
The point of this exercise islistening to what you want first
and then completing thedecision.
Let's continue.
Spotify, pandora, apple Music,amazon Music same thing.
Decide you want Taylor SwiftRadio or Coffee Shop Vice, then
(17:00):
open the app Streaming platformsyou got it.
Decide you want that true crimedocumentary or rom-com, then
open the app and go look forwhat you want Couple of things.
You can change your mind onceyou get inside the closet or
once you get and open the app.
(17:20):
The exercise is for you again tostart hearing that voice and
letting that voice speak to youagain.
You're listening to that voicefirst before you're bringing in
an outside opinion.
Here's what I know to be truefor sure.
Our friends and family want thebest for us, or if they don't,
then that's another episode.
But we need to be selective.
(17:43):
I love that you have peoplearound you that care and want to
give you advice, but listeningto everyone means often losing
yourself.
Strengthening your connectionwith your inner voice, flexing
that muscle through thesuggestions that I've made again
, adding in that quiet time,meditation, reading, getting
outside are the things that helpyou reconnect to that voice.
(18:04):
There's nothing wrong withgetting advice and input, but we
want to make sure that we havetime for ourselves first before
bringing in the wholeneighborhood into our ideas.
All right friends, practicelistening to your voice, that
inner voice.
Get really curious.
Be kind.
All right friends, practice andI will see you next time.
(18:27):
I'm Jill Griffin, your host ofthe Career Refresh podcast.
My mission is to makeworkplaces more successful for
everyone, so if you have ideasfor topics or future guests,
please email us at hello atjillgriffincoachingcom.
Until next time, embracepossibility, be generous,
intentional and kind.
Hey friends, this is the Career Refresh and I am your
host, Jill Griffin.
Today I'm talking aboutsomething that I am seeing a lot
of lately.
It's everywhere.
It's the pandemic of otherpeople's opinions, opinions that
are so loud they crowd out yourown inner wisdom, and then you
add on all the other decisionsyou have to make, you add on
(00:22):
what's going on in your world,locally, nationally, globally,
and in front of you.
You have all of these decisionsand things to think about and
the result is overwhelm, anxiety, stress, uncertainty, all of it
.
So here's what usually happensAgain, taking it into career,
(00:44):
you have some thoughts aboutwhat to do in your career, how
to approach a strategicinitiative, maybe even a
situation at work.
Maybe you want to apply for thatinternal position or transfer
to another industry, figure outhow to transfer your skills,
start your own business, start aside business while you're in
your current job, or you have acompelling idea that you've put
(01:07):
some thought to and you want tolike kick around a bit more.
And then you ask the peoplearound you and those people you
consider your trusted advisors.
They know you right.
So you ask your colleague, yourdad, your spouse, your friends.
Everyone has something to say,and sometimes they might even
offer their opinion without evenbeing asked.
(01:28):
And here's what I've heard justin the last month, and I have
permission to share theseexperiences.
My dad said I have noexperience in that line of work,
so I should just stick withwhat I know.
My fiance is completely freakedout because she now thinks that
I'm moving to another state.
My husband thinks I'm crazy foreven considering this and oh,
(01:51):
actually, that was my work.
Husband thinks I'm crazy foreven considering this idea.
And my friend, who happens tobe a registered nurse, thinks I
should just quit, get a stablejob and leave the tech sector.
So you see, this is all theseopinions that are out there, and
the one that I'm seeingprobably the most right now is
(02:13):
when someone is looking fortheir next job, or if they're
unemployed, and they get thequestion how's the job search
going?
And then there's the pause,Cause you're like, uh, what do I
say?
Cause you're not necessarilythinking that this rando person
is going to ask you this andthat's the giveaway.
So now they're going to tellyou how you need to get a job,
what you need to do, how youneed to change your resume, how
(02:34):
you need to show up how you needto apply.
You're getting all of thisfeedback and what I also hear
from people is that the feedbackdoesn't fit, it's conflicting,
it's distracting.
So now you spend timecorrecting everyone and trying
to re-explain so that they mightunderstand better the exact
question that you're asking themor the exact piece of area that
(02:56):
you're looking to get feedbackso they can give you better
advice.
And I know I've personally beenin situations where I feel
myself it's like slow motion allof a sudden.
I'm like no, and I'm rollingmyself back out of a
conversation because the peopleI was talking to, well, they're
experts in their own life, notmine.
(03:17):
People are messy and they oftendon't know how to not center
themselves.
In every conversation, they'realways looking at themselves as
to how they fit into thescenario or what they would do,
so they're centering it onthemselves and they're thinking
what they would do with.
So they're centering it onthemselves and they're thinking
what they would do with yourcircumstances.
And that doesn't really workbecause they don't have your
brain, they don't have yourcircumstances, they don't have
(03:39):
your education, your lifeexperience, your lived scenario.
So there's some directionaladvice perhaps, but it's not you
, so they're not there.
Their lived experience and theconsideration that I'm talking
about was so different than mineand the best.
And, of course, as a coach, I'mable to like be the watcher of
(04:01):
my brain and I love when I gettriggered because I'm like, ooh,
what's going on here?
The interesting thing was theyweren't even curious about my
life, they just straight up,were telling me what to do with
like an aggressive level ofdemand, and then what they don't
realize which, again, I thinkis funny is I sort of turn into
silent coach mode and then I'mlike, oh, why are you asking me
these questions?
But honestly, if I really godeeper and peel back, the
(04:26):
experience was really alienatingand uncomfortable and it made
me withdraw from people becauseI wasn't clearly being seen for
me, but I was being seen forrather what you think I should
be, do, have or say based onyour experience.
So why do we do this toourselves?
Well, friends, our brain lovescertainty.
(04:49):
Our brains want to make meaningand understanding of what's
happening so that we can becertain of what to know and what
to do next.
It comes from evolutionarybiology.
Our brain is always taking ininformation and deciding very
quickly.
Is this danger?
Do I need to do something.
How do I need to handle this?
What do I need to do?
(05:09):
Our brain is always doing itand your brain is working
perfectly normal and beautifully, and that's what it's supposed
to do something.
How do I need to handle this?
What do I need to do?
Our brain is always doing itand your brain is working
perfectly normal and beautifully, and that's what it's supposed
to do.
But our brains hate uncertainty.
And what I find is that whenwe're feeling shaky or
vulnerable or uncertain or whatI call HALT hungry, angry,
lonely, tired we want someone totell us what to do to be safe.
(05:31):
Let them run the show.
And I remember there were timesin which I loved my career, but
the pressure of the week, ofthe new business pitch or
whatever it was that we'reworking on, was so intense that
by the time I got home witheither to a roommate and then,
eventually, my husband, it was Idon't know what I want to eat,
just make a decision.
I don't know what I want to dotonight, just make a decision.
(05:52):
And in those cases it wastotally fine for me to outsource
because I had nothing left togive.
So you want to be reallycautious when you're in those
places of hungry, angry, lonelyand tired, because it's usually
the time that we give away ouragency and we let someone else
make the decision.
As I said, the challenge is thateveryone has an opinion, but
there's no strategic ops teamthat's going to come in and help
(06:16):
you with the solutions and thenshepherd you to the desired
result.
Right, it's a drive-by thatthey're having a conversation
with you at a family barbecueand that's the attention we're
getting.
Your colleagues, your friends,the people you live with and
love they all want the best foryou, but they think they know,
based on your career and yourchoices and your lifestyles,
(06:37):
what you should do.
It's that inherent bias thatcomes through and here are some
of the ways that I also see itshow up, so you might be able to
identify yourself in some ofthese scenarios is, you want to
get everyone's advice on yourcareer or a career move, so you
go to people in your circlebecause someone is going to have
the best answer.
(06:57):
So you collect opinions.
You then start to sort them out, maybe combine similar ideas
and try these opinions or datapoints or information on,
because you think that the dataor the opinion or the
information is going to tell youhow to move forward.
It's not, it's your thoughtsabout the data or the
information that's going toteach you or show you where you
(07:18):
should move forward.
And you're afraid because youdon't want to make a mistake,
because time and money areprecious.
So if I do that, what mighthappen?
If I do this, what might happen?
You get to choose, you get tomake the decision, and just
while we're at it, I don'tbelieve in bad decisions.
I believe there's just otherdecisions to make.
We get data yeah, sometimes itwasn't the best decision, but
(07:40):
there's still something to learnfrom that experience and then
you can apply it to where you'removing forward.
My next example is like ideasare coming out of your gorgeous
brain.
You may want to apply for thatopportunity.
Maybe you want to work foryourself?
Hey, maybe I should switchcareers.
What if I move to the WestCoast office and you start
(08:01):
sharing these ideas with others?
The problem is is that you arelike a baker who is thinking of
making a cake.
However, you haven't even takenthe batter and you haven't even
taken the eggs and the butterout to rest at room temperature.
So you're having all theseloose ideas and people don't
know what to make of it.
So they tend to negate youridea because they're thinking
(08:24):
well, what does this mean for me?
So, depending on who the personis, your idea and your ideation
may impact them.
So suddenly they're on theroller coaster with you and,
depending on what the person is,your idea and your ideation may
impact them.
So suddenly they're on theroller coaster with you and,
depending on what theinformation is, they're thinking
what does this mean for me?
So I'm not telling you not tobring people into your ideas.
I'm saying if the butter andeggs aren't room temperature yet
(08:45):
, maybe we can wait a little bitbefore we bring them in.
Maybe we can start decidingthat it's going to be a vanilla
cake versus a chocolate cakebefore we bring people into our
thought process.
That's what I'm saying.
Thinking.
That's what I'm wanting you todo, so that you're relying on
yourself first and you'retapping into your own inner
wisdom before bringing in thecacophony of voices that are
(09:07):
going to come at you.
The next example that I see alot is that you got some mixed
performance information right.
So your work performance yougot some mixed information.
Was this true?
Is this really me?
It's nuanced what was said.
There's parts of it that againfeel like all right, I could
agree with that.
There's parts that maybe youdon't agree with it.
It's funny because we often sitwith the negative parts and
(09:30):
we're convinced that those aretrue, but we don't give equal
weight to the good pieces ofinformation that we received.
So you want to figure out again.
You're asking your trustee crew, you're asking them what they
think this means, what youshould do as a next step,
because we want them to help usmake meaning and we want to be
(09:51):
able to make meaning from whatwe see or feel.
We always want to make meaningof this.
Then we go down the spiral ofwhys why did this happen?
Why do we feel this way?
Why did they say this?
What should I do as a coach?
Sometimes, why is a reallypowerful question?
And sometimes, why is theshittiest question ever?
(10:13):
It can be terrible because itspins us into a spiral of
questions that usually result inmore whys Because we don't have
the answers yet, because wehaven't done the thinking.
It's not helpful and it's goingto lead to overwhelm.
So you can't possibly think ofall the answers to all of those
questions that you feel arevital when you're feeling time
(10:34):
and resources are precious.
You're feeling hungry, angry,lonely, tired.
You're asking yourself allthese questions Well, what
should I do then?
And then, if that happens, whatshould I do with this?
And then, if this is done, whatshould I do there?
Right, so you're on this.
Why spiral?
So we often then, when theoverwhelm happens, is that we
lean on the people nearby us andhelp them, and we want them to
help us get out of it.
(10:54):
But again, people are messy andthey could have had a really
bad day at work.
And suddenly you're asking thema question and they're giving
you an answer and you're likewait, what?
So I want you just to take amoment and really realize that
when you listen to everyone else, you lose yourself.
And I'm going to say that againwhen you listen to everyone
(11:15):
else, you lose yourself.
So what do you do instead?
I got some ideas.
One breathe, literallybreathing.
This is going to calm you down.
This will help you pause andtap into the inner voice,
especially if you're feelinganxious or it feels urgent, and
(11:36):
I don't mean urgent, like theline isn't chasing you, you're
not running out of a building.
Yeah, that's when it's urgent.
Go for it.
But you want to breathe.
You want to stop pushing.
Why don't I have the answer?
Why hasn't this been decidedyet, right?
Why don't I know yet?
Ease up on yourself.
Sometimes we keep pushing anddemanding an answer from our
brains and it doesn't work thatway.
(11:56):
It's usually when we giveourselves space for meditation,
exercise, taking a walk innature, walk the dog, doing a
hobby or doing anything elsethan thinking and trying to
figure it out is when we have achance to hear that voice, to
(12:17):
figure it out, is when we have achance to hear that voice.
The next building on that isgetting quiet.
This is the time that streamingservices, people, social media,
music all of those voices andactual noise around you makes it
really hard to hear your ownvoice.
I often like to ask myself aquestion, write it down,
meditate or read a book for abit, go for a walk if meditation
(12:39):
isn't your thing.
And then I come back to thequestion and give a free write
to the answer Meaning.
I ask myself what should I doabout blah, blah, blah?
Give it a little space, comeback to it and just start
writing.
At first you're like I don'tknow what I'm writing.
Trust me.
In time you start writing andyou're almost coaching yourself.
You're giving yourself somethoughts to explore further and
(13:00):
some additional answers.
And this is where, again, Iwill say, I find that the
universe's message to you isnever urgent.
It's usually quiet and awhisper and you'd be surprised
what may you may tap into ifyou're giving yourself an
opportunity to hear it.
The next is, I would say, make asuper tight list of who is in
(13:23):
the inner circle and I've doneepisodes before on board of
directors.
Not everyone might be in yourinner circle for everything.
You might have someone youwould talk to about a
relationship issue, whetherplatonic or romantic, and you
might have a different personthat you might talk to about a
business situation.
My point is get tight on it.
Not everyone needs to be partof your inner process for
(13:45):
everything.
This is not a referendum.
It is not a public vote.
Returning again to the cakeanalogy maybe get the batter
whipped up into a cake panbefore you start asking everyone
or telling everyone that you'vemade a cake right.
Get some concrete ideas andinformation before you start
sharing with others and listen.
(14:07):
You want to be able to be in aplace of curiosity and openness
and maybe neutrality, becausewhen you then bring in other
people on the opinion.
They're not going to be readingany negativity off of it.
They're going to sense thecuriosity and the neutrality in
you and you may get a differentresult from them.
I'm talking in your innercircle.
(14:27):
Maybe it's a coach, maybe it'sa mentor, maybe it's one other
person, depending on the topic.
And I want to be clear we arenot excluding people, we are not
being secretive.
We're simply letting our ownthoughts take hold a bit so that
you're not like a piece ofseaweed getting all knocked
around and get knocked a bitwith every different piece of
(14:49):
opinion.
All right.
And then the last thing that Ilove to do is a little game I've
invented and I call it theknowing game.
And I made this game out of myown desire to find ways to
strengthen my inner voice beyondmeditation.
Because, yeah, I put my butt inthe seat every day, for I don't
know what it's 25 plus years atthis point.
(15:10):
I'm also a certified meditationinstructor, so I teach others
how to meditate, but sometimes Ican't meditate.
I will tell you, I have figuredout how to meditate on the New
York city subway and, um, that'smeditation, with your eyes open
, for sure, but it's reallyfinding a way to tap into that
inner knowing.
So when I've suggest this to myclients, I will tell you they
(15:31):
first think I am batshit crazy,they think I'm nuts, they think
it won't work.
But then they always come backto me with really interesting
ideas and new perspective.
So here's how it work.
You are not allowed to doanything without tapping into
your inner voice and decidingfirst.
So now you're thinking whatdoes this look like?
(15:51):
Okay, so you're getting dressed.
In the morning you are going todecide that you want to wear
jeans and a t-shirt or you wantto wear that cute dress.
Before you open your closet oryour drawers.
You make the decision first.
Then you go find what you want.
You're not allowed to standthere in your closet or with
(16:12):
your drawers and wonder what towear, because again, that's like
pushing away your agency.
We want to come into that innervoice Hungry.
Don't open the pantry or thefridge without connecting in and
deciding what you want.
You're dying for Koreanbarbecue.
Great, connect with that andI'm going to guess the odds are
(16:35):
you don't have that fresh andready for you in the fridge.
That's okay.
The point of this exercise islistening to what you want first
and then completing thedecision.
Let's continue.
Spotify, pandora, apple Music,amazon Music same thing.
Decide you want Taylor SwiftRadio or Coffee Shop Vice, then
(17:00):
open the app Streaming platformsyou got it.
Decide you want that true crimedocumentary or rom-com, then
open the app and go look forwhat you want Couple of things.
You can change your mind onceyou get inside the closet or
once you get and open the app.
(17:20):
The exercise is for you again tostart hearing that voice and
letting that voice speak to youagain.
You're listening to that voicefirst before you're bringing in
an outside opinion.
Here's what I know to be truefor sure.
Our friends and family want thebest for us, or if they don't,
then that's another episode.
But we need to be selective.
(17:43):
I love that you have peoplearound you that care and want to
give you advice, but listeningto everyone means often losing
yourself.
Strengthening your connectionwith your inner voice, flexing
that muscle through thesuggestions that I've made again
, adding in that quiet time,meditation, reading, getting
outside are the things that helpyou reconnect to that voice.
(18:04):
There's nothing wrong withgetting advice and input, but we
want to make sure that we havetime for ourselves first before
bringing in the wholeneighborhood into our ideas.
All right friends, practicelistening to your voice, that
inner voice.
Get really curious.
Be kind.
All right friends, practice andI will see you next time.
(18:27):
I'm Jill Griffin, your host ofthe Career Refresh podcast.
My mission is to makeworkplaces more successful for
everyone, so if you have ideasfor topics or future guests,
please email us at hello atjillgriffincoachingcom.
Until next time, embracepossibility, be generous,
intentional and kind.
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