April 1, 2025 • 11 mins
We’re often our own toughest critics, but self-doubt doesn’t have to control us. Learn how to shift your mindset, stay neutral, and lead with confidence. In this episode you learn:
- How to break free from self-criticism and reframe negative thoughts.
- The power of neutral thinking to reduce stress and improve decision-making.
- Leadership mindset strategies to stay focused and navigate challenges effectively.
Jill Griffin, host of The Career Refresh, delivers expert guidance on workplace challenges and career transitions. Jill leverages her experience working for the world's top brands like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton Hotels, and Martha Stewart to address leadership, burnout, team dynamics, and the 4Ps (perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and personalities).
Visit JillGriffinCoaching.com for more details on:
- Book a 1:1 Career Strategy and Executive Coaching HERE
- Build a Leadership Identity That Earns Trust and Delivers Results.
- Gallup CliftonStrengths Corporate Workshops to build a strengths-based culture
- Team Dynamics training to increase retention, communication, goal setting, and effective decision-making
- Keynote Speaking
- Grab a personal Resume Refresh with Jill Griffin HERE
Follow @JillGriffinOffical on Instagram for daily inspiration
Connect with and follow Jill on LinkedIn
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, I'm Jill Griffin, leadership strategist
and executive coach.
I spent the last 15 yearshelping professionals at all
levels of leadership skillsnavigate career transitions,
drive workplace success.
And listen.
Leadership isn't just abouttitles and bank accounts, but
it's about strategy, mindset andaction.
This is the Career Refresh yoursource for career strategy,
(00:23):
leadership development andmanaging and creating high
performance teams.
We give you workplace insightsand, whether you're aiming for
your next promotion, refiningyour executive presence or
building a team that thrives,this is where you're going to
get the guidance you need tosucceed.
This week, I want to talk aboutwhy we are so dang hard on
(00:44):
ourselves and that we don't haveto believe.
We believe our own thoughts,and often we do this without
questioning them.
We look at our past and weassume that it predicts our
future, and our brains are notalways clear on the facts, no
matter how certain we feel, andjust because something happened
(01:05):
a certain way in the pastdoesn't mean it will happen
again the same way.
I want to dig into this more intoday's episode.
Let's do it, friends, friends,friends, friends, friends,
friends.
(01:25):
Sometimes our minds cannot seethe truth.
Other times, our brains thinkthey are convinced and they know
the truth and exactly whathappened.
And either way, whether we knowor don't know, we have a choice
on how we get to respond.
I recently had an opportunity Iwas really excited about.
(01:47):
I got prepared.
I was thorough, my friends.
I mean thorough.
I had my case studies, I had myresearch, I had my data, I did
my mindset work.
I got ready, which is themindset I got prepared, which is
all the case studies, theresearch and the data.
I was ready.
I slept well the night before,didn't think about it too much.
(02:07):
The morning of got to themeeting was there and I noticed
that during the experience, mybrain was performing the way I'd
wanted it to.
I was hearing my brain say oh,that was good, that was a good.
Oh yeah, you really heard whatthey were saying, you heard the
nuance there.
You really, you really did wellLike my brain was giving me
compliments.
And then after the meeting,well, let me, before we get to
(02:30):
that, the meeting didn't end theway previous meetings like this
had ended the next steps, whatwe're going to do next.
It just was different this time.
There wasn't a lot of clarity.
We had clarity on the nextsteps, but there wasn't a lot of
clarity if we were going to aninterim phase or was there a
next step between the next step?
It just all of a sudden mybrain decided to get very
(02:52):
confused.
So after the meeting I noticedmy brain was spinning out.
But here's the difference thistime it took about 30 minutes
before I caught myself, and itdoesn't mean it was a very
comfortable 30 minutes.
It certainly wasn't because Iwas beating myself up and I was
really self-critical.
(03:12):
But what I did as a student ofmy work is I got out that notes
app, I sat on a bench and Iwrote down my thoughts and I
examined every emotion that wasbeing triggered and just gave it
a little bit of attention.
And when we process the emotionand give the emotion or the
(03:33):
feeling right I'm using thosewords interchangeably when we
give it a little bit ofattention, we start to have a
chance to diffuse theneurochemicals.
You're having a thought.
It is creating a sensation inyour body.
It is sending neurochemicals toan area of your body.
Some of us feel it in our heads, our shoulders, our stomach
aches.
I always feel it in my throatand chest.
(03:54):
There's a tightening, aquickening, so to speak.
Right, I feel that and I'mnoticing that I'm getting
triggered, but all I'm doing ishaving pre-worry.
I don't have any information togo on.
Yes, the meeting endeddifferently than it had
previously ended.
Yes, I took the steps that Icould control, but I don't
(04:14):
control everyone in the meeting.
I mean, I would love to thinkthat I do, but I don't control
everybody in the room.
Getting to that place ofneutrality helped me calm down.
I mean, I could literally seeon my aura ring later how my
heart rate was going up andcontinue to stay up that high
and then was having spikes rightto show me that my heart rate
(04:36):
was elevated.
And an Oura Ring is just afitness device.
It's a wearable.
I wear one on my finger, butit's often interesting to see
how it decides to tell me thatI'm in a workout when actually I
wasn't in a workout, I wassitting still, but that my heart
rate had spiked.
So I started to let go of theactual performance and remind
myself of the information I hadand try to stay neutral about
(05:02):
the outcome, meaning separatingthe performance and the
information I knew versus theoutcome.
I don't get to control theoutcome.
I only get to control what Ithink and what I do, but whether
or not I'm getting thisopportunity.
It's really about other peoplethem to decide if I'm the person
or not.
So, while I did end up havingthe positive response I had
(05:23):
hoped for yay, because of how Itreated myself in the meantime
it took a bit of the joy out ofit.
The experience reminded me againthat my brain has a negativity
bias and it wants to protect me.
It wants to help me prepare forthe failure before it even
happens.
It's waiting for that chew todrop, so let me have it drop now
(05:46):
, so I know what it is.
I can't stay in the uncertainty, but this only creates that
unnecessary stress, and when Ifocus on what I actually do know
, I can then choose how I wantto think about it, and that
helps me stay neutral.
Look, I may not always get theopportunity, but at least I
don't have to drag myselfthrough the mud while I'm
(06:06):
waiting to find out.
If you're in this place, I seeyou, I get you.
I've been there, I can help you.
I spent the last 15 yearshelping others and myself,
clearly, through these scenarios, and I can show you how to move
through it.
Leadership just isn't aboutstrategy.
It is also about mindset.
It's about how to show up asthe leader we want to be.
(06:29):
We need a plan and we needguidance, and I'm here to help
you create both.
So the three things I want youto do whether you're a pen and
paper person or get that notesapp, got it Okay One is I want
you to catch and question yourthoughts.
Your brain is going to offerthoughts that feel like facts,
(06:50):
and it's going to do it just asoften as it would offer you fear
and assumptions.
But when you notice yourself inthat spin in the blender, pause
and ask is this true?
What other possibleexplanations could exist?
What would I say to a friend ora colleague if they came to me
(07:13):
with this situation?
Say to a friend or a colleagueif they came to me with this
situation.
And writing down those thoughtsand challenging them can help
break the cycle of thatself-doubt meaning you still may
not get the job, the win, thepromotion, the opportunity, the
new business deal.
I'm not saying that.
I'm saying let us not dragourselves through the mud's.
(07:34):
Look at the facts.
Maybe we weren't aligned.
Maybe the chemistry was off.
Maybe the budget's not there.
Maybe it needs to be delayedbecause of outside circumstances
.
Let's look at the facts beforewe decide that we did something
wrong.
Next, I want you to shift toneutral thinking.
If positivity feels forced andthat can, because it's like
(07:55):
toxic positivity, we're nottalking about that I want you to
aim for neutrality Instead ofsaying like it's going to be
fine when you don't believe it,saying things to yourself I'm
learning how to create thisopportunity.
I am positive, prepared, I amready, staying in places that
you can believe because you didprepare.
(08:16):
You are ready.
I am now waiting for a response.
All of that's true.
When you stay in those places,you can be in neutrality and it
keeps you away from theunnecessary stress of continuing
to wonder.
But these places of putting itinto the future sense I am
prepared and now I wait for theanswer can allow us to sit in
(08:40):
the wait with neutrality andconfidence.
And then, lastly, I want you tothink about what you can control
.
I often say draw a line downthe paper.
What's in your control?
Your thoughts, your feelings,your actions, what's not in your
control?
Everything else.
You can't control the outcome,but you can control how you
(09:00):
treat yourself in the process.
I want you to focus on thepower where you can prepare your
thoughts.
You can manage your thoughts.
You can question your thoughts.
Is this true?
Can I prove that it's true?
How could I prove that it'strue?
At that point you're probablynot gonna be able to prove that
it's true, because it's athought.
And then staying in the presenceversus predicting the disaster,
(09:22):
I'm not going to get the job.
This is not going to happen.
I totally messed up.
You know what.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
I'm going to stay in the now.
What can I focus on now?
It's possible I can get the job.
It's possible I can win thatnew piece of business.
It's possible.
Staying in that place, nomatter the outcome.
You don't want to come out ofit with unnecessary suffering
(09:46):
and drag yourself through theexhaustion.
That's what we're shooting forhere.
Whatever's going to come, yourbrain is going to be able to
handle it.
How do I know?
Because it does.
Your brain just figures out theway through, constantly
challenging what it's thinking,how to navigate and move forward
, and that's the differencebetween confidence and
self-confidence.
(10:06):
Right, confidence is I did itbefore.
I have experience, I can do itagain.
Now.
You might say but I haven't donethis before, jill, that's fine,
but you've been in a not beendone before situation and you
succeeded.
That's how you build confidence.
You gave a presentation beforeyou can do it again.
You rode a bicycle before youcan do it again.
That's the confidence, theself-confidence is knowing that
(10:27):
you can experience every littlefreaking, shitty emotion that's
going to drag you through themud, but you're going to know
how to catch yourself, you'regoing to know how to stop it and
you can know how to be neutraland know that you will get to
the other side of it.
All right, friends, that's whatI have for you this week.
I appreciate you so much forbeing here and remember, really
(10:50):
embrace that possibility, be inthe space of neutrality around
your thoughts, be intentionaland always, always be kind.
All right, I'll see you nextweek.
Hey there, I'm Jill Griffin, leadership strategist
and executive coach.
I spent the last 15 yearshelping professionals at all
levels of leadership skillsnavigate career transitions,
drive workplace success.
And listen.
Leadership isn't just abouttitles and bank accounts, but
it's about strategy, mindset andaction.
This is the Career Refresh yoursource for career strategy,
(00:23):
leadership development andmanaging and creating high
performance teams.
We give you workplace insightsand, whether you're aiming for
your next promotion, refiningyour executive presence or
building a team that thrives,this is where you're going to
get the guidance you need tosucceed.
This week, I want to talk aboutwhy we are so dang hard on
(00:44):
ourselves and that we don't haveto believe.
We believe our own thoughts,and often we do this without
questioning them.
We look at our past and weassume that it predicts our
future, and our brains are notalways clear on the facts, no
matter how certain we feel, andjust because something happened
(01:05):
a certain way in the pastdoesn't mean it will happen
again the same way.
I want to dig into this more intoday's episode.
Let's do it, friends, friends,friends, friends, friends,
friends.
(01:25):
Sometimes our minds cannot seethe truth.
Other times, our brains thinkthey are convinced and they know
the truth and exactly whathappened.
And either way, whether we knowor don't know, we have a choice
on how we get to respond.
I recently had an opportunity Iwas really excited about.
(01:47):
I got prepared.
I was thorough, my friends.
I mean thorough.
I had my case studies, I had myresearch, I had my data, I did
my mindset work.
I got ready, which is themindset I got prepared, which is
all the case studies, theresearch and the data.
I was ready.
I slept well the night before,didn't think about it too much.
(02:07):
The morning of got to themeeting was there and I noticed
that during the experience, mybrain was performing the way I'd
wanted it to.
I was hearing my brain say oh,that was good, that was a good.
Oh yeah, you really heard whatthey were saying, you heard the
nuance there.
You really, you really did wellLike my brain was giving me
compliments.
And then after the meeting,well, let me, before we get to
(02:30):
that, the meeting didn't end theway previous meetings like this
had ended the next steps, whatwe're going to do next.
It just was different this time.
There wasn't a lot of clarity.
We had clarity on the nextsteps, but there wasn't a lot of
clarity if we were going to aninterim phase or was there a
next step between the next step?
It just all of a sudden mybrain decided to get very
(02:52):
confused.
So after the meeting I noticedmy brain was spinning out.
But here's the difference thistime it took about 30 minutes
before I caught myself, and itdoesn't mean it was a very
comfortable 30 minutes.
It certainly wasn't because Iwas beating myself up and I was
really self-critical.
(03:12):
But what I did as a student ofmy work is I got out that notes
app, I sat on a bench and Iwrote down my thoughts and I
examined every emotion that wasbeing triggered and just gave it
a little bit of attention.
And when we process the emotionand give the emotion or the
(03:33):
feeling right I'm using thosewords interchangeably when we
give it a little bit ofattention, we start to have a
chance to diffuse theneurochemicals.
You're having a thought.
It is creating a sensation inyour body.
It is sending neurochemicals toan area of your body.
Some of us feel it in our heads, our shoulders, our stomach
aches.
I always feel it in my throatand chest.
(03:54):
There's a tightening, aquickening, so to speak.
Right, I feel that and I'mnoticing that I'm getting
triggered, but all I'm doing ishaving pre-worry.
I don't have any information togo on.
Yes, the meeting endeddifferently than it had
previously ended.
Yes, I took the steps that Icould control, but I don't
(04:14):
control everyone in the meeting.
I mean, I would love to thinkthat I do, but I don't control
everybody in the room.
Getting to that place ofneutrality helped me calm down.
I mean, I could literally seeon my aura ring later how my
heart rate was going up andcontinue to stay up that high
and then was having spikes rightto show me that my heart rate
(04:36):
was elevated.
And an Oura Ring is just afitness device.
It's a wearable.
I wear one on my finger, butit's often interesting to see
how it decides to tell me thatI'm in a workout when actually I
wasn't in a workout, I wassitting still, but that my heart
rate had spiked.
So I started to let go of theactual performance and remind
myself of the information I hadand try to stay neutral about
(05:02):
the outcome, meaning separatingthe performance and the
information I knew versus theoutcome.
I don't get to control theoutcome.
I only get to control what Ithink and what I do, but whether
or not I'm getting thisopportunity.
It's really about other peoplethem to decide if I'm the person
or not.
So, while I did end up havingthe positive response I had
(05:23):
hoped for yay, because of how Itreated myself in the meantime
it took a bit of the joy out ofit.
The experience reminded me againthat my brain has a negativity
bias and it wants to protect me.
It wants to help me prepare forthe failure before it even
happens.
It's waiting for that chew todrop, so let me have it drop now
(05:46):
, so I know what it is.
I can't stay in the uncertainty, but this only creates that
unnecessary stress, and when Ifocus on what I actually do know
, I can then choose how I wantto think about it, and that
helps me stay neutral.
Look, I may not always get theopportunity, but at least I
don't have to drag myselfthrough the mud while I'm
(06:06):
waiting to find out.
If you're in this place, I seeyou, I get you.
I've been there, I can help you.
I spent the last 15 yearshelping others and myself,
clearly, through these scenarios, and I can show you how to move
through it.
Leadership just isn't aboutstrategy.
It is also about mindset.
It's about how to show up asthe leader we want to be.
(06:29):
We need a plan and we needguidance, and I'm here to help
you create both.
So the three things I want youto do whether you're a pen and
paper person or get that notesapp, got it Okay One is I want
you to catch and question yourthoughts.
Your brain is going to offerthoughts that feel like facts,
(06:50):
and it's going to do it just asoften as it would offer you fear
and assumptions.
But when you notice yourself inthat spin in the blender, pause
and ask is this true?
What other possibleexplanations could exist?
What would I say to a friend ora colleague if they came to me
(07:13):
with this situation?
Say to a friend or a colleagueif they came to me with this
situation.
And writing down those thoughtsand challenging them can help
break the cycle of thatself-doubt meaning you still may
not get the job, the win, thepromotion, the opportunity, the
new business deal.
I'm not saying that.
I'm saying let us not dragourselves through the mud's.
(07:34):
Look at the facts.
Maybe we weren't aligned.
Maybe the chemistry was off.
Maybe the budget's not there.
Maybe it needs to be delayedbecause of outside circumstances
.
Let's look at the facts beforewe decide that we did something
wrong.
Next, I want you to shift toneutral thinking.
If positivity feels forced andthat can, because it's like
(07:55):
toxic positivity, we're nottalking about that I want you to
aim for neutrality Instead ofsaying like it's going to be
fine when you don't believe it,saying things to yourself I'm
learning how to create thisopportunity.
I am positive, prepared, I amready, staying in places that
you can believe because you didprepare.
(08:16):
You are ready.
I am now waiting for a response.
All of that's true.
When you stay in those places,you can be in neutrality and it
keeps you away from theunnecessary stress of continuing
to wonder.
But these places of putting itinto the future sense I am
prepared and now I wait for theanswer can allow us to sit in
(08:40):
the wait with neutrality andconfidence.
And then, lastly, I want you tothink about what you can control
.
I often say draw a line downthe paper.
What's in your control?
Your thoughts, your feelings,your actions, what's not in your
control?
Everything else.
You can't control the outcome,but you can control how you
(09:00):
treat yourself in the process.
I want you to focus on thepower where you can prepare your
thoughts.
You can manage your thoughts.
You can question your thoughts.
Is this true?
Can I prove that it's true?
How could I prove that it'strue?
At that point you're probablynot gonna be able to prove that
it's true, because it's athought.
And then staying in the presenceversus predicting the disaster,
(09:22):
I'm not going to get the job.
This is not going to happen.
I totally messed up.
You know what.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
I'm going to stay in the now.
What can I focus on now?
It's possible I can get the job.
It's possible I can win thatnew piece of business.
It's possible.
Staying in that place, nomatter the outcome.
You don't want to come out ofit with unnecessary suffering
(09:46):
and drag yourself through theexhaustion.
That's what we're shooting forhere.
Whatever's going to come, yourbrain is going to be able to
handle it.
How do I know?
Because it does.
Your brain just figures out theway through, constantly
challenging what it's thinking,how to navigate and move forward
, and that's the differencebetween confidence and
self-confidence.
(10:06):
Right, confidence is I did itbefore.
I have experience, I can do itagain.
Now.
You might say but I haven't donethis before, jill, that's fine,
but you've been in a not beendone before situation and you
succeeded.
That's how you build confidence.
You gave a presentation beforeyou can do it again.
You rode a bicycle before youcan do it again.
That's the confidence, theself-confidence is knowing that
(10:27):
you can experience every littlefreaking, shitty emotion that's
going to drag you through themud, but you're going to know
how to catch yourself, you'regoing to know how to stop it and
you can know how to be neutraland know that you will get to
the other side of it.
All right, friends, that's whatI have for you this week.
I appreciate you so much forbeing here and remember, really
(10:50):
embrace that possibility, be inthe space of neutrality around
your thoughts, be intentionaland always, always be kind.
All right, I'll see you nextweek.
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