January 28, 2025 • 27 mins
Have you ever wondered if your drinking habits are merely a question of willpower, or if they're actually a reflection of deeper emotional struggles? Learn to recognize the real motivations behind reaching for a drink and gain practical insights to help you embrace true presence and joy in your life.
Together, we will also explore five key red flags that might indicate your drinking is becoming problematic and celebrate the courage it takes to acknowledge these signs.
Let us support and pray for each other as we continue this vital conversation, and remember to share this episode with anyone who might find value in it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Hello and welcome.
I am so glad that you are heretoday.
Whether you've been followingthis podcast for a long time or
this is your very first episode,I just want to thank you for
(00:43):
showing up.
Seriously, you could beanywhere else right now.
There are so many podcasts thatyou could be listening to, and
the fact that you are choosingto spend this time with me means
so very much.
So thank you.
Now, in today's episode, I'mgoing to be tackling a very
(01:04):
important but tenderconversation.
We are going to be talkingabout the hidden culprit behind
over drinking and, moreimportantly, how to tackle it
with compassion and purpose, andalso, at the end of this
(01:25):
episode, I'm going to give youfive red flags that are going to
help you discern whether or notyour drinking is becoming a
problem for you.
Sometimes people hold off onreally diving in and journeying
(01:45):
toward alcohol freedom, becausein the back of their mind,
they're wondering is this reallya problem?
Is it really bad enough?
Sometimes we compare ourselvesto other people.
Well, I don't drink like shedoes.
This person always is acomplete and utter mess when
(02:06):
she's drinking and I never dothat.
And you may even have timeswhen you can go a long time
without drinking and then whenyou come back to it, that's when
the chaos happens.
So we're just going to talkabout what might be keeping you
in that cycle and how to starton the path to gaining more
(02:28):
awareness around your drinkingso that you can learn to take
alcohol or leave it from a placeof peace.
Now, this is personal for metoo, because I remember
struggling to understand my owndrinking habits way back in the
day and I'd say I'm not going todrink tonight, or I'd set
(02:50):
perimeters around my drinkingand honestly, even though I know
that I had a very severe issuewith alcohol, I didn't
necessarily drink every singlenight, like I could go days
without drinking.
But then when I did drink, itwas like all or nothing.
(03:11):
It was like all bets are off.
I honestly thought that it wasa willpower thing.
I have no willpower and I'mjust broken, like there's
something wrong with me.
I'm looking at everybody elsethat seems to be able to
drinking like a normal person,which they actually not.
All of them were looking backbut I'm like, why can't I just
(03:34):
be like them?
And I just kept failing tostick to my promises.
So I was breaking trust withmyself and I just thought that I
wasn't going to get it.
But what I didn't know then iswhat I'm going to share with you
today, and that is that theroot of our drinking habits
(03:56):
often lies deeper than whatmeets the eye.
And by the end of this episode,you'll not only see how
over-drinking can be a symptomof something deeper, but you'll
also walk away with somepractical tools to help you
begin rewriting your story, yourjourney with alcohol.
Take a deep breath, my friend.
(04:18):
You are not alone, because weare going to unpack this
together.
Have you ever paused and askedyourself why do I reach for a
drink?
Now, I'm not just talking aboutthe surface reasons like it's
been a long day, the kids havebeen really loud and
overwhelming but the real,deeper reasons about why you're
(04:43):
reaching for that drink.
Again, here's the truth theover-drinking isn't itself the
problem.
It's a symptom.
It's a way that the mind andbody try to cope with something
else, whether that be stress,loneliness, unprocessed emotions
, unresolved trauma, processedemotions, unresolved trauma,
boredom, or even as a way tocelebrate.
(05:05):
It may start as this harmlesstreat, a reward for yourself for
just making it through the day,but over time it can turn into
something that we use to avoidfacing the harder stuff.
For example, think about thosenights when you've told yourself
(05:28):
I deserve this drink becausetoday was Now what's really
happening there?
Is that drink about theexhaustion or is it about giving
yourself the permission to rest, the permission to rest, to
(05:52):
shut off your brain, to veg out?
Now, this might be somethingthat you struggle to do without
alcohol.
For me, there were times that Iused alcohol actually almost
almost every time to numbfeelings of inadequacy or
frustration.
I used alcohol to be part ofsomething, to belong.
(06:13):
I didn't want to sit withemotions or process them or
think about why I needed alcoholto tolerate my friends or be
somebody who I actually wasn't.
I'd just pour myself a glass ofwhatever or go to the bar and
(06:33):
order drink after drink.
But what I realized is thatevery time I drank to avoid my
emotions.
I wasn't just numbing the badstuff, I was also numbing my
ability to actually feel joy,true joy, true connection and
(06:54):
true presence.
You see, when I was drinking Ifelt like I was experiencing all
those emotions, but it wasveiled by this blur or almost a
fog, so I wasn't reallyconnecting, I wasn't really
(07:15):
having joy and I certainlywasn't truly present.
It's funny because my husbandand my youngest son and I were
playing this game called googlyeyes.
It's a board game and you aresupposed to put on these glasses
that you can barely see out of,because they have all different
kinds of like they're, they'recut in different ways, like
(07:39):
faceted in different ways, soyou can't really see the paper.
You're supposed to get a word,draw a picture and try to do it
while looking through thesegoogly eyes.
And we were having fun, and itwas.
We were laughing a lot, it wasa really fun game.
(07:59):
But what I was thinking about isthat's kind of how I would view
everything when I was drinking,like I would have those blurred
goggles on.
I mean, sometimes they say likeoh, you have pure goggles or
whatever, and there's somethingto it.
You can be in the moment, youcan be experiencing all the
(08:37):
things, but when you have thoseblurry, pixelated faceted
goggles on because of alcohol,it can be hard to really be
present.
So now I want you to take amoment right now, just pause and
reflect.
Does this resonate with you?
And I want you to ask yourselfwhat might your drinking be
masking?
What are those things that youdon't want to face, that you are
(09:02):
using alcohol for Now?
This is where the shame cycleoften comes into play, and maybe
this will sound familiar to you.
You overdrink one night andthen the next day you feel super
guilty, completely ashamed,especially if you've done
something or said something tosomebody that you wish you
(09:23):
hadn't.
And, of course, you havedisappointed yourself because
you broke trust with yourselfyet again.
Because you've broke trust withyourself yet again, you tell
yourself I shouldn't have donethat.
But that feeling of shame, itcan lead you right back to the
very thing you are trying toavoid.
It's a loop, it's called theshame cycle, and the more guilt
(09:47):
you feel, the more tempting itcan become to numb those
feelings with.
You guessed it, another drink.
But I want you to listenclosely because this is so
important.
This cycle is not a reflectionof your character, your worth or
your ability to change.
(10:07):
It is not your identity.
All it is is simply a pattern,and the good news is, just like
any other pattern, it can beinterrupted.
And that's the work that I dowith my clients and with the
ladies who are in my sacredsobriety lap.
(10:28):
As we get curious, as theybegin to get more awareness, and
that shame turns into curiosityand compassion instead of
judgment, that's where changebegins.
That is where thetransformation begins to take
place, and that's what I want tohelp you with today, too.
(10:51):
So now let's talk about somesteps that you can take to start
tackling your over drinking ina way that feels gentle and
sustainable.
Now I've got some steps for you.
Think of these tools assomething just to kind of keep
in your tool belt.
You are building yourself atool belt, so when you get into
(11:15):
certain situations where you maybe tempted to drink, you can
pull out some of these tools andas you use them more and more,
they are going to help youredirect your mindset, redirect
your body, so that you can starta new habit loop and get off
(11:38):
that old one, that old,well-worn path.
The first thing to do is pauseand reflect before pouring that
drink.
Take 30 seconds to pause andask yourself what am I actually
feeling right now and what am Ihoping this drink will do for me
(12:00):
?
This tiny, simple pause canactually help create a moment of
awareness.
And sometimes my clients willsay like I didn't even really
want a drink, I just picked itup and had it Because, again,
it's that well-worn habit loop.
(12:21):
It's almost like your brain islike and this is what we do now,
this is what we do here, butyou can just tell yourself I'm
choosing not to now and bygetting curious and creating
that moment of awareness of whatdo I really need right now,
(12:44):
what am I feeling, what do Ihope this drink will do for me,
what, what do I actually needcan change the trajectory of
what is about to happen.
Number two is to explorealternatives.
I talk about this a lot because, instead of reaching for
(13:06):
alcohol, you can ask yourselfwhat is one thing that I can do
to support myself in this moment?
Maybe it's grabbing a journal,maybe it's stepping outside and
going for a walk or texting aclose friend.
You can also have alternativesto your drinking.
(13:29):
So many of my clients say thatthey drink while they're cooking
dinner.
Sometimes their spouses knowabout it, sometimes they don't,
but it's such an automatic thingthat they do.
So what I always say is have analternative.
Whether that's a sparklingwater, mineral water, maybe you
make yourself a fun mocktail.
(13:51):
Sometimes it's the ritual ofthe drink that is what you are
craving, not the alcohol itself.
So if you drink from a wineglass typically, then put
sparkling water, maybe add ashot of apple cider vinegar into
it and have that be your drinkthat you have in your hand while
(14:16):
you're cooking dinner or doingthe dishes or sitting in front
of whatever show you want towatch.
You can also have things like acup of tea, or something I love
is golden milk.
It's like a turmeric milk thatactually helps relax you.
It's something that's nice tohave in the evening.
Just find something differentto substitute it, because we
(14:40):
don't want to just takesomething away and not have
anything in its place, becausethen it's really easy for you
know things to creep back in.
So find an alternative, anon-alcoholic alternative, or
something else to do that isgoing to disrupt that urge or
that craving, so that when youdo want to say no, you can say
(15:02):
no and you can stick to it.
The third step is to setboundaries with intention.
So I always encourage people towrite this down at the
beginning of the day what isyour intention with alcohol?
Is your intention you're goingout with family tonight to
(15:24):
celebrate and your intention isto have two drinks max?
Then write that down.
Two drinks max, then write thatdown.
If your intention is to notconsume alcohol that night,
write that down.
Because sometimes just tellingourselves like I'm not going to
do it, that's great to do, butthen when we break that, we
(15:46):
break trust with ourselves.
I find that the act of actuallywriting it down specifically on
a piece of paper pen to paperis so much more effective and I
just encourage you to try it,because when we are setting
these boundaries, instead oflooking at it as restriction, we
(16:08):
are looking at it as a plan, asalmost self-care, because
you're writing it down and thisis just a promise that you're
making to yourself.
The fourth step is to seeksupport.
So this kind of goes along withyour setting boundaries and
(16:28):
intentions is to actually haveaccountability.
So, whether that's your spouse,a friend, being in a community
like my sacred sobriety lab,just having people who
understand what you are doingand what you are navigating can
make an incredible difference.
Plus, they can add an extralayer of accountability, because
(16:51):
if we are just accountable toourselves, we can let ourselves
off the hook pretty easily.
So like when I am setting anintention on something, like I
tell my husband I am going toget up at five o'clock every day
this week and work out.
(17:12):
Now if I tell myself that and Ijust say that I'm going to do
that and he doesn't know that,then it's really easy for me, as
soon as my alarm goes off, tobe like no, I'm not going to get
up.
But if I actually tell him,then he's kind of my
accountability partner and hewill actually wake me up and say
(17:33):
hey, it's five, do you want toget up?
He doesn't force me, but hereminds me of my intention and
then I can get up and keep mypromise to myself, which builds
trust.
So seeking support, havingpeople who understand, again
makes a huge difference.
(17:54):
And finally, step five I wantyou to celebrate your wins.
Every tiny step you takematters.
So think did you pause beforetaking a drink this week?
If you did, that's amazing.
Did you journal one night aweek instead of pouring a drink?
That is so incredible.
(18:16):
I want you to remember progressisn't about perfection.
It's about showing up foryourself little by little.
Now I mentioned this in one ofmy other episodes and that is
you know, sometimes it can beoverwhelming to tell ourselves
I'm not going to drink for 30days or whatever it is.
(18:36):
But if you celebrate yourlittle wins by putting a sticker
on your alcohol-free days andthen counting them up, you will
feel much more accomplished andsuccessful than if you're like
oh, I got five days and then Idrank two days and then I you
know it's.
(18:57):
We feel like we failed if wedisrupt the chain of
alcohol-free days.
Now I think going alcohol-freefor 30, 60, 90 days is very
important to do and wouldbenefit anyone who wanted to do
that.
But it can be really hard to gofrom zero to 60, right.
(19:22):
But if you start off by justkeeping track of your progress
of the first month, like, howmany days can I get?
How many alcohol-free days canI get?
You can even do it weekly.
How many days in this week canI get?
It just depends on how much youdrink and how often you drink.
(19:43):
What is going to be a challenge?
Because you do want tochallenge yourself, but you
don't want to make it too hard,so you want to have some mini
wins.
The first step is to see howmany alcohol free days you can
get in a month.
The next month, see if you canget more alcohol-free days, and
then maybe you can start bysaying you know what I did?
(20:06):
Pretty well, I think I'm goingto go for 30 days no alcohol,
because when you go 30, 60, 90days without alcohol, your body
will change, yourneurotransmitters will reset,
you are going to start to feelso much better and reap the
(20:28):
rewards of not drinking.
All right.
Now that we've talked about allthat, I did promise that I was
going to reveal five red flagsthat let you know that your
drinking is becoming a problem.
I want you to keep in mind thatthese aren't meant to scare or
shame you.
They're just signs that I wantyou to use to create awareness
(20:53):
so you can take proactive steps.
So red flag number one you'redrinking to cope with stress or
strong emotions.
So if alcohol has become yourdefault for dealing with pain,
for anxiety or discomfort,that's a signal for you to pause
(21:15):
and explore other ways toprocess those feelings.
Red flag number two is noticingthat your tolerance is
increasing.
This isn't a good thing If ittakes more alcohol to feel the
same buzz or relaxation.
This is your body's way ofadapting and it's really worth
(21:37):
paying attention to.
Red flag number three you havetrouble stopping once you start,
so maybe you plan to have oneor two drink, but then you end
up having the entire bottle.
And this action often willcreate a feeling of being out of
(21:57):
control.
And that's a huge warning sign,because if you are not free to
choose, then that means thatit's becoming a problem for you.
It doesn't mean that it can'tbe reversed, but it does mean
that you need to take notice.
Red flag number four is thatalcohol is negatively impacting
(22:19):
your life.
So maybe it's affecting yourhealth, your relationships, your
work or your ability to bepresent.
Maybe you find yourself lyingabout how much you drink.
Maybe you find yourself hidingor being very secretive about
how much you drink or when youare drinking.
So if drinking is causing thesetypes of actions or creating
(22:46):
distant or consequences in yourlife, this is for sure a time to
reflect on it.
And finally, number five youfrequently feel guilt or regret
after drinking.
So if shame or self-criticismcomes up often, that's a sure
sign that alcohol is not servingyou in the way that you have
(23:09):
hoped.
Now, if any of these thingsresonate with you, I want you to
know one thing it's not toolate to make a change.
It is never, ever too late tomake a change.
Recognizing these patterns isthe first step to gaining
awareness, to gaining clarity,to getting curious and, quite
(23:33):
honestly, it's incredibly brave,because I know how hard it is
to look at these things.
It can be so uncomfortable, butI want you to know that over
drinking and being worried aboutour drinking habits is also
very, very uncomfortable.
So you can be uncomfortableworking towards freedom, or you
(23:58):
can be uncomfortable and stuckfreedom, or you can be
uncomfortable and stuck.
All right, my friend, we havecovered a lot today.
You uncovered the hiddenreasons behind over drinking,
the steps you can take and thosered flags to watch out for, and
my hope is that you are walkingaway feeling more empowered and
less alone.
You've taken an incredible stepjust by showing up and
(24:21):
listening today, and if you areready to take this work deeper,
I'd love to invite you to joinme in the Sacred Sobriety Lab.
It's a supportive space wherewe explore these topics and many
more together.
I would be so honored to walkalongside you on this journey.
(24:41):
Also, if you want one-on-onecoaching, I would love to help
you.
Anyone who does one-on-onecoaching with me also gains
access to the lab, whichincludes group coaching, and the
Sacred Sobriety Society, whichis a community of women just
(25:02):
like you.
So remember you are strongerthan you think because the Lord
is with you.
The Lord God resides within you, and your identity as a beloved
daughter is a grace given toyou by the Lord above.
He loves you.
(25:23):
You are precious to him.
Until next time, I'm sendingyou so much love and
encouragement.
Take care.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well, and
(25:46):
make sure you subscribe so youdon't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
(26:08):
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
here for you.
I am praying for you.
You are not alone.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Hello and welcome.
I am so glad that you are heretoday.
Whether you've been followingthis podcast for a long time or
this is your very first episode,I just want to thank you for
(00:43):
showing up.
Seriously, you could beanywhere else right now.
There are so many podcasts thatyou could be listening to, and
the fact that you are choosingto spend this time with me means
so very much.
So thank you.
Now, in today's episode, I'mgoing to be tackling a very
(01:04):
important but tenderconversation.
We are going to be talkingabout the hidden culprit behind
over drinking and, moreimportantly, how to tackle it
with compassion and purpose, andalso, at the end of this
(01:25):
episode, I'm going to give youfive red flags that are going to
help you discern whether or notyour drinking is becoming a
problem for you.
Sometimes people hold off onreally diving in and journeying
(01:45):
toward alcohol freedom, becausein the back of their mind,
they're wondering is this reallya problem?
Is it really bad enough?
Sometimes we compare ourselvesto other people.
Well, I don't drink like shedoes.
This person always is acomplete and utter mess when
(02:06):
she's drinking and I never dothat.
And you may even have timeswhen you can go a long time
without drinking and then whenyou come back to it, that's when
the chaos happens.
So we're just going to talkabout what might be keeping you
in that cycle and how to starton the path to gaining more
(02:28):
awareness around your drinkingso that you can learn to take
alcohol or leave it from a placeof peace.
Now, this is personal for metoo, because I remember
struggling to understand my owndrinking habits way back in the
day and I'd say I'm not going todrink tonight, or I'd set
(02:50):
perimeters around my drinkingand honestly, even though I know
that I had a very severe issuewith alcohol, I didn't
necessarily drink every singlenight, like I could go days
without drinking.
But then when I did drink, itwas like all or nothing.
(03:11):
It was like all bets are off.
I honestly thought that it wasa willpower thing.
I have no willpower and I'mjust broken, like there's
something wrong with me.
I'm looking at everybody elsethat seems to be able to
drinking like a normal person,which they actually not.
All of them were looking backbut I'm like, why can't I just
(03:34):
be like them?
And I just kept failing tostick to my promises.
So I was breaking trust withmyself and I just thought that I
wasn't going to get it.
But what I didn't know then iswhat I'm going to share with you
today, and that is that theroot of our drinking habits
(03:56):
often lies deeper than whatmeets the eye.
And by the end of this episode,you'll not only see how
over-drinking can be a symptomof something deeper, but you'll
also walk away with somepractical tools to help you
begin rewriting your story, yourjourney with alcohol.
Take a deep breath, my friend.
(04:18):
You are not alone, because weare going to unpack this
together.
Have you ever paused and askedyourself why do I reach for a
drink?
Now, I'm not just talking aboutthe surface reasons like it's
been a long day, the kids havebeen really loud and
overwhelming but the real,deeper reasons about why you're
(04:43):
reaching for that drink.
Again, here's the truth theover-drinking isn't itself the
problem.
It's a symptom.
It's a way that the mind andbody try to cope with something
else, whether that be stress,loneliness, unprocessed emotions
, unresolved trauma, processedemotions, unresolved trauma,
boredom, or even as a way tocelebrate.
(05:05):
It may start as this harmlesstreat, a reward for yourself for
just making it through the day,but over time it can turn into
something that we use to avoidfacing the harder stuff.
For example, think about thosenights when you've told yourself
(05:28):
I deserve this drink becausetoday was Now what's really
happening there?
Is that drink about theexhaustion or is it about giving
yourself the permission to rest, the permission to rest, to
(05:52):
shut off your brain, to veg out?
Now, this might be somethingthat you struggle to do without
alcohol.
For me, there were times that Iused alcohol actually almost
almost every time to numbfeelings of inadequacy or
frustration.
I used alcohol to be part ofsomething, to belong.
(06:13):
I didn't want to sit withemotions or process them or
think about why I needed alcoholto tolerate my friends or be
somebody who I actually wasn't.
I'd just pour myself a glass ofwhatever or go to the bar and
(06:33):
order drink after drink.
But what I realized is thatevery time I drank to avoid my
emotions.
I wasn't just numbing the badstuff, I was also numbing my
ability to actually feel joy,true joy, true connection and
(06:54):
true presence.
You see, when I was drinking Ifelt like I was experiencing all
those emotions, but it wasveiled by this blur or almost a
fog, so I wasn't reallyconnecting, I wasn't really
(07:15):
having joy and I certainlywasn't truly present.
It's funny because my husbandand my youngest son and I were
playing this game called googlyeyes.
It's a board game and you aresupposed to put on these glasses
that you can barely see out of,because they have all different
kinds of like they're, they'recut in different ways, like
(07:39):
faceted in different ways, soyou can't really see the paper.
You're supposed to get a word,draw a picture and try to do it
while looking through thesegoogly eyes.
And we were having fun, and itwas.
We were laughing a lot, it wasa really fun game.
(07:59):
But what I was thinking about isthat's kind of how I would view
everything when I was drinking,like I would have those blurred
goggles on.
I mean, sometimes they say likeoh, you have pure goggles or
whatever, and there's somethingto it.
You can be in the moment, youcan be experiencing all the
(08:37):
things, but when you have thoseblurry, pixelated faceted
goggles on because of alcohol,it can be hard to really be
present.
So now I want you to take amoment right now, just pause and
reflect.
Does this resonate with you?
And I want you to ask yourselfwhat might your drinking be
masking?
What are those things that youdon't want to face, that you are
(09:02):
using alcohol for Now?
This is where the shame cycleoften comes into play, and maybe
this will sound familiar to you.
You overdrink one night andthen the next day you feel super
guilty, completely ashamed,especially if you've done
something or said something tosomebody that you wish you
(09:23):
hadn't.
And, of course, you havedisappointed yourself because
you broke trust with yourselfyet again.
Because you've broke trust withyourself yet again, you tell
yourself I shouldn't have donethat.
But that feeling of shame, itcan lead you right back to the
very thing you are trying toavoid.
It's a loop, it's called theshame cycle, and the more guilt
(09:47):
you feel, the more tempting itcan become to numb those
feelings with.
You guessed it, another drink.
But I want you to listenclosely because this is so
important.
This cycle is not a reflectionof your character, your worth or
your ability to change.
(10:07):
It is not your identity.
All it is is simply a pattern,and the good news is, just like
any other pattern, it can beinterrupted.
And that's the work that I dowith my clients and with the
ladies who are in my sacredsobriety lap.
(10:28):
As we get curious, as theybegin to get more awareness, and
that shame turns into curiosityand compassion instead of
judgment, that's where changebegins.
That is where thetransformation begins to take
place, and that's what I want tohelp you with today, too.
(10:51):
So now let's talk about somesteps that you can take to start
tackling your over drinking ina way that feels gentle and
sustainable.
Now I've got some steps for you.
Think of these tools assomething just to kind of keep
in your tool belt.
You are building yourself atool belt, so when you get into
(11:15):
certain situations where you maybe tempted to drink, you can
pull out some of these tools andas you use them more and more,
they are going to help youredirect your mindset, redirect
your body, so that you can starta new habit loop and get off
(11:38):
that old one, that old,well-worn path.
The first thing to do is pauseand reflect before pouring that
drink.
Take 30 seconds to pause andask yourself what am I actually
feeling right now and what am Ihoping this drink will do for me
(12:00):
?
This tiny, simple pause canactually help create a moment of
awareness.
And sometimes my clients willsay like I didn't even really
want a drink, I just picked itup and had it Because, again,
it's that well-worn habit loop.
(12:21):
It's almost like your brain islike and this is what we do now,
this is what we do here, butyou can just tell yourself I'm
choosing not to now and bygetting curious and creating
that moment of awareness of whatdo I really need right now,
(12:44):
what am I feeling, what do Ihope this drink will do for me,
what, what do I actually needcan change the trajectory of
what is about to happen.
Number two is to explorealternatives.
I talk about this a lot because, instead of reaching for
(13:06):
alcohol, you can ask yourselfwhat is one thing that I can do
to support myself in this moment?
Maybe it's grabbing a journal,maybe it's stepping outside and
going for a walk or texting aclose friend.
You can also have alternativesto your drinking.
(13:29):
So many of my clients say thatthey drink while they're cooking
dinner.
Sometimes their spouses knowabout it, sometimes they don't,
but it's such an automatic thingthat they do.
So what I always say is have analternative.
Whether that's a sparklingwater, mineral water, maybe you
make yourself a fun mocktail.
(13:51):
Sometimes it's the ritual ofthe drink that is what you are
craving, not the alcohol itself.
So if you drink from a wineglass typically, then put
sparkling water, maybe add ashot of apple cider vinegar into
it and have that be your drinkthat you have in your hand while
(14:16):
you're cooking dinner or doingthe dishes or sitting in front
of whatever show you want towatch.
You can also have things like acup of tea, or something I love
is golden milk.
It's like a turmeric milk thatactually helps relax you.
It's something that's nice tohave in the evening.
Just find something differentto substitute it, because we
(14:40):
don't want to just takesomething away and not have
anything in its place, becausethen it's really easy for you
know things to creep back in.
So find an alternative, anon-alcoholic alternative, or
something else to do that isgoing to disrupt that urge or
that craving, so that when youdo want to say no, you can say
(15:02):
no and you can stick to it.
The third step is to setboundaries with intention.
So I always encourage people towrite this down at the
beginning of the day what isyour intention with alcohol?
Is your intention you're goingout with family tonight to
(15:24):
celebrate and your intention isto have two drinks max?
Then write that down.
Two drinks max, then write thatdown.
If your intention is to notconsume alcohol that night,
write that down.
Because sometimes just tellingourselves like I'm not going to
do it, that's great to do, butthen when we break that, we
(15:46):
break trust with ourselves.
I find that the act of actuallywriting it down specifically on
a piece of paper pen to paperis so much more effective and I
just encourage you to try it,because when we are setting
these boundaries, instead oflooking at it as restriction, we
(16:08):
are looking at it as a plan, asalmost self-care, because
you're writing it down and thisis just a promise that you're
making to yourself.
The fourth step is to seeksupport.
So this kind of goes along withyour setting boundaries and
(16:28):
intentions is to actually haveaccountability.
So, whether that's your spouse,a friend, being in a community
like my sacred sobriety lab,just having people who
understand what you are doingand what you are navigating can
make an incredible difference.
Plus, they can add an extralayer of accountability, because
(16:51):
if we are just accountable toourselves, we can let ourselves
off the hook pretty easily.
So like when I am setting anintention on something, like I
tell my husband I am going toget up at five o'clock every day
this week and work out.
(17:12):
Now if I tell myself that and Ijust say that I'm going to do
that and he doesn't know that,then it's really easy for me, as
soon as my alarm goes off, tobe like no, I'm not going to get
up.
But if I actually tell him,then he's kind of my
accountability partner and hewill actually wake me up and say
(17:33):
hey, it's five, do you want toget up?
He doesn't force me, but hereminds me of my intention and
then I can get up and keep mypromise to myself, which builds
trust.
So seeking support, havingpeople who understand, again
makes a huge difference.
(17:54):
And finally, step five I wantyou to celebrate your wins.
Every tiny step you takematters.
So think did you pause beforetaking a drink this week?
If you did, that's amazing.
Did you journal one night aweek instead of pouring a drink?
That is so incredible.
(18:16):
I want you to remember progressisn't about perfection.
It's about showing up foryourself little by little.
Now I mentioned this in one ofmy other episodes and that is
you know, sometimes it can beoverwhelming to tell ourselves
I'm not going to drink for 30days or whatever it is.
(18:36):
But if you celebrate yourlittle wins by putting a sticker
on your alcohol-free days andthen counting them up, you will
feel much more accomplished andsuccessful than if you're like
oh, I got five days and then Idrank two days and then I you
know it's.
(18:57):
We feel like we failed if wedisrupt the chain of
alcohol-free days.
Now I think going alcohol-freefor 30, 60, 90 days is very
important to do and wouldbenefit anyone who wanted to do
that.
But it can be really hard to gofrom zero to 60, right.
(19:22):
But if you start off by justkeeping track of your progress
of the first month, like, howmany days can I get?
How many alcohol-free days canI get?
You can even do it weekly.
How many days in this week canI get?
It just depends on how much youdrink and how often you drink.
(19:43):
What is going to be a challenge?
Because you do want tochallenge yourself, but you
don't want to make it too hard,so you want to have some mini
wins.
The first step is to see howmany alcohol free days you can
get in a month.
The next month, see if you canget more alcohol-free days, and
then maybe you can start bysaying you know what I did?
(20:06):
Pretty well, I think I'm goingto go for 30 days no alcohol,
because when you go 30, 60, 90days without alcohol, your body
will change, yourneurotransmitters will reset,
you are going to start to feelso much better and reap the
(20:28):
rewards of not drinking.
All right.
Now that we've talked about allthat, I did promise that I was
going to reveal five red flagsthat let you know that your
drinking is becoming a problem.
I want you to keep in mind thatthese aren't meant to scare or
shame you.
They're just signs that I wantyou to use to create awareness
(20:53):
so you can take proactive steps.
So red flag number one you'redrinking to cope with stress or
strong emotions.
So if alcohol has become yourdefault for dealing with pain,
for anxiety or discomfort,that's a signal for you to pause
(21:15):
and explore other ways toprocess those feelings.
Red flag number two is noticingthat your tolerance is
increasing.
This isn't a good thing If ittakes more alcohol to feel the
same buzz or relaxation.
This is your body's way ofadapting and it's really worth
(21:37):
paying attention to.
Red flag number three you havetrouble stopping once you start,
so maybe you plan to have oneor two drink, but then you end
up having the entire bottle.
And this action often willcreate a feeling of being out of
(21:57):
control.
And that's a huge warning sign,because if you are not free to
choose, then that means thatit's becoming a problem for you.
It doesn't mean that it can'tbe reversed, but it does mean
that you need to take notice.
Red flag number four is thatalcohol is negatively impacting
(22:19):
your life.
So maybe it's affecting yourhealth, your relationships, your
work or your ability to bepresent.
Maybe you find yourself lyingabout how much you drink.
Maybe you find yourself hidingor being very secretive about
how much you drink or when youare drinking.
So if drinking is causing thesetypes of actions or creating
(22:46):
distant or consequences in yourlife, this is for sure a time to
reflect on it.
And finally, number five youfrequently feel guilt or regret
after drinking.
So if shame or self-criticismcomes up often, that's a sure
sign that alcohol is not servingyou in the way that you have
(23:09):
hoped.
Now, if any of these thingsresonate with you, I want you to
know one thing it's not toolate to make a change.
It is never, ever too late tomake a change.
Recognizing these patterns isthe first step to gaining
awareness, to gaining clarity,to getting curious and, quite
(23:33):
honestly, it's incredibly brave,because I know how hard it is
to look at these things.
It can be so uncomfortable, butI want you to know that over
drinking and being worried aboutour drinking habits is also
very, very uncomfortable.
So you can be uncomfortableworking towards freedom, or you
(23:58):
can be uncomfortable and stuckfreedom, or you can be
uncomfortable and stuck.
All right, my friend, we havecovered a lot today.
You uncovered the hiddenreasons behind over drinking,
the steps you can take and thosered flags to watch out for, and
my hope is that you are walkingaway feeling more empowered and
less alone.
You've taken an incredible stepjust by showing up and
(24:21):
listening today, and if you areready to take this work deeper,
I'd love to invite you to joinme in the Sacred Sobriety Lab.
It's a supportive space wherewe explore these topics and many
more together.
I would be so honored to walkalongside you on this journey.
(24:41):
Also, if you want one-on-onecoaching, I would love to help
you.
Anyone who does one-on-onecoaching with me also gains
access to the lab, whichincludes group coaching, and the
Sacred Sobriety Society, whichis a community of women just
(25:02):
like you.
So remember you are strongerthan you think because the Lord
is with you.
The Lord God resides within you, and your identity as a beloved
daughter is a grace given toyou by the Lord above.
He loves you.
(25:23):
You are precious to him.
Until next time, I'm sendingyou so much love and
encouragement.
Take care.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well, and
(25:46):
make sure you subscribe so youdon't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
(26:08):
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
here for you.
I am praying for you.
You are not alone.
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