April 24, 2025 • 43 mins
What happens when a terrifying wake-up call becomes the first step in a 33-year journey of sobriety? Heather Gaffney joins us to share her remarkable story of transformation—from a young woman whose bartenders knew her by name to becoming a beacon of hope for others navigating recovery and trauma.
Heather's candid revelations about her drinking period resonate with raw honesty as she describes the moment everything changed: waking up in an unfamiliar place with no memory of how she got there. That April morning 33 years ago marked the beginning of a profound spiritual journey that has carried her through domestic abuse, breast cancer, and countless other challenges with an unshakable faith.
The conversation delves into the surprising ways God shows up in our darkest moments—like Heather finding a 10-year AA chip outside a bar long before she got sober—and how these divine breadcrumbs often only become visible in retrospect. We both share how sobriety doesn't just remove alcohol's negative effects but unveils an entirely new level of spiritual clarity and emotional authenticity.
As the creator of the "Warrior Words" podcast, Heather now provides a platform for others to share their stories of survival and hope. Her practical advice on writing without self-criticism offers listeners a tangible way to process their own experiences and discover the beauty hidden within their struggles.
Whether you're questioning your relationship with alcohol or facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, this episode reminds us that hope persists even in life's darkest corners. Listen now to discover how embracing vulnerability and faith can transform your story into one of purpose and unexpected joy.
Warrior Words Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/warrior-words-stories-of-hope-finding-beauty-after/id1725674975
Warrior Words YouTube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/@warriorwords
Heather's Warrior Words Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/warriorwords
Join me in the FIRE50 Challenge, a FREE 50-day spiritual journey focused on deepening your connection with the Holy Spirit. You'll explore daily practices, discover our unique charisms, and grow in community with others seeking God's presence in their lives.
This is your chance to awaken new possibilities, and experience the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
🔥 JOIN the FREE FIRE 50 Challenge - bit.ly/4jNqoJM
👉🏻 JOIN THE FREE 5-DAY KICK START
https://the-catholic-sobriety-coach.myflodesk.com/5-day-sobriety-kick-start
👉🏻 Join The Sacred Sobriety Lab
https://sacredsobrietylab.com
Visit my Website: https://thecatholicsobrietycoach.com
Telos Art Get 10% off Using Coupon Code CHRISTIE10
https://telosartshop.com/?ref=christie
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Welcome, friends.
Today I am so honored to haveHeather Gaffney joining us.
Heather's remarkable recoverystory spans decades and she has
maintained her sobriety for over33 years, even through life's
(00:46):
most challenging seasons.
Her steadfast faith andvulnerability have inspired
countless others to trust inGod's grace as they walk their
own path.
Heather Gaffney is an author,podcaster and YouTuber.
She is host of the WarriorWords podcast and YouTube
(01:07):
channel, where she sharesstories of hope and thriving
after trauma to help othersrediscover the beauty in their
lives.
Heather has a master's degreein education and in some other
to two young adults and someother to two young adults.
She is a domestic abusesurvivor, breast cancer survivor
(01:27):
and autism advocate.
Her favorite things includecaramel, coffee drinks, good
books, sappy movies and thecolors of nature, and spending
time with the master artist inRare.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
Heather, I'm so glad you'rehere.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Thank you for inviting me, christy.
I appreciate that introduction.
You made me smile a few times,so thank you very much, you're
welcome.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Well, let's just get into it.
Could you just go ahead andshare a bit about your personal
recovery story, your historywith alcohol and what led you to
sobriety?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Hey, sure I don't know exactly your demographic,
but maybe a lot of us canrecognize or relate to starting
to drink, maybe before the legalage, maybe starting in college.
And that's where my storystarted, and I joked often about
on my 21st birthday how thebartenders knew me.
(02:32):
At one point during the eveningI had three drinks in my hand
because there were multiplebartenders who were waiting for
me to celebrate that legalbirthday.
So that paints an interestingpicture to start, and that's
maybe the fun part of it.
Alcohol would take me to placesthat you probably just never
(02:52):
want to go, and sometimes thoseare literal places and sometimes
those are just places withinyourself.
You do things that you wouldn'tnormally do without alcohol in
your system.
You say things you wouldn'tnormally say.
Your inhibitions are lowered.
I just, you know, I didn't drinkvery long, it was only about
(03:16):
maybe a four-year period but Istarted to see patterns and I
started to see myself doingthings that just didn't seem
like me and they weren't thingsthat I was proud of, and there
were just comments made bypeople in my circles and actions
(03:37):
taken that I just started tofeel like something's not right.
And the common thread to all ofit was alcohol.
And I don't know.
There were just times that Ijust found myself doing things
that I knew were wrong.
They were contrary to the way Iwas brought up.
(03:59):
They were contrary to thebeliefs I held as a Catholic
single young adult.
I have to say it was probablywhat we now call Catholic in
name only, like I would go andcheck the box and okay.
I went to Mass this week, Iwent to confession before Easter
(04:19):
and before Christmas, but Ithink the way my mother raised
me always stayed.
It was always there, and so Istarted finding myself doing
these things and just realizingthis is not compatible with who
I was raised to be, and itculminated with me having I
(04:45):
don't remember exactly.
Well, it was April, becausewe're recording this in April
and you mentioned 33 years.
So April 21st is my sobrietydate.
The night of April 20th, I wasin a bar with a band, because
that always seemed to go hand inhand live music and drinking in
(05:09):
hand live music and drinking.
I found myself leaning backover a bar and having people
pour shots of Jägermeister.
Yeah, it doesn't.
I'm sorry to anybody who likesJägermeister, but it doesn't
even taste that good.
From my 33-year-old memory nowit's cough syrup.
Three-year-old memory now it'scough syrup and then I ended up
(05:29):
waking up on the morning of the21st in a strange place and I
was alone.
I didn't recognize mysurroundings, I didn't have a
vehicle.
Luckily I was able to.
Just I just kind of rolled outof the couch that I was on and
figured out where I was and wasable to get home.
(05:49):
And I don't know that I madethe decision immediately, but
that was the day I had enoughand so I just quit.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I quit.
That's so powerful.
I mean, I can relate to so muchof what you said, and I don't
know that everybody does, but Iknow that there are many of us
who those beginning years ofdrinking as a fun thing, like
for me.
I describe it as when I foundalcohol, it was like this magic
elixir that got me into parties.
It got me invited, boys likedme, like it was great at first
(06:27):
until it wasn't, and it took awhile to realize just how much
it wasn't.
And I also got into bars at avery early age, 19, you know.
So that's quite a bit under thelimit, Although it used to be
19 in a state where I'm proud ofit.
(06:48):
But then they changed it and so, yeah, becoming 21, it wasn't
even that big of a deal becauseI had already been going to
certain bars and partying anddoing all of those things.
But the other thing that Icould completely relate with
when you said, you know, whenyou start realizing like wait a
(07:09):
second, like this is not, likesomething's not right, this is
just not who I am, and you saidthat it's just not compatible
with, like the way you wereraised or who you were, and I
think that happens to so many ofus, even people who are just
realizing that alcohol is aproblem for them.
(07:31):
It's just that they're noticingan uptick in the amount and
frequency.
Maybe they're not doing all thecrazy things that you and I did
, but it's just not sitting wellwith their soul, like it just
didn't settle right in theirbones and I think that I've
always attributed that to theHoly Spirit.
You know, just working in meand that little flicker of a
(07:54):
flame.
I didn't go to church but I wasa Catholic in name only and I
would go Christmas and Easterand Mother's Day, and when I
didn't go to confession.
You are a much better Catholicin name only than I was.
That's much more active.
But you know, it's just one ofthose things where the Holy
(08:16):
Spirit is still like knocking onthose doors, because we are
given these spiritual gifts byvirtue of our baptism.
It's not something we can shakeoff Now.
Whether we choose to use themand unwrap them and all of those
types of things will never beforced on us.
But that nudging of the HolySpirit is such a grace and I
(08:36):
just hear that through yourstory.
Is that kind of how you would,how you kind of think of it, or
is it different?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I would say that I would not have said that at that
time.
Looking back, I would say thatnow because one thing that I've
noticed is that, well, let meback up and tell a Holy Spirit
story that I now attribute tothe Holy Spirit.
And I was dating this man whoactually worked at a bar, and I
don't remember all the detailssurrounding it, but I was in
(09:11):
that bar drinking when somebodyhad to call that bar to find me
because a relative had died.
And then I'm not sure if it wasthe same night, but I know it
was coming home from that bar.
I looked down on the ground andI saw this coin on the ground
(09:35):
and I just thought it was like a50-cent piece or one of those
old silver dollars, whateverthat size was.
But so I bent down to pick itup and it was a 10-year chip
from AA, wow, and I kept it.
I don't know why I kept it, butI did, and so that to me was
(09:56):
the Holy Spirit.
Again, back then, no clue,right, I just knew I wanted to
keep it and I still have thatchip.
I didn't get all of my chips allthe way through, but I have
that one and I do, looking back,see the interaction, the
working of the Holy Spirit.
There were so many things orplaces I ended up, things I did
(10:21):
or places I ended up that shouldhave turned out differently and
yet they didn't.
And I can only attribute thatto the Holy Spirit, because it
certainly wasn't me If I wasinebriated or drunk.
I certainly couldn't controlthose circumstances.
And so I look back now and Ithink, yeah, the Holy Spirit
(10:44):
spared me from so much, evenwhen I didn't know enough to ask
for it.
So, yeah, I completely agreewith that that the Holy Spirit
does, yeah, does protectAbsolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Oh, absolutely, yeah, I'm with you.
Like things could have turnedout so much worse for me so many
times, and when you're in it itis really hard to see it, but
when you can look back on itit's like, oh, my goodness, like
God was there all the time Iwas being so divinely guided,
even despite, you know, makingvery poor choices, doing things
(11:19):
that I should not have beendoing, going places I had no
business of going to, you know,and all of those things.
So it is a grace, a grace forsure.
So, thanks be to God.
You are celebrating 33 years ofsobriety this month.
Congratulations.
That is such a big milestone,and I think that what happens is
(11:43):
a lot of people look at thatand they're like, wow, like how
does she do that for so long?
Is there something that you canpinpoint that has kept you
grounded and committed for solong?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I guess if, looking back, I can say it was my faith,
that it was God and hispresence in the Holy Spirit, I
wouldn't say that I did anythingspecifically.
I did go to AA and I actually Ibenefited quite a bit from AA
for the first couple of yearsMet a lot of great people and
(12:22):
really really learned the steps,took the steps and I took them
to heart and I really reallytried to do them.
But as I went through I wouldfind there was something missing
.
I would hear these stories anda lot of them sounded to me and
(12:46):
this is no shade to AA, becauseit has helped probably millions
of people but what I would hearwas an awful lot of
commiseration as opposed tosolution, that a lot of people
just like to hear the stories tosay, oh yeah, I did that or I
feel that or whatever, and itjust seemed that that's where it
would stop.
And so for me, I neededsomething more and I did start
(13:11):
easing back into my faith, intopaying more attention to church,
paying more attention to prayer.
In my bio you read that I amalso a domestic abuse survivor
and breast cancer survivor, andone of the things that I've
noticed is that I've beenthrough multiple traumas and
(13:33):
with each trauma I seem to getcloser to God, and I know for a
lot of people that trauma cantend to push you away.
Maybe you think, oh well, thereis no God, he doesn't care
about me.
But, as we just discussed, eventhough we didn't name it Holy
Spirit at the time, we can lookback now and say, yeah, god was
(13:56):
there, god's hand protected mefrom this or saved me from that
or prevented me from doing thisover here.
And so I think that it is myfaith, the practicing of my
faith, the deepening of my faith, that has enabled me to just 33
(14:17):
years.
When you say you're going toquit, you don't even think about
that.
You don't think, oh, maybe oneday I'll have 30 years without a
drink.
And no, it's just one day, andit literally is one day at a
time.
Life isn't easy.
It doesn't get easier when youquit.
Some things will get easier,but other things will get more
difficult.
(14:37):
You know when your friendsstill want to go out and drink
or when your favorite band isplaying at the local dive bar
and you know it's not a goodplace for you to go.
I think the main thing is justthe progression of my faith, the
deepening and getting more intoit.
It's more important to me nowto listen to God and listen to
(14:58):
the promptings of the HolySpirit than it is for me to
indulge in a glass of wine, oryou know, I'm not going to lie,
there are a few things that Imiss.
You know there's.
You know they say.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
The scripture says like God says to St Paul, like
(15:35):
my power is made perfect in yourweakness.
And I was just reflecting onsomething I think it was because
of Holy Week that I wasjournaling about and I was
thinking back to my darkesttimes too, and I was like it was
in those really really darktimes when I felt like God
wasn't close, that he was theclosest to me, and that makes me
(16:00):
emotional, just to say that outloud.
But it's so true.
It's in those really reallydark moments and again, like you
so aptly said, like we don'tnotice it when we're so close to
it.
But then when we have thathindsight and we can look back,
that's when we can rememberGod's goodness and his
graciousness.
(16:20):
And I think the enemy wants usto forget that.
So we get so caught up in thesethings and we lose trust, like
it happens to all of us.
We're human and we lose trust,like it happens to all of us,
we're human.
But then God shows up again andwe're like, yeah, that's right,
he did it again and he did itbefore and he'll do it again.
(16:46):
And I think that that's thehope.
And I also went to AA for twoyears.
It was great, foundational forme as well, and so it was that
foundation, that learning.
I think a lot of it was thelike, the renewal of the mind.
Basically, like you know, youhave all those little sayings
and you have all these thingsand you know you're thinking
(17:09):
about things in this way andyou're repeating certain phrases
to yourself and you're workingthe steps and you know a lot,
and the steps are very, at leastthe traditional steps.
I know I've seen other steps,uh, for people that don't
believe in God, but, um, thetraditional steps are so
(17:29):
Catholic to me and so it wasvery easy for me to do them and
work through them and I loved itand it really did lay that
foundation.
But, like you, it got to thepoint where it's like I need
something else now, and that'salso where my faith
springboarded.
So, if there's anybody outthere considering going to AA,
(17:53):
definitely do it, get thatfoundational, but don't feel
like you have to stay there.
Once you feel ready, I equateit kind of to training wheels
and then you can kind of takethose training wheels off, not
to go back out drinking but tolike, just see, like okay, now
I'm more involved with this, or,you know, this is how I'm
(18:14):
reaching out to people andfiguring out what works for you,
but definitely inviting Godinto that and relying on him
more and more.
I put so much stock in thepeople at AA at first that I
didn't have that trust and Ididn't really lean on God as
(18:34):
much, even though I was workingthrough the steps.
So it was kind of like a slowlike less of them, more of him,
less of them, more of him, untilI could be all him.
You know, and I'm not saying Icame out of that and I was like
boom, the best Catholic ever.
I wasn't, but it was definitelythe journey, right.
(18:55):
So I think I don't know, likefor me, and I want to hear what
yours is, but for me I think thething that has kept me sober
for so long is that the lifethat I have now.
I want more than alcohol, likeyeah, it would be fun to go to a
winery with my girlfriends, orlike do this or do that, or you
(19:16):
know whatever it is, but itcould unravel everything that I
have.
And even in those early stagesof sobriety I had a very strong
why, and I think that's why Iwas able to really stick with it
.
Why do I want this Because thelife that I was living is a life
(19:37):
of destruction.
I'm going to end up dead or injail or homeless, and I want
this life.
I want to be a mom, I want tobe a wife, I want to do things
for God and for others, and thatwas, I think, me like the
turning point.
It was like I don't want thisanymore and I had to let go of
(20:00):
the fear of discomfort and stepinto it and my why was so strong
that I was able to do that.
What do you think was the thingthat helped you when you made
that decision?
Really stick to it.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I did not have the strong why that you have, I
think for me at that point, itwas literally just that I didn't
want to do that again.
Waking up in a place that I wasnot familiar with, I don't even
know whose place it was, notknowing how I got there that
(20:40):
scared me, and I never wanted tofeel that fear again.
I never wanted to get myself toa place where I couldn't
remember how I got there.
I think I started out fear,total, fear-based.
I didn't know what I was goingtowards, but I was running away
(21:04):
from and I think as I gotfurther away and as I got
plugged into other people whowere living the same type of
lifestyle that I was now living,it gave me more comfort.
It gave me more confidence thatI could do this and that I
(21:26):
didn't need the alcohol.
I think now what keeps me asidefrom my faith is that I don't
ever want to go back.
I will not sit here and tell youthat I have a sunshine and
roses life.
I don't.
I struggle.
I have lots of things that Istill struggle with.
(21:49):
Sober, I went through domesticviolence.
Sober, I went through breastcancer and, yeah, it probably
would have been pretty easy tonumb both of those things away.
I'll be completely honest.
There was a time that I did tellmyself that toward the end of
my life, if I knew the end wascoming, that I would start
(22:10):
drinking again and just enjoymyself on the way out.
But I can confidently sit herenow and say that's not how I
want to go out.
There is a joy in my life now,and sometimes it's hard to
reconcile, because I look at thestruggles that I currently
experience and that I have overthe course of the 33 years and I
(22:34):
still have a joy.
I get sad, I get mad, I have allthe normal range of emotions,
but there is an underlying joythat I just know that I'm doing
what I'm supposed to be doing,or at least I'm walking toward
what I'm supposed to be walkingtoward.
And I don't want to screw thatup, because I think I have now
(23:00):
heard some things from the HolySpirit that I know are the Holy
Spirit, which I didn't before.
So that is a clarity that Ihave that I didn't have 33 years
ago.
I can hear the Holy Spirittelling me to do something or to
not do something.
I don't always listen, but Iprefer that to what I was doing
(23:24):
before, while I had no directionother than not wanting to go
back in the beginning.
I now have a direction, and Istill know that I don't wanting
to go back in the beginning.
I now have a direction and Istill know that I don't want to
go back.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, you have that supernatural joy, a joy that
surpasses all understanding.
Right, it's just you're likewhy do I still have this joyful
spirit, or how is it evenpossible?
It's hard to explain to peoplesometimes, right, like you have
to really experience it.
But here's the thing I thinkthat people don't think about
(23:59):
when they are drinking, and Ididn't understand it was that I
wasn't just numbing pain ortrauma or shame, or pain or
trauma or shame, or you know,trying to be somebody that other
people liked or whatever.
By drinking I was actuallynumbing joy, I was numbing good
(24:23):
times, I was numbingconversations that I was having
with people.
You know, I would not remember,remember things and even if
it's not always just like sodrunk that you pass out, even
just being really buzzed cannumb that too and numb those
feelings.
So once you remove it andyou're able to feel that rawness
(24:50):
of sadness, of joy, of anger,of happiness, of you know
whatever it is and, like you sorightly pointed out, the ability
to hear god's voice is, wow,you know it just, and it doesn't
happen right away, like I tellpeople all the like, just
(25:13):
because you and you don't havethat other stuff like packed on
(25:40):
top of it because it really is.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It just like packs on top of an already really really
tough situation exactly, yeah,and you you know if you are
numbing a specific thing or aspecific emotion, like you said,
you're numbing everything elsetoo, and you could be completely
(26:05):
missing the solution to thatthing that you're trying to numb
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Absolutely.
Thank you for saying that.
So I want to talk about yourpodcast, warrior Words.
So how did that come about?
And I know about it, but I wantyou to tell my listeners all
about Warrior Words, how youstarted it, why you started it,
(26:32):
how you got the name and all thegood things.
Well, thank, you.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Thank you for asking about it and for giving me the
opportunity to share.
Well, that's a Holy Spiritthing.
I was recovering from one of mysurgeries due to my cancer and
I just sensed, heard gettingback to those verbs I don't want
to.
And I just sensed, heardgetting back to those verbs I
don't want to, the Holy Spirittelling me that I was to be a
podcaster and a public speaker.
(26:57):
And, like Gideon, I respondedwith you got the wrong gal.
And I ignored.
I heard it and I ignored for awhile and, like you said earlier
, you know, god doesn't forcehimself on us, he invites us.
And so I started to getinvitations and somebody
(27:24):
commented on something I postedand said, hey, would you be
interested in being an intern?
And I said no, I don't havetime for that.
And then, I think it was maybea week later, somebody else in
the same organization messagedme and said, hey, would you like
to be an intern?
And I said, hmm, that's twice.
(27:46):
Whenever I hear something twice, sometimes I have to wait till
the third time.
But whenever I hear somethingtwice, sometimes I have to wait
till the third time, butwhenever I hear something two or
three times, I start to listenand pay more attention, and so
what this actual invitation waswas to be a blogging intern for
a podcaster.
In return, I would get freeaccess to a course that taught
(28:11):
me how to become a podcaster.
So I said, okay, holy Spirityou win.
And I did it and I learned howto podcast, and he gave me the
name Warrior Words.
I've always been into writing.
I have an unpublishedmanuscript that one day I will
(28:32):
self-publish.
I have many more in my headthat have to get out onto the
digital paper now.
And so words were important,and even Proverbs.
I don't even know how manytimes in the book of Proverbs it
tells us how important ourwords are and how our words can
either give life or take life.
(28:55):
And to combine the idea ofwriting and then the idea of
podcasting because podcasting isauditory and, in our case,
visual as well Writing is acompletely different medium, so
I can't just hold up a book on apodcast and flip the pages at
least not an adult book, youknow, a kid's book maybe.
(29:17):
And so stories are importantand stories are full of words.
And so I basically married theidea of storytelling and the
visual audio medium, and so Iinterview mostly women, but a
few men I'm actually going to behaving a few new men on the
(29:38):
podcast soon but mostly womenwho have some kind of story to
tell.
And what I've learned in thefirst few interviews is that we
all have stories to tell andmany of us have more than one.
Trauma is not a one-and-donething.
(29:59):
We go through multiple thingsthat cause trauma in our lives.
Storytelling just kind ofbecame the way to do it for me.
I, you know, I'm not going toever be Joe Rogan, I'm not ever
going to be, you know, thatteaching podcast that everybody
listens to.
But for me, just sharingpeople's stories, giving them a
(30:20):
voice, making their stories andtheir survival prominent,
prominent, and then, lastly,having people rediscover the
beauty in their lives, becauseeven in the most traumatic
(30:41):
experiences, we can look backand find something beautiful
that either was there at thetime that we couldn't see, or
came out of it, was born,birthed from our trauma.
And so at the end of my intro,I say your words are powerful
and they are.
So that's what I do I sharepeople's words and give them
(31:05):
voices and offer hope to others.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I think that's so beautiful and it's really
generous to do that because, Imean, I know it was a calling
from God for you to do it.
People just want to be heard,they want to know that they've
been heard.
But even more than that, likeyou were saying, when we share
(31:29):
our stories, it kind of makesthe suffering make sense a
little bit, because then youknow that you're helping
somebody else, like you said,even in those very, very
traumatic, hard stories that arereally hard sometimes for us to
listen to.
But yet when you hear the hopeafter coming from that place to
(31:52):
where they are now, even if it'snot perfectly perfect, it's
still so, I don't know, it'sjust so beautiful to see it.
I think you have like wings aspart of your.
You know your logo and I justlove it because it's you know
the whole like butterfly, youknow, coming out.
Well, I'm not sure that it's abutterfly, that's on yours, but
(32:16):
that's kind of what I thinkabout that metamorphosis of like
.
Just you know, you see thatlittle cartoon and you think, oh
man, he's a goner, and then itcomes out like this beautiful
butterfly and for those of uswho are Christian, like we can
really use that to glorify Godas well through our stories.
(32:36):
So I thank you so much forgiving people a platform to do
that and I encourage all of youto go listen to Heather's
podcast the way you like introand outro and speak to your
guests.
You're just so like.
You're this calming presence.
You are so thoughtful ineverything that you say and it's
(33:02):
just so nice to listen to.
And nice is like just a niceword, but it's just I don't know
, there's so much like chatterand like noise all the time that
, like spending an hour or sowith Heather, you'll just feel
like, even if you've just hearda really hard story, it's just
(33:25):
so powerful, yeah, and I justlove it.
So I encourage all of you tolisten to it.
But even that like Heather,what would you say to if they're
kind of thinking like maybe,maybe I need to think about my
(33:55):
story or write it out so thatthey can then look back at it
and maybe, maybe they've beenhaving a hard time seeing where
God showed up in their lives.
But you know, once you writesomething like that out, I think
you can see those really brightspots or the holy breadcrumbs
that God has been laying allalong.
(34:15):
So, for those who may not bewriters, do you have some tips
for us?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Well, because the other half of what the Holy
Spirit told me was that I wassupposed to be a public speaker
and that one scares me morebecause you can't edit, live.
And so, to begin that journey,I wrote a talk, and one of the
components of that talk is thatI discuss writing and I think it
(34:45):
is so important.
As you mentioned, you don'thave to do it to publish it into
a book, you don't have to do itto speak it, share it, perform
it on a stage or a podcast, butit is so helpful when you can
write out what happened to youor what you did or what you
(35:07):
perceive your experiences to be,and then close it and wait and
pray and then go back with fresheyes.
You can do this with a spiralnotebook that you pick up from a
local Staples or Office Depotduring their back to school
(35:29):
thing for 25 cents.
You could do it in a fancyjournal.
You could do it on a privateblog.
There are so many ways that youcan get your words out, but I
think it's important to get themout and don't worry about
spelling, don't worry aboutgrammar, don't worry about
whether your sentences have asubject and a verb and a
(35:50):
predicate.
Don't worry about the teacherred pen and don't become the
teacher's red pen.
Don't critique as you write,write it all out, type it all
out and, like I said, close itand step away from it for a
while.
And I think what that does is itdoes two things.
First of all, it gets it allout of your head.
(36:10):
Think what that does is.
It does two things.
First of all, it gets it allout of your head because when
it's in your head it can getconfusing.
The memories can start tojumble.
You know like, oh well, didthis happen first, or did that,
or did I do this?
No, just get it out on paper.
It helps to bring everythinginto more focus.
The second thing it does, whenyou put it away for a while and
(36:30):
then go back is you can seethose patterns.
When you reread it you can say,oh, I didn't realize that this
happened every time I had twodrinks or more.
Or I didn't realize thishappened when I had Jägermeister
(36:51):
.
I don't want to throw shade atthe company, I really don't, but
that was just my cross thatparticular night.
When you go back to read it,all that jumbled mess that was
in your head can start to makesense and you can start putting
the pieces of that puzzletogether and see, well, does
(37:14):
this cause this?
You know what was it that I wasdoing and what can I change,
and what?
We go back to the serenityprayer.
You know what can we change?
What do we have to just accept?
And how do we move forward?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
what do we have to just accept and how do we move
forward?
Yes, I love that.
I love that you said don't bethe teacher's red pen.
That's something you just kindof have to let go of, because I
have a tendency to edit as Iwrite, but not when it's a
journal, you know.
So I think that if you noticelike if you type something that
you're constantly correctingyourself, maybe it is pen and
(37:51):
paper to be best, or set a timerand just like write for a
certain amount of time as muchas you can get out of your brain
, you know, at that within thatamount of time, and that can
sometimes kind of let help youlet go of that perfectionism of
like I have to get it out or Ihave to get it right.
(38:12):
You don't have to get it right,you just need to get it out
first, like you were saying.
So that's so, so good.
Thank you for that permission.
Take her up on that.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yeah, and W-R-I-T-E, not R-I-G-H-T.
We want to write, not be right.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Yes, Very good, I love that.
So I just was wondering to youin relation to your podcast then
, like what do you want peoplewho listen to it to really take
away from these stories or fromlistening to it?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I think the main thing is that there's hope.
There's always hope, and thesecond thing is related to it in
that there's beauty.
There is beauty in even theugliest of situations.
I've talked to people who havehad family members murdered and
they have encounteredforgiveness and they have
(39:22):
encountered peace.
I've talked to people who havehad multiple miscarriages and
they still now they love God,they love their family.
You look at the individualstories and if you look at just
the ugly part, then you wonderwhat's the point.
But that's why we take itthrough to the hope and the
beauty, because something goodcan always come from it, and
(39:43):
sometimes you just have to letit and sometimes you have to
actively do something.
So beauty and hope are the twothings I hope people get from
the stories that I share.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I've listened to several and I always come away
with that.
It's such a gift when peopleare that vulnerable and then
they share their stories andthere is always that thread of
hope.
It's just so encouraging.
There is always that thread ofhope.
It's just so encouraging Likeif this person can get through
(40:15):
that, then maybe I can getthrough whatever trial that I'm
going through at this moment.
And, yeah, god's always with us.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
So I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Well, Heather, thank you so much for being here.
Is there anywhere other thanyour podcast where you'd like
people to find you?
Do you have feel free to shareany resources or anything at all
with my audience the majorplatforms.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
I have a Facebook group, that is.
I think if you just type inWarrior Words you'll get to it.
Otherwise it's facebookcomforward slash groups, forward
slash Warrior Words.
I'm on Instagram, I post onInstagram, let's just put it
that way.
I don't do a whole lot ofinteracting, but I am there
under Heather Gaffney, authorand my warrior words.
(41:11):
So those are the two big placesI guess.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Great.
Well, thank you again so muchfor being here and for sharing
your story and, for you know,taking up the call to share
other people's stories as well.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Well, thank you.
I had fun chatting with you and, for those who don't know,
christy has been on my podcast,so come over to your favorite
player and find Christy'sepisode, and it's just been a
wonderful time talking with youagain, so thank you for having
me.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic
Sobriety Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well.
And make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
(42:11):
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
here for you, I am praying foryou, you are not alone.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Welcome, friends.
Today I am so honored to haveHeather Gaffney joining us.
Heather's remarkable recoverystory spans decades and she has
maintained her sobriety for over33 years, even through life's
(00:46):
most challenging seasons.
Her steadfast faith andvulnerability have inspired
countless others to trust inGod's grace as they walk their
own path.
Heather Gaffney is an author,podcaster and YouTuber.
She is host of the WarriorWords podcast and YouTube
(01:07):
channel, where she sharesstories of hope and thriving
after trauma to help othersrediscover the beauty in their
lives.
Heather has a master's degreein education and in some other
to two young adults and someother to two young adults.
She is a domestic abusesurvivor, breast cancer survivor
(01:27):
and autism advocate.
Her favorite things includecaramel, coffee drinks, good
books, sappy movies and thecolors of nature, and spending
time with the master artist inRare.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
Heather, I'm so glad you'rehere.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Thank you for inviting me, christy.
I appreciate that introduction.
You made me smile a few times,so thank you very much, you're
welcome.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Well, let's just get into it.
Could you just go ahead andshare a bit about your personal
recovery story, your historywith alcohol and what led you to
sobriety?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Hey, sure I don't know exactly your demographic,
but maybe a lot of us canrecognize or relate to starting
to drink, maybe before the legalage, maybe starting in college.
And that's where my storystarted, and I joked often about
on my 21st birthday how thebartenders knew me.
(02:32):
At one point during the eveningI had three drinks in my hand
because there were multiplebartenders who were waiting for
me to celebrate that legalbirthday.
So that paints an interestingpicture to start, and that's
maybe the fun part of it.
Alcohol would take me to placesthat you probably just never
(02:52):
want to go, and sometimes thoseare literal places and sometimes
those are just places withinyourself.
You do things that you wouldn'tnormally do without alcohol in
your system.
You say things you wouldn'tnormally say.
Your inhibitions are lowered.
I just, you know, I didn't drinkvery long, it was only about
(03:16):
maybe a four-year period but Istarted to see patterns and I
started to see myself doingthings that just didn't seem
like me and they weren't thingsthat I was proud of, and there
were just comments made bypeople in my circles and actions
(03:37):
taken that I just started tofeel like something's not right.
And the common thread to all ofit was alcohol.
And I don't know.
There were just times that Ijust found myself doing things
that I knew were wrong.
They were contrary to the way Iwas brought up.
(03:59):
They were contrary to thebeliefs I held as a Catholic
single young adult.
I have to say it was probablywhat we now call Catholic in
name only, like I would go andcheck the box and okay.
I went to Mass this week, Iwent to confession before Easter
(04:19):
and before Christmas, but Ithink the way my mother raised
me always stayed.
It was always there, and so Istarted finding myself doing
these things and just realizingthis is not compatible with who
I was raised to be, and itculminated with me having I
(04:45):
don't remember exactly.
Well, it was April, becausewe're recording this in April
and you mentioned 33 years.
So April 21st is my sobrietydate.
The night of April 20th, I wasin a bar with a band, because
that always seemed to go hand inhand live music and drinking in
(05:09):
hand live music and drinking.
I found myself leaning backover a bar and having people
pour shots of Jägermeister.
Yeah, it doesn't.
I'm sorry to anybody who likesJägermeister, but it doesn't
even taste that good.
From my 33-year-old memory nowit's cough syrup.
Three-year-old memory now it'scough syrup and then I ended up
(05:29):
waking up on the morning of the21st in a strange place and I
was alone.
I didn't recognize mysurroundings, I didn't have a
vehicle.
Luckily I was able to.
Just I just kind of rolled outof the couch that I was on and
figured out where I was and wasable to get home.
(05:49):
And I don't know that I madethe decision immediately, but
that was the day I had enoughand so I just quit.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I quit.
That's so powerful.
I mean, I can relate to so muchof what you said, and I don't
know that everybody does, but Iknow that there are many of us
who those beginning years ofdrinking as a fun thing, like
for me.
I describe it as when I foundalcohol, it was like this magic
elixir that got me into parties.
It got me invited, boys likedme, like it was great at first
(06:27):
until it wasn't, and it took awhile to realize just how much
it wasn't.
And I also got into bars at avery early age, 19, you know.
So that's quite a bit under thelimit, Although it used to be
19 in a state where I'm proud ofit.
(06:48):
But then they changed it and so, yeah, becoming 21, it wasn't
even that big of a deal becauseI had already been going to
certain bars and partying anddoing all of those things.
But the other thing that Icould completely relate with
when you said, you know, whenyou start realizing like wait a
(07:09):
second, like this is not, likesomething's not right, this is
just not who I am, and you saidthat it's just not compatible
with, like the way you wereraised or who you were, and I
think that happens to so many ofus, even people who are just
realizing that alcohol is aproblem for them.
(07:31):
It's just that they're noticingan uptick in the amount and
frequency.
Maybe they're not doing all thecrazy things that you and I did
, but it's just not sitting wellwith their soul, like it just
didn't settle right in theirbones and I think that I've
always attributed that to theHoly Spirit.
You know, just working in meand that little flicker of a
(07:54):
flame.
I didn't go to church but I wasa Catholic in name only and I
would go Christmas and Easterand Mother's Day, and when I
didn't go to confession.
You are a much better Catholicin name only than I was.
That's much more active.
But you know, it's just one ofthose things where the Holy
(08:16):
Spirit is still like knocking onthose doors, because we are
given these spiritual gifts byvirtue of our baptism.
It's not something we can shakeoff Now.
Whether we choose to use themand unwrap them and all of those
types of things will never beforced on us.
But that nudging of the HolySpirit is such a grace and I
(08:36):
just hear that through yourstory.
Is that kind of how you would,how you kind of think of it, or
is it different?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I would say that I would not have said that at that
time.
Looking back, I would say thatnow because one thing that I've
noticed is that, well, let meback up and tell a Holy Spirit
story that I now attribute tothe Holy Spirit.
And I was dating this man whoactually worked at a bar, and I
don't remember all the detailssurrounding it, but I was in
(09:11):
that bar drinking when somebodyhad to call that bar to find me
because a relative had died.
And then I'm not sure if it wasthe same night, but I know it
was coming home from that bar.
I looked down on the ground andI saw this coin on the ground
(09:35):
and I just thought it was like a50-cent piece or one of those
old silver dollars, whateverthat size was.
But so I bent down to pick itup and it was a 10-year chip
from AA, wow, and I kept it.
I don't know why I kept it, butI did, and so that to me was
(09:56):
the Holy Spirit.
Again, back then, no clue,right, I just knew I wanted to
keep it and I still have thatchip.
I didn't get all of my chips allthe way through, but I have
that one and I do, looking back,see the interaction, the
working of the Holy Spirit.
There were so many things orplaces I ended up, things I did
(10:21):
or places I ended up that shouldhave turned out differently and
yet they didn't.
And I can only attribute thatto the Holy Spirit, because it
certainly wasn't me If I wasinebriated or drunk.
I certainly couldn't controlthose circumstances.
And so I look back now and Ithink, yeah, the Holy Spirit
(10:44):
spared me from so much, evenwhen I didn't know enough to ask
for it.
So, yeah, I completely agreewith that that the Holy Spirit
does, yeah, does protectAbsolutely.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Oh, absolutely, yeah, I'm with you.
Like things could have turnedout so much worse for me so many
times, and when you're in it itis really hard to see it, but
when you can look back on itit's like, oh, my goodness, like
God was there all the time Iwas being so divinely guided,
even despite, you know, makingvery poor choices, doing things
(11:19):
that I should not have beendoing, going places I had no
business of going to, you know,and all of those things.
So it is a grace, a grace forsure.
So, thanks be to God.
You are celebrating 33 years ofsobriety this month.
Congratulations.
That is such a big milestone,and I think that what happens is
(11:43):
a lot of people look at thatand they're like, wow, like how
does she do that for so long?
Is there something that you canpinpoint that has kept you
grounded and committed for solong?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I guess if, looking back, I can say it was my faith,
that it was God and hispresence in the Holy Spirit, I
wouldn't say that I did anythingspecifically.
I did go to AA and I actually Ibenefited quite a bit from AA
for the first couple of yearsMet a lot of great people and
(12:22):
really really learned the steps,took the steps and I took them
to heart and I really reallytried to do them.
But as I went through I wouldfind there was something missing
.
I would hear these stories anda lot of them sounded to me and
(12:46):
this is no shade to AA, becauseit has helped probably millions
of people but what I would hearwas an awful lot of
commiseration as opposed tosolution, that a lot of people
just like to hear the stories tosay, oh yeah, I did that or I
feel that or whatever, and itjust seemed that that's where it
would stop.
And so for me, I neededsomething more and I did start
(13:11):
easing back into my faith, intopaying more attention to church,
paying more attention to prayer.
In my bio you read that I amalso a domestic abuse survivor
and breast cancer survivor, andone of the things that I've
noticed is that I've beenthrough multiple traumas and
(13:33):
with each trauma I seem to getcloser to God, and I know for a
lot of people that trauma cantend to push you away.
Maybe you think, oh well, thereis no God, he doesn't care
about me.
But, as we just discussed, eventhough we didn't name it Holy
Spirit at the time, we can lookback now and say, yeah, god was
(13:56):
there, god's hand protected mefrom this or saved me from that
or prevented me from doing thisover here.
And so I think that it is myfaith, the practicing of my
faith, the deepening of my faith, that has enabled me to just 33
(14:17):
years.
When you say you're going toquit, you don't even think about
that.
You don't think, oh, maybe oneday I'll have 30 years without a
drink.
And no, it's just one day, andit literally is one day at a
time.
Life isn't easy.
It doesn't get easier when youquit.
Some things will get easier,but other things will get more
difficult.
(14:37):
You know when your friendsstill want to go out and drink
or when your favorite band isplaying at the local dive bar
and you know it's not a goodplace for you to go.
I think the main thing is justthe progression of my faith, the
deepening and getting more intoit.
It's more important to me nowto listen to God and listen to
(14:58):
the promptings of the HolySpirit than it is for me to
indulge in a glass of wine, oryou know, I'm not going to lie,
there are a few things that Imiss.
You know there's.
You know they say.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
The scripture says like God says to St Paul, like
(15:35):
my power is made perfect in yourweakness.
And I was just reflecting onsomething I think it was because
of Holy Week that I wasjournaling about and I was
thinking back to my darkesttimes too, and I was like it was
in those really really darktimes when I felt like God
wasn't close, that he was theclosest to me, and that makes me
(16:00):
emotional, just to say that outloud.
But it's so true.
It's in those really reallydark moments and again, like you
so aptly said, like we don'tnotice it when we're so close to
it.
But then when we have thathindsight and we can look back,
that's when we can rememberGod's goodness and his
graciousness.
(16:20):
And I think the enemy wants usto forget that.
So we get so caught up in thesethings and we lose trust, like
it happens to all of us.
We're human and we lose trust,like it happens to all of us,
we're human.
But then God shows up again andwe're like, yeah, that's right,
he did it again and he did itbefore and he'll do it again.
(16:46):
And I think that that's thehope.
And I also went to AA for twoyears.
It was great, foundational forme as well, and so it was that
foundation, that learning.
I think a lot of it was thelike, the renewal of the mind.
Basically, like you know, youhave all those little sayings
and you have all these thingsand you know you're thinking
(17:09):
about things in this way andyou're repeating certain phrases
to yourself and you're workingthe steps and you know a lot,
and the steps are very, at leastthe traditional steps.
I know I've seen other steps,uh, for people that don't
believe in God, but, um, thetraditional steps are so
(17:29):
Catholic to me and so it wasvery easy for me to do them and
work through them and I loved itand it really did lay that
foundation.
But, like you, it got to thepoint where it's like I need
something else now, and that'salso where my faith
springboarded.
So, if there's anybody outthere considering going to AA,
(17:53):
definitely do it, get thatfoundational, but don't feel
like you have to stay there.
Once you feel ready, I equateit kind of to training wheels
and then you can kind of takethose training wheels off, not
to go back out drinking but tolike, just see, like okay, now
I'm more involved with this, or,you know, this is how I'm
(18:14):
reaching out to people andfiguring out what works for you,
but definitely inviting Godinto that and relying on him
more and more.
I put so much stock in thepeople at AA at first that I
didn't have that trust and Ididn't really lean on God as
(18:34):
much, even though I was workingthrough the steps.
So it was kind of like a slowlike less of them, more of him,
less of them, more of him, untilI could be all him.
You know, and I'm not saying Icame out of that and I was like
boom, the best Catholic ever.
I wasn't, but it was definitelythe journey, right.
(18:55):
So I think I don't know, likefor me, and I want to hear what
yours is, but for me I think thething that has kept me sober
for so long is that the lifethat I have now.
I want more than alcohol, likeyeah, it would be fun to go to a
winery with my girlfriends, orlike do this or do that, or you
(19:16):
know whatever it is, but itcould unravel everything that I
have.
And even in those early stagesof sobriety I had a very strong
why, and I think that's why Iwas able to really stick with it
.
Why do I want this Because thelife that I was living is a life
(19:37):
of destruction.
I'm going to end up dead or injail or homeless, and I want
this life.
I want to be a mom, I want tobe a wife, I want to do things
for God and for others, and thatwas, I think, me like the
turning point.
It was like I don't want thisanymore and I had to let go of
(20:00):
the fear of discomfort and stepinto it and my why was so strong
that I was able to do that.
What do you think was the thingthat helped you when you made
that decision?
Really stick to it.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I did not have the strong why that you have, I
think for me at that point, itwas literally just that I didn't
want to do that again.
Waking up in a place that I wasnot familiar with, I don't even
know whose place it was, notknowing how I got there that
(20:40):
scared me, and I never wanted tofeel that fear again.
I never wanted to get myself toa place where I couldn't
remember how I got there.
I think I started out fear,total, fear-based.
I didn't know what I was goingtowards, but I was running away
(21:04):
from and I think as I gotfurther away and as I got
plugged into other people whowere living the same type of
lifestyle that I was now living,it gave me more comfort.
It gave me more confidence thatI could do this and that I
(21:26):
didn't need the alcohol.
I think now what keeps me asidefrom my faith is that I don't
ever want to go back.
I will not sit here and tell youthat I have a sunshine and
roses life.
I don't.
I struggle.
I have lots of things that Istill struggle with.
(21:49):
Sober, I went through domesticviolence.
Sober, I went through breastcancer and, yeah, it probably
would have been pretty easy tonumb both of those things away.
I'll be completely honest.
There was a time that I did tellmyself that toward the end of
my life, if I knew the end wascoming, that I would start
(22:10):
drinking again and just enjoymyself on the way out.
But I can confidently sit herenow and say that's not how I
want to go out.
There is a joy in my life now,and sometimes it's hard to
reconcile, because I look at thestruggles that I currently
experience and that I have overthe course of the 33 years and I
(22:34):
still have a joy.
I get sad, I get mad, I have allthe normal range of emotions,
but there is an underlying joythat I just know that I'm doing
what I'm supposed to be doing,or at least I'm walking toward
what I'm supposed to be walkingtoward.
And I don't want to screw thatup, because I think I have now
(23:00):
heard some things from the HolySpirit that I know are the Holy
Spirit, which I didn't before.
So that is a clarity that Ihave that I didn't have 33 years
ago.
I can hear the Holy Spirittelling me to do something or to
not do something.
I don't always listen, but Iprefer that to what I was doing
(23:24):
before, while I had no directionother than not wanting to go
back in the beginning.
I now have a direction, and Istill know that I don't wanting
to go back in the beginning.
I now have a direction and Istill know that I don't want to
go back.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, you have that supernatural joy, a joy that
surpasses all understanding.
Right, it's just you're likewhy do I still have this joyful
spirit, or how is it evenpossible?
It's hard to explain to peoplesometimes, right, like you have
to really experience it.
But here's the thing I thinkthat people don't think about
(23:59):
when they are drinking, and Ididn't understand it was that I
wasn't just numbing pain ortrauma or shame, or pain or
trauma or shame, or you know,trying to be somebody that other
people liked or whatever.
By drinking I was actuallynumbing joy, I was numbing good
(24:23):
times, I was numbingconversations that I was having
with people.
You know, I would not remember,remember things and even if
it's not always just like sodrunk that you pass out, even
just being really buzzed cannumb that too and numb those
feelings.
So once you remove it andyou're able to feel that rawness
(24:50):
of sadness, of joy, of anger,of happiness, of you know
whatever it is and, like you sorightly pointed out, the ability
to hear god's voice is, wow,you know it just, and it doesn't
happen right away, like I tellpeople all the like, just
(25:13):
because you and you don't havethat other stuff like packed on
(25:40):
top of it because it really is.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It just like packs on top of an already really really
tough situation exactly, yeah,and you you know if you are
numbing a specific thing or aspecific emotion, like you said,
you're numbing everything elsetoo, and you could be completely
(26:05):
missing the solution to thatthing that you're trying to numb
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Absolutely.
Thank you for saying that.
So I want to talk about yourpodcast, warrior Words.
So how did that come about?
And I know about it, but I wantyou to tell my listeners all
about Warrior Words, how youstarted it, why you started it,
(26:32):
how you got the name and all thegood things.
Well, thank, you.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Thank you for asking about it and for giving me the
opportunity to share.
Well, that's a Holy Spiritthing.
I was recovering from one of mysurgeries due to my cancer and
I just sensed, heard gettingback to those verbs I don't want
to.
And I just sensed, heardgetting back to those verbs I
don't want to, the Holy Spirittelling me that I was to be a
podcaster and a public speaker.
(26:57):
And, like Gideon, I respondedwith you got the wrong gal.
And I ignored.
I heard it and I ignored for awhile and, like you said earlier
, you know, god doesn't forcehimself on us, he invites us.
And so I started to getinvitations and somebody
(27:24):
commented on something I postedand said, hey, would you be
interested in being an intern?
And I said no, I don't havetime for that.
And then, I think it was maybea week later, somebody else in
the same organization messagedme and said, hey, would you like
to be an intern?
And I said, hmm, that's twice.
(27:46):
Whenever I hear something twice, sometimes I have to wait till
the third time.
But whenever I hear somethingtwice, sometimes I have to wait
till the third time, butwhenever I hear something two or
three times, I start to listenand pay more attention, and so
what this actual invitation waswas to be a blogging intern for
a podcaster.
In return, I would get freeaccess to a course that taught
(28:11):
me how to become a podcaster.
So I said, okay, holy Spirityou win.
And I did it and I learned howto podcast, and he gave me the
name Warrior Words.
I've always been into writing.
I have an unpublishedmanuscript that one day I will
(28:32):
self-publish.
I have many more in my headthat have to get out onto the
digital paper now.
And so words were important,and even Proverbs.
I don't even know how manytimes in the book of Proverbs it
tells us how important ourwords are and how our words can
either give life or take life.
(28:55):
And to combine the idea ofwriting and then the idea of
podcasting because podcasting isauditory and, in our case,
visual as well Writing is acompletely different medium, so
I can't just hold up a book on apodcast and flip the pages at
least not an adult book, youknow, a kid's book maybe.
(29:17):
And so stories are importantand stories are full of words.
And so I basically married theidea of storytelling and the
visual audio medium, and so Iinterview mostly women, but a
few men I'm actually going to behaving a few new men on the
(29:38):
podcast soon but mostly womenwho have some kind of story to
tell.
And what I've learned in thefirst few interviews is that we
all have stories to tell andmany of us have more than one.
Trauma is not a one-and-donething.
(29:59):
We go through multiple thingsthat cause trauma in our lives.
Storytelling just kind ofbecame the way to do it for me.
I, you know, I'm not going toever be Joe Rogan, I'm not ever
going to be, you know, thatteaching podcast that everybody
listens to.
But for me, just sharingpeople's stories, giving them a
(30:20):
voice, making their stories andtheir survival prominent,
prominent, and then, lastly,having people rediscover the
beauty in their lives, becauseeven in the most traumatic
(30:41):
experiences, we can look backand find something beautiful
that either was there at thetime that we couldn't see, or
came out of it, was born,birthed from our trauma.
And so at the end of my intro,I say your words are powerful
and they are.
So that's what I do I sharepeople's words and give them
(31:05):
voices and offer hope to others.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I think that's so beautiful and it's really
generous to do that because, Imean, I know it was a calling
from God for you to do it.
People just want to be heard,they want to know that they've
been heard.
But even more than that, likeyou were saying, when we share
(31:29):
our stories, it kind of makesthe suffering make sense a
little bit, because then youknow that you're helping
somebody else, like you said,even in those very, very
traumatic, hard stories that arereally hard sometimes for us to
listen to.
But yet when you hear the hopeafter coming from that place to
(31:52):
where they are now, even if it'snot perfectly perfect, it's
still so, I don't know, it'sjust so beautiful to see it.
I think you have like wings aspart of your.
You know your logo and I justlove it because it's you know
the whole like butterfly, youknow, coming out.
Well, I'm not sure that it's abutterfly, that's on yours, but
(32:16):
that's kind of what I thinkabout that metamorphosis of like
.
Just you know, you see thatlittle cartoon and you think, oh
man, he's a goner, and then itcomes out like this beautiful
butterfly and for those of uswho are Christian, like we can
really use that to glorify Godas well through our stories.
(32:36):
So I thank you so much forgiving people a platform to do
that and I encourage all of youto go listen to Heather's
podcast the way you like introand outro and speak to your
guests.
You're just so like.
You're this calming presence.
You are so thoughtful ineverything that you say and it's
(33:02):
just so nice to listen to.
And nice is like just a niceword, but it's just I don't know
, there's so much like chatterand like noise all the time that
, like spending an hour or sowith Heather, you'll just feel
like, even if you've just hearda really hard story, it's just
(33:25):
so powerful, yeah, and I justlove it.
So I encourage all of you tolisten to it.
But even that like Heather,what would you say to if they're
kind of thinking like maybe,maybe I need to think about my
(33:55):
story or write it out so thatthey can then look back at it
and maybe, maybe they've beenhaving a hard time seeing where
God showed up in their lives.
But you know, once you writesomething like that out, I think
you can see those really brightspots or the holy breadcrumbs
that God has been laying allalong.
(34:15):
So, for those who may not bewriters, do you have some tips
for us?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Well, because the other half of what the Holy
Spirit told me was that I wassupposed to be a public speaker
and that one scares me morebecause you can't edit, live.
And so, to begin that journey,I wrote a talk, and one of the
components of that talk is thatI discuss writing and I think it
(34:45):
is so important.
As you mentioned, you don'thave to do it to publish it into
a book, you don't have to do itto speak it, share it, perform
it on a stage or a podcast, butit is so helpful when you can
write out what happened to youor what you did or what you
(35:07):
perceive your experiences to be,and then close it and wait and
pray and then go back with fresheyes.
You can do this with a spiralnotebook that you pick up from a
local Staples or Office Depotduring their back to school
(35:29):
thing for 25 cents.
You could do it in a fancyjournal.
You could do it on a privateblog.
There are so many ways that youcan get your words out, but I
think it's important to get themout and don't worry about
spelling, don't worry aboutgrammar, don't worry about
whether your sentences have asubject and a verb and a
(35:50):
predicate.
Don't worry about the teacherred pen and don't become the
teacher's red pen.
Don't critique as you write,write it all out, type it all
out and, like I said, close itand step away from it for a
while.
And I think what that does is itdoes two things.
First of all, it gets it allout of your head.
(36:10):
Think what that does is.
It does two things.
First of all, it gets it allout of your head because when
it's in your head it can getconfusing.
The memories can start tojumble.
You know like, oh well, didthis happen first, or did that,
or did I do this?
No, just get it out on paper.
It helps to bring everythinginto more focus.
The second thing it does, whenyou put it away for a while and
(36:30):
then go back is you can seethose patterns.
When you reread it you can say,oh, I didn't realize that this
happened every time I had twodrinks or more.
Or I didn't realize thishappened when I had Jägermeister
(36:51):
.
I don't want to throw shade atthe company, I really don't, but
that was just my cross thatparticular night.
When you go back to read it,all that jumbled mess that was
in your head can start to makesense and you can start putting
the pieces of that puzzletogether and see, well, does
(37:14):
this cause this?
You know what was it that I wasdoing and what can I change,
and what?
We go back to the serenityprayer.
You know what can we change?
What do we have to just accept?
And how do we move forward?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
what do we have to just accept and how do we move
forward?
Yes, I love that.
I love that you said don't bethe teacher's red pen.
That's something you just kindof have to let go of, because I
have a tendency to edit as Iwrite, but not when it's a
journal, you know.
So I think that if you noticelike if you type something that
you're constantly correctingyourself, maybe it is pen and
(37:51):
paper to be best, or set a timerand just like write for a
certain amount of time as muchas you can get out of your brain
, you know, at that within thatamount of time, and that can
sometimes kind of let help youlet go of that perfectionism of
like I have to get it out or Ihave to get it right.
(38:12):
You don't have to get it right,you just need to get it out
first, like you were saying.
So that's so, so good.
Thank you for that permission.
Take her up on that.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yeah, and W-R-I-T-E, not R-I-G-H-T.
We want to write, not be right.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Yes, Very good, I love that.
So I just was wondering to youin relation to your podcast then
, like what do you want peoplewho listen to it to really take
away from these stories or fromlistening to it?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I think the main thing is that there's hope.
There's always hope, and thesecond thing is related to it in
that there's beauty.
There is beauty in even theugliest of situations.
I've talked to people who havehad family members murdered and
they have encounteredforgiveness and they have
(39:22):
encountered peace.
I've talked to people who havehad multiple miscarriages and
they still now they love God,they love their family.
You look at the individualstories and if you look at just
the ugly part, then you wonderwhat's the point.
But that's why we take itthrough to the hope and the
beauty, because something goodcan always come from it, and
(39:43):
sometimes you just have to letit and sometimes you have to
actively do something.
So beauty and hope are the twothings I hope people get from
the stories that I share.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I've listened to several and I always come away
with that.
It's such a gift when peopleare that vulnerable and then
they share their stories andthere is always that thread of
hope.
It's just so encouraging.
There is always that thread ofhope.
It's just so encouraging Likeif this person can get through
(40:15):
that, then maybe I can getthrough whatever trial that I'm
going through at this moment.
And, yeah, god's always with us.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
So I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Well, Heather, thank you so much for being here.
Is there anywhere other thanyour podcast where you'd like
people to find you?
Do you have feel free to shareany resources or anything at all
with my audience the majorplatforms.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
I have a Facebook group, that is.
I think if you just type inWarrior Words you'll get to it.
Otherwise it's facebookcomforward slash groups, forward
slash Warrior Words.
I'm on Instagram, I post onInstagram, let's just put it
that way.
I don't do a whole lot ofinteracting, but I am there
under Heather Gaffney, authorand my warrior words.
(41:11):
So those are the two big placesI guess.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
Great.
Well, thank you again so muchfor being here and for sharing
your story and, for you know,taking up the call to share
other people's stories as well.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Well, thank you.
I had fun chatting with you and, for those who don't know,
christy has been on my podcast,so come over to your favorite
player and find Christy'sepisode, and it's just been a
wonderful time talking with youagain, so thank you for having
me.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic
Sobriety Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well.
And make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
(42:11):
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
here for you, I am praying foryou, you are not alone.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!