July 26, 2025 • 65 mins
What happens when the voice in your head saying "don't drink" keeps getting louder? In this vulnerable conversation, grandmother and retired occupational therapist Cindy Strachan shares her journey to almost 1,000 days of alcohol freedom after decades as a weekend drinker.
Unlike many sobriety stories, Cindy's doesn't involve hitting rock bottom or daily drinking. As a high-functioning perfectionist who reserved alcohol for weekends, she maintained a successful career and family life while battling with moderation. The breaking point? A simple family trip to the aquarium where, despite a mild hangover, she found herself too exhausted to fully engage with her grandson. "This isn't living," she realized.
What follows is a powerful story of faith and transformation. Now approaching three years sober, she's found freedom in being "sober loud" and breaking the stigma around choosing not to drink.
Cindy's message resonates deeply for women questioning their relationship with alcohol: "Stop asking yourself if you have a problem and start asking if you can do better." Her story demonstrates how neural pathways can be rewired, new habits can replace old ones, and authentic joy doesn't require alcohol. Whether you're sober curious or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers wisdom, hope, and practical advice for embracing a life of greater freedom and presence.
Mentioned in this video: What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health | Dr. Andrew Huberman https://youtu.be/DkS1pkKpILY?si=XrfmneIiDcjGYqkZ
Find Cindy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/otfingerfidgetsandfun/ and https://www.instagram.com/renewal.of.the.mind/
If you have ever...
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Then this 5-Day Sacred Sobriety Kick Start is for you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here Today.
I am welcoming Cindy Strachan,a wife of 37 years, mother of
four and proud grandmother ofthree, who has been walking a
powerful path of faith andfreedom.
(00:44):
After retiring early from hercareer as an occupational
therapist, cindy continuedserving others through her small
business creating fine motorand sensory kits.
She's also been deeply involvedin church ministry and Bible
studies over the past twodecades.
Cindy has been alcohol-freesince November 6, 2022, and is
(01:09):
approaching 1,000 days ofsobriety.
Her journey has includedsupport from Alcoholics
Anonymous, a couple of onlinesobriety coaching communities, a
deepening of her Catholic faithand a renewed sense of identity
rooted in Christ.
She's currently working on abook inspired by Romans 12-2 and
(01:33):
even has a tattoo of the verseas a quiet but bold reminder of
her transformation.
Cindy, I am so honored to haveyou here.
Thank you for being here andwelcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Thank you, christy.
I am truly so excited.
I'm so happy to be here and sohonored to have this opportunity
to share my journey and mystory, and I was so glad when I
found you on Instagram.
I just couldn't believe it ACatholic sobriety coach.
It was great.
I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Awesome, excited, awesome.
Yeah, it's been so greatconnecting with you there.
We've had some greatconversations and I've really
enjoyed it so much so that I waslike, hey, will you come on my
podcast?
And you were like sure, so I'mso excited for your yes, so
thank you.
So, before we get into yourpath to alcohol freedom, can you
(02:28):
just take us back to what yourrelationship with alcohol looked
like earlier in life, like kindof what was modeled for you,
and then how it just took upspace in your life over time?
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
So I, like so many American children and probably
children all over the globe, Istarted early with dabbling in
alcohol with my friends ineighth grade, towards the end of
eighth grade, and both myparents did not drink.
Well, my dad got sober when Iwas just two or maybe three
years old I have to ask an oldersibling and my mom never drank.
(03:05):
She didn't like the way ittasted or the way it made her
feel, and I was like imaginethat, because I sure do.
But I remember my parents had aliquor cabinet for parties and
so there was one evening in thewintertime when my friends and I
decided that we would.
There was one evening in thewintertime when my friends and I
(03:42):
decided that we would try itout.
We were so excited and weconcocted some vile drink and
chased it with Coke or Sprite,and actually we didn't even
really get drunk or feel theeffects of it, but we pretended
that we did.
So that just speaks to what oursociety has embedded in our
minds that we as teens youngteens or maybe some people
college seek this out.
Because it was not.
It was not modeled.
In my home I am the youngest ofsix my older siblings I really
they were.
They were partiers, they werehippies, but alcohol was not
(04:04):
there.
That was not around the housereally that I can remember.
It was more, it was marijuana.
So that's what I remember fromas far as what went on in my
home.
So from there, moving now intoninth grade, I begged my sister
to go to a party and she veryreluctantly said, yes, I could
(04:26):
tag along, and I met myboyfriend, this young man who
turned out to be my boyfriend atthe time and you know,
unfortunately it turned into avery serious and heavy
relationship kind of right away.
And he was from an affluentneighborhood in Baltimore, he
lived in a beautiful stonemansion, he went to an all boys
(04:48):
elite school and so my parentswould drop me and my friends out
there on a Friday, probablyguessing what could possibly go
wrong here.
Well, let me tell you,everything could go wrong there.
So it was there that it reallybecame a weekend thing in my
life and it just really carvedout this very firm neural
(05:10):
pathway in my mind that Fridaynights were for drinking.
Because that's just what we did, and you know it was beer
usually, but occasionally therewas Southern comfort being
chased with Boone's Farm wine,and just I was that girl.
I was that girl who got sickevery single time, every single
(05:34):
time, and you know this, it wenton.
And then there was there wasmarijuana smoking in there and
some other like hallucinogenicdrugs, and I have deep, deep
regret about this and I, youknow it.
Just it just leaves me.
It's such a sad place in myheart that I was in this and you
(05:58):
know, the relationship just gotheavier and heavier and it
became abusive and I was abusedon four different occasions, one
of which was my nose was broken.
Another time my face wasscalded, I was picked up and
(06:18):
tossed out a door and I wasdragged across a field wearing a
prom gown in the rain.
So there's a lot of pain, a lotof pain there, and so I try not
to get emotional.
So I, you know it ended finally.
I mean it was back and forth,back and forth, back and forth.
(06:41):
And then I went to college and Ijust want to say like, so I'm
always, I'm very like type Aperfectionistic person, so I
always did every bit of homework, every single solitary bit of
homework.
I never drank during the weekand this carried over into
college, like I rarely.
(07:01):
I mean, there were, like somenights where we, you know I
would maybe go out with friendsand we would do shooters or that
kind of thing, but it wasreally very largely weekends and
I really believe it or not,it's kind of opposite here.
I didn't really drink or partyas hard in college as I did in
high school.
You know, all the other themarijuana was not like it was in
(07:25):
high school and all the otherstuff just gone.
And so it was in summer of myfreshman year of college that I
met my husband in Ocean City,maryland.
We were, you know, living downthere for the summer and they're
(07:47):
definitely so.
There definitely was drinkingthat went on during the week
down there.
Because, if you know, anythingabout Ocean City, maryland.
It's a party town.
So we all worked, we workedvery hard, but then we went out
at night and we drank, and itwas, it was always just beer.
But I met my husband and he, sohe asked me if he could kiss me
(08:09):
and I, in that very instant, Isaid to myself I am not letting
this one go, I am, I'm going tomarry this man, like I.
He was just such a lovely,respectful soul and it is so um
fart.
It's okay.
We um continued.
(08:32):
You know, we partied.
I mean, he was, uh, he was ingraduate school for physics.
He's very, very smart.
I was in school foroccupational therapy and again,
we were always we were soserious about our studies, I
mean, it was, it was just soprimary to me.
And so we did.
(08:53):
Again, it was a weekend thing,it was never a during the week
thing.
It was just, that's just what I, that's just what you do,
that's just what I did.
And it's not like if you're ona diet, you're trying to lose
weight, you still want apepperoni pizza on a Tuesday
night, right, I didn't desire itduring the week, and that just
speaks of our neural pathways,right, it was just the way
(09:14):
things were.
So then, moving into, we got.
I got married when I was just23.
And I had, we had, our firstchild when I was 27 and I had
four children between the agesof 27 and 35.
And those years are just a blurbecause he, I, I worked
(09:36):
part-time but then I did go.
I did was a stay-at-home momfor 10 years 10 and a half years
and I just, I don't know, I wasjust focused on my kids.
Nobody got any sleep.
We were, you know, we did goout on date nights, we drank,
but it was nothing like it wasreally anything too crazy,
(09:56):
though we might've had, likesome, you know, there might've
been some nights where weoverdid it, but it was generally
just.
I mean, I have a house full ofbabies and toddlers, so that's
where my focus is going.
And then let's see.
So, moving into my 40s, we, um,we knew if we were moving.
(10:19):
We had like a dream house webought and we lost it because my
husband's job changed and weended up moving to Florida for
seven months and coming back andI was pregnant with my fourth
child and we were just caught ina huge real estate mess where
we had a house in Florida thatwe signed a contract on to be
built, and then one still inBaltimore to sell, and we were
(10:41):
renting.
It was just, it was tight.
We finally landed in our house,where we still are today, and
we moved here when my youngestwas just 11 months old.
So things were pretty.
As far as drinking goes, prettywasn't anything crazy.
But then, I guess, when myyoungest son was about three or
(11:06):
four, you know, I started tomeet people in the neighborhood
through the pool, through theschool, through the, you know,
and backing up just to mychildhood, I kind of felt like I
never fit in.
I was absolutely terrible insports.
I was last picked for the team.
(11:28):
I'm a child of the 70s, that'swhen the gym teachers would pick
team captains who would choosetheir team, and my best friend
and I were never on the sameteam because we were the last
picked.
That.
So that was like very um, itwas so destructive to my
self-esteem to be.
(11:49):
I hated gym more than anythingand I actually built up a
resentment towards people whowere talented in sports that
it's long gone, because my kidsplayed sports and I came to love
and respect and honor thosethat have that talent.
So, anyway, started meetingpeople at the pool and neighbors
(12:13):
, and it was still primarily aweekend thing, but it was
starting in the summertime todrift into some during the week
time.
Summertime to drift into someduring the week time and it was
starting to just at times, likeI say, my off switch was faulty
(12:34):
about 20% of the time and Istarted having in my early 40s
like really, really horriblehangovers, like where I couldn't
keep a thing down.
I couldn't even keep a teaspoonof Coke down for hours like up
to eight hours, right, and myhusband's from Scotland.
I ordinarily drink Diet Coke,right, so caffeine-free Diet
(12:58):
Coke.
So if I was asking for Coke, itwas a signal that I had a
hangover like like real coke.
Being from Scotland, and stillto this day he doesn't
understand that we like a lot ofice in our drinks and he would
bring me like a warm diet coke.
Oh, this is all wrong, this isterrible.
I need a real coke and I need alot of ice in it.
(13:20):
Anyway, he finally got it again.
This didn't happen everyweekend, oh my gosh.
No, I wouldn't.
There's just no way.
It didn't happen every weekend.
It was about 10, 20% of thetime, but it was so really
terrible when it happens.
And then I went back to work inoccupational therapy.
(13:45):
I had worked in pediatricsbefore.
I worked in a variety ofsettings but I had left
pediatrics and then stayed athome and then decided to go into
home care because my dad passedthrough melanoma and I had
witnessed his care in home careand I really liked it.
It was one-on-one with yourpatient and I thought that was
great.
So I worked for a home careagency, I guess starting when I
(14:10):
was about 46, maybe, or 45, Ithink.
Anyway, I've always been verytype A, very perfectionistic, so
it was very scary to return towork after being out for so long
.
But I did a really good jobwith my patients.
(14:32):
I gave 150% every time and mydocumentation was flawless and
we used to peer review otherpeople's charts and I would see
like I was just so detailed butalso kind of killing myself in
the meantime.
So I like spending more than Ihad to in treatment sessions,
(14:58):
being on the phone withcaregivers, sometimes for up to
an hour, also helping to carefor my aunt having four kids in
home.
My husband was traveling a lot.
He's always traveled a lot forhis kids, so so like again.
No drinking during the week,didn't desire it.
But let me tell you, whenFriday came around, it was time
(15:21):
and it was starting to becomelike.
My drink was New ZealandSauvignon Blanc.
That was my, it was my topchoice.
And anyway, and occasionally,like a cosmo and I'm a fairly a
small person I mean, would Ilike to lose 10 pounds?
Yes, but I mean I'm not.
My dmi is normal, whatever.
(15:43):
And so you know, if I had, if Ihave three glasses of wine, I
was, that was a lot.
I was always trying to likereach this.
You know what it was like, thisstate of euphoria where I was
drinking and I was getting toodrunk or too buzzed.
(16:04):
Well, I'm going to switch tobeer, it's time to switch to the
beer, and I would switch tobeer.
Then if I felt that, like mybuzz wasn't really where it
should be, then I would be backto the wine and it was like beer
wine, beer wine.
Until I had like this and Ismoked too when I drank.
I only smoked when I drank,never any other time.
Both my parents smoked.
So I was always trying to likematch up, like when my drink and
(16:27):
my cigarette had to end wasthis whole thing and it just
been.
As you know, I was a weekenddrinker for decades, decades.
So it started to be, and we'llget to this part.
But I, you know, my dad, was inAA, many, many, many relatives
(16:52):
in AA on my dad's side, morethan I can probably count, and
my own daughter, who is myoldest daughter, is in recovery.
And I just started to feel veryhypocritical, like how could I
be pouring my third glass ofwine and expecting my daughter
(17:16):
to be sober?
And I just I knew something hadto change.
It just really bothered me.
And so, you know, I would pray,and this is.
I was going to church everysingle weekend.
Most Sundays I was really finebecause Friday night was my
(17:37):
night, but there were some fundays where I wasn't and I would
pray dear Jesus, please, not medrink, please not, please, help
me not to drink so much nextweekend.
What kind of prayer is that?
It was never please help mestop drinking.
Right, it was please help menot to drink so much.
(17:59):
And I just I'm thinking, whatdoes God even do with that
prayer?
Like that's the humor, you know.
Like I think you're praying thewrong way.
Yeah, so so I guess you know,the turning point for me was
becoming a grandma and I so mygrandson was seven months old at
(18:25):
the time three grandchildren, agrandson, three, another
grandson at two and one a babygranddaughter at 15 months and
one a baby granddaughter at 15months.
And there my phone rang oneSaturday morning and it was my
daughter saying let's go to theBaltimore Aquarium, let's bring
Franklin, my grandson.
(18:46):
You know, let's all go, and allthe kids, you know everybody
was like yeah, that'll be great,let's, let's do that.
Well, it happened to be when Iwas hungover and it wasn't one
of my, you know, it wasn't oneof my horrible hangovers, but it
was a solid hangover and I tooksome Tylenol and, you know, my
(19:06):
headache went away.
I wasn't nauseous, thank God,because if I was, I wouldn't
have been able to go.
And I went, but I was so tired,I was like in my bone of bones.
I was so tired and all I couldthink about the whole day we
went out to dinner afterwardswas I just want to go home, I
want to get in my pajamas and Iwant to go to bed, you know.
(19:30):
And I started thinking thisisn't living, this isn't life,
this isn't living, you know,where you can't enjoy a day out
with your family.
And I just started, you know, Istarted to get really sad about
it.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
So, yeah, well, let me stop you because I just want
to unpack so much.
So thank you so much forsharing your story and I could
see myself in your story.
So many points in there.
I think we have a lot, a lot incommon and I know that a lot of
women listening are going tosee themselves in different
(20:07):
parts of your story as well.
So thank you for sharing sohonestly and openly and
thoroughly like that.
I think that we have youmentioned that feeling of like
not really ever fitting in.
I can totally relate with that.
Like when I discovered alcohol Iwas in high school, but it I'll
(20:29):
often say it was like thismagic elixir, like it got me
friends, it got me a community,it was like the key to
everything I ever wanted orthought that I wanted.
Right, so I had boyfriends andI had all the things, but it's a
lot because of, as you weresaying.
You know you didn't really haveit modeled at your at home,
(20:51):
like there wasn't drinking inyour home.
But that just goes to show howmuch influence the culture has
on us, right?
We see it in movies, on tv,it's in music, it's like
everywhere.
This is pushed on us.
Like to be fun, to have fun,you have to have alcohol.
(21:13):
And we live in such analcohol-soaked culture that of
course we're going to think thatOf course we're going to think,
oh, to have fun, I need this orto fit in, I need this.
And it's crazy that alcohol isso toxic to our bodies and our
(21:33):
minds and everything and yet ifwe don't have it, we feel bad
about saying no or we feel likewe're missing out on something.
But you know, if yousupplemented it with any other
drug, it'd be crazy.
I mean, even marijuana is justlike.
You wouldn't have go somewhereand have somebody be like, oh,
(21:54):
you're not, you're not going tohave any cocaine today.
That's, are you OK?
Like, are you pregnant?
Or are you an addict?
Like, right it just it's crazy.
When you put it in perspectivethat way and hopefully one day
you know people will understandand and look at alcohol the way
that we do look at cigarettes,right, because that was so
(22:16):
prevalent.
Everybody was smoking.
They could smoke on an airplane, just like sitting next to you.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, right, and so and that's kind of what alcohol
is and has been.
It just is everywhere, likegoing to a mom's group, going
doing something at church,there's alcohol.
There's people like planning.
I was on this planningcommittee and we were planning
like kids things, and it waslike, well, maybe we should have
(22:45):
alcohol for the adults so thatthey have fun.
And I'm just like, are youkidding me?
But it's, it's a part of, andso.
But I see a shift and I know youhave seen a shift too, because
we've both been involved inseeing that sober movement or,
you know, at least people reallywaking up all the time.
(23:06):
It's your story is like itwasn't terrible, like you
weren't drinking, falling downdrunk every single night, and I
think that there's such aperception of what someone who
(23:26):
has a, an attachment to alcoholshould look like or their life
should be like, and that's nothow it is.
So many of the women I workwith and women you know as well,
I know through your communities, they have it all together in
so many areas, in almost everyarea of their life, and they're
(23:47):
just like, but I have this thing, it's just like, but there's
this.
And they also think like, well,because I don't look like this.
I don't.
There's not really help for meBecause you know AA, you go to
AA and I understand why you did,because that was, you know,
something that's familiar withyour family and with your you
(24:11):
know, you've known about it andit really used to be like the
only game.
Yeah, and so you don't know tolook for other things, because
that's what it is and it's greatand it leaves a foundation, and
I have a lot of love andrespect for AA, but it doesn't
always fit for everybody.
And so you're like, well, Idon't, I'm not actually like
(24:35):
drinking every night and I'm notlike falling down drunk, but
Fridays that's the day and, asyou noted and I talk about this
on my podcast a lot those neuralpathways, like you're good
through the week, but as soon asFriday comes around, you're
like planning, you're thinking,you're scheming, and maybe even
throughout the week you'rethinking about it, scheming, and
maybe even throughout the weekyou're thinking about it Like I
(24:56):
can't wait till Friday.
And so it creates like thatmental mess in your mind of like
, ooh, and then I'll do this andmaybe I'll have this and or
maybe we'll go here, and it justtakes up that space and that
mental clarity that you couldhave and that mental clarity
(25:16):
that you could have.
So you talked about like theturning point being your, you
know, becoming a grandmother,realizing that alcohol is, even
though it wasn't like out ofcontrol, it was definitely
getting in the way of the lifethat you were really desiring.
But and it sounds like you werekind of trying to moderate and
(25:39):
things along the way but what doyou think kept you stuck in
that loop?
And I'm not necessarily justtalking about the behavior of
drinking, but maybe like theemotions and the identity and
self-perception.
But maybe like the emotions andthe identity and
self-perception, like what doyou think kept you in that
moderation cycle for so long?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yes, because I the first time I went to AA was in
2017 and I was in for threemonths and I I I had a bad
experience in AA.
Again, I am so grateful forthat program.
It has saved my father andmillions of people all over the
world and many people that Ilove.
(26:22):
But I could not and I know theysay comparing out in AA I sat
there and I could not relate tothe stories and I couldn't even
relate to a lot of the feelingsbecause they were like, well,
they would say, if you can'trelate to the stories, then
relate to the feelings.
But I sounds terrible.
(26:43):
I didn't really have a lot ofself-loathing.
I mean, I did definitely haveregret and I I didn't see myself
as selfish, if anything,anything and this is going to
maybe not sound right but I feltlike I was selfish to myself
because I was so like it'scaught up in perfectionism and
being everything for everybodyelse and that my stress levels
(27:07):
were through the roof by Friday.
So I couldn't relate to thatand you know, not everybody that
walks in the rooms of AA hasthe same story.
And I remember saying like Ididn't lie about my drinking.
I really didn't and I alsodidn't hide bottles, and I know
a lot of people do.
And I had somebody go behind mewhen I said that I didn't.
(27:33):
In fact and I think I said thisto you I was sort of the
opposite.
I was kind of obnoxious, likeif we went out to dinner and I
wanted to continue drinking, youknow we would get home and I'd
be like, oh, we don't haveanything.
You got to go out and get mySauvignon Blanc and you know,
(27:54):
when my kids were older, I waslike, hey, if you're out, can
you stop by?
Because they were of age,didn't you?
So I didn't.
I was the opposite of that, andyou know, I mean, if I really
must be honest, did I hide?
Well, when my daughter was inrecovery, if I knew she was
coming over and I wanted todrink, I would maybe drink
(28:15):
before she came, or I wouldmaybe put it in a Stanley cup or
something like that.
But I didn't like high bottles,I didn't lie in the traditional
sense, and so that was onereason and I compared out, I
couldn't relate.
And I had a meeting with awoman that was going to be my
(28:38):
potential sponsor and we met ina diner for three hours and I
was going to be going to Bostonand she asked if I was going to
go to an AA meeting in Bostonand I said no, I'm not.
And then she pounded her fiston the table and said thanks for
wasting my time.
I thought you said you would dowhat it takes.
(28:59):
And so I went to Boston and wewent to a bar and I ordered a
beer, you know, and I was likeI'm done, and we went.
I went back in in 2019 for onemonth and again same thing.
I compared out.
And then I found the SoberScythes and I did their 21 day
(29:24):
reset and I was sober for about45 days, but that group fell
apart.
In my online group of that, thewomen I was grouped with just
disintegrated.
I was like, okay, so then Iended up going because I could,
I could moderate, I couldmoderate until I couldn't and I
(29:44):
moderate for months at a time.
I could moderate for three,four or five months, stop at one
or two, but I can tell you,many of those times I was
frustrated.
I wanted more, I wanted moreand, as I heard somewhere, like
you take a drink, the drinktakes a drink, and then the
(30:06):
drink takes you, and soeventually it was too exhausting
and I was was just like I'mpouring that third glass of wine
.
And when I went to that thirdone, I was on the train, on the
runaway train, and anyway, Iended up.
I went back to AA in 2022 forfive months.
(30:28):
I had a sponsor.
She was very sweet, she wasvery lovely, but she was going
through, she was getting readyto leave her husband and she was
really just not doing wellmentally and I just went back
out drinking and I felt likemaybe I was supporting, I was
(30:49):
white knuckling a little bit.
I also, again, could not relate, could not relate, could not
relate.
So she led me to ACA AdultChildren of Alcoholics and I
ended up doing a six-week coursethrough that in one summer and
that was very, very helpful.
And I actually know some peoplethat have become sober through
(31:10):
ACA, believe it or not.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Oh, that's great.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Yeah, so, anyway.
So then I thought, oh my gosh,do I go back?
Because then, you know, thegrandson comes into the story.
And I was like you know thetrip to the aquarium.
And I was like this has to go,Like once and for all, this has
to go.
So I started seeing a therapistand I was like, don't go back
(31:34):
to AA, or do I do services?
Well, I do what I do.
And she said well, I don't know, but I'm getting tired of
hearing you talk about it, Prayabout it.
By our next meeting you willtell me what you decided to do.
Tough love.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
So that was it.
I did Sober Sis in November 6,2022.
That was it.
No matter what it is, andsometimes not, sometimes all the
time it takes a while.
Right, we have to get to thatstage of readiness and there are
these different stages ofchange and some of it starts,
you know, with informationgathering, self-reflection,
(32:29):
gaining awareness, trying a lotof this work that I do, like
with my lab and I know, in SoberSis I'm sure she does it too.
It's just a lot of like,exploration and curiosity and
keeping track of, like, how youfeel before and during and after
you drink.
And you know, because you don'tknow, if you don't know and I've
(32:53):
even had people ask me becausethey don't know they didn't see
me in my heyday, if you will butthey're like are you sure that
you really had a problem withalcohol or maybe did you just?
Was it just a phase?
Could I moderate if I startednow?
I don't know, maybe, but I'mnot willing to introduce that
Like.
It's not worth it to me it'snot worth.
(33:15):
It is moderation or can Imoderate, or something like that
(33:40):
, because I think that that's aquestion that so many people
have.
Can I moderate?
And it's more about like is itworth it to you?
Like, is that mental gymnastics?
Or you know, like making apromise or making a commitment
and then, for whatever reasonand sometimes they're, they feel
and sound like really goodreasons why to just go ahead and
have the drink.
(34:00):
It could be like oh, I haven'tseen this person in a long time.
Oh, my friend poured me anextra glass and I didn't want to
waste it.
You know it.
Could you know?
Going off plan or not reallysticking to those boundaries,
even if it is just like one daya week, that still can be too
(34:21):
much and that's not somethingthat I could tell somebody.
They have to find that forthemselves, just like you did.
You're like this took away fromwhat should have been a
beautiful day with my family andI literally never want that to
happen again.
And so that is such a graceright that you just had that and
(34:47):
realized like it's not worth itto me.
I need to cut it out.
Now somebody else might be likeyou know what?
I can do it once a week, or Ican do it just on special
occasions, and it doesn't flareup those you know desires to
continue or to have more, and ifthat's where you're at.
That's great, but I don't knowhow people do it.
(35:09):
I can't.
I can't do that.
But I love that you're sharingthis and that you're here,
because I know so many women canidentify with that and we don't
want to ever look at it withshame.
It's just like getting curiousand figuring out what that big
(35:29):
why is.
And in AA they say like, areyou willing to do anything to
cut it out?
And we're not always there.
We're not even always there toreduce it Right.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Right, yeah, I was, you know it was.
I heard a voice in my headwhich I came to discern as the
voice of God, the Holy Spiritthat was.
I can remember where I wasdriving.
It was a Tuesday morning and Ijust heard this don't drink.
And I was like where did thatcome from?
I didn't even drink lastweekend.
(36:07):
I was really goofed at it and Ijust I really and firmly believe
it was the voice of God.
I know it truly was and it'sjust a matter of putting your
will aside and following God'swill for your life.
And it is not easy, but it doesget easier, and I have been.
(36:30):
Yeah, I mean I have been gracedwith.
I no longer have been gracedwith, I no longer desire it.
It holds zero value in my lifeanymore, something that I used
to look so forward to.
I'm just not even fazed by it.
And that is such a beautifulthing and again speaks to
(36:50):
neuroplasticity, the renewal ofthe mind, which is why I got
this tiny tattoo, and my churchhappened to do a message series
on, I believe I'm not sure if itwas called Renewal of the Mind.
It might have been, but theytalked about this a lot.
Within that series, I go to avery vibrant Catholic church in
Timonium, maryland in BaltimoreCounty.
(37:11):
That turned my faith around.
I mean I went from feeling likeI should go to church on
Christmas and Easter to notwanting to get back every week
and getting involved in thechurch and small groups and
everything.
And if anybody had ever told me24 years ago now that I would
ever be a church person and doBible studies and be in small
(37:34):
groups, I would tell them theywere crazy.
You couldn't possibly betalking about me.
And it's Church of the Nativityin Timonium.
I'm giving it a shout out, cananybody?
It's really just changed mylife and definitely the reason
why I came to listen to thevoice of God.
And, yeah, I just got louderand louder and I felt like I
(38:00):
really need to do this and youknow again also supporting my
daughter, it, just everybody.
And then I learned what alcoholdoes to the human body.
Right, right.
If you've ever listened to DrAndrew Huberman?
Right, right, if you've everlistened to Dr Andrew Huberman,
he has a two-hour podcast onwhat it does and it literally
(38:20):
affects every single body system.
And I also learned that forwomen, anything over seven or
more drinks a week is consideredheavy drinking.
Seven or a week, right.
So what about all these peoplethat are having a glass or two
(38:41):
of wine every night?
That's double the limit and ittruly like I.
I don't look at anybody thatdrinks with judgment.
I really, really don't.
I mean, I speak out about it onmy instagram page.
I share other people's postsabout the dangers of alcohol,
and not in judgment at all, butjust because there are no labels
(39:02):
.
There's no labels here in theUnited States.
I think maybe Ireland isstarting to put them on, so I
just I feel like we, as citizenshave the right to know this is
really dangerous.
It's as dangerous as cigarettes.
People, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I mean it's a group.
It's a group one carcinogen.
So it's right up there withasbestos and cigarette smoking.
So it is.
I love Dr Huberman.
I'll actually link that videoin the show notes because I give
it to everybody.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
I am like you need to you need to watch this I mean,
that helped me stay stopped too,because I was like yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Oh but he says, he says this thing and it's so true
.
It's like, do what you want,but know what you're doing, and
you know that applies to so muchLike some people are like I'm
not.
You know, I know sugar isn'tgreat for me, but I choose to
have it sometimes.
Or you know we choose to docertain things that we know are
(40:01):
always the best for us, but wedo them.
Or you know whatever it is, butjust know what you're doing,
because it may really help youdecide not to do it at all, or
as much at least, or and reallyconsider it because it is so
harmful.
And as women in midlife right,we, we process it like so much
(40:26):
different, we metabolize it somuch different.
And so you're not crazy.
When you're in perimenopause orpostmenopause and you're like I
cannot drink like I used to,like it's affecting me in crazy
ways.
You're right, it is.
It absolutely 100% is.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Even one, two glasses .
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yes.
So it is one of those thingsLike, if you know like I have
friends that are lactoseintolerant, they'll be like I'm
going to go ahead and have this.
Well, I can't really eat icecream either.
So if I'm going to have someice cream, I just know like I'm
not going to feel good the nextday.
So I just kind of like plan forit and if, for some crazy
(41:05):
reason, I do feel good, thenthat's just a gift, right.
But again, that goes to do whatyou want, but know what you're
doing.
Is it going to affect you thenext day?
Do you not have anything goingand you're fine with it, okay,
or do you think it's not worthit?
Like, I want to feel good whenI wake up tomorrow.
I want to be proud of mychoices.
(41:26):
I want to.
If someone is like, hey, let'sgo do this, I want to be up for
the adventure, whatever it isExactly, yeah, I think it's so.
It's so important to gather theinformation and again, that
moves us through those stages ofchange and readiness and helps
(41:46):
us develop that why.
So we know why?
Because once you know why, thenyou can work on the how and
that's what you've done.
So what has been the mosthelpful in your journey.
So you talked about AA.
You talked about, like thealcoholics adult.
(42:07):
Is it adult, children of?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
alcoholics.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Yeah, and then the online communities that you've
been in, and the onlinecommunities that you've been in.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
What do you think even if you're extracting a
little bit of each one do youthink has been the most helpful
for you in your journey?
Well, I think it's really justa blending of programs, because
I think there's so much beautyin each program and even the
sober community on Instagram hasbeen so great and just finding
you and the podcast prayer,getting really quiet and alone
with God every single day, whichI was doing, but it's been more
(42:54):
regularly.
Also, going to adoration chapel.
I would like to increase mytime there, but that's something
that I never did beforestopping and just kind of.
I don't know if I'm answeringyour question, but I used to.
I care too much about what otherpeople thought of me and I
don't want to say I don't carewhat people think, because that
would make you a, and I used to.
(43:14):
I care too much about whatother people thought of me and I
don't want to say I don't carewhat people think, because that
would make you a psychopath,right, I mean, of course, I care
what people think, but just, Iam so much more confident.
I mean to be able to come hereon this podcast.
This is something I could havenever done this podcast.
This is something I could havenever done and I'm just
(43:39):
embracing who I am, who God mademe to be, a child of God made
in his image and likeness, andjust trying to be the best
person that I can be.
I mean, we'll never get thereright, I mean, none of them are
perfect, but taking stock moreregularly of my actions, my
(44:01):
thoughts, just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
I don't know if I'm answering your question, but
Well, and I think and I didn'teven mention or talk about this
because I had got off on atangent, but I loved that you
mentioned, like your faithjourney in that as well, I mean,
even though you had you've beenCatholic and going to church
and all of that but you just Ithink a lot of times people
(44:28):
think that in letting somethinggo they're going to like have
empty hands.
You know what I mean Like youlet it go and then there's
nothing there.
But you've been able to fillthat.
And, like you said, now you'rea church person and I can
completely identify with thatbecause growing up I just didn't
.
We went to church and you knowI love the Lord and all of that.
(44:52):
I just never saw myselfco-coordinating a Bible study at
my parish like I do or being soinvolved, having my whole
family so involved in my parish,and you know I did encounter
school of ministries which isvery Holy Spirit, charismatic
and healing and I just love allof that so much.
(45:14):
And so I think sometimes wethink that we're just letting
something go.
But when we let things go and wehave our hands open, then God
can fill that right.
He can fill that with goodness,he can fill that with things
like conversations that maybe wewould have missed out on or
would have been a little blurryor hazy if we had been drinking,
(45:37):
or experiences like what yousaid being present with your
family at the aquarium but notreally being there fully because
you didn't feel well from thenight before.
And so I think if I could justsay to everyone like you're not
letting go of something just tobe bored and not be fun and not
(46:01):
be part of a crowd and just haveto look like an outsider, like
you said it too, like it's notabout people pleasing and people
pleasing this is a whole notherpodcast, but it can really keep
us stuck in the alcohol cyclebecause we don't want to.
We don't want people first ofall to look at us and think
what's up with her, but we alsofeel rude sometimes declining a
(46:26):
drink, and it's like well, ifyou were a vegetarian, would you
feel rude declining a hamburger?
No, you wouldn't, but it's thesame thing?
Speaker 2 (46:38):
No, you wouldn't, but it's the same thing Absolutely.
But I just want to back up.
So I was a church person longbefore I got sober, but I feel.
So what I feel now, the gift ofsobriety is being in alignment
with God's will for my life andbeing in alignment with my
daughter.
In alignment with my daughter,and you know, I lost a lot of
(47:00):
friends when I got sober and Iwas excluded from an outing one
time.
So at first I was very angryabout it, but then I was like
you know what?
Let me think about this when Iwas drinking I really didn't
want to hang around people thatweren't drinking because I was
afraid of being judged.
But God has poured so manypeople into my life and that is
(47:25):
such a blessing.
I mean, I have met so manypeople and people that are
speaking, that are being honestwith themselves and speaking
truthfully.
You know truth into their life,and that is a real attraction
to me to be with people that arereally speaking truth into
(47:48):
their own lives.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
Right, yeah, that authenticity, because then you
can feel like you're beingauthentic, you know, being
supportive of your daughter,being your authentic self to
others.
And I have.
You know, I have navigatedsocial situations for 28 years
without alcohol and it is notwithout.
It's like chaos, right it's.
(48:11):
I've gone to many a play dateor something where there's
alcohol, or not been invited tosomething because there's
alcohol and they know I don'tdrink and they are afraid I'm
going to be uncomfortable.
Or people make it weird becausethey're like, oh, we're having
this, what can we get you?
Do you want?
You know?
And I'm just, yeah, yeah, Iwill, it's fine, I'm fine, like
(48:33):
you don't have to ask for what Iwant.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
Yeah, no, I know it's , it can be awkward, but I so I
am really about being sober,loud, yes, exhausting the stigma
, because the stigma surroundingit has to go.
And I really like a lot of NAbeverages.
There's some really good NAsparkling white wines, and you
(48:58):
know, I once had somebody say tome oh, you must be really
wanting it because you'redrinking this.
No, no, no, I just wantsomething celebratory that isn't
a Diet Coke or an iced tea, andI because, first of all, if I
drink whatever, any caffeinepast about three, it keeps me up
at night.
So you know, I do like an NAbeer or a mocktail, or, and I
(49:22):
truly enjoy that.
I really, really do.
And there's so much out thereand actually the NA industry is
just exploding and, as youprobably know, the Gen Zers are
just about not really basicallynot drinking, and so it's
catching on and you know it'svery, very exciting.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
I tell people I'm like the only thing that like
anything.
So when I was in AA, theydidn't really like it if you had
any stuff, and so that wasanother thing of why I left,
because I was like, well, itdoesn't bother me, it's not
triggering to me.
It could be triggering tosomebody else but not me.
Yes, it could, yeah, but and Inever talked about it.
I tried not to talk about it inmeetings after that.
(50:05):
But I, when I first stopped, Iwould have like O'Doul's or
Beck's I mean, those are likethe only things that were really
available and I'm glad thatthey were around.
And I was a beer drinker and soI was always like, oh man, if
Black Butte Porter ever comesout with a non-alcoholic beer, I
(50:26):
will be so excited.
And like last year, my husbandfound it and I was like, get out
.
Like only only 28 years lateryou know whatever.
But you're right, there's somuch out there.
There's sparkling wines.
Actually, when I was working,my boss one time he was giving
out like champagne for people,like bottles of champagne for
(50:48):
New Year's, and he knew I didn'tdrink and he found I didn't
even know it existed anon-alcoholic champagne at that
time because I was always usedto my sparkling apple cider,
which was fine or whatever, buthe found that and I was like,
are you kidding?
He's like, yeah, and this wasquite a few years ago, but it's
really exploded.
(51:09):
Like you said, there's there'sspirits and all kinds of things
and it and you can make it funand you can make it celebratory
and the best thing about it islike celebratory and the best
thing about it is like I feel,when I drink that stuff, like
how somebody who doesn't havethe attachment to alcohol or
doesn't have that desire to likethey have an off switch.
(51:32):
It's not, it doesn't cause anychaos for them at all.
Like my husband, I I kind ofget the feeling that I know how
to drink like a quote, unquotenormal person, because I can
have one and like I'm done, likeI'm like that's exactly what I
wanted and I can have, I have itin my fridge and I have no
drama of like, oh no, it's overthere, I need to have it.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
It's beautiful.
It's like God has graced uswith this.
It is gone.
I don't care.
You can drink Sauvignon Blancin front of me.
New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.
Yeah, thank you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
That is such freedom.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
Yeah, yeah it's it's freedom all the way around and
it takes it takes a while to getthere.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
So just get comfortable with the discomfort.
That's what I always tellpeople Like it's going to be
uncomfortable, it's going, justlike anything right.
Going to the gym isuncomfortable when we start
going.
Starting a new prayer regimencan be uncomfortable at first.
Right, because we're having toreally set aside time and make
sure that we're consistent and,as you noted, like our
(52:40):
neurotransmitters and everythinghave to reset and we have to
make those those new pathways,and that's going to take time.
I always just picture like a big, huge field of like super tall
grass and you have these pavedways that you've gone like so
many times, and they're clearand they're bald and you don't
(53:01):
have to worry about it andthat's what our alcohol habit is
.
But once we start a new habit,we have to start pounding down
that grass.
We're going to have to startcutting it down.
It's going to be scratchy, likeit's just.
That's always what I picturewhen I'm talking about it,
because it takes time, but thatwill be a path soon and that
(53:24):
other path starts to grow over.
It starts to get overgrown andthen it becomes so easy.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
It really does.
It's so for all everybodylistening out there.
I promise you it gets easier.
It really really does and itgoes away.
That's the beauty of our brainsis that we can rewire them.
And yeah, it's just a gift, itreally is.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
It is.
It is.
So, before we close, I was justwondering if there was
something that you would tell awoman who maybe was like you,
who maybe was like you maybe notday one, but maybe I don't know
six months before you actuallymade that decision.
(54:10):
Like I'm done, like what wouldyou tell her?
As she's discerning, she'sgathering information, like
she's wondering alcohol I don'thave an alcohol problem, like to
go to AA, but it's definitelybecoming a problem for me.
What would you say to her?
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Number one you don't have to call yourself an
alcoholic to stop drinking.
I do not.
That term is obsolete.
It hasn't been used in themedical community for 25 years.
It's alcohol use disorder, andgray area drinker is a big term
that many people are using andit's a much softer term to take.
So that's the first thing.
(54:45):
And then I would stop askingyourself if you have a problem
and start asking yourself if youcan do better.
If you can do better.
Are you the best version ofyourself?
Are you truly, honestly, thebest version of yourself?
Can you improve?
And then, if you do feel a nudgeor you hear a little voice and
(55:08):
it keeps repeating and repeatingand repeating, it's the Holy
Spirit and I would say lean intoit.
Go somewhere silent, go toadoration and go for a hike in
the woods.
Sit on the beach by yourself,sit there, unplug and just
(55:28):
listen and try to really discernwhat it's saying to you and, as
hard as it might be and as muchas you don't want to follow it,
just try following it.
Try following it because itwill lead you where you need to
be, where you want to be.
You'll come to find out whereyou actually want to be, and
(55:50):
then I just want to say, likesocializing, because that was a
big hurdle for me.
We talked about this a littlebit.
That part gets easier and forme, what made it easier was that
I stopped maybe going up to thebartender and saying can you
pour this NA beer in a glass,because I don't want anybody to
know Is I am like out with it.
I've walked in parties with mynon-alcoholic beer and announced
(56:12):
like to the bartender can you?
At first, you know, the firsttime I did that, I felt like I
was going to pass out.
I was like I can't believe Idid this, you know, and people's
eyes are on you.
I'm like did I just hear what Ithought I heard?
Yeah, you heard so.
And then just be be out loudwith it.
So I, I made a post on Facebookand Instagram.
(56:34):
Okay, when I hit a year and I,when I hit that send button,
again, I felt like I was goingto pass out.
Oh my gosh, I can't believe.
I just put this out there.
But you know what?
I've had three people reach outto me, three people.
So if you get to the pointwhere you do, stop be loud with
(56:56):
it, don't be ashamed.
We got to crush the stigma.
You've got to go.
There should be no shamesurrounding it and um yeah.
Speaker 1 (57:05):
I love that.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I love that you mentionedthat about your Facebook post
and people reaching out to you,because that's what I tell
people all the time, like asuncomfortable as it is when
we're we and we are out loudwith our sobriety, like I would
tell people.
When I first got sober, I toldpeople everything like way more
than they wanted to know orneeded to know, because I was
(57:26):
like if I tell them, then I haveaccountability, right.
I was thinking that be likethat.
But at the same time, you neverknow who you're going to
inspire to examine theirdrinking, or you will be that
soft space for them to land,because so many times people do
quietly reduce or eliminatetheir alcohol which, however you
(57:49):
do, it is fine.
But when you can kind of shareit a little bit in whatever way
you know works for you maybeit's not a Facebook post, maybe
it's just a little mention, likeI don't really drink anymore
you never know who that couldreally help, because then they
know like, oh, I can go to Cindybecause she understands, or I
(58:10):
can ask her questions because Iknow she's not going to judge me
.
And then the other thing thatyou said a while ago too.
I just want people to reallyhear what you said about like,
yes, you lost friends when yougot sober, but that's not the
worst thing, because that says alot more about them than it
does about you, because you andyour sobriety made them
(58:34):
uncomfortable.
Because then they have to lookat themselves and their drinking
, even though you're not judgingthem and you don't care, and
you're like you're making yourchoice for you, I'm making my
choice for me.
I think a lot of times it can goboth ways, like we think people
are judging us who aren't, andthey think we're judging them
and we're not.
But just know, like, just onceyou step into that confidence
(59:00):
and you're like you know what.
They don't have to wake up withmy choices.
I have to wake up with mychoices.
They don't have to live my life.
I have to live my life so theycan do what they want to do and
I'll do what I want to do.
And if it's that they don'tfeel comfortable having me
around, just try to remain veryunbothered by that fact and just
(59:24):
know, like, like you weresaying, your identity as is a
beloved daughter of God, likethat's, that's all that you need
to know you don't need a label.
You don't need, like you said,no alcoholic, not even gray area
drinking or anything Like.
You don't have to labelyourself anything.
You're just making a choice,right?
Speaker 2 (59:43):
No, I mean, my son just got engaged and his fiance
just rarely drinks, you know,and there's more and more people
like that.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
It's so good and I know I love hearing.
As a mom of Gen Z kids, I lovehearing that they're not
interested in it and I have seenit with my boys and their
friends.
And my kids have grown up in ahome where my husband drinks
very minimally.
I don't drink at all and I'mlike you.
Whenever I have had anon-alcoholic beverage of any
(01:00:16):
kind, I'm like this is mommy'sfake beer or this is my state
wine, and so they know like momdoes not drink but she still can
have like a fun drink orwhatever she wants to have.
Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I mean you truly can have fun and that's a thing that
in my brain it was likeinextricably linked with having
fun.
Guess what it's not.
You can have fun without it.
That's the other.
Don't tell anybody who'slistening.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
You really really can have fun without it yeah, and
that brings me to your, yourwhole scripture, that you love
the renewal of the mind.
It really is a renewal of themind.
Actually, in my lab I have amodule on the renewal of the
mind with all these differentvideos and and tools in there,
because it's so important and itreally is just reframing our
(01:01:06):
thoughts, reframing how we seeourselves and how in recognizing
how God sees us.
So, with that, do you want tolet anybody know, like, where
they can find you?
Because I'm excited.
I can't wait for your bookwhenever it comes out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Oh gosh it's a project, I'm not a writer.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
No rush, because I've been trying to write a book for
a long time, so I know how thatgoes.
But let us know, like, wherethey can find you if you want to
.
I don't, I don't know if youhave a website or whatever for
your little, for your things.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
That you miss?
No, i't, but I have anInstagram page and an Etsy page.
I mean, honestly, I have notpoured that much into my
business.
It's mainly been vendor eventslike church fairs and that sort
of thing, community fairs, andthen an occasional request, like
I made a kit for a boy with CPwho's 20 years old and I started
(01:02:02):
making infant kits because itwas generally ages three and up.
Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
But anyway.
Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
OT on Instagram and so you know, isn't this terrible
?
And I have to check becauseI've changed it so many times.
It is OT finger fidgets and fun, ot finger fidgets and fun.
And my kids and I it's such ahard time coming up they were
like I need to change it, butit's OT Finger Fidgets and Fun.
(01:02:28):
I do not have a website yet.
And then my other Instagram isRenewal of the Mind, so they can
find me there and I'm onFacebook but I don't have any
pages related to my sobrietythere, but I have shared, like I
say, I keep sharing very openlyand loud about it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Well, I'll share your Instagram so people if they
want to connect with you.
Like I said, I'm sure yourstory is going to really
resonate with so many and I justreally appreciate you stepping
out and sharing your story andliving your sobriety out loud,
and it's been such a blessingand pleasure to talk to you
today.
Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Thank you, christy, I really appreciate this
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic
Sobriety Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well,
and make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
(01:03:32):
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram atthecatholicsobrietycoach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
(01:03:53):
here for you, I am praying foryou.
You are not alone.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here Today.
I am welcoming Cindy Strachan,a wife of 37 years, mother of
four and proud grandmother ofthree, who has been walking a
powerful path of faith andfreedom.
(00:44):
After retiring early from hercareer as an occupational
therapist, cindy continuedserving others through her small
business creating fine motorand sensory kits.
She's also been deeply involvedin church ministry and Bible
studies over the past twodecades.
Cindy has been alcohol-freesince November 6, 2022, and is
(01:09):
approaching 1,000 days ofsobriety.
Her journey has includedsupport from Alcoholics
Anonymous, a couple of onlinesobriety coaching communities, a
deepening of her Catholic faithand a renewed sense of identity
rooted in Christ.
She's currently working on abook inspired by Romans 12-2 and
(01:33):
even has a tattoo of the verseas a quiet but bold reminder of
her transformation.
Cindy, I am so honored to haveyou here.
Thank you for being here andwelcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Thank you, christy.
I am truly so excited.
I'm so happy to be here and sohonored to have this opportunity
to share my journey and mystory, and I was so glad when I
found you on Instagram.
I just couldn't believe it ACatholic sobriety coach.
It was great.
I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Awesome, excited, awesome.
Yeah, it's been so greatconnecting with you there.
We've had some greatconversations and I've really
enjoyed it so much so that I waslike, hey, will you come on my
podcast?
And you were like sure, so I'mso excited for your yes, so
thank you.
So, before we get into yourpath to alcohol freedom, can you
(02:28):
just take us back to what yourrelationship with alcohol looked
like earlier in life, like kindof what was modeled for you,
and then how it just took upspace in your life over time?
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
So I, like so many American children and probably
children all over the globe, Istarted early with dabbling in
alcohol with my friends ineighth grade, towards the end of
eighth grade, and both myparents did not drink.
Well, my dad got sober when Iwas just two or maybe three
years old I have to ask an oldersibling and my mom never drank.
(03:05):
She didn't like the way ittasted or the way it made her
feel, and I was like imaginethat, because I sure do.
But I remember my parents had aliquor cabinet for parties and
so there was one evening in thewintertime when my friends and I
decided that we would.
There was one evening in thewintertime when my friends and I
(03:42):
decided that we would try itout.
We were so excited and weconcocted some vile drink and
chased it with Coke or Sprite,and actually we didn't even
really get drunk or feel theeffects of it, but we pretended
that we did.
So that just speaks to what oursociety has embedded in our
minds that we as teens youngteens or maybe some people
college seek this out.
Because it was not.
It was not modeled.
In my home I am the youngest ofsix my older siblings I really
they were.
They were partiers, they werehippies, but alcohol was not
(04:04):
there.
That was not around the housereally that I can remember.
It was more, it was marijuana.
So that's what I remember fromas far as what went on in my
home.
So from there, moving now intoninth grade, I begged my sister
to go to a party and she veryreluctantly said, yes, I could
(04:26):
tag along, and I met myboyfriend, this young man who
turned out to be my boyfriend atthe time and you know,
unfortunately it turned into avery serious and heavy
relationship kind of right away.
And he was from an affluentneighborhood in Baltimore, he
lived in a beautiful stonemansion, he went to an all boys
(04:48):
elite school and so my parentswould drop me and my friends out
there on a Friday, probablyguessing what could possibly go
wrong here.
Well, let me tell you,everything could go wrong there.
So it was there that it reallybecame a weekend thing in my
life and it just really carvedout this very firm neural
(05:10):
pathway in my mind that Fridaynights were for drinking.
Because that's just what we did, and you know it was beer
usually, but occasionally therewas Southern comfort being
chased with Boone's Farm wine,and just I was that girl.
I was that girl who got sickevery single time, every single
(05:34):
time, and you know this, it wenton.
And then there was there wasmarijuana smoking in there and
some other like hallucinogenicdrugs, and I have deep, deep
regret about this and I, youknow it.
Just it just leaves me.
It's such a sad place in myheart that I was in this and you
(05:58):
know, the relationship just gotheavier and heavier and it
became abusive and I was abusedon four different occasions, one
of which was my nose was broken.
Another time my face wasscalded, I was picked up and
(06:18):
tossed out a door and I wasdragged across a field wearing a
prom gown in the rain.
So there's a lot of pain, a lotof pain there, and so I try not
to get emotional.
So I, you know it ended finally.
I mean it was back and forth,back and forth, back and forth.
(06:41):
And then I went to college and Ijust want to say like, so I'm
always, I'm very like type Aperfectionistic person, so I
always did every bit of homework, every single solitary bit of
homework.
I never drank during the weekand this carried over into
college, like I rarely.
(07:01):
I mean, there were, like somenights where we, you know I
would maybe go out with friendsand we would do shooters or that
kind of thing, but it wasreally very largely weekends and
I really believe it or not,it's kind of opposite here.
I didn't really drink or partyas hard in college as I did in
high school.
You know, all the other themarijuana was not like it was in
(07:25):
high school and all the otherstuff just gone.
And so it was in summer of myfreshman year of college that I
met my husband in Ocean City,maryland.
We were, you know, living downthere for the summer and they're
(07:47):
definitely so.
There definitely was drinkingthat went on during the week
down there.
Because, if you know, anythingabout Ocean City, maryland.
It's a party town.
So we all worked, we workedvery hard, but then we went out
at night and we drank, and itwas, it was always just beer.
But I met my husband and he, sohe asked me if he could kiss me
(08:09):
and I, in that very instant, Isaid to myself I am not letting
this one go, I am, I'm going tomarry this man, like I.
He was just such a lovely,respectful soul and it is so um
fart.
It's okay.
We um continued.
(08:32):
You know, we partied.
I mean, he was, uh, he was ingraduate school for physics.
He's very, very smart.
I was in school foroccupational therapy and again,
we were always we were soserious about our studies, I
mean, it was, it was just soprimary to me.
And so we did.
(08:53):
Again, it was a weekend thing,it was never a during the week
thing.
It was just, that's just what I, that's just what you do,
that's just what I did.
And it's not like if you're ona diet, you're trying to lose
weight, you still want apepperoni pizza on a Tuesday
night, right, I didn't desire itduring the week, and that just
speaks of our neural pathways,right, it was just the way
(09:14):
things were.
So then, moving into, we got.
I got married when I was just23.
And I had, we had, our firstchild when I was 27 and I had
four children between the agesof 27 and 35.
And those years are just a blurbecause he, I, I worked
(09:36):
part-time but then I did go.
I did was a stay-at-home momfor 10 years 10 and a half years
and I just, I don't know, I wasjust focused on my kids.
Nobody got any sleep.
We were, you know, we did goout on date nights, we drank,
but it was nothing like it wasreally anything too crazy,
(09:56):
though we might've had, likesome, you know, there might've
been some nights where weoverdid it, but it was generally
just.
I mean, I have a house full ofbabies and toddlers, so that's
where my focus is going.
And then let's see.
So, moving into my 40s, we, um,we knew if we were moving.
(10:19):
We had like a dream house webought and we lost it because my
husband's job changed and weended up moving to Florida for
seven months and coming back andI was pregnant with my fourth
child and we were just caught ina huge real estate mess where
we had a house in Florida thatwe signed a contract on to be
built, and then one still inBaltimore to sell, and we were
(10:41):
renting.
It was just, it was tight.
We finally landed in our house,where we still are today, and
we moved here when my youngestwas just 11 months old.
So things were pretty.
As far as drinking goes, prettywasn't anything crazy.
But then, I guess, when myyoungest son was about three or
(11:06):
four, you know, I started tomeet people in the neighborhood
through the pool, through theschool, through the, you know,
and backing up just to mychildhood, I kind of felt like I
never fit in.
I was absolutely terrible insports.
I was last picked for the team.
(11:28):
I'm a child of the 70s, that'swhen the gym teachers would pick
team captains who would choosetheir team, and my best friend
and I were never on the sameteam because we were the last
picked.
That.
So that was like very um, itwas so destructive to my
self-esteem to be.
(11:49):
I hated gym more than anythingand I actually built up a
resentment towards people whowere talented in sports that
it's long gone, because my kidsplayed sports and I came to love
and respect and honor thosethat have that talent.
So, anyway, started meetingpeople at the pool and neighbors
(12:13):
, and it was still primarily aweekend thing, but it was
starting in the summertime todrift into some during the week
time.
Summertime to drift into someduring the week time and it was
starting to just at times, likeI say, my off switch was faulty
(12:34):
about 20% of the time and Istarted having in my early 40s
like really, really horriblehangovers, like where I couldn't
keep a thing down.
I couldn't even keep a teaspoonof Coke down for hours like up
to eight hours, right, and myhusband's from Scotland.
I ordinarily drink Diet Coke,right, so caffeine-free Diet
(12:58):
Coke.
So if I was asking for Coke, itwas a signal that I had a
hangover like like real coke.
Being from Scotland, and stillto this day he doesn't
understand that we like a lot ofice in our drinks and he would
bring me like a warm diet coke.
Oh, this is all wrong, this isterrible.
I need a real coke and I need alot of ice in it.
(13:20):
Anyway, he finally got it again.
This didn't happen everyweekend, oh my gosh.
No, I wouldn't.
There's just no way.
It didn't happen every weekend.
It was about 10, 20% of thetime, but it was so really
terrible when it happens.
And then I went back to work inoccupational therapy.
(13:45):
I had worked in pediatricsbefore.
I worked in a variety ofsettings but I had left
pediatrics and then stayed athome and then decided to go into
home care because my dad passedthrough melanoma and I had
witnessed his care in home careand I really liked it.
It was one-on-one with yourpatient and I thought that was
great.
So I worked for a home careagency, I guess starting when I
(14:10):
was about 46, maybe, or 45, Ithink.
Anyway, I've always been verytype A, very perfectionistic, so
it was very scary to return towork after being out for so long
.
But I did a really good jobwith my patients.
(14:32):
I gave 150% every time and mydocumentation was flawless and
we used to peer review otherpeople's charts and I would see
like I was just so detailed butalso kind of killing myself in
the meantime.
So I like spending more than Ihad to in treatment sessions,
(14:58):
being on the phone withcaregivers, sometimes for up to
an hour, also helping to carefor my aunt having four kids in
home.
My husband was traveling a lot.
He's always traveled a lot forhis kids, so so like again.
No drinking during the week,didn't desire it.
But let me tell you, whenFriday came around, it was time
(15:21):
and it was starting to becomelike.
My drink was New ZealandSauvignon Blanc.
That was my, it was my topchoice.
And anyway, and occasionally,like a cosmo and I'm a fairly a
small person I mean, would Ilike to lose 10 pounds?
Yes, but I mean I'm not.
My dmi is normal, whatever.
(15:43):
And so you know, if I had, if Ihave three glasses of wine, I
was, that was a lot.
I was always trying to likereach this.
You know what it was like, thisstate of euphoria where I was
drinking and I was getting toodrunk or too buzzed.
(16:04):
Well, I'm going to switch tobeer, it's time to switch to the
beer, and I would switch tobeer.
Then if I felt that, like mybuzz wasn't really where it
should be, then I would be backto the wine and it was like beer
wine, beer wine.
Until I had like this and Ismoked too when I drank.
I only smoked when I drank,never any other time.
Both my parents smoked.
So I was always trying to likematch up, like when my drink and
(16:27):
my cigarette had to end wasthis whole thing and it just
been.
As you know, I was a weekenddrinker for decades, decades.
So it started to be, and we'llget to this part.
But I, you know, my dad, was inAA, many, many, many relatives
(16:52):
in AA on my dad's side, morethan I can probably count, and
my own daughter, who is myoldest daughter, is in recovery.
And I just started to feel veryhypocritical, like how could I
be pouring my third glass ofwine and expecting my daughter
(17:16):
to be sober?
And I just I knew something hadto change.
It just really bothered me.
And so, you know, I would pray,and this is.
I was going to church everysingle weekend.
Most Sundays I was really finebecause Friday night was my
(17:37):
night, but there were some fundays where I wasn't and I would
pray dear Jesus, please, not medrink, please not, please, help
me not to drink so much nextweekend.
What kind of prayer is that?
It was never please help mestop drinking.
Right, it was please help menot to drink so much.
(17:59):
And I just I'm thinking, whatdoes God even do with that
prayer?
Like that's the humor, you know.
Like I think you're praying thewrong way.
Yeah, so so I guess you know,the turning point for me was
becoming a grandma and I so mygrandson was seven months old at
(18:25):
the time three grandchildren, agrandson, three, another
grandson at two and one a babygranddaughter at 15 months and
one a baby granddaughter at 15months.
And there my phone rang oneSaturday morning and it was my
daughter saying let's go to theBaltimore Aquarium, let's bring
Franklin, my grandson.
(18:46):
You know, let's all go, and allthe kids, you know everybody
was like yeah, that'll be great,let's, let's do that.
Well, it happened to be when Iwas hungover and it wasn't one
of my, you know, it wasn't oneof my horrible hangovers, but it
was a solid hangover and I tooksome Tylenol and, you know, my
(19:06):
headache went away.
I wasn't nauseous, thank God,because if I was, I wouldn't
have been able to go.
And I went, but I was so tired,I was like in my bone of bones.
I was so tired and all I couldthink about the whole day we
went out to dinner afterwardswas I just want to go home, I
want to get in my pajamas and Iwant to go to bed, you know.
(19:30):
And I started thinking thisisn't living, this isn't life,
this isn't living, you know,where you can't enjoy a day out
with your family.
And I just started, you know, Istarted to get really sad about
it.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
So, yeah, well, let me stop you because I just want
to unpack so much.
So thank you so much forsharing your story and I could
see myself in your story.
So many points in there.
I think we have a lot, a lot incommon and I know that a lot of
women listening are going tosee themselves in different
(20:07):
parts of your story as well.
So thank you for sharing sohonestly and openly and
thoroughly like that.
I think that we have youmentioned that feeling of like
not really ever fitting in.
I can totally relate with that.
Like when I discovered alcohol Iwas in high school, but it I'll
(20:29):
often say it was like thismagic elixir, like it got me
friends, it got me a community,it was like the key to
everything I ever wanted orthought that I wanted.
Right, so I had boyfriends andI had all the things, but it's a
lot because of, as you weresaying.
You know you didn't really haveit modeled at your at home,
(20:51):
like there wasn't drinking inyour home.
But that just goes to show howmuch influence the culture has
on us, right?
We see it in movies, on tv,it's in music, it's like
everywhere.
This is pushed on us.
Like to be fun, to have fun,you have to have alcohol.
(21:13):
And we live in such analcohol-soaked culture that of
course we're going to think thatOf course we're going to think,
oh, to have fun, I need this orto fit in, I need this.
And it's crazy that alcohol isso toxic to our bodies and our
(21:33):
minds and everything and yet ifwe don't have it, we feel bad
about saying no or we feel likewe're missing out on something.
But you know, if yousupplemented it with any other
drug, it'd be crazy.
I mean, even marijuana is justlike.
You wouldn't have go somewhereand have somebody be like, oh,
(21:54):
you're not, you're not going tohave any cocaine today.
That's, are you OK?
Like, are you pregnant?
Or are you an addict?
Like, right it just it's crazy.
When you put it in perspectivethat way and hopefully one day
you know people will understandand and look at alcohol the way
that we do look at cigarettes,right, because that was so
(22:16):
prevalent.
Everybody was smoking.
They could smoke on an airplane, just like sitting next to you.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, right, and so and that's kind of what alcohol
is and has been.
It just is everywhere, likegoing to a mom's group, going
doing something at church,there's alcohol.
There's people like planning.
I was on this planningcommittee and we were planning
like kids things, and it waslike, well, maybe we should have
(22:45):
alcohol for the adults so thatthey have fun.
And I'm just like, are youkidding me?
But it's, it's a part of, andso.
But I see a shift and I know youhave seen a shift too, because
we've both been involved inseeing that sober movement or,
you know, at least people reallywaking up all the time.
(23:06):
It's your story is like itwasn't terrible, like you
weren't drinking, falling downdrunk every single night, and I
think that there's such aperception of what someone who
(23:26):
has a, an attachment to alcoholshould look like or their life
should be like, and that's nothow it is.
So many of the women I workwith and women you know as well,
I know through your communities, they have it all together in
so many areas, in almost everyarea of their life, and they're
(23:47):
just like, but I have this thing, it's just like, but there's
this.
And they also think like, well,because I don't look like this.
I don't.
There's not really help for meBecause you know AA, you go to
AA and I understand why you did,because that was, you know,
something that's familiar withyour family and with your you
(24:11):
know, you've known about it andit really used to be like the
only game.
Yeah, and so you don't know tolook for other things, because
that's what it is and it's greatand it leaves a foundation, and
I have a lot of love andrespect for AA, but it doesn't
always fit for everybody.
And so you're like, well, Idon't, I'm not actually like
(24:35):
drinking every night and I'm notlike falling down drunk, but
Fridays that's the day and, asyou noted and I talk about this
on my podcast a lot those neuralpathways, like you're good
through the week, but as soon asFriday comes around, you're
like planning, you're thinking,you're scheming, and maybe even
throughout the week you'rethinking about it, scheming, and
maybe even throughout the weekyou're thinking about it Like I
(24:56):
can't wait till Friday.
And so it creates like thatmental mess in your mind of like
, ooh, and then I'll do this andmaybe I'll have this and or
maybe we'll go here, and it justtakes up that space and that
mental clarity that you couldhave and that mental clarity
(25:16):
that you could have.
So you talked about like theturning point being your, you
know, becoming a grandmother,realizing that alcohol is, even
though it wasn't like out ofcontrol, it was definitely
getting in the way of the lifethat you were really desiring.
But and it sounds like you werekind of trying to moderate and
(25:39):
things along the way but what doyou think kept you stuck in
that loop?
And I'm not necessarily justtalking about the behavior of
drinking, but maybe like theemotions and the identity and
self-perception.
But maybe like the emotions andthe identity and
self-perception, like what doyou think kept you in that
moderation cycle for so long?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yes, because I the first time I went to AA was in
2017 and I was in for threemonths and I I I had a bad
experience in AA.
Again, I am so grateful forthat program.
It has saved my father andmillions of people all over the
world and many people that Ilove.
(26:22):
But I could not and I know theysay comparing out in AA I sat
there and I could not relate tothe stories and I couldn't even
relate to a lot of the feelingsbecause they were like, well,
they would say, if you can'trelate to the stories, then
relate to the feelings.
But I sounds terrible.
(26:43):
I didn't really have a lot ofself-loathing.
I mean, I did definitely haveregret and I I didn't see myself
as selfish, if anything,anything and this is going to
maybe not sound right but I feltlike I was selfish to myself
because I was so like it'scaught up in perfectionism and
being everything for everybodyelse and that my stress levels
(27:07):
were through the roof by Friday.
So I couldn't relate to thatand you know, not everybody that
walks in the rooms of AA hasthe same story.
And I remember saying like Ididn't lie about my drinking.
I really didn't and I alsodidn't hide bottles, and I know
a lot of people do.
And I had somebody go behind mewhen I said that I didn't.
(27:33):
In fact and I think I said thisto you I was sort of the
opposite.
I was kind of obnoxious, likeif we went out to dinner and I
wanted to continue drinking, youknow we would get home and I'd
be like, oh, we don't haveanything.
You got to go out and get mySauvignon Blanc and you know,
(27:54):
when my kids were older, I waslike, hey, if you're out, can
you stop by?
Because they were of age,didn't you?
So I didn't.
I was the opposite of that, andyou know, I mean, if I really
must be honest, did I hide?
Well, when my daughter was inrecovery, if I knew she was
coming over and I wanted todrink, I would maybe drink
(28:15):
before she came, or I wouldmaybe put it in a Stanley cup or
something like that.
But I didn't like high bottles,I didn't lie in the traditional
sense, and so that was onereason and I compared out, I
couldn't relate.
And I had a meeting with awoman that was going to be my
(28:38):
potential sponsor and we met ina diner for three hours and I
was going to be going to Bostonand she asked if I was going to
go to an AA meeting in Bostonand I said no, I'm not.
And then she pounded her fiston the table and said thanks for
wasting my time.
I thought you said you would dowhat it takes.
(28:59):
And so I went to Boston and wewent to a bar and I ordered a
beer, you know, and I was likeI'm done, and we went.
I went back in in 2019 for onemonth and again same thing.
I compared out.
And then I found the SoberScythes and I did their 21 day
(29:24):
reset and I was sober for about45 days, but that group fell
apart.
In my online group of that, thewomen I was grouped with just
disintegrated.
I was like, okay, so then Iended up going because I could,
I could moderate, I couldmoderate until I couldn't and I
(29:44):
moderate for months at a time.
I could moderate for three,four or five months, stop at one
or two, but I can tell you,many of those times I was
frustrated.
I wanted more, I wanted moreand, as I heard somewhere, like
you take a drink, the drinktakes a drink, and then the
(30:06):
drink takes you, and soeventually it was too exhausting
and I was was just like I'mpouring that third glass of wine
.
And when I went to that thirdone, I was on the train, on the
runaway train, and anyway, Iended up.
I went back to AA in 2022 forfive months.
(30:28):
I had a sponsor.
She was very sweet, she wasvery lovely, but she was going
through, she was getting readyto leave her husband and she was
really just not doing wellmentally and I just went back
out drinking and I felt likemaybe I was supporting, I was
(30:49):
white knuckling a little bit.
I also, again, could not relate, could not relate, could not
relate.
So she led me to ACA AdultChildren of Alcoholics and I
ended up doing a six-week coursethrough that in one summer and
that was very, very helpful.
And I actually know some peoplethat have become sober through
(31:10):
ACA, believe it or not.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Oh, that's great.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Yeah, so, anyway.
So then I thought, oh my gosh,do I go back?
Because then, you know, thegrandson comes into the story.
And I was like you know thetrip to the aquarium.
And I was like this has to go,Like once and for all, this has
to go.
So I started seeing a therapistand I was like, don't go back
(31:34):
to AA, or do I do services?
Well, I do what I do.
And she said well, I don't know, but I'm getting tired of
hearing you talk about it, Prayabout it.
By our next meeting you willtell me what you decided to do.
Tough love.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
So that was it.
I did Sober Sis in November 6,2022.
That was it.
No matter what it is, andsometimes not, sometimes all the
time it takes a while.
Right, we have to get to thatstage of readiness and there are
these different stages ofchange and some of it starts,
you know, with informationgathering, self-reflection,
(32:29):
gaining awareness, trying a lotof this work that I do, like
with my lab and I know, in SoberSis I'm sure she does it too.
It's just a lot of like,exploration and curiosity and
keeping track of, like, how youfeel before and during and after
you drink.
And you know, because you don'tknow, if you don't know and I've
(32:53):
even had people ask me becausethey don't know they didn't see
me in my heyday, if you will butthey're like are you sure that
you really had a problem withalcohol or maybe did you just?
Was it just a phase?
Could I moderate if I startednow?
I don't know, maybe, but I'mnot willing to introduce that
Like.
It's not worth it to me it'snot worth.
(33:15):
It is moderation or can Imoderate, or something like that
(33:40):
, because I think that that's aquestion that so many people
have.
Can I moderate?
And it's more about like is itworth it to you?
Like, is that mental gymnastics?
Or you know, like making apromise or making a commitment
and then, for whatever reasonand sometimes they're, they feel
and sound like really goodreasons why to just go ahead and
have the drink.
(34:00):
It could be like oh, I haven'tseen this person in a long time.
Oh, my friend poured me anextra glass and I didn't want to
waste it.
You know it.
Could you know?
Going off plan or not reallysticking to those boundaries,
even if it is just like one daya week, that still can be too
(34:21):
much and that's not somethingthat I could tell somebody.
They have to find that forthemselves, just like you did.
You're like this took away fromwhat should have been a
beautiful day with my family andI literally never want that to
happen again.
And so that is such a graceright that you just had that and
(34:47):
realized like it's not worth itto me.
I need to cut it out.
Now somebody else might be likeyou know what?
I can do it once a week, or Ican do it just on special
occasions, and it doesn't flareup those you know desires to
continue or to have more, and ifthat's where you're at.
That's great, but I don't knowhow people do it.
(35:09):
I can't.
I can't do that.
But I love that you're sharingthis and that you're here,
because I know so many women canidentify with that and we don't
want to ever look at it withshame.
It's just like getting curiousand figuring out what that big
(35:29):
why is.
And in AA they say like, areyou willing to do anything to
cut it out?
And we're not always there.
We're not even always there toreduce it Right.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Right, yeah, I was, you know it was.
I heard a voice in my headwhich I came to discern as the
voice of God, the Holy Spiritthat was.
I can remember where I wasdriving.
It was a Tuesday morning and Ijust heard this don't drink.
And I was like where did thatcome from?
I didn't even drink lastweekend.
(36:07):
I was really goofed at it and Ijust I really and firmly believe
it was the voice of God.
I know it truly was and it'sjust a matter of putting your
will aside and following God'swill for your life.
And it is not easy, but it doesget easier, and I have been.
(36:30):
Yeah, I mean I have been gracedwith.
I no longer have been gracedwith, I no longer desire it.
It holds zero value in my lifeanymore, something that I used
to look so forward to.
I'm just not even fazed by it.
And that is such a beautifulthing and again speaks to
(36:50):
neuroplasticity, the renewal ofthe mind, which is why I got
this tiny tattoo, and my churchhappened to do a message series
on, I believe I'm not sure if itwas called Renewal of the Mind.
It might have been, but theytalked about this a lot.
Within that series, I go to avery vibrant Catholic church in
Timonium, maryland in BaltimoreCounty.
(37:11):
That turned my faith around.
I mean I went from feeling likeI should go to church on
Christmas and Easter to notwanting to get back every week
and getting involved in thechurch and small groups and
everything.
And if anybody had ever told me24 years ago now that I would
ever be a church person and doBible studies and be in small
(37:34):
groups, I would tell them theywere crazy.
You couldn't possibly betalking about me.
And it's Church of the Nativityin Timonium.
I'm giving it a shout out, cananybody?
It's really just changed mylife and definitely the reason
why I came to listen to thevoice of God.
And, yeah, I just got louderand louder and I felt like I
(38:00):
really need to do this and youknow again also supporting my
daughter, it, just everybody.
And then I learned what alcoholdoes to the human body.
Right, right.
If you've ever listened to DrAndrew Huberman?
Right, right, if you've everlistened to Dr Andrew Huberman,
he has a two-hour podcast onwhat it does and it literally
(38:20):
affects every single body system.
And I also learned that forwomen, anything over seven or
more drinks a week is consideredheavy drinking.
Seven or a week, right.
So what about all these peoplethat are having a glass or two
(38:41):
of wine every night?
That's double the limit and ittruly like I.
I don't look at anybody thatdrinks with judgment.
I really, really don't.
I mean, I speak out about it onmy instagram page.
I share other people's postsabout the dangers of alcohol,
and not in judgment at all, butjust because there are no labels
(39:02):
.
There's no labels here in theUnited States.
I think maybe Ireland isstarting to put them on, so I
just I feel like we, as citizenshave the right to know this is
really dangerous.
It's as dangerous as cigarettes.
People, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I mean it's a group.
It's a group one carcinogen.
So it's right up there withasbestos and cigarette smoking.
So it is.
I love Dr Huberman.
I'll actually link that videoin the show notes because I give
it to everybody.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
I am like you need to you need to watch this I mean,
that helped me stay stopped too,because I was like yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Oh but he says, he says this thing and it's so true
.
It's like, do what you want,but know what you're doing, and
you know that applies to so muchLike some people are like I'm
not.
You know, I know sugar isn'tgreat for me, but I choose to
have it sometimes.
Or you know we choose to docertain things that we know are
(40:01):
always the best for us, but wedo them.
Or you know whatever it is, butjust know what you're doing,
because it may really help youdecide not to do it at all, or
as much at least, or and reallyconsider it because it is so
harmful.
And as women in midlife right,we, we process it like so much
(40:26):
different, we metabolize it somuch different.
And so you're not crazy.
When you're in perimenopause orpostmenopause and you're like I
cannot drink like I used to,like it's affecting me in crazy
ways.
You're right, it is.
It absolutely 100% is.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Even one, two glasses .
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yes.
So it is one of those thingsLike, if you know like I have
friends that are lactoseintolerant, they'll be like I'm
going to go ahead and have this.
Well, I can't really eat icecream either.
So if I'm going to have someice cream, I just know like I'm
not going to feel good the nextday.
So I just kind of like plan forit and if, for some crazy
(41:05):
reason, I do feel good, thenthat's just a gift, right.
But again, that goes to do whatyou want, but know what you're
doing.
Is it going to affect you thenext day?
Do you not have anything goingand you're fine with it, okay,
or do you think it's not worthit?
Like, I want to feel good whenI wake up tomorrow.
I want to be proud of mychoices.
(41:26):
I want to.
If someone is like, hey, let'sgo do this, I want to be up for
the adventure, whatever it isExactly, yeah, I think it's so.
It's so important to gather theinformation and again, that
moves us through those stages ofchange and readiness and helps
(41:46):
us develop that why.
So we know why?
Because once you know why, thenyou can work on the how and
that's what you've done.
So what has been the mosthelpful in your journey.
So you talked about AA.
You talked about, like thealcoholics adult.
(42:07):
Is it adult, children of?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
alcoholics.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Yeah, and then the online communities that you've
been in, and the onlinecommunities that you've been in.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
What do you think even if you're extracting a
little bit of each one do youthink has been the most helpful
for you in your journey?
Well, I think it's really justa blending of programs, because
I think there's so much beautyin each program and even the
sober community on Instagram hasbeen so great and just finding
you and the podcast prayer,getting really quiet and alone
with God every single day, whichI was doing, but it's been more
(42:54):
regularly.
Also, going to adoration chapel.
I would like to increase mytime there, but that's something
that I never did beforestopping and just kind of.
I don't know if I'm answeringyour question, but I used to.
I care too much about what otherpeople thought of me and I
don't want to say I don't carewhat people think, because that
would make you a, and I used to.
(43:14):
I care too much about whatother people thought of me and I
don't want to say I don't carewhat people think, because that
would make you a psychopath,right, I mean, of course, I care
what people think, but just, Iam so much more confident.
I mean to be able to come hereon this podcast.
This is something I could havenever done this podcast.
This is something I could havenever done and I'm just
(43:39):
embracing who I am, who God mademe to be, a child of God made
in his image and likeness, andjust trying to be the best
person that I can be.
I mean, we'll never get thereright, I mean, none of them are
perfect, but taking stock moreregularly of my actions, my
(44:01):
thoughts, just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
I don't know if I'm answering your question, but
Well, and I think and I didn'teven mention or talk about this
because I had got off on atangent, but I loved that you
mentioned, like your faithjourney in that as well, I mean,
even though you had you've beenCatholic and going to church
and all of that but you just Ithink a lot of times people
(44:28):
think that in letting somethinggo they're going to like have
empty hands.
You know what I mean Like youlet it go and then there's
nothing there.
But you've been able to fillthat.
And, like you said, now you'rea church person and I can
completely identify with thatbecause growing up I just didn't
.
We went to church and you knowI love the Lord and all of that.
(44:52):
I just never saw myselfco-coordinating a Bible study at
my parish like I do or being soinvolved, having my whole
family so involved in my parish,and you know I did encounter
school of ministries which isvery Holy Spirit, charismatic
and healing and I just love allof that so much.
(45:14):
And so I think sometimes wethink that we're just letting
something go.
But when we let things go and wehave our hands open, then God
can fill that right.
He can fill that with goodness,he can fill that with things
like conversations that maybe wewould have missed out on or
would have been a little blurryor hazy if we had been drinking,
(45:37):
or experiences like what yousaid being present with your
family at the aquarium but notreally being there fully because
you didn't feel well from thenight before.
And so I think if I could justsay to everyone like you're not
letting go of something just tobe bored and not be fun and not
(46:01):
be part of a crowd and just haveto look like an outsider, like
you said it too, like it's notabout people pleasing and people
pleasing this is a whole notherpodcast, but it can really keep
us stuck in the alcohol cyclebecause we don't want to.
We don't want people first ofall to look at us and think
what's up with her, but we alsofeel rude sometimes declining a
(46:26):
drink, and it's like well, ifyou were a vegetarian, would you
feel rude declining a hamburger?
No, you wouldn't, but it's thesame thing?
Speaker 2 (46:38):
No, you wouldn't, but it's the same thing Absolutely.
But I just want to back up.
So I was a church person longbefore I got sober, but I feel.
So what I feel now, the gift ofsobriety is being in alignment
with God's will for my life andbeing in alignment with my
daughter.
In alignment with my daughter,and you know, I lost a lot of
(47:00):
friends when I got sober and Iwas excluded from an outing one
time.
So at first I was very angryabout it, but then I was like
you know what?
Let me think about this when Iwas drinking I really didn't
want to hang around people thatweren't drinking because I was
afraid of being judged.
But God has poured so manypeople into my life and that is
(47:25):
such a blessing.
I mean, I have met so manypeople and people that are
speaking, that are being honestwith themselves and speaking
truthfully.
You know truth into their life,and that is a real attraction
to me to be with people that arereally speaking truth into
(47:48):
their own lives.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
Right, yeah, that authenticity, because then you
can feel like you're beingauthentic, you know, being
supportive of your daughter,being your authentic self to
others.
And I have.
You know, I have navigatedsocial situations for 28 years
without alcohol and it is notwithout.
It's like chaos, right it's.
(48:11):
I've gone to many a play dateor something where there's
alcohol, or not been invited tosomething because there's
alcohol and they know I don'tdrink and they are afraid I'm
going to be uncomfortable.
Or people make it weird becausethey're like, oh, we're having
this, what can we get you?
Do you want?
You know?
And I'm just, yeah, yeah, Iwill, it's fine, I'm fine, like
(48:33):
you don't have to ask for what Iwant.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
Yeah, no, I know it's , it can be awkward, but I so I
am really about being sober,loud, yes, exhausting the stigma
, because the stigma surroundingit has to go.
And I really like a lot of NAbeverages.
There's some really good NAsparkling white wines, and you
(48:58):
know, I once had somebody say tome oh, you must be really
wanting it because you'redrinking this.
No, no, no, I just wantsomething celebratory that isn't
a Diet Coke or an iced tea, andI because, first of all, if I
drink whatever, any caffeinepast about three, it keeps me up
at night.
So you know, I do like an NAbeer or a mocktail, or, and I
(49:22):
truly enjoy that.
I really, really do.
And there's so much out thereand actually the NA industry is
just exploding and, as youprobably know, the Gen Zers are
just about not really basicallynot drinking, and so it's
catching on and you know it'svery, very exciting.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
I tell people I'm like the only thing that like
anything.
So when I was in AA, theydidn't really like it if you had
any stuff, and so that wasanother thing of why I left,
because I was like, well, itdoesn't bother me, it's not
triggering to me.
It could be triggering tosomebody else but not me.
Yes, it could, yeah, but and Inever talked about it.
I tried not to talk about it inmeetings after that.
(50:05):
But I, when I first stopped, Iwould have like O'Doul's or
Beck's I mean, those are likethe only things that were really
available and I'm glad thatthey were around.
And I was a beer drinker and soI was always like, oh man, if
Black Butte Porter ever comesout with a non-alcoholic beer, I
(50:26):
will be so excited.
And like last year, my husbandfound it and I was like, get out
.
Like only only 28 years lateryou know whatever.
But you're right, there's somuch out there.
There's sparkling wines.
Actually, when I was working,my boss one time he was giving
out like champagne for people,like bottles of champagne for
(50:48):
New Year's, and he knew I didn'tdrink and he found I didn't
even know it existed anon-alcoholic champagne at that
time because I was always usedto my sparkling apple cider,
which was fine or whatever, buthe found that and I was like,
are you kidding?
He's like, yeah, and this wasquite a few years ago, but it's
really exploded.
(51:09):
Like you said, there's there'sspirits and all kinds of things
and it and you can make it funand you can make it celebratory
and the best thing about it islike celebratory and the best
thing about it is like I feel,when I drink that stuff, like
how somebody who doesn't havethe attachment to alcohol or
doesn't have that desire to likethey have an off switch.
(51:32):
It's not, it doesn't cause anychaos for them at all.
Like my husband, I I kind ofget the feeling that I know how
to drink like a quote, unquotenormal person, because I can
have one and like I'm done, likeI'm like that's exactly what I
wanted and I can have, I have itin my fridge and I have no
drama of like, oh no, it's overthere, I need to have it.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
It's beautiful.
It's like God has graced uswith this.
It is gone.
I don't care.
You can drink Sauvignon Blancin front of me.
New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.
Yeah, thank you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
That is such freedom.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
Yeah, yeah it's it's freedom all the way around and
it takes it takes a while to getthere.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
So just get comfortable with the discomfort.
That's what I always tellpeople Like it's going to be
uncomfortable, it's going, justlike anything right.
Going to the gym isuncomfortable when we start
going.
Starting a new prayer regimencan be uncomfortable at first.
Right, because we're having toreally set aside time and make
sure that we're consistent and,as you noted, like our
(52:40):
neurotransmitters and everythinghave to reset and we have to
make those those new pathways,and that's going to take time.
I always just picture like a big, huge field of like super tall
grass and you have these pavedways that you've gone like so
many times, and they're clearand they're bald and you don't
(53:01):
have to worry about it andthat's what our alcohol habit is
.
But once we start a new habit,we have to start pounding down
that grass.
We're going to have to startcutting it down.
It's going to be scratchy, likeit's just.
That's always what I picturewhen I'm talking about it,
because it takes time, but thatwill be a path soon and that
(53:24):
other path starts to grow over.
It starts to get overgrown andthen it becomes so easy.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
It really does.
It's so for all everybodylistening out there.
I promise you it gets easier.
It really really does and itgoes away.
That's the beauty of our brainsis that we can rewire them.
And yeah, it's just a gift, itreally is.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
It is.
It is.
So, before we close, I was justwondering if there was
something that you would tell awoman who maybe was like you,
who maybe was like you maybe notday one, but maybe I don't know
six months before you actuallymade that decision.
(54:10):
Like I'm done, like what wouldyou tell her?
As she's discerning, she'sgathering information, like
she's wondering alcohol I don'thave an alcohol problem, like to
go to AA, but it's definitelybecoming a problem for me.
What would you say to her?
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Number one you don't have to call yourself an
alcoholic to stop drinking.
I do not.
That term is obsolete.
It hasn't been used in themedical community for 25 years.
It's alcohol use disorder, andgray area drinker is a big term
that many people are using andit's a much softer term to take.
So that's the first thing.
(54:45):
And then I would stop askingyourself if you have a problem
and start asking yourself if youcan do better.
If you can do better.
Are you the best version ofyourself?
Are you truly, honestly, thebest version of yourself?
Can you improve?
And then, if you do feel a nudgeor you hear a little voice and
(55:08):
it keeps repeating and repeatingand repeating, it's the Holy
Spirit and I would say lean intoit.
Go somewhere silent, go toadoration and go for a hike in
the woods.
Sit on the beach by yourself,sit there, unplug and just
(55:28):
listen and try to really discernwhat it's saying to you and, as
hard as it might be and as muchas you don't want to follow it,
just try following it.
Try following it because itwill lead you where you need to
be, where you want to be.
You'll come to find out whereyou actually want to be, and
(55:50):
then I just want to say, likesocializing, because that was a
big hurdle for me.
We talked about this a littlebit.
That part gets easier and forme, what made it easier was that
I stopped maybe going up to thebartender and saying can you
pour this NA beer in a glass,because I don't want anybody to
know Is I am like out with it.
I've walked in parties with mynon-alcoholic beer and announced
(56:12):
like to the bartender can you?
At first, you know, the firsttime I did that, I felt like I
was going to pass out.
I was like I can't believe Idid this, you know, and people's
eyes are on you.
I'm like did I just hear what Ithought I heard?
Yeah, you heard so.
And then just be be out loudwith it.
So I, I made a post on Facebookand Instagram.
(56:34):
Okay, when I hit a year and I,when I hit that send button,
again, I felt like I was goingto pass out.
Oh my gosh, I can't believe.
I just put this out there.
But you know what?
I've had three people reach outto me, three people.
So if you get to the pointwhere you do, stop be loud with
(56:56):
it, don't be ashamed.
We got to crush the stigma.
You've got to go.
There should be no shamesurrounding it and um yeah.
Speaker 1 (57:05):
I love that.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I love that you mentionedthat about your Facebook post
and people reaching out to you,because that's what I tell
people all the time, like asuncomfortable as it is when
we're we and we are out loudwith our sobriety, like I would
tell people.
When I first got sober, I toldpeople everything like way more
than they wanted to know orneeded to know, because I was
(57:26):
like if I tell them, then I haveaccountability, right.
I was thinking that be likethat.
But at the same time, you neverknow who you're going to
inspire to examine theirdrinking, or you will be that
soft space for them to land,because so many times people do
quietly reduce or eliminatetheir alcohol which, however you
(57:49):
do, it is fine.
But when you can kind of shareit a little bit in whatever way
you know works for you maybeit's not a Facebook post, maybe
it's just a little mention, likeI don't really drink anymore
you never know who that couldreally help, because then they
know like, oh, I can go to Cindybecause she understands, or I
(58:10):
can ask her questions because Iknow she's not going to judge me
.
And then the other thing thatyou said a while ago too.
I just want people to reallyhear what you said about like,
yes, you lost friends when yougot sober, but that's not the
worst thing, because that says alot more about them than it
does about you, because you andyour sobriety made them
(58:34):
uncomfortable.
Because then they have to lookat themselves and their drinking
, even though you're not judgingthem and you don't care, and
you're like you're making yourchoice for you, I'm making my
choice for me.
I think a lot of times it can goboth ways, like we think people
are judging us who aren't, andthey think we're judging them
and we're not.
But just know, like, just onceyou step into that confidence
(59:00):
and you're like you know what.
They don't have to wake up withmy choices.
I have to wake up with mychoices.
They don't have to live my life.
I have to live my life so theycan do what they want to do and
I'll do what I want to do.
And if it's that they don'tfeel comfortable having me
around, just try to remain veryunbothered by that fact and just
(59:24):
know, like, like you weresaying, your identity as is a
beloved daughter of God, likethat's, that's all that you need
to know you don't need a label.
You don't need, like you said,no alcoholic, not even gray area
drinking or anything Like.
You don't have to labelyourself anything.
You're just making a choice,right?
Speaker 2 (59:43):
No, I mean, my son just got engaged and his fiance
just rarely drinks, you know,and there's more and more people
like that.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
It's so good and I know I love hearing.
As a mom of Gen Z kids, I lovehearing that they're not
interested in it and I have seenit with my boys and their
friends.
And my kids have grown up in ahome where my husband drinks
very minimally.
I don't drink at all and I'mlike you.
Whenever I have had anon-alcoholic beverage of any
(01:00:16):
kind, I'm like this is mommy'sfake beer or this is my state
wine, and so they know like momdoes not drink but she still can
have like a fun drink orwhatever she wants to have.
Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I mean you truly can have fun and that's a thing that
in my brain it was likeinextricably linked with having
fun.
Guess what it's not.
You can have fun without it.
That's the other.
Don't tell anybody who'slistening.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
You really really can have fun without it yeah, and
that brings me to your, yourwhole scripture, that you love
the renewal of the mind.
It really is a renewal of themind.
Actually, in my lab I have amodule on the renewal of the
mind with all these differentvideos and and tools in there,
because it's so important and itreally is just reframing our
(01:01:06):
thoughts, reframing how we seeourselves and how in recognizing
how God sees us.
So, with that, do you want tolet anybody know, like, where
they can find you?
Because I'm excited.
I can't wait for your bookwhenever it comes out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Oh gosh it's a project, I'm not a writer.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
No rush, because I've been trying to write a book for
a long time, so I know how thatgoes.
But let us know, like, wherethey can find you if you want to
.
I don't, I don't know if youhave a website or whatever for
your little, for your things.
Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
That you miss?
No, i't, but I have anInstagram page and an Etsy page.
I mean, honestly, I have notpoured that much into my
business.
It's mainly been vendor eventslike church fairs and that sort
of thing, community fairs, andthen an occasional request, like
I made a kit for a boy with CPwho's 20 years old and I started
(01:02:02):
making infant kits because itwas generally ages three and up.
Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
But anyway.
Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
OT on Instagram and so you know, isn't this terrible
?
And I have to check becauseI've changed it so many times.
It is OT finger fidgets and fun, ot finger fidgets and fun.
And my kids and I it's such ahard time coming up they were
like I need to change it, butit's OT Finger Fidgets and Fun.
(01:02:28):
I do not have a website yet.
And then my other Instagram isRenewal of the Mind, so they can
find me there and I'm onFacebook but I don't have any
pages related to my sobrietythere, but I have shared, like I
say, I keep sharing very openlyand loud about it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Well, I'll share your Instagram so people if they
want to connect with you.
Like I said, I'm sure yourstory is going to really
resonate with so many and I justreally appreciate you stepping
out and sharing your story andliving your sobriety out loud,
and it's been such a blessingand pleasure to talk to you
today.
Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Thank you, christy, I really appreciate this
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic
Sobriety Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well,
and make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
(01:03:32):
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram atthecatholicsobrietycoach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
(01:03:53):
here for you, I am praying foryou.
You are not alone.
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