September 9, 2025 • 26 mins
Sending your teen off to college? The first weeks of freshman year are full of pressure—parties, alcohol, drugs, and the deep desire to belong. As a Catholic sobriety coach (and mom of three), I just walked my own son through this transition and had “the talk” every parent needs to have.
In this episode, I’ll share:
- How to talk to teens about drinking before college (without sounding like a hypocrite)
- What neuroscience tells us about alcohol, confidence, and the developing brain
- Practical ways to prepare your teen for peer pressure, dating, and parties
- How faith and identity give students true belonging that alcohol never can
- What to say if your teen has already been drinking—and how to give them hope and help
If you’ve ever wondered how to start the conversation, what to say, or how to prepare your teen for the realities of college life, this episode is for you.
Because here’s the truth: belonging doesn’t require a bottle. And one honest conversation could change everything.
For more info check out: What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health | Dr. Andrew Huberman https://youtu.be/DkS1pkKpILY?si=UrnTJsCSilvhWEi5
If you have ever...
- Struggled with the social pressures associated with alcohol use.
- Felt isolated, alone, and unsure of how to break the cycle.
- Experienced shame and frustration after drinking.
- Told yourself, “I’ll never get this. It’s no use.”
Then this 5-Day Sacred Sobriety Kick Start is for you!
Each day, you’ll receive a short video with simple tasks to help you analyze your drinking habits with clarity.
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
👉🏻 JOIN THE FREE 5-DAY KICK START
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Hey friends, welcome back tothe podcast.
It has been a while since I'vereleased a new episode, and I
just gotta tell you life hasbeen really full around here in
(00:43):
a good way, though.
Life has been really fullaround here in a good way,
though, and one of those reasonsis that I just wrapped up our
62 day soberish summer challenge.
If you've been following me fora while or you're on my
newsletter, you probably sawmention of this or have heard
about it, but it was just thisbeautiful journey with a group
(01:05):
of women who wanted to take anhonest look at their
relationship with alcohol.
So, for 62 days, I guided themthrough with daily audios,
coaching prompts, journaling,exercises, resources,
non-alcoholic fun drinks and allkinds of things, helping them
(01:26):
discern how much alcohol is toomuch for me, do I want to reduce
or eliminate it, and what wouldgoing alcohol-free look like in
my own life, and I gotta tellyou it was amazing, because I
ended up creating tools on thefly that I had never created
(01:46):
before, and I did it because thecommunity needed them, and that
is one of my favorite thingsabout group work is how the Holy
Spirit shows up and new thingscome to life.
So we did the challenge insideof Slack.
(02:06):
I had never done that beforeand I absolutely loved the
community aspect of it.
The feedback has been wonderfuland, I'll be honest, it filled
me up to walk alongside thesewomen in that way over the
summer.
So if you are in that challenge, thank you, thank you, thank
you.
It was such a joy and a gift tobe with you through it all.
(02:32):
But that's not the only reasonthat I've been a little quiet on
the podcast.
Life at home has been big too.
Our twins graduated from highschool this spring I think I
mentioned that before and whileone of them is staying close to
home, working and planning onstarting college here in a few
weeks, while the other justmoved out of state to start
(02:57):
college in the city where I grewup my hometown.
So, as you might imagine, thepast few months have been so
bittersweet.
They've been full of packinglists, target runs, dorm
shopping, super long to-do listswhich, thankfully, my husband
loves to create and I love tocheck things off and, yes, lots
(03:22):
and lots of emotions.
And last but certainly notleast, there's our middle
schooler who just started tacklefootball and has practices like
every single night.
But I will say that thisfootball loving household has
been so excited to have himdoing that and, yeah, it's just
(03:44):
been a joy to watch him stepinto that new challenge and just
love every minute of it.
So, a full summer, a full heartand a lot, a lot of change.
As we were doing all theprepping and planning and
purchasing items to send one ofour sons out of state, I found
(04:08):
myself in that place that somany moms go to that.
Have I taught him enough?
Have I told him the rightthings?
Will he remember what reallymatters when I'm not right
beside him, telling him,reminding him, guiding him?
I hope I'm not the only one.
I don't think I'm the only onewho has gone through that.
(04:29):
But one of the things that roseto the top for me was alcohol
and drugs.
Now, if you know my story, youknow that I've been alcohol-free
for 28 years.
My kids have never seen medrink.
They know I'm a sobriety coach.
They know that this is mylife's work.
So, yes, we've had many, manyconversations about alcohol over
(04:51):
the years.
But this time my husband and Iwanted to sit both of our older
boys down the one heading tocollege and his twin staying
home along with their youngerbrother and we wanted to have a
deeper talk.
Because the truth is, theseconversations aren't just one
(05:12):
and done.
They need to be revisited,expanded and adjusted as kids
grow.
And through that process Irealized that so many parents
also want to have thisconversation, but they don't
always know how Like.
I've just had theseconversations, but I do know
that some parents avoid italtogether because they just
(05:34):
don't feel equipped or,especially if they are prone to
over-drinking themselves, theymay feel like having that
conversation is hypocritical.
Others think, oh, this is justa part of the college experience
.
Better they do it with me thanwith strangers.
But I want to challenge that.
(05:55):
You don't have to be the coolparent who sends your underage
kid to school with a case ofbeer or shrugs it off because
marijuana is legal in your state, like it is mine.
Those are not badges ofbelonging.
They are setups for danger yes,danger.
(06:16):
You think I'm being dramatic,I'm not.
It really can be very dangerous.
So today I want to share what Itold my own sons, not because I
have all of it figured out, butbecause what I know can help
you as you prepare to send yourchild into a new season.
So let's talk about the modelingpiece.
(06:38):
Let's start here, because thisis the roadblock for so many
parents.
Maybe you haven't been theperfect role model when it comes
to alcohol.
Maybe your kids have seen youdrink too much at a party, or
they've watched you pour a glassof wine when you're stressed
out, and so you think who am Ito talk about this with them?
(06:58):
But here's the truth your kidsdon't need you to be perfect,
they just need you to be honest.
And modeling isn't just aboutshowing the ideal.
It's about owning the real Likesaying things like I didn't
always get this right, but Iwant better for you.
(07:20):
Or I know that you have seen medrink when I'm stressed, but I
want you to also know that I'mlearning healthier ways to cope.
And I can tell you thathumility is modeling too.
It gives your child permissionto be honest about their own
(07:41):
struggles instead of hiding them.
The other thing that I talked indepth with them about is the
neuroscience behind alcohol andwhy control, being in control
and staying in control matters.
So I told my boys your brainsare still wiring until you're
about 25 years old and alcoholand drugs literally interfere
(08:06):
with that process.
Alcohol rewires your brain.
Alcohol and drugs rewire yourbrain, and here's what I mean.
So the prefrontal cortex, thatpart of your brain that manages
judgment, self-control anddecision making that is still
developing and alcohol shutsthat down temporarily and that's
(08:28):
why drinking makes people feelmuch bolder or sillier or more
outgoing.
But that is not true confidence.
It's just a lowered inhibition,and when your judgment is
impaired, you are actually veryvulnerable.
And this is so importantbecause being in control of your
(08:53):
mind and body matters.
And I want to tell you that Iknow this not just from things
I've read or people I've talkedto.
I know this from personalexperience and I know that the
first few weeks of college arestatistically the most dangerous
(09:14):
.
And please know I do not saythat lightly, I am not here to
fearmonger.
I can tell you that on my son'scampus alone, parents and
students have already receivedseveral sexual assault alerts
this semester and, honestly,it's only been in session for
the past couple of weeks and, asfar as I can tell from the
(09:38):
information that has beenprovided to us, alcohol was
involved every single time.
So when you are not fully incontrol of your mind or body,
you cannot fully protectyourself.
You are not fully aware of whatis going around going on around
you, who is around you.
Many of these kids don't evenknow the other people that they
(10:01):
are around.
They are have just put trust inbasically strangers.
And, again, you cannot makewise choices when the part of
your brain that tells you tostop that manages.
You know, being able to kind ofjudge and navigate a situation
(10:23):
has been impaired and, sadly,others may take advantage of
that.
And then there's also the factthat alcohol can cause blackouts
and can cause people to dothings or say things and not
remember them at all becausethey have blacked out.
(10:44):
This is dangerous.
So it's something that justcannot be.
It just needs to stop.
And honestly, I really, reallywish that colleges, if they were
serious about protecting theirstudents, protecting their
(11:20):
students, they would come downmuch harder on alcohol on campus
, in on-campus living situations, in fraternities and sororities
and things like that.
That's my humble opinion, but Ithink I'm right.
The other thing I want to notethat kind of goes with this,
which really isn't yet a thingfor my sons because they're not
of legal age to drink.
But as far as dating anddrinking, you know, our culture
(11:43):
glamorizes like let's grab adrink and it's supposed to sound
sophisticated or something, orlike it's a way to ease the
awkwardness of a first date.
But the truth is, dating whiledrunk is also extremely
dangerous, because you can'tfully consent when you're
impaired.
You don't really know the otherperson's intentions or who they
(12:06):
are, even if you think that youdo, and you can't honestly show
up as your real self if you aredrinking while dating.
So if you want a relationshipthat's rooted in honesty and
respect, it cannot be built onblurred conversations and
half-remembered nights.
That's just a little tidbit ofinformation that I think is
(12:30):
helpful and something that canbe communicated to young adults
as well.
The other thing we talked aboutis belonging versus blending in.
So I always try to remind myboys that not everyone is
drinking, and they know this tobe a fact because they went
through their entire high schoolwithout drinking.
(12:51):
None of their friends drink.
Actually, gen Z, I believe, isthe generation that I think is
really going to rise up, andsoon we will look at excessive
alcohol use like we do otherthings that are dangerous like
cigarette smoking and thingslike that.
(13:11):
There's so many newnon-alcoholic options and things
that people can have and, quitehonestly, a good big portion of
college students either don'tdrink at all or they actually
drink far less than peopleassume.
But then there are some youngpeople who just assume everybody
(13:32):
is drinking, especially ifthey're drinking, and they think
everybody is drinking the sameamount as they did.
So if they actually stopped andjust kind of observed people
and didn't drink, they wouldprobably realize that there are
people that they think aredrinking that aren't, or that
they that don't drink.
You know as much as they think.
(13:53):
So I asked them would you ratherbe liked for who you are or for
who you are pretending to be?
Because, like for me, I starteddrinking to be part of
something.
You, if you've heard my story,you've heard me say it was this
magic elixir that got me intoparties, that got me a friend
(14:16):
group, that got me a boyfriend,all of those things that my
teenage mind thought that Ineeded Alcohol, I believed at
that time, was the key to all ofit, but I wasn't me.
That wasn't who I am.
(14:36):
It was like just thisalcohol-soaked version of me.
It was a persona.
It wasn't authentically me.
It wasn't authentically me.
So then I would ask them ifyour friends only want to be
around you when they're drinking, are they really your friends?
(14:58):
Because when I stopped drinkingin my early 20s, I let go of a
lot of those people, and theydidn't really care because I
wasn't drinking and that's whatthey like to do.
Don't really care because Iwasn't drinking and that's what
they like to do.
So I feel that it was soimportant to communicate to my
sons that community isn't aboutbeing the same as everybody else
(15:22):
.
It's about being authentic,because people are drawn to
authenticity.
Now, one of the things that Ialso warn them about, though, is
that there are those who drinkand party, and then they might
hone in on somebody who's notdrinking, who doesn't like to
party.
You know they're this personthat holds this virtue, and you
(15:47):
know it could be with a lot ofdifferent things, but the people
who party not everyone, butsometimes people who party and
drink and everything they willbe relentless on these people
that don't, because it's almostlike they're trying to drag them
down with them and they're notreally.
That's not really their plan.
(16:07):
They're just thinking I have somuch fun, so you would have so
much fun if you just did thisthing, when in reality, they
just don't want to feel likewhat they're doing is wrong.
And so the more people thatthey can get to do that same
thing, the more it makes themfeel like, oh, this is okay, the
(16:31):
more people they surroundthemselves who are doing the
same thing or doing it even morethan they are.
That makes them feel betterabout themselves.
So that was one of the warningsthat I gave them is just to be
steadfast in their decisions,because that is where their
(16:55):
power comes from.
They lose that power once theygive in.
And then, of course, I tied allof this back to faith, because
identity in Christ is the anchor, not the identity of the person
that you think you are.
When you drink, I forgot myidentity and I became the person
(17:17):
that I thought I was when I wasdrinking, like I became that
person, and then, when I wasn'tdrinking, it felt very
uncomfortable, because then Iwas just me and it was just I
don't know, it was just reallyconfusing and I thought, well,
(17:38):
this is just who I am now.
But 2 Timothy 1, 17 tells us,for God gave us not a spirit of
timidity, but of power of loveand of self-control.
And that means that in beingable to say no and make good
choices, they already have thatpower to make those strong
(18:00):
choices.
They already have love.
That doesn't depend on fittingin and they already have
self-control.
And the best part is, the moreyou practice it, the easier it
becomes and it makes themleaders.
I told them, like they neverknow who they will inspire just
(18:21):
by being them, just by beingauthentically them, because God
can use that to help otherpeople, so that they can see wow
, I don't have to do that, hedoesn't do that, and look how
happy he is, or look howfulfilled he is, or you know
whatever.
It is not to be them but torealize, like I don't have to
(18:44):
stay stuck.
So I felt like that was such acritical piece to share with
them too.
Now I want to pause here andspeak into something really,
really important, because maybeyou're having this conversation
with your child and suddenly yourealize they've already been
(19:04):
drinking, or maybe you stronglysuspect that they have.
Maybe you've heard the storiesor noticing things, just don't
add up.
First of all, I just want youto take a breath.
This doesn't mean it's too late.
Just because they've done itbefore does not mean they have
(19:25):
to keep doing it Now.
When I think back to my ownstory, I wonder what could
someone have said to me thatmight have helped me to rethink
the track that I was on?
And here's what's come to mindLook, I know you've already
tried drinking, but you don'thave to keep going down that
(19:47):
road just because you started.
Every day is a new choice.
What you did last weekend doesnot define who you are today.
Your body is a temple of theHoly Spirit and you are equipped
to resist these temptations.
(20:08):
And if you want help stopping,there is help available,
available, and you do not haveto do this alone.
That's the message that I wishI'd heard Not shame, not anger,
but hope.
The reminder that I wasn'tlocked into my mistakes, that
(20:29):
someone would walk me toward abetter path, that the reason
that I had trouble stoppingalcohol had nothing to do with
me being a bad person or nothaving willpower, but it had
everything to do with howalcohol affected my brain and my
(20:51):
body, and that's what yourchild needs from you too.
They need to know that yourlove for them doesn't change,
that their past choices don'thave to define their future, and
that help is real and available, whether that's professional
support, pastoral guidance orcommunities like sobriety groups
(21:13):
that offer encouragement andtools.
Parents, I don't want you to nothave this conversation because
you are afraid of what you mightfind out or afraid of this
moment, because sometimes themost powerful conversations
happen after a wrong turn,because that's when a young
person is most open to hearing.
(21:35):
You can start again, you canchoose differently, and I
absolutely believe in you.
So, parents, here's myencouragement to you Don't let
fear of hypocrisy silence you.
Don't think that you have to bethe cool parent.
Don't believe the lie thatdrinking is just a part of the
(21:55):
college experience.
It absolutely, 100%, does nothave to be.
Now.
I have no control over whethermy kids end up choosing to drink
or not drink, but I have givenit all.
I have told them and explainedto them, and you know, sometimes
(22:16):
they just have to learn frommaking their own choices.
That's what you know.
God gives us free will as well,but I don't want you to not say
something just because you feellike it's pointless.
Your words matter, your honestyit matters.
Your kids need to hear thetruth about alcohol, even if you
(22:40):
haven't modeled it perfectly.
And when you have theseconversations, just tailor them
to your children's age, to theirtemperament.
My middle schooler heard thesame conversation.
My older boys did, but he's theyoungest of much older brothers
and he is at a maturity levelthat he could understand what we
(23:05):
were talking about and it wasfine.
That's just how we speak aboutthis, but you know your child
best, so speak in a way thatfits them, because here's the
bottom line being includeddoesn't mean being intoxicated.
That's what we need tocommunicate to them.
(23:28):
Real belonging comes from beingauthentic.
It comes from making choicesthat you can be proud of now and
in the future, and thensurrounding yourself with people
who respect those choices.
That goes for college studentsand, hey, that goes for us too.
That goes for adults as well.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, please share it with
(23:54):
another parent who is sendingtheir child to college.
And again, if you have any,feel free to reach out to me.
Maybe I'll do another episodewhere I answer a parent question
.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
(24:14):
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well,
and make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic sobrietycoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
(24:36):
Follow me on Instagram atthecatholicsobrietycoach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
here for you, I am praying foryou.
You are not alone, thank you.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Hey friends, welcome back tothe podcast.
It has been a while since I'vereleased a new episode, and I
just gotta tell you life hasbeen really full around here in
(00:43):
a good way, though.
Life has been really fullaround here in a good way,
though, and one of those reasonsis that I just wrapped up our
62 day soberish summer challenge.
If you've been following me fora while or you're on my
newsletter, you probably sawmention of this or have heard
about it, but it was just thisbeautiful journey with a group
(01:05):
of women who wanted to take anhonest look at their
relationship with alcohol.
So, for 62 days, I guided themthrough with daily audios,
coaching prompts, journaling,exercises, resources,
non-alcoholic fun drinks and allkinds of things, helping them
(01:26):
discern how much alcohol is toomuch for me, do I want to reduce
or eliminate it, and what wouldgoing alcohol-free look like in
my own life, and I gotta tellyou it was amazing, because I
ended up creating tools on thefly that I had never created
(01:46):
before, and I did it because thecommunity needed them, and that
is one of my favorite thingsabout group work is how the Holy
Spirit shows up and new thingscome to life.
So we did the challenge insideof Slack.
(02:06):
I had never done that beforeand I absolutely loved the
community aspect of it.
The feedback has been wonderfuland, I'll be honest, it filled
me up to walk alongside thesewomen in that way over the
summer.
So if you are in that challenge, thank you, thank you, thank
you.
It was such a joy and a gift tobe with you through it all.
(02:32):
But that's not the only reasonthat I've been a little quiet on
the podcast.
Life at home has been big too.
Our twins graduated from highschool this spring I think I
mentioned that before and whileone of them is staying close to
home, working and planning onstarting college here in a few
weeks, while the other justmoved out of state to start
(02:57):
college in the city where I grewup my hometown.
So, as you might imagine, thepast few months have been so
bittersweet.
They've been full of packinglists, target runs, dorm
shopping, super long to-do listswhich, thankfully, my husband
loves to create and I love tocheck things off and, yes, lots
(03:22):
and lots of emotions.
And last but certainly notleast, there's our middle
schooler who just started tacklefootball and has practices like
every single night.
But I will say that thisfootball loving household has
been so excited to have himdoing that and, yeah, it's just
(03:44):
been a joy to watch him stepinto that new challenge and just
love every minute of it.
So, a full summer, a full heartand a lot, a lot of change.
As we were doing all theprepping and planning and
purchasing items to send one ofour sons out of state, I found
(04:08):
myself in that place that somany moms go to that.
Have I taught him enough?
Have I told him the rightthings?
Will he remember what reallymatters when I'm not right
beside him, telling him,reminding him, guiding him?
I hope I'm not the only one.
I don't think I'm the only onewho has gone through that.
(04:29):
But one of the things that roseto the top for me was alcohol
and drugs.
Now, if you know my story, youknow that I've been alcohol-free
for 28 years.
My kids have never seen medrink.
They know I'm a sobriety coach.
They know that this is mylife's work.
So, yes, we've had many, manyconversations about alcohol over
(04:51):
the years.
But this time my husband and Iwanted to sit both of our older
boys down the one heading tocollege and his twin staying
home along with their youngerbrother and we wanted to have a
deeper talk.
Because the truth is, theseconversations aren't just one
(05:12):
and done.
They need to be revisited,expanded and adjusted as kids
grow.
And through that process Irealized that so many parents
also want to have thisconversation, but they don't
always know how Like.
I've just had theseconversations, but I do know
that some parents avoid italtogether because they just
(05:34):
don't feel equipped or,especially if they are prone to
over-drinking themselves, theymay feel like having that
conversation is hypocritical.
Others think, oh, this is justa part of the college experience
.
Better they do it with me thanwith strangers.
But I want to challenge that.
(05:55):
You don't have to be the coolparent who sends your underage
kid to school with a case ofbeer or shrugs it off because
marijuana is legal in your state, like it is mine.
Those are not badges ofbelonging.
They are setups for danger yes,danger.
(06:16):
You think I'm being dramatic,I'm not.
It really can be very dangerous.
So today I want to share what Itold my own sons, not because I
have all of it figured out, butbecause what I know can help
you as you prepare to send yourchild into a new season.
So let's talk about the modelingpiece.
(06:38):
Let's start here, because thisis the roadblock for so many
parents.
Maybe you haven't been theperfect role model when it comes
to alcohol.
Maybe your kids have seen youdrink too much at a party, or
they've watched you pour a glassof wine when you're stressed
out, and so you think who am Ito talk about this with them?
(06:58):
But here's the truth your kidsdon't need you to be perfect,
they just need you to be honest.
And modeling isn't just aboutshowing the ideal.
It's about owning the real Likesaying things like I didn't
always get this right, but Iwant better for you.
(07:20):
Or I know that you have seen medrink when I'm stressed, but I
want you to also know that I'mlearning healthier ways to cope.
And I can tell you thathumility is modeling too.
It gives your child permissionto be honest about their own
(07:41):
struggles instead of hiding them.
The other thing that I talked indepth with them about is the
neuroscience behind alcohol andwhy control, being in control
and staying in control matters.
So I told my boys your brainsare still wiring until you're
about 25 years old and alcoholand drugs literally interfere
(08:06):
with that process.
Alcohol rewires your brain.
Alcohol and drugs rewire yourbrain, and here's what I mean.
So the prefrontal cortex, thatpart of your brain that manages
judgment, self-control anddecision making that is still
developing and alcohol shutsthat down temporarily and that's
(08:28):
why drinking makes people feelmuch bolder or sillier or more
outgoing.
But that is not true confidence.
It's just a lowered inhibition,and when your judgment is
impaired, you are actually veryvulnerable.
And this is so importantbecause being in control of your
(08:53):
mind and body matters.
And I want to tell you that Iknow this not just from things
I've read or people I've talkedto.
I know this from personalexperience and I know that the
first few weeks of college arestatistically the most dangerous
(09:14):
.
And please know I do not saythat lightly, I am not here to
fearmonger.
I can tell you that on my son'scampus alone, parents and
students have already receivedseveral sexual assault alerts
this semester and, honestly,it's only been in session for
the past couple of weeks and, asfar as I can tell from the
(09:38):
information that has beenprovided to us, alcohol was
involved every single time.
So when you are not fully incontrol of your mind or body,
you cannot fully protectyourself.
You are not fully aware of whatis going around going on around
you, who is around you.
Many of these kids don't evenknow the other people that they
(10:01):
are around.
They are have just put trust inbasically strangers.
And, again, you cannot makewise choices when the part of
your brain that tells you tostop that manages.
You know, being able to kind ofjudge and navigate a situation
(10:23):
has been impaired and, sadly,others may take advantage of
that.
And then there's also the factthat alcohol can cause blackouts
and can cause people to dothings or say things and not
remember them at all becausethey have blacked out.
(10:44):
This is dangerous.
So it's something that justcannot be.
It just needs to stop.
And honestly, I really, reallywish that colleges, if they were
serious about protecting theirstudents, protecting their
(11:20):
students, they would come downmuch harder on alcohol on campus
, in on-campus living situations, in fraternities and sororities
and things like that.
That's my humble opinion, but Ithink I'm right.
The other thing I want to notethat kind of goes with this,
which really isn't yet a thingfor my sons because they're not
of legal age to drink.
But as far as dating anddrinking, you know, our culture
(11:43):
glamorizes like let's grab adrink and it's supposed to sound
sophisticated or something, orlike it's a way to ease the
awkwardness of a first date.
But the truth is, dating whiledrunk is also extremely
dangerous, because you can'tfully consent when you're
impaired.
You don't really know the otherperson's intentions or who they
(12:06):
are, even if you think that youdo, and you can't honestly show
up as your real self if you aredrinking while dating.
So if you want a relationshipthat's rooted in honesty and
respect, it cannot be built onblurred conversations and
half-remembered nights.
That's just a little tidbit ofinformation that I think is
(12:30):
helpful and something that canbe communicated to young adults
as well.
The other thing we talked aboutis belonging versus blending in.
So I always try to remind myboys that not everyone is
drinking, and they know this tobe a fact because they went
through their entire high schoolwithout drinking.
(12:51):
None of their friends drink.
Actually, gen Z, I believe, isthe generation that I think is
really going to rise up, andsoon we will look at excessive
alcohol use like we do otherthings that are dangerous like
cigarette smoking and thingslike that.
(13:11):
There's so many newnon-alcoholic options and things
that people can have and, quitehonestly, a good big portion of
college students either don'tdrink at all or they actually
drink far less than peopleassume.
But then there are some youngpeople who just assume everybody
(13:32):
is drinking, especially ifthey're drinking, and they think
everybody is drinking the sameamount as they did.
So if they actually stopped andjust kind of observed people
and didn't drink, they wouldprobably realize that there are
people that they think aredrinking that aren't, or that
they that don't drink.
You know as much as they think.
(13:53):
So I asked them would you ratherbe liked for who you are or for
who you are pretending to be?
Because, like for me, I starteddrinking to be part of
something.
You, if you've heard my story,you've heard me say it was this
magic elixir that got me intoparties, that got me a friend
(14:16):
group, that got me a boyfriend,all of those things that my
teenage mind thought that Ineeded Alcohol, I believed at
that time, was the key to all ofit, but I wasn't me.
That wasn't who I am.
(14:36):
It was like just thisalcohol-soaked version of me.
It was a persona.
It wasn't authentically me.
It wasn't authentically me.
So then I would ask them ifyour friends only want to be
around you when they're drinking, are they really your friends?
(14:58):
Because when I stopped drinkingin my early 20s, I let go of a
lot of those people, and theydidn't really care because I
wasn't drinking and that's whatthey like to do.
Don't really care because Iwasn't drinking and that's what
they like to do.
So I feel that it was soimportant to communicate to my
sons that community isn't aboutbeing the same as everybody else
(15:22):
.
It's about being authentic,because people are drawn to
authenticity.
Now, one of the things that Ialso warn them about, though, is
that there are those who drinkand party, and then they might
hone in on somebody who's notdrinking, who doesn't like to
party.
You know they're this personthat holds this virtue, and you
(15:47):
know it could be with a lot ofdifferent things, but the people
who party not everyone, butsometimes people who party and
drink and everything they willbe relentless on these people
that don't, because it's almostlike they're trying to drag them
down with them and they're notreally.
That's not really their plan.
(16:07):
They're just thinking I have somuch fun, so you would have so
much fun if you just did thisthing, when in reality, they
just don't want to feel likewhat they're doing is wrong.
And so the more people thatthey can get to do that same
thing, the more it makes themfeel like, oh, this is okay, the
(16:31):
more people they surroundthemselves who are doing the
same thing or doing it even morethan they are.
That makes them feel betterabout themselves.
So that was one of the warningsthat I gave them is just to be
steadfast in their decisions,because that is where their
(16:55):
power comes from.
They lose that power once theygive in.
And then, of course, I tied allof this back to faith, because
identity in Christ is the anchor, not the identity of the person
that you think you are.
When you drink, I forgot myidentity and I became the person
(17:17):
that I thought I was when I wasdrinking, like I became that
person, and then, when I wasn'tdrinking, it felt very
uncomfortable, because then Iwas just me and it was just I
don't know, it was just reallyconfusing and I thought, well,
(17:38):
this is just who I am now.
But 2 Timothy 1, 17 tells us,for God gave us not a spirit of
timidity, but of power of loveand of self-control.
And that means that in beingable to say no and make good
choices, they already have thatpower to make those strong
(18:00):
choices.
They already have love.
That doesn't depend on fittingin and they already have
self-control.
And the best part is, the moreyou practice it, the easier it
becomes and it makes themleaders.
I told them, like they neverknow who they will inspire just
(18:21):
by being them, just by beingauthentically them, because God
can use that to help otherpeople, so that they can see wow
, I don't have to do that, hedoesn't do that, and look how
happy he is, or look howfulfilled he is, or you know
whatever.
It is not to be them but torealize, like I don't have to
(18:44):
stay stuck.
So I felt like that was such acritical piece to share with
them too.
Now I want to pause here andspeak into something really,
really important, because maybeyou're having this conversation
with your child and suddenly yourealize they've already been
(19:04):
drinking, or maybe you stronglysuspect that they have.
Maybe you've heard the storiesor noticing things, just don't
add up.
First of all, I just want youto take a breath.
This doesn't mean it's too late.
Just because they've done itbefore does not mean they have
(19:25):
to keep doing it Now.
When I think back to my ownstory, I wonder what could
someone have said to me thatmight have helped me to rethink
the track that I was on?
And here's what's come to mindLook, I know you've already
tried drinking, but you don'thave to keep going down that
(19:47):
road just because you started.
Every day is a new choice.
What you did last weekend doesnot define who you are today.
Your body is a temple of theHoly Spirit and you are equipped
to resist these temptations.
(20:08):
And if you want help stopping,there is help available,
available, and you do not haveto do this alone.
That's the message that I wishI'd heard Not shame, not anger,
but hope.
The reminder that I wasn'tlocked into my mistakes, that
(20:29):
someone would walk me toward abetter path, that the reason
that I had trouble stoppingalcohol had nothing to do with
me being a bad person or nothaving willpower, but it had
everything to do with howalcohol affected my brain and my
(20:51):
body, and that's what yourchild needs from you too.
They need to know that yourlove for them doesn't change,
that their past choices don'thave to define their future, and
that help is real and available, whether that's professional
support, pastoral guidance orcommunities like sobriety groups
(21:13):
that offer encouragement andtools.
Parents, I don't want you to nothave this conversation because
you are afraid of what you mightfind out or afraid of this
moment, because sometimes themost powerful conversations
happen after a wrong turn,because that's when a young
person is most open to hearing.
(21:35):
You can start again, you canchoose differently, and I
absolutely believe in you.
So, parents, here's myencouragement to you Don't let
fear of hypocrisy silence you.
Don't think that you have to bethe cool parent.
Don't believe the lie thatdrinking is just a part of the
(21:55):
college experience.
It absolutely, 100%, does nothave to be.
Now.
I have no control over whethermy kids end up choosing to drink
or not drink, but I have givenit all.
I have told them and explainedto them, and you know, sometimes
(22:16):
they just have to learn frommaking their own choices.
That's what you know.
God gives us free will as well,but I don't want you to not say
something just because you feellike it's pointless.
Your words matter, your honestyit matters.
Your kids need to hear thetruth about alcohol, even if you
(22:40):
haven't modeled it perfectly.
And when you have theseconversations, just tailor them
to your children's age, to theirtemperament.
My middle schooler heard thesame conversation.
My older boys did, but he's theyoungest of much older brothers
and he is at a maturity levelthat he could understand what we
(23:05):
were talking about and it wasfine.
That's just how we speak aboutthis, but you know your child
best, so speak in a way thatfits them, because here's the
bottom line being includeddoesn't mean being intoxicated.
That's what we need tocommunicate to them.
(23:28):
Real belonging comes from beingauthentic.
It comes from making choicesthat you can be proud of now and
in the future, and thensurrounding yourself with people
who respect those choices.
That goes for college studentsand, hey, that goes for us too.
That goes for adults as well.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, please share it with
(23:54):
another parent who is sendingtheir child to college.
And again, if you have any,feel free to reach out to me.
Maybe I'll do another episodewhere I answer a parent question
.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
(24:14):
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well,
and make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic sobrietycoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
(24:36):
Follow me on Instagram atthecatholicsobrietycoach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time, and remember I am
here for you, I am praying foryou.
You are not alone, thank you.
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