January 4, 2024 • 23 mins
Have you ever felt nostalgia for a past relationship, even one that wasn't right for you? That's the kind of unexpected grief we unpack as we talk about the emotional journey of reducing or abstaining from alcohol.
With a blend of empathy and insight, this episode navigates the complex feelings of loss and the strategies to cope with them. I’ll guide you through reflective journal prompts, helping you pinpoint the toughest moments of your day and the physical signs of your sorrow. It's not just about what we're giving up; it's about understanding the triggers and reinforcing the significance of our support systems through this transformative period.
I’m also here to equip you with practical advice for fostering sober habits and finding fulfillment outside of the bottle. We’ll explore how a consistent routine and patience can lay the groundwork for a new lifestyle, and I'll share why connecting with your support network is more crucial than ever.
From swapping out nightly drinks for healthier alternatives to immersing yourself in the great outdoors or uplifting tunes, I pack this episode with tips to build resilience and joy.
When you’re faced with the decision to step back from alcohol-fueled events, I'll help you see these choices as powerful affirmations of self-care.
If you're someone who’s on the path to sobriety or knows someone who is, this conversation is an invitation to deepen your understanding and discover the support you need.
Join my Sacred Sobriety Lab for support on your journey to Drink Less or Not at all
https://sacredsobrietylab.com
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christy Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and a JoyfieldCatholic, and I am the Catholic
(00:23):
Sobriety coach, and I am so gladyou're here Today.
I'm going to talk about thegrief that you may experience
when you are reducing oreliminating your alcohol
consumption.
Now, this is something I don'tthink is spoken about a lot.
We do talk about how we tend toromanticize alcohol.
(00:47):
If you think about it as Idon't know if any of you have
been in these types ofrelationships, but I know I have
where you have broken up with aperson or they've broken up
with you and you know thatthey're no good and there's been
all these red flags and youknow that the relationship was
not meant to be and the two ofyou just are not compatible.
(01:10):
Yet after a time, you mightstart to feel bored, you might
start to feel lonely, and thenyou start romanticizing and
thinking about all of the goodthings that occurred in that
relationship only the goodqualities about that person, and
we do that with alcohol as well.
If you eliminate or reduce youralcohol consumption, pretty
(01:33):
soon you are going to experiencesome incredible benefits, like
your sleep is going to be better, your skin is going to look
better, your mental clarity willhave improved, your gut health
will have improved as well.
So you there's just so manythings that you are going to
notice.
But at the same time, when youstart to feel lonely or bored,
(01:58):
or maybe like you're not likeeverybody else, or you start
focusing on all the thingsyou're giving up instead of all
the things you're gaining, thenpretty soon you start
romanticizing alcohol.
You only think about the goodtimes, the fun times, how it was
there to help you cope, how itwas there to help you in certain
(02:21):
social situations.
So that is kind of where ourgrief stems from is because
we're starting to romanticizethat and we're missing it.
We're almost nostalgic for it.
So today I have compiled somejournal prompts.
I think that these are great toeither journal about, meditate
(02:41):
on, take it to prayer, work itinto your adoration time and
just really think about thesethings and it'll help you
process through the grief thatyou are experiencing due to the
change and this loss of thiscoping mechanism or this
pleasure that you enjoy.
(03:01):
Now I'm not saying that youhave to stop drinking at all,
but I think even when we arefinding that desired level of
sobriety that works for us, whenwe are trying to cut out the
chaos that alcohol is causingfrom our lives and we know that
we can only have it, or that weare choosing to only have it
(03:23):
during certain times, prescribedtimes that we've determined and
tested and experimented tofigure out that that's what
works best for us, there's stillgoing to be some grief, some
sense of loss, maybe even likewho am I now?
Because I was always the onethat brought the wine, I was
always the party girl, I wasalways the whatever it is.
(03:46):
I'm more fun, I'm more social.
Whatever these thoughts arethat you're having around
alcohol that can make you feelgrief at a loss for that person
or that perceived identity thatyou have of yourself.
So one of the first things thatI want you to consider when
you're journaling about yourgrief of letting go of alcohol
(04:10):
and that habit is why am Igrieving?
What is it that I'm grieving?
Am I grieving the loss ofalcohol itself?
Am I grieving the loss of thatcoping mechanism?
Am I grieving the loss of who Iam when I drink?
Just write all of that out andbe really honest with yourself
(04:31):
and look at it, and I think thatthat will help you gain some
clarity about why you're feelingthe feelings that you are
feeling, which, later on, whenyou start managing your mind
around your triggers and urgesusing my pearl technique, if you
choose to do so, or any otherkind of mindset method you will
(04:51):
have more clarity to be able toreframe those thoughts that you
are having so that you'll getthe results that you want.
Now the next question I wouldask you to ask is what is the
most challenging part of my day?
And think of that.
Like when do I experience thissense of loss, this sense of
(05:12):
grief when it comes to alcohol?
And then, where in my body do Ifeel the grief?
Like do you tense up when youthink about like oh, I'd really
like a glass of wine, but thenyou're you tell yourself, no,
we're not doing that.
And like what does that feellike in your body?
Where is it in your body thatyou can just sense that grief?
(05:37):
Is it like in the pit of yourstomach?
Is it in your chest?
Does your whole body, tightenand just think about that,
because as you write that outand then look back at it and
reflect on that, then that willhelp you discover some coping
mechanisms and techniques tokind of release that tension and
(05:57):
alleviate those feelings thatare coming up in your body.
Do you need to go for a walk?
Do you need to take a hot bath?
Do you need to sit in quietwith a cup of tea?
There's, it'll just help you asyou plan and prepare for the
future.
And then the next thing I'd likeyou to ask yourself for what
are some of the things that aretriggering this feeling of grief
(06:21):
?
Is it because my friend Susieknows that I am not drinking and
she didn't invite me to thegirls night that she had?
Is it when I look into therefrigerator and that spot where
my wine used to be is now emptyand I just feel like this sense
(06:42):
of emptiness or like what?
What am I going to do now?
I can't cope.
The thing that I was reachingfor is not there anymore.
Then the next thing is mysupport system is.
I want you to list out all ofthe people who are there to
support you, who love you, whoyou can trust, who you can
(07:03):
confide in, who will be rootingfor you, and when you have this
written down, then you can referto it in those times when you
are feeling lonely or isolated,and you know that you can call
upon these friends and familymembers to lift you up and
encourage you.
Support and accountability is soimportant for success, and that
(07:24):
is why I always recommend notdoing this alone.
Whether you have your husband,your best friend, your mom, your
sister and for sure, bringingthe Lord into it, talking to him
constantly, letting him knowwhat you are going through,
asking him to shower his gracesupon you and strengthen your
(07:46):
gifts so that you can resist theurges, the triggers.
Ask him to absolve you of thedesire to drink.
You can pray boldly and praybig and just know that he is
there with you, walking with you.
You are not alone, and becauseI know how important and vital
(08:09):
support is and accountability isto reducing or eliminating your
alcohol consumption, I alwaystell my one-on-one clients to
make sure that they have aperson in their life that they
can talk to and confide in aswell.
Yes, a coach is there forsupport and accountability, but
(08:31):
you also need to have a personin your life that you can talk
to with my sacred sobriety lab.
I have included a VIP Facebookgroup for women who are working
through this lab and thisprogram, because that's another
added layer of support andaccountability and encouragement
(08:53):
.
So if you join the lab, justknow that you not only have me
as your coach, who you can talkto or message if you have any
questions, but you will have acommunity of like-minded women
who are working towards the samegoal as you.
Now, of course, we all ourvarying, have varying degrees of
(09:19):
how much alcohol we want toconsume, but within the lab, you
are experimenting and trying tofigure out what that level of
sobriety is, and so that is howthis group will help you and
support you and give you anoutlet so that maybe, if there
aren't people in your life thatyou can talk to who can support
(09:39):
you, you at least have thatonline community there for you.
As we're talking aboutrelationships and friends, and
support is what is somethingthat you wish your family and
friends would say if you were totell them, or when you tell
them, about your desire to drinkless or not at all, how would
you like them to support you?
(10:00):
Another thing that you mightwant to think about or journal
on is I wish I could forgivemyself for and put that out
there and definitely take thisto prayer and then take it to
the sacrament of reconciliationso that you can receive that
absolution that you are desiringand you can set that aside and
(10:22):
not think about it again,because you have been absolved
of it and now you can allow theLord to pour in his graces and
heal you and shower you with hismercy and you can forgive
yourself.
The next thing you couldjournal about are what are some
things that are helping me?
Look at your successes.
(10:43):
What is actually helping youthrough this process?
What helps you when you areexperiencing that sense of grief
?
Is it deep breathing work?
Is it listening to podcastslike this one?
Is it going for walks, spendingtime with your family?
Whatever it is?
Think about those things, writethem down and, again, that is
(11:06):
something that will be a greattool for you to refer back to
when these feelings of griefstart to surface.
Before I close the show, I dowant to give you some tips and
strategies for getting throughthose feelings of grief, other
than these journaling promptsthat I have given you.
(11:27):
Those are going to be great andthey will be super, super
helpful for you to refer back toin the future as you are
creating protocols and plans andthat I talk about in my Sacred
Spriety Lab.
But I have also talked about iton the podcast a bunch too, so
you can go back and listen tothose episodes.
(11:49):
These are just suggestions thatcan help again if you're
feeling those feelings of griefor just like that yucky feeling
in your body when you start tothink about, you know, reducing
or eliminating your alcoholconsumption.
Or you get a little fixated onall the things that you're
giving up, or you startromanticizing alcohol and only
(12:12):
remembering the good thingsinstead of the reason that
you've decided to cut back oreliminate it.
So one thing you can do is justplan extra yummy dinners,
because when you start toEliminate and reduce alcohol, I
will tell you, your taste budswill just Explode with flavor,
(12:36):
like it's.
I don't know if you've evergiven up sugar before, but when
you give up sugar for a time, oryou greatly reduce it, when you
have a piece of fruit, it justtastes amazing.
But if you have desensitizedyour taste buds to Sugar or the
artificial sweeteners and thingslike that, then, when you have
(13:00):
fruit, doesn't have the sameBursting flavor and taste that
it does when you've abstained orreduced your sugar intake for a
time, and the same happens withalcohol.
So, depending on how often orhow much you drink, that will
determine what you Experience.
I will tell you that investingsome time in buying some really
(13:24):
fun ingredients and looking upsome Neat recipes and just like
pouring yourself into it if youenjoy cooking if you don't enjoy
cooking, then this may soundterrible and don't do it.
But if you like cooking or youmaybe you want to do more of it
or Experiment more with it thenthis could be a really good
(13:46):
option to kind of take your mindoff of what you're missing and
Start focusing on something else.
The other tip I have for you isjust to stick to that routine,
that new routine, as much aspossible, because you're going
to build your sober muscles andBuild a habit.
So just remember this is likegoing to the gym.
(14:08):
You can't go to the gym on dayone and have lost 10 pounds and
be Super, super fit.
Right, it takes time, andbuilding those sober muscles, it
takes time as well.
So just keep at it and juststick to a routine.
One of the best routines youcan have is to go to bed and
(14:29):
wake up at the same time everyday.
Now I always say one of thebenefits to quitting drinking is
that you will get better sleep.
But I will tell you that itdoesn't just Magically happen.
It takes a little bit of timefor your body to adjust.
So just be patient withyourself and know that good
sleep is coming and you won'thave those 3 am Waking and all
(14:53):
the things that happen as thealcohol is leaving your system
and your body is processing thealcohol To get rid of it.
We talked about this before.
Don't isolate.
So when you are having thosefeelings of loneliness or
boredom, that is like theperfect time to reach out to
someone.
(15:13):
So refer back to that list ofyour support people and give
them a call or invite them forcoffee or a walk, and Know that
isolating isn't going to helpyou, because when we are only
accountable to ourselves, it'sreally easy to break promises
and break trust with ourselves.
(15:33):
But when another person isholding us accountable or knows
about our Goals and our desiresto drink less or not at all, it
just makes it so much easier.
Okay, friends, sparkling wateris a great thing to have and you
could even put like atablespoon of Apple cider
(15:54):
vinegar in it just to add like akick.
It can be a great substitutefor that nightly alcohol that
you have.
Is it gonna give you the sameeuphoric feelings and dopamine
hits and all that that alcoholdoes?
Probably not in the way thatyou're used to, but I assure you
(16:14):
it will be a great substitute.
So when you're thinking, oh,I'm sitting here watching this
show with my husband and Iusually have a glass of wine
Maybe just pour some sparklingwater in a wine glass, add a
shot of apple cider vinegar anddrink that, and you know it's a
great substitute and get used tothat.
If you don't like apple cidervinegar For sure, don't put that
(16:37):
in there.
Just sparkling water or havinglike sparkling water and maybe
like a splash of cranberry juiceor orange juice can be really
fun and kind of still give youthat feeling of having a treat
while you're relaxing.
Another tip is to get outside.
Just take a walk, because thatfresh air as soon as it hits our
(17:02):
lungs, we just can't help buttake a nice deep breath in, and
at that moment you may realizethat you've probably been taking
a lot of shallow breaths andyou haven't really taken time to
just be.
So just get outside, go for awalk, take some deep breaths in
(17:22):
that fresh air and, whether it'sa short walk or a long walk,
just know that you are doingsomething great for yourself and
you're clearing your mind andthose feelings of grief, the
tightness that you're feeling inyour body, or wherever that
grief is showing up in your body, will start to dissipate.
(17:44):
One of my favorite things whenI'm feeling down is to listen to
uplifting songs.
I don't know about you, butmusic just transforms my mood,
and so I'm not going to listento a bunch of songs of I don't
know.
I grew up in the 90s, in the 80sand 90s, so when I go back and
(18:06):
I listen to some of the songsfrom the grunge era that I used
to love, I listen to them andI'm like, oh my gosh, those are
so depressing.
No wonder I was drinking whileI was listening to them all the
time.
So maybe don't choose thosesongs, but maybe choose some
beautiful, like worship music oreven instrumental music.
(18:29):
I don't know.
There's different apps outthere.
There's different Catholic appsout there that have lots of
great uplifting music that alsoglorifies God.
Some of it has no words, someof it has words.
So, whatever your preference is, that could be very, very
helpful in elevating your moodand helping you cope with that
(18:50):
grief that you're feeling.
Deep breathing is so good.
I just talked about that as faras like when you go for a walk,
but most of the day we'retaking very, very shallow
breaths.
So if you just sit andconsciously focus on taking a
deep breath and then slowlyblowing that out, it will help
(19:13):
you so much.
And I talk about this more inmodule four of my sacred
sobriety lab.
But one of the things thatpeople use as they're doing
these breathing exercises toconnect with the Lord is to say
the Jesus prayer Lord JesusChrist, son of the Living God,
(19:33):
have mercy on me, a sinner.
So on the inhale, you say LordJesus Christ, son of the Living
God, and then, as you exhale,you say have mercy on me, a
sinner.
And there are other prayersthat you can say that are short
and simple.
That will help you both connectwith the Lord, manage your mind
(19:57):
and get you to take in thosedeep, cleansing breaths that our
bodies really, really need andcrave, especially when we are
experiencing grief of any kind.
Another tip is just allowyourself to grieve.
Don't try to push it away orget rid of it like.
Just allow yourself to feelthose feelings, sit in the
(20:20):
discomfort and know that it willnot last forever, that it will
pass, and then examine yourthoughts.
Are they encouraging, are theyconvicting, are they kind, are
they loving, are they merciful?
If not, they are not from Godand they are not serving you.
So you just need to let thosego, reframe them so that you are
(20:42):
moving forward with your goalsinstead of staying stuck.
I hope that this episode hasbeen helpful for you so that you
are not alone.
If you are experiencing thosefeelings of grief, it is very
normal and I think that it isgreat just to realize that.
(21:04):
Call it out, talk about it,bring it to light, so that you
don't have to sit with it andfeel like, oh my goodness, I'm
the only one who is experiencingthis, because I promise you you
are not, and I hope that thetips that I provided will be
helpful for you as you do movethrough that grief.
(21:25):
It will not last forever andyou know it will come in waves,
just as grief does.
Okay, so there will be timeswhen you maybe have been
reducing or you've eliminatedalcohol altogether.
You go to an event, or you'rewith a certain person, or you're
(21:46):
doing something, and that hitsyou right, that grief, that loss
of not being able toparticipate, and it's not that
you're not able to, it's thatyou are choosing not to.
So I want you to really reallykeep that in mind.
If your brain offers you thethought I can't do that, think
(22:10):
of, I am choosing not to becauseand that will be so, so helpful
.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic sobriety
podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well,
and make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
(22:33):
I am the Catholic sobrietycoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram attheCatholic sobriety coach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time and remember I am
(22:59):
here for you, I am praying foryou, you are not alone.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christy Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and a JoyfieldCatholic, and I am the Catholic
(00:23):
Sobriety coach, and I am so gladyou're here Today.
I'm going to talk about thegrief that you may experience
when you are reducing oreliminating your alcohol
consumption.
Now, this is something I don'tthink is spoken about a lot.
We do talk about how we tend toromanticize alcohol.
(00:47):
If you think about it as Idon't know if any of you have
been in these types ofrelationships, but I know I have
where you have broken up with aperson or they've broken up
with you and you know thatthey're no good and there's been
all these red flags and youknow that the relationship was
not meant to be and the two ofyou just are not compatible.
(01:10):
Yet after a time, you mightstart to feel bored, you might
start to feel lonely, and thenyou start romanticizing and
thinking about all of the goodthings that occurred in that
relationship only the goodqualities about that person, and
we do that with alcohol as well.
If you eliminate or reduce youralcohol consumption, pretty
(01:33):
soon you are going to experiencesome incredible benefits, like
your sleep is going to be better, your skin is going to look
better, your mental clarity willhave improved, your gut health
will have improved as well.
So you there's just so manythings that you are going to
notice.
But at the same time, when youstart to feel lonely or bored,
(01:58):
or maybe like you're not likeeverybody else, or you start
focusing on all the thingsyou're giving up instead of all
the things you're gaining, thenpretty soon you start
romanticizing alcohol.
You only think about the goodtimes, the fun times, how it was
there to help you cope, how itwas there to help you in certain
(02:21):
social situations.
So that is kind of where ourgrief stems from is because
we're starting to romanticizethat and we're missing it.
We're almost nostalgic for it.
So today I have compiled somejournal prompts.
I think that these are great toeither journal about, meditate
(02:41):
on, take it to prayer, work itinto your adoration time and
just really think about thesethings and it'll help you
process through the grief thatyou are experiencing due to the
change and this loss of thiscoping mechanism or this
pleasure that you enjoy.
(03:01):
Now I'm not saying that youhave to stop drinking at all,
but I think even when we arefinding that desired level of
sobriety that works for us, whenwe are trying to cut out the
chaos that alcohol is causingfrom our lives and we know that
we can only have it, or that weare choosing to only have it
(03:23):
during certain times, prescribedtimes that we've determined and
tested and experimented tofigure out that that's what
works best for us, there's stillgoing to be some grief, some
sense of loss, maybe even likewho am I now?
Because I was always the onethat brought the wine, I was
always the party girl, I wasalways the whatever it is.
(03:46):
I'm more fun, I'm more social.
Whatever these thoughts arethat you're having around
alcohol that can make you feelgrief at a loss for that person
or that perceived identity thatyou have of yourself.
So one of the first things thatI want you to consider when
you're journaling about yourgrief of letting go of alcohol
(04:10):
and that habit is why am Igrieving?
What is it that I'm grieving?
Am I grieving the loss ofalcohol itself?
Am I grieving the loss of thatcoping mechanism?
Am I grieving the loss of who Iam when I drink?
Just write all of that out andbe really honest with yourself
(04:31):
and look at it, and I think thatthat will help you gain some
clarity about why you're feelingthe feelings that you are
feeling, which, later on, whenyou start managing your mind
around your triggers and urgesusing my pearl technique, if you
choose to do so, or any otherkind of mindset method you will
(04:51):
have more clarity to be able toreframe those thoughts that you
are having so that you'll getthe results that you want.
Now the next question I wouldask you to ask is what is the
most challenging part of my day?
And think of that.
Like when do I experience thissense of loss, this sense of
(05:12):
grief when it comes to alcohol?
And then, where in my body do Ifeel the grief?
Like do you tense up when youthink about like oh, I'd really
like a glass of wine, but thenyou're you tell yourself, no,
we're not doing that.
And like what does that feellike in your body?
Where is it in your body thatyou can just sense that grief?
(05:37):
Is it like in the pit of yourstomach?
Is it in your chest?
Does your whole body, tightenand just think about that,
because as you write that outand then look back at it and
reflect on that, then that willhelp you discover some coping
mechanisms and techniques tokind of release that tension and
(05:57):
alleviate those feelings thatare coming up in your body.
Do you need to go for a walk?
Do you need to take a hot bath?
Do you need to sit in quietwith a cup of tea?
There's, it'll just help you asyou plan and prepare for the
future.
And then the next thing I'd likeyou to ask yourself for what
are some of the things that aretriggering this feeling of grief
(06:21):
?
Is it because my friend Susieknows that I am not drinking and
she didn't invite me to thegirls night that she had?
Is it when I look into therefrigerator and that spot where
my wine used to be is now emptyand I just feel like this sense
(06:42):
of emptiness or like what?
What am I going to do now?
I can't cope.
The thing that I was reachingfor is not there anymore.
Then the next thing is mysupport system is.
I want you to list out all ofthe people who are there to
support you, who love you, whoyou can trust, who you can
(07:03):
confide in, who will be rootingfor you, and when you have this
written down, then you can referto it in those times when you
are feeling lonely or isolated,and you know that you can call
upon these friends and familymembers to lift you up and
encourage you.
Support and accountability is soimportant for success, and that
(07:24):
is why I always recommend notdoing this alone.
Whether you have your husband,your best friend, your mom, your
sister and for sure, bringingthe Lord into it, talking to him
constantly, letting him knowwhat you are going through,
asking him to shower his gracesupon you and strengthen your
(07:46):
gifts so that you can resist theurges, the triggers.
Ask him to absolve you of thedesire to drink.
You can pray boldly and praybig and just know that he is
there with you, walking with you.
You are not alone, and becauseI know how important and vital
(08:09):
support is and accountability isto reducing or eliminating your
alcohol consumption, I alwaystell my one-on-one clients to
make sure that they have aperson in their life that they
can talk to and confide in aswell.
Yes, a coach is there forsupport and accountability, but
(08:31):
you also need to have a personin your life that you can talk
to with my sacred sobriety lab.
I have included a VIP Facebookgroup for women who are working
through this lab and thisprogram, because that's another
added layer of support andaccountability and encouragement
(08:53):
.
So if you join the lab, justknow that you not only have me
as your coach, who you can talkto or message if you have any
questions, but you will have acommunity of like-minded women
who are working towards the samegoal as you.
Now, of course, we all ourvarying, have varying degrees of
(09:19):
how much alcohol we want toconsume, but within the lab, you
are experimenting and trying tofigure out what that level of
sobriety is, and so that is howthis group will help you and
support you and give you anoutlet so that maybe, if there
aren't people in your life thatyou can talk to who can support
(09:39):
you, you at least have thatonline community there for you.
As we're talking aboutrelationships and friends, and
support is what is somethingthat you wish your family and
friends would say if you were totell them, or when you tell
them, about your desire to drinkless or not at all, how would
you like them to support you?
(10:00):
Another thing that you mightwant to think about or journal
on is I wish I could forgivemyself for and put that out
there and definitely take thisto prayer and then take it to
the sacrament of reconciliationso that you can receive that
absolution that you are desiringand you can set that aside and
(10:22):
not think about it again,because you have been absolved
of it and now you can allow theLord to pour in his graces and
heal you and shower you with hismercy and you can forgive
yourself.
The next thing you couldjournal about are what are some
things that are helping me?
Look at your successes.
(10:43):
What is actually helping youthrough this process?
What helps you when you areexperiencing that sense of grief
?
Is it deep breathing work?
Is it listening to podcastslike this one?
Is it going for walks, spendingtime with your family?
Whatever it is?
Think about those things, writethem down and, again, that is
(11:06):
something that will be a greattool for you to refer back to
when these feelings of griefstart to surface.
Before I close the show, I dowant to give you some tips and
strategies for getting throughthose feelings of grief, other
than these journaling promptsthat I have given you.
(11:27):
Those are going to be great andthey will be super, super
helpful for you to refer back toin the future as you are
creating protocols and plans andthat I talk about in my Sacred
Spriety Lab.
But I have also talked about iton the podcast a bunch too, so
you can go back and listen tothose episodes.
(11:49):
These are just suggestions thatcan help again if you're
feeling those feelings of griefor just like that yucky feeling
in your body when you start tothink about, you know, reducing
or eliminating your alcoholconsumption.
Or you get a little fixated onall the things that you're
giving up, or you startromanticizing alcohol and only
(12:12):
remembering the good thingsinstead of the reason that
you've decided to cut back oreliminate it.
So one thing you can do is justplan extra yummy dinners,
because when you start toEliminate and reduce alcohol, I
will tell you, your taste budswill just Explode with flavor,
(12:36):
like it's.
I don't know if you've evergiven up sugar before, but when
you give up sugar for a time, oryou greatly reduce it, when you
have a piece of fruit, it justtastes amazing.
But if you have desensitizedyour taste buds to Sugar or the
artificial sweeteners and thingslike that, then, when you have
(13:00):
fruit, doesn't have the sameBursting flavor and taste that
it does when you've abstained orreduced your sugar intake for a
time, and the same happens withalcohol.
So, depending on how often orhow much you drink, that will
determine what you Experience.
I will tell you that investingsome time in buying some really
(13:24):
fun ingredients and looking upsome Neat recipes and just like
pouring yourself into it if youenjoy cooking if you don't enjoy
cooking, then this may soundterrible and don't do it.
But if you like cooking or youmaybe you want to do more of it
or Experiment more with it thenthis could be a really good
(13:46):
option to kind of take your mindoff of what you're missing and
Start focusing on something else.
The other tip I have for you isjust to stick to that routine,
that new routine, as much aspossible, because you're going
to build your sober muscles andBuild a habit.
So just remember this is likegoing to the gym.
(14:08):
You can't go to the gym on dayone and have lost 10 pounds and
be Super, super fit.
Right, it takes time, andbuilding those sober muscles, it
takes time as well.
So just keep at it and juststick to a routine.
One of the best routines youcan have is to go to bed and
(14:29):
wake up at the same time everyday.
Now I always say one of thebenefits to quitting drinking is
that you will get better sleep.
But I will tell you that itdoesn't just Magically happen.
It takes a little bit of timefor your body to adjust.
So just be patient withyourself and know that good
sleep is coming and you won'thave those 3 am Waking and all
(14:53):
the things that happen as thealcohol is leaving your system
and your body is processing thealcohol To get rid of it.
We talked about this before.
Don't isolate.
So when you are having thosefeelings of loneliness or
boredom, that is like theperfect time to reach out to
someone.
(15:13):
So refer back to that list ofyour support people and give
them a call or invite them forcoffee or a walk, and Know that
isolating isn't going to helpyou, because when we are only
accountable to ourselves, it'sreally easy to break promises
and break trust with ourselves.
(15:33):
But when another person isholding us accountable or knows
about our Goals and our desiresto drink less or not at all, it
just makes it so much easier.
Okay, friends, sparkling wateris a great thing to have and you
could even put like atablespoon of Apple cider
(15:54):
vinegar in it just to add like akick.
It can be a great substitutefor that nightly alcohol that
you have.
Is it gonna give you the sameeuphoric feelings and dopamine
hits and all that that alcoholdoes?
Probably not in the way thatyou're used to, but I assure you
(16:14):
it will be a great substitute.
So when you're thinking, oh,I'm sitting here watching this
show with my husband and Iusually have a glass of wine
Maybe just pour some sparklingwater in a wine glass, add a
shot of apple cider vinegar anddrink that, and you know it's a
great substitute and get used tothat.
If you don't like apple cidervinegar For sure, don't put that
(16:37):
in there.
Just sparkling water or havinglike sparkling water and maybe
like a splash of cranberry juiceor orange juice can be really
fun and kind of still give youthat feeling of having a treat
while you're relaxing.
Another tip is to get outside.
Just take a walk, because thatfresh air as soon as it hits our
(17:02):
lungs, we just can't help buttake a nice deep breath in, and
at that moment you may realizethat you've probably been taking
a lot of shallow breaths andyou haven't really taken time to
just be.
So just get outside, go for awalk, take some deep breaths in
(17:22):
that fresh air and, whether it'sa short walk or a long walk,
just know that you are doingsomething great for yourself and
you're clearing your mind andthose feelings of grief, the
tightness that you're feeling inyour body, or wherever that
grief is showing up in your body, will start to dissipate.
(17:44):
One of my favorite things whenI'm feeling down is to listen to
uplifting songs.
I don't know about you, butmusic just transforms my mood,
and so I'm not going to listento a bunch of songs of I don't
know.
I grew up in the 90s, in the 80sand 90s, so when I go back and
(18:06):
I listen to some of the songsfrom the grunge era that I used
to love, I listen to them andI'm like, oh my gosh, those are
so depressing.
No wonder I was drinking whileI was listening to them all the
time.
So maybe don't choose thosesongs, but maybe choose some
beautiful, like worship music oreven instrumental music.
(18:29):
I don't know.
There's different apps outthere.
There's different Catholic appsout there that have lots of
great uplifting music that alsoglorifies God.
Some of it has no words, someof it has words.
So, whatever your preference is, that could be very, very
helpful in elevating your moodand helping you cope with that
(18:50):
grief that you're feeling.
Deep breathing is so good.
I just talked about that as faras like when you go for a walk,
but most of the day we'retaking very, very shallow
breaths.
So if you just sit andconsciously focus on taking a
deep breath and then slowlyblowing that out, it will help
(19:13):
you so much.
And I talk about this more inmodule four of my sacred
sobriety lab.
But one of the things thatpeople use as they're doing
these breathing exercises toconnect with the Lord is to say
the Jesus prayer Lord JesusChrist, son of the Living God,
(19:33):
have mercy on me, a sinner.
So on the inhale, you say LordJesus Christ, son of the Living
God, and then, as you exhale,you say have mercy on me, a
sinner.
And there are other prayersthat you can say that are short
and simple.
That will help you both connectwith the Lord, manage your mind
(19:57):
and get you to take in thosedeep, cleansing breaths that our
bodies really, really need andcrave, especially when we are
experiencing grief of any kind.
Another tip is just allowyourself to grieve.
Don't try to push it away orget rid of it like.
Just allow yourself to feelthose feelings, sit in the
(20:20):
discomfort and know that it willnot last forever, that it will
pass, and then examine yourthoughts.
Are they encouraging, are theyconvicting, are they kind, are
they loving, are they merciful?
If not, they are not from Godand they are not serving you.
So you just need to let thosego, reframe them so that you are
(20:42):
moving forward with your goalsinstead of staying stuck.
I hope that this episode hasbeen helpful for you so that you
are not alone.
If you are experiencing thosefeelings of grief, it is very
normal and I think that it isgreat just to realize that.
(21:04):
Call it out, talk about it,bring it to light, so that you
don't have to sit with it andfeel like, oh my goodness, I'm
the only one who is experiencingthis, because I promise you you
are not, and I hope that thetips that I provided will be
helpful for you as you do movethrough that grief.
(21:25):
It will not last forever andyou know it will come in waves,
just as grief does.
Okay, so there will be timeswhen you maybe have been
reducing or you've eliminatedalcohol altogether.
You go to an event, or you'rewith a certain person, or you're
(21:46):
doing something, and that hitsyou right, that grief, that loss
of not being able toparticipate, and it's not that
you're not able to, it's thatyou are choosing not to.
So I want you to really reallykeep that in mind.
If your brain offers you thethought I can't do that, think
(22:10):
of, I am choosing not to becauseand that will be so, so helpful
.
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic sobriety
podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
it with a friend, who mightalso get value from it as well,
and make sure you subscribe soyou don't miss a thing.
(22:33):
I am the Catholic sobrietycoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
Follow me on Instagram attheCatholic sobriety coach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time and remember I am
(22:59):
here for you, I am praying foryou, you are not alone.
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