May 14, 2024 • 29 mins
When I heard Father Mike Schmitz's homily on Divine Mercy Sunday, his words about our deepest wound being distrust resonated with me. His homily was a catalyst for my reflection on the quarter spent at Encounter School of Ministries, a time rich with learning about the transformative power of forgiveness and the journey to inner healing.
Imagine a fortress, not of stone, but of our own making, built from the lies and vows we've whispered to ourselves. This is the stronghold I discovered, one that often leads to self-protective behaviors and, for some of us, to the numbing embrace of distraction and avoidance.
Drawing from scripture, prayer, and the sacraments, we'll discuss how to replace the deep-seated lies of our wounds with the liberating truths of God's word. I invite you to share this conversation, as it may be the lifeline someone out there is searching for. And if you're seeking further support, There are several ways to work with me —visit my website and follow along on Instagram as we walk hand-in-hand on this path toward alcohol freedom.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Our greatest wound is a woundof distrust.
When I heard Father MikeSchmitz say those words during
his homily for Divine MercySunday, it just opened up
something inside of me that Ihaven't been able to forget, and
(00:52):
it's probably because right nowI'm actually learning how to
heal some of my own wounds andalso learning how to accompany
others on their journey to healwounds, and it just keeps coming
up for me in so many ways andin so many directions.
So I think I've mentionedbefore that I am a student of
Encounter School of Ministries.
We're just wrapping up ourquarter on inner healing, the
(01:15):
fourth quarter, which, as youmight imagine, has actually been
my very favorite, because I cansee all the ways that inner
healing fosters a true andauthentic relationship with
Jesus, our healer, which is soneeded by believers and
unbelievers alike in our hurtingworld.
(01:36):
We also learned the power offorgiveness and how that can
remove roadblocks that come upduring our healing journey.
We've learned a bit about whatit is and what it isn't, which I
actually talked about inepisode 72.
So if you want to, after you'refinished with this episode, you
(01:57):
may want to go check that oneout too, because really these
two episodes go together.
So until this quarter Icouldn't quite articulate how
events in our past cause woundsthat we try to heal with things
that will never satisfy us, likealcohol or scrolling or
(02:17):
shopping or whatever it is thatwe are trying to fill that void
with or distract ourselves with,or we use things that will only
temporarily numb the pain andemotion.
But once I learned that thesewounds are caused by trauma and
what trauma actually is, thepuzzle pieces just really
(02:38):
started to fit together for meand things began to make more
sense.
One barrier I realized that Iwas having is that actually,
when I hear the word trauma, Iwould just picture something
exceptionally traumatic, like acar accident where the car hit a
tree and it's on fire and thepeople inside are bleeding and
(02:59):
they're near death and peopleare rushing around.
Or I thought of horrific abusesituations or being continually
exposed to a parent who wasbelligerently drunk all the time
.
So, honestly, to consideranything that I've been through
in my life as trauma, it justseemed like I was being really
(03:21):
very overly dramatic and I guess, if you compare it to what I
just told you that I thoughttrauma was, it probably would be
.
So what is trauma anyway?
The American PsychologicalAssociation describes trauma as
an emotional response to aterrible event like an accident,
crime, natural disaster,physical or emotional abuse,
(03:47):
neglect, experiencing orwitnessing violence, death of a
loved one, war and more.
Through the teachings atEncounter and reading the book
Be Healed by Dr Bob Schutz, whois a retired marriage and family
therapist and founder of theJP2 Healing Center, schutz
(04:11):
discusses two ways that woundsare formed.
One is through the deprivationof love, which he calls type A
trauma, or by unloving actions,which he calls Type B trauma.
He notes that while Type Atraumas are the most common,
they are also the mostoverlooked, and in his book he
(04:35):
says these may include not beingcherished and celebrated by
one's parents, not knowing weare a delight, not being
understood or nurtured, notreceiving appropriate discipline
or boundaries, not being ableto develop personal freedom or
talents.
And if that doesn't sound verytraumatic to you, you're
(04:58):
probably not alone, but I thinkit will all make sense in a
minute.
So let's move on to type Btrauma.
First, dr Bob notes that type Btrauma is the bad things.
So you think, type A absencethere's an absence of something.
Type B is like bad.
(05:19):
So type B are things like death, divorce, violence, verbal
abuse, sexual abuse, abandonmentby a parent or spouse,
witnessing someone else beingabused or injured, etc.
Now here's what's crazy.
He says that both types oftrauma become permanently stored
(05:42):
in our brains and in every cellof our bodies.
So that is why it's soimportant to seek healing for
the health of our mind, body andsoul.
God wants us healed.
He wants us whole and free sothat we can be the women and men
that he created us to be, andJesus, our healer, he wants to
(06:04):
help us.
Now, when we look at the anatomyof a wound from Dr Bob's
perspective, it has three parts.
In the center is the woundwhich is caused by a trauma.
Surrounding that wound arebeliefs that we have about
ourselves, which it really doesa number on our identity, or the
(06:27):
beliefs we have about others.
Then what comes from thosebeliefs are the inner vows we
make to ourselves based on thesebeliefs.
Before we go any deeper intothis, I also want to let you
know that I've been working myway through Fearless and Free,
which is a walking with purposeCatholic women's Bible study,
(06:48):
and it draws deeply from thework of Dr Bob.
See what I mean when I saidthat this topic keeps coming up
for me.
This is my eighth year helpingto coordinate and facilitate
small group discussions at myparish and it never, ever ceases
to amaze me how, whicheverstudy we are doing, it speaks
(07:11):
right into my life and into thepresent moment.
But you know, that's God's word, right, as Hebrews 4.12 tells
us, for the word of God isliving and active, sharper than
Anyway.
In this study, author andWalking With Purpose founder
(07:46):
Lisa Brennickmeyer talks about avow she made to herself based
on something that was said toher that attacked her identity.
It caused her to agree with alie about her husband and she
made a vow to herself that shewould not need him.
And the wall went up.
(08:08):
She went through life and hermarriage for over a decade until
a therapist she was seeingcalled her out and told her you
cannot self-protect and love atthe same time and love at the
(08:31):
same time yeah, that's prettyamazing.
Now let me say that again youcannot love and self-protect at
the same time.
Does that ring true for you?
It certainly does for me,because I went through 12 years
of marriage with my husbandself-protecting and waiting for
something bad to happen thatwould destroy the beautiful life
that we had built together, andbecause of that I wasn't fully
(08:54):
loving him.
And although I would havevehemently disagreed with you at
the time if you had said that Idon't trust my husband fully, I
honestly didn't.
Now I want to note that myhusband never, ever, gave me a
reason to doubt his love, hisfaithfulness or his
(09:14):
steadfastness.
Yet I was paranoid he wouldleave me.
But I see now that that camefrom the wound of my dad walking
out on our family.
I believed the lie that Iwasn't worth sticking around for
and, as crazy as this may soundthat maybe there was something
I could have done to prevent it.
(09:35):
At that time I made a vow thatI didn't even know I made.
I vowed never to be hurt likethat again.
I would never trust anyonefully or for fear of being hurt,
rejected, humiliated orabandoned.
And then those inner vowsproduced strongholds.
(09:59):
Author Max Lakedo tells us.
The term stronghold appears atleast 50 times in the Bible.
It was commonly referred to asa fortress with difficult access
.
When King David first saw thecity of Jerusalem, it was an old
, ancient, cheerless fortressinhabited by enemies.
(10:21):
No wonder it was twice called astronghold.
Strongholds are no fun.
Lakedo calls them cheerless.
They are put into place throughan agreement we make with a lie
, a contract we make with theenemy in which we allow him
space to inhabit.
(10:42):
It's a place that the enemykeeps us comfortable and focused
on pleasures.
He makes us believe that givinginto the temptation, the sin,
will be worth it, it will makeeverything better.
And then, just like a toxicfriend, he'll cut you down with
shame, manipulate you byattacking your true identity as
(11:06):
a beloved daughter and do all hecan to try to alienate you from
the lover of your soul.
This is precisely what happenswhen we misuse alcohol.
If you are there, then what Iam saying may feel eerily
familiar.
And how do I know?
(11:27):
I've been there.
I have been there way too manytimes to count.
Now, while the enemy uses thetactic of enticing you to give
in, god works very differently,and I'm sure, as a Christian,
you have experienced this too,and I'm sure, as a Christian,
you have experienced this too.
When we are headed down thewrong path, we may encounter
(11:49):
obstacles, sadness or not evenknowing how to talk to God.
We may feel a knowing thatpresents as anxiety and a loss
of peace.
We may even begin to questionthe existence of God or seek a
spirituality that doesn't makeus feel quite so bad about what
(12:11):
we're doing.
We essentially make alcohol anidol and become our own God by
deciding what is right and wrongfor us.
I experienced these things whenI was listening to the liar and
God was trying to get myattention.
On those occasions when Iallowed some vulnerability and
(12:34):
did trust someone, more oftenthan not that trust would be
betrayed and it would reinforcethat core belief.
That core belief Because andthis is what's interesting I
would place my trust in peoplethat I knew deep down would
probably betray that trust andthose who I could have trusted I
(13:01):
pushed away.
Then the enemy would say see,you can't trust anyone.
And where was God in all ofthis?
He doesn't care about you.
You are too insignificant tohim.
So the stronghold of ungodlyself-reliance that took root
(13:21):
would be watered and continue togrow, would be watered and
continue to grow and it producedfruits like addiction, envy,
pride and promiscuity.
Through my recovery, I wasworking and have worked and
continue to work through all ofthese strongholds, and while the
(13:43):
stronghold of addiction wasbroken, there were definitely a
lot more that needed to workthrough one at a time.
And while I have made enormousprogress, there are still more
strongholds that I need to getrid of and I imagine that this
is going to be a lifelongprocess.
(14:03):
But the more we can release,the more peace we have, and I
can certainly attest to that aswell.
The turning point for my husbandand I was when we went to a
worldwide marriage encounterweekend for our 12th anniversary
.
Our marriage was fine, but notgreat.
Communication was definitelylacking and while we wouldn't
(14:27):
fight, we were really snappingat each other more often than we
used to.
Now again, I was still worriedand anxious that he might just
up and leave.
So I asked him if we could goto this marriage encounter and
he agreed.
And I have to tell you it wasthe best thing we have ever done
(14:52):
for our marriage, because weshared so deeply with one
another in ways that we hadnever done before, done before,
and it was awkward and superuncomfortable, but it was so
(15:13):
well worth the effort, becausewalls were torn down that have
never been rebuilt and afterthat weekend my anxiety was
completely gone surrounding ourmarriage.
Since then, I have never oncedoubted my husband's love and
commitment to me or our family.
When we agree with a lie thatthe enemy feeds us and he does
(15:37):
this, by the way, when we are atour lowest and that lie is
served to us covered in a thinlayer of truth, it's very hard
to resist, especially if we arehaving trouble knowing what is
God's truth and what is atwisted version of the truth.
(16:03):
And some of you listening maybe very uncomfortable with me
talking about the forces of evil, darkness, demon, satan, but he
is real and the biggest trickhe has ever played is to
convince people that he is not.
So if you are there and you'velistened this long, that's
(16:28):
pretty good.
But if you are there and you'restill listening, keep listening
with an open mind, because youhave to know that we are
fighting against evil.
But God has prepared us, he'sgifted us and equipped us to
fight this battle, and he isalready one.
(16:49):
And God is always stronger thanthe devil.
Satan is evil, he is cunningand he is a trickster.
And just as the serpent got Eveto distrust God and his
goodness and even her ownidentity by telling her if you
(17:12):
eat of the fruit, you will belike God, that was such a lie.
She was already like God.
She was already created in theimage and likeness of God.
He got her to doubt God anddoubt her identity and then to
(17:34):
come to an agreement with thatlie and the rest is history, as
they say.
Now.
Dr Bob identifies seven woundsin his book.
The first is abandonment I'mall alone.
The second is fear I'm afraid.
The third is powerlessness Ican't change it.
(17:56):
The fourth is hopelessnessThings will never get better.
The fifth is confusion I justdon't understand what is
happening.
The sixth is rejection I am notloved.
And the seventh is shame I'mbad.
(18:20):
I'm bad, I'm worthless.
Now, when I think about thatlist and I hear Father Mike's
voice saying that our greatestwound is the wound of distrust,
I can see how the seven woundsare all part of that bigger
wound, a foundational wound.
Humans have faced this woundsince the beginning of time and
(18:45):
it has us asking ourselves can Itrust others?
Can I trust myself?
Can I trust God?
When I look at what ishappening in our world today and
all the hurt and addictions andnarcissism, confusion, division
, addictions and narcissism,confusion, division, the huge
turning away from God, it hurtsmy heart, but I can see that it
(19:11):
all stems from this great woundof distrust.
So what the heck do we do aboutit?
Well, there's no quick fix.
There's no pills you can take,drink you can drink, or things
(19:31):
you can buy to make it better.
Trying to heal using substances, things or people is never
going to heal you.
True healing comes from the Lord.
It comes from replacing lieswith the truth, god's truth.
Inner healing starts with anawareness that helps us identify
(19:55):
attacks on our identity so thatwe can break the vows we made
with ourselves based on the liesthat we allowed to take root
when we agreed with them.
Inner healing also must includeregular prayer, because that's
how we build relationships iswith communicating with others.
So, to connect with God, ourtrue healer, we have to turn to
(20:19):
him in prayer.
When we learn to trust in Hisgoodness and mercy and believe
that he wants us whole andhealed, we can fully be the
people he created us to be andresist the advances of our enemy
.
Our Lord wants us to experiencehealing and freedom so that we
(20:41):
may glorify him and heal othersas well.
I heard a priest say in a homilyonce wounded people wound
people, but healed people healpeople, and that hit hard.
Do I want to be a wounder or ahealer?
(21:04):
I don't know about you, but Iwant to be a healer.
When we identify the lie andsee it for what it is, then
declare the truth, thestronghold starts to unravel.
Through this process, though,we may also feel like we're
(21:25):
being unraveled, but we can'tstop out of fear.
We can't stop because it feelsuncomfortable.
We have to persist, knowingthat freedom and joy await us on
the other side and that Jesusis with us.
A quote that I love to think ofwhen it comes to taking a closer
(21:47):
look at our wounds is by StAugustine, when he says I saw
his glory in my wounds and itdazzled me.
If you think of it that way, ifyou think of it that way, of
(22:08):
seeing Jesus's glory in yourwounds.
It is dazzling because when weallow him to heal, those sad,
open sores begin to transform.
They become an opening in whichChrist's light can shine
through them to help others.
As I'm saying that God hasgiven me this beautiful image I
(22:31):
want to share.
So close your eyes unlessyou're driving or walking or
doing something where it wouldbe very dangerous to close your
eyes.
Then don't close your eyes Ifyou're in a space when you can
or where you can close your eyes, and don't close your eyes If
you're in a space when you canor where you can close your eyes
(22:57):
.
Now imagine you have a wound.
Let's say it's on your palm.
Now look down at your palm andnotice the painful, open wound.
Now look up.
You see Jesus, your healer,standing before you and he
(23:18):
places his palm on yours andgently grips your hand.
You turn your face to him andhe looks deep into your eyes
with so much love.
And after a moment he slowlybacks away and he removes his
(23:38):
hand from yours To reveal thatyour wound has been healed, and
bursting out from where thatwound was are what look like
radiant sunbeams.
That is his glory.
Jesus can now work through youto heal others, to shine
(24:04):
Christ's beautiful light ontheir wounds so that they can
experience healing as well.
Thank you, jesus.
Thank you for that.
The first thing you can do is tosee the lies for what they are,
identify the lies.
But how do we do that?
(24:26):
St Paul tells us how in 2Corinthians, 10 5.
We demolish arguments and everypretension that sets itself up
against the knowledge of God andwe take captive every thought
to make it obedient to Christ.
Well, how do we do that?
(24:49):
We pray.
We call upon the powerfulintercession of the Blessed
Mother because she will bringall your petitions to her Son.
We read scripture, which isGod's living word.
Read it out loud so the enemycan hear it.
(25:11):
We receive the sacramentsregularly and we spend as much
time with Jesus as we can byadoring him in the Blessed
Sacrament.
After we identify the lies, werenounce them and replace them
with the truth, the only truetruth I'm not talking about your
(25:38):
truth or my truth the truthwhich is God's truth, revealed
to us through sacred scriptureand the magisterium of the
Catholic Church.
Here's a quick example Jesus, Irenounce the lie that you have
abandoned me and, in the name ofJesus, I declare the truth over
(26:02):
.
You will begin to release thosestrongholds and steeping
yourself in scripture andfilling your mind with the good,
the true and the beautiful iskey.
(26:24):
Again, remember what St Paultold us, when we know the truth,
it is much easier to recognizethe lies when they begin to
creep up and we can demolishthem.
Now does this mean that youhave to have hundreds of
scripture verses memorized?
No, but when you are reading,write down those key verses that
(26:48):
speak life into your soul.
I recommend having a Bible youcan write in, not like your
fancy family Bible, but aspecific one for highlighting
and writing notes in.
There are actually somejournaling Bibles or a Bible
that you writing notes in.
There are actually some likejournaling Bibles or a Bible
that you can journal in.
(27:08):
I think Blessed is she has one,and there may be others.
So then you can turn to thosepages when you need them, read
them out loud and allow God'sgrace to pour over you through
his loving words.
Now, isaiah 43.1 is actuallyit's one of my favorites, and it
(27:34):
says but now thus says the Lord, he who created you, o Jacob,
he who formed you, o Jacob, hewho formed you, o Israel, fear
not, for I have redeemed you, Ihave called you by name.
You are mine.
(27:57):
Whatever verses speak to you,return to them and find the ones
that bring you comfort andpeace and hope and again, speak
them out loud, loud enough sothe enemy can hear and he will
flee.
Our greatest wound is distrust,but but Jesus wants to heal
(28:25):
that wound.
He wants to heal you so that hecan work through you to heal
others.
Will you let him?
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
(28:45):
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well, and
make sure you subscribe so youdon't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
(29:06):
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time and remember I am
here for you.
I am praying for you.
You are not alone.
Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the
go-to resource for women seekingto have a deeper understanding
of the role alcohol plays intheir lives, women who are
looking to drink less or not atall for any reason.
I am your host, christi Walker.
I'm a wife, mom and ajoy-filled Catholic, and I am
(00:22):
the Catholic Sobriety Coach, andI am so glad you're here.
Our greatest wound is a woundof distrust.
When I heard Father MikeSchmitz say those words during
his homily for Divine MercySunday, it just opened up
something inside of me that Ihaven't been able to forget, and
(00:52):
it's probably because right nowI'm actually learning how to
heal some of my own wounds andalso learning how to accompany
others on their journey to healwounds, and it just keeps coming
up for me in so many ways andin so many directions.
So I think I've mentionedbefore that I am a student of
Encounter School of Ministries.
We're just wrapping up ourquarter on inner healing, the
(01:15):
fourth quarter, which, as youmight imagine, has actually been
my very favorite, because I cansee all the ways that inner
healing fosters a true andauthentic relationship with
Jesus, our healer, which is soneeded by believers and
unbelievers alike in our hurtingworld.
(01:36):
We also learned the power offorgiveness and how that can
remove roadblocks that come upduring our healing journey.
We've learned a bit about whatit is and what it isn't, which I
actually talked about inepisode 72.
So if you want to, after you'refinished with this episode, you
(01:57):
may want to go check that oneout too, because really these
two episodes go together.
So until this quarter Icouldn't quite articulate how
events in our past cause woundsthat we try to heal with things
that will never satisfy us, likealcohol or scrolling or
(02:17):
shopping or whatever it is thatwe are trying to fill that void
with or distract ourselves with,or we use things that will only
temporarily numb the pain andemotion.
But once I learned that thesewounds are caused by trauma and
what trauma actually is, thepuzzle pieces just really
(02:38):
started to fit together for meand things began to make more
sense.
One barrier I realized that Iwas having is that actually,
when I hear the word trauma, Iwould just picture something
exceptionally traumatic, like acar accident where the car hit a
tree and it's on fire and thepeople inside are bleeding and
(02:59):
they're near death and peopleare rushing around.
Or I thought of horrific abusesituations or being continually
exposed to a parent who wasbelligerently drunk all the time
.
So, honestly, to consideranything that I've been through
in my life as trauma, it justseemed like I was being really
(03:21):
very overly dramatic and I guess, if you compare it to what I
just told you that I thoughttrauma was, it probably would be
.
So what is trauma anyway?
The American PsychologicalAssociation describes trauma as
an emotional response to aterrible event like an accident,
crime, natural disaster,physical or emotional abuse,
(03:47):
neglect, experiencing orwitnessing violence, death of a
loved one, war and more.
Through the teachings atEncounter and reading the book
Be Healed by Dr Bob Schutz, whois a retired marriage and family
therapist and founder of theJP2 Healing Center, schutz
(04:11):
discusses two ways that woundsare formed.
One is through the deprivationof love, which he calls type A
trauma, or by unloving actions,which he calls Type B trauma.
He notes that while Type Atraumas are the most common,
they are also the mostoverlooked, and in his book he
(04:35):
says these may include not beingcherished and celebrated by
one's parents, not knowing weare a delight, not being
understood or nurtured, notreceiving appropriate discipline
or boundaries, not being ableto develop personal freedom or
talents.
And if that doesn't sound verytraumatic to you, you're
(04:58):
probably not alone, but I thinkit will all make sense in a
minute.
So let's move on to type Btrauma.
First, dr Bob notes that type Btrauma is the bad things.
So you think, type A absencethere's an absence of something.
Type B is like bad.
(05:19):
So type B are things like death, divorce, violence, verbal
abuse, sexual abuse, abandonmentby a parent or spouse,
witnessing someone else beingabused or injured, etc.
Now here's what's crazy.
He says that both types oftrauma become permanently stored
(05:42):
in our brains and in every cellof our bodies.
So that is why it's soimportant to seek healing for
the health of our mind, body andsoul.
God wants us healed.
He wants us whole and free sothat we can be the women and men
that he created us to be, andJesus, our healer, he wants to
(06:04):
help us.
Now, when we look at the anatomyof a wound from Dr Bob's
perspective, it has three parts.
In the center is the woundwhich is caused by a trauma.
Surrounding that wound arebeliefs that we have about
ourselves, which it really doesa number on our identity, or the
(06:27):
beliefs we have about others.
Then what comes from thosebeliefs are the inner vows we
make to ourselves based on thesebeliefs.
Before we go any deeper intothis, I also want to let you
know that I've been working myway through Fearless and Free,
which is a walking with purposeCatholic women's Bible study,
(06:48):
and it draws deeply from thework of Dr Bob.
See what I mean when I saidthat this topic keeps coming up
for me.
This is my eighth year helpingto coordinate and facilitate
small group discussions at myparish and it never, ever ceases
to amaze me how, whicheverstudy we are doing, it speaks
(07:11):
right into my life and into thepresent moment.
But you know, that's God's word, right, as Hebrews 4.12 tells
us, for the word of God isliving and active, sharper than
Anyway.
In this study, author andWalking With Purpose founder
(07:46):
Lisa Brennickmeyer talks about avow she made to herself based
on something that was said toher that attacked her identity.
It caused her to agree with alie about her husband and she
made a vow to herself that shewould not need him.
And the wall went up.
(08:08):
She went through life and hermarriage for over a decade until
a therapist she was seeingcalled her out and told her you
cannot self-protect and love atthe same time and love at the
(08:31):
same time yeah, that's prettyamazing.
Now let me say that again youcannot love and self-protect at
the same time.
Does that ring true for you?
It certainly does for me,because I went through 12 years
of marriage with my husbandself-protecting and waiting for
something bad to happen thatwould destroy the beautiful life
that we had built together, andbecause of that I wasn't fully
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loving him.
And although I would havevehemently disagreed with you at
the time if you had said that Idon't trust my husband fully, I
honestly didn't.
Now I want to note that myhusband never, ever, gave me a
reason to doubt his love, hisfaithfulness or his
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steadfastness.
Yet I was paranoid he wouldleave me.
But I see now that that camefrom the wound of my dad walking
out on our family.
I believed the lie that Iwasn't worth sticking around for
and, as crazy as this may soundthat maybe there was something
I could have done to prevent it.
(09:35):
At that time I made a vow thatI didn't even know I made.
I vowed never to be hurt likethat again.
I would never trust anyonefully or for fear of being hurt,
rejected, humiliated orabandoned.
And then those inner vowsproduced strongholds.
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Author Max Lakedo tells us.
The term stronghold appears atleast 50 times in the Bible.
It was commonly referred to asa fortress with difficult access
.
When King David first saw thecity of Jerusalem, it was an old
, ancient, cheerless fortressinhabited by enemies.
(10:21):
No wonder it was twice called astronghold.
Strongholds are no fun.
Lakedo calls them cheerless.
They are put into place throughan agreement we make with a lie
, a contract we make with theenemy in which we allow him
space to inhabit.
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It's a place that the enemykeeps us comfortable and focused
on pleasures.
He makes us believe that givinginto the temptation, the sin,
will be worth it, it will makeeverything better.
And then, just like a toxicfriend, he'll cut you down with
shame, manipulate you byattacking your true identity as
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a beloved daughter and do all hecan to try to alienate you from
the lover of your soul.
This is precisely what happenswhen we misuse alcohol.
If you are there, then what Iam saying may feel eerily
familiar.
And how do I know?
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I've been there.
I have been there way too manytimes to count.
Now, while the enemy uses thetactic of enticing you to give
in, god works very differently,and I'm sure, as a Christian,
you have experienced this too,and I'm sure, as a Christian,
you have experienced this too.
When we are headed down thewrong path, we may encounter
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obstacles, sadness or not evenknowing how to talk to God.
We may feel a knowing thatpresents as anxiety and a loss
of peace.
We may even begin to questionthe existence of God or seek a
spirituality that doesn't makeus feel quite so bad about what
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we're doing.
We essentially make alcohol anidol and become our own God by
deciding what is right and wrongfor us.
I experienced these things whenI was listening to the liar and
God was trying to get myattention.
On those occasions when Iallowed some vulnerability and
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did trust someone, more oftenthan not that trust would be
betrayed and it would reinforcethat core belief.
That core belief Because andthis is what's interesting I
would place my trust in peoplethat I knew deep down would
probably betray that trust andthose who I could have trusted I
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pushed away.
Then the enemy would say see,you can't trust anyone.
And where was God in all ofthis?
He doesn't care about you.
You are too insignificant tohim.
So the stronghold of ungodlyself-reliance that took root
(13:21):
would be watered and continue togrow, would be watered and
continue to grow and it producedfruits like addiction, envy,
pride and promiscuity.
Through my recovery, I wasworking and have worked and
continue to work through all ofthese strongholds, and while the
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stronghold of addiction wasbroken, there were definitely a
lot more that needed to workthrough one at a time.
And while I have made enormousprogress, there are still more
strongholds that I need to getrid of and I imagine that this
is going to be a lifelongprocess.
(14:03):
But the more we can release,the more peace we have, and I
can certainly attest to that aswell.
The turning point for my husbandand I was when we went to a
worldwide marriage encounterweekend for our 12th anniversary
.
Our marriage was fine, but notgreat.
Communication was definitelylacking and while we wouldn't
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fight, we were really snappingat each other more often than we
used to.
Now again, I was still worriedand anxious that he might just
up and leave.
So I asked him if we could goto this marriage encounter and
he agreed.
And I have to tell you it wasthe best thing we have ever done
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for our marriage, because weshared so deeply with one
another in ways that we hadnever done before, done before,
and it was awkward and superuncomfortable, but it was so
(15:13):
well worth the effort, becausewalls were torn down that have
never been rebuilt and afterthat weekend my anxiety was
completely gone surrounding ourmarriage.
Since then, I have never oncedoubted my husband's love and
commitment to me or our family.
When we agree with a lie thatthe enemy feeds us and he does
(15:37):
this, by the way, when we are atour lowest and that lie is
served to us covered in a thinlayer of truth, it's very hard
to resist, especially if we arehaving trouble knowing what is
God's truth and what is atwisted version of the truth.
(16:03):
And some of you listening maybe very uncomfortable with me
talking about the forces of evil, darkness, demon, satan, but he
is real and the biggest trickhe has ever played is to
convince people that he is not.
So if you are there and you'velistened this long, that's
(16:28):
pretty good.
But if you are there and you'restill listening, keep listening
with an open mind, because youhave to know that we are
fighting against evil.
But God has prepared us, he'sgifted us and equipped us to
fight this battle, and he isalready one.
(16:49):
And God is always stronger thanthe devil.
Satan is evil, he is cunningand he is a trickster.
And just as the serpent got Eveto distrust God and his
goodness and even her ownidentity by telling her if you
(17:12):
eat of the fruit, you will belike God, that was such a lie.
She was already like God.
She was already created in theimage and likeness of God.
He got her to doubt God anddoubt her identity and then to
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come to an agreement with thatlie and the rest is history, as
they say.
Now.
Dr Bob identifies seven woundsin his book.
The first is abandonment I'mall alone.
The second is fear I'm afraid.
The third is powerlessness Ican't change it.
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The fourth is hopelessnessThings will never get better.
The fifth is confusion I justdon't understand what is
happening.
The sixth is rejection I am notloved.
And the seventh is shame I'mbad.
(18:20):
I'm bad, I'm worthless.
Now, when I think about thatlist and I hear Father Mike's
voice saying that our greatestwound is the wound of distrust,
I can see how the seven woundsare all part of that bigger
wound, a foundational wound.
Humans have faced this woundsince the beginning of time and
(18:45):
it has us asking ourselves can Itrust others?
Can I trust myself?
Can I trust God?
When I look at what ishappening in our world today and
all the hurt and addictions andnarcissism, confusion, division
, addictions and narcissism,confusion, division, the huge
turning away from God, it hurtsmy heart, but I can see that it
(19:11):
all stems from this great woundof distrust.
So what the heck do we do aboutit?
Well, there's no quick fix.
There's no pills you can take,drink you can drink, or things
(19:31):
you can buy to make it better.
Trying to heal using substances, things or people is never
going to heal you.
True healing comes from the Lord.
It comes from replacing lieswith the truth, god's truth.
Inner healing starts with anawareness that helps us identify
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attacks on our identity so thatwe can break the vows we made
with ourselves based on the liesthat we allowed to take root
when we agreed with them.
Inner healing also must includeregular prayer, because that's
how we build relationships iswith communicating with others.
So, to connect with God, ourtrue healer, we have to turn to
(20:19):
him in prayer.
When we learn to trust in Hisgoodness and mercy and believe
that he wants us whole andhealed, we can fully be the
people he created us to be andresist the advances of our enemy
.
Our Lord wants us to experiencehealing and freedom so that we
(20:41):
may glorify him and heal othersas well.
I heard a priest say in a homilyonce wounded people wound
people, but healed people healpeople, and that hit hard.
Do I want to be a wounder or ahealer?
(21:04):
I don't know about you, but Iwant to be a healer.
When we identify the lie andsee it for what it is, then
declare the truth, thestronghold starts to unravel.
Through this process, though,we may also feel like we're
(21:25):
being unraveled, but we can'tstop out of fear.
We can't stop because it feelsuncomfortable.
We have to persist, knowingthat freedom and joy await us on
the other side and that Jesusis with us.
A quote that I love to think ofwhen it comes to taking a closer
(21:47):
look at our wounds is by StAugustine, when he says I saw
his glory in my wounds and itdazzled me.
If you think of it that way, ifyou think of it that way, of
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seeing Jesus's glory in yourwounds.
It is dazzling because when weallow him to heal, those sad,
open sores begin to transform.
They become an opening in whichChrist's light can shine
through them to help others.
As I'm saying that God hasgiven me this beautiful image I
(22:31):
want to share.
So close your eyes unlessyou're driving or walking or
doing something where it wouldbe very dangerous to close your
eyes.
Then don't close your eyes Ifyou're in a space when you can
or where you can close your eyes, and don't close your eyes If
you're in a space when you canor where you can close your eyes
(22:57):
.
Now imagine you have a wound.
Let's say it's on your palm.
Now look down at your palm andnotice the painful, open wound.
Now look up.
You see Jesus, your healer,standing before you and he
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places his palm on yours andgently grips your hand.
You turn your face to him andhe looks deep into your eyes
with so much love.
And after a moment he slowlybacks away and he removes his
(23:38):
hand from yours To reveal thatyour wound has been healed, and
bursting out from where thatwound was are what look like
radiant sunbeams.
That is his glory.
Jesus can now work through youto heal others, to shine
(24:04):
Christ's beautiful light ontheir wounds so that they can
experience healing as well.
Thank you, jesus.
Thank you for that.
The first thing you can do is tosee the lies for what they are,
identify the lies.
But how do we do that?
(24:26):
St Paul tells us how in 2Corinthians, 10 5.
We demolish arguments and everypretension that sets itself up
against the knowledge of God andwe take captive every thought
to make it obedient to Christ.
Well, how do we do that?
(24:49):
We pray.
We call upon the powerfulintercession of the Blessed
Mother because she will bringall your petitions to her Son.
We read scripture, which isGod's living word.
Read it out loud so the enemycan hear it.
(25:11):
We receive the sacramentsregularly and we spend as much
time with Jesus as we can byadoring him in the Blessed
Sacrament.
After we identify the lies, werenounce them and replace them
with the truth, the only truetruth I'm not talking about your
(25:38):
truth or my truth the truthwhich is God's truth, revealed
to us through sacred scriptureand the magisterium of the
Catholic Church.
Here's a quick example Jesus, Irenounce the lie that you have
abandoned me and, in the name ofJesus, I declare the truth over
(26:02):
.
You will begin to release thosestrongholds and steeping
yourself in scripture andfilling your mind with the good,
the true and the beautiful iskey.
(26:24):
Again, remember what St Paultold us, when we know the truth,
it is much easier to recognizethe lies when they begin to
creep up and we can demolishthem.
Now does this mean that youhave to have hundreds of
scripture verses memorized?
No, but when you are reading,write down those key verses that
(26:48):
speak life into your soul.
I recommend having a Bible youcan write in, not like your
fancy family Bible, but aspecific one for highlighting
and writing notes in.
There are actually somejournaling Bibles or a Bible
that you writing notes in.
There are actually some likejournaling Bibles or a Bible
that you can journal in.
(27:08):
I think Blessed is she has one,and there may be others.
So then you can turn to thosepages when you need them, read
them out loud and allow God'sgrace to pour over you through
his loving words.
Now, isaiah 43.1 is actuallyit's one of my favorites, and it
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says but now thus says the Lord, he who created you, o Jacob,
he who formed you, o Jacob, hewho formed you, o Israel, fear
not, for I have redeemed you, Ihave called you by name.
You are mine.
(27:57):
Whatever verses speak to you,return to them and find the ones
that bring you comfort andpeace and hope and again, speak
them out loud, loud enough sothe enemy can hear and he will
flee.
Our greatest wound is distrust,but but Jesus wants to heal
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that wound.
He wants to heal you so that hecan work through you to heal
others.
Will you let him?
Well, that does it for thisepisode of the Catholic Sobriety
Podcast.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I would invite you to share
(28:45):
it with a friend who might alsoget value from it as well, and
make sure you subscribe so youdon't miss a thing.
I am the Catholic SobrietyCoach, and if you would like to
learn how to work with me orlearn more about the coaching
that I offer, visit my website,thecatholicsobrietycoachcom.
(29:06):
Follow me on Instagram at theCatholic Sobriety Coach.
I look forward to speaking toyou next time and remember I am
here for you.
I am praying for you.
You are not alone.
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