#97 - Jeremy Cross - Addiction, Recovery, & The Power of Truth - The Chris & Mike Show

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
There's the music, it's the human factor when you just want
to. Get.
The button. Hey, they know that we're not
faking it that way. They know we're not.
Hey, so this is Chris. That's Mike.
This is Chris and Mike show today.

(00:24):
We have a very cool guest in theshow.
His name is Jeremy Cross. He's a writer.
He's an author, which is one of the same, but not always.
He he's also a recovering addict.
He's he's he's had a unique life.
And we connected on a Facebook podcast page and I invited him
on the show. So here he is.
So Jeremy, without further ado, kind of give us a little bit of

(00:47):
a, you know who you are. Thank you.
Thank you for having me. Yeah.
I'm Jeremy Cross, author FindingMy Lost Life, The fall to
Addiction and Rise to Recovery. I spent seven years on the

(01:11):
Downtown Eastside. When I I moved from the small
town in Langley to the big city of Vancouver.
I had dreams, aspirations. I fell in love with somebody,
which got me down there, and I got surrounded by the wrong
people, made some bad errors andjudgement, ended up getting into

(01:32):
drugs and got involved in the dark side of the world, and I
was in and out of jail for the last couple years.
I'm now a year and a half sober.Thank you.
I started writing my book actually when I was
incarcerated, January 2024. I got out in May 2024 and when I

(01:52):
finished and published it. Let me jump in here.
When you were incarcerated, was it was like a like a, a federal
Pennant prison or was it a a county jail?
I don't. Was it in Canada?
It was in Canada, I'm from Canada, Vancouver.
OK, UK, So I don't, I don't knowanything about Canada, Canada's
penal system and what it looks like.
Is it anything like it is in America?
No, it's a lot softer. So we we get like, yeah, we get

(02:14):
TV's and oh shit, yeah. Ice cream Ice cream socials.
Sometimes, yeah, And I really. Friends and holidays, Yeah, what
the fuck? They're the nicest people in the
world. Chris Dunham, you were there.
I was there, I was in, I was in Canada not too long ago.
And they were, they were just, they would they, they genuinely
seemed like super nice humans. Like it wasn't, it wasn't, it

(02:36):
didn't seem to be faked. It didn't seem to be polished
because everybody that we ran into was just like like a small
story. And so we can get back to your
thing. We went to a store, right to buy
something. I, I bought some Canada Canadian
syrup, right, because you have to, And I gave him American
money. And then he's like, he's
explaining the change and stuff.He's like, and I would have

(02:59):
given him too much, but he was like, you know, like said just a
nice human. He said, no, no, no, no, you got
to do this, this, this. And there you go.
I'm like, oh, OK, cool. So, you know, Americans, I'm
unfortunately would, I think would take advantage of that
because most, you know, not most, but there are those,
those, you know, 1 percenters that are just like, come on,
man, Just come on. Yeah, ironically, ironically,

(03:22):
I've gone to the States because I'm we're right by the border
into Washington. It's about 1/2 hour from my
house and I've gone and gotten gas and paid with Canadian and
they you charged me way too much.
I didn't understand the currency.
And then after I I like got pastthe border I called my mom.
I'm like, man, just cost me like100 Canadian to get like $40 gas

(03:45):
and she's like, oh son, that's not right.
I want to, I want to apologize. I want to apologize to you on
behalf of the American that did that, because that's pretty
messed up, man. We're not, we're not all like
that. A lot of.
You're talking to two guys who would have said no, you gave us
way too much money or we don't understand the conversion, so we
don't want to screw you up, so we'll Google it now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can use the AI for everything.

(04:07):
Yeah, yeah. I don't condemn a whole group of
people for one person's decisions.
I appreciate. That I got a quick question.
How old were you when you went in?
So we can kind of get a. And how old?
We're a year and a half sober now, right?
Yeah, so I went in January 16th,2024 as my sobriety date.
OK. But that was just my last done.

(04:29):
I had issues. I'm getting involved in crime
from 2020 and I was in and out. So what happens in Canada is you
go to pretrial Center, it's called, we have two facilities
in our lower lower Mainland area, Surrey Pretrial Center and
N Fraser Pretrial Center. And you kind of you get when

(04:50):
you're there, you get credited 21/2 days per one.
So a lot of people will try to like stay in pretrial center so
they get more credit for their days.
And then right, that's when you either and then usually so
you'll either get bail and then if they.
So that's what was happening when your first time offender,
which I had no criminal record going into Vancouver, but I went

(05:12):
in with a bang. The judge kind of laughed.
I mean, I was in my book, I talkabout it.
I, I'm the, I got involved with people that were Canada's top
most wanted for fraud. Oh, wow, yeah, I had my identity
stolen, my bank accounts compromised, my $40,000 car
stolen. The the guy that I was involved
with, yeah, it was pretty rough.And he had a history with the

(05:34):
VPDII was obviously naive. I was being gaslit.
I don't come from a family that has deception and fraud and
criminal activities. So I, I was eaten alive down
there when I got around these people, especially because they,
they're predatorial, they know exactly what to look for, right?
I was. I have those stories myself,
man. Don't feel bad when you grow up
in a good environment and then you get thrown in the polar

(05:57):
opposite. You just, you just can't believe
that people are like that. Just like Chris said, you know,
we apologize for that asshole because.
Yeah, honestly, that's why like when it's like there's so many,
there's about 6 key events that happened that I write about in
the book. And every time I was, I was like
just stunned. Like, no, like, no offense, but

(06:18):
when you hear about these crazy stories, like everyone even
that's read my book, they're like, Oh my God, you hear about
the stuff in the States, I'm like, Oh no, we're just as bad.
It just doesn't get talked about.
OK, OK. Yeah, like in my, in my book,
that's not my perception. That's just what people globally
have said. Like, you know, I was involved.
I had a, you know, the beginningof my downfall.

(06:40):
I was involved with a guy who I went and supported in a thinking
he just had an alcohol problem, not knowing he was a crystal
meth addict, you know. Yeah.
And then it based on it was my first.
It was this epic romance like I was blinded.
It was I was naive. I it was my first thing doing
this. We, you know, live together
joint accounts, right. So and then.

(07:03):
And you're you're probably you're probably happy as hell
like this is amazing. This is 100% I found the guy,
found the life partner. This is going to be fantastic.
We're going to build our little empire together, right And just.
And then, you know, goes to showlike you get involved with
someone who's broken and I, I didn't know that he was broken.
So when he, you know, he proposed to me and then a couple

(07:23):
months later asked for an open relationship, which fucking
crippled me. And then he relapsed on crystal
meth and be given on where we were in our relationship.
I would have done anything to have his attention and to be a
part of it. And so when he said let's do
crystal meth together, I was like, OK, he wants to be with
me. So I made that decision.
He's he had escorting experience.

(07:44):
Of course, we lost our jobs. We I, you know, I worked full
time chief OPS or he offered chief operations at a tallies
rule, shutters and blinds corporation.
It was a multi $1,000,000 company.
Oh wow. He was a contractor downtown.
So we both lost our jobs. We needed money.
He said let's escort. So we started selling our
bodies. Oh, for money.

(08:04):
So when you say when you say thedark side, man, you you're
talking the dark side. Wow.
I'm not and I'm not laughing about it.
I'm just saying like we've hearddark, but but you just, I mean,
it's dark. That's yeah, that's cool.
So if you're just you. Took it a level beyond where I
mean, I had the meth addiction, whatever went down that road
because. Yeah, right.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

(08:26):
All right, so again, that's crazy, man.
If you're just joining in this Jimmy Cross writer author,
what's the name of your book again?
Finding my lost life. The fall to addiction and rise
to recovery. Finding My Lost Life.
You can find it on Amazon and jeremycross.com, correct?
Dot CA. Dot CA oh, because you're in
Canada, jeremycross.ca and this is the Chris and Mike show.
So don't forget to go on to Instagram, Facebook, YouTube,

(08:46):
drop a review, give us a follow on all our platforms.
And hey, Jimmy, you're one of the first person to hear this.
Coming soon is the Christian mikeshow.com.
Everybody check it out. We got a smoking deal.
We got a smoking deal. Now I don't, I don't want you to
give up like all the all the golden Nuggets of your story
because I want people to go buy your book.
OK, So when we get when we get done with our our post

(09:09):
production, we're going to put alink down underneath the show so
people can click on the link andgo directly to your website to
buy your book. I'm going to buy it.
You know, Mike and I, we always buy the books of people that
come on the show because again, we have a history of addiction
recovery and you do too. That's why you're on here.
So we're we're. Yeah, we all have our story, but
yours is, like Chris said, yours.

(09:29):
You're willing to go the one step further than nobody else
has, and that's fine. But it's just crazy to.
It's not only crazy to hear. For most people, they just can't
even imagine. So I find it fascinating that
you're willing to to share that side of your story.
And I want to pick, I want to ask you one question because we

(09:50):
didn't get this out of when you,when you when you started seeing
this guy, how old were you? 24.
OK. And how old are you now?
31. OK.
So we have a six year, we got six years of chaos.
Not 7/7. OK, seven years of chaos.
OK, so when you're when you werejust talking about how you went
down the path of selling your body.
So how old would you when when that started?

(10:12):
2025. OK, so 25 year old walking down
the streets of Vancouver, you know, selling your booty.
Take it away, Jeremy. Yeah, so it it, I mean, I
strongly am against that. Like I have a newer, I have a
huge respect obviously for the sex trade and the people in it.
But like morally I was taught and I and I don't agree with

(10:32):
sharing my body inorganically and putting a price on sex and
the experience you can create. You know, I'm not morally OK
with that, right. If it wasn't for like doing
crystal that's every day, I probably wouldn't.
It would have been sustainable for me, but then my partner kind
of was. So in Canada we have websites
like Leos List, Rent Boys where you create an account, you put

(10:55):
photos you describe and people just text you call you and
that's how the business goes. I did all that and he was
someone who's not a functioning addict.
So like he just was like disintegrating before me.
So we had a, we had a deal like we're only going to do duo.
But then client started only wanting to pay for me and then I
was going and doing it and he was collecting the money.

(11:15):
So it became like a pimp situation.
Wow. So I started to have a problem.
Yeah. It was really awkward.
I'm like, OK, so you're my pimp now.
Like, how did I get here? Wow.
Yeah, if you went from. Like then when you get home,
you're together or when the person leaves or however you
were doing it, Yeah. And then let me.

(11:35):
Let me ask a question real quickbefore you go further down this
rabbit hole. So you started out as a duel,
like you said, which which in mymind would be good because then
you have you have somebody back and like got your back right,
right. So you're not going into this
environment alone. So then when he decides to just
become the pimp daddy, then you're going into these
environments by yourself with nobody like got your back right?

(11:57):
How freaky was that? Like at that point, my heart was
so broken. Like when he asked for an open
relationship before we even relapse or he relapsed and I did
it, I knew in my heart he wasn'tgoing to be the guy that I was
going to marry. So I stayed even though I knew
because I didn't want to lose mylife.
I didn't want to go back to my mom's and Langley.
I wasn't doing that, so I stayed.

(12:19):
I feel like I betrayed love and love betrayed me.
And so I was so numb at this point.
Like it was the that wasn't and the money was good.
That's the other. Thing, man, that was a nice
Yeah, well, saying there, yeah, very well said.
So people, so people understand because I don't how, how big of
a town is Vancouver compared to Langley, because I'm, I'm
thinking there's a big difference there.

(12:40):
Yeah, big difference like Langley is.
Like I wanted to know that same piece of information.
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's expanding now, but Vancouver is
like, I mean, it's like Toronto,it's that, well, Toronto's
bigger, but it's got all the high rises.
It's where it's it's big. It's a whole little mini island.
If you look at the look at the map.
Million people. 2 million people.

(13:01):
I'd. I'd say like, yeah, close to
1,000,000. It's pretty like there's a lot
of people there. Yeah, it's big and.
Then and then trying to. Compare it to somewhere in the
States like like it looks like New York.
Of course, New York is is like you can't compare like but but
as far as high rises go and likethe subway and like it's got the

(13:22):
vibe of New York of. Course, but 706,000, how much
706,000 So yeah, we were close. And then and then what's the
size of Langley? What's is that a small town?
Yeah. I can't Google it, but yeah, I'm
funny 'cause I just went to the city City Council meeting the
other day. I'm meeting the mayor.
Ohh for. Langley.

(13:42):
Yeah, we can get into that. That's like a full circle thing.
That's kind of cool, right? You can do some educating.
Yeah, like my main, my main message and goal like from
sharing my story is to change the, the narrative that being
like a lot of people are ashamedor they're embarrassed by their,
their past and their addiction. Like a lot, a lot of people
don't admit that you're an addict, like that's a problem,

(14:04):
which then they don't get the help that they need.
So by me sharing on a global level, like I want to empower
people to be like, listen, this,this shit is real.
We're in an opiate crisis, We'rein a mental health crisis around
the world and like that. My goal is to see it like on it.
I want to do ATV book adoption. I'd like to have a Netflix
series to create, like to reach a larger audience and educate

(14:27):
and spread awareness like like the stuff is happening.
I mean, I also had a client. This is the second before I got
into the second person who is a billionaire.
And this is the other thing alsoon a side note that really kind
of screwed my mind is because a lot of what society thinks that
people that do drugs are losers are drains, right?
But and the cover of my book, like I that's why I, I made it

(14:49):
like this. Yeah.
So that was before I started. I got hooked on fentanyl.
But I I still look good. I still had AI had a condo, I
had a car. I had nice things like I was
doing good and I had clients that were politicians, lawyers,
doctors, like and so like in my mind and I kind of argue with my
mom, I'm like, well, I don't know, I like I got high, high

(15:11):
proper citizens that are paying me thousands for my time and
doing drugs with me and then returning to their families,
right. So that kind of messed up my
mind, but it's just, yeah, like I really screwed with what I
what it was right? What was wrong?
It really questioned everything.But I had a client that was a
billionaire client who turned out, and I write about this in

(15:35):
my book too, that he bought an 8and a 10 year old like that.
There was child stuff going on. And I got approached by a gang
who found out on the street thatthis this woman who was a
crackhead sold her kids to a billionaire.
And it ended up being my client that I found out, which was

(15:55):
horrible. That's.
So that's really that's like this shit.
Happening. So like Jeffrey Epstein type
shit with the. Oh, yeah, yeah, man, yeah.
There are so many. So many.
Things his town is 28,963 people, so that's quite that's
like me going from here to when I moved to while Phoenix was

(16:15):
yeah, a little bit bigger, but it's the same culture shot.
Yeah, MM lives in Pontiac. I live in a small town.
I grew up in a small town. I moved back here.
So it's we have parallel storiesin that respect.
I moved from here to Chicago andthen here to Phoenix, so.
Well, there's more color and more culture and more
acceptance. You know, it's the vibe, right?
It's, it's energetic. It's, it's where the dream go.

(16:37):
You go to the big city to get your dreams right.
Like that was the goal. Sure.
I had the same dream. I wanted to be a rock star and
that's how I know Chris. We formed a band together so.
Sick, but we wanted to be a pop star one day.
We wanted to be rock stars, but,you know, we would have settled
for selling anything that would have paid the bills.
So. Right.
Yeah. Our open, our opening song,

(16:57):
Jeremy is is is a song that Mikeand I wrote called Freeman.
So yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah, I would like to I
work at right now I work at together we can recovering
Education Center and we have a staff there that does like the
beats and the DJ board. And I'm like, man, we should do
like an Eminem song like like dear fellow addict and have like
the first chorus, someone who's in addiction and then have the

(17:19):
second chorus, someone who's outof addiction.
Nice. And just kind of like have it
like that, that struggle to likecome to the top of the hill
where it's beautiful up here, like, you know, yeah, that's
cool. Some ideas?
That's a good idea. Hey, again, if you're just
joining us is Jimmy Cross. He is an author of AI Keep
Forgetting the name of your book.
Tell Me Again. Finding my lost life.
Finding my lost life. I don't know why I can't

(17:41):
remember that jeremycross.ca finding my lost life.
He's it's it's all about rediscovering, finding himself,
his road to recovering the chaos.
And then soon prior to that. And then also don't forget to
find us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, the Christian Mike
show. So we've, we've, we've, we've
gone down the path of being an escort and, and, and your, your,
your, your boyfriend turned intoa pimp daddy.

(18:03):
So where did, how did that, how did that dynamic play out 'cause
obviously at some point time youfractured that relationship,
probably out of sheer survival, I would think.
Yeah, I like he was his mental state was going to like he we
had to leave the condo that we shared with two other guys.
We had to downgrade. I asked my mom for help.
She paid help pay for the deposit on a new smaller one,

(18:27):
which in my mind that I'm like, OK, it's like my my family
helped it like it should be likerespect, that kind of thing.
But he like was losing his mind and getting jealous And just
like he was getting frustrated. We ended up getting coming to
like fights and he ended up stealing my car and crashing in
the alleyway, throwing my clothes out the window.

(18:48):
Like he was, he was, I mean, it was my first instance with a
narcissist too. I had no idea what I was the
what I was doing. And so like, yeah, he turned
against me and I luckily he ended up taking my name, going
to the landlord, taking my name illegally and fraudulently off
our agreement and and installed a new guy.
I found out I, I threatened the landlord.

(19:11):
I said, I'm going to take you tosmall claims.
Like I didn't authorize this. You just broke a legal document.
So he then had another apartmentbuilding he owned.
And so he on Barclay St. So he said, listen, I'll put you
in a studio over there. Let's just.
And I was like, all right, cool.And that was the end.
And then that that guy ended up stealing like I did all the
business stuff. I did the emailing, all the like

(19:33):
all the communications. He stole the e-mail and not like
I so I had no client list, nothing.
I had to start from scratch and that ended that one.
I can see that. Yeah.
See you later. Bye.
Yeah. And then, yeah, I got my own
place. I started doing it alone.
I was like, that's that cover ofmy book.

(19:54):
And I, by the way, I got a lot of controversy from people being
like, whoa. And the cover makes no sense.
And I'm like, actually, the reason I chose that cover is
because I literally wanted it tobe a message.
Don't judge a book by its cover because I was the most
unhealthy, most unhappy, most unsafe.
But just because I looked from the outside like, don't judge.

(20:16):
You have no idea. What somebody's going through,
right? And coming from a fellow artist,
I've been a musician since I was10 years old.
I read the back of your book. I looked at the cover, you know,
just so I had a little bit of anidea what you were about.
That's what I got out of that cover.
How cool, after reading the backof your book and knowing you
went from basically what I went from the worst point a person

(20:38):
could be in to trying to be positive and helping the world
to see that there's hope and light.
And, you know, then I look back at your cover again and I'm
like, OK, I get it right, but not everybody's going to get
that. I understand it.
So I'm glad you brought that up.That's awesome.
Absolutely. So again, it's finding my lost

(20:58):
life. The fall and rise, the fall, the
fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
Jeremy Cross, jeremycross.ca, gocheck it out.
We're talking to him today. He's sharing all the intimate
details about his chaotic life. That's how I got out of it.
How did you go from that to ending ending up in the criminal
justice system? OK, so then the second person I

(21:21):
met, he was the one I think the fifth most wanted.
He did a huge real estate fraud,identity fraud.
Yeah, like I was I. Was like his face is on the wall
in every whatever you guys call it like the highest authority.
Knows gang squad, knows them. Like, yeah, they're well known.
Again, I had no idea. I didn't come.
I'm not. I didn't know any of the
history. And nobody, of course, will say

(21:42):
anything. Around Was he the same age as
you? Older.
Younger A. Couple years older yet?
OK, because basically you're still.
You're still, you're still 2425 years old at this time, right?
Yeah. OK, OK.
Yeah. And so, yeah.
And his DOC was fentanyl and I Ididn't even know what fentanyl
was at this time. I just knew that like we would

(22:03):
do crystal together and then let.
Me ask you this real quick from a fellow recovering addict who I
did drugs to see how many I could do not just as not just
for fun. How do you do fentanyl
recreationally without fucking killing yourself?
You can't if if you if I went inand did it right now because I'm

(22:25):
not. I have my systems at 0.
It's I mean when I first, I meanI overdose.
You overdosed like I overdosed the first time I was introduced
to it. He.
He. How much did it take for that to
happen? Give people an idea.
Heat, well, I mean, it depends how strong the dope is, like the
people that are cooking it. When you get fentanyl, you mix

(22:45):
it with calf and a type of sugarand you mix it together and then
bait. You can add food coloring to
make it a certain color, but based on the potency of the
amount of fentanyl and the calf.And some like some people
obviously on the streets, they look for dope that drops them,
right? So depending on the potency and
how good the cook is, because you just have these gangsters

(23:05):
that are cooking it like in their backyard or in their like
the kitchen, like it's called onthe street, it's called down.
You can't smoke fentanyl straight up, you'll die.
So they mix it with these other two things and it's called down.
So that's what to look out for for sure.
Down yeah like if if I was to goif you know if anyone was to go
and like try to do fentanyl or which I highly recommend against

(23:28):
it yeah you would say can I get.Some boys and girls, no.
No, not at all. Like in Vancouver.
They No, I want the opposite. I want people to understand how
little of this. Like.
Potentially take to kill your loved one.
And it's not even fentanyl now. Now there's two other and now
they mix benzo benzos in it there.
There's another that literally destroys like eats your lungs

(23:49):
from the inside. I can't remember what it's
called. It's a type of gown.
I heard at one point in time they were mixing elephant
tranquilizer with it. That's, oh, Trank.
Yeah, that's what it's called. Trank.
There you go. Look at the trank.
Chris Dunham for the win. 10 points to.
The guy that's never touched it.Yeah, right.

(24:12):
So later this. Is way beyond anything I ever
did. Meth was popular right about the
time that I was at the lowest point in my life, so that was
the last drug that I ever was addicted to.
Yeah, well, fentanyl like. So what happened was I ended up
having 30 grand of cash in my safe.
I had Telus alarm systems like Iwas, I had a lot of nice things

(24:33):
before the second person came into my life.
I was his mark. He used and abused.
He he wanted to me to spend the month like, so I didn't know
what fentanyl was. He would do a certain drug with
the crystal meth and he'd becomea fucking monster.
He'd steal my wallet. He'd disappear.
He was a totally different person.
His whole persona changed. He was a fucking monster and
would steal for me and so then Istarted to learn what it was.

(24:55):
I was told by some other people so I banned it from my house.
I said you're not doing fentanylup here.
I don't want you around me. He knew I had money in my safe.
So he he purposefully overdosed me on fentanyl, mixed it with
crystal meth in a shot that we did.
I will died open up. I woke up in the hospital and I
was instantly attached like I was hooked on fentanyl the next
day. Holy.

(25:17):
Shit. And so that was my introduction
to fentanyl. Wow, so this is the guy after
the guy that you were hoping that, you know, live heavily
ever after. That's heavy, man.
So how did, how did, how did youconnect with with guy #2?
He sought me out like in in thisin the escort world, like
especially in the gay escort world.

(25:37):
It's a pretty like tight knit community.
And you know, I I didn't know like having nice.
I mean, I dress nice by nature, whatever.
I have a nice car. I I'm not someone who was
egotistical or I broadcast it like I had good style, but I'd
walk down the Davie St. or name in name street, but that I
didn't know that catches people's attention and then they
fucking they want to know about you.

(25:58):
They want to know where you are and they, they're, you're a
mark. And so someone was, I was
obviously it got told to this group of people, these
fraudsters, and they implanted one master craftedly, got me all
fucking wonky and gaslit and still I I didn't know anything
about this world and nobody around me would get involved.

(26:20):
They all pretended not to know anything because they were so
worried that the gays would go on them because they knew who he
was and I didn't, so nobody around me would say anything.
And so I was I. But they all knew.
They all fucking knew. He's been in Vancouver for a
decade. He grew like he's well known by
the VPD, which is why he he had me in the right place at the

(26:42):
right time. Like when we started doing
fraud, you know, after he frauded me for a year and a half
that we were dating that I didn't know.
When I started to become educated and I became more of a
problem to him, he would threaten to go after my mom and
dad's Bureau. So I had to learn.
I called Auntie Fraud Canada andlike, I started to pay attention
to like, what they were doing soI could protect myself.

(27:05):
And then, yeah, like when fentanyl came in, the money was
gone. He sold my wardrobe, my $40,000
car. He stole, hit a woman, fled the
scene. I went to go pick up my car at
the tow yard. They told me I'm no longer the
owner because I defaulted on a $15,000 equity loan a month
prior, which he went and got in my name.
I was. Going to say you probably had no
idea. So you found all this out as you

(27:27):
got to these places. Oh yeah, no, it was fucked.
That's terrible. Oh yeah.
How was that day? I mean, you talk about bad days.
How was that day? You wake up like, oh, it's
another day in the neighborhood.And then you realize, oh shit,
it's not my your. Stomach feels a whole lot
different, right? Oh I fucking dropped to my
knees. Like I knew instantly what at
this point I knew what was goingon.

(27:47):
Like I knew what he was involvedin and capable of.
So I fucking knew. It's that like right away I just
dropped and cried and just like couldn't believe it.
So then I at that point I had nocar now, I couldn't afford my
rent. He already had like sold
everything I had. I ended up now on the street and
I was still so mind fucked that I like.

(28:08):
And he told me the right things.He knew my buttons.
He knew what to say. He knew what not to say.
Not to interrupt you, but real quick this happened like
overnight. You went from being set up, you
got money in your and you're safe and you're in the bank.
You got a nice car, you're doingOK.
You know that you're going to live month to month.
Was this like overnight? This guy did this to you?
It was like a year, about a yearlike that.

(28:30):
But this, this harsh stuff was like, yeah, within weeks, it was
like, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah.
So you went from living comfortably to now I'm on the
street basically within a month?Yeah.
It was like, well, it's in a couple months, like, but it was
things after things like the wardrobe, things would go
missing, the money would go missing, Yeah.

(28:50):
That still was dramatically short amount of time to go from
OK, I'm doing fine. I'm living like a normal human
being, contributing, you know, whatever.
I got money. Well, and and and independent
now I'm living. Yeah.
Like I was good. Yeah, like I was good in my
mind, you know, even though I still was doing crystal meth and
selling my body. But I, I was, I felt like I was
in a good place, even though it was a delusion, whatever, of

(29:12):
course. But yeah, as soon as he came in
and implanted himself and like, I just like now looking back, of
course, even when I sat in jail,I mean, so this is when I really
truly found out, when he set me up.
So I I'm on the street now. I had no car.
I got nothing. He told me that he could, we
could be together. He can't be on the, I can't be
on the streets. Jeremy.

(29:32):
I was like, you motherfucker, like you're the reason I'm on
the street. But he's like, if you go get a
car. So he gave me an Ida driver's
license that looked like me. He told me I'm going to go into
BMW. I stupidly went and did it.
I had the fraud squad, gang squad.
I had helicopters. I was pinned as this giant
kingpin and fraud. Wow, He had me.

(29:53):
Yeah, he ratted me out and then I got went to jail for the first
time. That's why the.
Judge said. Wow.
Yeah, he set it all up. I could totally I could totally
see the way you explain that that's a that's a scene in a
movie like you talked about earlier that that like that
totally just like wow. Yeah, like.
Wow, dude. That's insane.
And it was when I got into jail,Yeah.

(30:14):
It was when I got into jail thatthe inmates around me were like,
dude, like, you don't know what you're in, do you?
And I was like, no. And then I started to get
educated. That was my SO the judge said,
wow, he's got no criminal record, but he's really going in
with a bang, like a, you know, theft over 45,000 impersonation.
Like the BMW IS45K. And I successfully bought it,

(30:35):
insured it. Yeah, it was like it was like
20. Anyone counts of fraud?
It was crazy. Wow.
Plus he gave me a backpack with bank stamps, credit cards and
checks that I was supposed to gopick him up with the new car to
go do a score. And he gave me the bag and I'm
like, why would I take the bag? Like why don't you take it?
And I'll get like, why would I? And.

(30:56):
Of course he totally set. Wow.
So. So do you still talk to this
guy? He's at large.
He still has warrants. I changed the identities for
legal reasons in my book and stuff like that.
But I like now that I'm cleaningup my life like since that
accident in, in 2019, so that, that woman that he hit obviously

(31:16):
filed, did a claim. There's $21,000 worth of debt
from that incident with tickets and insurance issues.
And they ICBC was which is our insurance place here said like,
listen, like this debt stands. So I had to fill out an
impersonation package with the VPD, which is now in motion.
I'm waiting to hear back. I'm hoping like because I can

(31:39):
prove that I wasn't driving and then hopefully then that 21 K
will go. But I had to name him and his
date of birth. I had to say I knew who it was.
So officially I've now reported it on record.
Good job. That's awesome.
I hope he gets what you know, like I'm more like I'm not the
first and I'm not going to be the last.
So if I that was the whole reason why I wanted to write

(32:00):
this book, like holy fuck, Like I want people to know if you're
going to go down this rabbit hole or you're in this rabbit
hole. Hopefully this book, like you
can hear about it, it circulateslike that.
People are capable of this, likejust watch your back, know what
you're in because it it happenedso quick and these people in
Vancouver know exactly who they're looking for.

(32:21):
They know exactly the target, soyeah.
And and you fit that bill. So again, this is Jeremy Cross,
jeremycross.ca, Finding my lost life, the fall to addiction and
the rise to recovery. Look, I got it right that time.
I'm so proud of you. So, so in 2019, when you when
you go to, you get incarcerated with a bang.

(32:43):
So what was your what was your sentencing?
How much time did you actually do?
Is it kind of like America whereyou get you get sentenced for
this, but then you can get paroled early?
That was my first 6th, so yeah, I was in pretrial I think for
like 2 months so. Just just so American listeners
understand, is pretrial kind of like being just a county jail.
Yeah, well, like, OK, so when you get arrested, you go to city

(33:07):
cells, it's called, which is theVancouver overnight.
You, you stay there. They basically they gave you a
Cliff bar and a fruit to go disgusting stick every four
hours. That's all you get for until
you're there. It's fucking freezing down there
and you know you're you're goingthrough withdrawal and
everything for 24 hours. You have to see a judge via on
the TV. It's all done in the basement

(33:28):
there. You either get bail or you
don't. And so if you get remanded, they
take you to North Fraser or Surrey to hold you until you get
another bail date or you get sentenced.
So like my I'm, of course I'm, Iwas on disability.
So I had a government lawyer andhe said listen, you're better to

(33:50):
plead guilty to all the charges even though I'm like, well, but
like, you know, he's like that. It'll take a year and a half.
You'll sit in pretrial center until trial if you don't plead
guilty. But if you plead guilty because
it's your first time offense, we'll give you 6 months.
So I would just do that. Otherwise you're going to sit
here for a year and a half waiting for trial on a non

(34:11):
guilty plea. Oh.
So that's how it works here with.
Interesting. So you're better off.
You're going to like, if you want to get out and you're not
like worried about a record. And at that point, I didn't give
a shit. I thought I was going to die a
junkie. I was like, Get Me Out of here,
right? So that was actually legitimate
advice. You did the six months instead
of waiting a year and a half like any normal person would,

(34:31):
right? As long as that was on, that's
what ended up happening. You just served the first six
months. So they basically you like you
get a day and a half while you're in pretrial, a two days
story credit. So you want to like you tell
your lawyer, like stretch out. I don't want a bail hearing.
I don't want anything. And then when you go to
sentencing, I got sentenced and they have to take you out of
pretrial because you're not going to trial.

(34:52):
And they put you into a different one, which is called
Fraser Correctional Center. And that's you still have TV's
and stuff like that, like it's. Ice cream Social.
It's not the pen. We do have the pen.
OK, what's the what's the so thepen like meaning penitentiary?
Yeah, that like the hardcore. OK, so you do have that?
We do have it. That's if you get a sentence
over 2 years, OK, I think over 2, they send you to the

(35:15):
penitentiary. So regardless of what your your
crime was, if you get sentenced to two years in a day, then
you're going to the to the is itcalled federal penitentiary?
Is it is or I? Think maybe provincial?
OK, because I don't want to be in America.
Yeah, in America it's a federal penitentiary, so I don't.
They probably have the equivalent of that.
OK. And they have to.
Commit a No, You would have to commit a federal crime to to go

(35:37):
to a federal penitentiary. Yeah.
You go to a state penitentiary if you commit a state crime.
OK. And then so your, your fraud
stuff wasn't on a on a federal level, it was just kind of a
like a local thing. Yeah.
OK, fraud at that time, luckily it wasn't as serious.
Now they've like in the last twoyears, it's they've amped up,
which is just so ironic. OK.

(35:57):
So you do your SO when you get in, when you get into your first
stint in prison and you got six months in, you're obviously
withdrawing all that kind of stuff.
Did you come out of that six months clean?
Oh, I was on high. They they they Jack you on high
doses of methadone, right? OK.
Do you guys have that in the states?
Methadone. Suboxone.
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Yep, Yep. So like, I knew I didn't want to
get clean. I was fucking mad and I wanted I

(36:19):
wasn't done yet, you know, like.I know that feeling.
Yeah, yeah. Like I'm not fucking going out
this way. Took me 4 times so.
Yeah, I was probably, I was in like, OK, so then so then like
when like I got little petty things like getting caught with
identity documents on me, like boosting.
What's an identity document? Someone elses drivers license or

(36:40):
ID or credit card. Yeah.
Anything that's not in your name.
There's identity for. Yeah, yeah, I'm just clarifying
for people that don't know. Sure, right, the Canadian lingo
and I'm surprised you haven't said a yet.
Okay, like what the fuck, Jeremy?
Yeah, we would have lost our ownbets.
Like we made a bet. You said why?
Hey. LA hey, hey.
You know, like I got a friend inCanada and like all the time

(37:02):
when I talk to Paul, he's like, what's up, eh?
Oh yeah, I. Don't do that, OK, It's.
All good. It's all good.
We just like that. I had this little thing like how
long? I'm like 2 minutes and he'll say
hey and yeah, I would have. I would have lost had we bet.
Good thing I don't do that. Sorry about that.
It's OK. It's all good.
I can if you want. But yeah, so like the first

(37:27):
couple times I got like I got arrested, put in city cells,
like they give you bail or the next day because you're, it's
your first thing. So I, they kept giving me bail
and then they're like, OK, you need to show up at court On this
date. And I of course never showed up
because I was on the streets andit was like by the 8th time they
started to be like, all right, like you're not getting it.
And they start actually remanding you and then you're

(37:48):
start, your stays get longer at North Fraser, like a week and
then maybe a month and they hopeit gets traction, but I didn't.
How soon was it before the inmate started telling you what
you were involved in that you did not know until you got in
there? The whole time I had, I didn't
know officially, I still was that stupid.

(38:09):
I had like other like some friends that I made friends with
there that were like, Jeremy, you're a idiot, man.
This guy's playing you. He drives your car when he
wants, He comes over to your house when he wants you give him
money like he's using you. You're like, get your head out
of your ass. I was like, no, like, there's no
way. I like I was such a stupid
idiot. But you but but but that's the

(38:31):
thing, like you were you were you were blinded by it, right?
You, this guy, this guy conned you this whole scenario.
I mean, you're taking this. Is how these things happen.
Right. Yeah, it's.
The most powerful deception tools get them in love with you.
Right. It's like, wow, the sociopaths,
right? The sociopaths are one that can
manipulate any situation and especially the Narcissus like
you talked about. Definitely a dark personality.
There's a book out about dark personalities.

(38:51):
I don't know if you've ever everwe should be about if you've
ever read that, but it's a really good book to read because
it kind of helps you understand the people you deal with on a
day-to-day basis because it it it helps me anyway, because I
deal with a lot of people all the time.
So it kind of like, Oh, that's who that person is.
That's why he acts that way because he's that narcissistic
and he's this he's a vampire. He wants to suck everything out

(39:11):
of out of the relationship to for to for his benefit.
And then once that's gone, it's like, I'm out.
So it kind of sounds like both of your, your love interest.
Unfortunately we're we're, you know, dark personality vampire
type people that were bleeding you dry for lack of a better
term. And we just read that statistic
the other day that said there there's only 20% of the

(39:33):
population that's capable of critical thinking.
So it's real easy to see how people get wrapped up in things.
Absolutely. Sometimes you don't learn how to
be a critical thinker until something like this happens to
you, right? Yeah, well, in my mind, like I,
I have a good relationship with my mom and I would call her and
I, you know, I caught him cheating and I'd call her
bawling, devastated and stuff. Like I'm not a stupid man.

(39:54):
And that, that's the other thing.
I. Had to make up conversations
with my mother. Yeah, like my.
Mom is like, what are you doing?And I had like camera footage of
him. Like even like who has access to
your safe? Well, only heated.
So who do you think took the money?
Like come on. And I'd be like.

(40:15):
So we're again, we're talking with jimmycrossjimmycross.ca.
He's got a book out called Finding My Lost Life, The fall
to addiction and the rise to recovery.
Very interesting story so far. Don't forget to find us online,
Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, drop a review, give us a follow
on all platforms and you can listen to guests like this over
and over again. We're also on Spotify, Apple
podcast, all those fun little platforms.
So let's kind of just like, likewhat we've talked about in a

(40:38):
nutshell real quick and then we'll continue.
So you, you're in Canada, you moved to Vancouver to kind of,
you know, big city life type thing.
You met this guy. It's it's like that's it.
He's my end all, everything. The sun rises and sets with him.
He ends up getting you turned onthe drugs and shit, which in
your life kind of starts crumbling, falling apart.
Yeah, yeah, kind of ended up ended up getting away from him

(40:59):
and meet this other guy who basically sought you out as as
you're he's a he's a stalk, not a stalker, but he's, you know,
he you're a mark, like you said,right?
And and so then he takes you down this horrific path and
actually turns you into the police.
It's a whole Netflix documentaryscene that's going to be epic
when it gets filmed. You know, I'm thinking like, you
know, you know, I don't have so many badass needs to do this

(41:20):
shit. You know, just make a big like
Miami Vice type thing, right? That's the dream.
Right. And we can Mike and I can be the
extras, dude. I can, I can totally act.
I've been in all kinds of plays and shit movies.
So, you know, we can be extras in the bar.
We'll be the band in the bar onenight that you come into the bar
with the guy and you know we'll be rocking on the stage.
And then you spent six months inin what we're going to equate in

(41:43):
America is like a county, a county jail, not a prison type
thing. You get out of there and and
you're picking up the pieces. But even you're still, you're
still mad, you're still angry, you're still getting high.
That kind of didn't, didn't swayyou at all.
So you're still kind of going down this dark lifestyle.
Well, and I was devastated and then fentanyl, I trauma bonded
with fentanyl at that point, like it was, it was my crutch.

(42:04):
Like I was so broken and lost that I'd like needed the
fentanyl to like to get through the day because I, it was my
suppression tool. It was my. 100% man.
Yeah, like I needed it. I didn't want to lock eyes with
the past. I didn't want to lock eyes with
the reality. Yeah.
And I felt stupid and abused andguilty and, and I was killing my

(42:26):
family. My mum was devastated.
I disappeared. Like I, I, it was such a big
ball. I was on the, I was frigging
homeless. Like, yeah, how did I get?
I'm living on the street, I'm sleeping on buses and sky
trains. I'm getting fucking attacked.
I'm getting kidnapped and held at gunpoint.
I'm in SRO's which are government funded buildings that

(42:47):
have rats and people getting killed.
Like how am I here? And all this is in the book.
Yeah, OK. Because the, the kidnapping
gunpoint stuff's in the book. Yeah, right on.
See this, This can be a fucking great read.
Not, I mean, I'm not making light of the situation, but I,
I, so I have personal experiencewith addiction, not only for my
alcoholism, but I had something in the family who was addicted
to heroin and meth. And I, I kind of kept yeah.

(43:11):
And I kind of kept saying, hey, you need to write your story
because my connection was, was it was a younger person in my
family like you just, you need to write this from the
standpoint of how old you are when it started because the
education you can provide to, tofuture parents of understanding.
Dude, when we, when we, when we discovered it was so easy to get

(43:32):
heroin. You get 20 bucks, you got black
tar heroin. I mean, and I'm talking.
It still is. Probably easier, right, a nice
suburban neighborhood, you know,just you did the furthest thing
you would have thought of. And I dropped this video and
last I saw it, it was like, you know, 120 some odd thousand
things on Facebook Live and I would have random people come up
to me and just Oh my God, you'rethat guy.

(43:53):
Thank you so much. You made me have a conversation.
My son or my daughter, you woke us up.
So what you're doing, I absolutely 100% applaud you,
especially because where you want to go with it and just take
it to the level where everybody's being educated and
learning from your experience, which again, finding my lost
life, the fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
The, the, the like Mike talked about earlier and everybody

(44:16):
that's listening to just Google it right now because you're
going to be blown away because it is a picture tells 1000.
A picture is worth 1000 miles onwords, right?
Is that what's that the word? Is that the saying that's it?
And and looking at looking at this, I mean, you're ripped.
You got a six pack, you're in great shape.
You got some biceps triceps. You look like you're fucking cut
like an athlete. Yet you have this entire

(44:36):
darkness around you that that ifyou look at that, nobody would
expect it. Yeah, like even I like, I put a
filter on. I created the cover of the book
and I put a filter that covered my eyes and stuff.
Like it was dark and mysterious.I like it because.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
It's been a lot of mixed reviewson.
That. But black and white, black and
white is such dramatic on its own.

(44:58):
And then when you have the context of what the books about,
that's just, I mean, to me that would make me, if I'm walking in
the store and it's in a, you know, you can see it.
I picked it up and turn it over and read the Backpage just back
of the books just to see what that's about.
Because you. Know well true stories are a big
thing right now. Everyone loves a true story.
Your Backpage is very well written too.

(45:19):
It would make me want to buy thebook had you not been coming on
here. You know, had he just said, hey,
you should probably check this guy out.
I I would have bought the book for.
Sure. Yeah, cool.
I appreciate that. And took to comment on the the
parents thing. So what I'm really passionate
about now in my life and the work I'm doing, I've been a
public speaker at a group, Parents Forever that had over
300 parents and I just did like 4 hours of questions and answers

(45:42):
because of what I put my mum through.
And of course we were uneducatedtoo.
She was like holy fuck, do do I go kidnap him?
Do I go just like, force him somewhere?
If I had the. Money.
Or is this my yeah? Is this my fault?
Like, what the fuck do I do? And I wanted like, I want to
take that cause a lot of like I even I did a book signing to
launch at chapters Indigo and I had parents, mums that came up

(46:05):
to get my book signed and they had lost kids to addiction.
Yeah, and they just disappeared.And so I that's my other thing,
like if to to unburden them to be like, you could have done
nothing. It's up to the addict that they
need to break the change and go to chains, you know, from chains
to change. That's you.
You couldn't have done anything more.
That was and a lot of them don'tget.

(46:25):
That was to be able to have thatmoment with my mom, for sure.
There's probably nothing more important in my life other than
being alive than to be able to have that moment and, you know,
just look her in the eyes and say you didn't do anything.
Yeah, it killed me. She'd come and visit me all the
time in jail and I fucking like I'm just there's.
I will never forget. And I write about her in the

(46:46):
book a lot. Like she, she was so
instrumental. Like she, you know, I always was
able to call her, I'd call her from random businesses anytime.
Like I, she would order Panago pizza at the nearest Vancouver
location. I could go pick it up.
I, I know I put her through how I called her starving and
freezing on the streets. And like she knew it this time,
there's nothing she could do. And I knew it fucking just

(47:07):
crippled her and I had a lot of proud guilt and shame with that.
But you know, the best thing she's ever said to me was I
fucking love you so much. I'll never leave you.
But while you're living this life like, and this is my other
thing, put me on healthy boundaries.
Like, you know, if you have a loved 1 going through addiction,
you know you're going to bring yourself down with them.

(47:28):
It's it's better to have healthyboundaries.
Never tell them you'll never leave them.
And the minute you want help, I'll come flying in.
But until then, if you're going to go down this road, have to
love you from afar. I think that's because message
that you made abundantly clear through your Facebook campaign
that I remember hearing from you, Chris.
Oh yeah. Oh, and that's that's the
biggest thing that we. That was very well said, Jeremy,

(47:50):
and that's super important for parents to hear.
We, we, my wife and I, we both, we both realized that that the
the person I referenced earlier,it wasn't our fault.
Like, like, like my approach to sobriety and alcoholism when I,
when I finally had to wake up calling and then, you know, woke
up the next morning, Oh, shit, something's got to change,
right? And then two days later is when
I started my a, a journey. My first meeting at a a was, you

(48:12):
know, everybody's like, oh, by the grace of God and you know,
the higher power, things like that.
And I was like, you know, God didn't make me drink.
God's not going to make me stop.God didn't put that beer in my
hand and that shot of Jack and say, Hey, Chris, don't just have
one half 20 beers and don't justhave one shot half 5, right?
I, this, this is me. I'm responsible for my own.
I think that's also a super important message for people to

(48:35):
hear, and I love when you say that because that truer words
couldn't be spoken. We all three live the same
thing. We made the choice to do
everything we did and we had to make the choice to save
ourselves as well. Right, because.
We all know. We all know from addict and an
addict standpoint. I can tell you, Jeremy, you're
an addict all day long. You're going to tell me.
Fuck off, Chris. I'm not.
I don't have a problem. I'm good, man.

(48:56):
My wife was a bartender, right at two different bars.
I wouldn't listen to her when she told me I had a problem.
I don't have a problem. You know what you're talking
about. I can handle my beer just fine,
right? I can handle my booze.
I'm good, I'm good. Meanwhile, I'm adding water to
the Skydbach in the outside freezer so she doesn't realize
I'm, I'm, I'm sucking, you know,off the bottle.
And then you have a party and half the bottle's frozen like,
well, I don't know how that happened because I'm sitting in

(49:19):
the bottle, right. So it's the, it's the ignorance
and it's, it's the lies you tellyourself as an addict that I
don't have a problem. I don't have a problem.
And then like, like you can equate to and Mike can and so
can I either. Once you get clean and once
you're you're cleaning your lifeup, then all of a sudden you get
the guilt coming back, right? You get the shame coming back
and then it's then you got to live with all that shit, you got
to work through all that stuff, which I'm sure the book itself

(49:41):
is very cathartic for you and very therapeutic for you to get
through your entire journey fromthere to now.
Logically, right, yeah, no, it was a great Step 4 to 6 like
admitting to your wrongs and wrongdoings and personal
inventory to you to someone elselike I did that globally and
like, yeah, like I can't press how important that you know I'm,
I'm someone who's in a A and NA I also work at a recovery center

(50:02):
and I, I'm a certified peer support worker now and I work
with other families and addicts and yeah no, it's important you
have to make the change. I mean when it comes.
I get a lot of people like the whole even for me I had
reservations with the whole God word like that was big for me
yeah but as you read the big book, you know, like when you
actually read the the 1st 4 testaments and stuff like that,

(50:24):
like the God that they talk about in the book isn't the big
guy in the clouds. It's your higher power, your
spirituality, your universalness.
And like I, luckily I got the gift of desperation the final
time. My my aha moment.
You would think, well, I mean I should have hit it so many
times. But my final one Moments, dude.
Yeah, was my last this last timein jail and my mom would always

(50:47):
come see me in jail and she was getting a little bit older and
like I I like I had joined Biblestudy in a a because I had the
gift of desperation where I can't fucking do this anymore.
You know, like the attic mind. The last four years I've been in
a jail, I'm like, oh, maybe if Ido it this.
Way. Yeah, I love that term.
Which term for desperation? It's such a gift.

(51:08):
Yeah. Like as I was fucking on my
knees, like I cannot do this anymore.
I thought every time I would tell myself I can, and maybe if
I don't do this or I don't associate with this guy or I
only do both in this area or like in that attic mind, right
when I finally was like, I can'tdo this.
I need another solution. And I that's when I read the big
book. It really resonated with me.
And I found my I had that psychic moral change and I had

(51:30):
my higher power come in and I was able to do the work because
I, I understood no human power. Jimmy Cross, Asian Jimmy Cross.
That's your Tobias book. Finding my lost life, A fall,
the fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.
Dude, your story's fascinating. I love it.
I love it. So let's let's let's because I

(51:51):
don't want to give away all the I don't want to give away all
the book stuff, right? Because I want I want people to
go read your book because you OK, so you're you're out after
your six month thing. Did you did you end up going
back? Did you end up getting
incarcerated again time? Okay, so that.
Yeah, because then you get on probation and yeah, I wasn't
showing up. Okay, so walk us through that.

(52:11):
So you're out, you're living on the streets, the chaos is still
going on your life. And then what's?
What's the next thing that leadsto be incarcerated for a second
time? So like I got a two year
probation order after that and like I you know, you don't have
a phone, you're homeless now, OK, Right.
You know, you're not showing, you're not meeting your
probation officer every month orevery two weeks, I think.

(52:32):
And as soon as you miss a month worth, you get an instant bench
warrant. OK, in Canada and.
Bench and bench warrants are thesame.
Canada, United States. Yeah, boom.
It's your. Your face is on all the police.
Yeah, you're wanted. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so and people at this point now the fraud squad knew
who I was. You know, I was getting at this

(52:52):
point, I now knew how to do fraud and then I couldn't
obviously escort because I was on fentanyl so and everything.
But for me, like, it was interesting.
I would say probably a really good, probably be really good
decision not not escorting anymore.
I'm just saying yes, just. Saying, yeah, ironically, I have
to say I was pretty surprised. Like I, I don't know if I was

(53:13):
different because I've always wanted to help people.
But like when I had clients, like I had, I had great little
mini relationships with them because I like actually talked
to them and we like socialize. It wasn't like it wasn't sex all
like I barely actually had to have sex with these people.
They were just like lonely old men that just wanted somebody to
talk to. Yeah.
I could you come across as somebody like that that's very,

(53:34):
very giving and very you got some.
Easy to talk to for. Sure, you got a you got a really
good presence, so I appreciate that I could I mean, because we
don't know you from Adam. This is the first time we've
ever met you. I mean, literally you, we
messaged what last night, I think, and, and here we are, you
know. That's the cool thing about
doing this, man. It's just to hear these, like, I
didn't know that I was going to hear this story 10 hours ago

(53:56):
when I went to work. It's fascinating, it really.
Is I mentioned I hit you, but I got a guy.
Yeah. It's awesome.
And then I read the back of yourbook and I'm like, oh, now I
really want to talk to him. That's.
Awesome. And see, I like, I like going in
blind because then I learn as I go and then that that entices me
to want to do more. So you know that.
It is fun. Yeah, sure.
Because, because I like to throwthe softballs and learn.

(54:17):
Because then you have the real reaction from me and and from
Mike, really. It's organic, yeah.
Yeah, because we don't. We're not.
We do this because we like the human interests of life.
We like helping champion recovery.
We had a guy on that that that Iknew his sister since I was six
years old, that his first joint was at six years old, man.
Right, He grew up with parents that were.

(54:38):
Happy, yeah, six years old. And so his story was just
fascinating. Just, and I never even I do a
piece of it. And then for him to just just,
you know, for lack of better term, just throw up everything
in our, in our 60 minute show because he did it while I was on
lunch. Mind boggling, man.
My, I mean, six. I'm like my grandson's 5 1/2

(54:58):
years old. I can't imagine a little man
smoking a joint. Yeah, that's when it puts it
into perspective, is when you'relike, we're 20 years older than
you. So he has Chris has a grandson
that's almost the same age as when this guy smoked his joint.
Yeah, it's wild. Well, and that's also a big
message in my book. Like, you know, addiction
doesn't discriminate. I didn't have addiction
problems. My parents are not addicts and

(55:19):
fucking took me like a disease that, you know, like I was gone.
Didn't matter what I I was taught.
Same for me, man. I grew up in a very similar
household to you where, you know, that didn't happen in my
house. My parents weren't Alcoholics.
They weren't drug addicts. They went to work every day.
Like, you know, what society would consider normal human
beings. So that's a great message, too.
It doesn't discriminate. Yeah.

(55:41):
And, you know, we're all one circumstance away from, you
know, making people before judging, like hear the story.
You know, I've met many people that you know, you have no idea
how you'd handle that circumstance when you leave your
mom, your dad, or you get your fucking whole life turned upside
down. You have no idea.
You don't. And I think that's important.
Also a big message in my book, like I have a couple messages

(56:03):
and that's a really big one too.And also, like, you know,
there's no, at my time, there was no like book or rule book or
mentor to teach me how to survive on the streets and be an
addict. And also even what peer support
was like, I never had like, thatjust started being big here in
the last two years of certified peer support.

(56:24):
Yeah. It was not a thing.
And now we have Fraser Health, Coast, Vancouver, Coastal
Health, like all these big companies are now seeing how
valuable because even when I wasin addiction and I wasn't, you
know, I went through getting disability and like you get like
these professionals and I'd get like a counselor in front of me
that's an addictions counselor that's never been an addict.
I was like. Thank you.

(56:44):
We talked about that too with like.
It's like having a it's like having a marriage counselor
that's never been married. Thank you.
What? You just proved our point from
like the episode he was talking about, you know, with the guy.
Yeah, I was like, get out of here.
You can't possibly understand. Brilliant.
Yeah. Amazing, amazing.

(57:04):
Again, it's Jeremy Cross jeremycross.ca.
Go find his book finding my life, my lost life, the fall of
to addiction and the rise to recovery.
So we're about an hour into thislittle episode here today, which
is fascinating. By the way, don't forget boys
and girls follow us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube
dropper, if you give us a followon all platforms and coming
soon, the Chris and mikeshow.comdon't go there.

(57:25):
Don't go there now because Godaddy's just parking that
shit. So.
So how many times were you complete?
How many times were you incarcerated total?
Like remanded or like just arrested in general?
Well, what's what's remanded in your world is remanded being in
cars in like in the lockdown facility.
Yeah, it's like if you go, when you get arrested, you go to city

(57:47):
cells, get processed, held overnight, and then you see a
judge at there and they decide if they'll let you out or that
you're going to be remanded. Well, you.
Can you, can you can give us allof them, You can give us a total
of both that's. Fine.
I don't have like the exact totals, but I can tell you I've
been to city cells probably 15 or 16 times.
I've been remanded 3 or 4. And this was in the in the span

(58:10):
of seven years. You know, a span of 4/20/20 is
when I started getting in trouble and a lot of it was just
like, a lot of it was just violating probation.
So like when I got out of jail for that stunt and then I was
like, had conditions, right? Wasn't allowed to have identity
documents, needed to report to my probation.
And I just kept, I never did anyof them.

(58:31):
So it was a warrant, a warrant. And I kept getting arrested,
arrested, arrested. So it wasn't necessarily that I
was like I didn't getting caughtdoing all this crime.
Like it was just a reoffend. Reoffend like with these
conditions. Yeah, OK.
So let's let's let's take it to this point of your life.
I want to know what the the the piece was.
It turns you the the epiphany. Like what is it that that you

(58:53):
woke up one day? It was like, you know, this is
it. This is my sign from, you know,
whatever you want to call it. I need to, I need to turn my
life around or else I'm going todie.
What was that moment? That was this last time in jail.
My, my sister is a spiritual healer too.
And she's the one we were going back and forth in jail via male.
And she said, you know, you should just write your story
chronologically. And like, back when this shit

(59:16):
was going down and then terriblethings would happen, I would
always in my head be like, I'm going to fucking write about
this one day if I can ever get out of this thing alive.
So that was a seed I planted. And then my sister said like
just for therapeutic reasons andlike, you know, chronologically
get it out. And I also wanted to do an
amends to my whole family, you know, explaining all the words
that have gone left unsaid because they didn't know any of

(59:37):
the shit that was going on. They couldn't understand.
They thought it was a choice. It didn't make sense, right.
So this I wrote them a 32 page for men's letter on top of doing
and I started writing my book and then the epiphany like I
joined the Bible study and therewas like 50 year old men, 60
year old men that were like no family.
They give them their whole life to fentanyl and I'm like, that's

(59:58):
gonna be me if I don't get my shit together.
Like I I'm gonna talk and die inhere.
And that was why you and that's why you incarcerated.
Yeah, and then my mom was getting older.
I she'd visit me and I'm like, my little brothers have
graduated. Like I'm fucking missing
everything. You're.
Missing life events? Yeah, OK.
Because like, when you're down there, you're in a time warp.
You have no conception of time or the date.
I didn't know what fucking day of the week it was like.

(01:00:19):
But then when I get arrested, itwas like this reality check that
life has been going on around. Yeah.
And I'm missing everything and. That's amazing though, because
how many people did you see around you that didn't even they
didn't even look at that side ofit?
Like that's going to be me. That were your age.
They were just going to continually live the same
lifestyle, right? Good on you for seeing, hey,

(01:00:40):
that old man over there in the corner.
That's going to be me. Not everybody has that.
Yeah, You can't look past the end of your face, you know,
correct. Especially with an addict.
Your next thing is how am I going to get high?
How am I going to get that beer?Where am I going to get the
money for that, this and that? You know, Mike, our our friend
Mike that was on that had the joint when he was six years old,
his wake up call was he was in prison.
He and he was on the yard and hesaw these, this group of guys

(01:01:02):
doing yoga and he just that, that like whatever that was his
moment where he went and, and and joined them with yoga.
And from that point on, he just,he's like you, he's turned his
life around. He's he's helps now with he's a
dictionary recovery counselor. You know, he's, he's very fit.
He's very focused on spreading the word and and like we talked
about earlier, when you're an addict, you want to sit in front

(01:01:24):
of an addict to give you advice of how to not be an addict.
There's like you said, there's no different respect.
There's no dummy's guide to being an addict.
You know, nobody wrote that book.
This is I always say survive thestreets.
You know, I always say two things, man, like you're talking
to two guys that you can't bullshit and.
Yeah, yeah. There, there's always, that's

(01:01:45):
one thing, like you said it earlier, that's one thing that
people just shouldn't talk aboutif you haven't been there,
right? Because you couldn't possibly
have an idea, right? Yeah.
Well, the, the two pillars of peers, getting certified in, in
peer workers mutuality and relatability.
OK, which is dead on. Like I said, I wouldn't, I
wouldn't want a divorce counselor that's never been

(01:02:06):
married. It just just wouldn't, you can't
get it right, Right. And, and I had that experience
when I got a transition team leader and a peer support when I
got out of jail in May. And I the way I could connect
with him, I'm like, I want that for somebody.
I want to be you. Yeah.
And I went and got certified right away started.
I take clients solely. I work with families.

(01:02:27):
I do any public speaking I can do.
I now currently work at a Together recovery center five
days a week. I do you want to, you want to
share the, the, the recovery center's information?
Because what we do when we're done with this show, Mike goes
and edits everything down. We end up having a bunch of
shorts and we can, we can splicethe shorts that we'll send you
the shorts so you can, you can do what you want with them.
But if you want to give a shout out to where you work in the

(01:02:48):
recovery center, we can make sure that's one of the shorts.
Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah.
The big one I do is my solo peersupport by Jeremy Cross.
You can book with me on my website.
You can also contact me. I get contacted all the time.
The bottom of my website. You can ask me any questions
about anything. I've been asked by the local
school district here to go and talk to kids in school about
addiction. I'm just trying to do as much as

(01:03:09):
I can. You know, I'd like to see it be,
like I said, a docu series because we're just in such a big
opiate and mental health crisis and the people hire like this is
my other thing like and, and thereform in our system.
Our system is fucking broken. Like I, I tried to use the
system because I wanted help. So I was on the street.
I didn't want to do it anymore. I tried, I went to a government

(01:03:33):
detox center. They told me no problem, but you
need to call every day and you're there's a 3 1/2 week late
list until a bed becomes available and you can't go to a
recovery center until you have 30 days of detox.
So I was like, cool, so I guess I'll just go back to the street
then. And I don't know what they're
telling you. Yeah, I don't have a phone.
I can't call you in every day and tell you I'm serious about

(01:03:54):
getting out of here like the system is.
And they gotta wonder. You gotta wonder like, so is
this out of all the resources and money that we have?
Like, is this like a premeditated thing?
Like we can make this way smoother, right?
And it could be way better by then.
You got to get like in my book. I also talk about, you know,
it's not us homeless junkies on the street that are getting the

(01:04:14):
imported drugs from China. You have to have power,
influence, importation, deportation.
It's the higher ups. They need all of us to do the
drugs. It all comes down to it's like
the Pharmaceutical industry. It comes down to the bottom
line. It's all about money.
They don't make money off healthy people, so I don't.
That's my big thing too. I'm advocating, I think the

(01:04:35):
people that are making the decisions with policies and the
government of how to handle detox and recovery in this drug
crisis have somebody who's actually been battling in the
trench because you guys are making decisions for things you
don't understand. So that's another big thing I'm
doing. No, but that's that's awesome.
So again, this is Jeremy Cross, jeremycross.ca, finding my lost
life to fall to addiction and the rise to recovery.

(01:04:57):
Check him out. It's online.
Go buy his book it you're going to love it just from from the
sheer conversation that we're having.
How how long is the book? How many pages?
So people know. It's 180 pages.
OK. And it basically starts when
you're about 25 years old. 24, yeah.
OK, 24 goes all the way to 31. Yeah, it's all, it's all these
horrific events. I I talk about all the all like

(01:05:19):
how, if sorry, go ahead. No, no.
How long has it been out? When did you publish it?
November 2024. It's only been six months.
OK. So you, so you mentioned earlier
you made reference that you got out in May, so you got out in
May of 24. Yeah.
OK, so you you were, how long was that last incarceration?
A month or five months? I got arrested in January,
released May. OK, cool.

(01:05:40):
So then after you got out in May, then you started putting
all the pieces of your puzzles together and and.
Digitalized it and then I was looking at how to publish it.
I ended up self-publishing on Amazon and which I'm glad I did
because and I had two professional editors like that.
I have my old history AP 12 teacher, Miss Wendy Cook.
She's incredible. She's a retired Superintendent

(01:06:02):
now. She offered to do it.
And then my best friend Kelsey had his uncle, same thing, super
Superintendent on the I Vancouver Island.
He offered and I, you know, I got approached by different
traditional companies and stuff,but then they'd send me their
contracts and like a lot of thembe like, you know,
self-publishing. You're not, you know, take the
book deal, we'll offer you 10K and then we'll give you 40%

(01:06:23):
royalty. Like take this, you're not going
to get far. And I'm glad I said no because
I've already made about 20,000 and I've already gone into like
news articles. I've been in the local paper.
CTV. Vancouver.
That's awesome. Congratulations.
By the way, that's. Awesome.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
And I you know, I would, yeah. I sometimes forget how big of a

(01:06:46):
deal like being like I publisheda book like.
Well, now you just told your story.
Think about how far you've come right now.
I do that all the time. Anytime I'm getting down on
myself, I remember how far down I really was.
It's like, man, you're, you're just having a shit day.
You're not. Your life's not.
Falling apart, right? Everything.
'S OK. And, and, and as you become a
listener to our show, you'll hear that every time we wrap the

(01:07:07):
show up, we talk about, you know, don't let the bad days
win. You know, Somebody Loves You.
Somebody wants to see you the next day.
You know, you're going to, you know, today's just a day.
Don't let this day you know be the end result of your entire
life, because that sucks. Yeah, 100%.
It's been, you know, I'm, I'm soproud of myself and I know I
help other people and I, I tell it gets beautiful up here.

(01:07:28):
It's a battle to get in recovery, you know, but it's
better at least when you're battling addiction, it gets
darker. If you're battling in recovery,
it gets brighter. So, and it's beautiful from up
here where I am. And I, I just want to help
people get to where I am and be that, that tangible evidence
like I have before and after photos of me like in, in my
book, like when I was 80 lbs, like just skin and bone.

(01:07:48):
And then there's me now. Like to be that beacon of hope,
like, listen, I was on the street, I was hopeless, I was
helpless. I've accepted the fact I'd die
like I have been where you are. And I'm telling you there is a
way to get out if you if you want to will, if you seek, it'll
be sought like and I'll help you.
There's tons of people out therethat will want to give you what
we have and show you the way. You just have to have that

(01:08:11):
courage and bravery and you knowit's, it's possible.
Yeah. Now the picture on the book is,
was that back when you were thatwhen you're before you started
your whole chaos or is this a recent photo?
On the front of the book, Yeah, yeah.
No, that was after the first guyand I was lived alone escorting.
OK, OK. So I just want to put
perspective on that. So like this, this picture, That

(01:08:34):
one is when I got out of jail. OK, OK, cool.
Yeah. And I have lots on my website.
I have lots of photos of me now.And yeah, my readers.
And stuff. And yeah.
And is Jeremy Cross's with us? Is jeremycross.ca.
It's finding my lost life, the fall to addiction and the rise
to recovery. This is the Christian Mike show.
He's Chris. I'm Mike.
He's Jeremy. So what do you want to let's,

(01:08:55):
let's, let's leave our listenerswith something that you, you
know, what would you, what wouldyou if you had a room?
Because you've done this all thetime.
So you have a room of, you know,of, of addicts who are just
like, yeah, fuck off, I don't have a problem.
What would you say to them? Let's wrap the show up like
that? You're you're, you're what, what
is the message you would want toshare with somebody that doesn't
think there's any hope and theirentire life is just staring down

(01:09:17):
the barrel of a per real peripheral shotgun because they
keep shooting up every day and they're they're homeless,
they're hopeless, they have nowhere to go.
They they feel completely distraught and despair.
What would you tell them? It's interesting that you say
that. I had, I had a old friend of
mine, a a young, she's 24 years old.
She's an alcoholic addict. She's tried to take her life

(01:09:41):
within the last week and this just was brought to my
attention. I was called by the family who I
went to school with and they know what I do to try to host
intervention. And I literally just had this
conversation with my that girl on the phone after she was
hospitalized. And I said, I said to her, and I
would say to anybody like that you just said, you know, I would

(01:10:02):
be like, I, I get it. Like I didn't want to be here.
I was hopeless. I didn't think I'd get out.
I didn't want to get out becauseI was, I could not fathom, you
know, even the start of the healing process to have to lock
eyes. Yeah.

(01:10:27):
Then don't give in to this addiction don't give addiction
your life like you're fucking stronger than that you're better
than that there like I said thatit's beauty.
I was there I was looking down the shotgun of a barrel to like
I I get it, but it's beautiful from up here, you know and I I
want that for you. It's possible, you know, like,
just like let me let me help you, let people that have been

(01:10:49):
there help you and don't, don't give in to this disease.
Like, you know, right now you'realso what you know, I'd said to
her what in a we learned this, you know what, what this disease
is for people to understand the qualifications of this disease
is a disease as if it affects you mentally and physically.
OK, the mentally is the insanitypart.
You're not thinking straight. You know, I overdosed 7 times

(01:11:11):
and I literally got right out ofthe hospital to go get the drug
that just killed me, which is insanity.
Like we're not thinking right. And the physical part is the
allergy. We cannot do drugs and drink
like other for people and that'sOK.
And you're exactly like me, you know, I can't casually
recreationally do it. I'll be fucking gone for weeks
or months or die and that's OK. So you have the disease, you're

(01:11:34):
not thinking right and it's affecting you right now.
And we can get you past this. We can work with you, you know,
like I would just absolutely saythat recovery is possible and I
can, that is my whole baseline. Like I have been there.
You can see photos of me, and I'll help you through it.
Like, don't. Don't give in.
Like, don't. You're stronger than that.

(01:11:55):
You're better than this, man. Like, fuck this disease.
Fuck addiction. Yeah.
It doesn't have that power. And don't give it that power.
Don't. There's three examples right
here. Yeah.
Mm. Hmm.
Down to each other, right? Yeah, and then that's why the
more exposure. I love what you guys are doing
and having this being having guests and letting them Share
your story. I have so much respect for you
and the people. Who think that you guys, we have

(01:12:16):
a few different messages. Thank you for saying that.
But this is one that's near and dear to our heart because we
wouldn't be sitting here talkingto you and you wouldn't be
talking to us if we had not all made that choice.
So, yeah, congratulations to you, too, on your sobriety.
And remember, thank you. Remember how good you feel now
and how bad you felt then. That's what I always remember.
Yeah. Yeah, it's what keeps me sober.

(01:12:37):
When people ask me that, I said the idea of having to
withdrawal, Yeah. And I feel good and I have no
desire to escape. And that's the other thing about
this, this whole recovery thing.And I'm trying to push this on
people like you need to heal like you have been destroyed and
broken and scarred and traumatized during your
addiction. It's going to take time.
And you, you know, it's not justthat being.

(01:12:58):
Sober when you're in the middle of it.
Yeah, and you know. It's going to take time and that
part scares. You totally because we all want
that quick fix like and that's the attic mind.
But like the what people don't understand, and I try to like
this is one of the big things I'm trying to teach people is
recovery is not just sobriety. Recovery, being off drugs and

(01:13:20):
alcohol is one little tiny part.Really.
The second part is the healing. You have to heal.
You have to fix yourself. Like I thought I had a drug
problem, but I had a Jeremy problem.
I was. Fucking broken.
Me too. Yeah.
And so, you know, we had to, I just want to like share that
message with people and I want to just like really, really
push. Like it's not just getting off

(01:13:42):
the drugs, get some trauma therapy, get some awesome, get a
peer support worker. Like get he'll do the steps, do
your inventories, do your do it all.
Yeah, because, you know, you're less prone to relapse because
you're fixing that neural pathway that is that escape.
Fuck it button. We got to get rid of that.
Yeah, we should. Hey, he's Jeremy Cross,
jeremycross.ca. Go find his book and buy it.

(01:14:03):
It's finding my lost life to fall to addiction and rise
recovery. He's an amazing human.
We just met him and it's I'm just, if I could give you a hug,
I would give you a hug. Absolutely.
You know, virtual hug, brother, because it's.
Just, I mean, I, Mike and I are so appreciative of people that
share their stories because again, we both come from that
world. And, and when I, when I, when I
stopped drinking, all my friendsat the time, they kind of

(01:14:25):
laughed at me and said, Oh, you'll never last, you know, And
then I lost all my friends because.
You find out they weren't your friends.
Right, they just it goes back tothat dark psychology and the
vampire personalized things likethat.
So again, thank you so much for coming on today.
Again, one more time, there's a jeremycross.ca and that's
JEREMYCROS s.ca.ca because he's in Canada a even though even

(01:14:48):
though he doesn't say a go get his book.
This was just a little piece of his life and we would love to
have you back on, you know your.Yeah, let me get your book and
let me read it and. Yeah, that'd be cool.
We'll have back on it. I'm sure I'll have 100 questions
after that for. Sure.
And that's for sure. And that's why I kind of
prevented you from giving all the details, because I want
people to go read your book. Yes, please go get his book.

(01:15:09):
This has been amazing. I I thank you, too, for coming
on and having the courage to tell your story.
And you, you did it very well. And I think there's a lot of
important information out there for people.
So. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you guys.
I appreciate. That eloquent every eloquent
Jeremy and and remember as we wealways wrap up with this, don't
let the bad days win everybody, every attic's broken as we just

(01:15:29):
kind of alluded to, but there's somebody there that's going to
miss you if you're gone so don'tdo that reach out for help if
you're in Canada, go to jeremycross.ca and there's a
link down the thing you can talkto him.
He can help you get out of your darkness, right?
Because. Amen.
You want to talk about darkness?Amen.
Jeremy's been with darkness. Yeah, you beat.
You beat my story, man. I always tell people you're on
parallel. You win.

(01:15:49):
You win bro. You win for sure nothing but
love man appreciate you being ondefinitely want to have you
back. Keep keep doing all the
wonderful things you're doing. We're going to post your stuff
on on our Facebook page and our Instagram page.
Once the show airs, MM breaks itall down.
So once we figure that out, it will let you know I'll keep in
contact with you 100% and then look forward to watching your

(01:16:10):
journey, man, watching you grow.You're good.
You're a good human, I appreciate it very much.
Absolutely. Thank you back at you guys all.
Right. You guys have a great day.
We'll talk to you. Soon.
See you guys. Peace, brother.

(01:16:44):
Feel the true behind your eyes. Feel the soap and meet yourself.
Take a moment, look until you see it.
Watch the battle, that's you forthe clear.
Watch the battle, look you for clear.

(01:17:05):
Who will be baby till you see it?

(01:18:04):
None. Come down here, we haven't found

(01:18:30):
solids in your sand from fighting.
Wait for the dead. When you close.
Your eyes and. Get put in the wind, you ain't
no creature. We're playing man, and you
should you press on the almightyman, you got a dream.

(01:18:52):
Who is your life to keep up soulin every town.
Take the trail behind your eyes.Feel the soul revolution now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(01:19:15):
Take your moment. Listen to your fear.
Fight the battle into you more clear.

(01:19:48):
You gotta, you gotta. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta.

All Episodes

#97 - Jeremy Cross - Addiction, Recovery, & The Power of Truth

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Boysober

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#97 - Jeremy Cross - Addiction, Recovery, & The Power of Truth