March 27, 2025 • 50 mins
In this episode, Tim and Eric sit down with real estate entrepreneur and environmental engineer Steve Azar to explore how leading with heart can shape not just businesses, but entire communities. From high-rise developments to Provincetown’s historic Gifford House, Steve’s work is deeply rooted in impact, intention, and connection. We discuss his journey through men’s work, embodiment practices, and spiritual surrender—how listening to universal signals led him to unexpected yet powerful opportunities. Steve shares his vision for creating trustable spaces where queerness, art, and authenticity can thrive, and how leadership is less about control and more about service. Join us for a conversation about transformation, both personal and collective, and the magic that unfolds when we choose to lead with love.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Eric Bomyea (00:05):
Welcome back to the circle today. We're joined by
Steve Azar. He's a real estateentrepreneur and environmental
engineer whose career spansmultimillion dollar
redevelopment projects andpurpose driven work From
creating sustainable inclusivehousing to reimagining
Provincetown's iconic GiffordHouse, Steve brings intention
and heart to everything he does.We'll explore how his spiritual
(00:25):
practices and his experiencewith men's work have shaped his
ability to lead boldly and staygrounded. Tim, Steve, are you
ready to go all in?
I'm ready.
Timothy Bish (00:34):
I'm ready.
Eric Bomyea (00:35):
Alright. So, Steve, you've tackled some very
ambitious projects over theyears. Could you give us a quick
overview of some of the majorones like the Gifford House and
share how you've managed tobalance the pressures and
complexities of taking on suchbig challenges? Great questions.
Steve Azar (00:52):
I've I've worked in a variety of different fields
over the years from cityplanning to engineering to
redevelopment projects. In thebackground, I've always had a
brokerage license. And I'vealways been sort of taking on
personal projects, whether it'sthe home I'm living in and
flipping or whatever. You know,very typical of gay people.
(01:15):
Always with an eye for design.
But, the project span frominfrastructure redevelopment
projects, which had to do with,you know, expanding channels and
actually taking properties byeminent domain from, some folks
who, was difficult to displace.And other projects like
(01:39):
developing, high risescommunities for for folks and
really focusing on thefunctionality and the amenities
that come with that. But thecommon thread from regardless of
what project I've worked on isreally sort of what's at the
heart of the project and how itworks and how it impacts people.
And so, you know, moving formoving through any of those
(02:03):
projects, I'm always sort ofholding on to that thread of,
not necessarily the bottom line,but, how to how to best create
space and communities that usethat space, is sort of what I
do.
Timothy Bish (02:18):
So part of what I just heard you say was there's a
word that I love, impact. Sowith the projects that you're
doing in town now, what is theimpact that you ultimately wanna
have in this community?
Eric Bomyea (02:31):
It's the whole reason why
Steve Azar (02:32):
I took on the project, to be honest. No. I
mean, really, there were amillion projects that I could
have done after leaving, sellingthe stowaway, to the Summer of
SaaS. And one of the probablythe only real reason why I ended
up getting to the point ofactually moving forward with a
sale, because I didn't want itto just go to anybody. I I
(02:53):
really wanted the next step ofit to be correct.
With Summer of SaaS moved in,and they said that it could
help, you know, upwards of 30kids a year. And that to me was
the right move. I didn't knowwhere I was going to go. I
didn't know what was next forme, but it was I listened for
universal clues a little bit,not to get too woo on anyone.
(03:14):
But as soon as something feelsaligned or correct, even if I
don't know what the next stepis, I often will just surrender
to whatever that is.
And so, once they moved in, Ikind of that was actually the
moment of, oh, no. I I reallydon't know what's next. And even
though I can talk this greatgame or, you know, I have these
(03:36):
beliefs, I'm scared becausethere's a finite amount of money
that will come from this.Inflation is going through the
roof, happens to be right inthis moment. The dollar amount
that I already said yes to isdeflating by the minute.
And worse, I had forty five daysto identify, my next project,
for tax reasons. I was doing a$10.31 tax exchange. And so I I
(04:00):
looked all around the country,projects everywhere, and
identified up three. And allthree of those projects fell
apart within the forty five daysfor a variety of reasons. There
was a a random burial site onone of them, and the bank didn't
feel comfortable.
Like, just random stuff that Icouldn't foresee, and I was
(04:21):
pushing the energy and pushingit and forcing it because I did
not wanna lose tax money.Because this is what I do, real
estate. So if I if I'm not doingreal estate, what am I, you
know, like, oh, uh-oh. And so itwas, like, day 43, and I was
walking by the Gifford House.And I was actually saying
goodbye to everybody and packingmy bag.
And I was sounds, crazy, but Iwas, like, thinking I was just
(04:44):
gonna go to an Indian ashram andjust sit for, like, six months
and just really sit with myselfand really sit with what just
happened. Like, I just gave upmy whole life, blew it up,
probably leaving the communitythat I love, you know, trying to
understand what I just did forthese kids. Right? And and still
being very okay with it, buttrying not to understand why the
universe kinda, like, didn'tstep in. Right?
(05:07):
And it was day 43, and I just Iwas raw. And I looked up, and
the owner was there. And I justI just said, hey. You know, it's
this older gentleman. He was inhis early seventies or somewhere
about.
And and I said, do you own this?You know? And he's like, yes. I
said, what are you doing? Youknow?
(05:28):
And and the club was closed. Thebar was half closed. The hotel
was mostly closed. This was oneof the places that made me fall
in love with town. Right?
I mean, it's it truly had aheartbeat to it that's
unmistakable and and just sortof beautiful in its own
authenticity. Right? It's nevertrying to be anything that it
really isn't, and that's what Iloved about it. And so I I just
(05:51):
sort of looked at him, and I,from, like, my deepest truth,
said, you know, I just soldsomething in town, a business
that I loved, that I had justcreated, where I was trying to
grow community. I had started anartist residency.
I was 2020 had happened duringthat period. I was, you know,
(06:12):
trying to create all kinds oflittle micro events for the
community to sustain itself,whether it be through markets
where they were six feet apartor whatever else. I was
constantly pushing, trying to tocreate that. And everyone kept
saying, you're in the wrongplace in town for this. Go
somewhere else, which for mewas, like, ultimate rejection.
And as a queer person, rejectionis, like, not it. Right? Mhmm.
(06:34):
And so I I thought, well, Iguess the town doesn't want me.
But then when I was having thisconversation with the the then
owner of the Gifford House, Isaid, often these buildings have
purpose that are outside of us,and we are stewards of them.
And if you're not giving thefull potential to this property
in a town where the vibrationsare a lot bigger than you or me
(06:57):
or anything, it's about a wholelarger community, then it's time
to step aside. Mhmm. You know?And and I and, you know, the the
story goes on where I justkinda, I offered him. I said,
you know, you're probably scaredto sell.
You probably don't even knowhow. You know? And I said, it's
it's really complicated. I said,what we're gonna do is get you a
(07:17):
lawyer. I'm gonna get a lawyer,except it's gonna be you and me
at the table.
And at the end of this thing,you and me are gonna be really
good friends, and you're gonnasit at the bar, and you're gonna
go to the shows, and this isstill your building too. Because
I'm just gonna be a steward likeyou were a steward, and we're
gonna do it for the community,and this is the time. And he
looked at me and he goes, youremind me a lot of myself at
your age.
Timothy Bish (07:37):
Mhmm. So what I heard you say there was a lot
about building community. Sowhen we talk about impact,
sounds like that was partly whatyou did when you were when you
made the sale that youmentioned. And then part of the
reason why you decided to buythe Gifford House was so that
you could continue to createcommunity. Am I hearing you
correctly?
Steve Azar (07:55):
Yeah. I think I've done a lot of work in my own
journey from embodiment to toeverything, and I've really sat
with what makes me tick andwhere I wanna be. So I did all
these redevelopment projects. Ibuilt high rises, which was my
ultimate goal. I had reached alevel of director, which was my
ultimate goal.
Equity, I had done my own sideprojects. And I kinda got there
(08:15):
at a a relatively young age.Right? And and and in a world
where my dad wasn't the CEO.Right?
And so I I, like, had to foughtfrom New Bedford. Mom was a
school teacher. Dad was a socialworker. And this little brown
boy is, like, going throughwhite society, you know, trying
to trying to make his own nameand did, essentially, right, to
(08:37):
some degree. And once I kindagot there, it was evident that
it didn't speak to my heart.
And so I went on this wholething of and that's why for
every project, what I saidbefore is I was trying to
constantly try to find the heartin every project. How am I
benefiting community? How am Ibenefiting people? Am I giving a
(08:58):
positive vibration out? Is mywork meaningful?
You know? It matters to me. Andso, I'm a Cancer. I don't know.
I just have a heart, and theheart needs to just do what it
does.
Right? And so, and so for for Istarted writing, and I started
writing, the purpose that Iwanted. When I was at the
(09:20):
stowaway, I did Ayahuasca. I hadall kinds of breakthroughs,
right, like like a lot of peoplego through. And what kept coming
up for me and my purpose,different from everybody else,
and no purpose better or worsethan anything, was I would look
around at the world, and Isimply don't comprehend, I don't
understand why people are meanand judge other people.
(09:45):
I don't understand why we,aren't in full support of
people's authenticity. I don'tunderstand why certain people
think power comes from holdingother people down. Like, there's
just, like it it just, in mypsyche, doesn't add up. Right?
It's because my heart is notwired that way at all.
(10:05):
And so I said, I would love tohold space somehow for people's
true authentic expression toappear and for them to know they
are loved for who they are asthey are with and that's it.
And, otherwise, it's a vibrationof joy. Right? It's like, just
come, have a good time, get upon a stage. You don't have to
(10:30):
drink.
You don't have to do drugs.There's no expectations of you.
Other people might be doing allkinds of things at any kind of
way. It's humanity. Let humanitybud and grow.
Let's all see each other for whowe are, and that's it. It's not
that much more complicated thanthat. I don't wanna make it some
grandiose other thing. I justwant to hold space for truth and
(10:53):
for peep for people'sauthenticity. And so I kept
writing it.
And I was like, I don't knowwhat that looks like, but I
think there needs to be a stage.You know? I don't know. I don't
know. But I I think this, and Iwould just keep writing it.
And I was like, I've never owneda theater. I've never owned a
stage or even a bar or a clubfor that matter. You know, I had
no idea, but I did know that thetruth and sort of the string of
(11:16):
it is the Gifford House. Like,way before me. I have nothing to
do with it.
You know? It's like it's existedon this property, and it's why
I've always been attracted tothis property. I never thought I
could afford to do a projectlike this. I never thought now
mind you, the banks had rejectedthree other projects before me
that were a quarter of thissize. I ended up within I met
(11:39):
the forty five day window.
I went to the bank, and it wasgreen lit in record time in a
way that I didn't understand.Like, I I literally just I had
to I was like, you sure? Theywere like, Steve, you put a
business plan together we'venever seen. You we we we believe
in you. We're gonna take a riskwith you.
I've never heard a bank say theywould take a risk, period. Mhmm.
Never mind with you know? And Idon't have backers. You know?
(12:03):
Like, it was literally I justthey believed in me. I believed
in them. We all did it. And sofar, so good. So it's been
really good.
Eric Bomyea (12:09):
It really speaks to me with the the the power of the
heart. When you do things fromthe heart and you are leading
from the heart, like, how theuniverse will conspire to help
you. And all the way to like myjaw, like to anyone watching,
you just saw my jaw drop whenyou said how fast that moved. I
mean, you were at like, I washere on the seat of like the
edge of my seat being like, ohmy gosh, is he actually gonna be
(12:31):
able to do this? And I know, Iknow how the story ends.
And I was still captivated. Iwas like, oh my God, is he
actually gonna be able to dothis? He's got two days left.
Same. And within a matter ofdays, this incredible project
comes to fruition and starts tomanifest itself because of the
power of the heart of settingthat intention and the impact
(12:53):
that having such a strong andpure intention can have.
So I thought that was that wasreally beautiful. Thank you.
Steve Azar (12:59):
Thank you. I've been also really trying not trying,
but maybe doing. I've beenholding that vibration. And it's
not easy. It's an entertainmentcomplex.
It's artists. It's creatives.Or, you know, it's it's, queer
people who come from all kindsof backgrounds and maybe have
been abused or traumatized insome ways or don't believe in
(13:20):
community even or I mean, I'veseen it all. Yeah. Yeah.
And I love them all. Right? Andso I literally just sit back and
every time they come, a practiceI've been doing, which is, is
part of an embodiment practice,is I really sit back. And every
time someone springs up andeverybody has their anxieties
and everybody has theirconfusions or their or whatever
(13:42):
it is, and it's good and bad orwhatever, or it's not even good
or bad, it just is. Right?
And so I'm just uncomfortable orneutral. Yeah. Just whatever.
Right? And I I I I just sitthere.
I usually hug. It's usually abig hug first. And then I, I,
like, consciously and maybe thisis woo, and I don't know
Eric Bomyea (13:58):
if we should talk woo woo woo woo woo
Steve Azar (14:00):
woo woo woo woo.
Timothy Bish (14:00):
Yeah. Bring it.
Steve Azar (14:02):
I will, like, consciously go in to sort of my
consciousness. I will go down tomy heart. I somehow go through
my heart into their eyes anddown into their heart, which is
very specific, I know. But thenI I imagine myself as them,
(14:22):
like, a hundred percent. I amthem.
Right? And I say, wow. Okay. SoI probably had these
experiences, and I might begoing through this at home, and
I might have and I just sitthere, and I just make my I I
feel compassion no matter whatit is. And they might be a
billionaire, and I'll still feelcompassion for whatever that
experience must be like, youknow?
And, and I'll get to the core ofit. And then from there, no
(14:46):
matter what they throw at me, II think I'm that person. How
would I wanna be treated rightnow? Or what would I what do I
need to hear to feel good? Howdo I you know?
And I and I that's my practice.
Eric Bomyea (14:57):
Mhmm.
Steve Azar (14:58):
And it's, it's every day. It's with everyone. And
it's it's, so for me, I have aton of actual gratitude because
the Gifford House for me is,like, the deepest place of
practice that I could have everfound in in a really beautiful
way. I don't know if thattranslates or if that makes
(15:19):
sense. It it's sort of likethere's so much going on all the
time and everything that it'slike practice for me to be
truthful and honest withintegrity around that thing I
wrote.
Mhmm. That I wanna hold thisspace and that even if you have
a goal in life and you get thatgoal, it doesn't mean that it's
all roses. Right? Like, it's notrainbows and butterflies.
(15:42):
Everything's wonderful.
And that it's all hard work.Nothing in life is not hard
work. Nothing in life, you know,is like, oh, I made it and
everything. It no. No.
No. There's always a process,always a journey, and just
remembering that. And then also,you know, on the hard days just
thinking, like, no. I asked forthis. And and It's it sounds
Timothy Bish (16:01):
like you're talking about when we when we
mentioned, like, taking the yogaoff the mat. Right? Like, you
there are places where we comeand do these practices so that
we can refine them or expand ourcapacity in them. But the real
work then is bringing it intothe day to day. So having
conscious awareness in my day today, having compassion in my day
to day.
And that's really what I'mhearing you talk about, like
(16:22):
taking these skills and say,well, maybe I can do them on my
meditation cushion or in myjournal or on my mat. But can I
do it when there's a deadlineand the person in front of me,
like, needs their money fast orthey're upset, you know,
whatever the thing might be? AndI think that's really a
admirable thing for us all tostrive at. Like, can I be a
spiritual person when I'mworking through the world?
Steve Azar (16:46):
100%. I, so when I didn't think this was gonna go
forward, years ago in anotherstrange situation, I own some
land in Costa Rica now. Right?It's beautiful land. I was gonna
create a retreat center.
I was gonna go there and do allthe woo and live, like, a very
easy, simple life, much quiet,you know, literally me sitting,
(17:08):
meditating on the side of ahill. And I sat with that for a
long time. And what kept comingup for me was you're alive. You
have greater impact. Impact.
Right? Like, hold this like, dothe hard work. We're not here to
go sit on the side of a mountainand meditate. I mean, maybe some
of us are, and that's wonderfuland lovely. But I I'm not in
(17:31):
this life.
Right? And so in this life, itwas like, nope. Roll up your
sleeves. Dive in. You're good.
I'm grounded. I'm okay. Give andlove and be love and show love
and pull love out. Right? Andso, it was it it very much that
practice of, like, yeah, I couldgo and just sit and meditate and
(17:55):
do it all inside.
I already I do. Now how do I howdo I do that for others? How do
I show up?
Eric Bomyea (18:01):
Yeah. Right. How do I bring it to the world? You
know? Because it is hard work.
Like, you know, even sittingmeditation can, to some people,
be, like, the the world'shardest job. Right? Like, I
would sometimes, I would rather,like, do the hardest manual
labor than sit still on mycushion.
Steve Azar (18:19):
Absolutely. Right?
Eric Bomyea (18:19):
Like, it I think it just it's very subjective. It's
very contextual. And I thinkthat there's there's room in the
world for all sorts ofpractitioners and and different
ways of of being a teacher and aleader and a guide. So, like in
like you said, in thismanifestation of this life,
right, this is your post. Thisis your post in life.
It's It's
Steve Azar (18:39):
my post. Yeah. And I'm happy with that. And, I just
did a Vipassana. Mhmm.
And I would recommend aVipassana Okay. To just about
anyone with good knees. And ifnot Or a chair. And if not, find
a good chair. Find a good chair.
Eric Bomyea (18:53):
Right? With some yoga blocks to lift up.
Steve Azar (18:55):
Yeah. But I, it was ten days. And the interesting
part of that is, you know, thereason why I did a Vipassana is
because this last season was,wow, like, powerful. The
business did, you know, it wastons of events and tons of
things going on and tons ofenergy all the time, and I just
hold space. So if you've everhold held a party, you know, and
you had some people over orwhatever, it's like that, but a
(19:18):
thousand or 1,500 people, andthey're in this building that
you're responsible for.
You're responsible for theirhealth, wellness, benefit, and
joy. You know? And it's like,okay. Which is which is fun and
fine. And, you know, you getused to it.
But it was a lot. Andenergetically for me, I need
quiet to rejuvenate. And thereis no time to process or quiet
(19:40):
to rejuvenate. And so what I didmid summer, just about August,
I, like, went online. Someonetold me about a Vipassana, and I
booked it for December thinking,like, if oh my god.
Ten days of silence without aphone is the ultimate luxury.
Like like like, I I need that.And so all summer, what got me
through is knowing that I wasgoing to have this process time.
(20:02):
And I ended up doing it, and itwas one of the most, difficult.
It's sort of like learning hownot to suffer, through
suffering.
And, it it really helped me, ina lot of ways. And so I I do
recommend that. Where did yougo? I went to the Vipassana
Meditation Center in WesternMass, which was it's through
(20:25):
dharma.org. Yeah.
And you can book 21
Eric Bomyea (20:28):
of the 100. Berry Mass?
Steve Azar (20:30):
Yeah. It's close to Shelburne. Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (20:32):
Yeah. Yeah. So I went to their their sister
property, Spirit Rock
Steve Azar (20:36):
Oh, okay.
Eric Bomyea (20:36):
In August. Amazing. Mhmm. So I I love a Vipassana.
Like Loved it.
But I also, like, I get reallytempted sometimes of, like,
being on retreat. I'm like,okay. I want to I want to be
here. This is the post that Iwanna take. I want to, like,
live on a retreat center.
I wanna, like, be in retreatmode all the time. And then I
realized I'm like, no. No. No.No.
(20:57):
Like, I do believe my impact, Ifeel like similar to yours,
like, is going to be out in theworld. Right? Like, my post
right now is not going to be ata retreat center even though I
get so tempted every time I go.I'm like, oh, I just want this
to be my life twenty four seven.Right.
And then I try to figure out howdo I incorporate it into my
everyday life. Exactly. So oneof the things we talked about
(21:18):
earlier, more something that I,I heard you say was, around
maybe a limiting belief aroundrejection and, and that, that
feeling of rejection that mightbe coming from the banks or
elsewhere. So I'm curious thatlike, when the bank said, hey.
We're willing to take a risk onyou.
And the Gifford House projectbegan. Mhmm. Like, while this
(21:40):
massive renovation project'shappening, what were some of the
other things that may havepopped up for you that, you
know, started to challenge youof, like, oh, is this possible?
Can I do this?
Steve Azar (21:51):
It it the way it happened and where I was in in
my practice, I it was ultimatesurrender, I will just say. Now
with that, it was surrender withyou better get it done because
someone just believed in you.And that this is for the town,
and it's not about me. It, like,it hasn't been about me. Right?
(22:14):
Like, I don't generally postabout myself. Like, it's it's, I
believe in the project as awhole, and I'm really happy to
to be a leader sort of aroundit, to steer it more than lead
it. Right? To sort of, like,make sure it's safe almost.
There were so many things thatthat came up.
(22:36):
I think one of the biggestchallenges in the renovation was
that I had six week I hadinherited a building that barely
had Wi Fi, that had never run acredit card, that had structural
physical issues with thebuilding, that hadn't been
updated in sixty years. Andanything. Mattresses, anything.
You know? And so from anaffordability standpoint and
(22:59):
from there was obvious financialthings that I I I took huge
gambles and risks on that werewell outside anything that I was
ever comfortable with with myown wallet.
You know? I mean, I've madedecisions for large
corporations, but I've neverdone it for myself. And it is
different, it turns out. And andand I only had six weeks before
(23:25):
the first guests were coming.And I had to renovate 18
bathrooms.
I had to clean up, refresh aclub. I had to repaint and
refresh a bar. I think for me,the magic that existed as the
Gifford House, I didn't wannalose that magic through my
design, if that makes sense.Like, oh, I'm going to change
(23:46):
this color. And and because Isay it's this color, everyone's
gonna love it.
It like, there's some kind ofmagic to having a lot of
people's creativity be a part ofit, and a lot of people own it,
and allow a lot of it to, like,change and morph. And so all I
wanted to do and my only goalwas to actually make it a little
(24:06):
more basic, to be honest, sothat we could have other people
add their art and their visionsand their things and sort of
curate from that standpoint. Buteconomically, it was a huge
challenge. Getting contractorsand the right people in, timing
was a the whole thing was achallenge. It takes a lot of
time,
Eric Bomyea (24:23):
energy, and effort to make a blank canvas.
Steve Azar (24:25):
Yeah. And also, I want into it one of the the
first things I did was create amoral compass for the project,
which was, like, it was twoweeks. I didn't even know if I
was going to get the project.And I started writing what we
would do. What if it every timesomeone's hired, they would have
to sign the paper that these areour, like, precepts of how we
(24:47):
treat each other, what'sexpected, but not from a, you
must move that there every nightand clean that or whatever.
It it's like, who you're gonnabe when you walk in these walls,
how you're gonna treat people,accountability, responsibility,
those kinds of things. And itmatters. Because sometimes
someone does something, I'mlike, hey, babe. Number four.
Yeah.
And
Eric Bomyea (25:04):
they're less. Corporate values.
Steve Azar (25:06):
Right? Like, basically,
Eric Bomyea (25:06):
that's the reason why we have corporate values in
the first place. There is to toreally align people to, like,
hey. This is the way that weengage here, and we wanna invite
you and welcome you in. Like,this is how we expect.
Steve Azar (25:17):
And I even took that a step further with guests and
patrons. And so we even havesort of guidelines for, hey. If
when you step here, you're notstepping into just anywhere.
This is a house, and these areour rules. Mhmm.
You know, it's sort of thecommunity's rules. Yeah.
Timothy Bish (25:29):
So you spoke, about your own personal practice
and and the way that youapproached. And now you're
talking about these preceptswith your with your staff. Are
there other like, are youbringing in these sort of
concepts and ideas with yourstaff? Is is that part of the
conversation you have with thepeople with whom you are
creating the space andmaintaining the space in the
events?
Steve Azar (25:48):
Absolutely. And with everyone. And I'm constantly
banging the drum of it in thebackground because very easily
other everybody comes from theirplace. Some people desire power
even within their own role. Somepeople desire all kinds of
things, right, without gettinginto it.
And I just begging the drum,like, hey, babe. I'm I'm over
(26:10):
here picking up the cups asowner. Yeah. Do you know what
I'm saying? So, like, everybodyeverybody help everybody here.
This is what we do.
Timothy Bish (26:17):
And what is the impact we keep going back to
impact. What is the impactyou've seen in these individual
people as they've been workingwith you in this conscious way?
Steve Azar (26:26):
Not to be emotional about it, but it's actually
Timothy Bish (26:29):
We love emotions.
Steve Azar (26:30):
It's actually, it it it inspires me to just keep
going and keep going and keepgoing because the growth I have
seen from some of the mostbeautiful people. I mean, I
don't even know why I'm chokedup right now, but I really am
because, they are absolutelyincredible people. And and they
(26:51):
came and they you know, it wasjust gonna be a job or whatever.
And I have seen them test me. Ihave seen them test the space,
test their peers, testeverything, and they get the
truth.
Because I will I literally standand I tell them this too. I
stand solid and straight, andthey basically do this whole
number around me dancing,yelling, screaming, pointing,
(27:12):
trying to you know what I mean?And I just stand there. Are you
done? Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm still here. I haven'tchanged. I'm not gonna change,
and I love you. And I and thenwhen they start to see and feel
it, I hope I I think this iswhat's happening at least. I
haven't necessarily asked them,but this is what it feels like,
(27:32):
is they relax.
And they think they can be theyit's trusted. You know, I have
the majority of my staff is fromseason one. Right? Which I don't
know how often that happens inProvincetown. As a as a point of
it's not just words, but it'salso actions.
There were some staff thatbecause they're all now friends.
Right? We've kind of created,like, a family within this
(27:53):
house. Right? It's it's it's aninteresting thing.
I'm always calling everybodyfamily, you know. And and even
when staff move on, we have a ahotel, manager now who's moving
on, wants she wants to get someeducation and everything, and I
couldn't support it more. She'sforever part of the house. If
she ever needs anything, we'rethere for her. You know?
And she knows that. You know? Ifshe ever wanted to come back,
(28:15):
come back. If she don't wannacome back, that's fine. You
know?
I wanna see her kids. I wannayou know? It's like it's become
this really beautiful communitything, and that's all I want.
That's, like, all I care abouton my if if I'm being selfish or
something, the rest of itdoesn't really matter to me. You
know what I mean?
Like, there were a million ways,to make a buck or whatever. But
(28:36):
and and in another example, theaction's more than words, I
heard some staff talking thatthey wanted to go on a trip.
They they were all thinkingabout it. They were tossing out
Japan. They were tossing outThailand.
They were, you know, whatever.And then when push came to shove
in winter, they said, you know,I'm not sure we feel
comfortable, like, financiallyenough, especially with politics
and things coming and whateverand our housing situation,
(28:57):
whatever it was. And I and I Isaid, you know what? And I got a
bunch of them tickets to go, andwe're all going together. And
we're gonna go on this, like,huge tour together, and it's
gonna be almost two months.
And it's like, as and they'relike my OGs who were with me
from the start, and we're gonnago. We're gonna have a great
time. You know? And I was like,when we go, I'm not your boss.
(29:17):
We're gonna go.
We're gonna have fun. Let'slet's whatever. You know? And,
and so they know it's not justlip service. I don't have to do
that.
I don't know anyone else whoever has. You know what I'm
saying? It's like, I'm suresomeone has, but you you get
what I'm saying. It's, I meanit. I'm really proud of them.
I love them. They know it. Andit's not to say that they're
(29:38):
everybody is perfect. It's notto say I'm perfect. I I mess up
all the time.
Then they they are also able totell me, and then I'm like, oh,
that's right. I gottaautocorrect. Yeah. That's right.
Eric Bomyea (29:47):
Steve, number 4.
Steve Azar (29:48):
That's right. And I'm like, Steve, number four,
number four, and we laugh. Youknow? Yeah.
Timothy Bish (29:52):
Well, so I'm hearing I'm hearing this sort of
loving, compassionate, trustablecontainer that you've created
with your staff. And I amwondering now, like, in the
future so in your in yourvision, you know, a one year
plan, a five year plan, a tenyear plan. It feels like it's
part of your mission to bringthat manner of engagement to not
(30:13):
just your staff then, but toyour patrons and to the
community. Do you have a visionfor that?
Steve Azar (30:19):
For taking it to that next level? Yeah.
Timothy Bish (30:21):
Well, I'm just I'm I'm curious to
Steve Azar (30:22):
be, like, what you just described is
Timothy Bish (30:23):
so beautiful, and I think it's what our community
needs. It's, like, trustability,this stability Yeah. And this,
like, authentic honesty, truth.You've said truth a lot today.
And thinking, you know, you owna a place where people come to
gather and you and you createart and and offerings of all
kinds.
Right? How how are youenvisioning bringing that manner
(30:46):
of engagement to the communitythat surrounds you?
Steve Azar (30:50):
Yeah. So I think it's slow and steady. I think
that trust is built over time. Ithink if if, if to create
community, an an integralcommunity, you you have to be,
like, sort of a leader of love.Right?
And it and you it's not throughwords. Like, no one's gonna
listen to this and believe me.That's they it has to it has to,
(31:10):
like, be experienced. Do youknow what I'm saying? Like, you
have to go there.
You have to see it or feel it orbe hugged, you know, or be
inspired to create your own art.Right? Because it's not like I'm
even trying to heal or createwellness. In fact, the only
thing I really wanna do iscreate expansion of people.
Right?
It's like, come as you are, asbroken as you are, or as well as
(31:33):
you are, or whoever you are, andgrow. Right? And so, like, maybe
you do wanna get on stage. We'veadded we we now have four stages
at at Gifford House. You know,when I got there, there was just
the the lobby.
Right? Like, which if you cancall it a stage, it had a a
little piano. There's now one inpurgatory, one outside on the
(31:55):
patio. The Wilds, we've turnedinto a hundred seat black box
theater. And we barely chargefor entertainment if we charge.
And it all depends on who theact is and where they're coming
from and whatever. But for me, Iwant the entertainment dollars
to go back to the entertainers.As long as we're making money
from, you know, the the bar andthe hotel, and we're floating
(32:17):
and we're okay, then, like, art,art, art, art, art. So, like,
even in the club, you know, itcan be one note. People can
think it might be dark.
People can think it's aboutthings that aren't great for
queer community. So I hear that,and then I say, okay. Josh Moss,
get over here. Let's break thatenergy up. Outside, create a
huge mural during the underwearparty of whatever you want.
(32:40):
You know? And so now we'repaying an artist, supporting a
local artist. The people who areat this thing are now seeing art
being created right before theireyes during a dance party.
They're with their friends.They're just thinking
differently.
So for me, it's like, how canwe, like, break the norm a
little bit softly and quietly soit's still cool? It's still
(33:00):
something you wanna do. It's notcheesy or, like, some you know,
like, I don't wanna I don'twanna off put anybody, right, by
being too too loud. But there isa part of me that the more
comfortable I get, the littlebit louder I wanna be about the
truth. I go back to that all thetime, which is about love and
authenticity and for each otherand to stand up for each other
(33:22):
and support each other.
It's very simple. Right? It'slike, it's very simple. When you
really get down to it, it's justand and I want to see more of
that in community. I wanna seemore of that in this community.
And so I'll be it. I'll just beit. And people can believe it or
not, but it's gonna beconsistent. And I might mess up,
(33:42):
but then I will figure it backout and I'll it's my core.
Timothy Bish (33:46):
I think it's so important to have models or
people modeling, genuine lovewithout without agenda. And I
know, like, myself as a as ayoung queer person, gay person,
and a lot of the friends, it washard to it was hard to trust.
And I could tell you so manystories when I was going
through, like, living in NewYork City. And, and so what I'm
(34:10):
hearing you say is creating aspace of, like, trustable love.
And I think it will take timefor people to recognize that.
Because I I think initially, ifI if you've had decades of, kind
of looking over your shoulder orquestioning, like, someone's
authenticity or, like, do theywant something from me? What is
it they need? Like, is this atrap? It won't happen overnight.
It won't it's not a lightswitch.
(34:30):
Mhmm. But I I I hear you, like,so slowly but surely, like,
Steve Azar (34:34):
it's like a drum. It's like a little drum in the
background. It's just like aquiet little, and I'm just,
like, hitting the drum. And I'mlike, no. I'm really serious.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (34:44):
Trust takes time, and it takes consistency. Right.
Steve Azar (34:47):
Right? And it
Eric Bomyea (34:47):
and from the examples that you've talked
about, it's what I hear is trueleadership. It's not just
talking the talk. It's walkingthe walk. It's saying, like, I
am going to uphold theseprecepts. I'm going to lead with
my own heart.
Right? And I'm going to put thatout into the world. And if I'm
not if I'm if I'm veering offcourse, I want my staff. I want
(35:13):
my my my projects teammates tocall me out. Because if they
don't, the universe is going to.
Totally. Right? Like, somebody'ssomething's gonna come around
and be like, no. No. No.
Every time. Yep.
Timothy Bish (35:23):
But this is the importance of conscious
community. We talk about it inyoga and in men's work all the
time, like having you know, inmen's work, we say, steel,
sharp, and steel. Like, we needour brothers. In yoga, this,
like, conscious community keepsyou, like, tethered. We need
that reflection because when weare practicing things like
integrity, it isn't as if we canjust decide, like, I'm gonna be
(35:44):
perfectly in integrity all thetime.
Mhmm. I mean, we can try. Right?But sometimes we need someone to
reflect, hey, that's you'restarting to, like, get close to
that boundary, and that is alsopart of the practice. Thank you
so much for helping me seesomething I couldn't see on my
own.
Totally. And and then, like, nowI can recalibrate if I choose to
stay in integrity. It's soimportant our community and our
(36:06):
trustable, like, colleagues thatcan say a harsh truth to it. Not
a harsh truth. A sharp truth.
A sharp, loving, compassionate,heart centered truth that allows
us to move forward, and keeps usin alignment. It's so important.
Eric Bomyea (36:20):
And so many leaders are not open to that reflection.
It is like do as I say. Like, wejust had an episode come out
about authentic power, right, inleadership. And, like, there's
so many leaders in today's worldthat, like, will get or they
refuse to accept or acknowledgethat, like, they could be doing
something wrong or or off.Right?
(36:41):
Especially if it's coming from asubordinate. Like, heaven
forbid. Like, somebody below youtries to tell you and it's
Steve Azar (36:46):
like It's just ego. It's ego. It's all insecurity.
Yeah. Anyone anyone who's, like,actually grounded.
I mean, I'm, and not I haven'tmastered this, so I'm not saying
I have. But I the direction Iwanna go is, you know, if you're
not maintaining open andlistening and being, then you're
not leading either. Right?Because it's it's you have to
(37:07):
listen to everybody. And then ifyou still are opposed to it,
there's a conversation of yourtruth.
And if your truth doesn'tconvince them, then maybe you
start at a middle ground. Right?At a compromise between the two.
So they feel heard. You feelheard.
It's both seen. Instead of itbeing opposition this is one
thing I've learned even with theboards in town. Right? Or, like
(37:30):
but, honestly, you know, you gobefore the historic board. I
love everybody on the board.
I love everybody on the planningboard. Last night, I went before
the planning board because thetown did a stop work notice on
me on the backs. I was in a highelevation. So it's something I
just didn't realize or know. Noproblem.
Right? They were right. I waswrong. You know? So we stopped
it.
Stopped it for months. The thehotel amenity never got out for
this last year. I could be madat that. I'm not. I don't care.
(37:52):
Do you know? So I go before theboard yesterday, and it's all
about whether it's a board oryour staff or patrons, it's
alignment. Right? Everyone whatpeople don't realize when
they're in conflict orresolution is that it's not me,
what my needs are, or yourneeds. If we are all one and I
(38:12):
am you or or whatever withoutgoing to woo, and there's a
like, what is the common goal?
Yeah. Because the common goal,we can both fight for, and we
can both get some of our needsmet. And some of my needs is
better than none and digging myheels in and and creating an
enemy or what it it's like theflow in a way of, like, find
(38:36):
alignment and and move forward.That's that, for me, has gotten
me through so many obstacles orpotential catastrophes even with
this project is, like, reallysitting and being like, hey,
board. As a town, we really needthis to do to do well.
In order for it to do well, ithas to make money. And it's not
right now making enough. And soif I need a little more money,
(38:59):
what can I give you guys? And,you know, and what what's the
exchange? Like, how do we dothis?
You know? And yeah.
Timothy Bish (39:04):
You're talking about shared mission, it sounds
like. And, in this example, it'sreally sounding to me like you
have a project, they haverequirements or whatever. But if
you can really land on, well, weboth want the P town experience
to be great.
Steve Azar (39:19):
Yeah.
Timothy Bish (39:19):
Then you're like, from that place, any number of
solutions are probably possible.And so that's what I feel like
I'm hearing you say that, like,find the shared mission.
Eric Bomyea (39:28):
Because if you if you find that shared mission,
great. And if not, what youmight be doing is you might be
attaching to preference.
Steve Azar (39:35):
Right?
Eric Bomyea (39:35):
And then welcome suffering. Right? Like
Steve Azar (39:37):
Cravings. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
Eric Bomyea (39:39):
If if you have such an attachment to the outcome
Mhmm. And you're unwilling, yourheels are so dug in, like, life
is gonna be hard. Really hard.It's gonna be really hard for
you. Right?
So, like, jump into the river.Right? Start to flow. Start to
flow. Start to flow.
Let go let go of the banks andget into the middle of the river
and let's go.
Steve Azar (39:57):
I I've gotten that's been a hard practice for me, to
be honest, because I do have somuch energy. Like, I don't even
know how I I don't know where iteven comes from, but there's,
like, such a, like, a force thatit feels like comes through me
sometimes. And I think that canbe really off putting to a lot
of people. Of people. Because ifother people are are content or
wanna go slow
Eric Bomyea (40:17):
Or if I'm super if I'm super closed Yeah. Right, if
I haven't done some opening workand I'm super closed, like,
that's gonna be a put a put offfor me.
Steve Azar (40:25):
Oh, absolutely.
Eric Bomyea (40:26):
Right? Like, I'm not gonna be able to handle that
that energy or it's not gonna bethe energy that I can, like,
handle.
Timothy Bish (40:30):
Can you speak more specifically, like, what kind of
energy would be tricky for youin that moment?
Eric Bomyea (40:35):
So, like, even talking about that with with
somebody that may be so open andso wanting to, create joy and
allow so many types of ofhumanity to exist in one place.
Like, you know, I've I've gonethrough my own personal,
relationship with the GiffordHouse where I have, you know,
been a drinker and a partier anda club kid and I love going out
(40:57):
and I love expressing myselfand, there was a a long time
that it was one of my favoriteplaces to be before you owned
it. Right? Like, back when I wasvacationing here. I loved I
loved going there.
And then, the first summer thatI got sober, I loved going there
because I was like, it was aplace that I felt like I could,
like, really, like, like, pushmyself and, like, be there. And,
like, I would go to FagBash. Iwas a go go dancer for James
(41:19):
Cerny for a couple times. Like,it was really like, these were
these were challenges to myselfin my sobriety. And then last
year, I couldn't be there.
Mhmm. This last summer, Icouldn't be there. For whatever
reason, the energy, I was notopen enough anymore. I had
closed off to that because thatwas no longer the truth of the
experience that I was wanting.And I didn't think that I could
(41:41):
bring my fullness anymore forsome reason.
And so, when I experienced anenergy like that, or when I had
experienced an energy like that,I was like, I was too closed to
be able to do it because I wastoo in my head.
Steve Azar (41:51):
I
Eric Bomyea (41:51):
was too in my head. I was too judgmental of myself,
of others. And I I still havework to do, of course, but I
feel like I'm, like, getting toa point that I'm, like, willing
to be open enough to it again.
Timothy Bish (42:05):
So we're going back is what you're saying.
We're planning yeah. We'replanning a trip. Trip. Yeah.
To purgatory.
Steve Azar (42:11):
The circle goes to purgatory. To that, I I love it
because that's the exact I lovethat journey even with the
Gifford House. Right? Becausethat's what she does.
Eric Bomyea (42:24):
Mhmm.
Steve Azar (42:25):
And she's gonna show you you in some way without
going too deeper, making it. No.No. Whatever. It's like, she's
gonna show you fun.
She's gonna show you maybe whereyou indulge too much. Mhmm.
Maybe where you need a littlework. Maybe where you're a
little self conscious. May youknow, whatever.
You're gonna go on that journey.You're when I did the Vipassana,
by day four, I was planningwhere did they have my cell
(42:47):
phone locked up? I am breakinginto that cabinet. They have my
key, and I am getting like, Iwas, like, mental because I was
so difficult.
Eric Bomyea (42:55):
Right? I'm impressed you made it to day
four. Usually, day two for me.
Steve Azar (42:58):
But the amazing right. But the amazing thing was
by day 10, after the wholejourney, I saw the I saw I got
it. I got the messages. I gotthe truth. I'm obsessed with it.
Now now I'm, like, meditatingevery day, like, in my own
practice in a way that I wasn'table to before, whatever. But
for the Gibbard House for you,it's perfect. And so what I'm
what I'm trying to do insteering that ship a little is,
(43:19):
one, you don't have to come forthe club. We have Cody plays,
and we now have trivia, and we
Eric Bomyea (43:24):
Line dancing, all the Francis.
Steve Azar (43:25):
Line dancing, and we're doing all these other
things that we have art classesand whatever. Right?
Timothy Bish (43:30):
The live drawing.
Steve Azar (43:31):
Live drawing, and, you know, I wanna bring in yoga
and meditation and all thisother stuff. But also, I I just
I I'm essentially sober, notthrough addiction, but I it's
just where I'm at right now. AndI I want a mocktail. So we just
created a whole mocktail menuwhere if you come, you don't
(43:53):
have to drink. It's not aboutconsumption and poisoning your
body.
In fact, I really sat withmyself before moving forward
with this and with because it'sbad dharma for for honesty. If
you're any way involved inpoisoning another person or
allowing someone to be theirworst self, it's on me. Right?
(44:13):
Like, ultimately and I kinda sitwith that a lot. And that really
I almost didn't The only reasonwhy I didn't wanna move there
was that was why I didn't wannamove forward with this project
was the only reason at onepoint.
I just didn't wanna be a part ofsomeone's that cycle. But then
what I realized is that I can,like, be, like, a little bit of
a light bearer, even if peoplesee or don't see me that way,
(44:35):
and from their own experience,don't know me or know me or
whatever, and come up with theirown story of me or whatever it
is. I know that in my heart ofhearts, my intention is to be a
little light bearer within thatand to show people that you can
be a part of it and even come toa club night without poisoning
yourself. And we have zeroexpectations of you to do any of
(44:57):
that. And, also, maybe you cansee some of the queer magic that
and maybe you can make somebeautiful connections, and maybe
you can be a part of ourcommunity in some a new way.
I don't know. But I love that. Ilove that you have been on a
journey with it because I thinkthat's the work, honestly.
Eric Bomyea (45:14):
Thank you so much. Yeah. Tim, do you have anything
to add before Well,
Timothy Bish (45:18):
I just wanna acknowledge you for, this last
season bringing a queerspirituality event to the
Gifford House. And you and Ihave had conversations about,
bringing more of those things. Ithink it is so important. So,
you know, when we have thisconversation about, like, what
the queer community needs, Idon't necessarily think it's
(45:40):
always, like, we have toeliminate these things that
we'd, like, say are bad. Right?
I just think sometimes it'slike, can we bring up these
other things and create balanceand opportunity and possibility
for the for our community sothat they can get a little bit
of everything and, like, livingin that way. I feel like you're
really contributing to that andcreating the space for that to
happen. So I just want toacknowledge that because, prior
(46:03):
to this prior to this summer, Idon't think I'd really seen,
like, a specifically queerspiritual event, and, I was
fortunate to be a small part ofit. And but I'm looking forward
to being part of things movingforward because I do think it's
the medicine that our communityneeds. And I think especially
(46:24):
now, like, as, like, what'sgonna be happening in the world,
we need to be creating thesesafe spaces and these conscious
spaces and these mindful spacesand these healthy spaces and
these opportunities forconversation.
Mhmm. And it's not about notdancing or not going to a party,
but it's about, like, but arethere are there other things
(46:44):
too? Can we can we bring it all?Can we bring it all?
Steve Azar (46:47):
And and to that, that was so eye opening for me.
I would say in 02/2024, what Iwas starting to see and what
messages were coming up for meis that nature itself is queer.
Right? And you can't really stopnature. Right?
And so all these legislationsand all these things, it's sort
of you know, there's a part ofmy inner self that just, like,
(47:09):
sort of giggles. It's constantlylaughing at it. Like, wow.
You're really trying to stopnature from being nature in a
way that it will never be thefuture, will never be
sustainable, will neveranything. And it's our sort of
duty.
It's our sort of job to be ourauthentic selves and to show up
in a beautiful form that we are.And what I got from that
particular retreat for me, mygod. We had chefs. We had
(47:33):
graffiti artists. We had firethrowers.
We had therapists. We I mean, itjust went on. We had wellness
workers and, all the queermagic, how what what screamed
out to me was how absolutelyunique and brilliant we all are
individually with our ownsuperpowers. I know you had Phil
(47:54):
Harmetz on this. I swear to God,we are the superheroes, like, in
a weird way.
Like, not not from anarcissistic ego standpoint,
but, like, it's baffling to mehow magical and artistic and
creative and unique. And no onehad the same skill at this
entire retreat as someone else.And we all were able to come
together and, like, share ouroffering. And we and that that
(48:18):
was really inspiring to me, andthat I would like to dig into
deeper and more over the nextyear.
Timothy Bish (48:24):
Well, thank you for creating a space for it and,
yeah, deep appreciation.
Eric Bomyea (48:28):
And for elevating multiple modalities. Right?
There's so many access points tospirituality. It could be dance.
It could be the club.
It could be the stage. It couldbe yoga. Right? I mean,
Timothy Bish (48:42):
dancing dancing was my first spiritual practice.
Now, obviously, I'm talkingabout, like, through concert
dance, ballet, modern, you know,performance, but but I I really
believe it was my firstspiritual practice. My first my
first grade teacher. Absolutely.Yeah.
Steve Azar (48:57):
And it was funny with this project, at the
beginning of it, people peopleare like, what are you gonna do?
I mean, it's a club, so you'rean entertainment complex. So
this is the note. This is howthis is your frequency. This is
what your and I was like, no.
The frequency of Gifford Houseis the full spectrum. Mhmm.
Like, it is the full spectrum.So, like, don't expect or come
or think or what like, justexperience. So so Thank you,
guys.
(49:17):
Beautiful.
Eric Bomyea (49:17):
Really beautiful conversation today. We covered a
lot of ground. We talked aboutleading with heart and the
impact that that can have of ofdesiring and and putting onto
the universe the intention tocreate community with heart and
the power that that can have andhow listening to the universe
and signals can really manifestreally beautiful things in our
(49:37):
lives and how leading by examplecan have a beautiful ripple
effect in our world as well. So,Steve, I wanna thank you so much
for for being here with ustoday. I'm feeling very
complete.
How about you guys?
Steve Azar (49:49):
I feel complete. Very complete. Thank you.
Eric Bomyea (49:51):
Tim, will you take us out?
Timothy Bish (49:52):
I will. Let's close our eyes. Take a deep
inhale through the nose, gentleexhale through the mouth. And it
is with deep appreciation andgratitude for the sacred circle,
for our community, thisbrotherhood, this conversation,
any insights that we may havegained, explorations,
awarenesses. And in this momentnow, we release the spirits and
(50:16):
we release the archetypes.
And with these words, ourcontainer is open but not
broken. Uh-huh.
Welcome back to the circle today. We're joined by
Steve Azar. He's a real estateentrepreneur and environmental
engineer whose career spansmultimillion dollar
redevelopment projects andpurpose driven work From
creating sustainable inclusivehousing to reimagining
Provincetown's iconic GiffordHouse, Steve brings intention
and heart to everything he does.We'll explore how his spiritual
(00:25):
practices and his experiencewith men's work have shaped his
ability to lead boldly and staygrounded. Tim, Steve, are you
ready to go all in?
I'm ready.
Timothy Bish (00:34):
I'm ready.
Eric Bomyea (00:35):
Alright. So, Steve, you've tackled some very
ambitious projects over theyears. Could you give us a quick
overview of some of the majorones like the Gifford House and
share how you've managed tobalance the pressures and
complexities of taking on suchbig challenges? Great questions.
Steve Azar (00:52):
I've I've worked in a variety of different fields
over the years from cityplanning to engineering to
redevelopment projects. In thebackground, I've always had a
brokerage license. And I'vealways been sort of taking on
personal projects, whether it'sthe home I'm living in and
flipping or whatever. You know,very typical of gay people.
(01:15):
Always with an eye for design.
But, the project span frominfrastructure redevelopment
projects, which had to do with,you know, expanding channels and
actually taking properties byeminent domain from, some folks
who, was difficult to displace.And other projects like
(01:39):
developing, high risescommunities for for folks and
really focusing on thefunctionality and the amenities
that come with that. But thecommon thread from regardless of
what project I've worked on isreally sort of what's at the
heart of the project and how itworks and how it impacts people.
And so, you know, moving formoving through any of those
(02:03):
projects, I'm always sort ofholding on to that thread of,
not necessarily the bottom line,but, how to how to best create
space and communities that usethat space, is sort of what I
do.
Timothy Bish (02:18):
So part of what I just heard you say was there's a
word that I love, impact. Sowith the projects that you're
doing in town now, what is theimpact that you ultimately wanna
have in this community?
Eric Bomyea (02:31):
It's the whole reason why
Steve Azar (02:32):
I took on the project, to be honest. No. I
mean, really, there were amillion projects that I could
have done after leaving, sellingthe stowaway, to the Summer of
SaaS. And one of the probablythe only real reason why I ended
up getting to the point ofactually moving forward with a
sale, because I didn't want itto just go to anybody. I I
(02:53):
really wanted the next step ofit to be correct.
With Summer of SaaS moved in,and they said that it could
help, you know, upwards of 30kids a year. And that to me was
the right move. I didn't knowwhere I was going to go. I
didn't know what was next forme, but it was I listened for
universal clues a little bit,not to get too woo on anyone.
(03:14):
But as soon as something feelsaligned or correct, even if I
don't know what the next stepis, I often will just surrender
to whatever that is.
And so, once they moved in, Ikind of that was actually the
moment of, oh, no. I I reallydon't know what's next. And even
though I can talk this greatgame or, you know, I have these
(03:36):
beliefs, I'm scared becausethere's a finite amount of money
that will come from this.Inflation is going through the
roof, happens to be right inthis moment. The dollar amount
that I already said yes to isdeflating by the minute.
And worse, I had forty five daysto identify, my next project,
for tax reasons. I was doing a$10.31 tax exchange. And so I I
(04:00):
looked all around the country,projects everywhere, and
identified up three. And allthree of those projects fell
apart within the forty five daysfor a variety of reasons. There
was a a random burial site onone of them, and the bank didn't
feel comfortable.
Like, just random stuff that Icouldn't foresee, and I was
(04:21):
pushing the energy and pushingit and forcing it because I did
not wanna lose tax money.Because this is what I do, real
estate. So if I if I'm not doingreal estate, what am I, you
know, like, oh, uh-oh. And so itwas, like, day 43, and I was
walking by the Gifford House.And I was actually saying
goodbye to everybody and packingmy bag.
And I was sounds, crazy, but Iwas, like, thinking I was just
(04:44):
gonna go to an Indian ashram andjust sit for, like, six months
and just really sit with myselfand really sit with what just
happened. Like, I just gave upmy whole life, blew it up,
probably leaving the communitythat I love, you know, trying to
understand what I just did forthese kids. Right? And and still
being very okay with it, buttrying not to understand why the
universe kinda, like, didn'tstep in. Right?
(05:07):
And it was day 43, and I just Iwas raw. And I looked up, and
the owner was there. And I justI just said, hey. You know, it's
this older gentleman. He was inhis early seventies or somewhere
about.
And and I said, do you own this?You know? And he's like, yes. I
said, what are you doing? Youknow?
(05:28):
And and the club was closed. Thebar was half closed. The hotel
was mostly closed. This was oneof the places that made me fall
in love with town. Right?
I mean, it's it truly had aheartbeat to it that's
unmistakable and and just sortof beautiful in its own
authenticity. Right? It's nevertrying to be anything that it
really isn't, and that's what Iloved about it. And so I I just
(05:51):
sort of looked at him, and I,from, like, my deepest truth,
said, you know, I just soldsomething in town, a business
that I loved, that I had justcreated, where I was trying to
grow community. I had started anartist residency.
I was 2020 had happened duringthat period. I was, you know,
(06:12):
trying to create all kinds oflittle micro events for the
community to sustain itself,whether it be through markets
where they were six feet apartor whatever else. I was
constantly pushing, trying to tocreate that. And everyone kept
saying, you're in the wrongplace in town for this. Go
somewhere else, which for mewas, like, ultimate rejection.
And as a queer person, rejectionis, like, not it. Right? Mhmm.
(06:34):
And so I I thought, well, Iguess the town doesn't want me.
But then when I was having thisconversation with the the then
owner of the Gifford House, Isaid, often these buildings have
purpose that are outside of us,and we are stewards of them.
And if you're not giving thefull potential to this property
in a town where the vibrationsare a lot bigger than you or me
(06:57):
or anything, it's about a wholelarger community, then it's time
to step aside. Mhmm. You know?And and I and, you know, the the
story goes on where I justkinda, I offered him. I said,
you know, you're probably scaredto sell.
You probably don't even knowhow. You know? And I said, it's
it's really complicated. I said,what we're gonna do is get you a
(07:17):
lawyer. I'm gonna get a lawyer,except it's gonna be you and me
at the table.
And at the end of this thing,you and me are gonna be really
good friends, and you're gonnasit at the bar, and you're gonna
go to the shows, and this isstill your building too. Because
I'm just gonna be a steward likeyou were a steward, and we're
gonna do it for the community,and this is the time. And he
looked at me and he goes, youremind me a lot of myself at
your age.
Timothy Bish (07:37):
Mhmm. So what I heard you say there was a lot
about building community. Sowhen we talk about impact,
sounds like that was partly whatyou did when you were when you
made the sale that youmentioned. And then part of the
reason why you decided to buythe Gifford House was so that
you could continue to createcommunity. Am I hearing you
correctly?
Steve Azar (07:55):
Yeah. I think I've done a lot of work in my own
journey from embodiment to toeverything, and I've really sat
with what makes me tick andwhere I wanna be. So I did all
these redevelopment projects. Ibuilt high rises, which was my
ultimate goal. I had reached alevel of director, which was my
ultimate goal.
Equity, I had done my own sideprojects. And I kinda got there
(08:15):
at a a relatively young age.Right? And and and in a world
where my dad wasn't the CEO.Right?
And so I I, like, had to foughtfrom New Bedford. Mom was a
school teacher. Dad was a socialworker. And this little brown
boy is, like, going throughwhite society, you know, trying
to trying to make his own nameand did, essentially, right, to
(08:37):
some degree. And once I kindagot there, it was evident that
it didn't speak to my heart.
And so I went on this wholething of and that's why for
every project, what I saidbefore is I was trying to
constantly try to find the heartin every project. How am I
benefiting community? How am Ibenefiting people? Am I giving a
(08:58):
positive vibration out? Is mywork meaningful?
You know? It matters to me. Andso, I'm a Cancer. I don't know.
I just have a heart, and theheart needs to just do what it
does.
Right? And so, and so for for Istarted writing, and I started
writing, the purpose that Iwanted. When I was at the
(09:20):
stowaway, I did Ayahuasca. I hadall kinds of breakthroughs,
right, like like a lot of peoplego through. And what kept coming
up for me and my purpose,different from everybody else,
and no purpose better or worsethan anything, was I would look
around at the world, and Isimply don't comprehend, I don't
understand why people are meanand judge other people.
(09:45):
I don't understand why we,aren't in full support of
people's authenticity. I don'tunderstand why certain people
think power comes from holdingother people down. Like, there's
just, like it it just, in mypsyche, doesn't add up. Right?
It's because my heart is notwired that way at all.
(10:05):
And so I said, I would love tohold space somehow for people's
true authentic expression toappear and for them to know they
are loved for who they are asthey are with and that's it.
And, otherwise, it's a vibrationof joy. Right? It's like, just
come, have a good time, get upon a stage. You don't have to
(10:30):
drink.
You don't have to do drugs.There's no expectations of you.
Other people might be doing allkinds of things at any kind of
way. It's humanity. Let humanitybud and grow.
Let's all see each other for whowe are, and that's it. It's not
that much more complicated thanthat. I don't wanna make it some
grandiose other thing. I justwant to hold space for truth and
(10:53):
for peep for people'sauthenticity. And so I kept
writing it.
And I was like, I don't knowwhat that looks like, but I
think there needs to be a stage.You know? I don't know. I don't
know. But I I think this, and Iwould just keep writing it.
And I was like, I've never owneda theater. I've never owned a
stage or even a bar or a clubfor that matter. You know, I had
no idea, but I did know that thetruth and sort of the string of
(11:16):
it is the Gifford House. Like,way before me. I have nothing to
do with it.
You know? It's like it's existedon this property, and it's why
I've always been attracted tothis property. I never thought I
could afford to do a projectlike this. I never thought now
mind you, the banks had rejectedthree other projects before me
that were a quarter of thissize. I ended up within I met
(11:39):
the forty five day window.
I went to the bank, and it wasgreen lit in record time in a
way that I didn't understand.Like, I I literally just I had
to I was like, you sure? Theywere like, Steve, you put a
business plan together we'venever seen. You we we we believe
in you. We're gonna take a riskwith you.
I've never heard a bank say theywould take a risk, period. Mhmm.
Never mind with you know? And Idon't have backers. You know?
(12:03):
Like, it was literally I justthey believed in me. I believed
in them. We all did it. And sofar, so good. So it's been
really good.
Eric Bomyea (12:09):
It really speaks to me with the the the power of the
heart. When you do things fromthe heart and you are leading
from the heart, like, how theuniverse will conspire to help
you. And all the way to like myjaw, like to anyone watching,
you just saw my jaw drop whenyou said how fast that moved. I
mean, you were at like, I washere on the seat of like the
edge of my seat being like, ohmy gosh, is he actually gonna be
(12:31):
able to do this? And I know, Iknow how the story ends.
And I was still captivated. Iwas like, oh my God, is he
actually gonna be able to dothis? He's got two days left.
Same. And within a matter ofdays, this incredible project
comes to fruition and starts tomanifest itself because of the
power of the heart of settingthat intention and the impact
(12:53):
that having such a strong andpure intention can have.
So I thought that was that wasreally beautiful. Thank you.
Steve Azar (12:59):
Thank you. I've been also really trying not trying,
but maybe doing. I've beenholding that vibration. And it's
not easy. It's an entertainmentcomplex.
It's artists. It's creatives.Or, you know, it's it's, queer
people who come from all kindsof backgrounds and maybe have
been abused or traumatized insome ways or don't believe in
(13:20):
community even or I mean, I'veseen it all. Yeah. Yeah.
And I love them all. Right? Andso I literally just sit back and
every time they come, a practiceI've been doing, which is, is
part of an embodiment practice,is I really sit back. And every
time someone springs up andeverybody has their anxieties
and everybody has theirconfusions or their or whatever
(13:42):
it is, and it's good and bad orwhatever, or it's not even good
or bad, it just is. Right?
And so I'm just uncomfortable orneutral. Yeah. Just whatever.
Right? And I I I I just sitthere.
I usually hug. It's usually abig hug first. And then I, I,
like, consciously and maybe thisis woo, and I don't know
Eric Bomyea (13:58):
if we should talk woo woo woo woo woo
Steve Azar (14:00):
woo woo woo woo.
Timothy Bish (14:00):
Yeah. Bring it.
Steve Azar (14:02):
I will, like, consciously go in to sort of my
consciousness. I will go down tomy heart. I somehow go through
my heart into their eyes anddown into their heart, which is
very specific, I know. But thenI I imagine myself as them,
(14:22):
like, a hundred percent. I amthem.
Right? And I say, wow. Okay. SoI probably had these
experiences, and I might begoing through this at home, and
I might have and I just sitthere, and I just make my I I
feel compassion no matter whatit is. And they might be a
billionaire, and I'll still feelcompassion for whatever that
experience must be like, youknow?
And, and I'll get to the core ofit. And then from there, no
(14:46):
matter what they throw at me, II think I'm that person. How
would I wanna be treated rightnow? Or what would I what do I
need to hear to feel good? Howdo I you know?
And I and I that's my practice.
Eric Bomyea (14:57):
Mhmm.
Steve Azar (14:58):
And it's, it's every day. It's with everyone. And
it's it's, so for me, I have aton of actual gratitude because
the Gifford House for me is,like, the deepest place of
practice that I could have everfound in in a really beautiful
way. I don't know if thattranslates or if that makes
(15:19):
sense. It it's sort of likethere's so much going on all the
time and everything that it'slike practice for me to be
truthful and honest withintegrity around that thing I
wrote.
Mhmm. That I wanna hold thisspace and that even if you have
a goal in life and you get thatgoal, it doesn't mean that it's
all roses. Right? Like, it's notrainbows and butterflies.
(15:42):
Everything's wonderful.
And that it's all hard work.Nothing in life is not hard
work. Nothing in life, you know,is like, oh, I made it and
everything. It no. No.
No. There's always a process,always a journey, and just
remembering that. And then also,you know, on the hard days just
thinking, like, no. I asked forthis. And and It's it sounds
Timothy Bish (16:01):
like you're talking about when we when we
mentioned, like, taking the yogaoff the mat. Right? Like, you
there are places where we comeand do these practices so that
we can refine them or expand ourcapacity in them. But the real
work then is bringing it intothe day to day. So having
conscious awareness in my day today, having compassion in my day
to day.
And that's really what I'mhearing you talk about, like
(16:22):
taking these skills and say,well, maybe I can do them on my
meditation cushion or in myjournal or on my mat. But can I
do it when there's a deadlineand the person in front of me,
like, needs their money fast orthey're upset, you know,
whatever the thing might be? AndI think that's really a
admirable thing for us all tostrive at. Like, can I be a
spiritual person when I'mworking through the world?
Steve Azar (16:46):
100%. I, so when I didn't think this was gonna go
forward, years ago in anotherstrange situation, I own some
land in Costa Rica now. Right?It's beautiful land. I was gonna
create a retreat center.
I was gonna go there and do allthe woo and live, like, a very
easy, simple life, much quiet,you know, literally me sitting,
(17:08):
meditating on the side of ahill. And I sat with that for a
long time. And what kept comingup for me was you're alive. You
have greater impact. Impact.
Right? Like, hold this like, dothe hard work. We're not here to
go sit on the side of a mountainand meditate. I mean, maybe some
of us are, and that's wonderfuland lovely. But I I'm not in
(17:31):
this life.
Right? And so in this life, itwas like, nope. Roll up your
sleeves. Dive in. You're good.
I'm grounded. I'm okay. Give andlove and be love and show love
and pull love out. Right? Andso, it was it it very much that
practice of, like, yeah, I couldgo and just sit and meditate and
(17:55):
do it all inside.
I already I do. Now how do I howdo I do that for others? How do
I show up?
Eric Bomyea (18:01):
Yeah. Right. How do I bring it to the world? You
know? Because it is hard work.
Like, you know, even sittingmeditation can, to some people,
be, like, the the world'shardest job. Right? Like, I
would sometimes, I would rather,like, do the hardest manual
labor than sit still on mycushion.
Steve Azar (18:19):
Absolutely. Right?
Eric Bomyea (18:19):
Like, it I think it just it's very subjective. It's
very contextual. And I thinkthat there's there's room in the
world for all sorts ofpractitioners and and different
ways of of being a teacher and aleader and a guide. So, like in
like you said, in thismanifestation of this life,
right, this is your post. Thisis your post in life.
It's It's
Steve Azar (18:39):
my post. Yeah. And I'm happy with that. And, I just
did a Vipassana. Mhmm.
And I would recommend aVipassana Okay. To just about
anyone with good knees. And ifnot Or a chair. And if not, find
a good chair. Find a good chair.
Eric Bomyea (18:53):
Right? With some yoga blocks to lift up.
Steve Azar (18:55):
Yeah. But I, it was ten days. And the interesting
part of that is, you know, thereason why I did a Vipassana is
because this last season was,wow, like, powerful. The
business did, you know, it wastons of events and tons of
things going on and tons ofenergy all the time, and I just
hold space. So if you've everhold held a party, you know, and
you had some people over orwhatever, it's like that, but a
(19:18):
thousand or 1,500 people, andthey're in this building that
you're responsible for.
You're responsible for theirhealth, wellness, benefit, and
joy. You know? And it's like,okay. Which is which is fun and
fine. And, you know, you getused to it.
But it was a lot. Andenergetically for me, I need
quiet to rejuvenate. And thereis no time to process or quiet
(19:40):
to rejuvenate. And so what I didmid summer, just about August,
I, like, went online. Someonetold me about a Vipassana, and I
booked it for December thinking,like, if oh my god.
Ten days of silence without aphone is the ultimate luxury.
Like like like, I I need that.And so all summer, what got me
through is knowing that I wasgoing to have this process time.
(20:02):
And I ended up doing it, and itwas one of the most, difficult.
It's sort of like learning hownot to suffer, through
suffering.
And, it it really helped me, ina lot of ways. And so I I do
recommend that. Where did yougo? I went to the Vipassana
Meditation Center in WesternMass, which was it's through
(20:25):
dharma.org. Yeah.
And you can book 21
Eric Bomyea (20:28):
of the 100. Berry Mass?
Steve Azar (20:30):
Yeah. It's close to Shelburne. Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (20:32):
Yeah. Yeah. So I went to their their sister
property, Spirit Rock
Steve Azar (20:36):
Oh, okay.
Eric Bomyea (20:36):
In August. Amazing. Mhmm. So I I love a Vipassana.
Like Loved it.
But I also, like, I get reallytempted sometimes of, like,
being on retreat. I'm like,okay. I want to I want to be
here. This is the post that Iwanna take. I want to, like,
live on a retreat center.
I wanna, like, be in retreatmode all the time. And then I
realized I'm like, no. No. No.No.
(20:57):
Like, I do believe my impact, Ifeel like similar to yours,
like, is going to be out in theworld. Right? Like, my post
right now is not going to be ata retreat center even though I
get so tempted every time I go.I'm like, oh, I just want this
to be my life twenty four seven.Right.
And then I try to figure out howdo I incorporate it into my
everyday life. Exactly. So oneof the things we talked about
(21:18):
earlier, more something that I,I heard you say was, around
maybe a limiting belief aroundrejection and, and that, that
feeling of rejection that mightbe coming from the banks or
elsewhere. So I'm curious thatlike, when the bank said, hey.
We're willing to take a risk onyou.
And the Gifford House projectbegan. Mhmm. Like, while this
(21:40):
massive renovation project'shappening, what were some of the
other things that may havepopped up for you that, you
know, started to challenge youof, like, oh, is this possible?
Can I do this?
Steve Azar (21:51):
It it the way it happened and where I was in in
my practice, I it was ultimatesurrender, I will just say. Now
with that, it was surrender withyou better get it done because
someone just believed in you.And that this is for the town,
and it's not about me. It, like,it hasn't been about me. Right?
(22:14):
Like, I don't generally postabout myself. Like, it's it's, I
believe in the project as awhole, and I'm really happy to
to be a leader sort of aroundit, to steer it more than lead
it. Right? To sort of, like,make sure it's safe almost.
There were so many things thatthat came up.
(22:36):
I think one of the biggestchallenges in the renovation was
that I had six week I hadinherited a building that barely
had Wi Fi, that had never run acredit card, that had structural
physical issues with thebuilding, that hadn't been
updated in sixty years. Andanything. Mattresses, anything.
You know? And so from anaffordability standpoint and
(22:59):
from there was obvious financialthings that I I I took huge
gambles and risks on that werewell outside anything that I was
ever comfortable with with myown wallet.
You know? I mean, I've madedecisions for large
corporations, but I've neverdone it for myself. And it is
different, it turns out. And andand I only had six weeks before
(23:25):
the first guests were coming.And I had to renovate 18
bathrooms.
I had to clean up, refresh aclub. I had to repaint and
refresh a bar. I think for me,the magic that existed as the
Gifford House, I didn't wannalose that magic through my
design, if that makes sense.Like, oh, I'm going to change
(23:46):
this color. And and because Isay it's this color, everyone's
gonna love it.
It like, there's some kind ofmagic to having a lot of
people's creativity be a part ofit, and a lot of people own it,
and allow a lot of it to, like,change and morph. And so all I
wanted to do and my only goalwas to actually make it a little
(24:06):
more basic, to be honest, sothat we could have other people
add their art and their visionsand their things and sort of
curate from that standpoint. Buteconomically, it was a huge
challenge. Getting contractorsand the right people in, timing
was a the whole thing was achallenge. It takes a lot of
time,
Eric Bomyea (24:23):
energy, and effort to make a blank canvas.
Steve Azar (24:25):
Yeah. And also, I want into it one of the the
first things I did was create amoral compass for the project,
which was, like, it was twoweeks. I didn't even know if I
was going to get the project.And I started writing what we
would do. What if it every timesomeone's hired, they would have
to sign the paper that these areour, like, precepts of how we
(24:47):
treat each other, what'sexpected, but not from a, you
must move that there every nightand clean that or whatever.
It it's like, who you're gonnabe when you walk in these walls,
how you're gonna treat people,accountability, responsibility,
those kinds of things. And itmatters. Because sometimes
someone does something, I'mlike, hey, babe. Number four.
Yeah.
And
Eric Bomyea (25:04):
they're less. Corporate values.
Steve Azar (25:06):
Right? Like, basically,
Eric Bomyea (25:06):
that's the reason why we have corporate values in
the first place. There is to toreally align people to, like,
hey. This is the way that weengage here, and we wanna invite
you and welcome you in. Like,this is how we expect.
Steve Azar (25:17):
And I even took that a step further with guests and
patrons. And so we even havesort of guidelines for, hey. If
when you step here, you're notstepping into just anywhere.
This is a house, and these areour rules. Mhmm.
You know, it's sort of thecommunity's rules. Yeah.
Timothy Bish (25:29):
So you spoke, about your own personal practice
and and the way that youapproached. And now you're
talking about these preceptswith your with your staff. Are
there other like, are youbringing in these sort of
concepts and ideas with yourstaff? Is is that part of the
conversation you have with thepeople with whom you are
creating the space andmaintaining the space in the
events?
Steve Azar (25:48):
Absolutely. And with everyone. And I'm constantly
banging the drum of it in thebackground because very easily
other everybody comes from theirplace. Some people desire power
even within their own role. Somepeople desire all kinds of
things, right, without gettinginto it.
And I just begging the drum,like, hey, babe. I'm I'm over
(26:10):
here picking up the cups asowner. Yeah. Do you know what
I'm saying? So, like, everybodyeverybody help everybody here.
This is what we do.
Timothy Bish (26:17):
And what is the impact we keep going back to
impact. What is the impactyou've seen in these individual
people as they've been workingwith you in this conscious way?
Steve Azar (26:26):
Not to be emotional about it, but it's actually
Timothy Bish (26:29):
We love emotions.
Steve Azar (26:30):
It's actually, it it it inspires me to just keep
going and keep going and keepgoing because the growth I have
seen from some of the mostbeautiful people. I mean, I
don't even know why I'm chokedup right now, but I really am
because, they are absolutelyincredible people. And and they
(26:51):
came and they you know, it wasjust gonna be a job or whatever.
And I have seen them test me. Ihave seen them test the space,
test their peers, testeverything, and they get the
truth.
Because I will I literally standand I tell them this too. I
stand solid and straight, andthey basically do this whole
number around me dancing,yelling, screaming, pointing,
(27:12):
trying to you know what I mean?And I just stand there. Are you
done? Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm still here. I haven'tchanged. I'm not gonna change,
and I love you. And I and thenwhen they start to see and feel
it, I hope I I think this iswhat's happening at least. I
haven't necessarily asked them,but this is what it feels like,
(27:32):
is they relax.
And they think they can be theyit's trusted. You know, I have
the majority of my staff is fromseason one. Right? Which I don't
know how often that happens inProvincetown. As a as a point of
it's not just words, but it'salso actions.
There were some staff thatbecause they're all now friends.
Right? We've kind of created,like, a family within this
(27:53):
house. Right? It's it's it's aninteresting thing.
I'm always calling everybodyfamily, you know. And and even
when staff move on, we have a ahotel, manager now who's moving
on, wants she wants to get someeducation and everything, and I
couldn't support it more. She'sforever part of the house. If
she ever needs anything, we'rethere for her. You know?
And she knows that. You know? Ifshe ever wanted to come back,
(28:15):
come back. If she don't wannacome back, that's fine. You
know?
I wanna see her kids. I wannayou know? It's like it's become
this really beautiful communitything, and that's all I want.
That's, like, all I care abouton my if if I'm being selfish or
something, the rest of itdoesn't really matter to me. You
know what I mean?
Like, there were a million ways,to make a buck or whatever. But
(28:36):
and and in another example, theaction's more than words, I
heard some staff talking thatthey wanted to go on a trip.
They they were all thinkingabout it. They were tossing out
Japan. They were tossing outThailand.
They were, you know, whatever.And then when push came to shove
in winter, they said, you know,I'm not sure we feel
comfortable, like, financiallyenough, especially with politics
and things coming and whateverand our housing situation,
(28:57):
whatever it was. And I and I Isaid, you know what? And I got a
bunch of them tickets to go, andwe're all going together. And
we're gonna go on this, like,huge tour together, and it's
gonna be almost two months.
And it's like, as and they'relike my OGs who were with me
from the start, and we're gonnago. We're gonna have a great
time. You know? And I was like,when we go, I'm not your boss.
(29:17):
We're gonna go.
We're gonna have fun. Let'slet's whatever. You know? And,
and so they know it's not justlip service. I don't have to do
that.
I don't know anyone else whoever has. You know what I'm
saying? It's like, I'm suresomeone has, but you you get
what I'm saying. It's, I meanit. I'm really proud of them.
I love them. They know it. Andit's not to say that they're
(29:38):
everybody is perfect. It's notto say I'm perfect. I I mess up
all the time.
Then they they are also able totell me, and then I'm like, oh,
that's right. I gottaautocorrect. Yeah. That's right.
Eric Bomyea (29:47):
Steve, number 4.
Steve Azar (29:48):
That's right. And I'm like, Steve, number four,
number four, and we laugh. Youknow? Yeah.
Timothy Bish (29:52):
Well, so I'm hearing I'm hearing this sort of
loving, compassionate, trustablecontainer that you've created
with your staff. And I amwondering now, like, in the
future so in your in yourvision, you know, a one year
plan, a five year plan, a tenyear plan. It feels like it's
part of your mission to bringthat manner of engagement to not
(30:13):
just your staff then, but toyour patrons and to the
community. Do you have a visionfor that?
Steve Azar (30:19):
For taking it to that next level? Yeah.
Timothy Bish (30:21):
Well, I'm just I'm I'm curious to
Steve Azar (30:22):
be, like, what you just described is
Timothy Bish (30:23):
so beautiful, and I think it's what our community
needs. It's, like, trustability,this stability Yeah. And this,
like, authentic honesty, truth.You've said truth a lot today.
And thinking, you know, you owna a place where people come to
gather and you and you createart and and offerings of all
kinds.
Right? How how are youenvisioning bringing that manner
(30:46):
of engagement to the communitythat surrounds you?
Steve Azar (30:50):
Yeah. So I think it's slow and steady. I think
that trust is built over time. Ithink if if, if to create
community, an an integralcommunity, you you have to be,
like, sort of a leader of love.Right?
And it and you it's not throughwords. Like, no one's gonna
listen to this and believe me.That's they it has to it has to,
(31:10):
like, be experienced. Do youknow what I'm saying? Like, you
have to go there.
You have to see it or feel it orbe hugged, you know, or be
inspired to create your own art.Right? Because it's not like I'm
even trying to heal or createwellness. In fact, the only
thing I really wanna do iscreate expansion of people.
Right?
It's like, come as you are, asbroken as you are, or as well as
(31:33):
you are, or whoever you are, andgrow. Right? And so, like, maybe
you do wanna get on stage. We'veadded we we now have four stages
at at Gifford House. You know,when I got there, there was just
the the lobby.
Right? Like, which if you cancall it a stage, it had a a
little piano. There's now one inpurgatory, one outside on the
(31:55):
patio. The Wilds, we've turnedinto a hundred seat black box
theater. And we barely chargefor entertainment if we charge.
And it all depends on who theact is and where they're coming
from and whatever. But for me, Iwant the entertainment dollars
to go back to the entertainers.As long as we're making money
from, you know, the the bar andthe hotel, and we're floating
(32:17):
and we're okay, then, like, art,art, art, art, art. So, like,
even in the club, you know, itcan be one note. People can
think it might be dark.
People can think it's aboutthings that aren't great for
queer community. So I hear that,and then I say, okay. Josh Moss,
get over here. Let's break thatenergy up. Outside, create a
huge mural during the underwearparty of whatever you want.
(32:40):
You know? And so now we'repaying an artist, supporting a
local artist. The people who areat this thing are now seeing art
being created right before theireyes during a dance party.
They're with their friends.They're just thinking
differently.
So for me, it's like, how canwe, like, break the norm a
little bit softly and quietly soit's still cool? It's still
(33:00):
something you wanna do. It's notcheesy or, like, some you know,
like, I don't wanna I don'twanna off put anybody, right, by
being too too loud. But there isa part of me that the more
comfortable I get, the littlebit louder I wanna be about the
truth. I go back to that all thetime, which is about love and
authenticity and for each otherand to stand up for each other
(33:22):
and support each other.
It's very simple. Right? It'slike, it's very simple. When you
really get down to it, it's justand and I want to see more of
that in community. I wanna seemore of that in this community.
And so I'll be it. I'll just beit. And people can believe it or
not, but it's gonna beconsistent. And I might mess up,
(33:42):
but then I will figure it backout and I'll it's my core.
Timothy Bish (33:46):
I think it's so important to have models or
people modeling, genuine lovewithout without agenda. And I
know, like, myself as a as ayoung queer person, gay person,
and a lot of the friends, it washard to it was hard to trust.
And I could tell you so manystories when I was going
through, like, living in NewYork City. And, and so what I'm
(34:10):
hearing you say is creating aspace of, like, trustable love.
And I think it will take timefor people to recognize that.
Because I I think initially, ifI if you've had decades of, kind
of looking over your shoulder orquestioning, like, someone's
authenticity or, like, do theywant something from me? What is
it they need? Like, is this atrap? It won't happen overnight.
It won't it's not a lightswitch.
(34:30):
Mhmm. But I I I hear you, like,so slowly but surely, like,
Steve Azar (34:34):
it's like a drum. It's like a little drum in the
background. It's just like aquiet little, and I'm just,
like, hitting the drum. And I'mlike, no. I'm really serious.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Eric Bomyea (34:44):
Trust takes time, and it takes consistency. Right.
Steve Azar (34:47):
Right? And it
Eric Bomyea (34:47):
and from the examples that you've talked
about, it's what I hear is trueleadership. It's not just
talking the talk. It's walkingthe walk. It's saying, like, I
am going to uphold theseprecepts. I'm going to lead with
my own heart.
Right? And I'm going to put thatout into the world. And if I'm
not if I'm if I'm veering offcourse, I want my staff. I want
(35:13):
my my my projects teammates tocall me out. Because if they
don't, the universe is going to.
Totally. Right? Like, somebody'ssomething's gonna come around
and be like, no. No. No.
Every time. Yep.
Timothy Bish (35:23):
But this is the importance of conscious
community. We talk about it inyoga and in men's work all the
time, like having you know, inmen's work, we say, steel,
sharp, and steel. Like, we needour brothers. In yoga, this,
like, conscious community keepsyou, like, tethered. We need
that reflection because when weare practicing things like
integrity, it isn't as if we canjust decide, like, I'm gonna be
(35:44):
perfectly in integrity all thetime.
Mhmm. I mean, we can try. Right?But sometimes we need someone to
reflect, hey, that's you'restarting to, like, get close to
that boundary, and that is alsopart of the practice. Thank you
so much for helping me seesomething I couldn't see on my
own.
Totally. And and then, like, nowI can recalibrate if I choose to
stay in integrity. It's soimportant our community and our
(36:06):
trustable, like, colleagues thatcan say a harsh truth to it. Not
a harsh truth. A sharp truth.
A sharp, loving, compassionate,heart centered truth that allows
us to move forward, and keeps usin alignment. It's so important.
Eric Bomyea (36:20):
And so many leaders are not open to that reflection.
It is like do as I say. Like, wejust had an episode come out
about authentic power, right, inleadership. And, like, there's
so many leaders in today's worldthat, like, will get or they
refuse to accept or acknowledgethat, like, they could be doing
something wrong or or off.Right?
(36:41):
Especially if it's coming from asubordinate. Like, heaven
forbid. Like, somebody below youtries to tell you and it's
Steve Azar (36:46):
like It's just ego. It's ego. It's all insecurity.
Yeah. Anyone anyone who's, like,actually grounded.
I mean, I'm, and not I haven'tmastered this, so I'm not saying
I have. But I the direction Iwanna go is, you know, if you're
not maintaining open andlistening and being, then you're
not leading either. Right?Because it's it's you have to
(37:07):
listen to everybody. And then ifyou still are opposed to it,
there's a conversation of yourtruth.
And if your truth doesn'tconvince them, then maybe you
start at a middle ground. Right?At a compromise between the two.
So they feel heard. You feelheard.
It's both seen. Instead of itbeing opposition this is one
thing I've learned even with theboards in town. Right? Or, like
(37:30):
but, honestly, you know, you gobefore the historic board. I
love everybody on the board.
I love everybody on the planningboard. Last night, I went before
the planning board because thetown did a stop work notice on
me on the backs. I was in a highelevation. So it's something I
just didn't realize or know. Noproblem.
Right? They were right. I waswrong. You know? So we stopped
it.
Stopped it for months. The thehotel amenity never got out for
this last year. I could be madat that. I'm not. I don't care.
(37:52):
Do you know? So I go before theboard yesterday, and it's all
about whether it's a board oryour staff or patrons, it's
alignment. Right? Everyone whatpeople don't realize when
they're in conflict orresolution is that it's not me,
what my needs are, or yourneeds. If we are all one and I
(38:12):
am you or or whatever withoutgoing to woo, and there's a
like, what is the common goal?
Yeah. Because the common goal,we can both fight for, and we
can both get some of our needsmet. And some of my needs is
better than none and digging myheels in and and creating an
enemy or what it it's like theflow in a way of, like, find
(38:36):
alignment and and move forward.That's that, for me, has gotten
me through so many obstacles orpotential catastrophes even with
this project is, like, reallysitting and being like, hey,
board. As a town, we really needthis to do to do well.
In order for it to do well, ithas to make money. And it's not
right now making enough. And soif I need a little more money,
(38:59):
what can I give you guys? And,you know, and what what's the
exchange? Like, how do we dothis?
You know? And yeah.
Timothy Bish (39:04):
You're talking about shared mission, it sounds
like. And, in this example, it'sreally sounding to me like you
have a project, they haverequirements or whatever. But if
you can really land on, well, weboth want the P town experience
to be great.
Steve Azar (39:19):
Yeah.
Timothy Bish (39:19):
Then you're like, from that place, any number of
solutions are probably possible.And so that's what I feel like
I'm hearing you say that, like,find the shared mission.
Eric Bomyea (39:28):
Because if you if you find that shared mission,
great. And if not, what youmight be doing is you might be
attaching to preference.
Steve Azar (39:35):
Right?
Eric Bomyea (39:35):
And then welcome suffering. Right? Like
Steve Azar (39:37):
Cravings. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
Eric Bomyea (39:39):
If if you have such an attachment to the outcome
Mhmm. And you're unwilling, yourheels are so dug in, like, life
is gonna be hard. Really hard.It's gonna be really hard for
you. Right?
So, like, jump into the river.Right? Start to flow. Start to
flow. Start to flow.
Let go let go of the banks andget into the middle of the river
and let's go.
Steve Azar (39:57):
I I've gotten that's been a hard practice for me, to
be honest, because I do have somuch energy. Like, I don't even
know how I I don't know where iteven comes from, but there's,
like, such a, like, a force thatit feels like comes through me
sometimes. And I think that canbe really off putting to a lot
of people. Of people. Because ifother people are are content or
wanna go slow
Eric Bomyea (40:17):
Or if I'm super if I'm super closed Yeah. Right, if
I haven't done some opening workand I'm super closed, like,
that's gonna be a put a put offfor me.
Steve Azar (40:25):
Oh, absolutely.
Eric Bomyea (40:26):
Right? Like, I'm not gonna be able to handle that
that energy or it's not gonna bethe energy that I can, like,
handle.
Timothy Bish (40:30):
Can you speak more specifically, like, what kind of
energy would be tricky for youin that moment?
Eric Bomyea (40:35):
So, like, even talking about that with with
somebody that may be so open andso wanting to, create joy and
allow so many types of ofhumanity to exist in one place.
Like, you know, I've I've gonethrough my own personal,
relationship with the GiffordHouse where I have, you know,
been a drinker and a partier anda club kid and I love going out
(40:57):
and I love expressing myselfand, there was a a long time
that it was one of my favoriteplaces to be before you owned
it. Right? Like, back when I wasvacationing here. I loved I
loved going there.
And then, the first summer thatI got sober, I loved going there
because I was like, it was aplace that I felt like I could,
like, really, like, like, pushmyself and, like, be there. And,
like, I would go to FagBash. Iwas a go go dancer for James
(41:19):
Cerny for a couple times. Like,it was really like, these were
these were challenges to myselfin my sobriety. And then last
year, I couldn't be there.
Mhmm. This last summer, Icouldn't be there. For whatever
reason, the energy, I was notopen enough anymore. I had
closed off to that because thatwas no longer the truth of the
experience that I was wanting.And I didn't think that I could
(41:41):
bring my fullness anymore forsome reason.
And so, when I experienced anenergy like that, or when I had
experienced an energy like that,I was like, I was too closed to
be able to do it because I wastoo in my head.
Steve Azar (41:51):
I
Eric Bomyea (41:51):
was too in my head. I was too judgmental of myself,
of others. And I I still havework to do, of course, but I
feel like I'm, like, getting toa point that I'm, like, willing
to be open enough to it again.
Timothy Bish (42:05):
So we're going back is what you're saying.
We're planning yeah. We'replanning a trip. Trip. Yeah.
To purgatory.
Steve Azar (42:11):
The circle goes to purgatory. To that, I I love it
because that's the exact I lovethat journey even with the
Gifford House. Right? Becausethat's what she does.
Eric Bomyea (42:24):
Mhmm.
Steve Azar (42:25):
And she's gonna show you you in some way without
going too deeper, making it. No.No. Whatever. It's like, she's
gonna show you fun.
She's gonna show you maybe whereyou indulge too much. Mhmm.
Maybe where you need a littlework. Maybe where you're a
little self conscious. May youknow, whatever.
You're gonna go on that journey.You're when I did the Vipassana,
by day four, I was planningwhere did they have my cell
(42:47):
phone locked up? I am breakinginto that cabinet. They have my
key, and I am getting like, Iwas, like, mental because I was
so difficult.
Eric Bomyea (42:55):
Right? I'm impressed you made it to day
four. Usually, day two for me.
Steve Azar (42:58):
But the amazing right. But the amazing thing was
by day 10, after the wholejourney, I saw the I saw I got
it. I got the messages. I gotthe truth. I'm obsessed with it.
Now now I'm, like, meditatingevery day, like, in my own
practice in a way that I wasn'table to before, whatever. But
for the Gibbard House for you,it's perfect. And so what I'm
what I'm trying to do insteering that ship a little is,
(43:19):
one, you don't have to come forthe club. We have Cody plays,
and we now have trivia, and we
Eric Bomyea (43:24):
Line dancing, all the Francis.
Steve Azar (43:25):
Line dancing, and we're doing all these other
things that we have art classesand whatever. Right?
Timothy Bish (43:30):
The live drawing.
Steve Azar (43:31):
Live drawing, and, you know, I wanna bring in yoga
and meditation and all thisother stuff. But also, I I just
I I'm essentially sober, notthrough addiction, but I it's
just where I'm at right now. AndI I want a mocktail. So we just
created a whole mocktail menuwhere if you come, you don't
(43:53):
have to drink. It's not aboutconsumption and poisoning your
body.
In fact, I really sat withmyself before moving forward
with this and with because it'sbad dharma for for honesty. If
you're any way involved inpoisoning another person or
allowing someone to be theirworst self, it's on me. Right?
(44:13):
Like, ultimately and I kinda sitwith that a lot. And that really
I almost didn't The only reasonwhy I didn't wanna move there
was that was why I didn't wannamove forward with this project
was the only reason at onepoint.
I just didn't wanna be a part ofsomeone's that cycle. But then
what I realized is that I can,like, be, like, a little bit of
a light bearer, even if peoplesee or don't see me that way,
(44:35):
and from their own experience,don't know me or know me or
whatever, and come up with theirown story of me or whatever it
is. I know that in my heart ofhearts, my intention is to be a
little light bearer within thatand to show people that you can
be a part of it and even come toa club night without poisoning
yourself. And we have zeroexpectations of you to do any of
(44:57):
that. And, also, maybe you cansee some of the queer magic that
and maybe you can make somebeautiful connections, and maybe
you can be a part of ourcommunity in some a new way.
I don't know. But I love that. Ilove that you have been on a
journey with it because I thinkthat's the work, honestly.
Eric Bomyea (45:14):
Thank you so much. Yeah. Tim, do you have anything
to add before Well,
Timothy Bish (45:18):
I just wanna acknowledge you for, this last
season bringing a queerspirituality event to the
Gifford House. And you and Ihave had conversations about,
bringing more of those things. Ithink it is so important. So,
you know, when we have thisconversation about, like, what
the queer community needs, Idon't necessarily think it's
(45:40):
always, like, we have toeliminate these things that
we'd, like, say are bad. Right?
I just think sometimes it'slike, can we bring up these
other things and create balanceand opportunity and possibility
for the for our community sothat they can get a little bit
of everything and, like, livingin that way. I feel like you're
really contributing to that andcreating the space for that to
happen. So I just want toacknowledge that because, prior
(46:03):
to this prior to this summer, Idon't think I'd really seen,
like, a specifically queerspiritual event, and, I was
fortunate to be a small part ofit. And but I'm looking forward
to being part of things movingforward because I do think it's
the medicine that our communityneeds. And I think especially
(46:24):
now, like, as, like, what'sgonna be happening in the world,
we need to be creating thesesafe spaces and these conscious
spaces and these mindful spacesand these healthy spaces and
these opportunities forconversation.
Mhmm. And it's not about notdancing or not going to a party,
but it's about, like, but arethere are there other things
(46:44):
too? Can we can we bring it all?Can we bring it all?
Steve Azar (46:47):
And and to that, that was so eye opening for me.
I would say in 02/2024, what Iwas starting to see and what
messages were coming up for meis that nature itself is queer.
Right? And you can't really stopnature. Right?
And so all these legislationsand all these things, it's sort
of you know, there's a part ofmy inner self that just, like,
(47:09):
sort of giggles. It's constantlylaughing at it. Like, wow.
You're really trying to stopnature from being nature in a
way that it will never be thefuture, will never be
sustainable, will neveranything. And it's our sort of
duty.
It's our sort of job to be ourauthentic selves and to show up
in a beautiful form that we are.And what I got from that
particular retreat for me, mygod. We had chefs. We had
(47:33):
graffiti artists. We had firethrowers.
We had therapists. We I mean, itjust went on. We had wellness
workers and, all the queermagic, how what what screamed
out to me was how absolutelyunique and brilliant we all are
individually with our ownsuperpowers. I know you had Phil
(47:54):
Harmetz on this. I swear to God,we are the superheroes, like, in
a weird way.
Like, not not from anarcissistic ego standpoint,
but, like, it's baffling to mehow magical and artistic and
creative and unique. And no onehad the same skill at this
entire retreat as someone else.And we all were able to come
together and, like, share ouroffering. And we and that that
(48:18):
was really inspiring to me, andthat I would like to dig into
deeper and more over the nextyear.
Timothy Bish (48:24):
Well, thank you for creating a space for it and,
yeah, deep appreciation.
Eric Bomyea (48:28):
And for elevating multiple modalities. Right?
There's so many access points tospirituality. It could be dance.
It could be the club.
It could be the stage. It couldbe yoga. Right? I mean,
Timothy Bish (48:42):
dancing dancing was my first spiritual practice.
Now, obviously, I'm talkingabout, like, through concert
dance, ballet, modern, you know,performance, but but I I really
believe it was my firstspiritual practice. My first my
first grade teacher. Absolutely.Yeah.
Steve Azar (48:57):
And it was funny with this project, at the
beginning of it, people peopleare like, what are you gonna do?
I mean, it's a club, so you'rean entertainment complex. So
this is the note. This is howthis is your frequency. This is
what your and I was like, no.
The frequency of Gifford Houseis the full spectrum. Mhmm.
Like, it is the full spectrum.So, like, don't expect or come
or think or what like, justexperience. So so Thank you,
guys.
(49:17):
Beautiful.
Eric Bomyea (49:17):
Really beautiful conversation today. We covered a
lot of ground. We talked aboutleading with heart and the
impact that that can have of ofdesiring and and putting onto
the universe the intention tocreate community with heart and
the power that that can have andhow listening to the universe
and signals can really manifestreally beautiful things in our
(49:37):
lives and how leading by examplecan have a beautiful ripple
effect in our world as well. So,Steve, I wanna thank you so much
for for being here with ustoday. I'm feeling very
complete.
How about you guys?
Steve Azar (49:49):
I feel complete. Very complete. Thank you.
Eric Bomyea (49:51):
Tim, will you take us out?
Timothy Bish (49:52):
I will. Let's close our eyes. Take a deep
inhale through the nose, gentleexhale through the mouth. And it
is with deep appreciation andgratitude for the sacred circle,
for our community, thisbrotherhood, this conversation,
any insights that we may havegained, explorations,
awarenesses. And in this momentnow, we release the spirits and
(50:16):
we release the archetypes.
And with these words, ourcontainer is open but not
broken. Uh-huh.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.