September 12, 2022 • 24 mins
Join learning and communication specialist Dr Diane Ravenscroft as she introduces tenets of the Coach Approach, a mindset and skill set she has developed through decades working with business leaders and professionals. In this episode, learn about how overcoming the scarcity mindset can improve your ability to communicate effectively with a team, and learn about the major exception to positive language statements: Excellence Through Avoidance.
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(00:06):
You're listening to the coach approachwith Diane Ravenscroft, whether
you're an entrepreneur, an ambitiousemployee or someone interested
in getting the most out of everyconnection, responsive communication is.
Join management andlearning specialist, Dr.
Diane Ravenscroft, as she givesyou the tools to improve any
(00:27):
relationship that matters to yourbusiness, your career and your life.
All right.
Here's Diane.
Welcome back to thecoach approach podcast.
I am Diane Ravenscroft.
If you joined me before you learned aboutthe steps, challenges, and traits of
the coach approach, you've heard storiesof real people sharing real challenges.
(00:48):
They overcame.
I like to think the coach approach hadsomething to do with their success today.
I confess part of my reason fordeveloping the coach approach was for
myself in the past, I struggled witha scarcity mindset so I can recognize
scarcity mindsets quite easily.
And I can hear naysayers whetherthey're aware or not of their
(01:12):
tendency to think about what to avoid.
To see problems first and notalways consider opportunities.
The reason for this is I oftendefault to being a naysayer, and I
know what this mindset has cost me.
It's been a long time coming, but Iam grateful for my decision to shift
(01:35):
the gears and fears in my brain.
The coach approach was also developedafter a series of observations
and interactions with many people.
Over many years, people who intheir words were trying to reform
to see the best in everyone.
Maybe it's too harsh to describemyself and others as a naysayer though.
(01:57):
The first thing many people's brainwants to do when presented with
what's possible is analyze andstrategize until just about every
possibility for failure is eliminated.
This is really importantin many professions.
The challenge is it can be a wayof thinking that deters people
from considering possibilities.
(02:18):
Individuals who see problems that theycan solve to protect people from harm.
Find it easy to perform businessanalyses and swats, you know, the
strengths, weaknesses, observation,and threats, and figure out how
to leverage strengths, minimizeweaknesses, optimize opportunities,
(02:39):
and ideally anticipate threats.
Strategic planning is lovedby people with my brain.
In the past.
Speaking what I think withoutthinking led me to some challenging
conversations, especially withdreamers and I am not alone.
I wonder if you've noticed whatI've noticed and that's that problem
(03:01):
solvers can be misperceived asproblems and troubleshoots can be
misperceived as troublemakers toindividuals who like the status quo.
And can be misperceived by people whoare insecure and worse, possibly feel
threatened by these important skills,the skills of troubleshooting and problem
(03:23):
solving these skills are really crucial.
And if you know how to apply criticalthinking as well to difficult
challenges, you are special.
You're what I call an idea person.
Imagine.
Being an idea person who works for someonewho likes everything, just the way it is.
(03:44):
Countless people have told me thatindividuals on their team who brainstorm
potential threats in a strategicway, sound really pessimistic.
One person said quote, and remember,people give me their permission
to write their words down.
Quote, they are always seeingthe next problem as they look
(04:04):
for what might go wrong end.
In my mind, I think as if that's abad thing, listen, again, they're
always seeing the next problem asthey look for what might go wrong.
I wanna say exactly this person has savedyour neck more than a few times, but
instead I say in a measured way, true.
(04:25):
And I think this is exactly whythey're valuable to your team.
Do you not think.
It takes some doing, but it's alwaysworth trying to get to the root of
whatever challenges exist between people.
In this case, a decision was madeto bring these two individuals
together, to hash out a vulnerabilitycommitment, a trademark of the coach
(04:47):
approach, seeking mutual understanding.
Unfortunately, there was very littletrust and it was not possible.
The idea person remainedunappreciated by the individual
who was described as a naysayer.
And they continued to avoid each otheras much as possible in the workplace.
It appeared their customerswere not impacted by their
(05:08):
poor working relationship.
So the CEO didn't intervene to encourageor force if you will, any kind of
improvement in their professional dynamic.
I'm never quite sure if a customercan be UN impacted by poor working
relationships between key people.
I'm also never in favor of chiefexecutive officers or other senior leaders
(05:31):
forcing professional interventions.
So to speak, thesethings tend to backfire.
Sometimes I don't know about it untilthe individual who comes to me for
coaching says I was sent to you,by the way, how does that sound?
I was sent to you by the way.
This doesn't always yield receptivity.
It tends to yield resistance, butcommon sense approaches like the coach
(05:56):
approach can slowly but surely chipaway at even the most committed skeptic.
As for the pair of people who didn't liketo work together, they were a member of a
team and everyone else on the team seemedto accept their quiet rivalry and frankly
ignored their often unprofessional antics.
(06:18):
Most of the time, the pair wasrarely disruptive in meetings,
but they weren't productive.
Eventually the idea person managedseveral workarounds to have her ideas
considered, just not in team meetings.
How many working situations do youknow where people just don't think
it's worth it to try to fix orimprove interpersonal challenges?
(06:41):
I see it all the time.
Seeing interpersonal challengesamong coworkers was actually one
of the reasons I decided to becomea licensed practitioner with the
global company discovery insights.
It was a significant investmentof time and money, but it's proved
invaluable discovery insights createsa frame of reference using colors.
(07:01):
So certain thinkers who just don'tunderstand the people they work for or.
Can consider their individualpreferences and learn how best to
relate to people who don't think likethem, discovery, insights, preference,
model compliments, the coach approach.
If you're curious, youcan go to insights.com.
I will dedicate several podcasts to someexamples of how people using this color
(07:26):
model can phrase statements to appealto individuals who don't think alike.
I love the association with color.
To me, it gives me a thinking preferencefor people you're not labeled.
You're not pigeonholed.
It's a preference.
You can dial up and dial downpreferences based on situations.
I love it.
(07:47):
Check it out.
If I had known my preference towardscommunication and risk and collaboration,
for example, I may have had quite adifferent work life in my early years.
In fact decades ago, I met someonewho no small thing may have
changed the course of my work life.
(08:08):
Maybe even my life.
I'm not exaggerating today.
I describe this as my 6 million regret.
This podcast will serve as an introductionto my most expensive decision based
on my former scarcity mindset.
This scarcity mindset bound mythinking into overly cautious.
(08:29):
Highly suspicious and skeptical, naysaying quite often, this is a true story.
It still makes me feel somewhat nauseous.
Thinking about what can only bedescribed after the fact, maybe
as directly as stupidity, possiblyas kindly as shortsightedness.
You decide what word to assign for me,it's regret, but regret I've learned.
(08:52):
Here's what happened in theearly nineties, I was on a plane.
I was heading to Boston on myway to Dallas, the young woman,
I was sitting next to struck upa conversation with me and asked
me why I was traveling to Boston.
And so in turn out of just basicpoliteness, really, I asked her, she
told me how excited she was about workingfor a growing technology company and
(09:12):
certainly had infectious enthusiasm.
But I was not drawn in.
No.
I had enough skepticism and reservationsto ward off the most engaging and
polite person, especially a salesperson.
Snake oils seemed to run throughmost sales people's veins.
I had concluded.
So though I was curious deep down.
(09:33):
I just knew that what was being pitchedcould only be too good to be true.
Not for me, but thanks for sharing.
I thought we did chat a lotduring the flight and she was
very pleasant as we landed.
She gave me her card and Ilooked at it and read her name.
And then the name Microsoft.
I remember this clearly and somewhere insome box in some corner of my basement,
(09:56):
I am sure I could unearth this card.
The young, enthusiastic Microsoftemployee asked me about my career
goals and said they were looking torecruit young entrepreneurial thinkers.
I had discussed my love of businessand I was on my way to a conference.
So she must have heard somethingthat sparked her interest.
(10:18):
Unfortunately, I remainedwary of her enthusiasm.
Didn't really understand the businessafter all at the time, what was a PC,
a word document, the internet , I'mlaughing, but I'm really not laughing.
As we disembark to go our separate ways.
She encouraged me to call.
(10:38):
I never did.
I often wonder where she is now.
I don't have to wonder if this isthe most expensive flight I have ever
taken, because I know it is my mostcolossal missed opportunity, whatever
you might think of bill gates andMicrosoft investing early in a company
worth billions today is truly thedefinition of a missed opportunity.
(11:02):
So why did I shrug off her enthusiasm?
So effortless.
Why did and do so many leaders, I meetshrug off enthusiasm so effortlessly.
I can't speak for them at the time.
Yes.
I was young.
I wasn't even 30.
I had tons of energy and lots of interestin business, but deep down, I just didn't
(11:23):
believe what I believe and teach today.
That vision and effort applied to a solidbusiness idea can produce amazing results.
That's what I believe.
That's what I teach, especially ifyou surround yourself with people
who balance what they want to achievewith what ought to be avoided.
(11:47):
So I have learned to successfully balancewhat I wanna achieve or accomplish with
what is best avoided or delayed it's.
It's like I have this smallmental scale in my mind.
I teach leaders how tocommunicate to advance.
Excellence with care using a mental scale.
In fact, here I go again with my acronymsscale, S C a L E successful communication
(12:14):
advances, leadership excellence.
It takes practice, and it's amazingto watch people change in how
they express reservations so thattheir teams stay energized while
knowing their leader believes in.
As an aside, as I was preparing forthis podcast, I Googled an estimate
of how much money I might have today.
(12:37):
So full disclosure, I neverinvested in Microsoft.
So if I had invested even a few thousanddollars at Microsoft in the early
nineties, not including my salary, ifI had been hired it's about $6 million.
That's why I call thismy 6 million mistake.
And that doesn't include thecompound interest over 25 years,
(12:57):
but that just is not somethingI want to think about either.
So that's enough reality, but this speaksto choices, decisions, sound judgment, and
just giving someone a chance to presenttheir ideas, to consider potential steps.
I didn't even know whatdue diligence was back.
(13:17):
In this, my third podcast, I shared thistrue story just in case anyone out there
is a leader and super cautious, perhapsyou're even risk averse because if you
lead people and they hear you share toomany unfounded hesitations and worries out
loud, if they're not part of your closedcircle, if you will, of people that you
(13:40):
share hesitations with even unfounded.
You may discourage the verypeople who need to be energized
to get the tough work done.
The key is unfounded, hesitationsor unfounded, anxiety or suspicion.
I know.
How do we know what'sunfounded or, or founded?
I mean, how could I ever have knownMicrosoft became a Microsoft well
(14:01):
experience, maybe even evidence frompatterns, but sometimes we can't know.
We trust ourselves.
We learn from mistakes and success.
Back to my colossal mistake.
I wonder are times why I didn't listento that inner curiosity that spurred
while my willingness to considerrisk was drowned out by doubt today,
(14:22):
I think give it a chance and trulyappreciate the value of due diligence.
I love asking effective questions.
Of course, there'll be afuture podcast on these topics.
So as a review picture, a personwho, instead of finding the balance
between what to achieve and avoidonly focuses on telling people
(14:44):
what has never worked before.
If we can balance what has never workedbefore with looking at what we might
wanna achieve, we do not limit people'sthinking, finding the balance between
what to achieve and avoid soundsopen to new ideas and innovation.
It kind of amazes me that even afterpositive psychology, appreciative inquiry,
(15:05):
mindfulness, emotional intelligence,and so many incredible resources for
self-improvement that people who leadothers can become so bogged down in
details and issues and problems andchallenges as well as valid concerns
that they begin to sound pessimistic tothe very people they need to hear their
vision, their vision for what's possiblein this highly competitive business.
(15:28):
L.
Maybe these individuals are notfortunate enough to work for a company
that positions itself as a learningorganization, a learning organization
offers targeted resources for learning anddevelopment to improve people's business
acumen and their capacity to think big.
If you don't know what a learningorganization is, talk to me, I've built.
(15:52):
How do I know this I've spent thelast 20 years watching and encouraging
business leaders to share their visionin an aspirational manner, not as
merely what can be done unless it's theexception of excellence in avoidance.
I love excellence in avoidance.
(16:12):
I have truly been interestedin how thinking impacts
decisions for most of my career.
Especially when I became aware of thecost of some of my worst decisions.
That's why I studied decision making.
I have a doctorate in decision sciences.
I now realize that the way my brainhas been trained is to interpret
(16:32):
situations in the negative first.
I've been striving to change thatand teach others to do the same.
In fact, I can hear a scarcitymindset from across the
room in a social gathering.
It's like my ears have becomeattuned to negativity with all the
efforts I have made seeking afterwhat realistically possible instead.
I can clearly remember when itclicked for me that I couldn't see
(16:55):
what was possible, amid all themany obstacles I put in my own way.
The first time someone used theexpression, don't give it a second
thought I can recall a Eureka moment.
It just happened in my head.
I realized that's it.
I give almost everything a second thought.
Because I think twice, no wonder, Iused to struggle with headaches because
(17:16):
instead of approaching decisions witha mindset that was wired to consider
what's possible first, what my brainwants to do more on that in a minute.
My thought patterns were negativefirst and I would have to reverse
course to consider what was possible.
Well, knowing deep down,my idea would never work.
So neurologists.
(17:38):
Brilliant scientists have discovered,and you may know this, that
the brain actually defaults tothinking in the positive first.
So for example, if I say to you don'tthink of a blue mushroom, my next question
could be, how big is your blue mushroom?
How blue is your blue mushroom?
Because your brain wants to do whatit's told in the positive first.
So your brain said blue mushroom and pop.
(18:01):
There's a blue mushroom in your mind.
You can see it.
I don't know how big it.
Dunno how blue it is, but it's there,even though I said don't think of
a blue mushroom, our brain wantsto ignore the don'ts the cans, the
shouldn'ts the Wooden's the warnings.
Our brain wants to do what it's told.
I thought that was fascinating.
So I share it with you.
So therefore we literally think twice themilitary trains us to do the opposite.
(18:27):
The military trains us to saydon't think of a blue mushroom.
We don't think of a blue mushroom.
We are compliant.
Neurologists tell us whatthe natural brain does.
Our brain can be trained away ortowards the natural tendencies, but our
mind wants to do the positive first.
Think of it this way.
Have you ever gone to a grocerystore and you leave the house and
(18:48):
you think, oh, don't forget the eggs.
Don't forget the eggs.
Don't forget the eggs you come home.
Wouldn't you forget, you mighthave forgotten something else, but
you definitely forgot the eggs.
So you wanna say to yourself,remember the eggs, remember the eggs,
remember the eggs, remember the eggs?
I can't explain it.
I'm not a neurologist, but moreon this in a future podcast.
Thought patterns matter.
The coach approach is about directing ourthought patterns towards accomplishment.
(19:10):
So more observations when surrounded byleaders, I pay attention to how they speak
and how their words impact their teams.
People talk to me, they sharewith me, they use words like
excited, anticipate enthusiastic.
They also use words like discouragedisheartened and my least favorite
(19:33):
demoralizing people who are preoccupiedwith what to avoid rather than what to
achieve can discourage others, especiallyothers with a different mindset.
Of course, we must look atwhat can and cannot happen.
What better, not derail a project, whichshouldn't be included in the scope of work
and how we shouldn't speak with customers.
I have nothing againstapostrophe T statements.
I have nothing against not statements.
(19:54):
It's about when they're saidand who they're said to.
I have an apostrophe T rule.
I encourage you to count howmany times you sound negative.
How many times you don't wouldn'tshouldn't can't won't and then
there's my all time favorites, never.
And without the words without, andnever don't fall under the apostrophe T
(20:15):
rule, but there's still scarcity words.
So here's some favorite statementsthat break the apostrophe to you rule,
which is by the way, an awarenessof the number of times we say don't
shouldn't couldn't can't to name a.
The rule I ascribe to is if I makemore than two statements with not
or a Poste tea, then I need tobalance with positive statements.
Also remember the scale I put acouple of don'ts and won'ts on there.
(20:39):
And I put a couple ofpossibilities on there as well.
Here's a typical strategically balancedstatement from real meetings of managers
who've bought into the coach approach.
Quote, let's make sure we'renot taking on more than we can.
How many new business units do we havethe capacity to add to our portfolio
based on our current projectionsand based on the number of people
(21:01):
to do the work, is this realistic?
Did you hear that?
And quote, negative and positivecaution and vision, the person wanted
to make sure they're not taking onmore work than they could handle
asked how many new business unitshave the capacity to take on the work.
Could they add to their portfolioand evaluated the current projections
and looked at the number of people tohandle the work negative and positive.
(21:23):
Caution and vision scale, successfulcommunication, advancing leadership,
excellence, balanced statements.
Here's another, we can'tpossibly be behind that much
in our quarterly earnings.
Didn't we plan for what we knew.
Wouldn't potentially scale.
(21:43):
What are the earnings?
What are they compared toyear to date last year?
Who can describe the plan tosee what we can do better?
So imagine the tails skip this way.
We cannot possibly be behind thatmuch in our quarterly earnings.
Didn't we plan for what we knew.
Wouldn't potentially scale, fill youradrenaline rise, heart rate, possibly
(22:04):
blood pressure by adding what are theearnings compared to year to date last
year, this time, who can describe theplan to see what we can do better?
My suggestion would be gettingeverybody together to look
at the plan and brainstorm.
Information can calm anxiety,achievement and avoidance in balance
is a significant element of thecoach approach, mindset and skills.
(22:29):
As I said earlier, there are peoplewhose instinct is to protect first
and these individuals fall under theexcellence in avoidance exception.
Excellence.
And avoidance is an exception becauseby stating what we want to avoid
without what we want to achievecan normally discourage people.
But in the same vein, I've been led byindividuals who would focus on aspiration
(22:52):
almost exclusively, and didn't seethreats coming and all kinds of plans and
projects were derailed because anytimeyou asked a cautionary question, you
were labeled a naysayer you're accusedof not sharing the person's vision.
So excellence inavoidance is an exception.
I've shared the story of the engineerswho are responsible for clean
(23:15):
drinking water and their excellencein avoidance was not to poison people.
That's a great vision surgeons, not tohave someone die in the operating table.
Other engineers, not to have bridges,collapse, cybersecurity experts, not to
have our information technology hacked.
(23:36):
Excellence and avoidance is important.
So I don't have anythingagainst apostrophe tea.
I don't have anythingagainst negative statements.
I just think it's importantto have a balance.
I believe I've made that point.
So.
I came face to face many times withthe importance of clear unambiguous
communication and the focus of my nextcoach approach will be that story of
(24:00):
what I learned waiting in an atriumat a hotel for an important meeting
while very impressive training washappening in a beautiful room, preparing
for a large banquet, possibly a.
And the way the individualswere given direction remains
fascinating to me to this day.
(24:21):
So please tune in next time.
I am Diane Ravenscroft and you have beenlistening to the coach approach podcast.
See you next time.
You're listening to the coach approachwith Diane Ravenscroft, whether
you're an entrepreneur, an ambitiousemployee or someone interested
in getting the most out of everyconnection, responsive communication is.
Join management andlearning specialist, Dr.
Diane Ravenscroft, as she givesyou the tools to improve any
(00:27):
relationship that matters to yourbusiness, your career and your life.
All right.
Here's Diane.
Welcome back to thecoach approach podcast.
I am Diane Ravenscroft.
If you joined me before you learned aboutthe steps, challenges, and traits of
the coach approach, you've heard storiesof real people sharing real challenges.
(00:48):
They overcame.
I like to think the coach approach hadsomething to do with their success today.
I confess part of my reason fordeveloping the coach approach was for
myself in the past, I struggled witha scarcity mindset so I can recognize
scarcity mindsets quite easily.
And I can hear naysayers whetherthey're aware or not of their
(01:12):
tendency to think about what to avoid.
To see problems first and notalways consider opportunities.
The reason for this is I oftendefault to being a naysayer, and I
know what this mindset has cost me.
It's been a long time coming, but Iam grateful for my decision to shift
(01:35):
the gears and fears in my brain.
The coach approach was also developedafter a series of observations
and interactions with many people.
Over many years, people who intheir words were trying to reform
to see the best in everyone.
Maybe it's too harsh to describemyself and others as a naysayer though.
(01:57):
The first thing many people's brainwants to do when presented with
what's possible is analyze andstrategize until just about every
possibility for failure is eliminated.
This is really importantin many professions.
The challenge is it can be a wayof thinking that deters people
from considering possibilities.
(02:18):
Individuals who see problems that theycan solve to protect people from harm.
Find it easy to perform businessanalyses and swats, you know, the
strengths, weaknesses, observation,and threats, and figure out how
to leverage strengths, minimizeweaknesses, optimize opportunities,
(02:39):
and ideally anticipate threats.
Strategic planning is lovedby people with my brain.
In the past.
Speaking what I think withoutthinking led me to some challenging
conversations, especially withdreamers and I am not alone.
I wonder if you've noticed whatI've noticed and that's that problem
(03:01):
solvers can be misperceived asproblems and troubleshoots can be
misperceived as troublemakers toindividuals who like the status quo.
And can be misperceived by people whoare insecure and worse, possibly feel
threatened by these important skills,the skills of troubleshooting and problem
(03:23):
solving these skills are really crucial.
And if you know how to apply criticalthinking as well to difficult
challenges, you are special.
You're what I call an idea person.
Imagine.
Being an idea person who works for someonewho likes everything, just the way it is.
(03:44):
Countless people have told me thatindividuals on their team who brainstorm
potential threats in a strategicway, sound really pessimistic.
One person said quote, and remember,people give me their permission
to write their words down.
Quote, they are always seeingthe next problem as they look
(04:04):
for what might go wrong end.
In my mind, I think as if that's abad thing, listen, again, they're
always seeing the next problem asthey look for what might go wrong.
I wanna say exactly this person has savedyour neck more than a few times, but
instead I say in a measured way, true.
(04:25):
And I think this is exactly whythey're valuable to your team.
Do you not think.
It takes some doing, but it's alwaysworth trying to get to the root of
whatever challenges exist between people.
In this case, a decision was madeto bring these two individuals
together, to hash out a vulnerabilitycommitment, a trademark of the coach
(04:47):
approach, seeking mutual understanding.
Unfortunately, there was very littletrust and it was not possible.
The idea person remainedunappreciated by the individual
who was described as a naysayer.
And they continued to avoid each otheras much as possible in the workplace.
It appeared their customerswere not impacted by their
(05:08):
poor working relationship.
So the CEO didn't intervene to encourageor force if you will, any kind of
improvement in their professional dynamic.
I'm never quite sure if a customercan be UN impacted by poor working
relationships between key people.
I'm also never in favor of chiefexecutive officers or other senior leaders
(05:31):
forcing professional interventions.
So to speak, thesethings tend to backfire.
Sometimes I don't know about it untilthe individual who comes to me for
coaching says I was sent to you,by the way, how does that sound?
I was sent to you by the way.
This doesn't always yield receptivity.
It tends to yield resistance, butcommon sense approaches like the coach
(05:56):
approach can slowly but surely chipaway at even the most committed skeptic.
As for the pair of people who didn't liketo work together, they were a member of a
team and everyone else on the team seemedto accept their quiet rivalry and frankly
ignored their often unprofessional antics.
(06:18):
Most of the time, the pair wasrarely disruptive in meetings,
but they weren't productive.
Eventually the idea person managedseveral workarounds to have her ideas
considered, just not in team meetings.
How many working situations do youknow where people just don't think
it's worth it to try to fix orimprove interpersonal challenges?
(06:41):
I see it all the time.
Seeing interpersonal challengesamong coworkers was actually one
of the reasons I decided to becomea licensed practitioner with the
global company discovery insights.
It was a significant investmentof time and money, but it's proved
invaluable discovery insights createsa frame of reference using colors.
(07:01):
So certain thinkers who just don'tunderstand the people they work for or.
Can consider their individualpreferences and learn how best to
relate to people who don't think likethem, discovery, insights, preference,
model compliments, the coach approach.
If you're curious, youcan go to insights.com.
I will dedicate several podcasts to someexamples of how people using this color
(07:26):
model can phrase statements to appealto individuals who don't think alike.
I love the association with color.
To me, it gives me a thinking preferencefor people you're not labeled.
You're not pigeonholed.
It's a preference.
You can dial up and dial downpreferences based on situations.
I love it.
(07:47):
Check it out.
If I had known my preference towardscommunication and risk and collaboration,
for example, I may have had quite adifferent work life in my early years.
In fact decades ago, I met someonewho no small thing may have
changed the course of my work life.
(08:08):
Maybe even my life.
I'm not exaggerating today.
I describe this as my 6 million regret.
This podcast will serve as an introductionto my most expensive decision based
on my former scarcity mindset.
This scarcity mindset bound mythinking into overly cautious.
(08:29):
Highly suspicious and skeptical, naysaying quite often, this is a true story.
It still makes me feel somewhat nauseous.
Thinking about what can only bedescribed after the fact, maybe
as directly as stupidity, possiblyas kindly as shortsightedness.
You decide what word to assign for me,it's regret, but regret I've learned.
(08:52):
Here's what happened in theearly nineties, I was on a plane.
I was heading to Boston on myway to Dallas, the young woman,
I was sitting next to struck upa conversation with me and asked
me why I was traveling to Boston.
And so in turn out of just basicpoliteness, really, I asked her, she
told me how excited she was about workingfor a growing technology company and
(09:12):
certainly had infectious enthusiasm.
But I was not drawn in.
No.
I had enough skepticism and reservationsto ward off the most engaging and
polite person, especially a salesperson.
Snake oils seemed to run throughmost sales people's veins.
I had concluded.
So though I was curious deep down.
(09:33):
I just knew that what was being pitchedcould only be too good to be true.
Not for me, but thanks for sharing.
I thought we did chat a lotduring the flight and she was
very pleasant as we landed.
She gave me her card and Ilooked at it and read her name.
And then the name Microsoft.
I remember this clearly and somewhere insome box in some corner of my basement,
(09:56):
I am sure I could unearth this card.
The young, enthusiastic Microsoftemployee asked me about my career
goals and said they were looking torecruit young entrepreneurial thinkers.
I had discussed my love of businessand I was on my way to a conference.
So she must have heard somethingthat sparked her interest.
(10:18):
Unfortunately, I remainedwary of her enthusiasm.
Didn't really understand the businessafter all at the time, what was a PC,
a word document, the internet , I'mlaughing, but I'm really not laughing.
As we disembark to go our separate ways.
She encouraged me to call.
(10:38):
I never did.
I often wonder where she is now.
I don't have to wonder if this isthe most expensive flight I have ever
taken, because I know it is my mostcolossal missed opportunity, whatever
you might think of bill gates andMicrosoft investing early in a company
worth billions today is truly thedefinition of a missed opportunity.
(11:02):
So why did I shrug off her enthusiasm?
So effortless.
Why did and do so many leaders, I meetshrug off enthusiasm so effortlessly.
I can't speak for them at the time.
Yes.
I was young.
I wasn't even 30.
I had tons of energy and lots of interestin business, but deep down, I just didn't
(11:23):
believe what I believe and teach today.
That vision and effort applied to a solidbusiness idea can produce amazing results.
That's what I believe.
That's what I teach, especially ifyou surround yourself with people
who balance what they want to achievewith what ought to be avoided.
(11:47):
So I have learned to successfully balancewhat I wanna achieve or accomplish with
what is best avoided or delayed it's.
It's like I have this smallmental scale in my mind.
I teach leaders how tocommunicate to advance.
Excellence with care using a mental scale.
In fact, here I go again with my acronymsscale, S C a L E successful communication
(12:14):
advances, leadership excellence.
It takes practice, and it's amazingto watch people change in how
they express reservations so thattheir teams stay energized while
knowing their leader believes in.
As an aside, as I was preparing forthis podcast, I Googled an estimate
of how much money I might have today.
(12:37):
So full disclosure, I neverinvested in Microsoft.
So if I had invested even a few thousanddollars at Microsoft in the early
nineties, not including my salary, ifI had been hired it's about $6 million.
That's why I call thismy 6 million mistake.
And that doesn't include thecompound interest over 25 years,
(12:57):
but that just is not somethingI want to think about either.
So that's enough reality, but this speaksto choices, decisions, sound judgment, and
just giving someone a chance to presenttheir ideas, to consider potential steps.
I didn't even know whatdue diligence was back.
(13:17):
In this, my third podcast, I shared thistrue story just in case anyone out there
is a leader and super cautious, perhapsyou're even risk averse because if you
lead people and they hear you share toomany unfounded hesitations and worries out
loud, if they're not part of your closedcircle, if you will, of people that you
(13:40):
share hesitations with even unfounded.
You may discourage the verypeople who need to be energized
to get the tough work done.
The key is unfounded, hesitationsor unfounded, anxiety or suspicion.
I know.
How do we know what'sunfounded or, or founded?
I mean, how could I ever have knownMicrosoft became a Microsoft well
(14:01):
experience, maybe even evidence frompatterns, but sometimes we can't know.
We trust ourselves.
We learn from mistakes and success.
Back to my colossal mistake.
I wonder are times why I didn't listento that inner curiosity that spurred
while my willingness to considerrisk was drowned out by doubt today,
(14:22):
I think give it a chance and trulyappreciate the value of due diligence.
I love asking effective questions.
Of course, there'll be afuture podcast on these topics.
So as a review picture, a personwho, instead of finding the balance
between what to achieve and avoidonly focuses on telling people
(14:44):
what has never worked before.
If we can balance what has never workedbefore with looking at what we might
wanna achieve, we do not limit people'sthinking, finding the balance between
what to achieve and avoid soundsopen to new ideas and innovation.
It kind of amazes me that even afterpositive psychology, appreciative inquiry,
(15:05):
mindfulness, emotional intelligence,and so many incredible resources for
self-improvement that people who leadothers can become so bogged down in
details and issues and problems andchallenges as well as valid concerns
that they begin to sound pessimistic tothe very people they need to hear their
vision, their vision for what's possiblein this highly competitive business.
(15:28):
L.
Maybe these individuals are notfortunate enough to work for a company
that positions itself as a learningorganization, a learning organization
offers targeted resources for learning anddevelopment to improve people's business
acumen and their capacity to think big.
If you don't know what a learningorganization is, talk to me, I've built.
(15:52):
How do I know this I've spent thelast 20 years watching and encouraging
business leaders to share their visionin an aspirational manner, not as
merely what can be done unless it's theexception of excellence in avoidance.
I love excellence in avoidance.
(16:12):
I have truly been interestedin how thinking impacts
decisions for most of my career.
Especially when I became aware of thecost of some of my worst decisions.
That's why I studied decision making.
I have a doctorate in decision sciences.
I now realize that the way my brainhas been trained is to interpret
(16:32):
situations in the negative first.
I've been striving to change thatand teach others to do the same.
In fact, I can hear a scarcitymindset from across the
room in a social gathering.
It's like my ears have becomeattuned to negativity with all the
efforts I have made seeking afterwhat realistically possible instead.
I can clearly remember when itclicked for me that I couldn't see
(16:55):
what was possible, amid all themany obstacles I put in my own way.
The first time someone used theexpression, don't give it a second
thought I can recall a Eureka moment.
It just happened in my head.
I realized that's it.
I give almost everything a second thought.
Because I think twice, no wonder, Iused to struggle with headaches because
(17:16):
instead of approaching decisions witha mindset that was wired to consider
what's possible first, what my brainwants to do more on that in a minute.
My thought patterns were negativefirst and I would have to reverse
course to consider what was possible.
Well, knowing deep down,my idea would never work.
So neurologists.
(17:38):
Brilliant scientists have discovered,and you may know this, that
the brain actually defaults tothinking in the positive first.
So for example, if I say to you don'tthink of a blue mushroom, my next question
could be, how big is your blue mushroom?
How blue is your blue mushroom?
Because your brain wants to do whatit's told in the positive first.
So your brain said blue mushroom and pop.
(18:01):
There's a blue mushroom in your mind.
You can see it.
I don't know how big it.
Dunno how blue it is, but it's there,even though I said don't think of
a blue mushroom, our brain wantsto ignore the don'ts the cans, the
shouldn'ts the Wooden's the warnings.
Our brain wants to do what it's told.
I thought that was fascinating.
So I share it with you.
So therefore we literally think twice themilitary trains us to do the opposite.
(18:27):
The military trains us to saydon't think of a blue mushroom.
We don't think of a blue mushroom.
We are compliant.
Neurologists tell us whatthe natural brain does.
Our brain can be trained away ortowards the natural tendencies, but our
mind wants to do the positive first.
Think of it this way.
Have you ever gone to a grocerystore and you leave the house and
(18:48):
you think, oh, don't forget the eggs.
Don't forget the eggs.
Don't forget the eggs you come home.
Wouldn't you forget, you mighthave forgotten something else, but
you definitely forgot the eggs.
So you wanna say to yourself,remember the eggs, remember the eggs,
remember the eggs, remember the eggs?
I can't explain it.
I'm not a neurologist, but moreon this in a future podcast.
Thought patterns matter.
The coach approach is about directing ourthought patterns towards accomplishment.
(19:10):
So more observations when surrounded byleaders, I pay attention to how they speak
and how their words impact their teams.
People talk to me, they sharewith me, they use words like
excited, anticipate enthusiastic.
They also use words like discouragedisheartened and my least favorite
(19:33):
demoralizing people who are preoccupiedwith what to avoid rather than what to
achieve can discourage others, especiallyothers with a different mindset.
Of course, we must look atwhat can and cannot happen.
What better, not derail a project, whichshouldn't be included in the scope of work
and how we shouldn't speak with customers.
I have nothing againstapostrophe T statements.
I have nothing against not statements.
(19:54):
It's about when they're saidand who they're said to.
I have an apostrophe T rule.
I encourage you to count howmany times you sound negative.
How many times you don't wouldn'tshouldn't can't won't and then
there's my all time favorites, never.
And without the words without, andnever don't fall under the apostrophe T
(20:15):
rule, but there's still scarcity words.
So here's some favorite statementsthat break the apostrophe to you rule,
which is by the way, an awarenessof the number of times we say don't
shouldn't couldn't can't to name a.
The rule I ascribe to is if I makemore than two statements with not
or a Poste tea, then I need tobalance with positive statements.
Also remember the scale I put acouple of don'ts and won'ts on there.
(20:39):
And I put a couple ofpossibilities on there as well.
Here's a typical strategically balancedstatement from real meetings of managers
who've bought into the coach approach.
Quote, let's make sure we'renot taking on more than we can.
How many new business units do we havethe capacity to add to our portfolio
based on our current projectionsand based on the number of people
(21:01):
to do the work, is this realistic?
Did you hear that?
And quote, negative and positivecaution and vision, the person wanted
to make sure they're not taking onmore work than they could handle
asked how many new business unitshave the capacity to take on the work.
Could they add to their portfolioand evaluated the current projections
and looked at the number of people tohandle the work negative and positive.
(21:23):
Caution and vision scale, successfulcommunication, advancing leadership,
excellence, balanced statements.
Here's another, we can'tpossibly be behind that much
in our quarterly earnings.
Didn't we plan for what we knew.
Wouldn't potentially scale.
(21:43):
What are the earnings?
What are they compared toyear to date last year?
Who can describe the plan tosee what we can do better?
So imagine the tails skip this way.
We cannot possibly be behind thatmuch in our quarterly earnings.
Didn't we plan for what we knew.
Wouldn't potentially scale, fill youradrenaline rise, heart rate, possibly
(22:04):
blood pressure by adding what are theearnings compared to year to date last
year, this time, who can describe theplan to see what we can do better?
My suggestion would be gettingeverybody together to look
at the plan and brainstorm.
Information can calm anxiety,achievement and avoidance in balance
is a significant element of thecoach approach, mindset and skills.
(22:29):
As I said earlier, there are peoplewhose instinct is to protect first
and these individuals fall under theexcellence in avoidance exception.
Excellence.
And avoidance is an exception becauseby stating what we want to avoid
without what we want to achievecan normally discourage people.
But in the same vein, I've been led byindividuals who would focus on aspiration
(22:52):
almost exclusively, and didn't seethreats coming and all kinds of plans and
projects were derailed because anytimeyou asked a cautionary question, you
were labeled a naysayer you're accusedof not sharing the person's vision.
So excellence inavoidance is an exception.
I've shared the story of the engineerswho are responsible for clean
(23:15):
drinking water and their excellencein avoidance was not to poison people.
That's a great vision surgeons, not tohave someone die in the operating table.
Other engineers, not to have bridges,collapse, cybersecurity experts, not to
have our information technology hacked.
(23:36):
Excellence and avoidance is important.
So I don't have anythingagainst apostrophe tea.
I don't have anythingagainst negative statements.
I just think it's importantto have a balance.
I believe I've made that point.
So.
I came face to face many times withthe importance of clear unambiguous
communication and the focus of my nextcoach approach will be that story of
(24:00):
what I learned waiting in an atriumat a hotel for an important meeting
while very impressive training washappening in a beautiful room, preparing
for a large banquet, possibly a.
And the way the individualswere given direction remains
fascinating to me to this day.
(24:21):
So please tune in next time.
I am Diane Ravenscroft and you have beenlistening to the coach approach podcast.
See you next time.
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