October 27, 2025 • 33 mins
What if two handwritten sentences could do more for engagement than a dozen meetings? We sit down with author and keynote speaker Amy Daughters to unpack the surprising power of pen on paper—how a spontaneous act of compassion turned into 580 letters and a repeatable practice any leader can use to build trust, loyalty, and genuine kinship at work.
Amy walks us through the moment that sparked her writing habit, the two-year exchange that reshaped her view of connection, and the decision to write to every Facebook friend. Along the way, we dig into why tactile notes matter: they signal time and intention, they feel personal without being private, and they create an unmistakable moment of being seen. You’ll hear research-backed insights on why customer loyalty and employee engagement rise when people feel valued, not just satisfied, plus real-world examples of notes displayed like badges of honor in cubicles and kept in bedside drawers for years.
We get practical too. Expect simple, plug-and-play scripts for appreciation, support, and recognition that take under five minutes to write. Learn how to overcome the vulnerability speed bump, set up a low-cost “handwritten hub” with cards and stamps, and enlist your team’s eyes and ears to spot wins you might miss. We also explore how brief notes can bridge deep differences—acknowledging humanity without demanding agreement—and why this small habit can move culture faster than most big initiatives.
If you’re a manager, executive, or team lead looking for a human, scalable way to strengthen relationships, this conversation is your playbook. Subscribe, share with a leader who needs it, and tell us: who’s the first person you’ll write to this week?
I've poured all my best work into my newest book, Amplifying Your Leadership Voice: From Silent to Speaking Up. If today's episode resonated with you, I know the book will be a powerful tool. You can preorder it now to be one of the first to get your copy when it is out in December!
Thanks for listening and for being a part of The Communicative Leader community. To get even more exclusive tips—like the ones we talked about today—join us at TheCommunicativeLeader.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Leah OH (00:00):
Welcome to another episode of The Communicative
Leader.
I'm your host, Dr.
Leah O, and today we're joinedby Amy Daughters, an
award-winning author, keynotespeaker whose unique approach to
connection is making a hugeimpact.
Amy's work, which includes heracclaimed books, Dear Dana, and
you cannot miss this up, is allabout bridging the gap in our
(00:21):
digital first world through theforgotten art of handwritten
letters.
She has a remarkable story ofwriting 580 handwritten letters
to all of her Facebook friends.
A journey that has illuminateda path to authentic
relationships, communication,and leadership.
Featured on shows like theKelly Clarkston Show, Amy brings
(00:42):
a blend of humor, wit, and deepinsight that inspires leaders
to embrace vulnerability, fostergenuine kinship.
In this episode, we'll explorehow leaders can use this
timeless practice to engageemployees, build trust, and
create a culture of profoundconnection.
Let's dive in.
Hello and welcome to theCommunicative Leader, hosted by
(01:06):
me, Dr.
Leah O'Millian Hodges.
My friends call me Dr.
O.
I'm a professor ofcommunication and a leadership
communication expert.
On the Communicative Leader,we're working to make your work
life what you want it to be.
So, Amy, thank you so much forjoining us today, for sharing
(01:27):
your time, your expertise.
I'm really excited for ourconversation.
And I'm hoping of a nice way tostart us off is you could walk
us through your story.
You wrote 580 handwrittenletters.
This is really inspiring.
And I was hoping you could tellus kind of what led you to this
project and maybe some of thediscoveries that emerged along
(01:50):
the way.
Amy Daughters (01:51):
Right.
Yeah.
Thank you for having me on, Dr.
Oh, I'm excited to be here.
You know, I was minding my ownbusiness when this letter
writing thing happened to me.
So it's not like I was I didn'tseek this out in any way.
And I actually think that thatit makes the whole thing more
was more magical for me, but Ithink it's even more impactful
because I didn't try to do it.
But basically, I was I'm afreelance writer and an author.
(02:14):
And I was on Facebook one dayand looked up an old friend from
35 years ago who I'd met at asummer camp.
Voila, she shows up.
I'm like, and you know, webecome friends because it
doesn't require us to doanything else.
And I scroll through her life,and right away I find out she's
got uh she's overachieved inchildren.
She has five of them and onefour girls, one boy, he's the
(02:35):
youngest, his name is Parker,and right away I found out he's
sick, he's battling cancer, andhe's at St.
Jude in Memphis, Tennessee.
So that means it's you knowserious.
So I don't hit like or I don'tcomment on anything, I just
watch.
You know, she asks her prayers,I pray, because that's kind of
my thing.
But other than that, there wasno interaction because I felt
like that was disingenious.
(02:55):
Here's this woman fighting fora kid's life.
He goes on her mission, they goback home, and then towards the
end of that same year, thecancer comes back, and she's
very honest, posts this bigpost.
We're going back to Memphis,Tennessee.
And I sat down at my desk thenext morning, and Dr.
O was literally like alightning bolt tipping the head.
I was like, I'm gonna send themsupportive cards and notes.
(03:16):
So that's what I did for 10 to12 weeks.
I hadn't written anyone aletter in 30 years.
I'd written letters as a youngperson, as a college student,
until instantaneouscommunication came around.
So I write them for probably14, 15 weeks, and then
tragically, and there's no goodwords for it, the kid loses his
life at 15 years old.
So I don't know what to do, ithas nothing to do with me.
(03:36):
I send her a condolence card,but then I just felt like I just
couldn't leave her hanging.
You know, I couldn't just theletters stop.
So I like, I'll just keepwriting it at her house.
So mini lightning bolt, but Ihave to kind of figure out where
to mail the letters.
I send them to her husband.
He's an attorney law office.
And then month, you know, weekafter week, I put her on my
writing schedule.
I write her.
The letters start to be longerand longer.
(03:56):
And then just about the timewhere I'm telling myself I'm
crazy and I should stop.
I walk out to my mailbox.
We still had no interaction,and there's a 10-page letter
from this woman.
It's just incredible.
And in it, she's she she said,I didn't mean to write this
long.
She writes about her grief.
She tells me all kinds ofthings.
At the end, she says, you know,I didn't mean to say any of
(04:16):
that, but I feel better forsaying it.
Yeah.
And so this kicks off two yearsof me and this woman writing
each other.
We don't email, we don't text.
Yeah.
You know, it opens up anincredible free space.
We trust each other, we sharewith each other.
I'm looking at my life from theoutside in, she's writing about
her grief.
After about eight months ofthat, I sat back and I said,
This has changed my perspectiveon everybody.
(04:37):
Because it's like taking theveil off of Facebook and seeing
what someone's real life isabout.
And the depth and the trust weit was so profound that I sat
back and thought, if there'sthis much good to be had with
this one random girl who Ididn't even really 100%
remember, like, what about theother hundreds of people who I'm
supposedly friends with?
(04:58):
Like what else is out there?
I was like, well, I'm gonna goall-world bananagrams and I'm
gonna try to write all thesepeople.
So I bought stationery, Ishoved all their names in a box,
and I got a journal.
And I swear to you, I thought Iwas gonna get to like letter 30
and I was gonna be like, peaceout on the letters.
Yep.
But when I got to letter 30,Dr.
O, I realized I had unleashed apower in my own life of
(05:21):
goodness that I could not stop.
So it took me 18 months, and Iwrote the 580 letters, and now I
cannot shut up about it.
That's that's the backstory tothe letters.
Dr. Leah OH (05:33):
Wow, that is amazing, Amy.
I mean, there's just so muchbeauty in that and thinking
about connection.
And I know we're gonna get intothat in our conversation, but
you're right, so much of thislife we're living now, it's
easier in some ways.
It's quicker, but it's verysuperficial.
And we're just scratching thesurface.
(05:53):
And you're helping us, helpingto remind us of the power of
true connection.
Right, right.
Amy Daughters (06:00):
And again, I think the universe or God,
however you want to frame it,gave me this incredible story.
Like this the 600 letters is100% my calling card, and I
never meant it to be.
You know, and this was myinspirational tale when I wrote
a book.
I started to speak about it.
Yeah, I thought it was mylittle inspo story, you know.
Yeah.
What happened was this isapplicable to any place where
(06:22):
two humans are trying to connectin a more genuine way or it
needs to be enhanced, and thatincludes, you know,
organizations.
I started to speak toorganizations and referral-based
businesses, and I was shocked.
I had a real estate group askme to speak, and I was like,
what do the real estate peoplewant with me?
Yeah.
And I realized that I had againunleashed this tool we all have
(06:42):
in our toolkits.
Anyone who's listening, youdon't have to be a writer.
You don't have to be, all youhave to do is be a human being
with a sincere heart and about10 minutes of your time.
And this will blow the doorsoff of any relationship you want
you want to put this into usefor.
Dr. Leah OH (06:59):
Exactly.
I think about I one of theclasses I teach is persuasion
and social influence.
And there's some researchthat's showing that sales folks
who actually take the time towrite handwritten letters or
cards are those that are muchmore successful than peers who
will send the text or maybe anemail or nothing at all.
(07:19):
Right.
Amy Daughters (07:20):
And there's there's there's science and
there's numbers attached to thatbecause you know I speak to
referral-based businesses.
You know, we think that uhcustomer satisfaction is about
being pleased with a product orbeing pleased with a service.
But really, the top they youknow, all these science and all
these research, the top thingthat that drives repeat business
(07:41):
is is people feeling valued.
Bingo.
Yep.
Bingo.
Who would have noted?
Because we think that's allfeelings because we're in such a
factual data-driven world.
But the data and the sciencebacks this up a hundred percent.
That the feelings, and and it'salso sincere marketing.
It's it's good practicebusinesses in an organization.
(08:03):
It's like leading with a heart,you know, and and and that
makes you at the end, theperson, like for me, the person
most changed from all theseletters and notes, and I still
write notes, is is me.
And you're a better manager,you're and better, you're a
better, you know, if you're anaccountant, you're a better
customer service person, you'rea better human being by doing
(08:23):
this.
And I think the other thing,Dr.
O, that needs to be clarifiedis the word letter, that's
daunting.
That's not what I'm saying.
You you can get the same impactfrom a two-page letter in two
sentences.
If it's handwritten, it'ssincere, because it's such a
deliberate thing, and we can getinto the impact of it.
But I had no idea.
(08:44):
And it is, it is absolutelybesides handing someone a check
for a thousand dollars, you'regonna have a hard time having a
bigger impact in any context ofyour life than you are with a
handwritten note.
Dr. Leah OH (08:57):
Yeah, and I love and I love that you too, you
differentiate.
It doesn't, you know, when wethink letter, someone might
think, like, I don't have thetime to fill a scroll.
But like you said, if these arethoughtful couple sentences,
that that lands in a way thatthe text or email doesn't.
Right.
Amy Daughters (09:12):
And especially in a leadership or or
customer-based business, youknow, you don't need to go on
and on anywhere, you know, butsincere, specific comments with
your name signed underneath it.
I mean, you just cannot, youwill unleash so much goodness
you will not even believe whatjust happened.
Dr. Leah OH (09:31):
So let's think more about this digital disconnect
that we're living in.
And I know this is somethingthat you, through your work and
through your keynotes, yourconnections, you're really
starting to see this, that we'rewe're a very digital world, but
also very disconnected world.
And I'm wondering, what aresome of the most significant
ways, this digital firstapproach that we're living in,
(09:54):
how do you see that when you'reout in these industries and
community events, how do you seethat impacting leadership and
team dynamics?
Amy Daughters (10:02):
Right.
And I think it comes down toemployee engagement.
And the reason it's in adumpster fire is because people,
you know, and then you throw inour fractured culture right
now, anyway.
Yeah.
And that disengagement shows upeverywhere, and it shows up in
people feeling disconnected.
And and then throw in the factthat we had the pandemic and
(10:23):
people are siloed and they'reand we're, you know, we're we're
we're connected to more people.
It's just the same concept associal media.
We're connected to more people,but not individually.
People feel more and moresiloed, people feel more and
more disengaged, people feelmore and more like they're on
their own and nothing that theydo matters, and they're not
seen, they're not heard, they'renot valued.
(10:45):
And again, this is you can putthis into any human context.
You can be a customer, you canbe an employee, you can be a
leader, you know, you can be amid-level manager, and you feel
these same things because it'sit's a human emotion.
But I think that's and thedigital thing just drives that
because there's no if you sendme a text, you don't have to put
a lot, and it's not that thetext didn't mean anything, and
(11:07):
it's not that I don't meananything to you.
Yeah, but since that's what wedo, you don't feel personally
seen or valued, or that someonetook the time to do something
for you.
Yeah, it's not a commitment,there's not a yeah, there's not
something that has to be, youknow, given.
Dr. Leah OH (11:22):
Exactly.
And I think that leads us tothis next question, the power of
the pen.
And that's what I was thinkingabout.
And you know, as a leadershipcommunication scholar, you know,
that this handwritten letter,it's more than just the the
words on the page or the card oryou know, the that little scrap
of paper leaving to say thankyou.
(11:43):
So, Amy, in your experience,what is this act of this hand
writ handwritten note in theworkplace?
What is it communicating beyondjust that text on the page?
Right.
Amy Daughters (11:54):
And this is where the magic happens because
you're right, it's more than, ofcourse, sincere, you know,
well-meant words are alwayswhether they're a text or an
email, but in this busy, becausewe all know how busy we
everyone is, that everyone's,you know, has, and especially
when you're looking at a leaderin your organization, a direct
leader, you're watching them,you're watching how busy they
(12:15):
are.
But they're going to, when theyhold this note in their hand, I
call it the magic at themailbox.
We can call it the magic at theinbox, we can call it the magic
at the at the you know, themailbox or how in the in the
wherever you've received this.
And there's magic because whenyou hold this in your hands,
when the employee holds this intheir hand, they're gonna
(12:37):
realize, they're gonna connectthe dots.
And I have so much experiencewith this, they're gonna say,
wait a second, this person hadto take the time to sit down,
wait, where are the note cards?
Wait, I don't have time to dothis.
I could send you an email, butI'm gonna literally get this
ballpoint pen out and I'm gonnawrite you two sentences, I'm
gonna sign it, then I'm gonnaseal the envelope myself, and
(12:58):
then I'm gonna have to find howI'm gonna get it to you.
If you work remotely, I'm gonnahave to find your address and
then I'm gonna have to put it inthe mail, or somebody's gonna
have to put it in the mail, youknow, or they had to walk across
and put it in my inbox, or theyhad to whatever they had to do,
and they're gonna hold thattactile thing that you held in
your hand that they're gonna belike, This is how much I mean to
(13:19):
this organization.
I mean so much that someonewould take time to do this
because they could have sent mean email.
Dr. Leah OH (13:26):
Boom.
Yeah, exactly.
So it's really I think a nicereminder that it is the process
and the journey and not justthat end result that people
start to recognize that youcare, you took this time.
Amy Daughters (13:42):
Right.
And you and you're you're thatthat person is valued or
whatever they contributed is isvalued and they're seen that
much.
And again, there's numbersassociated with the feelings,
you know.
But but it and this isn't youknow, but but it will
absolutely, you know, I have somany stories of people who I've
worked with.
I had I went and spoke to agroup of women leaders, and she
(14:03):
said she employed this and shestarted writing one note a week,
one note, not one letter, onecard, little training card.
And she she said after aboutsix months, and you have to, and
we're gonna talk aboutvulnerability, but she had to
get over that.
She said she walked out, shehad like 1,500 people working
for it.
She walked out into cubicle rowone day, and she said she knew
who she wrote the letters to orthe notes.
(14:26):
And so she said they were theywere hung up and displayed like
a badge of honor in thesepeople's cubicles.
And she was like, wow.
And then she started doing twoa week.
Dr. Leah OH (14:36):
Amazing.
And so about that, Amy, youfound that this genuine kinship
thrives in these unexpectedplaces.
And you just shared a story,but I'm hoping you can share
another about a connection orresponse that you received that
really surprised you and taughtyou something new about
relationships and connections.
Right.
Amy Daughters (14:56):
You know, and I and I think, you know, the
Facebook project was obviously amore personal affair.
But I think again, it's it'syou know, human beings uh relate
in the same way, whatever thecontext is of the relation.
But I wrote a girl who I wentto high school with, who I knew
because of social media,believed, you know, absolutely
probably the opposite of mosteverything I believed.
(15:17):
You know, like we were ondifferent sides of this great
abyss that we've been we've beentold we're standing on now.
Abyss is the good word.
Right.
And so I wrote the letterthinking, you know, you know,
she's gonna look at it and youknow, she knows where I stand
too, and she's gonna think plusI had seen her since high
school.
She was one of the cool girlsand I wasn't, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So I sent her a letter andbasically just said, look, I
(15:38):
appreciate the fact that youbecause she was one of those
people who presents her opinionrespectfully, you know.
And I said, I've learned fromyour posts.
I'm glad we're differentbecause it's, you know, it's
where change really starts.
Because I thought maybe thatwas, you know, and I said, you
know, I hope you keep posting.
We got brought up in this tightsuburban box.
You know, I appreciate that weboth try to stand outside of it
and we probably have more commonground groundly thing.
(16:00):
I didn't think I'd ever hearfrom her again in my life.
So I get a letter back fromher.
And she said, you know, I amfilled with so much hope when I
hear from someone like you, youknow, and she said, I hope we
stay in touch.
And I agree, you know, that ourdifferences are what makes us
better.
And I'm still in touch withthis girl, you know, despite
everything that's happened sincethen.
(16:21):
And it just reminded me that,you know, our hope, the hope
we're looking for is really ineach other.
Dr. Leah OH (16:27):
Yes, yep.
And good on you, Amy, for forpraising the differences and for
recognizing value.
Because for a lot of folks, wesee that messaging, we realize,
oh, this is different than whatmy messaging would be, and we
shut it down.
But like you're saying, thereis a there is a lot of
interesting space and room forgrowth if we can get beyond
(16:48):
those initial differences.
And even doesn't mean we everhave to accept them, we never
have to adapt them, accept them,adopt them as our own, but to
acknowledge that there's a wayto learn from others and you
know, to have a dialogue, right?
And we can connect withoutcondition.
Amy Daughters (17:06):
And this applies to the workplace as well.
But we can reach our handacross that abyss, not because
we, like you said, it'simportant.
We don't have to agree, wedon't have to adopt something
that we're absolutely not goingto adopt.
All we have to do is say thisis another human being who I sit
next to, who I work for, who Iwork with, and that connection
(17:27):
is supersedes.
I can still care about them.
I can still listen to them, Ican still respect them, even if
I'll never agree with them.
Dr. Leah OH (17:34):
Yeah.
Oh, love it.
Amen, sister.
So you mentioned vulnerability,vulnerability before.
And you know that this work,you know, depending on whom
you're writing to and whatyou're writing about, it can
really put people in avulnerable space.
And so I'm thinking from aleadership perspective, for a
(17:55):
leader, what is leading withvulnerability look like in
practice?
And how can the simple act ofwriting a letter or a note help
to build more trust and rapportwith team members?
Amy Daughters (18:06):
Right.
I think, you know, leading withvulnerability, you you know,
you when you absolutely aregoing to show a personal side of
you or a personal element ofyou, people are going to
appreciate that.
But I know from white writingnotes, I still write a note to
someone every day just becauseit's it's intoxicating and it's
the best version of me and ithonors the whole story, and I
can't stop myself anyway.
(18:26):
But every morning when I sitdown and write Dr.
O, I still feel like, oh myGod, I can't believe I'm gonna
say this.
And I have written hundredsupon hundreds of notes.
And so I think as a leader,when you sit down to do this,
the people I've worked with,you're gonna have that moment.
You're gonna be like, this is agreat idea.
Like I've bought into it, but Idon't think I can do it.
I'm gonna, it's like a hugespeed bump.
(18:46):
And you're like, wait, or maybein a hurdle, you're gonna be,
wait, what am I gonna what am Igonna say and how is this going
to be received?
Because no one does this, youknow.
But if you can be sincere andbrief and just push yourself
over that whole hurdle in in thename of goodness and connection
and genuine leadership, thenmagical things are gonna happen.
(19:07):
But my advice in thatvulnerability, because there's
something so deep in the humanconnectivity of this
notewriting.
You know, what you're gonna byby getting over that speed bump,
that hurdle, you're gonna showsomebody a part of yourself, and
they're gonna see you in adifferent way.
You're gonna see yourself in adifferent way, and it's gonna
pay off on so many differentlevels.
(19:27):
So if you just get yourselfover, and the way to get
yourself over is to be brief andbe sincere and specific.
And it could be something aseasy as, you know, hey doctor,
when we were in that meetingyesterday, that idea you had
that was incredible.
Thank you so much.
I can't wait to see what whatyou do next, Amy Daughters.
Yeah, or or you write me, itcould be as simple as, Amy, you
(19:49):
know, like let's say I I workfor you.
Amy, we heard about, you know,the loss of your dad.
The team and I are allsupporting you.
We're so sorry.
Your name.
And you don't have to say loveor sincerely, you don't have to
even have a sign-off.
And you do it with your ownpersonality, but looking for
something specific and beingvery brief takes, I think takes
(20:10):
some of the vulnerability outbecause you can reread it and
feel you can stand behind yourwords, you know.
Dr. Leah OH (20:15):
Yeah, I love that.
That's so helpful because I hadwritten down brief when you
were saying that.
And I think for a lot of folks,that, like you said, removes
one of the hurdles.
And I think too, the sign-off.
I think that's something that alot of folks are like, what do
I say?
They don't want to fumble it atthat point.
And I think you're right, justyour name can remove any
potential anxiety.
(20:36):
And thank you for raising thosetwo points up.
I think it really helps tosimplify it.
When you're talking, I wasthinking too, because a lot of
my work in coaching leaders arelike, well, I don't want to
reveal private information, myteam.
I'm like, it's personal, notprivate.
Right.
There's a difference, andthat's where it, that's where we
want to lean.
We want to make sure it's notsensitive information, we're not
(20:58):
comfortable sharing.
But if we're leaning to ourexperiences or just
acknowledging how we feel or howwe hope they feel, that is a
different story.
Amy Daughters (21:08):
Yeah, and I think you asked yourself, am I being
sincere?
Absolutely.
I'm being sincere.
You know, that's a sincere,yeah, you know, and I and I
think that's it.
And I think we that's whatrehumanizes, that's what gives
the feeling.
That's why, that's why it'sgonna be a tool that you know,
that like again.
I mean, it's uh a pizza partyis not gonna do better.
Even recognition, this is soone-on-one and personal that
(21:30):
they're going to feel the love.
And I say the love, but it'sthe value, it's that deep human
need we have to be seen andheard and valued.
And it can be done so simply.
Dr. Leah OH (21:41):
Exactly.
So, Amy, my next question,we've kind of touched on some of
this already, but I'm thinkingabout the communication beyond
the words.
And we kind of talked aboutthe, you know, what it
symbolizes, but I'm wondering inyour work and your experience,
you know, the coaching andconnecting you're doing, the
leaders who are engaging inwriting these notes, like you
(22:02):
said, the the manager who'sdoing it once a week and now is
doing it twice, you know, fromother folks like her and
similar, what does it say abouttheir values and their
priorities?
Amy Daughters (22:12):
Right.
And I think what they're whatthey're doing is putting the I
think it's looking at a person.
So almost like changing thelanguage we use about it's like
a language, a mindset shift.
We're saying, you know, we'retaking somebody from being an
employee and we're saying, wait,first you're a human being.
You know, we're taking acustomer and saying, hey, you're
(22:35):
not just somebody who keeps thedoor open, you're somebody
who's experiencing this realmessy, beautiful, tragic,
triumphant life inside thesewalls and outside of these
walls.
Dr. Leah OH (22:47):
Yes.
Yep, that was said beautifully,Amy.
I love that.
And and thinking more aboutwhat happens when leaders,
because especially a lot oftimes they're the ones who are
setting the tone for anorganization, for a team.
So if they want to foster thishandwritten culture in their
organization, you know, what areeither some well, first I would
(23:10):
like to talk about the kind ofthe pitfalls or the pain points,
resistance that might come up,and then how they might overcome
that when they're looking tokind of embrace and foster this
mindset shift you're talkingabout.
Right.
Amy Daughters (23:23):
And I and I think that every organization or
every team, you know, isdifferent.
So I think it's important toemploy this within the context
of what works for you.
But I first of all, I would sayset the example.
You know, you you you you'rethe starting point as as the
leader, you know.
But I have to think you canmake this fun.
You know, you can have a Fridayonce a month where you all get
(23:46):
together and you bring in somekind of lunch and then you have
note cards and say, look, here'sthe deal.
If you want to come to lunch,then you have to write two
sentences to someone else inthis organization, and you have
to put it in an envelope andjust deliver it, you know.
And and I think that that's away to get people engaged.
But I think, but then you alsotake it seriously enough where
you have the tools available forpeople.
(24:06):
And this is a super lowinvestment, you know, thing.
You could have someone come inand talk about it like me.
I'm not I'm not advertisingmyself, but that's something I
definitely do.
But you know, you get everyonestarted on the same page, and
then you have a station wherethese cards and pens lit lit
live, you know, where wherethey're there, and it's a part
of your regular culture.
(24:27):
And then then you I think thenext step, you know, you have a
journal, people keep up a littlething where they write who
they're going to write to.
You know, there's so many stepsyou can do this, but you really
can't, you you can't, I don'tthink you can get it wrong, but
I think making a seriouscomponent of your organization,
that handwritten mindset ispeople are going to start
looking at each otherdifferently.
(24:47):
You know, and you could evenmake again a fun requirement
that they do it twice a monthwhen you get together for lunch.
Yeah.
But yeah, my in my experience,that will kick off something
further.
Yeah.
When people begin to see howgood it is, it will take a and
just make sure you have thesupplies ready because it will
take a life of its own.
Dr. Leah OH (25:06):
Exactly.
And that's so, like you said,it's really simple.
It's it's not a huge financialinvestment or even time
investment.
But I think so many leaders inorganizations, we even overlook
overlook these simple things.
And right, like you said,everyone is busy.
Our title leaders areincredibly busy, but you know,
(25:27):
making that purchase andspending $20 to $30 and having
these things available, seeinghow it goes, encouraging that,
having the kickoff whereeveryone is sitting there
watching everyone else engage inthis practice, it's such a
thoughtful way to let this ideatake root.
Amy Daughters (25:46):
Right.
And it and it does, it willpush the gauge on employee
employee engagement.
I've seen that in myexperience.
And if you would have told thelittle person writing letter
number 30 that that was gonna bethe case, but you know, you
think about we spend, you know,I don't know, I think I've read
like 90,000 hour hours of ourlife in the workplace.
You know, and if we can employthis kind of goodwill, you know,
(26:08):
and it will bring, I mean, youknow, everyone it it puts
everyone on a different pagebecause we're all in it together
then, you know, and it worksacross organizations, up and
down, outside the walls.
It works everywhere, again,where there's anywhere there's
two human beings trying toconnect.
Dr. Leah OH (26:24):
Yeah, yeah.
And that's a really thoughtfulreminder that we can write up to
a leader, we can write down toan employee, we can write
laterally, and outside, thinkingabout our customers, our
clients, our stakeholders, thosethat we serve.
It's a great way to engageeveryone.
Right.
Amy Daughters (26:41):
And it can be, though, though, the first thing
I think we think of in aprofessional context is we think
let's recognize things at work.
You can go outside of that.
Like you said, I'm gonna usethis again.
It's not private, it'spersonal.
Yeah, but if you but you thinkabout the most human things we
experience, it's our kidsgraduating or someone having a
(27:02):
grandkid or those things, andyou don't have to get private or
even really personal.
You just say one sentence.
Yeah, exactly.
Congratulations.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Yep.
Way to go.
Those are human emotions thatwhen you say it to someone else,
they feel like, oh, wait, theycare about me this much.
They will absolutely go to wallfor you.
Dr. Leah OH (27:22):
Yep, yeah.
I am seen.
Excellent.
So, Amy, I have two finalquestions for you, and they go
hand in hand.
This is how we end all episodesof the communicative leader.
And the first question is theadvice for our leaders, so our
folks who are managers,directors, you know, what is
(27:42):
your pragmatic communicationleadership tip for them, advice,
a challenge?
And then the second part isadvice for employees of all
ranks.
What do you want to leave themwith?
Amy Daughters (27:53):
Right.
I think for the leaders, it'sgonna be an obvious statement.
You know, I would challenge inthe next three weeks as you
listen to this to write one noteeach of those three weeks and
just keep it totally simple, youknow.
And I would challenge you totake a little piece of paper or
a notepad or whatever you haveand look around the people who
work at you work for you andmake a little list of a reason
(28:16):
you could write these people anote and see what happens if you
gain any traction between thosetwo things.
And I would challenge you to dothat regardless of how it makes
you feel.
And again, I would challengeyou to be brief.
And you know, if you go look mywebsite, my email address is on
there.
If you're worried about whatyou're gonna say, I have a lot
of experience with this, emailme and I will email you back and
(28:36):
and give you my advice aboutwhat you've said, and I will
absolutely have my email on.
So I will respond.
And to the employees, I thinkthe great thing about my story
is that it just happened to me,but then I I and I'm not blowing
smoke up my own rear end, I'mjust saying it happened.
But what happened was I hadthis idea and I went with it,
(28:58):
regardless of the fact that itdidn't make any sense,
regardless of the fact that likewhat was I really doing?
I think if all of us,employees, people from all ranks
and file would just believe inour own little idea, just enough
to take one step forward, wewould change the whole entire
world.
And so I'm speaking outside ofnotewriting, like beyond that,
you know, and I think it is anemployee that puts you in a
(29:19):
perfect spot because we all sitthere and have ideas in our
workplaces.
So, what's your idea?
And will you take yourselfseriously enough to share it or
to act on it or to start to planand take your own self
seriously?
Dr. Leah OH (29:32):
So powerful, Amy.
So I was thinking with theadvice to leaders and
encouraging them to notice thosethey work with and notice what
they're doing.
I think once we start takingnote of those positives and
writing it down, it changes thelens.
Because I think, especially forour title leaders, a lot of
times they're looking to say whodidn't do what?
(29:53):
What do I have to pick up?
What deadline was missed?
But this flips it to say, wow,Amy is working.
Working so hard.
Look at that innovative idea.
Right.
And that going back to thathandwritten culture, it's a
great way to start doing that.
Right.
Amy Daughters (30:11):
And I keep a I keep a notebook by my desk.
I mean, I have it right here.
And it's got like five tabs.
And it's like, thank you,support, sympathy.
And so, and I write it downbecause then when I go to write
my note in the morning, I don'thave to go do any research.
Yes.
And I've seen a lot of leaderslike the woman I talked about
who got all the people work for.
Yeah.
They put other people as theireyes and ears.
(30:33):
Like they they told people inmeetings, like, tell me you have
to give me two people thisweek, you know, because it's
unmanageable.
You you can't know about 1,500people.
That's impossible.
Dr. Leah OH (30:43):
Exactly.
Yeah.
And it makes it, I wouldimagine, too, even more special
to recognize that someone elsetook note of your work.
Then they went and reported itall the way up the ladder, and
that person wrote you ahandwritten note.
Amy Daughters (30:56):
Right.
And then just a quick story.
I I was doing a podcast with aguy, with a guy who was taught,
I don't know what we weretalking about, leadership, I
think.
And we were talking about thewhole thing.
And he said, wait a second.
And he like, we stopped therecording.
And he he, I think he was inhis his house.
So he went back to his room.
He came back out and he said,Let me tell you the story.
He said, I was a nurse at thebeginning of my career before I
did the leadership coaching.
(31:17):
And he said, I was just gettingstarted at this big hospital
group, and I went to a meetingand I set an idea.
And he said, like two weekslater, I got a handwritten
little note from the CEO of thishospital group.
And it said, I can't wait tosee what you do here.
You know, great job in themeeting.
Signed his name.
He said, that was 10 years ago.
That note has been in mybedside table since there.
(31:39):
He still had it and showed meon the podcast.
That's the power you have.
That's the power.
Exactly.
Dr. Leah OH (31:46):
Yeah.
And Amy, too, thank you forshining a light onto the power
of employees, everyone outthere, and believing in
themselves because we get to seethe power of your idea, you
know, and and how far it hasreached.
And I know it's just going tokeep continuing to do so.
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
(32:06):
Yeah.
Amy, thank you for sharing yourtime with us.
This has been a delightfulconversation.
I know that I'm working throughfiguring out, you know, how I'm
going to integrate this into myroutine and the groups of
people that I can, you know,acknowledge and connect with
through handwritten letters ornotes.
And I really think that so manyof our listeners will be doing
(32:31):
the same.
Well, thank you so much.
Amy Daughters (32:32):
It's the honor to be on your program.
Thank you.
Dr. Leah OH (32:37):
All right, my friends, that wraps up our
conversation today.
Until next time, communicatewith intention and lead with
purpose.
I'm looking forward to chattingwith you again soon on the
Communicative Leader.
Welcome to another episode of The Communicative
Leader.
I'm your host, Dr.
Leah O, and today we're joinedby Amy Daughters, an
award-winning author, keynotespeaker whose unique approach to
connection is making a hugeimpact.
Amy's work, which includes heracclaimed books, Dear Dana, and
you cannot miss this up, is allabout bridging the gap in our
(00:21):
digital first world through theforgotten art of handwritten
letters.
She has a remarkable story ofwriting 580 handwritten letters
to all of her Facebook friends.
A journey that has illuminateda path to authentic
relationships, communication,and leadership.
Featured on shows like theKelly Clarkston Show, Amy brings
(00:42):
a blend of humor, wit, and deepinsight that inspires leaders
to embrace vulnerability, fostergenuine kinship.
In this episode, we'll explorehow leaders can use this
timeless practice to engageemployees, build trust, and
create a culture of profoundconnection.
Let's dive in.
Hello and welcome to theCommunicative Leader, hosted by
(01:06):
me, Dr.
Leah O'Millian Hodges.
My friends call me Dr.
O.
I'm a professor ofcommunication and a leadership
communication expert.
On the Communicative Leader,we're working to make your work
life what you want it to be.
So, Amy, thank you so much forjoining us today, for sharing
(01:27):
your time, your expertise.
I'm really excited for ourconversation.
And I'm hoping of a nice way tostart us off is you could walk
us through your story.
You wrote 580 handwrittenletters.
This is really inspiring.
And I was hoping you could tellus kind of what led you to this
project and maybe some of thediscoveries that emerged along
(01:50):
the way.
Amy Daughters (01:51):
Right.
Yeah.
Thank you for having me on, Dr.
Oh, I'm excited to be here.
You know, I was minding my ownbusiness when this letter
writing thing happened to me.
So it's not like I was I didn'tseek this out in any way.
And I actually think that thatit makes the whole thing more
was more magical for me, but Ithink it's even more impactful
because I didn't try to do it.
But basically, I was I'm afreelance writer and an author.
(02:14):
And I was on Facebook one dayand looked up an old friend from
35 years ago who I'd met at asummer camp.
Voila, she shows up.
I'm like, and you know, webecome friends because it
doesn't require us to doanything else.
And I scroll through her life,and right away I find out she's
got uh she's overachieved inchildren.
She has five of them and onefour girls, one boy, he's the
(02:35):
youngest, his name is Parker,and right away I found out he's
sick, he's battling cancer, andhe's at St.
Jude in Memphis, Tennessee.
So that means it's you knowserious.
So I don't hit like or I don'tcomment on anything, I just
watch.
You know, she asks her prayers,I pray, because that's kind of
my thing.
But other than that, there wasno interaction because I felt
like that was disingenious.
(02:55):
Here's this woman fighting fora kid's life.
He goes on her mission, they goback home, and then towards the
end of that same year, thecancer comes back, and she's
very honest, posts this bigpost.
We're going back to Memphis,Tennessee.
And I sat down at my desk thenext morning, and Dr.
O was literally like alightning bolt tipping the head.
I was like, I'm gonna send themsupportive cards and notes.
(03:16):
So that's what I did for 10 to12 weeks.
I hadn't written anyone aletter in 30 years.
I'd written letters as a youngperson, as a college student,
until instantaneouscommunication came around.
So I write them for probably14, 15 weeks, and then
tragically, and there's no goodwords for it, the kid loses his
life at 15 years old.
So I don't know what to do, ithas nothing to do with me.
(03:36):
I send her a condolence card,but then I just felt like I just
couldn't leave her hanging.
You know, I couldn't just theletters stop.
So I like, I'll just keepwriting it at her house.
So mini lightning bolt, but Ihave to kind of figure out where
to mail the letters.
I send them to her husband.
He's an attorney law office.
And then month, you know, weekafter week, I put her on my
writing schedule.
I write her.
The letters start to be longerand longer.
(03:56):
And then just about the timewhere I'm telling myself I'm
crazy and I should stop.
I walk out to my mailbox.
We still had no interaction,and there's a 10-page letter
from this woman.
It's just incredible.
And in it, she's she she said,I didn't mean to write this
long.
She writes about her grief.
She tells me all kinds ofthings.
At the end, she says, you know,I didn't mean to say any of
(04:16):
that, but I feel better forsaying it.
Yeah.
And so this kicks off two yearsof me and this woman writing
each other.
We don't email, we don't text.
Yeah.
You know, it opens up anincredible free space.
We trust each other, we sharewith each other.
I'm looking at my life from theoutside in, she's writing about
her grief.
After about eight months ofthat, I sat back and I said,
This has changed my perspectiveon everybody.
(04:37):
Because it's like taking theveil off of Facebook and seeing
what someone's real life isabout.
And the depth and the trust weit was so profound that I sat
back and thought, if there'sthis much good to be had with
this one random girl who Ididn't even really 100%
remember, like, what about theother hundreds of people who I'm
supposedly friends with?
(04:58):
Like what else is out there?
I was like, well, I'm gonna goall-world bananagrams and I'm
gonna try to write all thesepeople.
So I bought stationery, Ishoved all their names in a box,
and I got a journal.
And I swear to you, I thought Iwas gonna get to like letter 30
and I was gonna be like, peaceout on the letters.
Yep.
But when I got to letter 30,Dr.
O, I realized I had unleashed apower in my own life of
(05:21):
goodness that I could not stop.
So it took me 18 months, and Iwrote the 580 letters, and now I
cannot shut up about it.
That's that's the backstory tothe letters.
Dr. Leah OH (05:33):
Wow, that is amazing, Amy.
I mean, there's just so muchbeauty in that and thinking
about connection.
And I know we're gonna get intothat in our conversation, but
you're right, so much of thislife we're living now, it's
easier in some ways.
It's quicker, but it's verysuperficial.
And we're just scratching thesurface.
(05:53):
And you're helping us, helpingto remind us of the power of
true connection.
Right, right.
Amy Daughters (06:00):
And again, I think the universe or God,
however you want to frame it,gave me this incredible story.
Like this the 600 letters is100% my calling card, and I
never meant it to be.
You know, and this was myinspirational tale when I wrote
a book.
I started to speak about it.
Yeah, I thought it was mylittle inspo story, you know.
Yeah.
What happened was this isapplicable to any place where
(06:22):
two humans are trying to connectin a more genuine way or it
needs to be enhanced, and thatincludes, you know,
organizations.
I started to speak toorganizations and referral-based
businesses, and I was shocked.
I had a real estate group askme to speak, and I was like,
what do the real estate peoplewant with me?
Yeah.
And I realized that I had againunleashed this tool we all have
(06:42):
in our toolkits.
Anyone who's listening, youdon't have to be a writer.
You don't have to be, all youhave to do is be a human being
with a sincere heart and about10 minutes of your time.
And this will blow the doorsoff of any relationship you want
you want to put this into usefor.
Dr. Leah OH (06:59):
Exactly.
I think about I one of theclasses I teach is persuasion
and social influence.
And there's some researchthat's showing that sales folks
who actually take the time towrite handwritten letters or
cards are those that are muchmore successful than peers who
will send the text or maybe anemail or nothing at all.
(07:19):
Right.
Amy Daughters (07:20):
And there's there's there's science and
there's numbers attached to thatbecause you know I speak to
referral-based businesses.
You know, we think that uhcustomer satisfaction is about
being pleased with a product orbeing pleased with a service.
But really, the top they youknow, all these science and all
these research, the top thingthat that drives repeat business
(07:41):
is is people feeling valued.
Bingo.
Yep.
Bingo.
Who would have noted?
Because we think that's allfeelings because we're in such a
factual data-driven world.
But the data and the sciencebacks this up a hundred percent.
That the feelings, and and it'salso sincere marketing.
It's it's good practicebusinesses in an organization.
(08:03):
It's like leading with a heart,you know, and and and that
makes you at the end, theperson, like for me, the person
most changed from all theseletters and notes, and I still
write notes, is is me.
And you're a better manager,you're and better, you're a
better, you know, if you're anaccountant, you're a better
customer service person, you'rea better human being by doing
(08:23):
this.
And I think the other thing,Dr.
O, that needs to be clarifiedis the word letter, that's
daunting.
That's not what I'm saying.
You you can get the same impactfrom a two-page letter in two
sentences.
If it's handwritten, it'ssincere, because it's such a
deliberate thing, and we can getinto the impact of it.
But I had no idea.
(08:44):
And it is, it is absolutelybesides handing someone a check
for a thousand dollars, you'regonna have a hard time having a
bigger impact in any context ofyour life than you are with a
handwritten note.
Dr. Leah OH (08:57):
Yeah, and I love and I love that you too, you
differentiate.
It doesn't, you know, when wethink letter, someone might
think, like, I don't have thetime to fill a scroll.
But like you said, if these arethoughtful couple sentences,
that that lands in a way thatthe text or email doesn't.
Right.
Amy Daughters (09:12):
And especially in a leadership or or
customer-based business, youknow, you don't need to go on
and on anywhere, you know, butsincere, specific comments with
your name signed underneath it.
I mean, you just cannot, youwill unleash so much goodness
you will not even believe whatjust happened.
Dr. Leah OH (09:31):
So let's think more about this digital disconnect
that we're living in.
And I know this is somethingthat you, through your work and
through your keynotes, yourconnections, you're really
starting to see this, that we'rewe're a very digital world, but
also very disconnected world.
And I'm wondering, what aresome of the most significant
ways, this digital firstapproach that we're living in,
(09:54):
how do you see that when you'reout in these industries and
community events, how do you seethat impacting leadership and
team dynamics?
Amy Daughters (10:02):
Right.
And I think it comes down toemployee engagement.
And the reason it's in adumpster fire is because people,
you know, and then you throw inour fractured culture right
now, anyway.
Yeah.
And that disengagement shows upeverywhere, and it shows up in
people feeling disconnected.
And and then throw in the factthat we had the pandemic and
(10:23):
people are siloed and they'reand we're, you know, we're we're
we're connected to more people.
It's just the same concept associal media.
We're connected to more people,but not individually.
People feel more and moresiloed, people feel more and
more disengaged, people feelmore and more like they're on
their own and nothing that theydo matters, and they're not
seen, they're not heard, they'renot valued.
(10:45):
And again, this is you can putthis into any human context.
You can be a customer, you canbe an employee, you can be a
leader, you know, you can be amid-level manager, and you feel
these same things because it'sit's a human emotion.
But I think that's and thedigital thing just drives that
because there's no if you sendme a text, you don't have to put
a lot, and it's not that thetext didn't mean anything, and
(11:07):
it's not that I don't meananything to you.
Yeah, but since that's what wedo, you don't feel personally
seen or valued, or that someonetook the time to do something
for you.
Yeah, it's not a commitment,there's not a yeah, there's not
something that has to be, youknow, given.
Dr. Leah OH (11:22):
Exactly.
And I think that leads us tothis next question, the power of
the pen.
And that's what I was thinkingabout.
And you know, as a leadershipcommunication scholar, you know,
that this handwritten letter,it's more than just the the
words on the page or the card oryou know, the that little scrap
of paper leaving to say thankyou.
(11:43):
So, Amy, in your experience,what is this act of this hand
writ handwritten note in theworkplace?
What is it communicating beyondjust that text on the page?
Right.
Amy Daughters (11:54):
And this is where the magic happens because
you're right, it's more than, ofcourse, sincere, you know,
well-meant words are alwayswhether they're a text or an
email, but in this busy, becausewe all know how busy we
everyone is, that everyone's,you know, has, and especially
when you're looking at a leaderin your organization, a direct
leader, you're watching them,you're watching how busy they
(12:15):
are.
But they're going to, when theyhold this note in their hand, I
call it the magic at themailbox.
We can call it the magic at theinbox, we can call it the magic
at the at the you know, themailbox or how in the in the
wherever you've received this.
And there's magic because whenyou hold this in your hands,
when the employee holds this intheir hand, they're gonna
(12:37):
realize, they're gonna connectthe dots.
And I have so much experiencewith this, they're gonna say,
wait a second, this person hadto take the time to sit down,
wait, where are the note cards?
Wait, I don't have time to dothis.
I could send you an email, butI'm gonna literally get this
ballpoint pen out and I'm gonnawrite you two sentences, I'm
gonna sign it, then I'm gonnaseal the envelope myself, and
(12:58):
then I'm gonna have to find howI'm gonna get it to you.
If you work remotely, I'm gonnahave to find your address and
then I'm gonna have to put it inthe mail, or somebody's gonna
have to put it in the mail, youknow, or they had to walk across
and put it in my inbox, or theyhad to whatever they had to do,
and they're gonna hold thattactile thing that you held in
your hand that they're gonna belike, This is how much I mean to
(13:19):
this organization.
I mean so much that someonewould take time to do this
because they could have sent mean email.
Dr. Leah OH (13:26):
Boom.
Yeah, exactly.
So it's really I think a nicereminder that it is the process
and the journey and not justthat end result that people
start to recognize that youcare, you took this time.
Amy Daughters (13:42):
Right.
And you and you're you're thatthat person is valued or
whatever they contributed is isvalued and they're seen that
much.
And again, there's numbersassociated with the feelings,
you know.
But but it and this isn't youknow, but but it will
absolutely, you know, I have somany stories of people who I've
worked with.
I had I went and spoke to agroup of women leaders, and she
(14:03):
said she employed this and shestarted writing one note a week,
one note, not one letter, onecard, little training card.
And she she said after aboutsix months, and you have to, and
we're gonna talk aboutvulnerability, but she had to
get over that.
She said she walked out, shehad like 1,500 people working
for it.
She walked out into cubicle rowone day, and she said she knew
who she wrote the letters to orthe notes.
(14:26):
And so she said they were theywere hung up and displayed like
a badge of honor in thesepeople's cubicles.
And she was like, wow.
And then she started doing twoa week.
Dr. Leah OH (14:36):
Amazing.
And so about that, Amy, youfound that this genuine kinship
thrives in these unexpectedplaces.
And you just shared a story,but I'm hoping you can share
another about a connection orresponse that you received that
really surprised you and taughtyou something new about
relationships and connections.
Right.
Amy Daughters (14:56):
You know, and I and I think, you know, the
Facebook project was obviously amore personal affair.
But I think again, it's it'syou know, human beings uh relate
in the same way, whatever thecontext is of the relation.
But I wrote a girl who I wentto high school with, who I knew
because of social media,believed, you know, absolutely
probably the opposite of mosteverything I believed.
(15:17):
You know, like we were ondifferent sides of this great
abyss that we've been we've beentold we're standing on now.
Abyss is the good word.
Right.
And so I wrote the letterthinking, you know, you know,
she's gonna look at it and youknow, she knows where I stand
too, and she's gonna think plusI had seen her since high
school.
She was one of the cool girlsand I wasn't, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
So I sent her a letter andbasically just said, look, I
(15:38):
appreciate the fact that youbecause she was one of those
people who presents her opinionrespectfully, you know.
And I said, I've learned fromyour posts.
I'm glad we're differentbecause it's, you know, it's
where change really starts.
Because I thought maybe thatwas, you know, and I said, you
know, I hope you keep posting.
We got brought up in this tightsuburban box.
You know, I appreciate that weboth try to stand outside of it
and we probably have more commonground groundly thing.
(16:00):
I didn't think I'd ever hearfrom her again in my life.
So I get a letter back fromher.
And she said, you know, I amfilled with so much hope when I
hear from someone like you, youknow, and she said, I hope we
stay in touch.
And I agree, you know, that ourdifferences are what makes us
better.
And I'm still in touch withthis girl, you know, despite
everything that's happened sincethen.
(16:21):
And it just reminded me that,you know, our hope, the hope
we're looking for is really ineach other.
Dr. Leah OH (16:27):
Yes, yep.
And good on you, Amy, for forpraising the differences and for
recognizing value.
Because for a lot of folks, wesee that messaging, we realize,
oh, this is different than whatmy messaging would be, and we
shut it down.
But like you're saying, thereis a there is a lot of
interesting space and room forgrowth if we can get beyond
(16:48):
those initial differences.
And even doesn't mean we everhave to accept them, we never
have to adapt them, accept them,adopt them as our own, but to
acknowledge that there's a wayto learn from others and you
know, to have a dialogue, right?
And we can connect withoutcondition.
Amy Daughters (17:06):
And this applies to the workplace as well.
But we can reach our handacross that abyss, not because
we, like you said, it'simportant.
We don't have to agree, wedon't have to adopt something
that we're absolutely not goingto adopt.
All we have to do is say thisis another human being who I sit
next to, who I work for, who Iwork with, and that connection
(17:27):
is supersedes.
I can still care about them.
I can still listen to them, Ican still respect them, even if
I'll never agree with them.
Dr. Leah OH (17:34):
Yeah.
Oh, love it.
Amen, sister.
So you mentioned vulnerability,vulnerability before.
And you know that this work,you know, depending on whom
you're writing to and whatyou're writing about, it can
really put people in avulnerable space.
And so I'm thinking from aleadership perspective, for a
(17:55):
leader, what is leading withvulnerability look like in
practice?
And how can the simple act ofwriting a letter or a note help
to build more trust and rapportwith team members?
Amy Daughters (18:06):
Right.
I think, you know, leading withvulnerability, you you know,
you when you absolutely aregoing to show a personal side of
you or a personal element ofyou, people are going to
appreciate that.
But I know from white writingnotes, I still write a note to
someone every day just becauseit's it's intoxicating and it's
the best version of me and ithonors the whole story, and I
can't stop myself anyway.
(18:26):
But every morning when I sitdown and write Dr.
O, I still feel like, oh myGod, I can't believe I'm gonna
say this.
And I have written hundredsupon hundreds of notes.
And so I think as a leader,when you sit down to do this,
the people I've worked with,you're gonna have that moment.
You're gonna be like, this is agreat idea.
Like I've bought into it, but Idon't think I can do it.
I'm gonna, it's like a hugespeed bump.
(18:46):
And you're like, wait, or maybein a hurdle, you're gonna be,
wait, what am I gonna what am Igonna say and how is this going
to be received?
Because no one does this, youknow.
But if you can be sincere andbrief and just push yourself
over that whole hurdle in in thename of goodness and connection
and genuine leadership, thenmagical things are gonna happen.
(19:07):
But my advice in thatvulnerability, because there's
something so deep in the humanconnectivity of this
notewriting.
You know, what you're gonna byby getting over that speed bump,
that hurdle, you're gonna showsomebody a part of yourself, and
they're gonna see you in adifferent way.
You're gonna see yourself in adifferent way, and it's gonna
pay off on so many differentlevels.
(19:27):
So if you just get yourselfover, and the way to get
yourself over is to be brief andbe sincere and specific.
And it could be something aseasy as, you know, hey doctor,
when we were in that meetingyesterday, that idea you had
that was incredible.
Thank you so much.
I can't wait to see what whatyou do next, Amy Daughters.
Yeah, or or you write me, itcould be as simple as, Amy, you
(19:49):
know, like let's say I I workfor you.
Amy, we heard about, you know,the loss of your dad.
The team and I are allsupporting you.
We're so sorry.
Your name.
And you don't have to say loveor sincerely, you don't have to
even have a sign-off.
And you do it with your ownpersonality, but looking for
something specific and beingvery brief takes, I think takes
(20:10):
some of the vulnerability outbecause you can reread it and
feel you can stand behind yourwords, you know.
Dr. Leah OH (20:15):
Yeah, I love that.
That's so helpful because I hadwritten down brief when you
were saying that.
And I think for a lot of folks,that, like you said, removes
one of the hurdles.
And I think too, the sign-off.
I think that's something that alot of folks are like, what do
I say?
They don't want to fumble it atthat point.
And I think you're right, justyour name can remove any
potential anxiety.
(20:36):
And thank you for raising thosetwo points up.
I think it really helps tosimplify it.
When you're talking, I wasthinking too, because a lot of
my work in coaching leaders arelike, well, I don't want to
reveal private information, myteam.
I'm like, it's personal, notprivate.
Right.
There's a difference, andthat's where it, that's where we
want to lean.
We want to make sure it's notsensitive information, we're not
(20:58):
comfortable sharing.
But if we're leaning to ourexperiences or just
acknowledging how we feel or howwe hope they feel, that is a
different story.
Amy Daughters (21:08):
Yeah, and I think you asked yourself, am I being
sincere?
Absolutely.
I'm being sincere.
You know, that's a sincere,yeah, you know, and I and I
think that's it.
And I think we that's whatrehumanizes, that's what gives
the feeling.
That's why, that's why it'sgonna be a tool that you know,
that like again.
I mean, it's uh a pizza partyis not gonna do better.
Even recognition, this is soone-on-one and personal that
(21:30):
they're going to feel the love.
And I say the love, but it'sthe value, it's that deep human
need we have to be seen andheard and valued.
And it can be done so simply.
Dr. Leah OH (21:41):
Exactly.
So, Amy, my next question,we've kind of touched on some of
this already, but I'm thinkingabout the communication beyond
the words.
And we kind of talked aboutthe, you know, what it
symbolizes, but I'm wondering inyour work and your experience,
you know, the coaching andconnecting you're doing, the
leaders who are engaging inwriting these notes, like you
(22:02):
said, the the manager who'sdoing it once a week and now is
doing it twice, you know, fromother folks like her and
similar, what does it say abouttheir values and their
priorities?
Amy Daughters (22:12):
Right.
And I think what they're whatthey're doing is putting the I
think it's looking at a person.
So almost like changing thelanguage we use about it's like
a language, a mindset shift.
We're saying, you know, we'retaking somebody from being an
employee and we're saying, wait,first you're a human being.
You know, we're taking acustomer and saying, hey, you're
(22:35):
not just somebody who keeps thedoor open, you're somebody
who's experiencing this realmessy, beautiful, tragic,
triumphant life inside thesewalls and outside of these
walls.
Dr. Leah OH (22:47):
Yes.
Yep, that was said beautifully,Amy.
I love that.
And and thinking more aboutwhat happens when leaders,
because especially a lot oftimes they're the ones who are
setting the tone for anorganization, for a team.
So if they want to foster thishandwritten culture in their
organization, you know, what areeither some well, first I would
(23:10):
like to talk about the kind ofthe pitfalls or the pain points,
resistance that might come up,and then how they might overcome
that when they're looking tokind of embrace and foster this
mindset shift you're talkingabout.
Right.
Amy Daughters (23:23):
And I and I think that every organization or
every team, you know, isdifferent.
So I think it's important toemploy this within the context
of what works for you.
But I first of all, I would sayset the example.
You know, you you you you'rethe starting point as as the
leader, you know.
But I have to think you canmake this fun.
You know, you can have a Fridayonce a month where you all get
(23:46):
together and you bring in somekind of lunch and then you have
note cards and say, look, here'sthe deal.
If you want to come to lunch,then you have to write two
sentences to someone else inthis organization, and you have
to put it in an envelope andjust deliver it, you know.
And and I think that that's away to get people engaged.
But I think, but then you alsotake it seriously enough where
you have the tools available forpeople.
(24:06):
And this is a super lowinvestment, you know, thing.
You could have someone come inand talk about it like me.
I'm not I'm not advertisingmyself, but that's something I
definitely do.
But you know, you get everyonestarted on the same page, and
then you have a station wherethese cards and pens lit lit
live, you know, where wherethey're there, and it's a part
of your regular culture.
(24:27):
And then then you I think thenext step, you know, you have a
journal, people keep up a littlething where they write who
they're going to write to.
You know, there's so many stepsyou can do this, but you really
can't, you you can't, I don'tthink you can get it wrong, but
I think making a seriouscomponent of your organization,
that handwritten mindset ispeople are going to start
looking at each otherdifferently.
(24:47):
You know, and you could evenmake again a fun requirement
that they do it twice a monthwhen you get together for lunch.
Yeah.
But yeah, my in my experience,that will kick off something
further.
Yeah.
When people begin to see howgood it is, it will take a and
just make sure you have thesupplies ready because it will
take a life of its own.
Dr. Leah OH (25:06):
Exactly.
And that's so, like you said,it's really simple.
It's it's not a huge financialinvestment or even time
investment.
But I think so many leaders inorganizations, we even overlook
overlook these simple things.
And right, like you said,everyone is busy.
Our title leaders areincredibly busy, but you know,
(25:27):
making that purchase andspending $20 to $30 and having
these things available, seeinghow it goes, encouraging that,
having the kickoff whereeveryone is sitting there
watching everyone else engage inthis practice, it's such a
thoughtful way to let this ideatake root.
Amy Daughters (25:46):
Right.
And it and it does, it willpush the gauge on employee
employee engagement.
I've seen that in myexperience.
And if you would have told thelittle person writing letter
number 30 that that was gonna bethe case, but you know, you
think about we spend, you know,I don't know, I think I've read
like 90,000 hour hours of ourlife in the workplace.
You know, and if we can employthis kind of goodwill, you know,
(26:08):
and it will bring, I mean, youknow, everyone it it puts
everyone on a different pagebecause we're all in it together
then, you know, and it worksacross organizations, up and
down, outside the walls.
It works everywhere, again,where there's anywhere there's
two human beings trying toconnect.
Dr. Leah OH (26:24):
Yeah, yeah.
And that's a really thoughtfulreminder that we can write up to
a leader, we can write down toan employee, we can write
laterally, and outside, thinkingabout our customers, our
clients, our stakeholders, thosethat we serve.
It's a great way to engageeveryone.
Right.
Amy Daughters (26:41):
And it can be, though, though, the first thing
I think we think of in aprofessional context is we think
let's recognize things at work.
You can go outside of that.
Like you said, I'm gonna usethis again.
It's not private, it'spersonal.
Yeah, but if you but you thinkabout the most human things we
experience, it's our kidsgraduating or someone having a
(27:02):
grandkid or those things, andyou don't have to get private or
even really personal.
You just say one sentence.
Yeah, exactly.
Congratulations.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Yep.
Way to go.
Those are human emotions thatwhen you say it to someone else,
they feel like, oh, wait, theycare about me this much.
They will absolutely go to wallfor you.
Dr. Leah OH (27:22):
Yep, yeah.
I am seen.
Excellent.
So, Amy, I have two finalquestions for you, and they go
hand in hand.
This is how we end all episodesof the communicative leader.
And the first question is theadvice for our leaders, so our
folks who are managers,directors, you know, what is
(27:42):
your pragmatic communicationleadership tip for them, advice,
a challenge?
And then the second part isadvice for employees of all
ranks.
What do you want to leave themwith?
Amy Daughters (27:53):
Right.
I think for the leaders, it'sgonna be an obvious statement.
You know, I would challenge inthe next three weeks as you
listen to this to write one noteeach of those three weeks and
just keep it totally simple, youknow.
And I would challenge you totake a little piece of paper or
a notepad or whatever you haveand look around the people who
work at you work for you andmake a little list of a reason
(28:16):
you could write these people anote and see what happens if you
gain any traction between thosetwo things.
And I would challenge you to dothat regardless of how it makes
you feel.
And again, I would challengeyou to be brief.
And you know, if you go look mywebsite, my email address is on
there.
If you're worried about whatyou're gonna say, I have a lot
of experience with this, emailme and I will email you back and
(28:36):
and give you my advice aboutwhat you've said, and I will
absolutely have my email on.
So I will respond.
And to the employees, I thinkthe great thing about my story
is that it just happened to me,but then I I and I'm not blowing
smoke up my own rear end, I'mjust saying it happened.
But what happened was I hadthis idea and I went with it,
(28:58):
regardless of the fact that itdidn't make any sense,
regardless of the fact that likewhat was I really doing?
I think if all of us,employees, people from all ranks
and file would just believe inour own little idea, just enough
to take one step forward, wewould change the whole entire
world.
And so I'm speaking outside ofnotewriting, like beyond that,
you know, and I think it is anemployee that puts you in a
(29:19):
perfect spot because we all sitthere and have ideas in our
workplaces.
So, what's your idea?
And will you take yourselfseriously enough to share it or
to act on it or to start to planand take your own self
seriously?
Dr. Leah OH (29:32):
So powerful, Amy.
So I was thinking with theadvice to leaders and
encouraging them to notice thosethey work with and notice what
they're doing.
I think once we start takingnote of those positives and
writing it down, it changes thelens.
Because I think, especially forour title leaders, a lot of
times they're looking to say whodidn't do what?
(29:53):
What do I have to pick up?
What deadline was missed?
But this flips it to say, wow,Amy is working.
Working so hard.
Look at that innovative idea.
Right.
And that going back to thathandwritten culture, it's a
great way to start doing that.
Right.
Amy Daughters (30:11):
And I keep a I keep a notebook by my desk.
I mean, I have it right here.
And it's got like five tabs.
And it's like, thank you,support, sympathy.
And so, and I write it downbecause then when I go to write
my note in the morning, I don'thave to go do any research.
Yes.
And I've seen a lot of leaderslike the woman I talked about
who got all the people work for.
Yeah.
They put other people as theireyes and ears.
(30:33):
Like they they told people inmeetings, like, tell me you have
to give me two people thisweek, you know, because it's
unmanageable.
You you can't know about 1,500people.
That's impossible.
Dr. Leah OH (30:43):
Exactly.
Yeah.
And it makes it, I wouldimagine, too, even more special
to recognize that someone elsetook note of your work.
Then they went and reported itall the way up the ladder, and
that person wrote you ahandwritten note.
Amy Daughters (30:56):
Right.
And then just a quick story.
I I was doing a podcast with aguy, with a guy who was taught,
I don't know what we weretalking about, leadership, I
think.
And we were talking about thewhole thing.
And he said, wait a second.
And he like, we stopped therecording.
And he he, I think he was inhis his house.
So he went back to his room.
He came back out and he said,Let me tell you the story.
He said, I was a nurse at thebeginning of my career before I
did the leadership coaching.
(31:17):
And he said, I was just gettingstarted at this big hospital
group, and I went to a meetingand I set an idea.
And he said, like two weekslater, I got a handwritten
little note from the CEO of thishospital group.
And it said, I can't wait tosee what you do here.
You know, great job in themeeting.
Signed his name.
He said, that was 10 years ago.
That note has been in mybedside table since there.
(31:39):
He still had it and showed meon the podcast.
That's the power you have.
That's the power.
Exactly.
Dr. Leah OH (31:46):
Yeah.
And Amy, too, thank you forshining a light onto the power
of employees, everyone outthere, and believing in
themselves because we get to seethe power of your idea, you
know, and and how far it hasreached.
And I know it's just going tokeep continuing to do so.
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
(32:06):
Yeah.
Amy, thank you for sharing yourtime with us.
This has been a delightfulconversation.
I know that I'm working throughfiguring out, you know, how I'm
going to integrate this into myroutine and the groups of
people that I can, you know,acknowledge and connect with
through handwritten letters ornotes.
And I really think that so manyof our listeners will be doing
(32:31):
the same.
Well, thank you so much.
Amy Daughters (32:32):
It's the honor to be on your program.
Thank you.
Dr. Leah OH (32:37):
All right, my friends, that wraps up our
conversation today.
Until next time, communicatewith intention and lead with
purpose.
I'm looking forward to chattingwith you again soon on the
Communicative Leader.
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