November 2, 2024 • 16 mins
Send a text with a question you want answered on a podcast episode!!
Feeling the weight of always being the go-to problem solver? Discover how to shed that mantle and reclaim your energy on the Confident, Connected Leader podcast, hosted by Lisa Jeffs. Join me as I share my personal journey of letting go of the fixer role and the profound transformation it sparked in my life and business. If you've ever found yourself trapped in the cycle of being the answer for everyone around you, this episode is a must-listen. We tackle the hidden costs of constantly being the fixer and why it's essential to set boundaries and redirect your energy towards your true passions and purpose.
Through engaging storytelling and actionable insights, we explore the ego boost and sense of importance that often accompanies this archetype, and the fears that come up when you decide to step back. But the rewards are worth it. By focusing on your own craft, you unlock your natural genius, enhance your confidence, and truly flourish. This episode is a call to all leaders, entrepreneurs, and type A personalities to invest energy in the work you're meant to do and make a real impact with your unique gifts. Listen in and start your journey towards becoming a more confident, self-assured leader today.
Thanks for Listening! We appreciate you. Sending you love and gratitude.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader
podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to the show leaders.
Today, we're going to talkabout a shift that is going to
radically change your life, yourbusiness, how you feel on a
daily basis.
This is especially important ifyou play the role as the one
who typically has all theanswers.
I work with top entrepreneurs,leaders, business leaders, type
(00:51):
A personalities who are oftenseen in their family unit as the
ones who have the answers.
Who are the leaders?
What happens with thisarchetype is they get into the
routine and habit of having ananswer for everything.
When they don't have an answerfor something, they can start to
(01:15):
beat themselves up and feelreally bad about themselves,
when, in reality, they're notsupposed to have the answer for
everything.
We're not designed to have theanswer for everything, and what
happens when you play that rolefor long enough is that people
(01:37):
just consider you to be theanswer to their problem.
Be the answer to their problemright.
Whether you're the one thatpeople call all the time and get
guidance from, or you're theperson that every team member
comes to to get support in, youstart playing this role.
(02:00):
In my own life, I played thisrole for a long time.
I was the one that everyonecame to for answers and guidance
and truth be told.
One of the reasons why webecome this person, this
archetype for other people, isbecause we have the answers for
them.
When we continue to do thisover and over again, it can
(02:30):
start to siphon our energy andwe can start to feel a little
bit depleted, as always the onewho needs to maintain this group
, or always be the one that hasthe answer.
In my own life, it felt reallyscary to start to set those
boundaries, to let people know,directly or indirectly, that I
(02:54):
was no longer going to be theperson to fix everything, to
make everything better and tohave all the answers, that I was
going to start turning all thatenergy back towards me and my
true purpose and the work I'mmeant to do here in the world,
(03:21):
because the work that I'm meantto do here in the world is very
important as I'm sure your workis as well and you're not meant
to be the answer to everybody'sproblem.
You are meant to stand firm inyour truth and in your gifts
(03:45):
that you are here to share withthe world, and the more you can
turn that energy that's leakingoff through this archetype of
being the answer giver and theproblem solver and turn it back
on you and your purpose, andturn it back on you and your
(04:07):
purpose, the work you're here todo the more that your natural
genius and your gifted work, itstarts to blossom and develop.
The funny thing is, when youstart to set these boundaries,
it can feel scary becausethere's the part of the fixers
that feel good fixing things forother people.
(04:28):
We continue doing it because weget something out of it.
It feeds the ego.
It feeds a part of us thatlikes to be the one that
everybody comes to.
We feel important, we feelvaluable, and it can feel unsafe
.
It can feel almost like oh, doI really want to give that up?
(04:51):
I don't want to give that up.
Actually, I like that.
There's a part of me thatreally likes being that person.
However, I found in my own lifeit feels a lot better and I feel
a lot more confident andself-assured knowing that I'm
putting that energy towards mygenius and the feedback I get
(05:16):
from doing my work, working withclients, working one-on-one
with clients, helping themeffectively and efficiently root
out the blockages that theyhave so they can move forward in
their business, so they can dothe work that they're here to do
(05:38):
.
And the more that I hone in onmy craft, the better I get, the
more confidence I feel.
But imagine if I was being thefixer for everybody else's
problems in my life I would haveno energy to put towards my
(05:59):
craft.
So my message to you is, ifyou're resonating with this and
you feel like you know what I do, feel like I'm the one who
always has to make sure thateveryone is taken care of in my
life and I am the fixer andeveryone does come to me and you
(06:21):
know what I like it because Ifeel important.
But I know that it's takingaway energy from other things
that are.
I want you to realize thoseother things that are important
to you, important to the workthat you have been put on this
planet to do, put on this planetto do.
(06:53):
You have to understand that.
Saying no and setting boundariesand part of it is saying no to
yourself first right, settingthe boundaries with yourself,
honoring yourself, honoring yourtime, honoring your energy,
honoring your knowledge.
If you have people that you'renot even close to, let's say
online, asking to pick yourbrain left and center, and all
(07:17):
your energy is going towardsthis and there's an unequal give
and take exchange.
There's an unequal give andtake exchange.
This is not supporting yournatural gifts.
This is where we can becomeirritable.
(07:42):
This is where we can becomeresentful, and it's not anyone
else's fault.
Most people are not doing anyof this maliciously.
There is a pattern that hasdeveloped and they are simply
acting in accordance to thatpattern.
And when we do not honorourselves and set these
boundaries, we are teachingpeople how to treat us and set
(08:07):
these boundaries.
We are teaching people how totreat us and a lot of times,
resentment builds and it's notfair to the other people in our
life for us to resent them forthe boundaries that we haven't
set.
We need to set these boundariesand honor ourselves.
The first part of setting theseboundaries is understanding that
you're not taking away fromyour life by setting these
(08:30):
boundaries.
I know it feels like thatsometimes, like you're going to
be taking something away.
You're not.
You're actually adding to yourlife.
These boundaries can sometimesfeel like they need to be a
little bit more firm at thebeginning, especially if there's
(09:00):
been resentment built up, andthat's okay, that's normal.
That's natural.
You may feel like you want tosay no to everything If you got
into a place where you're sotired you weren't out, even
though, again, there's a part ofyou that likes it right.
There's a part of us that stilllikes being the person everyone
comes to, but you're burnt out,you're exhausted.
You don't want to play thisrole anymore.
You don't want to play thisarchetype.
It can feel like you want tochange everything and just say
(09:22):
no to everything, and that'sokay.
Honor that.
Sometimes that is a part of ourpath we need to go through to
then get to the other side whereyou can have much more flexible
boundaries.
I'm in a place right now whereI've already been through that
part, that season, where I hadto really honor myself and just
(09:46):
not be that role for anyone, asI continue to pour energy into
myself and my work.
I'm in a really nice placewhere it feels like my cup has
filled, where it's been enoughtime and, mind you, this is I'm
talking about this has been afew years for me.
(10:07):
It doesn't have to be a fewyears.
For you it can be whatever time, but for me I had to really
pull back a lot.
Now I'm in a really nice placewhere my cup has overflowed so
much because I was honoringmyself, I was pouring into
myself that it now has so muchmore to give.
And I give from a place offullness, not from a place of
(10:32):
feeling like I have to play thisrole.
I have to do this.
I can't say no.
For me, one of my patterns wassaying no means I'm going to
damage a relationship, becauseone of my core wounds is around
abandonment.
That terrified me and I wouldkeep saying yes or keep
(10:58):
compromising my own energy andcompromising my own well-being
to be that person.
And I'm in this really greatplace where it's.
When you're in that place ofjust feeling so full, you get to
give to the places you want togive to.
You get to pour into otherpeople and avenues and projects
(11:23):
and you know when someone needsyou or you can be that person
for someone to fix somethingwith them, not for them with
them.
You can do that and still haveso much energy reserve,
emotional reserve, bandwidth tocontinue to pour into yourself
(11:44):
and to pour into your work.
It's overflowing, but it's aprocess and you have to go
through it.
The first step is knowing thatyou're not taking away from
yourself by setting boundariesand learning to say no.
You're adding to your life.
You're adding to your lifeno-transcript.
(12:21):
When you start saying no tothings that no longer serve you
or have never served you, no toopportunities, no to things you
think you should do but don'twant to do, you are opening the
door for things that are a yesto come in, that are so much
(12:45):
more aligned, that bring you somuch more into your life, more
joy, more things to ignite thatlife force, energy.
It's okay to say no to whatdoes not serve you.
You are safe to say no and youare still deserving of
(13:13):
everything you are calling in.
Regardless.
If you say no to people, toexpectations, to opportunities
that aren't aligned, it is in noway shape or form going to
hinder what you are calling intoyour life.
That was a big one for me.
(13:33):
For a while.
I felt like I always had to, orit felt like something was
going to get taken away if Ididn't say yes to opportunities.
There was a period in mybusiness where I felt like it
was almost FOMO.
I had to say yes to certainthings or else they would go
away and then there wouldn't beanything to replace them.
That's farthest from the truth.
(13:57):
When we say no, when we reallytune in and it's a no and we say
no.
We honor that.
We open the door to so muchmore.
I want to know if this resonateswith you, if this is helpful,
(14:17):
if this is a topic that you wantto hear more about or you have
specific questions about.
If you haven't seen my journalthe self-love journal for the
woman who gives a lot it's a30-day journal.
It's a process that you gothrough of prompts.
It was made.
(14:39):
I designed it for the caregiver, the leaders who give a lot and
who have no problem even givingbut often have a imbalance of
receiving, and I made this forwomen.
But it's also in alignment withmany men that I talk to,
(15:03):
because there are many men whoare in that same pattern.
So, self-love journal for thewoman who gives a lot.
You can find it on Amazon.
If you resonate with what Ishared, check out the book.
I love getting questions, sodon't hesitate if you have a
specific situation that you wantsome guidance in.
(15:25):
If it resonates, I will takethat and we can do another
episode on your specificquestion.
As always, I appreciate you.
I'm sending you so much love,especially if you're one of
these people who can give out alot but have to work a little
(15:47):
bit harder to receive, but nowit's time to receive back.
I appreciate you, I love youand let's stay connected.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Thank you for tuning into the Confident, connected
Leader podcast.
Lisa Jeffs is committed tohelping you break through
barriers and climb to newprofessional heights.
If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could
subscribe, rate and leave areview To stay updated with
practical tips and insights.
Follow us on LinkedIn,instagram or Facebook.
(16:22):
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in.
Or Facebook, you'll find allrelevant links, including those
for our complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
connected.
You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader
podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to the show leaders.
Today, we're going to talkabout a shift that is going to
radically change your life, yourbusiness, how you feel on a
daily basis.
This is especially important ifyou play the role as the one
who typically has all theanswers.
I work with top entrepreneurs,leaders, business leaders, type
(00:51):
A personalities who are oftenseen in their family unit as the
ones who have the answers.
Who are the leaders?
What happens with thisarchetype is they get into the
routine and habit of having ananswer for everything.
When they don't have an answerfor something, they can start to
(01:15):
beat themselves up and feelreally bad about themselves,
when, in reality, they're notsupposed to have the answer for
everything.
We're not designed to have theanswer for everything, and what
happens when you play that rolefor long enough is that people
(01:37):
just consider you to be theanswer to their problem.
Be the answer to their problemright.
Whether you're the one thatpeople call all the time and get
guidance from, or you're theperson that every team member
comes to to get support in, youstart playing this role.
(02:00):
In my own life, I played thisrole for a long time.
I was the one that everyonecame to for answers and guidance
and truth be told.
One of the reasons why webecome this person, this
archetype for other people, isbecause we have the answers for
them.
When we continue to do thisover and over again, it can
(02:30):
start to siphon our energy andwe can start to feel a little
bit depleted, as always the onewho needs to maintain this group
, or always be the one that hasthe answer.
In my own life, it felt reallyscary to start to set those
boundaries, to let people know,directly or indirectly, that I
(02:54):
was no longer going to be theperson to fix everything, to
make everything better and tohave all the answers, that I was
going to start turning all thatenergy back towards me and my
true purpose and the work I'mmeant to do here in the world,
(03:21):
because the work that I'm meantto do here in the world is very
important as I'm sure your workis as well and you're not meant
to be the answer to everybody'sproblem.
You are meant to stand firm inyour truth and in your gifts
(03:45):
that you are here to share withthe world, and the more you can
turn that energy that's leakingoff through this archetype of
being the answer giver and theproblem solver and turn it back
on you and your purpose, andturn it back on you and your
(04:07):
purpose, the work you're here todo the more that your natural
genius and your gifted work, itstarts to blossom and develop.
The funny thing is, when youstart to set these boundaries,
it can feel scary becausethere's the part of the fixers
that feel good fixing things forother people.
(04:28):
We continue doing it because weget something out of it.
It feeds the ego.
It feeds a part of us thatlikes to be the one that
everybody comes to.
We feel important, we feelvaluable, and it can feel unsafe
.
It can feel almost like oh, doI really want to give that up?
(04:51):
I don't want to give that up.
Actually, I like that.
There's a part of me thatreally likes being that person.
However, I found in my own lifeit feels a lot better and I feel
a lot more confident andself-assured knowing that I'm
putting that energy towards mygenius and the feedback I get
(05:16):
from doing my work, working withclients, working one-on-one
with clients, helping themeffectively and efficiently root
out the blockages that theyhave so they can move forward in
their business, so they can dothe work that they're here to do
(05:38):
.
And the more that I hone in onmy craft, the better I get, the
more confidence I feel.
But imagine if I was being thefixer for everybody else's
problems in my life I would haveno energy to put towards my
(05:59):
craft.
So my message to you is, ifyou're resonating with this and
you feel like you know what I do, feel like I'm the one who
always has to make sure thateveryone is taken care of in my
life and I am the fixer andeveryone does come to me and you
(06:21):
know what I like it because Ifeel important.
But I know that it's takingaway energy from other things
that are.
I want you to realize thoseother things that are important
to you, important to the workthat you have been put on this
planet to do, put on this planetto do.
(06:53):
You have to understand that.
Saying no and setting boundariesand part of it is saying no to
yourself first right, settingthe boundaries with yourself,
honoring yourself, honoring yourtime, honoring your energy,
honoring your knowledge.
If you have people that you'renot even close to, let's say
online, asking to pick yourbrain left and center, and all
(07:17):
your energy is going towardsthis and there's an unequal give
and take exchange.
There's an unequal give andtake exchange.
This is not supporting yournatural gifts.
This is where we can becomeirritable.
(07:42):
This is where we can becomeresentful, and it's not anyone
else's fault.
Most people are not doing anyof this maliciously.
There is a pattern that hasdeveloped and they are simply
acting in accordance to thatpattern.
And when we do not honorourselves and set these
boundaries, we are teachingpeople how to treat us and set
(08:07):
these boundaries.
We are teaching people how totreat us and a lot of times,
resentment builds and it's notfair to the other people in our
life for us to resent them forthe boundaries that we haven't
set.
We need to set these boundariesand honor ourselves.
The first part of setting theseboundaries is understanding that
you're not taking away fromyour life by setting these
(08:30):
boundaries.
I know it feels like thatsometimes, like you're going to
be taking something away.
You're not.
You're actually adding to yourlife.
These boundaries can sometimesfeel like they need to be a
little bit more firm at thebeginning, especially if there's
(09:00):
been resentment built up, andthat's okay, that's normal.
That's natural.
You may feel like you want tosay no to everything If you got
into a place where you're sotired you weren't out, even
though, again, there's a part ofyou that likes it right.
There's a part of us that stilllikes being the person everyone
comes to, but you're burnt out,you're exhausted.
You don't want to play thisrole anymore.
You don't want to play thisarchetype.
It can feel like you want tochange everything and just say
(09:22):
no to everything, and that'sokay.
Honor that.
Sometimes that is a part of ourpath we need to go through to
then get to the other side whereyou can have much more flexible
boundaries.
I'm in a place right now whereI've already been through that
part, that season, where I hadto really honor myself and just
(09:46):
not be that role for anyone, asI continue to pour energy into
myself and my work.
I'm in a really nice placewhere it feels like my cup has
filled, where it's been enoughtime and, mind you, this is I'm
talking about this has been afew years for me.
(10:07):
It doesn't have to be a fewyears.
For you it can be whatever time, but for me I had to really
pull back a lot.
Now I'm in a really nice placewhere my cup has overflowed so
much because I was honoringmyself, I was pouring into
myself that it now has so muchmore to give.
And I give from a place offullness, not from a place of
(10:32):
feeling like I have to play thisrole.
I have to do this.
I can't say no.
For me, one of my patterns wassaying no means I'm going to
damage a relationship, becauseone of my core wounds is around
abandonment.
That terrified me and I wouldkeep saying yes or keep
(10:58):
compromising my own energy andcompromising my own well-being
to be that person.
And I'm in this really greatplace where it's.
When you're in that place ofjust feeling so full, you get to
give to the places you want togive to.
You get to pour into otherpeople and avenues and projects
(11:23):
and you know when someone needsyou or you can be that person
for someone to fix somethingwith them, not for them with
them.
You can do that and still haveso much energy reserve,
emotional reserve, bandwidth tocontinue to pour into yourself
(11:44):
and to pour into your work.
It's overflowing, but it's aprocess and you have to go
through it.
The first step is knowing thatyou're not taking away from
yourself by setting boundariesand learning to say no.
You're adding to your life.
You're adding to your lifeno-transcript.
(12:21):
When you start saying no tothings that no longer serve you
or have never served you, no toopportunities, no to things you
think you should do but don'twant to do, you are opening the
door for things that are a yesto come in, that are so much
(12:45):
more aligned, that bring you somuch more into your life, more
joy, more things to ignite thatlife force, energy.
It's okay to say no to whatdoes not serve you.
You are safe to say no and youare still deserving of
(13:13):
everything you are calling in.
Regardless.
If you say no to people, toexpectations, to opportunities
that aren't aligned, it is in noway shape or form going to
hinder what you are calling intoyour life.
That was a big one for me.
(13:33):
For a while.
I felt like I always had to, orit felt like something was
going to get taken away if Ididn't say yes to opportunities.
There was a period in mybusiness where I felt like it
was almost FOMO.
I had to say yes to certainthings or else they would go
away and then there wouldn't beanything to replace them.
That's farthest from the truth.
(13:57):
When we say no, when we reallytune in and it's a no and we say
no.
We honor that.
We open the door to so muchmore.
I want to know if this resonateswith you, if this is helpful,
(14:17):
if this is a topic that you wantto hear more about or you have
specific questions about.
If you haven't seen my journalthe self-love journal for the
woman who gives a lot it's a30-day journal.
It's a process that you gothrough of prompts.
It was made.
(14:39):
I designed it for the caregiver, the leaders who give a lot and
who have no problem even givingbut often have a imbalance of
receiving, and I made this forwomen.
But it's also in alignment withmany men that I talk to,
(15:03):
because there are many men whoare in that same pattern.
So, self-love journal for thewoman who gives a lot.
You can find it on Amazon.
If you resonate with what Ishared, check out the book.
I love getting questions, sodon't hesitate if you have a
specific situation that you wantsome guidance in.
(15:25):
If it resonates, I will takethat and we can do another
episode on your specificquestion.
As always, I appreciate you.
I'm sending you so much love,especially if you're one of
these people who can give out alot but have to work a little
(15:47):
bit harder to receive, but nowit's time to receive back.
I appreciate you, I love youand let's stay connected.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Thank you for tuning into the Confident, connected
Leader podcast.
Lisa Jeffs is committed tohelping you break through
barriers and climb to newprofessional heights.
If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could
subscribe, rate and leave areview To stay updated with
practical tips and insights.
Follow us on LinkedIn,instagram or Facebook.
(16:22):
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in.
Or Facebook, you'll find allrelevant links, including those
for our complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
connected.
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