For YEARS!!! But it's not what you think...
We’ve all heard the stories in books and movies where birthdays are this huge transformational time for people, but that’s not real. It’s more like NYE, lots of anticipation and build up for what turns out to be a very ordinary day.
We recently celebrated my birthday. While that probably sounds very normal to you, it feels odd for me to say “celebrated” because I have always hidden from and avoided the day, but not because I worried about or was scared of getting older. Avoiding my birthday helped me lie about my age. Honest to God, I’ve lied about my age for as long as I can remember, but it’s not what you think. So why would I lie about it?
Well, I do have a May birthday, so I was always one of the youngest in my grade, which wasn’t fun, but not really a big deal. If I’m honest, it really started when I had my daughter. Then when I finished school and stepped into corporate America, my decision to lie about my age was strongly endorsed.
For years not even my kids knew my true age. When they asked, I said some crazy unrealistic number, because it made sure they never slipped and gave away my age. Crazy right?
As women and mother’s I think we somehow get use to putting ourselves in last place, which makes it easier to ignore our milestones or achievements because we are so focused on doing anything and everything for anyone else. When we put ourselves last, we are telling ourselves we aren’t worthy while teaching our loved ones that we aren’t important. I don’t want that behavior or belief to be something my kids take with them in life.
I don’t believe in wishing to change the past. It’s a waste of energy and will only ever frustrate you. However, I do believe that you can feel regret, as long as you never lose the lesson. Since I can’t go back and knock some sense into me with some of those lessons, I thought I share them with you.
This life isn’t always easy, and celebrating my birthday still feels awkward and uncomfortable, but I know that is my insecurities rearing their ugly heads. It’s a process, but I’m realizing how important it is for those you love to know you, all of you, your story. We just have to get out of our own way.
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