November 21, 2023 • 26 mins
Thank you to everyone who listened to last weeks podcast and shared their different struggles with over eating when they are alone.
I know this is going to help....
HERE is the link to sign up for my next Free Masterclass- Get Control Over Your Eating
Want to speak with me directly? Schedule a consultation with me HERE
Courtney
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I work 1:1 with women to lose weight permanently, using mindset and strategy. My process is exciting, life changing, and empowering. Join me!
I have 2 bits of Exciting News! I have a NEW podcast called Modern Body Modern Life....here is the link to Listen...
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/welcome-to-the-first-episode/id1720478442?i=1000637985103
And Enrollment is NOW OPEN for my March Group Program, click HERE to find all the details,
Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:02):
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight. So
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. And by taking care of youand achieving your health goals,
you will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted.
Welcome to the Podcast, episode97 over eating when you are
(00:48):
alone, the idea from thispodcast came from at least I
think five, four or five peoplemessaging me and letting me know
that last week's podcast wasgreat, but they actually do
things differently. So lastweek, I talked about people
pleasing. And you know, whenyou're in the moment, and
someone kind of gives you a hardtime and says oh, you should be
(01:08):
eating this, or you should beeating that. And then when
people please and eat what wedon't really want to be eating.
These people said I actually dosomething different. I eat very
well in front of people. Butthen I overeat and usually eat
really in a way that doesn'tserve my body doesn't serve my
goals when I'm alone so that Iam grateful for those people for
giving me that insight. And I'mlike, I'm going to create a
(01:31):
whole podcast around thatbecause clearly there are people
that need some guidance aroundthis. And I would love to help
and I have done this before inmy past. So I will definitely
share, share what that lookslike for you. But first, there's
so many things I want to talkabout first. First of all, happy
Thanksgiving. If you're in theUnited States, it is
Thanksgiving week that thispodcast is going to be landing.
I have opened up a few extraspots in my schedule the day
(01:54):
after Thanksgiving to doconsultations. So if you are the
kind of woman that you're like,I don't want to wait till
January 1 to start taking myweight loss and my health and my
mindset and all around my bodyseriously then schedule a
consultation. I opened up abunch of spots. I have a
masterclass coming the weekafter Thanksgiving. So the
Thursday after Thanksgiving, thelink for all of this is in the
(02:18):
show notes so you can sign upfor that. And then I have a new
podcast coming. I was working onit this morning. And I'm really
excited about it. Episode 100 ofthis podcast is going to give
you all the details about my newpodcast that I'm so excited for.
So that's just a little sneakpeek to keep listening and check
out podcast 100. And that willgive you all the juicy details
(02:41):
about the new podcast that'scoming. So let me dive into
overeating when you're alone.
Are you the kind of person thatactually eats well, when you're
in front of people, but when youare alone, that's when you
overeat? That's when you eitherovereat or eat too much eat
things that you then say, Oh,why did I do that. And there's a
part of you that knows that.
(03:02):
That is the problem. If youcould actually not overeat when
you're alone or not eat, youknow, at all, after you have
said you're not going to eatanymore. If you know that you
would be able to lose weight andlive in a body that you really
want to be in by getting controlof that, that I'm really, really
glad you're listening. And thankyou to all those people who
messaged me, I had two clients,and then three or four people
(03:26):
from my email list telling methat so I'm really grateful to
the idea for a new podcast. Sowhat does this look like? Do you
eat a small portion in front ofpeople and then have a whole
nother meal when you go home? Doyou say you're not really
hungry, but then in the back ofmind, your mind, you know, that
you're going to eat like afterthe event. And so let me tell
(03:48):
you a story that I don't knowthat I've ever even shared this
with anyone. From a story fromme from years ago before I did
this work when I was in a lot ofpain around overeating and not
being in the body I want and soone of my really good friends
Julie is just an amazing Bakerand cook and all the things and
she was having a party at herhome. And it was a driveway. She
(04:09):
lives a few hours away from me.
And so I was there and she justI mean she is like Martha
Stewart reincarnated. She's justso wonderful at being a hostess
and she makes I mean, she makesdelicious. All the things
desserts, salads, amazing likecocktail, cocktails, all the
things. And when I was there, Iheld it together I actually
really ate well. And I have kindof the the self concept of a
(04:33):
person that eats well, even backthen this is years ago, probably
like four or five years ago, andI ate well. And then as she
does, she always sends home foodfor my husband and my kids. She
wrapped me up a bunch of cookiesand I think there were like
chocolate covered Twinkiesinvolved which I'm actually not
a chocolate covered Twinkiesperson. But there were a whole
(04:54):
bunch of things and some of thethings I loved my kids love her
Chocolate covered Twinkies. Butanyway, so there were some of
these things in there that Iloved. And I got in my car and I
started driving home and it waslate at night after this party.
And I was driving there and itwas on the front seat and it was
talking to me. You know, it is,right. This this delicious food
(05:16):
is like, you know, I think I hadone maybe two cookies, or these
bars that she makes aren't maybeeven. Was it chocolate covered
pretzels. I love those. And Ihad a little bit there, but
really held it together when Iwas at the party. But then on
the way home, I'm trying tolisten to my music, I'm trying
to enjoy myself. And I ended upway over eating probably most of
(05:37):
what she sent. I didn't eat theTwinkies because my kids were
totally expecting the Twinkies,thank God. But I really over
ate, definitely over ate in avery drastically different way
than I showed up at the party atthe party, you would look at me
and say, Wow, she's got her acttogether and me in that car, you
would say, Oh, honey, are youall right, right. And so at the
(05:57):
time, of course, right after Iwas mad at myself, my stomach
hurt and ashamed myself. And Iended up actually pulling off on
the freeway, not a lot of carswere on the freeway, but it
pulled off and eventually gotthe plate and put it in the back
of a car to stop myself becauseit was the only way I felt so
(06:19):
out of control. That was theonly way I was gonna stop
eating. After I did that, I feltbetter. And I tried to reframe
it and try to move on from it.
And I really didn't give it muchthought. And I think that's why
for so many years, I reallydidn't fix this problem is I
didn't give it much thought Ifelt like let's just fix the
problem by taking the food awayin that moment. So at the time,
(06:40):
I was aware that I was doing it,but I was totally unaware why if
you would have asked me why Idid it, I would have said the
food's amazing. That's all Iwould have said is what the food
is delicious. I love thechocolate, I love the salty all
of that. I wasn't really awareof how much shame was there, I
wasn't aware that it was reallybothering me. I did say to
myself a lot when this washappening, like what is wrong
(07:04):
with me. But I didn't reallylook at it. And that's why I
wanted to do this podcast.
That's why I wanted to tell thestory is I want you to really
look at what's going on. That'sone of the first steps I think
of figuring out your eating andgetting into a body that you
feel more in control of and youfeel like you look in the mirror
(07:24):
and you're proud of is becomingaware that you do something that
you don't want to be doinganymore. And you probably say
no, I say to myself, Why do I dothis? I'm so stupid. I'm so fat,
whatever. No, no, it's from avery loving place to be aware,
okay, I'm doing something, and Ireally want to look at it this.
And I really want to decide if Iwant to change it. Any major
(07:48):
change I have made in my lifestarted with really looking at
it. And when I say reallylooking at it, what I mean is
writing it down. And by doing athought download, and I've
talked on the podcast about whata thought download is, it really
is just getting a notebook. Andreally writing out all of your
thoughts and dumping it out onpaper and not filtering yourself
(08:09):
knowing that no one else isgoing to see it but you if you
have to, you could throw it awayif you feel like what if someone
saw it, but really allowingyourself to say, you know, a
thought download would be like Idid this again, this is what I
do in describing what you do. Idon't understand why I do this I
the I have to get in control ofit, and just dumping out all of
(08:30):
your thoughts. And so when Ilook at my life, and I look at
so many the different areas I'vechanged in my life, it came from
being willing to write about itand being willing to really look
at it like, like I am reallyjudgmental of my husband in this
one area. Why is that? What Whyam I so judgmental and really
diving in? I'm really frustratedthat my son is not listening to
(08:53):
me in this one area. Why am I sofrustrated? What is going on?
And what ends up happening manytimes is we get to a deeper
level of understanding why likewhen you look at like why am I
frustrated with my son, at theat the core of most frustration
with our kids is we are soworried about them because we
love them so much. You know,when we look at why we're eating
(09:16):
and we say we're bored or wejust love how the food tastes
when it really comes down to itwe are eating to make ourselves
feel good we are eating toescape negative emotion. And so
what happens when you do thiswork and you change this what I
was able to do in this one areaof my life is you and you change
(09:36):
the way you eat when you'realone. It really can be the
answer to you losing the weightyou want to lose and definitely
feeling more in control aroundfood. Now let's give a realistic
view of what this looks like isit doesn't mean that you're
never going to come home from aparty and say Oh, I you know I
ate I wasn't planning eating butnow I'm gonna have an extra bowl
(09:57):
of soup because it's only sixo'clock and I'm I
I'm still kind of hungry. That'snot we're talking about here.
This is more of a I'm not hungryat all. I told myself I wasn't
going to eat. And now I ameating to escape a negative
emotion. And I'll explain morewhat that looks like in a
moment.
So here's some questions you canask yourself, and this might
help you in your thoughtdownload. Do you eat drastically
(10:20):
different when you're alone? Orfrom when you're in front of
people? And do you want to stop?
I'm sure your answer is probablyyes. For me, I felt out of
control. And I felt really badabout it. So I decided I wanted
to stop. But it wasn't until Ireally looked at it. And I
really like acknowledges thatthis was happening. For you, you
might not feel that bad, youmight just recognize that it is
(10:42):
hindering you being at theweight that you want to weigh.
For some people, there might bea lot of shame involved. But I
think for most people, if youfeel in some way that you need
to hide how you're eating, thereis shame there. And feeling
shame is painful. And this isagain, part of what comes out in
the thought download is reallyacknowledging yourself that you
(11:04):
feel horrible that you do this,you feel like there's something
definitely wrong with you. Butthe reason I'm doing this
podcast is there isn't somethingwrong with you. And there's so
many people experiencing this.
And that's why I wanted to talkabout it. What you're telling
yourself when you're eatingalone, is that you're doing
something you should not bedoing. That is why you're doing
(11:24):
it alone. And when we feel outof control doing it, not only
are we doing something wrong,but we are wrong. We as our
person, as a human being as ourworthiness are wrong. We're
doing something shameful, and weare therefore shameful. So
before I move on, let me justsay this, you know, food is
(11:45):
probably the easiest way insociety right now, for us to
feel good in the moment, it'soften the fastest way to get out
of any discomfort we're feeling.
And layer on top of this, thatfood tastes amazing. So you have
the dopamine that gets releasedwhen you make the decision to
eat. Right before you even putthe thing in your mouth when you
like when I was in that car. AndI decided to Yes, I'm having
(12:08):
some of this. And I even went touncover the plastic wrap from
this, this package my girlfriendmade for my kids, I got the
dopamine even from making thedecision. It's a yes. And
combined with the taste, it isthe ultimate reward system. And
you've probably been eating thisway for a long time. So it is
(12:29):
now a habit. When something is ahabit, it is wired into our
brains, the neural pathways inour brains are wired to keep
doing what we have been doing.
Because we are wired to do whatis familiar. Because at the
basic level of survival, doingsomething that that is familiar
(12:51):
is safe. Doing something new isdangerous. That's why we have an
aversion to doing something new.
That's why we feel like it'shard to do something new. That's
why it's hard to change. Becausedoing something familiar is
safe. Safe means that you aresurviving at a like basic level.
I say all of this, because weneed to take the shame away from
what is going on here. It's beenreally cathartic to me to talk
(13:14):
about my eating on this podcast,even though I've overcome this
way of eating admitting it onthe podcast has been it's been
pretty vulnerable. But I know Iknow that there are some people
that think wow, like she's a bitcrazy. This is crazy.
But I think I'm willing to havepeople go wow, she really had
(13:34):
issues with food. Because I'mI'm willing to help so many of
you that are listening, likefeel seen and feel like I've had
people come to me on on theconsults. And some of my clients
even say you are literallyspeaking what is in my head. So
that is why it is worth it forme to talk about this on the
podcast. So we need to take theshame away from all of this.
(13:57):
Okay, so how do we stop this?
How do we stop this overeatingwhen you're alone? What you want
to do is look at this way ofsurviving, and decide if you
want it right. So the way you'vebeen doing it is a way to
survive. But it's not a way tothrive. Your primitive brain is
having you survived by doingsomething over and over and over
again that you've made a habit.
That is a basic survival. Andnow you can decide you don't
(14:20):
want to do that anymore. Youdon't want to just survive, you
want to thrive. I decided Ididn't want to do this anymore.
I wanted to thrive. Andjournaling it out doing the
thought download is really kindof the first step of like really
admitting it and looking at it.
So ask yourself, why do I dothis? Why do I eat? I'm saying
quotation marks normal in frontof people, and then why do I
(14:41):
basically hide my eating? Andthen how do you want to eat? I'm
taking a moment to tell you thatI work privately one on one with
women to help them lose weightpermanently and create a body
they love. This is not a dietprogram. This is a customized
program.
Want to teach you how to eat theway you want to eat forever? No
(15:03):
more restriction, no morewillpower, no more losing weight
only to sabotage and then gainit back again. The problem is
not you, we women are so hard onourselves. And we think if we
could just get motivated or moredetermined, if we could find the
right diet, plan or cut outcertain foods, we will lose
weight and be happy. But theanswer is changing your brain,
(15:25):
and how you think and feel,changing your self image and how
you talk to yourself, learninghow to trust yourself, this is
how you lose weight permanently.
It sounds too good to be true.
But I promise you it's not. Thework I do with my clients is
powerful, exciting, and loving.
And it's hard work to but theresult is change forever. The
women I work with are smart andsuccessful in so many areas of
(15:49):
their life, they just haven'tbeen able to figure out their
body. This is where I come in,head to my website to schedule a
consultation. And we can talkabout all the details back to
the podcast.
What sounds realistic to you notripping the band aid and being
like the best eater in the wholeworld. But what sounds something
like doable, something that youcould really support yourself
(16:11):
and show up and that if you atethat way, you would be proud and
you would be healthier, youwould probably lose weight, you
would feel better emotionallyand physically create a plan of
how you want to eat, hopefully,like tonight or tomorrow night
or something as soon as you cancreate a plan of how you want to
eat. Then when the time comes toeat this way, you are going to
(16:36):
experience desire. So you'regoing to let's say you're going
out to dinner tonight. Andyou're like, Okay, this is how
I'm going to eat I'm going toeat this certain way when I go
out in front of people. And thenmaybe you're going to say to
yourself, I'm going to eat a bigenough healthy enough meal. So
when I come home, I'm not goingto eat at all, you are going to
plan that you are going toexperience desire, your brain is
(16:57):
going to suggest to you probablyin one or two ways that you eat
when you get home because thatis what is been your habit. So
you need to expect it you needto embrace that you are going to
have the desire for your your gotwos, whether it is cereal,
whether it is chips, whether itis crackers, it's it's never
(17:18):
broccoli, right? It's alwayssomething like ice cream, it's
always stuff that's not good forus. So you're going to plan on
it having it you're going to gethome and your brain is going to
try to convince you to have itto just start tomorrow, oh,
you've had a long day youdeserve it. And one thing that
might be helpful too is likedecide what is your brain going
to tell you? What is going to bethe trigger thought that your
(17:40):
brain offers you. For me, I'vetold you before my brain always
offers me that I deserve thething. There's always like I've
done so well, I deserve it, whatwill your brain tell you, if you
determine now and decide whatyour brain is going to tell you
when your brain tells you thatyou won't be surprised. And then
you can say, Ah, this, Courtneysaid this was going to happen.
(18:03):
And you can allow the desire forwhatever it is because you are
going to want to eat alone, ifyou have been eating alone,
you're going to want toand then you're going to have a
negative emotion. So you'regoing to get home you're going
to feel some negative emotion,identify what that is, first is
going to be a desire, desire isnot negative emotion. But first,
(18:24):
you're going to feel desire,you're going to want something.
But then when you don't eat it,what comes up for you, there's a
negative emotion that's going tocome up, it's going to be
anxiety, or it's going to beit's going to be boredom, or
it's going to be likedeprivation. When you take the
food away, you discover whatemotion you're trying to escape
(18:44):
from. And when we just eat tonot feel that negative emotion,
we don't have the opportunity tosolve for that negative emotion.
So a great example here is manymany of my clients eat because
they are bored. Let's play thisout, you get home, and all of a
sudden, it's like six o'clock,you can't really go to bed, you
(19:05):
might want to, but you can'treally go to bed. And you're
like Okay, and so you're bored,right? If we just eat to
entertain ourselves, or what Iused to do is I would actually
make whip up a whole batch ofcookies, and you get that
dopamine hit and then it tastesdelicious. And all those things
happen. What you don't solve foris the boredom. What you don't
solve for is looking at yourlife and saying, my life is
(19:28):
good, but I want more. I wantmore hobbies, I want more
interaction. I want moreconnection with my husband, I
want to maybe hang out with mykids more I want there's
something there that you'rewanting and you're not giving
yourself the opportunity toexpand your life when you're
just eating and trying to getaway from that negative emotion.
(19:48):
And there sometimes it evencreates more negative emotion
because when you look at yourlife and you feel like my life
is pretty good. I shouldn't bebored but I am kind of bored and
all that youhad that that's the work. That's
why people are not willing to dothis work. Because when you have
to sit in the boredom, and notturn to work and not turn to
(20:09):
scrolling on Netflix and notturn to other things, you have
to solve for the fact thatyou're bored.
But that's when life starts toget good. When you can sit with
the boredom or sit with theanxiety and solve for that.
That's when your life expands.
So if you go to eat in theevening, when you're alone, and
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you stop yourself, and youdiscover you feel bored, instead
of eating to entertain yourselfand not feel bored, allow the
boredom. And you will have theopportunity to solve the problem
of being bored in the evenings,you'll be able to do a thought
download and really figure outI'm bored, I want more from my
life. And I don't want the morefrom my life to be cereal. So
(20:52):
for me, it was boredom. If Iwasn't eating, what the hell was
I doing with my life, especiallyin the evenings. For some, it
may be anxiety, if you aren'teating, you're thinking about
your kids that you're worriedabout. If you aren't eating when
you're watching a movie withyour partner, because you want
to lose a little bit of weight,and you're sitting there and
(21:14):
they're having popcorn, andyou're not and you're feeling
deprived, and you're feelinglike this sucks. I want to be
able to have this but I wantalso to have the body and health
and all that. Can you sit withthe sock? Can you sit with the
deprivation? Can you sit withthat? To be able to become a
person that can watch a movieand not have popcorn? And what
else can you do in that moment?
(21:36):
After he has popcorn after shehas popcorn? Can you scratch
each other's backs? Can you findother things to do? Can you
realize that you don't have tobe eating at all the time and
just really enjoy the movie. Butyou have to be willing to take
away the food to deal with whatcomes up. So what happens when
you do this work, I want to kindof give you an idea of where I'm
(21:57):
at now like a realistic idea ofwhere I'm at now. Because
sometimes people make themistake of thinking that you get
to this place where you're like,I don't even want the food in
the evenings. I'm a woman that Ijust don't want the food and
it's no problem. And I justthink that's a little
unrealistic. So let me give youa reality of what I'm where I'm
at now that I've done this workthat I do with my clients and
(22:19):
what comes up for me, if I wentto my girlfriend, Julie's house
tomorrow, she would make a plateof delicious food to bring home
for my kids. And I on the wayhome would probably have one,
maybe two, and I would wantmore. I wouldn't be tortured by
it. But I would want morebecause her cooking is
delicious. But I would allow thewanting of it. And it would be
(22:43):
not a big deal. Because I wouldknow that I wouldn't want more
because your food is delicious.
But I would decide that althoughher cooking is delicious, or
cookies are delicious. What Iwant more is to sleep well. And
to maintain my weight and tofeel good and to not have bad
dreams. Because I have baddreams what I eat chocolate at
night. But can you hear thedifference in the way I talk
(23:04):
about it? Now I have no shame.
Right now there isn't thiscalling there isn't this out of
control, I shouldn't want it Iwant it helped me will you know
it's not a back and forth, it'snot a problem. It's not a
problem that I have a girlfriendthat makes amazing treats, she
sends him home with my kids, Ihave one maybe two and I want
more. It's no problem. Becausewhat I want more is the health
(23:28):
is to look in the mirror andlike the way I look and like how
I feel. So why does all of thismatter? Shame is painful, it is
a painful emotion. And althoughit is totally normal to
experience it as part of thehuman experience, I would rather
you experience it less because Iwill tell you, if you want to
(23:49):
lose weight. And if you want tofeel in control around food, and
really change your relationshipwith food and your body, you
need to comment all of thatwithout shame. You can't lose
weight and expect to keep theweight off feeling shame about
where you are. Now, you can'tsay when I lose 15 pounds, I'm
(24:10):
gonna feel amazing. You have tolearn to accept where you are
now. And that doesn't meanyou're going to look in the
mirror and go You look amazingif you don't really feel that.
But it's like when you look inthe mirror now or if you don't
look in the mirror now becauseyou feel shame and you don't
want to look at yourself, whatcan be better than where you're
at now. If you look in themirror and you're like you're
(24:30):
disgusting, which a lot ofpeople say to themselves, what
can we say? You could say you'retrying really hard and you're
figuring this out. And you havean amazing body that does
amazing things. Right? Maybethat feels better than saying
you're disgusting or you'reoverweight or this or that
right? We need to be acceptingof where we are now and loving
(24:53):
ourselves. Now. If we want tolose weight and feeling control
around food and be able tosustain
At weight loss, ironically, whenwe feel shame, we usually
overeat in order to not feelshame. Isn't that ironic, right?
We feel shame. And then weovereat. And then we feel shame
again. And you can see it justspirals and spirals. And that's
(25:13):
why people continue to gainweight. And after they lose it,
they gain it back. And there areso many people going through
this, no one really talks aboutit. So if I can talk about it to
help you get past this, it'stotally worth it to me. If I can
help you feel more in controlaround food and enjoy your body
and your life so much more. Itis so important to me. I have
opened up a bunch of times forconsultations the day after
(25:35):
Thanksgiving, you can also bookThe week after Thanksgiving as
well. But I just thought thatwould be kind of an amazing time
for someone to say you knowwhat, the day after
Thanksgiving, I'm going to givea gift to myself of scheduling a
time to talk with Courtney andsee if she could help me and
what that would look like. So ifyou would like to meet with me,
there is a link in the shownotes. There's also a link in
(25:57):
Instagram and there's a link onmy website to schedule a
consultation. I would love totalk to you about getting you
into the body that you want tobe at and having you feel in
control around food and peaceand stop thinking about food so
damn much. Happy Thanksgiving ifyou're in the United States and
Happy Tuesday.
(26:18):
If you are ready to lose weightand keep it off permanently, if
you have tried diets and youknow they don't work and you're
ready
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight. So
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. And by taking care of youand achieving your health goals,
you will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted.
Welcome to the Podcast, episode97 over eating when you are
(00:48):
alone, the idea from thispodcast came from at least I
think five, four or five peoplemessaging me and letting me know
that last week's podcast wasgreat, but they actually do
things differently. So lastweek, I talked about people
pleasing. And you know, whenyou're in the moment, and
someone kind of gives you a hardtime and says oh, you should be
(01:08):
eating this, or you should beeating that. And then when
people please and eat what wedon't really want to be eating.
These people said I actually dosomething different. I eat very
well in front of people. Butthen I overeat and usually eat
really in a way that doesn'tserve my body doesn't serve my
goals when I'm alone so that Iam grateful for those people for
giving me that insight. And I'mlike, I'm going to create a
(01:31):
whole podcast around thatbecause clearly there are people
that need some guidance aroundthis. And I would love to help
and I have done this before inmy past. So I will definitely
share, share what that lookslike for you. But first, there's
so many things I want to talkabout first. First of all, happy
Thanksgiving. If you're in theUnited States, it is
Thanksgiving week that thispodcast is going to be landing.
I have opened up a few extraspots in my schedule the day
(01:54):
after Thanksgiving to doconsultations. So if you are the
kind of woman that you're like,I don't want to wait till
January 1 to start taking myweight loss and my health and my
mindset and all around my bodyseriously then schedule a
consultation. I opened up abunch of spots. I have a
masterclass coming the weekafter Thanksgiving. So the
Thursday after Thanksgiving, thelink for all of this is in the
(02:18):
show notes so you can sign upfor that. And then I have a new
podcast coming. I was working onit this morning. And I'm really
excited about it. Episode 100 ofthis podcast is going to give
you all the details about my newpodcast that I'm so excited for.
So that's just a little sneakpeek to keep listening and check
out podcast 100. And that willgive you all the juicy details
(02:41):
about the new podcast that'scoming. So let me dive into
overeating when you're alone.
Are you the kind of person thatactually eats well, when you're
in front of people, but when youare alone, that's when you
overeat? That's when you eitherovereat or eat too much eat
things that you then say, Oh,why did I do that. And there's a
part of you that knows that.
(03:02):
That is the problem. If youcould actually not overeat when
you're alone or not eat, youknow, at all, after you have
said you're not going to eatanymore. If you know that you
would be able to lose weight andlive in a body that you really
want to be in by getting controlof that, that I'm really, really
glad you're listening. And thankyou to all those people who
messaged me, I had two clients,and then three or four people
(03:26):
from my email list telling methat so I'm really grateful to
the idea for a new podcast. Sowhat does this look like? Do you
eat a small portion in front ofpeople and then have a whole
nother meal when you go home? Doyou say you're not really
hungry, but then in the back ofmind, your mind, you know, that
you're going to eat like afterthe event. And so let me tell
(03:48):
you a story that I don't knowthat I've ever even shared this
with anyone. From a story fromme from years ago before I did
this work when I was in a lot ofpain around overeating and not
being in the body I want and soone of my really good friends
Julie is just an amazing Bakerand cook and all the things and
she was having a party at herhome. And it was a driveway. She
(04:09):
lives a few hours away from me.
And so I was there and she justI mean she is like Martha
Stewart reincarnated. She's justso wonderful at being a hostess
and she makes I mean, she makesdelicious. All the things
desserts, salads, amazing likecocktail, cocktails, all the
things. And when I was there, Iheld it together I actually
really ate well. And I have kindof the the self concept of a
(04:33):
person that eats well, even backthen this is years ago, probably
like four or five years ago, andI ate well. And then as she
does, she always sends home foodfor my husband and my kids. She
wrapped me up a bunch of cookiesand I think there were like
chocolate covered Twinkiesinvolved which I'm actually not
a chocolate covered Twinkiesperson. But there were a whole
(04:54):
bunch of things and some of thethings I loved my kids love her
Chocolate covered Twinkies. Butanyway, so there were some of
these things in there that Iloved. And I got in my car and I
started driving home and it waslate at night after this party.
And I was driving there and itwas on the front seat and it was
talking to me. You know, it is,right. This this delicious food
(05:16):
is like, you know, I think I hadone maybe two cookies, or these
bars that she makes aren't maybeeven. Was it chocolate covered
pretzels. I love those. And Ihad a little bit there, but
really held it together when Iwas at the party. But then on
the way home, I'm trying tolisten to my music, I'm trying
to enjoy myself. And I ended upway over eating probably most of
(05:37):
what she sent. I didn't eat theTwinkies because my kids were
totally expecting the Twinkies,thank God. But I really over
ate, definitely over ate in avery drastically different way
than I showed up at the party atthe party, you would look at me
and say, Wow, she's got her acttogether and me in that car, you
would say, Oh, honey, are youall right, right. And so at the
(05:57):
time, of course, right after Iwas mad at myself, my stomach
hurt and ashamed myself. And Iended up actually pulling off on
the freeway, not a lot of carswere on the freeway, but it
pulled off and eventually gotthe plate and put it in the back
of a car to stop myself becauseit was the only way I felt so
(06:19):
out of control. That was theonly way I was gonna stop
eating. After I did that, I feltbetter. And I tried to reframe
it and try to move on from it.
And I really didn't give it muchthought. And I think that's why
for so many years, I reallydidn't fix this problem is I
didn't give it much thought Ifelt like let's just fix the
problem by taking the food awayin that moment. So at the time,
(06:40):
I was aware that I was doing it,but I was totally unaware why if
you would have asked me why Idid it, I would have said the
food's amazing. That's all Iwould have said is what the food
is delicious. I love thechocolate, I love the salty all
of that. I wasn't really awareof how much shame was there, I
wasn't aware that it was reallybothering me. I did say to
myself a lot when this washappening, like what is wrong
(07:04):
with me. But I didn't reallylook at it. And that's why I
wanted to do this podcast.
That's why I wanted to tell thestory is I want you to really
look at what's going on. That'sone of the first steps I think
of figuring out your eating andgetting into a body that you
feel more in control of and youfeel like you look in the mirror
(07:24):
and you're proud of is becomingaware that you do something that
you don't want to be doinganymore. And you probably say
no, I say to myself, Why do I dothis? I'm so stupid. I'm so fat,
whatever. No, no, it's from avery loving place to be aware,
okay, I'm doing something, and Ireally want to look at it this.
And I really want to decide if Iwant to change it. Any major
(07:48):
change I have made in my lifestarted with really looking at
it. And when I say reallylooking at it, what I mean is
writing it down. And by doing athought download, and I've
talked on the podcast about whata thought download is, it really
is just getting a notebook. Andreally writing out all of your
thoughts and dumping it out onpaper and not filtering yourself
(08:09):
knowing that no one else isgoing to see it but you if you
have to, you could throw it awayif you feel like what if someone
saw it, but really allowingyourself to say, you know, a
thought download would be like Idid this again, this is what I
do in describing what you do. Idon't understand why I do this I
the I have to get in control ofit, and just dumping out all of
(08:30):
your thoughts. And so when Ilook at my life, and I look at
so many the different areas I'vechanged in my life, it came from
being willing to write about itand being willing to really look
at it like, like I am reallyjudgmental of my husband in this
one area. Why is that? What Whyam I so judgmental and really
diving in? I'm really frustratedthat my son is not listening to
(08:53):
me in this one area. Why am I sofrustrated? What is going on?
And what ends up happening manytimes is we get to a deeper
level of understanding why likewhen you look at like why am I
frustrated with my son, at theat the core of most frustration
with our kids is we are soworried about them because we
love them so much. You know,when we look at why we're eating
(09:16):
and we say we're bored or wejust love how the food tastes
when it really comes down to itwe are eating to make ourselves
feel good we are eating toescape negative emotion. And so
what happens when you do thiswork and you change this what I
was able to do in this one areaof my life is you and you change
(09:36):
the way you eat when you'realone. It really can be the
answer to you losing the weightyou want to lose and definitely
feeling more in control aroundfood. Now let's give a realistic
view of what this looks like isit doesn't mean that you're
never going to come home from aparty and say Oh, I you know I
ate I wasn't planning eating butnow I'm gonna have an extra bowl
(09:57):
of soup because it's only sixo'clock and I'm I
I'm still kind of hungry. That'snot we're talking about here.
This is more of a I'm not hungryat all. I told myself I wasn't
going to eat. And now I ameating to escape a negative
emotion. And I'll explain morewhat that looks like in a
moment.
So here's some questions you canask yourself, and this might
help you in your thoughtdownload. Do you eat drastically
(10:20):
different when you're alone? Orfrom when you're in front of
people? And do you want to stop?
I'm sure your answer is probablyyes. For me, I felt out of
control. And I felt really badabout it. So I decided I wanted
to stop. But it wasn't until Ireally looked at it. And I
really like acknowledges thatthis was happening. For you, you
might not feel that bad, youmight just recognize that it is
(10:42):
hindering you being at theweight that you want to weigh.
For some people, there might bea lot of shame involved. But I
think for most people, if youfeel in some way that you need
to hide how you're eating, thereis shame there. And feeling
shame is painful. And this isagain, part of what comes out in
the thought download is reallyacknowledging yourself that you
(11:04):
feel horrible that you do this,you feel like there's something
definitely wrong with you. Butthe reason I'm doing this
podcast is there isn't somethingwrong with you. And there's so
many people experiencing this.
And that's why I wanted to talkabout it. What you're telling
yourself when you're eatingalone, is that you're doing
something you should not bedoing. That is why you're doing
(11:24):
it alone. And when we feel outof control doing it, not only
are we doing something wrong,but we are wrong. We as our
person, as a human being as ourworthiness are wrong. We're
doing something shameful, and weare therefore shameful. So
before I move on, let me justsay this, you know, food is
(11:45):
probably the easiest way insociety right now, for us to
feel good in the moment, it'soften the fastest way to get out
of any discomfort we're feeling.
And layer on top of this, thatfood tastes amazing. So you have
the dopamine that gets releasedwhen you make the decision to
eat. Right before you even putthe thing in your mouth when you
like when I was in that car. AndI decided to Yes, I'm having
(12:08):
some of this. And I even went touncover the plastic wrap from
this, this package my girlfriendmade for my kids, I got the
dopamine even from making thedecision. It's a yes. And
combined with the taste, it isthe ultimate reward system. And
you've probably been eating thisway for a long time. So it is
(12:29):
now a habit. When something is ahabit, it is wired into our
brains, the neural pathways inour brains are wired to keep
doing what we have been doing.
Because we are wired to do whatis familiar. Because at the
basic level of survival, doingsomething that that is familiar
(12:51):
is safe. Doing something new isdangerous. That's why we have an
aversion to doing something new.
That's why we feel like it'shard to do something new. That's
why it's hard to change. Becausedoing something familiar is
safe. Safe means that you aresurviving at a like basic level.
I say all of this, because weneed to take the shame away from
what is going on here. It's beenreally cathartic to me to talk
(13:14):
about my eating on this podcast,even though I've overcome this
way of eating admitting it onthe podcast has been it's been
pretty vulnerable. But I know Iknow that there are some people
that think wow, like she's a bitcrazy. This is crazy.
But I think I'm willing to havepeople go wow, she really had
(13:34):
issues with food. Because I'mI'm willing to help so many of
you that are listening, likefeel seen and feel like I've had
people come to me on on theconsults. And some of my clients
even say you are literallyspeaking what is in my head. So
that is why it is worth it forme to talk about this on the
podcast. So we need to take theshame away from all of this.
(13:57):
Okay, so how do we stop this?
How do we stop this overeatingwhen you're alone? What you want
to do is look at this way ofsurviving, and decide if you
want it right. So the way you'vebeen doing it is a way to
survive. But it's not a way tothrive. Your primitive brain is
having you survived by doingsomething over and over and over
again that you've made a habit.
That is a basic survival. Andnow you can decide you don't
(14:20):
want to do that anymore. Youdon't want to just survive, you
want to thrive. I decided Ididn't want to do this anymore.
I wanted to thrive. Andjournaling it out doing the
thought download is really kindof the first step of like really
admitting it and looking at it.
So ask yourself, why do I dothis? Why do I eat? I'm saying
quotation marks normal in frontof people, and then why do I
(14:41):
basically hide my eating? Andthen how do you want to eat? I'm
taking a moment to tell you thatI work privately one on one with
women to help them lose weightpermanently and create a body
they love. This is not a dietprogram. This is a customized
program.
Want to teach you how to eat theway you want to eat forever? No
(15:03):
more restriction, no morewillpower, no more losing weight
only to sabotage and then gainit back again. The problem is
not you, we women are so hard onourselves. And we think if we
could just get motivated or moredetermined, if we could find the
right diet, plan or cut outcertain foods, we will lose
weight and be happy. But theanswer is changing your brain,
(15:25):
and how you think and feel,changing your self image and how
you talk to yourself, learninghow to trust yourself, this is
how you lose weight permanently.
It sounds too good to be true.
But I promise you it's not. Thework I do with my clients is
powerful, exciting, and loving.
And it's hard work to but theresult is change forever. The
women I work with are smart andsuccessful in so many areas of
(15:49):
their life, they just haven'tbeen able to figure out their
body. This is where I come in,head to my website to schedule a
consultation. And we can talkabout all the details back to
the podcast.
What sounds realistic to you notripping the band aid and being
like the best eater in the wholeworld. But what sounds something
like doable, something that youcould really support yourself
(16:11):
and show up and that if you atethat way, you would be proud and
you would be healthier, youwould probably lose weight, you
would feel better emotionallyand physically create a plan of
how you want to eat, hopefully,like tonight or tomorrow night
or something as soon as you cancreate a plan of how you want to
eat. Then when the time comes toeat this way, you are going to
(16:36):
experience desire. So you'regoing to let's say you're going
out to dinner tonight. Andyou're like, Okay, this is how
I'm going to eat I'm going toeat this certain way when I go
out in front of people. And thenmaybe you're going to say to
yourself, I'm going to eat a bigenough healthy enough meal. So
when I come home, I'm not goingto eat at all, you are going to
plan that you are going toexperience desire, your brain is
(16:57):
going to suggest to you probablyin one or two ways that you eat
when you get home because thatis what is been your habit. So
you need to expect it you needto embrace that you are going to
have the desire for your your gotwos, whether it is cereal,
whether it is chips, whether itis crackers, it's it's never
(17:18):
broccoli, right? It's alwayssomething like ice cream, it's
always stuff that's not good forus. So you're going to plan on
it having it you're going to gethome and your brain is going to
try to convince you to have itto just start tomorrow, oh,
you've had a long day youdeserve it. And one thing that
might be helpful too is likedecide what is your brain going
to tell you? What is going to bethe trigger thought that your
(17:40):
brain offers you. For me, I'vetold you before my brain always
offers me that I deserve thething. There's always like I've
done so well, I deserve it, whatwill your brain tell you, if you
determine now and decide whatyour brain is going to tell you
when your brain tells you thatyou won't be surprised. And then
you can say, Ah, this, Courtneysaid this was going to happen.
(18:03):
And you can allow the desire forwhatever it is because you are
going to want to eat alone, ifyou have been eating alone,
you're going to want toand then you're going to have a
negative emotion. So you'regoing to get home you're going
to feel some negative emotion,identify what that is, first is
going to be a desire, desire isnot negative emotion. But first,
(18:24):
you're going to feel desire,you're going to want something.
But then when you don't eat it,what comes up for you, there's a
negative emotion that's going tocome up, it's going to be
anxiety, or it's going to beit's going to be boredom, or
it's going to be likedeprivation. When you take the
food away, you discover whatemotion you're trying to escape
(18:44):
from. And when we just eat tonot feel that negative emotion,
we don't have the opportunity tosolve for that negative emotion.
So a great example here is manymany of my clients eat because
they are bored. Let's play thisout, you get home, and all of a
sudden, it's like six o'clock,you can't really go to bed, you
(19:05):
might want to, but you can'treally go to bed. And you're
like Okay, and so you're bored,right? If we just eat to
entertain ourselves, or what Iused to do is I would actually
make whip up a whole batch ofcookies, and you get that
dopamine hit and then it tastesdelicious. And all those things
happen. What you don't solve foris the boredom. What you don't
solve for is looking at yourlife and saying, my life is
(19:28):
good, but I want more. I wantmore hobbies, I want more
interaction. I want moreconnection with my husband, I
want to maybe hang out with mykids more I want there's
something there that you'rewanting and you're not giving
yourself the opportunity toexpand your life when you're
just eating and trying to getaway from that negative emotion.
(19:48):
And there sometimes it evencreates more negative emotion
because when you look at yourlife and you feel like my life
is pretty good. I shouldn't bebored but I am kind of bored and
all that youhad that that's the work. That's
why people are not willing to dothis work. Because when you have
to sit in the boredom, and notturn to work and not turn to
(20:09):
scrolling on Netflix and notturn to other things, you have
to solve for the fact thatyou're bored.
But that's when life starts toget good. When you can sit with
the boredom or sit with theanxiety and solve for that.
That's when your life expands.
So if you go to eat in theevening, when you're alone, and
(20:30):
you stop yourself, and youdiscover you feel bored, instead
of eating to entertain yourselfand not feel bored, allow the
boredom. And you will have theopportunity to solve the problem
of being bored in the evenings,you'll be able to do a thought
download and really figure outI'm bored, I want more from my
life. And I don't want the morefrom my life to be cereal. So
(20:52):
for me, it was boredom. If Iwasn't eating, what the hell was
I doing with my life, especiallyin the evenings. For some, it
may be anxiety, if you aren'teating, you're thinking about
your kids that you're worriedabout. If you aren't eating when
you're watching a movie withyour partner, because you want
to lose a little bit of weight,and you're sitting there and
(21:14):
they're having popcorn, andyou're not and you're feeling
deprived, and you're feelinglike this sucks. I want to be
able to have this but I wantalso to have the body and health
and all that. Can you sit withthe sock? Can you sit with the
deprivation? Can you sit withthat? To be able to become a
person that can watch a movieand not have popcorn? And what
else can you do in that moment?
(21:36):
After he has popcorn after shehas popcorn? Can you scratch
each other's backs? Can you findother things to do? Can you
realize that you don't have tobe eating at all the time and
just really enjoy the movie. Butyou have to be willing to take
away the food to deal with whatcomes up. So what happens when
you do this work, I want to kindof give you an idea of where I'm
(21:57):
at now like a realistic idea ofwhere I'm at now. Because
sometimes people make themistake of thinking that you get
to this place where you're like,I don't even want the food in
the evenings. I'm a woman that Ijust don't want the food and
it's no problem. And I justthink that's a little
unrealistic. So let me give youa reality of what I'm where I'm
at now that I've done this workthat I do with my clients and
(22:19):
what comes up for me, if I wentto my girlfriend, Julie's house
tomorrow, she would make a plateof delicious food to bring home
for my kids. And I on the wayhome would probably have one,
maybe two, and I would wantmore. I wouldn't be tortured by
it. But I would want morebecause her cooking is
delicious. But I would allow thewanting of it. And it would be
(22:43):
not a big deal. Because I wouldknow that I wouldn't want more
because your food is delicious.
But I would decide that althoughher cooking is delicious, or
cookies are delicious. What Iwant more is to sleep well. And
to maintain my weight and tofeel good and to not have bad
dreams. Because I have baddreams what I eat chocolate at
night. But can you hear thedifference in the way I talk
(23:04):
about it? Now I have no shame.
Right now there isn't thiscalling there isn't this out of
control, I shouldn't want it Iwant it helped me will you know
it's not a back and forth, it'snot a problem. It's not a
problem that I have a girlfriendthat makes amazing treats, she
sends him home with my kids, Ihave one maybe two and I want
more. It's no problem. Becausewhat I want more is the health
(23:28):
is to look in the mirror andlike the way I look and like how
I feel. So why does all of thismatter? Shame is painful, it is
a painful emotion. And althoughit is totally normal to
experience it as part of thehuman experience, I would rather
you experience it less because Iwill tell you, if you want to
(23:49):
lose weight. And if you want tofeel in control around food, and
really change your relationshipwith food and your body, you
need to comment all of thatwithout shame. You can't lose
weight and expect to keep theweight off feeling shame about
where you are. Now, you can'tsay when I lose 15 pounds, I'm
(24:10):
gonna feel amazing. You have tolearn to accept where you are
now. And that doesn't meanyou're going to look in the
mirror and go You look amazingif you don't really feel that.
But it's like when you look inthe mirror now or if you don't
look in the mirror now becauseyou feel shame and you don't
want to look at yourself, whatcan be better than where you're
at now. If you look in themirror and you're like you're
(24:30):
disgusting, which a lot ofpeople say to themselves, what
can we say? You could say you'retrying really hard and you're
figuring this out. And you havean amazing body that does
amazing things. Right? Maybethat feels better than saying
you're disgusting or you'reoverweight or this or that
right? We need to be acceptingof where we are now and loving
(24:53):
ourselves. Now. If we want tolose weight and feeling control
around food and be able tosustain
At weight loss, ironically, whenwe feel shame, we usually
overeat in order to not feelshame. Isn't that ironic, right?
We feel shame. And then weovereat. And then we feel shame
again. And you can see it justspirals and spirals. And that's
(25:13):
why people continue to gainweight. And after they lose it,
they gain it back. And there areso many people going through
this, no one really talks aboutit. So if I can talk about it to
help you get past this, it'stotally worth it to me. If I can
help you feel more in controlaround food and enjoy your body
and your life so much more. Itis so important to me. I have
opened up a bunch of times forconsultations the day after
(25:35):
Thanksgiving, you can also bookThe week after Thanksgiving as
well. But I just thought thatwould be kind of an amazing time
for someone to say you knowwhat, the day after
Thanksgiving, I'm going to givea gift to myself of scheduling a
time to talk with Courtney andsee if she could help me and
what that would look like. So ifyou would like to meet with me,
there is a link in the shownotes. There's also a link in
(25:57):
Instagram and there's a link onmy website to schedule a
consultation. I would love totalk to you about getting you
into the body that you want tobe at and having you feel in
control around food and peaceand stop thinking about food so
damn much. Happy Thanksgiving ifyou're in the United States and
Happy Tuesday.
(26:18):
If you are ready to lose weightand keep it off permanently, if
you have tried diets and youknow they don't work and you're
ready
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