October 31, 2023 • 26 mins
SO many of my weight loss clients tell me they find too much joy in food. They think about food all day and want it to take a back set in their life.
I created the concept of "Pleasure Swapping" to help you move some of the joy to other things.....this will enable to you lose weight, get healthy, and eat better forever.
AND life a more wonderful life.
Want to speak with me directly? Schedule a consultation with me HERE
Courtney
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I work 1:1 with women to lose weight permanently, using mindset and strategy. My process is exciting, life changing, and empowering. Join me!
I have 2 bits of Exciting News! I have a NEW podcast called Modern Body Modern Life....here is the link to Listen...
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/welcome-to-the-first-episode/id1720478442?i=1000637985103
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Courtney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:02):
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight. So
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. And by taking care of youand achieving your health goals.
You will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted. Welcome to the podcast
(00:45):
episode 94. Pleasure swapping.
First of all, happy Halloween.
How fun is this? I, I alwaysloved Halloween growing up and I
loved Halloween when my kidswere little. Now as they've
gotten older, it's not quite asfun. I'm gonna be honest, it's
not quite as fun. But tonight,I'm excited because we've
invited some of our really goodfriends who are also our
(01:08):
neighbors, they live on ourstreet just to come over and
have drinks literally in ourdriveway, we get a ton like Can
you hear it my voice ton oftrigger tutors at our house in
our in our neighborhood. And sowe have our neighbors coming
over and we're going to sitthere we might have a fire if I
feel like it's safe. And thenwe're going to have the candy
like kind of out in front so thekids can all pick their own
(01:29):
candy. And we can just connectin love on each other and chat
it up. And the cool thing tooabout our neighborhood is we
just know so many people thatlive in our neighborhoods that a
lot of parents are gonna be outand about walking around. It's
just a really fun night toconnect with people. So So I am
looking forward to it. It's notquite as fun as when my kids
were like dressing up andrunning all over and so excited.
(01:50):
But I'm making the best of it.
It is so fun. The podcast lastweek was a really good one. It
had a lot of downloads, moredownloads, I feel like the
normal during the first week,the podcast. And so what I'm
teaching you today, pleasureswapping is a concept I've
created and it is going to be inline with step three of my three
step process on how to not eatthat food you want or I think I
(02:12):
named the podcast how to not eatthat food you're craving. So the
step three is deciding what youwant more like in that moment.
And this pleasure swapping isgoing to help you do that. And
so what is the idea of pleasureswabbing is the idea of taking
some of the pleasure away fromfood and putting it into
something else. And I'm justimagining there's some people
(02:35):
like if you're thinking that,but this podcast is definitely
for you. And it goes in linewith another thing I said, I
don't even know whether I don'teven know I might have gotten
this from someone else. I don'tknow. But I've been saying it
for a long time that it doesn'talways have to be a party in
your mouth. Everything doesn'thave to be a party in your
mouth. And I will tell you, I'mreally stepping into talking
(02:57):
about these kinds of things.
Because what I hear in Gosh,that health and wellness
industry and the diet industryand the health culture and
everything is I feel like for along time, we've been trying to
make everything taste good. AndI think this is part of the
problem. We've been trying tomake broccoli taste good. We've
been trying to hide veggies andother things we've been trying
(03:20):
to we've been trying to disguiseyou know, healthy things as
things that taste really good.
And I am all for things tastinggood. I love good food. I love
taking pleasure from food. Soplease do not get me wrong. I
enjoy food so much. I'm making adelicious chicken and vegetable
soup for dinner tonight. I can'twait. I love taking pleasure in
(03:40):
food. But the way that food isdesigned this these days, that
it is so hyper saturated withtaste and flavor and fat and
salt and all these things. Ithink that I think we've gotten
away from us, my friends, Ithink we've gotten away from our
health and from what life is allabout. And I think that we could
(04:02):
all do to take a little bit ofpleasure away from the food and
I will say the drink as well. Itdoesn't always have to be a
party in your mouth. And inorder for you to lose weight and
get in the best shape of yourlife and feel like you really
are in control of your body andyour food and your thoughts
about all of it. Pleasureswapping will help you the idea
(04:25):
that some meals can nourish youthey can taste good, but maybe
not be so pleasurable is one Iwould love for you to consider
adopting. I remember a few yearsago a girl told me were friendly
I don't know her that well butshe told me she told me she was
oh you always look so fit yourweight never goes up and down
and and she was giving me a lotof very nice compliments and so
(04:46):
first of all I said first ofall, that's not true. Like my
weight I I feel like most of useven if we're where we want to
be you go up and down a fewpounds and I don't really weigh
myself but I just know that'strue. But it was a compliment
that you said I was always fit.
And so she's like, tell me whatyou eat. And I just laughed. She
was no seriously like, I wantit. I want us want to know what
you eat on a day to day basis.
So I started just kind of goinginto like, I have a few
(05:09):
different things I usually havefor breakfast, I have a few
different things I usually havefor lunch. And most days I try
to shake it up, but I'm kind ofhabitual. And then I have a
wider variety of things that eatat dinner. And she just goes
that just none of that soundsgood to me. And I was
fascinated. And my my responsereally surprised her and I said,
Oh, no, oh, no, no, a lot ofthis doesn't sound good to me
(05:32):
either. And she's She literallywas like, I don't understand.
And I said I don't eat all ofthis for it to be a party in my
mouth. I said the reason I'mable to stay at the weight I am
feel good in my body feel like Iconsistently fit in my clothes
and and feel good is becausesome of the meals I just eat to
get it in. I just eat to fuel mybody. I really what what I was
(05:57):
saying in the moment, and Ididn't I hadn't thought about
this before. But I really waskind of swapping pleasure. I was
swapping the pleasure from an ameal to the pleasure of being in
a body I love. So she was like,oh, yeah, that makes sense. I
guess. So yeah, that makessense. And a lot of people I
don't think really have everthought about it that way. So
that's why I wanted to deliverthis concept to you. Who knows
(06:20):
if she ever did anything withthat concept, but I want to
deliver it to you. So it doesnot mean no pleasure with food,
it just means swapping some ofit out. It means going into your
meal saying this doesn't soundthat good to me. And that's
okay. Because it's going to bereally good for my body. And
it's going to make me feel good.
(06:40):
It's going to make me sleepgood. It's going to all those
things, it's going to help melose weight, and all those
things. In order to lose weightand get healthy, we don't need
to eat perfectly, we need to eatbetter consistently. And
pleasure swapping is a greatconcept I've created because the
amount of pleasure that mostpeople put on food is pretty
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astronomical. It's pretty muchevery meal. It think about it,
if you say or to yourself, oryou hear people saying what
sounds good. That's a verycommon thing. If you go to if
you're at the airport and youlook up at the menu at a Mexican
restaurant, you're gettingsomething to eat while you're at
the airport and you look up whatsounds good. If you go
restaurants is definitely aplace where you say what sounds
(07:24):
good because we have so manydelicious options. You know,
when you look in your fridge,what sounds good, what you're
really saying is what seems likeit's gonna taste good. Nothing
wrong with that. But can we swapit? Can we swap and go what is
going to be the best for my bodyright now it might not really
taste very good. But what'sgoing to be the best for my body
right now. Because this is theinteresting thing, or where
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we've gotten in our societyright now is not only do we use
food to fix our emotions, inmost situations, it's now
pleasurable in most situations,right we eat because we want to
find happiness and we want tocelebrate we got an award we
want to celebrate and engagementwant to celebrate a baby share.
(08:07):
We want to celebrate that it'sFriday, we want to celebrate
it's It's Wednesday, it'shalfway through the week, we're
finding ways to celebrate allthe time with food and drink.
And we use food and drink kindof really to find pleasure when
we're sad when we haveheartbreak. When we have anxiety
when when we hear some bad newsa lot of people turn to pleasure
(08:29):
F for food. When we're bored. AmI've been talking to more and
more clients maybe because I'vebeen telling you that I that's
one of my triggers is beingbored. But I'm getting more and
more people coming on to consolesaying that they really have
been resonating with thatbecause they eat when they are
bored. And so we turn topleasure when we're bored
because being bored. It soundslike not, you know, you think
(08:51):
about anxiety and stress. Andthat sounds kind of horrible. We
feel like bored isn't thatnegative on emotion. But we
still want to get out of boredand we turn to food because we
feeling pleasure from food feelsso much better than being bored.
And a lot of times, I don't knowabout you, but when I'm bored.
Other things come up. It leadsme to say why like I say things
(09:14):
like Well, why don't I have morehobbies? Well, maybe I should
reach out to this person. Andwhat are my friends doing right
now? Are they together withoutme? So it's almost like when
you're bored. Other things comefrom being bored. As you have to
sit with yourself. You have tolike yourself enough to sit with
yourself. And then one of theother ways we turn to pleasure
food and pleasure is when we'reat like rage and we're mad. I
(09:36):
was thinking oh my god one of myclients she is so funny. And she
told me one time I'd never heardof this and I think she just
made it up but she said she shewas rage eating oh my god, it
was so funny. Oh my god she'sgonna laugh when she hears me
say this. It was hilariousradiating um, is that a thing as
she goes?
Well, clearly it is. Oh my god.
So funny. I'm taking a moment totell you that I work privately
(10:01):
one on one with women to helpthem lose weight permanently,
and create a body they love.
This is not a diet program. Thisis a customized program to teach
you how to eat the way you wantto eat forever. No more
restriction, no more willpower,no more losing weight only to
sabotage and then gain it backagain. The problem is not you,
(10:24):
we women are so hard onourselves. And we think if we
could just get motivated or moredetermined, if we could find the
right diet plan or cut outcertain foods, we will lose
weight and be happy. But theanswer is changing your brain
and how you think and feel,changing your self image and how
you talk to yourself. Learninghow to trust yourself. This is
(10:45):
how you lose weight permanently.
It sounds too good to be true.
But I promise you it's not. Thework I do with my clients is
powerful, exciting, and loving.
And it's hard work to but theresult is change forever. The
women I work with are smart andsuccessful in so many areas of
their life, they just haven'tbeen able to figure out their
body. This is where I come in,head to my website to schedule a
(11:07):
consultation. And we can talkabout all the details back to
the podcast. But so one of themost common things I hear from
people is that they don't wantto find so much joy in food,
they want to pleasure swap. Sothat's why I'm giving you this
beautiful concept. They tell methey're all I just put so much
pleasure into food, so much joyand food and I don't want to
(11:31):
want it anymore. I used to thinkabout food right away when I
woke up in the morning. Like Iwould even think to myself, I'm
gonna eat really good all day.
And then I'm going to makechocolate tapioca pudding at
night. I remember like that wasmy husband and I when our kids
were really little, that was athing we loved. And I would plan
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on it all day, like if I'm good.
And I'd say good in quotationmarks. If I'm good all day, then
I will have deserved thattapioca pudding at the end of
the night. And then of course,what would happen is I'd be so
obsessed with food all day thatI would end up being stressed
out. And I would end up overeating, I'd be eating my kids
leftovers and all that. And thenat the end of the night, I would
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be like, Well, fuck it. I mean,I I've already eaten bad all
day. So now I might as well havethe tapioca pudding. It's almost
like our brains just want tosabotage us in any possible way.
They want to rationalize in anypossible way, just to make us
feel good in the moment. Andremember, this is what our brain
is designed to do. Our brain isdesigned to make us feel good at
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all costs, frustrated, let'smake you feel good with food.
stressed out, let's make youfeel good with food, your kids
didn't go to bed, well, let'smake you feel good with food,
your son is struggling, let'smake you feel better with food.
So that is what our brain isdesigned to do. That's why it's
we have to do this work to kindof overcome override our brains
instinct to want to make us inthe moment, feel that pleasure
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and just be happy in the moment.
In order for you to think aboutfood less, we need to be willing
to let some of the pleasure fromfood go like it has to be an
active, I'm going to choose tonot find so much pleasure from
food. And you will find as youpleasure swap as you actually do
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this, it gets easier and easier.
I'm not saying it's going to beeasy from the beginning, it's
going to get easier and easierwith time. How do you pleasure
swap, you can do this in twodifferent ways. Number one, you
can swap the pleasure from thedelicious food in the moment to
getting the body and the healthand the weight loss and the
aging well in warding offdisease all of that in the
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future. It's amazing. If you canget yourself to do that sit
there and think I am going tosee the results from this in six
weeks or two months, whatever itis. That is beautiful. But
sometimes this is hard to careabout in the moment. I'm in a
place right now where I've beendoing this work long enough that
that works for me. But for a lotof my clients especially if
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you're new to kind of this workto kind of hacking your brain
and choosing intentionalthoughts and pleasure swapping
number two is going to be alittle bit easier for you
swapping the pleasure tosomething else right in the
moment. And at the beginning ofthis podcast I told you this is
going to this podcast is reallygoing to go hand in hand with
the podcast last week. And thestep number three was decide in
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the moment what you want morethan that food in the moment
swapped the pleasure out what doyou want right now more than you
want the food. Now, I want tosuggest to you that you prepare
this ahead of time you plan onwhat you're what you're going to
be swapping your pleasure forahead of time. And tonight, my
friends is the perfect night todo this. Unless you have no
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candy in your house and you'relike you know, bah humbug and
you don't like it or maybeyou're in a neighbor Read where
no one comes to your house. Butif you're in a neighborhood
where are going to be knocking,people are going to be knocking
on your doors, those littlekids, and you do have candy in
the house, I want you to in themoment plan on how you're going
to pleasure swap plan if youdon't want to have candy, or if
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you only want to have one pieceor you only want to have two
pieces, whatever you're decidingyour brain, it doesn't matter if
you if you're deciding thatyou're not going to have any,
your brain is going to tell youto have some, if you're going to
only have one or two pieces,your brains, it's not going to
be enough for you girl you knowit's not. So let's decide ahead
of time ahead of time whatyou're going to pleasure swap
for. Let me give you an exampleon how I do this. Because I also
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love using number two, thesecond example. So example
Thanksgiving, used to be reallyhard for me, I just felt like I
wanted all of it. My mom and mysister make amazing deviled
eggs. And of course, my family.
We started a long time ago atradition and a love for cheese.
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And it's like cheese. It's likethe brie cheese with the
deliciousness over like thejalapeno jelly over with
crackers. And I actually don'tusually eat crackers, but those
are going to be there. And thenit's and then I have an
appetizer that's there that'sgoing to be there. That's
amazing. I have there's allthese things starting out with
the deviled eggs and the cheese.
It's it used to be a challengefor me because I would want all
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the things and then of course,by the time I used to eat so
much, that by the time theThanksgiving meal was delivered
and presented, I really wasn'thungry at all. And so then I
would overeat that because it'sThanksgiving, you're supposed to
be full, right? We see all thefunny videos of people full and
all that it's kind of what we'resupposed to do. So I thought I'm
gonna do it as well. And then ofcourse, dessert is amazing. And
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we have a lot of cheesecake andpumpkin pie. And I make an
amazing bread pudding, let metell you, it's like with
sourdough bread. And there's alittle cayenne pepper in it.
Amazing. I always make it whenmy sister in law comes to visit
she and I absolutely love it.
Anyways, there's a lot to choosefrom. And by the end of the day,
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I would feel just absolutelysick. And then sometimes I would
throw in a cocktail of vodkasoda on top of that it was a
mess. And so now I know there'sgoing to be pleasure. With the
food on Thanksgiving, I usuallyeat more than I do on
Thanksgiving intentionallybecause there's so much good
food that I want to have. But Idon't want to stuff myself like
that anymore. I don't want it tobe a free for all anymore. I
(17:24):
just don't want that for myself.
So here's how I swapped thepleasure. A few years ago, I
can't even remember when westarted doing a white elephant
gift on Thanksgiving. Because wejust thought it would be more
fun and more festive. And it'sit's hilarious. In fact, I have
to tell you, this is so funny.
So last year for the whiteelephant gift. My husband
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seriously. He did the best outof all of us. He got a huge like
eight by 10 I can't rememberpicture of himself framed. It
was so funny to get this from afew years ago when he still had
hair. Now he's pretty bald. Butit was from a few years ago, he
had it framed and then to theback, he taped a card and had
like a $50 bill in there orsomething. The framed picture is
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still on my sister's mantleplace because my niece got it.
It was absolutely hilarious. Itwas so funny. We do this white
elephant and it just makes theday more festive. I really look
forward to it. Okay, it's noteven Halloween yet. I already
have my white elephant pickedout. That's how devoted and
excited and how pleasurable.
This event is the white elephanton Thanksgiving. So we also play
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Pictionary, it can be a littlebit aggressive. My mom takes it
way too seriously, it getsintense. So Pictionary, I look
forward to that. I also decidethat I'm going to make a new
side dish every year justbecause I love cooking. And I
usually make it a healthier sidedish, it's going to taste good,
but it's also going to behealthy. I also really pleasure
swap that I'm going there toconnect with my family, to
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connect with my children, butespecially to connect with my
two nieces that are going to bethere because I don't see them
as much. And so here's what itis, you hear say all those
things I'm excited about.
Besides the new side dish Italked about. It's not about the
food for me. The food is thereand it's going to be great. But
all day I'm going to be thinkingabout how I'm excited about this
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white elephant because I knowI'm going to kill it this year.
It is going to be Pictionary.
I'm excited for it. I'm going touse it for my new side dish
because I know everyone's goingto love it. And it's connecting
with family. It's I'm going tointentionally connect with my
family. And so like I'll tellyou another way that I connect
with my family which is also Ithink pleasure swapping is like
each one of my three boys haslike a different love language.
(19:40):
I should actually do a podcaston Love Languages. Many of you
I'm sure like oh my god, Itotally know what love languages
is.
If you don't know there's a bookcalled The Five Love Languages.
It's a game changer for everyrelationship in your life. I'll
have to do a podcast on it. ButI have three boys and each one
of them He has a different lovelanguage. So as I move
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throughout my day with them whenI am with all three of them,
whether we are on vacation,whether we are at Thanksgiving
together doesn't matter. I'mconnecting with them based on
their individual love languages.
I will like so I'll tell you,for example, like one of my
boys, his love language isgifts, which was really weird
for me at first, because that'snot one of my love languages.
But since he was very, veryyoung, it was gifts. And you
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could ask him like, likerandomly like, hey, what Uncle
Dave, get you for your birthdaylast year, he'll remember. Hey,
what did you get for like yourhigh school graduation for this?
I mean, he'll remember. That'show it's important to him. And
so I will tell him, I'll dothings like, hey, this, this
white elephant, I totally wasthinking about you, when I when
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I got this done. I will tell himthis side dish, I totally think
you will love it. I want him toknow because that's his love
language, that I see that it'seven though I won't tell he
knows it's his love language.
We've talked about it a lot. ButI will connect with him and make
sure he knows that I see him inthose situations. Because I know
that that's important to him.
One of my other boys lovelanguage is touch, which is very
(21:07):
convenient, because mine istouch. So I'm going to be
cuddling the shit out of thatkid all day. And he cuddles me
back. 20 year old cuddling meback. Yes, please. I'll take it
any day. Then I have another sonwho his love language is quality
time. So the whole day I'm goingto be spending quality time with
him. But I will check in withhim throughout the day. And I
will ask him about, hey, what'syour friends doing? What's going
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on this? Are you doing anythingfun later tonight, I will really
try to make sure that when hethinks back over Thanksgiving,
he remembers him and Iconnecting, even if it's just
moments of quality time. So thisis all to say. Thanksgiving is
historically known in oursociety as a food holiday. Did
you hear all the things I talkedabout excluding the side dish
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that had nothing to do withfood. That is pleasure swapping.
Let me give you another example.
Halloween, I told you already,my friends and neighbors, some
of my best friends really liveon my street, we've grown up,
we've raised our kids together,we've grown up together. And we
are having them over. And we'regoing to sit in our driveway
(22:13):
with them. And we are all goingto have warm drinks and connect
with each other while we let therandom kids around the
neighborhood grab candy out ofthe bowl, we put the bowl like
20 feet ahead of us. So not thatwe don't want to see them. But
we want to connect with eachother. We want to be there. But
I don't want to have to engagewith every kid. I want to engage
with my friends. And anotherthing I'm doing also to pleasure
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swap for Halloween candy is Ibought my twins who they don't
live with us anymore. I boughtthem I went to the local candy
store. We have this awesomecandy store in our town that has
like, like old school candy likeyou know the rat, you know that
those candies where it's like athin, almost like a two inch
piece of paper. And then there'slike those candies stuck to it
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like little it's like the sizeof a pencil eraser. And there's
little sugar candies. They havethose like old school candies
that we had when we were younggrowing up. So I got my twins a
bunch of candy and I gave it tothem to take to their own house
as like Halloween fun for them.
But I don't want it in my house.
I don't want it around me. Sothat was something that I was
(23:18):
really excited about because Iwanted to do something for them.
So that's another example ofpleasure swapping. So think to
yourself, when you think of,especially this time of year
when food is even moreheightened. Think about how you
can pleasure swap is one of theeasiest ways to do when you look
at your day. When is the easiesttime for you to eat. For a lot
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of people it's breakfast. Theydon't find themselves like
binging during breakfast veryrarely does someone get on a
console and say breakfast is astruggle every once in a while.
But most mostly it's like fromthree to five or after dinner.
So breakfast is an easy meal foryou. Make sure that your
breakfast is serving your weightloss and body goals. Like is it
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getting you where you want togo? And is there a way if it's
an easy meal for you? You canpleasure swap a little bit. Is
there a way you can pleasureswap maybe with your coffee? Or
can you pleasure swap with maybeyour lunch? Is there something
about lunch where you're likeyou know what I don't need to
have like a delicious lunch I'mgoing to have it be just like
(24:25):
okay, kind of palatable and I'mreally going to instead you know
just have a quick lunch andreally get get my work done and
so I can get home earlierwhatever it is in that moment.
So I know I gave you someholiday examples. But what I
want you to encourage you toalso look at your every day and
(24:46):
think how can I pleasure swapduring my every day. So I want
you to give pleasure swapping atry. And I want you to see if
you can look at some thingsyou're eating throughout the day
and think you know what, how canI I find pleasure in other
areas, whether it's in themoment maybe connecting with
(25:06):
people and not worrying so muchabout the pleasure from the
food, or doing that first one, Italked about swapping the
pleasure to I'm going to beproud of myself tonight, I'm
going to be losing weight, I'mgoing to be getting in
healthier. And I will tell you,what ends up happening is, when
you take some of the pleasureaway from food, it gets easier
(25:28):
and easier and your lifeactually expands. You actually
start putting more value inother things. You're going out
to dinner with friends, and youstart going. I'm really excited
to see these runs, and I'mexcited to connect to connect
with them. And it's not justabout what can I taste in my
mouth. It's about loving thebody you're in. And that being
(25:51):
more important than any sweetpotato fry or any Lemon Drop
drink or any cookie. So give ita try. And let me know how
pleasure swapping works for you.
Have a great Tuesday, happyHalloween. If you are ready to
lose weight and keep it offpermanently. If you have tried
diets and you know they don'twork and you're ready for real
(26:12):
change. I would love to have aconversation with you. I coach
women privately one on one, andI'm currently offering
consultations to talk aboutworking together. click my link
in the show notes or head toCourtney Gray coaching.com Or
you can find me on Instagram atCourtney Gray coaching
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight. So
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. And by taking care of youand achieving your health goals.
You will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted. Welcome to the podcast
(00:45):
episode 94. Pleasure swapping.
First of all, happy Halloween.
How fun is this? I, I alwaysloved Halloween growing up and I
loved Halloween when my kidswere little. Now as they've
gotten older, it's not quite asfun. I'm gonna be honest, it's
not quite as fun. But tonight,I'm excited because we've
invited some of our really goodfriends who are also our
(01:08):
neighbors, they live on ourstreet just to come over and
have drinks literally in ourdriveway, we get a ton like Can
you hear it my voice ton oftrigger tutors at our house in
our in our neighborhood. And sowe have our neighbors coming
over and we're going to sitthere we might have a fire if I
feel like it's safe. And thenwe're going to have the candy
like kind of out in front so thekids can all pick their own
(01:29):
candy. And we can just connectin love on each other and chat
it up. And the cool thing tooabout our neighborhood is we
just know so many people thatlive in our neighborhoods that a
lot of parents are gonna be outand about walking around. It's
just a really fun night toconnect with people. So So I am
looking forward to it. It's notquite as fun as when my kids
were like dressing up andrunning all over and so excited.
(01:50):
But I'm making the best of it.
It is so fun. The podcast lastweek was a really good one. It
had a lot of downloads, moredownloads, I feel like the
normal during the first week,the podcast. And so what I'm
teaching you today, pleasureswapping is a concept I've
created and it is going to be inline with step three of my three
step process on how to not eatthat food you want or I think I
(02:12):
named the podcast how to not eatthat food you're craving. So the
step three is deciding what youwant more like in that moment.
And this pleasure swapping isgoing to help you do that. And
so what is the idea of pleasureswabbing is the idea of taking
some of the pleasure away fromfood and putting it into
something else. And I'm justimagining there's some people
(02:35):
like if you're thinking that,but this podcast is definitely
for you. And it goes in linewith another thing I said, I
don't even know whether I don'teven know I might have gotten
this from someone else. I don'tknow. But I've been saying it
for a long time that it doesn'talways have to be a party in
your mouth. Everything doesn'thave to be a party in your
mouth. And I will tell you, I'mreally stepping into talking
(02:57):
about these kinds of things.
Because what I hear in Gosh,that health and wellness
industry and the diet industryand the health culture and
everything is I feel like for along time, we've been trying to
make everything taste good. AndI think this is part of the
problem. We've been trying tomake broccoli taste good. We've
been trying to hide veggies andother things we've been trying
(03:20):
to we've been trying to disguiseyou know, healthy things as
things that taste really good.
And I am all for things tastinggood. I love good food. I love
taking pleasure from food. Soplease do not get me wrong. I
enjoy food so much. I'm making adelicious chicken and vegetable
soup for dinner tonight. I can'twait. I love taking pleasure in
(03:40):
food. But the way that food isdesigned this these days, that
it is so hyper saturated withtaste and flavor and fat and
salt and all these things. Ithink that I think we've gotten
away from us, my friends, Ithink we've gotten away from our
health and from what life is allabout. And I think that we could
(04:02):
all do to take a little bit ofpleasure away from the food and
I will say the drink as well. Itdoesn't always have to be a
party in your mouth. And inorder for you to lose weight and
get in the best shape of yourlife and feel like you really
are in control of your body andyour food and your thoughts
about all of it. Pleasureswapping will help you the idea
(04:25):
that some meals can nourish youthey can taste good, but maybe
not be so pleasurable is one Iwould love for you to consider
adopting. I remember a few yearsago a girl told me were friendly
I don't know her that well butshe told me she told me she was
oh you always look so fit yourweight never goes up and down
and and she was giving me a lotof very nice compliments and so
(04:46):
first of all I said first ofall, that's not true. Like my
weight I I feel like most of useven if we're where we want to
be you go up and down a fewpounds and I don't really weigh
myself but I just know that'strue. But it was a compliment
that you said I was always fit.
And so she's like, tell me whatyou eat. And I just laughed. She
was no seriously like, I wantit. I want us want to know what
you eat on a day to day basis.
So I started just kind of goinginto like, I have a few
(05:09):
different things I usually havefor breakfast, I have a few
different things I usually havefor lunch. And most days I try
to shake it up, but I'm kind ofhabitual. And then I have a
wider variety of things that eatat dinner. And she just goes
that just none of that soundsgood to me. And I was
fascinated. And my my responsereally surprised her and I said,
Oh, no, oh, no, no, a lot ofthis doesn't sound good to me
(05:32):
either. And she's She literallywas like, I don't understand.
And I said I don't eat all ofthis for it to be a party in my
mouth. I said the reason I'mable to stay at the weight I am
feel good in my body feel like Iconsistently fit in my clothes
and and feel good is becausesome of the meals I just eat to
get it in. I just eat to fuel mybody. I really what what I was
(05:57):
saying in the moment, and Ididn't I hadn't thought about
this before. But I really waskind of swapping pleasure. I was
swapping the pleasure from an ameal to the pleasure of being in
a body I love. So she was like,oh, yeah, that makes sense. I
guess. So yeah, that makessense. And a lot of people I
don't think really have everthought about it that way. So
that's why I wanted to deliverthis concept to you. Who knows
(06:20):
if she ever did anything withthat concept, but I want to
deliver it to you. So it doesnot mean no pleasure with food,
it just means swapping some ofit out. It means going into your
meal saying this doesn't soundthat good to me. And that's
okay. Because it's going to bereally good for my body. And
it's going to make me feel good.
(06:40):
It's going to make me sleepgood. It's going to all those
things, it's going to help melose weight, and all those
things. In order to lose weightand get healthy, we don't need
to eat perfectly, we need to eatbetter consistently. And
pleasure swapping is a greatconcept I've created because the
amount of pleasure that mostpeople put on food is pretty
(07:02):
astronomical. It's pretty muchevery meal. It think about it,
if you say or to yourself, oryou hear people saying what
sounds good. That's a verycommon thing. If you go to if
you're at the airport and youlook up at the menu at a Mexican
restaurant, you're gettingsomething to eat while you're at
the airport and you look up whatsounds good. If you go
restaurants is definitely aplace where you say what sounds
(07:24):
good because we have so manydelicious options. You know,
when you look in your fridge,what sounds good, what you're
really saying is what seems likeit's gonna taste good. Nothing
wrong with that. But can we swapit? Can we swap and go what is
going to be the best for my bodyright now it might not really
taste very good. But what'sgoing to be the best for my body
right now. Because this is theinteresting thing, or where
(07:46):
we've gotten in our societyright now is not only do we use
food to fix our emotions, inmost situations, it's now
pleasurable in most situations,right we eat because we want to
find happiness and we want tocelebrate we got an award we
want to celebrate and engagementwant to celebrate a baby share.
(08:07):
We want to celebrate that it'sFriday, we want to celebrate
it's It's Wednesday, it'shalfway through the week, we're
finding ways to celebrate allthe time with food and drink.
And we use food and drink kindof really to find pleasure when
we're sad when we haveheartbreak. When we have anxiety
when when we hear some bad newsa lot of people turn to pleasure
(08:29):
F for food. When we're bored. AmI've been talking to more and
more clients maybe because I'vebeen telling you that I that's
one of my triggers is beingbored. But I'm getting more and
more people coming on to consolesaying that they really have
been resonating with thatbecause they eat when they are
bored. And so we turn topleasure when we're bored
because being bored. It soundslike not, you know, you think
(08:51):
about anxiety and stress. Andthat sounds kind of horrible. We
feel like bored isn't thatnegative on emotion. But we
still want to get out of boredand we turn to food because we
feeling pleasure from food feelsso much better than being bored.
And a lot of times, I don't knowabout you, but when I'm bored.
Other things come up. It leadsme to say why like I say things
(09:14):
like Well, why don't I have morehobbies? Well, maybe I should
reach out to this person. Andwhat are my friends doing right
now? Are they together withoutme? So it's almost like when
you're bored. Other things comefrom being bored. As you have to
sit with yourself. You have tolike yourself enough to sit with
yourself. And then one of theother ways we turn to pleasure
food and pleasure is when we'reat like rage and we're mad. I
(09:36):
was thinking oh my god one of myclients she is so funny. And she
told me one time I'd never heardof this and I think she just
made it up but she said she shewas rage eating oh my god, it
was so funny. Oh my god she'sgonna laugh when she hears me
say this. It was hilariousradiating um, is that a thing as
she goes?
Well, clearly it is. Oh my god.
So funny. I'm taking a moment totell you that I work privately
(10:01):
one on one with women to helpthem lose weight permanently,
and create a body they love.
This is not a diet program. Thisis a customized program to teach
you how to eat the way you wantto eat forever. No more
restriction, no more willpower,no more losing weight only to
sabotage and then gain it backagain. The problem is not you,
(10:24):
we women are so hard onourselves. And we think if we
could just get motivated or moredetermined, if we could find the
right diet plan or cut outcertain foods, we will lose
weight and be happy. But theanswer is changing your brain
and how you think and feel,changing your self image and how
you talk to yourself. Learninghow to trust yourself. This is
(10:45):
how you lose weight permanently.
It sounds too good to be true.
But I promise you it's not. Thework I do with my clients is
powerful, exciting, and loving.
And it's hard work to but theresult is change forever. The
women I work with are smart andsuccessful in so many areas of
their life, they just haven'tbeen able to figure out their
body. This is where I come in,head to my website to schedule a
(11:07):
consultation. And we can talkabout all the details back to
the podcast. But so one of themost common things I hear from
people is that they don't wantto find so much joy in food,
they want to pleasure swap. Sothat's why I'm giving you this
beautiful concept. They tell methey're all I just put so much
pleasure into food, so much joyand food and I don't want to
(11:31):
want it anymore. I used to thinkabout food right away when I
woke up in the morning. Like Iwould even think to myself, I'm
gonna eat really good all day.
And then I'm going to makechocolate tapioca pudding at
night. I remember like that wasmy husband and I when our kids
were really little, that was athing we loved. And I would plan
(11:51):
on it all day, like if I'm good.
And I'd say good in quotationmarks. If I'm good all day, then
I will have deserved thattapioca pudding at the end of
the night. And then of course,what would happen is I'd be so
obsessed with food all day thatI would end up being stressed
out. And I would end up overeating, I'd be eating my kids
leftovers and all that. And thenat the end of the night, I would
(12:12):
be like, Well, fuck it. I mean,I I've already eaten bad all
day. So now I might as well havethe tapioca pudding. It's almost
like our brains just want tosabotage us in any possible way.
They want to rationalize in anypossible way, just to make us
feel good in the moment. Andremember, this is what our brain
is designed to do. Our brain isdesigned to make us feel good at
(12:36):
all costs, frustrated, let'smake you feel good with food.
stressed out, let's make youfeel good with food, your kids
didn't go to bed, well, let'smake you feel good with food,
your son is struggling, let'smake you feel better with food.
So that is what our brain isdesigned to do. That's why it's
we have to do this work to kindof overcome override our brains
instinct to want to make us inthe moment, feel that pleasure
(13:01):
and just be happy in the moment.
In order for you to think aboutfood less, we need to be willing
to let some of the pleasure fromfood go like it has to be an
active, I'm going to choose tonot find so much pleasure from
food. And you will find as youpleasure swap as you actually do
(13:23):
this, it gets easier and easier.
I'm not saying it's going to beeasy from the beginning, it's
going to get easier and easierwith time. How do you pleasure
swap, you can do this in twodifferent ways. Number one, you
can swap the pleasure from thedelicious food in the moment to
getting the body and the healthand the weight loss and the
aging well in warding offdisease all of that in the
(13:44):
future. It's amazing. If you canget yourself to do that sit
there and think I am going tosee the results from this in six
weeks or two months, whatever itis. That is beautiful. But
sometimes this is hard to careabout in the moment. I'm in a
place right now where I've beendoing this work long enough that
that works for me. But for a lotof my clients especially if
(14:06):
you're new to kind of this workto kind of hacking your brain
and choosing intentionalthoughts and pleasure swapping
number two is going to be alittle bit easier for you
swapping the pleasure tosomething else right in the
moment. And at the beginning ofthis podcast I told you this is
going to this podcast is reallygoing to go hand in hand with
the podcast last week. And thestep number three was decide in
(14:28):
the moment what you want morethan that food in the moment
swapped the pleasure out what doyou want right now more than you
want the food. Now, I want tosuggest to you that you prepare
this ahead of time you plan onwhat you're what you're going to
be swapping your pleasure forahead of time. And tonight, my
friends is the perfect night todo this. Unless you have no
(14:53):
candy in your house and you'relike you know, bah humbug and
you don't like it or maybeyou're in a neighbor Read where
no one comes to your house. Butif you're in a neighborhood
where are going to be knocking,people are going to be knocking
on your doors, those littlekids, and you do have candy in
the house, I want you to in themoment plan on how you're going
to pleasure swap plan if youdon't want to have candy, or if
(15:13):
you only want to have one pieceor you only want to have two
pieces, whatever you're decidingyour brain, it doesn't matter if
you if you're deciding thatyou're not going to have any,
your brain is going to tell youto have some, if you're going to
only have one or two pieces,your brains, it's not going to
be enough for you girl you knowit's not. So let's decide ahead
of time ahead of time whatyou're going to pleasure swap
for. Let me give you an exampleon how I do this. Because I also
(15:34):
love using number two, thesecond example. So example
Thanksgiving, used to be reallyhard for me, I just felt like I
wanted all of it. My mom and mysister make amazing deviled
eggs. And of course, my family.
We started a long time ago atradition and a love for cheese.
(15:56):
And it's like cheese. It's likethe brie cheese with the
deliciousness over like thejalapeno jelly over with
crackers. And I actually don'tusually eat crackers, but those
are going to be there. And thenit's and then I have an
appetizer that's there that'sgoing to be there. That's
amazing. I have there's allthese things starting out with
the deviled eggs and the cheese.
It's it used to be a challengefor me because I would want all
(16:19):
the things and then of course,by the time I used to eat so
much, that by the time theThanksgiving meal was delivered
and presented, I really wasn'thungry at all. And so then I
would overeat that because it'sThanksgiving, you're supposed to
be full, right? We see all thefunny videos of people full and
all that it's kind of what we'resupposed to do. So I thought I'm
gonna do it as well. And then ofcourse, dessert is amazing. And
(16:40):
we have a lot of cheesecake andpumpkin pie. And I make an
amazing bread pudding, let metell you, it's like with
sourdough bread. And there's alittle cayenne pepper in it.
Amazing. I always make it whenmy sister in law comes to visit
she and I absolutely love it.
Anyways, there's a lot to choosefrom. And by the end of the day,
(17:01):
I would feel just absolutelysick. And then sometimes I would
throw in a cocktail of vodkasoda on top of that it was a
mess. And so now I know there'sgoing to be pleasure. With the
food on Thanksgiving, I usuallyeat more than I do on
Thanksgiving intentionallybecause there's so much good
food that I want to have. But Idon't want to stuff myself like
that anymore. I don't want it tobe a free for all anymore. I
(17:24):
just don't want that for myself.
So here's how I swapped thepleasure. A few years ago, I
can't even remember when westarted doing a white elephant
gift on Thanksgiving. Because wejust thought it would be more
fun and more festive. And it'sit's hilarious. In fact, I have
to tell you, this is so funny.
So last year for the whiteelephant gift. My husband
(17:44):
seriously. He did the best outof all of us. He got a huge like
eight by 10 I can't rememberpicture of himself framed. It
was so funny to get this from afew years ago when he still had
hair. Now he's pretty bald. Butit was from a few years ago, he
had it framed and then to theback, he taped a card and had
like a $50 bill in there orsomething. The framed picture is
(18:08):
still on my sister's mantleplace because my niece got it.
It was absolutely hilarious. Itwas so funny. We do this white
elephant and it just makes theday more festive. I really look
forward to it. Okay, it's noteven Halloween yet. I already
have my white elephant pickedout. That's how devoted and
excited and how pleasurable.
This event is the white elephanton Thanksgiving. So we also play
(18:31):
Pictionary, it can be a littlebit aggressive. My mom takes it
way too seriously, it getsintense. So Pictionary, I look
forward to that. I also decidethat I'm going to make a new
side dish every year justbecause I love cooking. And I
usually make it a healthier sidedish, it's going to taste good,
but it's also going to behealthy. I also really pleasure
swap that I'm going there toconnect with my family, to
(18:55):
connect with my children, butespecially to connect with my
two nieces that are going to bethere because I don't see them
as much. And so here's what itis, you hear say all those
things I'm excited about.
Besides the new side dish Italked about. It's not about the
food for me. The food is thereand it's going to be great. But
all day I'm going to be thinkingabout how I'm excited about this
(19:18):
white elephant because I knowI'm going to kill it this year.
It is going to be Pictionary.
I'm excited for it. I'm going touse it for my new side dish
because I know everyone's goingto love it. And it's connecting
with family. It's I'm going tointentionally connect with my
family. And so like I'll tellyou another way that I connect
with my family which is also Ithink pleasure swapping is like
each one of my three boys haslike a different love language.
(19:40):
I should actually do a podcaston Love Languages. Many of you
I'm sure like oh my god, Itotally know what love languages
is.
If you don't know there's a bookcalled The Five Love Languages.
It's a game changer for everyrelationship in your life. I'll
have to do a podcast on it. ButI have three boys and each one
of them He has a different lovelanguage. So as I move
(20:03):
throughout my day with them whenI am with all three of them,
whether we are on vacation,whether we are at Thanksgiving
together doesn't matter. I'mconnecting with them based on
their individual love languages.
I will like so I'll tell you,for example, like one of my
boys, his love language isgifts, which was really weird
for me at first, because that'snot one of my love languages.
But since he was very, veryyoung, it was gifts. And you
(20:24):
could ask him like, likerandomly like, hey, what Uncle
Dave, get you for your birthdaylast year, he'll remember. Hey,
what did you get for like yourhigh school graduation for this?
I mean, he'll remember. That'show it's important to him. And
so I will tell him, I'll dothings like, hey, this, this
white elephant, I totally wasthinking about you, when I when
(20:45):
I got this done. I will tell himthis side dish, I totally think
you will love it. I want him toknow because that's his love
language, that I see that it'seven though I won't tell he
knows it's his love language.
We've talked about it a lot. ButI will connect with him and make
sure he knows that I see him inthose situations. Because I know
that that's important to him.
One of my other boys lovelanguage is touch, which is very
(21:07):
convenient, because mine istouch. So I'm going to be
cuddling the shit out of thatkid all day. And he cuddles me
back. 20 year old cuddling meback. Yes, please. I'll take it
any day. Then I have another sonwho his love language is quality
time. So the whole day I'm goingto be spending quality time with
him. But I will check in withhim throughout the day. And I
will ask him about, hey, what'syour friends doing? What's going
(21:29):
on this? Are you doing anythingfun later tonight, I will really
try to make sure that when hethinks back over Thanksgiving,
he remembers him and Iconnecting, even if it's just
moments of quality time. So thisis all to say. Thanksgiving is
historically known in oursociety as a food holiday. Did
you hear all the things I talkedabout excluding the side dish
(21:52):
that had nothing to do withfood. That is pleasure swapping.
Let me give you another example.
Halloween, I told you already,my friends and neighbors, some
of my best friends really liveon my street, we've grown up,
we've raised our kids together,we've grown up together. And we
are having them over. And we'regoing to sit in our driveway
(22:13):
with them. And we are all goingto have warm drinks and connect
with each other while we let therandom kids around the
neighborhood grab candy out ofthe bowl, we put the bowl like
20 feet ahead of us. So not thatwe don't want to see them. But
we want to connect with eachother. We want to be there. But
I don't want to have to engagewith every kid. I want to engage
with my friends. And anotherthing I'm doing also to pleasure
(22:35):
swap for Halloween candy is Ibought my twins who they don't
live with us anymore. I boughtthem I went to the local candy
store. We have this awesomecandy store in our town that has
like, like old school candy likeyou know the rat, you know that
those candies where it's like athin, almost like a two inch
piece of paper. And then there'slike those candies stuck to it
(22:57):
like little it's like the sizeof a pencil eraser. And there's
little sugar candies. They havethose like old school candies
that we had when we were younggrowing up. So I got my twins a
bunch of candy and I gave it tothem to take to their own house
as like Halloween fun for them.
But I don't want it in my house.
I don't want it around me. Sothat was something that I was
(23:18):
really excited about because Iwanted to do something for them.
So that's another example ofpleasure swapping. So think to
yourself, when you think of,especially this time of year
when food is even moreheightened. Think about how you
can pleasure swap is one of theeasiest ways to do when you look
at your day. When is the easiesttime for you to eat. For a lot
(23:41):
of people it's breakfast. Theydon't find themselves like
binging during breakfast veryrarely does someone get on a
console and say breakfast is astruggle every once in a while.
But most mostly it's like fromthree to five or after dinner.
So breakfast is an easy meal foryou. Make sure that your
breakfast is serving your weightloss and body goals. Like is it
(24:05):
getting you where you want togo? And is there a way if it's
an easy meal for you? You canpleasure swap a little bit. Is
there a way you can pleasureswap maybe with your coffee? Or
can you pleasure swap with maybeyour lunch? Is there something
about lunch where you're likeyou know what I don't need to
have like a delicious lunch I'mgoing to have it be just like
(24:25):
okay, kind of palatable and I'mreally going to instead you know
just have a quick lunch andreally get get my work done and
so I can get home earlierwhatever it is in that moment.
So I know I gave you someholiday examples. But what I
want you to encourage you toalso look at your every day and
(24:46):
think how can I pleasure swapduring my every day. So I want
you to give pleasure swapping atry. And I want you to see if
you can look at some thingsyou're eating throughout the day
and think you know what, how canI I find pleasure in other
areas, whether it's in themoment maybe connecting with
(25:06):
people and not worrying so muchabout the pleasure from the
food, or doing that first one, Italked about swapping the
pleasure to I'm going to beproud of myself tonight, I'm
going to be losing weight, I'mgoing to be getting in
healthier. And I will tell you,what ends up happening is, when
you take some of the pleasureaway from food, it gets easier
(25:28):
and easier and your lifeactually expands. You actually
start putting more value inother things. You're going out
to dinner with friends, and youstart going. I'm really excited
to see these runs, and I'mexcited to connect to connect
with them. And it's not justabout what can I taste in my
mouth. It's about loving thebody you're in. And that being
(25:51):
more important than any sweetpotato fry or any Lemon Drop
drink or any cookie. So give ita try. And let me know how
pleasure swapping works for you.
Have a great Tuesday, happyHalloween. If you are ready to
lose weight and keep it offpermanently. If you have tried
diets and you know they don'twork and you're ready for real
(26:12):
change. I would love to have aconversation with you. I coach
women privately one on one, andI'm currently offering
consultations to talk aboutworking together. click my link
in the show notes or head toCourtney Gray coaching.com Or
you can find me on Instagram atCourtney Gray coaching
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!