September 12, 2023 • 25 mins
The goal is not to eat perfectly.
The goal is to feel in control, not think about food so much.
To be in a body you feel good in, like yourself!
Today I am teaching you how to slow things down when you feel desire for food, the food that you know will taste amazing, but will leave you feeling yucky and not moving you towards your weight loss goals.
Enjoy!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:02):
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight, so
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. In my taking care of youand achieving your health goals.
You will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted.
Welcome to the podcast episode87, slowing things down and
(00:48):
processing desire. Andspecifically we're talking about
desire for food. But before Ijump into the podcast, I want to
give you a little update. Ispent about five days last week
in Dallas at a mastermind. Nowif you feel like you've been
listening to the podcast everyweek, and you're confused,
because I'm constantly sayingI'm traveling or I'm at a
mastermind, you are notconfused. I have been traveling
(01:12):
so much and I've gone to fourmasterminds this year. So two of
those masterminds I have workedat for my coach Stacey Boehm,
and I work for her and so I wasworking those masterminds. But
the other two were just for me,and I'm telling you girls, oh,
doing an in person event beingaround other women that are
wanting more and bigger thingsfor their life is all fun. If
(01:34):
you ever get the opportunity,definitely give yourself that
gift. I was in Dallas with theLife Coach School. It is the
school I got my coachcertification from and the one
and a half day conference wasawesome. But even better was all
the women and friends newfriends, old friends, I was able
to really mastermind over dinnerand at the pool and over
(01:58):
cocktails with that was reallythe best part. It's where you
really start realizing thatthere are other ways to do
things in the world. And thereare other ways to think about
things. And it just was amazing.
So I'm, but I will say I'm happyto be back as much as I have
loved all the traveling thisyear, I've done a little bit too
(02:18):
much of it, I realized that nowsometimes you have to go all in
and realize oh, okay, so youknow, three long trips in one
month is not does not a happywoman make. So I'm happy to be
home. And I'm happy to be herewith you. What I want to talk
about is slowing things down,and processing desire. And the
reason I wanted to talk aboutthis is this is one of the ways
(02:39):
you can feel in control aroundfood is being able to understand
how to want something, how toprocess that want or desire, and
how to still what I call show upfor yourself, meaning still be
the woman you want to be and noteat the food or also eat the
food and be curious and figureout why you ate it and not beat
(03:02):
yourself up. But the best partis if you can actually if I can
teach you to want the food, havedesire for something, and still,
you know, show up for yourself,be true to yourself. And in that
moment, live from the woman whoyou want to be in order to get
the health that you want inorder to lose the weight,
(03:23):
maintain the weight, all of thethings I want you to imagine for
a moment, if you could gothroughout your day and want
something and not eat it. Andthis is something a lot of times
when I talk to my clients aboutthey've never actually thought
about that they a lot of us areliving from a place where we
want something we eat it, wewant this we want that we want
(03:43):
we don't want to work out wedon't we want to watch TV we do.
We want to eat the things we eatit we don't think about actually
doing what is really what isbest for our future goals. So
that's what I want to teach youtoday. And what I'm going to
teach you to do is acknowledge,acknowledge the desire and feel
it and be okay with it. Not haveto get get rid of it. I'm going
(04:04):
to teach you talk about beingcurious about it, giving
yourself a moment and what thatwould look like having a
conversation with both of you inyour head. And there's often two
very different ideas in our headof what we want to do. I think
of it sometimes in terms of likethe angel and the devil on each
shoulder that's always there forus, and then also how to make a
(04:26):
decision and allow the desire tostill be there. And so let me
talk about that one first. Evenit's the latter, even though
it's the last one. I think thatthere is a misconception that if
you want something if youdesire, something that that's it
like we have to get rid of thedesire in order to not eat the
thing. And I just want to saythat that's actually not true.
(04:50):
And so I'm going to talk about apersonal experience of mine from
when I was in in Dallas at afancy amazing restaurant. And I
want to talk about I am in anamazing place in my body, I've
been the same weight basically,for years now. I feel more in
love with my body than I everhave I feel sexier than I ever
have. I feel confident. And Istill have goals. But I feel
(05:12):
good. Even though I have thosegoals, and I'm not there yet.
I'm still working to getstronger. And I'm still figuring
out how can I do that with thetime I've given myself to get
stronger. So I feel like I'm inan amazing place. And it's all
of the work that I have done andthat I'm teaching you how to do.
And I'm teaching in myworkshops, and especially for
all of you, of my clients. It'sall of this work that I am in
(05:34):
such a great place. I've saidbefore on the podcast that I
think back to my you know, 23year old self when I was in
college, and I feel like when Ilook at her, I think God, I
should have been a nudist, Ilooked absolutely amazing. But
man did I not think I wasamazing man, it was I in a
constant loop of if I could justlose five pounds. And then later
(05:57):
on, if I could just lose 12pounds, life would be so much
better if I could you know, onceI lost the 70 pounds I gained
when I was pregnant. You know,it's just this constant state of
misery that I wasn't good enoughwhere I was. And the only way to
feel happy and feel better andfeel sex are sexier would be to
lose that weight. Gosh, it makesme so sad for her. Because I you
(06:17):
know, now that I'm older, mybody doesn't look the way it did
back then. But I feel so muchbetter about myself now. So the
first step in really slowingthings down and processing
desire is acknowledging thedesire, feeling it and being
okay with it. So let me tell youa story. So when I was in
(06:38):
Dallas, one of the nights I wentto this beautiful restaurant
with about I think there wereabout 10 of us there. And it was
just a wonderful dinner, andwonderful restaurant, wonderful
conversation I was with mycoach. And I was also with a
bunch of other coaches who I hadnot met and who I was just so
impressed with. And these wereamazing women doing amazing
(06:59):
things, making millions ofdollars, helping people in all
varieties of coaching. It wasjust awesome. And I don't eat
pizza. I can't I don't thinkI've eaten pizza. In years. It's
just one of those things I don'teat because I really don't eat
bread most of the times andbread is in pizza, so I just
don't eat it. And it's usuallynot a problem at all for me. I
(07:20):
got my dinner, I had a littlebit of an appetizer that was
presented to the table and thenI ordered my dinner I ordered a
pork chop. And with carrots, Ilike a pork chop. I don't love
pork chops at home. But when Igo to restaurants, I do love a
pork chop. So and then I had mysparkling water and I was
completely content, the porkchop was truly one of the best
pork chops I've ever eaten. So Iwas very, very satisfied. And I
(07:43):
only even ate half of it. Iwasn't even hungry for the rest.
Oh, and I also had a beet salad.
I love me a beat. So I had abeet salad. That was really
great, too. And the portionswere pretty big. And we were all
kind of sharing so I had howmuch I was going to eat of my
beet salad. And then I said tothe ladies around Hey, have this
this was amazing. So they alltook the rest of it. And the
(08:04):
girls next to me ordered dinnerand then they also ordered a
pizza to share. And the pizzacame and it was a pizza. I had
one like this years ago, it wasa pizza with like goat cheese. I
love goat cheese. It was goatcheese and fig. And like
arugula. I mean, it wasliterally looked absolutely
amazing. Now I don't eat pizza.
So I don't often want pizza, Idon't even consider it. It's
(08:26):
totally not a trigger for me.
But there was something aboutthis pizza that I wanted it. And
that was interesting for me towant this. I want things all the
time. I want cookies, I wantalcohol sometimes. But this was
interesting. I was sittingthere. And so number one, I
acknowledged my desire. And Iwas kind of questioning a little
(08:48):
bit Oh my god, I really wantthis pizza. And you you know how
it is when you want something ifyou take time to stop before you
just consume it. And you taketime you can actually feel the
desire in your body. You canfeel it. And so this is the
first thing is acknowledge I inyour head. I want this and I did
(09:08):
that I thought wow. Wow, this isthis looks amazing. I really
actually want this. And I wasokay with it. I felt it in my
body. And I said to myself, Iwant this pizza. Fascinating. I
don't usually eat that. Why do Iwant it and I thought back wild
fig in a regular and Fetta itmakes sense. I love Fetta. And
(09:29):
it made sense to me. And I justsat there and I was number two.
I was curious about it. Iliterally said to myself, I
wonder what it is right now thatis making me want this pizza
because I've already had myfood. I'm not hungry at all.
What is going on? And so I'mgoing to jump already to the
number three thing I want toteach you and I'm kind of moving
(09:51):
fast here but I'll then I'mgonna go back. But I always say
it's good to give yourself amoment. So I was sitting there
fasten hated being curious doingthe work that I teach my
clients. And I decided to givemyself a moment. Now first of
all, let's just get totally TMIhere. I drink a lot of water.
And you know how they say likewhen you start drinking more
(10:12):
water, your body gets used toit, and then you don't have to
pee as much incorrect. UnlessI'm a weirdo. Incorrect, I will
tell you my IP all the time Ihave, I drink so much water, and
my body's never gotten used toit. So I pee all the time.
Usually during dinner, I will goand pee two times. So I'm
sitting there and I thought, Ineed to give myself a moment, I
(10:33):
need to get away from this pizzafor a moment. And this is one
thing you can do, especially ifyou're in a restaurant, instead
of just saying I want that andimmediately going for it. And
then afterwards going what justhappened to me, I felt like I
had an outer body experience.
When you acknowledge that youwant something. And you're like,
Okay, I completely want that Ifeel the desire in my body. Give
(10:55):
yourself a moment to be curious.
But give yourself a moment. Andfor a lot of you get away for a
minute. So what I did, is Iactually excused myself and went
to the ladies room. And on theway walking to the ladies room,
I went back to Step number two,and I was curious. And I was
(11:15):
like, what is happening? I'm nothungry. I already ate this
delicious pork chop, I feelcompletely satisfied, satisfied
in terms of having somethingdelicious. And there was even
bacon wrapped on the pork chop.
It was absolutely delicious. Sowhat is going on with me here, I
couldn't figure out what exactlyit was, except for the fact that
I love me a pizza with a regularfig. And there might have been
(11:38):
pursued on there too. And FettaI'm like, Oh, it's just from
years ago, I remember havingpizza similar to this. And it
was absolutely delicious. But Igive myself a moment I got away
from the table to be able tothen number four. Step number
four in terms of slowing thisdown and processing this desire
is enable yourself to have aconversation with both of you.
(12:02):
I'm taking a moment to tell youthat I work privately one on one
with women to help them loseweight permanently, and create a
body they love. This is not adiet program. This is a
customized program to teach youhow to eat the way you want to
eat forever. No morerestriction, no more willpower,
no more losing weight only tosabotage and then gain it back
(12:25):
again. The problem is not you,we women are so hard on
ourselves. And we think if wecould just get motivated or more
determined if we could find theright diet plan or cut out
certain foods, we will loseweight and be happy. But the
answer is changing your brainand how you think and feel,
changing your self image and howyou talk to yourself. Learning
(12:46):
how to trust yourself.
This is how you lose weightpermanently. It sounds too good
to be true. But I promise youit's not. The work I do with my
clients is powerful, excitingand loving. And it's hard work
to but the result is changeforever. The women I work with
are smart and successful in somany areas of their life, they
(13:08):
just haven't been able to figureout their body. This is where I
come in, head to my website toschedule a consultation. And we
can talk about all the detailsback to the podcast.
Really having a conversationwith your primitive brain that
is telling you it just wants youto get all the desire in the
moment it wants you to be happy.
Get the dopamine feel the desirein the moment. That's the one
(13:32):
part of me. And I'm kind ofgetting away from the table to
slow her down. And then there'sthe other piden part of me, the
prefrontal cortex that wants meto sleep well, later in the
night. It wants me to maintainmy weight. Because I've been
maintaining my weight for awhile. It wants me to maintain
my goals and maintain theintegrity I have around the way
(13:57):
I eat the woman I am is a womanwho doesn't eat pizza doesn't
eat bread, I don't want to dothat it really doesn't serve my
body. It doesn't serve myoverall health. And my
prefrontal cortex knows that.
And once that for me, if wethink of the prefrontal cortex
as the angel on one shoulder, wethink of the primitive brain as
(14:19):
the devil on the other shoulder.
I took a moment away from thetable walking to the restaurant,
restroom having a conversationwith the two of these. Wow, I'm
curious, I totally want thispizza when usually I don't have
desire for those kinds ofthings. I wonder what's going
on. I really couldn't figure outwhat's going on except for the
desire was there. And that wasokay. I thought that maybe I
could come up with somethinglike Was I feeling
(14:42):
uncomfortable? No. Was I feelingnot satisfied with my meal? No.
And then I just it boiled downto It just smelled good. It
looked good. I looked at thesetwo women that were eating the
pizza that were in great shape.
So I thought I had you know myprimitive primitive brain was
offering me things like wellThey're eating it. And they're
in great shape. They're in goodhealth, they make good choices
(15:05):
for themselves. They'resuccessful women. Why are you
eating the pizza? Right? And soyou're you I had this
conversation. And I'm like,isn't that interesting? I'm
assuming just because they'regoing to eat it, because they
look like they're healthy when Ireally don't know. I assume they
are. But I don't know that justbecause they're eating it, I
should do it too. And then itgave me a chance, because I was
(15:27):
slowing things down to say,Courtney, what do you want to
do? Do you want to have thepizza? It's not the fucking end
of the world if you decide tohave pizza, but do I want it? I
really don't want it. Becausethe only reason to have it would
be was because I have thisdesire. And I'm trying to make
it not a big deal. I'm trying tocompare myself to these other
(15:49):
amazing women. And that's not agood enough reason. And one
thing you can always askyourself is Do I like my reason?
If someone would have said, Hey,everyone, I just want everyone
to know, if the server wouldhave come up and said, I just
want y'all to know, I don't knowif you know this. But this is
the last time you're ever goingto be able to eat pizza, because
(16:12):
pizza actually universally inthe world is going to be taken
off the menu, you're never goingto get access to it again. That
reasoning, I wouldn't be like, Ithink I might have a slice. But
that's not there's no, there wasno good reason or reason I liked
enough to not be the woman I'vedecided to be. And that might
sound kind of corny to you likewhy does it matter being the
(16:33):
woman you want to be? It doesmatter to me and something is
insignificant to some otherpeople is a big deal to me. So I
slowed down and I had thisconversation, I said to myself
while I was going to therestroom, what I want to do, you
can do whatever you want, youhave complete autonomy, you can
do whatever you want. And I saidno, I'm not going to have the
(16:57):
pizza, it's probably not evengoing to be a blip if I did have
it. But to me, I've made acommitment to myself. And I just
don't think I need it. And so Iwent back to the table and the
desire, it was still there alittle bit, but it had subsided
a little bit. So that wascomforting to me that it had
subsided for a little bit. Sothen what you could do is what I
(17:21):
did is I made a decision. And Iallowed the desire to still be
there. But you'll find when yougive yourself a moment, whether
that means walking away from thetable, or going to the restroom,
or going to the restroom isalways a game changer for me.
Because it's always sociallyacceptable. It doesn't matter
where you are, whether you'reout to dinner party, whether
(17:42):
you're in your own kitchen, orwhether you're at a restaurant,
going to the restroom is associally appropriate thing you
can do, it can give you time toconnect with yourself. I've said
this before, but one thing youcan do, if you're feeling a
little out of control is putyour hand like spread your palm
out really wide and put it onyour chest hard. And just be
like, Whoa, because there'ssomething about that, that we
(18:05):
don't do in our everyday life.
And it just brings you to themoment and you can even like
slap it on your chest and go,Hey, girl, what do we really
wanted to do here, it's totallyfine, that you have desire for
whatever it is. But I want youto take a minute you have two
sides of your brain right nowthat is giving you different
ideas of what you want to do,get present and make a decision.
(18:28):
And know when you go back towhatever circumstance you go
back to whether it's the tableat the restaurant, whether it's
your kitchen, whether it's yourkids eating cookies, or your
girlfriends all having anotherglass of wine, whatever it is,
you can still want it and youcan still make a choice for
yourself. Or you can still honorthe choice you have already
(18:49):
made. So I did that I went backto the table, I wanted it a
little bit less, which wascomforting. And it was totally
fine. One of the things I tellmy clients is you want to
celebrate yourself in some wayyou want to acknowledge your bad
Asri you want to acknowledgethat you did it that you made a
choice. You're really glad youdid. Because so often we make a
choice and when done we kind ofkick ourselves for it. So you
(19:14):
have to do the opposite. Youhave to when you make a good
choice, you need to sit thereand say to yourself fucking well
done, Courtney wouldn't havebeen the end of the world if you
would have had that peace. Thiswill this is the conversation I
had with myself as I was goingto bed that night. Fucking well
done, Courtney, you could havehad the pizza, you probably
would have had a stomachache andyou wouldn't have slept as well
(19:35):
had bad dreams. I don't knowabout you but pizza always gave
me bad dreams. That's one of thereasons why I decided not to eat
it anymore. It was probably moreof a pepperoni and cheese like
Domino's type of pizza. Theygave me the bad James But
anyways, I digress. I said tomyself, I was laying down you
know what, Courtney? You did ityou made a choice and I'm like
going down I'm laying my head onhis pillow. And I'm really glad
(19:56):
I made that choice because heHere's what happens when you do
that. This is why it's so goodto celebrate yourself. Not only
does it just feel good to tellmyself, I'm amazing, which we
all need to do more of. But I amproving to myself that that is
the woman I want to be. I amproving that true. So, so many
(20:17):
of you so many women, people outthere, when they're making a
choice that doesn't serve theirfuture self, they're really
voting for the fact that theycan't do it. They're really
showing and proving tothemselves and gathering
evidence for the fact that it'shard to do the things they want
(20:37):
to do. They're showing that theycan't be the type of woman they
want to be. They're the womanthey've been. So when you do the
amazing thing for yourself byfollowing through with what you
said, you wanted to followthrough, giving yourself a beat,
giving yourself a moment tocelebrate and say I did it. And
(20:59):
proving to yourself letting itbe evidence that you are
becoming a new woman is soimportant. Even if it's little,
do not negate it, we so oftennegate it. It's so funny. We
negate it in ourselves, but wedon't negate it in others. So
think about if you have either agirlfriend, or one of your kids
(21:21):
came to you and said and didexactly what you're trying to
do. If you're let's say yourson, maybe he's 19 years old,
and he's told you he reallywants to start going to the gym,
and lifting weights with one ofhis buddies that that's been
lifting weights. And he comesover for dinner tonight, and
says to you, I'm really proud ofmy No, let's say he doesn't even
(21:41):
say I'm proud of myself, let'ssay he says, Oh, I finally went
to the gym today with my friend,I really just want to start
lifting weights I did that.
Would you just be like, No,you'd be like, nice. You've been
talking about that for a while.
I'm so proud of you. Don't youfeel good about that, aren't you
so glad you would try toconvince him to feel good about
(22:04):
it, you would be trying toconvince him to celebrate
himself. So please turn that onyou and celebrate you. Because
you know, as a parent, or ifyou're doing this for a
girlfriend, you know that thebetter you feel about what you
did, the more likely you are todo it in the future. But it's
not just because it feels good.
(22:27):
In that moment, you're findingproof that you're becoming a new
person, or person who says I'mgoing to do this, and then I do
this. And then I'll tell youwhat else happens. The sweet,
you know, residual effect ofthis is that then when you have
a day when you don't do thething, if you've gone three days
(22:47):
in a row doing what you'vewanted to do, and then you
don't, you're more likely to getback on the wagon in terms of
you know what, that was amistake. It's no problem.
Tomorrow, I'm going to do thething I'm going to do what I
want to do. And what you'redoing is you're building trust
with yourself, you are creatinga new identity of a woman who
(23:08):
does things differently. This iswhat I did that night, I went to
dinner with a bunch of amazingwomen, I had a moment where I
considered not staying true towho I really want to be. I
acknowledged the desire, I feltit in my body. I was okay with
(23:28):
it. I wasn't mad at myself. Igot curious about it. I gave
myself a moment loving, alwayssuggesting physically removing
myself from the table or fromthe food from the situation. I
had a conversation with the bothparts of me that want very
different things. I made adecision which really was
(23:52):
confirming the decision I'vealready made. So I recommitted
to a decision. And I allowed thedesire to still be there and to
be okay with it. So many peopleare waiting for this desire to
go away. And I even hear peopletalking about oh, join this
weight loss program or I'm goingto teach you how to never want
(24:15):
the food again. And I disagreewith that. I think that the work
we do to start to trustourselves and to uplevel our
identities is powerful. But acookie is a cookie. And it's
okay, that in two months, I'mgoing to want a cookie. It's
(24:38):
okay, tomorrow night, I'm gonnago out and I'm going to want a
cocktail. It's okay if I haveone. But either way, it's okay
that I want it. Because thinkingthat we're going to get to a
point in our journey where wedon't want anything bad for us.
And thinking that we're going toget to a place in our journey
where every time we say we'regoing to work out we're going to
be totally motivated to work outis false. That's what I believe.
(25:03):
So knowing how to slow thingsdown and process the desire and
allow the desire is soimportant. I know this one was
powerful for you. If you hearthis and think this would be
amazing to really dive in andhave the ability to do this,
reach out to me, it's what I do.
And I would love to talk to youabout how I can help you have a
(25:24):
great Tuesday. If you are readyto lose weight and keep it off
permanently, if you have trieddiets and you know they don't
work and you're ready for realchange, I would love to have a
conversation with you. I coachwomen privately one on one, and
I'm currently offeringconsultations to talk about
working together. click my linkin the show notes or head to
(25:45):
Courtney Gray coaching.com Oryou can find me on Instagram at
Courtney Gray coaching
Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women
who are ready to lose weightpermanently, and love their body
love the way they feel. Andlook, I'm going to teach you how
to stop overeating and obsessingabout food and your weight, so
you can be more confident andempowered to then create an even
bigger life. I'm life and bodycoach Courtney Gray. And each
(00:25):
week, I'm going to be teachingyou how losing and maintaining
your ideal weight can be so mucheasier than it's been in the
past. In my taking care of youand achieving your health goals.
You will live in even moreamazing life than the one you
have lived so far. Let's getstarted.
Welcome to the podcast episode87, slowing things down and
(00:48):
processing desire. Andspecifically we're talking about
desire for food. But before Ijump into the podcast, I want to
give you a little update. Ispent about five days last week
in Dallas at a mastermind. Nowif you feel like you've been
listening to the podcast everyweek, and you're confused,
because I'm constantly sayingI'm traveling or I'm at a
mastermind, you are notconfused. I have been traveling
(01:12):
so much and I've gone to fourmasterminds this year. So two of
those masterminds I have workedat for my coach Stacey Boehm,
and I work for her and so I wasworking those masterminds. But
the other two were just for me,and I'm telling you girls, oh,
doing an in person event beingaround other women that are
wanting more and bigger thingsfor their life is all fun. If
(01:34):
you ever get the opportunity,definitely give yourself that
gift. I was in Dallas with theLife Coach School. It is the
school I got my coachcertification from and the one
and a half day conference wasawesome. But even better was all
the women and friends newfriends, old friends, I was able
to really mastermind over dinnerand at the pool and over
(01:58):
cocktails with that was reallythe best part. It's where you
really start realizing thatthere are other ways to do
things in the world. And thereare other ways to think about
things. And it just was amazing.
So I'm, but I will say I'm happyto be back as much as I have
loved all the traveling thisyear, I've done a little bit too
(02:18):
much of it, I realized that nowsometimes you have to go all in
and realize oh, okay, so youknow, three long trips in one
month is not does not a happywoman make. So I'm happy to be
home. And I'm happy to be herewith you. What I want to talk
about is slowing things down,and processing desire. And the
reason I wanted to talk aboutthis is this is one of the ways
(02:39):
you can feel in control aroundfood is being able to understand
how to want something, how toprocess that want or desire, and
how to still what I call show upfor yourself, meaning still be
the woman you want to be and noteat the food or also eat the
food and be curious and figureout why you ate it and not beat
(03:02):
yourself up. But the best partis if you can actually if I can
teach you to want the food, havedesire for something, and still,
you know, show up for yourself,be true to yourself. And in that
moment, live from the woman whoyou want to be in order to get
the health that you want inorder to lose the weight,
(03:23):
maintain the weight, all of thethings I want you to imagine for
a moment, if you could gothroughout your day and want
something and not eat it. Andthis is something a lot of times
when I talk to my clients aboutthey've never actually thought
about that they a lot of us areliving from a place where we
want something we eat it, wewant this we want that we want
(03:43):
we don't want to work out wedon't we want to watch TV we do.
We want to eat the things we eatit we don't think about actually
doing what is really what isbest for our future goals. So
that's what I want to teach youtoday. And what I'm going to
teach you to do is acknowledge,acknowledge the desire and feel
it and be okay with it. Not haveto get get rid of it. I'm going
(04:04):
to teach you talk about beingcurious about it, giving
yourself a moment and what thatwould look like having a
conversation with both of you inyour head. And there's often two
very different ideas in our headof what we want to do. I think
of it sometimes in terms of likethe angel and the devil on each
shoulder that's always there forus, and then also how to make a
(04:26):
decision and allow the desire tostill be there. And so let me
talk about that one first. Evenit's the latter, even though
it's the last one. I think thatthere is a misconception that if
you want something if youdesire, something that that's it
like we have to get rid of thedesire in order to not eat the
thing. And I just want to saythat that's actually not true.
(04:50):
And so I'm going to talk about apersonal experience of mine from
when I was in in Dallas at afancy amazing restaurant. And I
want to talk about I am in anamazing place in my body, I've
been the same weight basically,for years now. I feel more in
love with my body than I everhave I feel sexier than I ever
have. I feel confident. And Istill have goals. But I feel
(05:12):
good. Even though I have thosegoals, and I'm not there yet.
I'm still working to getstronger. And I'm still figuring
out how can I do that with thetime I've given myself to get
stronger. So I feel like I'm inan amazing place. And it's all
of the work that I have done andthat I'm teaching you how to do.
And I'm teaching in myworkshops, and especially for
all of you, of my clients. It'sall of this work that I am in
(05:34):
such a great place. I've saidbefore on the podcast that I
think back to my you know, 23year old self when I was in
college, and I feel like when Ilook at her, I think God, I
should have been a nudist, Ilooked absolutely amazing. But
man did I not think I wasamazing man, it was I in a
constant loop of if I could justlose five pounds. And then later
(05:57):
on, if I could just lose 12pounds, life would be so much
better if I could you know, onceI lost the 70 pounds I gained
when I was pregnant. You know,it's just this constant state of
misery that I wasn't good enoughwhere I was. And the only way to
feel happy and feel better andfeel sex are sexier would be to
lose that weight. Gosh, it makesme so sad for her. Because I you
(06:17):
know, now that I'm older, mybody doesn't look the way it did
back then. But I feel so muchbetter about myself now. So the
first step in really slowingthings down and processing
desire is acknowledging thedesire, feeling it and being
okay with it. So let me tell youa story. So when I was in
(06:38):
Dallas, one of the nights I wentto this beautiful restaurant
with about I think there wereabout 10 of us there. And it was
just a wonderful dinner, andwonderful restaurant, wonderful
conversation I was with mycoach. And I was also with a
bunch of other coaches who I hadnot met and who I was just so
impressed with. And these wereamazing women doing amazing
(06:59):
things, making millions ofdollars, helping people in all
varieties of coaching. It wasjust awesome. And I don't eat
pizza. I can't I don't thinkI've eaten pizza. In years. It's
just one of those things I don'teat because I really don't eat
bread most of the times andbread is in pizza, so I just
don't eat it. And it's usuallynot a problem at all for me. I
(07:20):
got my dinner, I had a littlebit of an appetizer that was
presented to the table and thenI ordered my dinner I ordered a
pork chop. And with carrots, Ilike a pork chop. I don't love
pork chops at home. But when Igo to restaurants, I do love a
pork chop. So and then I had mysparkling water and I was
completely content, the porkchop was truly one of the best
pork chops I've ever eaten. So Iwas very, very satisfied. And I
(07:43):
only even ate half of it. Iwasn't even hungry for the rest.
Oh, and I also had a beet salad.
I love me a beat. So I had abeet salad. That was really
great, too. And the portionswere pretty big. And we were all
kind of sharing so I had howmuch I was going to eat of my
beet salad. And then I said tothe ladies around Hey, have this
this was amazing. So they alltook the rest of it. And the
(08:04):
girls next to me ordered dinnerand then they also ordered a
pizza to share. And the pizzacame and it was a pizza. I had
one like this years ago, it wasa pizza with like goat cheese. I
love goat cheese. It was goatcheese and fig. And like
arugula. I mean, it wasliterally looked absolutely
amazing. Now I don't eat pizza.
So I don't often want pizza, Idon't even consider it. It's
(08:26):
totally not a trigger for me.
But there was something aboutthis pizza that I wanted it. And
that was interesting for me towant this. I want things all the
time. I want cookies, I wantalcohol sometimes. But this was
interesting. I was sittingthere. And so number one, I
acknowledged my desire. And Iwas kind of questioning a little
(08:48):
bit Oh my god, I really wantthis pizza. And you you know how
it is when you want something ifyou take time to stop before you
just consume it. And you taketime you can actually feel the
desire in your body. You canfeel it. And so this is the
first thing is acknowledge I inyour head. I want this and I did
(09:08):
that I thought wow. Wow, this isthis looks amazing. I really
actually want this. And I wasokay with it. I felt it in my
body. And I said to myself, Iwant this pizza. Fascinating. I
don't usually eat that. Why do Iwant it and I thought back wild
fig in a regular and Fetta itmakes sense. I love Fetta. And
(09:29):
it made sense to me. And I justsat there and I was number two.
I was curious about it. Iliterally said to myself, I
wonder what it is right now thatis making me want this pizza
because I've already had myfood. I'm not hungry at all.
What is going on? And so I'mgoing to jump already to the
number three thing I want toteach you and I'm kind of moving
(09:51):
fast here but I'll then I'mgonna go back. But I always say
it's good to give yourself amoment. So I was sitting there
fasten hated being curious doingthe work that I teach my
clients. And I decided to givemyself a moment. Now first of
all, let's just get totally TMIhere. I drink a lot of water.
And you know how they say likewhen you start drinking more
(10:12):
water, your body gets used toit, and then you don't have to
pee as much incorrect. UnlessI'm a weirdo. Incorrect, I will
tell you my IP all the time Ihave, I drink so much water, and
my body's never gotten used toit. So I pee all the time.
Usually during dinner, I will goand pee two times. So I'm
sitting there and I thought, Ineed to give myself a moment, I
(10:33):
need to get away from this pizzafor a moment. And this is one
thing you can do, especially ifyou're in a restaurant, instead
of just saying I want that andimmediately going for it. And
then afterwards going what justhappened to me, I felt like I
had an outer body experience.
When you acknowledge that youwant something. And you're like,
Okay, I completely want that Ifeel the desire in my body. Give
(10:55):
yourself a moment to be curious.
But give yourself a moment. Andfor a lot of you get away for a
minute. So what I did, is Iactually excused myself and went
to the ladies room. And on theway walking to the ladies room,
I went back to Step number two,and I was curious. And I was
(11:15):
like, what is happening? I'm nothungry. I already ate this
delicious pork chop, I feelcompletely satisfied, satisfied
in terms of having somethingdelicious. And there was even
bacon wrapped on the pork chop.
It was absolutely delicious. Sowhat is going on with me here, I
couldn't figure out what exactlyit was, except for the fact that
I love me a pizza with a regularfig. And there might have been
(11:38):
pursued on there too. And FettaI'm like, Oh, it's just from
years ago, I remember havingpizza similar to this. And it
was absolutely delicious. But Igive myself a moment I got away
from the table to be able tothen number four. Step number
four in terms of slowing thisdown and processing this desire
is enable yourself to have aconversation with both of you.
(12:02):
I'm taking a moment to tell youthat I work privately one on one
with women to help them loseweight permanently, and create a
body they love. This is not adiet program. This is a
customized program to teach youhow to eat the way you want to
eat forever. No morerestriction, no more willpower,
no more losing weight only tosabotage and then gain it back
(12:25):
again. The problem is not you,we women are so hard on
ourselves. And we think if wecould just get motivated or more
determined if we could find theright diet plan or cut out
certain foods, we will loseweight and be happy. But the
answer is changing your brainand how you think and feel,
changing your self image and howyou talk to yourself. Learning
(12:46):
how to trust yourself.
This is how you lose weightpermanently. It sounds too good
to be true. But I promise youit's not. The work I do with my
clients is powerful, excitingand loving. And it's hard work
to but the result is changeforever. The women I work with
are smart and successful in somany areas of their life, they
(13:08):
just haven't been able to figureout their body. This is where I
come in, head to my website toschedule a consultation. And we
can talk about all the detailsback to the podcast.
Really having a conversationwith your primitive brain that
is telling you it just wants youto get all the desire in the
moment it wants you to be happy.
Get the dopamine feel the desirein the moment. That's the one
(13:32):
part of me. And I'm kind ofgetting away from the table to
slow her down. And then there'sthe other piden part of me, the
prefrontal cortex that wants meto sleep well, later in the
night. It wants me to maintainmy weight. Because I've been
maintaining my weight for awhile. It wants me to maintain
my goals and maintain theintegrity I have around the way
(13:57):
I eat the woman I am is a womanwho doesn't eat pizza doesn't
eat bread, I don't want to dothat it really doesn't serve my
body. It doesn't serve myoverall health. And my
prefrontal cortex knows that.
And once that for me, if wethink of the prefrontal cortex
as the angel on one shoulder, wethink of the primitive brain as
(14:19):
the devil on the other shoulder.
I took a moment away from thetable walking to the restaurant,
restroom having a conversationwith the two of these. Wow, I'm
curious, I totally want thispizza when usually I don't have
desire for those kinds ofthings. I wonder what's going
on. I really couldn't figure outwhat's going on except for the
desire was there. And that wasokay. I thought that maybe I
could come up with somethinglike Was I feeling
(14:42):
uncomfortable? No. Was I feelingnot satisfied with my meal? No.
And then I just it boiled downto It just smelled good. It
looked good. I looked at thesetwo women that were eating the
pizza that were in great shape.
So I thought I had you know myprimitive primitive brain was
offering me things like wellThey're eating it. And they're
in great shape. They're in goodhealth, they make good choices
(15:05):
for themselves. They'resuccessful women. Why are you
eating the pizza? Right? And soyou're you I had this
conversation. And I'm like,isn't that interesting? I'm
assuming just because they'regoing to eat it, because they
look like they're healthy when Ireally don't know. I assume they
are. But I don't know that justbecause they're eating it, I
should do it too. And then itgave me a chance, because I was
(15:27):
slowing things down to say,Courtney, what do you want to
do? Do you want to have thepizza? It's not the fucking end
of the world if you decide tohave pizza, but do I want it? I
really don't want it. Becausethe only reason to have it would
be was because I have thisdesire. And I'm trying to make
it not a big deal. I'm trying tocompare myself to these other
(15:49):
amazing women. And that's not agood enough reason. And one
thing you can always askyourself is Do I like my reason?
If someone would have said, Hey,everyone, I just want everyone
to know, if the server wouldhave come up and said, I just
want y'all to know, I don't knowif you know this. But this is
the last time you're ever goingto be able to eat pizza, because
(16:12):
pizza actually universally inthe world is going to be taken
off the menu, you're never goingto get access to it again. That
reasoning, I wouldn't be like, Ithink I might have a slice. But
that's not there's no, there wasno good reason or reason I liked
enough to not be the woman I'vedecided to be. And that might
sound kind of corny to you likewhy does it matter being the
(16:33):
woman you want to be? It doesmatter to me and something is
insignificant to some otherpeople is a big deal to me. So I
slowed down and I had thisconversation, I said to myself
while I was going to therestroom, what I want to do, you
can do whatever you want, youhave complete autonomy, you can
do whatever you want. And I saidno, I'm not going to have the
(16:57):
pizza, it's probably not evengoing to be a blip if I did have
it. But to me, I've made acommitment to myself. And I just
don't think I need it. And so Iwent back to the table and the
desire, it was still there alittle bit, but it had subsided
a little bit. So that wascomforting to me that it had
subsided for a little bit. Sothen what you could do is what I
(17:21):
did is I made a decision. And Iallowed the desire to still be
there. But you'll find when yougive yourself a moment, whether
that means walking away from thetable, or going to the restroom,
or going to the restroom isalways a game changer for me.
Because it's always sociallyacceptable. It doesn't matter
where you are, whether you'reout to dinner party, whether
(17:42):
you're in your own kitchen, orwhether you're at a restaurant,
going to the restroom is associally appropriate thing you
can do, it can give you time toconnect with yourself. I've said
this before, but one thing youcan do, if you're feeling a
little out of control is putyour hand like spread your palm
out really wide and put it onyour chest hard. And just be
like, Whoa, because there'ssomething about that, that we
(18:05):
don't do in our everyday life.
And it just brings you to themoment and you can even like
slap it on your chest and go,Hey, girl, what do we really
wanted to do here, it's totallyfine, that you have desire for
whatever it is. But I want youto take a minute you have two
sides of your brain right nowthat is giving you different
ideas of what you want to do,get present and make a decision.
(18:28):
And know when you go back towhatever circumstance you go
back to whether it's the tableat the restaurant, whether it's
your kitchen, whether it's yourkids eating cookies, or your
girlfriends all having anotherglass of wine, whatever it is,
you can still want it and youcan still make a choice for
yourself. Or you can still honorthe choice you have already
(18:49):
made. So I did that I went backto the table, I wanted it a
little bit less, which wascomforting. And it was totally
fine. One of the things I tellmy clients is you want to
celebrate yourself in some wayyou want to acknowledge your bad
Asri you want to acknowledgethat you did it that you made a
choice. You're really glad youdid. Because so often we make a
choice and when done we kind ofkick ourselves for it. So you
(19:14):
have to do the opposite. Youhave to when you make a good
choice, you need to sit thereand say to yourself fucking well
done, Courtney wouldn't havebeen the end of the world if you
would have had that peace. Thiswill this is the conversation I
had with myself as I was goingto bed that night. Fucking well
done, Courtney, you could havehad the pizza, you probably
would have had a stomachache andyou wouldn't have slept as well
(19:35):
had bad dreams. I don't knowabout you but pizza always gave
me bad dreams. That's one of thereasons why I decided not to eat
it anymore. It was probably moreof a pepperoni and cheese like
Domino's type of pizza. Theygave me the bad James But
anyways, I digress. I said tomyself, I was laying down you
know what, Courtney? You did ityou made a choice and I'm like
going down I'm laying my head onhis pillow. And I'm really glad
(19:56):
I made that choice because heHere's what happens when you do
that. This is why it's so goodto celebrate yourself. Not only
does it just feel good to tellmyself, I'm amazing, which we
all need to do more of. But I amproving to myself that that is
the woman I want to be. I amproving that true. So, so many
(20:17):
of you so many women, people outthere, when they're making a
choice that doesn't serve theirfuture self, they're really
voting for the fact that theycan't do it. They're really
showing and proving tothemselves and gathering
evidence for the fact that it'shard to do the things they want
(20:37):
to do. They're showing that theycan't be the type of woman they
want to be. They're the womanthey've been. So when you do the
amazing thing for yourself byfollowing through with what you
said, you wanted to followthrough, giving yourself a beat,
giving yourself a moment tocelebrate and say I did it. And
(20:59):
proving to yourself letting itbe evidence that you are
becoming a new woman is soimportant. Even if it's little,
do not negate it, we so oftennegate it. It's so funny. We
negate it in ourselves, but wedon't negate it in others. So
think about if you have either agirlfriend, or one of your kids
(21:21):
came to you and said and didexactly what you're trying to
do. If you're let's say yourson, maybe he's 19 years old,
and he's told you he reallywants to start going to the gym,
and lifting weights with one ofhis buddies that that's been
lifting weights. And he comesover for dinner tonight, and
says to you, I'm really proud ofmy No, let's say he doesn't even
(21:41):
say I'm proud of myself, let'ssay he says, Oh, I finally went
to the gym today with my friend,I really just want to start
lifting weights I did that.
Would you just be like, No,you'd be like, nice. You've been
talking about that for a while.
I'm so proud of you. Don't youfeel good about that, aren't you
so glad you would try toconvince him to feel good about
(22:04):
it, you would be trying toconvince him to celebrate
himself. So please turn that onyou and celebrate you. Because
you know, as a parent, or ifyou're doing this for a
girlfriend, you know that thebetter you feel about what you
did, the more likely you are todo it in the future. But it's
not just because it feels good.
(22:27):
In that moment, you're findingproof that you're becoming a new
person, or person who says I'mgoing to do this, and then I do
this. And then I'll tell youwhat else happens. The sweet,
you know, residual effect ofthis is that then when you have
a day when you don't do thething, if you've gone three days
(22:47):
in a row doing what you'vewanted to do, and then you
don't, you're more likely to getback on the wagon in terms of
you know what, that was amistake. It's no problem.
Tomorrow, I'm going to do thething I'm going to do what I
want to do. And what you'redoing is you're building trust
with yourself, you are creatinga new identity of a woman who
(23:08):
does things differently. This iswhat I did that night, I went to
dinner with a bunch of amazingwomen, I had a moment where I
considered not staying true towho I really want to be. I
acknowledged the desire, I feltit in my body. I was okay with
(23:28):
it. I wasn't mad at myself. Igot curious about it. I gave
myself a moment loving, alwayssuggesting physically removing
myself from the table or fromthe food from the situation. I
had a conversation with the bothparts of me that want very
different things. I made adecision which really was
(23:52):
confirming the decision I'vealready made. So I recommitted
to a decision. And I allowed thedesire to still be there and to
be okay with it. So many peopleare waiting for this desire to
go away. And I even hear peopletalking about oh, join this
weight loss program or I'm goingto teach you how to never want
(24:15):
the food again. And I disagreewith that. I think that the work
we do to start to trustourselves and to uplevel our
identities is powerful. But acookie is a cookie. And it's
okay, that in two months, I'mgoing to want a cookie. It's
(24:38):
okay, tomorrow night, I'm gonnago out and I'm going to want a
cocktail. It's okay if I haveone. But either way, it's okay
that I want it. Because thinkingthat we're going to get to a
point in our journey where wedon't want anything bad for us.
And thinking that we're going toget to a place in our journey
where every time we say we'regoing to work out we're going to
be totally motivated to work outis false. That's what I believe.
(25:03):
So knowing how to slow thingsdown and process the desire and
allow the desire is soimportant. I know this one was
powerful for you. If you hearthis and think this would be
amazing to really dive in andhave the ability to do this,
reach out to me, it's what I do.
And I would love to talk to youabout how I can help you have a
(25:24):
great Tuesday. If you are readyto lose weight and keep it off
permanently, if you have trieddiets and you know they don't
work and you're ready for realchange, I would love to have a
conversation with you. I coachwomen privately one on one, and
I'm currently offeringconsultations to talk about
working together. click my linkin the show notes or head to
(25:45):
Courtney Gray coaching.com Oryou can find me on Instagram at
Courtney Gray coaching
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