Episode 17: Fears That Hold You Back From Dating

In Episode 17 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina delves into the fears that often hold people back from dating, especially plus-size women. Drawing from her own experiences, she identifies key fears such as not being good enough, fear of judgment or criticism, and fear of getting hurt. Cristina emphasizes the importance of self-validation, embracing authenticity, and using positive self-talk to overcome these fears. She reassures listeners that experiencing rejection is an opportunity for redirection towards better opportunities. The episode encourages listeners to overcome their fears in dating and pursue the happiness they deserve. Cristina closes with a reminder that fear is normal but can be conquered. Happy Halloween!

00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
01:06 Exploring the Fear of Not Being Good Enough
02:55 Overcoming the Fear of Judgment and Criticism
07:57 Dealing with the Fear of Getting Hurt
10:37 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Episode Transcript

Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,

Episode 17 (00:04):
Fears That Hold You Back From Dating.

Speaker (00:10):
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find I'llteach you dating advice, share
dating stories and the datingdrama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.

(00:33):
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.

Cristina (00:39):
Hello everyone.
I'm so excited about thisepisode today.
We are going to talk aboutfears.
I figured since Halloween iscoming up in a little bit that
fears would be fun to talkabout, basically what's holding
you back from going on dates.
There's some fears inside, likewhat's so scary about just

(01:02):
getting out there and going ondates.
There's a lot of hesitation thatpeople have.
The first one would be the fearof not being good enough.
A lot of times we don't feellike we're good enough and our
potential partner or the datethat we're going on, might not
accept you for who you are orwhat you believe in.
It could be your appearance,your personality or things that

(01:26):
you like to do, your hobbies orinterest.
You fear that that might not begood enough.
I just wanted to say we're allgood enough.
We're all enough.
If you're not"good enough" forsomeone else, it's just that
they're not your person.
There's nothing to fear aboutnot being compatible to people.

(01:48):
Sometimes we don't like people.
Sometimes people aren't for usAnd I'm not saying this just
dating related.
People don't always like everysingle person they approach.
And it doesn't mean that you'renot good enough.
It just means that you're not agreat match and compatible, with
that specific person.
One way of overcoming that is toshift to self validation.

(02:13):
Instead of looking for othersfor validation, you have to look
in within yourself and celebratewhat your strengths are, what
positive things you have in yourlife and what values you have.
So I always talk aboutrecognizing wins and celebrating
wins and having gratitude at theend of the day.

(02:35):
Just taking a few minutes.
If you're a journaler, justjournal down the five wins that
you have for the day.
If you're not a journaler, justtaking that time to be
intentional to think about whatgreat things you experienced
that day or what you completedor accomplished that day?
Having those reminders and thosequick wins teaches your brain

(02:58):
that you are good enough.
Another fear would be fear ofbeing judged or criticized.
Especially for plus size women,we tend to have this feeling
that when you go on your firstdate, they're not gonna accept
you for who you are.
That you are gonna be judged bywhat you look like or the space

(03:20):
that you're taking And we worryabout our standards and society
believing you are not enough.
We look at society's standardsjudge ourselves criticize
ourselves and we have that fearwe're going to be judged by
somebody else.
I used to say,"hello, I haveeyes.

(03:40):
I know I'm fat." I still say it,but I would say it as this
protective layer to pretend likeI wasn't hurt by people judging
or criticizing that I wasoverweight.
But it really does hurt myfeelings when I feel that

(04:01):
judgment or, I'm experiencingthat emotion of criticism, by
what somebody says or does.
And I know that it's thesecurity blanket by saying that,
but it's really something that Iwas uncomfortable about.

(04:21):
So anyways, one thought is,"Idon't want them to be
disappointed in how I look ordisappointed by my weight." But
again, who gives a shit?
They're not going to bedisappointed in your weight.
They're gonna believe that youare not compatible with them.
Like their attraction to you isnot going to be the same as what

(04:43):
they believe they're attractedto.
It has nothing to do with you.
It's not about whether you'regood enough or not good enough.
But judging is normal.
It's part of our life.
We judge that's just how we livein our human life.
Just because somebody is judgingyou, it doesn't necessarily have

(05:06):
that heavy of a weight.
The word"judge" creates a lot ofheavy, negative feelings, but
it's doesn't have to be soheavy.
It doesn't have to be like,"Ohmy God, they're judging me." It
could just be a quick judgmentlike,"that person isn't for me."
It's just a decision that theymade.

(05:26):
Now, if it's going on and on andthey're rude or they talk crap
to you that's a different kindof judgment and criticism.
But if it's just"Oh, she'sbigger than I thought she was
online than in real life.
So my bad.
I'm not interested." It doesn'thave to be a big deal.
It's just somebody making adecision that you are not for

(05:48):
them.
Overcoming that fear of judgmentis being able to embrace your
authenticity.
You are who you are.
You like the hobbies you have,the personality that you have
and your quirks and yourinterests all these things that

(06:08):
create who you are is what'smaking you authentic and knowing
who you are and knowing that itdoesn't matter what people think
of you is a great way to getover that fear of being judged
or criticized.
Who cares what people think?
It's all about how you feelabout yourself every single day

(06:28):
that you wake up.
Practicing positive self talk,just like I was saying with
overcoming fear and thinkingabout your wins and celebrating
your wins.
It's positive self talk, right?
And catching yourself when yousay things that are negative and
interrupting your brain andbeing like,"no, that's not

(06:50):
true," and then reinforcing itwith something positive.
It takes practice to be able todo that, but it happens and it
works whenever you do it moreand more.
So being able to catch yourselfand being like,"oh, he thinks
I'm not good enough," and thenyou stop and you're like,"wait a
minute.

(07:10):
I am good enough.
Who cares about what they think?
I'm good enough already today,just as I am.
If they don't see my worth,that's a shame for them."
They're just not your person.
Reinforcing that self confidenceand positive self talk and
interrupting those negativemoments helps you judge and
criticize yourself less.

(07:32):
You don't want people to judgeyou and you don't want people to
criticize you.
Then why are you criticizingyourself?
Why are you judging yourself?
if you don't want other peopleto do that, don't do it to
yourself, when you stopaccepting any kind of personal
judgment and criticism foryourself, you stop accepting it

(07:54):
from other people.
Another one is, the fear ofgetting hurt.
A lot of people don't want toget hurt.
They've been burned beforereally bad in a relationship or
they fell in love with somebodyand it didn't work out.
It's soul crushing to recoverfrom that emotional pain when

(08:14):
the door closes with somebodyand you are afraid to open up
the next door, and it's a lot tohandle, but we've got to
experience pain before weexperience happiness or
experience fear or hurt.
before we experience that, peaceand that happiness that you
have, like our life is 50/50.

(08:36):
If we didn't experience sadness,we wouldn't understand what
happiness was.
So there's a moment in our lifewhere we have to sit through
that emotional pain to get tothat happiness.
And once you get there and youtry again, then you are capable
of recovering.
Yes, there might be a time inyour future where somebody hurts

(09:00):
your feelings, or you break upwith somebody or it doesn't work
out and you're crushed again,and you're heartbroken again.
But you already know that youhad the ability to move on
before that you were capable ofhealing from that previous
relationship.
So when you go and seek a newone, even if it doesn't work

(09:21):
out, you are capable of healingand moving on.
it's the risk you have to taketo get the reward.
If you don't ever want arelationship again, that's fine,
but own that.
If you do seek a relationship orcompanionship, know that the
possibility of being hurt isnormal and it can happen, but

(09:42):
it's part of the process.
One of the things I love tothink about is, rejection as
redirection.
When you feel rejected fromsomebody, if you go on a date
and they ghost you, or they'renot interested in you, or maybe
they love bomb you and you havethis awesome experience with

(10:03):
this person and then they dropyou.
That rejection is there and youfeel it, but realizing that's
also a redirection is giving youan opportunity to move on and
get away from that situation.
It's a blessing.
It's an opportunity to move onand create room for you to find

(10:25):
the right person that's for you.
So you're just getting rid ofthat negativity and moving on
from that.
It gives you a chance to lookforward and keep on going.
So those are some of the fearsthat people have that are
holding them back from dating.
I know that a lot of thosethings held me back, or I would

(10:47):
go in these cycles where I'd bereally up into dating and then
I'd have to take a break andslow down.
So fears are normal.
Being scared is normal.
Just know that, it's also normalto be able to overcome them.
So thank you guys very much.
I hope you have a great, rest ofyour week and a safe and happy

(11:10):
Halloween.
Talk to you next week.
Thanks.