November 12, 2024 • 12 mins
In Episode 19 of The Curvy Girl Dating podcast, Cristina addresses the '3 Message Rule,' a strategy to streamline online dating by quickly identifying unsuitable matches. She discusses recognizing red flags such as demands for additional pictures, pervy and inappropriate messages, and profiles lacking effort or information. Cristina emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, identifying patterns that lead to attracting the wrong type of guys, and focusing on efficient communication to find more compatible partners. Listeners are encouraged to customize the 3 message rule to their needs and prioritize their time and energy on meaningful connections.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:43 Understanding the 3 Message Rule
02:03 Red Flags: Asking for More Pictures
03:47 Red Flags: Inappropriate Conversations
06:03 Red Flags: Lack of Effort in Profiles
07:57 Creating Your Own 3 Message Rule
10:03 Empowering Your Dating Choices
12:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
FREE Curvy Girl Dating Checklist: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/datingchecklist
Website: https://www.thecurvygirldatingcoach.com
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Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Email List: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/emaillist
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating podcast
Episode 19, the 3 Message rule.
Speaker (00:10):
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and dating
drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
(00:34):
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
Today on episode 19, we're goingto talk about the 3 message
rule.
It's basically to learn when toswipe left on someone, when you
just started chatting with themon a dating app and they already
(00:57):
sound like they aren't for you.
And sometimes you don't knowthat, but that's a skill that
you will learn.
A lot of women talk about howthey always attract the same
kind of guys but the thing isyou're having the same
conversations over and overagain, that lead to the same
guys that you're attracting.
(01:18):
So you got to nip that shit inthe bud and stop it at a few
sentences.
So the 3 message rule can helpyou manage some of those DMs of
people that aren't going to be amatch for you.
I'm going to give you just acouple of them.
There's a million differentkinds of ways to figure out the
(01:39):
3 message rule.
This is a great thing that youget to customize once you start
learning about the kinds ofpeople that you're attracting
that aren't for you and see acertain pattern, you can create
your own 3 message rule withdifferent things that you know
aren't going to lead to somebodythat is a good match for you.
(02:03):
Number one.
People who immediately ask youfor more pictures.
Especially if you already have alot of great pictures on your
profile.
Full body pictures without lotsof filters, pictures that show
who you are and your interests.
You're not in a whole bunch ofgroup photos or you're not
hiding your body and you'reproud of who you are.
(02:25):
When you have a profile full ofpictures like that.
You don't need to be sendinganybody, any other pictures.
Those 8 to 10 pictures, shouldget enough information to know
if they're interested in talkingto you further or not.
The first thing they say after,"hello," is, do you have any
(02:45):
more photos or can you send memore pictures?" And they're
eventually going to just say,"can you send me a naked
picture?" If you're"not gettingthe hint" was you probably
already did get the hint, butthey just haven't said it and
you're too smart to give themthe naked picture.
They're finally just going togive in and say, I want a naked
picture of you and it's superannoying.
(03:07):
If that's not your thing andyou're not interested in sending
people naked pictures, thenstop.
If they're asking you for more,you can tell them,"there's 20
pictures on my profile.
You can take me out if you wantto see more of me.
Take me on a date if you want tosee what I look like in real
life, take me out." What else dothey need to fucking know about
(03:30):
you?
If they already seen 20 picturesof you?
There's nothing more that theyneed.
Just nip it in the bud.
"No, thank you.
You've already seen my pictures.
Take it or leave it.
See you later.
Bye." That's a waste of time.
That is a time waster.
The second thing that I wouldsay is when someone says hello,
(03:53):
and they sound like they mightbe a good person or whatever,
and then they start gettingimmediately pervy and gross,
like maybe fetishize you orsomething and it's immediately
inappropriate to have thatconversation.
If it's immediatelyinappropriate you got to just
stop it right there.
(04:13):
Pump the brakes, block them,swipe left, whatever you need to
do.
And, I'm not shaming people, ifthat's what they want, if you're
interested in online dating, andthat's the kind of person you're
looking for, then that's great.
You go ahead and do that.
That's, there's nothing wrongwith finding the kind of people
(04:34):
that you want to date, and ifthat's a match for you, then
it's a match for you.
But if it's not, and for most ofmy clients, it's not what
they're looking for.
They're looking for more seriousrelationships.
Then that is not the avenue thatyou want to go through.
You want to make sure thatyou're stopping all of that and
(04:57):
not catering to it.
Don't be flirtatious and belike,"They're just being gross,
but maybe they won't act likethat for me, if I set a
boundary." No.
They're going to act like thatwith you and with other people
that they're talking to.
And if you set a boundary,they're still going to do it
with other people and be gross.
So it was just inappropriate,does not like they don't have
(05:19):
manners, especially if youalready created the boundary and
you say, no, thank you.
And they still keep going.
That they're not people that aregoing to respect you and your
boundary.
So just be done with that.
It's a waste of time to makeexcuses for them that maybe that
it's going to be different withyou, or maybe you have this
(05:40):
magical power to make them stopbeing gross, perverted people.
Don't even waste your time onthat.
You have precious valuable timeto talk to people who need to be
taught manners.
Y'all are grown.
So anyways.
Obviously, I get very,passionate about talking about
(06:02):
people that are jerks.
So the third obvious one wouldbe, somebody sends you a
message, you look at theirprofile and check them out, and
you don't have any interest inthem.
Maybe their profile doesn't haveenough information.
It might say,"just ask." Maybeit's completely blank.
(06:23):
When they say boring thingslike,"just ask," that doesn't
show the effort that they'remaking into finding somebody.
It's lazy.
And maybe I'm judging, but it'slazy.
I don't want lazy people.
And another thing is that theydon't have any pictures or they
have bad pictures or they don'thave pictures of themselves.
(06:44):
Or they have pictures ofinterests and hobbies that you
don't like.
Maybe they like going toconcerts and you don't like
music.
Maybe they like hunting and youdon't.
Maybe you're an animal rightsactivists and they go hunting.
It's not matchy.
So you guys don't have the samehobbies or the same interests.
(07:08):
Just because he loved bombs youor says something nice and
compliments you or something inthe first few messages doesn't
mean that it's going to workout.
It just means that he's sendingyou nice, decent messages.
But if you have no interest andyou have nothing in common and
you don't really like him, thenwhy would you keep talking to
(07:30):
them?
Let's say they have kids and youdon't want kids.
Maybe, he sounds rude, rejected,and angry on his profile.
It sounds like he's not over hisex yet, or he's still processing
his breakup and so he's angry inhis messaging.
(07:51):
Why would that be an appeal foryou to continue talking to that
person?
What are 3 message rules foryou?
What would be something that isa total deal breaker that you
can put the boundary onimmediately for yourself to be
like,"oh, this person is doingwhat I don't like.
(08:12):
We're going to swipe left andwe're going to block and we're
going to move on." Do you havesomething like that?
Do you need something like that?
Are these 3 message rules goingto help you date more
efficiently and go through DMsmore efficiently because you're
already going to know what tolook for that is not compatible
for you.
So just take some time this weekand think about.
(08:35):
What patterns do you see thatpeople do in their messages when
you're talking to them that makeyou believe it's going to go
somewhere where you're notinterested in going.
And when are you going to remindyourself this is going to lead
to the guys that I alwaysattract, and I'm no longer going
(08:59):
to take time talking to peoplethat I attract that are wrong
for me.
And we're going to stick tofinding people that are
interested in me that I'mactually interested in and that
we are compatible and have somecommon interests.
It doesn't have to be 3 specificmessages you can have
(09:20):
conversations with people andtake as long as you believe is
necessary to get enough evidenceto know they're going to be the
wrong kind of guys for you.
But don't let it drag on.
If it takes you a week, it takesa week, but don't let it take
(09:40):
months and don't let it takeyears of your time.
You want to be able to staysingle and find people that you
have the potential to dateinstead of be miserable and just
to say that you're with someone.
So that's a whole notherpodcast, but.
(10:03):
How can you date mostefficiently where you know that
you're in a place have morepower or control of your dating
life?
Where you can know that you havechoices.
Like you don't have to likeanybody just because they're
talking to you.
You have more choices to talk topeople other than the ones that
(10:25):
are just coming to you rightnow.
You can say no to them.
It is okay.
That isn't all that you have outthere.
That's just all that you haveright now in front of you.
But you don't have to keepstaying around with those
people.
Because you have options.
What are some things that youcan look at when you're reading
(10:48):
some DMs?
It's going to be a slipperyslope into the same kind of guys
that you attract, that you arenot interested in.
What is that going to look like?
What kind of phrases do theysay?
What do they talk about all thetime, maybe there's a pattern.
Maybe they always talk aboutthemselves and they don't get to
(11:10):
know you or ask you anything.
Or maybe they're love bombersand it's like too good to be
true.
Talk about their ex all thetime, you could still tell
they're a little wounded andthey're just not over that break
up or whatever.
Those are clues of people thatyou should probably let go and
(11:34):
heal on their own.
It's not your job to fix thosepeople.
They're grownups and need toexperience their personal growth
journey, just like you do andthey can do that by themselves.
Then y'all can talk about it ifyou want to later.
But when they're still in thatmoment where they're not in full
(11:56):
headspace to be dating,recognize that and know that you
need to put, the brakes on andjust move on.
They might be a great person,but if they have some, personal
things to work on that is just alittle bit too much that is
going to get in the way of ahealthy relationship.
Then maybe that's just not theright person for you at the
(12:19):
right time.
Let me know, send me an email.
Have a good week.
That's it.
Bye.
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating podcast
Episode 19, the 3 Message rule.
Speaker (00:10):
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and dating
drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
(00:34):
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
Today on episode 19, we're goingto talk about the 3 message
rule.
It's basically to learn when toswipe left on someone, when you
just started chatting with themon a dating app and they already
(00:57):
sound like they aren't for you.
And sometimes you don't knowthat, but that's a skill that
you will learn.
A lot of women talk about howthey always attract the same
kind of guys but the thing isyou're having the same
conversations over and overagain, that lead to the same
guys that you're attracting.
(01:18):
So you got to nip that shit inthe bud and stop it at a few
sentences.
So the 3 message rule can helpyou manage some of those DMs of
people that aren't going to be amatch for you.
I'm going to give you just acouple of them.
There's a million differentkinds of ways to figure out the
(01:39):
3 message rule.
This is a great thing that youget to customize once you start
learning about the kinds ofpeople that you're attracting
that aren't for you and see acertain pattern, you can create
your own 3 message rule withdifferent things that you know
aren't going to lead to somebodythat is a good match for you.
(02:03):
Number one.
People who immediately ask youfor more pictures.
Especially if you already have alot of great pictures on your
profile.
Full body pictures without lotsof filters, pictures that show
who you are and your interests.
You're not in a whole bunch ofgroup photos or you're not
hiding your body and you'reproud of who you are.
(02:25):
When you have a profile full ofpictures like that.
You don't need to be sendinganybody, any other pictures.
Those 8 to 10 pictures, shouldget enough information to know
if they're interested in talkingto you further or not.
The first thing they say after,"hello," is, do you have any
(02:45):
more photos or can you send memore pictures?" And they're
eventually going to just say,"can you send me a naked
picture?" If you're"not gettingthe hint" was you probably
already did get the hint, butthey just haven't said it and
you're too smart to give themthe naked picture.
They're finally just going togive in and say, I want a naked
picture of you and it's superannoying.
(03:07):
If that's not your thing andyou're not interested in sending
people naked pictures, thenstop.
If they're asking you for more,you can tell them,"there's 20
pictures on my profile.
You can take me out if you wantto see more of me.
Take me on a date if you want tosee what I look like in real
life, take me out." What else dothey need to fucking know about
(03:30):
you?
If they already seen 20 picturesof you?
There's nothing more that theyneed.
Just nip it in the bud.
"No, thank you.
You've already seen my pictures.
Take it or leave it.
See you later.
Bye." That's a waste of time.
That is a time waster.
The second thing that I wouldsay is when someone says hello,
(03:53):
and they sound like they mightbe a good person or whatever,
and then they start gettingimmediately pervy and gross,
like maybe fetishize you orsomething and it's immediately
inappropriate to have thatconversation.
If it's immediatelyinappropriate you got to just
stop it right there.
(04:13):
Pump the brakes, block them,swipe left, whatever you need to
do.
And, I'm not shaming people, ifthat's what they want, if you're
interested in online dating, andthat's the kind of person you're
looking for, then that's great.
You go ahead and do that.
That's, there's nothing wrongwith finding the kind of people
(04:34):
that you want to date, and ifthat's a match for you, then
it's a match for you.
But if it's not, and for most ofmy clients, it's not what
they're looking for.
They're looking for more seriousrelationships.
Then that is not the avenue thatyou want to go through.
You want to make sure thatyou're stopping all of that and
(04:57):
not catering to it.
Don't be flirtatious and belike,"They're just being gross,
but maybe they won't act likethat for me, if I set a
boundary." No.
They're going to act like thatwith you and with other people
that they're talking to.
And if you set a boundary,they're still going to do it
with other people and be gross.
So it was just inappropriate,does not like they don't have
(05:19):
manners, especially if youalready created the boundary and
you say, no, thank you.
And they still keep going.
That they're not people that aregoing to respect you and your
boundary.
So just be done with that.
It's a waste of time to makeexcuses for them that maybe that
it's going to be different withyou, or maybe you have this
(05:40):
magical power to make them stopbeing gross, perverted people.
Don't even waste your time onthat.
You have precious valuable timeto talk to people who need to be
taught manners.
Y'all are grown.
So anyways.
Obviously, I get very,passionate about talking about
(06:02):
people that are jerks.
So the third obvious one wouldbe, somebody sends you a
message, you look at theirprofile and check them out, and
you don't have any interest inthem.
Maybe their profile doesn't haveenough information.
It might say,"just ask." Maybeit's completely blank.
(06:23):
When they say boring thingslike,"just ask," that doesn't
show the effort that they'remaking into finding somebody.
It's lazy.
And maybe I'm judging, but it'slazy.
I don't want lazy people.
And another thing is that theydon't have any pictures or they
have bad pictures or they don'thave pictures of themselves.
(06:44):
Or they have pictures ofinterests and hobbies that you
don't like.
Maybe they like going toconcerts and you don't like
music.
Maybe they like hunting and youdon't.
Maybe you're an animal rightsactivists and they go hunting.
It's not matchy.
So you guys don't have the samehobbies or the same interests.
(07:08):
Just because he loved bombs youor says something nice and
compliments you or something inthe first few messages doesn't
mean that it's going to workout.
It just means that he's sendingyou nice, decent messages.
But if you have no interest andyou have nothing in common and
you don't really like him, thenwhy would you keep talking to
(07:30):
them?
Let's say they have kids and youdon't want kids.
Maybe, he sounds rude, rejected,and angry on his profile.
It sounds like he's not over hisex yet, or he's still processing
his breakup and so he's angry inhis messaging.
(07:51):
Why would that be an appeal foryou to continue talking to that
person?
What are 3 message rules foryou?
What would be something that isa total deal breaker that you
can put the boundary onimmediately for yourself to be
like,"oh, this person is doingwhat I don't like.
(08:12):
We're going to swipe left andwe're going to block and we're
going to move on." Do you havesomething like that?
Do you need something like that?
Are these 3 message rules goingto help you date more
efficiently and go through DMsmore efficiently because you're
already going to know what tolook for that is not compatible
for you.
So just take some time this weekand think about.
(08:35):
What patterns do you see thatpeople do in their messages when
you're talking to them that makeyou believe it's going to go
somewhere where you're notinterested in going.
And when are you going to remindyourself this is going to lead
to the guys that I alwaysattract, and I'm no longer going
(08:59):
to take time talking to peoplethat I attract that are wrong
for me.
And we're going to stick tofinding people that are
interested in me that I'mactually interested in and that
we are compatible and have somecommon interests.
It doesn't have to be 3 specificmessages you can have
(09:20):
conversations with people andtake as long as you believe is
necessary to get enough evidenceto know they're going to be the
wrong kind of guys for you.
But don't let it drag on.
If it takes you a week, it takesa week, but don't let it take
(09:40):
months and don't let it takeyears of your time.
You want to be able to staysingle and find people that you
have the potential to dateinstead of be miserable and just
to say that you're with someone.
So that's a whole notherpodcast, but.
(10:03):
How can you date mostefficiently where you know that
you're in a place have morepower or control of your dating
life?
Where you can know that you havechoices.
Like you don't have to likeanybody just because they're
talking to you.
You have more choices to talk topeople other than the ones that
(10:25):
are just coming to you rightnow.
You can say no to them.
It is okay.
That isn't all that you have outthere.
That's just all that you haveright now in front of you.
But you don't have to keepstaying around with those
people.
Because you have options.
What are some things that youcan look at when you're reading
(10:48):
some DMs?
It's going to be a slipperyslope into the same kind of guys
that you attract, that you arenot interested in.
What is that going to look like?
What kind of phrases do theysay?
What do they talk about all thetime, maybe there's a pattern.
Maybe they always talk aboutthemselves and they don't get to
(11:10):
know you or ask you anything.
Or maybe they're love bombersand it's like too good to be
true.
Talk about their ex all thetime, you could still tell
they're a little wounded andthey're just not over that break
up or whatever.
Those are clues of people thatyou should probably let go and
(11:34):
heal on their own.
It's not your job to fix thosepeople.
They're grownups and need toexperience their personal growth
journey, just like you do andthey can do that by themselves.
Then y'all can talk about it ifyou want to later.
But when they're still in thatmoment where they're not in full
(11:56):
headspace to be dating,recognize that and know that you
need to put, the brakes on andjust move on.
They might be a great person,but if they have some, personal
things to work on that is just alittle bit too much that is
going to get in the way of ahealthy relationship.
Then maybe that's just not theright person for you at the
(12:19):
right time.
Let me know, send me an email.
Have a good week.
That's it.
Bye.
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