November 26, 2024 • 22 mins
In Episode 21 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina shares valuable advice on maintaining body positivity and confidence during the holiday season. Drawing from her own experiences, she addresses common challenges such as judgmental comments about weight and appearance, and offers practical strategies to manage them. Cristina emphasizes the importance of mindset, self-care routines, and setting boundaries to ensure a joyous and stress-free holiday experience. The episode provides listeners with tips on choosing comfortable outfits, redirecting negative conversations, and creating a positive environment for themselves, ultimately focusing on enjoying the festivities without letting negativity affect their self-esteem.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:38 Facing Holiday Body Image Challenges
01:48 Handling Unwanted Comments
06:09 Choosing Comfort and Confidence in Clothing
09:38 Creating a Positive Morning Routine
15:48 Reframing Negative Thoughts
19:21 Final Tips for a Joyful Holiday
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 21 (00:04):
How To Love The Skin You're In During The Holidays.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and the
(00:26):
dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
Today, we are going to talkabout how to love the skin
you're in during the holidays.
For me a lot of the times whenholidays were coming up and I
(00:51):
hadn't seen people in a while, Iwould fear the comments or the
judgment that they would haveabout me.
It was nerve-wracking and wouldstress me out.
At one point it's not even funor enjoyable to go to the
holiday event because I have somuch crap in my mind that I
(01:17):
can't even focus on the goodthings, I know that can be
stressful for people and I justwanted to talk about it a little
bit today and just more aboutbody neutrality and being okay
with who you are.
Not having to stress and worryabout what other people have to
say, because the most importantjudgment is yours, and so you
(01:42):
want it to be a good thing,right?
You want it to be, confident andpositive.
I think the biggest one for meis the comments, right?
When you see people and theymight make some passive
aggressive comments or ask youuncomfortable questions.
My favorite is when they say,oh, you look so good.
(02:06):
If you lost some weight, youwould just look so amazing."
Thanks for telling me that itwas so annoying.
That would set the tone for myattitude the whole evening.
I would let one person's wordsput so much weight on me.
Not gonna happen anymore.
Don't allow that in your mindwhen people say stuff.
(02:29):
They're just saying stuff and ithas nothing to do with you.
They just don't have manners orthey're just jerks, they might
just be the asshole familymember that likes to do that to
everybody.
But you can't blame them forjust being who they are.
You just the best part is thatit doesn't have to affect you.
When someone says,"oh my God, ifyou lost 10 pounds, you would be
(02:54):
perfect." Thank you." Just avoidit and to end any future
conversations, be like,"I thinkI look great the way I am right
now," or"I feel great exactlyhow I am right now.
But thanks." You don't have tobe mean about it or super
offended.
It's almost laughable.
Think,"I can't even believe thisperson has the guts to say
(03:17):
something like that, it'slaughable." So another one would
be like,"are you sure that youwant seconds?""Yes, the food
tastes good.
And I want seconds.
Are you going to have seconds?"It's just, who cares?
We're having a holiday party.
You're enjoying your time.
You don't need anybody to policethe amount of food that you eat.
(03:39):
That's your decision.
And your an adult in yourgrown-ass person and you get to
decide how much food you want toeat.
Are you going to regret itlater?
Maybe?
Is that your problem?
Yeah.
That's your choices, yourdecision that you made that felt
good at the time, it might havebeen the best decision that you
made and it might not have been,but that is nobody else's
(04:00):
business.
Redirecting the conversation.
Is really helpful when peoplesay asshole things to you.
If somebody comments about yourweight, you could just redirect
it,"thank you so much fornoticing I've been focusing on
feeling good and I've beenfeeling really good lately." It
doesn't matter if they'resaying,"oh, you gained weight
(04:22):
or, oh, you lost weight," orwhatever.
Whatever they say that's aboutyour body or your weight or
anything.
"Thank you so much.
I am working on feeling greatand I feel amazing today." It's
going to throw them off andhopefully embarrass them that
they're trying to say dumbthings.
It's also really good to set aboundary in advance, like maybe
(04:47):
you have a great cousin or yoursister or somebody that is.
Always on your side and reallysupportive about you and your
feelings and so on.
Maybe you can call them up.
And just say,"Hey, if you hearsomebody ask me about my body or
(05:08):
about my weight or just saysomething dumb about what I look
like.
Can you help redirect thequestion?
Can you please change thesubject?" So if somebody says,
"oh, it looks like you lostweight," that person can have
your back and just be like,"Hey,let's talk about how great this
dessert is," or"check out thefootball game.
(05:31):
Who's winning?" Just get theattention off of you and move it
onto something else.
Or put it back on them, be like,"it looks like you gained
weight." Either way.
It's fine.
You don't have to be rude orinsensitive about it.
You can keep it short, keep itsimple or change the subject.
Don't allow people to steal yourhappiness at the holiday events
(05:55):
is it's not worth it.
You aren't going there to have agood time.
The purpose is to enjoy family,having a great time.
Enjoy food, enjoy conversation.
Don't let any body ruin it foryou.
How you feel when you'redressing up for that event.
I like to go in comfort clothes,but I also like to be a little
(06:19):
stylish.
And it's depends on the tone ofyour family.
If you guys go and haveThanksgiving and you're all on
PJ's and stuff, and it's likenot a dress up kind of thing.
Then go and enjoy yourself look.
Your best in your PJ's and feelyour best and your PJ's,
whatever it is.
If you want to go in sweats, ifthat's your theme, you're not
(06:40):
there to go home and impressanybody.
If you're having a sweat shirtand leggings kind of day, you do
that because you're not worriedabout what other people thinking
about your clothes or they'rejust clothes.
Again, The focus is enjoying themeal, enjoying conversation,
(07:00):
enjoying family, being thankful.
There's no room in there forjudgment about what people are
wearing.
Choose something that makes youfeel great, regardless if it's,
the best formal dress to thesweat pants.
As long as you feel great,that's important.
I like to wear things that arenot tight around my waist,
(07:25):
because I'm trying to enjoy thefood that I rarely have during
the year.
I also try to be mindful aboutmy food and how much food I'm
eating.
Cause I don't want to feelmiserable and I don't want to.
Just feel overstuffed and it'snot necessary because there's
leftovers.
(07:46):
So pack.
Leftovers, if you want to, andI'm not saying you have to do
that.
If you want to feel reallystuffed and enjoyed the
tryptophan, enjoy it, but forme, I don't like feeling that
full.
I'll bring a little Tupperwareand bring food home I get to
enjoy it more.
Or things that I didn't enjoy atthis meal, I'll get some of
(08:09):
that.
So then I can enjoy that later.
So that's not the point.
We're talking about clothes.
So with clothes.
I like to wear comfort clothesaddress.
Some stretchy leggings, maybesome cute jeggings cute ankle
boots and a little sweater.
Sometimes in Houston, it's 90degrees on Thanksgiving.
(08:32):
So maybe a sweater isn't likethe best, but a cute shirt,
whatever.
So where are the things thatmake you comfortable and.
It's a win.
Comfort and confidence.
Is a win-win situation if youfeel comfortable.
It helps you feel confident too.
They go together and when you'refeeling confident, And I'm not
(08:56):
talking about just your looks.
I'm just talking about confidentin general.
You're happy to tell storiesabout your accomplishments that
you've had during the year.
You're happy to make anannouncement about what exciting
thing you have going on.
You're grateful to spend timewith the people you're
surrounded by When you'refeeling confident in what you're
(09:19):
wearing, it really translatesinto other areas in your life
that confidence would be goodfor Dress for you.
Don't dress for other peoplebecause again, the most
important person in the room isyou and how you feel.
When you're waking up in themorning, set the tone for how
(09:42):
you want to feel that day.
A little self care goes a longway.
In the mornings, practice aroutine that sets a positive
tone.
For example, start your day withsome gratitude.
If you're a journaler, writedown a couple sentences of what
you're grateful for the day.
(10:02):
And if that's not your thing,What do you do in a routine in
the morning?
That can feel amazing or setsthe tone for positivity.
For example, every day when Iget up to get ready for work.
I make a cup of coffee, but tome making the cup of coffee sets
(10:25):
the tone.
It gets me excited.
I really enjoy it.
So I'm not just making a cup ofcoffee.
I'm making a cup of coffee,right?
Like it's just so much moreenjoyable because I start
thinking about it like it's thiswonderful thing and that I get
to have something positive thatI enjoy first thing in the
(10:46):
morning.
I really think about this cup ofcoffee, right?
So if lately I've been intomaking cold iced coffee drinks.
I pour my coffee in over my icein the cup.
And I like to listen to the icecrackling when the coffee's
pouring on it.
(11:07):
I get my milk out and if I havevanilla creamer, I'll get a
little vanilla creamer.
I've been into the whole pumpkinthing.
I don't like pumpkin spice, butI like pumpkin.
So I will do a couple pumps ofpumpkin and sweeten it up a
little bit.
I put my lid on and my strawshake it up.
(11:31):
I love hearing myself shake itup.
It's so much more enjoyable thatway.
Like it's this beautiful treat Iget to have every morning.
And I make a hot coffee the sameway I have a Nespresso.
It has the little pod.
I get to open the little drawerand look at what I want to make
that day.
I choose the pod that I want andmake the coffee I take out all
(11:54):
the little things that I need tomix into the coffee.
If I want to have a littlecreamer and some sugar I buy
sugar cubes to feel fancy.
Instead of spoonfuls of sugar Iprefer a sugar cube because it
makes me feel fancy.
It's little things like that.
Make it so much better.
(12:14):
The same thing with tea, I lovegood hot tea, boiling the water.
I specifically like to get theloose leaf tea and putting in
the loose leaf tea into thestrainer and in the boiling
water letting it steep I takethe dogs out or whatever I'm
doing to let it steep.
I take it out.
(12:34):
I smell the tea as it'ssteeping.
Just whatever, but I've justreally get involved in all of my
senses.
I'm looking at things.
I'm smelling things.
I get to taste it.
It's just a nice experience tohave that.
(12:54):
It could be whatever it is thatyou want it to be.
Obviously y'all can tell howmuch I enjoy making this
beverage in the morning.
If you enjoy washing your faceand putting, lotion on before
your makeup That could besomething that's really
enjoyable.
You could feel it, you can smellit.
(13:16):
You can rub it on your face.
What is the temperature?
Is it warm?
Is it cold?
Just make it really focused andturn one little thing into
something positive.
And if you want to try somethingnew, maybe you want to do a
little stretching in the morningor do some somatic exercises or
read a book or listen to apodcast.
(13:39):
There are so many differentthings you could do to create a
positive setting for your day.
When you're getting ready, puton some music.
I have a predate playlist that Ilike.
If you want to put on Christmasmusic or whatever it is while
you're getting ready, put on aplaylist that you really like,
that has music that will reallypump you up and make you feel
(14:02):
confident.
If that isn't your thing.
Maybe you have an app that helpsyou with breath work, and do
some deep breathing or a littlemeditation, or maybe the music
you need to listen to is justcalm and uplifting and
instrumental, whatever it isthat you need as like this
(14:24):
routine to make you feel goodbefore you go to this event, do
it.
It can be from your morningritual to listening to music,
anything that you want just setthe tone for yourself.
And remember while you're there,give yourself permission to take
a break.
If you're getting overwhelmed atthe events.
(14:46):
A little self care goes a longway.
If you need to step out for asecond, get some fresh air, Go
to the bathroom, whatever it is,but just take a few minutes to
yourself that you can rechargeand then come back and reset
yourself for the rest of theevening.
give yourself that permission onyour way home.
Listen to your favorite podcast.
(15:07):
Don't sit and stew on your drivehome and think about what the
hell aunt Betty said.
And that she made some commentthat you're fat or she didn't
like her outfit or your makeupwas ugly, or she didn't like
your hair cut, who cares abouther.
if you like it, then it doesn'tmatter what she said.
(15:30):
don't stew on your way homeabout something that already
happened.
It's in the past.
Just move on and focus on whatis now.
She's a jerk, whatever.
But we're not going to let thatbother us for the rest of the
night.
I'm going to listen to apodcast.
go home and forget that she saidanything stupid.
just move on.
Learning how to catch yournegative thoughts is so helpful.
(15:52):
The more you catch it, the morepractice that you have catching
these negative thoughts andreframing them.
The easier it is to get by inlife.
If you're looking in the mirrorand you like, oh my God, it
looks so fat in this.
Think about,"Do I really lookfat in this?
Why am I wearing this outfit inthe first place?
What was I thinking when Ibought this outfit, you bought
(16:15):
it for some reason, there wassome part of you that liked the
outfit before you brought ithome and you made the decision
to put it on today.
So what were you thinking atthose times that made you feel
great about that outfit and whatis really in your way from not
liking it right now?
And maybe it is just somethingthat you can't overcome that day
(16:37):
and you do need an outfitchange, but the practice of
catching.
Yourself saying, oh my God, itlooks so fat in this outfit.
And then just stopping and belike,"I just talked shit about
myself and we're just, we don'ttalk shit about ourselves
anymore.
We're going to have a solution."The solution is the change of
the outfit and get over thedrama that I'm having.
(17:00):
Or think about something niceabout myself to say about this
outfit, when I bought thisoutfit, I loved how much.
I liked how my curves looked inthis outfit.
So I think that I look amazingand I'm just going to rock it
because that's how I felt when Ibought it, So I'm going to do
that right now.
there's different ways that youcan reframe a negative thought
(17:24):
and.
It's not just about clothes andwhat you will get in the mirror.
It could be your judgment ofyourself.
What you think about otherpeople.
Just different things that comein your head, that's like
negative.
You can stop it and be like,we're not doing that anymore.
We don't think that way.
this is not the time to thinkthat way we have another agenda
(17:45):
and we're going to have a greattime today.
catching that and reframing it,or just stopping yourself in
those tracks and moving forwardis so refreshing.
it's just really helpful.
And also stop yourself.
If you notice any kind ofcomparison.
When you see somebody like your.
Cousin that's the same age asyou and your whole life.
(18:07):
You've been competing with whatshe does or what she looks like
or what's going on in her life.
don't do that.
go and see your cousin she'sjust your cousin and she's doing
things in her life.
She's wearing something or herhair looks some way, but it
doesn't need to reflect you.
She's doing her thing.
That's completely separate fromyou, that whole comparison thing
(18:31):
can make you miserable.
So instead of saying oh, shelooks better than me and her
dress I look like shit.
why even do that?
That's a nice dress that shehas.
keep it.
Neutral, keep it simple and donot.
Finish the sentence with she'sbetter than me in any form or
(18:52):
fashion, because it's notnecessary.
why are you going to talk shitabout yourself?
"She has a very nice dress," andjust leave it at that.
And that's going to replace thecompetition with just a mutual
celebration or just being.
Able to say something nice aboutsomebody.
Or complimenting somebody it'smuch healthier of a mindset to
(19:14):
you.
I do that than it is for you tojust continue to talk shit about
yourself, because why would youwant to do that?
So I hope that this is helpful.
When it comes to.
getting ready for the holidays.
So little self care before yougo create a morning ritual.
(19:34):
enjoy some music or somethingcalming, whatever is going to
set yourself for success andhaving a positive day.
Do that first.
Find an outfit that makes youfeel comfortable.
Most importantly, that alsoleads to some confidence that
puts you.
In the gratitude.
(19:54):
Space in your mind.
So when you go to Thanksgiving,You're feeling that energy.
Or Christmas as well.
You're feeling the good part ofthe family energy.
not the drama, you're feelingthe energy of the holidays and
everything positive that has todo with that space.
(20:15):
it might not even be withfamily.
I happen to be a family person.
But maybe it's with yourfriends, maybe it's a friends
giving, maybe it's it.
Dinner at your best friend'sfamily's house, whatever it is.
Put yourself in the place tocreate confidence and gratitude
and enjoy it.
That's what it's there for.
And when you listen to commentsand hear what people have to
(20:37):
say, Put a repellent shield onthat and boomerang it back to
them.
Give them back that energy.
You don't need it sitting inyour mind.
You don't need to ruminate inwhatever comments people say
again.
It's a boomerang it's words.
It's bouncing off.
You.
And sticking back on them.
(21:00):
What is that?
That rhyme, the rubber and glue.
Yeah.
When you're a little kid, likeI'm rubber, you're glue,
whatever you say, bounce off meand sticks off of you.
Hello.
That just totally, I don't knowwhy I've thought about that, but
whatever.
It's propelling.
You don't need to worry aboutwhat people say It's true as an
(21:22):
adult.
So there's so many lessons thatwe had when we were young kids
that.
Still resonate with us asadults.
So that is probably one of thegolden rules.
Maybe not the golden rule, butit's just one of those.
Nice things that.
You remember as a child and keepit dear to your heart because
(21:46):
it's a life lesson.
Enjoy your holiday next week.
You've got 10 days to preparefor it.
That gives you plenty of time tostart practicing those things,
finding a playlist, finding theoutfit that makes you feel
great.
giving yourself ideas of howyou're going to respond to
(22:08):
stupid comments, don't let thatovertake your life for the next
10 days, but if you need alittle bit of time to prepare
for that, Take a little time todo that for yourself because
that's also self care.
Enjoy your holiday and have agreat time with whatever plans
you decide to have.
(22:28):
Thanks so much.
I'll talk to you soon.
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 21 (00:04):
How To Love The Skin You're In During The Holidays.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and the
(00:26):
dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
Today, we are going to talkabout how to love the skin
you're in during the holidays.
For me a lot of the times whenholidays were coming up and I
(00:51):
hadn't seen people in a while, Iwould fear the comments or the
judgment that they would haveabout me.
It was nerve-wracking and wouldstress me out.
At one point it's not even funor enjoyable to go to the
holiday event because I have somuch crap in my mind that I
(01:17):
can't even focus on the goodthings, I know that can be
stressful for people and I justwanted to talk about it a little
bit today and just more aboutbody neutrality and being okay
with who you are.
Not having to stress and worryabout what other people have to
say, because the most importantjudgment is yours, and so you
(01:42):
want it to be a good thing,right?
You want it to be, confident andpositive.
I think the biggest one for meis the comments, right?
When you see people and theymight make some passive
aggressive comments or ask youuncomfortable questions.
My favorite is when they say,oh, you look so good.
(02:06):
If you lost some weight, youwould just look so amazing."
Thanks for telling me that itwas so annoying.
That would set the tone for myattitude the whole evening.
I would let one person's wordsput so much weight on me.
Not gonna happen anymore.
Don't allow that in your mindwhen people say stuff.
(02:29):
They're just saying stuff and ithas nothing to do with you.
They just don't have manners orthey're just jerks, they might
just be the asshole familymember that likes to do that to
everybody.
But you can't blame them forjust being who they are.
You just the best part is thatit doesn't have to affect you.
When someone says,"oh my God, ifyou lost 10 pounds, you would be
(02:54):
perfect." Thank you." Just avoidit and to end any future
conversations, be like,"I thinkI look great the way I am right
now," or"I feel great exactlyhow I am right now.
But thanks." You don't have tobe mean about it or super
offended.
It's almost laughable.
Think,"I can't even believe thisperson has the guts to say
(03:17):
something like that, it'slaughable." So another one would
be like,"are you sure that youwant seconds?""Yes, the food
tastes good.
And I want seconds.
Are you going to have seconds?"It's just, who cares?
We're having a holiday party.
You're enjoying your time.
You don't need anybody to policethe amount of food that you eat.
(03:39):
That's your decision.
And your an adult in yourgrown-ass person and you get to
decide how much food you want toeat.
Are you going to regret itlater?
Maybe?
Is that your problem?
Yeah.
That's your choices, yourdecision that you made that felt
good at the time, it might havebeen the best decision that you
made and it might not have been,but that is nobody else's
(04:00):
business.
Redirecting the conversation.
Is really helpful when peoplesay asshole things to you.
If somebody comments about yourweight, you could just redirect
it,"thank you so much fornoticing I've been focusing on
feeling good and I've beenfeeling really good lately." It
doesn't matter if they'resaying,"oh, you gained weight
(04:22):
or, oh, you lost weight," orwhatever.
Whatever they say that's aboutyour body or your weight or
anything.
"Thank you so much.
I am working on feeling greatand I feel amazing today." It's
going to throw them off andhopefully embarrass them that
they're trying to say dumbthings.
It's also really good to set aboundary in advance, like maybe
(04:47):
you have a great cousin or yoursister or somebody that is.
Always on your side and reallysupportive about you and your
feelings and so on.
Maybe you can call them up.
And just say,"Hey, if you hearsomebody ask me about my body or
(05:08):
about my weight or just saysomething dumb about what I look
like.
Can you help redirect thequestion?
Can you please change thesubject?" So if somebody says,
"oh, it looks like you lostweight," that person can have
your back and just be like,"Hey,let's talk about how great this
dessert is," or"check out thefootball game.
(05:31):
Who's winning?" Just get theattention off of you and move it
onto something else.
Or put it back on them, be like,"it looks like you gained
weight." Either way.
It's fine.
You don't have to be rude orinsensitive about it.
You can keep it short, keep itsimple or change the subject.
Don't allow people to steal yourhappiness at the holiday events
(05:55):
is it's not worth it.
You aren't going there to have agood time.
The purpose is to enjoy family,having a great time.
Enjoy food, enjoy conversation.
Don't let any body ruin it foryou.
How you feel when you'redressing up for that event.
I like to go in comfort clothes,but I also like to be a little
(06:19):
stylish.
And it's depends on the tone ofyour family.
If you guys go and haveThanksgiving and you're all on
PJ's and stuff, and it's likenot a dress up kind of thing.
Then go and enjoy yourself look.
Your best in your PJ's and feelyour best and your PJ's,
whatever it is.
If you want to go in sweats, ifthat's your theme, you're not
(06:40):
there to go home and impressanybody.
If you're having a sweat shirtand leggings kind of day, you do
that because you're not worriedabout what other people thinking
about your clothes or they'rejust clothes.
Again, The focus is enjoying themeal, enjoying conversation,
(07:00):
enjoying family, being thankful.
There's no room in there forjudgment about what people are
wearing.
Choose something that makes youfeel great, regardless if it's,
the best formal dress to thesweat pants.
As long as you feel great,that's important.
I like to wear things that arenot tight around my waist,
(07:25):
because I'm trying to enjoy thefood that I rarely have during
the year.
I also try to be mindful aboutmy food and how much food I'm
eating.
Cause I don't want to feelmiserable and I don't want to.
Just feel overstuffed and it'snot necessary because there's
leftovers.
(07:46):
So pack.
Leftovers, if you want to, andI'm not saying you have to do
that.
If you want to feel reallystuffed and enjoyed the
tryptophan, enjoy it, but forme, I don't like feeling that
full.
I'll bring a little Tupperwareand bring food home I get to
enjoy it more.
Or things that I didn't enjoy atthis meal, I'll get some of
(08:09):
that.
So then I can enjoy that later.
So that's not the point.
We're talking about clothes.
So with clothes.
I like to wear comfort clothesaddress.
Some stretchy leggings, maybesome cute jeggings cute ankle
boots and a little sweater.
Sometimes in Houston, it's 90degrees on Thanksgiving.
(08:32):
So maybe a sweater isn't likethe best, but a cute shirt,
whatever.
So where are the things thatmake you comfortable and.
It's a win.
Comfort and confidence.
Is a win-win situation if youfeel comfortable.
It helps you feel confident too.
They go together and when you'refeeling confident, And I'm not
(08:56):
talking about just your looks.
I'm just talking about confidentin general.
You're happy to tell storiesabout your accomplishments that
you've had during the year.
You're happy to make anannouncement about what exciting
thing you have going on.
You're grateful to spend timewith the people you're
surrounded by When you'refeeling confident in what you're
(09:19):
wearing, it really translatesinto other areas in your life
that confidence would be goodfor Dress for you.
Don't dress for other peoplebecause again, the most
important person in the room isyou and how you feel.
When you're waking up in themorning, set the tone for how
(09:42):
you want to feel that day.
A little self care goes a longway.
In the mornings, practice aroutine that sets a positive
tone.
For example, start your day withsome gratitude.
If you're a journaler, writedown a couple sentences of what
you're grateful for the day.
(10:02):
And if that's not your thing,What do you do in a routine in
the morning?
That can feel amazing or setsthe tone for positivity.
For example, every day when Iget up to get ready for work.
I make a cup of coffee, but tome making the cup of coffee sets
(10:25):
the tone.
It gets me excited.
I really enjoy it.
So I'm not just making a cup ofcoffee.
I'm making a cup of coffee,right?
Like it's just so much moreenjoyable because I start
thinking about it like it's thiswonderful thing and that I get
to have something positive thatI enjoy first thing in the
(10:46):
morning.
I really think about this cup ofcoffee, right?
So if lately I've been intomaking cold iced coffee drinks.
I pour my coffee in over my icein the cup.
And I like to listen to the icecrackling when the coffee's
pouring on it.
(11:07):
I get my milk out and if I havevanilla creamer, I'll get a
little vanilla creamer.
I've been into the whole pumpkinthing.
I don't like pumpkin spice, butI like pumpkin.
So I will do a couple pumps ofpumpkin and sweeten it up a
little bit.
I put my lid on and my strawshake it up.
(11:31):
I love hearing myself shake itup.
It's so much more enjoyable thatway.
Like it's this beautiful treat Iget to have every morning.
And I make a hot coffee the sameway I have a Nespresso.
It has the little pod.
I get to open the little drawerand look at what I want to make
that day.
I choose the pod that I want andmake the coffee I take out all
(11:54):
the little things that I need tomix into the coffee.
If I want to have a littlecreamer and some sugar I buy
sugar cubes to feel fancy.
Instead of spoonfuls of sugar Iprefer a sugar cube because it
makes me feel fancy.
It's little things like that.
Make it so much better.
(12:14):
The same thing with tea, I lovegood hot tea, boiling the water.
I specifically like to get theloose leaf tea and putting in
the loose leaf tea into thestrainer and in the boiling
water letting it steep I takethe dogs out or whatever I'm
doing to let it steep.
I take it out.
(12:34):
I smell the tea as it'ssteeping.
Just whatever, but I've justreally get involved in all of my
senses.
I'm looking at things.
I'm smelling things.
I get to taste it.
It's just a nice experience tohave that.
(12:54):
It could be whatever it is thatyou want it to be.
Obviously y'all can tell howmuch I enjoy making this
beverage in the morning.
If you enjoy washing your faceand putting, lotion on before
your makeup That could besomething that's really
enjoyable.
You could feel it, you can smellit.
(13:16):
You can rub it on your face.
What is the temperature?
Is it warm?
Is it cold?
Just make it really focused andturn one little thing into
something positive.
And if you want to try somethingnew, maybe you want to do a
little stretching in the morningor do some somatic exercises or
read a book or listen to apodcast.
(13:39):
There are so many differentthings you could do to create a
positive setting for your day.
When you're getting ready, puton some music.
I have a predate playlist that Ilike.
If you want to put on Christmasmusic or whatever it is while
you're getting ready, put on aplaylist that you really like,
that has music that will reallypump you up and make you feel
(14:02):
confident.
If that isn't your thing.
Maybe you have an app that helpsyou with breath work, and do
some deep breathing or a littlemeditation, or maybe the music
you need to listen to is justcalm and uplifting and
instrumental, whatever it isthat you need as like this
(14:24):
routine to make you feel goodbefore you go to this event, do
it.
It can be from your morningritual to listening to music,
anything that you want just setthe tone for yourself.
And remember while you're there,give yourself permission to take
a break.
If you're getting overwhelmed atthe events.
(14:46):
A little self care goes a longway.
If you need to step out for asecond, get some fresh air, Go
to the bathroom, whatever it is,but just take a few minutes to
yourself that you can rechargeand then come back and reset
yourself for the rest of theevening.
give yourself that permission onyour way home.
Listen to your favorite podcast.
(15:07):
Don't sit and stew on your drivehome and think about what the
hell aunt Betty said.
And that she made some commentthat you're fat or she didn't
like her outfit or your makeupwas ugly, or she didn't like
your hair cut, who cares abouther.
if you like it, then it doesn'tmatter what she said.
(15:30):
don't stew on your way homeabout something that already
happened.
It's in the past.
Just move on and focus on whatis now.
She's a jerk, whatever.
But we're not going to let thatbother us for the rest of the
night.
I'm going to listen to apodcast.
go home and forget that she saidanything stupid.
just move on.
Learning how to catch yournegative thoughts is so helpful.
(15:52):
The more you catch it, the morepractice that you have catching
these negative thoughts andreframing them.
The easier it is to get by inlife.
If you're looking in the mirrorand you like, oh my God, it
looks so fat in this.
Think about,"Do I really lookfat in this?
Why am I wearing this outfit inthe first place?
What was I thinking when Ibought this outfit, you bought
(16:15):
it for some reason, there wassome part of you that liked the
outfit before you brought ithome and you made the decision
to put it on today.
So what were you thinking atthose times that made you feel
great about that outfit and whatis really in your way from not
liking it right now?
And maybe it is just somethingthat you can't overcome that day
(16:37):
and you do need an outfitchange, but the practice of
catching.
Yourself saying, oh my God, itlooks so fat in this outfit.
And then just stopping and belike,"I just talked shit about
myself and we're just, we don'ttalk shit about ourselves
anymore.
We're going to have a solution."The solution is the change of
the outfit and get over thedrama that I'm having.
(17:00):
Or think about something niceabout myself to say about this
outfit, when I bought thisoutfit, I loved how much.
I liked how my curves looked inthis outfit.
So I think that I look amazingand I'm just going to rock it
because that's how I felt when Ibought it, So I'm going to do
that right now.
there's different ways that youcan reframe a negative thought
(17:24):
and.
It's not just about clothes andwhat you will get in the mirror.
It could be your judgment ofyourself.
What you think about otherpeople.
Just different things that comein your head, that's like
negative.
You can stop it and be like,we're not doing that anymore.
We don't think that way.
this is not the time to thinkthat way we have another agenda
(17:45):
and we're going to have a greattime today.
catching that and reframing it,or just stopping yourself in
those tracks and moving forwardis so refreshing.
it's just really helpful.
And also stop yourself.
If you notice any kind ofcomparison.
When you see somebody like your.
Cousin that's the same age asyou and your whole life.
(18:07):
You've been competing with whatshe does or what she looks like
or what's going on in her life.
don't do that.
go and see your cousin she'sjust your cousin and she's doing
things in her life.
She's wearing something or herhair looks some way, but it
doesn't need to reflect you.
She's doing her thing.
That's completely separate fromyou, that whole comparison thing
(18:31):
can make you miserable.
So instead of saying oh, shelooks better than me and her
dress I look like shit.
why even do that?
That's a nice dress that shehas.
keep it.
Neutral, keep it simple and donot.
Finish the sentence with she'sbetter than me in any form or
(18:52):
fashion, because it's notnecessary.
why are you going to talk shitabout yourself?
"She has a very nice dress," andjust leave it at that.
And that's going to replace thecompetition with just a mutual
celebration or just being.
Able to say something nice aboutsomebody.
Or complimenting somebody it'smuch healthier of a mindset to
(19:14):
you.
I do that than it is for you tojust continue to talk shit about
yourself, because why would youwant to do that?
So I hope that this is helpful.
When it comes to.
getting ready for the holidays.
So little self care before yougo create a morning ritual.
(19:34):
enjoy some music or somethingcalming, whatever is going to
set yourself for success andhaving a positive day.
Do that first.
Find an outfit that makes youfeel comfortable.
Most importantly, that alsoleads to some confidence that
puts you.
In the gratitude.
(19:54):
Space in your mind.
So when you go to Thanksgiving,You're feeling that energy.
Or Christmas as well.
You're feeling the good part ofthe family energy.
not the drama, you're feelingthe energy of the holidays and
everything positive that has todo with that space.
(20:15):
it might not even be withfamily.
I happen to be a family person.
But maybe it's with yourfriends, maybe it's a friends
giving, maybe it's it.
Dinner at your best friend'sfamily's house, whatever it is.
Put yourself in the place tocreate confidence and gratitude
and enjoy it.
That's what it's there for.
And when you listen to commentsand hear what people have to
(20:37):
say, Put a repellent shield onthat and boomerang it back to
them.
Give them back that energy.
You don't need it sitting inyour mind.
You don't need to ruminate inwhatever comments people say
again.
It's a boomerang it's words.
It's bouncing off.
You.
And sticking back on them.
(21:00):
What is that?
That rhyme, the rubber and glue.
Yeah.
When you're a little kid, likeI'm rubber, you're glue,
whatever you say, bounce off meand sticks off of you.
Hello.
That just totally, I don't knowwhy I've thought about that, but
whatever.
It's propelling.
You don't need to worry aboutwhat people say It's true as an
(21:22):
adult.
So there's so many lessons thatwe had when we were young kids
that.
Still resonate with us asadults.
So that is probably one of thegolden rules.
Maybe not the golden rule, butit's just one of those.
Nice things that.
You remember as a child and keepit dear to your heart because
(21:46):
it's a life lesson.
Enjoy your holiday next week.
You've got 10 days to preparefor it.
That gives you plenty of time tostart practicing those things,
finding a playlist, finding theoutfit that makes you feel
great.
giving yourself ideas of howyou're going to respond to
(22:08):
stupid comments, don't let thatovertake your life for the next
10 days, but if you need alittle bit of time to prepare
for that, Take a little time todo that for yourself because
that's also self care.
Enjoy your holiday and have agreat time with whatever plans
you decide to have.
(22:28):
Thanks so much.
I'll talk to you soon.
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