January 7, 2025 • 25 mins
In Episode 24 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina introduces the series 'Leaving Negativity in 2024.' She reflects on her experience with negative self-talk and common complaints shared in online communities. Cristina offers actionable steps to identify and counteract negative thinking patterns, emphasizing the importance of replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations. She shares examples from her own life, including techniques like gratitude journaling, structured daily planning, and setting positive reminders. Cristina encourages listeners to do homework by identifying their own negative triggers and finding empowering solutions.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:41 Cristina's New Year Reflections
01:17 Leaving Negativity Behind in 2024
06:08 Understanding Negative Self-Talk
09:50 Practical Steps to Combat Negativity
12:55 Daily Habits for a Positive Mindset
22:01 Homework and Final Thoughts
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 24 (00:03):
Leaving Negativity in 2024, Part 1.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and help
(00:27):
you ditch the diet drama andhelp you ditch the dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
How are you today?
Happy New Year.
I hope that you have enjoyed thefirst week of the year.
(00:50):
I, most certainly have.
I've been to a concert.
I went to a concert on Fridayand saw my favorite band from
when I was young, MXPX, a littlepunk rock band and had a great
time.
That was Friday night and, I hadto recover a little bit on
Saturday, but that's okay.
So yeah, it's been a great firstweek of the year.
(01:10):
So far so good.
And I'm looking forward to whathappens next this year.
I got a long way to go.
So anyhow, today we're going totalk about Leaving negativity in
2024, just leaving that behind.
I was looking at a post today inFacebook, in a group that I
(01:31):
follow.
And that was one of thequestions.
What are you going to leavebehind in 2024?
So I was really interested intoseeing what people had to say.
And a lot of it was negativity,lack of confidence, talking shit
about other people, toxicpeople, all those things.
So basically it's all under thenegativity umbrella, right?
(01:56):
So I was thinking about creatinga little series of it.
So I don't know how many partsof it that I'm going to cover in
the next few weeks, but I figurethere's a lot of negativity that
people have that we can drop andlearn how to transform our year
2025 into something a little bitmore positive and more future
(02:19):
focused in a different directioninstead of carrying that weight
of that negative energy.
So instead of just sayingnegativity, like what the fuck
does that mean, right?
Because just saying you're gonnaleave negativity behind doesn't
really give you any actionablesteps or anything to identify to
(02:40):
actually fixing it.
So I want to go into detail withthat.
Again, there's so many differentways that we're negative.
Our minds generally go into thenegative first, because that's
just how our brains work.
If you don't know, our brainswork where it's trying to
protect us all the time.
So it's easy, and we first thinkof negative things before we
(03:04):
think about positive ones.
Because our brains are trying totell us, You need to be safe.
So don't touch that.
It might be hot.
Don't put that in your mouth.
What if it's spicy?
Then you're gonna getindigestion and maybe you
shouldn't go outside becauseit's too cold and it's too hot.
What are you gonna wear?
All of these things are yourbrain telling you be safe.
(03:24):
You got to be safe.
Can't go outside because what ifsomebody's out there?
What if you're going to have astranger?
Make sure that you lock yourdoors.
Have you locked your doors?
Have you looked in your car yetbefore you go and go into it?
Make sure that you carry yourkeys between your fingers so
that you have a way to protectyourself.
Oh, don't forget that you'regoing to need mace if you go
outside and you're shopping.
Where should you put your purse?
(03:45):
Are you going to leave yourdrink unattended when you go to
a bar?
All these things are your brain.
Keeping you safe, right?
And it doesn't necessarily meanthat it's negative.
It's keeping you safe, but it'sa lot of energy to be putting
when you also have the choice ofkind of just doing your thing,
(04:05):
right?
You can have all of thosethoughts, but the weight of it.
And being like living in fear isdifferent than just like having
it in the back of your mind ofOh, yeah, these are things that
I need to be aware about.
Being socially and like mentallyaware and having that ability to
recognize those things is onething but when it's like keeping
(04:29):
you from going out or doingthings or functioning as a
normal human being, that's whereit can become debilitating.
So there's a slight differencein carrying that weight and just
being socially aware of yourselfand your surroundings.
Cause of course we want to besafe.
We don't want to just throw allthat shit out the door and be
(04:52):
like, Oh, fuck it, we can justgo outside and not worry about
if it's hot or cold, wearing thewrong things, I'll just wear the
wrong things and I'll just behot and cold.
Whatever.
Maybe I'm not exactly explainingit in the best way, but I'm
hoping that you get the point ofwhat I'm trying to say.
Is it really that big of a deal?
(05:12):
If you go outside and it's toohot and you don't have, you're
not dressed appropriately, thenchange your clothes.
There's a solution for it,right?
There's no need to go into fightor flight.
just change it.
Figure out the solution insteadof not wanting to go outside
because, oh my God, I can't makea decision.
Anyways, I'm really going alittle south in this
(05:35):
conversation, but I hope you getit.
So moving forward, keeping theweight of being in that negative
cycle in that low value cycle isjust not what you want to carry
on into 2025.
Lighten up, think about thosethings enough to where you can
function, but just have fun inyour life and just, keep it
(05:57):
simple.
So negativity in 2025.
We're not going to have any ofthat this year, right?
So what does that mean?
Where does it start?
How do we fix it?
First things first, and I alwayssay it because it's the most
important thing is negative selftalk.
Talking shit about yourself.
Whenever you're talking shitabout yourself, you're keeping
(06:20):
yourself in this low valuecycle.
What do you do to catch yourselfwhen you're talking shit about
yourself, right?
How do you know when you'retalking shit about yourself?
First of all, take a minute towrite it down.
When do you talk shit aboutyourself?
So like for me, if I would toget out some paper and a pen
(06:40):
right now and journal about whenI talk shit about myself, I can
keep on going for a while, butit could be, how I feel about my
body.
When I say how I feel about mybody, I'm not necessarily
talking about what it lookslike, but sometimes how I'm
feeling, like I might feelreally full or really bloated or
sometimes.
(07:01):
If I just feel really heavy andthen I start being like, Oh, I
shouldn't have had this lastnight, or my body's getting old
and I can't drink the samethings and eat the same things
that I used to.
And that really sucks.
And I can go on and on about onething, which is my body feels
(07:22):
big today, and it can go in thiscycle and it can never end.
I start blaming myself.
I ate too much salt.
I drank too much alcohol.
I had fried food.
I had dairy.
I didn't have enough protein orenough fiber.
And those are all okay things tomake as observations, but they
don't have to weigh me down,right?
(07:43):
Like it could be data or itcould be this whole negative
energy that's like pulling medown and putting me into this
Doomsday thought cycle, right?
And I don't want to be in thatheaviness, right?
So how can I make them becomeobservations and data versus
(08:06):
making it shit on my whole day?
Because of the one initialthought,"my body feels heavy
today." That's not even withweighing myself or anything.
Just"I feel heavy today." Itdoesn't have to become this
shitstorm, dumpster fire.
It can just be an observation.
Okay.
So what was the data?
What did I eat?
(08:28):
I had these things, right?
Which one of these things mademe feel like my body is heavy?
Which ones didn't?
Which ones serve my body andhelp fuel my body?
And which ones don't?
So that is just enoughjournaling for one thought that
I have for one day, right?
And that gives me a chance tohave the data to figure out how
(08:51):
to get out of it.
So next time I wake up and I'mlike,"Hey, my body feels heavy
today." That needs to be thetrigger for me to be like,"we're
not going to go and have adumpster fire of thoughts.
We're going to check on data andsee what's important and what
are these observations that makemy body feel this way," right?
(09:12):
Like it's just information thatI know about myself and there's
a solution to that.
So what is the solution going tobe?
So we're going to be problemsolving in 2025, not sitting
around in our own sadness anddepression for one little
thought, right?
We're just not going to do that.
So our minds are a lot strongerthan we think that they are, and
(09:37):
we just have to develop theskills and practice retraining
it into being a problem solverand a troubleshooter, instead of
being like in this funky assmood all the time.
So that's just one example.
There's a thousand other ways Italk crap about myself and you
probably do too and we're gonna,find those triggers, find out
(10:01):
what those words are, where westart going into that low value
cycle, catching it and insteadof spiraling into negativity,
we're going to replace it withsome more empowering statements
or actual solutions to thosethings, right?
Because they don't need to beproblems.
For example, when it comes todating,"I'm never going to find
(10:22):
somebody." That's always thething.
I'm never going to findsomebody.
I'm never going to find somebodybecause I am too amazing and
they don't understand andthey're intimidated by me."
Whatever.
That might even be like a goodthing, right?
Oh, I'm so amazing, but nobody'sgonna like me because I'm too
amazing and I'm going tointimidate them.
Like you start already talkingshit about the compliment that
(10:45):
you just gave yourself.
That's self sabotage, right?
So just the whole simplestatement,"I'm never going to
find anyone," that puts you inthat like low self worth and
that shit talking moment.
So saying that versus"I haven'tfound the right person for me
yet." I'm ready to be open tofind the right person.""The
(11:08):
right person's going to come tome.
When the time is right, you knowthat puts your mind into a more
progressive positive energy.
So the word"never" is the onethat's keeping you down and
keeping you in that negativeenergy.
So changing the word"never" to"Ihaven't figured out yet." This
(11:30):
is something that I'm lookingforward to changing," you know,
instead of never.
Never is absolute.
So give yourself the opportunityto have options and have
solutions.
So changing that is just onesimple word that can completely
change your attitude from thatnegative self talk to some
(11:54):
morsel of possibility andpositivity, right?
So we're going to leave the wordnever behind, I"shouldn't" be
doing this.
You can do whatever the hell youwant.
Like I"shouldn't" be overeating.
I"shouldn't" be over scrollingon the internet when I could be
doing this.
Yeah, you could be.
(12:15):
So then decide, right?
So there's a lot of words like"shouldn't" and"never" that
really stop us from movingforward.
We want to catch those words andfigure out that more empowering
statement or just thatempowering word.
Change that into, a morepositive energy instead of that
(12:38):
downward spiral.
We're trying to go up and notdown.
Creating some sentences or some,affirmation, some ways to boost
your self esteem and counteractthose negative beliefs are going
to be really valuable for you in2025.
So how can you do that?
What would be a solution?
(12:59):
I love post its.
I love writing things on mymirror.
I like to constantly see thingsthat give me positive
affirmations during the day, orjust a little reminders.
There's apps on your phone thatcan send you a little notes
during the day, just randomlythat say,"Hey.
(13:19):
Don't forget to love yourselftoday," or"drink your water
because it's good for yourskin." Like whatever it is that
you need to have as a reminder,"Hey, take your medication
today, take your supplementstoday whatever it is that you
need help on, right?
They're just small littlereminders to like, pep yourself
up because you might be sittingin a funk.
(13:40):
Which is okay to be in a funksometimes.
We don't have to fake beingpositive or whatever.
Our lives are 50/50 and we go upand down and that's okay, but
you just don't want to get stuckin it.
You have to know that there's anoption available to you that can
help you get out of thatnegativity.
So if you're sitting in a funkand you get a little, reminder
on your phone or on your watchthat it's a nice little daily
(14:03):
affirmation that says,"Hey, youlove yourself today." It's
something that helps you changeyour mind and be like,"oh, yeah,
I am amazing." Today is anoption to have a great day," if,
whatever phrases that empoweryou to get yourself that morsel
of happiness, and peace, putthose in that app or just put
(14:26):
them on post its around yourhouse in your car on your visor
when you pull it down every daybecause it's sunny instead of
bitching that it's sunny outsideyou could be like, Oh,"the
sunshine is here today.
I'm so lucky for it to be sunnytoday." Just anything that can
remind you,"this doesn't have tobe shitty today," even if you
(14:47):
have to write that down, lots ofdifferent options, right?
So anyways, Stop talking shit.
Stop feeling like you have to benegative about everything.
It doesn't have to be an option.
If you have an option to have agood day, why are you gonna have
a bad one?
So that's pretty much a reallygood start to leaving negativity
(15:10):
behind in 2024 and startingfresh in 2025.
So if you want to do thehomework, then go and look right
down ways that you catchyourself feeling crappy or
talking crap about yourself.
What are those?
Is it the minute that you wakeup that you have your alarm that
(15:32):
you want to snooze and every daywhen you wake up you're like
"Fuck, I have to start my day."What is it that you're saying
that starts your day off shitty?
Cause I'm guilty of this.
Many times I wake up cussing outthe alarm and then blaming the
alarm because I went to bed atone in the morning and I had to
(15:53):
get up at seven.
It's not the alarm's damn fault,it's my fault that I didn't go
to bed early.
You know what I mean?
But I'm taking accountabilityfor it and not blaming time,
right?
So instead of cussing out atimer, telling you to wake up
Remind yourself,"Hey, tonight,I'm going to get great sleep and
(16:15):
I'm going to go to bed at areasonable time because that's
how it's going to make me havesuccess tomorrow." That's going
to be what it's going to takefor me to not cuss out an alarm.
My alarm says, you're going tohave a great day today." That's
what the name of my alarm is.
So it just makes me feel alittle better that the first
(16:35):
thing that I read, today isgoing to be a great day." And
also the music that I choose,too, is, just a very low, mellow
tone that Apple has on there,but it just creates like this
nice, quiet, start and it getslouder, so that it's a pleasant
tone.
(16:56):
I can, hear it and not freakout, right?
Some people like to have crazypunk rock music on and I love
punk rock music, but that's notwhat I want to hear the first
thing when I wake up, I need alittle bit slower of a sound to
get me up and get me going.
Just little things like that arehelpful to notice.
(17:16):
You guys, it's very small, butit makes a very big difference
between your entire day and howyou're going to start your day.
So I can't emphasize enough thatstarting your day off on a good
foot, with a little bit ofpositivity is just a game
changer.
I like to journal in themornings.
I like to have my day a littlebit structured.
(17:37):
I know what I'm going to eat.
I write down what I'm going toeat for the day every day so
that there's no guessing.
I don't have to worry about,"What do I want?" I put lots of
options on there.
I put options with goodintentions of what I want to eat
to fuel my body.
Do I follow it some days?
No.
do I follow it most days?
(17:58):
Yes.
and sometimes if I want toindulge a little bit, I'll put
that too, but I try to be ashonest as I can with myself
about what I'm going to eat.
I like to structure my day.
I like to put what food I'mgoing to choose to have that
day.
I like to, look at my hydration.
I try to drink a certain amountof water every single day.
(18:20):
I try to put my priorities downfor the day.
What do I want to achieve forthe day to be productive and
consider myself having asuccessful day?
Every single day I get to decidewhat my success is.
If you're not going to doanything today and you're going
to sleep and have some self careday and if that means watching
TV all day and not having anyresponsibility, I'm going to
(18:41):
write that down.
And that's going to be whatsuccess is for me that day.
So I get to decide that.
I put myself in charge of whatI'm going to do for the day,
right?
And I get to make that decisionand decide ahead of time.
Whether it's going to be a superproductive day and I do all
kinds of stuff, or myproductivity is, conserving my
(19:02):
energy and getting a freshstart, that's what it's going to
be.
I like to put, any movement thatI plan on doing.
If I plan to have any type ofmovement, I have a goal this
year to do 30 minutes ofmovement.
We're gonna start with threetimes a week doing 30 minutes of
movement and that's what we'restarting and we're gonna
progress with that.
That is gonna be my minimumbaseline this year.
(19:24):
I get to decide that ahead oftime.
I'm also deciding in themorning, I write gratitude,
right?
So I write some things that I'mthankful for and sometimes it's
all over the place.
I can be grateful for sunshine.
I can be grateful for rain.
I'm grateful that I woke up andshowered and did my makeup this
(19:45):
morning.
I, put on a necklace.
I don't put on necklaces to stayat home all day.
But I did.
And it made me feel good.
And I'm grateful that I tookthat time to take care of myself
today.
I'm grateful for my pets.
We're going to have, a"winterstorm" for Houston.
It means it's going to be 29degrees for a night or two.
But the ability for me toprepare for it and do whatever
(20:11):
we need to do to make our houseready for our pipes and our pets
and our plants.
I'm grateful that I get to havethe time to do that and prepare
for my home to be safe and forus to be safe and have
everything we need groceries,gas, whatever.
So that's something to bethankful for.
It starts with just littleconversations like that, but it
(20:32):
makes a big difference.
If you're seeing it as gratitudeversus Oh my God, these chores
that I have to do today, stupidweather," like that's too heavy.
That's just not an energy that Iwant to carry on.
And it's not just about myself.
All of those things have to dowith my own thoughts and that's
what's putting the weight downon me.
So even if it's not just me, butit's the weather and it's how I
(20:54):
think about it.
It's the way that we think abouteverything is what affects us.
Negative self talk doesn't haveto be just about me.
It's about everything thatsurrounds us that can
potentially be something that'sgoing to make me miserable,
right?
That's what negative self talkis to me.
So anything that I'm talkingabout my environment in a
(21:14):
negative way or talking aboutthings very selfishly or that
I'm mad about or whatever,that's negative self talk to me
because it's involving me and mythoughts and my mind and putting
this heavy weight on for me.
That might not be yourdefinition, but it is for me.
Cause I just don't want any ofthat around me.
(21:36):
I don't want that, that feelingthat weight to me, I feel like
it's heaviness and I don't likeit.
So if I can change one littlething and make it something to
be grateful about and have it begratitude, even if it's the
weather or the chores that it'sgoing to take to make my day
(21:57):
happy, then that's going to begratitude for me.
So anyhow, getting back I justwant to leave you with the
homework of What are yoursolutions?
What are facts?
What is true?
What can you change?
What can you control?
And what can't you control?
(22:18):
What is out of your hands?
Like, how can something that'sout of your hands just not weigh
you down, right?
What can you do to just be like,"Okay this is nothing that I
could do.
I just have to wait for, Thenext step, right?
What's the gonna be the nextdecision and what are this is
something that I can controlfrom the first part that I
(22:39):
can't." Anyhow, your homeworkthis week for week one of our
negative series is figuring outwhat those triggers for you that
put you in that negativedownward spiral.
Again, I mentioned using theword never, using the word
should, waking up first thingand having a shitty attitude,
(23:03):
just talking about your body,talking about your dating life
and how something's never goingto happen, all those things.
It puts a weight to you thatjust really puts you in a funky
ass attitude.
So how are we going to changeour little attitudes around this
year that we're not going to bein a funky funk and we're going
to truly be in peace and joy andhappiness in the times that we
(23:27):
can control, right?
Sometimes we can't control thosethings and we're gonna feel sad
and upset and frustrated andangry and that's okay again, but
those are things that are out ofour hands that we can't control
that we have to manageafterwards.
So when you can control thesemoments in your life, how can
you put them in a more positivelight?
(23:49):
That is your homework this week.
If you would like to havehomework and you really want to
work on negativity and puttingit behind you and have that be
your resolution for the year,what a great way to get started
on that.
There you have it for the week,you guys.
So I guess we'll talk about itnext week.
Let me know, send me an email.
(24:10):
If you have questions or if youwant me to talk about your
specific situation, or you wantadvice, send it to me and I'll
talk about it on the podcast oremail me back.
Just it's whatever.
I want this podcast to be, thisopen forum, if you want to be on
the podcast because you want totalk about something together
with me, just send me an emaillet's talk about it.
(24:32):
Don't be shy to message me aboutsomething you want to talk
about, you want me to talkabout.
Something that you maybedisagree on and have a question
about it.
If you want something a littlebit more clear, you want some
clarity or we can agree todisagree in a nice, positive way
because we're not going to talkshit this year and we're not
going to be negative this year.
(24:53):
But if we want to have a nice,conversation and agree to
disagree, that's great too.
I'm here for it.
Let's keep this an open,podcast.
I want to hear what you guyshave to say.
I want to know what you want meto talk about.
I can't encourage that enoughthis year for the podcast.
I love to have discussions and Iwant to talk about what people
(25:14):
want to hear.
Don't be negative today.
What can you be grateful fortoday?
What can you be happy about?
It's Tuesday.
If you've got to look forward tothe weekend, what is it that
you're excited about?
Be positive today and I love youguys so much and have a great
day.
Bye.
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 24 (00:03):
Leaving Negativity in 2024, Part 1.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and help
(00:27):
you ditch the diet drama andhelp you ditch the dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
How are you today?
Happy New Year.
I hope that you have enjoyed thefirst week of the year.
(00:50):
I, most certainly have.
I've been to a concert.
I went to a concert on Fridayand saw my favorite band from
when I was young, MXPX, a littlepunk rock band and had a great
time.
That was Friday night and, I hadto recover a little bit on
Saturday, but that's okay.
So yeah, it's been a great firstweek of the year.
(01:10):
So far so good.
And I'm looking forward to whathappens next this year.
I got a long way to go.
So anyhow, today we're going totalk about Leaving negativity in
2024, just leaving that behind.
I was looking at a post today inFacebook, in a group that I
(01:31):
follow.
And that was one of thequestions.
What are you going to leavebehind in 2024?
So I was really interested intoseeing what people had to say.
And a lot of it was negativity,lack of confidence, talking shit
about other people, toxicpeople, all those things.
So basically it's all under thenegativity umbrella, right?
(01:56):
So I was thinking about creatinga little series of it.
So I don't know how many partsof it that I'm going to cover in
the next few weeks, but I figurethere's a lot of negativity that
people have that we can drop andlearn how to transform our year
2025 into something a little bitmore positive and more future
(02:19):
focused in a different directioninstead of carrying that weight
of that negative energy.
So instead of just sayingnegativity, like what the fuck
does that mean, right?
Because just saying you're gonnaleave negativity behind doesn't
really give you any actionablesteps or anything to identify to
(02:40):
actually fixing it.
So I want to go into detail withthat.
Again, there's so many differentways that we're negative.
Our minds generally go into thenegative first, because that's
just how our brains work.
If you don't know, our brainswork where it's trying to
protect us all the time.
So it's easy, and we first thinkof negative things before we
(03:04):
think about positive ones.
Because our brains are trying totell us, You need to be safe.
So don't touch that.
It might be hot.
Don't put that in your mouth.
What if it's spicy?
Then you're gonna getindigestion and maybe you
shouldn't go outside becauseit's too cold and it's too hot.
What are you gonna wear?
All of these things are yourbrain telling you be safe.
(03:24):
You got to be safe.
Can't go outside because what ifsomebody's out there?
What if you're going to have astranger?
Make sure that you lock yourdoors.
Have you locked your doors?
Have you looked in your car yetbefore you go and go into it?
Make sure that you carry yourkeys between your fingers so
that you have a way to protectyourself.
Oh, don't forget that you'regoing to need mace if you go
outside and you're shopping.
Where should you put your purse?
(03:45):
Are you going to leave yourdrink unattended when you go to
a bar?
All these things are your brain.
Keeping you safe, right?
And it doesn't necessarily meanthat it's negative.
It's keeping you safe, but it'sa lot of energy to be putting
when you also have the choice ofkind of just doing your thing,
(04:05):
right?
You can have all of thosethoughts, but the weight of it.
And being like living in fear isdifferent than just like having
it in the back of your mind ofOh, yeah, these are things that
I need to be aware about.
Being socially and like mentallyaware and having that ability to
recognize those things is onething but when it's like keeping
(04:29):
you from going out or doingthings or functioning as a
normal human being, that's whereit can become debilitating.
So there's a slight differencein carrying that weight and just
being socially aware of yourselfand your surroundings.
Cause of course we want to besafe.
We don't want to just throw allthat shit out the door and be
(04:52):
like, Oh, fuck it, we can justgo outside and not worry about
if it's hot or cold, wearing thewrong things, I'll just wear the
wrong things and I'll just behot and cold.
Whatever.
Maybe I'm not exactly explainingit in the best way, but I'm
hoping that you get the point ofwhat I'm trying to say.
Is it really that big of a deal?
(05:12):
If you go outside and it's toohot and you don't have, you're
not dressed appropriately, thenchange your clothes.
There's a solution for it,right?
There's no need to go into fightor flight.
just change it.
Figure out the solution insteadof not wanting to go outside
because, oh my God, I can't makea decision.
Anyways, I'm really going alittle south in this
(05:35):
conversation, but I hope you getit.
So moving forward, keeping theweight of being in that negative
cycle in that low value cycle isjust not what you want to carry
on into 2025.
Lighten up, think about thosethings enough to where you can
function, but just have fun inyour life and just, keep it
(05:57):
simple.
So negativity in 2025.
We're not going to have any ofthat this year, right?
So what does that mean?
Where does it start?
How do we fix it?
First things first, and I alwayssay it because it's the most
important thing is negative selftalk.
Talking shit about yourself.
Whenever you're talking shitabout yourself, you're keeping
(06:20):
yourself in this low valuecycle.
What do you do to catch yourselfwhen you're talking shit about
yourself, right?
How do you know when you'retalking shit about yourself?
First of all, take a minute towrite it down.
When do you talk shit aboutyourself?
So like for me, if I would toget out some paper and a pen
(06:40):
right now and journal about whenI talk shit about myself, I can
keep on going for a while, butit could be, how I feel about my
body.
When I say how I feel about mybody, I'm not necessarily
talking about what it lookslike, but sometimes how I'm
feeling, like I might feelreally full or really bloated or
sometimes.
(07:01):
If I just feel really heavy andthen I start being like, Oh, I
shouldn't have had this lastnight, or my body's getting old
and I can't drink the samethings and eat the same things
that I used to.
And that really sucks.
And I can go on and on about onething, which is my body feels
(07:22):
big today, and it can go in thiscycle and it can never end.
I start blaming myself.
I ate too much salt.
I drank too much alcohol.
I had fried food.
I had dairy.
I didn't have enough protein orenough fiber.
And those are all okay things tomake as observations, but they
don't have to weigh me down,right?
(07:43):
Like it could be data or itcould be this whole negative
energy that's like pulling medown and putting me into this
Doomsday thought cycle, right?
And I don't want to be in thatheaviness, right?
So how can I make them becomeobservations and data versus
(08:06):
making it shit on my whole day?
Because of the one initialthought,"my body feels heavy
today." That's not even withweighing myself or anything.
Just"I feel heavy today." Itdoesn't have to become this
shitstorm, dumpster fire.
It can just be an observation.
Okay.
So what was the data?
What did I eat?
(08:28):
I had these things, right?
Which one of these things mademe feel like my body is heavy?
Which ones didn't?
Which ones serve my body andhelp fuel my body?
And which ones don't?
So that is just enoughjournaling for one thought that
I have for one day, right?
And that gives me a chance tohave the data to figure out how
(08:51):
to get out of it.
So next time I wake up and I'mlike,"Hey, my body feels heavy
today." That needs to be thetrigger for me to be like,"we're
not going to go and have adumpster fire of thoughts.
We're going to check on data andsee what's important and what
are these observations that makemy body feel this way," right?
(09:12):
Like it's just information thatI know about myself and there's
a solution to that.
So what is the solution going tobe?
So we're going to be problemsolving in 2025, not sitting
around in our own sadness anddepression for one little
thought, right?
We're just not going to do that.
So our minds are a lot strongerthan we think that they are, and
(09:37):
we just have to develop theskills and practice retraining
it into being a problem solverand a troubleshooter, instead of
being like in this funky assmood all the time.
So that's just one example.
There's a thousand other ways Italk crap about myself and you
probably do too and we're gonna,find those triggers, find out
(10:01):
what those words are, where westart going into that low value
cycle, catching it and insteadof spiraling into negativity,
we're going to replace it withsome more empowering statements
or actual solutions to thosethings, right?
Because they don't need to beproblems.
For example, when it comes todating,"I'm never going to find
(10:22):
somebody." That's always thething.
I'm never going to findsomebody.
I'm never going to find somebodybecause I am too amazing and
they don't understand andthey're intimidated by me."
Whatever.
That might even be like a goodthing, right?
Oh, I'm so amazing, but nobody'sgonna like me because I'm too
amazing and I'm going tointimidate them.
Like you start already talkingshit about the compliment that
(10:45):
you just gave yourself.
That's self sabotage, right?
So just the whole simplestatement,"I'm never going to
find anyone," that puts you inthat like low self worth and
that shit talking moment.
So saying that versus"I haven'tfound the right person for me
yet." I'm ready to be open tofind the right person.""The
(11:08):
right person's going to come tome.
When the time is right, you knowthat puts your mind into a more
progressive positive energy.
So the word"never" is the onethat's keeping you down and
keeping you in that negativeenergy.
So changing the word"never" to"Ihaven't figured out yet." This
(11:30):
is something that I'm lookingforward to changing," you know,
instead of never.
Never is absolute.
So give yourself the opportunityto have options and have
solutions.
So changing that is just onesimple word that can completely
change your attitude from thatnegative self talk to some
(11:54):
morsel of possibility andpositivity, right?
So we're going to leave the wordnever behind, I"shouldn't" be
doing this.
You can do whatever the hell youwant.
Like I"shouldn't" be overeating.
I"shouldn't" be over scrollingon the internet when I could be
doing this.
Yeah, you could be.
(12:15):
So then decide, right?
So there's a lot of words like"shouldn't" and"never" that
really stop us from movingforward.
We want to catch those words andfigure out that more empowering
statement or just thatempowering word.
Change that into, a morepositive energy instead of that
(12:38):
downward spiral.
We're trying to go up and notdown.
Creating some sentences or some,affirmation, some ways to boost
your self esteem and counteractthose negative beliefs are going
to be really valuable for you in2025.
So how can you do that?
What would be a solution?
(12:59):
I love post its.
I love writing things on mymirror.
I like to constantly see thingsthat give me positive
affirmations during the day, orjust a little reminders.
There's apps on your phone thatcan send you a little notes
during the day, just randomlythat say,"Hey.
(13:19):
Don't forget to love yourselftoday," or"drink your water
because it's good for yourskin." Like whatever it is that
you need to have as a reminder,"Hey, take your medication
today, take your supplementstoday whatever it is that you
need help on, right?
They're just small littlereminders to like, pep yourself
up because you might be sittingin a funk.
(13:40):
Which is okay to be in a funksometimes.
We don't have to fake beingpositive or whatever.
Our lives are 50/50 and we go upand down and that's okay, but
you just don't want to get stuckin it.
You have to know that there's anoption available to you that can
help you get out of thatnegativity.
So if you're sitting in a funkand you get a little, reminder
on your phone or on your watchthat it's a nice little daily
(14:03):
affirmation that says,"Hey, youlove yourself today." It's
something that helps you changeyour mind and be like,"oh, yeah,
I am amazing." Today is anoption to have a great day," if,
whatever phrases that empoweryou to get yourself that morsel
of happiness, and peace, putthose in that app or just put
(14:26):
them on post its around yourhouse in your car on your visor
when you pull it down every daybecause it's sunny instead of
bitching that it's sunny outsideyou could be like, Oh,"the
sunshine is here today.
I'm so lucky for it to be sunnytoday." Just anything that can
remind you,"this doesn't have tobe shitty today," even if you
(14:47):
have to write that down, lots ofdifferent options, right?
So anyways, Stop talking shit.
Stop feeling like you have to benegative about everything.
It doesn't have to be an option.
If you have an option to have agood day, why are you gonna have
a bad one?
So that's pretty much a reallygood start to leaving negativity
(15:10):
behind in 2024 and startingfresh in 2025.
So if you want to do thehomework, then go and look right
down ways that you catchyourself feeling crappy or
talking crap about yourself.
What are those?
Is it the minute that you wakeup that you have your alarm that
(15:32):
you want to snooze and every daywhen you wake up you're like
"Fuck, I have to start my day."What is it that you're saying
that starts your day off shitty?
Cause I'm guilty of this.
Many times I wake up cussing outthe alarm and then blaming the
alarm because I went to bed atone in the morning and I had to
(15:53):
get up at seven.
It's not the alarm's damn fault,it's my fault that I didn't go
to bed early.
You know what I mean?
But I'm taking accountabilityfor it and not blaming time,
right?
So instead of cussing out atimer, telling you to wake up
Remind yourself,"Hey, tonight,I'm going to get great sleep and
(16:15):
I'm going to go to bed at areasonable time because that's
how it's going to make me havesuccess tomorrow." That's going
to be what it's going to takefor me to not cuss out an alarm.
My alarm says, you're going tohave a great day today." That's
what the name of my alarm is.
So it just makes me feel alittle better that the first
(16:35):
thing that I read, today isgoing to be a great day." And
also the music that I choose,too, is, just a very low, mellow
tone that Apple has on there,but it just creates like this
nice, quiet, start and it getslouder, so that it's a pleasant
tone.
(16:56):
I can, hear it and not freakout, right?
Some people like to have crazypunk rock music on and I love
punk rock music, but that's notwhat I want to hear the first
thing when I wake up, I need alittle bit slower of a sound to
get me up and get me going.
Just little things like that arehelpful to notice.
(17:16):
You guys, it's very small, butit makes a very big difference
between your entire day and howyou're going to start your day.
So I can't emphasize enough thatstarting your day off on a good
foot, with a little bit ofpositivity is just a game
changer.
I like to journal in themornings.
I like to have my day a littlebit structured.
(17:37):
I know what I'm going to eat.
I write down what I'm going toeat for the day every day so
that there's no guessing.
I don't have to worry about,"What do I want?" I put lots of
options on there.
I put options with goodintentions of what I want to eat
to fuel my body.
Do I follow it some days?
No.
do I follow it most days?
(17:58):
Yes.
and sometimes if I want toindulge a little bit, I'll put
that too, but I try to be ashonest as I can with myself
about what I'm going to eat.
I like to structure my day.
I like to put what food I'mgoing to choose to have that
day.
I like to, look at my hydration.
I try to drink a certain amountof water every single day.
(18:20):
I try to put my priorities downfor the day.
What do I want to achieve forthe day to be productive and
consider myself having asuccessful day?
Every single day I get to decidewhat my success is.
If you're not going to doanything today and you're going
to sleep and have some self careday and if that means watching
TV all day and not having anyresponsibility, I'm going to
(18:41):
write that down.
And that's going to be whatsuccess is for me that day.
So I get to decide that.
I put myself in charge of whatI'm going to do for the day,
right?
And I get to make that decisionand decide ahead of time.
Whether it's going to be a superproductive day and I do all
kinds of stuff, or myproductivity is, conserving my
(19:02):
energy and getting a freshstart, that's what it's going to
be.
I like to put, any movement thatI plan on doing.
If I plan to have any type ofmovement, I have a goal this
year to do 30 minutes ofmovement.
We're gonna start with threetimes a week doing 30 minutes of
movement and that's what we'restarting and we're gonna
progress with that.
That is gonna be my minimumbaseline this year.
(19:24):
I get to decide that ahead oftime.
I'm also deciding in themorning, I write gratitude,
right?
So I write some things that I'mthankful for and sometimes it's
all over the place.
I can be grateful for sunshine.
I can be grateful for rain.
I'm grateful that I woke up andshowered and did my makeup this
(19:45):
morning.
I, put on a necklace.
I don't put on necklaces to stayat home all day.
But I did.
And it made me feel good.
And I'm grateful that I tookthat time to take care of myself
today.
I'm grateful for my pets.
We're going to have, a"winterstorm" for Houston.
It means it's going to be 29degrees for a night or two.
But the ability for me toprepare for it and do whatever
(20:11):
we need to do to make our houseready for our pipes and our pets
and our plants.
I'm grateful that I get to havethe time to do that and prepare
for my home to be safe and forus to be safe and have
everything we need groceries,gas, whatever.
So that's something to bethankful for.
It starts with just littleconversations like that, but it
(20:32):
makes a big difference.
If you're seeing it as gratitudeversus Oh my God, these chores
that I have to do today, stupidweather," like that's too heavy.
That's just not an energy that Iwant to carry on.
And it's not just about myself.
All of those things have to dowith my own thoughts and that's
what's putting the weight downon me.
So even if it's not just me, butit's the weather and it's how I
(20:54):
think about it.
It's the way that we think abouteverything is what affects us.
Negative self talk doesn't haveto be just about me.
It's about everything thatsurrounds us that can
potentially be something that'sgoing to make me miserable,
right?
That's what negative self talkis to me.
So anything that I'm talkingabout my environment in a
(21:14):
negative way or talking aboutthings very selfishly or that
I'm mad about or whatever,that's negative self talk to me
because it's involving me and mythoughts and my mind and putting
this heavy weight on for me.
That might not be yourdefinition, but it is for me.
Cause I just don't want any ofthat around me.
(21:36):
I don't want that, that feelingthat weight to me, I feel like
it's heaviness and I don't likeit.
So if I can change one littlething and make it something to
be grateful about and have it begratitude, even if it's the
weather or the chores that it'sgoing to take to make my day
(21:57):
happy, then that's going to begratitude for me.
So anyhow, getting back I justwant to leave you with the
homework of What are yoursolutions?
What are facts?
What is true?
What can you change?
What can you control?
And what can't you control?
(22:18):
What is out of your hands?
Like, how can something that'sout of your hands just not weigh
you down, right?
What can you do to just be like,"Okay this is nothing that I
could do.
I just have to wait for, Thenext step, right?
What's the gonna be the nextdecision and what are this is
something that I can controlfrom the first part that I
(22:39):
can't." Anyhow, your homeworkthis week for week one of our
negative series is figuring outwhat those triggers for you that
put you in that negativedownward spiral.
Again, I mentioned using theword never, using the word
should, waking up first thingand having a shitty attitude,
(23:03):
just talking about your body,talking about your dating life
and how something's never goingto happen, all those things.
It puts a weight to you thatjust really puts you in a funky
ass attitude.
So how are we going to changeour little attitudes around this
year that we're not going to bein a funky funk and we're going
to truly be in peace and joy andhappiness in the times that we
(23:27):
can control, right?
Sometimes we can't control thosethings and we're gonna feel sad
and upset and frustrated andangry and that's okay again, but
those are things that are out ofour hands that we can't control
that we have to manageafterwards.
So when you can control thesemoments in your life, how can
you put them in a more positivelight?
(23:49):
That is your homework this week.
If you would like to havehomework and you really want to
work on negativity and puttingit behind you and have that be
your resolution for the year,what a great way to get started
on that.
There you have it for the week,you guys.
So I guess we'll talk about itnext week.
Let me know, send me an email.
(24:10):
If you have questions or if youwant me to talk about your
specific situation, or you wantadvice, send it to me and I'll
talk about it on the podcast oremail me back.
Just it's whatever.
I want this podcast to be, thisopen forum, if you want to be on
the podcast because you want totalk about something together
with me, just send me an emaillet's talk about it.
(24:32):
Don't be shy to message me aboutsomething you want to talk
about, you want me to talkabout.
Something that you maybedisagree on and have a question
about it.
If you want something a littlebit more clear, you want some
clarity or we can agree todisagree in a nice, positive way
because we're not going to talkshit this year and we're not
going to be negative this year.
(24:53):
But if we want to have a nice,conversation and agree to
disagree, that's great too.
I'm here for it.
Let's keep this an open,podcast.
I want to hear what you guyshave to say.
I want to know what you want meto talk about.
I can't encourage that enoughthis year for the podcast.
I love to have discussions and Iwant to talk about what people
(25:14):
want to hear.
Don't be negative today.
What can you be grateful fortoday?
What can you be happy about?
It's Tuesday.
If you've got to look forward tothe weekend, what is it that
you're excited about?
Be positive today and I love youguys so much and have a great
day.
Bye.
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