January 14, 2025 • 22 mins
In Episode 25 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina discusses strategies to eliminate negativity from your dating life as you enter 2025. Building on the previous episode, she shares personal experiences and offers guidance on avoiding negativity by not dwelling on past relationships and embracing a positive mindset. Cristina emphasizes the importance of learning from past experiences without letting them affect future dates. She also talks about changing your environment and surrounding yourself with positive influences to cultivate a healthier dating attitude. Finally, Cristina encourages listeners to book a free consultation with her for personalized advice and to send questions or topics they'd like her to address on the podcast.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:47 Continuing the Negativity Series
01:49 Avoiding Negativity on Dates
04:38 Changing Your Dating Mindset
06:58 Learning from Bad Dates
09:25 Surrounding Yourself with Positivity
12:04 Personal Story: Overcoming Judgments
17:26 Homework: Rewriting Negative Stories
21:06 Final Tips and Conclusion
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 25 (00:03):
Leaving Negativity in 2024, Part 2 Hi, I'm
Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and help
(00:26):
you ditch the dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the Curvy Girl DatingPodcast.
I'm Cristina Gonzalez, and I amThe Curvy Girl Dating Coach.
(00:47):
So last week we talked aboutleaving negativity in 2024, and
I wanted to continue that seriesbecause I know that I'm guilty
of being negative as well.
And it's something that I try tocatch myself on and I like to be
better because even when I wasyounger, I'd been called out
(01:08):
before about being negative.
So if I'm negative enough forsomeone to call me out, then I
know it's probably somethingthat I should pay attention to.
So I wanted to talk about that.
And a huge one when I wassingle, was talking about being
(01:30):
cynical about dating andcomplaining about the past.
So it's a combo, right?
Complaining about the past islike ex boyfriends, and they're
so horrible, and you're alwaystalking crap about your ex
boyfriend and how bad he is, andthen you go on dates and you do
the same thing.
Like, when you're going on adate, nobody wants to hear about
(01:51):
your ex and how horrible theyare.
They're trying to get to knowyou for who you are and what you
like to do.
They don't want to hear aboutwhat you hate.
So on dates, there's a time anda place when you talk about exes
and stuff like that.
I don't really recommend it on afirst date.
Sometimes people do, andsometimes it's okay.
(02:12):
But to me, I feel likepersonally, if I go on a date
with somebody and they talkabout their ex, most of the
date, it's a red flag for mebecause it makes me think that
they are not over their ex yet.
So I think it's not the bestthing to do.
So don't talk about your exes onfirst dates.
(02:34):
And again, complaining about thepast and how people have burned
you and you've been cheated onand nobody likes you, whatever
it is.
They're facts, right?
So it happened fine.
It sucked.
You're probably pissed and sadand angry and all the things
frustrated, traumatized, evenall kinds of things.
(02:56):
But there's like a limit to theamount of talking about it,
right?
Like you don't want to alwaysbring up all of this proof that
you always go on bad dates andeverybody that you have ever
gone out with was a majormistake and all the things like
you just, you're probably sickof me just even saying that
right now, and it's beenprobably a minute or two.
(03:18):
You don't need to continue it inall of your conversations when
you're talking about your past.
There's a difference betweentelling a story and complaining
in a story.
So if you're telling a story andyou're just like,"oh, ha, this
happened.
I can't believe it.
It was so funny or I was so madat the time." But you limit the
(03:39):
story.
Don't keep going on and on aboutthe negative shit.
You can capture the idea that itwas negative and hurtful and
painful and whatever, just inthe plain detail of the story.
You don't have to go into everysingle feeling and thought that
you were having because it's toomuch.
So set a boundary of the amountof sharing that you're going to
(04:03):
do when it comes to a negativestory.
And again, change it just alittle bit to where it's not so
hateful and angry and resentfuland all the things like, make it
a story.
Just acknowledge that thingshappened and it was an
experience and you learned fromit instead of dwelling on the
(04:23):
hurt and on the past.
Focus on what you've learned andhow you grew from that
experience.
Being negative versus having anegative story are two different
things.
Don't create yourself as anegative person.
So being cynical towards datingis a combo when it comes to
(04:43):
being negative.
Because dating is hard.
There's a lot of mindset workthat you need when you're going
on dates, because you go ondates and it's not a match and
you go on dates and it's not amatch and you go on another one
and it's not a match and it getsvery frustrating to not be a
match with people.
(05:04):
When you're not a match withsomeone, it almost feels like
it's a little bit of rejection,right?
And so you feel like, oh, Ican't do all of this rejection.
Everybody says I hate datingbecause they can't deal with the
rejection.
It's just not a match.
A lot of times.
Yes, there's rejection.
But many more times thanrejection, you're just not
(05:25):
feeling it.
It's just not a good matchbetween the two of you and it's
okay.
It's a preference.
Maybe you're amazing and thatperson's rejecting you because
they don't understand how to beamazing with you, you just don't
really have to look at it asrejection.
There's times where somebody isgonna just flat out, tell you
(05:47):
and give you some feedback thatyou don't want to hear.
And sure it hurts, it sucks, butokay.
So move on, But yeah, like beingcynical about dating and just
being like,"all men are trashand there's nobody left to date.
The dating pool is a cesspool."Again, dating's hard, but
(06:09):
keeping that attitude is nevergoing to get you the right
person because you're going toshow up in dates feeling like
shit all the time, becauseyou're going to go into the date
feeling like,"this guy's trash.
I don't even know why I'm datinghim.
I don't even know why I'm goingout with him today." You don't
want to do that.
If you're just like,"I'm justgoing to see how this date goes,
(06:30):
but I don't even know." It'shard to put yourself in the
mindset of being positive andhopeful when you have that
shitty thought in your head,"Idon't know, it's whatever," if
it's"whatever" you're going totreat the date, like it's
"whatever," and just rememberthat it's an experience.
You're going to go on a date andyou're going to see what
(06:50):
happens.
And it's not just"whatever,"you're going to learn from it.
You're going to figure out whatyou like, what you don't like.
That's the good news about baddates.
Sometimes it's uncomfortable.
Sometimes it's weird.
Sometimes it's just bad.
It's hard to explain.
There's so many different waysto have a bad date, but they're
bad, but you learn somethingfrom it.
(07:12):
You learn, okay, I don't want aguy who's not punctual.
This guy was 30 minutes late andI felt like an idiot sitting by
myself at a table." You learnsomething every single time you
go on a date.
The story doesn't have to benegative.
You don't have to be cynicalabout dating.
Think about the facts.
(07:33):
I don't like people who are rudeto wait staff.
I don't like people who talkabout themselves too much and
they sound conceited or tooflashy." Whatever it is, it's
something that you're learning,but you don't have to say,"Oh, I
hate guys that talk aboutthemselves.
They're so rude.
And they think they're betterthan everyone else." It's a big
(07:55):
old story.
That's dramatic and you'retelling yourself this and it's
just sitting in your brain andyou're like shitting on it every
single time because you're justpicking at it and picking at it
and making it just heavier andheavier in your body that you're
never going to be able to swimout of that and be positive and
(08:16):
actually have a good perspectiveabout dating.
So what can you think?
What's a different thought thatyou can have that doesn't make
dating so cynical and sohorrible.
Yes, it's hard, but can it beeasy?
How can you make dating easy?
How can you make dating valuablefor you or just enjoyable, just
(08:40):
the least bit enjoyable?
Can you find humor in these baddates?
Oh my god, this date was so bad.
This guy was ridiculous.
I can't even believe that thishappened." But again, it's like
humor and not complaining.
So slight difference.
It's just the attitude and howyou say it and just the energy
(09:00):
that you're bringing and talkingabout this date whether it's
anger or humor or whatever.
There's just a different waythat you say it that can either
be negative or not.
So a way to get out of thatcynicism of dating sucks and
it's trash and it's a cesspooland nobody's going to be there.
(09:22):
There's no decent men anymore.
Change your environment, changeyour social settings.
Don't follow the people on LoveAfter Lockup.
I love that show.
I think it's great.
This is a guilty or,hypocritical thing to say, that
I'm telling you,"change yourenvironment," so you can be in
positive energy looking atcouples or friends or people
(09:47):
online.
We follow social media platformswith people that are happy
couples.
And change yourself and putyourself in communities that
give you and show you thatexample that there are happy and
healthy relationships out there.
And you deserve it, you'reworthy of that too.
(10:08):
If you say,"Oh, I'm going tosurround myself around these
wonderful, amazing couples andI'm going to follow these
couples online, and I'm going tohang out with these people.
And then you talk shit aboutyourself and you're negative and
you start saying,"Oh, all ofthose people are happy, but that
can never happen to me.
Oh, I'll never deserve that.
No one's ever going to find meand everybody's taken.
(10:29):
Those are the last of the goodpeople." Don't fuck it up like
that.
Just be around those people andbe fucking hopeful.
Those are people you want to bearound so you can have that like
feeling and that passion in yourheart.
You're going to go find that.
It's going to be there for you.
You are going to put in theenergy and the time to go make
(10:50):
that possible for yourself.
So find social media withhealthy relationships.
I like to follow AliciaMcCarvel.
She's fabulous.
It's her and her husband.
They're very happy couple.
She's plus size.
He is not plus size.
He's just a dude, right?
And they just love each other.
I think they were high schoolsweethearts.
(11:12):
They have a great relationship.
They monetize the hell out ofthemselves on social media,
which is great.
So fabulous for them.
And they're just a really goodcouple.
And again, it's even a bonusthat she's plus size, right?
So find couples like thatonline.
They're great.
They're funny.
They just show how much theylove each other.
(11:34):
People talk shit about them allthe time, but they're so good
about not giving a shit.
Which is good because that'salways going to happen because
people are judgmental and that'sjust what it is.
And it doesn't feel good forpeople to judge you and that's
part of why it's hard to datebecause you're afraid to go out
and then what are people goingto think about this person that
(11:56):
you're with?
Who cares?
Do you like the person or not?
Are you interested in them ornot?
Do you want to get to know them?
Do you have chemistry?
Who gives a shit what otherpeople think, I struggled
without myself with Ryan.
Ryan doesn't look like the typeof guy that I would date.
He wasn't, this, I don't know,just what I pictured as somebody
(12:17):
that I would date.
He's got a lot of tattoos,right?
I don't think there's anythingwrong with tattoos or anything,
but I was judgmental that he hadtattoos.
Like he has a head tattoo.
He has a neck tattoo.
He's got tattoos on his hands,like on the top of his hand.
And I was very judgmental.
I was like,"Oh, I can't date himbecause what would people think
(12:37):
about us?
What will people think about meif I date him?
What are people going to thinkfrom work?
What if I go get some award atwork and I'm bringing him and
what are people going to thinkabout him?" First of all, I
don't get awards at work.
And if I did, who cares?
He's my partner.
He is like my best friend.
The person that supports me themost.
(12:59):
He always has my back.
He always wants me to be happy.
He always does what he can tostrengthen our relationship.
We have great communication, sowhy would I give that up over
some damn, stupid ass headtattoo or neck tattoo, right?
So I really had to think deepinside about it and about myself
(13:19):
and be like, Do I skip thisgreat relationship that I have,
this emotionally strong, healthyrelationship because of
somebody's appearance.
So I can date somebody with adifferent appearance but treats
me like shit or isn't as greatand I don't connect with as much
(13:40):
because he looks better to thepublic than somebody with a head
tattoo.
Like, No.
No.
No.
No.
That's so silly.
So I was cynical about it.
I was negative about it.
And it took me some time to getthrough that and decide what was
best for me.
The emotional connection that Ihad in the communication that I
(14:00):
had with Ryan was so importantto me that stuff, it didn't
matter.
And it doesn't mean that Ididn't think he was good Ryan's
excellent.
Like he's great looking.
I think he's amazing, but it wasthe tattoos that I couldn't get
over.
So I had some personal strugglesand work that I had to do for
(14:21):
myself to see that he, it was abeautiful thing that he comes in
a whole package tattoos and all,and that none of that mattered
because the way I felt and howhe, feel about each other and
how we think and how we worktogether and how we're friends
and, all that stuff, like howmuch more important that is than
(14:43):
a tattoo, right?
So I had a lot of work to do,but again, leaving it behind,
leaving this negativity behindand leaving all this complaining
of your past, leave that in2024, leave the dreadful talk
about how dating sucks in 2024.
(15:05):
That is so 2024.
You don't need to bring it backinto this New Year.
So in 2025, how are you going tomake those changes?
How are you going to catchyourself when you start going
way too deep into a story that'snegative.
How are you going to stopyourself and be like, you know
what?
(15:26):
I'm just not going to go on withthat.
How do you catch yourself sothat you can stop complaining?
And how do you know if you'recomplaining?
What's the difference betweentelling a story?
"Haha, this sucked.
It was funny." Versus"Oh my God,this is so horrible and I can't
believe this happened and howdare this happen and I can't
(15:46):
believe it," and on and on likedon't drag on the story,
complaining about the past andpeople sitting there and
listening to it.
And then even worse, when you doit all the time and they know
the same damn story and you'restill talking about it.
They're just like,"Oh my God,girl, go see somebody for this.
I'm not your therapist, go andtalk and get through this
(16:09):
because it's too much." Theydon't want to hang out with you
because they know that when theyhang out with you, all you're
going to do is be negative.
And put a heaviness on peopleand you don't want to be that
person.
I'm sure you had friends likethat, or you've been that
person.
It's too much, and again, I'vebeen that person.
I've been called out about it,which is even worse to me, but I
(16:33):
had to catch myself andunderstand,"what were they
talking about?" I had to getcurious and be like,"what do you
mean I'm negative?" Cause, Iwould think"I'm not negative.
I'm just talking about my life.
Sorry that my life is negative,"but again, it doesn't have to
be.
It's all about how we think, andwhat our thoughts are about our
life.
So I don't want to have anegative life.
(16:54):
I want to have a life that hasups and downs, that I overcome
and that I am resilient, I don'twant to be this victim.
I want to be a resilient personthat can get through all the
negativity and that can lookpast it and be mature about it
and move forward.
I don't want to stay stuck.
(17:14):
So how can you move forward andnot stay stuck in old stories?
How can you rewrite them so thatthey're not so negative and so
heavy, think about that.
So that would be your homeworkthis time.
If there's a story that you'realways talking about, where it's
just a lot and you just can'tget over it.
And you say it all the time andyou told the same people all the
(17:37):
damn time or whatever, stop andthink about that.
Rewrite that story.
What are the lessons that youlearned?
What are the facts?
What are the emotions?
Take away all of the emotionsfrom it and just read the facts
and then start creating newstories or figure out the
lessons that are learned fromthat.
Okay somebody sucked and theywere a terrible relationship.
(17:59):
Okay.
So what was so terrible aboutit?
ABC was terrible.
So now I know that I don't wantto date somebody who does this
or somebody who says that, orsomebody who has this
occupation, maybe you had a longdistance relationship with and
it didn't work out and then nowyou know that long distance
(18:20):
relationships might not be yourthing.
Next time you date somebody,maybe it won't be a good fit if
they're long distance.
So figure out the lessonsinstead of just not figuring it
out and just continuing thiscircle of talking about it, just
figure it out, and leave itbehind.
And with the being cynical aboutdating and just talking shit
(18:45):
about how dating sucks.
Yeah, sure.
It might suck.
Suck, But does it have to?
Does it have to suck all thetime.
it doesn't have to suck all thetime.
Again, separate the facts fromthe emotions.
What actually happened?
So don't put all the emotions init and see what happens.
See what you like, find what thelessons are, find what is the
(19:08):
good experience about it, findout why the negative parts are
positive.
If you don't like somebody whocusses, then don't find somebody
who cusses.
So instead of"Oh my God, thisguy had such a potty mouth.
He talks like a pirate." Ifdon't like somebody who cusses,
I'm probably the wrong podcastfor you, by the way.
But just an example, peopledon't like people who cuss
(19:29):
sometimes and that's fine.
You don't have to be negativetowards dating.
Just figure out what you don'tlike and just put it on the list
and then move forward.
When you see somebody who isthat way, then you know, we're
going to stop right here becausethis isn't what I'm interested
in and I figured this out.
So we're going to move forward.
(19:50):
So use that as a positive thing.
Out of all these people, you arein control of narrowing down who
you like.
So you can get out all the otherstuff, like all the people who
do the same shit, like everysingle time you talk to somebody
online and they start doingthose sexual innuendos or start
(20:12):
saying Oh, I can really use amassage," or some dumb shit, or
start asking you for photos whenyou already have 20 photos
online, or they already haveyour social media account.
And they're like,"Oh, can I seemore photos of you?""No asshole,
take me out on a fucking dateand then you can see what I look
like." It just makes me crazybecause that's what they want.
And I'm getting all fired up andbeing negative, right?
(20:35):
So if you know that those aren'tthe people that you want to
date, then don't date them.
As soon as they start sayingsome dumb shit, then just be
like,"you know what?
I know where this is leading to.
This isn't the first personwho's trying to ask me for naked
pictures and I'm just not goingto do it.
I'm just not.
So somebody else will do thatfor you that hasn't figured it
(20:56):
out, but I'm just not.
So bye." Then you block anddelete and just move on.
You don't have to be cynical.
You can figure it out and youcan move on.
So those are my tips for leavingsome negativity behind in 2024.
Don't talk shit about dating.
Just find the positives and stopcomplaining about the past.
(21:16):
Move forward.
What are you looking forward to?
Not, what is keeping you stuck?
So that's all for today, youguys.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you want to figure out how towork with me one on one, I have
a consultation link in the shownotes.
So you can always go to theconsultation link and it's
totally free.
(21:37):
You can work with me.
You can figure out what it'slike to work with me.
We can talk about it.
And if we're a good match, thenwe're a great match.
And then we can work together.
And if not, it's fine.
It's not a big deal.
That's your decision and yourinvestment.
So if you want to learn aboutthat, I'm happy to share.
If you have any questions, feelfree to email me and ask me what
(21:58):
you want.
If you want me to talk about iton the podcast, I'm happy to do
that.
So thank you so much forlistening and I will talk to you
next week.
Bye.
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 25 (00:03):
Leaving Negativity in 2024, Part 2 Hi, I'm
Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and help
(00:26):
you ditch the dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the Curvy Girl DatingPodcast.
I'm Cristina Gonzalez, and I amThe Curvy Girl Dating Coach.
(00:47):
So last week we talked aboutleaving negativity in 2024, and
I wanted to continue that seriesbecause I know that I'm guilty
of being negative as well.
And it's something that I try tocatch myself on and I like to be
better because even when I wasyounger, I'd been called out
(01:08):
before about being negative.
So if I'm negative enough forsomeone to call me out, then I
know it's probably somethingthat I should pay attention to.
So I wanted to talk about that.
And a huge one when I wassingle, was talking about being
(01:30):
cynical about dating andcomplaining about the past.
So it's a combo, right?
Complaining about the past islike ex boyfriends, and they're
so horrible, and you're alwaystalking crap about your ex
boyfriend and how bad he is, andthen you go on dates and you do
the same thing.
Like, when you're going on adate, nobody wants to hear about
(01:51):
your ex and how horrible theyare.
They're trying to get to knowyou for who you are and what you
like to do.
They don't want to hear aboutwhat you hate.
So on dates, there's a time anda place when you talk about exes
and stuff like that.
I don't really recommend it on afirst date.
Sometimes people do, andsometimes it's okay.
(02:12):
But to me, I feel likepersonally, if I go on a date
with somebody and they talkabout their ex, most of the
date, it's a red flag for mebecause it makes me think that
they are not over their ex yet.
So I think it's not the bestthing to do.
So don't talk about your exes onfirst dates.
(02:34):
And again, complaining about thepast and how people have burned
you and you've been cheated onand nobody likes you, whatever
it is.
They're facts, right?
So it happened fine.
It sucked.
You're probably pissed and sadand angry and all the things
frustrated, traumatized, evenall kinds of things.
(02:56):
But there's like a limit to theamount of talking about it,
right?
Like you don't want to alwaysbring up all of this proof that
you always go on bad dates andeverybody that you have ever
gone out with was a majormistake and all the things like
you just, you're probably sickof me just even saying that
right now, and it's beenprobably a minute or two.
(03:18):
You don't need to continue it inall of your conversations when
you're talking about your past.
There's a difference betweentelling a story and complaining
in a story.
So if you're telling a story andyou're just like,"oh, ha, this
happened.
I can't believe it.
It was so funny or I was so madat the time." But you limit the
(03:39):
story.
Don't keep going on and on aboutthe negative shit.
You can capture the idea that itwas negative and hurtful and
painful and whatever, just inthe plain detail of the story.
You don't have to go into everysingle feeling and thought that
you were having because it's toomuch.
So set a boundary of the amountof sharing that you're going to
(04:03):
do when it comes to a negativestory.
And again, change it just alittle bit to where it's not so
hateful and angry and resentfuland all the things like, make it
a story.
Just acknowledge that thingshappened and it was an
experience and you learned fromit instead of dwelling on the
(04:23):
hurt and on the past.
Focus on what you've learned andhow you grew from that
experience.
Being negative versus having anegative story are two different
things.
Don't create yourself as anegative person.
So being cynical towards datingis a combo when it comes to
(04:43):
being negative.
Because dating is hard.
There's a lot of mindset workthat you need when you're going
on dates, because you go ondates and it's not a match and
you go on dates and it's not amatch and you go on another one
and it's not a match and it getsvery frustrating to not be a
match with people.
(05:04):
When you're not a match withsomeone, it almost feels like
it's a little bit of rejection,right?
And so you feel like, oh, Ican't do all of this rejection.
Everybody says I hate datingbecause they can't deal with the
rejection.
It's just not a match.
A lot of times.
Yes, there's rejection.
But many more times thanrejection, you're just not
(05:25):
feeling it.
It's just not a good matchbetween the two of you and it's
okay.
It's a preference.
Maybe you're amazing and thatperson's rejecting you because
they don't understand how to beamazing with you, you just don't
really have to look at it asrejection.
There's times where somebody isgonna just flat out, tell you
(05:47):
and give you some feedback thatyou don't want to hear.
And sure it hurts, it sucks, butokay.
So move on, But yeah, like beingcynical about dating and just
being like,"all men are trashand there's nobody left to date.
The dating pool is a cesspool."Again, dating's hard, but
(06:09):
keeping that attitude is nevergoing to get you the right
person because you're going toshow up in dates feeling like
shit all the time, becauseyou're going to go into the date
feeling like,"this guy's trash.
I don't even know why I'm datinghim.
I don't even know why I'm goingout with him today." You don't
want to do that.
If you're just like,"I'm justgoing to see how this date goes,
(06:30):
but I don't even know." It'shard to put yourself in the
mindset of being positive andhopeful when you have that
shitty thought in your head,"Idon't know, it's whatever," if
it's"whatever" you're going totreat the date, like it's
"whatever," and just rememberthat it's an experience.
You're going to go on a date andyou're going to see what
(06:50):
happens.
And it's not just"whatever,"you're going to learn from it.
You're going to figure out whatyou like, what you don't like.
That's the good news about baddates.
Sometimes it's uncomfortable.
Sometimes it's weird.
Sometimes it's just bad.
It's hard to explain.
There's so many different waysto have a bad date, but they're
bad, but you learn somethingfrom it.
(07:12):
You learn, okay, I don't want aguy who's not punctual.
This guy was 30 minutes late andI felt like an idiot sitting by
myself at a table." You learnsomething every single time you
go on a date.
The story doesn't have to benegative.
You don't have to be cynicalabout dating.
Think about the facts.
(07:33):
I don't like people who are rudeto wait staff.
I don't like people who talkabout themselves too much and
they sound conceited or tooflashy." Whatever it is, it's
something that you're learning,but you don't have to say,"Oh, I
hate guys that talk aboutthemselves.
They're so rude.
And they think they're betterthan everyone else." It's a big
(07:55):
old story.
That's dramatic and you'retelling yourself this and it's
just sitting in your brain andyou're like shitting on it every
single time because you're justpicking at it and picking at it
and making it just heavier andheavier in your body that you're
never going to be able to swimout of that and be positive and
(08:16):
actually have a good perspectiveabout dating.
So what can you think?
What's a different thought thatyou can have that doesn't make
dating so cynical and sohorrible.
Yes, it's hard, but can it beeasy?
How can you make dating easy?
How can you make dating valuablefor you or just enjoyable, just
(08:40):
the least bit enjoyable?
Can you find humor in these baddates?
Oh my god, this date was so bad.
This guy was ridiculous.
I can't even believe that thishappened." But again, it's like
humor and not complaining.
So slight difference.
It's just the attitude and howyou say it and just the energy
(09:00):
that you're bringing and talkingabout this date whether it's
anger or humor or whatever.
There's just a different waythat you say it that can either
be negative or not.
So a way to get out of thatcynicism of dating sucks and
it's trash and it's a cesspooland nobody's going to be there.
(09:22):
There's no decent men anymore.
Change your environment, changeyour social settings.
Don't follow the people on LoveAfter Lockup.
I love that show.
I think it's great.
This is a guilty or,hypocritical thing to say, that
I'm telling you,"change yourenvironment," so you can be in
positive energy looking atcouples or friends or people
(09:47):
online.
We follow social media platformswith people that are happy
couples.
And change yourself and putyourself in communities that
give you and show you thatexample that there are happy and
healthy relationships out there.
And you deserve it, you'reworthy of that too.
(10:08):
If you say,"Oh, I'm going tosurround myself around these
wonderful, amazing couples andI'm going to follow these
couples online, and I'm going tohang out with these people.
And then you talk shit aboutyourself and you're negative and
you start saying,"Oh, all ofthose people are happy, but that
can never happen to me.
Oh, I'll never deserve that.
No one's ever going to find meand everybody's taken.
(10:29):
Those are the last of the goodpeople." Don't fuck it up like
that.
Just be around those people andbe fucking hopeful.
Those are people you want to bearound so you can have that like
feeling and that passion in yourheart.
You're going to go find that.
It's going to be there for you.
You are going to put in theenergy and the time to go make
(10:50):
that possible for yourself.
So find social media withhealthy relationships.
I like to follow AliciaMcCarvel.
She's fabulous.
It's her and her husband.
They're very happy couple.
She's plus size.
He is not plus size.
He's just a dude, right?
And they just love each other.
I think they were high schoolsweethearts.
(11:12):
They have a great relationship.
They monetize the hell out ofthemselves on social media,
which is great.
So fabulous for them.
And they're just a really goodcouple.
And again, it's even a bonusthat she's plus size, right?
So find couples like thatonline.
They're great.
They're funny.
They just show how much theylove each other.
(11:34):
People talk shit about them allthe time, but they're so good
about not giving a shit.
Which is good because that'salways going to happen because
people are judgmental and that'sjust what it is.
And it doesn't feel good forpeople to judge you and that's
part of why it's hard to datebecause you're afraid to go out
and then what are people goingto think about this person that
(11:56):
you're with?
Who cares?
Do you like the person or not?
Are you interested in them ornot?
Do you want to get to know them?
Do you have chemistry?
Who gives a shit what otherpeople think, I struggled
without myself with Ryan.
Ryan doesn't look like the typeof guy that I would date.
He wasn't, this, I don't know,just what I pictured as somebody
(12:17):
that I would date.
He's got a lot of tattoos,right?
I don't think there's anythingwrong with tattoos or anything,
but I was judgmental that he hadtattoos.
Like he has a head tattoo.
He has a neck tattoo.
He's got tattoos on his hands,like on the top of his hand.
And I was very judgmental.
I was like,"Oh, I can't date himbecause what would people think
(12:37):
about us?
What will people think about meif I date him?
What are people going to thinkfrom work?
What if I go get some award atwork and I'm bringing him and
what are people going to thinkabout him?" First of all, I
don't get awards at work.
And if I did, who cares?
He's my partner.
He is like my best friend.
The person that supports me themost.
(12:59):
He always has my back.
He always wants me to be happy.
He always does what he can tostrengthen our relationship.
We have great communication, sowhy would I give that up over
some damn, stupid ass headtattoo or neck tattoo, right?
So I really had to think deepinside about it and about myself
(13:19):
and be like, Do I skip thisgreat relationship that I have,
this emotionally strong, healthyrelationship because of
somebody's appearance.
So I can date somebody with adifferent appearance but treats
me like shit or isn't as greatand I don't connect with as much
(13:40):
because he looks better to thepublic than somebody with a head
tattoo.
Like, No.
No.
No.
No.
That's so silly.
So I was cynical about it.
I was negative about it.
And it took me some time to getthrough that and decide what was
best for me.
The emotional connection that Ihad in the communication that I
(14:00):
had with Ryan was so importantto me that stuff, it didn't
matter.
And it doesn't mean that Ididn't think he was good Ryan's
excellent.
Like he's great looking.
I think he's amazing, but it wasthe tattoos that I couldn't get
over.
So I had some personal strugglesand work that I had to do for
(14:21):
myself to see that he, it was abeautiful thing that he comes in
a whole package tattoos and all,and that none of that mattered
because the way I felt and howhe, feel about each other and
how we think and how we worktogether and how we're friends
and, all that stuff, like howmuch more important that is than
(14:43):
a tattoo, right?
So I had a lot of work to do,but again, leaving it behind,
leaving this negativity behindand leaving all this complaining
of your past, leave that in2024, leave the dreadful talk
about how dating sucks in 2024.
(15:05):
That is so 2024.
You don't need to bring it backinto this New Year.
So in 2025, how are you going tomake those changes?
How are you going to catchyourself when you start going
way too deep into a story that'snegative.
How are you going to stopyourself and be like, you know
what?
(15:26):
I'm just not going to go on withthat.
How do you catch yourself sothat you can stop complaining?
And how do you know if you'recomplaining?
What's the difference betweentelling a story?
"Haha, this sucked.
It was funny." Versus"Oh my God,this is so horrible and I can't
believe this happened and howdare this happen and I can't
(15:46):
believe it," and on and on likedon't drag on the story,
complaining about the past andpeople sitting there and
listening to it.
And then even worse, when you doit all the time and they know
the same damn story and you'restill talking about it.
They're just like,"Oh my God,girl, go see somebody for this.
I'm not your therapist, go andtalk and get through this
(16:09):
because it's too much." Theydon't want to hang out with you
because they know that when theyhang out with you, all you're
going to do is be negative.
And put a heaviness on peopleand you don't want to be that
person.
I'm sure you had friends likethat, or you've been that
person.
It's too much, and again, I'vebeen that person.
I've been called out about it,which is even worse to me, but I
(16:33):
had to catch myself andunderstand,"what were they
talking about?" I had to getcurious and be like,"what do you
mean I'm negative?" Cause, Iwould think"I'm not negative.
I'm just talking about my life.
Sorry that my life is negative,"but again, it doesn't have to
be.
It's all about how we think, andwhat our thoughts are about our
life.
So I don't want to have anegative life.
(16:54):
I want to have a life that hasups and downs, that I overcome
and that I am resilient, I don'twant to be this victim.
I want to be a resilient personthat can get through all the
negativity and that can lookpast it and be mature about it
and move forward.
I don't want to stay stuck.
(17:14):
So how can you move forward andnot stay stuck in old stories?
How can you rewrite them so thatthey're not so negative and so
heavy, think about that.
So that would be your homeworkthis time.
If there's a story that you'realways talking about, where it's
just a lot and you just can'tget over it.
And you say it all the time andyou told the same people all the
(17:37):
damn time or whatever, stop andthink about that.
Rewrite that story.
What are the lessons that youlearned?
What are the facts?
What are the emotions?
Take away all of the emotionsfrom it and just read the facts
and then start creating newstories or figure out the
lessons that are learned fromthat.
Okay somebody sucked and theywere a terrible relationship.
(17:59):
Okay.
So what was so terrible aboutit?
ABC was terrible.
So now I know that I don't wantto date somebody who does this
or somebody who says that, orsomebody who has this
occupation, maybe you had a longdistance relationship with and
it didn't work out and then nowyou know that long distance
(18:20):
relationships might not be yourthing.
Next time you date somebody,maybe it won't be a good fit if
they're long distance.
So figure out the lessonsinstead of just not figuring it
out and just continuing thiscircle of talking about it, just
figure it out, and leave itbehind.
And with the being cynical aboutdating and just talking shit
(18:45):
about how dating sucks.
Yeah, sure.
It might suck.
Suck, But does it have to?
Does it have to suck all thetime.
it doesn't have to suck all thetime.
Again, separate the facts fromthe emotions.
What actually happened?
So don't put all the emotions init and see what happens.
See what you like, find what thelessons are, find what is the
(19:08):
good experience about it, findout why the negative parts are
positive.
If you don't like somebody whocusses, then don't find somebody
who cusses.
So instead of"Oh my God, thisguy had such a potty mouth.
He talks like a pirate." Ifdon't like somebody who cusses,
I'm probably the wrong podcastfor you, by the way.
But just an example, peopledon't like people who cuss
(19:29):
sometimes and that's fine.
You don't have to be negativetowards dating.
Just figure out what you don'tlike and just put it on the list
and then move forward.
When you see somebody who isthat way, then you know, we're
going to stop right here becausethis isn't what I'm interested
in and I figured this out.
So we're going to move forward.
(19:50):
So use that as a positive thing.
Out of all these people, you arein control of narrowing down who
you like.
So you can get out all the otherstuff, like all the people who
do the same shit, like everysingle time you talk to somebody
online and they start doingthose sexual innuendos or start
(20:12):
saying Oh, I can really use amassage," or some dumb shit, or
start asking you for photos whenyou already have 20 photos
online, or they already haveyour social media account.
And they're like,"Oh, can I seemore photos of you?""No asshole,
take me out on a fucking dateand then you can see what I look
like." It just makes me crazybecause that's what they want.
And I'm getting all fired up andbeing negative, right?
(20:35):
So if you know that those aren'tthe people that you want to
date, then don't date them.
As soon as they start sayingsome dumb shit, then just be
like,"you know what?
I know where this is leading to.
This isn't the first personwho's trying to ask me for naked
pictures and I'm just not goingto do it.
I'm just not.
So somebody else will do thatfor you that hasn't figured it
(20:56):
out, but I'm just not.
So bye." Then you block anddelete and just move on.
You don't have to be cynical.
You can figure it out and youcan move on.
So those are my tips for leavingsome negativity behind in 2024.
Don't talk shit about dating.
Just find the positives and stopcomplaining about the past.
(21:16):
Move forward.
What are you looking forward to?
Not, what is keeping you stuck?
So that's all for today, youguys.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you want to figure out how towork with me one on one, I have
a consultation link in the shownotes.
So you can always go to theconsultation link and it's
totally free.
(21:37):
You can work with me.
You can figure out what it'slike to work with me.
We can talk about it.
And if we're a good match, thenwe're a great match.
And then we can work together.
And if not, it's fine.
It's not a big deal.
That's your decision and yourinvestment.
So if you want to learn aboutthat, I'm happy to share.
If you have any questions, feelfree to email me and ask me what
(21:58):
you want.
If you want me to talk about iton the podcast, I'm happy to do
that.
So thank you so much forlistening and I will talk to you
next week.
Bye.
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