February 12, 2025 • 32 mins
In this episode of 'The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,' host Cristina welcomes DJ Robinson, creator of Playing4Keeps, a dating app and host of the Playing4Keeps Podcast. DJ shares her journey of creating the app based on her personal dating experiences and the need for deeper compatibility. They discuss topics like toxic relationships, self-improvement, and DJ's innovative board games aimed at facilitating meaningful connections during speed dating. The conversation also includes a candid talk about personal growth in relationships and DJ's participation in the Forbes Entrepreneur of Impact Contest.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:50 Meet DJ Robinson: Host of Playing4Keeps Podcast
01:53 The Inspiration Behind Playing4Keeps
03:01 Toxic Relationships and Personal Growth
06:22 Exploring the Playing4Keeps Dating App
11:40 DJ Robinson's Forbes Entrepreneur Contest
13:20 Innovative Speed Dating Board Games
17:00 Taking Accountability in Relationships
17:41 Personal and Professional Life Discrepancies
18:03 Family Dynamics and Relationship Patterns
18:30 Learning from Breakups
19:50 The Hero Complex in Relationships
20:47 Navigating Kindness and Boundaries
24:10 Communication Challenges and Growth
28:48 Rekindling and Growing Together
31:42 Conclusion and Contact Information
DJ Robinson's Links:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/playing4keepsapp/
VOTE HERE: Entrepreneur of Impact: https://entrepreneurofimpact.org/2025/dj-robinson
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
FREE Curvy Girl Dating Checklist: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/datingchecklist
Website: https://www.thecurvygirldatingcoach.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Email List: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/emaillist
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 28 (00:03):
Playing4Keeps dating app with DJ Robinson.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
(00:24):
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and help
you ditch the dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
Thank you so much for listeningto The Curvy Girl Dating
(00:47):
Podcast.
I'm Cristina and I'm The CurvyGirl Dating Coach.
And today I have a superexciting guest that I was a
guest on her podcast a long timeago.
It's DJ Robinson and she is thehost of the Playing4Keeps
Podcast.
Yes.
And she also has a dating appand all kinds of things that
(01:07):
we're going to talk about.
So I'm super excited to getstarted and talk to you about it
today.
Tell me about you and what youdo and your podcast and all the
things.
DJ (01:17):
And all the things.
okay.
I'm like, where do I start?
Like you mentioned, I have apodcast.
That's how me and you wereintroduced, to Playing4Keeps P
odcast.
And then I have a dating appwith the same name
Playing4Keeps.
I'm recently am now creatingboard games and card games for
speed dating events and forcouples who just started dating
(01:39):
and they want to get to knoweach other on a deeper level and
maybe they don't want to askthose questions right away or
maybe are uncomfortable, butthey know they need to ask these
certain questions to see howfar, the relationship is going
to go.
So that's what I'm in the middleof doing now.
as far as why I createdPlaying4Keeps, that's a long
story that's changed andevolved.
(01:59):
So I was dating this guy, it wasa very toxic relationship, we'll
put it that way.
I met him on a dating app, andas our relationship progressed,
I would try to get him to takedifferent like personality
tests, like love language tests.
I believe there was an emotionalintelligence tests that I took
and I was curious to see whathis results would be and he
never would take these tests.
(02:19):
And we ended up breaking up.
And it hurt me really bad due toseveral different reasons.
Like as far as me, like pouringso much into the relationship,
only for him to break up withme.
That's something I neverexperienced.
It was always me leaving theperson.
I had to take a deep look atmyself, but before I took a real
deep look at myself and starteddoing the self work, I just came
(02:42):
up with an idea.
It would be dope to have adating app that will make these
guys take different tests beforethey match with girls.
And then they would see theresults and hopefully they would
see how shitty they were.
Cristina (02:56):
I love it.
DJ (02:57):
That was my initial thought and, it has evolved since then.
I definitely played a role inthat toxic relationship in
regards to even if it was justme pouring into the
relationship, knowing I had nobusiness pouring into it.
Now I know that we all need toheal.
We all have things we need towork on.
Even if you are the person whothinks you're the good girl or
(03:18):
the good guy, it always goesback to, okay, if you are that,
why are you dealing with thisperson in the first place?
So I had to really do a lot ofself work.
And as I did a lot of self workand created a podcast where I
talked to coaches like yourselfand other people, it really
helped me grow as a person andjust grow my concept for
Playing4Keeps.
Cristina (03:39):
And I like,"I just want them to know how shitty
they are."
DJ (03:42):
That relationship was really bad and how it ended was really
bad.
Cristina (03:46):
Yeah, my last long term relationship long time ago,
it ended with him giving me ahigh five.
Like I broke up with him, but itwas again, like a very toxic
relationship, I really feel nowlike he was just dating me as an
opportunity to leech.
He was like an opportunist andwould be friends with people
that would convenience him or bein relationships with people
(04:06):
that do things that work for himat the time, but doesn't have
any real connection to it.
This is what's going to help meget through life at this point.
DJ (04:17):
That's basically what that relationship was.
I met him on the dating app andthe same day I met him, I was
like in my early twenties, midtwenties.
I had my little car and my joband stuff like that.
And he was like,"okay, we canmeet." I'm driving to his
complex.
He had his own place.
I'm driving to his complex and Isee two dudes walking and so I
had a real weird hunch that Iwonder if that's him walking.
(04:40):
I was like,"nah, I can't be."I'm driving in the neighborhood
and when I reach the apartmentthat he tells me it's at, call
him like,"hey, I'm here." He waslike,"yeah, you just passed me."
That wasn't me.
And then as I venture in, I getto his place.
Those are a whole bunch of redflag.
Cause meeting somebody on thefirst date.
Cristina (04:58):
I was like, you went to his house.
DJ (04:59):
I had my friend with me though, in the thing, me and my
homegirl went.
Okay.
Cristina (05:06):
Okay.
Well, that's fine.
If you have your homegirl withyou.
DJ (05:09):
Um, we go into his place and it's him and a whole bunch of
homeboys there were living withhim.
if I go into the states, it'sjust crazy.
But I say all that to say toyour point of, okay, he didn't
have a car.
He, it turned out that he was ascammer.
I found that out.
Few weeks into it.
That's a crazy story.
Cristina (05:29):
That's a red flag!
DJ (05:30):
I didn't know until a few weeks into it.
And how I found out was a,that's another crazy story.
But even after that, I ventureon.
Okay.
Cristina (05:38):
I think we need to do 10 podcast episodes with you
because it,
DJ (05:42):
It's, oh my God.
But I say all that to say, giveme a picture of his predicament.
And like I said, I had my car.
I was in the entry level portionof my career now, because I also
have a daytime job and I wasgrown in that career field.
Dating him is okay, I'm datingsomebody.
I want them to grow too.
So I'm pouring my resources.
(06:03):
I'm pouring my knowledge, myenergy, my time, and helping
this person, like in their ownway grow.
And I felt like he, at the endof the day, he was just taking
what he could and he reallydidn't care.
I'm praying that he grew now,whoever he's dealing with is,
no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cristina (06:21):
Okay.
So tell me about your app.
So you told me you have apersonality tests and questions
to answer.
Is this a local, app?
DJ (06:31):
It's available everywhere.
And how the app works, so whenyou download the app, you go
through your profile, you addyour stuff and then there's an
option for you to take theEnneagram test.
You take an Enneagram test andthen you get your profile
together.
as you're swiping, because youstill swipe, when you match with
somebody, before you can messagethem, you have to play a
(06:52):
compatibility game first.
And I have four in there rightnow.
I have one that's a sexualcompatibility game, if you're
into that.
Me personally, I need to knowif, You like to go to those type
of clubs.
I need to know beforehand.
So there's that one.
Cristina (07:09):
It's nice to know that up front.
DJ (07:11):
I think so too, like you don't want to be surprised or
later on down the line you thinkeverything is good.
Cristina (07:15):
You know where I've had a first date before?
DJ (07:18):
Where?
Cristina (07:19):
At massage adult parlor.
DJ (07:22):
Ooh, that's,
Cristina (07:23):
I thought it was gonna be a foot reflexology place.
'cause he was like,"oh yeah, youknow, we could use massage,
blah, blah, blah.
You wanna go grab a massage?"I'm like,"hell yeah." And I'm
literally thinking like the footreflexology places.
And it was like he paid firstand then we passed all the
little foot reflex because Idon't know if you've been to a
foot reflexology place.
DJ (07:43):
I have not.
Cristina (07:43):
So it's just like a bunch of chairs, like it's in
public ish, like one big roomand they have a bunch of massage
chairs and then they rub yourfeet, and it's mostly like a
foot rub and then you'll turnover and they'll rub your back
real quick or whatever.
DJ (07:58):
They do the butt too?
Cristina (08:00):
A professional little butt rub, on the elbow.
DJ (08:01):
Okay.
Cristina (08:02):
But, at the places that I feel like are legit, you
know, and, so it's like that.
And then sometimes they might bein a big room, but they'll have
like curtains in between eachperson to give a little bit of
privacy.
But most of the time, it's notprivate to semi private, right?
So we like pass all the publicroom and go to the back room.
(08:25):
And it's like a couple's massageplace.
And I've never met this personand I should have thought that,
you know, it's over now, but Iget what you're saying to get a
massage on the first day.
It was probably a stupid ideaanyways, but I honestly, did not
expect it to be like that.
DJ (08:44):
So many women would take that offer up though.
Like it definitely would havebeen an upgrade compared to what
I just told you.
Just going to go hang out athomie's house.
So I definitely would have tookthe massage.
Definitely.
Cristina (08:56):
I thought we were going to get like a massage and
then go to coffee or something.
DJ (08:59):
That actually sounds kind of dope.
Cristina (09:02):
Like a little 30 minute massage and then you feel
good and then you can talk aboutit and then, whatever.
But anyways, it ended up beinglike a butt naked massage and it
was very uncomfortable.
And I thought,"this is the daythat it's going to get raided,
and then I'm going to be like onTV and I'm going to lose my job
because I'm going to be like thecreeper, that creeper female
(09:25):
that went to a butt naked orwhatever you call it.
And I was terrified.
And I was like,"this is theslowest hour I have ever been
in." So that was one terriblefirst date.
Another terrible first date was,we went to a nudist beach.
I didn't know it was the nudistbeach.
Asked to go to the beach.
"Hey, you want to go to thebeach?" Okay.
(09:46):
Guess what?
Everybody's naked.
So, and then it was like to apoint where it would be weird if
you weren't.
Oh, you know what I'm saying?
So it was just, okay.
So sexual compatibility, this iswhere we got to this point is
your test.
I would like to know up front ifyou're going to those kinds of
(10:06):
clubs or beaches or massageparlors, just saying.
DJ (10:09):
And in my test, you'll gauge like if this person is like that
adventurous type where you mightbe the more intimate type, you
know what I'm saying?
So yeah, there's that one.
And then there's the emotionalintelligence one.
We need to know if y'all matchemotionally intelligent.
So there's a low, medium, andthen high.
Then there's the love language,love style, compatibility test.
(10:32):
And then the last one is, theattachment theory compatibility
test.
So those are the four that Ihave right now.
So you can, you get to learn alot about yourself and a lot
about the people that you'rematching with.
And then once you play, and it'sa short game, like I have, maybe
I have over a hundred questionsfor each one, but within the
games, it's only five.
(10:53):
So you're only answering five.
So it's not like it's long drawnout thing.
Once you play the game, thenfrom there you both can message
each other.
Okay.
And if you don't, say if youswipe, you both swipe each
other, you like each other, andy'all don't play a game.
If you're on the free version,you have 24 hours to, play a
(11:14):
game or the person willdisappear from your match queue
completely.
So it's really being intentionalon, Hey, if you're a serious
dater and you want to get toknow somebody, you need to do it
now.
Cristina (11:24):
That's so good.
I want to download it now andI'm not even looking to date,
but no, that's awesome.
I'm going to put a link in theshow notes, for the app, and
then we'll do something.
We'll do something later tocollaborate with the app.
So I know you're in thiscontest.
Tell me about your contest.
DJ (11:42):
I'm in the Forbes Entrepreneur of Impact Contest.
In this contest, you could win$25,000 towards your business.
You could also win, a cover onForbes and a one on one coaching
session with one of the SharkTank coaches.
Oh my God.
His name is leaving me.
I can't remember.
Cristina (12:01):
Mr.
Wonderful?
DJ (12:03):
It's not Mr.
Wonderful.
It's the other one.
It's the black guy.
Cristina (12:07):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Daymond John.
Yes.
I have his book and I met himbefore.
DJ (12:12):
Is he cool?
Cristina (12:13):
He's cool.
He did like a book signing whenhe had a new book out and I went
and, it was a quick, 15 minutespeech about, doing well in your
business and then like ahandshake and a sign and a
picture.
But he was nice.
DJ (12:26):
Okay, that's good because you still can sense energy I
think when you meet somebodyeven if it's for a few seconds
So that was just curious.
So yeah, I'm in this contest andit's a contest where people have
to vote And you vote on theperson's business and what you
think of it and all that stuffand I need to be number one
amongst hundreds of businessesthat have joined the contest.
(12:49):
Vote for me.
Cristina (12:50):
Yes.
Okay.
Everybody join, go to the linkin my show notes and vote for DJ
Robinson.
Yeah.
And you vote for once a day,right?
DJ (13:01):
You vote once.
Thank you for that.
You vote once a day.
And then some days they twotimes to vote.
So If you go on there and twotimes, if you're willing to
spend a little bit of change,it'll double the votes.
Cristina (13:12):
Yes, you need to win because your app is amazing.
And then tell me about yourboard games that you're doing
too.
DJ (13:19):
Yes.
So I have, a speed dating boardgame.
So when I went to speed datingevents, before I started hosting
my own, I noticed that peoplehad issues creating
conversations.
So if you haven't been to aspeed dating event before, how
speed dating works, they'll sityou down at a table with another
individual for maybe five to 10minutes.
(13:41):
And then once the round is over,they'll ring the bell and then
you'll switch to another tablewhere you'll meet another
individual and it'll go likethat for two hours.
And I just noticed theconversation.
Like I said, people didn't knowwhat to say, or the conversation
was real generic.
When I started doing my ownevents here in Atlanta, I
decided to do like thisprototype kind of testing thing.
(14:04):
I liked the board game trouble,the one with the popper, with
the dice, I don't know why Ilove that game for whatever
reason as a kid, and I justthought it would be cool if I
bought some poppers and then Icreated like this kind of this
playtest board where.
imagine we're sitting acrossfrom each other and you have 17
questions in a circular kind ofshape towards you.
(14:26):
And then I have my own 17questions and then you have this
popper in the middle and thenI'll go first.
I'll pop the popper.
It lands on six.
I'll take my little piece andI'll move it down six pieces.
And then I asked you a questionabout dating and relationships
and what you think and thenyou'll have to answer that
question and then we're goingback and forth for 10 minutes.
People like that concept andthey really were able to engage
(14:49):
whether they could seethemselves dating this person or
not.
So I got really good feedback.
And I started making like realactual board games.
Cristina (14:58):
If you want me to be a prototype person, send me one.
DJ (15:00):
I'm going to send you, I'm going to send you one.
Cristina (15:02):
No, seriously.
DJ (15:03):
I'm serious too.
I'd love to get your thoughts onit.
Cristina (15:07):
Yeah, I'll set something up over here and then,
yeah, see, we could collaborateso many different ways.
DJ (15:13):
Yeah, so that's what I'm working on i'm gonna start
pushing now and it all ties backto the dating app so if you're
someone who's single and youdecide to get the board game you
could take it on first date somaybe the second or third date
and you can just play thisinteractive game with another
person and really dive in andget to know them.
Cristina (15:32):
That's awesome, yeah I've been considering doing
little get togethers around,like locally around my
neighborhood and stuff likethat.
I haven't really gone that farto actually commit to it yet,
but it's been in my head.
Okay, we're going to do this Soit just like a women's only
bitch fest, but like a healthyone, right?
Because you have a life coachwith you.
(15:52):
You know what I mean?
You chat with your friends andthen they don't want to hear you
talking about being singleagain, like the same shit over
and over again.
And so you need like a newsounding board of people that
understand.
I wanted to have a single bitchfest kind of thing, but like in
a healthy way where we actuallyhave"okay, what are we going to
do different about it?
What did you learn from this?"And actually have an engaging
(16:14):
conversation that you learn fromit?
I haven't executed anything yet.
It's just all in the head.
DJ (16:19):
Gotcha.
That'd be dope.
That's a great idea, actually.
If you try my board game out andyou like it to even see.
Because I know when I createdquestions that I knew I wouldn't
have been able to answer likefive, six years ago.
So I'm wondering if maybe if youwould even want to maybe take
the board game and see like how,if the women could even answer
(16:40):
those questions, because we endup in bad situations because, we
ultimately don't know ourselvesand how our past traumas like
affect our decisions.
Cristina (16:49):
That's true.
And like you were saying at thebeginning when you and your ex
broke up and like how you hadthis point where you had to have
like personal growth and stufflike that.
A lot of people don't do that.
There's so many people thatdon't take accountability for
themselves and their own actionsor like what happened.
It's always that other person'sfault.
And sure, it could be the otherperson's fault, but like, why
(17:12):
are you with the person that'sshitty?
DJ (17:14):
I'm so grateful he broke it off.
And then even after he broke itoff, we still were dealing with
each other.
It took for me to find outthrough the grapevine that he
was having a baby with someoneelse.
That's how, for me to finally,but when he broke it off with
me, I really had to sit and lookat myself because I always
looked at myself, I'm the goodguy, I'm the one who always, I'm
(17:34):
the doer, I'm this, I'm that,but in reality, it was just me
trying to fill a void.
It's so weird because like in myprofessional life, I'm that
girl, you know what I'm saying?
I work done.
I'm on top of everything.
I am that girl, but then in mypersonal life, it just looks so
different.
Like having feeling like I hadto prove to be in a relationship
(17:57):
and if there was no type ofstruggle of me having prove,
then to me, the relationshipwasn't worth it.
And that stemmed from what I'veseen in my household with my
parents.
My parents, they're stilltogether to this day, but they
have a very codependent type ofrelationship.
And then my relationship with myfather was non existent.
And we lived in the same house,so I found myself dealing with
(18:20):
men who were dismissive, likehim.
And in my own way,subconsciously trying to turn
the tables and prove I wasworthy and didn't dismiss me.
I had to learn all of that.
I had to take a pause when hebroke up with me because it,
like I said, in the past, it wasalways me breaking up.
I finally would get tired.
I would break up with the personand I wouldn't feel this type of
way because I broke up withthem, But I poured the most into
(18:42):
that relationship and he brokeup with me and it was just Oh,
hold on, wait a second.
I had to look at myself andstop.
I couldn't fully demonize him.
I really had to take a hard lookat myself.
Like, why did you put yourselfthrough that?
Cristina (18:53):
Yeah.
The same thing with me when Ibroke up with my ex, like it was
my sister's wedding.
And, he was having car issues.
He couldn't get to the venue ontime.
He was calling me asking me tohelp him bail him out.
And it's like an hour before thewedding.
I don't have time for that shitright now.
Like I am busy with my sisterbeing a maid of honor right now.
I don't care about your car, butit was a whole thing, And then I
(19:15):
was like, wait a fucking minute,and I looked around the room at
all the other bridesmaids, allmy sister's best friends.
And I'm like, her man wouldn'tdo that.
Her man wouldn't do that.
Her man wouldn't do that.
All these people have likehomeboys that they can call and
be like, Hey man, I need to goget to my girl's wedding or
whatever.
And I got to hurry up.
Can you help me out?
And then get help from somebody.
(19:36):
They don't have to call mommygirlfriend to go find them.
DJ (19:40):
We did date the same person.
Okay.
I'm just right.
Yeah, we did.
Because he used to do stuff likethat.
Oh, he could just call hishomeboys for me in the back of
my mind.
I wanted to be the heroeverywhere.
And another thing I had to cometo realize, too, in order for me
to have a healthy relationshipwas, I have to be okay with
needing from a man.
(20:00):
For the longest, I just wantedto look like I didn't need
anything.
Because I felt If I was needy inany type of way, then I could be
easily discarded.
that was my thought processbased on what I saw.
I always have to be theresourceful one.
that's just the role that Iplayed in friendships,
relationships, even with myparents, my parents rely on me
heavily to this day.
(20:21):
And learning to dissect just allof that and not dilute it
especially dealing with aromantic relationship.
But no man was really able toget close to me because I didn't
give him anything to get closeto you saying so that's
something I had to learn to stoptrying to be the hero because
it's not going to serve you in away that you think it is it's
(20:43):
going to serve you in theopposite way and it did for a
very long time.
Cristina (20:47):
So I was listening to your podcast earlier today and
your last podcast with yourfriend and it was fantastic and
it really resonated to me whenshe was talking about her
kindness and how it can bemisrepresented as being
interested with somebody andbeing their girlfriend or being
in a relationship because I'm anice person too and I like to
(21:11):
give and I'm very caring.
Yes, I'm an ex people pleaser.
So I do know that there's someother shit I got going on around
there, but without being apeople pleaser, I'm just a
genuinely a nice, pretty niceperson.
Unless you like are on my badside, then I've got that
Libraness in me.
I will make it a full time jobto make your life miserable,
(21:33):
Most of the time.
I'm pretty nice.
DJ (21:36):
I know as well, like I like to smile a lot.
I like to say hello.
my boyfriend says I'm toofriendly.
And I have to remind him like,Hey, this is my personality.
You're not going to dim down mylight.
Just because I'm smiling, I'mfriendly, that doesn't mean I
want to sleep with this man.
Some of the men do, but the men,on the reverse side of why he
(21:57):
says, what he says is becausesome of the men do get it
confused.
Think you're flirtatious.
They'll also be in my, yeah,they'll get flirtatious and they
also will be in my inbox becausethe industry that I'm in stuff
like that.
And you set a boundary and youkeep it moving.
and back to what you said, I'malso an ex people pleaser, but I
am also very generous as well.
(22:18):
if I feel now, if I feel led inmy heart to give, and the trick
for me is, okay, will I feelresentment if I give this person
this and I don't ever see itagain?
Or if they don't maybe live upto a certain expectation, if I
know I'm not going to feel anyresentment, I'll give yeah, I
feel like I will feel some typeof resentment that's my rule now
(22:42):
as an ex people pleaser.
I will take a pause, breathe,and think before I just, but
here you go.
Yes, and for me, it started offwith just text messages when I
knew I had to say no, I couldn'teven get on the phone.
It was, I would just text.
No, then they would startcalling and blowing me up.
It would just be my phone on DNDfor hours at a time, but people
show their true colors after awhile.
(23:02):
Oh, yeah.
So then after a while, I wasable to build up the courage to
have those tough conversations.
If I wasn't going to give more,but yeah, just, it's okay.
I think it's okay to be a giver.
Cristina (23:12):
Yeah, I think so too.
as long as you're not beingtaken advantage of, but you've
got to figure that out, openyour eyes and figure it out.
DJ (23:19):
And that's okay.
Like people act, it's not theend of the world.
If you do get played orsomething like that, you learn
to learn.
You just move on.
And you keep it moving.
I don't understand that.
people try to make it look sobad to be a people pleaser or to
be generous You learn yourlessons I think you're the total
opposite if you're able to beopen.
Now, of course, learn yourlessons when somebody do you
(23:39):
dirty.
Okay, I can't be this version ofmyself with that person anymore.
I'm not letting you keep itmoving.
And then that's it.
Don't change who you are.
Cristina (23:47):
And I like that you say that.
That's a very good point.
"I cannot be this version ofmyself with this person
anymore." you can still beyourself and still be authentic.
It's just not a match.
Because that person's notreciprocating and doing it
right.
It's not a matching.
So they got to go and you stillget to be yourself.
You don't have to change.
(24:08):
So that's really important.
when that happened with myboyfriend now that I've been
with for almost five years, whenwe first started dating, I was
in the belief that I'm lookingfor a relationship and I want to
be a girlfriend and whatever andthings didn't quite work out.
And like a month into it, I waslike,"Hey, you know what?
(24:30):
I don't think we really have alot in common and, thanks, but
no thanks.
Yeah.
I don't think we're a match orwhatever." And he was like,"what
do you mean?" Which first ofall, he's the only guy who had
ever fought for me.
Like usually people will justchuck the deuce and be like, all
right, bye.
Or be like you're fat anyways,or, just dumb shit.
So he was the only person thatlike, Was like no, like this
(24:51):
doesn't make any sense.
And he was just like, you actlike a girlfriend to me.
You act like you're in arelationship with me.
And he was like, because you'reaffectionate, like we hold hands
and, whatever.
And I say please.
And thank you.
And I'm kind.
And I, We make dinner and watchmovies and we cook together.
Yeah, that was a big one.
We cook together and we findrecipes and Oh, that's what he
(25:13):
does.
He's so you treated me like wewere already in a relationship.
And I'm like yeah, because I'mliving in my future self.
If I want to be in arelationship, I got to be in
there.
Be like a girlfriend, right?
I can't just have this wall andbe like, we're not going to hold
hands, but I still want to getto know you and see if I have
(25:34):
any attraction to you, but we'renot going to hold hands.
You can't come over.
Like where's the boundary, andthen when you're in a
relationship, what's the nextboundary?
DJ (25:43):
I love that, you've been through so much in past
relationships and you decidednot to let that taint you
because like I said, there's somany coaches now that are coming
up with different tips,different tricks, raise your
femininity by being a bitch.
There's so many differentthings, authentically being
yourself.
Yeah.
But then while you'reauthentically being yourself,
(26:04):
like learning the lessons youneed to learn from the people
who have came into your life,look at everybody as a mirror
and see what you need to learnfrom them.
Because if you would haveentered the relationship with
the tricks and the tips.
Yeah.
you know what I'm saying?
I don't think you would've beenfour or five years in, yeah.
So I think that's beautiful thatyou actually decided to let me
(26:27):
act as if, I'm in my highestself and I'm in, in my best
relationship.
Cristina (26:32):
I just feel like that's what you do and maybe
your highest self and your bestrelationship isn't all that
great.
But then you get to learn, youget to learn, like for him, he
wasn't all that great atrelationships because he just
didn't have these healthyrelationships.
So he wanted a healthyrelationship and he knew like
(26:54):
tools that you needed, likecommunication.
He has a better communicatorthan me.
I always wanted somebody whoknew how to communicate and
these people don't know how tocommunicate.
Apparently I was the one thatdidn't know how to communicate.
DJ (27:05):
I had to learn that too.
Cristina (27:07):
That was a bitch slap in the face.
DJ (27:09):
Seriously, I had to learn that too, because I know for me,
stuff would bother me and Iwouldn't say anything.
This will help you with this.
I'm thinking that'scommunication, but when it
really came down to it, myemotions, my feelings, what I
needed.
I did not communicate until Iwas ready to explode because I
felt like, okay, what I need isobvious.
It's simple shit.
You know what I'm saying?
(27:30):
It's simple.
Cristina (27:30):
You just ask for it.
DJ (27:32):
And then I would just explode.
And then, I really had to learnthat.
Okay, Dominique, you really gotto work on your communication.
Like it's not, this is not themove.
Cristina (27:40):
So yeah, like he had to force me to tell him why I
didn't like him, which was souncomfortable.
You know what I mean?
Because I'd never communicatedthose things.
Like I never had to try thathard to tell somebody I wasn't
interested.
Okay.
I just was very surface level.
Hey, not interested.
Thanks.
All right.
Bye.
Block.
See ya.
Whatever.
Move on, and nobody tried, butwhen he was like,"no, I need to
(28:04):
know why what is going on?
There's something off, like youact like a girlfriend,
whatever." Anyways, back to yourlast podcast.
That's what I felt it becausethat's exactly how I was in my
relationship with him when wegot started.
But it ended up being like agood ending.
It just doesn't always, youknow?
DJ (28:24):
It doesn't always start that way, especially when people see
you as this nice person.
And then a lot of people takeadvantage.
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure whereyou were in that stage, you
probably would have been able towalk away for real.
Cristina (28:37):
So did you use any of your tools to get in your
relationship?
Are you using, did you use thetools that you created to get
into your relationship?
DJ (28:47):
Okay.
I had my son is about to be 13.
So me and his dad separated.
And then I got into that toxicrelationship, learned all the
things I learned.
And now I'm back with, my son'sfather and we are working
through it.
I would say, yeah, I'm using mytools as far as what I learned,
yeah, learning to communicatebetter, also him, also learning
(29:08):
to communicate better.
We played my board game, westill don't see like eye to eye
completely, to be completelyhonest with you.
Cristina (29:15):
I mean, but that's okay.
That's a beautiful thing.
DJ (29:18):
Yeah.
And we worked through a lot ofour challenges now.
Before when we were together, itwas really one sided because I
didn't speak up a lot.
And he also was in a place.
Something about me.
My son is a transplant patient,so we went through a lot of
traumatic stuff with our son.
And he just couldn't deal withit.
And at the time, I was reallythe only one pushing and dealing
(29:40):
with it.
And, he took a backseat.
We also were very young.
I had my son at 20, so we'reabout the same age.
So the relationship didn't gowell, but a few of the things
that I know I could have donebetter.
My communication could have beenbetter.
I think the main thing was mycommunication could have been
better, right?
Yeah.
And he could have done a lot ofthings better, but we're not
(30:00):
going to get into that.
But we both have grownseparately and now we're growing
together.
We've used my speed dating gameboard and then, as far as like
just tools in general, likereally getting into emotional
intelligence, learning not toexplode on each other.
Communicating better.
So I would say through just ourgrowth separately, we've been
(30:20):
able to continue To grow, butno, he's not, he won't get on my
dating app too.
So no, we're not using my toolsnecessarily.
Cristina (30:28):
Your personal growth tools, as well,
DJ (30:30):
Like I said, our communication has gotten a lot
better.
we didn't even really know eachother.
It was like the fight.
We were like 17 when we met.
Cristina (30:38):
You don't even know yourself at that age.
DJ (30:39):
We separated and now that we're back together, it's just,
it's getting to know each otherand growing and taking care of
our son.
Cristina (30:47):
But isn't it great?
Like you needed to have likeyour own little lives real quick
and learn individually to go toyourself.
Cause could you imagine if youwere just fighting and fighting,
like to keep a relationship.
That whole time to now, howfrustrating it
DJ (31:02):
I don't think any of us would be here in like real life
in the physical.
It was really bad.
Cristina (31:06):
So it's sometimes it's good to just separate mature in
different spaces and then comeback.
There's nothing wrong with that,and especially, like you said,
your son being a transplantpatient.
I know that's like a lifelong,just like any parenting is and
co parenting situation, but it'sa lot, I totally get that.
Like I'm a healthcare person andmy nephew has disabilities and
(31:27):
so I understand it's a differentfamily dynamic.
And yeah, it really is.
DJ (31:33):
Yeah.
And dealing with that so young,it was really tough in the
beginning.
So yeah.
Cristina (31:37):
But that's good that you could separate and then you
get.
You got it now.
So good for you.
So where can people find you?
DJ (31:44):
So you can find me on Instagram playing4keepsapp.
So thats"Playing," the#4"Keepsapp" and you'll find me there.
You'll find all my contentthere.
You'll find my links there whereyou can, vote for me, an
entrepreneur of impact.
You can, if you decide you'reinterested in checking out the
website to, check out the gameboards, you can find me there.
Cristina (32:08):
Awesome.
I love it.
Thank you so much for being aguest and please you're welcome
to come on anytime becauseyou're fabulous.
All right.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 28 (00:03):
Playing4Keeps dating app with DJ Robinson.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find eachweek.
(00:24):
I'll teach you dating advice,share dating stories and help
you ditch the dating drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
Thank you so much for listeningto The Curvy Girl Dating
(00:47):
Podcast.
I'm Cristina and I'm The CurvyGirl Dating Coach.
And today I have a superexciting guest that I was a
guest on her podcast a long timeago.
It's DJ Robinson and she is thehost of the Playing4Keeps
Podcast.
Yes.
And she also has a dating appand all kinds of things that
(01:07):
we're going to talk about.
So I'm super excited to getstarted and talk to you about it
today.
Tell me about you and what youdo and your podcast and all the
things.
DJ (01:17):
And all the things.
okay.
I'm like, where do I start?
Like you mentioned, I have apodcast.
That's how me and you wereintroduced, to Playing4Keeps P
odcast.
And then I have a dating appwith the same name
Playing4Keeps.
I'm recently am now creatingboard games and card games for
speed dating events and forcouples who just started dating
(01:39):
and they want to get to knoweach other on a deeper level and
maybe they don't want to askthose questions right away or
maybe are uncomfortable, butthey know they need to ask these
certain questions to see howfar, the relationship is going
to go.
So that's what I'm in the middleof doing now.
as far as why I createdPlaying4Keeps, that's a long
story that's changed andevolved.
(01:59):
So I was dating this guy, it wasa very toxic relationship, we'll
put it that way.
I met him on a dating app, andas our relationship progressed,
I would try to get him to takedifferent like personality
tests, like love language tests.
I believe there was an emotionalintelligence tests that I took
and I was curious to see whathis results would be and he
never would take these tests.
(02:19):
And we ended up breaking up.
And it hurt me really bad due toseveral different reasons.
Like as far as me, like pouringso much into the relationship,
only for him to break up withme.
That's something I neverexperienced.
It was always me leaving theperson.
I had to take a deep look atmyself, but before I took a real
deep look at myself and starteddoing the self work, I just came
(02:42):
up with an idea.
It would be dope to have adating app that will make these
guys take different tests beforethey match with girls.
And then they would see theresults and hopefully they would
see how shitty they were.
Cristina (02:56):
I love it.
DJ (02:57):
That was my initial thought and, it has evolved since then.
I definitely played a role inthat toxic relationship in
regards to even if it was justme pouring into the
relationship, knowing I had nobusiness pouring into it.
Now I know that we all need toheal.
We all have things we need towork on.
Even if you are the person whothinks you're the good girl or
(03:18):
the good guy, it always goesback to, okay, if you are that,
why are you dealing with thisperson in the first place?
So I had to really do a lot ofself work.
And as I did a lot of self workand created a podcast where I
talked to coaches like yourselfand other people, it really
helped me grow as a person andjust grow my concept for
Playing4Keeps.
Cristina (03:39):
And I like,"I just want them to know how shitty
they are."
DJ (03:42):
That relationship was really bad and how it ended was really
bad.
Cristina (03:46):
Yeah, my last long term relationship long time ago,
it ended with him giving me ahigh five.
Like I broke up with him, but itwas again, like a very toxic
relationship, I really feel nowlike he was just dating me as an
opportunity to leech.
He was like an opportunist andwould be friends with people
that would convenience him or bein relationships with people
(04:06):
that do things that work for himat the time, but doesn't have
any real connection to it.
This is what's going to help meget through life at this point.
DJ (04:17):
That's basically what that relationship was.
I met him on the dating app andthe same day I met him, I was
like in my early twenties, midtwenties.
I had my little car and my joband stuff like that.
And he was like,"okay, we canmeet." I'm driving to his
complex.
He had his own place.
I'm driving to his complex and Isee two dudes walking and so I
had a real weird hunch that Iwonder if that's him walking.
(04:40):
I was like,"nah, I can't be."I'm driving in the neighborhood
and when I reach the apartmentthat he tells me it's at, call
him like,"hey, I'm here." He waslike,"yeah, you just passed me."
That wasn't me.
And then as I venture in, I getto his place.
Those are a whole bunch of redflag.
Cause meeting somebody on thefirst date.
Cristina (04:58):
I was like, you went to his house.
DJ (04:59):
I had my friend with me though, in the thing, me and my
homegirl went.
Okay.
Cristina (05:06):
Okay.
Well, that's fine.
If you have your homegirl withyou.
DJ (05:09):
Um, we go into his place and it's him and a whole bunch of
homeboys there were living withhim.
if I go into the states, it'sjust crazy.
But I say all that to say toyour point of, okay, he didn't
have a car.
He, it turned out that he was ascammer.
I found that out.
Few weeks into it.
That's a crazy story.
Cristina (05:29):
That's a red flag!
DJ (05:30):
I didn't know until a few weeks into it.
And how I found out was a,that's another crazy story.
But even after that, I ventureon.
Okay.
Cristina (05:38):
I think we need to do 10 podcast episodes with you
because it,
DJ (05:42):
It's, oh my God.
But I say all that to say, giveme a picture of his predicament.
And like I said, I had my car.
I was in the entry level portionof my career now, because I also
have a daytime job and I wasgrown in that career field.
Dating him is okay, I'm datingsomebody.
I want them to grow too.
So I'm pouring my resources.
(06:03):
I'm pouring my knowledge, myenergy, my time, and helping
this person, like in their ownway grow.
And I felt like he, at the endof the day, he was just taking
what he could and he reallydidn't care.
I'm praying that he grew now,whoever he's dealing with is,
no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cristina (06:21):
Okay.
So tell me about your app.
So you told me you have apersonality tests and questions
to answer.
Is this a local, app?
DJ (06:31):
It's available everywhere.
And how the app works, so whenyou download the app, you go
through your profile, you addyour stuff and then there's an
option for you to take theEnneagram test.
You take an Enneagram test andthen you get your profile
together.
as you're swiping, because youstill swipe, when you match with
somebody, before you can messagethem, you have to play a
(06:52):
compatibility game first.
And I have four in there rightnow.
I have one that's a sexualcompatibility game, if you're
into that.
Me personally, I need to knowif, You like to go to those type
of clubs.
I need to know beforehand.
So there's that one.
Cristina (07:09):
It's nice to know that up front.
DJ (07:11):
I think so too, like you don't want to be surprised or
later on down the line you thinkeverything is good.
Cristina (07:15):
You know where I've had a first date before?
DJ (07:18):
Where?
Cristina (07:19):
At massage adult parlor.
DJ (07:22):
Ooh, that's,
Cristina (07:23):
I thought it was gonna be a foot reflexology place.
'cause he was like,"oh yeah, youknow, we could use massage,
blah, blah, blah.
You wanna go grab a massage?"I'm like,"hell yeah." And I'm
literally thinking like the footreflexology places.
And it was like he paid firstand then we passed all the
little foot reflex because Idon't know if you've been to a
foot reflexology place.
DJ (07:43):
I have not.
Cristina (07:43):
So it's just like a bunch of chairs, like it's in
public ish, like one big roomand they have a bunch of massage
chairs and then they rub yourfeet, and it's mostly like a
foot rub and then you'll turnover and they'll rub your back
real quick or whatever.
DJ (07:58):
They do the butt too?
Cristina (08:00):
A professional little butt rub, on the elbow.
DJ (08:01):
Okay.
Cristina (08:02):
But, at the places that I feel like are legit, you
know, and, so it's like that.
And then sometimes they might bein a big room, but they'll have
like curtains in between eachperson to give a little bit of
privacy.
But most of the time, it's notprivate to semi private, right?
So we like pass all the publicroom and go to the back room.
(08:25):
And it's like a couple's massageplace.
And I've never met this personand I should have thought that,
you know, it's over now, but Iget what you're saying to get a
massage on the first day.
It was probably a stupid ideaanyways, but I honestly, did not
expect it to be like that.
DJ (08:44):
So many women would take that offer up though.
Like it definitely would havebeen an upgrade compared to what
I just told you.
Just going to go hang out athomie's house.
So I definitely would have tookthe massage.
Definitely.
Cristina (08:56):
I thought we were going to get like a massage and
then go to coffee or something.
DJ (08:59):
That actually sounds kind of dope.
Cristina (09:02):
Like a little 30 minute massage and then you feel
good and then you can talk aboutit and then, whatever.
But anyways, it ended up beinglike a butt naked massage and it
was very uncomfortable.
And I thought,"this is the daythat it's going to get raided,
and then I'm going to be like onTV and I'm going to lose my job
because I'm going to be like thecreeper, that creeper female
(09:25):
that went to a butt naked orwhatever you call it.
And I was terrified.
And I was like,"this is theslowest hour I have ever been
in." So that was one terriblefirst date.
Another terrible first date was,we went to a nudist beach.
I didn't know it was the nudistbeach.
Asked to go to the beach.
"Hey, you want to go to thebeach?" Okay.
(09:46):
Guess what?
Everybody's naked.
So, and then it was like to apoint where it would be weird if
you weren't.
Oh, you know what I'm saying?
So it was just, okay.
So sexual compatibility, this iswhere we got to this point is
your test.
I would like to know up front ifyou're going to those kinds of
(10:06):
clubs or beaches or massageparlors, just saying.
DJ (10:09):
And in my test, you'll gauge like if this person is like that
adventurous type where you mightbe the more intimate type, you
know what I'm saying?
So yeah, there's that one.
And then there's the emotionalintelligence one.
We need to know if y'all matchemotionally intelligent.
So there's a low, medium, andthen high.
Then there's the love language,love style, compatibility test.
(10:32):
And then the last one is, theattachment theory compatibility
test.
So those are the four that Ihave right now.
So you can, you get to learn alot about yourself and a lot
about the people that you'rematching with.
And then once you play, and it'sa short game, like I have, maybe
I have over a hundred questionsfor each one, but within the
games, it's only five.
(10:53):
So you're only answering five.
So it's not like it's long drawnout thing.
Once you play the game, thenfrom there you both can message
each other.
Okay.
And if you don't, say if youswipe, you both swipe each
other, you like each other, andy'all don't play a game.
If you're on the free version,you have 24 hours to, play a
(11:14):
game or the person willdisappear from your match queue
completely.
So it's really being intentionalon, Hey, if you're a serious
dater and you want to get toknow somebody, you need to do it
now.
Cristina (11:24):
That's so good.
I want to download it now andI'm not even looking to date,
but no, that's awesome.
I'm going to put a link in theshow notes, for the app, and
then we'll do something.
We'll do something later tocollaborate with the app.
So I know you're in thiscontest.
Tell me about your contest.
DJ (11:42):
I'm in the Forbes Entrepreneur of Impact Contest.
In this contest, you could win$25,000 towards your business.
You could also win, a cover onForbes and a one on one coaching
session with one of the SharkTank coaches.
Oh my God.
His name is leaving me.
I can't remember.
Cristina (12:01):
Mr.
Wonderful?
DJ (12:03):
It's not Mr.
Wonderful.
It's the other one.
It's the black guy.
Cristina (12:07):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Daymond John.
Yes.
I have his book and I met himbefore.
DJ (12:12):
Is he cool?
Cristina (12:13):
He's cool.
He did like a book signing whenhe had a new book out and I went
and, it was a quick, 15 minutespeech about, doing well in your
business and then like ahandshake and a sign and a
picture.
But he was nice.
DJ (12:26):
Okay, that's good because you still can sense energy I
think when you meet somebodyeven if it's for a few seconds
So that was just curious.
So yeah, I'm in this contest andit's a contest where people have
to vote And you vote on theperson's business and what you
think of it and all that stuffand I need to be number one
amongst hundreds of businessesthat have joined the contest.
(12:49):
Vote for me.
Cristina (12:50):
Yes.
Okay.
Everybody join, go to the linkin my show notes and vote for DJ
Robinson.
Yeah.
And you vote for once a day,right?
DJ (13:01):
You vote once.
Thank you for that.
You vote once a day.
And then some days they twotimes to vote.
So If you go on there and twotimes, if you're willing to
spend a little bit of change,it'll double the votes.
Cristina (13:12):
Yes, you need to win because your app is amazing.
And then tell me about yourboard games that you're doing
too.
DJ (13:19):
Yes.
So I have, a speed dating boardgame.
So when I went to speed datingevents, before I started hosting
my own, I noticed that peoplehad issues creating
conversations.
So if you haven't been to aspeed dating event before, how
speed dating works, they'll sityou down at a table with another
individual for maybe five to 10minutes.
(13:41):
And then once the round is over,they'll ring the bell and then
you'll switch to another tablewhere you'll meet another
individual and it'll go likethat for two hours.
And I just noticed theconversation.
Like I said, people didn't knowwhat to say, or the conversation
was real generic.
When I started doing my ownevents here in Atlanta, I
decided to do like thisprototype kind of testing thing.
(14:04):
I liked the board game trouble,the one with the popper, with
the dice, I don't know why Ilove that game for whatever
reason as a kid, and I justthought it would be cool if I
bought some poppers and then Icreated like this kind of this
playtest board where.
imagine we're sitting acrossfrom each other and you have 17
questions in a circular kind ofshape towards you.
(14:26):
And then I have my own 17questions and then you have this
popper in the middle and thenI'll go first.
I'll pop the popper.
It lands on six.
I'll take my little piece andI'll move it down six pieces.
And then I asked you a questionabout dating and relationships
and what you think and thenyou'll have to answer that
question and then we're goingback and forth for 10 minutes.
People like that concept andthey really were able to engage
(14:49):
whether they could seethemselves dating this person or
not.
So I got really good feedback.
And I started making like realactual board games.
Cristina (14:58):
If you want me to be a prototype person, send me one.
DJ (15:00):
I'm going to send you, I'm going to send you one.
Cristina (15:02):
No, seriously.
DJ (15:03):
I'm serious too.
I'd love to get your thoughts onit.
Cristina (15:07):
Yeah, I'll set something up over here and then,
yeah, see, we could collaborateso many different ways.
DJ (15:13):
Yeah, so that's what I'm working on i'm gonna start
pushing now and it all ties backto the dating app so if you're
someone who's single and youdecide to get the board game you
could take it on first date somaybe the second or third date
and you can just play thisinteractive game with another
person and really dive in andget to know them.
Cristina (15:32):
That's awesome, yeah I've been considering doing
little get togethers around,like locally around my
neighborhood and stuff likethat.
I haven't really gone that farto actually commit to it yet,
but it's been in my head.
Okay, we're going to do this Soit just like a women's only
bitch fest, but like a healthyone, right?
Because you have a life coachwith you.
(15:52):
You know what I mean?
You chat with your friends andthen they don't want to hear you
talking about being singleagain, like the same shit over
and over again.
And so you need like a newsounding board of people that
understand.
I wanted to have a single bitchfest kind of thing, but like in
a healthy way where we actuallyhave"okay, what are we going to
do different about it?
What did you learn from this?"And actually have an engaging
(16:14):
conversation that you learn fromit?
I haven't executed anything yet.
It's just all in the head.
DJ (16:19):
Gotcha.
That'd be dope.
That's a great idea, actually.
If you try my board game out andyou like it to even see.
Because I know when I createdquestions that I knew I wouldn't
have been able to answer likefive, six years ago.
So I'm wondering if maybe if youwould even want to maybe take
the board game and see like how,if the women could even answer
(16:40):
those questions, because we endup in bad situations because, we
ultimately don't know ourselvesand how our past traumas like
affect our decisions.
Cristina (16:49):
That's true.
And like you were saying at thebeginning when you and your ex
broke up and like how you hadthis point where you had to have
like personal growth and stufflike that.
A lot of people don't do that.
There's so many people thatdon't take accountability for
themselves and their own actionsor like what happened.
It's always that other person'sfault.
And sure, it could be the otherperson's fault, but like, why
(17:12):
are you with the person that'sshitty?
DJ (17:14):
I'm so grateful he broke it off.
And then even after he broke itoff, we still were dealing with
each other.
It took for me to find outthrough the grapevine that he
was having a baby with someoneelse.
That's how, for me to finally,but when he broke it off with
me, I really had to sit and lookat myself because I always
looked at myself, I'm the goodguy, I'm the one who always, I'm
(17:34):
the doer, I'm this, I'm that,but in reality, it was just me
trying to fill a void.
It's so weird because like in myprofessional life, I'm that
girl, you know what I'm saying?
I work done.
I'm on top of everything.
I am that girl, but then in mypersonal life, it just looks so
different.
Like having feeling like I hadto prove to be in a relationship
(17:57):
and if there was no type ofstruggle of me having prove,
then to me, the relationshipwasn't worth it.
And that stemmed from what I'veseen in my household with my
parents.
My parents, they're stilltogether to this day, but they
have a very codependent type ofrelationship.
And then my relationship with myfather was non existent.
And we lived in the same house,so I found myself dealing with
(18:20):
men who were dismissive, likehim.
And in my own way,subconsciously trying to turn
the tables and prove I wasworthy and didn't dismiss me.
I had to learn all of that.
I had to take a pause when hebroke up with me because it,
like I said, in the past, it wasalways me breaking up.
I finally would get tired.
I would break up with the personand I wouldn't feel this type of
way because I broke up withthem, But I poured the most into
(18:42):
that relationship and he brokeup with me and it was just Oh,
hold on, wait a second.
I had to look at myself andstop.
I couldn't fully demonize him.
I really had to take a hard lookat myself.
Like, why did you put yourselfthrough that?
Cristina (18:53):
Yeah.
The same thing with me when Ibroke up with my ex, like it was
my sister's wedding.
And, he was having car issues.
He couldn't get to the venue ontime.
He was calling me asking me tohelp him bail him out.
And it's like an hour before thewedding.
I don't have time for that shitright now.
Like I am busy with my sisterbeing a maid of honor right now.
I don't care about your car, butit was a whole thing, And then I
(19:15):
was like, wait a fucking minute,and I looked around the room at
all the other bridesmaids, allmy sister's best friends.
And I'm like, her man wouldn'tdo that.
Her man wouldn't do that.
Her man wouldn't do that.
All these people have likehomeboys that they can call and
be like, Hey man, I need to goget to my girl's wedding or
whatever.
And I got to hurry up.
Can you help me out?
And then get help from somebody.
(19:36):
They don't have to call mommygirlfriend to go find them.
DJ (19:40):
We did date the same person.
Okay.
I'm just right.
Yeah, we did.
Because he used to do stuff likethat.
Oh, he could just call hishomeboys for me in the back of
my mind.
I wanted to be the heroeverywhere.
And another thing I had to cometo realize, too, in order for me
to have a healthy relationshipwas, I have to be okay with
needing from a man.
(20:00):
For the longest, I just wantedto look like I didn't need
anything.
Because I felt If I was needy inany type of way, then I could be
easily discarded.
that was my thought processbased on what I saw.
I always have to be theresourceful one.
that's just the role that Iplayed in friendships,
relationships, even with myparents, my parents rely on me
heavily to this day.
(20:21):
And learning to dissect just allof that and not dilute it
especially dealing with aromantic relationship.
But no man was really able toget close to me because I didn't
give him anything to get closeto you saying so that's
something I had to learn to stoptrying to be the hero because
it's not going to serve you in away that you think it is it's
(20:43):
going to serve you in theopposite way and it did for a
very long time.
Cristina (20:47):
So I was listening to your podcast earlier today and
your last podcast with yourfriend and it was fantastic and
it really resonated to me whenshe was talking about her
kindness and how it can bemisrepresented as being
interested with somebody andbeing their girlfriend or being
in a relationship because I'm anice person too and I like to
(21:11):
give and I'm very caring.
Yes, I'm an ex people pleaser.
So I do know that there's someother shit I got going on around
there, but without being apeople pleaser, I'm just a
genuinely a nice, pretty niceperson.
Unless you like are on my badside, then I've got that
Libraness in me.
I will make it a full time jobto make your life miserable,
(21:33):
Most of the time.
I'm pretty nice.
DJ (21:36):
I know as well, like I like to smile a lot.
I like to say hello.
my boyfriend says I'm toofriendly.
And I have to remind him like,Hey, this is my personality.
You're not going to dim down mylight.
Just because I'm smiling, I'mfriendly, that doesn't mean I
want to sleep with this man.
Some of the men do, but the men,on the reverse side of why he
(21:57):
says, what he says is becausesome of the men do get it
confused.
Think you're flirtatious.
They'll also be in my, yeah,they'll get flirtatious and they
also will be in my inbox becausethe industry that I'm in stuff
like that.
And you set a boundary and youkeep it moving.
and back to what you said, I'malso an ex people pleaser, but I
am also very generous as well.
(22:18):
if I feel now, if I feel led inmy heart to give, and the trick
for me is, okay, will I feelresentment if I give this person
this and I don't ever see itagain?
Or if they don't maybe live upto a certain expectation, if I
know I'm not going to feel anyresentment, I'll give yeah, I
feel like I will feel some typeof resentment that's my rule now
(22:42):
as an ex people pleaser.
I will take a pause, breathe,and think before I just, but
here you go.
Yes, and for me, it started offwith just text messages when I
knew I had to say no, I couldn'teven get on the phone.
It was, I would just text.
No, then they would startcalling and blowing me up.
It would just be my phone on DNDfor hours at a time, but people
show their true colors after awhile.
(23:02):
Oh, yeah.
So then after a while, I wasable to build up the courage to
have those tough conversations.
If I wasn't going to give more,but yeah, just, it's okay.
I think it's okay to be a giver.
Cristina (23:12):
Yeah, I think so too.
as long as you're not beingtaken advantage of, but you've
got to figure that out, openyour eyes and figure it out.
DJ (23:19):
And that's okay.
Like people act, it's not theend of the world.
If you do get played orsomething like that, you learn
to learn.
You just move on.
And you keep it moving.
I don't understand that.
people try to make it look sobad to be a people pleaser or to
be generous You learn yourlessons I think you're the total
opposite if you're able to beopen.
Now, of course, learn yourlessons when somebody do you
(23:39):
dirty.
Okay, I can't be this version ofmyself with that person anymore.
I'm not letting you keep itmoving.
And then that's it.
Don't change who you are.
Cristina (23:47):
And I like that you say that.
That's a very good point.
"I cannot be this version ofmyself with this person
anymore." you can still beyourself and still be authentic.
It's just not a match.
Because that person's notreciprocating and doing it
right.
It's not a matching.
So they got to go and you stillget to be yourself.
You don't have to change.
(24:08):
So that's really important.
when that happened with myboyfriend now that I've been
with for almost five years, whenwe first started dating, I was
in the belief that I'm lookingfor a relationship and I want to
be a girlfriend and whatever andthings didn't quite work out.
And like a month into it, I waslike,"Hey, you know what?
(24:30):
I don't think we really have alot in common and, thanks, but
no thanks.
Yeah.
I don't think we're a match orwhatever." And he was like,"what
do you mean?" Which first ofall, he's the only guy who had
ever fought for me.
Like usually people will justchuck the deuce and be like, all
right, bye.
Or be like you're fat anyways,or, just dumb shit.
So he was the only person thatlike, Was like no, like this
(24:51):
doesn't make any sense.
And he was just like, you actlike a girlfriend to me.
You act like you're in arelationship with me.
And he was like, because you'reaffectionate, like we hold hands
and, whatever.
And I say please.
And thank you.
And I'm kind.
And I, We make dinner and watchmovies and we cook together.
Yeah, that was a big one.
We cook together and we findrecipes and Oh, that's what he
(25:13):
does.
He's so you treated me like wewere already in a relationship.
And I'm like yeah, because I'mliving in my future self.
If I want to be in arelationship, I got to be in
there.
Be like a girlfriend, right?
I can't just have this wall andbe like, we're not going to hold
hands, but I still want to getto know you and see if I have
(25:34):
any attraction to you, but we'renot going to hold hands.
You can't come over.
Like where's the boundary, andthen when you're in a
relationship, what's the nextboundary?
DJ (25:43):
I love that, you've been through so much in past
relationships and you decidednot to let that taint you
because like I said, there's somany coaches now that are coming
up with different tips,different tricks, raise your
femininity by being a bitch.
There's so many differentthings, authentically being
yourself.
Yeah.
But then while you'reauthentically being yourself,
(26:04):
like learning the lessons youneed to learn from the people
who have came into your life,look at everybody as a mirror
and see what you need to learnfrom them.
Because if you would haveentered the relationship with
the tricks and the tips.
Yeah.
you know what I'm saying?
I don't think you would've beenfour or five years in, yeah.
So I think that's beautiful thatyou actually decided to let me
(26:27):
act as if, I'm in my highestself and I'm in, in my best
relationship.
Cristina (26:32):
I just feel like that's what you do and maybe
your highest self and your bestrelationship isn't all that
great.
But then you get to learn, youget to learn, like for him, he
wasn't all that great atrelationships because he just
didn't have these healthyrelationships.
So he wanted a healthyrelationship and he knew like
(26:54):
tools that you needed, likecommunication.
He has a better communicatorthan me.
I always wanted somebody whoknew how to communicate and
these people don't know how tocommunicate.
Apparently I was the one thatdidn't know how to communicate.
DJ (27:05):
I had to learn that too.
Cristina (27:07):
That was a bitch slap in the face.
DJ (27:09):
Seriously, I had to learn that too, because I know for me,
stuff would bother me and Iwouldn't say anything.
This will help you with this.
I'm thinking that'scommunication, but when it
really came down to it, myemotions, my feelings, what I
needed.
I did not communicate until Iwas ready to explode because I
felt like, okay, what I need isobvious.
It's simple shit.
You know what I'm saying?
(27:30):
It's simple.
Cristina (27:30):
You just ask for it.
DJ (27:32):
And then I would just explode.
And then, I really had to learnthat.
Okay, Dominique, you really gotto work on your communication.
Like it's not, this is not themove.
Cristina (27:40):
So yeah, like he had to force me to tell him why I
didn't like him, which was souncomfortable.
You know what I mean?
Because I'd never communicatedthose things.
Like I never had to try thathard to tell somebody I wasn't
interested.
Okay.
I just was very surface level.
Hey, not interested.
Thanks.
All right.
Bye.
Block.
See ya.
Whatever.
Move on, and nobody tried, butwhen he was like,"no, I need to
(28:04):
know why what is going on?
There's something off, like youact like a girlfriend,
whatever." Anyways, back to yourlast podcast.
That's what I felt it becausethat's exactly how I was in my
relationship with him when wegot started.
But it ended up being like agood ending.
It just doesn't always, youknow?
DJ (28:24):
It doesn't always start that way, especially when people see
you as this nice person.
And then a lot of people takeadvantage.
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure whereyou were in that stage, you
probably would have been able towalk away for real.
Cristina (28:37):
So did you use any of your tools to get in your
relationship?
Are you using, did you use thetools that you created to get
into your relationship?
DJ (28:47):
Okay.
I had my son is about to be 13.
So me and his dad separated.
And then I got into that toxicrelationship, learned all the
things I learned.
And now I'm back with, my son'sfather and we are working
through it.
I would say, yeah, I'm using mytools as far as what I learned,
yeah, learning to communicatebetter, also him, also learning
(29:08):
to communicate better.
We played my board game, westill don't see like eye to eye
completely, to be completelyhonest with you.
Cristina (29:15):
I mean, but that's okay.
That's a beautiful thing.
DJ (29:18):
Yeah.
And we worked through a lot ofour challenges now.
Before when we were together, itwas really one sided because I
didn't speak up a lot.
And he also was in a place.
Something about me.
My son is a transplant patient,so we went through a lot of
traumatic stuff with our son.
And he just couldn't deal withit.
And at the time, I was reallythe only one pushing and dealing
(29:40):
with it.
And, he took a backseat.
We also were very young.
I had my son at 20, so we'reabout the same age.
So the relationship didn't gowell, but a few of the things
that I know I could have donebetter.
My communication could have beenbetter.
I think the main thing was mycommunication could have been
better, right?
Yeah.
And he could have done a lot ofthings better, but we're not
(30:00):
going to get into that.
But we both have grownseparately and now we're growing
together.
We've used my speed dating gameboard and then, as far as like
just tools in general, likereally getting into emotional
intelligence, learning not toexplode on each other.
Communicating better.
So I would say through just ourgrowth separately, we've been
(30:20):
able to continue To grow, butno, he's not, he won't get on my
dating app too.
So no, we're not using my toolsnecessarily.
Cristina (30:28):
Your personal growth tools, as well,
DJ (30:30):
Like I said, our communication has gotten a lot
better.
we didn't even really know eachother.
It was like the fight.
We were like 17 when we met.
Cristina (30:38):
You don't even know yourself at that age.
DJ (30:39):
We separated and now that we're back together, it's just,
it's getting to know each otherand growing and taking care of
our son.
Cristina (30:47):
But isn't it great?
Like you needed to have likeyour own little lives real quick
and learn individually to go toyourself.
Cause could you imagine if youwere just fighting and fighting,
like to keep a relationship.
That whole time to now, howfrustrating it
DJ (31:02):
I don't think any of us would be here in like real life
in the physical.
It was really bad.
Cristina (31:06):
So it's sometimes it's good to just separate mature in
different spaces and then comeback.
There's nothing wrong with that,and especially, like you said,
your son being a transplantpatient.
I know that's like a lifelong,just like any parenting is and
co parenting situation, but it'sa lot, I totally get that.
Like I'm a healthcare person andmy nephew has disabilities and
(31:27):
so I understand it's a differentfamily dynamic.
And yeah, it really is.
DJ (31:33):
Yeah.
And dealing with that so young,it was really tough in the
beginning.
So yeah.
Cristina (31:37):
But that's good that you could separate and then you
get.
You got it now.
So good for you.
So where can people find you?
DJ (31:44):
So you can find me on Instagram playing4keepsapp.
So thats"Playing," the#4"Keepsapp" and you'll find me there.
You'll find all my contentthere.
You'll find my links there whereyou can, vote for me, an
entrepreneur of impact.
You can, if you decide you'reinterested in checking out the
website to, check out the gameboards, you can find me there.
Cristina (32:08):
Awesome.
I love it.
Thank you so much for being aguest and please you're welcome
to come on anytime becauseyou're fabulous.
All right.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
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