March 11, 2025 • 22 mins
In Episode 31 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina discusses how to refresh and revitalize your dating life as the season changes to spring. Drawing parallels between physical spring cleaning and emotional and social media detox, Cristina shares tips on updating dating profiles, reassessing non-negotiables, cultivating a positive mindset, and getting out of comfort zones. She emphasizes the importance of having an abundance mindset, being intentional with dating goals, and letting go of unproductive dating patterns. Cristina also touches on the importance of moderating social media consumption to maintain a healthy mindset and shares her personal goals for relationship growth. The episode encourages listeners to embrace the new season with confidence and take actionable steps towards improving their dating experiences.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:47 Spring Cleaning: Not Just for Your House
02:54 Revisiting Your Non-Negotiables
05:27 Detoxing Your Dating Mindset
07:41 Refreshing Your Dating Profile
11:14 Embracing the New Season
15:23 Social Media Detox for Self-Love
19:39 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
FREE Curvy Girl Dating Checklist: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/datingchecklist
Website: https://www.thecurvygirldatingcoach.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cristina (00:00):
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 31 (00:03):
Spring Cleaning Your Dating Life.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find.
Each week, I'll teach you datingadvice, share dating stories and
(00:25):
help you ditch the diet dramaand help you ditch the dating
drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
How are you?
Welcome back to The Curvy GirlDating Podcast.
(00:47):
It's officially springtime andyou know what that means, it's a
fresh start.
I love spring cleaning and Ilike to use this time to donate
clothes that don't fit anymoreand get rid of extra clutter
that I have in my house andstuff like that.
But spring cleaning isn't justfor your house.
(01:10):
It's also for your dating life.
It's for your social media.
You can spring clean anythingthat you need to do.
So take in consideration thatit's not just for your house,
spring cleaning is also for youto have in your dating life.
Sometimes you just need a littlebit of detox, right?
And you need a little bit moreself-love, and maybe you're
(01:33):
stuck in the same datingpatterns or you're not going on
dates at all, or you've beenholding onto some situationships
that maybe have expired sometime ago, or you're just
feeling.
Blah about dating in general.
We're gonna talk about it todayand figure out what's keeping
(01:54):
you stuck or how you can makesome changes.
So it's time to clear out theemotional clutter to refresh
your dating standards and updatethat profile.
'cause it might be a little bitdusty now since it's been a few
months.
Hopefully, if you've been,listening to my podcast.
You might have already done yourdating profile a few months ago,
(02:18):
and it's time for an update ifyou haven't done that.
So spring cleaning time is aperfect opportunity to update
that dating profile to new,beautiful spring pictures.
Get rid of the winter timepictures and start doing more
fresh and outdoorsy spring typeof photos or whatever that works
(02:43):
for you in this time of theyear.
So get some new photos out thereand enjoy this new season with
some confidence.
So let's get into it.
How do you spring clean yourdating life?
Lots of different ways.
So one thing you can do is lookat your non-negotiables.
(03:05):
Again, go and revisit that.
I know a lot of people have alist of checks they need.
And aside from throwing it away,because I do believe that you
don't always need to have everysingle check mark done, but what
is working for you and whatisn't working for you in that
checklist?
What could you be open tomodifying or deleting or adding?
(03:29):
So if you look at thesenon-negotiables and they're
leading you to becoming a personwho's constantly in
situationships, or you'reconstantly on first dates and
never second dates, or you neverget to a date, et cetera, this
might be a time to start.
Renegotiating yournon-negotiables, right?
(03:50):
And that's okay if you wannamodify some, maybe you've been
single for a long time and whatyou thought was a non-negotiable
a year ago might be differentand might look different now
than it did before.
So identify, what is working andwhat isn't working, and that
will help you find red flagsfaster and teaches you how to
(04:15):
trust your intuition more so forsure.
For sure.
Look at your non-negotiables andreconsider or look to see if
it's working or not.
I'm trying to think ofnon-negotiables for me, like
height.
Is height, really important?
I understand it might be forsome people.
For me, I'm very short, soanybody is gonna be taller than
(04:40):
me, most likely.
So yes, I am in the category ofwomen who love those, 6+ foot
dudes, but Ryan's not 6".
It wasn't a non-negotiable,absolute no, you must be six
foot tall.
It was just not like that.
Like I was open to meetingpeople of different heights.
(05:02):
It didn't matter.
Just like I want people toconsider attraction or
preference to curvier girls orsomething.
I think it's fair in that way ofhaving preferences also be open
to different heights, right?
So anyways, maybe that's not agood example, looking at these
(05:24):
non-negotiables, what's reallyimportant and what's not.
Another thing would be, detoxingyour mindset, right?
Your dating mindset.
Are you starting to get intothat mindset of,"dating is so
hard.
It's a cess pool.
There's nobody out there forme." Are you starting to have
that negative self-talk or haveyou had it for a long time?
(05:48):
It's time to get rid of it.
Right now is the best time toget rid of that kind of mindset.
If you're dreading dating, youknow, if you want something, you
have to figure out the ways togo get it, right.
So if you want a healthy, strongrelationship, then what is it
gonna take for you to get thatright?
(06:10):
You're gonna get therelationship that you're looking
for when you're talking aboutdating and meeting people in a
healthy, positive way, versus ifyou're shitting on it the whole
time.
So if you're talking about howshitty dating is, that's how
you're gonna show up on dates.
That's how you're gonnaacknowledge people with an
attitude, and it's gonna beshitty for you because you think
(06:32):
shitty.
So clean it up, take a chillpill and start having some
positive thoughts about dating.
Like how is it fun?
How are you learning aboutyourself?
What are the positives of goingout and meeting people versus
all the stressful, negativethings, you know?
(06:54):
how is rejection, not rejection?
How is rejection a redirection?
There's so many different waysto pivot that mindset to make it
easier for you to go on datesand make it just bearable and
actually fun.
And that's the goal is we wannahave fun during our dating
(07:14):
journey.
So having that scarcity mindsetis just not doing you any
favors.
The abundance mindset of"I'mgonna attract the right people,
I'm gonna do my spring cleaningso I can attract the right
people." That is where you wannakeep your mind at, instead of
how dirty and gross everybodyis, and there's no good men out
(07:37):
there and they're all taken,that's just never gonna get you
anywhere.
So abundance mindset,"there's alot of people out there.
I haven't met them yet.
I can't wait to go out and meetnew people and find out more
about them and see who I canfind a genuine connection with."
That's where you want to haveyour mind in and just refreshing
(08:00):
that dating profile.
If you refresh your datingprofile, it freshens you up in
the algorithm as well, and so itstarts putting you back out into
a new circle of people.
So it's really important to goback into your dating profile
and change it up, even if it'sjust a few pictures or maybe
(08:22):
your negotiables are different.
Just something that you wannashare with people on your dating
profile.
If it's relevant, then add itand share it there.
There's a lot of differentthings that you could do to
tweak your dating profile'causeit's never perfect.
We are not perfect humans.
There's always room for growth.
(08:42):
There's things that you're gonnalearn while you're dating that
you might want to add into yourdating profile.
There's just a lot of thingsthat you could do to tweak it
and get yourself refreshed inthat algorithm.
So I definitely recommend,changing that up, putting in
your spring and summertimephotos, or even if something
(09:04):
that you're looking forward todoing.
You don't really wanna wasteyour photos on things that don't
have your photo in it.
Like, you don't need to create avision board in your dating
profile, but if you have onephoto of, let's say, a place
that you wanna travel to and youhaven't gotten there yet to take
pictures, then post it and talkabout it.
(09:26):
Just do something that's goingto grab the attention of
somebody and give them a chanceto be able to reach out to you
and DM you about somethinginteresting.
Instead of just saying"hey,what's up," right?
So you want to take a look atyour photos and see if there's
something that you can change,and just get those vibrant
(09:48):
pictures out there and thosewinter pictures, when you're all
bundled up, it's time to go,right?
Keeping your bio in alignmentwith your new photos is also an
important thing.
Talk about what you want.
Do not waste your time on datingprofiles talking about what you
(10:09):
don't want.
"I don't want hookups, I don'twant to be ghosted." Don't waste
your characters on things thatyou don't want, because then it
just also puts you back intothat negative mindset.
And you want to be in theabundance mindset and not in
that scarcity mindset.
That is something that you needto look at when you are talking
(10:31):
about your photos and adding inyour bio.
So talk about what you'relooking for and be honest about
it.
If you are looking for arelationship, say that you're
looking for a relationship.
Don't say, oh,"we'll just seewhat happens," because we're not
on it for this long ass ride,like we're trying to make it
happen and move on.
(10:52):
You don't want to lighten up andnot describe exactly what you're
looking for, because if you sitthere and you're like, oh, we'll
just see and I'm looking forfriends," and you're not looking
for friends, then it's going tobring in the attention of the
wrong people and you definitelydon't want to do that.
(11:14):
So another thing for springcleaning is to get outta your
comfort zone a little bit.
You gotta clean out your fears,right?
Everybody has that fear ofrejection or that fear of going
out and you not liking thatperson.
So you want to clean out yourfears and get outta your comfort
(11:39):
zone a little bit, because ifyou're not willing to be
uncomfortable and willing toface those fears a little bit,
then you're gonna stay the sameand you're not gonna have any
growth.
So discomfort is the price ofgrowth.
I say it a million times, it'sone of my favorite quotes.
So be willing to beuncomfortable so that you can
(11:59):
find comfort, right?
You have to get through theshitty parts of life before you
get to the beautiful, amazing,wonderful parts of life.
You don't know happy until youknow shitty.
And that's just how life goes.
It's a circle.
It's 50/50, either is good andbad, and you're not gonna find
what's right until you findwhat's wrong and you acknowledge
that it's wrong or youacknowledge it's not for you,
(12:21):
and you learn from it and moveon.
So get out of that fear and, outof your comfort zone and try new
things and talk to new peopleand, just practice being a
little bit uncomfortable.
When it comes to getting out ofthat winter energy, I know it's
a little bit hard, we just hadthe time change, so the days are
(12:44):
longer, it's gonna be brighter.
Hopefully that gets you out ofthat winter funk.
I know I've been in a funk forsure, the last few months really
trying to get ready forspringtime.
It's been really nice the lastfew weeks here with an
occasional, crappy day sprinkledhere and there.
(13:04):
But when those nice days areout, it's awesome.
And it makes such a differencethan feeling crappy on those
crappy days.
Hopefully more and more nice,bright, better days will be
ahead and there'll be lots ofvitamin C to soak up the sun and
(13:24):
get into that spring step andout of that winter funk.
So definitely let go of thathibernation mode and start,
enjoying, more socialopportunities.
So it's a new season.
Springtime.
There's growth and flowers,sunshine and love and Easter and
(13:47):
all the things.
So enjoy the moment and the newseason and try new things, Outta
that comfort zone in thathibernation, sweatpants, cozy
mode.
It's a great mode to be in forsure.
But right now, as the season ischanging, there's a new great
(14:08):
mode to be in and it's nothibernation.
So be out and about and embracethe new season for sure.
So what is a spring cleaningthing that you wanna do in your
dating life?
Since I don't have a dating lifeanymore, I don't know if I have
a personal list, but one thing Icould say is being more
(14:31):
intentional with my dates that Ido have with Ryan.
When we do go on dates to focuson him, focus on us, focus on
conversation, not just sitaround on dates, like on our
phones, like both of us being onour phones while we're going out
to eat.
Embracing the moment and talkingto each other, yes, we've been
(14:51):
together for five years, but westill learn different things
about each other all the time.
One thing I could do to springclean our relationship is to ask
different questions.
There's books and there's cardsand there's games that you could
do with couples to get to knowthem in a different level.
So I'm sure there's somequestions that I've never asked
(15:12):
him before that's in one ofthose books or games and I can
do that to refresh ourrelationship and to spring clean
for sure.
Another spring cleaning thingthat I wanna do, and it's not
necessarily related to dating,but it's related to just my
confidence and my self-love andmy care for myself is social
(15:37):
media detox.
I love being online.
I love being on social media andthat's fine.
I don't have a problem with it,but it's a lot of the things
that I'm looking at or watchingor paying attention to, that
kind of shifts my mindset into ascarcity mindset or just, a
(15:58):
mindset that's not in gratitudeand, just positive and abundant.
If I am looking at influencerswho look like they have this
perfect life and perfect house,it makes me feel less perfect.
And again, none of us areperfect, but this is the image
that people are creating andthen the thoughts that they're
perfect come into my mind.
(16:19):
And they might not be, ofcourse,'cause no one is, they're
creating that sense ofperfection that I am, looking
at.
And then it makes me feel lessperfect and then it makes me not
like my house as much or wantother things that I don't have.
What do I really want?
What do I really need?
What is really important for meright now?
I put in a lot of activeinfluencers on my social media
(16:43):
lately because I've been workingout and being more active.
So sometimes I get a little bittoo carried away and they're
doing way more advanced thingsthat I am ready for.
And I used to be athletic.
I was very athletic as a youngkid, also as a younger adult.
I did Brazilian jiujitsu.
I'm a blue belt.
I am one of those blue beltpeople that stopped training as
(17:06):
soon as I got my blue belt.
So I admit that about myself,but I still have my stuff.
So anyhow, if I filled my socialmedia with all these amazing
beautiful women competing andbeing strong and capable and
just amazing.
That's just not where I'm atyet.
It's nice to have maybe a fewhere and there so I can sprinkle
(17:28):
it in and put that in my mentalvision board, but if I'm
flooding my social media withthat and that's not what I'm
doing, then it's not putting mein the right space.
So again, like moderation, youcan have a variety of
influencers or things thatyou're looking at, that might be
ambitious or however, but don'tput so much that is gonna make
(17:52):
you feel shitty, right?
Have a balance.
Like where are you now?
Where do you want to be?
What does that look like foryou?
And do a little bit of both.
Put a little bit of current,version of yourself, like
current Cristina.
I like to do sourdough stuff.
I like to do podcast stuff,business stuff, clothes, and,
(18:13):
like fashion and makeup, and nowI'm looking at makeup over 40,
versus like little teenagersthat do makeup or like young
adults that are in theirtwenties and these beautiful
makeup artists.
I love makeup and I love lookingat that, but am I really ever
going to put makeup on likethat?
Hell no.
I wanna smudge foundation on myface and pinch my cheeks and put
(18:36):
some lip gloss on and be done.
Like I don't want to put on thisbeautiful makeup that these
women do.
I want 40-year-old makeup now.
So that's the influencers thatI'm looking at.
I don't flood my page with abunch of people who I'm just
never gonna look like.
I like them, and I think they'rebeautiful and I don't mind
(18:57):
following a couple.
But I really like to look atpeople that are over 40 and are
doing the same things that I'mdoing.
Clean out your social media tohave a little moderation of your
future self and your currentself.
Put yourself in that balancemode where you don't feel like
you're in scarcity mindset, butyou are also being able to be
(19:17):
creative in your abundancemindset as well.
You can see the steps that it'sgonna take you to get there.
There's never a straight line inyour life.
It's gonna go up and down.
Being able to see that beautifulmess being created for yourself
and that version of yourselfthat you're looking forward to
(19:37):
it's, good to do that.
So anyhow, I think that it'simportant to spring clean your
dating profile and just yourmindset and get ready for dating
in the springtime and enjoy.
So that is all for today'sepisode.
If you're feeling stuck oruninspired when it comes to
(19:58):
dating, I hope this episodegives you a push that you need
to spring clean your mindset andreset your standards and start
dating with some fresh energy.
You don't have to wait for aperfect time to start putting
yourself out there.
Right now is the right time toput yourself out there.
Just remember that.
(20:18):
So get your stuff together andjust say yes to dates.
Show up for yourself, show up tobe the person that you wanna be
in your future version ofyourself, and get out there and
go date.
So I wanna hear from you guys.
So tell me what you are doingfor your spring cleaning.
What is your spring cleaningidea for your dating life?
(20:40):
If you have any lingering dudesthat are in situationships with.
You're DMing them and it's notgoing anywhere and you haven't
had any dates from them andthey're just taking up your time
because there's just a lot ofchat and no action.
Like spring clean that shit.
Like block'em, get'em out, saythank you, but no thank you.
(21:04):
So just remember that.
You are important as well, andyour time is valuable, and it is
just not in your best interestto keep these lingering people
that aren't on the same page asyou.
So just get rid of these peoplethat aren't making any moves
because they're still not gonnamake a move.
(21:25):
Yeah, I wanna hear all yourstories about that.
But, if you love this episode,please feel free to share it
with somebody or if it resonateswith you or somebody that you
know, share the love.
Follow me@thecurvygirldatingcoach, if you
haven't yet on Instagram orFacebook, and you can join my
(21:46):
email list so that you couldhear about any tips or things
that are going on in my world.
I have different advice anddating tips and I talk about the
podcast and just so manydifferent things.
If I have any webinars coming upor anything online, I like to
tell my email list first beforeI tell social media.
(22:11):
So if you wanna be the firstperson to have access to a
upcoming webinar or somethingthat I'll be hosting, then the
email list is where you wannabe.
Have a great day and I will chatwith you next week.
Thanks.
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast,
Episode 31 (00:03):
Spring Cleaning Your Dating Life.
Hi, I'm Cristina.
After 10 years of dating, I wastired of attracting the wrong
type of guys and thinking I hadto lose weight to find love.
I finally figured out how todate and I found the love I
thought I would never find.
Each week, I'll teach you datingadvice, share dating stories and
(00:25):
help you ditch the diet dramaand help you ditch the dating
drama.
My goal is to help you have funand create the life you love.
If you're ready to take yourdating to another level, then
listen up and let's go.
Hello everyone.
How are you?
Welcome back to The Curvy GirlDating Podcast.
(00:47):
It's officially springtime andyou know what that means, it's a
fresh start.
I love spring cleaning and Ilike to use this time to donate
clothes that don't fit anymoreand get rid of extra clutter
that I have in my house andstuff like that.
But spring cleaning isn't justfor your house.
(01:10):
It's also for your dating life.
It's for your social media.
You can spring clean anythingthat you need to do.
So take in consideration thatit's not just for your house,
spring cleaning is also for youto have in your dating life.
Sometimes you just need a littlebit of detox, right?
And you need a little bit moreself-love, and maybe you're
(01:33):
stuck in the same datingpatterns or you're not going on
dates at all, or you've beenholding onto some situationships
that maybe have expired sometime ago, or you're just
feeling.
Blah about dating in general.
We're gonna talk about it todayand figure out what's keeping
(01:54):
you stuck or how you can makesome changes.
So it's time to clear out theemotional clutter to refresh
your dating standards and updatethat profile.
'cause it might be a little bitdusty now since it's been a few
months.
Hopefully, if you've been,listening to my podcast.
You might have already done yourdating profile a few months ago,
(02:18):
and it's time for an update ifyou haven't done that.
So spring cleaning time is aperfect opportunity to update
that dating profile to new,beautiful spring pictures.
Get rid of the winter timepictures and start doing more
fresh and outdoorsy spring typeof photos or whatever that works
(02:43):
for you in this time of theyear.
So get some new photos out thereand enjoy this new season with
some confidence.
So let's get into it.
How do you spring clean yourdating life?
Lots of different ways.
So one thing you can do is lookat your non-negotiables.
(03:05):
Again, go and revisit that.
I know a lot of people have alist of checks they need.
And aside from throwing it away,because I do believe that you
don't always need to have everysingle check mark done, but what
is working for you and whatisn't working for you in that
checklist?
What could you be open tomodifying or deleting or adding?
(03:29):
So if you look at thesenon-negotiables and they're
leading you to becoming a personwho's constantly in
situationships, or you'reconstantly on first dates and
never second dates, or you neverget to a date, et cetera, this
might be a time to start.
Renegotiating yournon-negotiables, right?
(03:50):
And that's okay if you wannamodify some, maybe you've been
single for a long time and whatyou thought was a non-negotiable
a year ago might be differentand might look different now
than it did before.
So identify, what is working andwhat isn't working, and that
will help you find red flagsfaster and teaches you how to
(04:15):
trust your intuition more so forsure.
For sure.
Look at your non-negotiables andreconsider or look to see if
it's working or not.
I'm trying to think ofnon-negotiables for me, like
height.
Is height, really important?
I understand it might be forsome people.
For me, I'm very short, soanybody is gonna be taller than
(04:40):
me, most likely.
So yes, I am in the category ofwomen who love those, 6+ foot
dudes, but Ryan's not 6".
It wasn't a non-negotiable,absolute no, you must be six
foot tall.
It was just not like that.
Like I was open to meetingpeople of different heights.
(05:02):
It didn't matter.
Just like I want people toconsider attraction or
preference to curvier girls orsomething.
I think it's fair in that way ofhaving preferences also be open
to different heights, right?
So anyways, maybe that's not agood example, looking at these
(05:24):
non-negotiables, what's reallyimportant and what's not.
Another thing would be, detoxingyour mindset, right?
Your dating mindset.
Are you starting to get intothat mindset of,"dating is so
hard.
It's a cess pool.
There's nobody out there forme." Are you starting to have
that negative self-talk or haveyou had it for a long time?
(05:48):
It's time to get rid of it.
Right now is the best time toget rid of that kind of mindset.
If you're dreading dating, youknow, if you want something, you
have to figure out the ways togo get it, right.
So if you want a healthy, strongrelationship, then what is it
gonna take for you to get thatright?
(06:10):
You're gonna get therelationship that you're looking
for when you're talking aboutdating and meeting people in a
healthy, positive way, versus ifyou're shitting on it the whole
time.
So if you're talking about howshitty dating is, that's how
you're gonna show up on dates.
That's how you're gonnaacknowledge people with an
attitude, and it's gonna beshitty for you because you think
(06:32):
shitty.
So clean it up, take a chillpill and start having some
positive thoughts about dating.
Like how is it fun?
How are you learning aboutyourself?
What are the positives of goingout and meeting people versus
all the stressful, negativethings, you know?
(06:54):
how is rejection, not rejection?
How is rejection a redirection?
There's so many different waysto pivot that mindset to make it
easier for you to go on datesand make it just bearable and
actually fun.
And that's the goal is we wannahave fun during our dating
(07:14):
journey.
So having that scarcity mindsetis just not doing you any
favors.
The abundance mindset of"I'mgonna attract the right people,
I'm gonna do my spring cleaningso I can attract the right
people." That is where you wannakeep your mind at, instead of
how dirty and gross everybodyis, and there's no good men out
(07:37):
there and they're all taken,that's just never gonna get you
anywhere.
So abundance mindset,"there's alot of people out there.
I haven't met them yet.
I can't wait to go out and meetnew people and find out more
about them and see who I canfind a genuine connection with."
That's where you want to haveyour mind in and just refreshing
(08:00):
that dating profile.
If you refresh your datingprofile, it freshens you up in
the algorithm as well, and so itstarts putting you back out into
a new circle of people.
So it's really important to goback into your dating profile
and change it up, even if it'sjust a few pictures or maybe
(08:22):
your negotiables are different.
Just something that you wannashare with people on your dating
profile.
If it's relevant, then add itand share it there.
There's a lot of differentthings that you could do to
tweak your dating profile'causeit's never perfect.
We are not perfect humans.
There's always room for growth.
(08:42):
There's things that you're gonnalearn while you're dating that
you might want to add into yourdating profile.
There's just a lot of thingsthat you could do to tweak it
and get yourself refreshed inthat algorithm.
So I definitely recommend,changing that up, putting in
your spring and summertimephotos, or even if something
(09:04):
that you're looking forward todoing.
You don't really wanna wasteyour photos on things that don't
have your photo in it.
Like, you don't need to create avision board in your dating
profile, but if you have onephoto of, let's say, a place
that you wanna travel to and youhaven't gotten there yet to take
pictures, then post it and talkabout it.
(09:26):
Just do something that's goingto grab the attention of
somebody and give them a chanceto be able to reach out to you
and DM you about somethinginteresting.
Instead of just saying"hey,what's up," right?
So you want to take a look atyour photos and see if there's
something that you can change,and just get those vibrant
(09:48):
pictures out there and thosewinter pictures, when you're all
bundled up, it's time to go,right?
Keeping your bio in alignmentwith your new photos is also an
important thing.
Talk about what you want.
Do not waste your time on datingprofiles talking about what you
(10:09):
don't want.
"I don't want hookups, I don'twant to be ghosted." Don't waste
your characters on things thatyou don't want, because then it
just also puts you back intothat negative mindset.
And you want to be in theabundance mindset and not in
that scarcity mindset.
That is something that you needto look at when you are talking
(10:31):
about your photos and adding inyour bio.
So talk about what you'relooking for and be honest about
it.
If you are looking for arelationship, say that you're
looking for a relationship.
Don't say, oh,"we'll just seewhat happens," because we're not
on it for this long ass ride,like we're trying to make it
happen and move on.
(10:52):
You don't want to lighten up andnot describe exactly what you're
looking for, because if you sitthere and you're like, oh, we'll
just see and I'm looking forfriends," and you're not looking
for friends, then it's going tobring in the attention of the
wrong people and you definitelydon't want to do that.
(11:14):
So another thing for springcleaning is to get outta your
comfort zone a little bit.
You gotta clean out your fears,right?
Everybody has that fear ofrejection or that fear of going
out and you not liking thatperson.
So you want to clean out yourfears and get outta your comfort
(11:39):
zone a little bit, because ifyou're not willing to be
uncomfortable and willing toface those fears a little bit,
then you're gonna stay the sameand you're not gonna have any
growth.
So discomfort is the price ofgrowth.
I say it a million times, it'sone of my favorite quotes.
So be willing to beuncomfortable so that you can
(11:59):
find comfort, right?
You have to get through theshitty parts of life before you
get to the beautiful, amazing,wonderful parts of life.
You don't know happy until youknow shitty.
And that's just how life goes.
It's a circle.
It's 50/50, either is good andbad, and you're not gonna find
what's right until you findwhat's wrong and you acknowledge
that it's wrong or youacknowledge it's not for you,
(12:21):
and you learn from it and moveon.
So get out of that fear and, outof your comfort zone and try new
things and talk to new peopleand, just practice being a
little bit uncomfortable.
When it comes to getting out ofthat winter energy, I know it's
a little bit hard, we just hadthe time change, so the days are
(12:44):
longer, it's gonna be brighter.
Hopefully that gets you out ofthat winter funk.
I know I've been in a funk forsure, the last few months really
trying to get ready forspringtime.
It's been really nice the lastfew weeks here with an
occasional, crappy day sprinkledhere and there.
(13:04):
But when those nice days areout, it's awesome.
And it makes such a differencethan feeling crappy on those
crappy days.
Hopefully more and more nice,bright, better days will be
ahead and there'll be lots ofvitamin C to soak up the sun and
(13:24):
get into that spring step andout of that winter funk.
So definitely let go of thathibernation mode and start,
enjoying, more socialopportunities.
So it's a new season.
Springtime.
There's growth and flowers,sunshine and love and Easter and
(13:47):
all the things.
So enjoy the moment and the newseason and try new things, Outta
that comfort zone in thathibernation, sweatpants, cozy
mode.
It's a great mode to be in forsure.
But right now, as the season ischanging, there's a new great
(14:08):
mode to be in and it's nothibernation.
So be out and about and embracethe new season for sure.
So what is a spring cleaningthing that you wanna do in your
dating life?
Since I don't have a dating lifeanymore, I don't know if I have
a personal list, but one thing Icould say is being more
(14:31):
intentional with my dates that Ido have with Ryan.
When we do go on dates to focuson him, focus on us, focus on
conversation, not just sitaround on dates, like on our
phones, like both of us being onour phones while we're going out
to eat.
Embracing the moment and talkingto each other, yes, we've been
(14:51):
together for five years, but westill learn different things
about each other all the time.
One thing I could do to springclean our relationship is to ask
different questions.
There's books and there's cardsand there's games that you could
do with couples to get to knowthem in a different level.
So I'm sure there's somequestions that I've never asked
(15:12):
him before that's in one ofthose books or games and I can
do that to refresh ourrelationship and to spring clean
for sure.
Another spring cleaning thingthat I wanna do, and it's not
necessarily related to dating,but it's related to just my
confidence and my self-love andmy care for myself is social
(15:37):
media detox.
I love being online.
I love being on social media andthat's fine.
I don't have a problem with it,but it's a lot of the things
that I'm looking at or watchingor paying attention to, that
kind of shifts my mindset into ascarcity mindset or just, a
(15:58):
mindset that's not in gratitudeand, just positive and abundant.
If I am looking at influencerswho look like they have this
perfect life and perfect house,it makes me feel less perfect.
And again, none of us areperfect, but this is the image
that people are creating andthen the thoughts that they're
perfect come into my mind.
(16:19):
And they might not be, ofcourse,'cause no one is, they're
creating that sense ofperfection that I am, looking
at.
And then it makes me feel lessperfect and then it makes me not
like my house as much or wantother things that I don't have.
What do I really want?
What do I really need?
What is really important for meright now?
I put in a lot of activeinfluencers on my social media
(16:43):
lately because I've been workingout and being more active.
So sometimes I get a little bittoo carried away and they're
doing way more advanced thingsthat I am ready for.
And I used to be athletic.
I was very athletic as a youngkid, also as a younger adult.
I did Brazilian jiujitsu.
I'm a blue belt.
I am one of those blue beltpeople that stopped training as
(17:06):
soon as I got my blue belt.
So I admit that about myself,but I still have my stuff.
So anyhow, if I filled my socialmedia with all these amazing
beautiful women competing andbeing strong and capable and
just amazing.
That's just not where I'm atyet.
It's nice to have maybe a fewhere and there so I can sprinkle
(17:28):
it in and put that in my mentalvision board, but if I'm
flooding my social media withthat and that's not what I'm
doing, then it's not putting mein the right space.
So again, like moderation, youcan have a variety of
influencers or things thatyou're looking at, that might be
ambitious or however, but don'tput so much that is gonna make
(17:52):
you feel shitty, right?
Have a balance.
Like where are you now?
Where do you want to be?
What does that look like foryou?
And do a little bit of both.
Put a little bit of current,version of yourself, like
current Cristina.
I like to do sourdough stuff.
I like to do podcast stuff,business stuff, clothes, and,
(18:13):
like fashion and makeup, and nowI'm looking at makeup over 40,
versus like little teenagersthat do makeup or like young
adults that are in theirtwenties and these beautiful
makeup artists.
I love makeup and I love lookingat that, but am I really ever
going to put makeup on likethat?
Hell no.
I wanna smudge foundation on myface and pinch my cheeks and put
(18:36):
some lip gloss on and be done.
Like I don't want to put on thisbeautiful makeup that these
women do.
I want 40-year-old makeup now.
So that's the influencers thatI'm looking at.
I don't flood my page with abunch of people who I'm just
never gonna look like.
I like them, and I think they'rebeautiful and I don't mind
(18:57):
following a couple.
But I really like to look atpeople that are over 40 and are
doing the same things that I'mdoing.
Clean out your social media tohave a little moderation of your
future self and your currentself.
Put yourself in that balancemode where you don't feel like
you're in scarcity mindset, butyou are also being able to be
(19:17):
creative in your abundancemindset as well.
You can see the steps that it'sgonna take you to get there.
There's never a straight line inyour life.
It's gonna go up and down.
Being able to see that beautifulmess being created for yourself
and that version of yourselfthat you're looking forward to
(19:37):
it's, good to do that.
So anyhow, I think that it'simportant to spring clean your
dating profile and just yourmindset and get ready for dating
in the springtime and enjoy.
So that is all for today'sepisode.
If you're feeling stuck oruninspired when it comes to
(19:58):
dating, I hope this episodegives you a push that you need
to spring clean your mindset andreset your standards and start
dating with some fresh energy.
You don't have to wait for aperfect time to start putting
yourself out there.
Right now is the right time toput yourself out there.
Just remember that.
(20:18):
So get your stuff together andjust say yes to dates.
Show up for yourself, show up tobe the person that you wanna be
in your future version ofyourself, and get out there and
go date.
So I wanna hear from you guys.
So tell me what you are doingfor your spring cleaning.
What is your spring cleaningidea for your dating life?
(20:40):
If you have any lingering dudesthat are in situationships with.
You're DMing them and it's notgoing anywhere and you haven't
had any dates from them andthey're just taking up your time
because there's just a lot ofchat and no action.
Like spring clean that shit.
Like block'em, get'em out, saythank you, but no thank you.
(21:04):
So just remember that.
You are important as well, andyour time is valuable, and it is
just not in your best interestto keep these lingering people
that aren't on the same page asyou.
So just get rid of these peoplethat aren't making any moves
because they're still not gonnamake a move.
(21:25):
Yeah, I wanna hear all yourstories about that.
But, if you love this episode,please feel free to share it
with somebody or if it resonateswith you or somebody that you
know, share the love.
Follow me@thecurvygirldatingcoach, if you
haven't yet on Instagram orFacebook, and you can join my
(21:46):
email list so that you couldhear about any tips or things
that are going on in my world.
I have different advice anddating tips and I talk about the
podcast and just so manydifferent things.
If I have any webinars coming upor anything online, I like to
tell my email list first beforeI tell social media.
(22:11):
So if you wanna be the firstperson to have access to a
upcoming webinar or somethingthat I'll be hosting, then the
email list is where you wannabe.
Have a great day and I will chatwith you next week.
Thanks.
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