April 5, 2021 • 32 mins
As we spring into the sunshine wearing fewer clothes than we have for the last few months, we're trying not get over excited by seeing the occasional ankle or flexible bicep. Instead we're debating the letters U for Unicorns and Uniforms and V for Virginity and Vulturing.
Featuring Tinder Girl (@girl_tinder) and Bumbling Dad (@BumblingD), Delirious Dating Damsel (@Delirious_Dater)alongside seriously single business-girl Siobhan (@shoobmac) while the man in gaberdine mac is really a spy - and his bowtie is definitely a camera - otherwise known as Jon (@voiceofsiri) - oh and as it's Easter there's a little easter egg hidden in there for you too - can you find it?
If you'd like to ask the team a question or propose a Profile for us to pick on - then write to us at askdateadvisor@gmail.com.
For informational purposes only (and not for the purposes of promotion, recommendation or alignment with or by any of our podcasters) the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix is available here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jon (00:00):
Well would you Adam and Eve it we are back with another
(00:20):
edition of the podcast that doesfor dating what Love Island does
for celibacy. This week we areheading into the final state of
our amorous alphabet with theletters u and v. And we have
convened the whole team fordebate tonight. In the Easter
Bunny onesy is our ScottishHighland fling herself Siobhan.
Wearing the mankini is bumblingdad. Our playgirl bunny complete
(00:43):
with ears and fluffy tail isTindergirl and in the leather
boots and PVC corset it isdelirious dating damsel. Now,
all of course a complete lie butthat's what eating too much
cheese at night does for youwhen writing these introductions
so much so I can't tell whetherthat's a nightmare or a fantasy.
And i'm Jon doing an impressionof the White Rabbit holding a
pocket watch and muttering tohimself Oh my Oh dear. Oh my Oh
(01:06):
dear. Rather too Realisticallythis week. First up is the
letter u for unicorn and if youknow the YouTube video, you'll
know the comedic discussion ofthe pulchritude versus madness
of women, as discussed by men onthe hot and crazy matrix. Now I
warn you it is fairlymisogynistic. But if you haven't
(01:28):
seen it, well, it's a point ofview. The x axis is the hot axis
from one to 10. And the y axisis four to 10 for madness or
craziness. Because according tothe author, there is no such
thing as a woman who is not partcrazy. Hence the reason it runs
from four to 10. The unicornzone on the matrix is a woman
who is above an eight hot andbelow a five crazy. In other
(01:51):
words, it's a very small portionof women that you might date, or
in fact, it doesn't reallyexist, like a unicorn. So with
apologies to our moreintelligent, more beautiful
listeners of a femininepersuasion, do unicorns
genuinely exist?
Bumbling (02:05):
That's a really interesting question that you
raised jump. One because I madea couple of notes just in case I
ran out of things to say andunderneath the unicorns on my
pad, it says unicorns don'texist. But to because I also
just did a bit of googling todouble check my understanding of
unicorns and there is in factanother definition as well which
(02:27):
is faintly disturbing but I amnot qualified to talk about that
other definition either To behonest, so I'm sure there's a
being unicorns I'm sure there'sa joke about the horn to be made
somewhere but I think I shouldperhaps duck out and and let's
the ladies take the wheel
Siobhan (02:43):
well I have never seen this video that you just
mentioned Jon. So I'm definitelygoing to be hot to trot to go
and look at that. But I alsodidn't understand this. This
rating thing and my one of mydefinitions was a unicorn is a
mythical creature, someoneamazing who is hard to catch are
simply a very rare find. Theterm is often describing someone
(03:05):
who is remarkably attractive inbrackets above a seven point
crazy, amazing sex and has agreat personality dot dot dot,
you may be a unicorn.
Jon (03:19):
That is the premise indeed of the film to a degree although
it is much more from a malepoint of view. But yes, it
basically says that a unicorn isincredibly beautiful, not at all
mad and amazing in bed
Delirious (03:29):
and dot dot dot.
Let's be honest, there are threeunicorns in the room. Only three
Bumbling (03:38):
we all think that we're one and and in which case
it Who are the two who are goingto be disappointed. I
Siobhan (03:43):
think the only thing I'll admit to you publicly is
that I'm not at all batshitcrazy, but I guess that's for
the that's for somebody else todecide.
Delirious (03:51):
If it only relate to women though I thought it only
related to women, the
Jon (03:54):
film would indicate that it only relates to women, but
there's no reason why itshouldn't relate to men. The
craziness aspect is what makesthe matrix in their view apply
to women. But I see no reasonwhy one shouldn't be have crazy
men as well. And I'm sure ladiesyou've come across that your
fair share of them.
Siobhan (04:14):
Oh, yes, certainly.
Jon (04:20):
Treading around this very very gently for fear of
offending anybody.
TinderGirl (04:24):
Can I give you the definition of unicorn that I
found. The term unicorn indating refers to an individual
who is willing to join anexisting relationship. This is
someone who is going to becomeromantic partner who will have
sex and become romanticallyinvolved with both members of
the original relationship.
Siobhan (04:41):
Yes, I found something along those lines as well saying
typically, a sex unicorn is abisexual woman who agrees to
join a pre existing heterosexualmarriage as a third sexual
component without presenting anythreat of infidelity or
emotional burden to either thehusband or wife
TinderGirl (04:58):
Asking a lot
Jon (04:59):
The term Unicorn would therefore indicate that the none
of these people actually exist.
Is there any point in in inusing this I mean, it's become
very popular, this particularvideo and it has become a
terminology that is used morewidespread, then then perhaps
(05:22):
one would like, as I said, Ithink it's horribly
misogynistic.
TinderGirl (05:25):
We've I think we've talked about this before seeing
on people's profiles, no drama,no psychos, you know, those
kinds of people that put womenin the crazy category, in my
view, not really to be trustedanyway, because they're the ones
that cause the drama, I suspectin the first place. So I
(05:45):
wouldn't be trusting anyonewho's rating me on my crazy,
Jon (05:48):
What about the Hot or Not judgement. I mean, that's been
used quite a lot online, hasn'tit for both men and women to be
able to rate people,
TinderGirl (05:56):
My friends and I have a pec deck score .
Jon (06:01):
Please define
TinderGirl (06:04):
Well, we'll send each other pictures of men and
will rate their pecs
Bumbling (06:13):
Unicorns, in theory don't exist. If we can find
somebody that we think of asincredibly hot and within the
acceptable enough levels ofcrazy for us to be able to, to
want to be with them, then, youknow, typically, that's our
unicorn. But you know, oneperson's unicorn is another
person's nightmare.
Jon (06:41):
Maybe that does that tie in, perhaps with the criticism
I'm sure we've all had, if one'sbeen on a dating app for any
length of time, is that we'reall too choosy because we are
all looking for unicorns.
TinderGirl (06:53):
Can you look for anything else, though? I mean,
you and I don't believe it'sbeing choosy. I believe it's
just being in that momentfinding that person and
suddenly, bam, They're there...
Jon (07:04):
Havent we all been accused of that by friends or people are
going How long have you beendoing this?
Siobhan (07:08):
Yeah, absolutely. I'm being too picky and to whatever,
but I disagree. I think you haveto go with what works for you.
Jon (07:15):
Well I agree. I mean, otherwise, what's the point? But
I think, yeah, what do you sayto those people who turn around
and say, oh, for goodness sakesSiobhan your being far too
choosy.
I'm assuming this unicorn thingis is very much a younger
person's definition. Because tobe quite honest, I've I've
actually, I mean, I'm aware ofthe terminology but I'd never
really applied it to dating oranybody that I was potentially
(07:39):
looking for. And I actuallydelusional as I may be, I don't
think that my elusive happy everafter is I mean, I do believe
that he's out there somewhere. Idon't think the way I'm looking
for is necessarilyunobtainable,umbling,
Bumbling (07:54):
I think that I may have captured one or even more
in the past.
Delirious (08:03):
do you have a special mirror?
Bumbling (08:05):
with fairies all around it?
Jon (08:07):
I thought dream catchers did the same thing don't they?
Bumbling (08:11):
Ive no experience with dream catchers, but where I have
caught a unicorn in previoustimes. I've typically also left
the gates to the unicorn fieldwide open and they've galloped
off to find a unicorn of theirown and leave me behind.
Delirious (08:25):
Awww
Siobhan (08:26):
Yes I think I did broadly agree with you on that
bumbling dad, but I just didn'trealise they were called
unifor.... unicorns. I justthought they were sort of badly
behaved man.
Bumbling (08:33):
You nearly said uniform then and the concept of
unicorns, unicorns in A unicornin a uniformuniform.
Siobhan (08:38):
A unicorn in a uniform.
TinderGirl (08:39):
That's a whole new level
Jon (08:45):
is like very neatly that in that case, because I have a
feeling we should dump thisparticular subject into
uniforms, because you alsostands for uniforms are a
perceived view of sexuality thatuniforms make people more
attractive, I am assuming. Andthere is as a dating app that is
specifically for dating peoplein uniform, isn't it if you
fancy a fireman or a massagemajor
Bumbling (09:08):
or a foreigner uniform dating, I think Yeah, I've
never, never used it myself. Butthe longest relationship of my
life, my the mother of mychildren, works as a nurse. And
I can tell you that whileuniform has become more
practical. There has never, inmy experience ever been anything
(09:30):
remotely sexy about a NationalHealth Service nurse's outfit.
And I think I think I'mreasonably secure in saying out
loud that nurses across thelength and breadth of the
country would stand up and risewith me and punch anybody who
uses the phrase naughty nursewhile they're actually in a work
(09:51):
environment.
Jon (09:52):
So why do we get excited about scantily clad nurses in
films?
Bumbling (09:57):
I think the key is in the word scantily clad But
surely
Jon (10:04):
the answer is it could be anybody. So as long as it's a
scantily clad person, we don'treally care and the fact is,
that's not true. It's a scantilyclad nurse.
TinderGirl (10:13):
Well, I don't mind in a uniform, I'll be honest,
I've dated a few soldiers andwhen they come around and make
uniform it's, it's fun
Delirious (10:23):
to say I married my ex husband based on that premise
sexually it was I didn't likehim when I first met him and
then he rocked up in his uniformand arranged to meet me in the
pub in his uniform and it was agame changer. So I'm not saying
(10:43):
which one it was. But let's justsay they got houses and square t
square tees
Jon (10:56):
never found gardeners remotely attractive you know,
the popularity of thesespecialised dating apps I mean,
do they give any particularadvantage over the regular ones
do we think has no we probablyhaven't necessarily tried them
but
Delirious (11:11):
I have
Jon (11:17):
everyone sits there in silence goes Nope. Nothing and
then two confessions you've bothtried it
TinderGirl (11:26):
I actually my confessions really boring. I
tried it because I thought howwonderful. But actually, the
website was terrible. And I justfound it. I found it really hard
to navigate. So and in fact, Ithink it was hard to navigate
because it got easier if youpaid and I'd never pay for a
dating app. So it was a no forme.
Delirious (11:45):
Yeah, I have to say that I don't know whether I
should share this or not.
Jon (11:55):
Thanks for joining in guys.
Delirious (12:01):
I do have a little bit of a soft spot for a certain
type of uniform I'm not going tosay which one it is and yeah on
I thought I would go on thewebsite and that particular one
and what I found was it wasabsolutely dreadful because you
didn't actually get people inuniform. Registering what you
got is all the people who wouldlike to date somebody wearing a
(12:22):
uniform dating that's what I
TinderGirl (12:25):
found with fancy a ginger doc
Jon (12:33):
won't actually any ginger people though they would just be
TinderGirl (12:39):
disappointed. Just loads of non gingers looking for
the agenda.
Jon (12:43):
Can I delicately why you wanted to data ginger?
TinderGirl (12:48):
I that's that's my kink, Jon.
Jon (12:51):
I have been heard to say on many occasions that women who
are ginger redheads are far morepassionate in bed than just
about any other hair colour inmy experience. And I find that
quite a lot of people agree withme, including the redheads. If
we return to the matrix, though,I suspect they're in one very
far corner of it. unicorns arecompletely crazy people. I'm
Bumbling (13:13):
saying nothing more.
Jon (13:18):
You see, this is nearing the end of our selection of
podcasts. And as you can hear,dear listener, actually, instead
of expanding more freely, ourscribes are actually keeping
most of this stuff now closelyto their chest.
TinderGirl (13:34):
We've all revealed so much already bumbling by
Jon (13:37):
bumbling is this because one of your Twitter readers
happened to leave you today.
Bumbling (13:43):
You've called me out in my shame. Front was taken at
my use of from my use ofeuphemisms for for genitalia
last in last week's podcast. Andyeah, at least one listener
down. In fact, pretty much everytime I tweet, I lose listeners.
So I've got nothing more to sayon the subject of unicorns or
(14:05):
uniform because some I'd quitelike to keep you know, I'd like
not to drop below double figuresthis week. if I can help it.
Jon (14:11):
Can I then I'll start with this question that I started
asking. We're gonna use Why douniforms make people more
attractive? Is it just it's moreinteresting than you know a pair
of sweatpants and a Def Leppardt shirt?
TinderGirl (14:24):
Well, anything is more interesting than that. But
I would say I would say it's theauthority that comes with it.
That sense of authority. Is itsexy?
Jon (14:32):
Is that about power is that power being an aphrodisiac?
Delirious (14:35):
Possibly the thing that I found quite interesting
about it is that what I found isthe type of men that fall into
the particular uniform that Ilike, there is something about
them, they tend to be alphamales, and they tend to have
quite a good sense of humour.
And that seems quitecharacteristic of that
particular type of uniform andThat's pretty much the type of
(15:00):
man I'm attracted to.
Bumbling (15:02):
So well i was i right up until the last second when he
said alpha male, I was convincedit was the people in KFC.
Jon (15:19):
That's just chicken. Ladies and gentlemen, you are
listening. And you may beregretting listening but you are
listening to the Date Advisor.
As we peruse a selection ofletters that are loosely
(15:43):
associated with various datingterms from you, we move to v.
and v is for virginity, ladiesand gentlemen, virginity. And is
it still something worthpreserving? I'm going to
approach this from the angle ofone of the topics we talked
about last week, which was alittle bit of this idea that I
(16:04):
think there are some women whoare taught from a very early age
that it is a kind of gift thatyou shouldn't give away freely
even if it isn't your virginitysex as a whole should not be
given away freely, which is whyyou make the man wait. But
what's our view on virginitysomething worth preserving
still,
TinderGirl (16:22):
so long gone with my dignity? I can't remember.
Jon (16:27):
Shiobhan help me here.
Siobhan (16:31):
I'm the oldest of all of you. So I mean, I although I
was elite, Allah was a latestart. Right. I was a very late
star
Jon (16:40):
virginity during virginity is a long gone, but it's more
the concept I'd like you toreflect on.
Siobhan (16:45):
Yes, absolutely.
Because, you know, as we've alltalked about in a lovely
relationship, it's worthwaiting. And I think that it's
probably Well, again, it dependson the individual. But I think
that it's probably worth youknow, exploring everything
around it. You know, for for agood little while as a sort of
late teenager before you jump into the whole sort of murky
(17:08):
depths of it all Tinder girl youwere going to say?
TinderGirl (17:12):
I think she was right. Actually, I think it is
about the individual. I thinkit's, it's about when you're
ready, and what you're wantingfrom out of it. I think possibly
for your first time, it'sprobably nice to wait until
you're in love. And it meanssomething but but equally, once
it's gone, it's gone.
Jon (17:32):
It's a real Rarity, though, to meet somebody who may be
either late teens or early 20s,who is still a virgin.
Siobhan (17:37):
Yeah, I think you're right, because the proliferation
of social media and the port andsoft port and hardcore porn and
whatever else that apparently isavailable to kids these days.
must mean that they are whilethey're probably not mature
enough emotionally to deal withit. They've seen a lot more than
let's say any this group of ushad seen that their particular
(17:57):
ages.
Bumbling (17:58):
I think that's fair. I do you think that virginity is
probably something that's sortof made rather too much of, in
the sense of other peoplelooking at looking at at
virgins, if that makes sense andtalking about them? It's, you
know, it's absolutely right ifTinder girl said to, to wait
until you're in love, ideally,and you're in the right place,
(18:19):
and I couldn't agree more withyou, Vaughn, who fundamentally
invented foreplay by saying it'sit's good to explore all the
things around it before. Beforetaking the plunge. I couldn't
agree with them more. But it'sum, I suspect that for most
people losing one's virginityactually, isn't that great. It's
an experience. It's a hurdle.
It's almost like a hurdle thathas to be got over but you
(18:40):
don't. Typically, I wouldimagine, start enjoying sex
until you've had a bit ofpractice at it. So I do wonder
whether, you know, virginity.
Yeah, it is. It's special, andit's precious and worth losing
with the right person. But atthe same time, it's only you
know, I guess it's only likeyour virginity from not riding a
(19:02):
bike or not being able to swimor whatever it is a milestone,
rather than something to be puton a pedestal.
Jon (19:10):
And I think he raised a really difficult point now,
which is hard. You know who theright person is?
TinderGirl (19:15):
You don't ever really do you in the moment you
think there's a right person, Isuppose the right person is the
right person in that moment, asopposed to Oh my God, I've just
want to get rid of it.
Jon (19:24):
Delirious, that idea that it is a gift that should not be
given away freely. It issomething you preserve. Was that
something you were taught whenyou were younger?
Delirious (19:34):
Oh, yeah, it was definitely something I was
taught when I was younger. Andthere was a certain amount of
shame, I think even attached toit, because you know, being the
age that I am, I'm just comingout to 53 and my parents
regularly went to church. Soyes, they're considerably older
(19:55):
as well. Those values weredefinitely put on me, but I
don't feel that I impose thosesame rigorous values. And if I
use the word values that make itsound like, I don't care, of
course I care. But I wouldn'thave imposed that to the same
degree on my own girls who arenow grown up. But
Jon (20:19):
Did it hold you back?
Delirious (20:22):
Yes, it definitely did when I was younger, without
a doubt,
Jon (20:25):
for the right or the wrong reasons,
Delirious (20:27):
I guess for the right reasons. Although,
interestingly enough, when itdid happen, it wasn't somebody I
loved. It was just a moment ofpure lust and absolutely
fantastic.
TinderGirl (20:40):
Brilliant
Bumbling (20:44):
Bang goes my theory.
Delirious (20:46):
The question I'd like to know is, can you regress
back into virginity because Ithink that's the direction in
which I am heading. I truly am,how long the periods you have to
go through.
Jon (21:02):
We've all met ladies who who have not had sex for a while
and are of the opinionmetaphorically that it has
healed up. So therefore they areindeed born again. virgins.
Siobhan (21:13):
So the question to bumbling and to Jon, about the
message that gets sent to boysas teenage boys, your virginity
is not something that you shouldpreserve your I'm assuming
actively, obviously, not by yourparents, but maybe by your
peers, you're activelyencouraged to lose it would be
great if
Bumbling (21:35):
there was no messaging, I think is the is the
short answer. Like delirious,older church going parents, so
be the message home bunch. Wedidn't talk about sex. But if
I'd been out having lots of sexthat my parents found out, then
I would have been in a lot oftrouble. But there was no
educational message. And from apeer group perspective, I mean,
(21:58):
yeah, it was all a little bit inbetween, as you know, we all
know who done it first and withwhom, but it wasn't a
competition,
Jon (22:06):
though there was no requirement to have proved
yourself in inverted commas. Andeven if there was, you could
quite easily lie about it.
Anyway. I do think though, theboys suffer from lack of proper
discussion, or certainly did I'msure it's changed now. But my
prep school was largely the the13 year olds all sitting around
(22:27):
in a room with the schooldoctor, reading a pamphlet that
talked about fruit flies a lot.
And that was it. That really wasit. The rest was you learn
yourself from whatever you canmanage to get your hands on
probably from the top shelf ofthe newsagent,
Bumbling (22:47):
there was a special cupboard in the school library
that was kept locked. And youhad to go and ask very, very
wizard and, and quite scarylibrarian for the key to access
the books in the specialcupboard. And and she wouldn't
always grant permission, sheknew you know who all the kids
were and how well behaved theywere. And I think a lot of
(23:10):
people probably never asked foraccess to the book because they
knew it wouldn't have beengranted.
Jon (23:15):
Or alternatively have very interesting fantasies about
school librarian or this
Bumbling (23:19):
particular one, believe me. I'd love the
opportunity to mention the girlwith whom I lost my virginity,
but not hers I have writtenabout her, but gloriously her
name. She wasn't I've changed itfor the purposes of writing, but
her name was the principal isexactly the same. And then was
Martin Luther and therefore shewas known in my household is
(23:39):
king. And in those days, youknow, it was that it was the
landline home phone that rangand inevitably you'd never get
to it first. And you know ifyour brother or sister answered
they just bellow you know, Kingson the phone. Please don't let
her have heard that!
Jon (23:55):
So V is not only for virginity, but V is also for
vulturing. For those who don'tknow Voltaren is when you sense
a relationship is on the rocksand you start to circle your
prey, the person who is about tobreak up or divorce in order to
be able to sleep with them. Nowplease note simply waiting and
hoping for a chance with someonein a relationship nosedive is
(24:16):
not vulturing vulturing is whenyou are specifically taking
advantage of someone who is in aweak or vulnerable position.
Have any Has anyone here beenvouchered or done the vulturing
You sound appalled by the ideaTinderGirl?
TinderGirl (24:33):
it just it just seems very cynical. Actually I
don't know why you would wantsomeone when they're vulnerable.
Jon (24:43):
when you're out of relationship and you've turned
around and spoken to some ofyour you know your friends and
so on. Nobody has turned on agun haha. TinderGirl I see
you're single these days?
TinderGirl (24:52):
Oh. And then No, actually, sadly No, I'd probably
be very grateful if someonewould felt to me actually. I'm
here ready to be bolted guy. Hasanyone in this group cultured?
Delirious (25:06):
I don't believe so.
So I'm trying to rack my brainsbut I don't think I have
Bumbling (25:10):
already racked my brains and same I certainly
haven't all been vultures. If Iknew lots of hot single women
who wanted to vouch for me, I'dbe laid out there like on the
Ganges being picked up from alldirections.
TinderGirl (25:25):
We need to work out where to hang out, where are the
vultures?
If you know
Siobhan (25:32):
they're slightly propositioned by an axe is made,
and I thought it was slightlydistasteful and sort of
declined, but I think probablybecause it wasn't attracted to
him anyway, rather than thecircumstances.
Jon (25:44):
A lot of women who are fresh out of marriages having
divorced their husbands havebeen approached by the husbands
of their friends, I find thatquite regularly.
Delirious (25:53):
Yes, I've heard that too. Well, I can sort of
contribute. I can relate tothat. In a way it wasn't a
friend's husband, but certainlywhen my marriage was starting to
go down the pan, I had somebodyat work. Definitely. Who was
circling, circling? Yes. Gooddescription. And he picked up
(26:14):
very much on the fact thatthings weren't quite right and
dug a bit deeper. And then was,was there to lend a listening
ear and shoulder to cry on andyes, was definitely, definitely
trying to take advantage of thatsituation.
TinderGirl (26:31):
How did you feel about that? delirious?
Delirious (26:34):
I ended up going into a relationship with him. I
really, yeah.
TinderGirl (26:39):
I do. You did find it attractive. Or you just you
just sort of were made mestarted with an emotional bond?
Delirious (26:47):
Yes, I thought he was being incredibly kind and
considerate. But he hedefinitely. I do believe that's
what it was. Really, when Ilook, look back on it. It was
probably a bit too soon. If I'mhonest. Well, you've been
vultured.
Bumbling (27:03):
And perhaps you didn't even know until until then.
Delirious (27:06):
No, I didn't. Until this podcast. There you go.
Bumbling (27:12):
Delirious Dating Damsel - carrion for everyone.
Jon (27:18):
We aim to be a service not just for our listeners, but also
for our contributors to that'swhere we'll pause our letters.
And we look into a little bag ofprofiles to see if anyone has
found anything recently that isworthy of mention or indeed
(27:40):
criticism.
Siobhan (27:41):
So I have one from a mysterious mysterious man and
the the interest please read incapital letters. Are you looking
for a man who will stimulateyour mind excite your senses and
pleasure your body? there I'llendowed orally gifted if you're
(28:03):
an uninhabited lady, that we'dlike to be kissed and satisfied
deeply. I'm the one for you.
Looking for something ongoing?
Bumbling (28:17):
Wow.
Siobhan (28:20):
Uninhabited. It was just fabulous.
Jon (28:22):
Looking for a little two up two down is he?
Bumbling (28:30):
I have a couple of extracts more than anything else
gloriously from Facebook datingwhich entirely for research
purposes. You understand they'vespent a tiny amount of time on
and my god is it a horrifyingcesspit?
Jon (28:44):
It is oh it is I have not come across a more awful place
to date than Facebook dating itis diabolically bad
Bumbling (28:54):
somebody took bits of hinge and introduce them to the
barrels scrapings of plenty offish. And kind of you know, it's
it's Yeah,
Jon (29:03):
you're doing it. You're Bigging it up. Wow. If only it
were that good
Bumbling (29:09):
Here are my glorious extracts. There's just a little
bit this one. And I appreciatethe English may not have been a
first language but in answer tothe question, the best dating
advice that I can give you. Thislady's just written by yourself
and then put a smiley face afterit that said, dating dating by
yourself. Definitely the way todo this is my favourite it's
(29:32):
archetypal. But it's something Isaved it because it is so
special. You have one life, sodon't waste time. Live your life
and live it well. And full liveLove, love heart emoji.
Jon (29:48):
Someone's just been reading the little book of calm or
something similar, haven't they?
And I'll just lift straight
Bumbling (29:53):
from that on the Can I just do my very final one which
is some which perplexed A littlebit because the question is if I
could only eat three foods forthe rest of my life they'd be
and this person answered chillijacket potato chicken I thought
(30:15):
I want more adventure in my
Jon (30:19):
life bumbling
Delirious (30:24):
bumbling i can i can match you on that from a one
from a from a from a woman'sperspective reading on a man's
profile if I could only threefeet the rest of my life they'd
be and this is what he put piand liquor and cheese beans on
toast chicken bits and you
Jon (30:57):
fish bits I would have understood it
TinderGirl (31:01):
does not go down that line again. I've got a
really quick one here for you.
So the hinge hint is I wantsomeone who and the response is
will look good in my recentlydeceased wife's clothes.
Jon (31:20):
Well ladies and gentlemen, that is where we must disembark
from our own personal loveIsland. Sadly, there has been no
coupling or uncoupling consciousor otherwise, but hopefully,
scantily clad scribes have beenable to offer some insights into
the darker waters particularlydarker the last one, the darker
waters of online dating. We willdo it all again next week. You
(31:41):
bring the headphones and we'llbring the tales of dire distress
from another edition of theDateadvisor. Goodbye.
Delirious (31:56):
Good I can't wait to get this leather corset off and
these long leather boots
Well would you Adam and Eve it we are back with another
(00:20):
edition of the podcast that doesfor dating what Love Island does
for celibacy. This week we areheading into the final state of
our amorous alphabet with theletters u and v. And we have
convened the whole team fordebate tonight. In the Easter
Bunny onesy is our ScottishHighland fling herself Siobhan.
Wearing the mankini is bumblingdad. Our playgirl bunny complete
(00:43):
with ears and fluffy tail isTindergirl and in the leather
boots and PVC corset it isdelirious dating damsel. Now,
all of course a complete lie butthat's what eating too much
cheese at night does for youwhen writing these introductions
so much so I can't tell whetherthat's a nightmare or a fantasy.
And i'm Jon doing an impressionof the White Rabbit holding a
pocket watch and muttering tohimself Oh my Oh dear. Oh my Oh
(01:06):
dear. Rather too Realisticallythis week. First up is the
letter u for unicorn and if youknow the YouTube video, you'll
know the comedic discussion ofthe pulchritude versus madness
of women, as discussed by men onthe hot and crazy matrix. Now I
warn you it is fairlymisogynistic. But if you haven't
(01:28):
seen it, well, it's a point ofview. The x axis is the hot axis
from one to 10. And the y axisis four to 10 for madness or
craziness. Because according tothe author, there is no such
thing as a woman who is not partcrazy. Hence the reason it runs
from four to 10. The unicornzone on the matrix is a woman
who is above an eight hot andbelow a five crazy. In other
(01:51):
words, it's a very small portionof women that you might date, or
in fact, it doesn't reallyexist, like a unicorn. So with
apologies to our moreintelligent, more beautiful
listeners of a femininepersuasion, do unicorns
genuinely exist?
Bumbling (02:05):
That's a really interesting question that you
raised jump. One because I madea couple of notes just in case I
ran out of things to say andunderneath the unicorns on my
pad, it says unicorns don'texist. But to because I also
just did a bit of googling todouble check my understanding of
unicorns and there is in factanother definition as well which
(02:27):
is faintly disturbing but I amnot qualified to talk about that
other definition either To behonest, so I'm sure there's a
being unicorns I'm sure there'sa joke about the horn to be made
somewhere but I think I shouldperhaps duck out and and let's
the ladies take the wheel
Siobhan (02:43):
well I have never seen this video that you just
mentioned Jon. So I'm definitelygoing to be hot to trot to go
and look at that. But I alsodidn't understand this. This
rating thing and my one of mydefinitions was a unicorn is a
mythical creature, someoneamazing who is hard to catch are
simply a very rare find. Theterm is often describing someone
(03:05):
who is remarkably attractive inbrackets above a seven point
crazy, amazing sex and has agreat personality dot dot dot,
you may be a unicorn.
Jon (03:19):
That is the premise indeed of the film to a degree although
it is much more from a malepoint of view. But yes, it
basically says that a unicorn isincredibly beautiful, not at all
mad and amazing in bed
Delirious (03:29):
and dot dot dot.
Let's be honest, there are threeunicorns in the room. Only three
Bumbling (03:38):
we all think that we're one and and in which case
it Who are the two who are goingto be disappointed. I
Siobhan (03:43):
think the only thing I'll admit to you publicly is
that I'm not at all batshitcrazy, but I guess that's for
the that's for somebody else todecide.
Delirious (03:51):
If it only relate to women though I thought it only
related to women, the
Jon (03:54):
film would indicate that it only relates to women, but
there's no reason why itshouldn't relate to men. The
craziness aspect is what makesthe matrix in their view apply
to women. But I see no reasonwhy one shouldn't be have crazy
men as well. And I'm sure ladiesyou've come across that your
fair share of them.
Siobhan (04:14):
Oh, yes, certainly.
Jon (04:20):
Treading around this very very gently for fear of
offending anybody.
TinderGirl (04:24):
Can I give you the definition of unicorn that I
found. The term unicorn indating refers to an individual
who is willing to join anexisting relationship. This is
someone who is going to becomeromantic partner who will have
sex and become romanticallyinvolved with both members of
the original relationship.
Siobhan (04:41):
Yes, I found something along those lines as well saying
typically, a sex unicorn is abisexual woman who agrees to
join a pre existing heterosexualmarriage as a third sexual
component without presenting anythreat of infidelity or
emotional burden to either thehusband or wife
TinderGirl (04:58):
Asking a lot
Jon (04:59):
The term Unicorn would therefore indicate that the none
of these people actually exist.
Is there any point in in inusing this I mean, it's become
very popular, this particularvideo and it has become a
terminology that is used morewidespread, then then perhaps
(05:22):
one would like, as I said, Ithink it's horribly
misogynistic.
TinderGirl (05:25):
We've I think we've talked about this before seeing
on people's profiles, no drama,no psychos, you know, those
kinds of people that put womenin the crazy category, in my
view, not really to be trustedanyway, because they're the ones
that cause the drama, I suspectin the first place. So I
(05:45):
wouldn't be trusting anyonewho's rating me on my crazy,
Jon (05:48):
What about the Hot or Not judgement. I mean, that's been
used quite a lot online, hasn'tit for both men and women to be
able to rate people,
TinderGirl (05:56):
My friends and I have a pec deck score .
Jon (06:01):
Please define
TinderGirl (06:04):
Well, we'll send each other pictures of men and
will rate their pecs
Bumbling (06:13):
Unicorns, in theory don't exist. If we can find
somebody that we think of asincredibly hot and within the
acceptable enough levels ofcrazy for us to be able to, to
want to be with them, then, youknow, typically, that's our
unicorn. But you know, oneperson's unicorn is another
person's nightmare.
Jon (06:41):
Maybe that does that tie in, perhaps with the criticism
I'm sure we've all had, if one'sbeen on a dating app for any
length of time, is that we'reall too choosy because we are
all looking for unicorns.
TinderGirl (06:53):
Can you look for anything else, though? I mean,
you and I don't believe it'sbeing choosy. I believe it's
just being in that momentfinding that person and
suddenly, bam, They're there...
Jon (07:04):
Havent we all been accused of that by friends or people are
going How long have you beendoing this?
Siobhan (07:08):
Yeah, absolutely. I'm being too picky and to whatever,
but I disagree. I think you haveto go with what works for you.
Jon (07:15):
Well I agree. I mean, otherwise, what's the point? But
I think, yeah, what do you sayto those people who turn around
and say, oh, for goodness sakesSiobhan your being far too
choosy.
I'm assuming this unicorn thingis is very much a younger
person's definition. Because tobe quite honest, I've I've
actually, I mean, I'm aware ofthe terminology but I'd never
really applied it to dating oranybody that I was potentially
(07:39):
looking for. And I actuallydelusional as I may be, I don't
think that my elusive happy everafter is I mean, I do believe
that he's out there somewhere. Idon't think the way I'm looking
for is necessarilyunobtainable,umbling,
Bumbling (07:54):
I think that I may have captured one or even more
in the past.
Delirious (08:03):
do you have a special mirror?
Bumbling (08:05):
with fairies all around it?
Jon (08:07):
I thought dream catchers did the same thing don't they?
Bumbling (08:11):
Ive no experience with dream catchers, but where I have
caught a unicorn in previoustimes. I've typically also left
the gates to the unicorn fieldwide open and they've galloped
off to find a unicorn of theirown and leave me behind.
Delirious (08:25):
Awww
Siobhan (08:26):
Yes I think I did broadly agree with you on that
bumbling dad, but I just didn'trealise they were called
unifor.... unicorns. I justthought they were sort of badly
behaved man.
Bumbling (08:33):
You nearly said uniform then and the concept of
unicorns, unicorns in A unicornin a uniformuniform.
Siobhan (08:38):
A unicorn in a uniform.
TinderGirl (08:39):
That's a whole new level
Jon (08:45):
is like very neatly that in that case, because I have a
feeling we should dump thisparticular subject into
uniforms, because you alsostands for uniforms are a
perceived view of sexuality thatuniforms make people more
attractive, I am assuming. Andthere is as a dating app that is
specifically for dating peoplein uniform, isn't it if you
fancy a fireman or a massagemajor
Bumbling (09:08):
or a foreigner uniform dating, I think Yeah, I've
never, never used it myself. Butthe longest relationship of my
life, my the mother of mychildren, works as a nurse. And
I can tell you that whileuniform has become more
practical. There has never, inmy experience ever been anything
(09:30):
remotely sexy about a NationalHealth Service nurse's outfit.
And I think I think I'mreasonably secure in saying out
loud that nurses across thelength and breadth of the
country would stand up and risewith me and punch anybody who
uses the phrase naughty nursewhile they're actually in a work
(09:51):
environment.
Jon (09:52):
So why do we get excited about scantily clad nurses in
films?
Bumbling (09:57):
I think the key is in the word scantily clad But
surely
Jon (10:04):
the answer is it could be anybody. So as long as it's a
scantily clad person, we don'treally care and the fact is,
that's not true. It's a scantilyclad nurse.
TinderGirl (10:13):
Well, I don't mind in a uniform, I'll be honest,
I've dated a few soldiers andwhen they come around and make
uniform it's, it's fun
Delirious (10:23):
to say I married my ex husband based on that premise
sexually it was I didn't likehim when I first met him and
then he rocked up in his uniformand arranged to meet me in the
pub in his uniform and it was agame changer. So I'm not saying
(10:43):
which one it was. But let's justsay they got houses and square t
square tees
Jon (10:56):
never found gardeners remotely attractive you know,
the popularity of thesespecialised dating apps I mean,
do they give any particularadvantage over the regular ones
do we think has no we probablyhaven't necessarily tried them
but
Delirious (11:11):
I have
Jon (11:17):
everyone sits there in silence goes Nope. Nothing and
then two confessions you've bothtried it
TinderGirl (11:26):
I actually my confessions really boring. I
tried it because I thought howwonderful. But actually, the
website was terrible. And I justfound it. I found it really hard
to navigate. So and in fact, Ithink it was hard to navigate
because it got easier if youpaid and I'd never pay for a
dating app. So it was a no forme.
Delirious (11:45):
Yeah, I have to say that I don't know whether I
should share this or not.
Jon (11:55):
Thanks for joining in guys.
Delirious (12:01):
I do have a little bit of a soft spot for a certain
type of uniform I'm not going tosay which one it is and yeah on
I thought I would go on thewebsite and that particular one
and what I found was it wasabsolutely dreadful because you
didn't actually get people inuniform. Registering what you
got is all the people who wouldlike to date somebody wearing a
(12:22):
uniform dating that's what I
TinderGirl (12:25):
found with fancy a ginger doc
Jon (12:33):
won't actually any ginger people though they would just be
TinderGirl (12:39):
disappointed. Just loads of non gingers looking for
the agenda.
Jon (12:43):
Can I delicately why you wanted to data ginger?
TinderGirl (12:48):
I that's that's my kink, Jon.
Jon (12:51):
I have been heard to say on many occasions that women who
are ginger redheads are far morepassionate in bed than just
about any other hair colour inmy experience. And I find that
quite a lot of people agree withme, including the redheads. If
we return to the matrix, though,I suspect they're in one very
far corner of it. unicorns arecompletely crazy people. I'm
Bumbling (13:13):
saying nothing more.
Jon (13:18):
You see, this is nearing the end of our selection of
podcasts. And as you can hear,dear listener, actually, instead
of expanding more freely, ourscribes are actually keeping
most of this stuff now closelyto their chest.
TinderGirl (13:34):
We've all revealed so much already bumbling by
Jon (13:37):
bumbling is this because one of your Twitter readers
happened to leave you today.
Bumbling (13:43):
You've called me out in my shame. Front was taken at
my use of from my use ofeuphemisms for for genitalia
last in last week's podcast. Andyeah, at least one listener
down. In fact, pretty much everytime I tweet, I lose listeners.
So I've got nothing more to sayon the subject of unicorns or
(14:05):
uniform because some I'd quitelike to keep you know, I'd like
not to drop below double figuresthis week. if I can help it.
Jon (14:11):
Can I then I'll start with this question that I started
asking. We're gonna use Why douniforms make people more
attractive? Is it just it's moreinteresting than you know a pair
of sweatpants and a Def Leppardt shirt?
TinderGirl (14:24):
Well, anything is more interesting than that. But
I would say I would say it's theauthority that comes with it.
That sense of authority. Is itsexy?
Jon (14:32):
Is that about power is that power being an aphrodisiac?
Delirious (14:35):
Possibly the thing that I found quite interesting
about it is that what I found isthe type of men that fall into
the particular uniform that Ilike, there is something about
them, they tend to be alphamales, and they tend to have
quite a good sense of humour.
And that seems quitecharacteristic of that
particular type of uniform andThat's pretty much the type of
(15:00):
man I'm attracted to.
Bumbling (15:02):
So well i was i right up until the last second when he
said alpha male, I was convincedit was the people in KFC.
Jon (15:19):
That's just chicken. Ladies and gentlemen, you are
listening. And you may beregretting listening but you are
listening to the Date Advisor.
As we peruse a selection ofletters that are loosely
(15:43):
associated with various datingterms from you, we move to v.
and v is for virginity, ladiesand gentlemen, virginity. And is
it still something worthpreserving? I'm going to
approach this from the angle ofone of the topics we talked
about last week, which was alittle bit of this idea that I
(16:04):
think there are some women whoare taught from a very early age
that it is a kind of gift thatyou shouldn't give away freely
even if it isn't your virginitysex as a whole should not be
given away freely, which is whyyou make the man wait. But
what's our view on virginitysomething worth preserving
still,
TinderGirl (16:22):
so long gone with my dignity? I can't remember.
Jon (16:27):
Shiobhan help me here.
Siobhan (16:31):
I'm the oldest of all of you. So I mean, I although I
was elite, Allah was a latestart. Right. I was a very late
star
Jon (16:40):
virginity during virginity is a long gone, but it's more
the concept I'd like you toreflect on.
Siobhan (16:45):
Yes, absolutely.
Because, you know, as we've alltalked about in a lovely
relationship, it's worthwaiting. And I think that it's
probably Well, again, it dependson the individual. But I think
that it's probably worth youknow, exploring everything
around it. You know, for for agood little while as a sort of
late teenager before you jump into the whole sort of murky
(17:08):
depths of it all Tinder girl youwere going to say?
TinderGirl (17:12):
I think she was right. Actually, I think it is
about the individual. I thinkit's, it's about when you're
ready, and what you're wantingfrom out of it. I think possibly
for your first time, it'sprobably nice to wait until
you're in love. And it meanssomething but but equally, once
it's gone, it's gone.
Jon (17:32):
It's a real Rarity, though, to meet somebody who may be
either late teens or early 20s,who is still a virgin.
Siobhan (17:37):
Yeah, I think you're right, because the proliferation
of social media and the port andsoft port and hardcore porn and
whatever else that apparently isavailable to kids these days.
must mean that they are whilethey're probably not mature
enough emotionally to deal withit. They've seen a lot more than
let's say any this group of ushad seen that their particular
(17:57):
ages.
Bumbling (17:58):
I think that's fair. I do you think that virginity is
probably something that's sortof made rather too much of, in
the sense of other peoplelooking at looking at at
virgins, if that makes sense andtalking about them? It's, you
know, it's absolutely right ifTinder girl said to, to wait
until you're in love, ideally,and you're in the right place,
(18:19):
and I couldn't agree more withyou, Vaughn, who fundamentally
invented foreplay by saying it'sit's good to explore all the
things around it before. Beforetaking the plunge. I couldn't
agree with them more. But it'sum, I suspect that for most
people losing one's virginityactually, isn't that great. It's
an experience. It's a hurdle.
It's almost like a hurdle thathas to be got over but you
(18:40):
don't. Typically, I wouldimagine, start enjoying sex
until you've had a bit ofpractice at it. So I do wonder
whether, you know, virginity.
Yeah, it is. It's special, andit's precious and worth losing
with the right person. But atthe same time, it's only you
know, I guess it's only likeyour virginity from not riding a
(19:02):
bike or not being able to swimor whatever it is a milestone,
rather than something to be puton a pedestal.
Jon (19:10):
And I think he raised a really difficult point now,
which is hard. You know who theright person is?
TinderGirl (19:15):
You don't ever really do you in the moment you
think there's a right person, Isuppose the right person is the
right person in that moment, asopposed to Oh my God, I've just
want to get rid of it.
Jon (19:24):
Delirious, that idea that it is a gift that should not be
given away freely. It issomething you preserve. Was that
something you were taught whenyou were younger?
Delirious (19:34):
Oh, yeah, it was definitely something I was
taught when I was younger. Andthere was a certain amount of
shame, I think even attached toit, because you know, being the
age that I am, I'm just comingout to 53 and my parents
regularly went to church. Soyes, they're considerably older
(19:55):
as well. Those values weredefinitely put on me, but I
don't feel that I impose thosesame rigorous values. And if I
use the word values that make itsound like, I don't care, of
course I care. But I wouldn'thave imposed that to the same
degree on my own girls who arenow grown up. But
Jon (20:19):
Did it hold you back?
Delirious (20:22):
Yes, it definitely did when I was younger, without
a doubt,
Jon (20:25):
for the right or the wrong reasons,
Delirious (20:27):
I guess for the right reasons. Although,
interestingly enough, when itdid happen, it wasn't somebody I
loved. It was just a moment ofpure lust and absolutely
fantastic.
TinderGirl (20:40):
Brilliant
Bumbling (20:44):
Bang goes my theory.
Delirious (20:46):
The question I'd like to know is, can you regress
back into virginity because Ithink that's the direction in
which I am heading. I truly am,how long the periods you have to
go through.
Jon (21:02):
We've all met ladies who who have not had sex for a while
and are of the opinionmetaphorically that it has
healed up. So therefore they areindeed born again. virgins.
Siobhan (21:13):
So the question to bumbling and to Jon, about the
message that gets sent to boysas teenage boys, your virginity
is not something that you shouldpreserve your I'm assuming
actively, obviously, not by yourparents, but maybe by your
peers, you're activelyencouraged to lose it would be
great if
Bumbling (21:35):
there was no messaging, I think is the is the
short answer. Like delirious,older church going parents, so
be the message home bunch. Wedidn't talk about sex. But if
I'd been out having lots of sexthat my parents found out, then
I would have been in a lot oftrouble. But there was no
educational message. And from apeer group perspective, I mean,
(21:58):
yeah, it was all a little bit inbetween, as you know, we all
know who done it first and withwhom, but it wasn't a
competition,
Jon (22:06):
though there was no requirement to have proved
yourself in inverted commas. Andeven if there was, you could
quite easily lie about it.
Anyway. I do think though, theboys suffer from lack of proper
discussion, or certainly did I'msure it's changed now. But my
prep school was largely the the13 year olds all sitting around
(22:27):
in a room with the schooldoctor, reading a pamphlet that
talked about fruit flies a lot.
And that was it. That really wasit. The rest was you learn
yourself from whatever you canmanage to get your hands on
probably from the top shelf ofthe newsagent,
Bumbling (22:47):
there was a special cupboard in the school library
that was kept locked. And youhad to go and ask very, very
wizard and, and quite scarylibrarian for the key to access
the books in the specialcupboard. And and she wouldn't
always grant permission, sheknew you know who all the kids
were and how well behaved theywere. And I think a lot of
(23:10):
people probably never asked foraccess to the book because they
knew it wouldn't have beengranted.
Jon (23:15):
Or alternatively have very interesting fantasies about
school librarian or this
Bumbling (23:19):
particular one, believe me. I'd love the
opportunity to mention the girlwith whom I lost my virginity,
but not hers I have writtenabout her, but gloriously her
name. She wasn't I've changed itfor the purposes of writing, but
her name was the principal isexactly the same. And then was
Martin Luther and therefore shewas known in my household is
(23:39):
king. And in those days, youknow, it was that it was the
landline home phone that rangand inevitably you'd never get
to it first. And you know ifyour brother or sister answered
they just bellow you know, Kingson the phone. Please don't let
her have heard that!
Jon (23:55):
So V is not only for virginity, but V is also for
vulturing. For those who don'tknow Voltaren is when you sense
a relationship is on the rocksand you start to circle your
prey, the person who is about tobreak up or divorce in order to
be able to sleep with them. Nowplease note simply waiting and
hoping for a chance with someonein a relationship nosedive is
(24:16):
not vulturing vulturing is whenyou are specifically taking
advantage of someone who is in aweak or vulnerable position.
Have any Has anyone here beenvouchered or done the vulturing
You sound appalled by the ideaTinderGirl?
TinderGirl (24:33):
it just it just seems very cynical. Actually I
don't know why you would wantsomeone when they're vulnerable.
Jon (24:43):
when you're out of relationship and you've turned
around and spoken to some ofyour you know your friends and
so on. Nobody has turned on agun haha. TinderGirl I see
you're single these days?
TinderGirl (24:52):
Oh. And then No, actually, sadly No, I'd probably
be very grateful if someonewould felt to me actually. I'm
here ready to be bolted guy. Hasanyone in this group cultured?
Delirious (25:06):
I don't believe so.
So I'm trying to rack my brainsbut I don't think I have
Bumbling (25:10):
already racked my brains and same I certainly
haven't all been vultures. If Iknew lots of hot single women
who wanted to vouch for me, I'dbe laid out there like on the
Ganges being picked up from alldirections.
TinderGirl (25:25):
We need to work out where to hang out, where are the
vultures?
If you know
Siobhan (25:32):
they're slightly propositioned by an axe is made,
and I thought it was slightlydistasteful and sort of
declined, but I think probablybecause it wasn't attracted to
him anyway, rather than thecircumstances.
Jon (25:44):
A lot of women who are fresh out of marriages having
divorced their husbands havebeen approached by the husbands
of their friends, I find thatquite regularly.
Delirious (25:53):
Yes, I've heard that too. Well, I can sort of
contribute. I can relate tothat. In a way it wasn't a
friend's husband, but certainlywhen my marriage was starting to
go down the pan, I had somebodyat work. Definitely. Who was
circling, circling? Yes. Gooddescription. And he picked up
(26:14):
very much on the fact thatthings weren't quite right and
dug a bit deeper. And then was,was there to lend a listening
ear and shoulder to cry on andyes, was definitely, definitely
trying to take advantage of thatsituation.
TinderGirl (26:31):
How did you feel about that? delirious?
Delirious (26:34):
I ended up going into a relationship with him. I
really, yeah.
TinderGirl (26:39):
I do. You did find it attractive. Or you just you
just sort of were made mestarted with an emotional bond?
Delirious (26:47):
Yes, I thought he was being incredibly kind and
considerate. But he hedefinitely. I do believe that's
what it was. Really, when Ilook, look back on it. It was
probably a bit too soon. If I'mhonest. Well, you've been
vultured.
Bumbling (27:03):
And perhaps you didn't even know until until then.
Delirious (27:06):
No, I didn't. Until this podcast. There you go.
Bumbling (27:12):
Delirious Dating Damsel - carrion for everyone.
Jon (27:18):
We aim to be a service not just for our listeners, but also
for our contributors to that'swhere we'll pause our letters.
And we look into a little bag ofprofiles to see if anyone has
found anything recently that isworthy of mention or indeed
(27:40):
criticism.
Siobhan (27:41):
So I have one from a mysterious mysterious man and
the the interest please read incapital letters. Are you looking
for a man who will stimulateyour mind excite your senses and
pleasure your body? there I'llendowed orally gifted if you're
(28:03):
an uninhabited lady, that we'dlike to be kissed and satisfied
deeply. I'm the one for you.
Looking for something ongoing?
Bumbling (28:17):
Wow.
Siobhan (28:20):
Uninhabited. It was just fabulous.
Jon (28:22):
Looking for a little two up two down is he?
Bumbling (28:30):
I have a couple of extracts more than anything else
gloriously from Facebook datingwhich entirely for research
purposes. You understand they'vespent a tiny amount of time on
and my god is it a horrifyingcesspit?
Jon (28:44):
It is oh it is I have not come across a more awful place
to date than Facebook dating itis diabolically bad
Bumbling (28:54):
somebody took bits of hinge and introduce them to the
barrels scrapings of plenty offish. And kind of you know, it's
it's Yeah,
Jon (29:03):
you're doing it. You're Bigging it up. Wow. If only it
were that good
Bumbling (29:09):
Here are my glorious extracts. There's just a little
bit this one. And I appreciatethe English may not have been a
first language but in answer tothe question, the best dating
advice that I can give you. Thislady's just written by yourself
and then put a smiley face afterit that said, dating dating by
yourself. Definitely the way todo this is my favourite it's
(29:32):
archetypal. But it's something Isaved it because it is so
special. You have one life, sodon't waste time. Live your life
and live it well. And full liveLove, love heart emoji.
Jon (29:48):
Someone's just been reading the little book of calm or
something similar, haven't they?
And I'll just lift straight
Bumbling (29:53):
from that on the Can I just do my very final one which
is some which perplexed A littlebit because the question is if I
could only eat three foods forthe rest of my life they'd be
and this person answered chillijacket potato chicken I thought
(30:15):
I want more adventure in my
Jon (30:19):
life bumbling
Delirious (30:24):
bumbling i can i can match you on that from a one
from a from a from a woman'sperspective reading on a man's
profile if I could only threefeet the rest of my life they'd
be and this is what he put piand liquor and cheese beans on
toast chicken bits and you
Jon (30:57):
fish bits I would have understood it
TinderGirl (31:01):
does not go down that line again. I've got a
really quick one here for you.
So the hinge hint is I wantsomeone who and the response is
will look good in my recentlydeceased wife's clothes.
Jon (31:20):
Well ladies and gentlemen, that is where we must disembark
from our own personal loveIsland. Sadly, there has been no
coupling or uncoupling consciousor otherwise, but hopefully,
scantily clad scribes have beenable to offer some insights into
the darker waters particularlydarker the last one, the darker
waters of online dating. We willdo it all again next week. You
(31:41):
bring the headphones and we'llbring the tales of dire distress
from another edition of theDateadvisor. Goodbye.
Delirious (31:56):
Good I can't wait to get this leather corset off and
these long leather boots
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