January 27, 2025 • 21 mins
Navigating divorce can be overwhelming, but with clear priorities and manageable steps, it's possible to regain clarity and purpose. In this episode, we explore practical strategies to handle the emotional storms and daunting tasks that accompany divorce, emphasizing the importance of support systems and self-care.
• Understanding the multi-faceted nature of divorce
• Setting intentions and identifying priorities
• Breaking tasks into manageable steps
• Accepting imperfection and avoiding burnout
• Focusing on personal control and responses
• Giving oneself grace and compassion
• The benefits of collaborating with a divorce coach
• Effective co-parenting strategies for emotional health
• Staying grounded through scheduling and support systems
• Prioritizing self-care during the transition
Join our Signal Channel: https://shorturl.at/8yqTb
Join The Divorce Dadvocate Membership Community - FULL Episodes - Live Meetings – FREE Workshops & Courses – Private Discussion Groups & MORE! - https://thedivorceddadvocate.com/membership-tiers/
How Are You Adjusting To Your Divorce? Find out in this quiz - http://www.thedivorceddadvocate.com/divorce-quiz.html
*FREE Dads Guide To Divorce* How to survive and thrive during and after divorce: http://www.dadsguidetodivorce.com
Don't suffer in silence! Get relief from the pain and confusion of your divorce and schedule your FREE, No Obligation Coaching Consultation - schedule a time directly into my schedule at www.TalkWithJude.com.
Join other divorced dads who have experienced or are experiencing divorce in this FREE Divorced Dads Online Meetup Group - https://www.meetup.com/Divorced-Dads-Meetup-Group/
Other Resources:
The Divorced Dadvocate Website - http://www.TheDivorcedDadvocate.com
The Divorced Dadvocate YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeSwx-F8KK4&list=PLT4HyN5ishYJznK51205ESxGZ2d19YkBp
The Divorced Dadvocate Podcast - https://thedivorceddadvocate.buzzsprout.com/
Divorced Dads Online Meetup Group - https://www.meetup.com/Divorced-Dads-Meetup-Group/
The Divorced Dadvocate Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/thedivorceddadvocate/
Music credit: Akira the Don
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome.
Thanks for joining us.
This week we are going to bejumping into the topic of how to
avoid divorce overwhelm.
One of the things that came upin our group meeting this
weekend was one of the guys justhaving quite a bit of
challenges with everything thatis going on on and I see this
(00:29):
quite often is, when we jumpinto this challenging time, that
there are just a myriad ofthings going on and some guys
just aren't organized or it'sjust so overwhelming that it's
difficult and they shut down.
Other guys will end up justmaking them crazy, trying to get
on top of things and fixeverything, as we are, as guys,
trying to fix things andcompletely burn themselves out.
(00:50):
So we're going to just and it'sgoing to be a brief episode
today, but I just wanted totouch base on that give some
ideas around that on how tomanage all of this and not get
overwhelmed, on how to manageall of this and not get
overwhelmed.
But before we jump in, let'swelcome Sean, derek, dan and
Elaine to the Divorced Advocatecommunity.
(01:11):
If you're not part of it, checkit out at
thedivorcedadvocatecom All theresources you could want to get
the support that you deserve andneed going through this process
, whether it's free or paidresources.
Check it out atthedivorcedadvocatecom.
So undeniably, this is one ofyour most challenging
(01:34):
transitions, and, as a father,the responsibilities feel
somewhat even heavier, and theprocess is a whirlwind of
emotions, logistics and lifechanges.
Finances, splitting assets,parenting as a single father the
emotional toll of ending therelationship can all create an
(01:55):
overwhelming storm.
But the good news is is youdon't have to weather the storm
all at once or alone, and sohere's some practical ways that
you can manage the overwhelm andmove forward with clarity and
purpose during this time.
First, let's talk about themany different layers of divorce
(02:16):
.
It's not just the end of themarriage.
It's a complex reorganizationof nearly everything and every
aspect of your life.
It could be finances,negotiating settlements,
dividing assets, adjusting to asingle income household.
It can be parenting, learningto co-parent or transitioning to
(02:40):
single fatherhood, all whilesupporting your kids through
their own adjustments.
It can be the emotions thatcome up grieving the loss of the
relationship, navigating thefeelings of guilt that was a big
one for me Anger or sadness,and or maybe even dealing with
some external judgments.
Also, logistics just managingthe legal paperwork can be
(03:05):
challenging, courting schedules,and then there's always
planning for the future or justnot knowing quite what the
future is going to be yet andtrying to make short-term plans,
hoping that they move intolong-term plans.
So the sheer number of tasksand emotions can make it feel
impossible to know where tostart.
So what is the key?
(03:26):
The key is to take it step bystep.
Now I'm going to just sharesome and just a brief idea of
how you can take this step bystep.
But when I work with divorce ordivorcing dads in the private
(03:47):
practice and one-on-one, I havea five-step process that we work
on and work through, and Ihighly recommend going back and
looking at some of the episodes.
It's called Dad's Guide toDivorce Dad's Guide to Divorce,
and it's a five-step process andthat goes into some more
specific detail.
This is just really simplycursory, just to try to help you
to get through some of theoverwhelm and some of that
(04:11):
initial overwhelm, the firstbeing to set intentions and
priorities, similar to our stepone in the dad's guide to
divorce.
When everything feels urgent,it's really easy to spin your
wheels and accomplish littleInstead of trying to tackle
everything at once.
Take a moment to set clearintentions and priorities First.
(04:35):
Identify what matters most.
Ask yourself what's mostimportant right now.
It could be ensuring yourchildren feel secure.
It could be creating afinancial plan.
It could be managing youremotional well-being Okay.
So just identify what you needfirst, then second, break it
(04:57):
down.
Once you identify yourpriorities, divide them into
manageable steps.
So we've got an episode on thistoo, on how to set goals and how
to work backwards from theintention.
For example, if your financesare a concern and maybe you need
to get your financialdisclosure put together, start
(05:18):
with gathering the financialdocuments.
Okay, so you're workingbackwards.
The first thing you're going toneed to do is get those
financial documents documents,so you're working backwards.
The first thing you're going toneed to do is get those
financial documents, thenschedule a meeting with a
financial advisor and then thisincremental progress will add up
and then, depending on what'sthe next step, take those
incrementally.
(05:39):
Third is set realistic goals.
Aim for progress, notperfection.
This is a transition period, soperfection isn't the goal.
You don't know what things aregoing to look like on the
backside.
Celebrate your small victories,like completing a task or
handling a tough conversationwith composure.
(06:01):
So give yourself some creditand some kudos as you go through
this and especially if you'resetting realistic goals and
you're hitting those realisticgoals.
The next is avoid the perfectiontrap.
During a divorce, many of uswill put pressure on ourselves
to have it all together fortheir kids, for your ex-spouse,
(06:28):
for their kids, for yourex-spouse, for your own sense of
pride.
But expecting perfection is anabsolute recipe for burnout and
it's a recipe for disaster.
Except imperfection, Mistakesare going to be a natural part
of this process.
Learn from them rather thanletting them define you.
Learn from them rather thanletting them define you.
(06:49):
It's going to take there'sgoing to be a whole big change
and it's going to take a lot oflearning, and it's going to be a
big learning process.
The only way that you learn isby making mistakes, readjusting
and then trying to do it betterthe next time.
Also, focus on what you cancontrol.
This is absolutely huge.
I can't even tell you how hugethis is, because everything
(07:11):
feels chaotic and out of controland as guys, we don't like that
.
We want a linear path to how dowe get this done.
You can't control yourex-spouse's behavior.
Let me say that again.
You can't control yourex-spouse's behavior or the
outcome of every legal decision.
So these are just twoguarantees that are, if there
(07:36):
are any guarantees in divorce.
These are two that you can bankon.
You're not going to be able tocontrol your ex-spouse's
behavior or the outcome of everylegal decision.
The court is a shit show thefamily law court.
We do not know what is going tohappen or what the rulings are
going to be if you end up goingto in front of a judge or a
(07:57):
magistrate.
But what you can control is howyou respond and the effort you
put into your role as a father.
So control what you can.
Those are two that you cancontrol.
You can control your response.
You can control how you show upas a dad.
(08:18):
Give yourself grace Again.
This kind of falls in line withaccept imperfection but treat
yourself with the samecompassion you would offer a
friend in your position.
You know, one of the beautifulthings that I love about our
group meetings is we've got guysthat have been on for years and
years, that have already gonethrough it, that are down the
(08:39):
road, a couple.
I'm always just so proud of thesupport and grace and just
positive feedback that all theseguys will give to new guys that
are in the group.
So just while you're goingthrough it.
(09:00):
Try to do some of that like youwould do to a friend or
somebody else.
Give yourself some grace andsome compassion.
I guarantee you you're notgoing to get through this
perfectly.
It's probably not going to goexactly how you thought or maybe
how you wanted it to go.
So give yourself grace.
That is okay, just likeanything you do the first time
(09:23):
or even the second time.
It's difficult and challengingand it's not going to be easy.
Okay, consider working with adivorce coach.
I can't emphasize this enoughanymore and I'm going to start
preaching this a little bit more, not just because I am a
divorce coach, but because I seeso many guys get overwhelmed,
(09:43):
so many mistakes being made thatcan get covered in the meeting
this weekend and we had a newguy on and everybody was just
peppering him with have youconsidered this?
Have you considered this?
Have you considered this?
And this guy was incrediblywell prepared and had thought
(10:04):
about a lot of things.
It was being very conscientiousthrough this process, but even
he was like, oh man, I did notthink of that, I'm going to go
do that, I'm going to look intothis, and there's just so much
going on that you don't have tonavigate this journey alone.
So, if you have the means, finda divorce coach.
They can give you invaluableguidance in helping you to stay
(10:28):
organized number one manage theoverwhelming list of tasks and
create a step-by-step plan.
Just the legal process has allof those overwhelming lists of
tasks, let alone all of theother stuff that goes on.
A coach can help you maintainfocus, keep your priorities
clear and help you avoiddistractions or unnecessary
(10:50):
conflicts.
That's a big one, toounnecessary conflict or going
down a rabbit hole on somethingthat's going to maybe cost you
time and money that you don'tneed to be pursuing.
They're also going to help youexcuse me, they're also going to
help you build confidence byoffering emotional support and
practical advice tailored toyour specific situation.
(11:14):
Emotional support and practicaladvice tailored to your
specific situation.
Every single divorce yourdivorce, mine, every single guy
that shows up in our groupmeetings each one of those
divorces is completely unique toitself, and we always talk
about look, take the advice thatyou get from everybody here,
but only you know what is goingto be best for your unique
(11:34):
situation.
So a coach is going to help youto build confidence in knowing
that you're making the bestdecision that you know how for
your situation.
A lot of guys want feedback andthey want to know what somebody
else did.
Only you know and you can andshould and will have the
confidence, but working with acoach is going to help point
(11:56):
some of those things out.
That's another thing that guyswill always bring up, especially
the ones that have been in themeeting and see guys that come
in and then are new, and thenthese guys are going through the
process.
They'll always point out howwell they've done or how strong
they are staying through thisprocess, and I do appreciate
that as well.
Next is improve co-parentingstrategies.
(12:17):
A coach is going to help youlearn techniques for effective
communication, like nonviolentcommunication or collaboration
with your ex-spouse for the sakeof your kids.
You might have ideas around howto communicate or some skills
upgrades.
That's one of the steps in theDad's Guide to Divorce.
Also, some tools that might beout there for communicating
(12:40):
effectively.
They just have a myriad ofideas.
The other thing that theyreally bring to the table is
you've heard me talk about whenyou build your divorce team.
You're like the coach of thisdivorce team or the bus driver,
however you want to say it, andwhen you're building this team,
you need to have importantplayers like a quarterback that
(13:01):
might be the attorney, or arunning back that might be a
financial advisor or CPA or atherapist.
But you're building this teamand each of those individual
players on that team are goingto have their own unique
perspective as to what youshould be doing or need to be
doing.
But in the context of what theyare advising you on, and what a
(13:24):
coach can really help you to dois look at that from a global
or a higher level perspective inorder to help you make the
decision that's best, because itmight not be worth fighting for
something.
But your financial advisor says, well, these are the numbers
and this is what you should bedoing, or parenting time or
whatever else that it that itmight be.
(13:46):
I've had a myriad of guys oflike well, my, my, whomever said
I should do this, and then welooked at the pros and cons of
that, balanced that with someother situations or the mental,
emotional tax that it might beto fight on something, and have
them make their own decisionbased upon what is best for them
(14:08):
and their family.
So a coach is really going tohelp you sift through all of
that, take all of that advice,help you with what you're going
through and what you're thinking, and then move in the direction
that you want to make that ashealthy and less traumatic as
possible.
The last part would be to staygrounded, and let's talk about
(14:34):
staying grounded.
Let me just give you a few tipson staying grounded.
First is create a schedule.
If you don't have a schedule,or if you're not one that knows
how to do time blocking or anyother schedule management
process, figure one out.
Use a calendar to track legalappointments, parenting
(14:57):
schedules, personal goals,deadlines for getting, maybe,
financial disclosures or otherinformation into your attorney.
This is going to make things somuch easier and so much
smoother.
If you get a schedule and youlook at it, you put everything
in there and you follow it.
This is going to help you staygrounded.
(15:19):
Again, this is something youcan control.
So control it.
Control your schedule and howyou are able to get through
taking care of all these myriadthings that are going on.
The next way to stay grounded islean on your support system.
Things that are going on.
The next way to stay groundedis lean on your support system.
Talk to trusted friends, familymembers, a therapist, and by
(15:39):
sharing your feelings, this canhelp you to lighten the
emotional load.
Get involved with a groupmeeting like ours or another
men's group or a church groupsomewhere, but get involved
somewhere.
Do not self-isolate.
You've heard me say that amillion times.
We've talked about it.
We've talked about it withexperts.
Do not self-isolate.
(16:00):
We just talked about this againon the call this weekend too,
about sharing this with yourbosses at work or somebody else
in order to just let them knowwhat's going on and what the
situation is in your life.
You're going to be amazed atthe amount of support that
you're going to get when youopen up and just share that.
You're going through thisdifficult and challenging time,
(16:21):
so lean on that support system.
The next is prioritize self-care.
You hear me talk about mental,emotional, physical, spiritual.
Make sure that you're takingcare of yourself, you're
exercising, you're eating well,making times for activities you
enjoy in order to maintain thatmental and physical health.
(16:43):
And finally, focus on thebigger picture.
Remind yourself that this is aphase, this is a point in time
in your life.
It is not a permanent state.
Divorce is not permanent.
Each step you take brings youcloser to stability and what we
(17:06):
call affectionately in the grouplife 2.0.
I had a message just a coupleof weeks ago from a guy that got
involved in our group and wasjust feeling hopeless going
through it, and now he was likeman, you are right, there is a
light at the end and it can be,and for him it has been really
(17:28):
terrific and fantastic.
So, in closing, divorce is tough, but you don't have to go
through it perfectly and youcertainly don't have to go
through it alone.
By setting your clearpriorities, working
incrementally and seekingsupport, you can navigate the
challenging time with resilienceand grace.
(17:50):
Remember, the process is aboutbuilding a foundation for your
future and for your childrenpost-divorce.
So be patient with yourself.
Trust the process and take itone day at a time.
Stay strong one day at a time.
If you're feeling stuck,consider reaching out and
(18:10):
connecting with a coach that canhelp guide you through this
transition.
You deserve support as youcreate a new path forward for
yourself and your family.
Thank you so much for listening.
Short and sweet this week, Ihope that these few tips will
just help you get through thatdivorce overwhelm that you might
(18:31):
be feeling right now.
Through this process Again.
Get engaged, if not with ourcommunity, with some community
that can help give you support.
There's a lot of divorcesupport groups that are out
there some faith-based, someotherwise and if you want to get
involved with our group, checkout thedivorcedadvocatecom.
(18:52):
There are all kinds ofresources there for you.
We'd love you to jump in.
We've got a new Signal channel.
If you check out that Signalchannel at, just go to Signal,
download the app and then typein the Divorced Advocate, you'll
find us.
We're trying to be able to.
We're trying to encourage moreguys to be able to be
communicating through betweenpodcasts, between group meetings
(19:14):
, between events that we have,so that we just get some more
daily support and uplift andconnection with each other.
So check out that new Signalapp.
If you found value today,really please share this far and
wide on social media.
Also, giving us a star ratingor, even better, writing some
comments we haven't had any in awhile.
(19:36):
That really really helps otherdads that are looking for
support to tune into one episodeand once they tune into one,
they'll listen to multiple onesand then get involved in getting
the support that they need.
So thanks so much for listeningthis week.
Have a terrific week and Godbless.
Hello and welcome.
Thanks for joining us.
This week we are going to bejumping into the topic of how to
avoid divorce overwhelm.
One of the things that came upin our group meeting this
weekend was one of the guys justhaving quite a bit of
challenges with everything thatis going on on and I see this
(00:29):
quite often is, when we jumpinto this challenging time, that
there are just a myriad ofthings going on and some guys
just aren't organized or it'sjust so overwhelming that it's
difficult and they shut down.
Other guys will end up justmaking them crazy, trying to get
on top of things and fixeverything, as we are, as guys,
trying to fix things andcompletely burn themselves out.
(00:50):
So we're going to just and it'sgoing to be a brief episode
today, but I just wanted totouch base on that give some
ideas around that on how tomanage all of this and not get
overwhelmed, on how to manageall of this and not get
overwhelmed.
But before we jump in, let'swelcome Sean, derek, dan and
Elaine to the Divorced Advocatecommunity.
(01:11):
If you're not part of it, checkit out at
thedivorcedadvocatecom All theresources you could want to get
the support that you deserve andneed going through this process
, whether it's free or paidresources.
Check it out atthedivorcedadvocatecom.
So undeniably, this is one ofyour most challenging
(01:34):
transitions, and, as a father,the responsibilities feel
somewhat even heavier, and theprocess is a whirlwind of
emotions, logistics and lifechanges.
Finances, splitting assets,parenting as a single father the
emotional toll of ending therelationship can all create an
(01:55):
overwhelming storm.
But the good news is is youdon't have to weather the storm
all at once or alone, and sohere's some practical ways that
you can manage the overwhelm andmove forward with clarity and
purpose during this time.
First, let's talk about themany different layers of divorce
(02:16):
.
It's not just the end of themarriage.
It's a complex reorganizationof nearly everything and every
aspect of your life.
It could be finances,negotiating settlements,
dividing assets, adjusting to asingle income household.
It can be parenting, learningto co-parent or transitioning to
(02:40):
single fatherhood, all whilesupporting your kids through
their own adjustments.
It can be the emotions thatcome up grieving the loss of the
relationship, navigating thefeelings of guilt that was a big
one for me Anger or sadness,and or maybe even dealing with
some external judgments.
Also, logistics just managingthe legal paperwork can be
(03:05):
challenging, courting schedules,and then there's always
planning for the future or justnot knowing quite what the
future is going to be yet andtrying to make short-term plans,
hoping that they move intolong-term plans.
So the sheer number of tasksand emotions can make it feel
impossible to know where tostart.
So what is the key?
(03:26):
The key is to take it step bystep.
Now I'm going to just sharesome and just a brief idea of
how you can take this step bystep.
But when I work with divorce ordivorcing dads in the private
(03:47):
practice and one-on-one, I havea five-step process that we work
on and work through, and Ihighly recommend going back and
looking at some of the episodes.
It's called Dad's Guide toDivorce Dad's Guide to Divorce,
and it's a five-step process andthat goes into some more
specific detail.
This is just really simplycursory, just to try to help you
to get through some of theoverwhelm and some of that
(04:11):
initial overwhelm, the firstbeing to set intentions and
priorities, similar to our stepone in the dad's guide to
divorce.
When everything feels urgent,it's really easy to spin your
wheels and accomplish littleInstead of trying to tackle
everything at once.
Take a moment to set clearintentions and priorities First.
(04:35):
Identify what matters most.
Ask yourself what's mostimportant right now.
It could be ensuring yourchildren feel secure.
It could be creating afinancial plan.
It could be managing youremotional well-being Okay.
So just identify what you needfirst, then second, break it
(04:57):
down.
Once you identify yourpriorities, divide them into
manageable steps.
So we've got an episode on thistoo, on how to set goals and how
to work backwards from theintention.
For example, if your financesare a concern and maybe you need
to get your financialdisclosure put together, start
(05:18):
with gathering the financialdocuments.
Okay, so you're workingbackwards.
The first thing you're going toneed to do is get those
financial documents documents,so you're working backwards.
The first thing you're going toneed to do is get those
financial documents, thenschedule a meeting with a
financial advisor and then thisincremental progress will add up
and then, depending on what'sthe next step, take those
incrementally.
(05:39):
Third is set realistic goals.
Aim for progress, notperfection.
This is a transition period, soperfection isn't the goal.
You don't know what things aregoing to look like on the
backside.
Celebrate your small victories,like completing a task or
handling a tough conversationwith composure.
(06:01):
So give yourself some creditand some kudos as you go through
this and especially if you'resetting realistic goals and
you're hitting those realisticgoals.
The next is avoid the perfectiontrap.
During a divorce, many of uswill put pressure on ourselves
to have it all together fortheir kids, for your ex-spouse,
(06:28):
for their kids, for yourex-spouse, for your own sense of
pride.
But expecting perfection is anabsolute recipe for burnout and
it's a recipe for disaster.
Except imperfection, Mistakesare going to be a natural part
of this process.
Learn from them rather thanletting them define you.
Learn from them rather thanletting them define you.
(06:49):
It's going to take there'sgoing to be a whole big change
and it's going to take a lot oflearning, and it's going to be a
big learning process.
The only way that you learn isby making mistakes, readjusting
and then trying to do it betterthe next time.
Also, focus on what you cancontrol.
This is absolutely huge.
I can't even tell you how hugethis is, because everything
(07:11):
feels chaotic and out of controland as guys, we don't like that
.
We want a linear path to how dowe get this done.
You can't control yourex-spouse's behavior.
Let me say that again.
You can't control yourex-spouse's behavior or the
outcome of every legal decision.
So these are just twoguarantees that are, if there
(07:36):
are any guarantees in divorce.
These are two that you can bankon.
You're not going to be able tocontrol your ex-spouse's
behavior or the outcome of everylegal decision.
The court is a shit show thefamily law court.
We do not know what is going tohappen or what the rulings are
going to be if you end up goingto in front of a judge or a
(07:57):
magistrate.
But what you can control is howyou respond and the effort you
put into your role as a father.
So control what you can.
Those are two that you cancontrol.
You can control your response.
You can control how you show upas a dad.
(08:18):
Give yourself grace Again.
This kind of falls in line withaccept imperfection but treat
yourself with the samecompassion you would offer a
friend in your position.
You know, one of the beautifulthings that I love about our
group meetings is we've got guysthat have been on for years and
years, that have already gonethrough it, that are down the
(08:39):
road, a couple.
I'm always just so proud of thesupport and grace and just
positive feedback that all theseguys will give to new guys that
are in the group.
So just while you're goingthrough it.
(09:00):
Try to do some of that like youwould do to a friend or
somebody else.
Give yourself some grace andsome compassion.
I guarantee you you're notgoing to get through this
perfectly.
It's probably not going to goexactly how you thought or maybe
how you wanted it to go.
So give yourself grace.
That is okay, just likeanything you do the first time
(09:23):
or even the second time.
It's difficult and challengingand it's not going to be easy.
Okay, consider working with adivorce coach.
I can't emphasize this enoughanymore and I'm going to start
preaching this a little bit more, not just because I am a
divorce coach, but because I seeso many guys get overwhelmed,
(09:43):
so many mistakes being made thatcan get covered in the meeting
this weekend and we had a newguy on and everybody was just
peppering him with have youconsidered this?
Have you considered this?
Have you considered this?
And this guy was incrediblywell prepared and had thought
(10:04):
about a lot of things.
It was being very conscientiousthrough this process, but even
he was like, oh man, I did notthink of that, I'm going to go
do that, I'm going to look intothis, and there's just so much
going on that you don't have tonavigate this journey alone.
So, if you have the means, finda divorce coach.
They can give you invaluableguidance in helping you to stay
(10:28):
organized number one manage theoverwhelming list of tasks and
create a step-by-step plan.
Just the legal process has allof those overwhelming lists of
tasks, let alone all of theother stuff that goes on.
A coach can help you maintainfocus, keep your priorities
clear and help you avoiddistractions or unnecessary
(10:50):
conflicts.
That's a big one, toounnecessary conflict or going
down a rabbit hole on somethingthat's going to maybe cost you
time and money that you don'tneed to be pursuing.
They're also going to help youexcuse me, they're also going to
help you build confidence byoffering emotional support and
practical advice tailored toyour specific situation.
(11:14):
Emotional support and practicaladvice tailored to your
specific situation.
Every single divorce yourdivorce, mine, every single guy
that shows up in our groupmeetings each one of those
divorces is completely unique toitself, and we always talk
about look, take the advice thatyou get from everybody here,
but only you know what is goingto be best for your unique
(11:34):
situation.
So a coach is going to help youto build confidence in knowing
that you're making the bestdecision that you know how for
your situation.
A lot of guys want feedback andthey want to know what somebody
else did.
Only you know and you can andshould and will have the
confidence, but working with acoach is going to help point
(11:56):
some of those things out.
That's another thing that guyswill always bring up, especially
the ones that have been in themeeting and see guys that come
in and then are new, and thenthese guys are going through the
process.
They'll always point out howwell they've done or how strong
they are staying through thisprocess, and I do appreciate
that as well.
Next is improve co-parentingstrategies.
(12:17):
A coach is going to help youlearn techniques for effective
communication, like nonviolentcommunication or collaboration
with your ex-spouse for the sakeof your kids.
You might have ideas around howto communicate or some skills
upgrades.
That's one of the steps in theDad's Guide to Divorce.
Also, some tools that might beout there for communicating
(12:40):
effectively.
They just have a myriad ofideas.
The other thing that theyreally bring to the table is
you've heard me talk about whenyou build your divorce team.
You're like the coach of thisdivorce team or the bus driver,
however you want to say it, andwhen you're building this team,
you need to have importantplayers like a quarterback that
(13:01):
might be the attorney, or arunning back that might be a
financial advisor or CPA or atherapist.
But you're building this teamand each of those individual
players on that team are goingto have their own unique
perspective as to what youshould be doing or need to be
doing.
But in the context of what theyare advising you on, and what a
(13:24):
coach can really help you to dois look at that from a global
or a higher level perspective inorder to help you make the
decision that's best, because itmight not be worth fighting for
something.
But your financial advisor says, well, these are the numbers
and this is what you should bedoing, or parenting time or
whatever else that it that itmight be.
(13:46):
I've had a myriad of guys oflike well, my, my, whomever said
I should do this, and then welooked at the pros and cons of
that, balanced that with someother situations or the mental,
emotional tax that it might beto fight on something, and have
them make their own decisionbased upon what is best for them
(14:08):
and their family.
So a coach is really going tohelp you sift through all of
that, take all of that advice,help you with what you're going
through and what you're thinking, and then move in the direction
that you want to make that ashealthy and less traumatic as
possible.
The last part would be to staygrounded, and let's talk about
(14:34):
staying grounded.
Let me just give you a few tipson staying grounded.
First is create a schedule.
If you don't have a schedule,or if you're not one that knows
how to do time blocking or anyother schedule management
process, figure one out.
Use a calendar to track legalappointments, parenting
(14:57):
schedules, personal goals,deadlines for getting, maybe,
financial disclosures or otherinformation into your attorney.
This is going to make things somuch easier and so much
smoother.
If you get a schedule and youlook at it, you put everything
in there and you follow it.
This is going to help you staygrounded.
(15:19):
Again, this is something youcan control.
So control it.
Control your schedule and howyou are able to get through
taking care of all these myriadthings that are going on.
The next way to stay grounded islean on your support system.
Things that are going on.
The next way to stay groundedis lean on your support system.
Talk to trusted friends, familymembers, a therapist, and by
(15:39):
sharing your feelings, this canhelp you to lighten the
emotional load.
Get involved with a groupmeeting like ours or another
men's group or a church groupsomewhere, but get involved
somewhere.
Do not self-isolate.
You've heard me say that amillion times.
We've talked about it.
We've talked about it withexperts.
Do not self-isolate.
(16:00):
We just talked about this againon the call this weekend too,
about sharing this with yourbosses at work or somebody else
in order to just let them knowwhat's going on and what the
situation is in your life.
You're going to be amazed atthe amount of support that
you're going to get when youopen up and just share that.
You're going through thisdifficult and challenging time,
(16:21):
so lean on that support system.
The next is prioritize self-care.
You hear me talk about mental,emotional, physical, spiritual.
Make sure that you're takingcare of yourself, you're
exercising, you're eating well,making times for activities you
enjoy in order to maintain thatmental and physical health.
(16:43):
And finally, focus on thebigger picture.
Remind yourself that this is aphase, this is a point in time
in your life.
It is not a permanent state.
Divorce is not permanent.
Each step you take brings youcloser to stability and what we
(17:06):
call affectionately in the grouplife 2.0.
I had a message just a coupleof weeks ago from a guy that got
involved in our group and wasjust feeling hopeless going
through it, and now he was likeman, you are right, there is a
light at the end and it can be,and for him it has been really
(17:28):
terrific and fantastic.
So, in closing, divorce is tough, but you don't have to go
through it perfectly and youcertainly don't have to go
through it alone.
By setting your clearpriorities, working
incrementally and seekingsupport, you can navigate the
challenging time with resilienceand grace.
(17:50):
Remember, the process is aboutbuilding a foundation for your
future and for your childrenpost-divorce.
So be patient with yourself.
Trust the process and take itone day at a time.
Stay strong one day at a time.
If you're feeling stuck,consider reaching out and
(18:10):
connecting with a coach that canhelp guide you through this
transition.
You deserve support as youcreate a new path forward for
yourself and your family.
Thank you so much for listening.
Short and sweet this week, Ihope that these few tips will
just help you get through thatdivorce overwhelm that you might
(18:31):
be feeling right now.
Through this process Again.
Get engaged, if not with ourcommunity, with some community
that can help give you support.
There's a lot of divorcesupport groups that are out
there some faith-based, someotherwise and if you want to get
involved with our group, checkout thedivorcedadvocatecom.
(18:52):
There are all kinds ofresources there for you.
We'd love you to jump in.
We've got a new Signal channel.
If you check out that Signalchannel at, just go to Signal,
download the app and then typein the Divorced Advocate, you'll
find us.
We're trying to be able to.
We're trying to encourage moreguys to be able to be
communicating through betweenpodcasts, between group meetings
(19:14):
, between events that we have,so that we just get some more
daily support and uplift andconnection with each other.
So check out that new Signalapp.
If you found value today,really please share this far and
wide on social media.
Also, giving us a star ratingor, even better, writing some
comments we haven't had any in awhile.
(19:36):
That really really helps otherdads that are looking for
support to tune into one episodeand once they tune into one,
they'll listen to multiple onesand then get involved in getting
the support that they need.
So thanks so much for listeningthis week.
Have a terrific week and Godbless.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Intentionally Disturbing
Join me on this podcast as I navigate the murky waters of human behavior, current events, and personal anecdotes through in-depth interviews with incredible people—all served with a generous helping of sarcasm and satire. After years as a forensic and clinical psychologist, I offer a unique interview style and a low tolerance for bullshit, quickly steering conversations toward depth and darkness. I honor the seriousness while also appreciating wit. I’m your guide through the twisted labyrinth of the human psyche, armed with dark humor and biting wit.