May 26, 2025 • 24 mins
When I tell a dad going through divorce to stay strong, I’m not throwing him a vague motivational cliché. I’m giving him a call to arms—a reminder of what strength looks like when your world is cracking open, when your identity as a father is getting reshaped by custody schedules, courtrooms, and the quiet ache of an empty house.
Strength during divorce doesn’t look like keeping a stiff upper lip and pretending everything’s fine. It’s not about powering through without feeling anything. Real strength, in this context, is much messier, more grounded, and more necessary than that. Here’s what stay strong really means:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the show.
Thanks for tuning in.
This week we are going to betalking about what it means to
stay strong, but before we getinto that, let me, as usual,
welcome our new members to theDivorced Advocate community.
Those are Jeremy and Brady.
Welcome.
(00:20):
We appreciate you being here,getting the support that you
need and deserve.
If you have not checked it outyet, thedivorcedadvocatecom is
the place for you to geteverything you need, every
resource that you need duringthis difficult and challenging
time.
We've got everything from freeto paid resources there at
(00:42):
thedivorcedadvocatecom.
Check it out.
One of the most excellent onesyou hear me talk about all the
time is the divorce quiz.
Take about 10, 15 minutes, gothrough that.
See where you're at mentally,emotionally, compared to tens of
thousands of other people thathave taken the assessment as
well as gone through divorce.
It'll give you some good,immediate feedback as to where
(01:07):
you're at, what you're doingwell and what you can work on.
So check all that out atthedivorcedadvocatescom.
All right, stay strong.
So you guys often hear me saythat, closing.
If you've been to any of ourgroup meetings or any of our
live events or just met with mein general, you've heard me say
(01:28):
stay strong very often.
Well, when I tell a dad goingthrough divorce to stay strong,
I'm not just throwing him avague emotional cliche and
really what I'm doing is givinghim a call, giving you a call to
arms and a reminder of whatstrength looks like when your
(01:49):
world is cracking open, whenyour identity as a father is
getting reshaped by custodybattles, by courtrooms and by
the difficulty and challengesand the ache of an empty house
and loneliness.
So strength during divorcedoesn't look like keeping a
(02:12):
stiff upper lip and pretendingeverything's fine.
It's not about powering throughwithout feeling anything.
Real strength in the contextthat I'm talking about and when
I say this is much messier, it'smore grounded and it's more
necessary than that.
So here's the five things thatI'm talking about really when I
(02:34):
say stay strong to you in myclosing or personally when we're
doing work together.
I just wanted to really clarifythis so you really understand
the deep meaning behind it.
The first thing is show up, evenwhen it hurts.
There's going to be morningswhen it feels like the weight of
everything is sitting on yourchest, when the bed frankly
(02:58):
feels safer than going out intothe world, or when you stare at
the empty side of the house andwonder how everything fell apart
and how you got to this point.
There's going to be nights whenthe silence in your home cuts
deeper than any argument youever had, when your kids are
with the other parent and you'releft in a house that no longer
feels like a home, just maybe aplace where memories are echoing
(03:23):
.
And there will be moments thatare random, moments that are raw
, moments that are relentless,when the pain blindsides you.
It might be a photo, it mightbe a song, it could be just one
of your kids' toys or a sockthat you find under the couch,
moments when you want to checkout or when you want to lash out
(03:43):
or when you want to shut downcompletely.
But what real strength means isshowing up anyway.
It means getting out of thatbed, even when the grief is just
overwhelming and screaming atyou to stay down.
It means brushing your teeth,packing up your lunch, answering
(04:05):
your emails, making that callto your kiddo, even if you don't
feel like talking to anybody atall.
It also means choosing presenceover escape and consistency
over collapse.
Let me say that again.
It also means choosing presenceover escape and consistency
over collapse.
And me say that again, it alsomeans choosing presence over
escape and consistency overcollapse.
(04:27):
And this isn't just for yourkids, but it's for you also,
because it's not about survivingthe pain.
It's about proving to yourselfthat you're more than what
you've lost.
Even though the familystructure is changing, your role
(04:49):
as a father hasn't ended.
It's just evolving to besomething different.
And your kids?
They don't need a superhero,they don't need perfection.
They need somebody who issteady and constant, somebody
who keeps showing up, no matterhow messy or painful things get.
(05:10):
So strong dads don't disappear,they anchor.
Strong dads don't disappear,they anchor, they become
emotionally.
They become the emotionallighthouse their kids can rely
on, even when the seas are rough.
And, maybe most importantly,when you show up during these
hard times, you're teaching yourkids that pain doesn't have to
(05:33):
make us disappear.
It can make us more present, itcan make us more real and it
can make us more human.
They're going to experiencepain all throughout their lives,
just like we have, and you areshowing them through modeling
that you can work through painand that you don't have to
(05:55):
disappear through pain.
And I don't know that there's abetter message in these times
for children and resiliency thanthat and while it might not be
the situation that you wanted tomodel this in, it can have a
profound impact on your kiddos.
The second thing that I mean ischoose the high road, even when
(06:17):
you're provoked.
Divorce has a way of alightingemotional fuses.
It's highly personal, it's verypainful and often fueled by
unresolved hurt.
You may feel blindsided,betrayed or belittled.
(06:37):
You might hear things aboutyourself that aren't true,
things said in court documentsyourself that aren't true,
things said in court documentsor in court itself or in text,
or whispered to your kids byyour ex or somebody else, and
there's a deep, burning urge toclap back immediately to prove
your point or to quote unquote,win.
(06:59):
But here's the truth, gentlemenno one really wins when the
fight gets dirty, especially notyour kids.
You're going to be provoked andyou're likely going to be lied
about.
We've talked a long and a lotabout the unfairness of this
(07:29):
whole process for dads and it'sinfuriating.
I still get infuriated when Ihear this and hear about any one
of the dads in our community.
But every time you choose thehigh road, every single time you
don't take that bait, youreinforce something more
powerful than revenge, and thatis your character.
(07:53):
Let me repeat that, even thoughit's infuriating, even though
it's unfair, every time youchoose the high road and every
time you don't take the bait,you reinforce something more
powerful than revenge, and thatis your character.
So staying strong in thiscontext means biting your tongue
(08:14):
when you'd rather unleash hell.
It means responding withclarity, not venom.
It means setting boundaries,not building battle lines.
And this is not a weakness,fellas.
It's discipline, it'sleadership, it's strength under
fire, because your kiddos arewatching you, not just now, but
(08:36):
years from now.
They will remember how theirdad handled the storm.
They'll remember if youprotected their peace or if you
dragged them into your pain.
They'll remember if you spokeabout their other parent with
respect or contempt.
You don't have to pretendeverything is okay, but you do
(08:57):
have to stay grounded.
Don't get caught up in the trapof, like I said, trying to quote
unquote win the breakup or thedivorce.
Instead, shift your focus towhat actually matters.
These are the things thatmatter your integrity, your
future and the emotionalwell-being of your kids.
(09:19):
So choosing the high roaddoesn't mean being passive.
It means just being strategic.
It means documenting everything, like you hear us talk about
all the time, instead of rantingor lashing out.
It means letting your lawyer dothe fighting so you don't have
to live in that mode.
And, most importantly, it meansremembering who you are, even
(09:45):
when someone else is trying todefine you differently.
You're a father and that meansyou're a leader.
That means a man buildingsomething solid out of the
wreckage.
That's the high road and it'sthe strongest one that you can
walk.
(10:05):
The next thing that I mean bystaying strong is to stay
involved, no matter how hard itgets.
Divorce can hit your time withyour kids like a wrecking ball.
Maybe you went from seeing themevery day to seeing them every
other weekend.
Maybe the court order feels andis, frankly, a slap in the face
(10:29):
.
Maybe you're jumping throughlegal hoops just to get basic
access to your kids.
It's frustrating, it'sexhausting and it's completely
unfair, but here's the line thatseparates dads who survive
divorce from those who risethrough it.
You stay involved no matter what.
(10:53):
Even when it's awkward, evenwhen you feel shut out, even
when the effort feels one-sided,you do not retreat, because the
truth is your kids don't careabout court dates.
They don't understand thecustody laws.
They're not grading yourparenting based on the time you
(11:13):
get.
They're watching what you dowith the time you have.
Let me say that again, they'renot grading your parenting based
on the time you get.
They have no idea or concept orclue about it.
They're watching what you dowith the time you get.
So you continue to send thetext, even if the replies are
(11:38):
short or you don't get anyreplies at all.
You call even if it goes tovoicemail or they're being
gatekept.
You show up to the soccer game,the school concert, the dentist
appointment, even if no one'sexpecting you there or if you're
not getting recognition.
You make yourself visible,predictable and dependable.
(12:00):
This isn't about trying to bethe quote unquote fun parent,
and you're definitely not buyingback attention or, excuse me,
buying back affection withgadgets or sugar highs.
You don't need to compete.
It's not a competition tocompete.
It's not a competition.
You need to connect.
Kids don't need the Disneylanddad, they need the reliable dad.
(12:23):
They need to know that whenthings get complicated, you will
not disappear, that you won'tlet frustration become distance,
that even when the system wearsyou down or boxes you out, you
find a way to stay present.
And yes, it's hard, it's lonelyand it takes stamina.
(12:47):
That's why we're here, that'swhy we have this community, and
this is why we support you andthe other men in it support you
as well.
And here's the reward Over time, your consistency becomes your
superpower.
When they think of safety, theywill think of you when they
(13:07):
grow up and start piecing thepuzzle together which I promise
you they will.
They'll remember who keptshowing up, even when it wasn't
easy or convenient.
That's the dad they'll trust,that's the example that they'll
carry, and ultimately, that'swhat we want is for them to be
healthy, functioning adults.
(13:28):
So stay involved, stayreachable, stay in the picture,
because you're not just fightingfor time, you're building the
kind of relationship thatoutlasts the hardest chapters.
Number four what I'm talkingabout when I say stay strong is
take care of yourself like youmatter, because you do.
(13:50):
You hear me talk about italmost every single podcast now,
because it's absolutely crucial.
But it's something a lot ofdads forget during divorce.
You're not just a provider,protector or a co-parent.
You're a human being and youmatter Not just to your kids,
but to you.
(14:11):
Too many men get stuck insurvival mode during and after
divorce.
They tell themselves, hey, I'lldeal with me later, but later
never ever comes.
The stress piles up, the angersimmers, the loneliness gets
louder and eventually somethingbreaks.
That could be health, thatcould be patience, that could be
self-worth, and trust me, Ispeak from experience you cannot
(14:36):
do it.
Something will break, andthat's not real strength,
gentlemen.
That's burnout in disguise.
Staying strong doesn't meanwhite knuckling your way through
it.
It means actively choosing tocare for your body, actively
choosing to care for your mindand actively choosing your
emotional well-being, like yourlife depends on it, because it
(14:59):
does.
And what does that look like?
It looks like finding therapy,not because you're weak, but
because carrying pain alone isweak.
It looks like working out, notto impress anyone, but because
your body needs an outlet.
That isn't alcohol or drugs orsex or rage, any of that.
(15:22):
It looks like eating real foodand getting sleep and drinking
water and staying hydrated, notjust surviving on caffeine or on
energy drinks or on adrenalineor anything else.
It looks like spending timewith people who lift you up,
being involved in this community, not just people who are
(15:44):
distracting you or helping youto escape from what it is that's
going on.
And so let's be real about allthis.
It's very, very easy to numb outduring this time.
The bottle, the scrolling,casual hookups, the endless
distractions.
We've got them all throughoutour life, from the moment we
(16:06):
wake up to the time we go to bed.
But the more you run from thepain, the more it owns you.
Healing happens when you faceit head on, not when you avoid
it.
You can't pour into your kidsif you're drained or if you're
bitter or if you're broken.
They deserve a dad who's whole,and you deserve a life that's
(16:30):
bigger than just being asurvivor of divorce.
So take care of yourself likeyour life matters, because it
does of yourself.
Like your life matters, becauseit does not someday, but right
now.
Taking care of yourself.
It's not selfish fellas, it'sfoundational.
It's how you get strong andit's how you stay strong.
(16:50):
All right.
Finally, number five lead withlove, not with ego.
Divorce can feel like apersonal defeat.
The marriage ended?
Your role in the home's changed?
Maybe you didn't.
Maybe you aren't getting thetime you want with your kids.
(17:11):
Maybe you feel like everythingyou built got taken away in a
courtroom or slowly unraveled.
It's easy and even natural tofeel like you've lost something.
And when we feel like we'velost, the ego kicks in right.
It wants to win, it wants tocontrol, it wants to make
someone else hurt the way thatwe are hurting.
(17:33):
But staying strong isn't aboutproving a point what staying
strong is.
It's about choosing the paththat helps you and your kids
heal.
The path is love.
It's not ego, it's not prideand it's not payback.
When you lead with the ego,everything becomes a competition
(17:55):
who gets more time, who lookslike the better parent, who
moves on faster, et cetera, etcetera.
That mindset drains your energyand poisons your focus.
It puts you in a tug of warwhere your kids are the rope.
But when you lead with love,the entire mission shifts.
You stop asking how do I win?
(18:17):
And start asking what do mykids need from me now?
They don't need a dad who'sobsessed with getting the last
word.
They need a dad who'semotionally grounded.
They need a dad who listens.
They need a dad who teachesthem how to treat others, even
when those others are difficultto love.
(18:40):
You become their example, notof perfection, but of character.
So what does love-led leadershiplook like?
Holding your tongue when yourex says something unfair because
your kids don't need to carrythat tension, says something
unfair because your kids don'tneed to carry that tension.
(19:00):
It looks like prioritizingtheir emotional safety over your
pride, because they didn't askfor this.
It looks like offeringstability, not guilt, because
they deserve to feel like kids,not referees.
And here's the thing when youlead with love, you don't lose
power, you claim it.
You step into the kind ofstrength that actually changes
(19:20):
things.
You build trust, you createpeace, you become the parent
your children turn to, not outof obligation but out of love.
And I'll tell you, fellas, thatis transformational Over time.
They'll see it and they'll feelit.
They'll remember that daddidn't use the divorce to tear
(19:41):
everything down.
He used it to build somethingbetter.
That, fellas, is leadership,that is strength.
So when I say stay strong, itisn't just something I say to
sound supportive.
It's not a slogan, it's not acheap pep talk.
It's a challenge, it's acommitment and it's a way of
(20:03):
life for any of us dads walkingthrough the fire of divorce.
Let's be real.
This is definitely one of thehardest transitions a man can go
through, and it's not justabout losing the relationship
with your ex or soon-to-be ex.
It's about having your identityshaken.
(20:25):
Your routines are changed andshattered.
Your role as a father is putunder pressure, and sometimes
under a microscope in courts orin the public eye and in the
middle of that, you're supposedto just keep functioning, keep
working, keep parenting, keepmoving.
But so when I say stay strong,what I mean is what I just said
(20:49):
Stay emotionally available whenyour instinct is to shut down.
Stay patient when everythinginside you wants to lash out.
Stay connected to your kids,even when the system makes it
hard.
Stay true to who you are, evenwhen someone else tries to twist
the story.
Stay grounded in love, not ego,not bitterness, not fear.
It's not about appearances.
(21:11):
It's not about pretendingyou're okay.
Strength doesn't mean silence.
It doesn't mean stuffing youremotions or putting on a mask.
It means leading yourself withclarity.
It means staying focused onwhat matters most your kids,
your future and your own mentaland emotional health.
You will doubt yourself.
You will get tired.
You will wonder if it's worthit.
(21:33):
But hear this you have morestrength in you than you think.
You have more strength in youthan you think you can handle.
This I promise you.
And every time you show up,every time you take the high
road, keep the connection, dothe inner work and choose love
over ego.
You prove it.
(21:54):
Your kids need you strong.
They don't need you invincible.
They don't need you invincible,they don't need you unbreakable
, just strong enough to keepgoing, strong enough to show
them what real resilience lookslike.
So, yeah, stay strong, becausethey need you, because you're
not done and because this isn'tthe end of your story.
It's the beginning of your nextchapter.
(22:15):
Gentlemen, I hope that you foundsome value in these words today
.
If you have, please share thiswith another divorce or
divorcing dad or somebody else.
Post it far and wide on socialmedia.
Take it to heart, listen to itagain, leave us a star rating,
leave us a comment.
Let's just get more and morepeople involved in this
community, because you need anddeserve the support that we are
(22:39):
offering you.
Gentlemen, have a great week.
Thank you for listening and Godbless.
Hello and welcome to the show.
Thanks for tuning in.
This week we are going to betalking about what it means to
stay strong, but before we getinto that, let me, as usual,
welcome our new members to theDivorced Advocate community.
Those are Jeremy and Brady.
Welcome.
(00:20):
We appreciate you being here,getting the support that you
need and deserve.
If you have not checked it outyet, thedivorcedadvocatecom is
the place for you to geteverything you need, every
resource that you need duringthis difficult and challenging
time.
We've got everything from freeto paid resources there at
(00:42):
thedivorcedadvocatecom.
Check it out.
One of the most excellent onesyou hear me talk about all the
time is the divorce quiz.
Take about 10, 15 minutes, gothrough that.
See where you're at mentally,emotionally, compared to tens of
thousands of other people thathave taken the assessment as
well as gone through divorce.
It'll give you some good,immediate feedback as to where
(01:07):
you're at, what you're doingwell and what you can work on.
So check all that out atthedivorcedadvocatescom.
All right, stay strong.
So you guys often hear me saythat, closing.
If you've been to any of ourgroup meetings or any of our
live events or just met with mein general, you've heard me say
(01:28):
stay strong very often.
Well, when I tell a dad goingthrough divorce to stay strong,
I'm not just throwing him avague emotional cliche and
really what I'm doing is givinghim a call, giving you a call to
arms and a reminder of whatstrength looks like when your
(01:49):
world is cracking open, whenyour identity as a father is
getting reshaped by custodybattles, by courtrooms and by
the difficulty and challengesand the ache of an empty house
and loneliness.
So strength during divorcedoesn't look like keeping a
(02:12):
stiff upper lip and pretendingeverything's fine.
It's not about powering throughwithout feeling anything.
Real strength in the contextthat I'm talking about and when
I say this is much messier, it'smore grounded and it's more
necessary than that.
So here's the five things thatI'm talking about really when I
(02:34):
say stay strong to you in myclosing or personally when we're
doing work together.
I just wanted to really clarifythis so you really understand
the deep meaning behind it.
The first thing is show up, evenwhen it hurts.
There's going to be morningswhen it feels like the weight of
everything is sitting on yourchest, when the bed frankly
(02:58):
feels safer than going out intothe world, or when you stare at
the empty side of the house andwonder how everything fell apart
and how you got to this point.
There's going to be nights whenthe silence in your home cuts
deeper than any argument youever had, when your kids are
with the other parent and you'releft in a house that no longer
feels like a home, just maybe aplace where memories are echoing
(03:23):
.
And there will be moments thatare random, moments that are raw
, moments that are relentless,when the pain blindsides you.
It might be a photo, it mightbe a song, it could be just one
of your kids' toys or a sockthat you find under the couch,
moments when you want to checkout or when you want to lash out
(03:43):
or when you want to shut downcompletely.
But what real strength means isshowing up anyway.
It means getting out of thatbed, even when the grief is just
overwhelming and screaming atyou to stay down.
It means brushing your teeth,packing up your lunch, answering
(04:05):
your emails, making that callto your kiddo, even if you don't
feel like talking to anybody atall.
It also means choosing presenceover escape and consistency
over collapse.
Let me say that again.
It also means choosing presenceover escape and consistency
over collapse.
And me say that again, it alsomeans choosing presence over
escape and consistency overcollapse.
(04:27):
And this isn't just for yourkids, but it's for you also,
because it's not about survivingthe pain.
It's about proving to yourselfthat you're more than what
you've lost.
Even though the familystructure is changing, your role
(04:49):
as a father hasn't ended.
It's just evolving to besomething different.
And your kids?
They don't need a superhero,they don't need perfection.
They need somebody who issteady and constant, somebody
who keeps showing up, no matterhow messy or painful things get.
(05:10):
So strong dads don't disappear,they anchor.
Strong dads don't disappear,they anchor, they become
emotionally.
They become the emotionallighthouse their kids can rely
on, even when the seas are rough.
And, maybe most importantly,when you show up during these
hard times, you're teaching yourkids that pain doesn't have to
(05:33):
make us disappear.
It can make us more present, itcan make us more real and it
can make us more human.
They're going to experiencepain all throughout their lives,
just like we have, and you areshowing them through modeling
that you can work through painand that you don't have to
(05:55):
disappear through pain.
And I don't know that there's abetter message in these times
for children and resiliency thanthat and while it might not be
the situation that you wanted tomodel this in, it can have a
profound impact on your kiddos.
The second thing that I mean ischoose the high road, even when
(06:17):
you're provoked.
Divorce has a way of alightingemotional fuses.
It's highly personal, it's verypainful and often fueled by
unresolved hurt.
You may feel blindsided,betrayed or belittled.
(06:37):
You might hear things aboutyourself that aren't true,
things said in court documentsyourself that aren't true,
things said in court documentsor in court itself or in text,
or whispered to your kids byyour ex or somebody else, and
there's a deep, burning urge toclap back immediately to prove
your point or to quote unquote,win.
(06:59):
But here's the truth, gentlemenno one really wins when the
fight gets dirty, especially notyour kids.
You're going to be provoked andyou're likely going to be lied
about.
We've talked a long and a lotabout the unfairness of this
(07:29):
whole process for dads and it'sinfuriating.
I still get infuriated when Ihear this and hear about any one
of the dads in our community.
But every time you choose thehigh road, every single time you
don't take that bait, youreinforce something more
powerful than revenge, and thatis your character.
(07:53):
Let me repeat that, even thoughit's infuriating, even though
it's unfair, every time youchoose the high road and every
time you don't take the bait,you reinforce something more
powerful than revenge, and thatis your character.
So staying strong in thiscontext means biting your tongue
(08:14):
when you'd rather unleash hell.
It means responding withclarity, not venom.
It means setting boundaries,not building battle lines.
And this is not a weakness,fellas.
It's discipline, it'sleadership, it's strength under
fire, because your kiddos arewatching you, not just now, but
(08:36):
years from now.
They will remember how theirdad handled the storm.
They'll remember if youprotected their peace or if you
dragged them into your pain.
They'll remember if you spokeabout their other parent with
respect or contempt.
You don't have to pretendeverything is okay, but you do
(08:57):
have to stay grounded.
Don't get caught up in the trapof, like I said, trying to quote
unquote win the breakup or thedivorce.
Instead, shift your focus towhat actually matters.
These are the things thatmatter your integrity, your
future and the emotionalwell-being of your kids.
(09:19):
So choosing the high roaddoesn't mean being passive.
It means just being strategic.
It means documenting everything, like you hear us talk about
all the time, instead of rantingor lashing out.
It means letting your lawyer dothe fighting so you don't have
to live in that mode.
And, most importantly, it meansremembering who you are, even
(09:45):
when someone else is trying todefine you differently.
You're a father and that meansyou're a leader.
That means a man buildingsomething solid out of the
wreckage.
That's the high road and it'sthe strongest one that you can
walk.
(10:05):
The next thing that I mean bystaying strong is to stay
involved, no matter how hard itgets.
Divorce can hit your time withyour kids like a wrecking ball.
Maybe you went from seeing themevery day to seeing them every
other weekend.
Maybe the court order feels andis, frankly, a slap in the face
(10:29):
.
Maybe you're jumping throughlegal hoops just to get basic
access to your kids.
It's frustrating, it'sexhausting and it's completely
unfair, but here's the line thatseparates dads who survive
divorce from those who risethrough it.
You stay involved no matter what.
(10:53):
Even when it's awkward, evenwhen you feel shut out, even
when the effort feels one-sided,you do not retreat, because the
truth is your kids don't careabout court dates.
They don't understand thecustody laws.
They're not grading yourparenting based on the time you
(11:13):
get.
They're watching what you dowith the time you have.
Let me say that again, they'renot grading your parenting based
on the time you get.
They have no idea or concept orclue about it.
They're watching what you dowith the time you get.
So you continue to send thetext, even if the replies are
(11:38):
short or you don't get anyreplies at all.
You call even if it goes tovoicemail or they're being
gatekept.
You show up to the soccer game,the school concert, the dentist
appointment, even if no one'sexpecting you there or if you're
not getting recognition.
You make yourself visible,predictable and dependable.
(12:00):
This isn't about trying to bethe quote unquote fun parent,
and you're definitely not buyingback attention or, excuse me,
buying back affection withgadgets or sugar highs.
You don't need to compete.
It's not a competition tocompete.
It's not a competition.
You need to connect.
Kids don't need the Disneylanddad, they need the reliable dad.
(12:23):
They need to know that whenthings get complicated, you will
not disappear, that you won'tlet frustration become distance,
that even when the system wearsyou down or boxes you out, you
find a way to stay present.
And yes, it's hard, it's lonelyand it takes stamina.
(12:47):
That's why we're here, that'swhy we have this community, and
this is why we support you andthe other men in it support you
as well.
And here's the reward Over time, your consistency becomes your
superpower.
When they think of safety, theywill think of you when they
(13:07):
grow up and start piecing thepuzzle together which I promise
you they will.
They'll remember who keptshowing up, even when it wasn't
easy or convenient.
That's the dad they'll trust,that's the example that they'll
carry, and ultimately, that'swhat we want is for them to be
healthy, functioning adults.
(13:28):
So stay involved, stayreachable, stay in the picture,
because you're not just fightingfor time, you're building the
kind of relationship thatoutlasts the hardest chapters.
Number four what I'm talkingabout when I say stay strong is
take care of yourself like youmatter, because you do.
(13:50):
You hear me talk about italmost every single podcast now,
because it's absolutely crucial.
But it's something a lot ofdads forget during divorce.
You're not just a provider,protector or a co-parent.
You're a human being and youmatter Not just to your kids,
but to you.
(14:11):
Too many men get stuck insurvival mode during and after
divorce.
They tell themselves, hey, I'lldeal with me later, but later
never ever comes.
The stress piles up, the angersimmers, the loneliness gets
louder and eventually somethingbreaks.
That could be health, thatcould be patience, that could be
self-worth, and trust me, Ispeak from experience you cannot
(14:36):
do it.
Something will break, andthat's not real strength,
gentlemen.
That's burnout in disguise.
Staying strong doesn't meanwhite knuckling your way through
it.
It means actively choosing tocare for your body, actively
choosing to care for your mindand actively choosing your
emotional well-being, like yourlife depends on it, because it
(14:59):
does.
And what does that look like?
It looks like finding therapy,not because you're weak, but
because carrying pain alone isweak.
It looks like working out, notto impress anyone, but because
your body needs an outlet.
That isn't alcohol or drugs orsex or rage, any of that.
(15:22):
It looks like eating real foodand getting sleep and drinking
water and staying hydrated, notjust surviving on caffeine or on
energy drinks or on adrenalineor anything else.
It looks like spending timewith people who lift you up,
being involved in this community, not just people who are
(15:44):
distracting you or helping youto escape from what it is that's
going on.
And so let's be real about allthis.
It's very, very easy to numb outduring this time.
The bottle, the scrolling,casual hookups, the endless
distractions.
We've got them all throughoutour life, from the moment we
(16:06):
wake up to the time we go to bed.
But the more you run from thepain, the more it owns you.
Healing happens when you faceit head on, not when you avoid
it.
You can't pour into your kidsif you're drained or if you're
bitter or if you're broken.
They deserve a dad who's whole,and you deserve a life that's
(16:30):
bigger than just being asurvivor of divorce.
So take care of yourself likeyour life matters, because it
does of yourself.
Like your life matters, becauseit does not someday, but right
now.
Taking care of yourself.
It's not selfish fellas, it'sfoundational.
It's how you get strong andit's how you stay strong.
(16:50):
All right.
Finally, number five lead withlove, not with ego.
Divorce can feel like apersonal defeat.
The marriage ended?
Your role in the home's changed?
Maybe you didn't.
Maybe you aren't getting thetime you want with your kids.
(17:11):
Maybe you feel like everythingyou built got taken away in a
courtroom or slowly unraveled.
It's easy and even natural tofeel like you've lost something.
And when we feel like we'velost, the ego kicks in right.
It wants to win, it wants tocontrol, it wants to make
someone else hurt the way thatwe are hurting.
(17:33):
But staying strong isn't aboutproving a point what staying
strong is.
It's about choosing the paththat helps you and your kids
heal.
The path is love.
It's not ego, it's not prideand it's not payback.
When you lead with the ego,everything becomes a competition
(17:55):
who gets more time, who lookslike the better parent, who
moves on faster, et cetera, etcetera.
That mindset drains your energyand poisons your focus.
It puts you in a tug of warwhere your kids are the rope.
But when you lead with love,the entire mission shifts.
You stop asking how do I win?
(18:17):
And start asking what do mykids need from me now?
They don't need a dad who'sobsessed with getting the last
word.
They need a dad who'semotionally grounded.
They need a dad who listens.
They need a dad who teachesthem how to treat others, even
when those others are difficultto love.
(18:40):
You become their example, notof perfection, but of character.
So what does love-led leadershiplook like?
Holding your tongue when yourex says something unfair because
your kids don't need to carrythat tension, says something
unfair because your kids don'tneed to carry that tension.
(19:00):
It looks like prioritizingtheir emotional safety over your
pride, because they didn't askfor this.
It looks like offeringstability, not guilt, because
they deserve to feel like kids,not referees.
And here's the thing when youlead with love, you don't lose
power, you claim it.
You step into the kind ofstrength that actually changes
(19:20):
things.
You build trust, you createpeace, you become the parent
your children turn to, not outof obligation but out of love.
And I'll tell you, fellas, thatis transformational Over time.
They'll see it and they'll feelit.
They'll remember that daddidn't use the divorce to tear
(19:41):
everything down.
He used it to build somethingbetter.
That, fellas, is leadership,that is strength.
So when I say stay strong, itisn't just something I say to
sound supportive.
It's not a slogan, it's not acheap pep talk.
It's a challenge, it's acommitment and it's a way of
(20:03):
life for any of us dads walkingthrough the fire of divorce.
Let's be real.
This is definitely one of thehardest transitions a man can go
through, and it's not justabout losing the relationship
with your ex or soon-to-be ex.
It's about having your identityshaken.
(20:25):
Your routines are changed andshattered.
Your role as a father is putunder pressure, and sometimes
under a microscope in courts orin the public eye and in the
middle of that, you're supposedto just keep functioning, keep
working, keep parenting, keepmoving.
But so when I say stay strong,what I mean is what I just said
(20:49):
Stay emotionally available whenyour instinct is to shut down.
Stay patient when everythinginside you wants to lash out.
Stay connected to your kids,even when the system makes it
hard.
Stay true to who you are, evenwhen someone else tries to twist
the story.
Stay grounded in love, not ego,not bitterness, not fear.
It's not about appearances.
(21:11):
It's not about pretendingyou're okay.
Strength doesn't mean silence.
It doesn't mean stuffing youremotions or putting on a mask.
It means leading yourself withclarity.
It means staying focused onwhat matters most your kids,
your future and your own mentaland emotional health.
You will doubt yourself.
You will get tired.
You will wonder if it's worthit.
(21:33):
But hear this you have morestrength in you than you think.
You have more strength in youthan you think you can handle.
This I promise you.
And every time you show up,every time you take the high
road, keep the connection, dothe inner work and choose love
over ego.
You prove it.
(21:54):
Your kids need you strong.
They don't need you invincible.
They don't need you invincible,they don't need you unbreakable
, just strong enough to keepgoing, strong enough to show
them what real resilience lookslike.
So, yeah, stay strong, becausethey need you, because you're
not done and because this isn'tthe end of your story.
It's the beginning of your nextchapter.
(22:15):
Gentlemen, I hope that you foundsome value in these words today
.
If you have, please share thiswith another divorce or
divorcing dad or somebody else.
Post it far and wide on socialmedia.
Take it to heart, listen to itagain, leave us a star rating,
leave us a comment.
Let's just get more and morepeople involved in this
community, because you need anddeserve the support that we are
(22:39):
offering you.
Gentlemen, have a great week.
Thank you for listening and Godbless.
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