September 1, 2025 • 21 mins
Documentation serves as your most powerful weapon during divorce, protecting your rights, assets, and relationship with your children when emotions are high and accusations fly. Meticulous record-keeping levels the playing field when you're at a disadvantage, as your spouse has likely been planning this divorce for months or years before you were aware.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the show.
Thanks so much for tuning inagain.
This week we're going to betalking specifically about
documentation.
It was something that Imentioned yesterday or yesterday
last week in our episode aboutthe Guardian ad litems touchdown
a little bit, but also wasreading some information, some
(00:23):
Hollywood information, aboutScott and Kelly Wolfe, who is an
actor and actress or realitystar, somebody.
I don't follow it that closely,but he had an interesting
situation that came up that Ithought was applicable for you
gentlemen to hear this week.
But before we jump into thetopic, I want to welcome Nathan
(00:44):
to the Divorced Advocatecommunity.
Check out the community atthedivorcedadvocatecom.
We've got all kinds ofresources for you, gentlemen.
We are attempting to be theone-stop shop for anything that
a dad needs before, during andafter divorce.
So check it out.
We've got everything from freeresources to paid resources at
(01:08):
thedivorcedadvocatecom.
And if there's something youcan't find, email me at jude at
thedivorcedadvocatecom and Iwill find a way to get that
resource to you Okay, document,document, document.
Source.
To you Okay, document, document, document.
Well, you know, if you're goingthrough this process, that
(01:29):
divorce is tumultuous and itfeels like an uphill battle from
the start.
There's high emotions, a lotgoing on, a lot of chaos, and
therefore it's crucial for youto understand the fundamental
truth around your case, which isdocumentation is your most
(01:50):
powerful weapon.
So you're likely to already bebehind the eight ball, and
meticulous record keeping cantruly, truly be the key to
protecting your rights, yourassets and, most importantly,
your relationship with yourchildren.
(02:11):
The reality is, the vastmajority of divorce filings
originate with women.
That's not a judgment, that isa statistical fact, and it's a
statistical fact withimplications.
What does it mean?
It means that your spouse haslikely been contemplating this
decision and planning herstrategy for months, if not
(02:34):
years, before you were evenaware that there was a problem
or that this was going to happen.
She's had time to consult herattorney, gather financial
records and build a narrative.
You, on the other hand, areoften blindsided, reacting to a
situation you didn't initiateand weren't prepared for.
(02:57):
So this inherent disadvantagemakes documentation not just
helpful and not going to helpyou get through the process, but
absolutely essential forfathers.
And so why is documentationgoing to be your lifeline
through this process?
The first is combating the.
He said, she said, and I'mgoing to get to Scott and Kelly
(03:21):
Wolf example in a bit Scott andKelly Wolf example in a bit.
But in family court oftentimesaccusations can fly.
If you end up at trial Withoutconcrete evidence, it often
devolves into one person's wordagainst another's, which then
the judge is just going to go.
Well, they can't get along,they're high conflict.
And that may not be the case.
(03:43):
But if you don't have documents, emails, text messages or even
dated notes providing objectiveproof that can corroborate your
claims and your arguments andmore and even potentially false
narratives, then that's going tobe very troublesome for you.
The second is protecting yourparental rights.
(04:06):
Custody battles are often themost contentious aspect, and
allegations a lot of the timeallegations of unfitness,
neglect or even abuse, can bedevastating and in its stay in
time, I'm telling you, gentlemen, you are guilty until proven
innocent.
So detailed records of yourinvolvement in your children's
(04:30):
lives, school events, doctor'sappointments, daily routines,
positive interactions these allwill demonstrate your commitment
and capacity as a father.
Number three financial clarity.
Divorce involvesdisentanglement of sometimes
complex finances.
So if you haven't been incharge of your finances or you
(04:52):
kind of have been looselyhandling that, get your bank
statements, pay stubs, taxreturns, property deeds and
expense logs together.
They prevent hidden assets fromyour soon-to-be ex.
They ensure fair division ofthe marital property and it also
(05:13):
establishes a clear picture forspousal and child support
calculations, which are simplyjust a statute and a spreadsheet
.
So if you have all theinformation, it's very easy to
take that information, plug in.
It's going to be fair andequitable.
And the last reason is revealingintent and patterns.
(05:36):
This is a really important one.
A single text message, fellas,might seem innocuous, but a
pattern of manipulative orhostile communication can reveal
a spouse's true intentions.
Documenting these interactionsover time can paint a powerful
picture for the court, whichtakes me to this Hollywood
(05:59):
example of Scott and Kelly Wolfe.
And so what's been happeninghere is Scott Wolf the actor,
and so here's the thing.
While the details of everycelebrity divorce are oftentimes
sensationalized, a key takeawayfrom this highly publicized
(06:20):
battle is going to highlight foryou the power of doc.
I'm going to highlight this asa very powerful reason to
document, as a father.
So what happened during theircontentious divorce proceedings?
Just as he filed, it wasreported that he had
(06:42):
meticulously saved text messagesfrom his wife, kelly, and these
messages allegedly demonstrated.
They haven't.
It's not allegedly, theyactually have demonstrated,
because the the outcomes havehave supported this.
So these messages demonstratedher intent to alienate the
(07:02):
children from him andpotentially remove them from the
state without his content.
It actually had her saying whatshe was going to do, how she
was going to do it, etc.
And so, by him having thesetexts documented and presented
as evidence, he actually did avery good job, as he preempted
(07:22):
all of this and all of the falseallegations, etc.
Et cetera.
By presenting these upfront, heactually ended up he has
actually ended up now at thispoint with full parenting time
and custody of his kiddos whilethey're going through the
process.
So Scott was able to counter herefforts, and this is a perfect
(07:45):
example where he was able toprotect his parental rights,
mitigating what sometimeshappens all the time,
unfortunately and I know that alot of you listening have this
happen it mitigated a plan thatcould have severely limited his
relationship with the children,and so, regardless of the
specific allegations here, thisunderscores the critical lesson,
(08:07):
which is your ex-spouse's words, especially in writing, can be
used against them in court.
Now, just understand.
The same goes for you, right?
Had Scott Wolf not preservedthose communications, it would
have been his word against hersand the outcome could have been
drastically different.
So if you go into thisunderstanding that you are going
(08:28):
to be guilty until proveninnocent, this might hit home a
little harder for you.
So make sure.
I know that it's hard to thinkabout.
I know, with all the chaosespecially when you just get
into this and you're hit withthis, maybe you're served.
Everything gets crazy in yourhead and the emotions are
running high and you don't knowwhat to do.
(08:50):
But the first thing to do is tostart documenting, start
putting.
One of the first things to dois to start putting together a
system in order to documenteverything that's going on.
I'll tell you another thingthat happens when you are
initially served with papers isyou start looking back on some
(09:11):
behaviors and start seeing somethings that are happening.
That makes sense as to why somebehaviors might be going on in
the dynamic with you and yoursoon to be ex, because she's
been doing some planning andgetting ready to do this.
So what do you need to documentand how do you need to do it?
So the first thing I say is geta place together, whether
(09:34):
that's a Google email and aGoogle Drive or a Microsoft one,
which is a Hotmail or whateverbut get a central place where
this is just going to be yourspot for collecting stuff, and
make sure to do it somewherethat you only have access to and
(09:54):
it is only your account.
So that's the first thing.
So a Google Drive is reallyeasy because you get the email
address and then that can justbe your email address for all
things divorce and then you canhave your file systems and
everything else set up so youwant to document all
communications, save every textmessage email, voicemail, social
(10:17):
media interactions evenseemingly innocent exchanges are
potentially something thatbecomes relevant Screenshot text
, screenshot emails and, ifpossible, keep a log of calls
with brief notes.
I know it seems absolutelycrazy, but I cannot tell you the
number of times I've seen thisstuff save such a huge, huge,
(10:41):
huge problems going through thedivorce with somebody who's
making particularly falseallegations or is being
disingenuous and lying aboutthings and but I'm not going to
lie, it is.
It takes time and and energy toput this together and pay
attention to it.
I tell guys when we get intointo group calls or get into
(11:05):
individual coaching this isgoing to be basically your
second, your second job.
It's going to be a part timejob for you to to go through the
process.
Hopefully it's only going totake a short period of time, but
you have to start focusing onit and block out everything else
.
What else to document Financialrecords bank statements, credit
card statements, pay stubs, taxreturns, investment portfolios,
(11:27):
mortgage statements, utilitybills, everything.
Keep physical copies anddigital backups.
So if you're not in charge, ifyou've not been in charge, if
you've not or if you've been,like I said, loosely handling
those finances, get a handle onit real quick and start figuring
out what's going, where and how.
It might be a little bit toolate, so you might need to
(11:48):
strategize with your attorney onhow to make sure to get access
to that stuff if you have nothad access to this point.
The next is children's recordsschool reports, medical records,
attendance at extracurricularactivities, photos of you with
your children at events.
This seems ridiculous that youhave to try to preserve those
(12:11):
somewhere so that you canutilize those as evidence, but I
can't tell you the number oftimes that those have had to be
used for a dad that I'm workingwith to show that he's actually
involved with his kiddo's lives,and he's got hundreds of
pictures of him and his kidsdoing something when his ex is
saying that he's an absentfather, for whatever reason.
(12:34):
That has happened.
So make sure to keep all thechildren's records.
The next is calendars andjournals.
Keep a detailed calendar.
So this is where it comes inconvenient for having, like a
Google Drive or a MicrosoftDrive or something like that.
Keep a detailed calendar of whenyou have the children.
(12:56):
So it's just going to help withthe whole splitting up time and
parenting time and stuff, butalso significant events and any
important interactions orincidents.
Why?
Because, if this so a couple ofreasons.
One, if it becomes a long drawnout process and you end up
(13:17):
going to trial but it getsreally drawn out, which I saw
happen lots of times duringCOVID.
But now it just seems,depending on where you're at in
the country, the differentjudicial areas just have
different timelines on how theywant to get stuff done, and some
of them can just drag onforever and ever, and then you
start forgetting incidents thathave happened, and so that is
(13:41):
important so that you can keeptrack of what's going on, how
it's happening.
But the other part of that isalso that you can convey this
information to your attorney.
So you have timelines and youhave the incidences.
You have it on a calendar.
Also, if you need to switchattorneys in midstream in the
process, which happens veryoften, probably more than you
(14:02):
realize that it happens, whichis okay, it's not a bad thing.
But if you have all thisdocumentation, in particular,
calendars that have thetimelines of events and what's
happening and how it's happened,it's very, very helpful.
The other is a neutral, factualjournal can be invaluable for
noting difficult conversationsor specific behaviors and these
(14:24):
can be behaviors of yoursoon-to-be ex if things are
becoming contentious.
It can also help you journalabout the kids and maybe
reactions and stuff that'shappening with the kids as well,
because that also is somethingto be paying attention to and
trying to understand and helpingthem through this process as
well.
(14:45):
The last is and again this isnot comprehensive this is one of
the things, too that when I'mcoaching guys, we talk about and
we go through and we create aprocess.
When I'm working with dadsgoing through divorce, we're
creating a whole structure and asystem.
You've heard me talk lots abouthow you're creating your team.
(15:06):
Well, every team that has aquarterback or a running back or
an offense and a defense.
They all have systems withinthat that they're working on and
how do they communicate, etcetera.
That's what we're doing, thesame thing here, when we're
working together, becausethere's so much going on.
Hopefully you're building yourteam, your certified divorce
financial planner, your lender,your mortgage broker, your
(15:29):
therapist, your coach, all thosepeople how you're communicating
, what you're doing with theinformation, how you're
communicating what you're doingwith the information, how you're
sharing that.
That's all part of this process.
So that's why it's really,really important.
And the last one is prettyobvious is your legal documents.
So after a dozen years, I amliterally and I talked to, if
you heard, ben from Ben Schooleyfrom Pro Se Coach on here too.
(15:54):
He says he has a stack that'slike six feet tall.
I had something similar to thattoo Keep an organized file of
all court filings, especiallyyour attorney correspondences
and temporary orders.
So you're going to always wantto have that stuff available.
That's why the electronicdrives you can always pull up.
(16:15):
If you need to show somebody atschool or God forbid, a law
enforcement officer the, thetemporary orders or the
parenting plan or something likethat.
You just have it on your phoneand you're able to to pull that
up.
So the legal documents as well.
All right, dad's, you,unfortunately, are likely
(16:37):
starting from a disadvantageJust like I said, most of us
have been the ones that havereceived papers and our exes has
filed.
But that doesn't mean you can'tlevel this playing field and
catch yourself up, not onlymentally, emotionally, but also
(16:58):
with the whole process ofgetting things together.
So embrace the power of thisidea of documentation, be
diligent, be organized andcreate a comprehensive record of
everything and I meaneverything relevant to your
divorce and your relationshipwith your children.
It's not about and look, it'snot about being vindictive,
(17:21):
right.
It's about being prepared,protecting your future and
ensuring you remain a vital partof your children's lives.
Let me just make a final commenton this, which is oftentimes,
even if things are amicable atthe start of the divorce, even
(17:42):
if you didn't know this wascoming, but things were amicable
and you were served papers andit was kind of chaotic and you
didn't know where to start, etcetera, but it was still
amicable.
There can be and I see thislots of times when the reality
sets in with your soon-to-be exthat this isn't going to go
(18:06):
exactly how all of hergirlfriends told her or she saw
on TV or she envisioned in hermind, and that's when things
really start to go sideways iswhen that reality happens, or
the reality that life afterdivorce isn't going to be the
same as life was through divorce.
Then guys get caught off guardwith that, so they don't start
(18:31):
documenting right away.
They wait until then the falseallegations come or some
manipulation comes or somethingelse happens, and then they're
like, oh crap, I really need todo something now.
So your best bet is don't letyourself be outmaneuvered.
Start from the beginning anddocument, document, document.
(18:53):
All right, gentlemen, thank youso much for listening.
I sincerely appreciate it.
Please visitthedivorcedadvocatecom.
Check out all the resourcesthat we have there.
If you found some value in whatyou heard today, share it far
and wide social media.
Everywhere else.
We get guys coming in fromother guys all the time saying,
hey, so-and-so told me in myFacebook group or Instagram or
(19:16):
whatever.
Check out this podcast andthey've been listening to all of
the episodes.
So share it far and wide onsocial media.
Also, give us a star rating.
That helps other dads that arethinking and looking for
resources to jump on even better.
The comments have jumped up onall the different platforms,
especially Spotify.
(19:36):
So I appreciate you guys thatare making comments on each of
the episodes, but that helps getthe attention of other dads to
jump in and take a listen aswell.
Thanks so much.
Have a terrific week and Godbless.
Hello and welcome to the show.
Thanks so much for tuning inagain.
This week we're going to betalking specifically about
documentation.
It was something that Imentioned yesterday or yesterday
last week in our episode aboutthe Guardian ad litems touchdown
a little bit, but also wasreading some information, some
(00:23):
Hollywood information, aboutScott and Kelly Wolfe, who is an
actor and actress or realitystar, somebody.
I don't follow it that closely,but he had an interesting
situation that came up that Ithought was applicable for you
gentlemen to hear this week.
But before we jump into thetopic, I want to welcome Nathan
(00:44):
to the Divorced Advocatecommunity.
Check out the community atthedivorcedadvocatecom.
We've got all kinds ofresources for you, gentlemen.
We are attempting to be theone-stop shop for anything that
a dad needs before, during andafter divorce.
So check it out.
We've got everything from freeresources to paid resources at
(01:08):
thedivorcedadvocatecom.
And if there's something youcan't find, email me at jude at
thedivorcedadvocatecom and Iwill find a way to get that
resource to you Okay, document,document, document.
Source.
To you Okay, document, document, document.
Well, you know, if you're goingthrough this process, that
(01:29):
divorce is tumultuous and itfeels like an uphill battle from
the start.
There's high emotions, a lotgoing on, a lot of chaos, and
therefore it's crucial for youto understand the fundamental
truth around your case, which isdocumentation is your most
(01:50):
powerful weapon.
So you're likely to already bebehind the eight ball, and
meticulous record keeping cantruly, truly be the key to
protecting your rights, yourassets and, most importantly,
your relationship with yourchildren.
(02:11):
The reality is, the vastmajority of divorce filings
originate with women.
That's not a judgment, that isa statistical fact, and it's a
statistical fact withimplications.
What does it mean?
It means that your spouse haslikely been contemplating this
decision and planning herstrategy for months, if not
(02:34):
years, before you were evenaware that there was a problem
or that this was going to happen.
She's had time to consult herattorney, gather financial
records and build a narrative.
You, on the other hand, areoften blindsided, reacting to a
situation you didn't initiateand weren't prepared for.
(02:57):
So this inherent disadvantagemakes documentation not just
helpful and not going to helpyou get through the process, but
absolutely essential forfathers.
And so why is documentationgoing to be your lifeline
through this process?
The first is combating the.
He said, she said, and I'mgoing to get to Scott and Kelly
(03:21):
Wolf example in a bit Scott andKelly Wolf example in a bit.
But in family court oftentimesaccusations can fly.
If you end up at trial Withoutconcrete evidence, it often
devolves into one person's wordagainst another's, which then
the judge is just going to go.
Well, they can't get along,they're high conflict.
And that may not be the case.
(03:43):
But if you don't have documents, emails, text messages or even
dated notes providing objectiveproof that can corroborate your
claims and your arguments andmore and even potentially false
narratives, then that's going tobe very troublesome for you.
The second is protecting yourparental rights.
(04:06):
Custody battles are often themost contentious aspect, and
allegations a lot of the timeallegations of unfitness,
neglect or even abuse, can bedevastating and in its stay in
time, I'm telling you, gentlemen, you are guilty until proven
innocent.
So detailed records of yourinvolvement in your children's
(04:30):
lives, school events, doctor'sappointments, daily routines,
positive interactions these allwill demonstrate your commitment
and capacity as a father.
Number three financial clarity.
Divorce involvesdisentanglement of sometimes
complex finances.
So if you haven't been incharge of your finances or you
(04:52):
kind of have been looselyhandling that, get your bank
statements, pay stubs, taxreturns, property deeds and
expense logs together.
They prevent hidden assets fromyour soon-to-be ex.
They ensure fair division ofthe marital property and it also
(05:13):
establishes a clear picture forspousal and child support
calculations, which are simplyjust a statute and a spreadsheet
.
So if you have all theinformation, it's very easy to
take that information, plug in.
It's going to be fair andequitable.
And the last reason is revealingintent and patterns.
(05:36):
This is a really important one.
A single text message, fellas,might seem innocuous, but a
pattern of manipulative orhostile communication can reveal
a spouse's true intentions.
Documenting these interactionsover time can paint a powerful
picture for the court, whichtakes me to this Hollywood
(05:59):
example of Scott and Kelly Wolfe.
And so what's been happeninghere is Scott Wolf the actor,
and so here's the thing.
While the details of everycelebrity divorce are oftentimes
sensationalized, a key takeawayfrom this highly publicized
(06:20):
battle is going to highlight foryou the power of doc.
I'm going to highlight this asa very powerful reason to
document, as a father.
So what happened during theircontentious divorce proceedings?
Just as he filed, it wasreported that he had
(06:42):
meticulously saved text messagesfrom his wife, kelly, and these
messages allegedly demonstrated.
They haven't.
It's not allegedly, theyactually have demonstrated,
because the the outcomes havehave supported this.
So these messages demonstratedher intent to alienate the
(07:02):
children from him andpotentially remove them from the
state without his content.
It actually had her saying whatshe was going to do, how she
was going to do it, etc.
And so, by him having thesetexts documented and presented
as evidence, he actually did avery good job, as he preempted
(07:22):
all of this and all of the falseallegations, etc.
Et cetera.
By presenting these upfront, heactually ended up he has
actually ended up now at thispoint with full parenting time
and custody of his kiddos whilethey're going through the
process.
So Scott was able to counter herefforts, and this is a perfect
(07:45):
example where he was able toprotect his parental rights,
mitigating what sometimeshappens all the time,
unfortunately and I know that alot of you listening have this
happen it mitigated a plan thatcould have severely limited his
relationship with the children,and so, regardless of the
specific allegations here, thisunderscores the critical lesson,
(08:07):
which is your ex-spouse's words, especially in writing, can be
used against them in court.
Now, just understand.
The same goes for you, right?
Had Scott Wolf not preservedthose communications, it would
have been his word against hersand the outcome could have been
drastically different.
So if you go into thisunderstanding that you are going
(08:28):
to be guilty until proveninnocent, this might hit home a
little harder for you.
So make sure.
I know that it's hard to thinkabout.
I know, with all the chaosespecially when you just get
into this and you're hit withthis, maybe you're served.
Everything gets crazy in yourhead and the emotions are
running high and you don't knowwhat to do.
(08:50):
But the first thing to do is tostart documenting, start
putting.
One of the first things to dois to start putting together a
system in order to documenteverything that's going on.
I'll tell you another thingthat happens when you are
initially served with papers isyou start looking back on some
(09:11):
behaviors and start seeing somethings that are happening.
That makes sense as to why somebehaviors might be going on in
the dynamic with you and yoursoon to be ex, because she's
been doing some planning andgetting ready to do this.
So what do you need to documentand how do you need to do it?
So the first thing I say is geta place together, whether
(09:34):
that's a Google email and aGoogle Drive or a Microsoft one,
which is a Hotmail or whateverbut get a central place where
this is just going to be yourspot for collecting stuff, and
make sure to do it somewherethat you only have access to and
(09:54):
it is only your account.
So that's the first thing.
So a Google Drive is reallyeasy because you get the email
address and then that can justbe your email address for all
things divorce and then you canhave your file systems and
everything else set up so youwant to document all
communications, save every textmessage email, voicemail, social
(10:17):
media interactions evenseemingly innocent exchanges are
potentially something thatbecomes relevant Screenshot text
, screenshot emails and, ifpossible, keep a log of calls
with brief notes.
I know it seems absolutelycrazy, but I cannot tell you the
number of times I've seen thisstuff save such a huge, huge,
(10:41):
huge problems going through thedivorce with somebody who's
making particularly falseallegations or is being
disingenuous and lying aboutthings and but I'm not going to
lie, it is.
It takes time and and energy toput this together and pay
attention to it.
I tell guys when we get intointo group calls or get into
(11:05):
individual coaching this isgoing to be basically your
second, your second job.
It's going to be a part timejob for you to to go through the
process.
Hopefully it's only going totake a short period of time, but
you have to start focusing onit and block out everything else
.
What else to document Financialrecords bank statements, credit
card statements, pay stubs, taxreturns, investment portfolios,
(11:27):
mortgage statements, utilitybills, everything.
Keep physical copies anddigital backups.
So if you're not in charge, ifyou've not been in charge, if
you've not or if you've been,like I said, loosely handling
those finances, get a handle onit real quick and start figuring
out what's going, where and how.
It might be a little bit toolate, so you might need to
(11:48):
strategize with your attorney onhow to make sure to get access
to that stuff if you have nothad access to this point.
The next is children's recordsschool reports, medical records,
attendance at extracurricularactivities, photos of you with
your children at events.
This seems ridiculous that youhave to try to preserve those
(12:11):
somewhere so that you canutilize those as evidence, but I
can't tell you the number oftimes that those have had to be
used for a dad that I'm workingwith to show that he's actually
involved with his kiddo's lives,and he's got hundreds of
pictures of him and his kidsdoing something when his ex is
saying that he's an absentfather, for whatever reason.
(12:34):
That has happened.
So make sure to keep all thechildren's records.
The next is calendars andjournals.
Keep a detailed calendar.
So this is where it comes inconvenient for having, like a
Google Drive or a MicrosoftDrive or something like that.
Keep a detailed calendar of whenyou have the children.
(12:56):
So it's just going to help withthe whole splitting up time and
parenting time and stuff, butalso significant events and any
important interactions orincidents.
Why?
Because, if this so a couple ofreasons.
One, if it becomes a long drawnout process and you end up
(13:17):
going to trial but it getsreally drawn out, which I saw
happen lots of times duringCOVID.
But now it just seems,depending on where you're at in
the country, the differentjudicial areas just have
different timelines on how theywant to get stuff done, and some
of them can just drag onforever and ever, and then you
start forgetting incidents thathave happened, and so that is
(13:41):
important so that you can keeptrack of what's going on, how
it's happening.
But the other part of that isalso that you can convey this
information to your attorney.
So you have timelines and youhave the incidences.
You have it on a calendar.
Also, if you need to switchattorneys in midstream in the
process, which happens veryoften, probably more than you
(14:02):
realize that it happens, whichis okay, it's not a bad thing.
But if you have all thisdocumentation, in particular,
calendars that have thetimelines of events and what's
happening and how it's happened,it's very, very helpful.
The other is a neutral, factualjournal can be invaluable for
noting difficult conversationsor specific behaviors and these
(14:24):
can be behaviors of yoursoon-to-be ex if things are
becoming contentious.
It can also help you journalabout the kids and maybe
reactions and stuff that'shappening with the kids as well,
because that also is somethingto be paying attention to and
trying to understand and helpingthem through this process as
well.
(14:45):
The last is and again this isnot comprehensive this is one of
the things, too that when I'mcoaching guys, we talk about and
we go through and we create aprocess.
When I'm working with dadsgoing through divorce, we're
creating a whole structure and asystem.
You've heard me talk lots abouthow you're creating your team.
(15:06):
Well, every team that has aquarterback or a running back or
an offense and a defense.
They all have systems withinthat that they're working on and
how do they communicate, etcetera.
That's what we're doing, thesame thing here, when we're
working together, becausethere's so much going on.
Hopefully you're building yourteam, your certified divorce
financial planner, your lender,your mortgage broker, your
(15:29):
therapist, your coach, all thosepeople how you're communicating
, what you're doing with theinformation, how you're
communicating what you're doingwith the information, how you're
sharing that.
That's all part of this process.
So that's why it's really,really important.
And the last one is prettyobvious is your legal documents.
So after a dozen years, I amliterally and I talked to, if
you heard, ben from Ben Schooleyfrom Pro Se Coach on here too.
(15:54):
He says he has a stack that'slike six feet tall.
I had something similar to thattoo Keep an organized file of
all court filings, especiallyyour attorney correspondences
and temporary orders.
So you're going to always wantto have that stuff available.
That's why the electronicdrives you can always pull up.
(16:15):
If you need to show somebody atschool or God forbid, a law
enforcement officer the, thetemporary orders or the
parenting plan or something likethat.
You just have it on your phoneand you're able to to pull that
up.
So the legal documents as well.
All right, dad's, you,unfortunately, are likely
(16:37):
starting from a disadvantageJust like I said, most of us
have been the ones that havereceived papers and our exes has
filed.
But that doesn't mean you can'tlevel this playing field and
catch yourself up, not onlymentally, emotionally, but also
(16:58):
with the whole process ofgetting things together.
So embrace the power of thisidea of documentation, be
diligent, be organized andcreate a comprehensive record of
everything and I meaneverything relevant to your
divorce and your relationshipwith your children.
It's not about and look, it'snot about being vindictive,
(17:21):
right.
It's about being prepared,protecting your future and
ensuring you remain a vital partof your children's lives.
Let me just make a final commenton this, which is oftentimes,
even if things are amicable atthe start of the divorce, even
(17:42):
if you didn't know this wascoming, but things were amicable
and you were served papers andit was kind of chaotic and you
didn't know where to start, etcetera, but it was still
amicable.
There can be and I see thislots of times when the reality
sets in with your soon-to-be exthat this isn't going to go
(18:06):
exactly how all of hergirlfriends told her or she saw
on TV or she envisioned in hermind, and that's when things
really start to go sideways iswhen that reality happens, or
the reality that life afterdivorce isn't going to be the
same as life was through divorce.
Then guys get caught off guardwith that, so they don't start
(18:31):
documenting right away.
They wait until then the falseallegations come or some
manipulation comes or somethingelse happens, and then they're
like, oh crap, I really need todo something now.
So your best bet is don't letyourself be outmaneuvered.
Start from the beginning anddocument, document, document.
(18:53):
All right, gentlemen, thank youso much for listening.
I sincerely appreciate it.
Please visitthedivorcedadvocatecom.
Check out all the resourcesthat we have there.
If you found some value in whatyou heard today, share it far
and wide social media.
Everywhere else.
We get guys coming in fromother guys all the time saying,
hey, so-and-so told me in myFacebook group or Instagram or
(19:16):
whatever.
Check out this podcast andthey've been listening to all of
the episodes.
So share it far and wide onsocial media.
Also, give us a star rating.
That helps other dads that arethinking and looking for
resources to jump on even better.
The comments have jumped up onall the different platforms,
especially Spotify.
(19:36):
So I appreciate you guys thatare making comments on each of
the episodes, but that helps getthe attention of other dads to
jump in and take a listen aswell.
Thanks so much.
Have a terrific week and Godbless.
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