Building Your Crew, Breaking the Clique: Finding Your Fit in the Lifestyle

🔥 Building Your Crew, Breaking the Clique 🔥

In this episode of The Down & Dirty Podcast, The Professor, Mrs. Doll, Chuck D, and special guests dig into one of the most common lifestyle struggles: how to find your people—without getting stuck in a clique.

If you’ve ever felt like an outsider at events, unsure how to meet people, or stuck in a small circle that limits your experience, this episode is for you. From hilarious party fails to real talk about navigating personalities, it’s a crash course in how to create connection, community, and chemistry without drama.

👀 What’s Inside This Episode:

• How to avoid lifestyle cliques and build a crew that lifts you up
• Making friends vs. making connections — and why they aren’t always the same
• Party etiquette and making space for new people
• Event types decoded: takeovers, mansion parties, meet & greets, and more
• Why even “popular” couples get stuck sometimes (and how to break out)

🚨 Special Offers & Exclusive Links:

• 🎟️ Join Couples Next Door: Use promo code NEWYEARS30 → CouplesNextDoor.com
• ✈️ Plan your next escape: Playcations by Stacey
• 🔥 Add a little tech to your play: LOVENSE Remote Control Toys

💰 Sponsors & Promo Codes:

• Want to sponsor an episode? Email us at [e-mail]

🎙️ Credits & More:

• Hosts: The Professor, Mrs. Doll, Chuck D
• Guests: The Dean, Just Me, The Prince and C from Eye Candy Midwest
• Produced by: Mr. Open at Down and Dirty Productions
• Music by: Victoria
• 💬 Enjoyed the show? Leave a review and share it with your wildest friends!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
This episode of the Down and Dirty Podcast is for adults only
and is sponsored by couples nextdoor.com, the private online
community for swingers and open minded couples.
Post pictures, connect and find exclusive events you won't see
anywhere else. Think of it as Facebook, but way
more fun content. Warning.
This episode includes adult conversation about sex,

(00:23):
lifestyle events and personal stories involving drug use,
specifically ecstasy. Content is intended for
entertainment containment and storytelling purposes only and
does not promote or endorse the illegal drug use.
Please consult A qualified professional for legal, medical
and safety advice related to substance use or mental health.
Listener discretion is advised. Got questions or episode ideas?

(00:47):
Visit downdirtypodcast.com and don't forget to follow, rate and
comment on your favorite podcastplatform.
Let's get into. It all right, Miss Doll.
Misses Doll on Mrs. Doll, I hearyou, I hear you.
You could see we got the Dean back on already checking my ass.
Just going to. Make sure it's all there.

(01:12):
Chuck B, how are you guys? Welcome.
Back. I'm doing good, doing good.
If you're still listening to us,which I hope so, that means that
you have not canceled us yet. So clap it up for us.
I don't hear any other claps. No.
OK, So what did you guys do? This?
We haven't been around each other in a little bit.
What have you done? Fun.
Mrs. Doll in the last. Couple weeks, we didn't see each

(01:33):
other over the weekend. We did, yeah.
Yeah, you're right. We did see each other this past
weekend. We went to there was a bowling
meet and greet. Which no one you, me and the
Dean. Yes, the Dean actually showed to
this meet and greet. Oh yeah.
How was it for you? Are you a meet and greet person?
Do you like them? I do like the meet and greets.
I did not expect you to be as large as this one was.

(01:54):
How about 200 people expecting the bowl in the first wrestling
race? Yeah.
Don't have any idea. If you guys didn't bowl, what
did you do? No, we did actually bowl.
We had three lanes. Oh, OK, three.
Yeah. And they were open to us the
entire time that we were there, so anyone could go and bowl
whenever they wanted The. Dean went earlier to.
Karaoke. Yeah, People broke out into

(02:17):
karaoke. Some people went into the big
old giant patio that was behind the open bar.
That was where Yeah it. Was a lot of people.
Did you guys theirself the the vanillas?
Were there any vanillas trying to integrate into your party?
Let me tell you this though. Let me tell you the drama.
Let me tell you the drama that was the meet and greet.
This is the best part about the meet and greet.

(02:37):
So about 3:00 in the afternoon, I get a text message from one of
our friends and he goes, listen,I was sitting at hockey today
and a non lifestyle person was like he, he was in law
enforcement. He goes, guess what I get to do
tonight in his local town? He goes, I get to watch for the
protesting group. There's a family values
protesting group that is going to protest a bunch of swingers
that are going bowling tonight. And he knows it's the same town

(03:00):
that I mean great. And and it's a bowling party.
Whatever coincidence that there's another, there's no way
and that. Of the mass amount that we had,
no. There's no way.
So everyone so he sends this message out to me, right?
And so I send it to a few peoplelike, what do you guys think?
And they're like, oh, but unbeknownst to us in the
background, this word is circulating through the

(03:22):
lifestyle right now. People are starting to panic.
And I finally was like, look, I've been doing this for 30
years. And people sometimes will say,
like, oh, I heard there going tobe a protest or the news is
coming. I've never once seeing the news
or a protester with a picket sign out in front of a fucking
swingers event. Sad note to this story is is
that obviously nothing happened.We had all these people there,

(03:43):
nothing happened. It was a vanilla time, whatever,
but we heard us. There's a subplot here that the
person who started this could have started this because he was
trying to get it cancelled so hecould hook up with some chick
that. Was the Oh my God, why didn't he
just come? I can't prove I can't deny it,

(04:06):
or I can't. I know or can't prove.
It can't deny it, I know. The word on the street is Jesus.
All that freaking headache for Jesus.
Yes, yes. Was it a single male?
Was it a single male? No, it is someone you know very
well. Oh God.

(04:30):
Straight to Jim, straight to Jimstraight.
To someone that you know intimately.
Probably you should not let me know because I'll be hating on
them for a while. So.
You ain't. Anyway, I ain't going to let you
know. OK, it's all right.
Well, Chuck, we're having your travels.
You know, the massive, the massive karaoke there that the
Dean got started at the end that.

(04:50):
Was I dodged that I dodged? Oh why you dodged it, it was
fun. All right, so, Chucky D, what
did you do this weekend? Where did your travels take you?
What weird city? Well this past weekend, well I I
was in LA, San Diego all last week, did not get back till late
Friday. So fun in LA?

(05:12):
Any fun in LA? No, you don't seem like Ala type
of dude to me. You're not.
The LA type of thing. Hey, you know what the I mean at
least. It was warm.
Yeah, it was nice. It was nice.
But the place I stayed at was right on the beach, so that was
great. The people are different out
there, you know, they got a different look, they got a
different feel, but. Have you ever lifestyle anything
out in California? Have you ever done anything
lifestyle wise in Cali? Yeah.

(05:33):
Where'd you go? San Francisco.
This is my first experience dealing with ecstasy.
And it was I, you know, the guy pulled it out of his pocket.
We were dancing. And yeah.
And it had lint and shit on it and he wanted me to take it.

(05:55):
He gave it to. Me What did you tell this was
your first experience? Motherfucker.
Well, no, no, no, no. I did it.
I did it. At first I did not because I
just, there was too much lint onthere, but my wife at the time
took it. So then when we got back to the
hotel, because I didn't take it,I guess I wasn't exhibiting
those behaviors that I should have.
He goes, man, you're kind of a big guy, man, that didn't really

(06:19):
hit you. Here, let me give you another
one. So he pulled out another one out
of his pocket. I took that one and yeah, I
started feeling some euphoria kind of stuff.
It was interesting. How'd you do on your first on
your first sexual experience on ecstasy?
Because it can go either way, you know what I mean?
Dude, I, I, I freaked out, I freaked out.
I didn't like it. That was the I mean, things were

(06:42):
like the best way to describe itwas like touchy feely, like
bright lights, like, I don't know, everything was it was Aw,
I didn't like that was. It you and your lady in the room
or or was there other? People it was there was those
other two, the guy who was had the, you know, the ecstasy
coming out of his pocket and hiswife, it was those two so.

(07:03):
I'll give you a tip. Don't ever do.
You never, never take drugs fromstrangers.
Did you not know this rule? That's true.
Don't ever take pocket ecstasy. Yeah, that's true.
That's my first and and last time doing that.
At any rate. No, this weekend was a pretty
chill weekend, man. I just wanted to relax.
Wait. Right now.
I'm in Omaha. I was going to say that looks

(07:25):
like a hotel painting. I ain't gonna touch it on Omaha.
I have fun in Omaha. I ain't never touch it on.
I'm I'm downtown. Don't make that face old.
Market, you know what, it's not bad down here.
It's kind of. I'm a Omaha fan.
Yeah, look at the Prince. The Prince is shrugging his
shoulders, too. He's in for Omaha, too.
I had a good time. I like Omaha.
There's there's there's some there's some fine ladies down

(07:47):
here thick. I like them like, you know,
they'd be eating their beef downhere, man, You know I like.
It Yeah, all the beef. Yeah, your voice like it well.
I'm glad you are are enjoying Omaha.
Yes, I am. We have some guests that we have

(08:08):
alluded to in conversation that are joining us tonight.
I will let them introduce themselves.
But the Dean, my lovely wife, isback on.
As you already heard her typing in before, she wasn't supposed
to, but she's on again. Hey, she can chime in whenever
she wants, baby. Listen, this is what happens.
You and missus don't gang up on me.
I. Think she's on mute right now?

(08:31):
There she goes. Hi.
I wasn't saying anything though.She.
Didn't have nothing to say that time.
Another person who's on tonight,a very, very good friend of
ours, known for probably about 20 years now, just me to join us
from the great state of Pennsylvania.
Going to come on and talk with us a little bit tonight about a
few things. And we have a couple on Eye

(08:54):
Candy Midwest hosts C and the Prince, and they're going to
join us tonight. Also talk about a couple of
things. Say hello C.
Hello, thanks for having us on. And the Prince?
Yeah, your boy the Prince is back.
We hear from you too much, though.
We do. That's enough.
That's enough. I.
Don't know how you got back on here.

(09:15):
Yeah, don't need to talk anymore.
Don't need to talk anymore. So we're going to, we have a
good group on tonight. So we're going to talk about a
little bit about questions. We get in.
We told you we're going to take in questions from the show notes
and e-mail into the site and seeIndian things.
But one of the big questions we always get in some of them is

(09:35):
how do we meet people? It always seems like some people
went to the meet and greet, somepeople went to a previous event,
but there were clicks and they were saying it was hard to meet
people because everyone's in theclick.
Everyone knows each other. These people look a certain way,
so they want to talk to us. How are and I just will chime
in, let you guys chime in when you want.
How do you think people one? Do you think there are clicks in

(09:57):
lifestyle and if so, how do you think people should deal with
those? Jump in whoever wants to Chuck
Dean or the Dean or Miss Doll. Because I actually get this
quite a bit when I'm talking with people at their first
parties. So I often say that it's often
like people talk about, oh, everyone's a click and it's hard
to get in and talk with people. And I'm like, you know, yes,

(10:19):
there's a lot of people that know each other and only see
each other at parties, right? So when you go to a party,
you're really excited to see people that you haven't seen
since the last party. And so a lot of people are
touching up and talking. And it may appear like a lot of
clicks, but that those people are also very welcoming.

(10:40):
Now do you think? Now let me ask any this is for
anyone, I think. Do you think that what she was
saying? Do you think that you're part of
a clique? Do you think when you go to
stuff like just you and your friends, are you guys part of a
clique? Or do you think you go with an
open mind just to meet people normally?
Or naturally I should say? Yes, to both questions.

(11:01):
I mean we've been doing this long enough where you've become
friends with people and you haveend up having groups of friends.
So that ends up being a click, but that click isn't necessarily
closed off you. You're in this to meet people,
to have experiences, to have a good time.
So you're going to create those bonds and those friendships and
people are more than welcome to,well, in most cases should be

(11:24):
more than welcome to join into said cliques and beat with those
people. Because that's, again, the whole
point of the lifestyle is to meet new people and have new
experiences. We met because we were not in a
clique that night. This is true.
This is true. The Dean and the professor were
the first people we actually metin the lifestyle 20 years ago.
And you know why we met? Because we were the only two

(11:46):
black people here. But.
Thanks. You're gravitating to each other
and I'm sure the professor wanted to have sex with just
life. Yeah, let's be real.
That's, that's what it was. It wasn't.
Used at the. Bar, he's not wrong.

(12:12):
Let's tell them my secrets, Chuck.
Don't tell, Don't tell my game here.
Yeah, I think for a lot of couples too, I mean, you can't
help it but to be viewed as partof a click, right?
Because that's that's just what people see.
But I think at the end of the day, everyone's different, you
know, it's what's whatever theirpreference is.
Some people want to do what they're comfortable with, and

(12:35):
some are adventurous, like Mr. Professor, who wants to get all
up in there and out there with alot of different things.
And there's some people that we know that just want to form a
colony, which I think is ridiculous, you know?
So you don't think that so when you say clicks like.
So what makes do? But what makes the colony idea
to you so like ridiculous? Because not saying that it can't

(12:58):
be open for other people to comein, like see set right, like
other people can come in. They just have to be willing to
like, venture out there and, youknow, get in there to meet the
people. Yeah, well, this is Dahl.
I think what really defines a colony is when you you publicly
post things like we will only play with people that have

(13:21):
papers and that only play. I mean, hey professor, correct
me if I'm wrong, but we've had people put this in profiles,
right? There have been extremes, you
know what I mean? There have been exchange where
people are just like, you know, if you want it like basically a
mission into the club basically,so.
Yeah, hello. We we have seen that, you know,
get how. That would go along with like a

(13:43):
click or even like a Kony. I mean, I get that I have seen
some pretty strange requests by couples on their profiles and
stuff like that, but. I mean, we know groups that are
out there now, that every party you go to, you see them
together. But here's what I tell people.
I tell people all the time, click is not necessarily a bad
word because you know you go to work when you're at work, you

(14:05):
only go to lunch with the peopleyou kick it with and the people
that watch the same sports teamsyou do.
Even in your family when you go to family reunion, you and your
cool cousins is over in the corner laughing at generic
cousins. So there's clicks in every
aspect of your life. You just got to know you got to
get in where you fit in on. So lifestyle is no different.
And I also tell people this, if there are 6 people standing

(14:29):
around, every time you see the same 6 people kicking it
together, one of them wants you to come say what's up.
Because one of them would love to not have to go back and have
sex with the same two people that they've been having sex for
the last six months. All right, they got their
lifestyle. They're tired of it.
Yes. Please tell me if I'm lying to

(14:51):
you that you found this out so many times.
You're not wrong. I'm not wrong.
There's somebody in that click like please come talk to us,
please, because we need out of this.
We are. I think you just end up finding
the one that's like the the one person in the group that's like
the Super horniest and they justwant to experience everyone.
Like the professor? What?
Exactly. Yeah, you catch a strays, yeah.

(15:20):
So clicks become safety Nets. Like you have your you have your
click. Like I know I'm guaranteed fun
with these people. So that's kind of like a fall
back. Like that's like the 1:30 AM OK,
nothing else panned out. So let's go have fun type of
thing. Great.
I mean, I I got that. So you do want to have some
spice and variety you want to add to the click.
So that's that's why clicks are what they are.

(15:42):
But also to actor, like I hear that part, but at the same time,
those who have had super bad experiences and something have
gone wrong and they're still afraid to venture out, that they
stay in the safety of the peoplethat they know where nothing
will happen. Nothing ventured, nothing
gained. True, Francine was going to say
something. But yeah, so I was just going to

(16:03):
say in terms of the click, I don't really find myself as part
of any clicks except for the onethat I got grandfathered into,
so. The end.
I mean, you could get out if youdon't want.
It. I.

(16:25):
Did not say that I was not pleased with the clique that I
was in. I'm just saying outside of the
clique that I was grandfathered into, being who my people are.
I guess I'll hang out with them.That's.
How I was saying ain't. It I said y'all was making it

(16:46):
sound. Like there's a click down there
to the left. I would really love to be here
but. No, I'm saying outside of that,
I'm not, I'm not really doing the the click thing, you know?
You're probably a click hunter like me.
I look for the people that are unhappy in their own click and
offer them a different option. I find.
Myself, I find myself buzzing around the party a lot.

(17:07):
Clique concierge over here. Or the fairy swinger, you know.
Your eyes coming over there, baby.
You don't like that clique? Having to tell me to stop
talking with people and all the.Yeah, don't be talking to that
clique. Well, because she.
Always just caught up talking, you know, to the same people in
too long and I'll be trying to move on like.

(17:30):
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(18:16):
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(18:47):
All right, guys, welcome back. So, yeah, just to continue the
conversation we were having before on, you know, sort of
clicks, but the segue away from that a little bit.
We have some guests on tonight, some people who have a unique
perspective on the lifestyle that we got some questions.
And also we got a question in about how come there are no, you
know, not a lot of people of color at the events or on the

(19:09):
websites. Because if you did go to the
website you just looked at like a banner ad or a lot of the
profiles, it is mostly white people.
So if you were just looking to get started, you may be a little
intimidating or it might be a little off putting just to your
perspective of it all. Wanted to ask some of you, all
of us have a unique perspective.Everyone on this podcast does
today about this area. But what are some of your

(19:32):
experiences as people of color and people married to people of
color and things like that in the lifestyle with, you know,
going to events or meeting people?
Has has it been different for you that you think or has there
been challenges, issues, things like that?
Chuck D. Well, I was going to say I can
only speak from my perspective and, you know, being a, you

(19:52):
know, person of color, being married to a white woman.
There's only been married to white women out of the four
we've talked about. Let's just let's just let's not
say like. You have a you like there's a
different perspective. Like you could say like when I
was married to my black wife, that's.
True, you're right, You're right.

(20:14):
But I will say there, there are times that I've encountered
where you could just tell that or it's or it's, you know, it's
been spoken because of the colorof my skin that altered or that
interfered with us playing with other couples.
But there's been positive experiences too, where I became

(20:36):
more of a fantasy or stop, stop,stop.
Or or nightmare. I tried to hold it together.
Wow. Wow, You guys know, comment on
me on that, right? Listen, man, listen, listen.

(20:56):
It's true. Thank you.
Thank you. I mean, think about it,
Professor. When we were at Dominican
Republic, at that resort, I. Did you and?
I were really the only two blackmen on that resort.
We were a commodity. Like we got a lot of tail.
It's because of that. Listen, I ain't gonna lie, it

(21:20):
was good to be there when we were there.
It was we were a. Commodity now, right, I would
think that some people would think that that is not a great
thing. Some people think, you know, if
they want to genuinely meet people or make connections that
they don't want to be a commodity.
How do you feel about how do youfeel in general?
I know that time was, we were onvacation.
Shit, shit, I was on vacation. You could be a commodity, but in

(21:42):
your regular life back home, do you like that in the lifestyle
being a commodity versus just organically meeting people or
people liking you? I don't, I mean, at the end of
the days, you know, I'm in the lifestyle because I'm trying to,
you know, form good positive relationships and get some tail
at the end of the night, right? So if I'm getting the tail at

(22:02):
the end of the night, mission accomplished, right?
Hey, hey, hey. There's been situations, too,
that I didn't realize until I'm in the middle of it.
Like, I don't think this is whatshe wanted.
Like the other person's partner,you know I had.
Really wanted to see it happen like oh OK got you.
Right. And I mean, I've had a a
situation. Where that's a lie, that's.

(22:22):
That she was. She was.
Crying she was Jesus Christ, Chuck, you made.
Her cry, I didn't make her cry. I think she just, everyone gets
in those situations I think where or they've experienced it
where they're like, okay, I wantto do this, but I don't really
want to do it or I'm doing it for my partner or whatever.
Taking one for the. Taking one for the team.

(22:44):
Well, I wouldn't say. She took one for the team, yeah.
And she was probably, she took one for the team.
She's trying. She, she was.
Crying, but I could tell I mean.But hey listen I I did stop
after I figured it out after a. Few.

(23:05):
After I got my. Rocks off.
I figured it out. I.
Figured. It out Jesus Lord and yeah that
that night ended and they left quickly, but he but her husband
enjoyed himself with my wife right.
So yeah, it's different. It's it's all different.
I didn't mean to do that to her.Wasn't my.
Fault it doesn't sound like you.You did well, let me ask.

(23:26):
Let me ask the woman, one of thewomen chime in and if you have
any experience, I know you well,Miss Doll, not really, but see
and the Dean who we've not heardfrom.
What are your experiences with it, being with a person of color
that you've noticed? Is there any difference in a
lifestyle with how you think you've been treated?

(23:47):
I can say I definitely, I've hadpeople tell me, yeah, did you
know he was the first black guy I've been with like I get.
Me and the thing we're just talking about this today that
she doesn't. Hear that?
Did you know she's never been with a black guy before?
Fucking hate that shit. It is World News when it
happened. Definitely mentioned in that

(24:09):
capacity. Look good.
Just look at him. He's like, damn it.
I've been dealing with that for 20 years.
My wife absolutely despised Whenthose words come out of
somebody's mouth, it is game over.
I have seen her stop in the middle of play, put her clothes
back on and walk the fuck out because that statement came out.
Just so everyone knows, you know, you can't see just just a

(24:32):
but he is black. You know he sounds white.
He is black. That's a microaggression, Chuck.
I don't appreciate that. You do sound.
White, I'm just saying. How do you sound a color?
I put a disclaimer out there like no, he, he is eligible to
say these things. I'm sorry I speak eloquently and
sound educated. That's that's on me.
Apologies for being a smart education a black.

(24:53):
Man, I just want to, you know, have some clarity there, OK?
Cuz you sound. Fucking Hood, what are we
talking about? Just you.
Don't need to, you know, sound hood to be black, I'm just
saying. Based on that statement you just
made, I guess I do. I'm just saying, motherfucker,
there you go. There you.

(25:14):
Go continue with what you were saying.
The beginning, you know, that was, that was a huge thing for a
while was I've never seen my wife with the black man.
I've always wondered what it would be like type of things.
And to me it's just I've been dealing with that shit my whole

(25:35):
life. Like statements like Chuck just
made. I've been dealing with that shit
my entire life. So I get it and it doesn't
bother me anymore, but it bothers the shit out of my wife
and she is not down for that. Like.
That is why she and I are BFS. They've commiserated for that
over years. Yes, yeah, we've been dealing
with. That literally.

(25:56):
What is the? Beginning what?
What is the what is the issue with it?
When people are like, oh, I wantto be with a black man only or
I've never been. What is the issue that you have?
OK, and I'm supposed to be honest here, right?
Yeah, this is a safe. Space Yeah, issue 95 .9% of the
time is that they love being with my husband because as he

(26:18):
says, the professor, what do yousay?
What's your tagline? What will this thing like?
King Arthur. Yeah.
That's one of those Jesus, you gotta be kidding me.
You guys are kidding me. You weren't.
Supposed to tell him on the podcast and then and.
Then he makes me call him king anyway in bed anyway.

(26:44):
So, you know, my husband is overthere doing his thing and their
husbands are not and can't even if they wanted to and they can't
do, you know, oral they can't dolike anything.
They can't kiss. They you know it, it's 95.9% of

(27:09):
the time that is the issue. But.
So you're saying the issue is, is that you're not getting a
fair trade in the tail or what? It's the main reason why we
started playing separately, because I was no longer taking
one for the team. The Dean was getting a pinata
while everyone else was getting a Maserati.
Exactly. And yeah, and I've talked about

(27:34):
it before. Oh, go ahead.
Now I was going to say for the groups now for events, so this
is the the question came up because they don't see a lot of
people at the events. Now being in PA, just I'll ask
this question for you and then everyone here got to go in
Minnesota and South Dakota can talk about it, but how is it in
Pennsylvania? Do you see a lot of people of

(27:56):
color or interracial couples or black males or black females
even at events in Pennsylvania? Or is it more so that you only
see a certain group? Of people it's it's few and far
between, it's not very. So we frequent a specific club
and I'm one of, we'll say 7 thatfrequent that go frequently.

(28:20):
I mean like I'm being dead seriously.
I mean, there's I would, I wouldsay there's maybe 4 black
couples, 3 interracially marriedcouples and then single guys.
That's it. It is not a.
It's not a large number. And I said geographically,
though, it's definitely like if you go to Chicago, you'll see

(28:42):
way more if you go to Detroit. When we lived in the Michigan
area and we used to go to clubs there, there was a specific
club, there was a club just for,not just for you or anybody
could go, but it was predominantly people of color
that went to these clubs. So there I, I think
geographically you'll see some different, different
demographics. But like for Minnesota, what

(29:05):
what we try to do is and, and we've noticed this, that the
dynamic has changed over probably the last 10 years.
We have different groupings of people of color.
So we'll have Latino groups, we'll have, you know, I don't
know what they are, but they're definitely people of color that
are coming to the events more now.
It's not just a black and white,but.
Don't forget my Asian friends. Don't forget my Asian friends.

(29:27):
No, we love. Our Asian friends.
But I don't, I think what I whatyou have to do is a lot of
people feel like they get excluded from private events,
Miss Doll and see when you go toprivate events, Let me ask you a
question. Do you see a lot of the
interracial or black couples at those when you go to private
events here where you're partying at?
Well, as you all kind of said already, there's already not

(29:48):
that many in the lifestyle and. There are more than you think,
though, because yeah. And this, I want to go to that
click thing, right? Because the private events are
usually like, yeah, group of people.
So I could just tell you on my hand, the very few, there's only
like a few that I just see at the private events I go to.

(30:09):
Now at the event, one of the last events there was was there
was a there was a decent group of annex that he had gone
through. I know because I attracted with
a. Couple of them so to.
Speak and you know, and they spoke mostly Spanish.
So that was, I mean, I, I would feel that would be kind of hard
to go into a situation like thatand not have a whole lot of

(30:32):
English or only have like one person to like translate for
you. I would love that and then try
to find people like that. You don't have to speak English
to me. Yes, I speak Russian.
I went through a face Spanish. Speak Chinese.
I don't care. I, I mean, yes, I get that.
But also being Hispanic as well,it's really hard to sit there

(30:54):
and say that you know, you find yourself in a place situation
and you can't, You don't have someone there to translate and
it's something it's not trying to put.
Them to Sometimes it's better ifthey don't.
I don't want to do it. I think that would be a disaster
just waiting. To happen.
Before I've actually stopped a situation from that because of

(31:14):
it, because we had no, I could, but it was they didn't, they
couldn't speak, they didn't speak enough English.
And the people they were playingwith, we're trying to figure out
what their likes and dislikes were.
And they were too heavily drunk.It was their first event.
It was just, it was a mess. And I told him I said you guys

(31:35):
just should take a seat and justwatch because this could get
ugly fast. Now, look, I've had a situation
where, you know, they they didn't speak English and we
didn't have sex just because of that reason, though, because
like miss all was saying, we couldn't get to the point where
we understood what we was doing.You know what I mean?
But it it happens, I would say, I would say in our crowd, I

(32:01):
would say in our crowd at like AWC event, I would say the crowd
is probably, what do you think, 80% white.
Yeah, at least. 80 Yeah 80 yeah 8080. 5% white.
From the two I've. Yeah.
The two I've been to, yes, it's about 85. 90%, yeah.
I mean, but it is Minnesota, youknow what I mean?
I was going out on the limb. I maybe even put A9 on it.

(32:24):
No, I, I'd be there too. I mean, I'm checking them in and
I will tell you it's it's at least 90%.
Now the youth, do you think thatit's definitely more males?
What do you think? Do you think that you see a lot
of black females in the lifestyle?
No. No, no, that's.
Probably the least representative.

(32:44):
You know what? And I think that's probably
cultural too. You know what I mean?
You ain't going to see a lot of black chicks in a.
Lifestyle, but I don't know if you guys ever noticed this and
maybe I mean I pay attention because I'm a people watcher.
I noticed though, that especially when it's when it's
like a couple like Justin and his wife, you notice them right?

(33:06):
You may feel they they may seem to be more approachable, but if
you had, you know, a husband andwife that were both black, you
don't see many people talking tothem.
You most of the times you see them all by themselves, and
that's just so do. You see that when when you go as
a as a interracial couple, do you find yourself talking to,

(33:28):
like you said, seeking out the other interracial couple, like
I'm going there looking for thistonight?
Or do you go there like I'm opento meet anybody, like I'll meet
some white couples? Or do you find yourself just
naturally at the end of the night with the interracial
couple? We met because we gravitated to
each other. We were like, oh, we're the only
ones in here. I wasn't gravitating to you.
Let's be real. You're gravitating to my wife at

(33:49):
the time. Okay, all right, let's be real.
But no, to answer your question,to answer your question though,
you know what? I, when I would go to a party, I
would associate with people thatwere friendly, positive that I
can have a conversation with. And if I couldn't have a
conversation with because I didn't understand them, then it

(34:11):
was like, hey, show me a different kind of language,
right? Let's go out and dance or
something, right? Let's have some fun because some
people may be able to, you know,can't articulate it in language,
but maybe it just do their behaviors or actions.
I mean, you know, my deal with that Russian girl, she started
speaking to me in Russian. I loved it.
She started having orgasms in Russian.

(34:32):
I didn't know what she was saying, but I loved it, right?
I could back that one up. I had an Eastern European girl
speaking tongues and she had no idea what she said after the
fact and it was the hottest thing I've ever dealt with.
Yeah, I love that shit. Yes, I love that shit.
See, that's a turn on for me. I'm pretty sure we have a list
of things. That we've all heard this shit.

(34:58):
Oh God. Well, I hear all the time like
there's a club like and it's changed, I would say since we
first started in Minnesota till now.
It's changed because when I first got here, you could go to
the bigger events, but we didn'tget invited to a lot of the the
smaller stuff. And now, and I'll be honest,
nowadays we don't always get invited to obviously everything.

(35:20):
But it's, it's a different perspective for me, just who I
am in the lifestyle now. So I don't know if I'm seeing if
I'm getting invited as much as everyone else or I'm seeing less
than everyone else. So I don't know what the what
the general Interracial Cup or the general blackmail is getting
invited to now. But previously to this 15 years
ago, not a lot of private invites.
You had to go to the larger events, the hotel takeovers, the

(35:41):
bar takeovers and then meet people from there.
But like Chuck was saying, and alot of times it was all you were
put into a certain pen of people.
You gravitated towards the otherinterracial couples or the other
black males. And it's not.
So I know in Pennsylvania, therewas a resort there that they had
it in their rules that you couldn't be a person of color

(36:03):
and come, right. What was it called?
It was called the old mountain retreat.
I know they changed it now, whatever it is, but I called
there one time. I remember calling we were going
to come back and go to camp out party or whatever and first of
all my black ass shouldn't have been camping.
That was my first mistake. Called the go to the camp.
Out. It's called Scouts, by the way.

(36:25):
It's scouts now, right? But it was back then.
Back then it was mountain retreat.
I called and I said, hey, man, you know, we wanted to get a
spot, this and that. And he goes, all right, so, you
know, here's the prices he goes.But I do have a question, he
said. You ain't one of them in words,
are you? And I was like, right?
He said it right on the phone. I remember where I was standing.
He didn't say N word, he said. The word, I'm talking like for

(36:45):
the podcast people, he said the word.
And when he said that, I paused and I just went, you know what,
matter of fact I am. He was like, thank you for being
honest. And we both just hung up.
So he was upfront about who theydid and didn't want.
Yeah, that was one of my experiences with it.
But like I said, otherwise at clubs they wouldn't
discriminate, but it would just be once you got there you knew

(37:10):
right where you were going to fall at so.
Right. And, and, and I think we really
it's, you know, on this podcast that we're doing right now, I
think it would be more of an interesting conversation if we
had, you know, a couple like a black couple on to hear their
perspective, to hear, you know, especially from the female, you

(37:32):
know, what they're looking for or what do they like, because
it's going to be a different conversation with who we have on
right now, you know what I mean?Right.
These are especially. From a black male yeah I mean we
got 3 white girls on here right now right so we've.
Got my business out there that are all friends of the family

(37:53):
yeah can. I come on this white.
Do I? Still count as white.
Oh yeah, you. You do, you do.
White as hell. Damn you snowflake, the shit out
of you. Jeez.
Jeez. The Dean's been invited to the
cookout for the last 30 years. Let's not, let's not even

(38:15):
fucking go there. Yeah, but she would have to
cookout for a minute. I.
Watch Friday I'll say but. But I'll say but.
Revoked. That's not for the fun.
Revoked. Pretty serious, you know, Miss
Dean misses Dean. If you were black, married to
the professor, you would have a different experience and
perspective on the lifestyle, and that's just fact.

(38:38):
Well, I believe that, yeah. Yeah, I definitely.
Believe that so I mean, I don't know.
It is what it is. You know, the professor talked
about his little incident with, you know, the the whole camping
thing. I don't know if that was back in
1962 when he went there, but damn.
I. Was two like 2000 and. 5 But at

(38:58):
the end of the day, it's stuff that we deal with every day,
right? And you just deal with it.
It's unfortunate. And here's the other thing.
There's some profiles that we'veencountered that have been very
explicit that says no black men,right?
And that could be, that could beoffensive to someone.
But you know what? At the end of the day, that's

(39:18):
their preference. No, I may not agree with it.
And it's. Fine, usually.
But sometimes the way they word it, you know no black.
Like they'll just say no, black no.
Black. You know, and you could totally
tell it's it's very but racist I'd.
Rather know, I'd rather know upfront.
Oh yeah, not waste my time with them, right so.

(39:42):
See, why don't you tell the story that you told us on
Saturday night all. About Reddit, Yeah, Yeah, I was
going to say yeah, it still happens, which to be honest,
that was my first experience. First of all, Reddit is the dark
web, so and. Prince and I, right.
We've been together just like a little over, you know, two
years. We have pictures out.
We don't have face faces out there, but you can definitely

(40:05):
tell he's black and white. There's pictures.
And it was actually somebody that reached out to us because
we're, like, putting our stuff out there for events.
So we're in all areas of South Dakota to message their Staffs.
Like, I'm like, OK. We're like, hey, like, what are
you chatting about? And then it was, oh, have you
been to a party? And they're like, what?
What's that? No.

(40:26):
And so Princess kind of gave a rundown of the hotel takeover,
what it kind of entails. The guy said yeah we'll pass and
we sure as hell don't fuck and use the word.
Go ahead, say it for. Her A or the hard ER?
In her car she was riding on thestreet, like rolling down the
street. It came to that part she needed

(40:48):
a black shirt again. Was it?
Was it a or ER it? Had.
Was it ERA? There's a difference.
It was the ER. OK, All right.
That. Was an overweight guy.
That was my first time kind of having to go through that
experience. I was like, infuriated.
No, I think it's something that it happened.
It's it's something that we don't talk about because a lot

(41:10):
of people don't have to confronta lifestyle, but it happens all
the time. And like it's weird in
Minnesota. I, I appreciate how weird it is
in Minnesota that I'm talking about this as a black guy, but
the person who facilitates a lotof the offense and things that
go on in Minnesota, you would think, what is he talking about?
But I see it because a lot of people come up to me all the
time, black males, interracial couples, and they'll say thank

(41:32):
you. They'll say thank you for, you
know, allowing us to come to theparties or whatever.
And I'm like, man, this is for everybody.
He goes, Nah, man, you don't understand.
We moved from one guy. I just talked to a guy from
Dallas and he goes, you know, wehave it in Dallas, but we also
had to move out to El Paso. We're we're further out and out
there. We weren't allowed to go to
events. They would vet us and wouldn't
be allowed in. People come up to me all the

(41:52):
time saying thank you for inviting them to private events
or thank you for letting them come to public events because a
lot of places don't have that, that space or that acceptance
for and you, it's the lifestyle.So you think everyone's going to
be like, oh, come on in. Not always the case.
So that's why I wanted to just get some and I want to ask the
Prince and see also this. How is it in South Dakota, since

(42:15):
you guys are out there a lot andthat's AI would think that's
even more sparse than it is here.
But how, how is it out there for, you know, people of color
that you see coming to your events and things like that?
Yeah. So out that way, I will say that
our number of people of color isquite low.

(42:36):
But I mean the group is very welcoming and and how to
interact with people. And I mean, from my perspective,
we have not had any situations where it was uncomfortable or,
you know, people made us feel any type of way.
It's been nothing but, you know,a great experience out there,

(42:57):
except for that one hiccup on Reddit.
But other than that, it's it's been pretty, pretty smooth
sailing. Yeah.
We get the hey, this was my first black guy, but also that
because there is very few black guys out there.
So it's kind of like, well. You know, like it.
OK, I mean, I. Know I'm.
Not saying. But I'm just, yeah, hey,
personally. Let's get a raise your hands.

(43:19):
Yeah, No, Prince, before you answer that, let's get our raise
your hands. How many of you on this podcast
right now do you care if someonesays?
That was my don't give a black fuck.
Yeah, yeah, I could care less. A second nail.
Yeah, I. Know Prince doesn't.
I get, I get the grinning. Yeah.
You're like Chris now. I want to be the first black

(43:41):
guy. I want to be the best black.
Guy, I set that bar high so I'm I'm real happy.
With it, yeah. Yeah, Don't tell me you've never
been with a black man. Don't tell me you've never been
with a black man. Because it's going to happen,
right? I'm going to do everything I can
that night to be your. First, do you remember the woman

(44:04):
at the club there in in Pennsylvania who was kind of
infatuated with the professor? And then she, she.
Big titty D. Stories that like, I hit her
over the head with a bottle or something.
What? I don't even remember.
What did she say? She was crazy.

(44:26):
The professor dicked her down sogood that she was making stories
up left and right. The woman, the first time I went
to dance with the woman, she goes, she grabs my hand and
dance with me and she goes, you know, I don't have sex with
black guys normally, right? And I said I just asked you to

(44:46):
dance. And she?
Put that out there. Like I don't normally have sex
with black guys. I was like, all right, I mean,
if we get this electric sliding might feel differently.
I don't know. Come on here and get your dance
on her. Once you see me hit this
electric slide, you're going to change your mind.
But no. This fool said the electric

(45:09):
slide leg is 1997. Why?
Do you not? Why do you not realize how old I
am and now this? Song is stuck in my head, thank
you very much. You know that's what I needed
for bed tonight. Thank you, we're going to play
that the next at my birthday party.
We are all fucking. Not the Cuban shuffle, you know,
the Electric Slide. Electric fucking slide.

(45:29):
Yeah. Now, Miss Dole, you're the
newest of all the people here Onto the lifestyle.
Have you seen, have you seen a difference in the amount of
people of color you've seen since you started to now?
Because I know the since you started the lifestyle, the

(45:50):
events have changed a little bit, like the the demographics
of the events. Yeah, they have it.
I would say that more people of color and the interracial, like
you said, there's Asian and Hispanics, like I said, there
you see it. Yeah, it's not every single
party or, you know, every singletime, but they're out there and
they do, you know, show up. Now how does the cowboy?

(46:13):
What does the cowboy go after? He seems like he might like
black women. The.
Cowboy might like black women. Listen, I get that from.
Him, he, he is like I do too. I you know, I did.
That from him. I can see it.
I can we. Just love women.
Cowboy hat on. Cowboy likes a little ass in his

(46:33):
life. I know this personally.
The cowboy like a little ass in his life.
Cowboy Carter. I see it.
I see it on him. Yes, I I mean if he was given
the chance, he most definitely would.

(46:58):
OK, that's good to know. That's.
Good. To know matter of fact, there's
three other persons, people of color on here laughing, but they
had no black tail neither all three of them are.

(47:19):
You know. 20 years that I've hadtwice.
Thank you very much. Not me, I've.
Had more than that. Hey, one time this black girl
came up to Chuck, you met her atthis party and she said she said
Chuck, Chuck met her. Afterwards, they went out, they
go back to the hotel room, they're kissing and stuff and

(47:40):
Chuck. Says right now.
The girl said all right, let's do this or whatever and Chuck go
to get behind her and she turns.Around because I like ass.
I like ass. She turns.
Out. Hey, you ain't.
Ready for all that back? There we.
Know and he looks her in the eyes and she said you ain't
ready for all that back there. He looks and that goes, yeah,
you right. And he goes back.

(48:04):
Just looking at it, I was getting ready to pop off Oh my
SO. Beautiful you right and left.
You right. And I came back to the front.
I came back to the front. The Mojo show, right?
Oh, I tell you, that's just irresistible.
Oh my God, that was fun. That night.
That night was fun. Something like that.

(48:25):
Oh shit, you guys ever get a chance to party with this dude?
Please do it. It is definite an experience,
man, I I. Love coming on this podcast.
It just brings me back. It like like everything brings
me back. Like we start talking about
stories and I just start, I smell like right now I'm
smelling cocoa butter, you know,like.
Cocoa butter and Hennessy. I'm cocoa butter and Baltimore

(48:47):
like I'm serious. Cocoa butter.
Oh my God. Well, OK, does anyone else have
anything else to add on the topic?
Yo, thank you so much for comingon.
Absolutely appreciate it. It's good to see you.
I've been seeing you. It's been months.

(49:09):
Won't see you again. Probably till fantasy football
time. What'd you say?
Dean, I said years. No.
Yes, more. Than months, 36 of them no I've
seen. You.
When was the last time I saw you?
Vegas. No.
No, no, no, no. No, it was after Vegas.
I've seen them since Vegas. We've seen each other in
Pennsylvania since Vegas. Yes, yes, we have hold.
On when did y'all go to Vegas? Lovers and friends.
Lovers and friends, we went to the festival out there.

(49:31):
What was that we. Went to a guy.
Party. During the day we were with a
bunch of swingers. We went to a pool party during
the day and I kept telling everybody, I told every swinger
there. I said listen, y'all don't
fucking day drink. They're like whatever bottles.
Boom, I'm in a cabana. I'm sleeping in a cabana.
Watch their shots and it up and they're like we're going to meet
for dinner, then we're going to Club 5150.

(49:52):
It was 8:00. Everybody was in there fucking
ready to go to sleep. Ain't nobody seen 9:00.
I didn't even get to finish my food because everybody was
asleep. No one seen 9:00.
I ain't seen nothing. I did.
I ate some weak ass pops and went home.
That's the last time I seen thisman.
Weak ass pops tonight. When you coming?
Back I was told. What was it party there?

(50:14):
The Dean for Halloween. Halloween.
We'll see what the woman, we'll see what the boss has to say
about that. We all get to meet up.
Party. See.
We'll get to meet up. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, some guys still haven't made it out for a pool
party. You right.
Come this summer, the first one will be the Dean and I's
anniversary party. No, don't come to the first one.

(50:36):
You're right, last one. You want you.
You want like a middle one like 4th of July?
4th of July. It's going to be hot. 4th.
Of July is going to be. Miss Dahr, are you going to make
it this year to the 4th of July?It is very possible.
As long as there's not baseball in my future, then yeah.
Baseball's going to ruin this for you.

(50:59):
Baseball is going to ruin this for you, all right?
Just drop them off. He's.
Going to get a hit or strike outone way or the other.
All right. It doesn't matter if you're
there or not. One of those two things are
happening. See the Prince.
Thank you for coming on tonight.See you guys.

(51:21):
Again. For all the ladies or couples
out there, if you don't, if you,if you don't speak English, hey,
that's fine with me. I speak your language.
Game out here. OK.
He uses his own personal Bumble account.
Seriously. Every week?
No. No.
Translate on it. Now it's it's fine, I'll figure

(51:44):
it out. And have you listened to the
speaking one? No, because he sent me the last
one when we were at Caliente, soI didn't.
I didn't get a chance to do it because I was on ecstasy when he
sent that to me. My my 97th time doing ecstasy.
Oh man, was that an experience. All right.

(52:05):
Well, thank you everyone for coming on tonight.
Appreciate it, Appreciate your insights.
And I think Miss Doll supposed to say this part because I
always mess it up. Leave to the profession.
What is the yes? But don't forget to go to the
show notes for any and all information.
Click all those buttons like andsubscribe because the producer
tells us that we're supposed to tell you these things and we

(52:26):
don't. But click the like button, the
subscribe button, because we have to get, you know, get some
generations. Comment on us.
Ask questions. Yeah.
All that good stuff that makes this as.
He sits there and stares at us. Yeah, he's like staring us right
now. The last one I hear you saying
show notes, show notes, something something show notes.
And I was like, what the heck isthat?

(52:48):
That was a clip that he decided to throw in at the end.
Hold on, do we have a notey billfor people to get notified when
there's a new podcast? Producer, do we have a notey
bill? Yeah, we got.
No. Just say it, Just say it.
I got the, I got a note. You could tell we are podcast
amateurs. We can't even tell you to get to

(53:09):
our nodi bell. I don't even know what Nodi Bell
is, but I. Don't.
Know basically if you are on SoundCloud, Spotify, Apple Music
or YouTube, you can hit notify When you click and like and
subscribe. You'll get a notification bell
every time a new episode drops there.
You go. You're welcome.
That's the podcast veteran. There we go.
We're keeping. We're going to save that.
That's why I. Love his wife.
That's what I was talking about.Did that professional shit right

(53:36):
there. Tell us you're.
Not that that sounded good. He talks like that all day.
He can be called the Ranch all day.
Not be laughed at I'm. Concerned that, he turned his

(53:59):
camera off. He already told us he doesn't
have pants on when we started. Y'all leave me alone man, this
is late for me OK? He was John in 20 minutes ago.

(54:24):
Right after. He started talking about that.
He can't stop. He put nothing on.
He got cocoa butter on his nightstand right now.
He's sipping that shit before hecould do it.
He's. Going to get a gift basket with
someone now. Stop.
There's a candle in the back. Brazilian.
Wax for Brazilian. Wax.
Cocoa butter. Bye.

(54:45):
Good night everybody. So David, the producer who
sponsored today's episode. That's couples nextdoor.com,
where you can unlock the desiresbeyond the ordinary.
My favorite lifestyle website out there.
Also, producer. Where can you listen to today's
episode? All major podcasts because this
is a production of the Down and Dirty Production company and

(55:07):
they make sure you hear this episode.
And what is our favorite toy company?
Love Sense, remote control gods over there get you one.
And also don't forget those smooth silky sounds by Vic.
Show notes, Show notes, go to the damn show notes.