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April 15, 2025 45 mins

Swinger 101 (Part 2): From Comfort Zones to Lingerie Zones


We’re back with Part 2 of our Swinger 101 conversation—and it gets even more real. In this episode, the hosts dig into the comfort zones, expectations, and awkward (but hilarious) learning curves that every couple faces in their early lifestyle experiences.

From learning how to communicate through uncertainty to understanding what those “lingerie zones” are all about, this one is full of laughs, reflection, and stories that’ll make you say, “Oh yeah, we’ve been there.”


👀 What’s Inside This Episode:

  • Lingerie Zones & Club Culture – What to wear and how to feel good doing it
  • Hotel Takeovers & Room Vibes – What makes a great playroom?
  • First Encounters & Comfort Talk – “Is this how it’s supposed to go?”
  • Playing vs. Connecting – Finding your rhythm with other couples
  • Why communication is everything – Even when it’s awkward


🚨 Special Offers & Exclusive Links:


💰 Sponsors & Promo Codes:


🎙️ Credits & More:

  • Hosts: The Professor, Mrs. Doll, Chuckie D
  • Produced by: Mr. Open at Down and Dirty Productions
  • Music by: Victoria
  • 💬 Enjoyed the episode? Leave a review and tell a friend in the lifestyle!
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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Podcast you're about to listen to is intended for adults only.
If you are under the age of 18, please go find a different
podcast. The episode you're about to hear
is Part 2 of Swingers 101. It's about this list, I want to
hear more. So IA lot with myself being
bisexual, We have come across a couple other couples who are bi

(00:22):
as well, or at least you know, one or the other is bi.
So we kind of had this long discussion about what was the
comfort level like where does itwhere does it come to an A
scale? And like how would you be able
to tell someone about it? And of course, everyone loves to
go to the Buffalo Wild Wings things, right where it kind of
gives you that hot that or like mild, all the down to like ghost

(00:45):
pepper hot and everything in between.
Where in this scale would this go to?
We did. We did a fair amount of research
on this, which was kind of silly.
Where? Does one do research on this?
You just googled this shit or? We just, we googled the way we,
we asked, we we, we went to Google last Google.
Library has a section on. No, actually.

(01:06):
We kind of chat DP. I was like, I'm pretty sure we
broke it honestly as we asked these questions so.
It was just a group. Of you or just you and Mr.
Cowboy? No, it was a group of us.
There was OK, there's 8 2466 of us, so many of us do we have in
that chat. So anyway, so like this, like I
said, we had several different things, but most of it, like I
said, it was the comfort level. So like where's where are they

(01:29):
most comfortable? So when the Dean stated that,
you know, she's not she she's not by or you know, by
comfortable, but she finds herself comfortable in those
situations every now and again to be able to make out with
another woman and it's attractively sexy.
And so they kind of go with likethe one that we found it was

(01:50):
like you have the heteroflex flexible, which is high in their
comfort level. You have the BI comfortable, but
they are they learn more towardsthe straight on this scale.
Again, there are multiple scales.
You can do your own research on this.
Don't. What I'm saying is not the end

(02:10):
all, OK, but the comfort level on that was high and then you
kind of go from moderate down into low.
So the other one is the heteroflexible, which is ones
that you know they lean always, they're comfortable in all
situations. It doesn't matter what it is,
where it goes. Your moderates, which are the
ones that are comfortable, I would say would kind of fall

(02:33):
maybe within what the Dean's saying is that they're
comfortable with it, but their flexibility is low, like it's
not going to change. Let me ask you this though, when
you say comfortable with it, that means like you'll kiss
somebody or lick a puss. Like what is the level of
comfort? I guess that relies on the
person for which is do it. I doubt that would like if
you're a doodle and you say you're comfortable with it, you

(02:54):
got to know, does that mean handsies like I get a hand job
or I get a straight blowsy like what is it?
Well, see this one goes this list goes off of like certain
how do I want to say it? Like some of them is like
preferences like they they like the way a woman looks.
They like the way a guy looks orit's like they only are
attracted to one gender kind of deal.

(03:16):
OK, here's as I said, you kind of have to do your own research
on it, but. I think at the end of the day,
you have to spell it out in yourprofile because I think everyone
has a different perspective on it, different definition.
I think especially if you're new, you're going to be
confused. You just don't know.
So I think you just at the end of the day, you just spell it

(03:37):
out like. What now?
Let me ask you guys this question for all of you.
Do you guys actually read profiles?
Yes, I know who don't read profiles on here.
Well. There's two there's out of our
four on here, there's only two of us.
I don't read the profiles. There's only. 2 That's not the
first thing I do. OK, I'll admit that I'm looking
at pictures first. Then I go to videos.

(03:58):
What pictures? The profile look.
At that, I always look up at their sign up date.
When did they sign up? And, and that will kind of tell
me. So like you'll, you'll see
profiles. They have like one picture, OK,
And there's like no background picture.
It's just one picture. So then I'll, we'll scroll into,
I'll check the when did they sign up date And then I go back
to their information. I'll read their information and

(04:20):
then I'll look at the pictures and and so on and so forth.
But I do that because that always tells me like they don't
know what they're doing. You guys not play with new
couple? No, listen, you don't know.
Don't let that take that into account because because you can
find some new people that are like wild and kinky and
sometimes some people like that,right?

(04:42):
But it could it be trouble though?
Possibly yes. You never know.
You never know until you meet. Every nice by getting y'all to
say that it could be trouble. It's always trouble.
One thing I do want to say though is when you do join the
lifestyle or even if you're not fully joined yet and you go to
events or you go meet a couple or a person or whoever, give it

(05:05):
more than one chance. Because I can't tell you how
many people have come up to me and the professor and said,
thank you, you know, for inviting us here or like having
these parties and whatever the situation was, we might have
just posted a meet and greet andyou know, and prior to that they

(05:26):
didn't find their their group. And then all of a sudden you do
you find people who you click with not, and it doesn't even
necessarily have to be sexually.You might just make some really
good friends, you know, and and don't, don't, don't just go to
one event and say, Oh, that wasn't for me.
Try different types of events out.
And like the Dean is saying, we just had someone come up, people

(05:47):
that we've known from Canada. It's crazy.
They're from Canada and we met them back in like 2008.
And the lady came up to me just at a recent mansion party and
said, you know what, you guys are there a whole reason why
we're still here right now. And this we met them in 2008.
And she said her and her husbandhave been trying to do it for
six months in Canada and couldn't find anybody.
And he was able to like find us down here and he was just like,

(06:09):
all right, try this one last party with me.
And she said I was done. She said I honestly just rode to
Minnesota because I was going togo shopping.
She like, we was going to go to this party and I was going to
tell them I don't like it and I'm going shopping at the Mall
of America and wherever else. She was going to go and go back
home. And so we met them.
It was New Year's Eve and we metthem.
Chuck, did you was there? Remember we had dinner over at

(06:30):
the beach club over there. We went.
We had a party. Bus.
Uptown thing, we had a party busand we talked about 10, it was
about 12 of us and went to dinner and she was like, we met
real people. I thought it was all like creepy
voyeur shit. People were online like being
weird and she's like, we met real people.
You guys were so real and so nice to us and showed me a good
time that she stayed in it. That's what, 17 years ago or

(06:53):
whatever that we met him. So we meet people all the time
that took the time to go out again.
They had bad. Experiences and was like you
know what, because it's all about I tell people the two the
two main things I can tell you when you're getting started that
you should do one go to the events and the other one is get
a good crew who you meet and interact with will enter will
shape your experience off the bat.

(07:14):
If you get a good if you get a bad mentorship like don't get
with other new people if you're new.
I'm being honest, it's like the blind leading the blind, so.
Get with a good crew, someone that can show you the ropes.
Get you because you're going to need to get know where the right
events are, who to stay away from, or what to stay away from.
So those are my 2 main things and advice that I can give you.

(07:36):
I will. Also though for that, don't get
stuck in that crew too. Like.
Open it. You're up to other couples or
other people because sometimes you might get bad information
and they might tell you to stay away from a certain couple.
When you actually meet that couple, you're like, you know
what? They're not that bad.
Maybe they just have different preferences.
So keep it open, you know, because the last thing you want

(07:59):
to do is get yourself stuck in acrew or a clique or a colony.
Whatever you want to call it, the clicks.
Everything's a click. And it turns into like high
school, you know? And that's not allowed.
Everything has a clique. Like we have cliques in our
fucking family. We don't like all of our fucking
cousins. We don't like all.
Of our aunts and. Uncles at Thanksgiving, when you
go to fucking Thanksgiving, all you and the cool cousins go in

(08:21):
the corner and eat and leave thenerdy cousins over in the
corner. Everyone has cliques in every
aspect of your life. The lifestyle is no different.
But what I will tell you is thisis if there's a clique of eight
people, two of them are tired ofhanging out with the same 8
motherfucking people, go over there, say what's up.
It's going to be the, it's goingto be the best thing for you.
Because a lot of times those people, like Chuck said, they

(08:43):
get stuck. They get stuck in his.
We've been going out every weekend for the last year with
the same people and they never get to actually experience what
they got in there. For so I agree.
Now the segue into that, how do you guys think?
Now I said events are probably the best way to get started.
Now talk about the different types of events, Miss Doll or

(09:04):
the Dean and what type you like the best.
I personally like our big biggerevents because.
There's let's think about it this way first, let me stop you
first. What are the different types of
events for? Since we're doing it for Intro
to Swinging and these people don't understand all the
different things they can go to,why don't you tell them a little
bit about that first and then tell?

(09:24):
Them what you like. So there's the big events and
there's there's a different level of, of the events that we
do, you know, there's the parties where they sell out
immediately and everybody comes to them and you don't want to
miss them. Halloween, that's one of the
biggest one Mardi Gras and. Those are hotel.

(09:44):
Takeovers. Yeah, their hotel takeovers,
usually two days. Everything sells out and there's
just a ton of people there. It it just depends on what your
personality is. I love the big events, but I
also like when we have not so big events because I get to talk
to people more and like get to know more people at the

(10:05):
takeovers or or even like the mansion parties because it's
just less people and more time to talk.
Yeah, Miss Dean, for the new people couples out there explain
what what a takeover is because they may not know what a take
takeover is. Professor, why don't you do
that? Takeover, Hotel takeover is when
you take over the whole entire place where we don't have any

(10:28):
outside, no vanilla's. So you'll have some parties,
they'll have some hotel party. But make sure you read the event
description. This is important too.
When you're going to look for anevent for you and your partner,
make sure you read the details because it will explain to you
whether there's vanilla's involved, if it's a meet and
greet. So if there's a meet and greet,
that means it could be open to the public.
So that means you could be in the corner of a Buffalo Wild

(10:49):
Wings with the swinger crew, butyour fucking basketball team
could walk in, you know? What?
I mean, it's happened. There's been a lot of meet and
greet girls kissing this shit. 9th grade state championship
tournaments in town. Right behind you and girls over
there doing shit in the booth so.
Make sure you read it. So like hotel takeovers are big.
So we have some that'll have 708hundred people at them and then

(11:13):
you'll have bar parties where the people will take over a bar,
but it could be open to the public.
There's private parties like house parties.
Those I will tell you this as a as an aside, make sure you vet
those when you do private eventslike house parties or at a club
or something like that where it's going to just be a private
list. Make sure you know the group
because you can get uncomfortable situations if you
don't know what that groups intoor any history of the group.

(11:35):
So you know, if it's someone invites you to a pool party or a
party bus or you'll hear different things like that.
Make sure you know what you're getting yourself into.
So. Ask questions, don't be afraid.
So don't just say no, I'm not going to go to a house party,
just ask questions. No.
And if you want to hit us up on the site now, such questions do.
So I'm going to hit on you back,but make sure make sure you find

(11:58):
out what you're getting into. And like I said, the Dean was
telling you guys that comfort level is going to is going to
match what you're looking for. But the larger event, some
people get intimidated by those thinking that it's too many
people. But also the larger events are
the ones that you can hide in plain sight.
So if there's 800 people there, think about.
It I was going to say the mansion parties are a tad bit
more fast-paced like you. Talk, you talk.

(12:20):
About like the lingerie change, the hotel takeovers and stuff
like that. That's what a mansion party is.
You're going from lingerie change all the way through and
there's not a lot of space in there and there's not a lot of
places to hide. I agree.
And another thing I, I always try to tell new people is when

(12:42):
you're going to one of the events, no matter what it is,
whether it's a bar takeover or meet and greet or one of, you
know, Halloween, just look at itas you're going to a nightclub.
You know, like, don't think of it.
Oh my God, I'm going to, I'm going to be at a swinger party.
It's really especially the takeovers where there's a DJ
and, and you know, people are dancing.

(13:04):
It's no different than being at a nightclub.
So you can be there just with your partner and stand in the
corner and dance all night or stand in the middle of the dance
floor and dance all night. And nobody's going to look at
you strange or crazy because you're not talking to anyone
else. And it's OK if you don't.
A lot of people tell us that. Let me tell you about the
weirdest shit. I don't know if it was the

(13:25):
weirdest shit or the coolest shit I've ever seen in my life.
At a party. It was at a mansion party,
right? And we, everybody was dancing.
People were going crazy. And I look over into one of
those little enclaves, like in acorner with the lights and shit,
there's a lady in a fucking fulllength white mink and lingerie
and high heels and a dude in like a Speedo.
They use good shape, like he wasItalian or something, like a

(13:45):
European. They look like they didn't
belong. I always have to think they
snuck in. So I look over and I'm like,
what the fuck are they doing over there?
Had a bottle of champagne in between them.
Where did they got that? I don't know because you're not
allowed champagne in there. But I walk over and they have a
chess set in between them and they're just laying there sexily
playing chess, watching the mansion party as it goes on.
And I just looked, I went over to him and I was going to say

(14:07):
something. I was like, I don't want to
interrupt this shit. So I was like, right.
I was like, is this the weirdestshit I've seen?
I don't a party or the coolest shit.
So to miss to the Dean's point, you can sit in plain sight, you
have your own fucking fun and noone will bother you except me.
But no one will bother you and this is a good way for you guys
to get comfortable. And that's at the campgrounds

(14:29):
too. Like there's a lot of open space
at the campgrounds and stuff like that.
The resorts always remember that.
You can always go back to your room too.
If ever you're just, you know, you need to just tap out for a
minute. I know I recently did this.
Just go back to your room. Just tap out.
I did. I had to, you know, I don't know
about any of the get a room, butyeah.
If you can get a room, I would say I would say that is the best

(14:51):
thing. Like Miss Doll saying if you get
a room that's your safe place, like if you're new and you're
like you've had too much to drink or you need to water, you
need a shower, like just go relax.
Or you just need a breather because you've been up since
3:00 AM the night before and hadto stay up till 3:00 AM.

(15:12):
So ask 2 how many of us have been at an actual swingers club?
We started. From News Club.
Yeah. My wife and I started Friends
Club. Why do you ask that?
What do you feel about? About well, I think because
we're still in Minnesota though we don't.
And I guess I bring that up, kind of keep it in the spirit of
the newbies out there, right, Because we're talking about a

(15:34):
lot of different venues and swinger clubs.
Give another perspective, another option, nudist resorts.
I've been there too and and those are interesting.
Showing off your Brazilian. Oh my God.
Hey, let me tell y'all something.
Let me tell y'all something. Me and Chuck, when we used to go
on these trips back in the day, we used to always get free
trips. We had about 10.

(15:57):
I don't know what was it like 10couples came with us.
Chuck, we went to Caliente and the Dominican.
Yeah, me and Chuck are in the pool.
Me and Chuck are in the pool forlunchtime.
The only two black guys. The only two black guys.
Right. And Chuck, I'm swimming.
And Chuck's like how you swimming like that, I said.
Cuz I go fucking swim. And he I said you can't swim.
He's like, I can. And he's like, but it's more
like a doggy paddle, so. I sit in the middle of a pool

(16:19):
and I'm treading water and he goes, how you doing that?
I say just come out to the middle.
So we're two grown ass men, right?
And he jumps out and he's treading water in the middle and
I'm holding him and we look up and he goes.
I think they're watching us. And there's nothing.
But ladies, this is the. Women watch, dude.
That got us so much tail. That got us so much tail.
They got us so much tail. Every woman at the resort came

(16:42):
up to us later and was like Oh my God that was so funny.
You and your friends swimming and swear to God we ended up in
like 5 fucking rooms after that.My goodness, that was a fun
trip. I liked that.
One tell follow me from Calienteto fucking Minnesota behind that
shit. Yeah.
And then here's the thing about nudist resorts too.

(17:02):
You got to keep in mind that's that's different than the
swinging lifestyle. I wasn't.
I remember the first time we pulled up to that nudist resort
in Florida and I saw a swing setand at at the gate, like the
beginning of the gate, there wasa swing set.
And I'm like, what? What do we got kids here and
some of these places do kids. They're nudist.

(17:27):
Family's there and it's normal. Read the detail.
You know what I mean? Yeah, know what you get yourself
into A. Big resort, we went to Desire
one time. This is and I don't know if it's
changed, but that Desire, if it wasn't a fool and and this is
something that you want to read into when you're getting with
your travel agents or when you look up these groups for resorts
at Desire. If he wasn't a full takeover,
there would be just nudist there.

(17:48):
And if me and my wife could be kissing or fooling around at the
pool and they would blow whistles like like, no, no, no
sexual activity. They don't want to see that
shit. So make sure you know what your
crew is. Don't just say, oh, it sounds
fun and go to hedonism on the week when it's not a hotel full
takeover. You might be disappointed.
So these are a lot of options we're throwing at you guys.
No, and the best person to go tois Staycations by Stacey.

(18:11):
Look at that same plug right there.
Look at. That she will definitely let you
know if it's a hotel, I mean, ifit's a resort takeover or not.
Yes, yes, definitely that that'ssomething that you want to look
into when you're doing that. Now I want to ask all of you
guys just because all of us havehad that do this.
Well, maybe not the Dean becauseI do this part for us usually,
but how do you guys actually what what's your style of

(18:35):
meeting and closing the deal? Like?
Do you like to is it all emailing or is it, you know,
text us? Is it we're going to just meet?
How do you guys seal the deal? What's what's the close?
Chuck, this is going to be interesting from you.
God but Miss Doll, you start. Ladies, are you tired of
hearing? Damn, I don't know why that
happened. It's never happened to me before
or man work is stressing me the hell out or.

(18:57):
I got a Fortnite tournament tonight.
Well, we got something for you. Love scent toys?
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toy, download the app and pass it forward to anyone you choose.
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All right everyone, how you doing man?

(19:18):
I wanted to talk with you real quick about something we got
coming up. Cool event getting you ready for
all the hot weather coming out. We got a mansion lingerie party
April 26th. If you've never been there,
cool, sexy vibe and you know what this one is the spring
theme. So any of those you know, spring
colors. You got anything in the closet

(19:38):
already or go get something new?Come on out, check us out.
April 26th mansion lingerie party go to couplesnextdoor.com
upper left hand corner, click onthe event section there all the
details, how to RSVP, how to geta room, everything, everything
you need to know. All right, so you got some.
What up eye candy community, it's the Prince speaking to you

(20:00):
here. Want to let you guys know about
the upcoming event. May 2nd that's a Friday.
We're going to be stepping out for a little meet and greet.
Good way to come meet some people, new faces, old faces.
Saturday that will take us into the hotel take out.
We're going to have the pool party going.
You'll be able to find the room crawls.
Moving to the main event that will be going from 8:00 to 1

(20:22):
three we're going to have a lingerie change food trucks
coming back after the main eventwe'll have the after party
going. The pool will also be open so
you can find us on couples next door under eye candy Midwest.
You can find us on Reddit under Eye Candy Midwest.
You can you can also find us on our Facebook page, Eye Candy.
But if you're looking for all the event details, the best way

(20:45):
to get them is signing up on Couples Next Door.
So Couples Next Door is definitely the place that you
want to be. So when we, when we engage with
a couple, we either meet them ata takeover or you know, we meet
them through the C&D website. We obviously message out to
them, we'll talk to them, chat through that a little bit and

(21:05):
then if they're comfortable, we'll take it off site and
either do another form of communication and we'll talk for
a while. And then from there, we usually
try to set up a date if we can, because for us it's the
opposite. We like to get to know the
people before we go into an event with them.
You know, they get to, we get toI don't know what she process

(21:26):
this. Sounds like vanilla I mean.
We have, okay. Jesus.
Okay. Somebody have to give us.
Well, you have to remember we don't play separately yet, OK?
We haven't crossed that boundaryyet.
So our connection is to connect with people on a four way level,
OK. Yeah.
So I think that, yeah, I think that's where that's gonna.

(21:48):
Be extra but and for us, it's the extra communication
beforehand that helps us figure out are we going to be a good
four way connection? If not, we're still friends.
Like no big deal. Like there just won't be
anything that goes past that that.
It works like. Are you finding that it works
for all? Well, not for all four of you,
but just for you and Cowboy for that working.

(22:11):
In the cowboy, it works the best, mostly because I am one of
those people. Like I said, he's he's the
energetic one. He's the one that like bring
everyone in. He has, he's very extroverted.
I am somewhere in the middle. I'm both.
Introverted communicating in your couple Like who?
Who does the texting or the the emailing back and forth?
Who handles all that? In the beginning, it's the

(22:33):
cowboy. I'll get a lot of stuff with new
couples that are like, oh, we'lltext you later or we'll message
you later when both of us are here.
Do you find out to be annoying? Is that normal in this day and
age? Or is that something that you
guys shot away from? Because I just always go, look,
you're never going to talk to the Dean unless you run into her
nose to nose like she's not getting on a four way group text
like. And no, we have, we actually

(22:54):
have come across that and we do more often than not.
And that's usually where we willsit there and say, OK, that's
great. Give us the basic rundown of
like what you're looking for, how you decided to enter the
lifestyle, your origin story, right?
And then what it is that you're looking for.
And then from there we will decide to like go out on just

(23:14):
like a regular dinner date or drinks or whatever, get to meet
them in person, talk to them that way if that's more their
speed. And then we kind of roll from
there with it because we have had somewhere the wife will say,
Oh, well, I really enjoyed the conversation that we had at
dinner. And then she'll hop onto the
text chain with us. Does it always happen that way?
No, but again, we we've come. Well, no, but what I'm saying is
this as, as David clearly stated, this is old school

(23:37):
versus new school. It's not a verse.
I think it's just how it is now is that everyone has come out
and it you'll see it on some profiles and stuff.
They call it social swinging, where they want to get to know
the people as friends and as people before they even enter
into going to go play with them.Yeah, there's definitely a
difference in mindset. There's a difference in it now.

(23:57):
Well, I would say that's the wayI am.
Like I definitely prefer to get to know people on a personal
level. And this goes back to the
conversation that the professor we've all talked about before is
that you have a lot of when we say to put at the guys need to
put more effort into it and theyneed I am a 5050 person.
You can't sit there. I don't expect you to pursue me,

(24:17):
and I'm not going to stand thereand pursue you the entire way as
the male I did that, I married that.
I'm not into that. What I want is for you to pursue
me to a point. I will pursue you to a point,
and then we meet ourselves in the middle and then we go from
there with it. If you can't even give me that
and I can't even have an intellectual conversation with
you or you don't respond to me in person when we're face to

(24:40):
face, I am have no desire to take that to a bedroom and
attempt that ground. I'm the same way.
I'm the same way. I have never like.
Stop, Miss Dean. You lying right now?
What? Don't tell me you.
I mean, you just did it the other night, right?
Sometimes you will see someone. Sometimes you will see someone

(25:01):
that's like strikingly attractive.
That's hot. You have done that.
I haven't done that and spotted someone and said hey and then
like taking them to, you know. But you're saying that you're
saying that I've seen somebody that was hot and just took them
and fucked them without a conversation.

(25:23):
We've seen it. What?
Are you kidding me right now? Are you kidding me right now?
Yes, it happens, I think. I think The thing is, this what
Miss Doll's talking about is great.
That's fine if you got that kindof time.
Sure, Right. But we're in the swinging
lifestyle, right? We're trying to see if you know.
See, I'm more I'm more into quality than quantity.

(25:48):
No, it's just trying to make him.
Sound like a ho. Listen, you can have.
I mean he is not safe but. I'm not saying you don't.
You cannot have that. And listen, some of my good
friends are from the lifestyle. I mean, think of it.
We started doing things outside of going to parties.
We started having Remember the Holidazzle party I used to have
at my house? Yeah, that was awesome.

(26:12):
We used to have, you know, our swinger friends, kids come over
and have a holiday party with foods.
We did all that, right? But sometimes you just want to
meet a couple that's like, and you see a couple like God damn,
they're hot as shit. And we don't have time because
maybe they're in from Canada or they're in from Chicago and
maybe they don't come to the parties as often.

(26:33):
Sometimes you get that connection.
You just know. You just know I.
Need to have an an intelligent conversation with people.
Listen to this stuff. Let me stop you, Miss Doll, and
you can miss Doll. Let me get your opinion on this.
Just recently we've had a situation with.
We had a Super Bowl party, the Super Bowl freak off.
There was not a lot of conversation before 20 people

(26:55):
was fucking around. There was not a lot of.
Because of the person you left in charge already knew who to
bring into it. I knew most all of them.
Right. I mean, I there's going to be
times. Are you sure you want to talk
about this right now? No, I don't want to talk about
it. I'm sorry.
I bought it. I.

(27:15):
Want to go? I didn't get an invite.
Did I get an invite? What the hell?
'Cause you're retired, 'cause you're retired.
Let me ask. You a question let.
Me ask you a question, Chuck, when is the last time that
you've actually had to close thedeal?
So since you we're we're joking that you're retired.
What is your style now? As a couple.

(27:37):
Yeah. That's been about three years, 3
1/2 years, OK as a couple, but do I go out on separate dates
now? Sure.
Yeah, I'll do that because that's where I want to get to.
I don't want to go back to, I prefer not to go back to making
a four way connection and, you know, texting each other, then

(27:58):
hopping online for Chad and thengoing out to dinner.
Who's got time for that shit? I don't.
Do you? So what do you do?
For new. People but see for us, because
we have little ones at home in order to have the time to do
these things like events fall under this too.
We we're from out of state originally.
We don't have people nearby likefull access family for

(28:19):
babysitters and stuff like that.So for us, we have to do that
extra vetting because the cowboywould definitely be the one who
would just say we're just going to go we're just meeting these
people. Let's just go out and I'd be
going, huh? The thing?
You saw? We don't.
Have that so. We don't, I don't, I will, I
won't do that one. And two, we just don't have the

(28:41):
manpower to have our kids be watched in order to do that.
Plus the events and the takeoverthough, you know, we can't do
all that. So the extra vetting has to
happen in order for us to be able to say yes, we're willing
to put forth that after to go meet that couple.
I would think with that sort of schedule would drive you to not,

(29:02):
not, not to go through that entire thorough process.
I think when you when you ask couples that are in that
situation because of those constraints of regular vanilla
life and scheduling things with kids and time off and all that
and traveling, I think that would drive more people to have
more of a expedited process. Well, Chucky, Dave, let me ask

(29:23):
you this. Do you recommend this sort of
expedited process for new people?
For new people. If you're we're talking one O 1
here baby, this is Ground Zero. Do you recommend Ground Zero
talking about today? You got the kids tonight.
I'm going out fucking. Every couple is different.
I'm not going to say this is theright process for new couples
because every couple is different.
Some people get it right, some people can just tell right away

(29:46):
with people and read people, andsome people just can't.
You know, I think it's a trial and error.
I think that's what the whole entire lifestyle is about.
No matter how thorough you are, no matter how efficient you are,
there's going to be trial and error.
There's going to be mistakes andthere's going to be some
surprises, some good something. On a scale one to 10, one being
Nah don't do this shit or 10 jump in.

(30:09):
Would you recommend separate play for new people in?
Your experience? No.
No. For new people, no.
And why not? Because because you've got to
figure it out. Not everyone's on the same page.
Even though you're married to someone that you've don't for a
long time or maybe you're newly married, you still need to
figure this part out. It isn't.
It's a big step to go and sleep with someone else other than

(30:31):
your spouse. It's a big.
Step, you already fucking documentary over there.
Look at you. I mean, if you're, if you're
doing this together or if you'redoing it separately, you've got
to evolve to that and you just can't jump into it.
I think in my opinion, I think there there'll be a lot more
mistakes made that way. Miss Doll, now let me ask you
this. You've been in there for a

(30:51):
minute. Why have you not evolved to the
solo play of it? What?
What's what's the barrier there?We, I mean, at events we do play
separately, but as far as like actually going on dates and
playing separately, and that's not my Forte.
Meaning as in like all the people that we've talked to that

(31:12):
do play separately, They're their partners.
Enjoy hearing the stories of what went down.
I'm not that person. I I don't care to know what
happens. I'd rather, I'd rather not.
Yeah, I'd rather you just not tell me.
You can just give me the thumbs up.
You had a great time, You. Know what I mean?
You know what I'll be doing in there?

(31:32):
And the cowboy, you know, is like, if you do and you know, I,
I want to hear the details. I'm bad about giving details
like I'm. Just like.
It was great. Yeah, it was fine.
Like honestly it, it all just comes down to trust.
Like if if it was the right people and like people that
we've known for a long time after, its possibility that, you

(31:54):
know, dating separately or goingout on dates with them could
occur. But at this point in time,
that's not. Dang, what do you think about
new people it? Should they start out separately
or do you think they should start out trying with a four way
connection? What are your thoughts on
starting out at a different level?
I think that they have to reallytalk about it before any type of

(32:18):
play happens and talk about whatthey both think is going to be
comfortable and no, OK, if we start this, how do we get out of
it? If we start it and we're not
comfortable, how do we get out of it?
So say we're playing separate and I can't, I can't get my mind
right. I need to go in with the
professor and his partner, you know, have a, have a way out,

(32:42):
you know, like, hey, you say to who you know, your person that
you're with, let's go in there and join them.
You know, like, I think I'd be more comfortable or you know,
like just make sure you have a lot of communication and make
sure you have a way out of all situations.
It's like I'm like a third base coach when I start start tugging

(33:03):
my ear and rubbing my shoulder. She knows what that means.
That's like a 10 minute warning.And we do.
We do not play in the same room and just a couple of years ago.
You know, the last time we played, we were in the same room
not too long ago. I know that's what I was going
to say a couple of years ago. It was literally a couple of
years ago and you know that, right?

(33:24):
Right. Yeah, it was now.
It's yesterday to him though. Good situation for me.
I don't like being in the same room as him.
I don't like being distracted byother people, you know, I like.
Such a good show or what? What's the problem?
Well, it depends on the guy thatI'm with, like, so sometimes,
you know, they can't take what'sgoing on on the other bed with

(33:46):
you know you and they can't. Take.
Twice. Can't take the Mojo show?
Mojo Show and I. Don't.
I don't mind watching like, I enjoy the whole like process of
watching it all occur. It's just I don't like hearing
it afterwards. It's like, you know, I'm no.
I don't like. Versus the knotting.
It happen like I like the attention to be on me and I like

(34:09):
giving whoever I'm with the attention.
I don't want distractions. I've had it happen so many
times, so many times. Because.
Where, you know, the guy who couldn't perform because they
were too concerned about what was going on with the professor
and his partner. And I, I won't do it anymore

(34:29):
just because it's hardly ever ends in a good situation.
So. I just.
Want to know what do you feel about?
Group play for new people because this is something that
will come up when you have. Larger events or if you.
Have resource. Or things like that.
You're going to meet a lot of people and there's going to be
play rooms. So this is another thing that
we. Should talk about at events.

(34:50):
Some events will have open play rooms, some will not.
So if you don't have a room, which you should always order a
room and you have one for yourself, but if you don't, some
events will have open play roomsafter parties.
As Miss Doll knows, she just hosted a brilliant one this past
week here. Awesome job.

(35:11):
The sleep depravity part. What do you guys feel about
group play for new people? As far as because you're going
to get into these situations, ifyou go to parties and you're
new, some vets are going to try to wrangle you into something.
Or you might be an after party suite where you might be playing
by yourself but getting tangled into a group that's playing.
How do you think it works for new people with group

(35:31):
situations? Honestly, I think most of them
will run for the hills. You know what I would?
I would say I would. The advice I would give is don't
run, watch, observe. Check it out.
What? Was your first group situation,
Chuck? Boy.
It was definitely with us somewhere.
Yeah, probably with you when youused to carry that bag, that kit

(35:53):
used to carry around, I'll call it the kit.
Yeah, don't call what you reallycall.
Me, I know, I'll just call it the kit used to carry that
around. On our first episode.
But again, for new people or even just the regular people, I
don't find those to be desired because it's hard enough to make
a four way connection. Now you know.
Now you got to get. Me though no, no, no, no hear me

(36:16):
out Jackie, the group is way better because here's what
happens in the group we don't got the four way connection, but
we get eight people in there we can slot them off out of the
eight out of the four different dudes you're going to find one
that. Links up with the other person.
The the four way connection is harder, but when you got more
people to push people around to you might find you're one that
way, I'm thinking. The group is a little.

(36:37):
Easier. No.
Disagree. No.
Because then. No, we don't.
We are used to be allowed. On this ship, well, because then
in a group situation, say there's six people, right?
So I have to be attracted to all3 males.
No, you only got to be attractedto.
One of them is. No, because then everybody

(36:59):
thinks it's a free for all and you're you're in a group
setting, so everybody's spare game there might be.
That's not a good. Thing not there might be.
There is going to be at least one person that I do not want
touching me and that's why I won't do it.
I won't. Do it, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Not, not my preference.

(37:21):
I don't like it the only time that.
Worked out quality over quantity.
Yeah, it happened maybe once or twice in my in my lifetime that
it's worked out, you know, So, yeah, when was at the porn
convention, that was a fun nightin Vegas maybe AB NS, AB NS.

(37:43):
Yeah, now Vegas is another place.
And you know what? I'm not a huge Vegas swinging
fan, but Chuck, wait, we weren'tin Vegas together, Chuck,
weren't we? We.
Went to Vegas once together. Remember, we did go to Vegas on
a group trip together once. With who?
There's been so many trips. I can't remember.
I've been to Vegas with his second wife and those.

(38:06):
Were some fun times then. Oh yeah, I thought we went with
our PA friends. Remember we stayed at the
resort, We we went with our PA friends and Chuck was there and
a single female friend of mine was there at the time and we
went to, I believe the party wasthe perfect LV party at the
Mandalay. OK, I've been to those.
I've been to those. Yeah, we all went there.

(38:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they still doing those
parties like? It was like in winter, it was
like in December, in December. It was cold as fuck.
Vegas was like Minneapolis. It was cold as hell.
Yeah, so Vegas. Was with the That was with the
girl who licked your butt, ChuckD.
OK, that. Was my.
That might have been where it happened.

(38:48):
I was. Just going to say.
That Vegas though, like people will go to Vegas on destination
or whatever, but it's interesting for lifestyle stuff,
not my favorite for lifestyle but you can still have fun in
Vegas. And wrapping this up for the new
people, where if you're startingyour journey as a new person, I
already gave my best advices going to the events and making

(39:10):
sure you get a good crew. What are some of your best tips
for new people? That's all you could go first.
Tips. Or if you don't have any, what
do you tell them? Just go out there, wing it.
I do hang on. I got to go back to I was like,
I had my little notes and then we we totally ran off.
We messed you up. We started talking about butts
getting licked and shit for your.

(39:30):
Butt Licker. Well, I, I, I, I got one off top
of my head. I tell this to new, new new new
couples that have fun. Keep an open mind, but remember
at the end of the night that youknow don't If you don't, if you
don't hook up with someone else,that's OK.
You came to the party with your spouse and.

(39:50):
Be mad a little bit though, because do better next time.
But yeah, be mad a little bit because you fucked up.
You waited the whole night and it's some hundreds of dollars.
Be a little pissed. Because I'm motivated.
No, no, just remember at the endof the night you came there with
your partner and having sex and a good time with them is just as

(40:11):
fun and is it just enjoy yourself.
He only left them because he told his wife at a party I won't
have sex with you. Well, because there's a lot of
other options there. It's like we can do that this.
Is what I'm fucking saying here.I know I should have said that
you just started. This is your.
Whole fucking tip. I know, I know.
I don't work you into these fucking traps, Miss doll.

(40:31):
Did you find your your tips thatyou?
Wanted I, I mean, first and foremost, just always, obviously
make sure you always have the open line of communication
because at any moment, like we stated, it can change.
And when that feeling, whatever it is, hits, you're not actually
going to be prepared for it. But if you're have that open
communication with your partner,then you say I something's off

(40:53):
and you have the a room. Tip #2 always have the room.
And then you can go back and kind of debrief and figure out
what it is that has gone wrong and how to fix it from there
without it blowing up into a massive fight.
Tip #3 Just be prepared. There will be fights and did you
have to just you have to go withthem?
And let me just tell you guys this Chuck D did not only tell

(41:15):
his wife at a party once that hewouldn't have sex with her.
He also once said we were standing in the bedroom and he
woke his wife up out of sleep and said, hey, babe, shit, yeah,
can we use the bed so we can have his threesome?
And she goes, what? He goes, She goes, where the
fuck am I going to sleep at? And he points to the bathroom,
the bathtub. He goes.

(41:38):
That was not, that was not my final moment.
I'll I'll admit that. Don't do that.
Don't do that. You're listening to this, he
said. This people.
He pointed to the bathroom and said, can you go laying there
until we can get this threesome going?
Listen, things were things were banging like it was happening
and I was trying to find some real estate, OK?

(41:59):
And yeah, that that's, we had two levels at that H2 levels and
we had upstairs and the downstairs that I was like
everything was taken up and she was just sleeping in bed, OK?
We needed the real estate. This is the wife, the second
wife. My tip don't be like Chuck D
anything that he says, just do the opposite.
All right, for all, for all you freaks out there, come talk to

(42:21):
me. Listen, I have had a lot of the
experiences and most of them have been great.
There's been some that I've learned from that I will not
that I will not repeat right, But they make for good stories.

(42:42):
Oh my God, great story. We have the best stories from
you. We.
Have the best, we have the best.And the crazy thing is, if you
were not there, you would not believe that it happened.
You can't believe none of this shit happened.
Yeah, it's all true. It's all true.
God, that's been crazy. All right, Dean.
One thing, well, I don't kind ofbeen giving my tips throughout
the podcast, but oh. You've been leaving us some E

(43:04):
threads all. Right.
One thing that I have been thinking of since during one of
these conversations is I think everybody needs to have thought
process on what you do if you'vehad sex with someone that's
better than your spouse. How do you?
Handle that conversation. Lose the.

(43:26):
Motherfuckers is mine. We gonna have to go into another
5 minutes of the edible on this because this is.
A big deal. That's for the next one.
That's for the next one. Yeah.
AJ that's something you think? About your sunshine You found
your sunshine. It's good up in.
The air. I'm not naive enough to think
that I am the professor's best sex you've ever had.

(43:47):
And I'm playing a mean Dick, butI know that I know that
somebody. Else you know what I.
Mean. And there's things I won't do
that you know, other women will.And that's why we're swingers.
It's been more than seven years and I can still smell my
sunshine. Like, yeah.

(44:09):
Stop him from reminiscing. Listen everybody, if you love
this episode of the Down The Dirty podcast, tune back in.
We got way more. We got so much more.
We loved it. Thank you guys for everything.
And you know what? Can't wait to see you again.
So David, the producer who sponsored today's episode.
That's couples nextdoor.com, where you can unlock the desires

(44:31):
beyond the ordinary. My favorite lifestyle website
out there. Also, producer.
Where can you listen to today's episode?
All major podcast because this is a production of the Down and
Dirty production company and they make sure you hear this
episode. And what is our favorite toy
company? Love Sense.
The remote control gods over there get you one.

(44:53):
And also don't forget those smooth silky sounds by Vic.
Toe notes show notes go to the damn show notes.
Toe notes, show notes. Go to the damn show notes.
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