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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carl Fessenden (00:03):
THey guys, are you looking for a backstage
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(00:24):
Join an exclusive communitywhere you can talk to other
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worm podcast monthly newsletterso that you can stay informed
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(00:46):
different pledge options to fitany budget. You can flex your
power and become a super fantoday. All right, everybody, and
welcome to episode number 30. Myname is Carl, the host and the
creator of the drunken Warrenpodcast. And I hope everybody's
having a great day today, man.

(01:06):
You know, we we do ourrecordings on different days
other than the day that it'spublished. And so it's I'm in
Northern California right now.
And it was like 73 degrees, andit's starting to get that summer
feel to it. Even though we youknow, just starting into the, to
the season and stuff and we havedaylight savings coming up for
us. So by the time this episodewill release, we are already

(01:28):
going to be at least probablytwo weeks into our daylight
savings. So I hope everybody isadjusting well to that. I know
that for myself, sometimes theDaylight Savings takes takes a
week or two to kind of get usedto that feel like you know, now
it's time change. And eitherI've lost an hour, which I
almost go through this griefprocess about because I'm like,
damn, now I've lost the wholehour. Are you kidding me? But

(01:50):
you know, and then I'm like, oh,cool falls coming up. Now I get
an extra hour of sleep. But youknow, I never really works out
that way. Man, I still work wakeup at the same time. And now
it's just an hour earlier than Iwake up. And then I roll around
in bed and I'm like shit, man, Ijust lost that whole hour. So
I'll be calling my sponsor andworking on my resentment towards

(02:10):
the time change later on. Soanyways, I want to welcome
everybody to the episode today,I hope everybody is doing well.
If you guys are listening on anypodcast apps out there, please
take the time to give us somelove and give us a rating. And
leave some comments. Let us knowhow we're doing with our shows
and the content that we'rebringing you guys. I also want

(02:32):
to make a mention that we'restill doing our GoFundMe, we are
trying to bring our podcast nowon to a video platform using the
YouTube. And so right now I'msitting with my guest. And we're
sitting in our recoveryrevolution Live platform that we
do our live shows on but I liketo use that studio to do the

(02:52):
audio recordings for my podcast.
But we will be working onsomething like that. So if you
guys want to help the show out,and the GoFundMe, I have a link
in the bottom, we are purchasingprofessional video equipment so
that we can give you the bestquality, and also new

(03:13):
microphones that will help sothat we don't have to sit with a
microphone in front of us. Andwe will have more freedom to
just talk to you in general. Andyeah, so it's gonna be really
good. I also want to give amention to the recovery
revolution live show that we doevery Thursday evening at 5pm.
Pacific Standard Time. And wehave a lot of great guests on

(03:35):
that show. So if you would likea live show to watch and listen
to, you know, that's a greatoption for you. And we have the
links for that show also in theshow notes. And I want to get
into today's guest. So withoutany further ado, today's
episode, episode number 30.
Welcome to the drunken wormpodcast. Each week, I will be
bringing you dynamic contentthat will educate and inspire.

(03:57):
This podcast was created to talkto mental health professionals
about addiction recovery andtheir own personal stories that
can help inspire us to becomebetter people and live healthier
lives. Already and again,welcome to episode number 30. My
name is Carl, the host and thecreator of the drunken worm
podcast. And I hope everybody'shaving a great day today man.

(04:18):
You know we have a wonderfulguest on Tim logic. And Tim and
I are going to be talking abouthow he came into sobriety how he
is doing with his addiction. AndTim also was a worker in the
construction industry. And Timhas a really cool thing he wants
to tell us about that industryand the company that he works
for and how everybody at thatcompany is staying sober on the

(04:39):
job site and creating a bettervibe within the workforce. We're
also going to talk to Tim abouthis current activities and how
he is staying healthy andstaying sober all at the same
time. So welcome to today'sepisode. And Tim brother.
Welcome to the show, man. I'mreally happy to have you on

Tim L (05:00):
Thank you, Carl. I'm really happy to be here. I'm
glad we finally got able to makethis happen. And I'm looking
forward to our discussion.

Carl Fessenden (05:07):
Yeah, brother.
Yeah. And you know, and I haveto tell you, man, semper fi,
man, you know, we're all here.
We're both Marines. And weserved our country and, and now
now we're both in recovery. Andit's really awesome to see
another brother that has hasgone through struggles, and that
is come out the other side, andis now being another productive

(05:30):
member in society, and wantingto get that word out and recover
out loud, so that other peopleunderstand that they don't have
to suffer anymore.

Tim L (05:39):
Absolutely. No, it's, this is my passion. Now I have
to share.

Carl Fessenden (05:44):
Yeah, I feel the same way man in you know, and I
say it all the time. But that'swhy I started the podcast is
that you know, I just have thisurge, where, you know, I want to
reach a larger audience. Andthis is a great way to do it and
having people on like you thatcan share their experience,
strength and hope, and theirstories, and everything is a
great way for us to hear outsideof our regular circle of friends

(06:06):
and the community that weinvolve ourselves with, you
know, podcasting is a great wayto get that message out to other
people. And I hear that you'redoing quite a few shows. And
within the past, you said sixmonths, you've been doing a lot
of shows, podcast shows.

Tim L (06:22):
Yeah, I mean, I got out of rehab that 32 days and rehab
in March, and I really wasn'tready to share. I'll think I was
comfortable enough at that time.
But about four to five monthsin, I started speaking at my
meetings at my fellowship. Andthen about a month after that,
which is about six months intomy sobriety, I was like, You

(06:42):
know what, I feel comfortable.
Now I'm gonna start messagingpodcasts. And I went down the
line, I literally I did the lawof numbers, I think I messaged
like 30 or 40 podcasts. And likefour or five got back to me. And
I did that again the next month.
And I did it for like three orfour months. And now I get I get
messages from podcasts asking meif I want to be on so I really

(07:04):
played the numbers game on thatone. But it seems to be doing
really good. And I'm reallythankful that I am able to share
my story with those stillsuffering.

Carl Fessenden (07:15):
Yes. And you know, and like you and I both
know, it's it's so important forpeople that have addictions, to
be able to hear these stories,and to be able to relate to
other people. And you know, andI hope that the story you're
going to tell today is going tobe able to reach somebody out
there so that they realize thatyou know what, man? We don't

(07:35):
have to suffer like thisanymore. And we do recover?

Tim L (07:39):
Absolutely, we do recover. And that's the major,
major point of my story. And whyshare because we all lose hope
at some point. And we all thinkthere's no possible way that we
can get sober or stay sober. Andthat is the furthest from the
truth.

Carl Fessenden (07:55):
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, man. So
I'm reading your shirt. It saysdon't give up. You've got a
couple of what does it say?

Tim L (08:06):
It says, Don't give up.
You still got a couplemotherfuckers to prove wrong.

Carl Fessenden (08:10):
All right, there we go. That's gonna be the
that'll be the quote of the day.
Maybe we should turn that intothe title of the show.

Tim L (08:19):
Yeah, right. I've had this shirt for like 12 years,
and I work in active addiction.
But I got it because I sufferfrom bipolar and depression.
Okay. And I've had suicidalattempts and suicidal thoughts,
and I got the shirt to remindmyself never to give up. Yeah.
But unfortunately, I did at onepoint, and thankfully, I'm still

(08:42):
here to tell my story now.

Carl Fessenden (08:45):
Yeah. And you know, and I think that that
shirt actually has a doublemeaning to it. Because, you
know, out in active addiction,yeah, we can say that, you know
what, hey, we have we havemotherfuckers that we're going
to prove wrong, right. But nowwe really have to live by those
things. And I think maybe eventhe idea that we need to prove
somebody wrong. But what if wesay we need to prove our worth

(09:10):
to ourselves. Because, you know,we're the people that we've let
down just as much as otherpeople. But when it comes to
recovery, we are the ones thathave to start to learn how to
appreciate ourselves and loveourselves first, before we can
spread that love andappreciation to the rest of the

(09:31):
world.

Tim L (09:32):
100% and, you know, if you're looking for somebody's
appreciation, or pat on theback, nine times out of 10
You're not gonna get it andthey're gonna let you down and
they're like, Why did I even dothis? Because you need to do it
for yourself.

Carl Fessenden (09:47):
Yeah, absolutely. And that's part of
that, that selfishness of theprogram that I find I do. I find
that so interesting, becausethey say that we work a selfless
program. But at the same time,they're like, make sure that you
have time and you take time foryourself and make sure you do
all of these things foryourself. So, I get a little

(10:09):
like, it confuses me sometimeswhen I hear people say, Well, we
are a selfless program. And I'mlike, motherfucker, no, we're
not. I just, I just took timefor myself earlier.

Tim L (10:20):
The number one person you're taking, taking care of is
yourself. Exactly. Withouttaking care of yourself. Nobody
else matters at that point,because you know, you beat
yourself,

Carl Fessenden (10:31):
right? Exactly, man. Exactly. Alright, man. So
you're you're a Marine. What didyou do in the Marine Corps? Man?
I was a 311. Infantry. Oh, aground pounder? Yes, sir. That's
right. Okay, so I was in Oh,341. And okay. motorman. And
yes, more than that. Yeah. Youknow, so, what did you put on

(10:53):
your resume? I just curiousafter you got out of the Marine
Corps. What did you What did youput as your job description in
the Marines?

Tim L (11:01):
When I got so my father was a police officer for 36
years. Okay. So when I got outof the Marine Corps, he was
like, You got to be a policeofficer. There's no other job
out there for you. Rightqualified, they're gonna they're
gonna take you your phone, themilitary, you you already you
already know how to conductyourself under pressure. He's
like, don't take it. So I did. Iapplied for the state police to

(11:25):
county police, the city policeTransportation Authority. And I
passed all the tests, I got downto the last test for the state
police. And it happened to bethe same weekend that my mother
had booked a skiing trip toVancouver, Canada, black home

(11:46):
and Whistler Mountain. And itwas all paid for and I'm 20 at
this time, and I'm like, Man, doI do I want to take this test to
be a police officer? Or do Iwant to go ski at the highest
mountain in the world. And oneof the most beautiful places.
I'm like, I'm going skiing. So Inever took that last test. And I

(12:06):
never ended up becoming a policeofficer. And now that I look
back on it, I know now it justwasn't meant to be because I
don't think mentally I couldhave handled the job at that
time in my life.

Carl Fessenden (12:19):
Right? You know, you talk about that mental
state. And you and I both havegone through the school of
infantry. And man, I gotta tellyou so so when I when I went
through basic training, I wasmentally prepared for basic
training. I went into basicknowing that everything I was
going to do was going to be 100%Wrong. And you know, in there is

(12:42):
just no possible way to escape.
You know, getting smoked out inthe pit or you know, getting
smoked up on the quarter deck.
And and when I tell peoplegetting smoked that means that
they are like making us do pushups and making us do side
straddle hops, and we're doingmountain climbers. And, you
know, and our drill instructorsare just up there, saying, Okay,

(13:03):
now you're going to dosidesaddle hops. And then you
start doing them and say, Okay,now mountain climbers and you
got to hit the deck and you'd gointo your mountain climber.
Okay, now we're going to dosidesaddle hops again. Now we're
going to do push ups and it'sjust this relentless workout
regime and I was a diet freecruise. going, Oh, guys, okay, I

(13:24):
was already I was already like20 pounds overweight from what I
needed to be okay, signing upfor the Marines. And then I lost
the 20 pounds and then I met thethe maximum requirement of their
weight standard. And I rememberI remember my my recruiter
Sergeant Lopez, man, I'm neverforget that guy. I actually I
had three, wait type threerecruiters. No, I too, because

(13:47):
Sergeant Lopez cycled out, buthe was the original one. And so
he put the sauna suit on me andhe would take me out to the
racquetball courts and justlike, totally just make me run
the racquetball courts. And Iwould go out with the sauna
suit. And if you've worn a saunasuit before you know that it's
elastic bands, around everysingle opening of the suit, so

(14:08):
your neck, your arms and thewaist, and the new wear pants,
which are sauna suit pants, andyou know, I went out and I
leaned over and I took thewaistband, and I just kind of
like tilted it up and like allthis water poured out. And so he
he kept me at his house, whichwas on Travis Air Force Base.
The day that I had to or thenight before I had to go weigh

(14:30):
in because he wanted to makesure I didn't eat anything or
drink anything. And so I passman, but you know, going through
basic training man, I wasprepared for that. I was 100%
prepared, like I was an artJROTC in high school. Dude, I
was ready for it. But man, Iwasn't ready for the School of

(14:50):
infantry. I wasn't ready forthat next level man. And you
know, it's it's something thatthat has bothered me ever since
I got out of the middleMilitary. But I had an admin
separation from the MarineCorps, about halfway through the
school of infantry because I washaving a lot of like mental

(15:11):
health issues. And so they sentme over to the psychiatrist over
at the Navy hospital. And theysaid, Hey, man, you know, we
got, you're here, tell us yourproblems. And so I saw the Psych
and I cycled out of my platoonright in the middle of school of
infantry. And then they admindischarged me basically with a
failure to adapt to militarylifestyle. But I was getting so

(15:34):
wound up at the School ofinfantry, like, I had my best
friend, adjust my adjust mycollar, and dude, I laid him out
on the deck, like, for justtouching me, and I was so wound
up and so it was really roughfor me. And so I've always
wondered, like, you know, wherecould my life have gone? Had I

(15:55):
completed my four year contract,and then two years reserve? But
you know, what, like you withthe police force? Man, you know,
we both took the separate paths.
And with the separate paths,now, we've been placed in a
position where we can helppeople, we can spread the word
about addiction, we can shareour stories out there. So you

(16:16):
know, sometimes I wonder, youknow, where could my life have
gone? Had I stuck it out andchosen to go down this path? Do
you ever feel that way with thewith the police force, like, had
you decided to stay and not goon the ski trip? Which, dude,
I'll tell you, man, like, I loveskiing. And and I probably would

(16:36):
have gone on the ski trip too.
But, like, if you had stayed, doyou think that you might not
even have gotten into anaddictive path?

Tim L (16:46):
You know, that's, that's funny that you said that,
because I was actually thinkingabout this the other day, and it
does pop up every once in awhile, you know, a lot of people
that I graduated high schoolwith became police officers,
right? And, and they're my ageto 45. And they got like, one
year left, and they're retiringwith full benefits, full
pensions. It's crazy. They'llmake like 80 to $100,000 a year,

(17:09):
return the rest of their livesand retirement and they don't
have to work. And sometimes I'mlike, Man, I could have done
that. I should have done that.
Right. But now that I'm sober,and I'm working recovery in the
steps, I just know that that wasnot my path. Right? So I cannot
dwell on that any longer. But Idid think about it the other

(17:30):
day, when I was talking to mybody. I was like, man, like, how
long have you been on? He'slike, I've been in 25 years,
because I got one more year andI can retire.

Carl Fessenden (17:38):
Wow, do the winning. Right. Crazy.

Tim L (17:41):
Yeah, I mean, he went into 20 Got out of police
academy at 21. He's 45. So 24year almost, yeah, 24 years. And
I'm like, man, and I'm thinkingto myself, you know, I'm 45 When
I got out of the Marine, okay,before I went in the Marines, I
had two jobs. I was a dishwasherat the VFW from the age of 13 to
15. And then I worked at Metrofood markets all through high

(18:03):
school, okay. And then I went tothe Marine Corps. When I got out
of the Marine Corps, up untilabout 10 years ago, I had 46

Carl Fessenden (18:14):
jobs. Wow.

Tim L (18:17):
And I couldn't keep a job due to alcoholism, drug
addiction, and bipolar disorder.
Wow. And I never put thattogether until now. Because I
just always thought, I justdon't like to do this. This
isn't my passion. I know, Ishould I be doing something
else. And I'd go to work formonths. And I'd be the next best

(18:39):
thing since sliced bread. Andthen I just lose interest and
start calling out or justquitting, looking for the next
job. And that was a cycle for 20years, man, like just on and
off, on and off and on and off.
But I always found myself goingback to carpentry. There's just
something about taking somethingthat looks awful, reconstructing

(19:04):
it and making it lookincredible. It's a sense of
pride and accomplishment. AndI've always liked that. And even
though carpentry is the samething, the jobs are always
different. So it's not likeyou're doing the same thing
every single day. It could bedoing a bathroom, you could be
building a deck, you could bedoing a kitchen, you can be
laying floors, you know, it'sthe same thing, but it's not

(19:27):
right. So I think that also keptme interested because I was
always doing somethingdifferent. And I was always
learning something new. Andyeah, that's besides speaking
and sharing my story that I'vereally found a job that I don't
call a job I love going to workevery day. Now, I mean, I don't

(19:51):
wake up, man, I kind of go towork today. Right? I really
enjoy going to work I reallyenjoy doing my job and I say it
all the time and A lot of myfriends hate their job, they go
to pay the bills and keep thelights on. Yeah. And they're
miserable. I, I'm blessed. I'mblessed to have a job that I
love going through every day.

Carl Fessenden (20:12):
That's, that's, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah. But

Tim L (20:15):
I don't think about the police force too much anymore. I
just don't. I've learned not todwell on the past.

Carl Fessenden (20:21):
Yeah. And you know, and that, that also
applies to me too. Because, youknow, I used to dwell on the
past. I'm like, oh, man, Ididn't complete my military
service. And then I always feltlike that was kind of like, the
ripple that started the, thetsunami effect of how I
conducted myself in jobs wasthat it was, you know, dude, I

(20:42):
have like a resume that is,like, 10 pages long. I mean, and
especially, like, jobs I did,right of military service. And,
you know, and I would work a jobfor like, three months. I mean,
I fuck that job. I don't like itanymore. It's boring. Or, you
know, I want to go do somethingelse. And, and stuff like that.
And so, what I've learned inrecovery is that, you know, we

(21:02):
have to trust this process, andwhatever you feel the process is
for you. But the process isalways different. And to give
ourselves to this process, andso you know, what, if it works
out, that's great. If it doesn'twork out, that's okay, too,
because maybe there's a reasonwhy it doesn't work out for us.

Tim L (21:23):
So that's the way I look at everything, I changed my
perspective on how I did things.

Carl Fessenden (21:27):
Yeah. Yeah. And that's, it's so important to be
able to do that, because I seeso many people out there that
you know, just dwell on, andeven the clients that we have
coming into our treatments andour own stuff, you know, I'm
like, dude, you've got to letthis go. Like, if it works out
with your girlfriend, great. Ifit doesn't, you know, you'll
there will be somebody else. AndI don't know when that's gonna

(21:48):
happen. But down the road, therewill be somebody else. And, you
know, maybe it's good for youright now, maybe you get a
chance to work on yourself, andyou don't have this other
distraction for you. Oh, man, Ireally thought about it.

Tim L (22:00):
And, you know, one of my biggest things that I always
held on to was, you know, at theage of six, my father, and my
mother got a divorce. Okay, Ihave a brother who's 10 years
older than me. So he was alreadyin high school. Yeah. And so my
father, still to this day is notreally in my life. And as a

(22:20):
young boy growing up, I alwaysthought it was my fault that
they got a divorce. Why didn'the love me? Why didn't he stick
around? As long as he did withmy older brother? Is there
something wrong with me. And youknow, he would call and be like,
I'm coming to pick you up on theweekend. He didn't show up. And
that happened multiple, multipletimes, where I'll be waiting at

(22:41):
the front door with my bagspacked, waiting to go hang out
with my father. And he wouldcall and say, I got to work
overtime, I gotta, likesomething else came up. And that
happened a lot. And all throughmy 20s and 30s. I always had
that wanting of acknowledgementand acceptance from my father.
Yeah, because I felt as if itwasn't there. And I also use

(23:05):
that as a reason why I drank anddrum and I gave it as that was
an excuse. My father didn't loveme. My father wasn't there. You
know, I never really knew mygrant, my real Grandfather, I
never really knew my dad's sideof the family. Like, I always
thought there was a missingpiece in my life. It wasn't
until probably last year, rightbefore I got sober that I

(23:31):
finally I was talking to my momone day, and she's like, Honey,
she's like, you know, you hadnothing to do with with why we
got a divorce. Your father likedother women. Yeah, she's like,
and I couldn't deal with that.
And we just had to get adivorce. She said it had nothing
to do with you. And I finallystarted to realize, you know,
looking back on how he was, myfather was selfish. She was

(23:53):
egotistical. He's kind of anass. And, and that's just who he
is, right. And I accepted thatbecause at the end of the day,
it really had nothing to do withme. And here I am, late 30s. And
I'm still holding on tosomething that effect that
started when I was six, andseven and eight. And I'm like, I

(24:15):
can't do this anymore. It'sweighing me down. It's really
putting, you know, a lot ofweight on my shoulders and my
heart. And I finally was justlike, you know, I accept my
father for two years. I lovehim. He's my dad. I know he
loves me, but we just don't havea a kind of relationship that a
normal father and son would havethat. I know if normal is such a

(24:38):
thing. But you know, since Ihave been sober, him and my mom
do speak, and I haven't seen myfather in three years. And he
saw her the other day and hesaid, How's Timmy doing? And she
said, Pete, he's doingincredible he's coming up on one
year. He's going to meetings.

(25:01):
He's talking on podcast. He'ssharing your story. And she said
he got quiet. And then said,Well, what about me? Are we ever
going to talk again? Yeah. Andshe and she said, Well, he's
working on his steps. And one ofthe steps is making amends.
Yeah, she's like, so I'm sure inthe future that you guys will
speak again. Yeah. And she said,he kinda like it took him back.

(25:24):
And he kind of smiled. Well, twodays ago, they called my mom and
said, Can I have Tim's phonenumber? Because I like to text
them? Yeah, that still I stillhaven't gotten that text. But
the fact that he asked my momfor my number means he wants to
reach out. Yeah. And I amcompletely acceptable that I
want to do it. I would love togo to lunch or dinner with him

(25:45):
and just talk to him. Because tobe honest with you, he has never
seen his son sober.

Carl Fessenden (25:51):
Wow, that's incredible.

Tim L (25:53):
Yeah, I've been drinking and drugging since the age of
17. And he's ever really he'snever seen this person.

Carl Fessenden (26:02):
Wow. That's, that's, that's so incredible.
And that, you know, that justwarms my heart to see that, you
know, he's he's taking thatfirst step to gain the
information to reach out andstill the ball is in his court.
Right. And so, hopefully he doesit soon, man. I really hope he
does. And, dude, I hope you keepme up to date on that man.

Tim L (26:25):
Yeah, I hope he does, too. I really do. You know, a
couple months ago, he had acancer scare where they found
some spots on his on his, Ithink underneath of his armpit.
And they took it off. And theydid biopsies and stuff. And
luckily, it came out benign. Butat that point, I was like, Maybe
I should call him because justin case my father 75. I mean,
he's, he's older. He's a lotolder. And I was like, Maybe I

(26:48):
should, but I didn't feel readyat that point. I've always said
I wanted to wait till I have oneyear. Yeah. And that just passed
on Saturday. So I'm preparednow. Because I feel as if I have
something to show him. Right.
You know what I mean? I reallydo. I feel I have one year and,
and I've learned so much aboutmyself and so much about life.

(27:10):
And I would love to share withhim my journey of what I've been
through.

Carl Fessenden (27:18):
Yeah. That's, that's really incredible that
you that you had that goal, likeit one year, you're going to go
and now talk to him and be like,hey, you know, man, this is the
side that you haven't seen. AndI know that there's a lot of
things that we need to talkabout. And there's going to be a
time and place for that, youknow, I had a kind of a similar

(27:38):
thing, because I was adopted.
And I always wanted to go andlike find my my birth parents.
But I had I saw I had twothings, right. I first had a
fear of like, well, you know,what, if they're like me, you
know, what if, what if they'restruggling with addiction or
something like that, like me?
And so and the other thing was,you know, what if they don't

(28:02):
want to talk to me, because thatwould be rejection, right? I so
at a year, I did a DNA test. AndI was able to, through the DNA
test, I was able to find my twotwin sisters. And you know, I've
made contact with them. I'm nowthey're part of the family and

(28:24):
stuff, but like you, I had thatthing like, Man, I need to have
something to show these people.
I can't just be like, Dude, Ijust got out of rehab. And hey,
here I am in your life. Right inso you know, it's, it was kind
of that same thing for me wherelike, I wanted to have something
to show them to be like, youknow, hey, yeah, this is

(28:44):
something that I'm doing and I'mtaking serious and it's not just
a phase in my life. And fuck,man, that was three years ago
because I just came up on fouryears. So awesome graduation,
congrats, dude. Congratulationson your one year. That is so
fucking big. Like, oh my gosh,that is huge brother. In fact,
I'm

Tim L (29:05):
just I've been sober since I was 17. Ever.

Carl Fessenden (29:08):
Wow, you know, I have something for you. I'm
gonna send you something manthat I've, I've carried around
with me and my buddy Mike, who'salso a Marine, over a Duffy's
and so there I'm gonna go offcamera here just for a second
guys. I want to grab my littlecoin box up here

(29:35):
all right. And I know I know youguys that are listening right
now you you can't see this butI've got this box here. And it's
a cigar box. And it haseverything that is recovery for
me in the box. And Tim and Iwent to San Diego for both

(29:57):
called Hollywood. Wait, no.
Where did you go

Tim L (29:59):
now? I went to Parris Island, buddy. Oh,

Carl Fessenden (30:03):
oh, I'm so glad I'm not sending you this. I have
something else I'm going to sendyou. Because I want to
commemorate your one year. Andso I have this challenge coin
here. And it says, awesome. Soon the front side, it says Death

(30:24):
smiles at everybody. And it hasa picture of the Grim Reaper on
it. And on the flip side, itsays, it has chesty on it and it
says marine smile back, back,and I'm gonna, I'm gonna send
that to you, man. So I got youraddress, dude, I'm gonna send
that to you for your one yearand congratulations on that. But

Tim L (30:45):
dude, that is so awesome call. Thank you, dude, I don't
even know what to say, man.

Carl Fessenden (30:50):
Well, I really don't you know what, man? Those
are the gifts of recovery.
Right, did

Tim L (30:55):
you? Thank you, brother.
That is Yeah, credible.

Carl Fessenden (30:59):
And my buddy Mike gave this to me when I hit
my one year. And he said you gotto find somebody to give this
back to. And so you just hitWe're your one year and I know
that we are a little far awayapart because you're all the way
on the East Coast. I'm over hereon the West Coast. Yeah, dude, I
was gonna, so I wasn't gonnasend you this one. And it's. So

(31:22):
this is another challenge cointhat I got. And this he gave
this one to me too, because wewere both. He was also a
Hollywood Marine. And for thoseof you that don't know, this is
like a big deal in the MarineCorps. Like, all of these all of
these fuckers over on the eastcoast. They make fun of us.
They're like, Oh, you HollywoodMarines. You know, you just kind

(31:42):
of look good for the camera andstuff. And we're like, fuck you.
Because it was our with theswamps and alligators, right?
No. Okay, so we had, okay, so itrained twice when I was in basic
training. And I went right inthe middle of December. And wow.
And so you know, it was it wasnice beachy with her the whole

(32:05):
time. We were in basic training,although when we went up north
because we had to go to CampPendleton. Okay. And is that
where you did? Your school ofinfantry was in California.

Tim L (32:15):
I did it. I did it in North Carolina combat

Carl Fessenden (32:18):
cheese.

Tim L (32:21):
Everything was on the East Coast. And then I was
stationed in Canada, June, NorthCarolina.

Carl Fessenden (32:25):
Okay, I was supposed to go to camp last
June. In fact, I don't know if Istill have it. I found my spiral
bound, little minute notebook.
And it was a letter I waswriting to my mom while I was in
the School of infantry, tellingher so I was going to do med
floats. And I was going to be afleet Marine. And so like I even
had, I even had a platoon or acompany number in a platoon

(32:50):
number. And then that was whereI was going to go so I was
actually slated to go to campplatoon I was a camp lunar
Cherry Point, one of the two.
But um, I was gonna send youthis one and this this is
another challenge coin here. Andit says the United States Marine
Corps earned never given whereMarines are made and so it has

(33:14):
the ECA symbol on it. And thenit has a yellow footprints,
which is synonymous to theMarine Corps intake and basic
training. They have yellowfootprints, which are footprints
at 45 degree angles. So that wealready start to adapt to the
position of attention when thefirst thing when you get off the
bus and but down here it saysMCRD San Diego so I'm really

(33:38):
glad I didn't send you that onebecause I I don't know if you
would have like done a return tosender. But dude, I'm gonna send
this one over to you. This thischallenge coin here. This was in
my office over a Duffy's and wedid a lot of VA clients over
there. And so and this was thechallenge coin that I passed

(34:00):
around in my groups, when we doour men's group for the VA
clients and they would all shareand, and I loved doing it
because all the airforce guyswould look at it and they're
like death smiles back. Oh,that's so cool. Then they look
fucking Marines. Right. I'mlike, Well, when you get to
facilitate a group and you getto run a group, then you can

(34:23):
bring your challenge coin in.
But you know what? To welcome totreatment.

Tim L (34:28):
Absolutely.

Carl Fessenden (34:30):
Right. Exactly.
push another button and sit inyour chair. The Navy guys were
the worst man cuz they'd belike, Oh my god, the Marines. I
just I just looked at him. Hey,man. So you Uber Lyft. Now cuz
thanks for the ride, buddy.
Absolutely. Your taxi. Taxi.
Exactly. Exactly. So well.

(34:54):
That's cool, man. So tell me alittle bit about what's
happening with you. Now you workconstruction. And you told me
offline that you the company youwork at everybody there is in
recovery or almost everybodythere is in recovery. Is that
right?

Tim L (35:05):
Yeah, everybody is. So I've, I've subcontracted for
several companies over theyears. So I basically I've
worked for myself, but companiescalled me in to work for them.
So I'm the last four years of myaddiction was the height of my
addiction, and was the worstpoint in my life that I've ever

(35:28):
gotten in my alcoholism. Yeah.
And I say alcoholism, drugaddiction, because, luckily for
me, about four years ago, Istopped using pain medicine.
Now, I did smoke pot, but Ididn't consider that, you know,
a life threatening drug. So whenI was doing pain pills and

(35:48):
drinking, I was definitelygambling with my life. Yeah. So
four years ago, I luckily, Itell you the story real quick,
and I'll move on. I had sevensurgeries in like 18 months.
This is all from I was a amateurmixed martial arts fighter. And
I tore my rotator cuffs. I hadneck surgeries, ankle surgery,

(36:11):
hernia surgery. So the doctorskept giving me pain medicine.
And I was drinking on top of it.
And subconsciously, I was like,Man, this isn't good. Because a
lot of people die from takingpain, medicine and drinking.
Yeah. And because I was anaddict, I wasn't just taking a
medicine one every four hours, Iwas taking two or three every

(36:34):
two to three hours. And I wasn'tjust drinking a beer. I was
drinking 12 to 18 beers, so Iwas really getting it. And one
night i i was like, I can't livelike this anymore. I don't want
to live like this anymore. Iwent to Panama to go away. And I
took 18 Percocet, wow. And I Idrank 12 beers. And I literally

(36:58):
laid in the bed. And I said,Please, God, don't let me wake
up tomorrow, because I don'twant to live like this anymore.
And I woke up the next morning,that next morning, I went into
the bathroom and poured all thepain medicine down the toilet.
And I haven't touched any painmedicine and going on five years

(37:19):
now. It's like four and a half.
I was sick as a dog for a week.
But I knew that was comingbecause I had been on Main
medicine for close to two yearsstraight. And I accepted it. And
I remember looking in the mirrorand being like, just suck it up
just did, you're gonna you know,you're gonna be sick. And I went

(37:39):
through it. And I rememberlooking at myself in the mirror
and saying, I'm never doing thisagain. Yeah, and I haven't. But
my my, my addiction of Applejust kept going. But I would
always work for these differentcompanies. And the last company
that I worked for, I reallyliked the company, we would

(37:59):
rehab apartment buildings, andthey would buy huge buildings
with 30 to 50 to 60 apartments.
And we would go in and work oneach apartment over and over and
over again. And two of the guysthere were in recovery. And the
rest of them were actually allon drugs. And unfortunately, the
sons owner was a heavy addicthimself. And, you know, he would

(38:21):
do the whole come in in themorning happy by lunchtime,
angry by afternoon happy again,you could tell when he would use
during the day. Yeah. And itkind of started to bother me.
But I just accepted because Ineeded a job. They paid me well.
And I liked what I was doing.
And Christmas came this pastyear. And I actually ended up

(38:45):
getting pneumonia in COVID. AndI was out of work for three
weeks. And when I went back towork, I was there for one day
and he comes in he's like, Dude,we're down to the last
apartment. We're not settling onthe other building for like four
months, I had no work to keep itgoing until April. He's like but
go ahead and call this guy whowas our plumber that we had

(39:10):
worked with on this apartmentbuilding for like eight months.
So I've worked with them side byside for eight months. So I knew
him. He's like, give him a call.
See if he has any work to holdyou over till April. He goes
when April comes I'll bring youback. So I call. I came at work.
He's like Hell yeah, dude, I'mswamped. He goes, I could use a
carpenter. He said because I gointo these bathrooms us and I

(39:31):
have to subcontract out thecarpentry work for me to do my
plumbing. You can come along, wecan work together. And you know,
we'll see how it goes. So I he'slike start new start Monday.
This was like Wednesday. I'mlike hell yeah. Cool. So I had a
couple of days off and startedMonday. So I get in there and
we're talking and he's like,yeah, he was, you know, you
know, I'm in recovery. Right?
And I'm like, No, yeah, I haveeight years. Wow. I was like, I

(39:53):
didn't know that. He goes yeah,he's I've actually he goes I've
had 10 years before He's like,and my son was murdered at the
age of 19. He's like, and Icouldn't take and he goes, I
gave up on life. And he goesout, went on an eight year run
with drugs and alcohol. He'slike, and then luckily enough, I
was able to find the room. So hewas and now I'm going on eight

(40:15):
years. And I said, Oh, that'sawesome. He goes, Yeah. And our
office manager, the gentlemanthat runs our Office is my
sponsor. He's got 32 years. Wow.
Oh, that's incredible. He goes,so we'd like you to start
Monday. He's like, what did theypay? I told him, he goes, how
about a $10 an hour raise, and Iwas able to white. And he goes,

(40:36):
Yeah, I'll give you a $10 anhour raise, and you're gonna
work with nothing. But people inrecovery. He goes, I don't hire
anybody that's not in our rooms.
He goes, I try to hire peoplethat are willing and wanting to
work and, you know, are sober.
And I was like, that'sincredible. And, you know, I
hung up the phone with him. AndI called my wife and along with

(40:56):
all the things that havehappened to me over this past
year, in sobriety, I stoppedtalking things up as
coincidence, right. And I callmy wife and I'm like, You're not
gonna believe this. I was like,not only does he want me to
start on Monday, he's giving mea $10 an hour raise, and
everybody that you works with issober and in recovery and active
in the rooms. And she's like,You can't tell me that that

(41:20):
wasn't your higher powers pathleading you in that direction.
Yeah. It's just so amazing. So Idon't get when we when we drive
together, we talk about stepwork. We talk about traditions,
we talk about stories in themeetings, like we have a common
bond, that as we know, peoplewho do not suffer from addiction

(41:42):
or who are in recovery don'treally have, right, we we are
lucky, we are the lucky ones. Weare special people that get to
live in recovery. Because Itruly believe that people that
live the steps of recovery,become better human beings all
the way around, you know, welive life. And we look at life

(42:05):
completely different than thenormies, as they say, We have a
ambition to get things done overand above normal people. Like
when we are in our addiction. Wego 100 miles an hour. And if we
can take that mindset and applyit to becoming successful or

(42:28):
becoming suitable or havingrecovery, we go above and beyond
what normal people would do.

Carl Fessenden (42:35):
Yeah, dude, that's so incredible, man. And
like, so that reminds me of thetimes that I have thought to
myself, especially when I workedat Duffy's in Napa Valley, which
is a it's it's a private payfacility. So it's it's higher
end, it's a for profit facility.
And everybody there with theexception of maybe two or three

(43:01):
people on the whole staff. Andwe're, and I'm not talking like
they have they even hadhousekeepers that would come in
and like clean up after you.
Like it was you know, it's thattype of like, high end facility
where they have four or fivechefs that cook during the week,
and you know, and all theseother crazy things that you're

(43:22):
like, dude, in my rehab, we hadto wash our own dishes, you
know, you know, but like, here,it's like, man, you know, we've
got, you know, it's bougie. Andso, everybody there man was in
recovery. And it was so crazyand so awesome to work with
people that were some likeminded like us. Because when we

(43:45):
have a problem, we go aboutworking the problem in a
different way than then what weconsider to be a Normie. Right?
There's a thought process thatis different for us. And we take
information and we process itdifferent. And that's different
for everybody, depending on whatwhere they're at in their own
recovery. Because if you and Ilook at the way we used to do

(44:07):
our thought processing, beforewe started working the steps and
before we started working with asponsor and stuff, I mean, it's
like night and day, man.

Tim L (44:16):
It was Donnelly motion and spur of the moment and
without regard to theconsequences.

Carl Fessenden (44:24):
Absolutely.
Absolutely. Fuck theconsequences, man.

Tim L (44:29):
What consequence do what happens

Carl Fessenden (44:31):
right deal with them when I happens and maybe
I'm gonna lie lie to everybodyelse to try to avoid them. And
to fly, man because fuck thatwasn't me, man. Good cameras.

Tim L (44:41):
Should Master Master manipulators.

Carl Fessenden (44:44):
That's right, man. It's time to put all of our
masks down because we only haveone mask that we need to wear.
And that's the one that is notplaced upon our face because we
are who we are.

Tim L (44:55):
Yes, yeah, absolutely.

Carl Fessenden (44:57):
Cool, man. So Well, dude, you Dude, you're so
amazing, man. I'm so glad thatwe're having this conversation
tonight. And I, you know, we soTim and I tried to meet up and I
signed him up to do the podcast,like two months ago or
something. And so then I calledhim and I was like, Hey, man, so

(45:19):
I'm on my way home and, andjust, I'll see in an hour, and
he was like, oh, bro, I'm, I'mat dinner with my family.

Tim L (45:31):
It was my daughter's gender reveal for my grants on.

Carl Fessenden (45:36):
Yeah, you couldn't. You couldn't.

Tim L (45:39):
I'm sitting now I'm like, oh, shit at seven o'clock. I
have a podcast. And now my wifelooks at me. She goes, we just
ordered dinner. It's not even atthe table. Yeah. I completely
forgot. Yeah.

Carl Fessenden (45:51):
But you know what, man that that is just the
mindset that you and I are innow. Where you know, man, okay,
cool. So that's happening rightnow. Right? But we don't have to
let it ruin our whole day, man.
And I was like, Fuck, yeah, man.
I got a day off. Right. And I'mlike you said, Cool. I can go to
dinner earlier. Yeah. Right.
Because I at that time, I wasdoing interviews, and I've

(46:13):
changed my interviews now whereI do it every other week. Okay,
but like a month ago, man I wasdoing, I was literally doing
interviews. Let's see. So I meetwith my sponsee. And I go to a
meeting on Mondays. And thenTuesday, Wednesday, I was doing
interviews. Thursday, I do thelive show. And then I also have
an interview slot, which doesn'tnormally get filled after the

(46:35):
live show, but I have it therefor people. And then Sunday's I
have an interview slot. And thenthe weekends I spend with my
partner down in Monterey, and heand I spend the weekend together
and stuff and so like, it'sliterally like every single day
I'm doing something. And so whenyou said hey, I'm at dinner,
dude, I almost jumped for joy.

(46:56):
Like, this is fun. This isfucking fantastic. Yeah, this
worked out totally because I waslike, at the point where I was
like, Man, I really need abreak. So but you know, but then
we get to do it today, brother.
And, dude, it's been so awesometo have you on the show, man.
So, really appreciate it, man.

(47:17):
Absolutely, man. So I have Ihave a little something we're
gonna do. And I like to do somerapid fire questions. So how do
you feel about doing some ofthose brother? That's it. All
right. All right, Tim. Yourrapid fire questions are coming
up for you. So let's see here.
Where do we gonna do some yes orno questions? Random rapid fire
questions. Let's see. All right,let's start out with some one

(47:39):
word rapid fire questions. Whatwas your first job? Dishwasher?
Dishwasher? All righty. What isyour favorite color? Red, red.
What is your favorite food?
Pizza Pizza. Okay, now let meask you do you fold your slice

(48:00):
in half when you eat it? I do.
Okay, that's the only way to eatpizza. I'm just letting
everybody out there know that.
So you bops and falls all overthe place. Exactly. So you're
gonna get a you get a ding forthat one. All right, who is your
hero?

Tim L (48:17):
My hero is me in five years.

Carl Fessenden (48:19):
Okay. I like that man. Where did you go on
your last vacation?

Tim L (48:24):
Disneyworld with the family. That's awesome.

Carl Fessenden (48:27):
I love that man.
All right, what is your favoritesubject in school?

Tim L (48:32):
It was actually Jim.
Cool, man.

Carl Fessenden (48:35):
Well, that fits with all the workouts that you
do. And if you guys arefollowing him on Instagram, he
definitely posts a lot ofworkout. Pictures and tips and
stuff. So it's good stuff there.
You putting up there, man? Allright. What is your favorite
movie genre? 80s 80s ha dude,they're releasing the new top
gun in two months.

Tim L (48:58):
I know Madrick coming out with Back to the Future for

Carl Fessenden (49:03):
right dude. And also, they are going to be
releasing the spin off of WhiteMen Can't Jump. Are you serious?
I swear to you, brother. Iwould. I put that on a slice of
pizza and fold it in half.
Alright, when you look at carbsare carbs good or bad? carbs are

(49:23):
bad. carbs are bad except whenthey're involved with pizza. All
right. What is your night? Mycheat night? That's right,
brother. What is your favoriteboard game?

Tim L (49:38):
Wow, I haven't played board games a while but when we
do. We like to play Monopoly.

Carl Fessenden (49:43):
Alright, monopoly that's a good one
brother. All right, man. What isyour favorite rainy day
activity?

Tim L (49:49):
do absolutely nothing and watch movies from the 80s

Carl Fessenden (49:53):
Dude, I love that man. All right. And the
last question that we always askall of our guests on the drunken
Warren podcast, who is Yourfavorite Disney character and
just before you answer, Tim, I'mgoing to put this out there
because there is always aquestion of well, Disney is such
an empire now. Anything withinthe Disney Family currently?

Tim L (50:15):
I'm going old school with okay with the original five. I
like goofy.

Carl Fessenden (50:19):
Oh, Goofy. Okay, why do you like goofy man?

Tim L (50:23):
Because I like how he acts like his personality. He's
kind of dim witted. And he'sfunny on the same, same thing.
And he's really, I mean, whodoesn't like goofy?

Carl Fessenden (50:32):
Yeah, dude, who doesn't like goofy? I mean,
really? Goofy is good. I had, Ihad my friend. Charlie, have you
been on the way out podcast?

Tim L (50:44):
No, I have to check if I'm scheduled to do that.

Carl Fessenden (50:47):
Yeah, dude. If you want Charlie's information,
I'll get it to you. But there isYeah, they've been around for
like about five years. Alsoanother podcast you should do
with my buddy Shane Raymer. Uphere in Northern California on
that sober guy.

Tim L (51:03):
We have tried to hook up twice and our times have not
met. I actually have him in myinbox on my email right now. We
have to come up with anothertime to meet but that's in the
works.

Carl Fessenden (51:12):
That's cool, man. That's cool. All right. So
tell us a little bit about likeif people want to get hold of
you and everything. Where canthey go to do so?

Tim L (51:21):
My main platform is Instagram. AT T LOD GN AT T
lodging. That's where I'm mainlyI am on Facebook is as Timothy
lodging. But I have seen to getmost receptive from reception
from people on Instagram. Youknow, when I started Instagram,

(51:44):
when I got out of rehab, I had352 followers. Since doing all
these podcasts posting all thisinspirational stuff about hope
and recovery. I just hit 73,000.

Carl Fessenden (51:57):
Wow, that's crazy man in a year. That's
impressive.

Tim L (52:05):
It's my wife said you think you're cool, don't you? I
said no, actually, I don't. Ican't wrap my head around. I
can't perhaps wrap my headaround it. I truly believe that
this is where I needed to be inmy life at this time for me to
get my message out and it'sbeing so received in a positive
manner that this truly I believeI found my passion now for life.

Carl Fessenden (52:26):
Yeah, brother.
Well, you know, it's, uh, youand I are going to do some more
episodes together togetherbecause dude, I love talking to
you. And I want to do a I wantto do a panel episode with for
either Veterans Day or MemorialDay coming up. And so I need you
to represent the USMC out therefor a percent. All right, man.

(52:47):
Well, awesome. All right, guys.
This has been a wonderfulepisode with Tim Larkin. And if
you guys would like to check outany of his social media links or
anything about him, I will havethe links posted in the show
notes. So just click on more onyour podcast app and it will
drop down those show notes foryou. And it gives you all the

(53:10):
links that we've talked abouttoday. And I want to thank
everybody for listening to thedrunken Warren podcast
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My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.

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