June 19, 2025 • 29 mins
In this episode, I share my ongoing battle to getting help from the mental health system in reducing my medication load. And progress continues to be hard to come by.
I share the latest letters my GP has sent off to Bloomfield Hospital and ISMHU, pleading for an inpatient stay to safely reduce and taper off my psych meds. I open up about the financial barriers to private care, the paradox of needing to make anxiety-inducing phone calls just to access treatment (for anxiety disorders!), and the emotional toll of constantly needing to self-advocate with disorders such as BPD in the mix. It’s time to up the anti, and try a new strategy. One I hoped I wouldn’t have to use…
—
Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.
This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulator podcast, as always,thank you for tuning in.
If you're enjoying the show,feel free to like, subscribe,
give the show a great rating.
It's good for the algorithm andyou can share it around with
your mates.
And you can follow me onInstagram at elliotttwaters, and
you can also follow the shownow on Facebook.
(00:32):
So let's do a little check-inof what's been happening.
Now, if you've been keeping upwith my episode output, you
would know that there's been abit of a story developing.
It's me trying to get off thesemedications and this story is
ever evolving, but at the sametime, this hasn't got to the
point where anything's actuallybeen done yet.
(00:53):
So there was the episode I did,the medication plea episode.
That was sort of the one thatkicked it off, and that's when I
thought to myself right, let'stry and do something a bit
different with the wholemedication thing.
That's sort of when it kickedoff.
There's the episode where I'mat the Mata Hospital, out the
front, back to the Mata, and itis me out the front just before
(01:16):
I walk in, basically explaininghow desperate I'm getting.
And then there was the mostrecent episode the discharge
papers from that visit to thehospital.
So it's been this evolvingstory and it's still evolving.
Now.
There was also I've doneepisodes, I think, on some of
the referrals from my GP thathave been sent to places like
(01:38):
IJMU and other extended staywards.
We've got more of them heretoday to read out because, as I
said, this situation is evolvingbut it's not really headed in a
direction that has me veryconfident.
I'm getting a bit jacked butI'm getting over it and, as
you'll see, or as you'll hear inthese letters from my GP,
(02:02):
things have gone up a gear bigtime because I'm not getting the
results I'm looking for.
In other words, the system isnot helping me and the system, I
think, needs to help me,because it's the system that put
me on all these medications andI want to do a career move back
to, potentially, transport andI can't have all these
(02:23):
medications floating aroundbecause employers will just go
nah, too high risk, see youlater.
And I'm not even sure that thesemedications are doing that much
anyway, because I'm still soanxious, my anxiety is still
horrendous and I have thesedepressive slumps and I'm just
oh, it's like if I'm on seven oreight medications, all for
(02:46):
psychoactive reasons.
I don't expect that I should befeeling that bad.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm a complex case.
I have treatment resistantdisorders for sure, refractory
anxiety, it's all there.
I get that.
And I also know that we can'tshoot too high, because that's
(03:07):
the way things are.
But at the same time, for somany medications with so many
potential side effects and sideeffects that I am getting, I
would expect better.
So that's why I want to do thisreset, see what the new
baseline is for Elliot as a34-year-old, and then go from
there and it may end up.
I'm rehashing a little bit ofwhat I've seen in previous
(03:28):
episodes, but I'm sort of doingit for my own benefit here too,
because it may happen that I getput back on some of these
medications and potentially Ihope not, but potentially we
might go back to baseline and goholy dooly, I'm screwed.
Those medications were actuallydoing a lot.
(03:48):
I didn't realize how bad thingsreally were.
I don't know.
That's a possibility as well,but the thing is I can't find
this out.
I can't answer these questionsunless the system helps me.
And the system is not helpingme, and as long as the system is
not doing its thing for me, I'mgetting more and more agitated
(04:11):
and this angry sort ofdepression it's not like oh you
know, it's not melancholic, likeI'm not crying, for example,
from sadness, that's not thesort of depression I'm feeling.
It's this anger and agitationand it's really feeding into my
BPD as well.
Let me tell you, my BPD demonthat's within, and I like saying
(04:34):
demon because I don't want todemonize the disorder, but at
the same time it's the way Isort of I don't know
conceptualize it in my mind, Isuppose.
But this entity, this BPDentity, lives within and I'm
very good, thankfully, atkeeping it restrained.
But the thing is, the longerthat I don't get help, the more
(04:57):
I'm thinking maybe it's time tolet the BPD demon do its thing,
because it is very good atbanging on walls, you know,
being a squeaky wheel that getsthe grease, that sort of stuff,
you know.
And, to be honest, I've beentold by friends and friends that
work in the mental health spacethat you know, if you want
things to happen, elliot, you'vegot to really up the ante,
(05:18):
because there's just so muchmental despair out there at the
moment and the New South Walespublic health system is crippled
.
Especially the mental healthsystem is crippled.
I've got an episode on that, ifyou want to go back and have a
look.
So it's really hard jockeyingfor positions here, and it's
hard because I don't advocatevery well for myself so I like
(05:39):
to downplay things.
But it's at the point now whereI've got friends saying, mate,
you need to do something drastic, or you know cause.
They're not listening.
And even my GP is sort of well,no, he certainly does not agree
with the potential for I don'tknow, some sort of angry
outburst, I guess.
(06:00):
Um, but at the same time hegets it.
He's like, yeah, I get it, andit's going to get to the point
where this isn't me in control,in the sense that, oh well, it
is me in control, but it's me incontrol from a position of not
getting the help, and then mymental illnesses may take over
(06:23):
and do their thing andorganically you could say this
could escalate, and I think itwill.
It already sort of has italready has, because I'm very
angry and I'm very frustrated,because I just want help.
I just want some help because Ialso feel that I can do more in
(06:43):
the community and more forothers if I'm coming from a
healthy headspace.
That's the key.
So I feel like there's a lotriding on this and I don't know.
I feel like I've been on thismerry-go-round since, who knows,
for years, decades, this mentalhealth thing.
Every day is a battle.
Every day is a battle, make nomistake, and I feel at this
(07:07):
point, with all the differentadmissions, all the medications
we've trialed and therapies andall this sort of stuff, all the
money that I've spent, that Idon't know.
I don't know if deserving is theword, if I deserve the help,
but I feel like I've done enough, that I should be getting the
help that I need.
You know what I mean,especially in a great.
You know.
(07:27):
Australia, thank God, is wherea wealthy country and these
services are available, andalthough the New South Wales
mental health system is crippledat the moment because of the
state government but you knowI'm not going into that, I'll
just get too angry but you know,like the expectation I thought
in this country was that if youneeded this sort of help that
(07:49):
posed potential danger tooneself or the community, well
then you know that's what thepublic system will do, but they
haven't been doing it.
So, yeah, I don't know it'sgetting difficult.
It's getting difficult because,like I said, I'm not very good
at advocating and often, when itcomes to well not this sort of
stuff, I guess, but other things, you know I'll be too anxious
(08:12):
to engage with something say,and then the pressure will build
and build and build andeventually this was my whole
degree in psychology.
This is how I did my degree.
I would just put everything off, downplay everything, and then
all of a sudden, the stress andthe anxiety would be so great
that it went from making me infreeze mode, turning me into
(08:34):
fight mode and then gettingstuff done.
I don't want to go into fightmode to advocate for myself, for
this, because I don't know ifthat's going to end well.
And when I say end well, I meanlike I'll do something, not
anything drastic, don't worry.
Like I'm not alluding to.
You know, I did say harm to thecommunity there, but that's the
(08:57):
criteria that they work on.
I'm not saying that, I'm doingthat, but uh, yeah, I forget
what I was saying.
Geez, that adhd, don't you loveit.
This happens every episode.
This happened every episodewhere I get like halfway through
and I forget what the hell I'mtalking about.
I don't know anyway, the let mesum up that point, which is
probably what I was trying to doanyway.
(09:17):
Um, I don't know really what todo.
Like, how many referrals do Ineed to send off?
Like I'm a willing patient?
I'll do anything.
I've said this, I'll go toMorissette the forensic ward
with the criminally insane.
I'll go there to get off thesemedications.
I'll do it because I think it'sworth it, but I need someone to
(09:40):
get in my corner from thesystem to really help me be able
to do this.
I don't know why it's so hard.
They're the ones that put me onall these medications, like
come on, don't you have somesort of duty of care?
It's hard, though, because then, straight away, I say that and
I think my inner critic says,yeah, well, yeah, there's a lot
(10:00):
of other people that need helptoo.
Stop being greedy, I suppose,but I don't know.
Look, I need help too, andsurely it's about time that that
help comes.
This has been going on for solong.
It should have been sorted 15years ago, and it wasn't, and
now it's just grown Again, notlooking at things properly,
(10:21):
pushing it aside, and theproblem just gets bigger and
bigger and bigger while I'm notlooking at it, and then it blows
and my mental health andlooking after my mental health
has been very much like that.
But I'm at the point now whereI'm not putting it off, I'm
looking at it directly.
Let's go, I'm willing to dowhatever.
I just need someone to comealong on the ride with me from
(10:42):
the mental health system andhelp me get off these
medications.
Anyway, I'm rambling so much.
I'm so sorry.
That intro is meant to take twominutes and we're up to 10
minutes, so if you're stillsticking with me, thank you, I
appreciate it.
Let's now get into what I reallywanted to talk about on this
episode, which is two lettersfrom my GP, both addressed to
(11:09):
Bloomfield Hospital in Orange inCentral New South Wales Mental
Health, drug and AlcoholHospital.
This is the extended stay, soremember IJMU I talk about.
These letters went to IJMU aswell, but they are addressed to
Bloomfield, primarily Ijmu.
(11:31):
Remember intermediate stay.
You do six weeks, but I'mthinking with the complexities
of my mental health presentation, with all the disorders that
I've been given or not beengiven but have been labelled
with and have to live with, andall the medications, and this
whole story's massive.
It's bigger than Ben Hur.
My doctor and I are notconvinced that six weeks would
(11:54):
be enough to achieve what I'mwanting to achieve, which is why
we've been looking atBloomfield In New South Wales.
Bloomfield, as far as I can tell, is the only real sort of
extended stay ward that's notforensic or for schizophrenia
and psychosis I think there arepeople there that suffer from
(12:16):
that as well but it's not a ward, like Morris said specifically
for those other points.
So Bloomfield's sort of the goOrange in winter.
It's winter right now, ofcourse, in Australia.
Orange, the city of Orange, inwinter in the central west of
New South Wales, is very, verycold.
I'm talking snowing and stuffand I'm willing to go there
(12:39):
barefoot.
I'll walk there if I have to.
I just need them to give me abed, anyway.
So let's have a look at theletters from my GP.
I have changed some of thewords around a little bit
because I don't want it to be.
You know, I don't know.
I read out all these lettersand stuff and I don't really ask
for permission and I probablyshould, even though they're my
(13:01):
letters on there about me.
Anyway, who cares?
Whatever?
This is the first one.
This is how it goes.
Dear psychiatrist, I'm writingagain.
Yes, you are again as GP forElliot Waters, aged 34 years,
for consideration of admissionto your service, that's
Bloomfield, to help manage hisquite severe anxiety that has
(13:25):
been longstanding and chronic.
I referred Elliot to yourservice in April this year but
he was told that because helived out of the area for
Bloomfield Newcastle's, a coupleof hours drive from Bloomfield,
orange there were fundingissues that meant he couldn't be
accepted.
You might remember Hunter NewEngland Health, where I am
situated, didn't really want totry and pursue me going to
(13:48):
Bloomfield because they wouldhave to pay for it, which I
can't believe.
That that's a reason youwouldn't do it.
I pay taxes.
Where are you spending themoney if it's not going to
people like me, Anyway?
So refer to Elliot.
There were funding issues thatmany couldn't accept.
This has fed Elliot's innercritic, reinforcing the idea
that he is not worth it.
(14:08):
I include a copy of theoriginal referral to your
service.
I'm writing again in the hopethat you might be able to
reconsider the possibility ofadmission, as I feel his
situation of mental health isbecoming quite desperate.
He reported to me today thatincreasingly he's beginning to
feel that the only way he willbe heard and listened to is if
(14:30):
he threatens himself or others.
In his words, the noisy wheelgets the grease.
I've known Elliot for severalyears now.
He has a great doctor, thankgoodness he's in my corner For
several years now, and Ihonestly don't believe he's been
manipulative definitely not.
He's just at the end of histether and he's quite desperate
(14:50):
to get help.
Unfortunately, his financialsituation means that he can't
afford care in the privatesystem currently.
Anyone out there who'slistening who might have a spare
couple of thousand dollars.
If you want to send it my way,talk to me on Instagram, we'll
get that sorted.
If you want to sponsor the show, though, talk to me on
Instagram, we'll get that sorted.
If you want to sponsor the show, though, please somebody,
that'd be great.
(15:11):
Anyway, elliot would like anadmission to facilitate coming
off caffeine, which he uses toimprove energy in order to get
things done and to achieve.
He is aware that it may becontributing to his racing
thoughts and anxiety, but can'tstop the drive that he has to
achieve and do more.
Again, he's in a critic voice.
He would like to find the rightmedications for him, and he's
(15:34):
aware that maybe no medicationswould be better.
However, he doesn't feel thathe would be able to achieve this
, that he's taping off themedications in the community.
No way, I tend to agree withhim.
Thank you, doc.
Firstly, his inner critic voiceis very, very strong and
hypercritical.
Secondly, he lives with hisparents and he has issues with
(15:59):
this, as he believes he is notachieving enough and should be
living enough and should beliving away from his parents'
home.
That's true, as mentioned, Ihope you're able to review this
referral and reconsider whetheryou might be able to accept him
into your service.
I really hope you're able tohelp him.
And then the currentmedications are listed.
(16:23):
Next is another referral letter.
This one's got quite a bit ofdetail to it as well.
I've got to thank my GP.
He actually wrote these letterson Friday night while
everyone's out partying.
He was writing these letters tothese psychiatric wards for me
and I really, really appreciateit.
(16:44):
And here's the second one.
Dear psychiatrist, thank youfor seeing Elliot Waters, age 34
years of age, for considerationof earlier admission to IJMU
slash Bloomfield.
I referred Elliot in April thisyear and he's still waiting for
a place to become available.
I include a copy of theprevious email.
I would like to highlight theescalating issues that Elliot is
(17:05):
experiencing.
He continues to havesignificant anxiety and a lot of
negative self-talk from hisinner critic that keeps telling
him he needs to keep achievingmore and that he's just not
worth it.
Elliot cannot shut this voiceup, nor ignore it, and it is
proving very challenging for him.
(17:25):
Elliot is extremelyhelp-seeking but can't afford
the fun care in the privatesystem.
He has had various diagnoses inthe past.
He's had variousantidepressants and other
medications in the past also.
None have seemed to help toomuch.
During his last admission he wasput on chlamypramine, but he
has to take 10 daily yes, 10daily of chlamypramine, which is
(17:47):
actually over the max dose.
But yeah, I'm special, I canhandle it.
Feeding him, I don't know.
Anyway, it's not doing enough.
Okay, he consumes too muchcaffeine but doesn't feel able
to stop consuming this.
He has caffeine to help keephimself awake and alert enough
to do all the things that heneeds to do in brackets, such as
go to work, but also to appealto the inner critic that things
that he needs to do in brackets,such as go to work, but also to
(18:08):
appeal to the inner critic thattells him he needs to be doing
more.
Elliot has self-presentedseveral times to the emergency
department requesting aninpatient admission, but keeps
being told it's not the rightplace for him.
He inquired about a longer termadmission to Bloomfield in
Orange but was told that he wasout of the area and the Hunter
service would have to pay forhim.
(18:29):
Big deal, pay for me.
The implication was that theydidn't want to pay for this and
therefore this fed his innercritic's opinion that he wasn't
worth it.
Yeah, thanks, guys.
Thanks a lot.
He would really like anadmission to IJMU slash
Bloomfield.
He would like to stop usingcaffeine and to come off his
medications if possible, butdoesn't feel he would be able to
(18:50):
do this in the community.
He currently lives with hisparents due to financial
concerns, and this is not anenvironment that is positive for
him because his inner critickeeps telling him he should be
living on his own.
He has many other socialsupports but struggles to
connect with them because of hisanxiety and other concerns.
Of concern to myself is that Ifeel he's reaching the end of
(19:13):
his tether and consideringresorting to desperate measures
to get himself heard, seen andhelped.
He's increasingly of the beliefthat the only way he will get
help is if he starts to threatenothers.
He doesn't want to do this, buthe's so desperate for help he
is beginning to think that thisis the only way he'll achieve it
(19:35):
.
I'll just interject quicklythere.
I have no plans on hurtinganybody.
I just want to make that very,very, very clear.
I don't have plans to hurtmyself either.
What we're saying here is thatit appears to work the system to
get some actual help.
These are the things you got todo, or at least these are the
(19:56):
things you got to threaten to do.
So don't worry, there is noconcern that I can tell at all,
whatsoever, even in my mostagitated states.
This isn't about other people.
I'm not, I don't want to hurtother people.
This isn't you know.
Oh, the world's done me wrongand I hate everybody, and he's
all you know.
It's not that it's just theworld's done me wrong, no,
(20:17):
individuals itself.
It's just, you know, I sort offeel it's almost up to luck.
I don't know Like I don't feelany anger towards anybody else.
I don't know like I don't feelany anger towards anybody else.
I don't feel any anger towardsmyself either.
I used to when I was younger,but I certainly don't now, and
that is because I actually quitelike the person who I am and
I'm starting to believe that Iam a good person and I should be
(20:37):
, you know, I should be afunctioning part of the
community, because I've got alot to add.
And that's been that way ofthinking.
That positive way of thinking,has come through therapy, which
is great, which is really good.
Because this would be so muchharder if I was still against
the self, saying I'm the loser,I do things wrong.
I still think that don't get mewrong, but I push back against
(20:59):
it.
A lot better now.
But if I didn't have thatpushback and this was going on,
I'd say these letters wouldn'tbe written, because I wouldn't
have bothered going to thedoctors to try and get help and
really push this topic, thissort of subject area, because I
wouldn't have thought it wasworth it.
Because what's the point?
Nothing works anyway and Idon't deserve it anyway.
So that's my view on that.
(21:21):
So the fact that I'm more notcomfortable but well, yeah, you
know comfortable with who I amand believe that I'm a good
person that deserves good things, um, I'm not.
I'm and this is why theseletters have been written
because I am pushing a lotharder than I ever have before
for this help.
It's just so frustrating thatI'm pushing harder than ever and
(21:42):
it is harder than ever to getthe help.
I don't know what's going on.
All right, let me finish thisletter because I'm babbling on.
He doesn't have any current planor intent to act, but as a
young male with chronic suicidalthoughts and the constant
thoughts that things arehopeless, I'm sure you'll agree.
(22:02):
This is the classic high-riskscenario.
I have known Elliot for manyyears and I honestly don't
believe he's stating this to bemanipulative.
He is just really at the end ofhis tether and desperate for
some help.
I agree that managing this inthe community would be very
challenging and difficult forhim and absolutely support and
(22:23):
sorry, I absolutely support anadmission to help.
I hope you might be able to fithim in soon.
Thank you, doctor.
So those letters are prettyheavy.
They're pretty heavy and someof it you read between the lines
and it's like, oh, there's someheavy stuff there, and then
there's other bits that are justthat's just stated and it's
like, man, this is gettingserious and it is getting
(22:45):
serious.
It is getting serious, you know, and I'm taking this very
seriously and I just wantsomeone else to take it
seriously.
That's got some, you know, somecredentials, like being a
doctor, and then we can take itseriously together and get this
seriously finished, you know,fix everything, and then I can
proceed in life.
That's all I want.
(23:06):
That's all I want.
Why is this so difficult?
It's really, really annoying me.
So, anyway, so there's the twoletters from my GP that were
written well today's, what?
That were written well today's,what, wednesday, thursday, so a
week ago and as of yet, I'veheard nothing from either IJMU
or Bloomfield.
This is what's also hard, though, because there's this
(23:28):
expectation that you, as thepatient, will ring these
facilities and check up aboutthe referral and say, yep, I'm
keen to come in, and then youknow they grab your referral
whatever.
Like you, guys who have beenlistening to this show for a
while would know phone calls andElliot do not agree.
I have this phobia of phonecalls.
I hate it.
I absolutely hate it.
(23:49):
He's so anxiety provoking.
No idea why.
I don't know why.
I'm always constantly scaredthat there's going to be some
really bad negative result onthe other end of the line.
It doesn't make sense.
I don't know where this hascome from, but it's been like
this probably forever, probablysince I got a mobile phone.
I don't know, but phone callsare really, really difficult.
(24:11):
But the expectation is that Iwill make these phone calls and
that's becoming a real stickingpoint because I still haven't
made those phone calls.
I've called Ijmu already.
You may remember earlierepisodes I've spoken about
calling Ijmu.
I've had a chat with the nurseunit manager there that I
remember from my time there.
You know I did that, but thattook so much energy and so much
(24:33):
mental fortitude to do.
Like you know, it's a big askfor me to do this again.
So I'm trying to get into theheadspace where I'm confident
enough that I can make thesephone calls.
But I just haven't been able tolock in yet and I think that is
also putting the brakes on anysort of admission here for me.
But it's hard because part ofthe reason I want an admission
(24:55):
is because I can't make phonecalls and I'm scared of doing
other basic things in life.
But it's hard when you've gotto do those things that you're
scared of just to get theadmission Like it.
Just it doesn't.
Oh, I don't know.
It's hard, it's hard.
This whole, this whole thing, isthis mental health game.
I'm telling you I'm sick of it,I'm over it.
(25:16):
I just want to get back intosome sort of positive headspace
and just move on.
I don't know, it's not move onfrom mental health completely.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm staying in mental healthfor the long haul, in the sense
that you know the advocacy, theresearch, the speaking, the
podcasting, everything I'm doing.
But as a consumer of mentalhealth services, I really want
(25:38):
to get to a position where thatdoes not have to happen anymore.
All right, thank you everybodyfor listening.
I will say again, those lettersare quite confronting at times
and there's good reason for that.
We're not mincing words hereand there's no making things up.
This is all legit.
(25:59):
But trust me, I have nothoughts of doing any harm to
myself or other people.
I don't.
I'm just flabbergasted thatthat's what seems to be what you
have to do to get your leg inthe door nowadays.
That's the point that I'mmaking.
I'm not going to be doing thatsort of stuff.
And if I was to completely blowup and let the BPD demon run
(26:22):
wild, that would be it'shappened before.
It's all all the efforts puttowards myself.
It's not other people With myBPD.
Bpd is very classic.
I've got to finish this episode.
Bpd is classic, or is known asa disorder that not only affects
the individual who's got it butalso the people around them.
(26:44):
Now, with me, mostly that hasconcentrated on girlfriends when
the blowups have happened,girlfriends and family members.
But the blowups weren't at thegirlfriends per se or the family
members, it was at life andmyself and how hard it is and
(27:05):
I'm over it and I just can'tstand this anymore.
The pressure builds but it'sall like me, me, me, me, stuff.
I don't externalize any sortsof behaviors like that and I
never have have and I just it'sjust not part of my makeup, it's
not going to happen.
If it was going to happen, itwould have happened already.
I've been pushed to the brinkbefore.
This isn't the first time, butyeah, so I hope me repeating
(27:29):
this again doesn't sound likeI'm I'm trying to cover myself,
but you know, again it'sconfronting.
But yeah, there is no way.
I deserve help and I want toshow the people around me how
good we can be if things aregoing great.
There's no anger externally.
There's no, even anger to thesystem, for sure.
(27:50):
Definitely anger towards thesystem, 100%.
If the system was a person,watch out.
But it's not, it's not, it'snot.
So, yeah, anger towards thesystem was a person.
Watch out, but it's not.
You know it's not, it's not.
So, yeah, anger towards thesystem, not towards the self or
others, and not towards the selfbecause of the work that I've
done in therapy, which is prettycool, like that is.
One good thing that I've takenaway from this whole process
(28:10):
that is still ongoing is thefact that I have advocated
pretty well for the self, andthat's pretty cool because that
means, you know, I'm buddieswith myself again and that's
great.
You know that is great.
All right, Thank you everybodyfor listening.
I hope you're enjoying the show.
The last couple of episodes havebeen very focused on this need
(28:33):
and this effort to get back in ahospital to get off the
medications.
The next episode that I'm goingto do will be of a different
topic.
I promise I'm thinking maybeanother DBT skill or I'm
thinking maybe doing an episodeon one of these disorders, but
we'll see.
I'm going to keep that a littlesecret for now and I haven't
(28:55):
figured it out.
But yeah, I'll let you knowbecause there'll be a new
episode coming soon.
But yes, it won't be about thistopic.
I'll give it a rest for alittle bit.
Unless something happens.
Hopefully the next lesson islesson.
The next episode is me fromBloomfield saying guess what,
guys, I'm in.
I smuggled in a microphone anda recorder and I'm in.
(29:16):
How good is this?
All right, thanks for listening.
Appreciate it, I really do.
I'll see you here next time onthe show.
And just a reminder you can nowfollow the show on Facebook.
There's not much content onthere yet, but there's going to
be.
So, yes, the DysregulatedPodcast on Facebook.
Check it out, it's going to begreat.
(29:37):
All right, thanks, guys.
See you later.
Have a good one.
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulator podcast, as always,thank you for tuning in.
If you're enjoying the show,feel free to like, subscribe,
give the show a great rating.
It's good for the algorithm andyou can share it around with
your mates.
And you can follow me onInstagram at elliotttwaters, and
you can also follow the shownow on Facebook.
(00:32):
So let's do a little check-inof what's been happening.
Now, if you've been keeping upwith my episode output, you
would know that there's been abit of a story developing.
It's me trying to get off thesemedications and this story is
ever evolving, but at the sametime, this hasn't got to the
point where anything's actuallybeen done yet.
(00:53):
So there was the episode I did,the medication plea episode.
That was sort of the one thatkicked it off, and that's when I
thought to myself right, let'stry and do something a bit
different with the wholemedication thing.
That's sort of when it kickedoff.
There's the episode where I'mat the Mata Hospital, out the
front, back to the Mata, and itis me out the front just before
(01:16):
I walk in, basically explaininghow desperate I'm getting.
And then there was the mostrecent episode the discharge
papers from that visit to thehospital.
So it's been this evolvingstory and it's still evolving.
Now.
There was also I've doneepisodes, I think, on some of
the referrals from my GP thathave been sent to places like
(01:38):
IJMU and other extended staywards.
We've got more of them heretoday to read out because, as I
said, this situation is evolvingbut it's not really headed in a
direction that has me veryconfident.
I'm getting a bit jacked butI'm getting over it and, as
you'll see, or as you'll hear inthese letters from my GP,
(02:02):
things have gone up a gear bigtime because I'm not getting the
results I'm looking for.
In other words, the system isnot helping me and the system, I
think, needs to help me,because it's the system that put
me on all these medications andI want to do a career move back
to, potentially, transport andI can't have all these
(02:23):
medications floating aroundbecause employers will just go
nah, too high risk, see youlater.
And I'm not even sure that thesemedications are doing that much
anyway, because I'm still soanxious, my anxiety is still
horrendous and I have thesedepressive slumps and I'm just
oh, it's like if I'm on seven oreight medications, all for
(02:46):
psychoactive reasons.
I don't expect that I should befeeling that bad.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm a complex case.
I have treatment resistantdisorders for sure, refractory
anxiety, it's all there.
I get that.
And I also know that we can'tshoot too high, because that's
(03:07):
the way things are.
But at the same time, for somany medications with so many
potential side effects and sideeffects that I am getting, I
would expect better.
So that's why I want to do thisreset, see what the new
baseline is for Elliot as a34-year-old, and then go from
there and it may end up.
I'm rehashing a little bit ofwhat I've seen in previous
(03:28):
episodes, but I'm sort of doingit for my own benefit here too,
because it may happen that I getput back on some of these
medications and potentially Ihope not, but potentially we
might go back to baseline and goholy dooly, I'm screwed.
Those medications were actuallydoing a lot.
(03:48):
I didn't realize how bad thingsreally were.
I don't know.
That's a possibility as well,but the thing is I can't find
this out.
I can't answer these questionsunless the system helps me.
And the system is not helpingme, and as long as the system is
not doing its thing for me, I'mgetting more and more agitated
(04:11):
and this angry sort ofdepression it's not like oh you
know, it's not melancholic, likeI'm not crying, for example,
from sadness, that's not thesort of depression I'm feeling.
It's this anger and agitationand it's really feeding into my
BPD as well.
Let me tell you, my BPD demonthat's within, and I like saying
(04:34):
demon because I don't want todemonize the disorder, but at
the same time it's the way Isort of I don't know
conceptualize it in my mind, Isuppose.
But this entity, this BPDentity, lives within and I'm
very good, thankfully, atkeeping it restrained.
But the thing is, the longerthat I don't get help, the more
(04:57):
I'm thinking maybe it's time tolet the BPD demon do its thing,
because it is very good atbanging on walls, you know,
being a squeaky wheel that getsthe grease, that sort of stuff,
you know.
And, to be honest, I've beentold by friends and friends that
work in the mental health spacethat you know, if you want
things to happen, elliot, you'vegot to really up the ante,
(05:18):
because there's just so muchmental despair out there at the
moment and the New South Walespublic health system is crippled
.
Especially the mental healthsystem is crippled.
I've got an episode on that, ifyou want to go back and have a
look.
So it's really hard jockeyingfor positions here, and it's
hard because I don't advocatevery well for myself so I like
(05:39):
to downplay things.
But it's at the point now whereI've got friends saying, mate,
you need to do something drastic, or you know cause.
They're not listening.
And even my GP is sort of well,no, he certainly does not agree
with the potential for I don'tknow, some sort of angry
outburst, I guess.
(06:00):
Um, but at the same time hegets it.
He's like, yeah, I get it, andit's going to get to the point
where this isn't me in control,in the sense that, oh well, it
is me in control, but it's me incontrol from a position of not
getting the help, and then mymental illnesses may take over
(06:23):
and do their thing andorganically you could say this
could escalate, and I think itwill.
It already sort of has italready has, because I'm very
angry and I'm very frustrated,because I just want help.
I just want some help because Ialso feel that I can do more in
(06:43):
the community and more forothers if I'm coming from a
healthy headspace.
That's the key.
So I feel like there's a lotriding on this and I don't know.
I feel like I've been on thismerry-go-round since, who knows,
for years, decades, this mentalhealth thing.
Every day is a battle.
Every day is a battle, make nomistake, and I feel at this
(07:07):
point, with all the differentadmissions, all the medications
we've trialed and therapies andall this sort of stuff, all the
money that I've spent, that Idon't know.
I don't know if deserving is theword, if I deserve the help,
but I feel like I've done enough, that I should be getting the
help that I need.
You know what I mean,especially in a great.
You know.
(07:27):
Australia, thank God, is wherea wealthy country and these
services are available, andalthough the New South Wales
mental health system is crippledat the moment because of the
state government but you knowI'm not going into that, I'll
just get too angry but you know,like the expectation I thought
in this country was that if youneeded this sort of help that
(07:49):
posed potential danger tooneself or the community, well
then you know that's what thepublic system will do, but they
haven't been doing it.
So, yeah, I don't know it'sgetting difficult.
It's getting difficult because,like I said, I'm not very good
at advocating and often, when itcomes to well not this sort of
stuff, I guess, but other things, you know I'll be too anxious
(08:12):
to engage with something say,and then the pressure will build
and build and build andeventually this was my whole
degree in psychology.
This is how I did my degree.
I would just put everything off, downplay everything, and then
all of a sudden, the stress andthe anxiety would be so great
that it went from making me infreeze mode, turning me into
(08:34):
fight mode and then gettingstuff done.
I don't want to go into fightmode to advocate for myself, for
this, because I don't know ifthat's going to end well.
And when I say end well, I meanlike I'll do something, not
anything drastic, don't worry.
Like I'm not alluding to.
You know, I did say harm to thecommunity there, but that's the
(08:57):
criteria that they work on.
I'm not saying that, I'm doingthat, but uh, yeah, I forget
what I was saying.
Geez, that adhd, don't you loveit.
This happens every episode.
This happened every episodewhere I get like halfway through
and I forget what the hell I'mtalking about.
I don't know anyway, the let mesum up that point, which is
probably what I was trying to doanyway.
(09:17):
Um, I don't know really what todo.
Like, how many referrals do Ineed to send off?
Like I'm a willing patient?
I'll do anything.
I've said this, I'll go toMorissette the forensic ward
with the criminally insane.
I'll go there to get off thesemedications.
I'll do it because I think it'sworth it, but I need someone to
(09:40):
get in my corner from thesystem to really help me be able
to do this.
I don't know why it's so hard.
They're the ones that put me onall these medications, like
come on, don't you have somesort of duty of care?
It's hard, though, because then, straight away, I say that and
I think my inner critic says,yeah, well, yeah, there's a lot
(10:00):
of other people that need helptoo.
Stop being greedy, I suppose,but I don't know.
Look, I need help too, andsurely it's about time that that
help comes.
This has been going on for solong.
It should have been sorted 15years ago, and it wasn't, and
now it's just grown Again, notlooking at things properly,
(10:21):
pushing it aside, and theproblem just gets bigger and
bigger and bigger while I'm notlooking at it, and then it blows
and my mental health andlooking after my mental health
has been very much like that.
But I'm at the point now whereI'm not putting it off, I'm
looking at it directly.
Let's go, I'm willing to dowhatever.
I just need someone to comealong on the ride with me from
(10:42):
the mental health system andhelp me get off these
medications.
Anyway, I'm rambling so much.
I'm so sorry.
That intro is meant to take twominutes and we're up to 10
minutes, so if you're stillsticking with me, thank you, I
appreciate it.
Let's now get into what I reallywanted to talk about on this
episode, which is two lettersfrom my GP, both addressed to
(11:09):
Bloomfield Hospital in Orange inCentral New South Wales Mental
Health, drug and AlcoholHospital.
This is the extended stay, soremember IJMU I talk about.
These letters went to IJMU aswell, but they are addressed to
Bloomfield, primarily Ijmu.
(11:31):
Remember intermediate stay.
You do six weeks, but I'mthinking with the complexities
of my mental health presentation, with all the disorders that
I've been given or not beengiven but have been labelled
with and have to live with, andall the medications, and this
whole story's massive.
It's bigger than Ben Hur.
My doctor and I are notconvinced that six weeks would
(11:54):
be enough to achieve what I'mwanting to achieve, which is why
we've been looking atBloomfield In New South Wales.
Bloomfield, as far as I can tell, is the only real sort of
extended stay ward that's notforensic or for schizophrenia
and psychosis I think there arepeople there that suffer from
(12:16):
that as well but it's not a ward, like Morris said specifically
for those other points.
So Bloomfield's sort of the goOrange in winter.
It's winter right now, ofcourse, in Australia.
Orange, the city of Orange, inwinter in the central west of
New South Wales, is very, verycold.
I'm talking snowing and stuffand I'm willing to go there
(12:39):
barefoot.
I'll walk there if I have to.
I just need them to give me abed, anyway.
So let's have a look at theletters from my GP.
I have changed some of thewords around a little bit
because I don't want it to be.
You know, I don't know.
I read out all these lettersand stuff and I don't really ask
for permission and I probablyshould, even though they're my
(13:01):
letters on there about me.
Anyway, who cares?
Whatever?
This is the first one.
This is how it goes.
Dear psychiatrist, I'm writingagain.
Yes, you are again as GP forElliot Waters, aged 34 years,
for consideration of admissionto your service, that's
Bloomfield, to help manage hisquite severe anxiety that has
(13:25):
been longstanding and chronic.
I referred Elliot to yourservice in April this year but
he was told that because helived out of the area for
Bloomfield Newcastle's, a coupleof hours drive from Bloomfield,
orange there were fundingissues that meant he couldn't be
accepted.
You might remember Hunter NewEngland Health, where I am
situated, didn't really want totry and pursue me going to
(13:48):
Bloomfield because they wouldhave to pay for it, which I
can't believe.
That that's a reason youwouldn't do it.
I pay taxes.
Where are you spending themoney if it's not going to
people like me, Anyway?
So refer to Elliot.
There were funding issues thatmany couldn't accept.
This has fed Elliot's innercritic, reinforcing the idea
that he is not worth it.
(14:08):
I include a copy of theoriginal referral to your
service.
I'm writing again in the hopethat you might be able to
reconsider the possibility ofadmission, as I feel his
situation of mental health isbecoming quite desperate.
He reported to me today thatincreasingly he's beginning to
feel that the only way he willbe heard and listened to is if
(14:30):
he threatens himself or others.
In his words, the noisy wheelgets the grease.
I've known Elliot for severalyears now.
He has a great doctor, thankgoodness he's in my corner For
several years now, and Ihonestly don't believe he's been
manipulative definitely not.
He's just at the end of histether and he's quite desperate
(14:50):
to get help.
Unfortunately, his financialsituation means that he can't
afford care in the privatesystem currently.
Anyone out there who'slistening who might have a spare
couple of thousand dollars.
If you want to send it my way,talk to me on Instagram, we'll
get that sorted.
If you want to sponsor the show, though, talk to me on
Instagram, we'll get that sorted.
If you want to sponsor the show, though, please somebody,
that'd be great.
(15:11):
Anyway, elliot would like anadmission to facilitate coming
off caffeine, which he uses toimprove energy in order to get
things done and to achieve.
He is aware that it may becontributing to his racing
thoughts and anxiety, but can'tstop the drive that he has to
achieve and do more.
Again, he's in a critic voice.
He would like to find the rightmedications for him, and he's
(15:34):
aware that maybe no medicationswould be better.
However, he doesn't feel thathe would be able to achieve this
, that he's taping off themedications in the community.
No way, I tend to agree withhim.
Thank you, doc.
Firstly, his inner critic voiceis very, very strong and
hypercritical.
Secondly, he lives with hisparents and he has issues with
(15:59):
this, as he believes he is notachieving enough and should be
living enough and should beliving away from his parents'
home.
That's true, as mentioned, Ihope you're able to review this
referral and reconsider whetheryou might be able to accept him
into your service.
I really hope you're able tohelp him.
And then the currentmedications are listed.
(16:23):
Next is another referral letter.
This one's got quite a bit ofdetail to it as well.
I've got to thank my GP.
He actually wrote these letterson Friday night while
everyone's out partying.
He was writing these letters tothese psychiatric wards for me
and I really, really appreciateit.
(16:44):
And here's the second one.
Dear psychiatrist, thank youfor seeing Elliot Waters, age 34
years of age, for considerationof earlier admission to IJMU
slash Bloomfield.
I referred Elliot in April thisyear and he's still waiting for
a place to become available.
I include a copy of theprevious email.
I would like to highlight theescalating issues that Elliot is
(17:05):
experiencing.
He continues to havesignificant anxiety and a lot of
negative self-talk from hisinner critic that keeps telling
him he needs to keep achievingmore and that he's just not
worth it.
Elliot cannot shut this voiceup, nor ignore it, and it is
proving very challenging for him.
(17:25):
Elliot is extremelyhelp-seeking but can't afford
the fun care in the privatesystem.
He has had various diagnoses inthe past.
He's had variousantidepressants and other
medications in the past also.
None have seemed to help toomuch.
During his last admission he wasput on chlamypramine, but he
has to take 10 daily yes, 10daily of chlamypramine, which is
(17:47):
actually over the max dose.
But yeah, I'm special, I canhandle it.
Feeding him, I don't know.
Anyway, it's not doing enough.
Okay, he consumes too muchcaffeine but doesn't feel able
to stop consuming this.
He has caffeine to help keephimself awake and alert enough
to do all the things that heneeds to do in brackets, such as
go to work, but also to appealto the inner critic that things
that he needs to do in brackets,such as go to work, but also to
(18:08):
appeal to the inner critic thattells him he needs to be doing
more.
Elliot has self-presentedseveral times to the emergency
department requesting aninpatient admission, but keeps
being told it's not the rightplace for him.
He inquired about a longer termadmission to Bloomfield in
Orange but was told that he wasout of the area and the Hunter
service would have to pay forhim.
(18:29):
Big deal, pay for me.
The implication was that theydidn't want to pay for this and
therefore this fed his innercritic's opinion that he wasn't
worth it.
Yeah, thanks, guys.
Thanks a lot.
He would really like anadmission to IJMU slash
Bloomfield.
He would like to stop usingcaffeine and to come off his
medications if possible, butdoesn't feel he would be able to
(18:50):
do this in the community.
He currently lives with hisparents due to financial
concerns, and this is not anenvironment that is positive for
him because his inner critickeeps telling him he should be
living on his own.
He has many other socialsupports but struggles to
connect with them because of hisanxiety and other concerns.
Of concern to myself is that Ifeel he's reaching the end of
(19:13):
his tether and consideringresorting to desperate measures
to get himself heard, seen andhelped.
He's increasingly of the beliefthat the only way he will get
help is if he starts to threatenothers.
He doesn't want to do this, buthe's so desperate for help he
is beginning to think that thisis the only way he'll achieve it
(19:35):
.
I'll just interject quicklythere.
I have no plans on hurtinganybody.
I just want to make that very,very, very clear.
I don't have plans to hurtmyself either.
What we're saying here is thatit appears to work the system to
get some actual help.
These are the things you got todo, or at least these are the
(19:56):
things you got to threaten to do.
So don't worry, there is noconcern that I can tell at all,
whatsoever, even in my mostagitated states.
This isn't about other people.
I'm not, I don't want to hurtother people.
This isn't you know.
Oh, the world's done me wrongand I hate everybody, and he's
all you know.
It's not that it's just theworld's done me wrong, no,
(20:17):
individuals itself.
It's just, you know, I sort offeel it's almost up to luck.
I don't know Like I don't feelany anger towards anybody else.
I don't know like I don't feelany anger towards anybody else.
I don't feel any anger towardsmyself either.
I used to when I was younger,but I certainly don't now, and
that is because I actually quitelike the person who I am and
I'm starting to believe that Iam a good person and I should be
(20:37):
, you know, I should be afunctioning part of the
community, because I've got alot to add.
And that's been that way ofthinking.
That positive way of thinking,has come through therapy, which
is great, which is really good.
Because this would be so muchharder if I was still against
the self, saying I'm the loser,I do things wrong.
I still think that don't get mewrong, but I push back against
(20:59):
it.
A lot better now.
But if I didn't have thatpushback and this was going on,
I'd say these letters wouldn'tbe written, because I wouldn't
have bothered going to thedoctors to try and get help and
really push this topic, thissort of subject area, because I
wouldn't have thought it wasworth it.
Because what's the point?
Nothing works anyway and Idon't deserve it anyway.
So that's my view on that.
(21:21):
So the fact that I'm more notcomfortable but well, yeah, you
know comfortable with who I amand believe that I'm a good
person that deserves good things, um, I'm not.
I'm and this is why theseletters have been written
because I am pushing a lotharder than I ever have before
for this help.
It's just so frustrating thatI'm pushing harder than ever and
(21:42):
it is harder than ever to getthe help.
I don't know what's going on.
All right, let me finish thisletter because I'm babbling on.
He doesn't have any current planor intent to act, but as a
young male with chronic suicidalthoughts and the constant
thoughts that things arehopeless, I'm sure you'll agree.
(22:02):
This is the classic high-riskscenario.
I have known Elliot for manyyears and I honestly don't
believe he's stating this to bemanipulative.
He is just really at the end ofhis tether and desperate for
some help.
I agree that managing this inthe community would be very
challenging and difficult forhim and absolutely support and
(22:23):
sorry, I absolutely support anadmission to help.
I hope you might be able to fithim in soon.
Thank you, doctor.
So those letters are prettyheavy.
They're pretty heavy and someof it you read between the lines
and it's like, oh, there's someheavy stuff there, and then
there's other bits that are justthat's just stated and it's
like, man, this is gettingserious and it is getting
(22:45):
serious.
It is getting serious, you know, and I'm taking this very
seriously and I just wantsomeone else to take it
seriously.
That's got some, you know, somecredentials, like being a
doctor, and then we can take itseriously together and get this
seriously finished, you know,fix everything, and then I can
proceed in life.
That's all I want.
(23:06):
That's all I want.
Why is this so difficult?
It's really, really annoying me.
So, anyway, so there's the twoletters from my GP that were
written well today's, what?
That were written well today's,what, wednesday, thursday, so a
week ago and as of yet, I'veheard nothing from either IJMU
or Bloomfield.
This is what's also hard, though, because there's this
(23:28):
expectation that you, as thepatient, will ring these
facilities and check up aboutthe referral and say, yep, I'm
keen to come in, and then youknow they grab your referral
whatever.
Like you, guys who have beenlistening to this show for a
while would know phone calls andElliot do not agree.
I have this phobia of phonecalls.
I hate it.
I absolutely hate it.
(23:49):
He's so anxiety provoking.
No idea why.
I don't know why.
I'm always constantly scaredthat there's going to be some
really bad negative result onthe other end of the line.
It doesn't make sense.
I don't know where this hascome from, but it's been like
this probably forever, probablysince I got a mobile phone.
I don't know, but phone callsare really, really difficult.
(24:11):
But the expectation is that Iwill make these phone calls and
that's becoming a real stickingpoint because I still haven't
made those phone calls.
I've called Ijmu already.
You may remember earlierepisodes I've spoken about
calling Ijmu.
I've had a chat with the nurseunit manager there that I
remember from my time there.
You know I did that, but thattook so much energy and so much
(24:33):
mental fortitude to do.
Like you know, it's a big askfor me to do this again.
So I'm trying to get into theheadspace where I'm confident
enough that I can make thesephone calls.
But I just haven't been able tolock in yet and I think that is
also putting the brakes on anysort of admission here for me.
But it's hard because part ofthe reason I want an admission
(24:55):
is because I can't make phonecalls and I'm scared of doing
other basic things in life.
But it's hard when you've gotto do those things that you're
scared of just to get theadmission Like it.
Just it doesn't.
Oh, I don't know.
It's hard, it's hard.
This whole, this whole thing, isthis mental health game.
I'm telling you I'm sick of it,I'm over it.
(25:16):
I just want to get back intosome sort of positive headspace
and just move on.
I don't know, it's not move onfrom mental health completely.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm staying in mental healthfor the long haul, in the sense
that you know the advocacy, theresearch, the speaking, the
podcasting, everything I'm doing.
But as a consumer of mentalhealth services, I really want
(25:38):
to get to a position where thatdoes not have to happen anymore.
All right, thank you everybodyfor listening.
I will say again, those lettersare quite confronting at times
and there's good reason for that.
We're not mincing words hereand there's no making things up.
This is all legit.
(25:59):
But trust me, I have nothoughts of doing any harm to
myself or other people.
I don't.
I'm just flabbergasted thatthat's what seems to be what you
have to do to get your leg inthe door nowadays.
That's the point that I'mmaking.
I'm not going to be doing thatsort of stuff.
And if I was to completely blowup and let the BPD demon run
(26:22):
wild, that would be it'shappened before.
It's all all the efforts puttowards myself.
It's not other people With myBPD.
Bpd is very classic.
I've got to finish this episode.
Bpd is classic, or is known asa disorder that not only affects
the individual who's got it butalso the people around them.
(26:44):
Now, with me, mostly that hasconcentrated on girlfriends when
the blowups have happened,girlfriends and family members.
But the blowups weren't at thegirlfriends per se or the family
members, it was at life andmyself and how hard it is and
(27:05):
I'm over it and I just can'tstand this anymore.
The pressure builds but it'sall like me, me, me, me, stuff.
I don't externalize any sortsof behaviors like that and I
never have have and I just it'sjust not part of my makeup, it's
not going to happen.
If it was going to happen, itwould have happened already.
I've been pushed to the brinkbefore.
This isn't the first time, butyeah, so I hope me repeating
(27:29):
this again doesn't sound likeI'm I'm trying to cover myself,
but you know, again it'sconfronting.
But yeah, there is no way.
I deserve help and I want toshow the people around me how
good we can be if things aregoing great.
There's no anger externally.
There's no, even anger to thesystem, for sure.
(27:50):
Definitely anger towards thesystem, 100%.
If the system was a person,watch out.
But it's not, it's not, it'snot.
So, yeah, anger towards thesystem was a person.
Watch out, but it's not.
You know it's not, it's not.
So, yeah, anger towards thesystem, not towards the self or
others, and not towards the selfbecause of the work that I've
done in therapy, which is prettycool, like that is.
One good thing that I've takenaway from this whole process
(28:10):
that is still ongoing is thefact that I have advocated
pretty well for the self, andthat's pretty cool because that
means, you know, I'm buddieswith myself again and that's
great.
You know that is great.
All right, Thank you everybodyfor listening.
I hope you're enjoying the show.
The last couple of episodes havebeen very focused on this need
(28:33):
and this effort to get back in ahospital to get off the
medications.
The next episode that I'm goingto do will be of a different
topic.
I promise I'm thinking maybeanother DBT skill or I'm
thinking maybe doing an episodeon one of these disorders, but
we'll see.
I'm going to keep that a littlesecret for now and I haven't
(28:55):
figured it out.
But yeah, I'll let you knowbecause there'll be a new
episode coming soon.
But yes, it won't be about thistopic.
I'll give it a rest for alittle bit.
Unless something happens.
Hopefully the next lesson islesson.
The next episode is me fromBloomfield saying guess what,
guys, I'm in.
I smuggled in a microphone anda recorder and I'm in.
(29:16):
How good is this?
All right, thanks for listening.
Appreciate it, I really do.
I'll see you here next time onthe show.
And just a reminder you can nowfollow the show on Facebook.
There's not much content onthere yet, but there's going to
be.
So, yes, the DysregulatedPodcast on Facebook.
Check it out, it's going to begreat.
(29:37):
All right, thanks, guys.
See you later.
Have a good one.
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