August 15, 2025 • 54 mins
What happens when the mental health system fails those that need it most? In this raw, unfiltered episode, I take you into the depths of my ongoing battle with a mental healthcare approach that seems more interested in medication guess-work than actual measures for recovery.
I'm currently taking seven different medications – heavy-duty pharmaceuticals that should, theoretically, be providing relief from my complex mental health conditions. Yet despite this chemical cocktail, my symptoms continue to worsen. My frustration is palpable as I recount my recent psychiatric appointment where my request to safely taper off medications under supervision was dismissed, replaced instead with simply swapping one medication for another.
The consequences of inadequate treatment have now spilled into my work life. I've been stripped of my forklift operator role – the one area where I felt most competent and found respite from my social anxiety. This loss represents the real-world impact of a mental health system that keeps failing those who need it most. And this could only be the start.
What makes this situation particularly disappointing is my willingness to try anything – even considering ECT or extended hospital admissions – just to get proper help. When someone describes themselves as "the most willing patient" who is willing to try anything, yet cannot access appropriate care despite years of advocacy, we must question how our mental health services are prioritised and delivered.
For anyone navigating complex mental health challenges or supporting someone who is, this episode offers validation that you're not alone in your struggle. The path to proper treatment shouldn't be this difficult, but together we can continue advocating for better approaches.
--
Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.
This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:10):
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulator podcast.
As always, thank you for tuningin.
Today's episode is the next inthe fortnightly check-in series,
but before we get into that,I'd just like to remind you that
you can like, subscribe, givethis show a great rating because
(00:31):
it's good for the algorithm,and you can follow me on
Instagram at elliotttwaters, andyou can follow the show on
Facebook by searching theDisregulated Podcast.
All right, so let's see howthings have been going over the
last little bit.
Now, before I start, I do wantto say that this episode is not
(00:56):
going to be particularlypositive.
So if you're looking for anuplifting and maybe more comical
view, perhaps, of mental health, this episode probably isn't
going to be the one for you.
But at the same time, this ismental illness in its complete,
(01:21):
raw, vulnerable.
You know, this is exactly howit is for some people.
This is exactly how it is forme, and that is a big part of
why I think this podcast isimportant, because I am not
going to be shying away from thedifficult things that have been
(01:41):
going on, because thesedifficult things are not just
things that happen to me.
There will be a lot of peoplelistening that will be able to
relate to a lot of what I'mabout to say, which is
unfortunate, but at the sametime, hey, at least we're in
this together and, trust me, I'mlooking for I'm very much
(02:03):
looking for some sort of remedyto fix this problem that we are
facing, that I'm facing inparticular with the mental
health system, but at this pointI haven't quite found the
answer yet.
But I'm going to go into somedetail about what's been going
(02:24):
on.
Now I will start with theappointment that I had at James
Fletcher Hospital more recentlywith the psychiatrist.
I did an episode.
The last episode, I believe itwas was on that appointment.
I'm going to expand a littlebit more on it now because I've
had a few days to think about itand these are my very raw,
(02:50):
vulnerable feelings towards whatis going on and what it means
for my trajectory and myprognosis moving forward as far
as my mental health is concerned.
So you may remember because Idid quite a few episodes leading
up to this appointment that Iwas quite excited because I
(03:11):
thought this would be theopportunity finally to be able
to start to taper off mymedications remembering I'm on
seven medications and althoughI'm on seven medications, I
still feel absolutely rubbishand my mental health outcomes
have been very poor andprogressively getting worse,
(03:35):
despite the fact that I am onthese medications, and these are
heavy medications as well.
But let's face it, they're notdoing the job, you know, and
just quickly.
The job that I want them to doisn't to fix everything.
You know, there's no magic pillor pills that's going to fix my
(03:56):
mental health outlook.
There's not.
You know, what's really goingto turn this into a life worth
living is the psychological work.
There is so much therapy that Ineed to do that I have been
doing, but continue that need tocontinue to do to ensure that I
get to that position where I ambuilding a life worth living.
(04:19):
But what I want the medicationsto do is to get me out of the
hole so I can engage with thepsychological therapies properly
.
So to peel back some of thoseobsessive thoughts, the 24-7
anxiety, you know, the crushingdepression a lot of these are
(04:41):
driven by emotions that don'thave any logic to them, which
tells me, you know, this is moreof a chemical sort of potential
imbalance thing going on.
The feelings, the negativefeelings, the anxiety, all that
sort of stuff I feel can bealleviated somewhat by the
(05:03):
medications.
And if that can happen then Ihave the freedom and the space
mentally to be able to thenengage in the psychological
therapies properly.
Because you know I've got lotsof diagnoses, you know, from
borderline personality disorderto OCD, to ADHD, to autism, to,
(05:26):
I don't know, social anxietydisorder, general anxiety
disorder, in particulargeneralized anxiety disorder.
That's a huge one.
Um, some of those diagnoses umare very much going to be fixed,
hopefully by psychotherapy,very much going to be fixed
(05:48):
hopefully by psychotherapy.
Bpd being a classic medicationdoes not do much for BPD but
psychotherapy definitely does.
But then there's otherdisorders I've got, like, say,
the ADHD and OCD sort ofcombination.
Psychotherapy can definitelyhelp on that front as well.
But a lot of the core sort ofrepetitive, obsessive, intrusive
(06:09):
thoughts and a lot of the ADHDjust unable to concentrate on
anything for any long periods oftime, a lot of that can be
alleviated by medication.
So for me it's you know, it'sobviously with the array of
(06:29):
disorders that I'm battling aholistic approach is the
approach that has to be takenbecause it's so varied.
You know, one thing that I guessis a positive about all the
disorders that I have is that mystory is quite broad, and I
think that's why this podcast isreasonably successful because
(06:52):
you know, I can wear a lot ofdifferent hats when it comes to
mental health and a lot of mystory, because it does have that
wide scope, does seem to relate, you know, to a lot of my
listeners, you guys, you legendsthat support me every time.
So that's good, but you know,the whole aim of this podcast,
(07:15):
when I first started, it waswell, it was to be my journal,
which it has been.
It certainly has turned out tobe my journal, but it was also
to be a bit of, I guess,inspiration for people, because
it was going to be about meimproving over time, and the
podcast was going to be a showthat, you know, showed that
(07:41):
there were incrementalimprovements to be made and to
give people hope for that.
The problem is, though, ofcourse, especially for the
people who have been listening,long-term, if anything, things
have gotten progressively worse,and that's obviously not a good
thing, and it's especially nota good thing when I'm on seven
(08:05):
medications, like, if I'm onseven meds and they're heavy
medications, you know, like,like.
You know, I would expect betterresults, and that's the
argument that I was trying tomake to the psychiatrist the
other day, which was that, youknow, I don't think throwing a
(08:27):
thousand medications at this isgoing to cut it.
We need to, in my opinion, peelit all back, go back to
baseline.
So taper off all thesemedications, go back to my
baseline, see what we're dealingwith and then go from there.
And you know, I'm a realist, Isuppose, in the sense that, you
(08:49):
know, for someone with such acomplex mental health
presentation, you know, I thinkit'd be naive of me to think
that I could get away with thiswithout any medications
whatsoever.
I just don't think that'sfeasible and I'm okay with that.
I am, but if I'm going to havemedications, I want them to work
(09:11):
and actually make things betterand improve things and allow me
to engage in psychologyproperly, which is where the
real gains as far as quality oflife is concerned.
And that has not so farhappened, in my opinion, because
, as I said, things feel asthough they're getting worse and
(09:34):
there is evidence that I'mgoing to produce shortly that
shows that in my real world, notjust inside my head, in my
external environment, there arenow signs that things are not
going as planned, and I'll talkabout that in a minute.
So that was the plan going intothe appointment, which was to
(09:57):
try and get some sort oftapering plan happening and
hopefully and I was reasonablyconfident about this because
I've had many referrals sentfrom my GP that has reaffirmed
this idea that he and I believethat an admission to a
(10:18):
psychiatric ward would be thebest course of action, because
these medications, as I said,they're heavy stuff.
You don't just taper offpregabalin or Lyrica easily
without there being massiverebound effects of anxiety and
low mood.
(10:38):
Clomipramine, the tricyclicantidepressant extremely strong
antidepressant, old school, lotsof side effects, but it's
strong.
Tapering off such a strongmedication that hits serotonin
so hard can cause big problemsAgain a massive drop in mood, a
(11:05):
massive rebound anxiety effectand all the things that come
with titrating offantidepressants, like brain zaps
and nausea.
And you know like this is heavystuff and I'm on.
There's plenty of othermedications too that I'm on that
also have their complications,like even propranolol and
(11:27):
clonidine, which are first andforemost their medications for
blood pressure, but they're alsoreally, really good for the
physical effects of anxiety.
But tapering off clonidine cancause a massive rebound spike in
(11:51):
blood pressure and that's nothealthy, especially as someone
like me whose blood pressure iselevated as it is.
So you know, and there's a fewmore meds as well that can cause
their own problems, like, forexample, quetiapine although
I've now switched off it, butgoing into this appointment I
(12:12):
was still on Seroquel.
Going off Seroquel often meansnot being able to sleep for days
, and no sleep is really reallybad for people with mental
health concerns Really bad.
So you know, as far as I cantell, this is sort of dangerous
(12:33):
territory and I cannot see a wayin which I can taper off these
medications successfully in thecommunity, in my own bedroom at
mummy and daddy's house.
As a 34-year-old, rememberingthat just living here is so
triggering because it reaffirmsthis idea, whether it's true or
(12:57):
not, that I'm failing at life,that I'm living with mum and dad
at 34.
And that's on my good days,with mum and dad at 34, and
that's on my good days.
I feel like that.
You know, if my mood gets worse, those thoughts are only going
to get stronger.
You know that could be a recipefor disaster, and the way I see
(13:18):
it, from all my research, andfrom professionals as well that
I've spoken to briefly theexpectation is that things will
get worse before they get better.
And already things are prettybloody bad and can't get much
worse.
So if it's going to have to getworse, I'll be honest with
(13:42):
you'm scared.
I am scared of the pain and theanguish that is coming if I
taper off these medications, butthe reason I'm doing it is
because of, hopefully, somelong-term benefits.
There's a word that keepsfollowing me around I've
mentioned it on the show beforeand I'm sick of hearing it, but
(14:03):
I keep hearing it which ispotential.
Elliot, you have so muchpotential.
You could do such great things.
You know, blah, blah, blah.
You know, like I'm notdismissing that idea because you
know the people that say thatto me.
I respect their opinions and Irespect them, and so you know,
(14:25):
although my automate response isto say that's not true, you
know, I'm just elliot, I'm aloser, whatever I can't.
You know, I am trying to pushoutside and and agree as much as
I can with what other peopleare saying in my external
environment, and it seems prettyconsistent that people believe
(14:46):
that if I can get my shit sorted, that I can achieve great
things, whatever the hell thatmeans.
So that was the plan.
I went in there with a prettyclear goal that I wanted to
start a tapering plan.
I wanted to hopefully have anadmission where this could be
done under supervision and thenwe could reassess once I'm at
(15:10):
baseline, once I'm off all themeds and we'll see how I'm
really tracking, and thenprobably we would add one or two
medications back in, becauseI'm not naive Seven diagnoses or
whatever it is, eight, seven,something like that, I'm on
seven medications.
(15:31):
I think it would be a bit naiveto think that I could get away
with not being on any meds atall.
And you look at the disordersthat I've got, like borderline
personality disorder, forexample, is very much, um, a
disorder that is treated welland the gold standard is through
psychotherapy, dialecticalbehavior therapy being the pick
(15:55):
of the bunch but not the onlyway to do it.
Um, but psychology is where thegains are made for BPD and BPD,
unfortunately, is still a bigpart of my life.
But then I look at some of theother disorders I've got, like
OCD and ADHD.
(16:15):
They are more you know theyalso.
You know psychotherapydefinitely, definitely helps
with those two disorders as well, for sure.
But there is definitely a place, excuse me, for medications for
those disorders, definitely.
(16:36):
You know, adhd stimulantmedication is the gold standard,
you know, is the gold standard,you know, and and OCD, um, uh,
medications like chlamypramine,which is what I'm on, the
tricyclic antidepressant it isthe gold standard for OCD, but
coupled with psychotherapy iswhere the best gains are made.
(16:57):
Um, and and things likegeneralized anxiety disorder.
It's a bit of a 50-50 sort ofthing, but you know, overall the
best results and the researchis very clear on this is that a
combination of medication pluspsychotherapy is almost always
(17:21):
the best course of action.
Now my psychotherapy work, mypsychologist and I have made
some great gains, great gainsuntil a few weeks ago, and the
reason why the gains all of asudden stopped and I regressed
back into my old ways ofthinking is because at the same
(17:43):
time I was trying to get helpfrom the New South Wales mental
health system to have a fullreview of my medications and do
this whole tapering andwithdrawing in a safe space and
then starting again.
You know I wanted a realcomprehensive look at my
condition, which is very complex, and unfortunately I've only
(18:10):
really hit roadblocks ever sinceI've been fobbed off.
I haven't been taken seriously,it seems, and, try as I might,
I have not been able to convincea psychiatrist in the public
system to take me on properlyand really invest the time and
(18:33):
energy to making me be able toreach this potential that
supposedly I've got.
And it's hard because I presentto these psychiatrists whether
it's in the emergency departmentat the Mater Hospital or
whether it's at the JamesFletcher Hospital for the more
(18:53):
structured appointments that Ihave, which is what I had the
other day and there is anotherone coming up in two weeks and
I'm looking forward to reportingon that and seeing what happens
.
But the outcome of the latestappointment with the
psychiatrist at James Fletcher,where I had such high hopes, was
(19:17):
that all we did was subtractone medication, which was the
quetiapine, the Seroquel, andadd metazepine in instead.
And as I said in the previousepisode, I am open to the idea
that metazepine may help.
Somebody in my family usesmetazepine and it's been very
(19:40):
successful for them.
So you know I'm keeping an openmind on these things.
It's a medication I haven'ttried before.
I've done some research onmetazepine.
There is evidence that it doeshelp with anxiety, but at the
same time there's evidence thatall the other meds that I'm on
help with anxiety as well, and Ican tell you right now that my
(20:03):
anxiety is still as chronic asever and it is a 24-7 battle.
Even when I'm asleep I'mdreaming about situations in
which anxiety is a huge part ofit.
You know, like there is no realescape for me from that way of
thinking.
So, yeah, it's been hard.
(20:25):
You know, I left thatappointment.
I made that episode previouslyand I was in reasonably good
spirits because I was excitedabout the fact that metazepine
might do the job.
But I don't know, a few dayshas passed since and that
excitement has definitely dieddown because it just feels like,
(20:45):
you know, died down, because itjust feels like, you know,
we're just throwing a dart atthe dartboard and whatever
medication that dart lands on,we'll just chuck it at Elliot
and we'll see how we go.
Like the psychiatrist even saidyou know, have you been on any
SSRIs before?
And I was like God, have I beenon any SSRIs before?
Of course I have.
(21:06):
You don't go on a tricyclicantidepressant like
chlamypramine unless you've beenon some SSRIs or SNRIs before.
And I've been on plenty.
And I was like no, yes, no,sorry.
I was like, yes, I've been onthem and no them and no, they
(21:32):
have not helped.
Um, that's why I'm on the tca,the tricyclic um, and you know
that in itself sort of knockedme off off a little bit and made
me a bit uncomfortable.
Because you know, if you readall my notes and there's plenty
of them in my file, because youknow I'm no stranger to the
system like it says in prettypretty, um, detailed, um depth
(21:53):
that I've tried all thesemedications.
You know I've trialed over like30 medications.
Now I think I'm up to acrossall the different classes,
whether it's mood stabilizers,antipsychotics, antidepressants
and the different levels ofantidepressants.
You know, like stimulantmedication, even the blood
(22:18):
pressure medications that arealso now indicated for the
physical aspects of anxiety,like clonidine and propranolol,
like you know I've tried allthem.
Like, come on, you know, likelet's not rehash information
that has already been said amillion times.
Let's look at moving forwardinstead of looking backwards and
(22:42):
let's come up with a plan,moving forward, that's going to
work.
And I just don't think addingmetazapine is going to be the
thing that unlocks my potential.
I just don't think it is.
But I don't know, it's tooearly to tell.
It is too early to tell.
You know, medications likemetazapine take a little bit of
(23:05):
time to sort of kick in andtheir effects to be known.
As of yet I haven't noticed anyreal difference in how I've
been feeling.
But you know, again, it isearly days and I don't want to
jump the gun.
So that's a little bit extra,just a bit of extra thought.
(23:25):
Around that appointment atJames Fletcher, I do have
another appointment coming up intwo to three weeks.
It'll be interesting to see howthat goes.
I'll be pushing again for thefact that I'm willing to do
anything to get the help that Ineed.
(23:45):
Because I did mention, you know,I mentioned going back to IJMU,
the Intermediate Stay MentalHealth Ward, and I mentioned
going to Morissette Hospital,which does deal with a lot of
high risk individuals,especially and this is what the
doctor told me with, withschizophrenia who are a danger
(24:09):
to the community.
There's the forensic ward forthose who have committed
criminal offenses but have been,um, I guess, under the
influence of mental illnesses,um, so you know, they've
committed a crime but they'vegot a mental illness, but you
can't just reintroduce them intothe community.
(24:29):
So you put them into apsychiatric ward and, you know,
try and improve things fromthere.
And I said, you know I will goto Morissette, I don't care, you
know, I'll get there if I needto.
I'll get there if I need to.
And I was told that, yeah, youknow, usually it's for people
(24:50):
with schizophrenia or sufferingfrom psychosis, or you know.
And I said, I said, look, if,if I need to go psychotic to get
the help that I need, I'll doit.
I will do it.
And that is a big call.
Let me tell you, that is a bigcall because there is nothing
I've never been psychotic beforeand maybe that's why I'm
(25:12):
suggesting that I do it, maybebecause I haven't experienced it
and experienced how bad it canbe.
I have experienced psychoticbreaks before, which are sort of
mini psychotic episodes whereyou don't quite go all the way
but you definitely do lose touchwith reality for a period of
(25:33):
time.
Um, actually, those, those, um,psychotic breaks probably
deserves their own episodes.
Come think of it, because it'sit's very interesting stuff.
So I'm gonna write that on mylist.
That's coming Get excited.
(25:59):
But you know, and the other wayto get into the to Morissette is
if you're a threat to otherpeople.
And I basically said, well,look, do I have to threaten to
stab somebody to?
You know, get the help that Ineed, because I'll do that too.
Now, don't get me wrong,everybody, I was saying that
more for, you know, theatricaleffect I have.
No, I have no intentionswhatsoever to bring anybody else
(26:21):
into this nightmare of mine.
Um, but you know, I did want totest the boundaries and see.
You know what the response was.
And the response was.
You know, don't do that.
And if you have any feelings ofdoing that, make sure you
present to the martyr straightaway.
And I was like, yeah, okay,yeah, I get that, but you could
(26:45):
tell that is the sort of stuff.
That is what you got to do.
To get the help that you need inthis system, you need to be
psychotic, or you need to bebipolar and manic, or you need
to be a threat to yourself,which I can do well enough, or a
threat to other people, which Ican do well enough, or a threat
(27:05):
to other people, which is astep that I don't want to take.
But the rest of it is sort ofon the cards, because I'm
getting desperate, I need help.
You know, I've got complexmental illnesses, very complex,
(27:34):
very dangerous.
Borderline personality disorderis dangerous, um, you know,
generalized anxiety disorder inthe fact that it it disables me
from being able to engage in theworld properly, and then the
depression that comes with it isvery, very dangerous.
Um, I'm not going to go throughall my diagnoses, but they are
all high risk, especially atthis point, because they are
getting more intense, becauseI'm not getting the help that I
(27:56):
need and I'm at my wits end andI'm not completely sure what to
do next.
But I am working on that andI'll let you guys know what that
could be.
But this is the thing.
I don't want anything toescalate from here.
I'm already at the point whereyou know my life is suffering
(28:18):
big time and I'm asking myselfthe question more and more
whether it is worth to keepgoing on.
Is it worth the suffering?
Because life is suffering forall of us, that you know.
I'm not the only person who'sgot some things going on.
You know there'll be plenty ofyou guys listening.
I'm sure that can relate to atleast part, if not the majority,
(28:41):
of what I'm saying right now.
Um, this is not an elliot onlyproblem, that's for sure, but it
is an Elliot problem, that isalso for sure, and I don't want
this to get much worse, becauseit hurts.
It hurts physically, it hurtsmentally and you know like it's
(29:02):
a burden that I'm carrying.
That is just bearing me everyday and it's impacting the way
that I engage with the worldbecause I am disengaging with
the world.
And all this supposed potentialI've got, that I've been told by
people you know, like okay,let's say, even though I find it
(29:23):
hard to believe, but let's saythat I do have all this great
potential to do these greatthings in the mental health
space.
It's being squandered and it'snot being squandered through
lack of effort by me, because Iam trying.
I'm going to therapy weekly.
At the moment it's fortnightlybecause I'm running out of money
(29:45):
because it's very expensive.
At the moment it's fortnightlybecause I'm running out of money
because it's very expensive.
But you know I'm doing the workin therapy.
I think about this stuff 24-7,.
You know I'm trying to figureout the answer to all of this
and when I do figure it out, youguys will be the first to know.
Don't worry about that.
But I need help.
I can't do this on my own.
I thought for a long time Icould, but I need help.
(30:08):
I can't do this on my own.
I thought for a long time Icould, but I can't, I cannot do
this on my own.
These mental health disordersare too strong for me in my
current state.
They're overpowering me.
They're overpowering me as much.
As I'm pushing back as hard asI can.
They're pushing back harderthey are.
As I'm pushing back as hard asI can, they're pushing back
harder they are.
(30:29):
I need some allies in my corner,and I do have some great allies
in my corner.
I've got some great friends andfamily and, and you know, work
colleagues and stuff that arereally you know, they're really
right behind me, but there isonly so much they can do.
What I need is mental healthprofessionals to really look at
(30:50):
me and go right, you're myproject and I'm going to work on
you and we're going to get youto where we need to get you.
Like, I'm the most willingpatient there is.
Like I've said this repeatedly,I will do anything.
Like I said, I will go toMorissette, I'll go to the
forensic ward, I don't care,give me a bed and I'll taper,
(31:13):
and you know, I'll just dealwith the people that I'm there
with.
You know, these are my people,though that's the thing you know
.
Like I am mentally unwell and Ihave that streak to me that, I
think, would bode well in thatsort of environment.
(31:34):
Not that I really want to tapinto that, but you know, I'm
very, I'm getting very hardenedbecause of what I've been going
through and I do have this partof me and I do have this part of
me, this BPD demon, you couldsay, that is ready to take on
anybody.
It is, and I keep it underwraps because I don't want that
(32:00):
to happen.
But it's there, you know I canhandle it, bring it on, I don't
care, you know.
But there's also Bloomfield,out at Orange, which I've
mentioned.
A lot about Bloomfield, youknow, and I asked about there,
you know, getting an extendedstaying at the extended stay
ward out there.
You know, I'll do it threemonths, six months longer, I
don't care.
I'm 34, now's the time I need toturn this life around before
(32:23):
things start getting away fromme, you know, like forget about
marriage and children and buyingmy house and all this, which I
would love to do one day.
I'm more talking about havingthe energy and the ability to
turn this ship around.
I think it's a lot easier to doat age 34 than it is at age 64.
(32:47):
You know what I mean, I thinkthe time is now to get this
happening, but I can't seem.
I don't know if it's becauseI'm not very good at advocating
for myself, I don't know if it'sbecause I come across as too
insightful into my own situationI think that's a huge part of
it just quietly, and I don'tknow what it is, but
(33:18):
unfortunately the system justdoes not want to help and
instead of tapering me offmedications, I was told to start
a new one which is the oppositeof what I was looking for going
in there.
So you know, it's verydisheartening because, as far as
I'm aware, the public systemhas a responsibility to help
(33:38):
people like me, because I'vebeen in the system before and
the system has prescribed me alot of.
The majority of thesemedications have been prescribed
not by my private psychiatrist.
Whenever I can afford one,which has been a long time now
um, the majority have beenprescribed in the public setting
(34:01):
.
So to me it's.
You know you guys have aresponsibility to maybe right
the wrongs of incorrectmedication prescriptions.
Um, you know, is it isn't thesystem.
You know I don't want to blamethe system, but you guys have
put me on all these meds and ithasn't worked.
(34:23):
Like, you know, you haven'tdone your job, your job's not
finished yet because I'm gettingworse.
So, let's, you know, let's dosomething about this.
And again, like I said so manytimes, I'm the most willing
patient.
You will find I will doanything.
Ect, where they electric shockyour brain.
(34:46):
You know that.
You know like it's.
It's an old school um treatment, but they still use it.
They still use ECT Um, you know, if you think, um, yeah, it's
not quite.
You know they don't dolobotomies anymore, which is
great, but ECT is still heavystuff.
(35:08):
Your brain is electrocuted, butthere's great results come from
ECT.
The problem is you do get somememory deficits.
But hey, I'm getting memorydeficits now because of the
Lyrica and Pregabalin I'm on.
I'm getting memory deficitsbecause of the Climipramine that
I'm on, like I don't care, likejust, you know, I don't care,
(35:33):
just plug me in.
If you need to, if it's goingto help me long-term, plug me in
or do whatever.
You know, I don't care, changemedications, whatever.
But let's have a bit of a planand instead of just fobbing me
off and just being like, oh yeah, here's some metazapine, you
know, you know, we'll see howyou go, it's like, come on, come
(35:56):
on.
You know what more do I have todo to get proper help here?
And it's getting to the pointwhere escalation seems to be the
answer, which I do not want todo.
But I'm telling you, my BPDdemon inside is ready to go and
my frustration and anger at howI've been treated for so long
(36:19):
over the years and how that at34, even though I've been
getting treated for decades, nowthat things are getting worse
and not better, I'm starting toget really, really pissed off
about it, really pissed off.
And when I get in those sortsof moods, that's when the BPD
(36:42):
traits, I suppose, tend to cometo the fore.
And I don't know, I'm not anangry person, I'd like to think,
I'd like to think I'm measured,and you know I think things
through before I say thingsmostly, which is something I
learned from dialecticalbehavior therapy, which is for
(37:03):
BPD.
But at the same time, like you,only live once and I think I
deserve better.
That's one thing in therapythat has really clicked, which
is this idea that you know, aself-compassion, I suppose, and
a bit of love for the self.
(37:24):
And you know, for a long timethere I didn't believe that I
deserved any help and that I wasdefective and that was the way
it was.
And you know, really what Ishould do is just do the mundane
things and live within myselfand not create too much trouble,
because you know that's what Ideserved.
But I've undone that way ofthinking through lots of therapy
(37:48):
and now I believe that you knowI do, I'm a good person, I do
good things.
You know I try and help thecommunity, I try and help the
people around me.
You know I'm doing a lot ofwork in the mental health space
and what motivates me to do itis that I don't want other
people to have to go throughwhat I am going through, because
(38:13):
it's not fair and it feelsterrible, and I want all of us
to live the best lives that wecan and I think the best way we
can do that is by helping eachother.
So I am trying to do that and Ithink that's a good thing and I
think people who think likethat deserve some nice things in
(38:33):
their life as well.
You know, I don't know the theold adage of the more you put in
, the more you get out, and youknow good things should happen
to good people.
And I don't know I feel likeI'm an all right person and I
deserve a bit more.
You know I deserve my case tobe taken seriously and some
(38:55):
serious measures to be taken toensure that I can live a life
where I'm happy and I'm notthinking about, you know, death
constantly, or I'm not thinkingabout, you know, health anxiety
in general or anxiety about thefuture or the fact that I don't
have this and this and this, andeveryone around me seems to
have this, this and this, and toconstantly compare myself to
(39:19):
other people and beat myselfdown.
You know, I don't think Ideserve that.
I don't.
So that is also a big part ofwhy I'm fighting so hard to get
some results here, because youknow what I'm a good person I am
and I deserve better.
And if one of my friends I'lltell you now if one of my
(39:41):
friends or even work colleagueswas going through this and
telling me what was going on,I'll tell you what I would be
absolutely appalled and you knowlike it would just oh man, and
it's taken a long time to havethe same sort of you know to use
the mirror to mirror that backtowards me and be like hang on,
(40:05):
let's pretend I'm that friend,you know, and the same now,
thankfully, through a lot oftherapy.
The same respect is given tothe self, which is great, and
that's what, I guess, makes mesad in some ways, but pissed off
as well, because, you know, Ithink I deserve better, deserve
(40:27):
better.
So anyway, that's the storythere.
This episode is proving to be,um, quite the in-depth long look
at things.
And it's not over yet, becausethere is more news to report
about what has happened to melately.
This is very recent and thisone has really been a kick to
(40:48):
the guts.
I'm not going to lie.
So, as we know, I work at a jobwhere I work in a timber yard
and I'm a forklift operator, andI am the world's greatest
forklift operator, just puttingit out there.
But, in all seriousness, I am avery good operator, and I am
because I've been drivingforklifts for many, many years
(41:12):
now in a lot of differentenvironments, from express
freight, you know, trans ships,transport yards and now into
timber yards.
You know moving big loads andI've had like no errors.
I'm a great loader and unloaderof trucks, you know.
It's something I really takepride in.
It's one of the only thingsthat I really give myself credit
(41:34):
for um, which is being a goodforklift operator.
Uh, but unfortunately thedecision has been made at my
work to uh to uh relinquish therole of me being a forklift
operator for the time being,because of the array of
(41:55):
medications that I'm on and alsothe fact that it appears that
my mask is slipping big time atwork.
And it's quite obvious topeople that I'm struggling a lot
.
And it makes sense becauseconstantly, you know I'm
drinking pre-workout.
You know putting scoops ofpre-workout in a in a me cup and
(42:18):
drinking it, you know in frontof everyone and being like, all
right, let's go, let's do it.
You know I'm popping memedications you throughout the
day which are prescribed, andI've got to pop these
medications, like I'm allowed to.
But at the same time it doesput in a question if these meds
(42:39):
and the fact that I have to haveall this pre-workout because
I'm always so tired, you know,does this cause potential risk?
As far as me operating aforklift goes, and to be honest,
it probably does.
For the record, and this is 100%serious, I do not believe that
(43:00):
my performance or abilities onthe forklift have been altered
at all.
I am still the best I am.
I am the best.
I keep saying it because Ireally need to believe it and I
do believe it, but I've got tokeep reaffirming it.
But at the same time, I can seewhy people would be concerned
(43:25):
seeing me, you know, walkingaround, you know looking, you
know quite tired and using a lotof caffeine, a lot of coffee to
you know sort of get throughthe day and I'm popping pills
and you know, and some of thesemedications are sedative.
You know, like the quetiapine,the Seroquel is sedative,
although I'm off it now and it'sbeen replaced by metazapine, it
(43:48):
is also sedative.
Um, the chlamypramine, um issedative.
There's a lot of medicationsI'm on, um, even the lyrica, the
pregabalin, it can be sedativeas well.
Um, obviously, the stimulantmedication is at the opposite
end of the scale.
It sharpens me up and keeps mefocused and really dialed in.
(44:12):
But, on the face of things, thebusiness has a liability issue
to look at and the decision hasbeen made that, for the short to
medium term, I'm the hen, myforklift keys back and not
operate the forklift movingforward, which has been a bit of
(44:35):
a body blow.
I'm not going to lie because,like I said before, one of the
only things that I truly believeI am good at and competent at
is being a forklift operator andit is also one of the only
motivating factors I have when Igo to my work, because I've
(44:55):
said in previous episodes thatwhere I work it's in retail.
It's constant customer focusedand customer facing.
Constant customer focused andfacing customer facing.
There are multiple, multiplecustomer interactions constantly
(45:15):
throughout my shifts, which Ido find difficult.
Being someone who has autismand social anxiety disorder and
that my social capacity hasdwindled so much over time, I do
get very burnt out every shiftby just the amount of times I
(45:36):
have to talk to people and thatis difficult.
But when I jump on that forklift, I'll tell you right now it's
mindfulness.
That's a term that's used a lot, but it is mindfulness.
When I'm on that forklift I am100% focused on my task on that
forklift because I am a greatoperator.
(45:57):
I do not let things deviate myattention from what I'm doing,
because it is a dangerous roleand things can go wrong and if
they go wrong they go very wrongand I am not risking that.
So when I jump on that forkliftI am locked in and it's really
(46:19):
good for my mental healthbecause often I'm walking around
the timber yard putting stockaway by hand and stuff and I am
thinking about my future and thebig questions in life.
But when I'm on that forkliftand I'm doing that concrete wall
or I'm unloading trucks full oftimber and you know I am locked
(46:42):
in, dialed in and I do afantastic job and the fact that
now I can't do that is going tobe very hard moving forward,
especially when it comes tobeing motivated to get to work
and give it all that I can and Iwill.
I will give it everything I'vegot for sure.
I just don't have that escapewhere I can recharge quickly and
(47:06):
then go back to the customerinteractions.
So it's going to be difficult.
It's going to be difficult.
There's no real secret that I amlooking for new work.
I want to do something inmental health.
Again.
I've had this big questionshould I go back into the
(47:27):
transport industry, which I didfor many years?
I worked in transport logisticsand loved it, absolutely loved
it.
I've always thought I've had abit of unfinished business in
that industry and I'd love to goback into it and then integrate
some mental health stuff intothe industry as well.
(47:48):
Or the other option has been togo into mental health and work
for an organization doing whoknows what.
But you know, hopefullysomething to do with community
engagement would be brilliant.
But the fact that it's lookingunlikely in the short to medium
(48:09):
term that I'm going to actuallyget off these medications, that
just about cancels out anychance I have of getting back
into transport and logistics,because it's very, very unusual
to be able to work in thoseenvironments when you're on the
sedatives that I am.
But the mental health side ofthings obviously don't worry
(48:33):
about that as much, becausethat's sort of you know, part of
the territory, that's part ofthe game and that's part of the
lived experience that I wouldbring to any role.
So I think that decision, whichI've really been mulling over a
lot, has now been made for me,which is, yeah, to go into the
(48:55):
mental health thing full tilt.
But it is disappointing becauseI wanted to make the decision
myself and not have it forcedupon me like it has been.
But you know what can I say?
That's life, these thingshappen, and I can't fault my
work at all.
They've treated this reallywell.
(49:15):
They've given me some time offto have a think about things
before I get back to work nextweek, and I really, really
appreciate that.
Bunnings Warehouse has beenamazing as far as my mental
health is concerned For thealmost nine years I've been with
the business.
So I don't have a bad word tosay about the business
(49:36):
whatsoever.
I've only got good things tosay to report, especially in
regards to my mental health.
But this has been a bit of akick in the guts and it's taking
a while to come to terms withit, that's for sure.
But anyway, that's life.
You just got to cop it on thechin and you've got to move on
(49:58):
All right.
So before I finish up nice andquick, we're almost at 50
minutes.
This is another of those biggerepisodes.
I did get some feedback frompeople saying that they enjoyed
the longer episodes, so here'sone for you for sure.
Coming soon, though, is somemore intake interviews.
(50:19):
I've got some people lined upfor some interviews, which I'm
so excited including my friendwho has worked she's a social
worker and has workedextensively in the Corrections
NSW system has provided me somereally great insight into what
(50:51):
is going on and why I'm probablynot getting the help that I
feel like I should be getting.
She has some very strongtheories as to why that could be
and, to be honest, it makessense.
It's a bit again dishearteningthat's a word I've used a lot
today.
It is a bit disheartening, butshe will be amazing to interview
because she has so muchknowledge on this subject and on
(51:14):
mental health in general.
And I can't wait to get thatone uploaded, because not only
is it going to help I think, youguys, the listeners, I think
it's going to help me massivelyas well.
I've got a feeling it's goingto be one of those interviews
where I'm just sitting therelistening and learning and
jotting things down, andhopefully my sort of.
(51:35):
You know, I don't know this forsure, but I am hoping that
maybe at the end of theinterview with her we may come
up with a plan moving forward toget me the help that I need in
the system.
We'll see what happens, butshe's very knowledgeable on how
it works and she's had to gointo battle for her clients in
(52:00):
the system herself.
So you know she's a prettyhardened warrior when it comes
to these sorts of things and I'mreally excited to get her on
the show.
All right, thank you everybody.
I do appreciate it.
Thank you for listening.
As always, I don't have thegreatest news to report today,
but I promise good news iscoming and there's some episodes
(52:23):
I'm going to be doing soonabout some specific mental
health disorders and also themental health of the people that
I used to see come through thedoors as they're buying multiple
(52:54):
vodka, red Bulls and justseeing, unfortunately, in a lot
of the cases, the deteriorationof these individuals as the
night went on.
For example, I'd see peoplecome in as a relationship and
then on their way out they willhave broken up and then the next
weekend they're back in as arelationship again.
(53:14):
I saw it all.
It was amazing.
So, yeah, that'll be a funepisode to talk about, because
I've got some great stories fromthe Cambridge Hotel.
Some of it's disgusting becauseI was a glassy and that
included not just picking up theglasses, they included cleaning
up vomit and unclogging toilets.
(53:35):
But I don't want to spoil it.
That is all coming and it'sgoing to be it's.
I think it's going to be quitefunny, but at the same time it's
all true.
You know, it's all characterbuilding, so I can't wait to
bring that one to you as well.
All right, thank you forlistening.
Like I said, thank you for yoursupport.
I always appreciate it.
Feel free to message me onInstagram at elliotttwaters, and
(54:01):
also to follow the page onFacebook by searching the
Dysregulated Podcast, and youcan message me on there as well.
Very soon, the Q&A segment willbe coming too, so if you've got
some questions that you'd likeme to answer on the show, by all
(54:22):
means send them through as well.
I'll add them to my little listthat I'm building and we'll get
through them and we'll see ifwe can make sense of it together
.
All right, thanks for listening, everybody, and I'll see you
next time here on thedysregulated podcast.
You.
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulator podcast.
As always, thank you for tuningin.
Today's episode is the next inthe fortnightly check-in series,
but before we get into that,I'd just like to remind you that
you can like, subscribe, givethis show a great rating because
(00:31):
it's good for the algorithm,and you can follow me on
Instagram at elliotttwaters, andyou can follow the show on
Facebook by searching theDisregulated Podcast.
All right, so let's see howthings have been going over the
last little bit.
Now, before I start, I do wantto say that this episode is not
(00:56):
going to be particularlypositive.
So if you're looking for anuplifting and maybe more comical
view, perhaps, of mental health, this episode probably isn't
going to be the one for you.
But at the same time, this ismental illness in its complete,
(01:21):
raw, vulnerable.
You know, this is exactly howit is for some people.
This is exactly how it is forme, and that is a big part of
why I think this podcast isimportant, because I am not
going to be shying away from thedifficult things that have been
(01:41):
going on, because thesedifficult things are not just
things that happen to me.
There will be a lot of peoplelistening that will be able to
relate to a lot of what I'mabout to say, which is
unfortunate, but at the sametime, hey, at least we're in
this together and, trust me, I'mlooking for I'm very much
(02:03):
looking for some sort of remedyto fix this problem that we are
facing, that I'm facing inparticular with the mental
health system, but at this pointI haven't quite found the
answer yet.
But I'm going to go into somedetail about what's been going
(02:24):
on.
Now I will start with theappointment that I had at James
Fletcher Hospital more recentlywith the psychiatrist.
I did an episode.
The last episode, I believe itwas was on that appointment.
I'm going to expand a littlebit more on it now because I've
had a few days to think about itand these are my very raw,
(02:50):
vulnerable feelings towards whatis going on and what it means
for my trajectory and myprognosis moving forward as far
as my mental health is concerned.
So you may remember because Idid quite a few episodes leading
up to this appointment that Iwas quite excited because I
(03:11):
thought this would be theopportunity finally to be able
to start to taper off mymedications remembering I'm on
seven medications and althoughI'm on seven medications, I
still feel absolutely rubbishand my mental health outcomes
have been very poor andprogressively getting worse,
(03:35):
despite the fact that I am onthese medications, and these are
heavy medications as well.
But let's face it, they're notdoing the job, you know, and
just quickly.
The job that I want them to doisn't to fix everything.
You know, there's no magic pillor pills that's going to fix my
(03:56):
mental health outlook.
There's not.
You know, what's really goingto turn this into a life worth
living is the psychological work.
There is so much therapy that Ineed to do that I have been
doing, but continue that need tocontinue to do to ensure that I
get to that position where I ambuilding a life worth living.
(04:19):
But what I want the medicationsto do is to get me out of the
hole so I can engage with thepsychological therapies properly
.
So to peel back some of thoseobsessive thoughts, the 24-7
anxiety, you know, the crushingdepression a lot of these are
(04:41):
driven by emotions that don'thave any logic to them, which
tells me, you know, this is moreof a chemical sort of potential
imbalance thing going on.
The feelings, the negativefeelings, the anxiety, all that
sort of stuff I feel can bealleviated somewhat by the
(05:03):
medications.
And if that can happen then Ihave the freedom and the space
mentally to be able to thenengage in the psychological
therapies properly.
Because you know I've got lotsof diagnoses, you know, from
borderline personality disorderto OCD, to ADHD, to autism, to,
(05:26):
I don't know, social anxietydisorder, general anxiety
disorder, in particulargeneralized anxiety disorder.
That's a huge one.
Um, some of those diagnoses umare very much going to be fixed,
hopefully by psychotherapy,very much going to be fixed
(05:48):
hopefully by psychotherapy.
Bpd being a classic medicationdoes not do much for BPD but
psychotherapy definitely does.
But then there's otherdisorders I've got, like, say,
the ADHD and OCD sort ofcombination.
Psychotherapy can definitelyhelp on that front as well.
But a lot of the core sort ofrepetitive, obsessive, intrusive
(06:09):
thoughts and a lot of the ADHDjust unable to concentrate on
anything for any long periods oftime, a lot of that can be
alleviated by medication.
So for me it's you know, it'sobviously with the array of
(06:29):
disorders that I'm battling aholistic approach is the
approach that has to be takenbecause it's so varied.
You know, one thing that I guessis a positive about all the
disorders that I have is that mystory is quite broad, and I
think that's why this podcast isreasonably successful because
(06:52):
you know, I can wear a lot ofdifferent hats when it comes to
mental health and a lot of mystory, because it does have that
wide scope, does seem to relate, you know, to a lot of my
listeners, you guys, you legendsthat support me every time.
So that's good, but you know,the whole aim of this podcast,
(07:15):
when I first started, it waswell, it was to be my journal,
which it has been.
It certainly has turned out tobe my journal, but it was also
to be a bit of, I guess,inspiration for people, because
it was going to be about meimproving over time, and the
podcast was going to be a showthat, you know, showed that
(07:41):
there were incrementalimprovements to be made and to
give people hope for that.
The problem is, though, ofcourse, especially for the
people who have been listening,long-term, if anything, things
have gotten progressively worse,and that's obviously not a good
thing, and it's especially nota good thing when I'm on seven
(08:05):
medications, like, if I'm onseven meds and they're heavy
medications, you know, like,like.
You know, I would expect betterresults, and that's the
argument that I was trying tomake to the psychiatrist the
other day, which was that, youknow, I don't think throwing a
(08:27):
thousand medications at this isgoing to cut it.
We need to, in my opinion, peelit all back, go back to
baseline.
So taper off all thesemedications, go back to my
baseline, see what we're dealingwith and then go from there.
And you know, I'm a realist, Isuppose, in the sense that, you
(08:49):
know, for someone with such acomplex mental health
presentation, you know, I thinkit'd be naive of me to think
that I could get away with thiswithout any medications
whatsoever.
I just don't think that'sfeasible and I'm okay with that.
I am, but if I'm going to havemedications, I want them to work
(09:11):
and actually make things betterand improve things and allow me
to engage in psychologyproperly, which is where the
real gains as far as quality oflife is concerned.
And that has not so farhappened, in my opinion, because
, as I said, things feel asthough they're getting worse and
(09:34):
there is evidence that I'mgoing to produce shortly that
shows that in my real world, notjust inside my head, in my
external environment, there arenow signs that things are not
going as planned, and I'll talkabout that in a minute.
So that was the plan going intothe appointment, which was to
(09:57):
try and get some sort oftapering plan happening and
hopefully and I was reasonablyconfident about this because
I've had many referrals sentfrom my GP that has reaffirmed
this idea that he and I believethat an admission to a
(10:18):
psychiatric ward would be thebest course of action, because
these medications, as I said,they're heavy stuff.
You don't just taper offpregabalin or Lyrica easily
without there being massiverebound effects of anxiety and
low mood.
(10:38):
Clomipramine, the tricyclicantidepressant extremely strong
antidepressant, old school, lotsof side effects, but it's
strong.
Tapering off such a strongmedication that hits serotonin
so hard can cause big problemsAgain a massive drop in mood, a
(11:05):
massive rebound anxiety effectand all the things that come
with titrating offantidepressants, like brain zaps
and nausea.
And you know like this is heavystuff and I'm on.
There's plenty of othermedications too that I'm on that
also have their complications,like even propranolol and
(11:27):
clonidine, which are first andforemost their medications for
blood pressure, but they're alsoreally, really good for the
physical effects of anxiety.
But tapering off clonidine cancause a massive rebound spike in
(11:51):
blood pressure and that's nothealthy, especially as someone
like me whose blood pressure iselevated as it is.
So you know, and there's a fewmore meds as well that can cause
their own problems, like, forexample, quetiapine although
I've now switched off it, butgoing into this appointment I
(12:12):
was still on Seroquel.
Going off Seroquel often meansnot being able to sleep for days
, and no sleep is really reallybad for people with mental
health concerns Really bad.
So you know, as far as I cantell, this is sort of dangerous
(12:33):
territory and I cannot see a wayin which I can taper off these
medications successfully in thecommunity, in my own bedroom at
mummy and daddy's house.
As a 34-year-old, rememberingthat just living here is so
triggering because it reaffirmsthis idea, whether it's true or
(12:57):
not, that I'm failing at life,that I'm living with mum and dad
at 34.
And that's on my good days,with mum and dad at 34, and
that's on my good days.
I feel like that.
You know, if my mood gets worse, those thoughts are only going
to get stronger.
You know that could be a recipefor disaster, and the way I see
(13:18):
it, from all my research, andfrom professionals as well that
I've spoken to briefly theexpectation is that things will
get worse before they get better.
And already things are prettybloody bad and can't get much
worse.
So if it's going to have to getworse, I'll be honest with
(13:42):
you'm scared.
I am scared of the pain and theanguish that is coming if I
taper off these medications, butthe reason I'm doing it is
because of, hopefully, somelong-term benefits.
There's a word that keepsfollowing me around I've
mentioned it on the show beforeand I'm sick of hearing it, but
(14:03):
I keep hearing it which ispotential.
Elliot, you have so muchpotential.
You could do such great things.
You know, blah, blah, blah.
You know, like I'm notdismissing that idea because you
know the people that say thatto me.
I respect their opinions and Irespect them, and so you know,
(14:25):
although my automate response isto say that's not true, you
know, I'm just elliot, I'm aloser, whatever I can't.
You know, I am trying to pushoutside and and agree as much as
I can with what other peopleare saying in my external
environment, and it seems prettyconsistent that people believe
(14:46):
that if I can get my shit sorted, that I can achieve great
things, whatever the hell thatmeans.
So that was the plan.
I went in there with a prettyclear goal that I wanted to
start a tapering plan.
I wanted to hopefully have anadmission where this could be
done under supervision and thenwe could reassess once I'm at
(15:10):
baseline, once I'm off all themeds and we'll see how I'm
really tracking, and thenprobably we would add one or two
medications back in, becauseI'm not naive Seven diagnoses or
whatever it is, eight, seven,something like that, I'm on
seven medications.
(15:31):
I think it would be a bit naiveto think that I could get away
with not being on any meds atall.
And you look at the disordersthat I've got, like borderline
personality disorder, forexample, is very much, um, a
disorder that is treated welland the gold standard is through
psychotherapy, dialecticalbehavior therapy being the pick
(15:55):
of the bunch but not the onlyway to do it.
Um, but psychology is where thegains are made for BPD and BPD,
unfortunately, is still a bigpart of my life.
But then I look at some of theother disorders I've got, like
OCD and ADHD.
(16:15):
They are more you know theyalso.
You know psychotherapydefinitely, definitely helps
with those two disorders as well, for sure.
But there is definitely a place, excuse me, for medications for
those disorders, definitely.
(16:36):
You know, adhd stimulantmedication is the gold standard,
you know, is the gold standard,you know, and and OCD, um, uh,
medications like chlamypramine,which is what I'm on, the
tricyclic antidepressant it isthe gold standard for OCD, but
coupled with psychotherapy iswhere the best gains are made.
(16:57):
Um, and and things likegeneralized anxiety disorder.
It's a bit of a 50-50 sort ofthing, but you know, overall the
best results and the researchis very clear on this is that a
combination of medication pluspsychotherapy is almost always
(17:21):
the best course of action.
Now my psychotherapy work, mypsychologist and I have made
some great gains, great gainsuntil a few weeks ago, and the
reason why the gains all of asudden stopped and I regressed
back into my old ways ofthinking is because at the same
(17:43):
time I was trying to get helpfrom the New South Wales mental
health system to have a fullreview of my medications and do
this whole tapering andwithdrawing in a safe space and
then starting again.
You know I wanted a realcomprehensive look at my
condition, which is very complex, and unfortunately I've only
(18:10):
really hit roadblocks ever sinceI've been fobbed off.
I haven't been taken seriously,it seems, and, try as I might,
I have not been able to convincea psychiatrist in the public
system to take me on properlyand really invest the time and
(18:33):
energy to making me be able toreach this potential that
supposedly I've got.
And it's hard because I presentto these psychiatrists whether
it's in the emergency departmentat the Mater Hospital or
whether it's at the JamesFletcher Hospital for the more
(18:53):
structured appointments that Ihave, which is what I had the
other day and there is anotherone coming up in two weeks and
I'm looking forward to reportingon that and seeing what happens
.
But the outcome of the latestappointment with the
psychiatrist at James Fletcher,where I had such high hopes, was
(19:17):
that all we did was subtractone medication, which was the
quetiapine, the Seroquel, andadd metazepine in instead.
And as I said in the previousepisode, I am open to the idea
that metazepine may help.
Somebody in my family usesmetazepine and it's been very
(19:40):
successful for them.
So you know I'm keeping an openmind on these things.
It's a medication I haven'ttried before.
I've done some research onmetazepine.
There is evidence that it doeshelp with anxiety, but at the
same time there's evidence thatall the other meds that I'm on
help with anxiety as well, and Ican tell you right now that my
(20:03):
anxiety is still as chronic asever and it is a 24-7 battle.
Even when I'm asleep I'mdreaming about situations in
which anxiety is a huge part ofit.
You know, like there is no realescape for me from that way of
thinking.
So, yeah, it's been hard.
(20:25):
You know, I left thatappointment.
I made that episode previouslyand I was in reasonably good
spirits because I was excitedabout the fact that metazepine
might do the job.
But I don't know, a few dayshas passed since and that
excitement has definitely dieddown because it just feels like,
(20:45):
you know, died down, because itjust feels like, you know,
we're just throwing a dart atthe dartboard and whatever
medication that dart lands on,we'll just chuck it at Elliot
and we'll see how we go.
Like the psychiatrist even saidyou know, have you been on any
SSRIs before?
And I was like God, have I beenon any SSRIs before?
Of course I have.
(21:06):
You don't go on a tricyclicantidepressant like
chlamypramine unless you've beenon some SSRIs or SNRIs before.
And I've been on plenty.
And I was like no, yes, no,sorry.
I was like, yes, I've been onthem and no them and no, they
(21:32):
have not helped.
Um, that's why I'm on the tca,the tricyclic um, and you know
that in itself sort of knockedme off off a little bit and made
me a bit uncomfortable.
Because you know, if you readall my notes and there's plenty
of them in my file, because youknow I'm no stranger to the
system like it says in prettypretty, um, detailed, um depth
(21:53):
that I've tried all thesemedications.
You know I've trialed over like30 medications.
Now I think I'm up to acrossall the different classes,
whether it's mood stabilizers,antipsychotics, antidepressants
and the different levels ofantidepressants.
You know, like stimulantmedication, even the blood
(22:18):
pressure medications that arealso now indicated for the
physical aspects of anxiety,like clonidine and propranolol,
like you know I've tried allthem.
Like, come on, you know, likelet's not rehash information
that has already been said amillion times.
Let's look at moving forwardinstead of looking backwards and
(22:42):
let's come up with a plan,moving forward, that's going to
work.
And I just don't think addingmetazapine is going to be the
thing that unlocks my potential.
I just don't think it is.
But I don't know, it's tooearly to tell.
It is too early to tell.
You know, medications likemetazapine take a little bit of
(23:05):
time to sort of kick in andtheir effects to be known.
As of yet I haven't noticed anyreal difference in how I've
been feeling.
But you know, again, it isearly days and I don't want to
jump the gun.
So that's a little bit extra,just a bit of extra thought.
(23:25):
Around that appointment atJames Fletcher, I do have
another appointment coming up intwo to three weeks.
It'll be interesting to see howthat goes.
I'll be pushing again for thefact that I'm willing to do
anything to get the help that Ineed.
(23:45):
Because I did mention, you know,I mentioned going back to IJMU,
the Intermediate Stay MentalHealth Ward, and I mentioned
going to Morissette Hospital,which does deal with a lot of
high risk individuals,especially and this is what the
doctor told me with, withschizophrenia who are a danger
(24:09):
to the community.
There's the forensic ward forthose who have committed
criminal offenses but have been,um, I guess, under the
influence of mental illnesses,um, so you know, they've
committed a crime but they'vegot a mental illness, but you
can't just reintroduce them intothe community.
(24:29):
So you put them into apsychiatric ward and, you know,
try and improve things fromthere.
And I said, you know I will goto Morissette, I don't care, you
know, I'll get there if I needto.
I'll get there if I need to.
And I was told that, yeah, youknow, usually it's for people
(24:50):
with schizophrenia or sufferingfrom psychosis, or you know.
And I said, I said, look, if,if I need to go psychotic to get
the help that I need, I'll doit.
I will do it.
And that is a big call.
Let me tell you, that is a bigcall because there is nothing
I've never been psychotic beforeand maybe that's why I'm
(25:12):
suggesting that I do it, maybebecause I haven't experienced it
and experienced how bad it canbe.
I have experienced psychoticbreaks before, which are sort of
mini psychotic episodes whereyou don't quite go all the way
but you definitely do lose touchwith reality for a period of
(25:33):
time.
Um, actually, those, those, um,psychotic breaks probably
deserves their own episodes.
Come think of it, because it'sit's very interesting stuff.
So I'm gonna write that on mylist.
That's coming Get excited.
(25:59):
But you know, and the other wayto get into the to Morissette is
if you're a threat to otherpeople.
And I basically said, well,look, do I have to threaten to
stab somebody to?
You know, get the help that Ineed, because I'll do that too.
Now, don't get me wrong,everybody, I was saying that
more for, you know, theatricaleffect I have.
No, I have no intentionswhatsoever to bring anybody else
(26:21):
into this nightmare of mine.
Um, but you know, I did want totest the boundaries and see.
You know what the response was.
And the response was.
You know, don't do that.
And if you have any feelings ofdoing that, make sure you
present to the martyr straightaway.
And I was like, yeah, okay,yeah, I get that, but you could
(26:45):
tell that is the sort of stuff.
That is what you got to do.
To get the help that you need inthis system, you need to be
psychotic, or you need to bebipolar and manic, or you need
to be a threat to yourself,which I can do well enough, or a
threat to other people, which Ican do well enough, or a threat
(27:05):
to other people, which is astep that I don't want to take.
But the rest of it is sort ofon the cards, because I'm
getting desperate, I need help.
You know, I've got complexmental illnesses, very complex,
(27:34):
very dangerous.
Borderline personality disorderis dangerous, um, you know,
generalized anxiety disorder inthe fact that it it disables me
from being able to engage in theworld properly, and then the
depression that comes with it isvery, very dangerous.
Um, I'm not going to go throughall my diagnoses, but they are
all high risk, especially atthis point, because they are
getting more intense, becauseI'm not getting the help that I
(27:56):
need and I'm at my wits end andI'm not completely sure what to
do next.
But I am working on that andI'll let you guys know what that
could be.
But this is the thing.
I don't want anything toescalate from here.
I'm already at the point whereyou know my life is suffering
(28:18):
big time and I'm asking myselfthe question more and more
whether it is worth to keepgoing on.
Is it worth the suffering?
Because life is suffering forall of us, that you know.
I'm not the only person who'sgot some things going on.
You know there'll be plenty ofyou guys listening.
I'm sure that can relate to atleast part, if not the majority,
(28:41):
of what I'm saying right now.
Um, this is not an elliot onlyproblem, that's for sure, but it
is an Elliot problem, that isalso for sure, and I don't want
this to get much worse, becauseit hurts.
It hurts physically, it hurtsmentally and you know like it's
(29:02):
a burden that I'm carrying.
That is just bearing me everyday and it's impacting the way
that I engage with the worldbecause I am disengaging with
the world.
And all this supposed potentialI've got, that I've been told by
people you know, like okay,let's say, even though I find it
(29:23):
hard to believe, but let's saythat I do have all this great
potential to do these greatthings in the mental health
space.
It's being squandered and it'snot being squandered through
lack of effort by me, because Iam trying.
I'm going to therapy weekly.
At the moment it's fortnightlybecause I'm running out of money
(29:45):
because it's very expensive.
At the moment it's fortnightlybecause I'm running out of money
because it's very expensive.
But you know I'm doing the workin therapy.
I think about this stuff 24-7,.
You know I'm trying to figureout the answer to all of this
and when I do figure it out, youguys will be the first to know.
Don't worry about that.
But I need help.
I can't do this on my own.
I thought for a long time Icould, but I need help.
(30:08):
I can't do this on my own.
I thought for a long time Icould, but I can't, I cannot do
this on my own.
These mental health disordersare too strong for me in my
current state.
They're overpowering me.
They're overpowering me as much.
As I'm pushing back as hard asI can.
They're pushing back harderthey are.
As I'm pushing back as hard asI can, they're pushing back
harder they are.
(30:29):
I need some allies in my corner,and I do have some great allies
in my corner.
I've got some great friends andfamily and, and you know, work
colleagues and stuff that arereally you know, they're really
right behind me, but there isonly so much they can do.
What I need is mental healthprofessionals to really look at
(30:50):
me and go right, you're myproject and I'm going to work on
you and we're going to get youto where we need to get you.
Like, I'm the most willingpatient there is.
Like I've said this repeatedly,I will do anything.
Like I said, I will go toMorissette, I'll go to the
forensic ward, I don't care,give me a bed and I'll taper,
(31:13):
and you know, I'll just dealwith the people that I'm there
with.
You know, these are my people,though that's the thing you know
.
Like I am mentally unwell and Ihave that streak to me that, I
think, would bode well in thatsort of environment.
(31:34):
Not that I really want to tapinto that, but you know, I'm
very, I'm getting very hardenedbecause of what I've been going
through and I do have this partof me and I do have this part of
me, this BPD demon, you couldsay, that is ready to take on
anybody.
It is, and I keep it underwraps because I don't want that
(32:00):
to happen.
But it's there, you know I canhandle it, bring it on, I don't
care, you know.
But there's also Bloomfield,out at Orange, which I've
mentioned.
A lot about Bloomfield, youknow, and I asked about there,
you know, getting an extendedstaying at the extended stay
ward out there.
You know, I'll do it threemonths, six months longer, I
don't care.
I'm 34, now's the time I need toturn this life around before
(32:23):
things start getting away fromme, you know, like forget about
marriage and children and buyingmy house and all this, which I
would love to do one day.
I'm more talking about havingthe energy and the ability to
turn this ship around.
I think it's a lot easier to doat age 34 than it is at age 64.
(32:47):
You know what I mean, I thinkthe time is now to get this
happening, but I can't seem.
I don't know if it's becauseI'm not very good at advocating
for myself, I don't know if it'sbecause I come across as too
insightful into my own situationI think that's a huge part of
it just quietly, and I don'tknow what it is, but
(33:18):
unfortunately the system justdoes not want to help and
instead of tapering me offmedications, I was told to start
a new one which is the oppositeof what I was looking for going
in there.
So you know, it's verydisheartening because, as far as
I'm aware, the public systemhas a responsibility to help
(33:38):
people like me, because I'vebeen in the system before and
the system has prescribed me alot of.
The majority of thesemedications have been prescribed
not by my private psychiatrist.
Whenever I can afford one,which has been a long time now
um, the majority have beenprescribed in the public setting
(34:01):
.
So to me it's.
You know you guys have aresponsibility to maybe right
the wrongs of incorrectmedication prescriptions.
Um, you know, is it isn't thesystem.
You know I don't want to blamethe system, but you guys have
put me on all these meds and ithasn't worked.
(34:23):
Like, you know, you haven'tdone your job, your job's not
finished yet because I'm gettingworse.
So, let's, you know, let's dosomething about this.
And again, like I said so manytimes, I'm the most willing
patient.
You will find I will doanything.
Ect, where they electric shockyour brain.
(34:46):
You know that.
You know like it's.
It's an old school um treatment, but they still use it.
They still use ECT Um, you know, if you think, um, yeah, it's
not quite.
You know they don't dolobotomies anymore, which is
great, but ECT is still heavystuff.
(35:08):
Your brain is electrocuted, butthere's great results come from
ECT.
The problem is you do get somememory deficits.
But hey, I'm getting memorydeficits now because of the
Lyrica and Pregabalin I'm on.
I'm getting memory deficitsbecause of the Climipramine that
I'm on, like I don't care, likejust, you know, I don't care,
(35:33):
just plug me in.
If you need to, if it's goingto help me long-term, plug me in
or do whatever.
You know, I don't care, changemedications, whatever.
But let's have a bit of a planand instead of just fobbing me
off and just being like, oh yeah, here's some metazapine, you
know, you know, we'll see howyou go, it's like, come on, come
(35:56):
on.
You know what more do I have todo to get proper help here?
And it's getting to the pointwhere escalation seems to be the
answer, which I do not want todo.
But I'm telling you, my BPDdemon inside is ready to go and
my frustration and anger at howI've been treated for so long
(36:19):
over the years and how that at34, even though I've been
getting treated for decades, nowthat things are getting worse
and not better, I'm starting toget really, really pissed off
about it, really pissed off.
And when I get in those sortsof moods, that's when the BPD
(36:42):
traits, I suppose, tend to cometo the fore.
And I don't know, I'm not anangry person, I'd like to think,
I'd like to think I'm measured,and you know I think things
through before I say thingsmostly, which is something I
learned from dialecticalbehavior therapy, which is for
(37:03):
BPD.
But at the same time, like you,only live once and I think I
deserve better.
That's one thing in therapythat has really clicked, which
is this idea that you know, aself-compassion, I suppose, and
a bit of love for the self.
(37:24):
And you know, for a long timethere I didn't believe that I
deserved any help and that I wasdefective and that was the way
it was.
And you know, really what Ishould do is just do the mundane
things and live within myselfand not create too much trouble,
because you know that's what Ideserved.
But I've undone that way ofthinking through lots of therapy
(37:48):
and now I believe that you knowI do, I'm a good person, I do
good things.
You know I try and help thecommunity, I try and help the
people around me.
You know I'm doing a lot ofwork in the mental health space
and what motivates me to do itis that I don't want other
people to have to go throughwhat I am going through, because
(38:13):
it's not fair and it feelsterrible, and I want all of us
to live the best lives that wecan and I think the best way we
can do that is by helping eachother.
So I am trying to do that and Ithink that's a good thing and I
think people who think likethat deserve some nice things in
(38:33):
their life as well.
You know, I don't know the theold adage of the more you put in
, the more you get out, and youknow good things should happen
to good people.
And I don't know I feel likeI'm an all right person and I
deserve a bit more.
You know I deserve my case tobe taken seriously and some
(38:55):
serious measures to be taken toensure that I can live a life
where I'm happy and I'm notthinking about, you know, death
constantly, or I'm not thinkingabout, you know, health anxiety
in general or anxiety about thefuture or the fact that I don't
have this and this and this, andeveryone around me seems to
have this, this and this, and toconstantly compare myself to
(39:19):
other people and beat myselfdown.
You know, I don't think Ideserve that.
I don't.
So that is also a big part ofwhy I'm fighting so hard to get
some results here, because youknow what I'm a good person I am
and I deserve better.
And if one of my friends I'lltell you now if one of my
(39:41):
friends or even work colleagueswas going through this and
telling me what was going on,I'll tell you what I would be
absolutely appalled and you knowlike it would just oh man, and
it's taken a long time to havethe same sort of you know to use
the mirror to mirror that backtowards me and be like hang on,
(40:05):
let's pretend I'm that friend,you know, and the same now,
thankfully, through a lot oftherapy.
The same respect is given tothe self, which is great, and
that's what, I guess, makes mesad in some ways, but pissed off
as well, because, you know, Ithink I deserve better, deserve
(40:27):
better.
So anyway, that's the storythere.
This episode is proving to be,um, quite the in-depth long look
at things.
And it's not over yet, becausethere is more news to report
about what has happened to melately.
This is very recent and thisone has really been a kick to
(40:48):
the guts.
I'm not going to lie.
So, as we know, I work at a jobwhere I work in a timber yard
and I'm a forklift operator, andI am the world's greatest
forklift operator, just puttingit out there.
But, in all seriousness, I am avery good operator, and I am
because I've been drivingforklifts for many, many years
(41:12):
now in a lot of differentenvironments, from express
freight, you know, trans ships,transport yards and now into
timber yards.
You know moving big loads andI've had like no errors.
I'm a great loader and unloaderof trucks, you know.
It's something I really takepride in.
It's one of the only thingsthat I really give myself credit
(41:34):
for um, which is being a goodforklift operator.
Uh, but unfortunately thedecision has been made at my
work to uh to uh relinquish therole of me being a forklift
operator for the time being,because of the array of
(41:55):
medications that I'm on and alsothe fact that it appears that
my mask is slipping big time atwork.
And it's quite obvious topeople that I'm struggling a lot
.
And it makes sense becauseconstantly, you know I'm
drinking pre-workout.
You know putting scoops ofpre-workout in a in a me cup and
(42:18):
drinking it, you know in frontof everyone and being like, all
right, let's go, let's do it.
You know I'm popping memedications you throughout the
day which are prescribed, andI've got to pop these
medications, like I'm allowed to.
But at the same time it doesput in a question if these meds
(42:39):
and the fact that I have to haveall this pre-workout because
I'm always so tired, you know,does this cause potential risk?
As far as me operating aforklift goes, and to be honest,
it probably does.
For the record, and this is 100%serious, I do not believe that
(43:00):
my performance or abilities onthe forklift have been altered
at all.
I am still the best I am.
I am the best.
I keep saying it because Ireally need to believe it and I
do believe it, but I've got tokeep reaffirming it.
But at the same time, I can seewhy people would be concerned
(43:25):
seeing me, you know, walkingaround, you know looking, you
know quite tired and using a lotof caffeine, a lot of coffee to
you know sort of get throughthe day and I'm popping pills
and you know, and some of thesemedications are sedative.
You know, like the quetiapine,the Seroquel is sedative,
although I'm off it now and it'sbeen replaced by metazapine, it
(43:48):
is also sedative.
Um, the chlamypramine, um issedative.
There's a lot of medicationsI'm on, um, even the lyrica, the
pregabalin, it can be sedativeas well.
Um, obviously, the stimulantmedication is at the opposite
end of the scale.
It sharpens me up and keeps mefocused and really dialed in.
(44:12):
But, on the face of things, thebusiness has a liability issue
to look at and the decision hasbeen made that, for the short to
medium term, I'm the hen, myforklift keys back and not
operate the forklift movingforward, which has been a bit of
(44:35):
a body blow.
I'm not going to lie because,like I said before, one of the
only things that I truly believeI am good at and competent at
is being a forklift operator andit is also one of the only
motivating factors I have when Igo to my work, because I've
(44:55):
said in previous episodes thatwhere I work it's in retail.
It's constant customer focusedand customer facing.
Constant customer focused andfacing customer facing.
There are multiple, multiplecustomer interactions constantly
(45:15):
throughout my shifts, which Ido find difficult.
Being someone who has autismand social anxiety disorder and
that my social capacity hasdwindled so much over time, I do
get very burnt out every shiftby just the amount of times I
(45:36):
have to talk to people and thatis difficult.
But when I jump on that forklift, I'll tell you right now it's
mindfulness.
That's a term that's used a lot, but it is mindfulness.
When I'm on that forklift I am100% focused on my task on that
forklift because I am a greatoperator.
(45:57):
I do not let things deviate myattention from what I'm doing,
because it is a dangerous roleand things can go wrong and if
they go wrong they go very wrongand I am not risking that.
So when I jump on that forkliftI am locked in and it's really
(46:19):
good for my mental healthbecause often I'm walking around
the timber yard putting stockaway by hand and stuff and I am
thinking about my future and thebig questions in life.
But when I'm on that forkliftand I'm doing that concrete wall
or I'm unloading trucks full oftimber and you know I am locked
(46:42):
in, dialed in and I do afantastic job and the fact that
now I can't do that is going tobe very hard moving forward,
especially when it comes tobeing motivated to get to work
and give it all that I can and Iwill.
I will give it everything I'vegot for sure.
I just don't have that escapewhere I can recharge quickly and
(47:06):
then go back to the customerinteractions.
So it's going to be difficult.
It's going to be difficult.
There's no real secret that I amlooking for new work.
I want to do something inmental health.
Again.
I've had this big questionshould I go back into the
(47:27):
transport industry, which I didfor many years?
I worked in transport logisticsand loved it, absolutely loved
it.
I've always thought I've had abit of unfinished business in
that industry and I'd love to goback into it and then integrate
some mental health stuff intothe industry as well.
(47:48):
Or the other option has been togo into mental health and work
for an organization doing whoknows what.
But you know, hopefullysomething to do with community
engagement would be brilliant.
But the fact that it's lookingunlikely in the short to medium
(48:09):
term that I'm going to actuallyget off these medications, that
just about cancels out anychance I have of getting back
into transport and logistics,because it's very, very unusual
to be able to work in thoseenvironments when you're on the
sedatives that I am.
But the mental health side ofthings obviously don't worry
(48:33):
about that as much, becausethat's sort of you know, part of
the territory, that's part ofthe game and that's part of the
lived experience that I wouldbring to any role.
So I think that decision, whichI've really been mulling over a
lot, has now been made for me,which is, yeah, to go into the
(48:55):
mental health thing full tilt.
But it is disappointing becauseI wanted to make the decision
myself and not have it forcedupon me like it has been.
But you know what can I say?
That's life, these thingshappen, and I can't fault my
work at all.
They've treated this reallywell.
(49:15):
They've given me some time offto have a think about things
before I get back to work nextweek, and I really, really
appreciate that.
Bunnings Warehouse has beenamazing as far as my mental
health is concerned For thealmost nine years I've been with
the business.
So I don't have a bad word tosay about the business
(49:36):
whatsoever.
I've only got good things tosay to report, especially in
regards to my mental health.
But this has been a bit of akick in the guts and it's taking
a while to come to terms withit, that's for sure.
But anyway, that's life.
You just got to cop it on thechin and you've got to move on
(49:58):
All right.
So before I finish up nice andquick, we're almost at 50
minutes.
This is another of those biggerepisodes.
I did get some feedback frompeople saying that they enjoyed
the longer episodes, so here'sone for you for sure.
Coming soon, though, is somemore intake interviews.
(50:19):
I've got some people lined upfor some interviews, which I'm
so excited including my friendwho has worked she's a social
worker and has workedextensively in the Corrections
NSW system has provided me somereally great insight into what
(50:51):
is going on and why I'm probablynot getting the help that I
feel like I should be getting.
She has some very strongtheories as to why that could be
and, to be honest, it makessense.
It's a bit again dishearteningthat's a word I've used a lot
today.
It is a bit disheartening, butshe will be amazing to interview
because she has so muchknowledge on this subject and on
(51:14):
mental health in general.
And I can't wait to get thatone uploaded, because not only
is it going to help I think, youguys, the listeners, I think
it's going to help me massivelyas well.
I've got a feeling it's goingto be one of those interviews
where I'm just sitting therelistening and learning and
jotting things down, andhopefully my sort of.
(51:35):
You know, I don't know this forsure, but I am hoping that
maybe at the end of theinterview with her we may come
up with a plan moving forward toget me the help that I need in
the system.
We'll see what happens, butshe's very knowledgeable on how
it works and she's had to gointo battle for her clients in
(52:00):
the system herself.
So you know she's a prettyhardened warrior when it comes
to these sorts of things and I'mreally excited to get her on
the show.
All right, thank you everybody.
I do appreciate it.
Thank you for listening.
As always, I don't have thegreatest news to report today,
but I promise good news iscoming and there's some episodes
(52:23):
I'm going to be doing soonabout some specific mental
health disorders and also themental health of the people that
I used to see come through thedoors as they're buying multiple
(52:54):
vodka, red Bulls and justseeing, unfortunately, in a lot
of the cases, the deteriorationof these individuals as the
night went on.
For example, I'd see peoplecome in as a relationship and
then on their way out they willhave broken up and then the next
weekend they're back in as arelationship again.
(53:14):
I saw it all.
It was amazing.
So, yeah, that'll be a funepisode to talk about, because
I've got some great stories fromthe Cambridge Hotel.
Some of it's disgusting becauseI was a glassy and that
included not just picking up theglasses, they included cleaning
up vomit and unclogging toilets.
(53:35):
But I don't want to spoil it.
That is all coming and it'sgoing to be it's.
I think it's going to be quitefunny, but at the same time it's
all true.
You know, it's all characterbuilding, so I can't wait to
bring that one to you as well.
All right, thank you forlistening.
Like I said, thank you for yoursupport.
I always appreciate it.
Feel free to message me onInstagram at elliotttwaters, and
(54:01):
also to follow the page onFacebook by searching the
Dysregulated Podcast, and youcan message me on there as well.
Very soon, the Q&A segment willbe coming too, so if you've got
some questions that you'd likeme to answer on the show, by all
(54:22):
means send them through as well.
I'll add them to my little listthat I'm building and we'll get
through them and we'll see ifwe can make sense of it together
.
All right, thanks for listening, everybody, and I'll see you
next time here on thedysregulated podcast.
You.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.