Mental Health in Limbo: Trying to Force the Issue

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Elliot explores the challenges of being stuck in a "mental health holding pattern", while waiting for professional guidance on medication changes.

• Recounting a recent visit to Mater Hospital seeking help to reset medication and establish a new baseline
• Attempting to reduce Seroquel dosage independently, resulting in disrupted sleep patterns during a week of early starts
• Using State of Origin football as a crucial psychological anchor during a difficult period
• Experiencing increasing anxiety about the future due to feeling a lack of control over treatment direction
• Feeling the early signs of depression returning as the waiting period continues
• Preview of an upcoming detailed episode reviewing hospital discharge papers and future treatment implications

For anyone experiencing similar struggles with mental health treatment limbo, remember that finding small anchors to look forward to can help break up difficult weeks while waiting for professional support.

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Follow my journey living with mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way. Lived experience is the driving force of this podcast, and through this lens, my stories are told. 
This is a raw, honest, and authentic account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulator podcast.
As always, thank you for tuningin.
So the last episode you heardfrom me, which was a little bit
ago now, although time travelsso quickly, especially when
you're constantly anxious 24-7.
But the last episode was me outthe front of the Mater Hospital

(00:33):
essentially telling you that Iwas there to beg for some sort
of help to get off thesemedications and have a reset and
see how things are reallytraveling and then to go again
from some sort of new baseline.
I think that's sort of whatthat episode was about.
As per usual, I have notlistened to it back because I
cannot stand listening to my ownvoice and also the fact that it

(00:57):
came from quite this I don'tknow high intensive period of my
sort of you know my psyche.
At that point there were a lotof motions going, there was a
lot going on.
I don't particularly, I don'tremember particularly well that
night because adrenaline'spumping and you know you sort of
try to repress these negativethings.
So I'm not exactly sure what Iwas talking about, but I'm sure

(01:20):
I was banging on about somethingto do with getting off
medication, some sort of resetto a baseline and then going
again.
Some sort of help from somebodywould be great.
Did I get the help that I wasafter?
Not quite, although, as we'llsee in the next discharge papers
when I do that episode soonerrather than later, it was quite

(01:42):
in depth, quite intensive, andthe psychiatrist up there
listened to what I had to sayand had some good things to say
back to me too, which was prettycool.
So that's the most importantthing on that front.
But the most important thingreally is that tonight is state
of origin, new South Walestaking on Queensland in the

(02:02):
first state.
No, this hasn't turned into asports podcast all of a sudden,
but in saying that, we know howimportant rugby league is and
football is to my psyche, letalone my fellow New South
Welshman on the day like todaywhich is state origin game one
against our old foes, queensland.
So it should be good.

(02:23):
And it's going to be goodbecause I've needed something
this week to look forward to,because this week I'm on the 5
AMs again.
Sleep has been pretty roughbecause I'm trying to not have
as much Seroquel as maybe Iwould have previously, because
I'm trying to get off thatmedication Rest, potentially, to
see how we go.
That's that baseline I'mtalking about.
So I've sort of tried a fewlittle things myself.

(02:44):
So I haven't been having asmuch cerical, but my sleep's
been a bit iffy as a result,which is not good when you've
got 5 am Staring down the barrelof a week of 5 am starts.
You don't want iffy sleep,especially if you have mental
health concerns, such as myself.
But it's been a very anxiousweek because of the and there's

(03:07):
been a bit going on.
So this week's been pretty hardagain, um, which again is why
there's not heaps and heaps ofepisodes flowing at the moment,
because things are sort of, youknow, sort of under wraps a
little bit because things havebeen a bit hard um.
But you need something to lookforward to.
You need something to break upthe working week and for me and
many other New South Welshmen itis state of origin football and

(03:27):
that is on tonight.
If New South Wales win All of asudden, my anxiety will be
cured and for the next couple ofdays at least, until game two
in a month's time, I will befeeling pretty good, just like
after those Newcastle Knightswon on the weekend as well.
But unfortunately orfortunately, depending on the
result.

(03:47):
Rugby league football has a bigbearing on my mental health but
, in all seriousness, althoughit does, and that is serious.
But it is very important tofind things to sort of break up
the working week.
Like I said, that goes foranybody, whether you've got
mental health concerns or not,and for me, the State of Origin
game.
This week it's Wednesday,today's hump day, so Wednesday

(04:10):
night, state of Origin, it'sgoing to be great.
Of origin it's going to begreat, win, lose or draw.
It's great because I've neededsomething to take my mind off
the last sort of week, week anda half.
You know developments and don'tget me wrong, there's not great
developments.
Nothing bad's happened.
I haven't done anything.
Well, nothing's really beendone to me, although that's part
of the problem.
But I'm still in this holdingpattern, this holding pattern

(04:33):
waiting for something or someone, some mental health
professional, to come along.
Well, not really come along andsay you know, here's the magic
pill, because it's more aboutgetting off the magic pills and
seeing what's actually working.
But it is difficult being inthis holding pattern because it
feels like my whole life is inthis holding pattern, which it
sort of is at the moment, andthat isn't very good for my mood

(04:56):
state, that's for sure.
So I'm very anxious about thefuture because I don't feel like
, at the moment, I'm in controlof my future, because I'm just
waiting for external forces todo their thing so then I can
proceed forward.
So I'm very anxious about thefuture at present because I
don't feel like I'm in controlof my own destiny, and that in
itself is a very depressingthought which can then spiral

(05:20):
into a bit of a depressiveepisode, which just quietly has
been, you know, it's just.
I can feel it on the edges ofmy my psyche.
I can feel this depressionstarting to really grab and the
talons are really starting todig in, and it's because I don't
have this.
It feels like I don't have thisability to, you know, rip the

(05:47):
talons out myself and go.
No, I'm going to do this andI'm going to do that.
It's good for my mental health.
Get the hell out of my wayBecause unfortunately at the
moment, the things that I wantto do for my mental health, I
need some mental healthprofessionals to look over it
for me so things don't go a bitout of control, which sometimes,
when I'm left to my own devices, that can happen.
But anyway, I'm rambling now.
I've got football on the mind.
I've got to go.

(06:08):
It's time to get ready for thegame.
We're two and a half hours awayfrom kickoff.
Let's go.
The mighty New South WalesBlues get a big win for Elliot,
just like his red and blueNewcastle Knights did on the
weekend.
And very, very soon the nextepisode of the discharge papers
will be coming out, and it's agood one.
It's a big one.

(06:28):
It's a very big one.
It's a long document which isreally good.
It was a great, greatpsychiatrist that I saw up at
the hospital the other night,but it's a big one as well
because it has a lot ofimplications moving forward.
So that is one not to be missed.
But anyway, I've got to go.
Kickoff's coming very soon.
Have a good one and I'll seeyou next time here on the

(06:48):
Dysregulated Podcast.
Thank you.