August 11, 2025 • 18 mins
Finally the moment has arrived, my psychiatry review at James Fletcher hospital. The opportunity to state my case as to why I believe a medication taper and withdrawal is necessary and in my best interests. Also, to explain how a hospital admission I believe would be the best option for me moving forward.
Did I achieve these goals? Uhh.....not quite. But a significant change was made, whether it works or not time will tell. But that little flicker of hope is still alight and I am still in the fight!
--
Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.
This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulated Podcast, as always.
Thank you for tuning in,alright, so the latest.
What's the latest news?
Yes, I've been to thepsychiatrist at James Fletcher
Hospital.
I've had my appointment Now,remembering my goal was to get
off, or at least start theprocess to get off medications
(00:33):
and get that moving and maybelook at an admission somewhere
like IJMU or Bloomfield out inOrange, the extended stay ward
and I can confirm that none ofthose things have happened.
I'm not even joking, none ofthose things have happened.
I'm not even joking.
None of those things haveliterally happened.
So instead I'm on a newmedication which is replacing an
(00:54):
old medication, so my netnumber of medications is still
seven.
But, yeah, no, no admission.
At this stage.
It seems to me that the reasonthat there's no admission so
much is they seem that thesewards must do their own sort of
intake sort of thing, and meseeing the psychiatrist for this
(01:15):
appointment is in a differentsort of I don't know, it's part
of the Newcastle mental healthcommunity team.
It's part of the Newcastlemental health community team,
whereas I think Ishmu does theirown thing and Bloomfield out of
Orange, they do their own thing, and it doesn't seem as though
they do much talking betweeneach other, which is, I don't
(01:36):
know, fascinating, for lack of abetter word, fascinating.
I don't understand why it's sodifficult for these different
arms to sort of talk to eachother, work together to get the
best outcomes for the individualpossible, but anyway, that's
not what seemed to have happened.
So, yeah, so I'm on a newmedication.
You're probably wondering, geezElliot, what is it?
(01:57):
You've been on every medication, surely, and I just about have
One that I haven't been onbefore, though, which is funnily
well, it's pretty common.
It's pretty common ismetazapine.
Now, metazapine is another ofthose old school antidepressants
.
I'm not going to go through thefull pharmacological info on it
(02:18):
just yet because I need to do alittle bit more reading about
it, but what I do know is thatit's a tetracyclic
antidepressant.
It has a strong affinity forhistamine receptors at lower
dosages, so that means sleep.
So if you're really on the ball, you might be sort of guessing
now what medication it'sreplacing, and it also works on
(02:43):
serotonin and norepinephrinepathways.
So what it's replaced isSeroquel, quetiapine, bumperone.
No more antipsychotic forElliot.
It's been years since I've beenoff an antipsychotic, and now I
am, which is great.
The Seroquel really, though,was only being used to treat
sleep, to help me fall asleepand with sleep latency.
(03:06):
That's something metazapinedoes quite well as well, but the
benefit, the added benefit thatI see and I think the
psychiatrist agrees, or at leastthis was what he was
postulating to me which was thatit'll help me with my sleep,
but it'll also do stuff with myneurotransmitters as well, so it
(03:27):
should hopefully have thatantidepressant, anti-anxiety
effect as well as the sleepcomponent, whereas the Seroquel,
the quetiapine, at the dosagesI was having it at, at 100
milligrams a night, was justreally working on sleep.
So there you go.
So no admission.
I did make the point prettyclear that things have been
(03:49):
pretty tough, but that didn'tseem to Well, this is what
happened, so I said I'm going togo more into this when I can.
I've been very my socialcapacity has been on empty, as
always, but very much so thelast week or two.
That's why there hasn't been apodcast episode updated for a
little bit, because I justhaven't had the energy or the
(04:11):
oomph to get it out there.
So this episode is always goingto be a little bit shorter, but
to get the sort of main pointacross.
I'm going to go into this alittle bit more detail, but here
we go.
Here's that ADHD moment again.
What was I thinking?
What was I saying?
Quick, somebody tell me whatwas I saying.
Yeah, I was making the pointclear that things have been
(04:33):
pretty difficult and I'd bewilling to go anywhere.
And I said Morissette as well.
And he sort of ummed and ahedabout Morissette.
He said, oh yeah, that could bean option, you know, but you
know they would have to lookinto that.
And there was a lot of thistalk, you know.
You know, ishmu, they wouldhave to look into your referral
Bloomfield, they would have to.
So it's a lot of they and notus.
In other words, like I said, Ithink these cogs are moving
(04:59):
quite distinct of each other.
But with the Morissette thing,he did say, oh no, but it's
usually for people, you know,with schizophrenia, you know,
who are suffering psychosis, oryou know, with manic bipolar
disorder and all this stuff.
And I was like, yeah, yeah,yeah.
I said, yeah, let me guess, letme guess, I'm too functional,
(05:19):
I'm too bloody functional, soyou don't want anything to do
with me.
That's essentially what I'vebeen told.
Yet again.
Now I hate to make this pointclearer, but it appears it's
been made pretty clear to me nowthat you've got to be right at
the edge of life itself forthese extended wards to sort of
take any notice.
So for me to get to Morissette,or even back to Ishmael, it
(05:42):
seems, or somewhere likeBloomfield, which was top
priority, which was number oneon my list, you know, you've got
to be making some noise, youknow what I mean.
You've got to be the squeakywheel, you've got to be making
threats, whether it's toyourself or, you know, other
people.
We don't want to be doing this.
Of course there's no.
(06:09):
You know, avoiding that at allcosts is important, but
unfortunately, I'd say my guessis because the system is so
stretched, especially here inNew South Wales and I've done an
episode on that previouslyabout the mental health system.
You can look that up, it's abeauty and it explains all but
I'd say because of the lack of,you know, beds available,
doctors available, etc.
Etc.
Of the lack of beds available,doctors available, et cetera, et
(06:30):
cetera.
They've got to triage thesethings in a way that is
sustainable for the system and,unfortunately, unless you're
right at the edge, you're notgoing to probably get a look in,
which is hard, because I madethis point clear too.
I said, yeah, I'mhigh-functioning autism, but
high-functioning doesn't meanI'm any further away from
disaster than any other level ofautism, for example.
(06:52):
I'm going to look this up.
I haven't looked at theresearch on this as much as I
need to to make this claim, but,from what I gather, quite often
people who are level one ordeemed high-functioning with
autism seem to be the more proneto suicidal attempts than, say,
(07:14):
a level three who could be, forexample, nonverbal or
lower-functioning theoretically.
But those with high-functioningautism, as a doctor once said
to me and I'm sure I've said onthe show before the thing with
high-functioning versuslow-functioning is often people
with low-functioning autismaren't quite aware that they
(07:35):
have the deficits, that they do.
But those who arehigh-functioning autistics, we
are very, very aware of oursocial shortcomings and the
other effects of this disability, and that causes lots of stress
, lots of anxiety and lots ofdepression.
(07:55):
Because I see it, we see itevery day.
We walk around, we haveconversations with people.
Every day.
It is reaffirmed to me, it'sreinforced, that the way I see
the world, the way that Iperceive things and my ability
to engage with, say, otherpeople, is a little bit
different than the supposednormal.
(08:15):
So this is what the point I wastrying to make to the
psychiatrist was that, although,while I'm sitting here right
now, you know I'm not suicidalas such.
That doesn't mean, though, thatjust because I'm presenting
here and able to have insightand potential, they're the two
(08:35):
words I've got to get rid of.
I'm sick to death of them,because, oh really, if you're
going to say that's good insight, yeah, I've got great insight.
So great is my insight that I'macutely aware of my
shortcomings.
Having insight in this scenariois not a good thing, and for
some reason, a lot of mentalhealth professionals don't seem
to understand that when I tellthem that that me being
(08:56):
insightful and being able toconceptualize and analyze and
explain my inner turmoil, thatdoesn't mean that I'm healthy
and that things are okay.
It doesn't, and in a lot ofways it makes things worse,
because I know exactly what'swrong and I know exactly why.
I can't seem to fix it.
(09:17):
I don't know the exact answer,but I know the rest of the story
, and that in itself is verydepressing and causes some
pretty pretty bad thoughts.
So you know, that's the point Iwas trying to stress and
unfortunately I didn't get it.
Well, no, I got my point across, but you know it wasn't taken
(09:38):
on board like I was hoping.
I was hoping to go in there andI'd have an admission somewhere.
That was my plan, or at least,at least at minimum a plan to
taper off medications, say inthe community, here at home, and
have some sort of option, somesort of way to be able to get to
(10:00):
the martyr, for example, if Ineed to.
Oh, what's this computer doing?
No, go away.
Sorry, everybody, my computer'sjust flipping out on me, so I'm
not sure if there'll be alittle break in the recording
there, but if so, ignore it,let's continue on Now.
Thanks, computer.
Now I've forgotten what I wassaying.
What was I saying?
Anyway?
(10:21):
I don't know, but all I know isyeah.
So I went in there trying toget X, y, z and I didn't really
achieve any of it.
But I am on a new medication,metazepine, which, look, I'll be
honest, there's people in myfamily, or one person in my
family who's on metazepine.
It works for them quite well.
So maybe there's a genetic sortof link here and it'll help.
(10:43):
That would be good.
It is a medication I haven'ttrialed before.
It is a medication that isindicated for depression and
anxiety, so that's good.
It does increase appetite,which ordinarily isn't good for
people, but because I'm on thestimulant medication, vivance
dexamphetamine, that's actuallya good thing.
(11:06):
So I'll be eating, which isgood, because when I don't eat I
get irritable and anxious andthe spiral happens.
So if I'm eating consistentlybecause this medication, that in
itself is a good thing.
What I have read, briefly, likeI said, I'm going to do more
reading on this sort of stuffand present the evidence as I
find it to you guys as soon as Ican.
(11:28):
But as far as I understand, onething metazepine does a lot
better than Seroquel is itdoesn't interrupt a person's
sleep architecture.
So you know the amount of timein REM sleep and you know all
the different stages of sleepand stuff.
Supposedly and some sourcesthat I read actually said
metazapine can improve sleeparchitecture, which would be
(11:51):
good because I always wake updead tired.
So I'm hoping that maybe thatwill be some sort of improvement
as well.
But yeah, that's the story.
So I went to hospital.
I went in there, I was ready togo.
I'll tell you what it's funnygoing into a like it's a
hospital, but you know there'sno emergency ward anymore,
(12:13):
there's no like real wards oranything, mostly at James
Fletcher it's more the adminside of the mental health team
is there, but they do havepsychiatrists there for people
to have appointments and it'sjust so amazing how the you know
, the waiting rooms are so muchcolder in these places in the
public system.
Everything's just so muchcolder and I don't know if it's
(12:36):
the color scheme or what it is,but it is and it just has that
feeling to it.
It's just too sanitized.
I don't know, I don't like it,I don't like it, but anyway.
So that's the story, that's thelatest.
I didn't get really anythingthat I wanted, but I did get on
a new medication.
Thankfully it has replaced anold one, which is good, but at
(13:00):
this stage there's no real plansto get off these meds.
That's sort of been.
You know that idea is not quitedead and buried, but pretty
close to it.
So you know, and he didn't seem, my doctor didn't seem too
concerned with the number ofmedications that I'm on, didn't
seem too concerned with thetypes of medications that I'm on
and the dependency that I wouldsurely have to plenty of them
(13:24):
right now, there wasn't, youknow, too much of a concern.
I think part of it too isbecause you look at all of my
disorders and everything that'sgoing on and the complexities
and everything, he's probablythinking holy dooly, this guy's
got a lot going on under the lidand obviously he's seen a lot
of doctors, and a lot of doctorshave come to the conclusion
that this guy needs lots of medsto sort of stay on the straight
(13:46):
and narrow, because, remember,this is the first time I've met
this doctor that doesn't know meother than reading my case
notes leading into it, and he'dbe reading those notes going
holy dooly, what's this guygoing to be like?
And of course, I come in andyou know, mr Insightful, with
all this potential and yeah, soI'd say he's thinking I don't
(14:07):
want to rock the boat too muchand start taking him off
everything, because I don't knowthis patient very well.
For starters, I don't have abit of an idea of what the
reaction to that could be.
So let's just keep things sortof going as they are.
But obviously there's room forimprovement.
So let's tweak a medicationhere or there.
Improvements so let's tweak amedication here or there.
(14:30):
So this means, though what thisessentially means is that my
dream, or my dreams of returningto the transport industry
they're not over, becauseobviously I can work in the
office and be an ops manager orsupervisor or whatever if I was
to get a position doing that.
But to go back into thetransport industry, I wanted to
really build up my credentialsbefore I led a team again, and
that included driving a truckagain and with the medications
(14:53):
that I'm on although Seroquelwas the one right at the top of
the list that would have stoppedme most likely from getting a
job being able to be a heavyvehicle operator again because
of how sedative it is metazepineis you know, it's sort of the
same deal, it's the same thing.
It's going to show up.
Clomipepine is you know, it'ssort of the same deal, it's the
same thing that's going to showup.
Climipramine is another one,pregabalin as well.
The stimulants aren't so badbecause you can get doctor's
(15:14):
certificates for them, but it'sthe ones that cause potential
sedation.
They're the issue, you know theones that on the box of my
medications there's a stickerthat says unless you know how
this medication affects you, donot operate machinery.
You know it's those medicationsand unfortunately I'm still on
them and that's part of thereason why, of course, I wanted
(15:36):
to get off.
Them was to potentially go backinto the transport industry and
make my name there.
But I've been toing and froingbetween these thoughts about
transport industry versus themental health community
engagement side of things.
I think now this has made thedecision a lot clearer.
I think I'm going to go fulltilt into the mental health
(15:58):
stuff now.
Maybe one day I can revisittransport, which would be nice.
Maybe one day I'll have theability to do some research in
the transport industry andcombine that with mental health,
my mental health advocacy aswell, which I always wanted to
do and will want to do.
So who knows, maybe down thetrack I'll still be able to
(16:18):
combine the best of both worlds.
But at this stage it appearsthat the smart idea would be now
to look at the mental healthside of things full tilt,
because I think transport for atleast the short to medium term,
at least the way I wanted to doit, is off the table,
unfortunately.
So there you go.
So that's the story no hospitaladmission, no tapering plan of
(16:43):
medications, yes, anintroduction of a new medication
, metazepine, and the withdrawalof quetiapine.
So something has, because Ineeded a change.
At least Something had tohappen.
Like, come on, you know, andI'll be honest with you going on
, metazapine makes sense andI've always been a little bit
(17:03):
not confused.
But I've always wondered why,you know, for all the
medications I've had, why thatisn't one that I've tried
previously.
But now I can say that I have.
So starting titrating it slowly.
You know, with a lot of theseantidepressants it takes a
couple of weeks to start workingcompletely.
So I can't report yet on theefficacy of the medication, but
(17:27):
I'm giving it a go.
There's a bit of hope again,because I am hopeful that this
medication all I want to do isdial back the anxiety just
enough and those obsessive,constant thoughts just enough
that my psychology work, that'sme being a client, that is, my
psychology interventions on theself can then take hold.
(17:51):
Because it's still the samestory.
Psychology for me is the wayforward, that's the one that's
going to get me the life worthliving.
But I need to pare back theseother mental health complaints,
which the cognitive obsessivethinking and all that sort of
stuff.
You know.
I need to pull that back a bitso the psychology can do its
(18:14):
thing, and that's the plan, andI'm hopeful that maybe
metazopaine is going to do thejob.
All right, thank you everybody.
Thank you for listening andI'll see you here next time on
the DISS Regulator Podcast.
Regulated podcast.
G'day everybody.
My name is Elliot Waters andyou're listening to the
Dysregulated Podcast, as always.
Thank you for tuning in,alright, so the latest.
What's the latest news?
Yes, I've been to thepsychiatrist at James Fletcher
Hospital.
I've had my appointment Now,remembering my goal was to get
off, or at least start theprocess to get off medications
(00:33):
and get that moving and maybelook at an admission somewhere
like IJMU or Bloomfield out inOrange, the extended stay ward
and I can confirm that none ofthose things have happened.
I'm not even joking, none ofthose things have happened.
I'm not even joking.
None of those things haveliterally happened.
So instead I'm on a newmedication which is replacing an
(00:54):
old medication, so my netnumber of medications is still
seven.
But, yeah, no, no admission.
At this stage.
It seems to me that the reasonthat there's no admission so
much is they seem that thesewards must do their own sort of
intake sort of thing, and meseeing the psychiatrist for this
(01:15):
appointment is in a differentsort of I don't know, it's part
of the Newcastle mental healthcommunity team.
It's part of the Newcastlemental health community team,
whereas I think Ishmu does theirown thing and Bloomfield out of
Orange, they do their own thing, and it doesn't seem as though
they do much talking betweeneach other, which is, I don't
(01:36):
know, fascinating, for lack of abetter word, fascinating.
I don't understand why it's sodifficult for these different
arms to sort of talk to eachother, work together to get the
best outcomes for the individualpossible, but anyway, that's
not what seemed to have happened.
So, yeah, so I'm on a newmedication.
You're probably wondering, geezElliot, what is it?
(01:57):
You've been on every medication, surely, and I just about have
One that I haven't been onbefore, though, which is funnily
well, it's pretty common.
It's pretty common ismetazapine.
Now, metazapine is another ofthose old school antidepressants
.
I'm not going to go through thefull pharmacological info on it
(02:18):
just yet because I need to do alittle bit more reading about
it, but what I do know is thatit's a tetracyclic
antidepressant.
It has a strong affinity forhistamine receptors at lower
dosages, so that means sleep.
So if you're really on the ball, you might be sort of guessing
now what medication it'sreplacing, and it also works on
(02:43):
serotonin and norepinephrinepathways.
So what it's replaced isSeroquel, quetiapine, bumperone.
No more antipsychotic forElliot.
It's been years since I've beenoff an antipsychotic, and now I
am, which is great.
The Seroquel really, though,was only being used to treat
sleep, to help me fall asleepand with sleep latency.
(03:06):
That's something metazapinedoes quite well as well, but the
benefit, the added benefit thatI see and I think the
psychiatrist agrees, or at leastthis was what he was
postulating to me which was thatit'll help me with my sleep,
but it'll also do stuff with myneurotransmitters as well, so it
(03:27):
should hopefully have thatantidepressant, anti-anxiety
effect as well as the sleepcomponent, whereas the Seroquel,
the quetiapine, at the dosagesI was having it at, at 100
milligrams a night, was justreally working on sleep.
So there you go.
So no admission.
I did make the point prettyclear that things have been
(03:49):
pretty tough, but that didn'tseem to Well, this is what
happened, so I said I'm going togo more into this when I can.
I've been very my socialcapacity has been on empty, as
always, but very much so thelast week or two.
That's why there hasn't been apodcast episode updated for a
little bit, because I justhaven't had the energy or the
(04:11):
oomph to get it out there.
So this episode is always goingto be a little bit shorter, but
to get the sort of main pointacross.
I'm going to go into this alittle bit more detail, but here
we go.
Here's that ADHD moment again.
What was I thinking?
What was I saying?
Quick, somebody tell me whatwas I saying.
Yeah, I was making the pointclear that things have been
(04:33):
pretty difficult and I'd bewilling to go anywhere.
And I said Morissette as well.
And he sort of ummed and ahedabout Morissette.
He said, oh yeah, that could bean option, you know, but you
know they would have to lookinto that.
And there was a lot of thistalk, you know.
You know, ishmu, they wouldhave to look into your referral
Bloomfield, they would have to.
So it's a lot of they and notus.
In other words, like I said, Ithink these cogs are moving
(04:59):
quite distinct of each other.
But with the Morissette thing,he did say, oh no, but it's
usually for people, you know,with schizophrenia, you know,
who are suffering psychosis, oryou know, with manic bipolar
disorder and all this stuff.
And I was like, yeah, yeah,yeah.
I said, yeah, let me guess, letme guess, I'm too functional,
(05:19):
I'm too bloody functional, soyou don't want anything to do
with me.
That's essentially what I'vebeen told.
Yet again.
Now I hate to make this pointclearer, but it appears it's
been made pretty clear to me nowthat you've got to be right at
the edge of life itself forthese extended wards to sort of
take any notice.
So for me to get to Morissette,or even back to Ishmael, it
(05:42):
seems, or somewhere likeBloomfield, which was top
priority, which was number oneon my list, you know, you've got
to be making some noise, youknow what I mean.
You've got to be the squeakywheel, you've got to be making
threats, whether it's toyourself or, you know, other
people.
We don't want to be doing this.
Of course there's no.
(06:09):
You know, avoiding that at allcosts is important, but
unfortunately, I'd say my guessis because the system is so
stretched, especially here inNew South Wales and I've done an
episode on that previouslyabout the mental health system.
You can look that up, it's abeauty and it explains all but
I'd say because of the lack of,you know, beds available,
doctors available, etc.
Etc.
Of the lack of beds available,doctors available, et cetera, et
(06:30):
cetera.
They've got to triage thesethings in a way that is
sustainable for the system and,unfortunately, unless you're
right at the edge, you're notgoing to probably get a look in,
which is hard, because I madethis point clear too.
I said, yeah, I'mhigh-functioning autism, but
high-functioning doesn't meanI'm any further away from
disaster than any other level ofautism, for example.
(06:52):
I'm going to look this up.
I haven't looked at theresearch on this as much as I
need to to make this claim, but,from what I gather, quite often
people who are level one ordeemed high-functioning with
autism seem to be the more proneto suicidal attempts than, say,
(07:14):
a level three who could be, forexample, nonverbal or
lower-functioning theoretically.
But those with high-functioningautism, as a doctor once said
to me and I'm sure I've said onthe show before the thing with
high-functioning versuslow-functioning is often people
with low-functioning autismaren't quite aware that they
(07:35):
have the deficits, that they do.
But those who arehigh-functioning autistics, we
are very, very aware of oursocial shortcomings and the
other effects of this disability, and that causes lots of stress
, lots of anxiety and lots ofdepression.
(07:55):
Because I see it, we see itevery day.
We walk around, we haveconversations with people.
Every day.
It is reaffirmed to me, it'sreinforced, that the way I see
the world, the way that Iperceive things and my ability
to engage with, say, otherpeople, is a little bit
different than the supposednormal.
(08:15):
So this is what the point I wastrying to make to the
psychiatrist was that, although,while I'm sitting here right
now, you know I'm not suicidalas such.
That doesn't mean, though, thatjust because I'm presenting
here and able to have insightand potential, they're the two
(08:35):
words I've got to get rid of.
I'm sick to death of them,because, oh really, if you're
going to say that's good insight, yeah, I've got great insight.
So great is my insight that I'macutely aware of my
shortcomings.
Having insight in this scenariois not a good thing, and for
some reason, a lot of mentalhealth professionals don't seem
to understand that when I tellthem that that me being
(08:56):
insightful and being able toconceptualize and analyze and
explain my inner turmoil, thatdoesn't mean that I'm healthy
and that things are okay.
It doesn't, and in a lot ofways it makes things worse,
because I know exactly what'swrong and I know exactly why.
I can't seem to fix it.
(09:17):
I don't know the exact answer,but I know the rest of the story
, and that in itself is verydepressing and causes some
pretty pretty bad thoughts.
So you know, that's the point Iwas trying to stress and
unfortunately I didn't get it.
Well, no, I got my point across, but you know it wasn't taken
(09:38):
on board like I was hoping.
I was hoping to go in there andI'd have an admission somewhere.
That was my plan, or at least,at least at minimum a plan to
taper off medications, say inthe community, here at home, and
have some sort of option, somesort of way to be able to get to
(10:00):
the martyr, for example, if Ineed to.
Oh, what's this computer doing?
No, go away.
Sorry, everybody, my computer'sjust flipping out on me, so I'm
not sure if there'll be alittle break in the recording
there, but if so, ignore it,let's continue on Now.
Thanks, computer.
Now I've forgotten what I wassaying.
What was I saying?
Anyway?
(10:21):
I don't know, but all I know isyeah.
So I went in there trying toget X, y, z and I didn't really
achieve any of it.
But I am on a new medication,metazepine, which, look, I'll be
honest, there's people in myfamily, or one person in my
family who's on metazepine.
It works for them quite well.
So maybe there's a genetic sortof link here and it'll help.
(10:43):
That would be good.
It is a medication I haven'ttrialed before.
It is a medication that isindicated for depression and
anxiety, so that's good.
It does increase appetite,which ordinarily isn't good for
people, but because I'm on thestimulant medication, vivance
dexamphetamine, that's actuallya good thing.
(11:06):
So I'll be eating, which isgood, because when I don't eat I
get irritable and anxious andthe spiral happens.
So if I'm eating consistentlybecause this medication, that in
itself is a good thing.
What I have read, briefly, likeI said, I'm going to do more
reading on this sort of stuffand present the evidence as I
find it to you guys as soon as Ican.
(11:28):
But as far as I understand, onething metazepine does a lot
better than Seroquel is itdoesn't interrupt a person's
sleep architecture.
So you know the amount of timein REM sleep and you know all
the different stages of sleepand stuff.
Supposedly and some sourcesthat I read actually said
metazapine can improve sleeparchitecture, which would be
(11:51):
good because I always wake updead tired.
So I'm hoping that maybe thatwill be some sort of improvement
as well.
But yeah, that's the story.
So I went to hospital.
I went in there, I was ready togo.
I'll tell you what it's funnygoing into a like it's a
hospital, but you know there'sno emergency ward anymore,
(12:13):
there's no like real wards oranything, mostly at James
Fletcher it's more the adminside of the mental health team
is there, but they do havepsychiatrists there for people
to have appointments and it'sjust so amazing how the you know
, the waiting rooms are so muchcolder in these places in the
public system.
Everything's just so muchcolder and I don't know if it's
(12:36):
the color scheme or what it is,but it is and it just has that
feeling to it.
It's just too sanitized.
I don't know, I don't like it,I don't like it, but anyway.
So that's the story, that's thelatest.
I didn't get really anythingthat I wanted, but I did get on
a new medication.
Thankfully it has replaced anold one, which is good, but at
(13:00):
this stage there's no real plansto get off these meds.
That's sort of been.
You know that idea is not quitedead and buried, but pretty
close to it.
So you know, and he didn't seem, my doctor didn't seem too
concerned with the number ofmedications that I'm on, didn't
seem too concerned with thetypes of medications that I'm on
and the dependency that I wouldsurely have to plenty of them
(13:24):
right now, there wasn't, youknow, too much of a concern.
I think part of it too isbecause you look at all of my
disorders and everything that'sgoing on and the complexities
and everything, he's probablythinking holy dooly, this guy's
got a lot going on under the lidand obviously he's seen a lot
of doctors, and a lot of doctorshave come to the conclusion
that this guy needs lots of medsto sort of stay on the straight
(13:46):
and narrow, because, remember,this is the first time I've met
this doctor that doesn't know meother than reading my case
notes leading into it, and he'dbe reading those notes going
holy dooly, what's this guygoing to be like?
And of course, I come in andyou know, mr Insightful, with
all this potential and yeah, soI'd say he's thinking I don't
(14:07):
want to rock the boat too muchand start taking him off
everything, because I don't knowthis patient very well.
For starters, I don't have abit of an idea of what the
reaction to that could be.
So let's just keep things sortof going as they are.
But obviously there's room forimprovement.
So let's tweak a medicationhere or there.
Improvements so let's tweak amedication here or there.
(14:30):
So this means, though what thisessentially means is that my
dream, or my dreams of returningto the transport industry
they're not over, becauseobviously I can work in the
office and be an ops manager orsupervisor or whatever if I was
to get a position doing that.
But to go back into thetransport industry, I wanted to
really build up my credentialsbefore I led a team again, and
that included driving a truckagain and with the medications
(14:53):
that I'm on although Seroquelwas the one right at the top of
the list that would have stoppedme most likely from getting a
job being able to be a heavyvehicle operator again because
of how sedative it is metazepineis you know, it's sort of the
same deal, it's the same thing.
It's going to show up.
Clomipepine is you know, it'ssort of the same deal, it's the
same thing that's going to showup.
Climipramine is another one,pregabalin as well.
The stimulants aren't so badbecause you can get doctor's
(15:14):
certificates for them, but it'sthe ones that cause potential
sedation.
They're the issue, you know theones that on the box of my
medications there's a stickerthat says unless you know how
this medication affects you, donot operate machinery.
You know it's those medicationsand unfortunately I'm still on
them and that's part of thereason why, of course, I wanted
(15:36):
to get off.
Them was to potentially go backinto the transport industry and
make my name there.
But I've been toing and froingbetween these thoughts about
transport industry versus themental health community
engagement side of things.
I think now this has made thedecision a lot clearer.
I think I'm going to go fulltilt into the mental health
(15:58):
stuff now.
Maybe one day I can revisittransport, which would be nice.
Maybe one day I'll have theability to do some research in
the transport industry andcombine that with mental health,
my mental health advocacy aswell, which I always wanted to
do and will want to do.
So who knows, maybe down thetrack I'll still be able to
(16:18):
combine the best of both worlds.
But at this stage it appearsthat the smart idea would be now
to look at the mental healthside of things full tilt,
because I think transport for atleast the short to medium term,
at least the way I wanted to doit, is off the table,
unfortunately.
So there you go.
So that's the story no hospitaladmission, no tapering plan of
(16:43):
medications, yes, anintroduction of a new medication
, metazepine, and the withdrawalof quetiapine.
So something has, because Ineeded a change.
At least Something had tohappen.
Like, come on, you know, andI'll be honest with you going on
, metazapine makes sense andI've always been a little bit
(17:03):
not confused.
But I've always wondered why,you know, for all the
medications I've had, why thatisn't one that I've tried
previously.
But now I can say that I have.
So starting titrating it slowly.
You know, with a lot of theseantidepressants it takes a
couple of weeks to start workingcompletely.
So I can't report yet on theefficacy of the medication, but
(17:27):
I'm giving it a go.
There's a bit of hope again,because I am hopeful that this
medication all I want to do isdial back the anxiety just
enough and those obsessive,constant thoughts just enough
that my psychology work, that'sme being a client, that is, my
psychology interventions on theself can then take hold.
(17:51):
Because it's still the samestory.
Psychology for me is the wayforward, that's the one that's
going to get me the life worthliving.
But I need to pare back theseother mental health complaints,
which the cognitive obsessivethinking and all that sort of
stuff.
You know.
I need to pull that back a bitso the psychology can do its
(18:14):
thing, and that's the plan, andI'm hopeful that maybe
metazopaine is going to do thejob.
All right, thank you everybody.
Thank you for listening andI'll see you here next time on
the DISS Regulator Podcast.
Regulated podcast.
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