February 10, 2025 • 38 mins
This episode explores the vital role of discomfort in entrepreneurship, highlighting how embracing the uncomfortable can often lead to growth and connection. Amber, a success architect, shares her journey from a safe corporate life to an entrepreneurial path filled with learning and relationships, encouraging listeners to confront their fears and recognize that everyone experiences uncertainty.
• Understanding discomfort as a sign of growth
• The biological basis behind safety mechanisms
• Importance of challenging perceptions about security
• Real-life examples of embracing risks in personal journeys
• Building genuine connections in a "trust recession"
• Practical strategies for reaching out and supporting others
• Recognizing the commonality of discomfort in every entrepreneurial journey
This episode is NOT sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.
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This episode is NOT sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links, meaning we'll receive a small commission if you buy something.
===========================
⚡️PODCAST: Subscribe to our podcast here ➡ https://elevatemedia.buzzsprout.com/
⚡️Need post-recording video production help? Let's chat ➡ https://calendly.com/elevate-media-group/application
⚡️For Support inquires or Business inquiries, please email us at ➡︎ support@elevate-media-group.com
Our mission here at Elevate Media is to help purpose-driven entrepreneurs elevate their brands and make an impact through the power of video podcasting.
Disclaimer: Please see the link for our disclaimer policy for all our episodes or videos on the Elevate Media and Elevate Media Podcast YouTube channels. https://elevatemediastudios.com/disclaimer
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Elevate Media podcast with your
host, chris Anderson.
In this show, chris and hisguests will share their
knowledge and experience on howto go from zero to successful
entrepreneur.
They have built theirbusinesses from scratch and are
now ready to give back to thosewho are just starting.
Let's get ready to learn, growand elevate our businesses.
And now your host, chrisAnderson.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome back to another recording of the Elevate
Media Podcast.
I'm Chris Anderson, your hostand all of those out there
listening.
You're on your journey to builda successful business.
Some of you still have yournine to five job and you might
be feeling a little you knowsomething in the background Like
am I doing the right thing?
(00:45):
Why is this so hard?
Why do I feel uncomfortablesometimes?
And that's what we're going totalk about today.
We're going to be talking aboutthe uncomfortableness of
entrepreneurship and how that'sokay and how that can be
indicators that you're on theright path to success.
And so we're bringing on anexpert in her field today.
She's a recovering attorney, anauthor, a speaker, a success
(01:08):
architect and podcaster.
She's out of Las Vegas.
You're gonna have to look herup after the show and find out
more about her, because she'sdone so much amazing things and
helping a lot of people.
But, amber, welcome to the showtoday.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Thank you so much for having me, and this happens so
often, I don't know why, whereyou're just about to talk and
then you feel like you're goingto get the biggest sneeze attack
of your life.
So forgive me if that comes out, but if we're talking about
imperfection anduncomfortableness, there is
nothing more uncomfortable thandoing everything you can to hold
in a sneeze while somebody'sdoing your intro, so they don't
(01:44):
have to redo it.
So I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Well, hey, we're grateful for you to be here.
And you know that's life right,that's part of you know,
building a business, having alife in general.
You just can't controleverything and you just kind of
roll with the punches or thesneezes, I guess.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Or the sneezes.
Sometimes they feel likepunches.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Right, the punches or the sneezes, I guess.
Or the sneezes.
Sometimes they feel likepunches, right, absolutely.
And a lot of things as we'rebuilding businesses can feel
like punches, you know, and thatuncomfortableness that comes
with those.
You know why do you?
We're going to dive right intoit.
You know why is beinguncomfortable Okay, why is
taking those punches kind of agood thing sometimes, in your
opinion?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, so I'm going to go back, so I'm going to give
you the scientific answer andthen we can dig into my story if
you want.
There was a study done a whileback I can't remember where it
was from that talked about ourresponse to stress, our fight,
flight or freeze responses, andbiologically, we have warning
(02:48):
systems in our body that aremeant to protect us from danger,
and that danger, when we wereevolving, was life-threatening
things that were literallytrying to kill us.
Right?
And as society has become safer, and as society has become
safer, we no longer have toworry about the fight, flight,
(03:08):
I'm sorry we no longer have toworry about, like the
saber-toothed tiger that'soutside of our cave.
Our biological responses andour stress responses are still
the same.
So our brain is designed tokeep us safe.
We have this part of our mindcalled the unconscious mind, or
subconscious mind, as somepeople call it, that is designed
(03:29):
to keep us safe and when itdoesn't know what a situation is
going to look like, it says Iknow that this situation that
we're in right now might not begreat, it might not be what we
want to be doing, but I know howto protect you here when we
step outside of that.
Our brain says I don't knowwhat it looks like on the other
(03:50):
side of this wall and I don'tknow how to protect you there,
so your fight, flight or freezeresponse kicks in.
One of my absolute favoritequotes that used to live on my
wall, because if you walk in myhouse it looks like a bachelor
pad, a college bachelor pad.
I've got shit written on thewall.
It's a beautiful mind style andone of my favorite quotes is
(04:14):
don't give up your peace,because chaos is comfortable.
So often what happens is we sayI want to make a million dollars
, but I don't know what it feelslike to not be broke.
I don't know what it feels liketo have money.
I want to be in a relationshipwith somebody, but I don't know
what it feels like to besupported.
I know what it feels like to bealone and to rely on myself all
(04:36):
the time.
I want to start a new business,but I don't know what it feels
like to be in control of that.
I don't know what it looks like.
So our brain says know what itfeels like to be in control of
that.
I don't know what it looks like.
So our brain says let me tellyou all the reasons that this
could fail.
And then we're going to kick inthat biological response that
you either run from it, youfreeze and do nothing, or that
fight comes up and then you'reaggressive and standoffish.
(04:59):
Right, because to ourunconscious mind, danger is
danger, right, you know, youjust have that big flash of
danger, will Robinson, right?
So it's a safety mechanism forour brain to keep us safe, and
the more that we can challengethat and the more that we can
(05:20):
show our unconscious mind thatwe can trust ourselves to
protect ourselves in situations,the more that we can love that
part of us that is trying tokeep us safe and acknowledge
that a lot of the things it'stelling us are complete bullshit
, the more that we can reach outand try new things which is why
(05:40):
I titled the book Break yourBull, your bullshit box, because
that's really what it is is asafety container where all of
the things that are meant tokeep us safe live and we get to
say I hear you, I love you andappreciate you for attempting to
keep me safe, and this is howwe're going to do it anyways
(06:01):
yeah, and I think that's that'sa good thing, because you know
you hear obstacles away, youknow everything you want is on
the other side of fear, all that, all those kinds of uh, those
sayings, and I think it's true alot of the times.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Obviously, there there are moments where, um, you
have to heed to those responses.
But I think, more or less inbusiness, I find more benefit of
of going through thoseuncomfortable situations, even
if they don't pan out as Ithought they would.
Um, because I learned so muchfrom it or I meet so many people
(06:35):
through it.
Um, and I think that's that'sthe beauty of it as well,
because I heard you know, earlyon, new levels, new dev.
Because I heard you know earlyon new levels, new devils.
So, as you're, you know,succeeding as you're growing,
there's just going to bedifferent hard things that you
have to go through andaccomplish, and so that never
changes.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
No, and I wish, like I wish, I could be the type of
person that would come on yourshow and say I have never
questioned being a businessowner or an entrepreneur.
But those people are lyingright there.
There have been, I meansometimes like three or four
times a day.
My God, can I just get abartending application and go
(07:16):
work?
I mean, I'm in Vegas, I can makea ton of money bartending, and
that's how I worked my waythrough law school, so I got it
covered.
It's like riding a bike.
And then I think what am Igoing to do on a Saturday
afternoon when I want to gonetworking, or I want to go
travel, or there's a conferenceI want to go to and I have to be
working right?
So pick my hard pick.
My problem is, I would ratherpush through the struggles that
(07:40):
come along with business ownerand entrepreneurship, then let
my schedule ever be controlledby another human being.
It's not for everybody, though.
Some people would rather pickthe nine to five.
I just encourage you to thinkabout the purpose of picking
that, because a lot of people Imean I stayed in a nine to five
for a long time because it wassafe.
(08:03):
Right, but it's a perception ofsafety.
I think, COVID showed us thatthere are no unimpenetrable
businesses that you're subjectto being laid off at any point
in time, so you might as well bein control of what you're doing
with your time, how you'redoing it, and this idea of let
(08:25):
me go work for somebody elsebecause it's safer is a fake
safe.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, and I was just on a podcast the other day as a
guest and we got onto this topic.
I said, you know, I realizedwhen I was in my nine to five,
like nothing is safe.
Like you, you think your job issafe, but and just the same
thing, like COVID really showedthat to a lot of people that
it's not true.
Like you could be laid off,fired in an instant, you could
(08:49):
die unexpectedly.
Then that's what led me toentrepreneurship is people in my
life close to me unexpectedlypass away and people I knew.
And so, like I had to think,like you know, like it's going
to be hard in a nine to five,because you know I can only make
so much as an athletic trainer.
Like you know my hours aregoing to be spent doing this for
someone else or I.
(09:09):
Could, you know, take that riskon me and have the the hard be
not knowing what in the worldI'm doing, starting a business,
how to do it, how it's going tohappen, but be able to set my
schedule and grow.
And no, no ceilings, no limbsfor me, probably because I'm
super stubborn and when peopletell me I can't do something,
I'm like I'll show you, I'll doit anyway.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So but yeah, I think you have to understand yourself
because you know business isgreat, amazing.
Businesses can't succeedwithout those people in the nine
to five positions who bringtheir talents and skills, who
just can't.
They're not as risk tolerant, Iguess we could say versus
others, but they play such animpactful part.
You just have to understandwhere you fit, like, what life
(09:56):
you want.
Where does that fit?
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
And I think that a lot of businesses are getting
better at acknowledging that andmaking a nine to five feel more
like a business ownershipopportunity.
Right, when I work withcorporations in doing team
leadership activities and thingsto that effect, oftentimes I'll
have some of the leaders cometo me and say I want to
restructure our benefits package.
(10:20):
What would you suggest that?
I add, and I'm like I don'twork for you, like ask the
people who work for you whatthey want.
Like have you asked them?
And they're like well, no, Iwant to do like these massage
packages and maybe you know,some extra time off packages,
and I'm like that all soundsgreat, but I bet if you pulled
them, all they want is theability to make their own
(10:41):
schedule.
So you're spending all of thismoney on all of these extra
things that they're not going towant, that they don't use, that
they don't have time to use,because you've got them working
40 hours a week in a officethat's unnecessary, when what
they want is to feel trusted andin control of their own
schedule and appreciated andrelied upon for their job.
So think of ways that you cando that for your people and I
(11:04):
feel like with and this is oneof the things I love about the
millennial and the Gen Zenvironment is, you know, the
older millennials, gen Xers,boomers, are like man.
Those people don't know how towork.
No, they do.
They just work different, right?
They don't subscribe to thesame bullshit that we were
raised on, which is you're goingto do whatever it is to get the
(11:27):
job done.
You're going to work as long asit takes to get it done.
Instead, they're like I'm goingto work as long as you're
paying me to get it done, andthen whatever doesn't get done
is your responsibility.
There's so many business ownersthat are like I can't believe
you'd be like that.
Well, I can't believe that youwouldn't pay your people.
So we got different issues,right.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I want to jump back just a little bit to this, to
this comfort zone conversation,though, because I think that
it's so important and I justwant to share that.
My my journey really startedwith getting uncomfortable.
Before I ever thought aboutbeing a business owner, I was
struggling with panic attacks.
I was struggling with anxietyattacks because I had built my
perfect life.
(12:12):
I had the six-figure income, Ihad the law degree, I had
everything that was supposed tomake my life better, and when it
didn't, I started sufferingfrom panic attacks and anxiety
attacks and somehow, through theperfect storm of circumstances,
I got invited to workouts inthe park, which led to obstacle
course racing, which led to24-hour Tough Mudders and
(12:36):
pushing myself farther than Iever thought I could, both
physically and mentally.
All of this was going on in2016 into 2017.
It was the end of 2017 that Imade the decision to open my own
business, and a lot of thatcame from this physical fitness
that I had been doing.
I told myself I'm not anathlete, and then I just ran an
(13:00):
equivalent of a marathon in a24-hour period, with obstacles,
in the mud, without sleeping.
I had done 24 Tough Mudders atthat point in time, and you
start thinking what else am Ilying to myself about?
So I wanted to give, like thispractical piece of advice, that
we have a phrase in the ToughMudder community of when was the
(13:20):
last time you did something forthe first time?
And I kind of want your peopleto sit in that for a minute.
If you're listening to this showand you're thinking, what do I
do to start getting comfortablebeing uncomfortable, think about
something that you can dothat's new every single day.
Is it a sales call?
Is it going on a solo date withyourself?
(13:41):
Is it going and eating dinneror lunch in a restaurant alone
when maybe you've beenuncomfortable being alone in
places?
Is it going and eating dinneror lunch in a restaurant alone
when maybe you've beenuncomfortable being alone in
places?
Is it?
I mean, I stopped my car in themiddle of the road yesterday at
a stoplight and went and knockedon somebody's window to tell
them their gas tank was open.
There were a hundred other carson the road and everybody saw
it.
Nobody was willing to get outof their car.
That was a new thing for me.
(14:01):
Do you think I wasn'tself-conscious about?
What are people thinking about?
This crazy woman that's walkingdown the middle of a busy
street at a red light.
But those things likeintroducing yourself to somebody
at a grocery store, going to anetworking event, doing a new
workout at the gym, whatever itis pick one thing that is new
for you, that you've never donebefore, and push through the
(14:24):
uncomfortable of it and you'llstart to really to realize and
to train your brain that itdoesn't have to be afraid of
things that are new.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, I love that.
I think that's a great thingthat we can start implementing
is like, what's one little thingdifferent today?
Maybe send a message you knowto someone that you would want
to connect with for whateverreason, podcast business, all
that, you know.
I like that.
I like the solo thing going out.
Can you go just sit by yourselfand eat and fight through that
awkwardness a little bit.
(14:53):
At first it's funny.
I went to Niagara Falls when Iwas in college on Easter break
and I had a couple of friendsthat were supposed to go with me
.
Then they backed out lastminute.
I was like, well, forget youguys, I'm still going.
I want to see niagara fallslike never been.
So I drove up there canadianside, uh and was just enjoying
it.
I was on my own.
You know, go around takingpictures of it by myself.
I went to the top of the littletower that spins while you eat
(15:17):
nicer place, you have to dressup for it got a table by myself,
had lamb by myself while thesepeople were on dates all around
me and like it was awkward atfirst.
It was like really like I feltthe sweat starting on my
forehead a little bit as peoplewere looking at me, like you get
stood up, and I was just likeno, like this is cool, I'm
enjoying the moment, uh, andstuff like that.
Like obviously you don't have totake a trip to niagara falls,
(15:38):
but you could do it in your townand it's such a good you could,
absolutely could, and so thereis so much truth to be able to
do these even small things thatare uncomfortable daily that
just help so much with growth.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
I love traveling alone and my mom I think I'm a
walking panic attack.
To my mom, Like my entirelifestyle sends her into a
spiral.
She worries about me everysingle day because she never
knows where I'm going to be and,from somebody who is a planner,
she'll call me and be likewhere are you going?
This weekend?
(16:16):
I'm going to Nashville for alittle bit.
When are you coming back?
Whenever I get back, I mean, Idon't have an in-person meeting
for the next six weeks, sosometime between now and
mid-March, I don't know.
And she's like I don'tunderstand how you do that.
When I started allowing myselfto travel alone and I started
allowing myself to energeticallybe open to conversation, you
(16:40):
meet the coolest people when youtravel alone.
And just understanding that,like you may never interact with
this person ever again.
Yet that 45 minutes that youhave in the airport while you're
waiting for your flight, or thetwo hours on the plane while
you're going to your destination, or the dinner that you have
alone when you sit at the barand then you strike up
(17:01):
conversation with somebody,those moments are so important,
even though they're notlong-term relationships.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, and those are some of the coolest
conversations you meet, some ofthe like everyone's story
matters.
I truly believe everyone'sstory matters.
Everyone's here for a reasonand a purpose, and so being able
to connect with someone justrandomly and hearing a little
bit about them and where they'refrom or whatever it might be,
it's just so cool to me, uh,which probably when I started
the podcast, one of the reasons,um, I just want to talk to new
(17:33):
people and learn from them andthings.
But yeah, it really, and itwidens your worldview too, and
you don't know what piece ofinformation they're going to
tell you.
That is going to help you learnyour mind.
Yeah, or blow your mind, andyou know it's just crazy, um,
the opportunity so many peoplemiss because we're too much.
You know, interphones payingattention down here instead of
(17:55):
the world around us, and uh, soso, with these things, why is it
so important, then, forentrepreneurs to to lean into
the discomfort more and more forthat success?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
So I think that first of all, I want to go back to
the way that our brains areprogrammed right.
So we build a worldview basedupon the way that our brains are
programmed, and this is what Iteach, train and coach under.
It's called neurolinguisticsprogramming.
It's an understanding of theway that your views and your
life experiences have dictatedthe way that you see the world.
So we all kind of go throughour lives seeing the world in a
(18:34):
certain way.
I spent 14 years as a criminaldefense attorney and before I
found NLP, I would look at apolice report.
There'd be 10 witnesses.
They would have 10 differentstatements and I didn't
understand how it happened untilI understood that they all have
different worldviews.
Different things are importantto them.
They've trained their brain tofocus on different elements of
an event and that's what theyremembered.
(18:57):
So the biggest thing is thisthis phrase of blow your mind
it's it, think of it as like anactual blow your mind right,
like your mind exists in acertain understanding of the
world and then something happensthat is outside of your
understanding of the world, thatmakes you think I didn't know
that was actually possible, or Ididn't know that things like
(19:20):
that existed, and now I have toreconcile what just happened
with my understanding of beliefof how the world exists, and so
the more we can put ourselves inexperiences that challenge what
we think about the world andthe way that we show up in it,
(19:41):
the broader our understanding ofour own awareness can be, which
gives us the ability to seeexperience and be aware of
bigger opportunities and otheroptions that we couldn't see
before.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
It's almost like you get to thepoint where you're like, yes,
we're making six figures a yearin business, this is awesome.
And then you talk to someonewho's making six figures a month
and it's like whoa.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Spending six figures a month on ad spend and you're
like you spend more on ad spendin a month than I make in a year
.
Let me give you a real lifeexample.
So 2020, my story and I'm veryopen about this is I in the past
have really struggled withconnection, really struggled
with relationships, and a lot ofthat comes from what my first
(20:34):
therapist identified as anabandonment disorder, because
people in my life you talkedabout grief and people passing
away, and that's been myexperience between the ages of
seven and 18, I went to 10funerals and I didn't know that
what that was doing to myunderstanding of the world is
that relationships aren't worthbuilding.
People don't stick around.
(20:55):
Everybody's going to leave.
So for me, relationships werealways surface level and this is
still something that I have toconsciously work at to say wait
a minute, this person wants tohear from me.
I'm important.
So 2020, my dog died and I wasdevastated, and a mutual friend
(21:17):
of ours he got on a plane andflew across the country to take
me to lunch, just to go backthat next morning in Vegas for
less than 24 hours, just so thathe could show me that he was
there for me, that he cared andthat I was important and that I
(21:41):
mattered.
I didn't know people did that.
I didn't know relationshipslike that existed Then fast
forward.
So my mind is blown right.
I'm like people don't do this.
They don't get on the plane andfly literally across the
country from the East Coast toVegas, just to take somebody to
lunch so they know that they'renot alone because a pet died
(22:02):
right.
Take somebody to lunch so theyknow that they're not alone
because a pet died right.
And then fast forward six orseven months and I had a friend
of mine who was in a really,really dark spot and my former
version of the world might havebeen let them know that you're
here for them, send them a textmessage.
Don't be too invasive.
If they want you there, they'llask you to come.
Yet my understanding of whatrelationships could be had just
(22:25):
been completely transformed bythis experience.
So instead I got a plane ticket, I flew to Georgia, I stood on
this person's front porch,knocked on the door and made
sure that they knew that theyweren't alone.
That is something I wouldn'thave been capable of doing if
somebody hadn't done it for mefirst and if I hadn't been open
(22:46):
to creating that relationship.
So the more that we putourselves in situations where we
allow people to show us the waythat things can be different,
we become better friends, betterhuman beings, better business
owners, better leaders, so thatwe can then meet our goals.
Because I think it's fair tosay for almost everybody on the
planet that our goals whetheryou show it as money, whether
(23:11):
you show it as being able tohire a bunch of people, whatever
it comes out as in words, atthe deepest, darkest parts of
our personality it's aboutconnection and what we can do
for other people our personality.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
It's about connection and what we can do for other
people.
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I thinkand that's a great thing to like
I just listened to a speakeryesterday at a networking events
and they were mentioning kindof that like how can we go
through the discomfort ofshowing an exceptional service?
So it was, you know, it was ahr, regional, regional HR guy
from Chick-fil-A here in Indiana.
But he was saying, like how canwe, how can we go above and
(23:46):
beyond?
Basically, even if it'suncomfortable for us, like what
can we do to leave thatresonating memory with
individuals so they know, youknow, that they're not alone in
the situation, or that you knowwe truly care more than just you
know, a food chain, um, andit's kind of like that, like,
and I love that, and like for meit's like how can I do that?
(24:10):
and I, I try to, you know, writehand letters, like handwritten
letters, um, and send to peopleas a thank you, or, you know,
follow up in that way, um, notasking for anything, not asking
for business, just as a hey,thank you for this, or I saw you
doing this, or whatever.
Here's this, this forencouragement, um, like I just
mailed a book and a letter tosomeone today.
It's like how can we do that?
(24:32):
And like it's uncomfortable forme.
I'm like, are they going tomake fun of my writing?
Are they going to like evencare?
Like, like it's just likeinternal things where it's like
no, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
Like cause internal things where it's like no, it
doesn't matter, like, because itdoesn't matter if all that
negative happens, like the onegood thing could come from it
and that's the most importantthing.
Um, yeah, absolutely I try andI'm I'm getting better at it.
Uh, I'm picking five to tenpeople at every event that I go
to and, um, writing like I'llkeep a list of okay, this person
(25:01):
did this during the weekendthat we were there and that made
me feel good.
Or I saw somebody do this whenI was sharing that experience of
telling the person that theirgas tank was open.
As I was walking back to my car, three different cars honked
and gave me like a thumbs up.
Like that was really cool ofyou to do right.
(25:21):
People see, people notice, andso when I, when I pick those
five to 10 people that I want tofollow up with and then get
their address, I used to be soafraid Like I'm going to reach
out and ask this person fortheir mailing address.
Their first thought is going tobe I'm not giving some psycho,
I just met at a conference.
My mailing address or phonenumbers, like I used to never
keep anybody's phone number.
(25:42):
So the first time I was at anevent and I thought, well,
what's your phone number?
I'll just message you.
I was like they're not going togive me their number.
You would be shocked how manypeople just hand out their
mailing address and their phonenumber to me and then I send
them a card and nine out ofthose 10 cards might get thrown
in the trash.
But there might be that onecard that somebody opens and
says this was really freakingcool, thank.
(26:03):
But there might be that onecard that somebody opens and
says this was really freakingcool.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Thank you, yeah, yeah , and I think those are the
moments like and that makes itkind of all worth it Like going
through those hard moments,going through the discomfort,
because then it's, it's like itgives you that kind of dopamine,
like that felt, that felt good.
I'm glad I was able to do thatand then next time it's not as
difficult.
It still might have somefriction there, um, but just
(26:29):
like anything, practice, youknow, doing it over and over,
repetitive, it's going to makeit easier to do it.
Uh, cause you're, they'rebuilding us pathways and then
there's less resistance from it,and so, um, and you'll see,
you'll see benefits in all sidesof your business and life If
you continue to do things likethat.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Agreed, and if your business relies on relationships
which, if your business is abusiness, it relies on
relationships.
If your business relies onrelationships, there was a study
done recently that coined theterm trust recession, that we're
in a trust recession right nowthat people are so over being
(27:01):
sold for things.
They're so over, especially now, like I bet, if you opened your
Facebook messenger right now,you have at least 10 or 15
message requests in your spam ofpeople who have no contact with
you, have never messaged youbefore, know nothing about you
but are 100% sure that theirproduct or service is going to
solve the problems that theyknow nothing about.
(27:24):
Right, and I'm not againstmessaging people.
I'm not against a DM strategy.
I'm against a mass DM strategywith no relationship building.
Right, I host live events thatthen have an upsell at the end
of them for additional support,and we found that the ratio of
(27:44):
people who will enroll in thoseon that first offer has gone
down significantly because ofthis trust recession.
So when you do things like thisto show people that you care and
it cannot be fake people cansee fake a million miles away.
It can be automated in a way oflike I have reminders that you
(28:06):
know, when I talk to somebody 30days, 60 days, 90 days, I'll
get a reminder.
Hey, it's time to follow upwith this person.
You can use the tools andresources that you have to
remind yourself that somethingis important, but you can't be
fake.
And and the more you do this,the more people will want to
work with you because they seeyou as a real person who cares
(28:28):
about them.
But right now, that initialwebinar to sell event to sell
cold DM to sell is just noteffective because people don't
trust it.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah, and I think we're going to see even more of
that trust slowing down,building the trust building
slowing down due to AI andavatars and you know things like
that, because they're going topeople are going to start
leaning on that more to makemore content, to push more
content out there quicker, andit's going to be even less
(29:01):
personable because it's going tobe fake, right, and that's why,
like we lean, we're leaning tohelp people, you know, build
that brand story presencethrough actual video themselves
and live streaming themselves orevents, because it opens up the
door and helps build that trusteven more.
And I think, yeah, and it'sgoing to be more uncomfortable
because you're not going to beable to use something that's
(29:25):
fake or superficial.
You're going to have to get alittle bit more raw and personal
, and that's why I think evenbigger companies are going to
have to start utilizing thingslike this, the ones who aren't
Apple or Tesla, that are just inthe public eye all the time.
I truly think bigger companies,their C-suite level, are going
(29:45):
to have to start showing theirface more and they're going to
have to start engaging, throughlive streams and things, with
their market, but they alreadydo.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Right, we already see it.
Social media platforms areblowing up and I think we forget
that, like your Amazons, yourTeslas, your Apples, they are
that because they went throughthis process.
Right Now, granted, when youhave the money that has bees in
front of it instead of you knowdollars you can pay people to be
(30:17):
the parts of your company thatbuild that trust for you Right,
but it still has to be built.
You know, I was at a networkingevent this morning and one of
the speakers and I'mincorporating this into my
business, like immediately today, because one of my struggles
has always been reaching out andcalling people because of my
connection issues that I'mworking on I always think like I
(30:40):
don't want to be a burden tothis person, but when has your
phone ever rang from somebodyyou've met at a conference and
you thought, man, like I don'twant to hear from that person?
You're always like, oh my God,somebody other than a bill
collector or somebody other thansomebody selling me money or
selling me something called meRight.
So this person at thisnetworking event says the
biggest thing that changed mybusiness is I incorporated gas
(31:03):
calls and I was like what thehell is a gas call?
And she's like it's a give ashit call.
She's like so once a quarter Icall my clients just to let them
know that I give a shit.
And I thought I am incorporatinggive a shit calls into my
business, right, like what, whocan I call just to let them know
that I was thinking about themand that care, because I do
(31:25):
right, I care so much about myclients and sometimes it doesn't
, and not even my clients, thepeople in my circle, the people
that I meet at conferences, andsometimes that doesn't get
portrayed the way that it shouldbecause I in the past allowed
my fear to keep me from makingthose just because calls those
calls that say I don't haveanything to sell you or give you
(31:47):
or offer you except for thefact that you matter.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's super important, um, and
such a cool thing, something wetry to incorporate and I could
definitely do better at this,cause it's not as frequent as um
, maybe not calling, but likedoing a short little video like,
hey, I'm just checking out.
I you know, I saw you do this,post this recently, whatever
have this like that was, youknow, looked amazing.
Congrats on that.
(32:10):
I hope you're doing well, justthinking about you kind of thing
and not ask for anything, notdo anything like that, and just
kind of send those as well.
I think again, either way, justbreaking through everyone's you
know day-to-day activities andmaking them feel good.
It's just like if you were toget a like a legit package in
the mail, like we get so manyjust bill collections or stuff
that goes right in the trash.
(32:31):
It's like that's like a wholewhoa, like that's, that's kind
of neat.
Like taking time to do that, andso how can we break through the
uncomfortableness of doingthose things um for the benefit
of others?
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Yeah, and you know there's this phrase that floats
around that gets some hate, um,that how you do one thing is how
you do everything, and I 100%agree with this.
But in order to agree with it,you've got to take it a little
bit higher level, cause when youlook at it in the weeds, of
course, how I live in myrelationships does isn't the
same as how I clean my house andhow I run my business isn't the
(33:06):
same as how I might travelright.
Like the actions are different.
I was just talking to somebodyabout this the other day.
When you, when you take it alittle bit higher up and you say
what's preventing me from doingsomething that's uncomfortable?
What am I procrastinating?
How am I showing up in a spaceof service?
Is there something that I'mafraid of?
Those things go into every areaof your life and in that aspect
(33:31):
, how you do one thing is howyou do everything.
So if you have a problem havinguncomfortable conversations
with your staff, I can guaranteeyou have a problem having
uncomfortable conversations withyour spouse.
If you have a problem reachingout and letting somebody know
that you care about them in this, just because calls that we're
talking about, then I promiseyou, you have connection issues
(33:51):
in your personal life.
If you have a time managementissue in your business, I
promise you you have a timemanagement issue in your
personal life.
So I would encourage you, ifyou're listening to this and
you're saying like, where can Istart in understanding what it
is that that could shift, startpaying attention to your
behaviors, start payingattention to what you're
avoiding.
(34:13):
Um, I use a planner and I endedup creating it because I
couldn't find one that hadeverything I wanted in it.
Um, and the agenda style of itis it has a line down the middle
of it, so every page has anagenda on it, and on the left
side, I plan my day down to asclose to the 30 minute period as
(34:33):
I can.
What tasks am I going to do?
Where the magic happens is onthe right hand side.
I take accountability for myday and what it allows me to do
is if I've got sales calls andfor a week in a row I have found
something more important to dothan those sales calls.
But I get to step back and askmyself, like, what am I afraid
(34:54):
of?
What am I avoiding?
What was the purpose of notholding myself to my commitment
here.
You're starting to get reallycurious about what the actual
purpose is for your behavior inyour life, your business, your
health, in everything.
And I can promise you thisconversation about
uncomfortableness is going tocome into play when you start to
get the answers to thosequestions.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Absolutely, and yeah, this has been a great
conversation and I think a lotof people can listen to this and
realize it's normal.
It's okay to have this frictionin your business of feeling
uncomfortable when you're tryingto grow and expand and do
something different, as yourinternal self is trying to keep
you safe, or what it perceivesas safe, and so like you're not
(35:36):
alone.
So everyone at every level hasdealt with this and still deals
with it at different levels.
We just don't let it stop usright.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
I love to tell new business owners, if you're
listening to this and you'relike I don't know where to start
, I don't know what to do.
I wish I knew more.
I want you, if you take nothingelse from this episode, take
this that nobody knows whatthey're doing Right At every
level of where we go.
We are just working to figureit out.
(36:06):
We are, you know, throwingthings at the wall, hoping that
they stick, making sure that wetry something, and then we pay
attention to what works, whatdidn't.
We hire mentors that can giveus some guidance on what might
work and what might not.
At the end of the day, though,it's our job to take action.
So if you're sitting back theresaying, I just don't know where
(36:26):
to start, none of us did.
None of us know what the hellwe're doing, and then you get to
that next level, and you havethe same problems with getting
to the next level.
You have to act before you knowhow to act in order for you to
figure out what acting lookslike.
So just take from this thateverybody's uncomfortable.
Nobody knows what they're doing.
(36:47):
We're all doing our best tofigure it out as we go, and
surround yourself with peoplewho are willing to acknowledge
that and join you in the journey.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, because every, every daybrings in the newness of what
now and what, what do I need todo and accomplish and how to do
that.
So, amber, this has been great.
I appreciate your time andbeing on the show today.
If people want to connect withyou, find out more about you and
learn from you, where's thebest place for them to do that?
Speaker 3 (37:13):
Yeah, absolutely so.
You can go tosuccessdevelopmentsolutionscom.
My website's there.
It has links to the podcast.
There's the free Facebook groupwhich is Break your Bullshit
Box community, so you can jointhat and then the podcast as
(37:33):
well.
Break your Bullshit Box.
You can listen to that.
Reach out to me.
I would love to connect withyou.
I would love to know whatresonated with you or what
didn't, and talk to you aboutkind of where you're at.
So feel free to reach out andhave a conversation.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Awesome.
Well, yeah, everyone take herup on that, get connected,
continue to learn from her andgrow.
But again, Amber, thanks somuch for being on the LV Media
Podcast today.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
I am so thankful for it.
Thanks for making the time forme.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Absolutely, and if you're listening to this and you
got something out of it, makesure you're following the show,
subscribe to it, leave us areview to let us know that
you're still gaining what youneed from it, so we can continue
this going forward and sharethis episode with someone who's
out there trying to become adifferent version of themselves
or start a business, becausetogether, in sharing, we can
(38:21):
reach so many more people, andwe appreciate everyone out there
listening and sharing thisamong their networks.
But until next time, continueto go out there, elevate your
life, elevate your business, andwe'll talk to you again soon.
Welcome to the Elevate Media podcast with your
host, chris Anderson.
In this show, chris and hisguests will share their
knowledge and experience on howto go from zero to successful
entrepreneur.
They have built theirbusinesses from scratch and are
now ready to give back to thosewho are just starting.
Let's get ready to learn, growand elevate our businesses.
And now your host, chrisAnderson.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome back to another recording of the Elevate
Media Podcast.
I'm Chris Anderson, your hostand all of those out there
listening.
You're on your journey to builda successful business.
Some of you still have yournine to five job and you might
be feeling a little you knowsomething in the background Like
am I doing the right thing?
(00:45):
Why is this so hard?
Why do I feel uncomfortablesometimes?
And that's what we're going totalk about today.
We're going to be talking aboutthe uncomfortableness of
entrepreneurship and how that'sokay and how that can be
indicators that you're on theright path to success.
And so we're bringing on anexpert in her field today.
She's a recovering attorney, anauthor, a speaker, a success
(01:08):
architect and podcaster.
She's out of Las Vegas.
You're gonna have to look herup after the show and find out
more about her, because she'sdone so much amazing things and
helping a lot of people.
But, amber, welcome to the showtoday.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Thank you so much for having me, and this happens so
often, I don't know why, whereyou're just about to talk and
then you feel like you're goingto get the biggest sneeze attack
of your life.
So forgive me if that comes out, but if we're talking about
imperfection anduncomfortableness, there is
nothing more uncomfortable thandoing everything you can to hold
in a sneeze while somebody'sdoing your intro, so they don't
(01:44):
have to redo it.
So I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Well, hey, we're grateful for you to be here.
And you know that's life right,that's part of you know,
building a business, having alife in general.
You just can't controleverything and you just kind of
roll with the punches or thesneezes, I guess.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Or the sneezes.
Sometimes they feel likepunches.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Right, the punches or the sneezes, I guess.
Or the sneezes.
Sometimes they feel likepunches, right, absolutely.
And a lot of things as we'rebuilding businesses can feel
like punches, you know, and thatuncomfortableness that comes
with those.
You know why do you?
We're going to dive right intoit.
You know why is beinguncomfortable Okay, why is
taking those punches kind of agood thing sometimes, in your
opinion?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, so I'm going to go back, so I'm going to give
you the scientific answer andthen we can dig into my story if
you want.
There was a study done a whileback I can't remember where it
was from that talked about ourresponse to stress, our fight,
flight or freeze responses, andbiologically, we have warning
(02:48):
systems in our body that aremeant to protect us from danger,
and that danger, when we wereevolving, was life-threatening
things that were literallytrying to kill us.
Right?
And as society has become safer, and as society has become
safer, we no longer have toworry about the fight, flight,
(03:08):
I'm sorry we no longer have toworry about, like the
saber-toothed tiger that'soutside of our cave.
Our biological responses andour stress responses are still
the same.
So our brain is designed tokeep us safe.
We have this part of our mindcalled the unconscious mind, or
subconscious mind, as somepeople call it, that is designed
(03:29):
to keep us safe and when itdoesn't know what a situation is
going to look like, it says Iknow that this situation that
we're in right now might not begreat, it might not be what we
want to be doing, but I know howto protect you here when we
step outside of that.
Our brain says I don't knowwhat it looks like on the other
(03:50):
side of this wall and I don'tknow how to protect you there,
so your fight, flight or freezeresponse kicks in.
One of my absolute favoritequotes that used to live on my
wall, because if you walk in myhouse it looks like a bachelor
pad, a college bachelor pad.
I've got shit written on thewall.
It's a beautiful mind style andone of my favorite quotes is
(04:14):
don't give up your peace,because chaos is comfortable.
So often what happens is we sayI want to make a million dollars
, but I don't know what it feelslike to not be broke.
I don't know what it feels liketo have money.
I want to be in a relationshipwith somebody, but I don't know
what it feels like to besupported.
I know what it feels like to bealone and to rely on myself all
(04:36):
the time.
I want to start a new business,but I don't know what it feels
like to be in control of that.
I don't know what it looks like.
So our brain says know what itfeels like to be in control of
that.
I don't know what it looks like.
So our brain says let me tellyou all the reasons that this
could fail.
And then we're going to kick inthat biological response that
you either run from it, youfreeze and do nothing, or that
fight comes up and then you'reaggressive and standoffish.
(04:59):
Right, because to ourunconscious mind, danger is
danger, right, you know, youjust have that big flash of
danger, will Robinson, right?
So it's a safety mechanism forour brain to keep us safe, and
the more that we can challengethat and the more that we can
(05:20):
show our unconscious mind thatwe can trust ourselves to
protect ourselves in situations,the more that we can love that
part of us that is trying tokeep us safe and acknowledge
that a lot of the things it'stelling us are complete bullshit
, the more that we can reach outand try new things which is why
(05:40):
I titled the book Break yourBull, your bullshit box, because
that's really what it is is asafety container where all of
the things that are meant tokeep us safe live and we get to
say I hear you, I love you andappreciate you for attempting to
keep me safe, and this is howwe're going to do it anyways
(06:01):
yeah, and I think that's that'sa good thing, because you know
you hear obstacles away, youknow everything you want is on
the other side of fear, all that, all those kinds of uh, those
sayings, and I think it's true alot of the times.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Obviously, there there are moments where, um, you
have to heed to those responses.
But I think, more or less inbusiness, I find more benefit of
of going through thoseuncomfortable situations, even
if they don't pan out as Ithought they would.
Um, because I learned so muchfrom it or I meet so many people
(06:35):
through it.
Um, and I think that's that'sthe beauty of it as well,
because I heard you know, earlyon, new levels, new dev.
Because I heard you know earlyon new levels, new devils.
So, as you're, you know,succeeding as you're growing,
there's just going to bedifferent hard things that you
have to go through andaccomplish, and so that never
changes.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
No, and I wish, like I wish, I could be the type of
person that would come on yourshow and say I have never
questioned being a businessowner or an entrepreneur.
But those people are lyingright there.
There have been, I meansometimes like three or four
times a day.
My God, can I just get abartending application and go
(07:16):
work?
I mean, I'm in Vegas, I can makea ton of money bartending, and
that's how I worked my waythrough law school, so I got it
covered.
It's like riding a bike.
And then I think what am Igoing to do on a Saturday
afternoon when I want to gonetworking, or I want to go
travel, or there's a conferenceI want to go to and I have to be
working right?
So pick my hard pick.
My problem is, I would ratherpush through the struggles that
(07:40):
come along with business ownerand entrepreneurship, then let
my schedule ever be controlledby another human being.
It's not for everybody, though.
Some people would rather pickthe nine to five.
I just encourage you to thinkabout the purpose of picking
that, because a lot of people Imean I stayed in a nine to five
for a long time because it wassafe.
(08:03):
Right, but it's a perception ofsafety.
I think, COVID showed us thatthere are no unimpenetrable
businesses that you're subjectto being laid off at any point
in time, so you might as well bein control of what you're doing
with your time, how you'redoing it, and this idea of let
(08:25):
me go work for somebody elsebecause it's safer is a fake
safe.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, and I was just on a podcast the other day as a
guest and we got onto this topic.
I said, you know, I realizedwhen I was in my nine to five,
like nothing is safe.
Like you, you think your job issafe, but and just the same
thing, like COVID really showedthat to a lot of people that
it's not true.
Like you could be laid off,fired in an instant, you could
(08:49):
die unexpectedly.
Then that's what led me toentrepreneurship is people in my
life close to me unexpectedlypass away and people I knew.
And so, like I had to think,like you know, like it's going
to be hard in a nine to five,because you know I can only make
so much as an athletic trainer.
Like you know my hours aregoing to be spent doing this for
someone else or I.
(09:09):
Could, you know, take that riskon me and have the the hard be
not knowing what in the worldI'm doing, starting a business,
how to do it, how it's going tohappen, but be able to set my
schedule and grow.
And no, no ceilings, no limbsfor me, probably because I'm
super stubborn and when peopletell me I can't do something,
I'm like I'll show you, I'll doit anyway.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So but yeah, I think you have to understand yourself
because you know business isgreat, amazing.
Businesses can't succeedwithout those people in the nine
to five positions who bringtheir talents and skills, who
just can't.
They're not as risk tolerant, Iguess we could say versus
others, but they play such animpactful part.
You just have to understandwhere you fit, like, what life
(09:56):
you want.
Where does that fit?
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
And I think that a lot of businesses are getting
better at acknowledging that andmaking a nine to five feel more
like a business ownershipopportunity.
Right, when I work withcorporations in doing team
leadership activities and thingsto that effect, oftentimes I'll
have some of the leaders cometo me and say I want to
restructure our benefits package.
(10:20):
What would you suggest that?
I add, and I'm like I don'twork for you, like ask the
people who work for you whatthey want.
Like have you asked them?
And they're like well, no, Iwant to do like these massage
packages and maybe you know,some extra time off packages,
and I'm like that all soundsgreat, but I bet if you pulled
them, all they want is theability to make their own
(10:41):
schedule.
So you're spending all of thismoney on all of these extra
things that they're not going towant, that they don't use, that
they don't have time to use,because you've got them working
40 hours a week in a officethat's unnecessary, when what
they want is to feel trusted andin control of their own
schedule and appreciated andrelied upon for their job.
So think of ways that you cando that for your people and I
(11:04):
feel like with and this is oneof the things I love about the
millennial and the Gen Zenvironment is, you know, the
older millennials, gen Xers,boomers, are like man.
Those people don't know how towork.
No, they do.
They just work different, right?
They don't subscribe to thesame bullshit that we were
raised on, which is you're goingto do whatever it is to get the
(11:27):
job done.
You're going to work as long asit takes to get it done.
Instead, they're like I'm goingto work as long as you're
paying me to get it done, andthen whatever doesn't get done
is your responsibility.
There's so many business ownersthat are like I can't believe
you'd be like that.
Well, I can't believe that youwouldn't pay your people.
So we got different issues,right.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I want to jump back just a little bit to this, to
this comfort zone conversation,though, because I think that
it's so important and I justwant to share that.
My my journey really startedwith getting uncomfortable.
Before I ever thought aboutbeing a business owner, I was
struggling with panic attacks.
I was struggling with anxietyattacks because I had built my
perfect life.
(12:12):
I had the six-figure income, Ihad the law degree, I had
everything that was supposed tomake my life better, and when it
didn't, I started sufferingfrom panic attacks and anxiety
attacks and somehow, through theperfect storm of circumstances,
I got invited to workouts inthe park, which led to obstacle
course racing, which led to24-hour Tough Mudders and
(12:36):
pushing myself farther than Iever thought I could, both
physically and mentally.
All of this was going on in2016 into 2017.
It was the end of 2017 that Imade the decision to open my own
business, and a lot of thatcame from this physical fitness
that I had been doing.
I told myself I'm not anathlete, and then I just ran an
(13:00):
equivalent of a marathon in a24-hour period, with obstacles,
in the mud, without sleeping.
I had done 24 Tough Mudders atthat point in time, and you
start thinking what else am Ilying to myself about?
So I wanted to give, like thispractical piece of advice, that
we have a phrase in the ToughMudder community of when was the
(13:20):
last time you did something forthe first time?
And I kind of want your peopleto sit in that for a minute.
If you're listening to this showand you're thinking, what do I
do to start getting comfortablebeing uncomfortable, think about
something that you can dothat's new every single day.
Is it a sales call?
Is it going on a solo date withyourself?
(13:41):
Is it going and eating dinneror lunch in a restaurant alone
when maybe you've beenuncomfortable being alone in
places?
Is it going and eating dinneror lunch in a restaurant alone
when maybe you've beenuncomfortable being alone in
places?
Is it?
I mean, I stopped my car in themiddle of the road yesterday at
a stoplight and went and knockedon somebody's window to tell
them their gas tank was open.
There were a hundred other carson the road and everybody saw
it.
Nobody was willing to get outof their car.
That was a new thing for me.
(14:01):
Do you think I wasn'tself-conscious about?
What are people thinking about?
This crazy woman that's walkingdown the middle of a busy
street at a red light.
But those things likeintroducing yourself to somebody
at a grocery store, going to anetworking event, doing a new
workout at the gym, whatever itis pick one thing that is new
for you, that you've never donebefore, and push through the
(14:24):
uncomfortable of it and you'llstart to really to realize and
to train your brain that itdoesn't have to be afraid of
things that are new.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, I love that.
I think that's a great thingthat we can start implementing
is like, what's one little thingdifferent today?
Maybe send a message you knowto someone that you would want
to connect with for whateverreason, podcast business, all
that, you know.
I like that.
I like the solo thing going out.
Can you go just sit by yourselfand eat and fight through that
awkwardness a little bit.
(14:53):
At first it's funny.
I went to Niagara Falls when Iwas in college on Easter break
and I had a couple of friendsthat were supposed to go with me
.
Then they backed out lastminute.
I was like, well, forget youguys, I'm still going.
I want to see niagara fallslike never been.
So I drove up there canadianside, uh and was just enjoying
it.
I was on my own.
You know, go around takingpictures of it by myself.
I went to the top of the littletower that spins while you eat
(15:17):
nicer place, you have to dressup for it got a table by myself,
had lamb by myself while thesepeople were on dates all around
me and like it was awkward atfirst.
It was like really like I feltthe sweat starting on my
forehead a little bit as peoplewere looking at me, like you get
stood up, and I was just likeno, like this is cool, I'm
enjoying the moment, uh, andstuff like that.
Like obviously you don't have totake a trip to niagara falls,
(15:38):
but you could do it in your townand it's such a good you could,
absolutely could, and so thereis so much truth to be able to
do these even small things thatare uncomfortable daily that
just help so much with growth.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
I love traveling alone and my mom I think I'm a
walking panic attack.
To my mom, Like my entirelifestyle sends her into a
spiral.
She worries about me everysingle day because she never
knows where I'm going to be and,from somebody who is a planner,
she'll call me and be likewhere are you going?
This weekend?
(16:16):
I'm going to Nashville for alittle bit.
When are you coming back?
Whenever I get back, I mean, Idon't have an in-person meeting
for the next six weeks, sosometime between now and
mid-March, I don't know.
And she's like I don'tunderstand how you do that.
When I started allowing myselfto travel alone and I started
allowing myself to energeticallybe open to conversation, you
(16:40):
meet the coolest people when youtravel alone.
And just understanding that,like you may never interact with
this person ever again.
Yet that 45 minutes that youhave in the airport while you're
waiting for your flight, or thetwo hours on the plane while
you're going to your destination, or the dinner that you have
alone when you sit at the barand then you strike up
(17:01):
conversation with somebody,those moments are so important,
even though they're notlong-term relationships.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, and those are some of the coolest
conversations you meet, some ofthe like everyone's story
matters.
I truly believe everyone'sstory matters.
Everyone's here for a reasonand a purpose, and so being able
to connect with someone justrandomly and hearing a little
bit about them and where they'refrom or whatever it might be,
it's just so cool to me, uh,which probably when I started
the podcast, one of the reasons,um, I just want to talk to new
(17:33):
people and learn from them andthings.
But yeah, it really, and itwidens your worldview too, and
you don't know what piece ofinformation they're going to
tell you.
That is going to help you learnyour mind.
Yeah, or blow your mind, andyou know it's just crazy, um,
the opportunity so many peoplemiss because we're too much.
You know, interphones payingattention down here instead of
(17:55):
the world around us, and uh, soso, with these things, why is it
so important, then, forentrepreneurs to to lean into
the discomfort more and more forthat success?
Speaker 3 (18:09):
So I think that first of all, I want to go back to
the way that our brains areprogrammed right.
So we build a worldview basedupon the way that our brains are
programmed, and this is what Iteach, train and coach under.
It's called neurolinguisticsprogramming.
It's an understanding of theway that your views and your
life experiences have dictatedthe way that you see the world.
So we all kind of go throughour lives seeing the world in a
(18:34):
certain way.
I spent 14 years as a criminaldefense attorney and before I
found NLP, I would look at apolice report.
There'd be 10 witnesses.
They would have 10 differentstatements and I didn't
understand how it happened untilI understood that they all have
different worldviews.
Different things are importantto them.
They've trained their brain tofocus on different elements of
an event and that's what theyremembered.
(18:57):
So the biggest thing is thisthis phrase of blow your mind
it's it, think of it as like anactual blow your mind right,
like your mind exists in acertain understanding of the
world and then something happensthat is outside of your
understanding of the world, thatmakes you think I didn't know
that was actually possible, or Ididn't know that things like
(19:20):
that existed, and now I have toreconcile what just happened
with my understanding of beliefof how the world exists, and so
the more we can put ourselves inexperiences that challenge what
we think about the world andthe way that we show up in it,
(19:41):
the broader our understanding ofour own awareness can be, which
gives us the ability to seeexperience and be aware of
bigger opportunities and otheroptions that we couldn't see
before.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
It's almost like you get to thepoint where you're like, yes,
we're making six figures a yearin business, this is awesome.
And then you talk to someonewho's making six figures a month
and it's like whoa.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Spending six figures a month on ad spend and you're
like you spend more on ad spendin a month than I make in a year
.
Let me give you a real lifeexample.
So 2020, my story and I'm veryopen about this is I in the past
have really struggled withconnection, really struggled
with relationships, and a lot ofthat comes from what my first
(20:34):
therapist identified as anabandonment disorder, because
people in my life you talkedabout grief and people passing
away, and that's been myexperience between the ages of
seven and 18, I went to 10funerals and I didn't know that
what that was doing to myunderstanding of the world is
that relationships aren't worthbuilding.
People don't stick around.
(20:55):
Everybody's going to leave.
So for me, relationships werealways surface level and this is
still something that I have toconsciously work at to say wait
a minute, this person wants tohear from me.
I'm important.
So 2020, my dog died and I wasdevastated, and a mutual friend
(21:17):
of ours he got on a plane andflew across the country to take
me to lunch, just to go backthat next morning in Vegas for
less than 24 hours, just so thathe could show me that he was
there for me, that he cared andthat I was important and that I
(21:41):
mattered.
I didn't know people did that.
I didn't know relationshipslike that existed Then fast
forward.
So my mind is blown right.
I'm like people don't do this.
They don't get on the plane andfly literally across the
country from the East Coast toVegas, just to take somebody to
lunch so they know that they'renot alone because a pet died
(22:02):
right.
Take somebody to lunch so theyknow that they're not alone
because a pet died right.
And then fast forward six orseven months and I had a friend
of mine who was in a really,really dark spot and my former
version of the world might havebeen let them know that you're
here for them, send them a textmessage.
Don't be too invasive.
If they want you there, they'llask you to come.
Yet my understanding of whatrelationships could be had just
(22:25):
been completely transformed bythis experience.
So instead I got a plane ticket, I flew to Georgia, I stood on
this person's front porch,knocked on the door and made
sure that they knew that theyweren't alone.
That is something I wouldn'thave been capable of doing if
somebody hadn't done it for mefirst and if I hadn't been open
(22:46):
to creating that relationship.
So the more that we putourselves in situations where we
allow people to show us the waythat things can be different,
we become better friends, betterhuman beings, better business
owners, better leaders, so thatwe can then meet our goals.
Because I think it's fair tosay for almost everybody on the
planet that our goals whetheryou show it as money, whether
(23:11):
you show it as being able tohire a bunch of people, whatever
it comes out as in words, atthe deepest, darkest parts of
our personality it's aboutconnection and what we can do
for other people our personality.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
It's about connection and what we can do for other
people.
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I thinkand that's a great thing to like
I just listened to a speakeryesterday at a networking events
and they were mentioning kindof that like how can we go
through the discomfort ofshowing an exceptional service?
So it was, you know, it was ahr, regional, regional HR guy
from Chick-fil-A here in Indiana.
But he was saying, like how canwe, how can we go above and
(23:46):
beyond?
Basically, even if it'suncomfortable for us, like what
can we do to leave thatresonating memory with
individuals so they know, youknow, that they're not alone in
the situation, or that you knowwe truly care more than just you
know, a food chain, um, andit's kind of like that, like,
and I love that, and like for meit's like how can I do that?
(24:10):
and I, I try to, you know, writehand letters, like handwritten
letters, um, and send to peopleas a thank you, or, you know,
follow up in that way, um, notasking for anything, not asking
for business, just as a hey,thank you for this, or I saw you
doing this, or whatever.
Here's this, this forencouragement, um, like I just
mailed a book and a letter tosomeone today.
It's like how can we do that?
(24:32):
And like it's uncomfortable forme.
I'm like, are they going tomake fun of my writing?
Are they going to like evencare?
Like, like it's just likeinternal things where it's like
no, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
Like cause internal things where it's like no, it
doesn't matter, like, because itdoesn't matter if all that
negative happens, like the onegood thing could come from it
and that's the most importantthing.
Um, yeah, absolutely I try andI'm I'm getting better at it.
Uh, I'm picking five to tenpeople at every event that I go
to and, um, writing like I'llkeep a list of okay, this person
(25:01):
did this during the weekendthat we were there and that made
me feel good.
Or I saw somebody do this whenI was sharing that experience of
telling the person that theirgas tank was open.
As I was walking back to my car, three different cars honked
and gave me like a thumbs up.
Like that was really cool ofyou to do right.
(25:21):
People see, people notice, andso when I, when I pick those
five to 10 people that I want tofollow up with and then get
their address, I used to be soafraid Like I'm going to reach
out and ask this person fortheir mailing address.
Their first thought is going tobe I'm not giving some psycho,
I just met at a conference.
My mailing address or phonenumbers, like I used to never
keep anybody's phone number.
(25:42):
So the first time I was at anevent and I thought, well,
what's your phone number?
I'll just message you.
I was like they're not going togive me their number.
You would be shocked how manypeople just hand out their
mailing address and their phonenumber to me and then I send
them a card and nine out ofthose 10 cards might get thrown
in the trash.
But there might be that onecard that somebody opens and
says this was really freakingcool, thank.
(26:03):
But there might be that onecard that somebody opens and
says this was really freakingcool.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Thank you, yeah, yeah , and I think those are the
moments like and that makes itkind of all worth it Like going
through those hard moments,going through the discomfort,
because then it's, it's like itgives you that kind of dopamine,
like that felt, that felt good.
I'm glad I was able to do thatand then next time it's not as
difficult.
It still might have somefriction there, um, but just
(26:29):
like anything, practice, youknow, doing it over and over,
repetitive, it's going to makeit easier to do it.
Uh, cause you're, they'rebuilding us pathways and then
there's less resistance from it,and so, um, and you'll see,
you'll see benefits in all sidesof your business and life If
you continue to do things likethat.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Agreed, and if your business relies on relationships
which, if your business is abusiness, it relies on
relationships.
If your business relies onrelationships, there was a study
done recently that coined theterm trust recession, that we're
in a trust recession right nowthat people are so over being
(27:01):
sold for things.
They're so over, especially now, like I bet, if you opened your
Facebook messenger right now,you have at least 10 or 15
message requests in your spam ofpeople who have no contact with
you, have never messaged youbefore, know nothing about you
but are 100% sure that theirproduct or service is going to
solve the problems that theyknow nothing about.
(27:24):
Right, and I'm not againstmessaging people.
I'm not against a DM strategy.
I'm against a mass DM strategywith no relationship building.
Right, I host live events thatthen have an upsell at the end
of them for additional support,and we found that the ratio of
(27:44):
people who will enroll in thoseon that first offer has gone
down significantly because ofthis trust recession.
So when you do things like thisto show people that you care and
it cannot be fake people cansee fake a million miles away.
It can be automated in a way oflike I have reminders that you
(28:06):
know, when I talk to somebody 30days, 60 days, 90 days, I'll
get a reminder.
Hey, it's time to follow upwith this person.
You can use the tools andresources that you have to
remind yourself that somethingis important, but you can't be
fake.
And and the more you do this,the more people will want to
work with you because they seeyou as a real person who cares
(28:28):
about them.
But right now, that initialwebinar to sell event to sell
cold DM to sell is just noteffective because people don't
trust it.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah, and I think we're going to see even more of
that trust slowing down,building the trust building
slowing down due to AI andavatars and you know things like
that, because they're going topeople are going to start
leaning on that more to makemore content, to push more
content out there quicker, andit's going to be even less
(29:01):
personable because it's going tobe fake, right, and that's why,
like we lean, we're leaning tohelp people, you know, build
that brand story presencethrough actual video themselves
and live streaming themselves orevents, because it opens up the
door and helps build that trusteven more.
And I think, yeah, and it'sgoing to be more uncomfortable
because you're not going to beable to use something that's
(29:25):
fake or superficial.
You're going to have to get alittle bit more raw and personal
, and that's why I think evenbigger companies are going to
have to start utilizing thingslike this, the ones who aren't
Apple or Tesla, that are just inthe public eye all the time.
I truly think bigger companies,their C-suite level, are going
(29:45):
to have to start showing theirface more and they're going to
have to start engaging, throughlive streams and things, with
their market, but they alreadydo.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Right, we already see it.
Social media platforms areblowing up and I think we forget
that, like your Amazons, yourTeslas, your Apples, they are
that because they went throughthis process.
Right Now, granted, when youhave the money that has bees in
front of it instead of you knowdollars you can pay people to be
(30:17):
the parts of your company thatbuild that trust for you Right,
but it still has to be built.
You know, I was at a networkingevent this morning and one of
the speakers and I'mincorporating this into my
business, like immediately today, because one of my struggles
has always been reaching out andcalling people because of my
connection issues that I'mworking on I always think like I
(30:40):
don't want to be a burden tothis person, but when has your
phone ever rang from somebodyyou've met at a conference and
you thought, man, like I don'twant to hear from that person?
You're always like, oh my God,somebody other than a bill
collector or somebody other thansomebody selling me money or
selling me something called meRight.
So this person at thisnetworking event says the
biggest thing that changed mybusiness is I incorporated gas
(31:03):
calls and I was like what thehell is a gas call?
And she's like it's a give ashit call.
She's like so once a quarter Icall my clients just to let them
know that I give a shit.
And I thought I am incorporatinggive a shit calls into my
business, right, like what, whocan I call just to let them know
that I was thinking about themand that care, because I do
(31:25):
right, I care so much about myclients and sometimes it doesn't
, and not even my clients, thepeople in my circle, the people
that I meet at conferences, andsometimes that doesn't get
portrayed the way that it shouldbecause I in the past allowed
my fear to keep me from makingthose just because calls those
calls that say I don't haveanything to sell you or give you
(31:47):
or offer you except for thefact that you matter.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's super important, um, and
such a cool thing, something wetry to incorporate and I could
definitely do better at this,cause it's not as frequent as um
, maybe not calling, but likedoing a short little video like,
hey, I'm just checking out.
I you know, I saw you do this,post this recently, whatever
have this like that was, youknow, looked amazing.
Congrats on that.
(32:10):
I hope you're doing well, justthinking about you kind of thing
and not ask for anything, notdo anything like that, and just
kind of send those as well.
I think again, either way, justbreaking through everyone's you
know day-to-day activities andmaking them feel good.
It's just like if you were toget a like a legit package in
the mail, like we get so manyjust bill collections or stuff
that goes right in the trash.
(32:31):
It's like that's like a wholewhoa, like that's, that's kind
of neat.
Like taking time to do that, andso how can we break through the
uncomfortableness of doingthose things um for the benefit
of others?
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Yeah, and you know there's this phrase that floats
around that gets some hate, um,that how you do one thing is how
you do everything, and I 100%agree with this.
But in order to agree with it,you've got to take it a little
bit higher level, cause when youlook at it in the weeds, of
course, how I live in myrelationships does isn't the
same as how I clean my house andhow I run my business isn't the
(33:06):
same as how I might travelright.
Like the actions are different.
I was just talking to somebodyabout this the other day.
When you, when you take it alittle bit higher up and you say
what's preventing me from doingsomething that's uncomfortable?
What am I procrastinating?
How am I showing up in a spaceof service?
Is there something that I'mafraid of?
Those things go into every areaof your life and in that aspect
(33:31):
, how you do one thing is howyou do everything.
So if you have a problem havinguncomfortable conversations
with your staff, I can guaranteeyou have a problem having
uncomfortable conversations withyour spouse.
If you have a problem reachingout and letting somebody know
that you care about them in this, just because calls that we're
talking about, then I promiseyou, you have connection issues
(33:51):
in your personal life.
If you have a time managementissue in your business, I
promise you you have a timemanagement issue in your
personal life.
So I would encourage you, ifyou're listening to this and
you're saying like, where can Istart in understanding what it
is that that could shift, startpaying attention to your
behaviors, start payingattention to what you're
avoiding.
(34:13):
Um, I use a planner and I endedup creating it because I
couldn't find one that hadeverything I wanted in it.
Um, and the agenda style of itis it has a line down the middle
of it, so every page has anagenda on it, and on the left
side, I plan my day down to asclose to the 30 minute period as
(34:33):
I can.
What tasks am I going to do?
Where the magic happens is onthe right hand side.
I take accountability for myday and what it allows me to do
is if I've got sales calls andfor a week in a row I have found
something more important to dothan those sales calls.
But I get to step back and askmyself, like, what am I afraid
(34:54):
of?
What am I avoiding?
What was the purpose of notholding myself to my commitment
here.
You're starting to get reallycurious about what the actual
purpose is for your behavior inyour life, your business, your
health, in everything.
And I can promise you thisconversation about
uncomfortableness is going tocome into play when you start to
get the answers to thosequestions.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Absolutely, and yeah, this has been a great
conversation and I think a lotof people can listen to this and
realize it's normal.
It's okay to have this frictionin your business of feeling
uncomfortable when you're tryingto grow and expand and do
something different, as yourinternal self is trying to keep
you safe, or what it perceivesas safe, and so like you're not
(35:36):
alone.
So everyone at every level hasdealt with this and still deals
with it at different levels.
We just don't let it stop usright.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
I love to tell new business owners, if you're
listening to this and you'relike I don't know where to start
, I don't know what to do.
I wish I knew more.
I want you, if you take nothingelse from this episode, take
this that nobody knows whatthey're doing Right At every
level of where we go.
We are just working to figureit out.
(36:06):
We are, you know, throwingthings at the wall, hoping that
they stick, making sure that wetry something, and then we pay
attention to what works, whatdidn't.
We hire mentors that can giveus some guidance on what might
work and what might not.
At the end of the day, though,it's our job to take action.
So if you're sitting back theresaying, I just don't know where
(36:26):
to start, none of us did.
None of us know what the hellwe're doing, and then you get to
that next level, and you havethe same problems with getting
to the next level.
You have to act before you knowhow to act in order for you to
figure out what acting lookslike.
So just take from this thateverybody's uncomfortable.
Nobody knows what they're doing.
(36:47):
We're all doing our best tofigure it out as we go, and
surround yourself with peoplewho are willing to acknowledge
that and join you in the journey.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, because every, every daybrings in the newness of what
now and what, what do I need todo and accomplish and how to do
that.
So, amber, this has been great.
I appreciate your time andbeing on the show today.
If people want to connect withyou, find out more about you and
learn from you, where's thebest place for them to do that?
Speaker 3 (37:13):
Yeah, absolutely so.
You can go tosuccessdevelopmentsolutionscom.
My website's there.
It has links to the podcast.
There's the free Facebook groupwhich is Break your Bullshit
Box community, so you can jointhat and then the podcast as
(37:33):
well.
Break your Bullshit Box.
You can listen to that.
Reach out to me.
I would love to connect withyou.
I would love to know whatresonated with you or what
didn't, and talk to you aboutkind of where you're at.
So feel free to reach out andhave a conversation.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Awesome.
Well, yeah, everyone take herup on that, get connected,
continue to learn from her andgrow.
But again, Amber, thanks somuch for being on the LV Media
Podcast today.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
I am so thankful for it.
Thanks for making the time forme.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Absolutely, and if you're listening to this and you
got something out of it, makesure you're following the show,
subscribe to it, leave us areview to let us know that
you're still gaining what youneed from it, so we can continue
this going forward and sharethis episode with someone who's
out there trying to become adifferent version of themselves
or start a business, becausetogether, in sharing, we can
(38:21):
reach so many more people, andwe appreciate everyone out there
listening and sharing thisamong their networks.
But until next time, continueto go out there, elevate your
life, elevate your business, andwe'll talk to you again soon.
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