Change doesn’t wait for the perfect schedule, and neither do big feelings. We sit down after a long day to unpack a week where a 30-minute hydrotherapy session brought relief, the weather kept us indoors, and Oakland leaned hard into the comfort of screens and familiar routines. Rather than fight it, we explore why control, predictability, and co-regulation can be smart strategies when a child’s world is filled with packed boxes and looming travel plans.
We get personal about the daily school run for Lacey and the meltdowns that come with transitions: the countdowns that sometimes help, the moments that don’t, and the practical safety steps that keep everyone secure. Paige breaks down why static visuals and tabletop tasks trigger Oakland, offering a different lens for therapists and educators—lighten language, reduce direct demands, and protect autonomy wherever you can. We also talk about weekends, nature, and why water usually eases his nervous system, while staying honest about the days it doesn’t.
Amid family recalibration, Paige reveals The Inclusion Collective—an accessible, privately funded membership for carers seeking practical training and genuine connection. Expect live group education on NDIS reviews and school systems, clarity connection calls for questions and body doubling, masterclasses from diverse voices, and an active chat that doesn’t expect perfection. It’s built to meet real carers where they are and make support feel possible.
https://inclusiveoak.com.au/
danabaltutis.com, mytherapyhouse.com.au, https://mytherapyhouse.com.au/your-childs-therapy-journey/ https://www.danabaltutis.com/services
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Hi everyone, and welcome to the special limited
series with Paige Carter ofInclusive Oak.
And this is the Empowered ParentPodcast with Dana Baltuders.
Hello, Paige.
How are you?
Hi, thanks for having me again.
I'm good, thank you.
(00:23):
How are you?
I'm good.
So for anyone who doesn't knowus, I absolutely am loving these
sessions with Paige.
I think it's for our benefit.
So Paige and I are sitting herein half of our pajamas because
we always record in theevenings.
And it's, you know, for somepeople, it's like already
(00:45):
winding down.
Like for Paige and myself, it'sa we have big days.
But we also want to commit towhat we were intending to do,
and that is to follow Oakland'sand Paige's journey and family's
journey throughout this term.
So I thank you again, Paige, forbeing here.
(01:05):
And I can't wait to hear aboutyour week.
So what's new for Oakland andyourself this week?
Is this week four?
I'm pretty sure.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think it's week four.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
So our week has been pretty quiet.
We haven't left the house allthat much.
Oakland has just been watchinghis iPad at playing his
PlayStation for most part.
However, we did start Hydro lastweek.
So he had a 30 minutes in thepool with his physio.
I was really nervous that wholeday.
(01:42):
I was so anxious to take him.
I was like, oh, I don't know howthis is going to go.
But he really did really welland he really enjoyed it.
So that was a huge win for theweek.
That was fantastic.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's been just happy athome.
I'm still struggling, strugglingwith getting him to eat, but
(02:05):
it's just that's just an ongoingjourney for us.
Yeah, he's just super happybeing at home.
He's like really fine with usjust that we're packing up our
house at the moment.
For those that haven't listenedto the other episodes, we're
traveling Australia next year.
Uh well, we're leaving offBoxing Day, so we're kind of
just getting ready for all ofthat.
(02:26):
It's getting very close.
And he's not really been phasedby that.
He's just really kind of veryfixated and tunneled on his
games and his uh cut at themoment.
SPEAKER_00 (02:40):
And I've got to say that that's may that may be his
way of showing his phasing,phaseness, if there's such a
word, not phased, phased, yes.
Because you know, it is prettybig when people start packing
things up around you.
Plus, the weather hasn't beengreat to go outside.
(03:01):
I know I've tried to be indoorsas much as possible during this
last week because of the rainsand everything.
There was one nice day, I thinkwe had on Saturday.
But you know, maybe do you thinkthat he also could be really
focusing on his technologybecause there is a lot of change
happening in his spatial world?
SPEAKER_01 (03:22):
Potentially, yeah, absolutely.
I think, yeah, I hadn't reallythought of it like that, but
absolutely that could be, youknow, he's focusing on what he
can control rather than what hecan't.
I love that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Yeah, maybe.
And and you know what else Ilove is that he is regulating
himself.
So that is a form ofself-regulation.
And we talked about, you know,tantrums and we talked about
meltdowns, and there hasn'treally been any of those, has
there, during the week, or therehas?
SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
We've we've we've still had them over different
things, like he really struggleswith the transition of having to
leave the house to go drop hissister to school or you know,
whatever it is that we have toleave the house for.
And we definitely still get themeltdowns over those.
Today, when it was rainingreally heavy, the internet kept
cutting out and interrupting hisgame.
(04:15):
So that was hard for him.
Uh so yeah, we still definitelyhave hard moments throughout the
day.
Uh and you know, if I if Iinterrupt him to ask him a
question or something like that,he'll get very grumpy with me,
or if I'm not doing what hewants me to do.
Uh, he he really loves me tojust sit be within his space
(04:36):
where he is and just sit withhim, or just for him to like be
able to touch me at any moment,or like he really still needs
that co-regulation, which ishard for me because I'm used to
just being up and about doinglots of things and getting stuff
done.
So, yeah, it it's still hard tomanage, but it is just kind of
(04:58):
what it is.
SPEAKER_00 (05:00):
Yeah.
And tell me about the what doesit look like when Oakland has
that, if you like, meltdown whenhe's gonna leave the house to
get his sister to school.
Although you know, and you knowthat it's every day, right?
Is that happening every day forhim?
SPEAKER_01 (05:19):
Yeah, yeah.
So he knows it's coming.
I always say to him, like I givehim a countdown of all right, oh
30 minutes until we have to takeDiddy to school.
So his sister's name's Lacey,but he's always called her
Diddy.
So when I say that, that's whatI'm talking about.
You know, 30 minutes until wehave to take Diddy to school, 15
minutes, but like thatinterruption of me telling him
(05:40):
can spark him.
Sometimes it does, sometimes itdoesn't.
And then when it's time to go,he'll he'll really scream, he'll
start getting really angry.
I hate school, school is stupid.
No one learns anything atschool.
Why do you have to go to schooland ruin my time at home?
Me don't want to go out.
I think those are the sorts ofthings that he'll say.
(06:01):
Sometimes he'll hit us and um hepulled Lacey's hair a couple of
times this last week.
Sometimes he really struggles,especially if it's a bit warmer
wearing clothes.
So sometimes it's hard for me toget clothes on him to leave the
house.
And unfortunately, we don't havelike a garage where I could just
(06:22):
put him in the car in the carand wearing minimal clothes.
We actually have to go out intothe front yard so everyone would
see him on the street.
Because that's something thatSarah from RPDA Kids suggested.
Just put him in the car naked ifyou have to.
Who cares?
No one's gonna see him, but atmy house they are.
Um, so yeah.
(06:44):
We just I can I just have to saya very mindful of my like my
language, something that Sarahfrom RPDA Kids said is instead
of like speaking directly tohim, just say, okay, everybody,
we're going now.
Something like that.
I uh and sometimes it works,sometimes he just speaks me.
SPEAKER_00 (07:02):
I always have to say, does he?
So as a as a speech pathologist,my question, I'm always thinking
about comprehension of childrenand spatial understanding of
space and sequencing andeverything else.
Does he understand that?
Because it's really fascinatingthe language that he's using,
right?
So I hate school.
Why does Diddy have to go toschool?
(07:24):
School's like interrupting, youknow, whatever the way he's
saying it.
Do you think that he is thinkingthat one day he's gonna have to
stay there?
SPEAKER_01 (07:35):
No, he he knows that he doesn't have to.
Um so he's got really goodcomprehension around that.
He knows that he doesn't have togo to school, but he he thinks
what what he doesn't like isthat even though he doesn't have
to go to school, it's stillinterrupting his day.
SPEAKER_00 (07:51):
And also it could be a post-traumatic stress.
So I know I went through traumamyself in a it was a work
situation a long time ago, andjust driving past the place was
quite stressful for me.
So, you know, it's traumatizing.
So that also could be something,you know, that just the thought
(08:14):
of someone else going to schooland maybe having that experience
that he would have.
And, you know, do parentsusually use whiteboards to draw
things for kids?
Or, you know, like is it justspeech that you're using or are
you using some visuals with him?
Not I'm not talking about staticvisuals like pictures.
(08:34):
I'm not really into staticvisuals like pictures because
they're very definite, but I aminto with the kids that I work
with, I usually draw things onthe board and then I've got an
eraser there that they can rubout so it's not you know
permanent.
SPEAKER_01 (08:49):
He doesn't really have the patience for anything
like that.
Like if I showed him that, hewould just be like, and for him,
he finds fine motive skillsreally, really hard.
So if he even slightly feelslike you're putting an
expectation on him to drawsomething or to to even rub
something out, that will betriggering for him because he
(09:10):
doesn't like any like tabletopactivities.
SPEAKER_00 (09:13):
Yeah, so that would be like a PTSD as well, right?
Yeah, and he and that's reallygood to know by that.
Yeah, and that's really good toknow for therapists and
educators that are listening.
So even like just someone elseholding whiteboard pen or just
even showing him a whiteboardcould be very triggering because
that would be sorry, but he'llthrow it at you, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:37):
Like he will take it, he'll throw it, he'll get it
will make it makes him reallyangry.
SPEAKER_00 (09:42):
Yeah, yeah.
Wow, okay.
So basically, and how do youmanage that?
Like and and I love what Sarah'ssaying about just putting him
naked into the car.
Yeah, you know, maybe he needslike the car blanket and he just
wraps it around himself and heruns into the car, like yeah,
like a superhero.
SPEAKER_01 (10:05):
We just kind of we just really try to avoid those
things that really trigger him.
Obviously, we can't avoid goingto school, and it's really
Lacey.
So Lacey's autistic ADHD PDA aswell, and for her, something
that's important is being atschool on time.
So it's you know, like man, likekind of managing the differences
(10:26):
between them can be really,really tricky.
Um, I sometimes find that themost trickiest thing of all.
So I I guess like you know,being at school that Lacey wants
to go to school and she likes tobe on time, so for this, she has
to come first.
And honestly, there's not manythings where Lacey does come
first, if I'm really openlyhonest about that.
(10:48):
Um, a lot of Oakland's needsjust they do just get they have
to come first because of howmuch support he needs.
But with this one, it's like,well, sorry, mate, we just have
to.
I know you don't like it, andjust validating his feelings
around it.
I know this is really hard foryou, and I know it frustrates
you, and I'm like, I'm sorrythat we have to do this, but we
(11:10):
have to.
SPEAKER_00 (11:12):
And how do you how do you protect your own
emotional well-being in thatsituation?
Because that would be reallyhard to have this day in and day
out.
SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
Have you just detached from it, like in terms
of yeah, I think I yeah, likeemotionally just detach detached
from it, I think.
I just I do and I I think Imentally prepare myself, like I
know that that's gonna happen,so I just am just kind of
prepared for it.
And Lacey and I have littlethings to prepare for, like the
(11:42):
aggressive side of it as well.
So in the car, or like you know,if if I I get Lacey to get in
the car first before I startbringing him out to the car, and
she pulls her seat right forwardso that he can't reach her.
And if if we're not in the caryet and he starts to attack her,
(12:03):
I step in between them.
Yeah, we just have little thingsthat we do.
We we don't um bring up thingsin the morning that might
trigger him, but we don't talkabout like I'll I'll give him
like the 30-minute warning ofit's nearly time to go, but
we're not gonna get up and starttalking about it straight away.
If Lacey also talks to me aboutit, she makes sure that we're
(12:25):
out of earshot of him.
But she doesn't interrupt him inthe morning when he's doing
whatever he wants to do, becauseinterrupting him is like a
trigger.
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:36):
So it's for Lacey, right?
That must be hard for her.
SPEAKER_01 (12:41):
And like they've always acknowledged that that
having a brother like Erklin isnot easy.
It's taken its toll on her.
She felt, you know, hugeresponsibility for uh for you
know a little kid when hestarted school.
That was hard for her becauseshe wanted to protect him.
But she, you know, also had herown school was somewhere where
(13:02):
she was able to be herself, andthen all of a sudden he was
there.
But you know, she put up with itbecause she's a big sister and I
I I should protect my brotherand I should be there for my
brother.
And she's she's always had tokind of adjust and just kind of
(13:26):
things have always just had tobe Oakland's way a lot of the
time.
We we try really hard to dothings one-on-one with her, and
in the holidays I always try andtake her out with her friends
and do things with her when withhim not around.
Yeah, she does aerial and shedoes like she does the after
school activities.
(13:46):
Oakland doesn't do any.
She does, so she does Ariel,which she loves, she does face
camp, and then like all of hertherapies that are after school,
we make sure that one of ustakes her, and like it's just
normally her and I, so thatshe's got that one on one time.
SPEAKER_00 (14:04):
Okay, and dad's home with Oakland, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (14:07):
Yeah, in the afternoons, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:10):
And tell me, Paige, so what's happening on Saturdays
and Sundays?
Are there any meltdowns then, oris it just like when technology,
when internet goes wobbly orsomething like that?
SPEAKER_01 (14:22):
Uh no, like there's still meltdowns.
So, like last Saturday I wantedto go for a walk in the morning
and I really wanted us all togo, and he didn't want to.
And yeah, like that, there'sdefinitely still meltdowns.
It is just easier to deal withwhen we can divide a cocker,
when it's not just me, it's theonly adult that's home.
Like one of us can be withOakland and one of us can be
(14:45):
with Lacey or continue doingwhat we were doing.
SPEAKER_00 (14:50):
And so I bet you're really waiting for that away
from routine next year when youguys are all together.
And it'll be really interestingto see how it pans out for his
little nervous system, right?
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
Yeah, well, he loves being outside, he loves being by
the water, and like beingsomewhere by the water, he'll
always choose that over being onhis games.
Well, normally we have we did goaway once to the caravan
recently when he barely came outof the caravan and we were at
the beach.
But that so that was veryunusual for him.
But typically he'll alwayschoose going and being out in
(15:29):
the water for at least an houror so, and then he might come
back to his technology.
But yeah, it's gonna be nice tobe able to be places where he's
gonna enjoy being out in natureagain and doing all of those
things that we've always loveddoing together.
SPEAKER_00 (15:46):
Yeah, I love that.
So tell me, I've seen on yoursocials that you've launched
something, and I didn't want towrite to you and ask you what it
is or anything because I thoughtyou can reveal it to me on the
podcast.
So, what are you up to, PaigeCarter?
SPEAKER_01 (16:02):
Ha, I'm always up to something.
I never do things in halves overhere.
Uh so I have it's a bit of arelaunch, I guess.
So I have for the last year,I've had a membership
specifically designed for mumsof autistic children.
(16:22):
It was called Empower Her.
And it was funded by the NDIS.
We had like an educationalportal, a group chat, we did
coffee catch-ups, and we hadtherapists come on and do
masterclasses and all of thosethings.
And in late August, NDIS made alegislation change where that my
(16:43):
membership and any like it, anyservices like mine could no
longer charge to the NDIS, whichmeant that my business kind of
just became null and voidovernight, which was really hard
because I'd spent so much timeand effort working on my
business and putting you know mywhole heart, soul into it.
(17:05):
And it really broke me for a fewdays, the news, because I was
like, how can I how can I dothis without NBIS funds?
Because I, you know, I Iunderstand how stretched parents
are already.
Financially, emotionally, allthe things, you know.
And then after a few days, Ipulled myself together and I
(17:25):
worked with my business coachand you know, my Empower Her
community, and I was reallyhonest about what was happening,
and I just said, Let's fix thistogether.
And I had the idea of a turningit into a membership that was
privately funded and opening itup to not just mums but also to
(17:46):
dads and other carers as well,you know, whether that be
kinship carers or grandparentsor whatever that may be.
And through that, the inclusioncollective was born because it
could obviously no longer beEmpower Her because it wasn't
just for women.
So I launched the InclusionCollective on Saturday, and it's
(18:09):
still a membership, it stilloperates, you know, pretty much
the same way.
But in Empower Her, I hadone-on-ones, which I would help
families with things likepreparing for NDIS reviews,
understanding the educationdepartment, all those sorts of
things.
However, now in the inclusioncollective, I'm doing all of
that training on live groupcalls, so I'm calling them live
(18:33):
education calls where people canjump on that be recorded, and
I'll upload it to my educationalportal, and I'll teach those
things to the group and providea resource rather than it being
something that I teach like on aone-on-one, one-on-one basis.
Um, we're having uh what I'mwhat I'm calling clarity
connection calls.
(18:53):
So twice a month, members canjump on a Zoom and ask me any
questions, connect with othersin the group, come on and body
double and get those you know,crappy things ticked off your
list that you've been avoiding.
Like whatever it may be, you canjust come on and just be
yourself and turn that call intowhatever you need it to be that
(19:15):
best suits where you're at.
We have a really active groupchat that's staying.
We do coffee catch-ups, we dodinners every so often, still
having the masterclasses.
However, now instead of havingto be a therapist that presents
the masterclass, it can beanyone that I think will be of
use to the community.
(19:36):
That's great.
So yeah, it's it's it's I guessit's just evolved and turned it
into something a bit differentthan what it was.
SPEAKER_00 (19:46):
So consolidated basically, you consolidated and
widened.
SPEAKER_01 (19:51):
Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (19:52):
And also next the second stage of development,
right?
So it's like children developand now you're past the toddler
and you're into the early, well,could be primary school years,
you know?
SPEAKER_01 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah.
So I've tried to make it asabsolutely affordable as I
possibly can, uh, at$47 a month.
Which works how much how muchpage?
$47.
$47 a month.
So it works out to$11.75 a week.
So really, if you got twocoffees, you know, six dollars
each a week, cut them out, youwould be able to afford to be on
(20:25):
the inclusion collective.
And yeah, so there's you know,there's different payment
options.
We're also looking for people atbusinesses to sponsor spots for
other people as well.
So for people that can't affordto be in there can still be in
there.
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
Yeah, it's really exciting.
Fantastic.
I'm so so thrilled for you thatin the midst of all this, that
you are still thinking aboutyour business, moving forward,
and helping other parents, whichthat's and I think I love you,
Paige.
You're amazing.
SPEAKER_01 (21:03):
It's I really give it my whole heart and soul.
And you know, in the midst ofall of this happening, or like I
think it was literally the weekafter.
SPEAKER_00 (21:15):
Sorry, Paige, you're breaking up.
I'm just gonna yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:19):
Turn my video off.
Yeah, there we go.
SPEAKER_00 (21:21):
Sorry, everyone, we just turned our videos off.
Yeah.
Is that better?
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (21:28):
Okay, perfect.
So yeah, I think it was the weekafter I found out about this
with my business, is when wepulled Oakland out from school,
and obviously our trip isgetting closer, and you know,
all the things, all the thingshappen at once in my household.
That's always the way it goes.
SPEAKER_00 (21:43):
Yes, yes.
Wow, that's amazing.
So, Paige, from your week, ifyou had to say one thing to
parents listening, what would amessage be for the coming week?
SPEAKER_01 (22:00):
Just follow your child's lead.
If they are, you know, if theyare needing to just be at home
and resting and doing whatbrings them joy, just let them.
Um, don't let the shame of themspending too much screen time
time on these screens or I'm notleaving the house.
(22:22):
Like, don't don't let shamecreep in there because I think
following our child's lead andseeing what they need and what's
best serving them right now isreally important.
That's something that I'velearned through this journey.
SPEAKER_00 (22:34):
Great, great.
And like Paige, what I'll do isI will leave, like I always do,
I'll leave your details in theshow notes.
And I absolutely can't wait tohear, you know, how you're
going, how your subscriptionsare going for the following
week, how Oak's going, how Laceyor Diddy's going, and also how
(22:56):
hubby's going.
Right.
You have to remember him.
He's a he's a pillar as well inthe family.
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for joiningme, Paige.
And I look forward to our nextinstalment of Oakland's Journey.
I look forward to it.
Thank you for having me again.
No worries, thank you.
(23:16):
Bye for now.
Bye.
Hi everyone, and welcome to the special limited
series with Paige Carter ofInclusive Oak.
And this is the Empowered ParentPodcast with Dana Baltuders.
Hello, Paige.
How are you?
Hi, thanks for having me again.
I'm good, thank you.
(00:23):
How are you?
I'm good.
So for anyone who doesn't knowus, I absolutely am loving these
sessions with Paige.
I think it's for our benefit.
So Paige and I are sitting herein half of our pajamas because
we always record in theevenings.
And it's, you know, for somepeople, it's like already
(00:45):
winding down.
Like for Paige and myself, it'sa we have big days.
But we also want to commit towhat we were intending to do,
and that is to follow Oakland'sand Paige's journey and family's
journey throughout this term.
So I thank you again, Paige, forbeing here.
(01:05):
And I can't wait to hear aboutyour week.
So what's new for Oakland andyourself this week?
Is this week four?
I'm pretty sure.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think it's week four.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
So our week has been pretty quiet.
We haven't left the house allthat much.
Oakland has just been watchinghis iPad at playing his
PlayStation for most part.
However, we did start Hydro lastweek.
So he had a 30 minutes in thepool with his physio.
I was really nervous that wholeday.
(01:42):
I was so anxious to take him.
I was like, oh, I don't know howthis is going to go.
But he really did really welland he really enjoyed it.
So that was a huge win for theweek.
That was fantastic.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's been just happy athome.
I'm still struggling, strugglingwith getting him to eat, but
(02:05):
it's just that's just an ongoingjourney for us.
Yeah, he's just super happybeing at home.
He's like really fine with usjust that we're packing up our
house at the moment.
For those that haven't listenedto the other episodes, we're
traveling Australia next year.
Uh well, we're leaving offBoxing Day, so we're kind of
just getting ready for all ofthat.
(02:26):
It's getting very close.
And he's not really been phasedby that.
He's just really kind of veryfixated and tunneled on his
games and his uh cut at themoment.
SPEAKER_00 (02:40):
And I've got to say that that's may that may be his
way of showing his phasing,phaseness, if there's such a
word, not phased, phased, yes.
Because you know, it is prettybig when people start packing
things up around you.
Plus, the weather hasn't beengreat to go outside.
(03:01):
I know I've tried to be indoorsas much as possible during this
last week because of the rainsand everything.
There was one nice day, I thinkwe had on Saturday.
But you know, maybe do you thinkthat he also could be really
focusing on his technologybecause there is a lot of change
happening in his spatial world?
SPEAKER_01 (03:22):
Potentially, yeah, absolutely.
I think, yeah, I hadn't reallythought of it like that, but
absolutely that could be, youknow, he's focusing on what he
can control rather than what hecan't.
I love that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Yeah, maybe.
And and you know what else Ilove is that he is regulating
himself.
So that is a form ofself-regulation.
And we talked about, you know,tantrums and we talked about
meltdowns, and there hasn'treally been any of those, has
there, during the week, or therehas?
SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
We've we've we've still had them over different
things, like he really struggleswith the transition of having to
leave the house to go drop hissister to school or you know,
whatever it is that we have toleave the house for.
And we definitely still get themeltdowns over those.
Today, when it was rainingreally heavy, the internet kept
cutting out and interrupting hisgame.
(04:15):
So that was hard for him.
Uh so yeah, we still definitelyhave hard moments throughout the
day.
Uh and you know, if I if Iinterrupt him to ask him a
question or something like that,he'll get very grumpy with me,
or if I'm not doing what hewants me to do.
Uh, he he really loves me tojust sit be within his space
(04:36):
where he is and just sit withhim, or just for him to like be
able to touch me at any moment,or like he really still needs
that co-regulation, which ishard for me because I'm used to
just being up and about doinglots of things and getting stuff
done.
So, yeah, it it's still hard tomanage, but it is just kind of
(04:58):
what it is.
SPEAKER_00 (05:00):
Yeah.
And tell me about the what doesit look like when Oakland has
that, if you like, meltdown whenhe's gonna leave the house to
get his sister to school.
Although you know, and you knowthat it's every day, right?
Is that happening every day forhim?
SPEAKER_01 (05:19):
Yeah, yeah.
So he knows it's coming.
I always say to him, like I givehim a countdown of all right, oh
30 minutes until we have to takeDiddy to school.
So his sister's name's Lacey,but he's always called her
Diddy.
So when I say that, that's whatI'm talking about.
You know, 30 minutes until wehave to take Diddy to school, 15
minutes, but like thatinterruption of me telling him
(05:40):
can spark him.
Sometimes it does, sometimes itdoesn't.
And then when it's time to go,he'll he'll really scream, he'll
start getting really angry.
I hate school, school is stupid.
No one learns anything atschool.
Why do you have to go to schooland ruin my time at home?
Me don't want to go out.
I think those are the sorts ofthings that he'll say.
(06:01):
Sometimes he'll hit us and um hepulled Lacey's hair a couple of
times this last week.
Sometimes he really struggles,especially if it's a bit warmer
wearing clothes.
So sometimes it's hard for me toget clothes on him to leave the
house.
And unfortunately, we don't havelike a garage where I could just
(06:22):
put him in the car in the carand wearing minimal clothes.
We actually have to go out intothe front yard so everyone would
see him on the street.
Because that's something thatSarah from RPDA Kids suggested.
Just put him in the car naked ifyou have to.
Who cares?
No one's gonna see him, but atmy house they are.
Um, so yeah.
(06:44):
We just I can I just have to saya very mindful of my like my
language, something that Sarahfrom RPDA Kids said is instead
of like speaking directly tohim, just say, okay, everybody,
we're going now.
Something like that.
I uh and sometimes it works,sometimes he just speaks me.
SPEAKER_00 (07:02):
I always have to say, does he?
So as a as a speech pathologist,my question, I'm always thinking
about comprehension of childrenand spatial understanding of
space and sequencing andeverything else.
Does he understand that?
Because it's really fascinatingthe language that he's using,
right?
So I hate school.
Why does Diddy have to go toschool?
(07:24):
School's like interrupting, youknow, whatever the way he's
saying it.
Do you think that he is thinkingthat one day he's gonna have to
stay there?
SPEAKER_01 (07:35):
No, he he knows that he doesn't have to.
Um so he's got really goodcomprehension around that.
He knows that he doesn't have togo to school, but he he thinks
what what he doesn't like isthat even though he doesn't have
to go to school, it's stillinterrupting his day.
SPEAKER_00 (07:51):
And also it could be a post-traumatic stress.
So I know I went through traumamyself in a it was a work
situation a long time ago, andjust driving past the place was
quite stressful for me.
So, you know, it's traumatizing.
So that also could be something,you know, that just the thought
(08:14):
of someone else going to schooland maybe having that experience
that he would have.
And, you know, do parentsusually use whiteboards to draw
things for kids?
Or, you know, like is it justspeech that you're using or are
you using some visuals with him?
Not I'm not talking about staticvisuals like pictures.
(08:34):
I'm not really into staticvisuals like pictures because
they're very definite, but I aminto with the kids that I work
with, I usually draw things onthe board and then I've got an
eraser there that they can rubout so it's not you know
permanent.
SPEAKER_01 (08:49):
He doesn't really have the patience for anything
like that.
Like if I showed him that, hewould just be like, and for him,
he finds fine motive skillsreally, really hard.
So if he even slightly feelslike you're putting an
expectation on him to drawsomething or to to even rub
something out, that will betriggering for him because he
(09:10):
doesn't like any like tabletopactivities.
SPEAKER_00 (09:13):
Yeah, so that would be like a PTSD as well, right?
Yeah, and he and that's reallygood to know by that.
Yeah, and that's really good toknow for therapists and
educators that are listening.
So even like just someone elseholding whiteboard pen or just
even showing him a whiteboardcould be very triggering because
that would be sorry, but he'llthrow it at you, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:37):
Like he will take it, he'll throw it, he'll get it
will make it makes him reallyangry.
SPEAKER_00 (09:42):
Yeah, yeah.
Wow, okay.
So basically, and how do youmanage that?
Like and and I love what Sarah'ssaying about just putting him
naked into the car.
Yeah, you know, maybe he needslike the car blanket and he just
wraps it around himself and heruns into the car, like yeah,
like a superhero.
SPEAKER_01 (10:05):
We just kind of we just really try to avoid those
things that really trigger him.
Obviously, we can't avoid goingto school, and it's really
Lacey.
So Lacey's autistic ADHD PDA aswell, and for her, something
that's important is being atschool on time.
So it's you know, like man, likekind of managing the differences
(10:26):
between them can be really,really tricky.
Um, I sometimes find that themost trickiest thing of all.
So I I guess like you know,being at school that Lacey wants
to go to school and she likes tobe on time, so for this, she has
to come first.
And honestly, there's not manythings where Lacey does come
first, if I'm really openlyhonest about that.
(10:48):
Um, a lot of Oakland's needsjust they do just get they have
to come first because of howmuch support he needs.
But with this one, it's like,well, sorry, mate, we just have
to.
I know you don't like it, andjust validating his feelings
around it.
I know this is really hard foryou, and I know it frustrates
you, and I'm like, I'm sorrythat we have to do this, but we
(11:10):
have to.
SPEAKER_00 (11:12):
And how do you how do you protect your own
emotional well-being in thatsituation?
Because that would be reallyhard to have this day in and day
out.
SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
Have you just detached from it, like in terms
of yeah, I think I yeah, likeemotionally just detach detached
from it, I think.
I just I do and I I think Imentally prepare myself, like I
know that that's gonna happen,so I just am just kind of
prepared for it.
And Lacey and I have littlethings to prepare for, like the
(11:42):
aggressive side of it as well.
So in the car, or like you know,if if I I get Lacey to get in
the car first before I startbringing him out to the car, and
she pulls her seat right forwardso that he can't reach her.
And if if we're not in the caryet and he starts to attack her,
(12:03):
I step in between them.
Yeah, we just have little thingsthat we do.
We we don't um bring up thingsin the morning that might
trigger him, but we don't talkabout like I'll I'll give him
like the 30-minute warning ofit's nearly time to go, but
we're not gonna get up and starttalking about it straight away.
If Lacey also talks to me aboutit, she makes sure that we're
(12:25):
out of earshot of him.
But she doesn't interrupt him inthe morning when he's doing
whatever he wants to do, becauseinterrupting him is like a
trigger.
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:36):
So it's for Lacey, right?
That must be hard for her.
SPEAKER_01 (12:41):
And like they've always acknowledged that that
having a brother like Erklin isnot easy.
It's taken its toll on her.
She felt, you know, hugeresponsibility for uh for you
know a little kid when hestarted school.
That was hard for her becauseshe wanted to protect him.
But she, you know, also had herown school was somewhere where
(13:02):
she was able to be herself, andthen all of a sudden he was
there.
But you know, she put up with itbecause she's a big sister and I
I I should protect my brotherand I should be there for my
brother.
And she's she's always had tokind of adjust and just kind of
(13:26):
things have always just had tobe Oakland's way a lot of the
time.
We we try really hard to dothings one-on-one with her, and
in the holidays I always try andtake her out with her friends
and do things with her when withhim not around.
Yeah, she does aerial and shedoes like she does the after
school activities.
(13:46):
Oakland doesn't do any.
She does, so she does Ariel,which she loves, she does face
camp, and then like all of hertherapies that are after school,
we make sure that one of ustakes her, and like it's just
normally her and I, so thatshe's got that one on one time.
SPEAKER_00 (14:04):
Okay, and dad's home with Oakland, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (14:07):
Yeah, in the afternoons, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:10):
And tell me, Paige, so what's happening on Saturdays
and Sundays?
Are there any meltdowns then, oris it just like when technology,
when internet goes wobbly orsomething like that?
SPEAKER_01 (14:22):
Uh no, like there's still meltdowns.
So, like last Saturday I wantedto go for a walk in the morning
and I really wanted us all togo, and he didn't want to.
And yeah, like that, there'sdefinitely still meltdowns.
It is just easier to deal withwhen we can divide a cocker,
when it's not just me, it's theonly adult that's home.
Like one of us can be withOakland and one of us can be
(14:45):
with Lacey or continue doingwhat we were doing.
SPEAKER_00 (14:50):
And so I bet you're really waiting for that away
from routine next year when youguys are all together.
And it'll be really interestingto see how it pans out for his
little nervous system, right?
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
Yeah, well, he loves being outside, he loves being by
the water, and like beingsomewhere by the water, he'll
always choose that over being onhis games.
Well, normally we have we did goaway once to the caravan
recently when he barely came outof the caravan and we were at
the beach.
But that so that was veryunusual for him.
But typically he'll alwayschoose going and being out in
(15:29):
the water for at least an houror so, and then he might come
back to his technology.
But yeah, it's gonna be nice tobe able to be places where he's
gonna enjoy being out in natureagain and doing all of those
things that we've always loveddoing together.
SPEAKER_00 (15:46):
Yeah, I love that.
So tell me, I've seen on yoursocials that you've launched
something, and I didn't want towrite to you and ask you what it
is or anything because I thoughtyou can reveal it to me on the
podcast.
So, what are you up to, PaigeCarter?
SPEAKER_01 (16:02):
Ha, I'm always up to something.
I never do things in halves overhere.
Uh so I have it's a bit of arelaunch, I guess.
So I have for the last year,I've had a membership
specifically designed for mumsof autistic children.
(16:22):
It was called Empower Her.
And it was funded by the NDIS.
We had like an educationalportal, a group chat, we did
coffee catch-ups, and we hadtherapists come on and do
masterclasses and all of thosethings.
And in late August, NDIS made alegislation change where that my
(16:43):
membership and any like it, anyservices like mine could no
longer charge to the NDIS, whichmeant that my business kind of
just became null and voidovernight, which was really hard
because I'd spent so much timeand effort working on my
business and putting you know mywhole heart, soul into it.
(17:05):
And it really broke me for a fewdays, the news, because I was
like, how can I how can I dothis without NBIS funds?
Because I, you know, I Iunderstand how stretched parents
are already.
Financially, emotionally, allthe things, you know.
And then after a few days, Ipulled myself together and I
(17:25):
worked with my business coachand you know, my Empower Her
community, and I was reallyhonest about what was happening,
and I just said, Let's fix thistogether.
And I had the idea of a turningit into a membership that was
privately funded and opening itup to not just mums but also to
(17:46):
dads and other carers as well,you know, whether that be
kinship carers or grandparentsor whatever that may be.
And through that, the inclusioncollective was born because it
could obviously no longer beEmpower Her because it wasn't
just for women.
So I launched the InclusionCollective on Saturday, and it's
(18:09):
still a membership, it stilloperates, you know, pretty much
the same way.
But in Empower Her, I hadone-on-ones, which I would help
families with things likepreparing for NDIS reviews,
understanding the educationdepartment, all those sorts of
things.
However, now in the inclusioncollective, I'm doing all of
that training on live groupcalls, so I'm calling them live
(18:33):
education calls where people canjump on that be recorded, and
I'll upload it to my educationalportal, and I'll teach those
things to the group and providea resource rather than it being
something that I teach like on aone-on-one, one-on-one basis.
Um, we're having uh what I'mwhat I'm calling clarity
connection calls.
(18:53):
So twice a month, members canjump on a Zoom and ask me any
questions, connect with othersin the group, come on and body
double and get those you know,crappy things ticked off your
list that you've been avoiding.
Like whatever it may be, you canjust come on and just be
yourself and turn that call intowhatever you need it to be that
(19:15):
best suits where you're at.
We have a really active groupchat that's staying.
We do coffee catch-ups, we dodinners every so often, still
having the masterclasses.
However, now instead of havingto be a therapist that presents
the masterclass, it can beanyone that I think will be of
use to the community.
(19:36):
That's great.
So yeah, it's it's it's I guessit's just evolved and turned it
into something a bit differentthan what it was.
SPEAKER_00 (19:46):
So consolidated basically, you consolidated and
widened.
SPEAKER_01 (19:51):
Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (19:52):
And also next the second stage of development,
right?
So it's like children developand now you're past the toddler
and you're into the early, well,could be primary school years,
you know?
SPEAKER_01 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah.
So I've tried to make it asabsolutely affordable as I
possibly can, uh, at$47 a month.
Which works how much how muchpage?
$47.
$47 a month.
So it works out to$11.75 a week.
So really, if you got twocoffees, you know, six dollars
each a week, cut them out, youwould be able to afford to be on
(20:25):
the inclusion collective.
And yeah, so there's you know,there's different payment
options.
We're also looking for people atbusinesses to sponsor spots for
other people as well.
So for people that can't affordto be in there can still be in
there.
SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
Yeah, it's really exciting.
Fantastic.
I'm so so thrilled for you thatin the midst of all this, that
you are still thinking aboutyour business, moving forward,
and helping other parents, whichthat's and I think I love you,
Paige.
You're amazing.
SPEAKER_01 (21:03):
It's I really give it my whole heart and soul.
And you know, in the midst ofall of this happening, or like I
think it was literally the weekafter.
SPEAKER_00 (21:15):
Sorry, Paige, you're breaking up.
I'm just gonna yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:19):
Turn my video off.
Yeah, there we go.
SPEAKER_00 (21:21):
Sorry, everyone, we just turned our videos off.
Yeah.
Is that better?
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (21:28):
Okay, perfect.
So yeah, I think it was the weekafter I found out about this
with my business, is when wepulled Oakland out from school,
and obviously our trip isgetting closer, and you know,
all the things, all the thingshappen at once in my household.
That's always the way it goes.
SPEAKER_00 (21:43):
Yes, yes.
Wow, that's amazing.
So, Paige, from your week, ifyou had to say one thing to
parents listening, what would amessage be for the coming week?
SPEAKER_01 (22:00):
Just follow your child's lead.
If they are, you know, if theyare needing to just be at home
and resting and doing whatbrings them joy, just let them.
Um, don't let the shame of themspending too much screen time
time on these screens or I'm notleaving the house.
(22:22):
Like, don't don't let shamecreep in there because I think
following our child's lead andseeing what they need and what's
best serving them right now isreally important.
That's something that I'velearned through this journey.
SPEAKER_00 (22:34):
Great, great.
And like Paige, what I'll do isI will leave, like I always do,
I'll leave your details in theshow notes.
And I absolutely can't wait tohear, you know, how you're
going, how your subscriptionsare going for the following
week, how Oak's going, how Laceyor Diddy's going, and also how
(22:56):
hubby's going.
Right.
You have to remember him.
He's a he's a pillar as well inthe family.
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for joiningme, Paige.
And I look forward to our nextinstalment of Oakland's Journey.
I look forward to it.
Thank you for having me again.
No worries, thank you.
(23:16):
Bye for now.
Bye.
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