October 10, 2023 • 22 mins
Can happiness breed success and not the other way around?
Yes, you heard right. We’re flipping the script on the age-old belief that success begets happiness, and we’ll show you why happiness is not only an obligation to yourself but to those around you.
In this animated discussion, we debunk the myth of happiness following success, rather than focusing on how our emotional state influences those around us and our journey to success. We’ll delve into the art of understanding and taking responsibility for our emotions, and how this awareness can truly transform your life.
Ever wondered how you can maintain a positive mindset even when the chips are down? We've got the answers. Listen in as we share stories of resilience and triumph in the face of uncertainty, like navigating the highs and lows of working in a tech company during a recession. And for those of you who are keen on taking this journey a step further, we are offering a limited number of private coaching sessions.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to create a life filled with ease, joy, and incredible experiences.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Connect with me:
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Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Justin Wenck (00:00):
Today I'm talking about your obligation to be
happy and if you're a big fan ofmine, been listening to a lot
of the things that I do, readthe book.
You might be going why the fuckis he using the word obligation
?
I'm going to go all into that.
Tell you about that.
I do have some exciting stuffcoming up.
You're definitely going to notwant to miss this show and the
(00:22):
other things that I got, thatI'm stern getting ready to go
for the rest of this yearBecause I don't know if you've
checked the calendar, if you'rewatching these live, if not,
it's OK.
And this calendar same thinghappens every year.
It's currently just first weekof October and it's like wow,
that means three months lefttill the end of the year and
(00:43):
there's kind of usually thatnatural of like, oh boy,
calendar year, how can I getthat done?
I'd make what I wanted tohappen happen.
So, yeah, so this is got somethings coming up so that you can
actually complete the yearfeeling good, feeling great, and
you're heading into next yeargoing like I can't wait, I'm
(01:03):
excited, I'm already ahead,because that's sometimes that's
the worst thing is alreadyfeeling behind.
And when you're behind,sometimes you just like you
don't even want to play the game, right?
I know when I was, when I was incollege, I had a roommate and
I'd play racquetball with himand he was the president of the
racquetball club at theuniversity and he would just
(01:26):
kick my ass every single timeLike maybe I would score a
couple points on him.
There was one day where I thinkhe was having an off day,
something was going on, but Iwas actually ahead of him, I was
about to win, and then herealized he's like oh, oh, no,
this is not happening.
And he came down from like 10points I can't remember how many
(01:49):
points in racquetball, but thepoint is I should have.
You know, it should have been awin for me if anyone would go
and but he comes from behind, hewakes up and then poop, poop,
poop, poop, poop and he beats me.
And after that I'm like, allright, it doesn't seem like
there's any chance of winning.
I'm just not going to playanymore.
(02:11):
So wouldn't the game of life bea lot more fun if it felt like
you had a chance of winning, orat least you felt like a winner
while you were playing the game?
Because that's the other thingis, there really is no winning,
there is no losing, it's just anongoing set of games.
So the whole point is are youenjoying your life?
If you're not enjoying yourlife yet, then you really, you
(02:31):
know you want to keep listeningto the show.
You want to probably talk to me, do one of my master classes or
do someone on one coaching withme.
So why do I use the word youhave an obligation to be happy?
Because this is for most people, that because chances are, if
you are taking your happinessseriously which is kind of funny
because it's like, shouldn't itjust be joyous, happy, fun
(02:55):
there is an element of you gotto take your happiness seriously
, so that when you're not happy,it's like okay, something needs
my attention.
So the reason I use the termobligation is because if you're
not taking your happinessseriously, then you're probably
taking your obligationsseriously.
There's probably some importantthings that must be done in
your life and you can't be happyuntil these things are checked
(03:18):
off of your lists, that areaccomplished and that you've
done the things that you'resupposed to do.
So really, what I'm asking isflip it around and make the
obligation your happiness,because a lot of people think
that their happiness isdependent on their success, and
that is old, bullshit ways ofdoing things.
I don't even know if that everworked for anybody.
(03:40):
I think a lot of people justsaid we don't know what else and
they just went with it.
Yet more and more, happiness iswhat drives success.
Happiness brings people in yourlife that bring opportunity.
It brings opportunities to youand it brings creativity, and
creativity, more and more, isthe driver of all success out
(04:04):
there, because we're getting toa point where just getting
things done, just moving stufffrom A to B, and humans don't
need to do it Self-driving carsthere's more and more automation
that the things that would havebeen very didn't require a lot
of thought, just repetitiveeffort.
It's not necessary anymore.
(04:26):
But what becomes important iswhat's new, what's innovative,
what's going to solve a problem,what's going to create
something that makes somebody gooh my gosh, wow, I want to pay
attention to this and I want topay for this, and happiness is
one of the things that bringsthat more and more and more.
The other important thing iswhat happens when you're not
(04:49):
happy and why it's an obligationis it's downright selfish when
you are allowing yourself to notbe happy, because what is
happening when you are not happy.
That means that you're allowingyourself to be in fear,
obligation and guilt, guilt orshame, and these things don't
(05:11):
just impact you, they impactthose around you.
So I, I still work at a techcompany and, like most tech
companies nowadays, there's,there's challenges, there's
issues, there is uncertainty,because you know the whole just
the industry and thenmacroeconomic conditions of you
know Is there gonna be arecession or we're in a
recession?
How long is the recession?
How bad is the recession?
(05:31):
The layoffs there's beenlayoffs.
Well, there'd be more layoffs.
Who are they gonna lay offsomebody soon?
All of these things they'reswimming around every tech
company and the thing is is doyou take that on or Do you
choose to take your happinessseriously and go, hey, yes,
(05:54):
these are all possibilities.
Yet right now, I got a job andI got some things to do and I'm
okay and I've been okay and I'mgonna be okay because I've the.
Last week I talked to a coupleco-workers.
One co-worker was a inparticularly very concerned
about like, am I gonna even havea job at the end of the year?
Am I even gonna be able tostill get paid?
(06:14):
All of these things just basedoff of pure fear, speculation,
wonder, and, as a result, he wasvery much worried about getting
things done.
He literally had the weight ofhis, of the company, the weight
of the company on Whether he wasable to get other people to do
to do tasks.
And I and I'm just like the,what you and me do it.
(06:36):
It matters more for the otherpeople we work with, but it
doesn't really have a giantimpact on.
You know the bottom line of thecompany, like we're.
You know we're doing $100,000million dollar Type tasks.
You know which is still notnothing.
Yet when we're talking theselarge tech companies, they're
(06:57):
talking billions, multi billiondollar Challenges, issues,
things like that.
It just it's about theperspective and it's not to say
that don't be a good steward of.
You know what the, thecompany's resources, but it's
like does adding on all thatunhappiness, that misery, that
fear.
Does that actually benefit?
When I told you about all thebenefits of being happy where
(07:20):
there's creativity and it'sisn't a creative solution to
these challenges Gonna be waymore valuable than just going
down checking boxes that we know, if not already, soon, a
Computer and AI is gonna be ableto do.
But if it's like, well, whatare the boxes that really need
to be checked, to move theneedle, to drive decision-making
(07:40):
or to be able to createsomething that's gonna provide
value, that's gonna bring in,you know, the revenue to make
all of these supposed problemsgo away.
Isn't that where the focusshould be?
And so, you know, had thisdiscussion, you know, just going
back and forth, and at the endto just my, my happiness, sort
of my optimism, rubbed off andhe's like, yeah, I guess, I
(08:02):
guess, yeah, I, maybe I don'thave to be Before seeing other
people to do these things.
You know, I just need to letthem know.
And then let People above meknow like, hey, you know, I
asked and this is where theysaid they're at and this is
where I think it should be.
And let's, if we should dosomething different, let me know
.
Otherwise we'll move on, markin the risk, and we're gonna do
(08:25):
the best we can move themforward.
Maybe we'll find some creativeways to do the difference.
How cool is that?
And then I was talking toanother co-worker who was also,
you know she was she wasactually not feeling well
because I was like there'ssomething, something up, like
things they're taking way longerthan expected, and like the
quality wasn't there and I waslike what's, what's going on at
(08:45):
everything, okay, and she said,actually I've haven't been been
feeling well and I was like, oh,that's.
She gave me something specificand I don't really want to share
what that specific ailment isbecause that's that's her
business.
But I was like, you know, onceI had some some really bad hives
(09:06):
that really bothered me onceand it was really interesting
because I hadn't had hives forover three decades.
And then, you know, my dadsends me this package of of
Nicknacks and others,Memorabilia and mementos and
things like that, just out ofthe blue.
He didn't say that he wassending in his pictures and
stuff of me and him and I tookit like what is?
Does he not want anything to dowith me?
(09:27):
You know, this is myinterpretation of it.
And I then broke out in hivesand I was like what is?
What is going on?
Like I'm out of Starbucks witha friend of mine, I just start
itching in my armpits and I Afriend of mine was like, well,
yes, say hi means something'sgetting under your skin.
(09:50):
And I have this, this book thatis called.
It's called does your body lieby Louis Martin's Samoas.
You know, I am.
I'm not a medical doctor.
I am, I am a doctor, I have adoctorate, so I'm not a medical
doctor.
I'm a kind of doctor that likesto help people.
That's a joke.
But is it a joke or is it tootrue?
(10:10):
I don't know anyway.
So you know, none of this is,I'm gonna say, medical advice.
Yet there is starting to be moreand more research that any
ailments, issues, challengeswith the body are more tied to
our emotional state or thingsthat have happened in our past,
or outlook, and then anythingexternal.
And Even if there are externalthings that happen, how we deal
(10:34):
with them, how we work with them, has again more to do with how
we are emotionally,psychologically, mentally able
to work with and handle them.
And this book, this does yourbody lie, allow some, some clues
for literally as any ailmentyou could possibly think of.
And so I go, it went, and lookup this, the ailment, and it's
(10:56):
like this often happens whensomebody's feeling ungrounded in
the area of their family, theirwork or their personal
relationships.
And you know, I asked, I askedif I could, you know, share this
with her.
I didn't, because, again, it'slike some people, they're
happily being unhappy, Because,again, I know for myself like I
had neck, neck and shoulder andall these issues for the the
(11:19):
longest time and it was and ithit me once that or I'm like, oh
shit, if I suddenly didn't haveany neck or shoulder issues,
then I wouldn't have a reason togo spend any time on my own or
get myself Taking care of or gotalk to people that aren't just
co-workers or you know the, thefriends I had had at that time.
And I'm like boy, I have avested interest in staying
(11:43):
Quote-unquote unwell in this,and so it's.
I never want to take anythingaway from somebody Because,
again, I didn't want somebody totake that away at that time.
Now I'm very, very there'splenty of things that I want to
do, people I want to hang out,things I want to see and do.
I'm very happy to not have anychallenges, but I go and I look
(12:04):
up and you know I read this toher and she says like, oh my
gosh, that that just it'sexactly what I've been
experiencing like as my daughterjust went away to college and
I've, you know, experienced aBreakup recently.
And it's like you, we know the,the uncertainty of work
currently and she's, you know,and, and you know, did it make
(12:27):
her feel better instantly.
Yet it brought an awareness towhere some challenges are.
That have, you know, been facingher for a long time and I often
like to think the body is our,is our kind of our own personal
Admin what it comes to ourlife's challenges.
You know, admin, arecord-keeper recorder, where if
(12:49):
something really horriblehappens and we're we're not able
to fully address it at the time, the body just kind of goes oh,
okay, challenging situationwith, with family, like all
right, let's put that in thelower back.
Oh, um, okay, yeah, it's workis not not fulfilling.
Let's Feels like we have tocontrol everything, like we'll
(13:10):
just put that in some tension inthe shoulders, in the neck, and
which is is brilliant, it'sbrilliant.
Our body is not, is not ourenemy, our body is our friend.
It's often I know I haven't,but how often you look at your
body as being on your side, asyour ally.
Often it's like it's the enemy,something to be subjugated,
(13:30):
beaten, overcome, and a lot oftimes the way most workouts are
like a crossfit or a marathon,where it's just like, oh, you
just got to beat the body intosubmission and just you don't
want to pay attention to it,something to be overcome?
Yeah, I again that's.
That's kind of a bullshit wayof working with, with the world
(13:54):
and with your body.
It's like a going what, what'sthe message here?
What, what are we supposed tolearn?
And then taking it seriously aspart of our happiness of, okay,
there's something that needs tobe addressed.
And it's amazing, when thosethings get addressed, the body
starts going like all right, Ican, I can let this go, I can
feel a little bit better, I canbe a little bit healthier, and
(14:17):
it's it's a guide to help go inthe direction of happiness.
If you're, if you're living acertain way and your body is
having issues, it is telling youyou are not going in the
direction of your happiness.
It is using that pain as asignal to do something different
.
Like when you put your hand ona stove, it goes out and you
(14:40):
usually we go, oh, I should takemy hand off of the stove.
It's that simple.
And and any other area of ourlife is actually just that's not
saying it's easy, because it'snot usually like oh, this, this
job or this relationship iscausing me pain.
I can immediately get out of it, like we can immediately get
out of the touching of the stoveStove yeah, sorry, I started to
(15:02):
think about the oven.
Yet when we have the awareness,we can start to see the whole
picture and see like, okay, well, where, where can I start to
unwind this?
Where can I start to get out ofthis unhappy situation or shift
it into something happier?
Sometimes all it is is abouthaving a conversation right,
having conversation withsomebody.
And so when you're when you'rethat unhappy, I mean so it
(15:25):
starts to affect your ability todo what you need to do, how you
work with other people.
That starts to impact otherpeople.
They start to pick up on it andit does start to this impact
the next generation.
You know another, another friendof mine messaged me and said
hey, does he, does any of thestuff you do?
Does this work on?
(15:46):
So, this work on Younger,younger people.
Because, because my child islike not feeling good about what
they've done, they said theydon't have any pride in anything
they've done since they were.
They were like eight years oldand I'm just like, oh my, and
I'm just thinking.
I'm like this is, this isbecause this person I Blah,
(16:13):
because this person same age asme, and you know we got.
Actually, you know, I've knowneach other for a long time and
I'm I'm just going I this likelack of pride.
I'm like I know, I know thisfriend has it, I know I've had
it and we pass these thingsbecause we demonstrate that
these things are okay at verysubtle levels to those around us
(16:33):
.
And so if it's it's youngerpeople, they're picking it up
too and seem like I guess it'snot okay to be proud of just
Doing, doing great things thatare simple yet very important
and very meaningful, that thingshave to be amazing.
Because I've seen this myselfwhere it's like my best-selling
book I've For for quite a whileI was like I don't think it's
(16:57):
best-selling enough.
It's like, by all the criteriathat everyone has said, that
makes a best-seller.
I had a best-seller, yet I'mlike but I but it wasn't enough
and it's like what the fuck doesthat mean?
Is it enough?
It is Celebrate it, and when wedo that and then we pass that
on and say it's okay, it's notokay.
(17:18):
So this is why you have anobligation to be happy, because
if you do not fulfill thatobligation, you are selfishly
making other people miserable.
It really is just if thatdirection shows other people.
This is the direction to go to,and there really is just kind
(17:40):
of two directions.
You're either going thedirection of your happiness or
you're not, and it's not to saythat everything is going to be
happy.
I liken it very much to having aclean and tidy house.
It's like are you moving thedirection of a clean and tidy
house or are you moving in thedirection of a stage four
fucking hoarder?
Now I grew up in mostly like ahoarding style home where it was
(18:05):
, oh shit, people are comingover, like all right, let's
clear at least one room and thenwe'll just pack some other
rooms with shit and trash andgarbage.
And if a whole bunch of peopleare going to be like staying
over, like visiting, that was,oh my gosh, that's a lot of work
to clear out the entire house.
The garage is just going to beridiculous at that point.
(18:29):
Nobody going to the garage, andso you know.
But it's like, are you going inthe direction of continual
tidiness?
Because you know every now andthen someone's going to send you
a bunch of things or you'regoing to make some purchases or
whatever.
But the question is, are yougoing to allow that, to let you
start going back in the otherdirection, towards the hoarding,
(18:49):
or are you going to go?
Okay, now I've got some morestuff yet I want to go in the
direction of clean and tidy.
And it's like that with ourhappiness.
It's like, okay, somethinghappened, like you know, lost
the job, loved one, died, youknow.
It's like, okay, let's assess,let's accept it, let's really
get to it.
That's really kind of whatgrieving, and a lot of these, is
just to like really be in thepresent moment, to assess where
(19:13):
we are now from, where we wentwhen something changed.
And then the question is wheredo you want to go from there?
And so you know how long ittakes to grieve something or to
process that.
Again, that can depend on thesituation.
Again, it's not going to be therest of your life, that much I
know for sure.
Yet from what I've heard andagain this is a little bit
(19:35):
ancient traditions ofenlightenment that it's the more
that we are, have cleared outwhat has happened in the past,
the more that these, thesefeelings can be felt, processed
on nearly instantly.
Now I'm not there, yet I mightstrive to get closer and closer,
because again, I'm taking myseer, my happiness, seriously.
And if you take your happinessseriously again.
(19:59):
You're going to find ways likeall right, I'm angry, I'm sad,
I'm depressed, I'm anxious.
This is not acceptable tocontinue this way.
I accept that this is thepresent moment and that I'm
going to take responsibility andI'm going to move, find a way
to move in the direction ofhappiness.
(20:20):
I'm going to find the rightpeople.
I'm going to learn the rightthings.
I'm going to start taking somedifferent actions and behaviors
in my towards happiness, becauseit's my obligation for those
around me that I care about andmyself, because if I don't do it
, it's going to damage my body,it's going to damage my
relationships and it's justgoing to make for an unhappy
(20:44):
world, and that really is.
It's not the point of living.
Point of living is to play forthe joy of playing the game of
life, and if you're not enjoyingthe game again, there is no
winning, there is no losing.
There's just how you enjoy thegame.
So enjoy the game and play itas best you can.
(21:06):
And with that I'm going to letyou go.
Remember podcast atJustinWinkcom If you have any
questions, suggestions for theshow, follow me on social media
JustinWinkPhD, instagram, tiktok, facebook, linkedin and do
connect with me.
Do follow, do like, subscribe,rate this five stars and tell a
(21:29):
friend if you think like, oh mygosh, this guy's got something.
Oh and, and the exciting stuffcoming up for the end of the
year so that you can more easilybe taking your happiness
seriously is I'm going to startdoing a monthly masterclass to
help you unlock your ideal life10x faster.
So each month so be looking forthis it's going to be about 30
(21:54):
to 40-ish minutes.
Where I'm going to, I'm goingto teach you something and you
are going to be able to leavewith.
You're going to go like, oh mygosh, now I know something to do
, I have something so that I canget up one step closer towards
my ideal life, my happy life.
And then three weeks, so three,I'm working on making the ship
(22:17):
some more simple.
I know I've made a lot of mystuff way too complicated, but
basically every week there'sgoing to be an offering and I'm
looking at making it Wednesdays,wednesdays at noon Pacific.
So once a month it's going tobe a little bit longer form,
masterclass style.
And then the other three weeksof the month it's going to be
like a really, really quick.
(22:39):
So I'm going to be livestreaming about 10, 15 minutes,
some nuggets of wisdom thatyou're not going to want to miss
.
Yet the really cool thing is,for those that sign up, you're
going to get to come and enjoysome private one-on-one coaching
where it's just going to be you, me and about three or four
other people so very small groupgoing to do some hot seat
(23:00):
one-on-one.
Where you come, you're likeJustin, I have this issue and
boom, we're going to give you alittle something to get you
going to get that handled, andit's going to be amazing.
You're not going to want tomiss it, and so I can only do
about like five people.
So when the signups go up,you're going to want to get on
that, because once the seats arefilled up, it's going to be
waitlist and more or less firstcome, first serves.
(23:23):
So if you've done it already,I'll put you at the back of the
waitlist, whatever, so that wecan give some new people a shot.
But I really want to reach somemore people, get them moving the
direction of happiness, becauseif you are not living the life
you want, like something iswrong.
Something is wrong and it's upto you to figure it out, and you
don't have to figure it outalone.
(23:44):
I've figured out a lot of itand I'm here to help you take
that next step.
So it can be easeful, joyfuland amazing.
So with that, see you next time, appreciate it and with that,
good day.
Today I'm talking about your obligation to be
happy and if you're a big fan ofmine, been listening to a lot
of the things that I do, readthe book.
You might be going why the fuckis he using the word obligation
?
I'm going to go all into that.
Tell you about that.
I do have some exciting stuffcoming up.
You're definitely going to notwant to miss this show and the
(00:22):
other things that I got, thatI'm stern getting ready to go
for the rest of this yearBecause I don't know if you've
checked the calendar, if you'rewatching these live, if not,
it's OK.
And this calendar same thinghappens every year.
It's currently just first weekof October and it's like wow,
that means three months lefttill the end of the year and
(00:43):
there's kind of usually thatnatural of like, oh boy,
calendar year, how can I getthat done?
I'd make what I wanted tohappen happen.
So, yeah, so this is got somethings coming up so that you can
actually complete the yearfeeling good, feeling great, and
you're heading into next yeargoing like I can't wait, I'm
(01:03):
excited, I'm already ahead,because that's sometimes that's
the worst thing is alreadyfeeling behind.
And when you're behind,sometimes you just like you
don't even want to play the game, right?
I know when I was, when I was incollege, I had a roommate and
I'd play racquetball with himand he was the president of the
racquetball club at theuniversity and he would just
(01:26):
kick my ass every single timeLike maybe I would score a
couple points on him.
There was one day where I thinkhe was having an off day,
something was going on, but Iwas actually ahead of him, I was
about to win, and then herealized he's like oh, oh, no,
this is not happening.
And he came down from like 10points I can't remember how many
(01:49):
points in racquetball, but thepoint is I should have.
You know, it should have been awin for me if anyone would go
and but he comes from behind, hewakes up and then poop, poop,
poop, poop, poop and he beats me.
And after that I'm like, allright, it doesn't seem like
there's any chance of winning.
I'm just not going to playanymore.
(02:11):
So wouldn't the game of life bea lot more fun if it felt like
you had a chance of winning, orat least you felt like a winner
while you were playing the game?
Because that's the other thingis, there really is no winning,
there is no losing, it's just anongoing set of games.
So the whole point is are youenjoying your life?
If you're not enjoying yourlife yet, then you really, you
(02:31):
know you want to keep listeningto the show.
You want to probably talk to me, do one of my master classes or
do someone on one coaching withme.
So why do I use the word youhave an obligation to be happy?
Because this is for most people, that because chances are, if
you are taking your happinessseriously which is kind of funny
because it's like, shouldn't itjust be joyous, happy, fun
(02:55):
there is an element of you gotto take your happiness seriously
, so that when you're not happy,it's like okay, something needs
my attention.
So the reason I use the termobligation is because if you're
not taking your happinessseriously, then you're probably
taking your obligationsseriously.
There's probably some importantthings that must be done in
your life and you can't be happyuntil these things are checked
(03:18):
off of your lists, that areaccomplished and that you've
done the things that you'resupposed to do.
So really, what I'm asking isflip it around and make the
obligation your happiness,because a lot of people think
that their happiness isdependent on their success, and
that is old, bullshit ways ofdoing things.
I don't even know if that everworked for anybody.
(03:40):
I think a lot of people justsaid we don't know what else and
they just went with it.
Yet more and more, happiness iswhat drives success.
Happiness brings people in yourlife that bring opportunity.
It brings opportunities to youand it brings creativity, and
creativity, more and more, isthe driver of all success out
(04:04):
there, because we're getting toa point where just getting
things done, just moving stufffrom A to B, and humans don't
need to do it Self-driving carsthere's more and more automation
that the things that would havebeen very didn't require a lot
of thought, just repetitiveeffort.
It's not necessary anymore.
(04:26):
But what becomes important iswhat's new, what's innovative,
what's going to solve a problem,what's going to create
something that makes somebody gooh my gosh, wow, I want to pay
attention to this and I want topay for this, and happiness is
one of the things that bringsthat more and more and more.
The other important thing iswhat happens when you're not
(04:49):
happy and why it's an obligationis it's downright selfish when
you are allowing yourself to notbe happy, because what is
happening when you are not happy.
That means that you're allowingyourself to be in fear,
obligation and guilt, guilt orshame, and these things don't
(05:11):
just impact you, they impactthose around you.
So I, I still work at a techcompany and, like most tech
companies nowadays, there's,there's challenges, there's
issues, there is uncertainty,because you know the whole just
the industry and thenmacroeconomic conditions of you
know Is there gonna be arecession or we're in a
recession?
How long is the recession?
How bad is the recession?
(05:31):
The layoffs there's beenlayoffs.
Well, there'd be more layoffs.
Who are they gonna lay offsomebody soon?
All of these things they'reswimming around every tech
company and the thing is is doyou take that on or Do you
choose to take your happinessseriously and go, hey, yes,
(05:54):
these are all possibilities.
Yet right now, I got a job andI got some things to do and I'm
okay and I've been okay and I'mgonna be okay because I've the.
Last week I talked to a coupleco-workers.
One co-worker was a inparticularly very concerned
about like, am I gonna even havea job at the end of the year?
Am I even gonna be able tostill get paid?
(06:14):
All of these things just basedoff of pure fear, speculation,
wonder, and, as a result, he wasvery much worried about getting
things done.
He literally had the weight ofhis, of the company, the weight
of the company on Whether he wasable to get other people to do
to do tasks.
And I and I'm just like the,what you and me do it.
(06:36):
It matters more for the otherpeople we work with, but it
doesn't really have a giantimpact on.
You know the bottom line of thecompany, like we're.
You know we're doing $100,000million dollar Type tasks.
You know which is still notnothing.
Yet when we're talking theselarge tech companies, they're
(06:57):
talking billions, multi billiondollar Challenges, issues,
things like that.
It just it's about theperspective and it's not to say
that don't be a good steward of.
You know what the, thecompany's resources, but it's
like does adding on all thatunhappiness, that misery, that
fear.
Does that actually benefit?
When I told you about all thebenefits of being happy where
(07:20):
there's creativity and it'sisn't a creative solution to
these challenges Gonna be waymore valuable than just going
down checking boxes that we know, if not already, soon, a
Computer and AI is gonna be ableto do.
But if it's like, well, whatare the boxes that really need
to be checked, to move theneedle, to drive decision-making
(07:40):
or to be able to createsomething that's gonna provide
value, that's gonna bring in,you know, the revenue to make
all of these supposed problemsgo away.
Isn't that where the focusshould be?
And so, you know, had thisdiscussion, you know, just going
back and forth, and at the endto just my, my happiness, sort
of my optimism, rubbed off andhe's like, yeah, I guess, I
(08:02):
guess, yeah, I, maybe I don'thave to be Before seeing other
people to do these things.
You know, I just need to letthem know.
And then let People above meknow like, hey, you know, I
asked and this is where theysaid they're at and this is
where I think it should be.
And let's, if we should dosomething different, let me know
.
Otherwise we'll move on, markin the risk, and we're gonna do
(08:25):
the best we can move themforward.
Maybe we'll find some creativeways to do the difference.
How cool is that?
And then I was talking toanother co-worker who was also,
you know she was she wasactually not feeling well
because I was like there'ssomething, something up, like
things they're taking way longerthan expected, and like the
quality wasn't there and I waslike what's, what's going on at
(08:45):
everything, okay, and she said,actually I've haven't been been
feeling well and I was like, oh,that's.
She gave me something specificand I don't really want to share
what that specific ailment isbecause that's that's her
business.
But I was like, you know, onceI had some some really bad hives
(09:06):
that really bothered me onceand it was really interesting
because I hadn't had hives forover three decades.
And then, you know, my dadsends me this package of of
Nicknacks and others,Memorabilia and mementos and
things like that, just out ofthe blue.
He didn't say that he wassending in his pictures and
stuff of me and him and I tookit like what is?
Does he not want anything to dowith me?
(09:27):
You know, this is myinterpretation of it.
And I then broke out in hivesand I was like what is?
What is going on?
Like I'm out of Starbucks witha friend of mine, I just start
itching in my armpits and I Afriend of mine was like, well,
yes, say hi means something'sgetting under your skin.
(09:50):
And I have this, this book thatis called.
It's called does your body lieby Louis Martin's Samoas.
You know, I am.
I'm not a medical doctor.
I am, I am a doctor, I have adoctorate, so I'm not a medical
doctor.
I'm a kind of doctor that likesto help people.
That's a joke.
But is it a joke or is it tootrue?
(10:10):
I don't know anyway.
So you know, none of this is,I'm gonna say, medical advice.
Yet there is starting to be moreand more research that any
ailments, issues, challengeswith the body are more tied to
our emotional state or thingsthat have happened in our past,
or outlook, and then anythingexternal.
And Even if there are externalthings that happen, how we deal
(10:34):
with them, how we work with them, has again more to do with how
we are emotionally,psychologically, mentally able
to work with and handle them.
And this book, this does yourbody lie, allow some, some clues
for literally as any ailmentyou could possibly think of.
And so I go, it went, and lookup this, the ailment, and it's
(10:56):
like this often happens whensomebody's feeling ungrounded in
the area of their family, theirwork or their personal
relationships.
And you know, I asked, I askedif I could, you know, share this
with her.
I didn't, because, again, it'slike some people, they're
happily being unhappy, Because,again, I know for myself like I
had neck, neck and shoulder andall these issues for the the
(11:19):
longest time and it was and ithit me once that or I'm like, oh
shit, if I suddenly didn't haveany neck or shoulder issues,
then I wouldn't have a reason togo spend any time on my own or
get myself Taking care of or gotalk to people that aren't just
co-workers or you know the, thefriends I had had at that time.
And I'm like boy, I have avested interest in staying
(11:43):
Quote-unquote unwell in this,and so it's.
I never want to take anythingaway from somebody Because,
again, I didn't want somebody totake that away at that time.
Now I'm very, very there'splenty of things that I want to
do, people I want to hang out,things I want to see and do.
I'm very happy to not have anychallenges, but I go and I look
(12:04):
up and you know I read this toher and she says like, oh my
gosh, that that just it'sexactly what I've been
experiencing like as my daughterjust went away to college and
I've, you know, experienced aBreakup recently.
And it's like you, we know the,the uncertainty of work
currently and she's, you know,and, and you know, did it make
(12:27):
her feel better instantly.
Yet it brought an awareness towhere some challenges are.
That have, you know, been facingher for a long time and I often
like to think the body is our,is our kind of our own personal
Admin what it comes to ourlife's challenges.
You know, admin, arecord-keeper recorder, where if
(12:49):
something really horriblehappens and we're we're not able
to fully address it at the time, the body just kind of goes oh,
okay, challenging situationwith, with family, like all
right, let's put that in thelower back.
Oh, um, okay, yeah, it's workis not not fulfilling.
Let's Feels like we have tocontrol everything, like we'll
(13:10):
just put that in some tension inthe shoulders, in the neck, and
which is is brilliant, it'sbrilliant.
Our body is not, is not ourenemy, our body is our friend.
It's often I know I haven't,but how often you look at your
body as being on your side, asyour ally.
Often it's like it's the enemy,something to be subjugated,
(13:30):
beaten, overcome, and a lot oftimes the way most workouts are
like a crossfit or a marathon,where it's just like, oh, you
just got to beat the body intosubmission and just you don't
want to pay attention to it,something to be overcome?
Yeah, I again that's.
That's kind of a bullshit wayof working with, with the world
(13:54):
and with your body.
It's like a going what, what'sthe message here?
What, what are we supposed tolearn?
And then taking it seriously aspart of our happiness of, okay,
there's something that needs tobe addressed.
And it's amazing, when thosethings get addressed, the body
starts going like all right, Ican, I can let this go, I can
feel a little bit better, I canbe a little bit healthier, and
(14:17):
it's it's a guide to help go inthe direction of happiness.
If you're, if you're living acertain way and your body is
having issues, it is telling youyou are not going in the
direction of your happiness.
It is using that pain as asignal to do something different
.
Like when you put your hand ona stove, it goes out and you
(14:40):
usually we go, oh, I should takemy hand off of the stove.
It's that simple.
And and any other area of ourlife is actually just that's not
saying it's easy, because it'snot usually like oh, this, this
job or this relationship iscausing me pain.
I can immediately get out of it, like we can immediately get
out of the touching of the stoveStove yeah, sorry, I started to
(15:02):
think about the oven.
Yet when we have the awareness,we can start to see the whole
picture and see like, okay, well, where, where can I start to
unwind this?
Where can I start to get out ofthis unhappy situation or shift
it into something happier?
Sometimes all it is is abouthaving a conversation right,
having conversation withsomebody.
And so when you're when you'rethat unhappy, I mean so it
(15:25):
starts to affect your ability todo what you need to do, how you
work with other people.
That starts to impact otherpeople.
They start to pick up on it andit does start to this impact
the next generation.
You know another, another friendof mine messaged me and said
hey, does he, does any of thestuff you do?
Does this work on?
(15:46):
So, this work on Younger,younger people.
Because, because my child islike not feeling good about what
they've done, they said theydon't have any pride in anything
they've done since they were.
They were like eight years oldand I'm just like, oh my, and
I'm just thinking.
I'm like this is, this isbecause this person I Blah,
(16:13):
because this person same age asme, and you know we got.
Actually, you know, I've knowneach other for a long time and
I'm I'm just going I this likelack of pride.
I'm like I know, I know thisfriend has it, I know I've had
it and we pass these thingsbecause we demonstrate that
these things are okay at verysubtle levels to those around us
(16:33):
.
And so if it's it's youngerpeople, they're picking it up
too and seem like I guess it'snot okay to be proud of just
Doing, doing great things thatare simple yet very important
and very meaningful, that thingshave to be amazing.
Because I've seen this myselfwhere it's like my best-selling
book I've For for quite a whileI was like I don't think it's
(16:57):
best-selling enough.
It's like, by all the criteriathat everyone has said, that
makes a best-seller.
I had a best-seller, yet I'mlike but I but it wasn't enough
and it's like what the fuck doesthat mean?
Is it enough?
It is Celebrate it, and when wedo that and then we pass that
on and say it's okay, it's notokay.
(17:18):
So this is why you have anobligation to be happy, because
if you do not fulfill thatobligation, you are selfishly
making other people miserable.
It really is just if thatdirection shows other people.
This is the direction to go to,and there really is just kind
(17:40):
of two directions.
You're either going thedirection of your happiness or
you're not, and it's not to saythat everything is going to be
happy.
I liken it very much to having aclean and tidy house.
It's like are you moving thedirection of a clean and tidy
house or are you moving in thedirection of a stage four
fucking hoarder?
Now I grew up in mostly like ahoarding style home where it was
(18:05):
, oh shit, people are comingover, like all right, let's
clear at least one room and thenwe'll just pack some other
rooms with shit and trash andgarbage.
And if a whole bunch of peopleare going to be like staying
over, like visiting, that was,oh my gosh, that's a lot of work
to clear out the entire house.
The garage is just going to beridiculous at that point.
(18:29):
Nobody going to the garage, andso you know.
But it's like, are you going inthe direction of continual
tidiness?
Because you know every now andthen someone's going to send you
a bunch of things or you'regoing to make some purchases or
whatever.
But the question is, are yougoing to allow that, to let you
start going back in the otherdirection, towards the hoarding,
(18:49):
or are you going to go?
Okay, now I've got some morestuff yet I want to go in the
direction of clean and tidy.
And it's like that with ourhappiness.
It's like, okay, somethinghappened, like you know, lost
the job, loved one, died, youknow.
It's like, okay, let's assess,let's accept it, let's really
get to it.
That's really kind of whatgrieving, and a lot of these, is
just to like really be in thepresent moment, to assess where
(19:13):
we are now from, where we wentwhen something changed.
And then the question is wheredo you want to go from there?
And so you know how long ittakes to grieve something or to
process that.
Again, that can depend on thesituation.
Again, it's not going to be therest of your life, that much I
know for sure.
Yet from what I've heard andagain this is a little bit
(19:35):
ancient traditions ofenlightenment that it's the more
that we are, have cleared outwhat has happened in the past,
the more that these, thesefeelings can be felt, processed
on nearly instantly.
Now I'm not there, yet I mightstrive to get closer and closer,
because again, I'm taking myseer, my happiness, seriously.
And if you take your happinessseriously again.
(19:59):
You're going to find ways likeall right, I'm angry, I'm sad,
I'm depressed, I'm anxious.
This is not acceptable tocontinue this way.
I accept that this is thepresent moment and that I'm
going to take responsibility andI'm going to move, find a way
to move in the direction ofhappiness.
(20:20):
I'm going to find the rightpeople.
I'm going to learn the rightthings.
I'm going to start taking somedifferent actions and behaviors
in my towards happiness, becauseit's my obligation for those
around me that I care about andmyself, because if I don't do it
, it's going to damage my body,it's going to damage my
relationships and it's justgoing to make for an unhappy
(20:44):
world, and that really is.
It's not the point of living.
Point of living is to play forthe joy of playing the game of
life, and if you're not enjoyingthe game again, there is no
winning, there is no losing.
There's just how you enjoy thegame.
So enjoy the game and play itas best you can.
(21:06):
And with that I'm going to letyou go.
Remember podcast atJustinWinkcom If you have any
questions, suggestions for theshow, follow me on social media
JustinWinkPhD, instagram, tiktok, facebook, linkedin and do
connect with me.
Do follow, do like, subscribe,rate this five stars and tell a
(21:29):
friend if you think like, oh mygosh, this guy's got something.
Oh and, and the exciting stuffcoming up for the end of the
year so that you can more easilybe taking your happiness
seriously is I'm going to startdoing a monthly masterclass to
help you unlock your ideal life10x faster.
So each month so be looking forthis it's going to be about 30
(21:54):
to 40-ish minutes.
Where I'm going to, I'm goingto teach you something and you
are going to be able to leavewith.
You're going to go like, oh mygosh, now I know something to do
, I have something so that I canget up one step closer towards
my ideal life, my happy life.
And then three weeks, so three,I'm working on making the ship
(22:17):
some more simple.
I know I've made a lot of mystuff way too complicated, but
basically every week there'sgoing to be an offering and I'm
looking at making it Wednesdays,wednesdays at noon Pacific.
So once a month it's going tobe a little bit longer form,
masterclass style.
And then the other three weeksof the month it's going to be
like a really, really quick.
(22:39):
So I'm going to be livestreaming about 10, 15 minutes,
some nuggets of wisdom thatyou're not going to want to miss
.
Yet the really cool thing is,for those that sign up, you're
going to get to come and enjoysome private one-on-one coaching
where it's just going to be you, me and about three or four
other people so very small groupgoing to do some hot seat
(23:00):
one-on-one.
Where you come, you're likeJustin, I have this issue and
boom, we're going to give you alittle something to get you
going to get that handled, andit's going to be amazing.
You're not going to want tomiss it, and so I can only do
about like five people.
So when the signups go up,you're going to want to get on
that, because once the seats arefilled up, it's going to be
waitlist and more or less firstcome, first serves.
(23:23):
So if you've done it already,I'll put you at the back of the
waitlist, whatever, so that wecan give some new people a shot.
But I really want to reach somemore people, get them moving the
direction of happiness, becauseif you are not living the life
you want, like something iswrong.
Something is wrong and it's upto you to figure it out, and you
don't have to figure it outalone.
(23:44):
I've figured out a lot of itand I'm here to help you take
that next step.
So it can be easeful, joyfuland amazing.
So with that, see you next time, appreciate it and with that,
good day.
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