December 3, 2024 • 43 mins
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As we watched our firstborn, Parker, step out into the world, a kaleidoscope of emotions unfolded. This bittersweet moment underscores the profound importance of nurturing deep connections with our children. Our special guest, Katie Merrill, an insightful mother of three and business owner, joins us to introduce the Shared Journal, a heartwarming tool crafted to bolster parent-child relationships through open and empathetic communication. Katie shares how the journal’s simple but powerful design, featuring blank pages for organic discussions and thoughtful response guides, can become a cherished keepsake as families weave their stories together over time.
Join us as we explore the transformative potential of journaling in enriching family dynamics and promoting mental well-being. Writing down thoughts is a therapeutic exercise that can help lighten mental burdens and provide clarity, empowering both parents and children to navigate their emotions more effectively. By naming and addressing emotions through writing, families can move towards constructive solutions and reinforce positive affirmations and self-confidence. We discuss practical ways to incorporate journaling into daily routines with a focus on building healthier mental states and fostering secure attachments—a gift that could reshape the mental health landscape for generations to come.
Discover how journaling can become a meaningful tradition within your family, offering a space for self-discovery and reflection away from the pressures of social media. Shared and personal journals serve as a sanctuary for capturing special memories and facilitating heartfelt exchanges between parents and children. By sharing our own stories, we illustrate how these journals can strengthen familial bonds and develop writing skills, offering children a safe space to express their feelings. We also emphasize the importance of allowing kids to control their journaling process to ensure it remains a delightful and voluntary activity. With journaling as a gentle guide, we can nurture a culture of openness and security that empowers our children to face life's challenges with resilience and grace.
The Thriving Family Accelerator provides an easy, 3-step process to lower stress, parent as a united team, and enjoy a true friendship with your spouse & relationship with your kids. Sign up now for this live parent coaching with proven methods for positively engaging your family and redistributing the mental load.
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Looking for things to combat boredom and bolster growth in your kids? Check out our Tame the Tech Bundle and the Best Me I Can Be Journal!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jordan Langdon (00:01):
Hey, welcome back parents.
You know, thank you for sharingour show with others.
We are hitting some newdownload records and it's
because of you.
You have been texting them outand emailing them out to people
in your network and we are so,so grateful.
So please, if today's episodeblesses you in any way, please
(00:23):
be sure to share it with thosein your circle.
Okay, you know how we alwaystalk about those critical few
things that we need to focus onwhen it comes to raising kids.
Well, why do we talk about that?
Because it's not possible as aparent to do it all, to cover
(00:43):
everything.
So we really want to focus ondoing the right things.
And I got to tell you ouroldest child, parker, just left
home this week.
He flew the nest.
I sent the first birdie out ofthe nest.
My husband and I and we weregiving each other a hug and
(01:04):
waving at him as he pulled outof the driveway.
And I tell you what it isamazing, the things that go
through your mind when you'rewaving goodbye to your child.
So I was reflecting on a letterthat I wrote him and gave him
the morning that he left, andthe message was really simple
you are loved no matter what,Just as God, the Father, will
(01:28):
welcome you back and never leaveyou.
You are welcome back at ourhome and you will always have a
place in our lives.
So, parents, one thing that iscritical in raising a child is
that they have a deep level ofconnection with you.
If they know that they're safeand secure at home, everything
(01:51):
else becomes easier for them.
So today on our show I have aguest with us who has developed
a tool for kids and parents touse to help deepen their
connection and their bond.
So welcome to the Families ofCharacter Show, katie Merrill.
Katie Merrill (02:11):
Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited.
Jordan Langdon (02:15):
Katie, I am all about the practical tools to
help us with those critical fewactivities that we need to be
doing to raise kids of greatcharacter and kids who are well
bonded and securely attached.
As a therapist for 20 years, Iam all about a tool that helps
with this kind of stuff, and youhave developed one of these
(02:35):
practical tools we can use withour kids and that's why I wanted
to bring you on our show.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour family and this amazing
tool that you developed.
Katie Merrill (02:48):
Yeah, so I'm a mom of three girls so they're
eight, six and five and, likeall parents, I'm constantly
searching for ways and tools tohelp me have a stronger
connection with them and developmore empathetic conversation
and communication with them.
I'm a huge believer that if Ican just set the stage now and
(03:09):
that they can trust me withtheir big thoughts and feelings
and emotions, that when we getinto the teenage years it's
going to be a lot easier forthem to kind of express things.
So I created the Shared Journaland it's a journal for parents
and kids to share.
And what makes our journal alittle bit different than the
ones that are on the market isthere's no prompts, so there's
(03:32):
no questions or answers that youspecifically have to answer.
So it's a really organic wayfor you guys to have
conversations about whatever ishappening in your lives.
And originally, when I createdthe journals, I was thinking
that me and my kids would usethis and that parents would use
this for, like, toughconversations you know the ones
that are hard to have face toface, you know.
(03:54):
Or, as your kids get older,maybe they have little mess ups
or there's, they heard somethingand they're really nervous to
bring it to you and look you inthe eye and talk about it and I
thought, oh, this would be agreat way for them to kind of
introduce things to me that'shappening in their lives.
But it's really marked into somuch more and it's become a
really sweet outlet for us justto communicate and grow and
(04:18):
learn more about each other.
Jordan Langdon (04:20):
Okay, so a shared journal.
So tell us a little bit aboutthis.
Do you have a copy that you canshow?
If you're watching on YouTube,be sure to tune in.
Or if you're not watching, youcan always catch us on the
Families of Character ShowYouTube channel.
So show us on screen, Katie,this shared journal.
I've looked at it online and itis gorgeous.
Katie Merrill (04:42):
Thank you, Well, okay, so I've got two.
So I've got there's one for dadspecifically, and then there's
one for moms, and they each comein the same colors.
And so what's it?
I wanted to create somethingthat was keepsake quality,
because one of the things thatI've noticed when writing in
them with my own kids is thatI'm able to put in stories that
(05:04):
we've experienced together, andI want them to be able to have
this and for it to last whenthey become their you know, a
mom themselves, and they canread the lessons that we went
through or just like smalllittle things that happened in
our day.
And so all of our journals startoff with ways that you can use
(05:25):
this and the benefits of sharedjournaling.
And then I wanted to make surethat, if you are ever stuck in
conversations, that we do offerlike 20 conversation starters
and responses that are reallyempathetic, that kind of just
kind of get you started If yourkid tells you something that you
weren't expecting and you'renot quite sure how to respond in
(05:46):
a way that's going to keep themtalking.
And then there's also you knowresponses and ways for you know,
you guys, to start theconversations off.
And then there's a my Letter toyou, page where you can really
set the intentions that you haveand what you want you and your
child to get out of having thejournal.
And then what makes ourjournals different?
Like I said, they're blankpages but on the bottom of each
(06:10):
page there are three quickresponse guides.
So there's a write to me, alet's talk and an I need.
So, let's say, my children, forexample, sometimes they'll write
me a note and they'll check theI need and then they'll write
in a hug and that's really allthat they need.
You know they don't want tokeep talking about it or they
don't, you know, want me to keepharping on whatever lesson
(06:30):
we're talking about and theyreally just need more of a
physical connection.
And sometimes they write thingsand they're like they want me
to come and talk to them.
Or sometimes they write to meand they're like I want to see
what she has to say first beforeI see her face to face, you
know.
So they'll just, they'll justlike hey, you know what, Just
write to me first.
And especially if they're goingthrough something where it's
(06:51):
like their emotions are a littleheightened, you know they're
like they and they need thattime to kind of internalize and
calm down.
The write to me option isreally great because it allows
both of us the time to thinkabout what we want to say and
how we want to say it and thencommunicate with each other, so
(07:12):
it's a really great supplementaltool.
It's not taking away in any wayfrom face-to-face communication
.
It's just a way to bridge thegaps in communication that you
may have with your child a wayto bridge the gaps in
communication that you may havewith your child.
Jordan Langdon (07:28):
I love this so much.
Yeah, as a therapist for 20years and seeing the division
and the disconnection and themiscommunication between parents
and their kids, this is such abeautiful like you said bridge
between some of those bigconversations that they don't
want to have in person or faceto face, and just even for the
small things and, like you said,the memories that you want to
(07:50):
keep by writing these storiesand experiences to each other.
So this is a journal that sayshi mom or hi dad on the front,
and the goal is to write in it,pass it back and forth and do it
at whatever pace is whateverpace.
Katie Merrill (08:07):
Yeah, yeah, you know, so you can create a
schedule if you want, like youknow, like your child, or let's
say you're a split home and yourchild leaves it.
They take it with them whenthey're at dad's house or mom's
house and then when they comeback and you flip flop, then
you've got you know their, theirwritings while they were away,
and it's a really sweet way tostay connected.
(08:29):
And yeah, and one of the thingsthat I love about it that I
struggle as a parent, with mytone, my tone of voice, so I can
be giving them, saying them,telling them something, and I
think that I'm coming acrossvery encouraging, but they see
it as like, oh, mom's comingdown on me, and so one of the
things I love about the journalis I'm able to give them lessons
(08:49):
or at least explain where I'mcoming from, and there's no tone
of voice to it, and so I foundthat that's been very, very
helpful.
Jordan Langdon (08:58):
Yes, yes, you give them an opportunity to look
at it in text first, right, andwrite in form first.
You know what else I love aboutthis, katie, is just the
handwriting aspect of it.
We've had people on our show totalk about the importance of
taking what's on your mind andputting it onto paper and the
(09:19):
science behind how that freesyou up so that you don't have
this mental load that you'recarrying around, so to be able
to take those things that youthink about as a parent and
you're going, oh man, I reallywant to talk to him about this,
or oh, we've got to have thatconversation about that.
Instead of keeping that on thiskind of spinning loop in your
(09:41):
mind and hoping that youremember to have the
conversation, you could jot thatdown in the journal and then
pass that back and forth so thatit's not weighing you down and
that you remind yourself andyour child that this is
something you want to chat about.
Katie Merrill (09:55):
Yeah, exactly, and our lives are so busy these
days between extracurricularsand work and school, and
especially if you have multiples, their voices, can you know,
whether intentionally or not,can get lost in the day and they
may not have or find the time,you know, in the day to sit you
down and say this is reallybothering me and I need to talk
(10:18):
about this, and I don't know how.
Or I've even noticed, you know,that by the end of the week my
girls are just combusting, Likethey've just like everything
that they've dealt with the week, that they just kind of pushed
aside.
It just causes a meltdown andso it's been a really great way
for them to at least get it outof their head.
Like you said, get it on paperand there's that sort of, you
(10:41):
know, therapeutic aspect of it,and then they can pass it to me
and let me know how they want meto respond to it, and then I
can find the time in my day torespond back to it and give it
back to them.
But that's so right, becauseI've noticed I've been
journaling for probably over 20years and when you have these
(11:02):
thoughts in your mind and yourmind can just go on a roller
coaster, I mean, it can just getaway from you really fast.
And when you do take the timeto sit down and put a physical
word to how you're feeling orwhat you're thinking about, it
makes it so much more manageable, Because now you're like okay,
now I can see it in physicalform.
It's not just this abstractthought that's just floating
(11:23):
around, you know, coming in andout of my consciousness.
And when you see it in physicalform and I've noticed this with
my kids too it's like, oh okay,that's not as big of a deal as
I thought.
So it's been really therapeuticfor me and for them.
Jordan Langdon (11:41):
Two things I think of when I hear you talk
about the written form and justputting your thoughts and
emotions into writing.
One is a little catchphrasethat we use in therapy all the
time.
Name it to tame it.
Katie Merrill (11:54):
Right yeah.
Jordan Langdon (11:55):
You have some big emotions.
That is causing a lot ofdistress.
The thing that's missing is howto explain it.
Right.
What are the words?
I need to really explain how mybody is feeling inside.
And so, if you can get used toputting a word to it and kind of
scanning your mind to figureout, is this, you know?
(12:16):
Am I terrified, am Iembarrassed, is this nerve
wracking?
And then you can pick that wordand then put it into writing
and eject that from your mindout onto paper.
Then you're able to dosomething about it.
Right, when you can see yourproblem in written form in front
of you, you have the ability tomove towards a solution.
(12:38):
Ability to move towards asolution.
Or, like you said at the bottomof the page, how it, how.
There's those three prompts toask you kind of what you need.
You can decide do I just need ahug?
Do I need some verbalvalidation?
And to train kids at a youngage to do this method of of like
sitting with their feelings,writing them and and naming what
(12:58):
they're going through and thengetting someone in their close
you know relationship to buy inon this issue and to relate to
them in this way is just awesomeLike whoa.
The mental health of adultswould be like just amazing in 10
(13:19):
, 20 years if all of our youngchildren started doing this at a
young age.
It just helps their copingtools like so much.
Katie Merrill (13:29):
And it's not even just for the negative emotions.
Like I have written in my girlsjournals just a full page of I
am statements, you know, I amworthy, I am loved, I'm accepted
, I'm safe.
And I just want them topractice reading those.
Because it's not just for thenegative things, for the
positive things too.
Because if you, if you'reconstantly just putting out all
(13:52):
your positives but you're notfeeding yourself, or you're
putting out the negatives butnot feeding yourself the
positives, you know you're goingto be in a deficit because
you're like okay, well, I don'tknow what, if I'm not going to
think that, then what should Ithink?
And so giving them thoseaffirmations, and especially
starting with affirmations at ayoung age and in one spot, it's
really just helping them buildthat self-confidence to be able
(14:14):
to say, okay, well, if I'm notscared, what am I?
I'm safe, you know.
And even if you're just givingthem, um, like when I journal,
I'll take you know verses out ofthe Bible and I'll write and
I'll write it down, and thenI'll just journal off of that,
you know, cause it's like okay,well, what's God telling me
about myself?
Okay, then I'm going to journalabout that and I'm going to
write it in a way that'saffirming to me, you know, and
(14:37):
relate it to my life.
And so, like I said, it's notjust for the, because, you know,
when I started the journal, Iwas like, well, this would be
great for all their big emotionsthat they don't know how to
handle, but it's also a way oflike, no, let's talk about what
we do want.
You know, what do you want outof this year, you know?
Or before the school year, wejournaled.
I was like, what are you wantto put pen to paper to, and
(14:59):
where do you want me to come inand help you at?
You know what are some markersthat you want to have?
You know, okay, in three monthsand six months, this is where I
want to be.
And so it really is a way forparents and kids to communicate
in a way that doesn't get lost,and it also gets a little bit
more concrete because it's like,okay, I've written that down.
You know, this is my goal, momknows my goal, dad knows my goal
(15:22):
and, uh, you know we'll checkin, like they said.
So, yeah, it's not just for thenegative stuff, it's for the
positive stuff too, because thatI feel like that is just as
important.
Jordan Langdon (15:31):
Totally.
You made such a good point thatif we don't have something
positive, prepared and handy,and if we're trying to get rid
of some negativity in our lives,we don't have that thing to
replace it with, and so our mindwill automatically shift back
to those automatic negativethoughts, those events.
We call them right, yeah.
(15:53):
And so it's so important tohave, like you said, a reference
sheet of oh no, if I'm stuckhere, you know, with this
negative experience I had atschool or at work or whatever, I
can flip to that page and, andyou know, see the affirmations
that are true and get rid ofthose lies.
So I love that that you put thatin there.
(16:14):
The other thing I want tohighlight is, just as a mom
myself, like you, can getoverwhelmed by all the things on
Instagram and Pinterest.
Right, as a mom, well, we canget overwhelmed by all the
things on Instagram andPinterest, right as a mom.
Well, we've got to get thesebooks and we have to do these
things and we have to keep aphoto album and a digital album
and like, how am I going toremember all my kids' most
precious things?
I love the idea of just havingthis like by your nightstand or
(16:39):
in a special place where it'sout and you can see it, so that
you'll use it on a day-to-daybasis.
And then the fact that youcreated it to be a keepsake like
it's quality, it has a hardcover and it's something that
you could tuck into a littlekeepsake box for them, and then
when you send them out the frontdoor like I did with my oldest
(17:00):
son you can tuck that littlebook in their suitcase and they
can take it with them.
Katie Merrill (17:05):
Yeah, and there's and it's a great way to just
like there's so many lessons andlike little phrases that my mom
or dad has told me as I'vegrown up and I can't remember
them all, you know all the timeand I would love to be able to
look back and be like, oh, youknow, when I was, when I was 15,
going through my first breakup,look at this letter my mom
wrote me, you know, and theadvice that she gave me then,
(17:26):
and then I can take that and useit for my own daughter, and so
I do love that.
It's really been just a greatexperience for us.
Jordan Langdon (17:36):
So good, okay.
So tell us like the difference,like our dad's getting into
this, because there's a high momand a high dad, so dad's
engaging with their kids in thiswritten way.
Katie Merrill (17:46):
Yeah, so it's been very interesting.
So, since we have three girls,you know my husband's a full-on
girl dad and so he has a journalwith each of our older two
girls and it's been veryinteresting to see the dichotomy
between what they share withhim and what they share with me.
I get a lot of the very rawemotions, like friendships or
(18:10):
battles, that they and I arehaving, or maybe deep emotions,
and they seek him for a lot ofvalidation.
A lot of.
You know, how am I doing?
Like, am I a hard worker?
And they want him to tell themI love you and I get a lot of
self-confidence from dad andhe's really feeding into that
(18:33):
and you know, what's been reallysweet is that they feed into
him too, and sometimes they'lljust write him a note and
they'll say we see how hardyou're working.
And for a dad to have that sortof just you know just what's
the word Like that validation.
Validation and support from yourkids to see, like you know,
(18:54):
that they see how hard you'reworking, because that's such a
hard job to be a dad.
And for your kids to say youknow, we see that it brought
tears to his eyes.
He's like I don't even you knowthey don't, because you know
your kids seem so, you know,preoccupied all the time.
They don't, you don't thinkthat they see all the hard work
you're putting in and for asmuch validation that he's giving
them in their journals, they'regiving it right back and that's
(19:16):
been a really sweet experiencethat they've had.
That I was not expecting.
Jordan Langdon (19:21):
Wow.
Katie Merrill (19:22):
Yeah.
Jordan Langdon (19:27):
That makes so much sense too, because they do
have different relationshipswith their moms and dads, and so
to have their own separatelittle book for dad and then for
dad to get those little warmand fuzzies like they do too.
It's just such a win-win and Iimagine that this doesn't have
to be like, oh, a long drawn outthing, like a couple sentences
back and forth.
Katie Merrill (19:47):
You know our six-year-old I mean she's a
pretty good writer but I meanfor her I put her sight words in
her journal so that she's ableto.
It helps with writing practiceand writing literacy but also
helps her kind of put herthoughts out there and get them
straight.
Literacy but also helps herkind of put her thoughts out
there and get them straight.
And sometimes it's just like Ilove you, I see how hard you're
(20:09):
working, or thank you for makingmy favorite food, you know, and
when.
So our girls don't have phonesand the aspect of it that they
really really enjoy is it's likea little secret between mom and
dad.
You know it's their secretbecause they don't share their
journals with their sisters andmy husband and I really don't
try not to share too much aboutwhat we're talking about with
them, and so they love havingthis secret communication of
(20:33):
like, oh, it's just me and mom.
And in the same way that ourkids love to have, just like
mother-daughter dates orfather-daughter dates it's the
exact same thing but on a muchsmaller scale of just having
that, you know that one-on-oneattention, and they really soak
that up.
Jordan Langdon (20:52):
This is so good, every bit of this I'm like wow,
I just my mind is just racingwith different like ideas about
how, I don't know just I canimagine my daughter, annie,
who's 10, using this journal andjust having wildly different
conversations with me than shedoes her dad.
(21:13):
I mean, even when we spendone-on-one time together.
It's so different the way sheprepares for like a date with
her dad.
It's so different the way sheprepares for like a date with
her dad.
Katie Merrill (21:24):
Yeah, she is like .
Jordan Langdon (21:25):
I am going to be on time and early and ready for
him to like it means a lot andtake me, yes, and get my hair
right and like really just youknow, she thinks about it for
like two days ahead of time, youknow, and so I imagine that
this connection is so much morethan we even can like dream up,
until you start engaging thejournal with your child Right
(21:47):
and you know, and it can growwith you.
Katie Merrill (21:48):
And that's the great thing about it being
promptless is that it can growwith you as your family matures
and as your conversations mature.
And so what can start off asbeing just, you know, quick,
little, you know, one to twolines can really transform as
they get older and things getmore complex.
And one of the things that Iused the journal for this summer
(22:12):
was I saw a situation that myoldest daughter was in where she
was doing something and she wasgetting really frustrated but
she didn't give up and she keptgoing, and that experience
didn't mean much to her, right,but I saw her perseverance and
so I wrote about that story inher journal because I wanted her
to see you know you've donehard things before.
(22:33):
Let's go back and look, youknow, the next time you're
trying to do something and it'snot working out the way you want
it to look, you've got.
I've recorded plenty of timeswhere you've done hard things in
the past and so even you know,as their kids get older, it's
like hey, listen, I know thisseems big, but that seemed big.
You know, when you were littlethat was big and you know, my
(22:53):
grandmother always used to sayyou know, little kids have
little problems, big kids havebig problems, but there's still
problems.
You know, and sometimes youneed somebody in your corner
that's saying hey look, we'vealready done big stuff.
You know, this is just anotherbig thing in a different shape,
and so it really is it can bewhatever you need it to be, on,
(23:17):
whatever day.
Jordan Langdon (23:18):
You know, and and again, we talk about this in
therapy all the time whenyou're going through something,
I'll I'll frequently asksomebody you know and again, we
talk about this in therapy allthe time when you're going
through something.
I'll frequently ask somebody,you know, when was a time in
your life that you rememberstruggling to this degree?
And they'll usually go, no,never, never.
I've never struggled like this.
This is the worst.
And I'll say, okay, let's justrewind time a little bit.
Let's just think about the mostoverwhelming thing that you've
(23:39):
been through.
And then they get into that andthey're like, oh, that was bad.
And I'm like I think it was bad, and what did you do to help
yourself through that?
Or who was in your corner?
What was happening that helpedyou persevere and get through?
Katie Merrill (23:53):
that.
Jordan Langdon (23:58):
And then it's those same things and those same
people that can help them todaywith their issues.
So even better to have itwritten down so that you could
go back through yourself andfind those difficult times and
go like what did I say about howyou know how that turned out,
or what I did to cope, or whatdid my parent, who has even more
wisdom tell me about you knowthat particular incident and how
(24:20):
could that help me today?
So, yeah, this is so good.
Katie Merrill (24:24):
And that even goes for positive things, like
when we see our kids doingthings like, hey, you know what,
I've noticed, you know.
And we can just point out theirpositive habits, like hey, I've
noticed that every day you knowyou're getting up on time and
you're eating your breakfast andyou know what.
You've done it for six weeksand I've noticed that your
grades are improving.
Or I've noticed that you knowyou're doing better at your
basketball or whatever sport youplay.
(24:45):
And so it's you can.
It's just a great way, becauseour kids, you know, we think
when you're yourself, you thinkabout yourself a lot, but we
tend to have really negativethoughts automatically about
ourselves.
And so, and kids, especially asthey're growing and they're
changing so rapidly,everything's always new.
But when you're a parent andyou can look at them from the
(25:07):
outside, you know, as a parent,we already see them, you know,
we always we love them, nomatter what they're doing.
And so we view what they'redoing and we can write it out
and be like look at how wellyou're doing right now, you know
the next time you kind of feellike you're in a funk.
Okay, well, what was going when?
Everything was going right?
What were you doing?
What were your habits?
All right, well, let's justcircle back and go back to that.
(25:27):
You know what I mean.
So it really goes both wayspositive and negatives in our
lives.
Jordan Langdon (25:35):
Yes, that's so true.
You, you brought up somethingthat I talk about.
Like what is the your wellnessrecipe?
Like what are the ingredientsfor you to be functioning at the
most optimal level, and forkids I think that's a great
thing to write about in thisjournal is like, okay, you, you
seem to be in a real positivemood, Things seem to be going
really well.
(25:55):
Like maybe you could tell mewhat all you're doing, you know
on a day-to-day basis, so thatthis could be kind of the
ingredients for the recipe ofthe best you you could be you
know, and then go back andreference that.
I love that.
That is awesome idea.
So I got to ask you, katie, likeyou've been using this for a
while with your own daughters,how do you kind of be sure that
(26:20):
you're consistent with this,that the journal doesn't get
lost, that all of a suddenyou're not like, oh, it's been
three weeks and we don't knowwhere the journal is, or we
aren't using it anymore?
Katie Merrill (26:31):
Yeah, so surprisingly, because things do
get lost very easily they havedone.
It really matters to them.
The journal really matters tothem, and so I noticed that it's
never not in the spot that theylike to keep it in their room.
So I let them keep it and thatway when they have something
that they want to write about,they can just bring it to me.
(26:52):
But sometimes if I havesomething to write about like,
hey, can I use your journal orcan I use our journal, and
they'll be like, oh yeah, theyget so excited when they think
I'm going to write something andso they've done.
It matters to them, and so I'venoticed that they take really
good care of it.
But I also don't push it.
I also don't say, hey, wehaven't written in our journal
lately, because I never want itto seem like homework.
(27:13):
I always want it to seem likean escape, and so it's like you
know when and I've noticed youknow, sometimes they'll go a few
weeks without using it andeverything's going fine, and
then maybe something will happenat school and they come home
and they go straight to theirroom and the next thing I know
that journal is just gettingslid under the door.
Jordan Langdon (27:31):
You know what I mean.
Katie Merrill (27:32):
Like read me and so, and I'll open it up and I'll
.
Okay, this is what's going on on.
I see how they want me torespond and then I go find them
and um, so, yeah, it's just likeI never wanted it to be, like
we have to get this done orthere's a time stamp on it, and
because I want it to last us, um, and I want them to be able to
(27:53):
feel like they enjoy the time,it's therapeutic for them.
It's not just another thingmom's making me, do you know?
This is something that's reallyspecial between me and mom that
we get to have.
It's therapeutic for them.
It's not just another thingmom's making me, do you know?
This is something that reallyspecial between me and mom that
we get to have, and so, and italso gives them a sense of
responsibility and it makes themfeel a little bit grown up,
because it's like this is myjournal and this is how me and
(28:14):
mom communicate, and you knowI'm going to take care of it and
I get really excited when Ihave something to say, and so
they've done a really good jobwith just kind of keeping it and
knowing the importance of itand knowing what it's there for.
Jordan Langdon (28:27):
I think you hit the nail on the head when you
said it.
It's meaningful to them.
So they're going to keep it ina spot where they can access it
and they know where it is whenthey want to use it and you're
keeping it a positive experiencefor them.
You're not saying like, well, Igot you that journal and it's
been three weeks.
Right Did you even have it, youknow, because that could really
(28:49):
turn them off to the wholeprocess and maybe even plant a
seed for the rest of their lives.
That oh, oh.
Journaling is this thing thathas these rigid boundaries and
so making it a sweet connectionand gesture and like leaving the
ball in their court, but alsoparticipating to the point where
it's not like they're going.
(29:09):
Mom, I put that under your doorlike a week ago and like hello
do you even care what's in know.
Katie Merrill (29:16):
Yeah, I've also noticed that you can't take it
personally.
Sometimes I'll write to themand I'll write them a story or
I'll write them, you know, likefor their birthdays.
I like to write them a letterlike what they've, how they've
grown and what I'm excited forin their next year.
And they don't always respond,you know.
But I don't take it personallyand I don't say well, the
journal's not working, becauseyou know, maybe a month later
(29:37):
they're giving it to me and it'ssomething really big in their
world that they're thinkingabout, and so you can't look at
it as like, oh, if we're notwriting in it every week or if
we're not even writing in itevery month, that it's not
working, because you never knowwhen they're going to need it
and when it's really going tomatter.
Because, let's say, you get itand you don't use it.
And then you know, six monthslater, your son or your daughter
(30:00):
hands it to them and they'relike I did something or I saw
something or I heard something,and it makes me feel weird.
I don't want to talk to youabout it face to face, but here
it is and it's like oh, I'mreally glad we had this, you
know.
So, yeah, there's, it reallycan just adapt with how, however
, you want to do it.
Jordan Langdon (30:21):
Okay, so, and you have girls.
Have you had feedback aboutcustomers who have purchased it
for their boys, and are the boysgetting into it?
Do they require a differenttype of like conversation to get
started in using the?
Katie Merrill (30:35):
journal.
Well, that's what's so.
That's what's so interesting is, I think, when you start it, if
you can start it young, andeven if you don't, boys have
just as many emotions as girlsdo.
They just vocalize itdifferently.
And so you know, your boy maynot.
You know, I've seen, you knowboys may not write back as much,
but they'll be a little bitmore cryptic about it, and so
(30:55):
you're like, okay, maybe this issomething that I want to just
dig in a little bit more andI'll write back to them and kind
of see how they respond.
So it's like you may not get asmuch, but I can guarantee you
that they're dealing and they'refeeling the same thing that
your girls are feeling.
They're feeling insecure,they're feeling overwhelmed,
(31:19):
they're feeling nervous, allthose things, and they love just
getting the notes ofencouragement and the notes of
love and the notes of.
I mean, they want to be lovedand they want to be doted on and
they, you know, they want tofeel safe and their family, just
the same way girls do, and sothey love to see those messages,
you know, from their parents.
Jordan Langdon (31:36):
Yes, you're so right about that.
I, before we came on, I wasjust telling you about how
Lincoln has a journal and it wassomething that we bought at a
family camp, you know, it waslike branded, and I said you
guys, you really ought to startwriting the journal and just a
little bit about your day, andthen you can reflect back on it.
You know later, and he found it, and he on it.
You know later, and he found itand he hadn't written in a year
(31:56):
and he just opened it upbecause it was by his nightstand
.
And so I think that's also likeif you keep sort of a simplified
room for them and really focuson just, you know, minimalizing
everything in there, that theysee the few things that really
matter, then they'll access themand use them more.
(32:17):
So he picked it up and hisbrother came in the room and he
goes Parker, check this out.
This is what I was doing on mybirthday last year.
This is awesome.
I wrote it in here.
And he said I haven't writtenin it in a year and now I'm
going to start writing in it allthe time because this was so
cool that I can remember this iswhat I was doing.
So he had that like littlelight bulb moment where it was
(32:38):
like if you write things down,you can go back and, like,
access those memory dividends.
Katie Merrill (32:44):
They're on paper.
This is so cool.
Yeah, it really is.
And then my girls will lookback and like, from when they
started journaling till now,like our handwriting has gotten
a lot better.
You know little things, littlethings, how they get to see how
they grow.
I mean, my girls love to lookat pictures of themselves as
babies and they love to hearstories about what things were
going on when they were babies.
(33:04):
And so they love for me towrite like, hey, when you were a
baby, this you know we used,this was your favorite food, or
you know, because they love that, that sense of just family, you
know.
And so, yeah, it is.
And then they also see mejournaling a lot and so they're
like, okay, this is a great way.
(33:25):
And that's the differencebetween I've talked about this a
little bit before on you knowmy socials but the difference
between like a personal diaryand a shared journal, and I
really encourage both.
I encourage if your kids areyounger, you can start off
sharing a journal, but thenreally encourage a personal
diary once they get a little bitolder, because a personal diary
is really great for internalreflection, very private
(33:48):
thoughts, having a sense ofsecurity in yourself, and then a
shared journal is all aboutconnection.
Okay, you know what, this ishow I'm feeling, but I've always
got family, I've always got mom, I've always got dad, and so
it's like, okay, I'm branchingout and this is how I'm feeling,
but at the end of the day, I'mstill tethered.
So, yeah, I think they both workhand in hand together.
Jordan Langdon (34:09):
Totally.
I love that.
That they see you journaling,so they know that this is, oh,
this is something that we coulddo for a lifetime.
And also, like, hey, mom'sjournaling and I'm six and I
could start doing that big girlthing that mom does, so that's
really cool.
But then Dr Leonard Sachs was onour show I think right at the
beginning of our show, episode13, when he talked about the
(34:32):
fact that girls don't keepdiaries anymore and so that lost
art of writing your thoughtsand reflecting, and that
introspection is really wreakinghavoc on young girls.
They're getting their identityfrom social media and music that
they listen to pop culturemusic and that is so distressing
(34:56):
for them to try to compare andmeasure up to these kind of
false.
You know people out there thatare portraying these amazing
lives and no struggles and thatsort of thing, and so he
recommends, as a physician and apsychologist that get your kids
into, you know keeping apersonal diary and let them you
(35:19):
know, do this as long as theywill every day so that they
really can have that scheduledtime to reflect on themselves
and and form their personalidentity.
So I love that you could startoff with the shared journal so
that they're getting thatstrength from you, their, their
caregiver, their number one, youknow person and supporter, and
(35:42):
then they branch off and they'reable to give their themselves
that support and they're readywhen they leave the nest to to
continue that great habit.
Katie Merrill (35:50):
Yeah, yeah.
Journaling really is a journeyof self-discovery in so many
ways, because you, you, it'sjust a written form, I mean.
In no other way, and not eventhrough photographs, are you
able to really understand, likelook back and see what was I
thinking or what were what wasmy mindset, like you know, and
and see how you've grown, or seethe peaks and the valleys of
(36:14):
your life, like you can withjournaling.
It's really so therapeutic.
Jordan Langdon (36:20):
It is, and it's different than typing something
on a computer Like thehandwriting piece.
Katie Merrill (36:26):
It slows you down .
Jordan Langdon (36:28):
Yes.
And the book and the ability totake it around with you.
And if the power goes out, youstill got your journal.
You know Right.
Katie Merrill (36:35):
You know, one of the things when I was creating
the journals, one of my husbandwas like you know, what's the
difference between this and justyour kids texting you?
Like, if you've got older kids,you know, wouldn't they just
text you?
And I was like, well, here'sthe difference.
One, not all kids have phones.
But second of all, writing slowsyou down.
It is so overwhelming and Ithink adults feel this way all
(36:56):
the time when you're typingsomething and you just get boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom texts.
You know it's very overwhelmingand writing slows you down and
it allows you to kind of thinkabout what you say and you can
always erase.
You know it is so hard to justyou know, when you send a text
message and you don't know ifthat person saw it right, then
you to just you know, when yousend a text message and you
don't know if that person saw itright, then you're like oh, I
didn't mean to send that, youknow.
(37:17):
And so it allows you to slowdown a little bit.
Let's think about what we wantto say and I think it helps with
the way that we communicatewith others because it's like
okay, I'm.
Jordan Langdon (37:34):
When I'm writing , I'm slowing down, you know,
and I can do that in myconversations too, like I don't
just have to rush ahead.
Yes, and so even better reasonto start this before you get a
phone.
So that your kids areconditioned to be thoughtful
about what they're putting outthere, and they're already
trained in that way of well, Ican only kind of think as fast
as my hand can write, right.
So when it comes to sending atext message to somebody,
(37:56):
they're going to be prepared andconditioned to kind of slow it
down and find the words thatreally truly match what it is
you're thinking or feeling.
Yeah, this is so good I wasthinking, yeah, this is shared
journal, we're right back andforth and yeah, that sounds
great and I'll probably do itfor two weeks and then, like
we'll just let, it'll just dropoff.
No, this is way different,katie.
(38:18):
This is awesome, it reallytruly is fostering this
connection with your child and away to get dad involved with
some of these deeperconversations that I know he's
thinking.
They want to be involved in yes, Like why do you get all the
good stuff.
You know, I get like themeltdown at the end of the day
or the what's for dinner, and agreat way to include dads in
(38:43):
this too.
Hi mom and hi dad journals.
I love it.
Yeah.
So, katie, you said you're onall the social media channels,
right, yes, okay.
So what's your handle?
How do we find you and followyou?
Katie Merrill (38:56):
You can find me on Instagram at sharedjournalco,
and then our website is atsharedjournalco.
We're on Pinterest, we're onFacebook, but it's all the same
handle at sharedjournalco.
Jordan Langdon (39:08):
At sharedjournalco.
You guys have to check this out.
It's a beautiful website,gorgeous Journal Co.
You guys have to check this out.
It's beautiful website,gorgeous keepsake, shared
journals.
And it's holiday time when thisepisode drops, you need to be
shopping.
So I would highly recommend youget one of these for each of
your children, both a mom and adad journal.
(39:29):
If you're going to spend moneyon something quality for
birthdays or holidays, pleaseget a copy of this.
And I'm thinking, if it's mykid's birthday and, like you
know, they're going to begetting gifts from their friends
.
I don't like all the littlekitschy gifts.
Like, give my kid a sharedjournal so that they can use
(39:51):
that with me and have aconnection.
I love that, you know.
So, having a couple copies onhand one if you, if you fill all
the pages of yours, you'll haveanother one ready for the next
conversation, and two, you couldhave one ready for that
birthday party that pops up thatyou're going oh no, we weren't
prepared.
We've got an awesome gift righton our shelf at home that we
(40:12):
could wrap up and give to people.
So good, katie, thank you forjoining us.
Thank you for sharing thisshared journal with our audience
.
We'll be sure that all thelinks are in our show notes so
people can get right to yourproduct and order in time for
whatever holidays coming next.
(40:32):
So thank you for being with us,thank you for having me.
Yes, guys, I am just going todouble emphasize the importance
of connecting with your child.
You heard me talk about how wesent our first little birdie out
of the nest this week and I'mso grateful that we have had
some of these connecting momentsletters back and forth.
(40:55):
You want to be sure that youare sending them out prepared
and with a secure attachmentright.
I always say securely attached,but free to leave.
Free because they're preparedand ready for what life is going
to throw at them next, preparedand ready for what life is
(41:18):
going to throw at them next.
So, with that, be sure to sharethis episode with your spouse.
Get on, order your journals andthen I'll catch you on another
episode of the Families ofCharacter show real soon.
Take care.
Hey, welcome back parents.
You know, thank you for sharingour show with others.
We are hitting some newdownload records and it's
because of you.
You have been texting them outand emailing them out to people
in your network and we are so,so grateful.
So please, if today's episodeblesses you in any way, please
(00:23):
be sure to share it with thosein your circle.
Okay, you know how we alwaystalk about those critical few
things that we need to focus onwhen it comes to raising kids.
Well, why do we talk about that?
Because it's not possible as aparent to do it all, to cover
(00:43):
everything.
So we really want to focus ondoing the right things.
And I got to tell you ouroldest child, parker, just left
home this week.
He flew the nest.
I sent the first birdie out ofthe nest.
My husband and I and we weregiving each other a hug and
(01:04):
waving at him as he pulled outof the driveway.
And I tell you what it isamazing, the things that go
through your mind when you'rewaving goodbye to your child.
So I was reflecting on a letterthat I wrote him and gave him
the morning that he left, andthe message was really simple
you are loved no matter what,Just as God, the Father, will
(01:28):
welcome you back and never leaveyou.
You are welcome back at ourhome and you will always have a
place in our lives.
So, parents, one thing that iscritical in raising a child is
that they have a deep level ofconnection with you.
If they know that they're safeand secure at home, everything
(01:51):
else becomes easier for them.
So today on our show I have aguest with us who has developed
a tool for kids and parents touse to help deepen their
connection and their bond.
So welcome to the Families ofCharacter Show, katie Merrill.
Katie Merrill (02:11):
Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited.
Jordan Langdon (02:15):
Katie, I am all about the practical tools to
help us with those critical fewactivities that we need to be
doing to raise kids of greatcharacter and kids who are well
bonded and securely attached.
As a therapist for 20 years, Iam all about a tool that helps
with this kind of stuff, and youhave developed one of these
(02:35):
practical tools we can use withour kids and that's why I wanted
to bring you on our show.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour family and this amazing
tool that you developed.
Katie Merrill (02:48):
Yeah, so I'm a mom of three girls so they're
eight, six and five and, likeall parents, I'm constantly
searching for ways and tools tohelp me have a stronger
connection with them and developmore empathetic conversation
and communication with them.
I'm a huge believer that if Ican just set the stage now and
(03:09):
that they can trust me withtheir big thoughts and feelings
and emotions, that when we getinto the teenage years it's
going to be a lot easier forthem to kind of express things.
So I created the Shared Journaland it's a journal for parents
and kids to share.
And what makes our journal alittle bit different than the
ones that are on the market isthere's no prompts, so there's
(03:32):
no questions or answers that youspecifically have to answer.
So it's a really organic wayfor you guys to have
conversations about whatever ishappening in your lives.
And originally, when I createdthe journals, I was thinking
that me and my kids would usethis and that parents would use
this for, like, toughconversations you know the ones
that are hard to have face toface, you know.
(03:54):
Or, as your kids get older,maybe they have little mess ups
or there's, they heard somethingand they're really nervous to
bring it to you and look you inthe eye and talk about it and I
thought, oh, this would be agreat way for them to kind of
introduce things to me that'shappening in their lives.
But it's really marked into somuch more and it's become a
really sweet outlet for us justto communicate and grow and
(04:18):
learn more about each other.
Jordan Langdon (04:20):
Okay, so a shared journal.
So tell us a little bit aboutthis.
Do you have a copy that you canshow?
If you're watching on YouTube,be sure to tune in.
Or if you're not watching, youcan always catch us on the
Families of Character ShowYouTube channel.
So show us on screen, Katie,this shared journal.
I've looked at it online and itis gorgeous.
Katie Merrill (04:42):
Thank you, Well, okay, so I've got two.
So I've got there's one for dadspecifically, and then there's
one for moms, and they each comein the same colors.
And so what's it?
I wanted to create somethingthat was keepsake quality,
because one of the things thatI've noticed when writing in
them with my own kids is thatI'm able to put in stories that
(05:04):
we've experienced together, andI want them to be able to have
this and for it to last whenthey become their you know, a
mom themselves, and they canread the lessons that we went
through or just like smalllittle things that happened in
our day.
And so all of our journals startoff with ways that you can use
(05:25):
this and the benefits of sharedjournaling.
And then I wanted to make surethat, if you are ever stuck in
conversations, that we do offerlike 20 conversation starters
and responses that are reallyempathetic, that kind of just
kind of get you started If yourkid tells you something that you
weren't expecting and you'renot quite sure how to respond in
(05:46):
a way that's going to keep themtalking.
And then there's also you knowresponses and ways for you know,
you guys, to start theconversations off.
And then there's a my Letter toyou, page where you can really
set the intentions that you haveand what you want you and your
child to get out of having thejournal.
And then what makes ourjournals different?
Like I said, they're blankpages but on the bottom of each
(06:10):
page there are three quickresponse guides.
So there's a write to me, alet's talk and an I need.
So, let's say, my children, forexample, sometimes they'll write
me a note and they'll check theI need and then they'll write
in a hug and that's really allthat they need.
You know they don't want tokeep talking about it or they
don't, you know, want me to keepharping on whatever lesson
(06:30):
we're talking about and theyreally just need more of a
physical connection.
And sometimes they write thingsand they're like they want me
to come and talk to them.
Or sometimes they write to meand they're like I want to see
what she has to say first beforeI see her face to face, you
know.
So they'll just, they'll justlike hey, you know what, Just
write to me first.
And especially if they're goingthrough something where it's
(06:51):
like their emotions are a littleheightened, you know they're
like they and they need thattime to kind of internalize and
calm down.
The write to me option isreally great because it allows
both of us the time to thinkabout what we want to say and
how we want to say it and thencommunicate with each other, so
(07:12):
it's a really great supplementaltool.
It's not taking away in any wayfrom face-to-face communication
.
It's just a way to bridge thegaps in communication that you
may have with your child a wayto bridge the gaps in
communication that you may havewith your child.
Jordan Langdon (07:28):
I love this so much.
Yeah, as a therapist for 20years and seeing the division
and the disconnection and themiscommunication between parents
and their kids, this is such abeautiful like you said bridge
between some of those bigconversations that they don't
want to have in person or faceto face, and just even for the
small things and, like you said,the memories that you want to
(07:50):
keep by writing these storiesand experiences to each other.
So this is a journal that sayshi mom or hi dad on the front,
and the goal is to write in it,pass it back and forth and do it
at whatever pace is whateverpace.
Katie Merrill (08:07):
Yeah, yeah, you know, so you can create a
schedule if you want, like youknow, like your child, or let's
say you're a split home and yourchild leaves it.
They take it with them whenthey're at dad's house or mom's
house and then when they comeback and you flip flop, then
you've got you know their, theirwritings while they were away,
and it's a really sweet way tostay connected.
(08:29):
And yeah, and one of the thingsthat I love about it that I
struggle as a parent, with mytone, my tone of voice, so I can
be giving them, saying them,telling them something, and I
think that I'm coming acrossvery encouraging, but they see
it as like, oh, mom's comingdown on me, and so one of the
things I love about the journalis I'm able to give them lessons
(08:49):
or at least explain where I'mcoming from, and there's no tone
of voice to it, and so I foundthat that's been very, very
helpful.
Jordan Langdon (08:58):
Yes, yes, you give them an opportunity to look
at it in text first, right, andwrite in form first.
You know what else I love aboutthis, katie, is just the
handwriting aspect of it.
We've had people on our show totalk about the importance of
taking what's on your mind andputting it onto paper and the
(09:19):
science behind how that freesyou up so that you don't have
this mental load that you'recarrying around, so to be able
to take those things that youthink about as a parent and
you're going, oh man, I reallywant to talk to him about this,
or oh, we've got to have thatconversation about that.
Instead of keeping that on thiskind of spinning loop in your
(09:41):
mind and hoping that youremember to have the
conversation, you could jot thatdown in the journal and then
pass that back and forth so thatit's not weighing you down and
that you remind yourself andyour child that this is
something you want to chat about.
Katie Merrill (09:55):
Yeah, exactly, and our lives are so busy these
days between extracurricularsand work and school, and
especially if you have multiples, their voices, can you know,
whether intentionally or not,can get lost in the day and they
may not have or find the time,you know, in the day to sit you
down and say this is reallybothering me and I need to talk
(10:18):
about this, and I don't know how.
Or I've even noticed, you know,that by the end of the week my
girls are just combusting, Likethey've just like everything
that they've dealt with the week, that they just kind of pushed
aside.
It just causes a meltdown andso it's been a really great way
for them to at least get it outof their head.
Like you said, get it on paperand there's that sort of, you
(10:41):
know, therapeutic aspect of it,and then they can pass it to me
and let me know how they want meto respond to it, and then I
can find the time in my day torespond back to it and give it
back to them.
But that's so right, becauseI've noticed I've been
journaling for probably over 20years and when you have these
(11:02):
thoughts in your mind and yourmind can just go on a roller
coaster, I mean, it can just getaway from you really fast.
And when you do take the timeto sit down and put a physical
word to how you're feeling orwhat you're thinking about, it
makes it so much more manageable, Because now you're like okay,
now I can see it in physicalform.
It's not just this abstractthought that's just floating
(11:23):
around, you know, coming in andout of my consciousness.
And when you see it in physicalform and I've noticed this with
my kids too it's like, oh okay,that's not as big of a deal as
I thought.
So it's been really therapeuticfor me and for them.
Jordan Langdon (11:41):
Two things I think of when I hear you talk
about the written form and justputting your thoughts and
emotions into writing.
One is a little catchphrasethat we use in therapy all the
time.
Name it to tame it.
Katie Merrill (11:54):
Right yeah.
Jordan Langdon (11:55):
You have some big emotions.
That is causing a lot ofdistress.
The thing that's missing is howto explain it.
Right.
What are the words?
I need to really explain how mybody is feeling inside.
And so, if you can get used toputting a word to it and kind of
scanning your mind to figureout, is this, you know?
(12:16):
Am I terrified, am Iembarrassed, is this nerve
wracking?
And then you can pick that wordand then put it into writing
and eject that from your mindout onto paper.
Then you're able to dosomething about it.
Right, when you can see yourproblem in written form in front
of you, you have the ability tomove towards a solution.
(12:38):
Ability to move towards asolution.
Or, like you said at the bottomof the page, how it, how.
There's those three prompts toask you kind of what you need.
You can decide do I just need ahug?
Do I need some verbalvalidation?
And to train kids at a youngage to do this method of of like
sitting with their feelings,writing them and and naming what
(12:58):
they're going through and thengetting someone in their close
you know relationship to buy inon this issue and to relate to
them in this way is just awesomeLike whoa.
The mental health of adultswould be like just amazing in 10
(13:19):
, 20 years if all of our youngchildren started doing this at a
young age.
It just helps their copingtools like so much.
Katie Merrill (13:29):
And it's not even just for the negative emotions.
Like I have written in my girlsjournals just a full page of I
am statements, you know, I amworthy, I am loved, I'm accepted
, I'm safe.
And I just want them topractice reading those.
Because it's not just for thenegative things, for the
positive things too.
Because if you, if you'reconstantly just putting out all
(13:52):
your positives but you're notfeeding yourself, or you're
putting out the negatives butnot feeding yourself the
positives, you know you're goingto be in a deficit because
you're like okay, well, I don'tknow what, if I'm not going to
think that, then what should Ithink?
And so giving them thoseaffirmations, and especially
starting with affirmations at ayoung age and in one spot, it's
really just helping them buildthat self-confidence to be able
(14:14):
to say, okay, well, if I'm notscared, what am I?
I'm safe, you know.
And even if you're just givingthem, um, like when I journal,
I'll take you know verses out ofthe Bible and I'll write and
I'll write it down, and thenI'll just journal off of that,
you know, cause it's like okay,well, what's God telling me
about myself?
Okay, then I'm going to journalabout that and I'm going to
write it in a way that'saffirming to me, you know, and
(14:37):
relate it to my life.
And so, like I said, it's notjust for the, because, you know,
when I started the journal, Iwas like, well, this would be
great for all their big emotionsthat they don't know how to
handle, but it's also a way oflike, no, let's talk about what
we do want.
You know, what do you want outof this year, you know?
Or before the school year, wejournaled.
I was like, what are you wantto put pen to paper to, and
(14:59):
where do you want me to come inand help you at?
You know what are some markersthat you want to have?
You know, okay, in three monthsand six months, this is where I
want to be.
And so it really is a way forparents and kids to communicate
in a way that doesn't get lost,and it also gets a little bit
more concrete because it's like,okay, I've written that down.
You know, this is my goal, momknows my goal, dad knows my goal
(15:22):
and, uh, you know we'll checkin, like they said.
So, yeah, it's not just for thenegative stuff, it's for the
positive stuff too, because thatI feel like that is just as
important.
Jordan Langdon (15:31):
Totally.
You made such a good point thatif we don't have something
positive, prepared and handy,and if we're trying to get rid
of some negativity in our lives,we don't have that thing to
replace it with, and so our mindwill automatically shift back
to those automatic negativethoughts, those events.
We call them right, yeah.
(15:53):
And so it's so important tohave, like you said, a reference
sheet of oh no, if I'm stuckhere, you know, with this
negative experience I had atschool or at work or whatever, I
can flip to that page and, andyou know, see the affirmations
that are true and get rid ofthose lies.
So I love that that you put thatin there.
(16:14):
The other thing I want tohighlight is, just as a mom
myself, like you, can getoverwhelmed by all the things on
Instagram and Pinterest.
Right, as a mom, well, we canget overwhelmed by all the
things on Instagram andPinterest, right as a mom.
Well, we've got to get thesebooks and we have to do these
things and we have to keep aphoto album and a digital album
and like, how am I going toremember all my kids' most
precious things?
I love the idea of just havingthis like by your nightstand or
(16:39):
in a special place where it'sout and you can see it, so that
you'll use it on a day-to-daybasis.
And then the fact that youcreated it to be a keepsake like
it's quality, it has a hardcover and it's something that
you could tuck into a littlekeepsake box for them, and then
when you send them out the frontdoor like I did with my oldest
(17:00):
son you can tuck that littlebook in their suitcase and they
can take it with them.
Katie Merrill (17:05):
Yeah, and there's and it's a great way to just
like there's so many lessons andlike little phrases that my mom
or dad has told me as I'vegrown up and I can't remember
them all, you know all the timeand I would love to be able to
look back and be like, oh, youknow, when I was, when I was 15,
going through my first breakup,look at this letter my mom
wrote me, you know, and theadvice that she gave me then,
(17:26):
and then I can take that and useit for my own daughter, and so
I do love that.
It's really been just a greatexperience for us.
Jordan Langdon (17:36):
So good, okay.
So tell us like the difference,like our dad's getting into
this, because there's a high momand a high dad, so dad's
engaging with their kids in thiswritten way.
Katie Merrill (17:46):
Yeah, so it's been very interesting.
So, since we have three girls,you know my husband's a full-on
girl dad and so he has a journalwith each of our older two
girls and it's been veryinteresting to see the dichotomy
between what they share withhim and what they share with me.
I get a lot of the very rawemotions, like friendships or
(18:10):
battles, that they and I arehaving, or maybe deep emotions,
and they seek him for a lot ofvalidation.
A lot of.
You know, how am I doing?
Like, am I a hard worker?
And they want him to tell themI love you and I get a lot of
self-confidence from dad andhe's really feeding into that
(18:33):
and you know, what's been reallysweet is that they feed into
him too, and sometimes they'lljust write him a note and
they'll say we see how hardyou're working.
And for a dad to have that sortof just you know just what's
the word Like that validation.
Validation and support from yourkids to see, like you know,
(18:54):
that they see how hard you'reworking, because that's such a
hard job to be a dad.
And for your kids to say youknow, we see that it brought
tears to his eyes.
He's like I don't even you knowthey don't, because you know
your kids seem so, you know,preoccupied all the time.
They don't, you don't thinkthat they see all the hard work
you're putting in and for asmuch validation that he's giving
them in their journals, they'regiving it right back and that's
(19:16):
been a really sweet experiencethat they've had.
That I was not expecting.
Jordan Langdon (19:21):
Wow.
Katie Merrill (19:22):
Yeah.
Jordan Langdon (19:27):
That makes so much sense too, because they do
have different relationshipswith their moms and dads, and so
to have their own separatelittle book for dad and then for
dad to get those little warmand fuzzies like they do too.
It's just such a win-win and Iimagine that this doesn't have
to be like, oh, a long drawn outthing, like a couple sentences
back and forth.
Katie Merrill (19:47):
You know our six-year-old I mean she's a
pretty good writer but I meanfor her I put her sight words in
her journal so that she's ableto.
It helps with writing practiceand writing literacy but also
helps her kind of put herthoughts out there and get them
straight.
Literacy but also helps herkind of put her thoughts out
there and get them straight.
And sometimes it's just like Ilove you, I see how hard you're
(20:09):
working, or thank you for makingmy favorite food, you know, and
when.
So our girls don't have phonesand the aspect of it that they
really really enjoy is it's likea little secret between mom and
dad.
You know it's their secretbecause they don't share their
journals with their sisters andmy husband and I really don't
try not to share too much aboutwhat we're talking about with
them, and so they love havingthis secret communication of
(20:33):
like, oh, it's just me and mom.
And in the same way that ourkids love to have, just like
mother-daughter dates orfather-daughter dates it's the
exact same thing but on a muchsmaller scale of just having
that, you know that one-on-oneattention, and they really soak
that up.
Jordan Langdon (20:52):
This is so good, every bit of this I'm like wow,
I just my mind is just racingwith different like ideas about
how, I don't know just I canimagine my daughter, annie,
who's 10, using this journal andjust having wildly different
conversations with me than shedoes her dad.
(21:13):
I mean, even when we spendone-on-one time together.
It's so different the way sheprepares for like a date with
her dad.
It's so different the way sheprepares for like a date with
her dad.
Katie Merrill (21:24):
Yeah, she is like .
Jordan Langdon (21:25):
I am going to be on time and early and ready for
him to like it means a lot andtake me, yes, and get my hair
right and like really just youknow, she thinks about it for
like two days ahead of time, youknow, and so I imagine that
this connection is so much morethan we even can like dream up,
until you start engaging thejournal with your child Right
(21:47):
and you know, and it can growwith you.
Katie Merrill (21:48):
And that's the great thing about it being
promptless is that it can growwith you as your family matures
and as your conversations mature.
And so what can start off asbeing just, you know, quick,
little, you know, one to twolines can really transform as
they get older and things getmore complex.
And one of the things that Iused the journal for this summer
(22:12):
was I saw a situation that myoldest daughter was in where she
was doing something and she wasgetting really frustrated but
she didn't give up and she keptgoing, and that experience
didn't mean much to her, right,but I saw her perseverance and
so I wrote about that story inher journal because I wanted her
to see you know you've donehard things before.
(22:33):
Let's go back and look, youknow, the next time you're
trying to do something and it'snot working out the way you want
it to look, you've got.
I've recorded plenty of timeswhere you've done hard things in
the past and so even you know,as their kids get older, it's
like hey, listen, I know thisseems big, but that seemed big.
You know, when you were littlethat was big and you know, my
(22:53):
grandmother always used to sayyou know, little kids have
little problems, big kids havebig problems, but there's still
problems.
You know, and sometimes youneed somebody in your corner
that's saying hey look, we'vealready done big stuff.
You know, this is just anotherbig thing in a different shape,
and so it really is it can bewhatever you need it to be, on,
(23:17):
whatever day.
Jordan Langdon (23:18):
You know, and and again, we talk about this in
therapy all the time whenyou're going through something,
I'll I'll frequently asksomebody you know and again, we
talk about this in therapy allthe time when you're going
through something.
I'll frequently ask somebody,you know, when was a time in
your life that you rememberstruggling to this degree?
And they'll usually go, no,never, never.
I've never struggled like this.
This is the worst.
And I'll say, okay, let's justrewind time a little bit.
Let's just think about the mostoverwhelming thing that you've
(23:39):
been through.
And then they get into that andthey're like, oh, that was bad.
And I'm like I think it was bad, and what did you do to help
yourself through that?
Or who was in your corner?
What was happening that helpedyou persevere and get through?
Katie Merrill (23:53):
that.
Jordan Langdon (23:58):
And then it's those same things and those same
people that can help them todaywith their issues.
So even better to have itwritten down so that you could
go back through yourself andfind those difficult times and
go like what did I say about howyou know how that turned out,
or what I did to cope, or whatdid my parent, who has even more
wisdom tell me about you knowthat particular incident and how
(24:20):
could that help me today?
So, yeah, this is so good.
Katie Merrill (24:24):
And that even goes for positive things, like
when we see our kids doingthings like, hey, you know what,
I've noticed, you know.
And we can just point out theirpositive habits, like hey, I've
noticed that every day you knowyou're getting up on time and
you're eating your breakfast andyou know what.
You've done it for six weeksand I've noticed that your
grades are improving.
Or I've noticed that you knowyou're doing better at your
basketball or whatever sport youplay.
(24:45):
And so it's you can.
It's just a great way, becauseour kids, you know, we think
when you're yourself, you thinkabout yourself a lot, but we
tend to have really negativethoughts automatically about
ourselves.
And so, and kids, especially asthey're growing and they're
changing so rapidly,everything's always new.
But when you're a parent andyou can look at them from the
(25:07):
outside, you know, as a parent,we already see them, you know,
we always we love them, nomatter what they're doing.
And so we view what they'redoing and we can write it out
and be like look at how wellyou're doing right now, you know
the next time you kind of feellike you're in a funk.
Okay, well, what was going when?
Everything was going right?
What were you doing?
What were your habits?
All right, well, let's justcircle back and go back to that.
(25:27):
You know what I mean.
So it really goes both wayspositive and negatives in our
lives.
Jordan Langdon (25:35):
Yes, that's so true.
You, you brought up somethingthat I talk about.
Like what is the your wellnessrecipe?
Like what are the ingredientsfor you to be functioning at the
most optimal level, and forkids I think that's a great
thing to write about in thisjournal is like, okay, you, you
seem to be in a real positivemood, Things seem to be going
really well.
(25:55):
Like maybe you could tell mewhat all you're doing, you know
on a day-to-day basis, so thatthis could be kind of the
ingredients for the recipe ofthe best you you could be you
know, and then go back andreference that.
I love that.
That is awesome idea.
So I got to ask you, katie, likeyou've been using this for a
while with your own daughters,how do you kind of be sure that
(26:20):
you're consistent with this,that the journal doesn't get
lost, that all of a suddenyou're not like, oh, it's been
three weeks and we don't knowwhere the journal is, or we
aren't using it anymore?
Katie Merrill (26:31):
Yeah, so surprisingly, because things do
get lost very easily they havedone.
It really matters to them.
The journal really matters tothem, and so I noticed that it's
never not in the spot that theylike to keep it in their room.
So I let them keep it and thatway when they have something
that they want to write about,they can just bring it to me.
(26:52):
But sometimes if I havesomething to write about like,
hey, can I use your journal orcan I use our journal, and
they'll be like, oh yeah, theyget so excited when they think
I'm going to write something andso they've done.
It matters to them, and so I'venoticed that they take really
good care of it.
But I also don't push it.
I also don't say, hey, wehaven't written in our journal
lately, because I never want itto seem like homework.
(27:13):
I always want it to seem likean escape, and so it's like you
know when and I've noticed youknow, sometimes they'll go a few
weeks without using it andeverything's going fine, and
then maybe something will happenat school and they come home
and they go straight to theirroom and the next thing I know
that journal is just gettingslid under the door.
Jordan Langdon (27:31):
You know what I mean.
Katie Merrill (27:32):
Like read me and so, and I'll open it up and I'll
.
Okay, this is what's going on on.
I see how they want me torespond and then I go find them
and um, so, yeah, it's just likeI never wanted it to be, like
we have to get this done orthere's a time stamp on it, and
because I want it to last us, um, and I want them to be able to
(27:53):
feel like they enjoy the time,it's therapeutic for them.
It's not just another thingmom's making me, do you know?
This is something that's reallyspecial between me and mom that
we get to have.
It's therapeutic for them.
It's not just another thingmom's making me, do you know?
This is something that reallyspecial between me and mom that
we get to have, and so, and italso gives them a sense of
responsibility and it makes themfeel a little bit grown up,
because it's like this is myjournal and this is how me and
(28:14):
mom communicate, and you knowI'm going to take care of it and
I get really excited when Ihave something to say, and so
they've done a really good jobwith just kind of keeping it and
knowing the importance of itand knowing what it's there for.
Jordan Langdon (28:27):
I think you hit the nail on the head when you
said it.
It's meaningful to them.
So they're going to keep it ina spot where they can access it
and they know where it is whenthey want to use it and you're
keeping it a positive experiencefor them.
You're not saying like, well, Igot you that journal and it's
been three weeks.
Right Did you even have it, youknow, because that could really
(28:49):
turn them off to the wholeprocess and maybe even plant a
seed for the rest of their lives.
That oh, oh.
Journaling is this thing thathas these rigid boundaries and
so making it a sweet connectionand gesture and like leaving the
ball in their court, but alsoparticipating to the point where
it's not like they're going.
(29:09):
Mom, I put that under your doorlike a week ago and like hello
do you even care what's in know.
Katie Merrill (29:16):
Yeah, I've also noticed that you can't take it
personally.
Sometimes I'll write to themand I'll write them a story or
I'll write them, you know, likefor their birthdays.
I like to write them a letterlike what they've, how they've
grown and what I'm excited forin their next year.
And they don't always respond,you know.
But I don't take it personallyand I don't say well, the
journal's not working, becauseyou know, maybe a month later
(29:37):
they're giving it to me and it'ssomething really big in their
world that they're thinkingabout, and so you can't look at
it as like, oh, if we're notwriting in it every week or if
we're not even writing in itevery month, that it's not
working, because you never knowwhen they're going to need it
and when it's really going tomatter.
Because, let's say, you get itand you don't use it.
And then you know, six monthslater, your son or your daughter
(30:00):
hands it to them and they'relike I did something or I saw
something or I heard something,and it makes me feel weird.
I don't want to talk to youabout it face to face, but here
it is and it's like oh, I'mreally glad we had this, you
know.
So, yeah, there's, it reallycan just adapt with how, however
, you want to do it.
Jordan Langdon (30:21):
Okay, so, and you have girls.
Have you had feedback aboutcustomers who have purchased it
for their boys, and are the boysgetting into it?
Do they require a differenttype of like conversation to get
started in using the?
Katie Merrill (30:35):
journal.
Well, that's what's so.
That's what's so interesting is, I think, when you start it, if
you can start it young, andeven if you don't, boys have
just as many emotions as girlsdo.
They just vocalize itdifferently.
And so you know, your boy maynot.
You know, I've seen, you knowboys may not write back as much,
but they'll be a little bitmore cryptic about it, and so
(30:55):
you're like, okay, maybe this issomething that I want to just
dig in a little bit more andI'll write back to them and kind
of see how they respond.
So it's like you may not get asmuch, but I can guarantee you
that they're dealing and they'refeeling the same thing that
your girls are feeling.
They're feeling insecure,they're feeling overwhelmed,
(31:19):
they're feeling nervous, allthose things, and they love just
getting the notes ofencouragement and the notes of
love and the notes of.
I mean, they want to be lovedand they want to be doted on and
they, you know, they want tofeel safe and their family, just
the same way girls do, and sothey love to see those messages,
you know, from their parents.
Jordan Langdon (31:36):
Yes, you're so right about that.
I, before we came on, I wasjust telling you about how
Lincoln has a journal and it wassomething that we bought at a
family camp, you know, it waslike branded, and I said you
guys, you really ought to startwriting the journal and just a
little bit about your day, andthen you can reflect back on it.
You know later, and he found it, and he on it.
You know later, and he found itand he hadn't written in a year
(31:56):
and he just opened it upbecause it was by his nightstand
.
And so I think that's also likeif you keep sort of a simplified
room for them and really focuson just, you know, minimalizing
everything in there, that theysee the few things that really
matter, then they'll access themand use them more.
(32:17):
So he picked it up and hisbrother came in the room and he
goes Parker, check this out.
This is what I was doing on mybirthday last year.
This is awesome.
I wrote it in here.
And he said I haven't writtenin it in a year and now I'm
going to start writing in it allthe time because this was so
cool that I can remember this iswhat I was doing.
So he had that like littlelight bulb moment where it was
(32:38):
like if you write things down,you can go back and, like,
access those memory dividends.
Katie Merrill (32:44):
They're on paper.
This is so cool.
Yeah, it really is.
And then my girls will lookback and like, from when they
started journaling till now,like our handwriting has gotten
a lot better.
You know little things, littlethings, how they get to see how
they grow.
I mean, my girls love to lookat pictures of themselves as
babies and they love to hearstories about what things were
going on when they were babies.
(33:04):
And so they love for me towrite like, hey, when you were a
baby, this you know we used,this was your favorite food, or
you know, because they love that, that sense of just family, you
know.
And so, yeah, it is.
And then they also see mejournaling a lot and so they're
like, okay, this is a great way.
(33:25):
And that's the differencebetween I've talked about this a
little bit before on you knowmy socials but the difference
between like a personal diaryand a shared journal, and I
really encourage both.
I encourage if your kids areyounger, you can start off
sharing a journal, but thenreally encourage a personal
diary once they get a little bitolder, because a personal diary
is really great for internalreflection, very private
(33:48):
thoughts, having a sense ofsecurity in yourself, and then a
shared journal is all aboutconnection.
Okay, you know what, this ishow I'm feeling, but I've always
got family, I've always got mom, I've always got dad, and so
it's like, okay, I'm branchingout and this is how I'm feeling,
but at the end of the day, I'mstill tethered.
So, yeah, I think they both workhand in hand together.
Jordan Langdon (34:09):
Totally.
I love that.
That they see you journaling,so they know that this is, oh,
this is something that we coulddo for a lifetime.
And also, like, hey, mom'sjournaling and I'm six and I
could start doing that big girlthing that mom does, so that's
really cool.
But then Dr Leonard Sachs was onour show I think right at the
beginning of our show, episode13, when he talked about the
(34:32):
fact that girls don't keepdiaries anymore and so that lost
art of writing your thoughtsand reflecting, and that
introspection is really wreakinghavoc on young girls.
They're getting their identityfrom social media and music that
they listen to pop culturemusic and that is so distressing
(34:56):
for them to try to compare andmeasure up to these kind of
false.
You know people out there thatare portraying these amazing
lives and no struggles and thatsort of thing, and so he
recommends, as a physician and apsychologist that get your kids
into, you know keeping apersonal diary and let them you
(35:19):
know, do this as long as theywill every day so that they
really can have that scheduledtime to reflect on themselves
and and form their personalidentity.
So I love that you could startoff with the shared journal so
that they're getting thatstrength from you, their, their
caregiver, their number one, youknow person and supporter, and
(35:42):
then they branch off and they'reable to give their themselves
that support and they're readywhen they leave the nest to to
continue that great habit.
Katie Merrill (35:50):
Yeah, yeah.
Journaling really is a journeyof self-discovery in so many
ways, because you, you, it'sjust a written form, I mean.
In no other way, and not eventhrough photographs, are you
able to really understand, likelook back and see what was I
thinking or what were what wasmy mindset, like you know, and
and see how you've grown, or seethe peaks and the valleys of
(36:14):
your life, like you can withjournaling.
It's really so therapeutic.
Jordan Langdon (36:20):
It is, and it's different than typing something
on a computer Like thehandwriting piece.
Katie Merrill (36:26):
It slows you down .
Jordan Langdon (36:28):
Yes.
And the book and the ability totake it around with you.
And if the power goes out, youstill got your journal.
You know Right.
Katie Merrill (36:35):
You know, one of the things when I was creating
the journals, one of my husbandwas like you know, what's the
difference between this and justyour kids texting you?
Like, if you've got older kids,you know, wouldn't they just
text you?
And I was like, well, here'sthe difference.
One, not all kids have phones.
But second of all, writing slowsyou down.
It is so overwhelming and Ithink adults feel this way all
(36:56):
the time when you're typingsomething and you just get boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom texts.
You know it's very overwhelmingand writing slows you down and
it allows you to kind of thinkabout what you say and you can
always erase.
You know it is so hard to justyou know, when you send a text
message and you don't know ifthat person saw it right, then
you to just you know, when yousend a text message and you
don't know if that person saw itright, then you're like oh, I
didn't mean to send that, youknow.
(37:17):
And so it allows you to slowdown a little bit.
Let's think about what we wantto say and I think it helps with
the way that we communicatewith others because it's like
okay, I'm.
Jordan Langdon (37:34):
When I'm writing , I'm slowing down, you know,
and I can do that in myconversations too, like I don't
just have to rush ahead.
Yes, and so even better reasonto start this before you get a
phone.
So that your kids areconditioned to be thoughtful
about what they're putting outthere, and they're already
trained in that way of well, Ican only kind of think as fast
as my hand can write, right.
So when it comes to sending atext message to somebody,
(37:56):
they're going to be prepared andconditioned to kind of slow it
down and find the words thatreally truly match what it is
you're thinking or feeling.
Yeah, this is so good I wasthinking, yeah, this is shared
journal, we're right back andforth and yeah, that sounds
great and I'll probably do itfor two weeks and then, like
we'll just let, it'll just dropoff.
No, this is way different,katie.
(38:18):
This is awesome, it reallytruly is fostering this
connection with your child and away to get dad involved with
some of these deeperconversations that I know he's
thinking.
They want to be involved in yes, Like why do you get all the
good stuff.
You know, I get like themeltdown at the end of the day
or the what's for dinner, and agreat way to include dads in
(38:43):
this too.
Hi mom and hi dad journals.
I love it.
Yeah.
So, katie, you said you're onall the social media channels,
right, yes, okay.
So what's your handle?
How do we find you and followyou?
Katie Merrill (38:56):
You can find me on Instagram at sharedjournalco,
and then our website is atsharedjournalco.
We're on Pinterest, we're onFacebook, but it's all the same
handle at sharedjournalco.
Jordan Langdon (39:08):
At sharedjournalco.
You guys have to check this out.
It's a beautiful website,gorgeous Journal Co.
You guys have to check this out.
It's beautiful website,gorgeous keepsake, shared
journals.
And it's holiday time when thisepisode drops, you need to be
shopping.
So I would highly recommend youget one of these for each of
your children, both a mom and adad journal.
(39:29):
If you're going to spend moneyon something quality for
birthdays or holidays, pleaseget a copy of this.
And I'm thinking, if it's mykid's birthday and, like you
know, they're going to begetting gifts from their friends
.
I don't like all the littlekitschy gifts.
Like, give my kid a sharedjournal so that they can use
(39:51):
that with me and have aconnection.
I love that, you know.
So, having a couple copies onhand one if you, if you fill all
the pages of yours, you'll haveanother one ready for the next
conversation, and two, you couldhave one ready for that
birthday party that pops up thatyou're going oh no, we weren't
prepared.
We've got an awesome gift righton our shelf at home that we
(40:12):
could wrap up and give to people.
So good, katie, thank you forjoining us.
Thank you for sharing thisshared journal with our audience
.
We'll be sure that all thelinks are in our show notes so
people can get right to yourproduct and order in time for
whatever holidays coming next.
(40:32):
So thank you for being with us,thank you for having me.
Yes, guys, I am just going todouble emphasize the importance
of connecting with your child.
You heard me talk about how wesent our first little birdie out
of the nest this week and I'mso grateful that we have had
some of these connecting momentsletters back and forth.
(40:55):
You want to be sure that youare sending them out prepared
and with a secure attachmentright.
I always say securely attached,but free to leave.
Free because they're preparedand ready for what life is going
to throw at them next, preparedand ready for what life is
(41:18):
going to throw at them next.
So, with that, be sure to sharethis episode with your spouse.
Get on, order your journals andthen I'll catch you on another
episode of the Families ofCharacter show real soon.
Take care.
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