Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, draining situationships, or friendships that leave you feeling unseen—even though you’ve been doing so much inner work?
In this episode of The Femme Cast, I’m taking you deep into the four relationship shifts that completely transformed my love life, my friendships, and the way I relate to myself. These weren’t quick mindset hacks or fluffy self-help tips. These were hard-won shifts that cost me comfort, certainty, and some relationships—but gifted me peace, truth, and alignment.
Here’s a peek at what we explore:
- Why “being the nice girl” is keeping you disconnected—from yourself and from others
- The sneaky ways people-pleasing and approval-seeking show up, even after you think you’ve healed
- How bypassing your anger, grief, and resentment blocks your ability to access your power and deeper love
- The difference between healthy compromise and self-abandonment (and how to stop sacrificing your needs just to keep the peace)
We’ll explore how each of these shifts peeled back the layers of my own performative love patterns and helped me rebuild from a place of deep self-worth and emotional safety.
This episode is raw. It’s real. And it’s probably going to challenge some long-held beliefs about what makes a “good” partner, daughter, friend, or woman.
But if you're tired of playing small, being misunderstood, or over-functioning just to be loved—this conversation is going to feel like a breath of truth.
🎧 Listen now and let these powerful shifts plant new seeds in your relationships.
PS: Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
You’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum.
You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive.
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome
back to the show.
I am so excited and gratefulthat you're here.
I have four things that Ipersonally have started to focus
on in my relationships thathave created a monumental
(00:20):
difference in the quality ofrelationships that I've been
calling in, and how likecreating, cultivating, healthier
, more loving, more balancedrelationships, because I think
that you know there are a fewdistortions that I think we
bring into our relationships,especially if you know we've
(00:41):
been perpetuating toxic patternsin a lot of our relationships,
because you know what thereality is is that if you've in
a lot of our relationshipsBecause you know what the
reality is is that if you'veexperienced a lot of toxic
relationships, chances are youhave a lot of toxic traits or
conditioning within you, and Iknow that I had a lot of toxic
traits and conditioning withinme and it's really been shifting
(01:01):
a lot of these patterns and howI look at my relationships and
how I show up in myrelationships.
That I think has made thebiggest impact in the quality of
the relationships that I'mcalling in.
And one thing I think that'sreally important to note and to
remember is that when you domake this shift of calling in
(01:22):
healthier, more lovingrelationships.
You tend, you know I always saythis it's quality over quantity
.
You may have less relationshipsaround you, but that's okay.
You know, less relationshipsmeans your standards are higher.
You're not out there pleasingeverybody and attracting
(01:43):
inauthentic relationships ortoxic relationships into your
space, and you're reallyattracting just the aligned,
healthy relationships that youwant to spend your time with,
right.
So I think that's a veryimportant distinction.
You know, I would never tell you, you know, if you were somebody
who's you know wanted to, youknow you know, win a popularity
(02:05):
contest, this work is not goingto help.
You do you know, if you weresomebody who's you know wanted
to, you know you know, win apopularity contest, this work is
not going to help.
You do you know, like I mean, Ithink you know, when we're
younger and the obsession tojust, you know, be one of the
cool kids in the class and just,you know, be popular and and
and and really have, like, themost friends of everyone else,
it's kind of it's, kind of it'sit's, it's really it comes from
(02:28):
a toxic place of needingattention and approval.
You know, and I think, if, if,when we go down that path, I
think we have to ask ourselveswhat was it that I was missing
in myself, ie, me, um, what wasit that I was missing in myself?
That I needed to have all thispopularity or attention or
friends to validate who I was asa human being and whether or
not I was worthy or valuable.
You know what I mean.
(02:48):
So, anyways, that's all fun anddandy, but, anyway, these are
four shifts that I've made in myrelationships, that of how I
used to do things versus how Ido them now, or how would I look
.
For, you know, and they havemade such a significant impact
and have totally changed thetrajectory of so many of my
(03:11):
relationships.
A lot of the relationships haveto fall by the wayside as a
result of what I'm about toshare with you, and I mean a lot
, but it made room for the rightones to come in.
So that's what you have to.
That's kind of how you have tolook at it.
You're letting go, you'reletting go of the misaligned
relationships so you can call inthe healthy ones.
Right, and you know, a lot ofthis does come back to, you know
(03:36):
, the people pleasing right asthe driving force in a lot of
these patterns that needed to bebroken um, driving force in a
lot of these patterns thatneeded to be broken.
Okay, so the first one isauthenticity over positivity.
Um, I and I don't know whenthis happened, you know, I I
don't think this was somethingthat was always the case, but
somewhere in the last decade,like positivity, became such a
(04:00):
trend.
You know, always having to bepositive and and have a positive
perspective and have gratitude,and, yeah, these are all well
and good, um, but I think thatwe have lost touch with being
authentic.
I know I did for a long time.
I did not feel comfortable,especially in the last 10 years,
really being authentic becauseI felt like, well, what if I'm
(04:23):
honest about what I'm feelingand thinking?
And people interpret that asnegative.
And many times people didinterpret it as being negative
or being ungrateful, or lookingat, you know, not looking at the
bright side of things, but youknow, when you're in a toxic
relationship dynamic, or ifyou're really struggling with
something emotionally andsomething is coming up for you,
or or you're moving through adifficult experience, yes, we
(04:45):
can have positive.
Yes, we can.
We can, we can have a positiveperspective in that, you know,
recognizing that maybe some goodwill come from this.
Maybe, if we don't see it right, then and there I think we can
have gratitude for the thingsthat are showing up to support
us, but that doesn't negate thedifficulty that we're moving
(05:08):
through or the difficult truththat maybe we need to share, or
the difficult conversation thatI think we need to have, or the
boundary that we need to set,like, we still get to do those
things and we still get to getpissed off and we still get to
call people out for bad behavior.
And I think you know we stillget to do all those things and
we can do all those things andstill be positive, but not have
to be positive 100% of the time.
(05:30):
We get to be a real human withreal feelings and real
experiences, and I think youknow somewhere we lost that we
(06:00):
put this just.
You know, unrealisticexpectation on people to we're
meant to experience, you knowhigher consciousness and come
into a higher perspective and beable to view our life and our
circumstances from a higherperspective.
Yes, 100%, absolutely.
But first we have to movethrough the emotional experience
of whatever it is that we'reexperiencing before we can step
(06:23):
into the spiritual experience ofit.
Okay, we experience things onfour, on three.
Three levels physically,emotionally sorry.
Four physically, emotionally,mentally and spiritually right.
We have to experience all four.
We have to experience thefeeling in our body.
We have to experience thefeeling in our emotions.
We have to experience all thethought right.
(06:45):
And then we have to come tothat higher perspective or
higher realizations, which isthe spiritual experience.
And we can't just get stuck inthe spiritual experience.
We have to move through all ofit.
We're human beings having,we're spiritual beings having a
human experience.
We're meant to move through allthat emotion.
We're meant to move through allthat emotion.
We're meant to experience pain,anger, resentment, laughter,
(07:08):
joy, peace, prosperity, love,shame, guilt, all the things.
Because we need to move throughthem and process the experience
and extract the lesson so wecan have that higher perspective
.
We can't just shortcut to thehigher perspective.
It doesn't work that way.
We miss the lesson.
We miss the lesson so we canhave that higher perspective.
We can't just shortcut to thehigher perspective.
It doesn't work that way.
We miss the lesson.
We miss the lesson.
(07:29):
The feeling, the emotions gettrapped in us.
And then you're calling me fora session so that we can move
through all that stuck emotionin your body because it's
manifesting crazy shit.
Okay, that's what happens.
That's why all my clients callme, because they've they've some
, some experience.
They had that they didn't movethrough properly.
The emotion got stuck in theirenergetic field somewhere or in
their body somewhere.
(07:49):
It's creating, it's manifestinglike chaos in their life.
It's creating blocks, it'screating all kinds of patterns
and toxicity that they don'twant.
And so they come to me so thatI can basically move them
through that emotionalexperience, so they can let it
go and so they can be free tomanifest what it is that they
(08:10):
want, right, without that blockbeing there.
So you know, that comes frombeing able to move through an
emotional experience andallowing it to be present and
take up space, letting it beuncomfortable and then moving
through on the other side, andthen we can have that higher
perspective once we move throughit.
But too many times we'reshaming people for being in the
emotional experience ofsomething, and I don't know when
(08:32):
this became a trend, but it'sgot to fucking stop.
No relationship will ever reachfull intimacy and closeness
without authenticity.
You may think that beingpositive and having a positive
outlook is what your personneeds from you, but what your
(08:53):
person needs from you, is yourauthenticity right?
And when I say authentic, Imean authentic, I don't mean
triggered, I don't mean toxicprojections, I don't mean
unprocessed trauma.
Okay, that's yours to take careof and that's your side of the
fence to clean up.
And, yes, your partner can holdspace for that, right.
(09:16):
But ultimately that is yourresponsibility.
But you do have aresponsibility to be honest
about what you're moving throughand how you're feeling and then
, you know, be able to kind ofcome to that higher self, higher
perspective on your own whenyou're ready, okay.
So there's a huge differenceand I think you know people get
(09:36):
that mixed up.
They mistake and I think maybethat's where it's gotten a bad
rap.
Step, they mistake and I thinkmaybe that's where it's gotten a
bad rap.
There's a huge differencebetween experiencing your
emotional body and movingthrough your emotional body and
your emotional experience andprojecting negative emotions
onto other people.
They're two very differentthings.
You can experience and movethrough something without
(09:58):
projecting it on other peopleright, and you can be real and
honest and authentic about youremotional experience and where
you're at, without making otherpeople responsible, blaming them
for your experience orprojecting your pain onto them.
Okay, and I think that's thedifference.
There's a difference betweenauthenticity and projection.
So make sure you understand thedistinction between the two,
(10:19):
because authenticity is what'sgoing to create the connection
and the relationships thatyou've been craving, that you've
probably not been able to findbecause you keep dating
emotionally unavailable partnersbecause you yourself have not
really shown them who you are,you've not put yourself out
there, so you've attractedemotionally unavailable people,
and the key to attracting anemotionally available partner is
(10:41):
really showing who you reallyare and being your authentic
self with that person.
Got it Okay.
Now moving on Acceptance overapproval.
Right, as a people pleaser,approval was my North Star for
the longest time.
Now I've shifted that to sayacceptance.
I'll give you an example.
I was surrounded by a group offriends where everything was
(11:05):
about their approval approval onwhat I did, how I did it, how
much I made, how what I wore.
Every time we went out forbrunch on a fucking Sunday, if I
had to cancel because I had totake care of my parents, and how
they responded to that.
I constantly felt like I wasbeing.
You know, I was constantly heldto a standard that not only I
(11:28):
couldn't live up to or didn'twant to live up to but they
themselves couldn't live up to,like I constantly felt like
there was expectations andwhat's it called standards being
put onto me that weren'taligned for me, that didn't feel
right for me, that I felt likeI couldn't be myself.
I felt like I had to be adifferent version of myself to
(11:51):
in order to be included and tofeel included in those
relationships, and so I ditchedthem.
You know, it took, it took awhile and it took some time to
to walk away from them, and somewere harder to walk away than
others.
Some some were super fuckingeasy.
I will tell you that right now,a couple of them were really
hard and it took me a long timeand it was a lot of
(12:12):
conversations and it was a lotof pain walking away from them.
But ultimately I had to walkaway from them because I felt
like I was constantly what's itcalled seeking their approval or
trying to get their approvaland not getting it.
(12:33):
Sometimes I got it, butsometimes I felt like you know
that approval was always beingwithheld, because you know I
didn't do this right.
Those priorities weren'taligned with what their
priorities were.
You know the fact that you knowwe, our interests, were going
in separate directions and I waswho I was and I liked the
things that I liked and nothinghad really changed about me.
But now, suddenly, the thingsthat always made me me were not
(12:57):
what they enjoyed anymore.
I guess they they're.
They had evolved, evolved, youknow.
An example would be I'm tryingto think of an example that I
could share with you guys.
But you know, I was always asilly one in the group and I've
always been the silly person inmy friend group, like since I
was younger and that you know,yes, I'm older and, yes, I'm
wiser, but I'm still prettysilly and I like silly things.
(13:19):
And you know I'm verypassionate about certain things,
like I'm very passionate aboutdance, I love to laugh, I love
comedy, I love to be entertained.
I love to feel like I, you know, when I if I'm, if I'm watching
a movie, I feel like, you know,I just want to be entertained
and laugh and I want to escapelife Like I don't want to watch.
I don't like to watch heavymovies or heavy dramas, or, you
(13:44):
know, I do a lot of thinking andreflecting when I'm doing my
work.
So you know, when I'm lookingto movie for entertainment, I'm
just looking to like have a goodlighthearted laugh or watch an
action flick or just beentertained.
You know, and I think, as myfriends were getting older,
their interests were changingand that's fine, I didn't have
(14:06):
an issue with that.
You know they were.
You know they were seeking adifferent experience from their
entertainment and that was fine,that was totally okay for me.
But now it was becoming ajudgment that I wasn't seeking
those things, that I was.
I guess I don't know if I wassomehow being perceived as being
immature, you know, lacking inculture or whatever.
You know, there were thingsthat I was passionate about,
(14:27):
that they weren't passionateabout and I was cool with that.
And there were things that theywere passionate about that I
totally was not passionate aboutand I was cool with that.
But somehow this started tobecome an issue, and this is
just one example, like there'sso things that started to show
up for us.
One of them would always harp onme for getting dressed up every
time we went out for brunch I'msorry, it's girl time, I don't
(14:50):
go out much, I work from home, Itake care of my family, I'm a
caregiver for my parents, so forme, when I go out with the
girls for brunch.
That is my time to put on acute outfit, y'all, and like do
my nails and do my hair and feelreally good.
Well, one of them was alwayslike oh, why don't you don't
dress up tomorrow, we're goingout, just come casual.
You're not.
I don't want you dressing upand I'm like, but what?
(15:12):
Why is it to you?
You know how I want to dress,like I'm going out and I want to
be myself and I want to expressmyself and one of the ways I
love to express myself isthrough what I wear.
You know, I was a fashionstudent for crying out loud.
You know who see you and whovalue you and who don't try to
(15:48):
change you.
You know, or who don't try tostifle you in any way or give
you direction on who to be andhow to show up and what to look
like and what to say and how tosound and what to be interested
in and what not to be interestedin and where to invest your
time or your money or where notto invest your time.
Those are your decisions andanybody.
If you're an adult like ifyou're a child listening to this
(16:09):
, then for fuck's sakes, thenyes, the adults in the room do
have a say, but if you're anadult listening to this podcast
which I don't think there's alot of children that are
listening I hope there's no kidslistening to my podcast.
There's no kids listening to mypodcast.
Oh my God, if you're an adultlistening to this podcast, you
are responsible for yourdecisions.
No one else gets to take thatfrom you.
You get to decide who you areand how you show up.
Yes, we all have work to do.
(16:31):
Yes, we all have shit to cleanup.
However, you get to decide whoyou get to be in this life.
No one else makes that decisionfor you.
So always, always, always, lookfor acceptance and not work for
someone's approval.
Okay, that is when you knowthat you're in a healthy
(16:54):
relationship, okay.
The third one is compromise oversacrifice.
Every relationship has acertain degree of compromise.
Okay, it doesn't matter if it'sa friendship, if it's a
coworking relationship um, um,boss, worker, whatever romantic
relationship, family everyrelationship has compromise,
(17:15):
okay.
And that is what?
Because you know, ultimately,you know everyone has their
wants, everyone has their needs,everyone has their desire.
Everyone has their needs,everyone has their desires.
Sometimes those are aligned,sometimes they're not, and
sometimes we can do our ownthing and sometimes we come
together and we both want thesame thing and sometimes needs
or desires or wants clash andone person getting their way
(17:38):
means what the other person issomehow not going to be getting
theirs, or one way or the other.
You know what I mean.
So that's where conversationsneed to happen, that's where
some compromise needs to happenand that's where we need to look
at okay, how can we make surethat both our wants, needs and
desires are reflected in thisdecision that we're about to
make?
Right, and maybe you knowsometimes you know you do have
(18:00):
to.
You know take one for the teamand you know make a compromise
that will benefit the otherperson, but sometimes that also
can.
That needs to be made in yourfavor as well.
Relationships are always atwo-way street.
Sacrifice is different.
Sacrifice is you constantlyputting your needs, your wants,
your desires on the back burnerand prioritizing everyone else's
(18:22):
, and that never leads toanything good.
That will always, always,always guarantee you, lead to
toxicity and people who don'ttruly value you or see you worth
.
Because you don't value you andsee your worth.
Because if you did valueyourself and see your worth, you
would value what you want andwhat you need and what you
desire in this life, and youwould give it a seat at the
fucking table.
Want and what you need and whatyou desire in this life, and
(18:43):
you would give it a seat at thefucking table.
So your job is to ask yourselfwhat is it about me that I don't
value or I don't deem as beingworthy enough to have his wants
and it's his, her wants, herneeds, her desires met?
You know why are my wants andneeds and desires not as
important as everyone else's?
Because they are.
You know, and you have toreally examine why this pattern
(19:09):
of self-sacrifice if that's yourpattern, where it's coming from
and how you can start to moveaway from that unhealthy
sacrificial lamb kind of patternand into a healthy relationship
compromise.
And some relationships won'tlike this because they're used
to you sacrificing.
And that's not because they'rebad.
(19:30):
Some might be, some of them.
This is just who you've beenyour entire life and that's how
they know you.
And now you're like thisdifferent person and they don't
know how to take it To them.
You know a lot of times whenwe're in toxic dynamics, you
know, like I said, they alwaysgo two ways.
You know there's always ourside of the street and there's
always the other person's sideof the street.
And sometimes, you know,sacrifice, when we sacrifice, it
(19:53):
becomes an expression of love,like when I used to sacrifice a
lot.
It was out of love.
And so when I didn't sacrifice,people who got used to me
sacrificing as a way of showinglove were like, oh my God, does
she not love me anymore?
You know, but it wasn't that,it was just.
That's what I taught, that'show I taught people to treat me.
(20:14):
So I had to unteach them that Iwould treat them that way,
right, which is not always theeasiest work.
But again, you're going forquality, not quantity, okay, and
when you do this, somerelationships will not make it,
but the ones who do are the onesyou want to keep with you.
Um, okay, here's the last one,okay, and this is probably.
(20:45):
It kind of lines up with thefirst one, but it's different,
and I'll explain how.
It's honesty over niceness,okay.
This means, yes, it's about,you know, being your authentic
self.
Right, honesty is about beingauthentic and being truthful and
being in integrity and what youwith what, what you believe in,
what you say, you know, liningup.
But it's, there's a differencebetween you know, when I say you
(21:08):
know, the first one we talkedabout, with authenticity over
positivity.
This is being, this is ininteractions, right, this is
specifically in interactions.
I want you to practice beinghonest versus being nice.
Okay, being nice to for thesake of being seen as being a
nice person, a good person, agood girl, is actually quite
(21:30):
toxic and destructive to yourrelationships.
You would better serve yourselfto be honest in your
relationships and in integrityin your relationships than to be
nice.
And I can remember a situationway back.
This was like before I startedmy journey and you know I was
with a group of friends who nolonger take space in my life, a
(21:53):
bunch of couples.
And I can remember, you know,saying to one of them saying you
know, you know, I always, Ialways try to do the nice thing.
I want people to think that I'mnice, you know, and so I always
, I always go the extra mile toyou know, and I'm like, no, I'm
just kind of myself, you know, Ikind of just I.
You know, I'm honest, I try tobe very on the level about who I
(22:16):
am and I screw it up sometimesand I'm not always as authentic
as I'd like to be.
But I do like to try to be asreal as possible and give people
a chance to decide, you know,whether or not they like me as a
person or not, and then that'syou know.
Whatever they decide, you knowI try to just be okay with that.
Right, and that was the best Icould do at the time.
And it wasn't so many carsaround me right now they're
(22:38):
roaring all over the place, butyou know it wasn't perfect.
I was.
You know I screwed it up waymore than I got it right.
But you know that was kind ofwhat I was trying to live by is
I'd rather be honest andtruthful than play a part so
that I could make people thinkthat I'm nice.
(23:02):
And so this person gets into anargument with me and they're
like so you don't, you don'tcare what people think of you
and you don't, you don't try to,to, to, to be a good person so
that they like you and thinkthat you're nice, and it's like
well, you know you're asking metwo different things right now.
You're asking me if I'm a goodperson.
Are you asking me if I'm a goodperson, or are you asking me if
I try to trick people intothinking I'm a good person.
(23:23):
I think I'm a good person and Ialways try to bring my best
foot forward, but I always youknow, I'm always like honest
about who I am and what I want,and you know, I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna be fake just so thatpeople think I'm nice.
Like that to me is just that'sjust wrong.
Like why would you be fake?
You know that doesn't sit wellwith me.
That means it feels like I'mtricking people into thinking
(23:44):
that I'm nice, versus themactually deciding for themselves
whether or not they think I'mnice.
And this triggered the crap outof this person and I, when I
tell you, this had a rippleeffect in the group for like I
don't know, this went on forweeks.
I was like, wow, I can'tbelieve.
Like from that tinyconversation, like all this like
(24:05):
ripple effect that has gone onand all this drama that has
transpired as a result of what Isaid, all because I said,
listen, I would just rather behonest and not play games with
people or not try to manipulatepeople into liking me, and to
just being honest about who I amand what I think and what I
feel and letting them decide forthemselves and somehow this was
(24:27):
a bad thing.
So, you know, although manypeople will tell you to do the
nice thing, to say the nicething, to be the bigger person,
which oftentimes I think youknow, we do get the opportunity
to be the bigger person and Ithink you know, when it feels
aligned, we can take it, when itfeels in integrity, we can take
it.
But, again, it needs to feelaligned and it needs to feel
(24:49):
like we're into integrity.
If it feels like we're lying,then something's wrong.
You know, if it feels likewe're lying, or if it feels like
what we're saying and whatwe're actually believing or
feeling are two different things, then we need to look at that
and we need to ask ourselvesokay, well, you know, is that
(25:10):
belief or feeling or thinking?
Is that in alignment with myhighest truth?
Am I dealing with a story,maybe, that I need to transform,
a belief about myself thatneeds to change, or about this
relationship that needs totransform?
Like, am I coming up against asaboteur?
Am I coming up against someconditioning that maybe I need
to work through, or is thisreally an honest perspective or
(25:35):
thought or feeling or way ofshowing up in the world that I
have, that I'm now pretending isnot the case, and I'm trying to
think of an example in my headwhere we would try to be nice
versus being honest.
You know, and I think you know,when it comes.
I mean, there's certainsituations I think many of us
(25:56):
can't be honest at worksometimes.
You know we can't tell our bossthey're a dick.
You know we can't do that.
We don't have the right to tellanybody that we think they're a
dick really.
But you know we can choose tosee the whole person and treat
(26:19):
them with respect and, you know,not go out of our way to be
fake nice to them just to makethem think that we like them.
You know what I mean.
We can still be respectful andwe can be mindful and we can
still treat that person withkindness and integrity without
making false statements of howwe feel about them or making all
(26:43):
these grandiose gestures tomake them think that we like
them, because we're not onlytrying to convince them, we're
trying to convince ourselves,because we're afraid that they
see that we don't like them.
So now we have to do all thesegrandiose gestures to make them
feel like we appreciate themwhen really deep down we just
think they're a dick.
You know what I mean.
I think that that gets you know.
(27:06):
We need to really just check inwith ourselves and really ask
ourselves am I being honest?
Am I being fake?
Am I putting on a show becauseI want people to think a certain
thing or a certain way about me?
And how would I be acting if Ididn't care what people think?
That's always the most powerfulquestion I think any of us can
ask ourselves when it comes topeople pleasing, you know, is
(27:28):
what would I say here?
How would I show up?
What would I do if I didn'tgive a shit what people thought
about me?
You know, and maybe that's notalways the thing that we do, but
let that be part of theconversation, right, or at least
somehow reflected in theactions that you take and how
you show up with yourinteractions with people,
because I think, ultimately,when we're interacting with
(27:48):
people from a place of integrityand truth, where we can respect
ourselves but also have respectfor other people, right, I
think that's when we start toattract the really healthy,
aligned relationships right, andprobably deter the toxic ones
that constantly want you to feedtheir ego and just make them
(28:08):
feel like you know, constantlyhaving the ego stroked or having
the, you know you doing all theexternal validation because
that's what your niceness doesfor them.
You know there's so many waysto play this, but I think you
get what I'm trying to say.
Right, be honest over nice asoften as you can.
(28:29):
Do it respectfully, do it inintegrity, do it with kindness,
but just be honest.
Don't fake anything.
Don't be fake nice.
Don't go out of your way toprove to someone that you're a
nice, good person.
If you don't want to have themover to break bread with that's
(28:51):
always my guiding light theydon't want to have you at my
house to break bread with.
Are you that person that I wantto sit down and have a really
good meal with, or crack open abottle of wine with, and if so,
I'm going to show that to you.
Naturally, I'm not going tofake anything.
And again, to the flip side ofthat, if there's something that
(29:15):
you really don't like, I thinkyou can still be very respectful
and very kind without anygrandiose displays of niceness,
trying to prove to yourself orto them that you like them when
you really don't.
Okay, anyway, those are my,those are my two sensible four
of you know ways that I've I'vekind of you know really started
(29:36):
to trim the weeds in a lot of myrelationships and really call
in healthier relationships.
These four, these four thingsspecifically, have changed the
quality of the relationshipsthat I've been calling in and
how comfortable I actually feelaround them.
Right, and again, quality overquantity always Okay.
(29:57):
So, um, let me know which oneof these resonates in the
comments or wherever you'reseeing this, or DM me at the fem
coach Coach or at the FemmeCast sorry on Instagram.
And don't forget, if you'relistening to this on Apple
iTunes or Spotify or whereveryou're listening to this, please
don't forget to leave apositive rating and review.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome
back to the show.
I am so excited and gratefulthat you're here.
I have four things that Ipersonally have started to focus
on in my relationships thathave created a monumental
(00:20):
difference in the quality ofrelationships that I've been
calling in, and how likecreating, cultivating, healthier
, more loving, more balancedrelationships, because I think
that you know there are a fewdistortions that I think we
bring into our relationships,especially if you know we've
(00:41):
been perpetuating toxic patternsin a lot of our relationships,
because you know what thereality is is that if you've in
a lot of our relationshipsBecause you know what the
reality is is that if you'veexperienced a lot of toxic
relationships, chances are youhave a lot of toxic traits or
conditioning within you, and Iknow that I had a lot of toxic
traits and conditioning withinme and it's really been shifting
(01:01):
a lot of these patterns and howI look at my relationships and
how I show up in myrelationships.
That I think has made thebiggest impact in the quality of
the relationships that I'mcalling in.
And one thing I think that'sreally important to note and to
remember is that when you domake this shift of calling in
(01:22):
healthier, more lovingrelationships.
You tend, you know I always saythis it's quality over quantity
.
You may have less relationshipsaround you, but that's okay.
You know, less relationshipsmeans your standards are higher.
You're not out there pleasingeverybody and attracting
(01:43):
inauthentic relationships ortoxic relationships into your
space, and you're reallyattracting just the aligned,
healthy relationships that youwant to spend your time with,
right.
So I think that's a veryimportant distinction.
You know, I would never tell you, you know, if you were somebody
who's you know wanted to, youknow you know, win a popularity
(02:05):
contest, this work is not goingto help.
You do you know, if you weresomebody who's you know wanted
to, you know you know, win apopularity contest, this work is
not going to help.
You do you know, like I mean, Ithink you know, when we're
younger and the obsession tojust, you know, be one of the
cool kids in the class and just,you know, be popular and and
and and really have, like, themost friends of everyone else,
it's kind of it's, kind of it'sit's, it's really it comes from
(02:28):
a toxic place of needingattention and approval.
You know, and I think, if, if,when we go down that path, I
think we have to ask ourselveswhat was it that I was missing
in myself, ie, me, um, what wasit that I was missing in myself?
That I needed to have all thispopularity or attention or
friends to validate who I was asa human being and whether or
not I was worthy or valuable.
You know what I mean.
(02:48):
So, anyways, that's all fun anddandy, but, anyway, these are
four shifts that I've made in myrelationships, that of how I
used to do things versus how Ido them now, or how would I look
.
For, you know, and they havemade such a significant impact
and have totally changed thetrajectory of so many of my
(03:11):
relationships.
A lot of the relationships haveto fall by the wayside as a
result of what I'm about toshare with you, and I mean a lot
, but it made room for the rightones to come in.
So that's what you have to.
That's kind of how you have tolook at it.
You're letting go, you'reletting go of the misaligned
relationships so you can call inthe healthy ones.
Right, and you know, a lot ofthis does come back to, you know
(03:36):
, the people pleasing right asthe driving force in a lot of
these patterns that needed to bebroken um, driving force in a
lot of these patterns thatneeded to be broken.
Okay, so the first one isauthenticity over positivity.
Um, I and I don't know whenthis happened, you know, I I
don't think this was somethingthat was always the case, but
somewhere in the last decade,like positivity, became such a
(04:00):
trend.
You know, always having to bepositive and and have a positive
perspective and have gratitude,and, yeah, these are all well
and good, um, but I think thatwe have lost touch with being
authentic.
I know I did for a long time.
I did not feel comfortable,especially in the last 10 years,
really being authentic becauseI felt like, well, what if I'm
(04:23):
honest about what I'm feelingand thinking?
And people interpret that asnegative.
And many times people didinterpret it as being negative
or being ungrateful, or lookingat, you know, not looking at the
bright side of things, but youknow, when you're in a toxic
relationship dynamic, or ifyou're really struggling with
something emotionally andsomething is coming up for you,
or or you're moving through adifficult experience, yes, we
(04:45):
can have positive.
Yes, we can.
We can, we can have a positiveperspective in that, you know,
recognizing that maybe some goodwill come from this.
Maybe, if we don't see it right, then and there I think we can
have gratitude for the thingsthat are showing up to support
us, but that doesn't negate thedifficulty that we're moving
(05:08):
through or the difficult truththat maybe we need to share, or
the difficult conversation thatI think we need to have, or the
boundary that we need to set,like, we still get to do those
things and we still get to getpissed off and we still get to
call people out for bad behavior.
And I think you know we stillget to do all those things and
we can do all those things andstill be positive, but not have
to be positive 100% of the time.
(05:30):
We get to be a real human withreal feelings and real
experiences, and I think youknow somewhere we lost that we
(06:00):
put this just.
You know, unrealisticexpectation on people to we're
meant to experience, you knowhigher consciousness and come
into a higher perspective and beable to view our life and our
circumstances from a higherperspective.
Yes, 100%, absolutely.
But first we have to movethrough the emotional experience
of whatever it is that we'reexperiencing before we can step
(06:23):
into the spiritual experience ofit.
Okay, we experience things onfour, on three.
Three levels physically,emotionally sorry.
Four physically, emotionally,mentally and spiritually right.
We have to experience all four.
We have to experience thefeeling in our body.
We have to experience thefeeling in our emotions.
We have to experience all thethought right.
(06:45):
And then we have to come tothat higher perspective or
higher realizations, which isthe spiritual experience.
And we can't just get stuck inthe spiritual experience.
We have to move through all ofit.
We're human beings having,we're spiritual beings having a
human experience.
We're meant to move through allthat emotion.
We're meant to move through allthat emotion.
We're meant to experience pain,anger, resentment, laughter,
(07:08):
joy, peace, prosperity, love,shame, guilt, all the things.
Because we need to move throughthem and process the experience
and extract the lesson so wecan have that higher perspective
.
We can't just shortcut to thehigher perspective.
It doesn't work that way.
We miss the lesson.
We miss the lesson so we canhave that higher perspective.
We can't just shortcut to thehigher perspective.
It doesn't work that way.
We miss the lesson.
We miss the lesson.
(07:29):
The feeling, the emotions gettrapped in us.
And then you're calling me fora session so that we can move
through all that stuck emotionin your body because it's
manifesting crazy shit.
Okay, that's what happens.
That's why all my clients callme, because they've they've some
, some experience.
They had that they didn't movethrough properly.
The emotion got stuck in theirenergetic field somewhere or in
their body somewhere.
(07:49):
It's creating, it's manifestinglike chaos in their life.
It's creating blocks, it'screating all kinds of patterns
and toxicity that they don'twant.
And so they come to me so thatI can basically move them
through that emotionalexperience, so they can let it
go and so they can be free tomanifest what it is that they
(08:10):
want, right, without that blockbeing there.
So you know, that comes frombeing able to move through an
emotional experience andallowing it to be present and
take up space, letting it beuncomfortable and then moving
through on the other side, andthen we can have that higher
perspective once we move throughit.
But too many times we'reshaming people for being in the
emotional experience ofsomething, and I don't know when
(08:32):
this became a trend, but it'sgot to fucking stop.
No relationship will ever reachfull intimacy and closeness
without authenticity.
You may think that beingpositive and having a positive
outlook is what your personneeds from you, but what your
(08:53):
person needs from you, is yourauthenticity right?
And when I say authentic, Imean authentic, I don't mean
triggered, I don't mean toxicprojections, I don't mean
unprocessed trauma.
Okay, that's yours to take careof and that's your side of the
fence to clean up.
And, yes, your partner can holdspace for that, right.
(09:16):
But ultimately that is yourresponsibility.
But you do have aresponsibility to be honest
about what you're moving throughand how you're feeling and then
, you know, be able to kind ofcome to that higher self, higher
perspective on your own whenyou're ready, okay.
So there's a huge differenceand I think you know people get
(09:36):
that mixed up.
They mistake and I think maybethat's where it's gotten a bad
rap.
Step, they mistake and I thinkmaybe that's where it's gotten a
bad rap.
There's a huge differencebetween experiencing your
emotional body and movingthrough your emotional body and
your emotional experience andprojecting negative emotions
onto other people.
They're two very differentthings.
You can experience and movethrough something without
(09:58):
projecting it on other peopleright, and you can be real and
honest and authentic about youremotional experience and where
you're at, without making otherpeople responsible, blaming them
for your experience orprojecting your pain onto them.
Okay, and I think that's thedifference.
There's a difference betweenauthenticity and projection.
So make sure you understand thedistinction between the two,
(10:19):
because authenticity is what'sgoing to create the connection
and the relationships thatyou've been craving, that you've
probably not been able to findbecause you keep dating
emotionally unavailable partnersbecause you yourself have not
really shown them who you are,you've not put yourself out
there, so you've attractedemotionally unavailable people,
and the key to attracting anemotionally available partner is
(10:41):
really showing who you reallyare and being your authentic
self with that person.
Got it Okay.
Now moving on Acceptance overapproval.
Right, as a people pleaser,approval was my North Star for
the longest time.
Now I've shifted that to sayacceptance.
I'll give you an example.
I was surrounded by a group offriends where everything was
(11:05):
about their approval approval onwhat I did, how I did it, how
much I made, how what I wore.
Every time we went out forbrunch on a fucking Sunday, if I
had to cancel because I had totake care of my parents, and how
they responded to that.
I constantly felt like I wasbeing.
You know, I was constantly heldto a standard that not only I
(11:28):
couldn't live up to or didn'twant to live up to but they
themselves couldn't live up to,like I constantly felt like
there was expectations andwhat's it called standards being
put onto me that weren'taligned for me, that didn't feel
right for me, that I felt likeI couldn't be myself.
I felt like I had to be adifferent version of myself to
(11:51):
in order to be included and tofeel included in those
relationships, and so I ditchedthem.
You know, it took, it took awhile and it took some time to
to walk away from them, and somewere harder to walk away than
others.
Some some were super fuckingeasy.
I will tell you that right now,a couple of them were really
hard and it took me a long timeand it was a lot of
(12:12):
conversations and it was a lotof pain walking away from them.
But ultimately I had to walkaway from them because I felt
like I was constantly what's itcalled seeking their approval or
trying to get their approvaland not getting it.
(12:33):
Sometimes I got it, butsometimes I felt like you know
that approval was always beingwithheld, because you know I
didn't do this right.
Those priorities weren'taligned with what their
priorities were.
You know the fact that you knowwe, our interests, were going
in separate directions and I waswho I was and I liked the
things that I liked and nothinghad really changed about me.
But now, suddenly, the thingsthat always made me me were not
(12:57):
what they enjoyed anymore.
I guess they they're.
They had evolved, evolved, youknow.
An example would be I'm tryingto think of an example that I
could share with you guys.
But you know, I was always asilly one in the group and I've
always been the silly person inmy friend group, like since I
was younger and that you know,yes, I'm older and, yes, I'm
wiser, but I'm still prettysilly and I like silly things.
(13:19):
And you know I'm verypassionate about certain things,
like I'm very passionate aboutdance, I love to laugh, I love
comedy, I love to be entertained.
I love to feel like I, you know, when I if I'm, if I'm watching
a movie, I feel like, you know,I just want to be entertained
and laugh and I want to escapelife Like I don't want to watch.
I don't like to watch heavymovies or heavy dramas, or, you
(13:44):
know, I do a lot of thinking andreflecting when I'm doing my
work.
So you know, when I'm lookingto movie for entertainment, I'm
just looking to like have a goodlighthearted laugh or watch an
action flick or just beentertained.
You know, and I think, as myfriends were getting older,
their interests were changingand that's fine, I didn't have
(14:06):
an issue with that.
You know they were.
You know they were seeking adifferent experience from their
entertainment and that was fine,that was totally okay for me.
But now it was becoming ajudgment that I wasn't seeking
those things, that I was.
I guess I don't know if I wassomehow being perceived as being
immature, you know, lacking inculture or whatever.
You know, there were thingsthat I was passionate about,
(14:27):
that they weren't passionateabout and I was cool with that.
And there were things that theywere passionate about that I
totally was not passionate aboutand I was cool with that.
But somehow this started tobecome an issue, and this is
just one example, like there'sso things that started to show
up for us.
One of them would always harp onme for getting dressed up every
time we went out for brunch I'msorry, it's girl time, I don't
(14:50):
go out much, I work from home, Itake care of my family, I'm a
caregiver for my parents, so forme, when I go out with the
girls for brunch.
That is my time to put on acute outfit, y'all, and like do
my nails and do my hair and feelreally good.
Well, one of them was alwayslike oh, why don't you don't
dress up tomorrow, we're goingout, just come casual.
You're not.
I don't want you dressing upand I'm like, but what?
(15:12):
Why is it to you?
You know how I want to dress,like I'm going out and I want to
be myself and I want to expressmyself and one of the ways I
love to express myself isthrough what I wear.
You know, I was a fashionstudent for crying out loud.
You know who see you and whovalue you and who don't try to
(15:48):
change you.
You know, or who don't try tostifle you in any way or give
you direction on who to be andhow to show up and what to look
like and what to say and how tosound and what to be interested
in and what not to be interestedin and where to invest your
time or your money or where notto invest your time.
Those are your decisions andanybody.
If you're an adult like ifyou're a child listening to this
(16:09):
, then for fuck's sakes, thenyes, the adults in the room do
have a say, but if you're anadult listening to this podcast
which I don't think there's alot of children that are
listening I hope there's no kidslistening to my podcast.
There's no kids listening to mypodcast.
Oh my God, if you're an adultlistening to this podcast, you
are responsible for yourdecisions.
No one else gets to take thatfrom you.
You get to decide who you areand how you show up.
Yes, we all have work to do.
(16:31):
Yes, we all have shit to cleanup.
However, you get to decide whoyou get to be in this life.
No one else makes that decisionfor you.
So always, always, always, lookfor acceptance and not work for
someone's approval.
Okay, that is when you knowthat you're in a healthy
(16:54):
relationship, okay.
The third one is compromise oversacrifice.
Every relationship has acertain degree of compromise.
Okay, it doesn't matter if it'sa friendship, if it's a
coworking relationship um, um,boss, worker, whatever romantic
relationship, family everyrelationship has compromise,
(17:15):
okay.
And that is what?
Because you know, ultimately,you know everyone has their
wants, everyone has their needs,everyone has their desire.
Everyone has their needs,everyone has their desires.
Sometimes those are aligned,sometimes they're not, and
sometimes we can do our ownthing and sometimes we come
together and we both want thesame thing and sometimes needs
or desires or wants clash andone person getting their way
(17:38):
means what the other person issomehow not going to be getting
theirs, or one way or the other.
You know what I mean.
So that's where conversationsneed to happen, that's where
some compromise needs to happenand that's where we need to look
at okay, how can we make surethat both our wants, needs and
desires are reflected in thisdecision that we're about to
make?
Right, and maybe you knowsometimes you know you do have
(18:00):
to.
You know take one for the teamand you know make a compromise
that will benefit the otherperson, but sometimes that also
can.
That needs to be made in yourfavor as well.
Relationships are always atwo-way street.
Sacrifice is different.
Sacrifice is you constantlyputting your needs, your wants,
your desires on the back burnerand prioritizing everyone else's
(18:22):
, and that never leads toanything good.
That will always, always,always guarantee you, lead to
toxicity and people who don'ttruly value you or see you worth
.
Because you don't value you andsee your worth.
Because if you did valueyourself and see your worth, you
would value what you want andwhat you need and what you
desire in this life, and youwould give it a seat at the
fucking table.
Want and what you need and whatyou desire in this life, and
(18:43):
you would give it a seat at thefucking table.
So your job is to ask yourselfwhat is it about me that I don't
value or I don't deem as beingworthy enough to have his wants
and it's his, her wants, herneeds, her desires met?
You know why are my wants andneeds and desires not as
important as everyone else's?
Because they are.
You know, and you have toreally examine why this pattern
(19:09):
of self-sacrifice if that's yourpattern, where it's coming from
and how you can start to moveaway from that unhealthy
sacrificial lamb kind of patternand into a healthy relationship
compromise.
And some relationships won'tlike this because they're used
to you sacrificing.
And that's not because they'rebad.
(19:30):
Some might be, some of them.
This is just who you've beenyour entire life and that's how
they know you.
And now you're like thisdifferent person and they don't
know how to take it To them.
You know a lot of times whenwe're in toxic dynamics, you
know, like I said, they alwaysgo two ways.
You know there's always ourside of the street and there's
always the other person's sideof the street.
And sometimes, you know,sacrifice, when we sacrifice, it
(19:53):
becomes an expression of love,like when I used to sacrifice a
lot.
It was out of love.
And so when I didn't sacrifice,people who got used to me
sacrificing as a way of showinglove were like, oh my God, does
she not love me anymore?
You know, but it wasn't that,it was just.
That's what I taught, that'show I taught people to treat me.
(20:14):
So I had to unteach them that Iwould treat them that way,
right, which is not always theeasiest work.
But again, you're going forquality, not quantity, okay, and
when you do this, somerelationships will not make it,
but the ones who do are the onesyou want to keep with you.
Um, okay, here's the last one,okay, and this is probably.
(20:45):
It kind of lines up with thefirst one, but it's different,
and I'll explain how.
It's honesty over niceness,okay.
This means, yes, it's about,you know, being your authentic
self.
Right, honesty is about beingauthentic and being truthful and
being in integrity and what youwith what, what you believe in,
what you say, you know, liningup.
But it's, there's a differencebetween you know, when I say you
(21:08):
know, the first one we talkedabout, with authenticity over
positivity.
This is being, this is ininteractions, right, this is
specifically in interactions.
I want you to practice beinghonest versus being nice.
Okay, being nice to for thesake of being seen as being a
nice person, a good person, agood girl, is actually quite
(21:30):
toxic and destructive to yourrelationships.
You would better serve yourselfto be honest in your
relationships and in integrityin your relationships than to be
nice.
And I can remember a situationway back.
This was like before I startedmy journey and you know I was
with a group of friends who nolonger take space in my life, a
(21:53):
bunch of couples.
And I can remember, you know,saying to one of them saying you
know, you know, I always, Ialways try to do the nice thing.
I want people to think that I'mnice, you know, and so I always
, I always go the extra mile toyou know, and I'm like, no, I'm
just kind of myself, you know, Ikind of just I.
You know, I'm honest, I try tobe very on the level about who I
(22:16):
am and I screw it up sometimesand I'm not always as authentic
as I'd like to be.
But I do like to try to be asreal as possible and give people
a chance to decide, you know,whether or not they like me as a
person or not, and then that'syou know.
Whatever they decide, you knowI try to just be okay with that.
Right, and that was the best Icould do at the time.
And it wasn't so many carsaround me right now they're
(22:38):
roaring all over the place, butyou know it wasn't perfect.
I was.
You know I screwed it up waymore than I got it right.
But you know that was kind ofwhat I was trying to live by is
I'd rather be honest andtruthful than play a part so
that I could make people thinkthat I'm nice.
(23:02):
And so this person gets into anargument with me and they're
like so you don't, you don'tcare what people think of you
and you don't, you don't try to,to, to, to be a good person so
that they like you and thinkthat you're nice, and it's like
well, you know you're asking metwo different things right now.
You're asking me if I'm a goodperson.
Are you asking me if I'm a goodperson, or are you asking me if
I try to trick people intothinking I'm a good person.
(23:23):
I think I'm a good person and Ialways try to bring my best
foot forward, but I always youknow, I'm always like honest
about who I am and what I want,and you know, I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna be fake just so thatpeople think I'm nice.
Like that to me is just that'sjust wrong.
Like why would you be fake?
You know that doesn't sit wellwith me.
That means it feels like I'mtricking people into thinking
(23:44):
that I'm nice, versus themactually deciding for themselves
whether or not they think I'mnice.
And this triggered the crap outof this person and I, when I
tell you, this had a rippleeffect in the group for like I
don't know, this went on forweeks.
I was like, wow, I can'tbelieve.
Like from that tinyconversation, like all this like
(24:05):
ripple effect that has gone onand all this drama that has
transpired as a result of what Isaid, all because I said,
listen, I would just rather behonest and not play games with
people or not try to manipulatepeople into liking me, and to
just being honest about who I amand what I think and what I
feel and letting them decide forthemselves and somehow this was
(24:27):
a bad thing.
So, you know, although manypeople will tell you to do the
nice thing, to say the nicething, to be the bigger person,
which oftentimes I think youknow, we do get the opportunity
to be the bigger person and Ithink you know, when it feels
aligned, we can take it, when itfeels in integrity, we can take
it.
But, again, it needs to feelaligned and it needs to feel
(24:49):
like we're into integrity.
If it feels like we're lying,then something's wrong.
You know, if it feels likewe're lying, or if it feels like
what we're saying and whatwe're actually believing or
feeling are two different things, then we need to look at that
and we need to ask ourselvesokay, well, you know, is that
(25:10):
belief or feeling or thinking?
Is that in alignment with myhighest truth?
Am I dealing with a story,maybe, that I need to transform,
a belief about myself thatneeds to change, or about this
relationship that needs totransform?
Like, am I coming up against asaboteur?
Am I coming up against someconditioning that maybe I need
to work through, or is thisreally an honest perspective or
(25:35):
thought or feeling or way ofshowing up in the world that I
have, that I'm now pretending isnot the case, and I'm trying to
think of an example in my headwhere we would try to be nice
versus being honest.
You know, and I think you know,when it comes.
I mean, there's certainsituations I think many of us
(25:56):
can't be honest at worksometimes.
You know we can't tell our bossthey're a dick.
You know we can't do that.
We don't have the right to tellanybody that we think they're a
dick really.
But you know we can choose tosee the whole person and treat
(26:19):
them with respect and, you know,not go out of our way to be
fake nice to them just to makethem think that we like them.
You know what I mean.
We can still be respectful andwe can be mindful and we can
still treat that person withkindness and integrity without
making false statements of howwe feel about them or making all
(26:43):
these grandiose gestures tomake them think that we like
them, because we're not onlytrying to convince them, we're
trying to convince ourselves,because we're afraid that they
see that we don't like them.
So now we have to do all thesegrandiose gestures to make them
feel like we appreciate themwhen really deep down we just
think they're a dick.
You know what I mean.
I think that that gets you know.
(27:06):
We need to really just check inwith ourselves and really ask
ourselves am I being honest?
Am I being fake?
Am I putting on a show becauseI want people to think a certain
thing or a certain way about me?
And how would I be acting if Ididn't care what people think?
That's always the most powerfulquestion I think any of us can
ask ourselves when it comes topeople pleasing, you know, is
(27:28):
what would I say here?
How would I show up?
What would I do if I didn'tgive a shit what people thought
about me?
You know, and maybe that's notalways the thing that we do, but
let that be part of theconversation, right, or at least
somehow reflected in theactions that you take and how
you show up with yourinteractions with people,
because I think, ultimately,when we're interacting with
(27:48):
people from a place of integrityand truth, where we can respect
ourselves but also have respectfor other people, right, I
think that's when we start toattract the really healthy,
aligned relationships right, andprobably deter the toxic ones
that constantly want you to feedtheir ego and just make them
(28:08):
feel like you know, constantlyhaving the ego stroked or having
the, you know you doing all theexternal validation because
that's what your niceness doesfor them.
You know there's so many waysto play this, but I think you
get what I'm trying to say.
Right, be honest over nice asoften as you can.
(28:29):
Do it respectfully, do it inintegrity, do it with kindness,
but just be honest.
Don't fake anything.
Don't be fake nice.
Don't go out of your way toprove to someone that you're a
nice, good person.
If you don't want to have themover to break bread with that's
(28:51):
always my guiding light theydon't want to have you at my
house to break bread with.
Are you that person that I wantto sit down and have a really
good meal with, or crack open abottle of wine with, and if so,
I'm going to show that to you.
Naturally, I'm not going tofake anything.
And again, to the flip side ofthat, if there's something that
(29:15):
you really don't like, I thinkyou can still be very respectful
and very kind without anygrandiose displays of niceness,
trying to prove to yourself orto them that you like them when
you really don't.
Okay, anyway, those are my,those are my two sensible four
of you know ways that I've I'vekind of you know really started
(29:36):
to trim the weeds in a lot of myrelationships and really call
in healthier relationships.
These four, these four thingsspecifically, have changed the
quality of the relationshipsthat I've been calling in and
how comfortable I actually feelaround them.
Right, and again, quality overquantity always Okay.
(29:57):
So, um, let me know which oneof these resonates in the
comments or wherever you'reseeing this, or DM me at the fem
coach Coach or at the FemmeCast sorry on Instagram.
And don't forget, if you'relistening to this on Apple
iTunes or Spotify or whereveryou're listening to this, please
don't forget to leave apositive rating and review.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
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