When infidelity shattered my world, I thought I had hit rock bottom. Actually, it was worse than that. It was like Rachel Green said on Friends, “but today, it’s like there’s rock bottom, 50 feet of crap, then me!”
I was consumed by shame, rage, and the crushing belief that I wasn’t enough. What I didn’t know then was that this devastation was actually preparing me for a powerful post-betrayal transformation I couldn’t have imagined.
Because here’s the truth: betrayal is often the wake-up call we never wanted but deeply needed. It exposes the ways we’ve been betraying ourselves, forces us to reevaluate our lives, and cracks us wide open for betrayal healing and self-discovery.
In this raw and empowering episode of The Femme Cast, I share how moving through betrayal led me to a complete heartbreak recovery—from someone who couldn’t even eat dinner alone to a woman who traveled solo through Southeast Asia, started a successful coaching business, and created a top 10% podcast.
We’ll explore:
🎤 Why betrayal often happens when we’ve abandoned our own truth
🎤How to heal after betrayal by reconnecting with the passions you left behind
🎤The affirmation that expanded my vision beyond what I thought was possible
🎤Why Ariana Madix’s Scandoval story is the ultimate “post-breakup glow up” and what it teaches us about turning pain into power
This episode isn’t about glorifying betrayal—it’s about transmuting it. It’s about realizing that the pain you’re going through may actually be preparing you for something extraordinary: a new chapter filled with freedom, radiance, and possibilities you never dared to dream of.
If you’re standing in the ashes of heartbreak, let this be your reminder: you are not broken—you are being rebuilt. The universe is about to show you how good it can get.
Are you ready to follow the gold crumbs?
Are you healing from cheating? Betrayal? A heartbreak that not only broke your heart but broke your life?
If so, join me for She Rises: A FREE & LIVE 90-minute healing and activation experience for the woman ready to alchemize the pain of lies, betrayal, and being cheated on into unapologetic power, radiant confidence, and the woman she was always meant to be.
Betrayal doesn’t get the final word — you do.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/masterclass
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
Hey guys, what is up?
And welcome back to the show.
I am so excited and gratefulthat you guys are here.
Welcome if you're new.
Today we're going back tobetrayal and talking about, for
me, the transformation thatbeing cheated on and healing
from cheating was reallypreparing me for that, I can
honestly tell you, I did not seecoming and I would not have
(00:24):
even an ounce of an inkling, aclue of what was coming for
years to come, like it was justso far beyond anything I could
have ever imagined or everthought was possible.
And that's one of theaffirmations that I shared on a
recent post.
You know it's become one of mymantras as I move through
difficult times, becauseoftentimes, when we're moving
(00:47):
through challenging situationsand challenging experiences and
painful experiences, oftentimeswe don't see where it's leading
and oftentimes we can't see howthings are going to work out,
like it seems impossible thatthings could work out.
And this is coming fromsomebody who has suffered, you
know, betrayal, loss of home,financial collapses.
(01:11):
You know relationshipbreakdowns, you know marital
breakdown, divorce, like youknow.
You name it.
I've been through it right, andso the one belief that has
gotten me through all of it iseverything is working out so
much better than I can eventhink is possible.
(01:32):
That is even like it goes backto what's even like within my
realm of possibility, you know,because sometimes what we think
is possible is so finite andlimited, right.
And when we can start to thinkthat you know, because sometimes
what we think is possible is sofinite and limited, right.
And when we can start to thinkthat you know everything can
work out beyond what we thinkmight be possible, right, we
(01:54):
open ourselves up to a whole lotmore.
So, going through thisexperience and going through the
betrayal in my relationshipwhen I did, and having it be as
painful as it was, you know itwas preparing me for something
that I did not see coming thatif you had told me in that time
(02:16):
what I was going to accomplishafterward I would have said
you're fucking crazy, likeyou're fucked, like.
No, that's not me.
I don't do these things.
I don't go to movie theaters bymyself.
I ain't going to I'm.
I am not going to go bum aroundSoutheast Asia by myself for
six months.
That is just not happening.
You know, I am not starting abusiness Like you know, like I'm
not.
I'm not speaking publicly on apodcast, are you crazy?
(02:38):
I top 10% podcast.
I don't fucking think so.
You know so many things, somany things that happened as a
result of going through thatbetrayal.
That would not have happenedhad I not gone through that.
And that's really what I want toopen your eyes to, because I
know it doesn't feel like itwhen you're in it and I know it
(02:59):
doesn't feel like it afteryou've just gone through it and
I know it feels like you'restanding at, like you're like,
like Rachel said in Friends Ican't remember exactly her, the
words that she used.
It was like well, here there'srock bottom and then 50 feet of
crap and then me Right, that'skind of what you know.
(03:20):
Moving through betrayal feltlike for me, you know, is
there's a rock bottom, 50 feetof crap, and then somewhere
underneath all that crap is you,you know.
Moving through betrayal feltlike for me, you know, is
there's a rock bottom, 50 feetof crap, and then somewhere
underneath all that crap is you,you know, was me.
It feels awful and you have.
There's not an ounce of youthat believes that this is
happening for your highest goodright.
(03:41):
Not an ounce.
In fact, it's the furthestthing from your mind.
You probably feel like you'rebeing punished, you probably
feel like you suck and you're afailure and you couldn't keep
your partner interested in youenough and he had to go
someplace else to get his rocksoff.
And there's so many things thatgo through your head, so many
fucking things, and all of them,all of them, are so painful and
(04:04):
hurtful to you.
All of them, and they're alllies.
All of them are lies.
So what I wanted to start withtoday, you know how.
You know, going through thisexperience was literally what
catapulted me into this wholeother version of my life, a
version of my life that not onlydid I not see coming, I
(04:27):
couldn't have planned for, Ididn't even think was a
possibility, it was outside ofmy realm of possibilities.
Okay, and I think that you know, again, going back to what I
talked about in the last episode, cultivating that self-trust
was so important for me in orderto make this all possible.
So it literally gave me thewake-up call that I needed to
(04:50):
stop betraying myself.
It gave me the healing that Ineeded to become solid in my own
self-worth and self-trust andit gave me the building blocks
for what was going to help mecreate this new life for myself,
this new version of me, thisnew experience, this new chapter
of my life.
And if you don't believe me,I'm going to, because y'all know
(05:13):
I love me.
I love me some good reality TVtrash, okay.
And my favorite my favorite ofall well, not favorite of all
time, my favorite, my favoriteof all well, not favorite of all
time my favorite of all timewas probably the Laguna series.
So Laguna Beach, what was theother ones?
The City, and, oh my God, Ialways forget, help me out here,
(05:37):
guys.
The one where they moved toHollywood, right, where Elsie
moves to Hollywood, then slowly,after Kristen comes oh my God,
help me out here.
I can't believe I can'tremember the name of that show
the Hills.
So Laguna Beach, the Hills, theCity, right, those were my
all-time faves.
But close second to that willalways be Vanderpump Rules.
I loved Vanderpump Rules.
(05:58):
I was so shamefully addicted toVanderpump Rules and I remember
when, actually, I didn't evenstart watching it till much
later I started watching it.
Oddly enough, I startedwatching the Vanderpump Rules
after Skandoval happened, right.
And now suddenly this affair isall over mainstream news.
It's created this media frenzy.
(06:18):
So now obviously, you know,okay.
So betrayal creates mediafrenzy.
Obviously, I have to startpaying attention, like obviously
.
So I start watching the showand before I, before I even
realized that I am totallyhooked, right, and now I'm
watching like a Scandivalunfolds in real time.
(06:39):
While I'm watching it, right,and I literally I think I binge
watched like all the seasonswithin like a matter of like a
month or so.
Right, like I just bingewatched it like crazy until I
finally caught up.
It was like it was a longrunning show.
I think there was like eightseasons or something that I
caught up on seven seasons, Ican't remember anyway, but it
was a lot.
And so you know, I'm watchingthis unfold right.
(07:01):
And now I'm a huge fan of Arianaunfold Right.
And now I'm a huge fan ofAriana, like huge, like I
fucking love Ariana actually.
And and I mean I, I have, Ihave choice words to say about
Sandoval Um.
I mean, like there's so manythings I can say about Sandoval
Um and all I could say is um,one of my he.
I think he.
He sang one of my favoritesongs on America's Got Talent I
(07:26):
think that was the show he wason and he sang one of my
favorite songs and I love thatsong and now I can't unhear him
singing it and it's like itgives me the ick.
I should make a post about thatbecause, it's true, I love the
song and I would listen to it onrepeat all the time and now
(07:48):
when I listen to it, all I cansee is Sandoval singing along to
it and I just want to likecringe.
I'm like oh so much, anyway.
So I'm a huge Ariana fan.
I love, I love everybody on thatshow.
Actually, there's nobody that Idon't love show.
Actually there's nobody that Idon't love.
(08:08):
And even in this last season,where I felt like, you know,
ariana probably made some movesthat I probably didn't think was
in the highest, in her highestexpression, you know.
But I think everybody on thatshow really did their fair part
of that.
But, you know, coming out ofwhat she had come out of, I
could understand where it wascoming from, you know, because I
can remember being being inthat situation and you know,
(08:31):
kind of, how everything unfoldedin the in the months and years
that followed.
So what I will say is holytransformation as a result of
going through that right.
So, and this is just like, ifyou don't believe my story, like
like, this is.
This is something that unfoldedin real time, like in front of
(08:52):
all of us, like in the media.
Right, we see this girl jointhe show who's you know got
these big goals and big dreamsand big aspirations right, and
she's making her way throughHollywood as a bartender.
Also, she gets involved withSandoval.
They hook up, they start tocreate a life together.
Now it's all about you know,you can see it happening.
(09:12):
You can see it happening whereyou know.
Suddenly her dreams, her goals,her ambitions start to take a
backseat.
It starts to become all abouthim and his goals and his dreams
and his restaurant and, and,and you know, like she just
starts to.
You could, you could almost seeit happening to her Physically.
You could see the longer shestayed in the relationship.
(09:34):
It started to impact heroutlook on life.
It started to impact her energyand the kind of energy she was
bringing into a lot of herinteractions.
It was even starting to like,it was even starting to.
I don't know if you noticed, butlike towards, like, right
before the affair happened, youcould actually see like, where
it was, like almost like takingaway from her radiance, because
(09:57):
she was always a very radiantperson.
She was a very radiant woman,you know, she kind of came on
this, sat with all this zhuzh,right, and suddenly was just not
diminished but just felt likeyou know, there was, like there
was like her, her, her zhuzh wasgone.
You know, her zhuzh was goneand it felt like you know it was
(10:19):
it was probably because she was, you know, pouring so much of
her energy into into workingwith this relationship and
trying to create a life withthis person and she kind of got
lost in all of that, right?
And so when the betrayalhappens, right, you see it Like.
You see her pain, you see howit felt for her partner to do
(10:39):
this to her.
You see how it felt, knowingthat it was with her best friend
, and how she found out, likethe whole thing was just so,
like, oh my God, and it's funny,as I was watching this unfold,
I'm like, oh, I could feel it,like, I could just feel it in my
body, like as though it washappening to me.
And then what happens?
Right, so she goes through thisperiod of where she, you know
(11:02):
she lets it all out, like shejust moves through all her rage
and all her anger and all herpain and you just see her start
to move through all of it andthen what do you see?
You see her create the mostphenomenal, like, publicly
(11:22):
witnessed glow up that you'veever seen in her career, in her
looks, in her friendship circles, in her body, in her
relationships.
Like everything her finances,everything everything gets
injected with this good feeling,radiant, sparkling, just like
(11:42):
this diamond glow up right thatshe experiences as a result of
moving through this betrayal.
She gets opportunities that areout of this world.
She gets first, she gets thespot of Dancing with the Stars.
Then she gets to be like thespokesperson on Love Island.
She gets to play in Chicago,which is like a Broadway musical
(12:06):
.
Like, she gets to do so manyamazing things.
She writes her book, right, andthat's you know.
She has an amazing launch withthat and she's really able to
kind of, you know, move on, moveon and get, go into this next
chapter of her life looking moreradiant and more empowered than
ever, right.
And so this is the perfectexample of when and why betrayal
(12:32):
often happens.
Number one, we're betrayingourselves and it's trying to
wake us up to how many, all thedifferent ways we're betraying
ourselves.
And number two, we're meant formore, and I don't know about
you guys, but I know I would nothave left Even if you had told
me I was meant for more.
I would not have left.
Right, there was too much love,there was too much commitment,
(12:55):
there was too much, there wasjust too much.
And I would need a really solidreason to leave too much.
And I would need a really solidreason to leave, something that
would be like a kick in thebutt get the fuck out there and
go, do your thing.
Kind of reason, right, and theonly thing that could have done
that would have like that.
That would have moved me enoughto be able to walk away and say
(13:20):
, hell, no, I'm leaving this inmy rear view and I am choosing
myself, moving forward and I'mgoing to see what the fuck I can
create out there in the world.
When I do that Like it wouldhave to be, like betrayal would
have been the only thing thatcould have gotten me to that
point, you know, and it gave methe skills and the tools that I
(13:42):
needed in order to successfullynavigate this next chapter that
I was heading into.
So it's all purposeful, it's allserving, even though we can't
feel it, because I can guaranteeyou, I did not feel it when I
first found out.
I did not feel it in the yearsof oscillating between denial
(14:05):
and anger and hatred and rage,and then acceptance, and then
back to denial again, like inthat whole period.
None of it felt like it wasgood for me, none of it felt
like it was happening for me,none of it felt like there's
something really good andpowerful and magical was going
to come out of this.
And I can guarantee you itprobably didn't feel that way
(14:27):
for Ariana either when she wasgoing through it, but it did for
her and for me.
After moving through this, likeI said, like it was preparing
me for a life I never eventhought was possible.
If you had told me then hey,honey, listen, you're actually
going to leave your nine to five.
You're going to start a healingpractice and coaching practice.
You're going to travel throughSoutheast Asia for six months by
(14:50):
yourself.
You're going to climb volcanoes.
You're going to learn how tosalsa dance.
Oh, you're also going to beperforming salsa dancing, like
all these things that if you hadtold me then I would have been
like dude, I don't go havedinner by myself.
I don't go watch a movie bymyself.
I don't know who you're talkingabout, but that is not me,
right no idea what it'spreparing you for, no idea.
(15:16):
So if you can hold this oneintention, no matter how painful
it is right now, no matter howshitty it feels, no matter how
you know there's rock bottom,then 50 feet of crap, and then
there's you, no matter how muchdeep in that crap you might be
feeling, if you can hold theintention that this is in some
(15:39):
way shape or form serving me,this is in some way shape or
form serving me.
This is in some way trying toshow me how I've been betraying
myself, number one and numbertwo, what it is that I am
capable of when I stop betrayingmyself, even though I might not
be able to fully see orcomprehend what that really is
(16:00):
yet, because it's so out of thescope of what I think is
possible in my mind Just holdthose two.
Hold those two intentions andmake sure you join us in the
masterclass on September 15th ifyou're watching this before
September 15th 2025.
It's a free, live, 90-minutehealing and activation where we
(16:21):
are going to move through andreally transform the pain and
hurt and heartbreak of betrayaland use it to transmute and
create something truly powerfuland extraordinary for you in
this next chapter in yourjourney.
I would love to have you there.
But if you can start withlooking at why this betrayal
(16:45):
happened, right, how were youbetraying yourself up until this
point, right?
What parts of yourself did youleave behind?
What parts of yourself did youleave on the back burner?
Um, and what this mightpossibly be preparing you for?
And I will tell you one thing Iwill.
(17:05):
I can't speak for ariana,because I didn't know ariana
when she was growing, but I cansay for myself the clues are in
the things that you love to door dreamed about doing as a
child, because I could remember,as a child, always pretending
that I was up on a stage andtalking to people, or singing to
people, or performing forpeople.
And here I am talking to youguys, right, I can always
(17:28):
remember having this ache andthis urge to travel, which I did
.
And I can always rememberlocking myself up in my room and
dancing for hours, which I alsodid, right when I started Latin
dance, which was also a veryhealing experience for me.
I strongly recommend that foranybody moving through healing
and transformation, especiallyif you're a woman.
(17:48):
Something about, honestly,something about shaking your
hips activates that femininesacral.
I'm telling you it is one ofthe most healing things you can
do.
But, all that to be said, Iknow it doesn't feel like it
when you're in it and if you'restill in it, maybe you're not
ready to do this part of thework yet, and that's okay.
You'll know when you're ready.
And when you're ready I'm here.
(18:10):
But if you've moved through thebetrayal and there's a part of
you that is aching, that is likeyou've been putting things on
the back burner.
You've been wanting to dothings that you've just been
kind of deprioritizing in yourlife because you've been too
busy prioritizing thisrelationship.
Now is the time to payattention to those things,
(18:31):
because you have no idea whatthey're leading you to until you
let them lead you.
You have no idea what.
These little nuggets, theselittle magic trails that the
universe leaves for us, theselittle, not yellow brick roads,
but like little treats, littleshiny things that the universe
(18:56):
leaves in our path to, just toget us to oh, what is that oh
and what is that oh?
And we pick up one, and then wepick up the other, and we pick
up the other and then the nextone, and the next one, and the
next one, and we have no ideawhere it's leading us until we
can pick up each and every oneof these little, beautiful,
magical moments that theuniverse is putting down for us,
(19:16):
and only then will we actuallysee what it was trying to create
on our behalf, when we let goof worrying what we were
supposed to be doing, or wherewas it taking us?
Or is this even logical, ordoes this even make sense?
Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Or is this even logical, ordoes this even make sense?
Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all the things that go
through our head, when we canjust trust the little trail, one
(19:38):
little nugget at a time, thatthe universe leaves in front of
us, and trust that each thingthat we pick up leads to the
next thing and the next thing,and before we know it, it
creates this beautiful newversion of our life and who we
are in it.
Like that is a magical processand that that is where I truly
believe a lot of the alchemyactually happens.
(19:59):
And that's where I feel thatsometimes betrayal is so Like it
does move the ground beneathyour feet.
It does make you lose yourfooting.
So you almost have no choicebut to trust in the little
breadcrumbs.
Not breadcrumbs, not to thatwe're settling for breadcrumbs,
but we won't call thembreadcrumbs.
(20:20):
I don't like breadcrumbs.
Let's call them gold crumbs,right?
Only then can we trust thelittle gold crumbs that the
universe is leaving in your pathand trust that, as we pick up
one and as we pick up the nextand the next and the next, that
something truly, truly magicalis unfolding for us.
But we won't know what that isuntil we get to the end of the
(20:41):
trail, right?
We won't know, as we're pickingup the little gold crumbs along
the way, what they're leadingto.
All we know is that we get topick them up and we get to enjoy
them, and we get to appreciatethem and move on to the next,
and that's it and that's kind ofhow this next phase gets
rebuilt is when we let go of allthe ideas and the beliefs that
(21:04):
we had, the picture perfectfuture that we had painted in
our mind for so long.
That is now gone and where thislike blank canvas, right for
the universe to come in andcreate something truly magical.
I mean, it feels like crap whenit first happens.
But, oh my God, like there's somuch magic to come out of that
moment if you let it, and that'snot to say that it might be
(21:27):
with the same person.
If again and I say this on everyepisode go back to my episode
called should I stay or should Igo?
Um, what to do when, whenyou've been cheated on in a
relationship or something likethat I can't remember the exact
name um, as to whether or not,like, those are my best
guidelines and again, everythingis so nuanced, so take
everything that I say with agrain of salt, but that gives
(21:50):
you some pretty solid guidanceon when is a good time to stay
versus when is a good time to go, you know, because there is
times when relationships cansurvive betrayal.
Absolutely there is, of coursethere is.
There's no like.
Yes, people work on thesethings all the time.
This happens in relationshipall the time.
It is not a black or whiteissue, you know.
(22:12):
It all depends with how peoplecome to the relationship and the
energy and the attitude thatthey bring to the experience and
how you move forward from thatexperience together.
Right, that's really what is themain, like the deciding factor
as to whether or not you shouldstay or you should go, so go
ahead and listen to that episode.
If you deciding factor as towhether or not you should stay
or you should go, so go aheadand listen to that episode.
(22:32):
If you're in doubt of whetheror not you should stay or go.
But either way, regardless,regardless of whether you choose
to stay or leave thisconnection, let this be the
moment that you stop betrayingyourself, that you truly focus
on what you want and what youneed in life, in this connection
and in your life in general,and what this?
(22:56):
Just be open Again.
Just be open to thataffirmation that everything is
working out so much moremiraculous than anything I could
have ever even thought waspossible I could have ever even
thought was possible, so thatyou open yourself up to things
happening that are beyond whatyour mind thinks is even a
(23:17):
possibility out there.
Okay, and I promise you thingswill unfold in magical ways.
Use that affirmation Everythingis working out.
I trust that everything isworking out so much better than
anything I ever could havethought was possible.
The universe is literally aboutto show me how good it could
fucking get, and I don't evenknow or have a clue what that
(23:40):
looks like yet and just be opento be surprised and to have
things turn out in ways that younever could have imagined, ways
that you never could haveimagined.
But and I say this again now Ican go back to childhood and say
, yeah, actually, all the thingsthat I loved to do when I was
alone in my room and nobody waswatching are exactly the things
that I'm getting to do right now.
So, fuck, yeah, maybe there wassome clues.
(24:02):
You know, it wasn't a completesurprise.
I was just completely detachedfrom it.
Childhood wonder man is such apowerful thing.
Okay, that is it for today'sepisode, you guys.
So, as always, wherever you'reseeing this, if you're seeing
this on socials, leave me acomment, send me a DM at the
femcast on Instagram.
If you're seeing this in youremails, reply, hit that reply
(24:24):
button and let me know whatresonated for you, what didn't
and what you take away from thisepisode.
And make sure, wherever you'reseeing this on iTunes or Spotify
, just please leave me apositive rating and review.
It really helps these episodesand this podcast get out there
and get seen in front of morepeople, and I do think a lot of
women need to hear a lot ofthese messages, so please, if
(24:47):
you could do that, that would begreat.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
Hey guys, what is up?
And welcome back to the show.
I am so excited and gratefulthat you guys are here.
Welcome if you're new.
Today we're going back tobetrayal and talking about, for
me, the transformation thatbeing cheated on and healing
from cheating was reallypreparing me for that, I can
honestly tell you, I did not seecoming and I would not have
(00:24):
even an ounce of an inkling, aclue of what was coming for
years to come, like it was justso far beyond anything I could
have ever imagined or everthought was possible.
And that's one of theaffirmations that I shared on a
recent post.
You know it's become one of mymantras as I move through
difficult times, becauseoftentimes, when we're moving
(00:47):
through challenging situationsand challenging experiences and
painful experiences, oftentimeswe don't see where it's leading
and oftentimes we can't see howthings are going to work out,
like it seems impossible thatthings could work out.
And this is coming fromsomebody who has suffered, you
know, betrayal, loss of home,financial collapses.
(01:11):
You know relationshipbreakdowns, you know marital
breakdown, divorce, like youknow.
You name it.
I've been through it right, andso the one belief that has
gotten me through all of it iseverything is working out so
much better than I can eventhink is possible.
(01:32):
That is even like it goes backto what's even like within my
realm of possibility, you know,because sometimes what we think
is possible is so finite andlimited, right.
And when we can start to thinkthat you know, because sometimes
what we think is possible is sofinite and limited, right.
And when we can start to thinkthat you know everything can
work out beyond what we thinkmight be possible, right, we
(01:54):
open ourselves up to a whole lotmore.
So, going through thisexperience and going through the
betrayal in my relationshipwhen I did, and having it be as
painful as it was, you know itwas preparing me for something
that I did not see coming thatif you had told me in that time
(02:16):
what I was going to accomplishafterward I would have said
you're fucking crazy, likeyou're fucked, like.
No, that's not me.
I don't do these things.
I don't go to movie theaters bymyself.
I ain't going to I'm.
I am not going to go bum aroundSoutheast Asia by myself for
six months.
That is just not happening.
You know, I am not starting abusiness Like you know, like I'm
not.
I'm not speaking publicly on apodcast, are you crazy?
(02:38):
I top 10% podcast.
I don't fucking think so.
You know so many things, somany things that happened as a
result of going through thatbetrayal.
That would not have happenedhad I not gone through that.
And that's really what I want toopen your eyes to, because I
know it doesn't feel like itwhen you're in it and I know it
(02:59):
doesn't feel like it afteryou've just gone through it and
I know it feels like you'restanding at, like you're like,
like Rachel said in Friends Ican't remember exactly her, the
words that she used.
It was like well, here there'srock bottom and then 50 feet of
crap and then me Right, that'skind of what you know.
(03:20):
Moving through betrayal feltlike for me, you know, is
there's a rock bottom, 50 feetof crap, and then somewhere
underneath all that crap is you,you know.
Moving through betrayal feltlike for me, you know, is
there's a rock bottom, 50 feetof crap, and then somewhere
underneath all that crap is you,you know, was me.
It feels awful and you have.
There's not an ounce of youthat believes that this is
happening for your highest goodright.
(03:41):
Not an ounce.
In fact, it's the furthestthing from your mind.
You probably feel like you'rebeing punished, you probably
feel like you suck and you're afailure and you couldn't keep
your partner interested in youenough and he had to go
someplace else to get his rocksoff.
And there's so many things thatgo through your head, so many
fucking things, and all of them,all of them, are so painful and
(04:04):
hurtful to you.
All of them, and they're alllies.
All of them are lies.
So what I wanted to start withtoday, you know how.
You know, going through thisexperience was literally what
catapulted me into this wholeother version of my life, a
version of my life that not onlydid I not see coming, I
(04:27):
couldn't have planned for, Ididn't even think was a
possibility, it was outside ofmy realm of possibilities.
Okay, and I think that you know, again, going back to what I
talked about in the last episode, cultivating that self-trust
was so important for me in orderto make this all possible.
So it literally gave me thewake-up call that I needed to
(04:50):
stop betraying myself.
It gave me the healing that Ineeded to become solid in my own
self-worth and self-trust andit gave me the building blocks
for what was going to help mecreate this new life for myself,
this new version of me, thisnew experience, this new chapter
of my life.
And if you don't believe me,I'm going to, because y'all know
(05:13):
I love me.
I love me some good reality TVtrash, okay.
And my favorite my favorite ofall well, not favorite of all
time, my favorite, my favoriteof all well, not favorite of all
time my favorite of all timewas probably the Laguna series.
So Laguna Beach, what was theother ones?
The City, and, oh my God, Ialways forget, help me out here,
(05:37):
guys.
The one where they moved toHollywood, right, where Elsie
moves to Hollywood, then slowly,after Kristen comes oh my God,
help me out here.
I can't believe I can'tremember the name of that show
the Hills.
So Laguna Beach, the Hills, theCity, right, those were my
all-time faves.
But close second to that willalways be Vanderpump Rules.
I loved Vanderpump Rules.
(05:58):
I was so shamefully addicted toVanderpump Rules and I remember
when, actually, I didn't evenstart watching it till much
later I started watching it.
Oddly enough, I startedwatching the Vanderpump Rules
after Skandoval happened, right.
And now suddenly this affair isall over mainstream news.
It's created this media frenzy.
(06:18):
So now obviously, you know,okay.
So betrayal creates mediafrenzy.
Obviously, I have to startpaying attention, like obviously
.
So I start watching the showand before I, before I even
realized that I am totallyhooked, right, and now I'm
watching like a Scandivalunfolds in real time.
(06:39):
While I'm watching it, right,and I literally I think I binge
watched like all the seasonswithin like a matter of like a
month or so.
Right, like I just bingewatched it like crazy until I
finally caught up.
It was like it was a longrunning show.
I think there was like eightseasons or something that I
caught up on seven seasons, Ican't remember anyway, but it
was a lot.
And so you know, I'm watchingthis unfold right.
(07:01):
And now I'm a huge fan of Arianaunfold Right.
And now I'm a huge fan ofAriana, like huge, like I
fucking love Ariana actually.
And and I mean I, I have, Ihave choice words to say about
Sandoval Um.
I mean, like there's so manythings I can say about Sandoval
Um and all I could say is um,one of my he.
I think he.
He sang one of my favoritesongs on America's Got Talent I
(07:26):
think that was the show he wason and he sang one of my
favorite songs and I love thatsong and now I can't unhear him
singing it and it's like itgives me the ick.
I should make a post about thatbecause, it's true, I love the
song and I would listen to it onrepeat all the time and now
(07:48):
when I listen to it, all I cansee is Sandoval singing along to
it and I just want to likecringe.
I'm like oh so much, anyway.
So I'm a huge Ariana fan.
I love, I love everybody on thatshow.
Actually, there's nobody that Idon't love show.
Actually there's nobody that Idon't love.
(08:08):
And even in this last season,where I felt like, you know,
ariana probably made some movesthat I probably didn't think was
in the highest, in her highestexpression, you know.
But I think everybody on thatshow really did their fair part
of that.
But, you know, coming out ofwhat she had come out of, I
could understand where it wascoming from, you know, because I
can remember being being inthat situation and you know,
(08:31):
kind of, how everything unfoldedin the in the months and years
that followed.
So what I will say is holytransformation as a result of
going through that right.
So, and this is just like, ifyou don't believe my story, like
like, this is.
This is something that unfoldedin real time, like in front of
(08:52):
all of us, like in the media.
Right, we see this girl jointhe show who's you know got
these big goals and big dreamsand big aspirations right, and
she's making her way throughHollywood as a bartender.
Also, she gets involved withSandoval.
They hook up, they start tocreate a life together.
Now it's all about you know,you can see it happening.
(09:12):
You can see it happening whereyou know.
Suddenly her dreams, her goals,her ambitions start to take a
backseat.
It starts to become all abouthim and his goals and his dreams
and his restaurant and, and,and you know, like she just
starts to.
You could, you could almost seeit happening to her Physically.
You could see the longer shestayed in the relationship.
(09:34):
It started to impact heroutlook on life.
It started to impact her energyand the kind of energy she was
bringing into a lot of herinteractions.
It was even starting to like,it was even starting to.
I don't know if you noticed, butlike towards, like, right
before the affair happened, youcould actually see like, where
it was, like almost like takingaway from her radiance, because
(09:57):
she was always a very radiantperson.
She was a very radiant woman,you know, she kind of came on
this, sat with all this zhuzh,right, and suddenly was just not
diminished but just felt likeyou know, there was, like there
was like her, her, her zhuzh wasgone.
You know, her zhuzh was goneand it felt like you know it was
(10:19):
it was probably because she was, you know, pouring so much of
her energy into into workingwith this relationship and
trying to create a life withthis person and she kind of got
lost in all of that, right?
And so when the betrayalhappens, right, you see it Like.
You see her pain, you see howit felt for her partner to do
(10:39):
this to her.
You see how it felt, knowingthat it was with her best friend
, and how she found out, likethe whole thing was just so,
like, oh my God, and it's funny,as I was watching this unfold,
I'm like, oh, I could feel it,like, I could just feel it in my
body, like as though it washappening to me.
And then what happens?
Right, so she goes through thisperiod of where she, you know
(11:02):
she lets it all out, like shejust moves through all her rage
and all her anger and all herpain and you just see her start
to move through all of it andthen what do you see?
You see her create the mostphenomenal, like, publicly
(11:22):
witnessed glow up that you'veever seen in her career, in her
looks, in her friendship circles, in her body, in her
relationships.
Like everything her finances,everything everything gets
injected with this good feeling,radiant, sparkling, just like
(11:42):
this diamond glow up right thatshe experiences as a result of
moving through this betrayal.
She gets opportunities that areout of this world.
She gets first, she gets thespot of Dancing with the Stars.
Then she gets to be like thespokesperson on Love Island.
She gets to play in Chicago,which is like a Broadway musical
(12:06):
.
Like, she gets to do so manyamazing things.
She writes her book, right, andthat's you know.
She has an amazing launch withthat and she's really able to
kind of, you know, move on, moveon and get, go into this next
chapter of her life looking moreradiant and more empowered than
ever, right.
And so this is the perfectexample of when and why betrayal
(12:32):
often happens.
Number one, we're betrayingourselves and it's trying to
wake us up to how many, all thedifferent ways we're betraying
ourselves.
And number two, we're meant formore, and I don't know about
you guys, but I know I would nothave left Even if you had told
me I was meant for more.
I would not have left.
Right, there was too much love,there was too much commitment,
(12:55):
there was too much, there wasjust too much.
And I would need a really solidreason to leave too much.
And I would need a really solidreason to leave, something that
would be like a kick in thebutt get the fuck out there and
go, do your thing.
Kind of reason, right, and theonly thing that could have done
that would have like that.
That would have moved me enoughto be able to walk away and say
(13:20):
, hell, no, I'm leaving this inmy rear view and I am choosing
myself, moving forward and I'mgoing to see what the fuck I can
create out there in the world.
When I do that Like it wouldhave to be, like betrayal would
have been the only thing thatcould have gotten me to that
point, you know, and it gave methe skills and the tools that I
(13:42):
needed in order to successfullynavigate this next chapter that
I was heading into.
So it's all purposeful, it's allserving, even though we can't
feel it, because I can guaranteeyou, I did not feel it when I
first found out.
I did not feel it in the yearsof oscillating between denial
(14:05):
and anger and hatred and rage,and then acceptance, and then
back to denial again, like inthat whole period.
None of it felt like it wasgood for me, none of it felt
like it was happening for me,none of it felt like there's
something really good andpowerful and magical was going
to come out of this.
And I can guarantee you itprobably didn't feel that way
(14:27):
for Ariana either when she wasgoing through it, but it did for
her and for me.
After moving through this, likeI said, like it was preparing
me for a life I never eventhought was possible.
If you had told me then hey,honey, listen, you're actually
going to leave your nine to five.
You're going to start a healingpractice and coaching practice.
You're going to travel throughSoutheast Asia for six months by
(14:50):
yourself.
You're going to climb volcanoes.
You're going to learn how tosalsa dance.
Oh, you're also going to beperforming salsa dancing, like
all these things that if you hadtold me then I would have been
like dude, I don't go havedinner by myself.
I don't go watch a movie bymyself.
I don't know who you're talkingabout, but that is not me,
right no idea what it'spreparing you for, no idea.
(15:16):
So if you can hold this oneintention, no matter how painful
it is right now, no matter howshitty it feels, no matter how
you know there's rock bottom,then 50 feet of crap, and then
there's you, no matter how muchdeep in that crap you might be
feeling, if you can hold theintention that this is in some
(15:39):
way shape or form serving me,this is in some way shape or
form serving me.
This is in some way trying toshow me how I've been betraying
myself, number one and numbertwo, what it is that I am
capable of when I stop betrayingmyself, even though I might not
be able to fully see orcomprehend what that really is
(16:00):
yet, because it's so out of thescope of what I think is
possible in my mind Just holdthose two.
Hold those two intentions andmake sure you join us in the
masterclass on September 15th ifyou're watching this before
September 15th 2025.
It's a free, live, 90-minutehealing and activation where we
(16:21):
are going to move through andreally transform the pain and
hurt and heartbreak of betrayaland use it to transmute and
create something truly powerfuland extraordinary for you in
this next chapter in yourjourney.
I would love to have you there.
But if you can start withlooking at why this betrayal
(16:45):
happened, right, how were youbetraying yourself up until this
point, right?
What parts of yourself did youleave behind?
What parts of yourself did youleave on the back burner?
Um, and what this mightpossibly be preparing you for?
And I will tell you one thing Iwill.
(17:05):
I can't speak for ariana,because I didn't know ariana
when she was growing, but I cansay for myself the clues are in
the things that you love to door dreamed about doing as a
child, because I could remember,as a child, always pretending
that I was up on a stage andtalking to people, or singing to
people, or performing forpeople.
And here I am talking to youguys, right, I can always
(17:28):
remember having this ache andthis urge to travel, which I did
.
And I can always rememberlocking myself up in my room and
dancing for hours, which I alsodid, right when I started Latin
dance, which was also a veryhealing experience for me.
I strongly recommend that foranybody moving through healing
and transformation, especiallyif you're a woman.
(17:48):
Something about, honestly,something about shaking your
hips activates that femininesacral.
I'm telling you it is one ofthe most healing things you can
do.
But, all that to be said, Iknow it doesn't feel like it
when you're in it and if you'restill in it, maybe you're not
ready to do this part of thework yet, and that's okay.
You'll know when you're ready.
And when you're ready I'm here.
(18:10):
But if you've moved through thebetrayal and there's a part of
you that is aching, that is likeyou've been putting things on
the back burner.
You've been wanting to dothings that you've just been
kind of deprioritizing in yourlife because you've been too
busy prioritizing thisrelationship.
Now is the time to payattention to those things,
(18:31):
because you have no idea whatthey're leading you to until you
let them lead you.
You have no idea what.
These little nuggets, theselittle magic trails that the
universe leaves for us, theselittle, not yellow brick roads,
but like little treats, littleshiny things that the universe
(18:56):
leaves in our path to, just toget us to oh, what is that oh
and what is that oh?
And we pick up one, and then wepick up the other, and we pick
up the other and then the nextone, and the next one, and the
next one, and we have no ideawhere it's leading us until we
can pick up each and every oneof these little, beautiful,
magical moments that theuniverse is putting down for us,
(19:16):
and only then will we actuallysee what it was trying to create
on our behalf, when we let goof worrying what we were
supposed to be doing, or wherewas it taking us?
Or is this even logical, ordoes this even make sense?
Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Or is this even logical, ordoes this even make sense?
Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all the things that go
through our head, when we canjust trust the little trail, one
(19:38):
little nugget at a time, thatthe universe leaves in front of
us, and trust that each thingthat we pick up leads to the
next thing and the next thing,and before we know it, it
creates this beautiful newversion of our life and who we
are in it.
Like that is a magical processand that that is where I truly
believe a lot of the alchemyactually happens.
(19:59):
And that's where I feel thatsometimes betrayal is so Like it
does move the ground beneathyour feet.
It does make you lose yourfooting.
So you almost have no choicebut to trust in the little
breadcrumbs.
Not breadcrumbs, not to thatwe're settling for breadcrumbs,
but we won't call thembreadcrumbs.
(20:20):
I don't like breadcrumbs.
Let's call them gold crumbs,right?
Only then can we trust thelittle gold crumbs that the
universe is leaving in your pathand trust that, as we pick up
one and as we pick up the nextand the next and the next, that
something truly, truly magicalis unfolding for us.
But we won't know what that isuntil we get to the end of the
(20:41):
trail, right?
We won't know, as we're pickingup the little gold crumbs along
the way, what they're leadingto.
All we know is that we get topick them up and we get to enjoy
them, and we get to appreciatethem and move on to the next,
and that's it and that's kind ofhow this next phase gets
rebuilt is when we let go of allthe ideas and the beliefs that
(21:04):
we had, the picture perfectfuture that we had painted in
our mind for so long.
That is now gone and where thislike blank canvas, right for
the universe to come in andcreate something truly magical.
I mean, it feels like crap whenit first happens.
But, oh my God, like there's somuch magic to come out of that
moment if you let it, and that'snot to say that it might be
(21:27):
with the same person.
If again and I say this on everyepisode go back to my episode
called should I stay or should Igo?
Um, what to do when, whenyou've been cheated on in a
relationship or something likethat I can't remember the exact
name um, as to whether or not,like, those are my best
guidelines and again, everythingis so nuanced, so take
everything that I say with agrain of salt, but that gives
(21:50):
you some pretty solid guidanceon when is a good time to stay
versus when is a good time to go, you know, because there is
times when relationships cansurvive betrayal.
Absolutely there is, of coursethere is.
There's no like.
Yes, people work on thesethings all the time.
This happens in relationshipall the time.
It is not a black or whiteissue, you know.
(22:12):
It all depends with how peoplecome to the relationship and the
energy and the attitude thatthey bring to the experience and
how you move forward from thatexperience together.
Right, that's really what is themain, like the deciding factor
as to whether or not you shouldstay or you should go, so go
ahead and listen to that episode.
If you deciding factor as towhether or not you should stay
or you should go, so go aheadand listen to that episode.
(22:32):
If you're in doubt of whetheror not you should stay or go.
But either way, regardless,regardless of whether you choose
to stay or leave thisconnection, let this be the
moment that you stop betrayingyourself, that you truly focus
on what you want and what youneed in life, in this connection
and in your life in general,and what this?
(22:56):
Just be open Again.
Just be open to thataffirmation that everything is
working out so much moremiraculous than anything I could
have ever even thought waspossible I could have ever even
thought was possible, so thatyou open yourself up to things
happening that are beyond whatyour mind thinks is even a
(23:17):
possibility out there.
Okay, and I promise you thingswill unfold in magical ways.
Use that affirmation Everythingis working out.
I trust that everything isworking out so much better than
anything I ever could havethought was possible.
The universe is literally aboutto show me how good it could
fucking get, and I don't evenknow or have a clue what that
(23:40):
looks like yet and just be opento be surprised and to have
things turn out in ways that younever could have imagined, ways
that you never could haveimagined.
But and I say this again now Ican go back to childhood and say
, yeah, actually, all the thingsthat I loved to do when I was
alone in my room and nobody waswatching are exactly the things
that I'm getting to do right now.
So, fuck, yeah, maybe there wassome clues.
(24:02):
You know, it wasn't a completesurprise.
I was just completely detachedfrom it.
Childhood wonder man is such apowerful thing.
Okay, that is it for today'sepisode, you guys.
So, as always, wherever you'reseeing this, if you're seeing
this on socials, leave me acomment, send me a DM at the
femcast on Instagram.
If you're seeing this in youremails, reply, hit that reply
(24:24):
button and let me know whatresonated for you, what didn't
and what you take away from thisepisode.
And make sure, wherever you'reseeing this on iTunes or Spotify
, just please leave me apositive rating and review.
It really helps these episodesand this podcast get out there
and get seen in front of morepeople, and I do think a lot of
women need to hear a lot ofthese messages, so please, if
(24:47):
you could do that, that would begreat.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
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