Every relationship, whether fleeting or long-term, leaves a mark. Some teach us what we don’t want, while others reveal what we truly desire. But if we don’t pause to reflect, we risk repeating toxic cycles and attracting the same emotionally unavailable partners.
In this episode of The Femme Cast, we’re diving deep into the lessons our past relationships leave behind—how they shape our self-worth, our non-negotiables, and our ability to attract healthy, secure love. Because healing isn’t just about moving on—it’s about moving forward with clarity.
In this episode, we’ll talk about:
- How to stop repeating toxic relationship patterns
- The key lessons heartbreak teaches us about self-worth & boundaries
- Manifestation techniques to attract emotionally available love
- Embracing vulnerability as a superpower in relationships
- Creating a love life that reflects your deepest desires
Your past relationships don’t define you—they prepare you. The more you honor your growth, the more aligned love you attract. It’s time to choose yourself first.
PS: Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
You’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum.
You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive.
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:01):
Hey you guys, what is up?
And welcome back to the show.
I'm so excited and gratefulthat you're here.
Welcome if you're new.
I'm trying a new setup today,so hopefully you guys can hear
me.
Okay, we are trying to capturevideo of the podcast.
Now it's not going to beavailable on wherever you listen
(00:21):
to your podcast, but you willsee it on my socials.
Hopefully one day Buzz Sproutwill get their act together and
I can actually create a videopodcast, but until that time,
you probably won't see theseunless you're following me on
Instagram at TheFemCast.
So please do follow me there.
Interesting story.
So I'm going to kind of wingthese next few episodes.
(00:42):
I want to make this a littlebit more conversational.
I do have my phone with mewhere I have some notes, and I
also want to dissect a fewthings as we get into the
conversation today.
So, as you guys know, if you'vebeen following me for a while,
at least if you've beenfollowing me the last few weeks,
you'll know that I recentlywent through a breakup.
I went through a breakup inDecember.
It was my choice, my decision.
(01:06):
It was the right thing for meto do at the time and I have
zero regrets for the decisionthat I've made and I took my
time and I kind of just tooksome time to myself and kind of
hibernated over the holidays andkind of reflected on some
things know, some things that Ithink went really well in the
relationship and some of thethings that I really loved about
(01:27):
it and some of the things thatI, kind of you know, in
retrospect, would probably wantto do a little bit different.
You know, like, what do I wantto create in my next
relationship going forward?
What did I love about it?
What didn't I love about it?
What would I love to seeinstead?
These are all really importantquestions that I ask myself
anytime I end any cycle orperiod or era in my life.
(01:52):
It's almost like a lessonslearned, like if you've ever had
them in the office, you knowwhere you like, you know you
launch a big project and youhave lessons learned at the end
of it to see how well you didSame thing.
You kind of, you know, gothrough your relationships and
you know, as you release them,you kind of ask yourself, well,
what did I love about thisrelationship?
What wasn't so great about thisrelationship?
(02:12):
What lessons have I learnedthat I want to bring into the
next relationship, right, simpleprocess.
I do it every time.
Obviously, you know, if itwasn't a relationship that you
were ready to end, it's a harderprocess, right?
But when you're the one who'smade the decision to end the
relationship, it's easy to movethrough that and really gain
some valuable insights as towhat it is that you want.
(02:35):
And I think that you know we putso much pressure I think,
especially as women, sometimeswe put so much pressure into
every relationship to determinewhether or not it's the one and
if the one's going to stand thetest of time.
And you know, one thing I'vealways kind of really enjoyed
and prided myself for is theability to kind of, you know,
(02:58):
move through relationships andrecognizing that each one of it,
each one of these relationships, has a beautiful story to it.
Each one of these relationshipshas a powerful lesson to be
learned.
Each one of these relationshipsis in some way, shape or form,
teaching me about what it isthat I want in my ideal
relationship or in some waypreparing me for that
(03:19):
relationship.
Sorry, there's so many tracksgoing by right now.
So you know a big part of youknow this journey into healing
your relationship patterns isbeing open to the possibility of
, you know, moving throughseveral relationships before you
find the one that you reallywant to have that longevity and
(03:40):
that long-term commitment withright, and that gets to be okay,
like permission slip, to justlet it be okay, to just get out
there, see what you like, seewhat you don't like and learn
from your mistakes.
Right and start to apply whatyou've learned, to see the
different outcomes that you cancreate once you start applying
(04:01):
the lessons that you've learned.
It's truly powerful.
I truly believe that our mostpowerful spiritual evolutions
happens within our relationshipdynamics.
Like the people that we meet inthis lifetime and I'm not just
talking partners, like I'mtalking everybody, like I'm
talking like partners one nightstands, flings, friendships,
(04:21):
work relationships, bosses,coworkers, peers, friendships,
work relationships, bosses,coworkers, peers, family members
you know enemies in high school.
Like I feel, like you know, weall kind of come into this life
together to kind of trigger andprovoke each other and help each
other evolve.
And I think that you know eachrelationship has a nugget of
(04:41):
wisdom for our evolution thatneeds to be paid attention to.
And so you know, from thatperspective, there's so many
things you can appreciate andgain from each relationship that
you're in, even the mostpainful ones, and I get it.
I know that process isn't easyand, believe me, I'm still
trying to find the nuggets ofgold for my relationship from
(05:01):
like 10 years ago.
You know it's there.
I know that it's there and I'vewitnessed and come to the
realization of several, and Iknow there's more for me there
to uncover and that gets to beokay.
So you know all that to say.
Your journey throughrelationships gets to be a
(05:24):
little bit more transient, Ithink, than we've given it
permission to be.
So I just wanted to leave youwith that thought on that before
I go off on a whole othertangent and go back to my notes
as to what I was supposed totalk about today.
So what I wanted to talk to youguys about today was the fact
that you know I've gone throughthis phase.
I've taken the time off.
I really reflected on, you know, what I loved and didn't love
(05:47):
about the relationship and whatI want to take with me moving
forward and what I'm ready toleave in the past.
And you know a couple of thethings that you know really
stood out for me in this havingthis whole relationship, lessons
learned and closing off therelationship is.
You know how much I learned andappreciated being in this
(06:09):
experience, because it reallyhelped me to open my heart again
.
I think, after my seven-yearrelationship hiatus, my heart
was very, very, very closed andI think that this experience was
the exact experience that Ineeded to help me just open my
heart again and be open to thepossibility of being vulnerable
and in a relationship, because Ithink, you know, we get so used
(06:30):
to being so hardcore,independent that you know,
sometimes it can get reallyuncomfortable letting our guard
down and letting ourselves beseen and held and, you know,
witnessed and really expressingourselves in a vulnerable way.
So it was a great way for me tokind of, you know, witnessed
and really expressing ourselvesin a vulnerable way.
So it was a great way for me tokind of, you know, get back in
(06:51):
the water and just start sharingagain and start opening myself
up again and in an environmentwhere I felt so safe and loved,
you know.
So, for that respect, I mean, Ithink that for me was probably
the most magical part of thisrelationship and the fact that
we did meet under such magicalcircumstances.
You know, like I was, um, whenwe met, I, you know, I, I, I had
(07:14):
decided a couple of monthsprior that I wanted to start,
you know, calling in arelationship, and so I started,
if and I shared this before onthe podcast so I started writing
my love letters every day.
It's my, my love lettermanifestation method, right?
Um, I started writing theselove letters every day and I
would just like I would writelittle love notes every single
(07:35):
day to somebody, um, you know,something I was grateful for or
something that I appreciated inthem, or just something that we
did that day that I reallyenjoyed, just as if I was
writing it to a partner.
And I did this every day for amonth.
And then we went to no, I thinkit was month.
I did this every day for atleast a month, maybe five weeks,
(07:57):
five and a half weeks, and thenmy friend and I went to, we
went on vacation.
Um, we went South, um, to kindof like lay on a beach and, just
like you know, drink margaritasand, um, you know, just not
move until we have to get up togo eat poop or get ready for
(08:20):
dinner, right, um?
And so, um, you know, there wewere on the beach, and I
remember the couple of weeksbefore leaving, I had this dream
that I was by these cliffs,these rocks, in the water, and I
just saw the turquoise bluewater.
(08:41):
I saw the white sand along thebeach, I saw the palm trees like
lining the beach, and then Isaw like the big rock formation
along like the cove Right.
And I remember being in mydream, being in the water, and
and then suddenly somethingpulled me underwater, and so to
me water always means emotion,so something really pulled me
(09:02):
into my emotional body and thenjust kind of dragged me through
the water and pulled me up rightin front of like the rocks
where the cove was.
And I remember coming and in mydream I remember like this hand
pulling me out of the water andI looked up and I couldn't see
who I was looking at, but Iremember saying, oh, my God,
it's you.
And then I woke up and, lo andbehold, a couple weeks later we
(09:24):
go on this trip and there we are.
It's this beautiful, sandy,white sandy cove with turquoise
water and palm trees lying inthe beach.
And right by that, the cornerof that cove, was where I met
him.
So it was like just the perfectreminder that magic can happen.
It can strike anywhere, you canmeet him anywhere and it can
(10:10):
happen when you least expect it.
To just believe in the miracleagain and believe that, you know
, these types of magicalhappenstances happen.
You know, I think I wascompletely jaded to thinking, oh
my God, so has my life resortedto online dating, which, oddly
enough, I'm back online, youguys, which I'll share in the
next episode.
There's so much to share,there's so much to share,
there's so much to be sharedfrom the online space.
So I think you know that wasone thing I.
(10:32):
Another thing I reallyappreciated about that
relationship and I think, theone thing that you know, if I
reflect back and I think, well,what did I learn, like, what did
this teach me about what I want?
You know going forward and Ithink you know because we were
two from two.
You know very differentbackgrounds and you know going
forward, and I think you know,because we were two from two,
you know very differentbackgrounds and you know, having
(10:53):
such massive culturaldifferences, you know in terms
of where I'm from and where he'sfrom I really realized the
importance of having that.
Not that everything has to bethe same, but I think
relationships work so muchbetter and so much more smoothly
(11:13):
when there is kind of acultural familiarity right.
And again, it doesn't mean thatyou have to be exactly the same
, but you know our worlds couldnot be more different and so you
know I think that sometimescreated, um, some, some, a lot
of challenges right between usand I think you know it, it's it
(11:37):
.
It made us both come to therelationship with two totally
different set of expectations.
So I think sometimes you knowjust that check-in in the
beginning, um, you know, areyour values the same?
Do you both want the samethings?
And when I say want the samethings, you know be really
specific.
You know one person's happilyever after does not look the
(12:02):
same as somebody else's happilyever after.
So getting really clear on whateverybody's happily ever after
looks like because it could lookvery different from person to
person and I think that you knowbeing open to being open to you
know, obviously, otherpossibilities that maybe you
haven't thought of is always agood and healthy thing.
(12:24):
But if you know that there'sthings in your that you see for
yourself, for your future, thatare kind of non-negotiable,
there's no point in bringingsomebody into that future that's
not gonna have the samenon-negotiables, you know,
because then you're always,someone's always gonna be
sacrificing and adjusting.
And that's not to say thatrelationships don't come with a
compromise and a responsibilityto nurture and care for that
(12:49):
relationship.
But, and you know, there'salways going to be cases where
you know well, this person wantsthese 10 things and that person
wants these 10 things, but onlyreally two or three are
non-negotiables.
The rest we can kind ofnegotiate on right, just make
sure your non-negotiables are inline.
(13:09):
Everything else you can kind offigure out.
You know what I mean.
Like let's not be so hardcorethat we don't leave room for
magic or for being surprised orfor maybe being open to the
possibility that there'ssomething else that we haven't
thought of, that we might reallyenjoy in our life, you know.
But definitely get really clearon what your non-negotiables
(13:29):
are and make sure you're both onthe same page.
Because you know, when it comesdown to non-negotiables it
makes it really hard.
And I think sometimes, you know,we fall into this trap and I
think he was doing this quite abit where it's like we say we're
okay with the other person'snon-negotiables, but we know
that we're not, because we justwant the relationship to work
(13:49):
out so much are, and to bereally okay with walking away
(14:12):
from a relationship that doesn'tmeet our non-negotiables,
because we don't want to give upour non-negotiables or have
somebody else that we love giveup theirs.
You know, love is a beautifulthing but it can be a very
difficult thing becausesometimes love means accepting
that the person is not who youwish they could be, you know,
and then just being okay withthat and allowing them to to
(14:34):
live their life on their termsthe way they want to live it.
Um, you know, obviously easiersaid than done when we, when we
love someone and we're attachedto them, but the most loving
thing we can do is let somebodylive the life that they've
always dreamed of living, ratherthan trying to force them to
(14:57):
acclimate to whatever it is thatwe've decided our future needs
to look like Right, so sorry,now there's a train going by,
whatever.
We're rolling with it today.
So that's kind of what I gotfrom that relationship.
(15:18):
I feel like I learned a lot, Iexperienced a lot and I opened
myself up to the magic again andwho knows what happens next.
And I am in this place ofamazing like just possibilities,
just open to possibility, rightwhen I haven't been in a very
(15:38):
long time.
I don't think I've been in thisenergy since, probably like my
early 20s, where I feel like, oh, like I wonder, wonder what's
next.
But it's not just about therelationship that's around the
corner.
It's about what's around thecorner with life, with
relationships, with friendships,with this podcast and what I
want to create here.
(15:59):
Um, and so you know, having gonethrough this experience, I'm
really grateful because it'sreally opened me up and I think
that we can all benefit fromexperiences that open up our
heart to love, to all kinds ofsupport and abundance coming in,
(16:21):
because that is what happenswhen we open ourselves up.
When we open ourselves up and Ithink you know there's so much
magic in being able to just beokay with being vulnerable and
and knowing that you know theright people will appreciate
(16:41):
that in us and will love thatabout us.
You know I've spent so much ofmy life just trying to bend and
adjust and alter who I am,trying to fit into everyone
else's expectations.
It is so freeing to finally beable to say like I can show up
(17:04):
as who I am and not give aflying fuck what anybody else
thinks anymore.
You know, so many people didn'tagree with my relationship that
I was in for a whole slew ofreasons, one of which the main
one was our differences in ourbackgrounds and and I get it.
But for me it was such aheartwarming experience that I
(17:25):
would do it over again in aheartbeat, knowing, knowing the
gift that I got from thatexperience right and and being
able to open my heart again andbeing able to just um, just feel
like giddy again.
You know where I haven't in avery long time.
(17:47):
So don't let anybody define whatyour relationships look like.
Don't let anybody define youknow what love looks like.
You know love can come in somany different ways and there's
so many magical love stories outthere for you to experience.
And I think that the one thingthat I can honestly say for me
in the last, like several years,even before my relationship
hiatus, to be honest is I've hadthe most amazing love stories.
(18:10):
Now, mind you, I had a lot ofhealing to do and I probably
would have enjoyed those lovestories a lot more had I done my
healing first, but nonetheless,I've experienced the most
amazing love stories a lot morehad I done my healing first, but
nonetheless I've had, I'veexperienced the most amazing
love stories.
Each one of them taught mesomething, each one of them
prepared me for the next one,and all of them together, I know
(18:31):
we're doing the work thatneeded to be done in order to
prepare me for, you know, theone that would kind of stand the
test of time.
And here's the thing I'm in aposition right now where I feel
like, yeah, I'm ready to startseeing people again, but I'm
also really unattached to whenor how, and I'm also, I think,
really okay with just just beingon my own for a while again and
(18:55):
just kind of seeing what I wantto create with my life and
putting some energy and focus,you know, back into my work and
some of my passion projects, youknow, and I think, I think
that's a really healthy place tobe and that's always where I've
always found the greatest lovestories was from that place.
That, and also taking care ofmyself, like ridiculously.
(19:18):
Like like taking care of myemotional body, my, my spiritual
body, my physical body.
Um, that's not to say you needto be perfect, that's a load of
crap, you do not need to beperfect.
Um, I literally almost Iliterally just took my dog to
the groomers and I swear the guynext to me was like trying to
flirt with me when I'm covered.
(19:40):
I'm in my track pants, I'm likeI'm covered, I have a Pomeranian
, a very fluffy Pomeranian,who's shedding right now and her
fur was everywhere.
It was all over my face.
It was like stuck on my lipgloss, like it was disgusting.
And here's this guy like tryingto have a conversation with me
and I'm like, yeah, right nowit's like I'm holding her
because she's like vicious, andI'm like, okay, like right now
is really not the best time tobe hitting on me, just FYI, but
(20:02):
like I mean, it's one of thosethings when you start to open
yourself up to the possibilitiesof meeting people, it can
literally happen anywhere and itcan be miraculous and magical
and each one of thoseexperiences can teach us
something about who we are andwhat it is that we want.
So that's kind of the messageof today.
So if you've ended arelationship, whether it's
(20:23):
recent or whether we're talkingabout you know ages ago, and you
feel like the energy is stillkind of there, right, and we
still kind of think about themall the time, and you're always
like wondering what are theythinking what are they doing?
Or I'm picking up Pomeranianfluff off my lip as I speak.
You know, really good exerciseto do is to kind of reflect on.
(20:46):
You know, what did I love aboutthis person?
What didn't I love about thisperson?
What would the opposite of whatI didn't love look like Because
that's obviously something youwould love in an ideal partner
what did it teach me and how canI apply what it taught me today
?
Four really powerful questions.
(21:07):
And really helps you tounderstand what it is that
you're looking for.
So one of the things that I willshare with you guys is so we're
launching a new mini course atthe Femcast.
It's called the Magnetic LoveStory Manifestation Method,
where I've kind of pulled allthese pieces together right to
(21:27):
help you really manifest andcall in the relationship that
you want, especially if you'resomebody who you know you've
been stuck in toxic patterns forso long.
You just want to manifest somehealthy relationships, some
really good, you know amazinglove stories to like tell all
(21:50):
your friends over coffee.
You know, you've, you've, maybeyou've.
You know you've had your heartbroken once or twice and maybe
you don't know what it is you'redoing wrong or why you keep
calling in these toxic partners.
Or you know, maybe you're justyou've been alone for so long,
you don't even know where tobegin with.
You know calling someone inbecause you know, maybe you were
like me where I was in aseven-year relationship hiatus
not intentional, like I didn'tsay I'm going to be on my own
(22:11):
for seven years, it just kind ofhappened because I was just so
burnt out from like the constantgaslighting, cheating, lying,
manipulating, ghosting,breadcrumbing, nonsense that I'd
been putting up with, right?
So I kind of just took a breakand just said you know, no more
relationships for a little while.
And then, when I started to getback into it, I realized not
(22:34):
only did I feel like a fish outof water trying to get back into
the dating pool, but I had noidea what I, what I wanted.
I only knew exactly what Ididn't want.
It no, exactly what I didn'twant, is the proper way to say
that, maria, I only knew exactlywhat I didn't want.
And so you know, like how do Igo out there without knowing
(22:55):
what I want, only knowing what Idon't want?
I'm only going to keepattracting what I don't want.
It's a law of manifestation, lawof you know what's it called
Attraction?
There's another law that I'mthinking of, but I can't
remember it right now.
Anyway, you know what I'mtalking about, right?
And so you know that's when Istarted to kind of pull all this
(23:16):
together and and and and.
You know, slowly it's kind ofevolved.
The process has really evolvedover time and I think, you know,
last year with that whole, orthe year before with that love
story manifestation method, itall just kind of came together
and then there was that whole.
I think that I had that AIprompt on my socials for a
little while and that kind ofadded to it as well.
So it's been a process thatI've been like bringing together
(23:41):
now for several years and ithas honestly proven to be so
freaking magical.
And I'm going to share like myonline experience with you guys
in the next episode, but just togive you like a heads up.
Like I've got myself backonline again.
I hated online dating for thelongest time.
I've got myself back onlineagain.
I hated online dating for thelongest time.
I've actually called in somereally great possible partners.
(24:04):
Like I haven't met them yet,it's still very early in the
game, but you know, these arereally decent guys they're.
You know they're greatconversationalists.
They seem to be very intuitive,very attentive, you know
totally different experiencefrom the toxic mess that I was
experiencing last time I wasonline, which was several years
(24:27):
ago, you know.
So the methods work if you putthem to work.
You know what I mean.
Like they actually do work.
So that's available.
It's live as of this week,depending on when I post this,
but if you're seeing this, thenrest assured that it's live.
(24:49):
It's on sale.
Now the price goes up on.
It's going to go up twice.
So I'm going to do the firstround the first week of March,
and then the second round thesecond week of March, and then
the second round the second weekof March and then after March
17th, when the program isofficially live, it will be
regular price.
So try and get in before the17th if you can.
The details are in the shownotes.
(25:11):
Until next time, you guys.
Massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up?
And welcome back to the show.
I'm so excited and gratefulthat you're here.
Welcome if you're new.
I'm trying a new setup today,so hopefully you guys can hear
me.
Okay, we are trying to capturevideo of the podcast.
Now it's not going to beavailable on wherever you listen
(00:21):
to your podcast, but you willsee it on my socials.
Hopefully one day Buzz Sproutwill get their act together and
I can actually create a videopodcast, but until that time,
you probably won't see theseunless you're following me on
Instagram at TheFemCast.
So please do follow me there.
Interesting story.
So I'm going to kind of wingthese next few episodes.
(00:42):
I want to make this a littlebit more conversational.
I do have my phone with mewhere I have some notes, and I
also want to dissect a fewthings as we get into the
conversation today.
So, as you guys know, if you'vebeen following me for a while,
at least if you've beenfollowing me the last few weeks,
you'll know that I recentlywent through a breakup.
I went through a breakup inDecember.
It was my choice, my decision.
(01:06):
It was the right thing for meto do at the time and I have
zero regrets for the decisionthat I've made and I took my
time and I kind of just tooksome time to myself and kind of
hibernated over the holidays andkind of reflected on some
things know, some things that Ithink went really well in the
relationship and some of thethings that I really loved about
(01:27):
it and some of the things thatI, kind of you know, in
retrospect, would probably wantto do a little bit different.
You know, like, what do I wantto create in my next
relationship going forward?
What did I love about it?
What didn't I love about it?
What would I love to seeinstead?
These are all really importantquestions that I ask myself
anytime I end any cycle orperiod or era in my life.
(01:52):
It's almost like a lessonslearned, like if you've ever had
them in the office, you knowwhere you like, you know you
launch a big project and youhave lessons learned at the end
of it to see how well you didSame thing.
You kind of, you know, gothrough your relationships and
you know, as you release them,you kind of ask yourself, well,
what did I love about thisrelationship?
What wasn't so great about thisrelationship?
(02:12):
What lessons have I learnedthat I want to bring into the
next relationship, right, simpleprocess.
I do it every time.
Obviously, you know, if itwasn't a relationship that you
were ready to end, it's a harderprocess, right?
But when you're the one who'smade the decision to end the
relationship, it's easy to movethrough that and really gain
some valuable insights as towhat it is that you want.
(02:35):
And I think that you know we putso much pressure I think,
especially as women, sometimeswe put so much pressure into
every relationship to determinewhether or not it's the one and
if the one's going to stand thetest of time.
And you know, one thing I'vealways kind of really enjoyed
and prided myself for is theability to kind of, you know,
(02:58):
move through relationships andrecognizing that each one of it,
each one of these relationships, has a beautiful story to it.
Each one of these relationshipshas a powerful lesson to be
learned.
Each one of these relationshipsis in some way, shape or form,
teaching me about what it isthat I want in my ideal
relationship or in some waypreparing me for that
(03:19):
relationship.
Sorry, there's so many tracksgoing by right now.
So you know a big part of youknow this journey into healing
your relationship patterns isbeing open to the possibility of
, you know, moving throughseveral relationships before you
find the one that you reallywant to have that longevity and
(03:40):
that long-term commitment withright, and that gets to be okay,
like permission slip, to justlet it be okay, to just get out
there, see what you like, seewhat you don't like and learn
from your mistakes.
Right and start to apply whatyou've learned, to see the
different outcomes that you cancreate once you start applying
(04:01):
the lessons that you've learned.
It's truly powerful.
I truly believe that our mostpowerful spiritual evolutions
happens within our relationshipdynamics.
Like the people that we meet inthis lifetime and I'm not just
talking partners, like I'mtalking everybody, like I'm
talking like partners one nightstands, flings, friendships,
(04:21):
work relationships, bosses,coworkers, peers, friendships,
work relationships, bosses,coworkers, peers, family members
you know enemies in high school.
Like I feel, like you know, weall kind of come into this life
together to kind of trigger andprovoke each other and help each
other evolve.
And I think that you know eachrelationship has a nugget of
(04:41):
wisdom for our evolution thatneeds to be paid attention to.
And so you know, from thatperspective, there's so many
things you can appreciate andgain from each relationship that
you're in, even the mostpainful ones, and I get it.
I know that process isn't easyand, believe me, I'm still
trying to find the nuggets ofgold for my relationship from
(05:01):
like 10 years ago.
You know it's there.
I know that it's there and I'vewitnessed and come to the
realization of several, and Iknow there's more for me there
to uncover and that gets to beokay.
So you know all that to say.
Your journey throughrelationships gets to be a
(05:24):
little bit more transient, Ithink, than we've given it
permission to be.
So I just wanted to leave youwith that thought on that before
I go off on a whole othertangent and go back to my notes
as to what I was supposed totalk about today.
So what I wanted to talk to youguys about today was the fact
that you know I've gone throughthis phase.
I've taken the time off.
I really reflected on, you know, what I loved and didn't love
(05:47):
about the relationship and whatI want to take with me moving
forward and what I'm ready toleave in the past.
And you know a couple of thethings that you know really
stood out for me in this havingthis whole relationship, lessons
learned and closing off therelationship is.
You know how much I learned andappreciated being in this
(06:09):
experience, because it reallyhelped me to open my heart again
.
I think, after my seven-yearrelationship hiatus, my heart
was very, very, very closed andI think that this experience was
the exact experience that Ineeded to help me just open my
heart again and be open to thepossibility of being vulnerable
and in a relationship, because Ithink, you know, we get so used
(06:30):
to being so hardcore,independent that you know,
sometimes it can get reallyuncomfortable letting our guard
down and letting ourselves beseen and held and, you know,
witnessed and really expressingourselves in a vulnerable way.
So it was a great way for me tokind of, you know, witnessed
and really expressing ourselvesin a vulnerable way.
So it was a great way for me tokind of, you know, get back in
(06:51):
the water and just start sharingagain and start opening myself
up again and in an environmentwhere I felt so safe and loved,
you know.
So, for that respect, I mean, Ithink that for me was probably
the most magical part of thisrelationship and the fact that
we did meet under such magicalcircumstances.
You know, like I was, um, whenwe met, I, you know, I, I, I had
(07:14):
decided a couple of monthsprior that I wanted to start,
you know, calling in arelationship, and so I started,
if and I shared this before onthe podcast so I started writing
my love letters every day.
It's my, my love lettermanifestation method, right?
Um, I started writing theselove letters every day and I
would just like I would writelittle love notes every single
(07:35):
day to somebody, um, you know,something I was grateful for or
something that I appreciated inthem, or just something that we
did that day that I reallyenjoyed, just as if I was
writing it to a partner.
And I did this every day for amonth.
And then we went to no, I thinkit was month.
I did this every day for atleast a month, maybe five weeks,
(07:57):
five and a half weeks, and thenmy friend and I went to, we
went on vacation.
Um, we went South, um, to kindof like lay on a beach and, just
like you know, drink margaritasand, um, you know, just not
move until we have to get up togo eat poop or get ready for
(08:20):
dinner, right, um?
And so, um, you know, there wewere on the beach, and I
remember the couple of weeksbefore leaving, I had this dream
that I was by these cliffs,these rocks, in the water, and I
just saw the turquoise bluewater.
(08:41):
I saw the white sand along thebeach, I saw the palm trees like
lining the beach, and then Isaw like the big rock formation
along like the cove Right.
And I remember being in mydream, being in the water, and
and then suddenly somethingpulled me underwater, and so to
me water always means emotion,so something really pulled me
(09:02):
into my emotional body and thenjust kind of dragged me through
the water and pulled me up rightin front of like the rocks
where the cove was.
And I remember coming and in mydream I remember like this hand
pulling me out of the water andI looked up and I couldn't see
who I was looking at, but Iremember saying, oh, my God,
it's you.
And then I woke up and, lo andbehold, a couple weeks later we
(09:24):
go on this trip and there we are.
It's this beautiful, sandy,white sandy cove with turquoise
water and palm trees lying inthe beach.
And right by that, the cornerof that cove, was where I met
him.
So it was like just the perfectreminder that magic can happen.
It can strike anywhere, you canmeet him anywhere and it can
(10:10):
happen when you least expect it.
To just believe in the miracleagain and believe that, you know
, these types of magicalhappenstances happen.
You know, I think I wascompletely jaded to thinking, oh
my God, so has my life resortedto online dating, which, oddly
enough, I'm back online, youguys, which I'll share in the
next episode.
There's so much to share,there's so much to share,
there's so much to be sharedfrom the online space.
So I think you know that wasone thing I.
(10:32):
Another thing I reallyappreciated about that
relationship and I think, theone thing that you know, if I
reflect back and I think, well,what did I learn, like, what did
this teach me about what I want?
You know going forward and Ithink you know because we were
two from two.
You know very differentbackgrounds and you know going
forward, and I think you know,because we were two from two,
you know very differentbackgrounds and you know, having
(10:53):
such massive culturaldifferences, you know in terms
of where I'm from and where he'sfrom I really realized the
importance of having that.
Not that everything has to bethe same, but I think
relationships work so muchbetter and so much more smoothly
(11:13):
when there is kind of acultural familiarity right.
And again, it doesn't mean thatyou have to be exactly the same
, but you know our worlds couldnot be more different and so you
know I think that sometimescreated, um, some, some, a lot
of challenges right between usand I think you know it, it's it
(11:37):
.
It made us both come to therelationship with two totally
different set of expectations.
So I think sometimes you knowjust that check-in in the
beginning, um, you know, areyour values the same?
Do you both want the samethings?
And when I say want the samethings, you know be really
specific.
You know one person's happilyever after does not look the
(12:02):
same as somebody else's happilyever after.
So getting really clear on whateverybody's happily ever after
looks like because it could lookvery different from person to
person and I think that you knowbeing open to being open to you
know, obviously, otherpossibilities that maybe you
haven't thought of is always agood and healthy thing.
(12:24):
But if you know that there'sthings in your that you see for
yourself, for your future, thatare kind of non-negotiable,
there's no point in bringingsomebody into that future that's
not gonna have the samenon-negotiables, you know,
because then you're always,someone's always gonna be
sacrificing and adjusting.
And that's not to say thatrelationships don't come with a
compromise and a responsibilityto nurture and care for that
(12:49):
relationship.
But, and you know, there'salways going to be cases where
you know well, this person wantsthese 10 things and that person
wants these 10 things, but onlyreally two or three are
non-negotiables.
The rest we can kind ofnegotiate on right, just make
sure your non-negotiables are inline.
(13:09):
Everything else you can kind offigure out.
You know what I mean.
Like let's not be so hardcorethat we don't leave room for
magic or for being surprised orfor maybe being open to the
possibility that there'ssomething else that we haven't
thought of, that we might reallyenjoy in our life, you know.
But definitely get really clearon what your non-negotiables
(13:29):
are and make sure you're both onthe same page.
Because you know, when it comesdown to non-negotiables it
makes it really hard.
And I think sometimes, you know,we fall into this trap and I
think he was doing this quite abit where it's like we say we're
okay with the other person'snon-negotiables, but we know
that we're not, because we justwant the relationship to work
(13:49):
out so much are, and to bereally okay with walking away
(14:12):
from a relationship that doesn'tmeet our non-negotiables,
because we don't want to give upour non-negotiables or have
somebody else that we love giveup theirs.
You know, love is a beautifulthing but it can be a very
difficult thing becausesometimes love means accepting
that the person is not who youwish they could be, you know,
and then just being okay withthat and allowing them to to
(14:34):
live their life on their termsthe way they want to live it.
Um, you know, obviously easiersaid than done when we, when we
love someone and we're attachedto them, but the most loving
thing we can do is let somebodylive the life that they've
always dreamed of living, ratherthan trying to force them to
(14:57):
acclimate to whatever it is thatwe've decided our future needs
to look like Right, so sorry,now there's a train going by,
whatever.
We're rolling with it today.
So that's kind of what I gotfrom that relationship.
(15:18):
I feel like I learned a lot, Iexperienced a lot and I opened
myself up to the magic again andwho knows what happens next.
And I am in this place ofamazing like just possibilities,
just open to possibility, rightwhen I haven't been in a very
(15:38):
long time.
I don't think I've been in thisenergy since, probably like my
early 20s, where I feel like, oh, like I wonder, wonder what's
next.
But it's not just about therelationship that's around the
corner.
It's about what's around thecorner with life, with
relationships, with friendships,with this podcast and what I
want to create here.
(15:59):
Um, and so you know, having gonethrough this experience, I'm
really grateful because it'sreally opened me up and I think
that we can all benefit fromexperiences that open up our
heart to love, to all kinds ofsupport and abundance coming in,
(16:21):
because that is what happenswhen we open ourselves up.
When we open ourselves up and Ithink you know there's so much
magic in being able to just beokay with being vulnerable and
and knowing that you know theright people will appreciate
(16:41):
that in us and will love thatabout us.
You know I've spent so much ofmy life just trying to bend and
adjust and alter who I am,trying to fit into everyone
else's expectations.
It is so freeing to finally beable to say like I can show up
(17:04):
as who I am and not give aflying fuck what anybody else
thinks anymore.
You know, so many people didn'tagree with my relationship that
I was in for a whole slew ofreasons, one of which the main
one was our differences in ourbackgrounds and and I get it.
But for me it was such aheartwarming experience that I
(17:25):
would do it over again in aheartbeat, knowing, knowing the
gift that I got from thatexperience right and and being
able to open my heart again andbeing able to just um, just feel
like giddy again.
You know where I haven't in avery long time.
(17:47):
So don't let anybody define whatyour relationships look like.
Don't let anybody define youknow what love looks like.
You know love can come in somany different ways and there's
so many magical love stories outthere for you to experience.
And I think that the one thingthat I can honestly say for me
in the last, like several years,even before my relationship
hiatus, to be honest is I've hadthe most amazing love stories.
(18:10):
Now, mind you, I had a lot ofhealing to do and I probably
would have enjoyed those lovestories a lot more had I done my
healing first, but nonetheless,I've experienced the most
amazing love stories a lot morehad I done my healing first, but
nonetheless I've had, I'veexperienced the most amazing
love stories.
Each one of them taught mesomething, each one of them
prepared me for the next one,and all of them together, I know
(18:31):
we're doing the work thatneeded to be done in order to
prepare me for, you know, theone that would kind of stand the
test of time.
And here's the thing I'm in aposition right now where I feel
like, yeah, I'm ready to startseeing people again, but I'm
also really unattached to whenor how, and I'm also, I think,
really okay with just just beingon my own for a while again and
(18:55):
just kind of seeing what I wantto create with my life and
putting some energy and focus,you know, back into my work and
some of my passion projects, youknow, and I think, I think
that's a really healthy place tobe and that's always where I've
always found the greatest lovestories was from that place.
That, and also taking care ofmyself, like ridiculously.
(19:18):
Like like taking care of myemotional body, my, my spiritual
body, my physical body.
Um, that's not to say you needto be perfect, that's a load of
crap, you do not need to beperfect.
Um, I literally almost Iliterally just took my dog to
the groomers and I swear the guynext to me was like trying to
flirt with me when I'm covered.
(19:40):
I'm in my track pants, I'm likeI'm covered, I have a Pomeranian
, a very fluffy Pomeranian,who's shedding right now and her
fur was everywhere.
It was all over my face.
It was like stuck on my lipgloss, like it was disgusting.
And here's this guy like tryingto have a conversation with me
and I'm like, yeah, right nowit's like I'm holding her
because she's like vicious, andI'm like, okay, like right now
is really not the best time tobe hitting on me, just FYI, but
(20:02):
like I mean, it's one of thosethings when you start to open
yourself up to the possibilitiesof meeting people, it can
literally happen anywhere and itcan be miraculous and magical
and each one of thoseexperiences can teach us
something about who we are andwhat it is that we want.
So that's kind of the messageof today.
So if you've ended arelationship, whether it's
(20:23):
recent or whether we're talkingabout you know ages ago, and you
feel like the energy is stillkind of there, right, and we
still kind of think about themall the time, and you're always
like wondering what are theythinking what are they doing?
Or I'm picking up Pomeranianfluff off my lip as I speak.
You know, really good exerciseto do is to kind of reflect on.
(20:46):
You know, what did I love aboutthis person?
What didn't I love about thisperson?
What would the opposite of whatI didn't love look like Because
that's obviously something youwould love in an ideal partner
what did it teach me and how canI apply what it taught me today
?
Four really powerful questions.
(21:07):
And really helps you tounderstand what it is that
you're looking for.
So one of the things that I willshare with you guys is so we're
launching a new mini course atthe Femcast.
It's called the Magnetic LoveStory Manifestation Method,
where I've kind of pulled allthese pieces together right to
(21:27):
help you really manifest andcall in the relationship that
you want, especially if you'resomebody who you know you've
been stuck in toxic patterns forso long.
You just want to manifest somehealthy relationships, some
really good, you know amazinglove stories to like tell all
(21:50):
your friends over coffee.
You know, you've, you've, maybeyou've.
You know you've had your heartbroken once or twice and maybe
you don't know what it is you'redoing wrong or why you keep
calling in these toxic partners.
Or you know, maybe you're justyou've been alone for so long,
you don't even know where tobegin with.
You know calling someone inbecause you know, maybe you were
like me where I was in aseven-year relationship hiatus
not intentional, like I didn'tsay I'm going to be on my own
(22:11):
for seven years, it just kind ofhappened because I was just so
burnt out from like the constantgaslighting, cheating, lying,
manipulating, ghosting,breadcrumbing, nonsense that I'd
been putting up with, right?
So I kind of just took a breakand just said you know, no more
relationships for a little while.
And then, when I started to getback into it, I realized not
(22:34):
only did I feel like a fish outof water trying to get back into
the dating pool, but I had noidea what I, what I wanted.
I only knew exactly what Ididn't want.
It no, exactly what I didn'twant, is the proper way to say
that, maria, I only knew exactlywhat I didn't want.
And so you know, like how do Igo out there without knowing
(22:55):
what I want, only knowing what Idon't want?
I'm only going to keepattracting what I don't want.
It's a law of manifestation, lawof you know what's it called
Attraction?
There's another law that I'mthinking of, but I can't
remember it right now.
Anyway, you know what I'mtalking about, right?
And so you know that's when Istarted to kind of pull all this
(23:16):
together and and and and.
You know, slowly it's kind ofevolved.
The process has really evolvedover time and I think, you know,
last year with that whole, orthe year before with that love
story manifestation method, itall just kind of came together
and then there was that whole.
I think that I had that AIprompt on my socials for a
little while and that kind ofadded to it as well.
So it's been a process thatI've been like bringing together
(23:41):
now for several years and ithas honestly proven to be so
freaking magical.
And I'm going to share like myonline experience with you guys
in the next episode, but just togive you like a heads up.
Like I've got myself backonline again.
I hated online dating for thelongest time.
I've got myself back onlineagain.
I hated online dating for thelongest time.
I've actually called in somereally great possible partners.
(24:04):
Like I haven't met them yet,it's still very early in the
game, but you know, these arereally decent guys they're.
You know they're greatconversationalists.
They seem to be very intuitive,very attentive, you know
totally different experiencefrom the toxic mess that I was
experiencing last time I wasonline, which was several years
(24:27):
ago, you know.
So the methods work if you putthem to work.
You know what I mean.
Like they actually do work.
So that's available.
It's live as of this week,depending on when I post this,
but if you're seeing this, thenrest assured that it's live.
(24:49):
It's on sale.
Now the price goes up on.
It's going to go up twice.
So I'm going to do the firstround the first week of March,
and then the second round thesecond week of March, and then
the second round the second weekof March and then after March
17th, when the program isofficially live, it will be
regular price.
So try and get in before the17th if you can.
The details are in the shownotes.
(25:11):
Until next time, you guys.
Massive love.
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