October 23, 2025 • 31 mins
Stop forcing a smile over a clenched jaw. In this episode of The Femme Cast, we shatter the myths that keep so many of us trapped in cycles of anger, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. The well-meaning “just let it go” advice? It often leads to emotional bypassing, burnout, and boomerangs you right back into the pain you were trying to escape.
We dive deep into the emotional lifecycle of anger, rage, and resentment—showing you how these feelings are actually data guiding you to boundaries, alignment, and personal power. You’ll discover why suppression, projection, and self-judgment—not the emotion itself—are what drain your energy, cloud your choices, and keep you stuck.
Through my signature three-question framework—Why is this here? What is this showing me? How can I apply this today?—and embodied practices like hip-focused movement, rage-on-the-page journaling, and safe, private screaming, you’ll learn how to fully process your emotions without harming yourself or others.
We challenge the common belief that anger is “low-vibe” and reframe it as a teacher.
You’ll learn:
🎤 Why “letting go” often means bypassing, stuffing, or pretending the anger isn’t real
🎤 How emotions naturally cycle back to neutral when acknowledged
🎤 The step-by-step process to move rage instead of being trapped by it
🎤 Tools to distinguish activated vs passive emotional states
🎤 How to reclaim clarity, boundaries, and aligned action from neutral, not ego or blame
🎤 Why conscious expression turns heat into insight—and insight into powerful, aligned change
If you’ve ever been shamed for your feelings, felt stuck in the ego’s blame loop, or worried that anger will “attract bad things,” this conversation offers language, structure, and permission to meet your emotions as the teachers they are.
You are not broken. Your rage is a portal.
Step into this episode ready to alchemize old wounds into clarity, grounded power, and alignment. Reclaim your nervous system, your choices, and your life—starting here, starting now.
Ready to stop shrinking for others? Let this episode be your sign → Step into your Unapologetic Era: https://thefemmecast.com/breakthrough
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey guys, what is up and welcome back to the show.
(00:02):
Welcome if you guys are new.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
We are diving into theconversation on anger, rage, and
resentment again today.
We're gonna go a little bitdeeper.
We're gonna talk about where Ithink the personal development
community or spiritual communitywent wrong and you know what we
need to be doing to make itright and and what are some of
the steps that we can take tomake it right.
(00:25):
Um, because we we did F it up,right?
Um, and I want to start bysaying, you know, there's always
this conversation of this orthis theme or theory of letting
go, right?
Letting go of the sadness,letting go of the anger, letting
go of the grief, letting go ofthe um the unforgiveness.
(00:46):
Like let it like there's alwaysthis language of letting go, but
I don't think it's really clearwhat letting go actually means.
Like we're always told to letgo, but what does that actually
mean?
unknown (00:59):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (00:59):
What does it mean to let go of an emotion?
Because I do bel I I don'tbelieve we need to let anything
go, to be quite honest.
I think we need to let emotionsout.
I think we need to move throughthem.
I think we need to allow them torun their course.
The language of letting go is alittle bit misleading because I
(01:21):
think when we hear the wordletting go, or at least when I,
you know what, correct me if I'mwrong.
But when I used to hear the wordletting go, I used to think of
it as, okay, I just need to likelet that go out of sight, out of
mind.
Think of something positive.
Say an affirmation, um, set anintention.
How do I want to feel?
Let me tap into that.
(01:44):
Dude, that was all wrong.
Like, I can't tell you how wrongthat was.
That was another way of denying,of avoiding, of suppressing, of
bypassing that I, you know, itwas basically, you know, for
(02:04):
somebody who oppressed heremotions or sorry, suppressed
her emotions her entire life, itwas just another form of
suppression with a personaldevelopment label slapped on it,
you know.
It was spiritual bypassing,emotional bypassing at its best.
Right?
Because now, you know, we'realways uh, you know, if you if
you if you have a uh negativebelief, choose a different
(02:27):
belief, or if you have anegative thought, choose a
different thought, or you know,if you have a negative feeling,
you can you can choose anotherfeeling, you can call you can
you can choose, and it's true,we can.
We can choose to feel what wewant, but sometimes when when
emotions are alive and they'removing through us, we have to
allow them to move before we canchoose that new feeling.
(02:49):
We can choose joy, but we haveto move through sadness.
We can choose love, but we mighthave to move through anger or
hate.
We can choose um whatever.
We can choose peace, but wemight have to move through
grief, right?
So we have to move through theemotions that are there, then we
(03:10):
get to choose, right?
Because when we move through anemotion and we allow it to be
there and we allow it to bepresent and take up space and
live its lifespan.
Every emotion has a lifespan,right?
It has a cycle.
If we allow it to move throughits lifespan or its cycle, it
naturally dissipates itself.
It brings us back to neutral,then we can choose a new
emotion.
That's when we can choose.
When we're constantly fightingagainst ourselves, so if we're
(03:32):
in like, and I believe we talkedabout this last team last week
when we talked about mucking upyour energy field, right?
Your egg, your energy, yourenergetic signature.
If we're, let's say, forexample, if I'm in, if I'm in
anger, I'm in anger, I'm inresentment, I'm in rage, I don't
want to feel it, I want tochoose joy.
So I'm gonna choose joy, I'mgonna choose to feel joy.
I'm gonna say affirmations, I'mgonna do things that make me
(03:54):
feel joy.
I'm gonna um watch a comedy, I'mgoing to eat my favorite food,
I'm going to go hang out with myfriends, I'm going to just keep
saying to myself, I have theability to cultivate joy.
I choose joy for myself.
And the minute I, and it maywork, it may, but the minute I
relax, guess what's going tohappen?
(04:14):
I'm going to dip right back downto rage and anger and
resentment.
The minute I put my guard down.
And so this is another way wekind of burn our own energy out
by constantly, and like I said,you know, I think it was one of
the first ones that I said whenwe talked about um the four
reasons.
You want to, you know, make sureyou're feeling all your um
(04:34):
moving through your, your, yourrage, your your resentment, and
your anger in healthy ways, is,you know, it does drain your
energy.
And this is why, because ittakes so much work to suppress
it, to hold it down, to choosesomething different, to choose a
different emotion, only to haveto keep like slingshotting back
to that rage that you've beenavoiding, that that anger that
(04:56):
you've been avoiding, thatresentment that you've been
avoiding, or whatever it is thatyou're feeling that you've been
avoiding.
Moving through it, allowing itto be there, allowing it to be
present, allowing it to run itscourse, to complete its cycle,
its lifespan, to to to to tobreathe, to expand, to grow, and
(05:16):
then to dissolve on its own.
And all the while extractingmaybe some lessons or reasons or
messages or why it's there andwhat it's trying to tell you.
That's when we become powerful.
That's when we tap into ourwisdom, our magnetism.
That's when we conserve ourenergy because we're not
(05:36):
resisting, we're not inresistance all the time.
We're we're in surrender to it.
And then once that's moved andit's passed, it's served its
purpose, then we can choose adifferent emotion.
And that's kind of what I wantedto talk about today, right?
Um, personal developmentcommunity, spiritual community.
Um, we're taught constantlytaught to let it go.
(05:58):
Let it go for many of us, youknow, whether we call it,
whether it looks like choosing adifferent thought, whether it
looks like saying anaffirmation, whether it looks
like focusing on love or peaceas opposed to whatever it is
that's coming up, whether it'sanger, rage, or resentment,
we're still bypassing it becausewe're not allowing it to move
(06:18):
through the body, number one,and we're not, we're not
extracting the wisdom as to whyit's present.
So we're bypassing.
And that's what the spiritualcommunity has taught us to do,
and the personal developmentcommunity has taught us to do.
They've also taught us thatemotions such as rage, anger,
resentment are low vibrational.
Nothing could be farther fromthe truth.
Nothing.
(06:38):
The only thing low vibrational,again, I've been repeating this
through this entire series.
The only thing low vibrationalabout anger, rage, and
resentment is when we suppressit, what we make it mean about
ourselves, and when we projectit onto other people around us.
That's what's low vibrational.
When we can be present with itand allow it to move and
dissipate on its own, which itwill eventually, um, there is
(07:03):
nothing low vibrational aboutthat.
And extracting the lessons andthe messages that it has for us,
the advice, the tips, the theguidance to bring us to our
highest potential, when we canextract that and apply it into
our life today, then we've justmade it a very high vibrational
experience because it has been,it has brought us into alignment
with our greater truth, ourtruth, our impact, our
(07:25):
potential, our influence,everything we came to be, came
here to be, do, and and become.
And so what could possibly below vibrational about that?
And do I think, you know, do Ithink we've been purposely,
purposefully kept from ourpower?
Yeah, I do.
Not from the present personaldevelopment community.
(07:46):
I think everybody's doing whatthey everything they think is
the right thing and andeverything they they they know
how to do in terms of keeping usum on our evolution, like uh
moving along on our evolution.
But I think that this is asuperpower that's been kept from
us for a very long time.
We have been shamed for ouremotional experience since the
(08:08):
beginning of time.
We have been shamed for ouremotions since Adam and Eve,
since Pandora's box, since youname it, we have been shamed for
it.
And if there's one thing thatthis life has taught me, is the
very thing that people willshame and guilt you and put you
down for and criticize you for,is the very thing that threatens
them the most.
(08:28):
So, how do we take our powerback?
By learning to move through inour emotional experience in a
very healthy and empowering way,in a way that actually serves
our greatest potential influenceand impact in this life, so that
we can do what exactly what itis that we came here to do.
And that's what we're going totalk about today.
Um, so the bypassing that we'velearned to do, or the bypassing
(08:51):
of yesterday, keeps it stuck,mucks up our energetic field,
creates disease in the body,otherwise known as disdisease,
right?
So if we don't pay attention towhat's going on to our emotional
body, it'll find a way tomanifest itself physically and
energetically so that we can payattention energetically by
manifesting shit that we don'twant, and physically by actually
(09:13):
creating disease in the body.
Okay.
Um, and so the way that we letgo, the way everybody keeps
telling us to just let it go,just let it go.
You have to just let it go, isto let it out.
You have to find healthy ways tolet out your anger, your rage,
(09:34):
your frustration, yourresentment in ways that it helps
it move through your body.
It helps you connect with it sothat you can extract the
information, the guidance, thewisdom that it has for you.
And in a way that it it it uh umwhat's it called?
(09:57):
It keeps you from projecting itonto other people.
That's what you need to bedoing, okay?
That should be your focus.
And so um here, so there'sthere's a couple of there's a
couple of mindset hacks that Iwant to share with you that will
help you do this, and there's acouple of techniques that will
help you to do this, okay?
Um, so for a mindset, you know,I want you to remember three
(10:20):
things.
You feeling anger, rage, andresentment means absolutely
nothing about who you are as aperson.
It doesn't determine how goodyou are as a person, doesn't
determine how lovable you are asa person, it doesn't determine
how worthy you are as a person.
It doesn't mean it doesn't meanabsolutely anything about you
other than you are a spiritualbeing having a human experience,
(10:41):
and part of that humanexperience is to experience a
full ray of emotion.
Okay.
Um, being enraged does not meanthat you've done something
wrong.
Doesn't actually even mean thatsomeone else has done something
wrong.
It just means I mean,essentially, it means that
(11:02):
you've not done anything wrong.
I mean, the only wrong thingthat you've probably done is
ignored your anger for too long.
That's probably the only thingyou've done wrong.
But the anger, let's talk aboutthat at the source, right?
The anger doesn't necessarilymean that you or the other
person have done somethingwrong.
It might, you know, maybe theother person did something not
cool and you get to experiencethat anger.
But what it really means morebeyond that is where you need to
(11:25):
speak your truth, where you needto set a boundary, where you
need to make some changes interms of how you show up in this
life and in the world around youand in your relationships.
That's what its true purpose is,right?
The projection, the blame, theperson's fault, or your fault,
or the other person's fault, orwhoever's fault, that's just
(11:45):
surface-level egoicunderstanding of what you're
upset about.
You gotta go deeper.
You gotta go deeper into whereis this, what is this trying to
guide me towards?
How is this trying to teach me?
How is this trying to help meevolve?
And I'll give you some questionsto do that and journal on.
But and the third thing is beingenraged does not mean you will
(12:07):
manifest bad shit.
Like people are afraid to feelbad.
People are afraid to be angry.
I I've said I've been here, I'veseen other people be here where
you're afraid to get angry or bein resentment or be in rage
because you're afraid you'regonna manifest bad shit.
You don't manifest bad shit byfeeling emotions.
You manifest bad shit when yousuppress it and you ignore it,
and then then you startmanifesting stuff so that you
(12:29):
can see it.
You manifest bad shit when youproject it, and you manifest bad
shit when you make it meansomething bad about yourself.
That's when you manifest badshit.
You don't manifest bad shit bybeing angry and allowing the
anger to be there and allowingit to move through you and
express itself in a healthy way,extracting the wisdom and
applying it to your life.
There's nothing, there's nothingnegative to manifest, but that's
(12:50):
actually high vibrational.
Now you've actually evolved pastyour emotion.
You're not actually letting youremotions run like take you for a
ride.
You're actually like taking youremotions for a ride now.
Because you're able to hold yourpower, you're able to hold your
strength, you're able to holdyour energy as you move through
(13:12):
it and choose to move through itin an empowered state where it
doesn't like start to run theshow for you and be present with
it and hold it and be acontainer for it and allow it to
be there and allow it to movethrough its life cycle so that
it can bring you the healing,the wisdom, the transformation,
(13:32):
the transmutation that it camehere to bring.
That's all.
unknown (13:36):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (13:37):
So when you look at it from that perspective,
there's nothing low vibrationalabout moving through anger.
The low vibration comes insuppressing the anger or
projecting it or making it meansomething bad about you.
That's when it becomes lowvibrational.
Otherwise, it's just an emotionyou're feeling along your
ascension path.
That is it.
(13:57):
That is all it means.
That's it.
Okay.
Um now releasing rage without itexploding, right?
This is this is a very simpleprocess.
Okay, I do this all the time.
Anytime an emotion and an angercomes up, anytime resentment
comes up, anytime rage comes up.
I take a moment to myself, if Ican't take it right in that
(14:19):
moment, if I'm in the middle ofsomething, I will almost take a
like, I literally like, I'll belike, okay, I'm just gonna take
a snapshot of this moment andwhat I'm feeling.
And I just recognize it and Ifeel it and I acknowledge it and
I acknowledge where I'm feelingit, and I will say, I will come
back to this.
I will come back to this later.
And when I go home or the nextmorning, when I'm doing my
practice, I will come back.
And I will try and tap back intothat emotion that was coming up,
(14:42):
right?
Whether it was anger, rage,resentment, or something else.
Could be anything.
Um, but typically I find umanger, rage, and resentment is
where we get the mostinformation, right?
When it comes in terms of howwe're meant to change and move
and and and and and wisdom thatwe're apply to applying to life
that that'll keep us um in ourimpact, influence, and purpose.
(15:06):
Anger, rage, and resentment isoften the most powerful.
Okay, they're all powerful, butyou know, there's something
about rage in this season.
You know, there's just somethingabout rage in this season.
But anyway, um, you know, whenyou feel it, if you can pause
and ask these questions again,or if not, just take a conscious
(15:29):
note of it and and make acommitment to yourself that
you'll come back to it laterwhen you have some time.
Um, sometimes I would even, whenI was working at my corporate
job, I would even go to thebathroom and do this.
I'm like move on into thebathroom, moving through my rage
and having a conversation withit in my head.
But basically, what you're gonnado is you're gonna tap into that
(15:51):
rage, you're gonna feel itfully, you're gonna actually let
it expand in your energy.
You're gonna let it expand,you're gonna really connect with
it, let it intensify, let it bethere, breathe through it, move
through the experience.
And then when you're ready,you're gonna ask it three
questions.
You are gonna ask it, why areyou here?
What is it that you want, whatis what is the wisdom that
(16:13):
you're trying to show me todayor share with me today or teach
me today?
And how can I apply it to mylife today?
Right?
Because the the wisdom mighthave been created years ago when
you first experienced the anger,the anger turns into resentment,
the resentment turns into rage.
Um, but if it's still coming up,there's a way it's coming up
because it still is asking to beapplied to your life today.
(16:38):
Otherwise, it wouldn't begetting triggered right now.
Do you did like do are you likedo you get that?
Like, can't are you picking upwhat I'm putting down?
If if you're not if it's comingup right now or yesterday came
up yesterday, or if it comes upnext week, it's because there's
something in there for you,regardless of how old it is,
that is meant to be beingapplied to your life today, to a
(17:01):
relationship, to a worksituation, to a home situation,
to a health situation, whatever.
There's something in it that isasking to be applied to your
life today.
Otherwise, it would not bepopping up.
So let that sink in, please.
Now, um, so um, why are youhere?
What is it that you've beentrying to show me?
And how can I apply you to mylife today?
Those are the three questionsyou always want to ask yourself.
(17:23):
Um, once you've moved throughthe intensity, I would kind of
wait until you're until itstarts dissipating and then have
the conversation.
And then just keep feeling it.
Don't do anything until you kindof breathe your way back to
neutral.
Breathe your way back toneutral.
And that's when you start totake, you check in.
Does this still does this dothese journal prompts or do
(17:44):
these, does this advice that myrage had for me or my resentment
had for me or my anger had forme, does it still resonate?
If yes, take action.
If not, maybe you might want totweak it a little bit, then take
action.
Always look at it from thoseneutral, from the lens of your
neutral state.
You know, you always wanna, youalways want a quality control.
You always want to QC controlthings from the lens of your
neutral state before you go andtake action on them.
(18:06):
Because it's sometimes hard totell if the ego's coming in and
playing and doing its thing,right?
Because remember, the ego willcome in first and say, I'm mad
at this person.
They mistreated me, theyunderpaid me, they made me work
too hard, and I didn't get thefucking promotion.
They gave the promotion to soand so.
That person's emotionallyunavailable, they've been
dicking me around for months,you know, whatever the story is,
(18:27):
go deeper.
Go deeper than that.
Maybe the story, maybe what it'strying to tell you is stop
pouring your energy into a roleor a life pat that isn't for
you.
Or stop trying to jump yourhoops through your worth and
trust that that you are worthyas you are, and trust that the
in the in the right role in theright in the in the right path,
(18:48):
your gifts will be seen by thepeople around you.
You don't have to force it.
You don't have to be a monkey, aperformance monkey to try and
earn your way to that income orthat promotion or that goal that
you want.
You don't have to settle forbreadcrumbs in a relationship
when there's, you know, somebodyout there for you who will love
(19:08):
you exactly for exactly who youare and won't play games with
you and won't string you along.
Right.
So whatever, oops, I just hit mymic.
Whatever the advice is that ithas for you, apply it to your
life today.
Okay.
Move through the ego, movethrough its projections, its
blame, its victim stories.
Come go deeper, tap into thehigher wisdom of what your
(19:31):
anger, your rage, yourresentment is trying to tell
you, apply it to your lifetoday, right?
Go through those three prompts.
Um, and then if you're stillstruggling to move through the
rage, there are other techniquesthat you can, you know, that you
can kind of turn to.
And it really depends if you'rein a sympathetic state or a
parasympathetic state.
Like, you know, are you inavoidance?
(19:53):
Are you feeling lethargic?
Are you tired?
Are you in a rest state?
Or are you feeling activated andaggressive and, you know, um
energized by it, right?
If you're feeling activated andenergized, a good workout, like
a great hit workout, somethingto get you sweating and moving,
um, even like a really briskwalk, dancing, anything that
moves the hips, great atreleasing anger and rage,
(20:16):
because a lot of anger and rageis actually stored in the hips.
Um, so things like that wouldhelp.
If you're in a more, if you'rein a rest state, if you're kind
of disconnected, lethargic, orpassive, um, you know, then
maybe you want a journal, right?
I love to journal out my rage.
I love to just rate, like thisis a technique that Gabby
(20:36):
Bernstein Bernstein always talksabout is rage on the page.
Just let it out on a piece ofpaper, unfiltered, completely
authentic, raw.
Just say what it is you'refeeling and don't lift the pen
from the page until you've saideverything that you needed to
say, and then you can burn it ortoss it, whatever you want.
Um, you can also um do thisprocess of you know, questioning
(21:00):
the rage and talking to therage.
You can go deeper, you can askit more questions.
Once you start to cultivate aconversation with your emotions,
it starts to flow a lot easier,right?
Um, and you can get moreinformation, you can have um,
you can ask more questions, youcan go deeper into the meaning
of things, right?
But these are all tools andtechniques that you can, you
know, you can totally call upon.
(21:21):
Um, another one is to scream itout, right?
So we talked about moving it outthrough stretching, through
maybe a hit workout, kickboxing,somatic stretches are great.
We talked about speaking it out,you can rage on a page, you can
um have that conversation withyour with your emotions, whether
it's rage, anger, andresentment.
(21:42):
Then you can scream it out.
Scream into a pillow if you haveto.
Scream in your car in the middleof nowhere or on a highway where
nobody can freaking hear you.
Same as I did in that cabin thatI talked about in the first
episode, right?
Just scream it right out of youuntil you feel like there's like
you're back to neutral.
And that will help you movethrough some of that rage so it
(22:04):
doesn't take not that you wantto rush it, but also you don't
wanna, you don't wanna, youknow, just kind of set up shop
in it either, right?
You want to help it move whenyou're when you're birthing, you
help the baby down the birthcanal.
You don't just kind of sit thereand wait for it to pop out.
You know what I mean?
You're pushing it out of thebirth canal.
(22:25):
So this is us pushing the rageout of the birth canal.
It's the exact same thing.
Um, so scream it out, screaminto a pillow, scream in your
car, scream somewhere wherenobody can hear you except you.
Um, because otherwise, if anyonecan hear you, you'll just be
filtered and you're not reallygonna be screaming as loud as
you can.
Um it's amazing how much you'rescreaming into a pillow if you
live in, especially I gotta livein an apartment.
(22:47):
I've always lived in apartments,so I can't just scream at the
top of my lungs.
My neighbors will hear me andthey'll probably call the police
because they'll thinksomething's happening to me.
So honestly, like screaming to apillow, it works.
Um, even punching a pillow workstoo.
Um, that's a technique I gotfrom um my somatic um somatic
therapy stretching techniquesthat I that I picked up.
(23:09):
Oh my gosh, life-changing, solife-changing.
Um, so yeah, so try thosetechniques, you know, when
you're feeling the anger, whenyou're feeling the rage, when
you're feeling the resentment,to help it to move, to really
contact, connect with it,intensify it, and just get it to
move through its life cycle.
And as soon as you feel yourselfstarting to come down from
(23:30):
whatever it is that you'reexperiencing, then start to have
the conversation.
Why are you here?
What are you trying to tell me?
And how can I apply that to mylife today?
And if you need to ask morequestions, you can ask, feel
free to ask the deeperquestions.
Just make sure you move throughthe egoic projections first
before you start going into thequestioning.
Because if you do thequestioning while you're in the
(23:51):
egoic um expression, sorry, notprojection, the egoic expression
of your anger, your rage, oryour resentment, all you're
gonna get is a lot of blame andvictim statements.
They did this, they did that,this person did this, this
person did that, blah blah blah.
That's not what you want.
You want to go deeper than that.
Okay, so make sure to go deeper.
So practice the the tools andtechniques until you can get
(24:13):
into that deeper state to haveyou're not at neutral, but
you're coming down from theintensity.
Once you start to come down fromthe intensity, that's when you
know it's time to have theconversation and you can keep
having the conversation untilyou get to neutral, then take
action.
That is literally how I do thison repeat, and how I apply like
(24:36):
how I use my rage to myadvantage to literally tap into
like every ounce of my purpose,impact, influence, and potential
and magnetism and everything Icame here to do, be and create.
It has been my guiding light.
It is not something that Iavoid, it is something that I'm
(25:00):
as uncomfortable as it might be.
I'm actually like excited whenit comes up because I know it's
literally an invitation for meto show up differently, to play
a bigger game, to to to stand upfor myself, for for what I'm
here to be, do, and create inthis world.
(25:21):
And so for me now, nothing and Irepeat, nothing is more exciting
than that.
So let me know if thisresonates.
Um, let me know what you takeaway from this.
You can leave a comment wherebelow wherever you're seeing
this.
Um, or you can email me at Mariaat the femcoach.com.
You can um DM me on Instagram atthefemcast.
(25:43):
I always love to hear from youguys.
So let me know what resonated,what didn't, and what you're
planning to take away with you.
Till next time, you guys,massive love.
Hey guys, what is up and welcome back to the show.
(00:02):
Welcome if you guys are new.
I'm so excited and grateful tohave you guys here.
We are diving into theconversation on anger, rage, and
resentment again today.
We're gonna go a little bitdeeper.
We're gonna talk about where Ithink the personal development
community or spiritual communitywent wrong and you know what we
need to be doing to make itright and and what are some of
the steps that we can take tomake it right.
(00:25):
Um, because we we did F it up,right?
Um, and I want to start bysaying, you know, there's always
this conversation of this orthis theme or theory of letting
go, right?
Letting go of the sadness,letting go of the anger, letting
go of the grief, letting go ofthe um the unforgiveness.
(00:46):
Like let it like there's alwaysthis language of letting go, but
I don't think it's really clearwhat letting go actually means.
Like we're always told to letgo, but what does that actually
mean?
unknown (00:59):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (00:59):
What does it mean to let go of an emotion?
Because I do bel I I don'tbelieve we need to let anything
go, to be quite honest.
I think we need to let emotionsout.
I think we need to move throughthem.
I think we need to allow them torun their course.
The language of letting go is alittle bit misleading because I
(01:21):
think when we hear the wordletting go, or at least when I,
you know what, correct me if I'mwrong.
But when I used to hear the wordletting go, I used to think of
it as, okay, I just need to likelet that go out of sight, out of
mind.
Think of something positive.
Say an affirmation, um, set anintention.
How do I want to feel?
Let me tap into that.
(01:44):
Dude, that was all wrong.
Like, I can't tell you how wrongthat was.
That was another way of denying,of avoiding, of suppressing, of
bypassing that I, you know, itwas basically, you know, for
(02:04):
somebody who oppressed heremotions or sorry, suppressed
her emotions her entire life, itwas just another form of
suppression with a personaldevelopment label slapped on it,
you know.
It was spiritual bypassing,emotional bypassing at its best.
Right?
Because now, you know, we'realways uh, you know, if you if
you if you have a uh negativebelief, choose a different
(02:27):
belief, or if you have anegative thought, choose a
different thought, or you know,if you have a negative feeling,
you can you can choose anotherfeeling, you can call you can
you can choose, and it's true,we can.
We can choose to feel what wewant, but sometimes when when
emotions are alive and they'removing through us, we have to
allow them to move before we canchoose that new feeling.
(02:49):
We can choose joy, but we haveto move through sadness.
We can choose love, but we mighthave to move through anger or
hate.
We can choose um whatever.
We can choose peace, but wemight have to move through
grief, right?
So we have to move through theemotions that are there, then we
(03:10):
get to choose, right?
Because when we move through anemotion and we allow it to be
there and we allow it to bepresent and take up space and
live its lifespan.
Every emotion has a lifespan,right?
It has a cycle.
If we allow it to move throughits lifespan or its cycle, it
naturally dissipates itself.
It brings us back to neutral,then we can choose a new
emotion.
That's when we can choose.
When we're constantly fightingagainst ourselves, so if we're
(03:32):
in like, and I believe we talkedabout this last team last week
when we talked about mucking upyour energy field, right?
Your egg, your energy, yourenergetic signature.
If we're, let's say, forexample, if I'm in, if I'm in
anger, I'm in anger, I'm inresentment, I'm in rage, I don't
want to feel it, I want tochoose joy.
So I'm gonna choose joy, I'mgonna choose to feel joy.
I'm gonna say affirmations, I'mgonna do things that make me
(03:54):
feel joy.
I'm gonna um watch a comedy, I'mgoing to eat my favorite food,
I'm going to go hang out with myfriends, I'm going to just keep
saying to myself, I have theability to cultivate joy.
I choose joy for myself.
And the minute I, and it maywork, it may, but the minute I
relax, guess what's going tohappen?
(04:14):
I'm going to dip right back downto rage and anger and
resentment.
The minute I put my guard down.
And so this is another way wekind of burn our own energy out
by constantly, and like I said,you know, I think it was one of
the first ones that I said whenwe talked about um the four
reasons.
You want to, you know, make sureyou're feeling all your um
(04:34):
moving through your, your, yourrage, your your resentment, and
your anger in healthy ways, is,you know, it does drain your
energy.
And this is why, because ittakes so much work to suppress
it, to hold it down, to choosesomething different, to choose a
different emotion, only to haveto keep like slingshotting back
to that rage that you've beenavoiding, that that anger that
(04:56):
you've been avoiding, thatresentment that you've been
avoiding, or whatever it is thatyou're feeling that you've been
avoiding.
Moving through it, allowing itto be there, allowing it to be
present, allowing it to run itscourse, to complete its cycle,
its lifespan, to to to to tobreathe, to expand, to grow, and
(05:16):
then to dissolve on its own.
And all the while extractingmaybe some lessons or reasons or
messages or why it's there andwhat it's trying to tell you.
That's when we become powerful.
That's when we tap into ourwisdom, our magnetism.
That's when we conserve ourenergy because we're not
(05:36):
resisting, we're not inresistance all the time.
We're we're in surrender to it.
And then once that's moved andit's passed, it's served its
purpose, then we can choose adifferent emotion.
And that's kind of what I wantedto talk about today, right?
Um, personal developmentcommunity, spiritual community.
Um, we're taught constantlytaught to let it go.
(05:58):
Let it go for many of us, youknow, whether we call it,
whether it looks like choosing adifferent thought, whether it
looks like saying anaffirmation, whether it looks
like focusing on love or peaceas opposed to whatever it is
that's coming up, whether it'sanger, rage, or resentment,
we're still bypassing it becausewe're not allowing it to move
(06:18):
through the body, number one,and we're not, we're not
extracting the wisdom as to whyit's present.
So we're bypassing.
And that's what the spiritualcommunity has taught us to do,
and the personal developmentcommunity has taught us to do.
They've also taught us thatemotions such as rage, anger,
resentment are low vibrational.
Nothing could be farther fromthe truth.
Nothing.
(06:38):
The only thing low vibrational,again, I've been repeating this
through this entire series.
The only thing low vibrationalabout anger, rage, and
resentment is when we suppressit, what we make it mean about
ourselves, and when we projectit onto other people around us.
That's what's low vibrational.
When we can be present with itand allow it to move and
dissipate on its own, which itwill eventually, um, there is
(07:03):
nothing low vibrational aboutthat.
And extracting the lessons andthe messages that it has for us,
the advice, the tips, the theguidance to bring us to our
highest potential, when we canextract that and apply it into
our life today, then we've justmade it a very high vibrational
experience because it has been,it has brought us into alignment
with our greater truth, ourtruth, our impact, our
(07:25):
potential, our influence,everything we came to be, came
here to be, do, and and become.
And so what could possibly below vibrational about that?
And do I think, you know, do Ithink we've been purposely,
purposefully kept from ourpower?
Yeah, I do.
Not from the present personaldevelopment community.
(07:46):
I think everybody's doing whatthey everything they think is
the right thing and andeverything they they they know
how to do in terms of keeping usum on our evolution, like uh
moving along on our evolution.
But I think that this is asuperpower that's been kept from
us for a very long time.
We have been shamed for ouremotional experience since the
(08:08):
beginning of time.
We have been shamed for ouremotions since Adam and Eve,
since Pandora's box, since youname it, we have been shamed for
it.
And if there's one thing thatthis life has taught me, is the
very thing that people willshame and guilt you and put you
down for and criticize you for,is the very thing that threatens
them the most.
(08:28):
So, how do we take our powerback?
By learning to move through inour emotional experience in a
very healthy and empowering way,in a way that actually serves
our greatest potential influenceand impact in this life, so that
we can do what exactly what itis that we came here to do.
And that's what we're going totalk about today.
Um, so the bypassing that we'velearned to do, or the bypassing
(08:51):
of yesterday, keeps it stuck,mucks up our energetic field,
creates disease in the body,otherwise known as disdisease,
right?
So if we don't pay attention towhat's going on to our emotional
body, it'll find a way tomanifest itself physically and
energetically so that we can payattention energetically by
manifesting shit that we don'twant, and physically by actually
(09:13):
creating disease in the body.
Okay.
Um, and so the way that we letgo, the way everybody keeps
telling us to just let it go,just let it go.
You have to just let it go, isto let it out.
You have to find healthy ways tolet out your anger, your rage,
(09:34):
your frustration, yourresentment in ways that it helps
it move through your body.
It helps you connect with it sothat you can extract the
information, the guidance, thewisdom that it has for you.
And in a way that it it it uh umwhat's it called?
(09:57):
It keeps you from projecting itonto other people.
That's what you need to bedoing, okay?
That should be your focus.
And so um here, so there'sthere's a couple of there's a
couple of mindset hacks that Iwant to share with you that will
help you do this, and there's acouple of techniques that will
help you to do this, okay?
Um, so for a mindset, you know,I want you to remember three
(10:20):
things.
You feeling anger, rage, andresentment means absolutely
nothing about who you are as aperson.
It doesn't determine how goodyou are as a person, doesn't
determine how lovable you are asa person, it doesn't determine
how worthy you are as a person.
It doesn't mean it doesn't meanabsolutely anything about you
other than you are a spiritualbeing having a human experience,
(10:41):
and part of that humanexperience is to experience a
full ray of emotion.
Okay.
Um, being enraged does not meanthat you've done something
wrong.
Doesn't actually even mean thatsomeone else has done something
wrong.
It just means I mean,essentially, it means that
(11:02):
you've not done anything wrong.
I mean, the only wrong thingthat you've probably done is
ignored your anger for too long.
That's probably the only thingyou've done wrong.
But the anger, let's talk aboutthat at the source, right?
The anger doesn't necessarilymean that you or the other
person have done somethingwrong.
It might, you know, maybe theother person did something not
cool and you get to experiencethat anger.
But what it really means morebeyond that is where you need to
(11:25):
speak your truth, where you needto set a boundary, where you
need to make some changes interms of how you show up in this
life and in the world around youand in your relationships.
That's what its true purpose is,right?
The projection, the blame, theperson's fault, or your fault,
or the other person's fault, orwhoever's fault, that's just
(11:45):
surface-level egoicunderstanding of what you're
upset about.
You gotta go deeper.
You gotta go deeper into whereis this, what is this trying to
guide me towards?
How is this trying to teach me?
How is this trying to help meevolve?
And I'll give you some questionsto do that and journal on.
But and the third thing is beingenraged does not mean you will
(12:07):
manifest bad shit.
Like people are afraid to feelbad.
People are afraid to be angry.
I I've said I've been here, I'veseen other people be here where
you're afraid to get angry or bein resentment or be in rage
because you're afraid you'regonna manifest bad shit.
You don't manifest bad shit byfeeling emotions.
You manifest bad shit when yousuppress it and you ignore it,
and then then you startmanifesting stuff so that you
(12:29):
can see it.
You manifest bad shit when youproject it, and you manifest bad
shit when you make it meansomething bad about yourself.
That's when you manifest badshit.
You don't manifest bad shit bybeing angry and allowing the
anger to be there and allowingit to move through you and
express itself in a healthy way,extracting the wisdom and
applying it to your life.
There's nothing, there's nothingnegative to manifest, but that's
(12:50):
actually high vibrational.
Now you've actually evolved pastyour emotion.
You're not actually letting youremotions run like take you for a
ride.
You're actually like taking youremotions for a ride now.
Because you're able to hold yourpower, you're able to hold your
strength, you're able to holdyour energy as you move through
(13:12):
it and choose to move through itin an empowered state where it
doesn't like start to run theshow for you and be present with
it and hold it and be acontainer for it and allow it to
be there and allow it to movethrough its life cycle so that
it can bring you the healing,the wisdom, the transformation,
(13:32):
the transmutation that it camehere to bring.
That's all.
unknown (13:36):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (13:37):
So when you look at it from that perspective,
there's nothing low vibrationalabout moving through anger.
The low vibration comes insuppressing the anger or
projecting it or making it meansomething bad about you.
That's when it becomes lowvibrational.
Otherwise, it's just an emotionyou're feeling along your
ascension path.
That is it.
(13:57):
That is all it means.
That's it.
Okay.
Um now releasing rage without itexploding, right?
This is this is a very simpleprocess.
Okay, I do this all the time.
Anytime an emotion and an angercomes up, anytime resentment
comes up, anytime rage comes up.
I take a moment to myself, if Ican't take it right in that
(14:19):
moment, if I'm in the middle ofsomething, I will almost take a
like, I literally like, I'll belike, okay, I'm just gonna take
a snapshot of this moment andwhat I'm feeling.
And I just recognize it and Ifeel it and I acknowledge it and
I acknowledge where I'm feelingit, and I will say, I will come
back to this.
I will come back to this later.
And when I go home or the nextmorning, when I'm doing my
practice, I will come back.
And I will try and tap back intothat emotion that was coming up,
(14:42):
right?
Whether it was anger, rage,resentment, or something else.
Could be anything.
Um, but typically I find umanger, rage, and resentment is
where we get the mostinformation, right?
When it comes in terms of howwe're meant to change and move
and and and and and wisdom thatwe're apply to applying to life
that that'll keep us um in ourimpact, influence, and purpose.
(15:06):
Anger, rage, and resentment isoften the most powerful.
Okay, they're all powerful, butyou know, there's something
about rage in this season.
You know, there's just somethingabout rage in this season.
But anyway, um, you know, whenyou feel it, if you can pause
and ask these questions again,or if not, just take a conscious
(15:29):
note of it and and make acommitment to yourself that
you'll come back to it laterwhen you have some time.
Um, sometimes I would even, whenI was working at my corporate
job, I would even go to thebathroom and do this.
I'm like move on into thebathroom, moving through my rage
and having a conversation withit in my head.
But basically, what you're gonnado is you're gonna tap into that
(15:51):
rage, you're gonna feel itfully, you're gonna actually let
it expand in your energy.
You're gonna let it expand,you're gonna really connect with
it, let it intensify, let it bethere, breathe through it, move
through the experience.
And then when you're ready,you're gonna ask it three
questions.
You are gonna ask it, why areyou here?
What is it that you want, whatis what is the wisdom that
(16:13):
you're trying to show me todayor share with me today or teach
me today?
And how can I apply it to mylife today?
Right?
Because the the wisdom mighthave been created years ago when
you first experienced the anger,the anger turns into resentment,
the resentment turns into rage.
Um, but if it's still coming up,there's a way it's coming up
because it still is asking to beapplied to your life today.
(16:38):
Otherwise, it wouldn't begetting triggered right now.
Do you did like do are you likedo you get that?
Like, can't are you picking upwhat I'm putting down?
If if you're not if it's comingup right now or yesterday came
up yesterday, or if it comes upnext week, it's because there's
something in there for you,regardless of how old it is,
that is meant to be beingapplied to your life today, to a
(17:01):
relationship, to a worksituation, to a home situation,
to a health situation, whatever.
There's something in it that isasking to be applied to your
life today.
Otherwise, it would not bepopping up.
So let that sink in, please.
Now, um, so um, why are youhere?
What is it that you've beentrying to show me?
And how can I apply you to mylife today?
Those are the three questionsyou always want to ask yourself.
(17:23):
Um, once you've moved throughthe intensity, I would kind of
wait until you're until itstarts dissipating and then have
the conversation.
And then just keep feeling it.
Don't do anything until you kindof breathe your way back to
neutral.
Breathe your way back toneutral.
And that's when you start totake, you check in.
Does this still does this dothese journal prompts or do
(17:44):
these, does this advice that myrage had for me or my resentment
had for me or my anger had forme, does it still resonate?
If yes, take action.
If not, maybe you might want totweak it a little bit, then take
action.
Always look at it from thoseneutral, from the lens of your
neutral state.
You know, you always wanna, youalways want a quality control.
You always want to QC controlthings from the lens of your
neutral state before you go andtake action on them.
(18:06):
Because it's sometimes hard totell if the ego's coming in and
playing and doing its thing,right?
Because remember, the ego willcome in first and say, I'm mad
at this person.
They mistreated me, theyunderpaid me, they made me work
too hard, and I didn't get thefucking promotion.
They gave the promotion to soand so.
That person's emotionallyunavailable, they've been
dicking me around for months,you know, whatever the story is,
(18:27):
go deeper.
Go deeper than that.
Maybe the story, maybe what it'strying to tell you is stop
pouring your energy into a roleor a life pat that isn't for
you.
Or stop trying to jump yourhoops through your worth and
trust that that you are worthyas you are, and trust that the
in the in the right role in theright in the in the right path,
(18:48):
your gifts will be seen by thepeople around you.
You don't have to force it.
You don't have to be a monkey, aperformance monkey to try and
earn your way to that income orthat promotion or that goal that
you want.
You don't have to settle forbreadcrumbs in a relationship
when there's, you know, somebodyout there for you who will love
(19:08):
you exactly for exactly who youare and won't play games with
you and won't string you along.
Right.
So whatever, oops, I just hit mymic.
Whatever the advice is that ithas for you, apply it to your
life today.
Okay.
Move through the ego, movethrough its projections, its
blame, its victim stories.
Come go deeper, tap into thehigher wisdom of what your
(19:31):
anger, your rage, yourresentment is trying to tell
you, apply it to your lifetoday, right?
Go through those three prompts.
Um, and then if you're stillstruggling to move through the
rage, there are other techniquesthat you can, you know, that you
can kind of turn to.
And it really depends if you'rein a sympathetic state or a
parasympathetic state.
Like, you know, are you inavoidance?
(19:53):
Are you feeling lethargic?
Are you tired?
Are you in a rest state?
Or are you feeling activated andaggressive and, you know, um
energized by it, right?
If you're feeling activated andenergized, a good workout, like
a great hit workout, somethingto get you sweating and moving,
um, even like a really briskwalk, dancing, anything that
moves the hips, great atreleasing anger and rage,
(20:16):
because a lot of anger and rageis actually stored in the hips.
Um, so things like that wouldhelp.
If you're in a more, if you'rein a rest state, if you're kind
of disconnected, lethargic, orpassive, um, you know, then
maybe you want a journal, right?
I love to journal out my rage.
I love to just rate, like thisis a technique that Gabby
(20:36):
Bernstein Bernstein always talksabout is rage on the page.
Just let it out on a piece ofpaper, unfiltered, completely
authentic, raw.
Just say what it is you'refeeling and don't lift the pen
from the page until you've saideverything that you needed to
say, and then you can burn it ortoss it, whatever you want.
Um, you can also um do thisprocess of you know, questioning
(21:00):
the rage and talking to therage.
You can go deeper, you can askit more questions.
Once you start to cultivate aconversation with your emotions,
it starts to flow a lot easier,right?
Um, and you can get moreinformation, you can have um,
you can ask more questions, youcan go deeper into the meaning
of things, right?
But these are all tools andtechniques that you can, you
know, you can totally call upon.
(21:21):
Um, another one is to scream itout, right?
So we talked about moving it outthrough stretching, through
maybe a hit workout, kickboxing,somatic stretches are great.
We talked about speaking it out,you can rage on a page, you can
um have that conversation withyour with your emotions, whether
it's rage, anger, andresentment.
(21:42):
Then you can scream it out.
Scream into a pillow if you haveto.
Scream in your car in the middleof nowhere or on a highway where
nobody can freaking hear you.
Same as I did in that cabin thatI talked about in the first
episode, right?
Just scream it right out of youuntil you feel like there's like
you're back to neutral.
And that will help you movethrough some of that rage so it
(22:04):
doesn't take not that you wantto rush it, but also you don't
wanna, you don't wanna, youknow, just kind of set up shop
in it either, right?
You want to help it move whenyou're when you're birthing, you
help the baby down the birthcanal.
You don't just kind of sit thereand wait for it to pop out.
You know what I mean?
You're pushing it out of thebirth canal.
(22:25):
So this is us pushing the rageout of the birth canal.
It's the exact same thing.
Um, so scream it out, screaminto a pillow, scream in your
car, scream somewhere wherenobody can hear you except you.
Um, because otherwise, if anyonecan hear you, you'll just be
filtered and you're not reallygonna be screaming as loud as
you can.
Um it's amazing how much you'rescreaming into a pillow if you
live in, especially I gotta livein an apartment.
(22:47):
I've always lived in apartments,so I can't just scream at the
top of my lungs.
My neighbors will hear me andthey'll probably call the police
because they'll thinksomething's happening to me.
So honestly, like screaming to apillow, it works.
Um, even punching a pillow workstoo.
Um, that's a technique I gotfrom um my somatic um somatic
therapy stretching techniquesthat I that I picked up.
(23:09):
Oh my gosh, life-changing, solife-changing.
Um, so yeah, so try thosetechniques, you know, when
you're feeling the anger, whenyou're feeling the rage, when
you're feeling the resentment,to help it to move, to really
contact, connect with it,intensify it, and just get it to
move through its life cycle.
And as soon as you feel yourselfstarting to come down from
(23:30):
whatever it is that you'reexperiencing, then start to have
the conversation.
Why are you here?
What are you trying to tell me?
And how can I apply that to mylife today?
And if you need to ask morequestions, you can ask, feel
free to ask the deeperquestions.
Just make sure you move throughthe egoic projections first
before you start going into thequestioning.
Because if you do thequestioning while you're in the
(23:51):
egoic um expression, sorry, notprojection, the egoic expression
of your anger, your rage, oryour resentment, all you're
gonna get is a lot of blame andvictim statements.
They did this, they did that,this person did this, this
person did that, blah blah blah.
That's not what you want.
You want to go deeper than that.
Okay, so make sure to go deeper.
So practice the the tools andtechniques until you can get
(24:13):
into that deeper state to haveyou're not at neutral, but
you're coming down from theintensity.
Once you start to come down fromthe intensity, that's when you
know it's time to have theconversation and you can keep
having the conversation untilyou get to neutral, then take
action.
That is literally how I do thison repeat, and how I apply like
(24:36):
how I use my rage to myadvantage to literally tap into
like every ounce of my purpose,impact, influence, and potential
and magnetism and everything Icame here to do, be and create.
It has been my guiding light.
It is not something that Iavoid, it is something that I'm
(25:00):
as uncomfortable as it might be.
I'm actually like excited whenit comes up because I know it's
literally an invitation for meto show up differently, to play
a bigger game, to to to stand upfor myself, for for what I'm
here to be, do, and create inthis world.
(25:21):
And so for me now, nothing and Irepeat, nothing is more exciting
than that.
So let me know if thisresonates.
Um, let me know what you takeaway from this.
You can leave a comment wherebelow wherever you're seeing
this.
Um, or you can email me at Mariaat the femcoach.com.
You can um DM me on Instagram atthefemcast.
(25:43):
I always love to hear from youguys.
So let me know what resonated,what didn't, and what you're
planning to take away with you.
Till next time, you guys,massive love.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.