October 6, 2025 • 61 mins
What if the patterns shaping your life today began centuries ago? On this milestone episode of The Unapologetic Feminine Awakening Edition: Rebel, Rise, Radiate, I share my personal past life memories and reveal how they prepared me for the work I do now—helping women reclaim their voice, embody self-love, and heal their relationships with both the feminine and masculine within.
From a hidden scribe preserving sacred knowledge underground, to a woman stoned for refusing conformity, a Puritan wife exiled for her rage, and a hardened general whose grief hardened into domination—each memory illuminates the lessons that shaped my soul purpose. These lifetimes taught me how power without healing harms, and how strength aligned with empathy serves life, relationships, and leadership.
In this episode, I share how my past lives show us how to:
🎤 Reclaim our voices and speak our truth unapologetically
🎤 Transform fear, anger, and betrayal into self-love, compassion, and empowerment
🎤 Heal the wounds of masculine energy hardened by grief, drive, or control
🎤 Balance divine feminine intuition, receptivity, and emotional alchemy with masculine strength
🎤 Build safety, integrity, and alignment in our lives, relationships, and communities
You’ll also hear the most visceral threads of ancestral trauma—the “mold trigger” of sisterhood wounds—and how they reveal practical ways to integrate the masculine and feminine within us all. These past life memories aren’t just stories—they’re a map for transformation, showing how fully healed power protects, creates, and leads with compassion.
This episode is a masterclass in past life healing, spiritual awakening, divine feminine empowerment, divine masculine balance, healing trauma, self-love, feminine energy, soul purpose, and empowerment. If you’ve ever wondered why certain patterns feel “too big” or how to step unapologetically into your purpose, this conversation will guide you to embody your voice, your power, and your truth.
Ready to stop shrinking for others? Let this episode be your sign → Step into your Unapologetic Era: https://thefemmecast.com/breakthrough
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
(00:02):
show and welcome to episode 150.
I'm so excited you guys.
Um thank you so much for beinghere, for being along on this
ride.
I am so excited to be at 150episodes.
Um there was actually more, butI deleted a huge batch in the
beginning of ones when I firststarted that I wasn't, I just
wasn't happy with, and I justdeleted them and started over.
(00:24):
Um so here we are, 150 episodes.
Um we are, we've been down thisup, this podcast um has been
downloaded in almost 100countries, just under 100.
I think it's like 94, 95countries, and over 1100 cities,
you guys, across the world.
And we are in the top 10%.
Slowly trying to make my way tothe top five.
(00:46):
I'm I'm I'm inching my waythere.
So um thank you so much forbeing here and thank you so much
for being on this journey withme.
I love and adore each and everyone of you, and I'm so excited
about the content that we'retalking about the direction that
we're going in, um, because ithas been so liberating these
fast last few episodes.
And I just feel like I'm finallyfully stepping into my message.
(01:10):
Not that I was not beingauthentic before, um, but I
think I was holding back a lotbecause I was on, I didn't want
to share the polarizing content.
I didn't want to share um thestuff that I think was gonna be
triggering for a lot of people.
And now that I've really startedto share it, yes, I've triggered
and I've ruffled a few feathers,and I'm sorry, but I'm not.
(01:31):
Um, but I am I'm loving it.
I am loving it because this,this is, this is me.
This is me, this is what Ibelieve, this is what I've
learned.
And apparently, as you're gonnafind out today, this is what the
work that my soul has been doingfor literally centuries.
So this is part five of theunapologetic feminine awakening
(01:54):
series.
Um, if you haven't listened tothe masterclass, you can go
ahead and listen to that now.
There's actually a link in theshow notes where you can
download the masterclass, theplaylist, um, and also get
access to some really wild andpowerful affirmations and
journal prompts that are goingto support you in really
harnessing your sacred femininesuperpowers.
Um, but today we're gonna betalking about my journey through
(02:18):
my past lives.
Um, this is hard for me to talkabout because, you know, I am
somebody who was intuitive froma very young age.
Um, it it's actually it's itruns in my family.
A lot of us are wildlyintuitive.
Um, and at a young age, Istarted to have like these
visions and and intuitive uhguidance sort of starting to
(02:41):
come through, but I didn'treally know how to explain it or
how to articulate.
And then when I went into myteens, it really started to amp
up.
Um, and it started to get moreobvious what was happening, and
I was really starting to be ableto really understand what was
happening and be able toarticulate it, and it was scary.
It was scary because I was nevera spiritual person, I was a
religious person.
Um, and so many things that myreligion taught me that I'm
(03:04):
questioning now.
Um, but one of those things was,you know, that intuition is bad
and you know, psychic gifts arebad.
And it, you know, so I wentthrough this phase of being
afraid of it, of being, youknow, some of the things that I
was picking up.
It was scary for me and it wasuncomfortable.
And it also made me wonder was Ia bad person for for having this
(03:25):
ability, for having this power.
Um, and so I shut it down.
I shut it down pretty quick, andI tried as much as I could to
stay in logic and reason and onthe straight and narrow path.
And then somewhere around 40,um, I went through what can only
be described as a spiritualawakening, where I really
started to see the through thecracks of my life, of the the
(03:47):
reality that I had created, ofwhat I'd been feeling and and
thinking and believing my entirelifetime, and where it just
wasn't resonating for meanymore.
And I went through this wholelike massive evolution um to
really open up to my my my soulpath, my spiritual gifts, um,
(04:08):
and to really, really come backto myself.
And the reality is, is, and andI'm gonna get into the detail,
um, and again, this is soesoteric for me.
So this is not something thatI'm very comfortable talking
about because I was so practicaland logical my whole life.
So for me to be sitting here tolike talking to you about my
past life journey experience iskind of weird.
(04:32):
Well, it's not weird for me nowbecause now I get it, now I
believe it.
Now I'm I actually have proof.
I actually have proof that mypast life experience was
actually like what I what whatwhat I saw in my journey through
my past lives was actually real.
I have concrete proof that thevisions that I saw, the stories
(04:55):
that I saw, the people that Iwas, the lifetimes that I lived,
the struggles that Iexperienced, I have concrete
proof that they were real.
And that kind of scares the fuckout of me a little bit, but also
I kind of love it because thereality is I have been doing
this work for lifetimes.
Um, so I'm glad I'm finally likeletting it out and letting it be
seen and letting it um, youknow, kind of be out there in
(05:19):
the world.
So um, so in this episode, likeI said, we're gonna talk through
my journey through my pastlives, soul purpose, and healing
the divine feminine andmasculine within.
And this has really been thejourney that I've been on for as
for every lifetime that I'veremembered, literally.
Um, and so um I'm gonna besharing, um, I'm gonna be
(05:41):
sharing some of my most vividpast life experiences and
visions that I had.
And I'm gonna be tying it backto themes about how we heal the
masculine, the feminine within,and where we might might have
taken a wrong turn, right?
Um and you know, I I say thisand I want to stress this.
I have been the oppressor andthe oppressed, I have been the
(06:04):
persecuted and the persecutor.
I've I've dabbled in each side,and I've been in a masculine and
I've been in a feminine role.
I've been um in both healthy andtoxic masculinity.
I've been in, I've been anoppressed feminine in several
lifetimes, um, you know, where Iwas um silenced or punished or
(06:29):
um, you know, exiled for, youknow, trying to step into my
power.
So this is something that isvery alive for me in my energy.
And so I'm gonna try and kind ofstay as grounded as I can as I
kind of share um, you know, whatthis journey taught me about
(06:50):
healing the masculine and thefeminine within and our soul's
journey and all of this.
So um the first I so let me letme just set the stage for a
second as to why I did this,okay, and why I went down this
this path to go down thisjourney, um, which, like I said,
for me was like weird at thetime.
I was like, past lives, really?
(07:11):
Are we really going there?
Because, you know, I I was verypractical my entire life, and
all of a sudden I go through aspiritual awakening when I was
around 40, and suddenly, like,I'm leaning into intuition, I'm
doing meditations, I'm chanting,I'm channeling, I'm buying
oracle cards and and andintuiting what they're trying to
tell me.
And now I'm like, okay, well,might as well do past life
(07:32):
regression, sure, why not?
Um, but it was uncomfortable forme at first, and I had a hard
time believing that it was areal thing.
Um, but here's why I did it, andhere's what finally pushed me
over the edge to really do it.
I've always had this aversion tothe taste of um like that moldy
(07:53):
earth taste.
Um, very much so that I couldn'tput my finger on it.
So, you know, that taste thatyou get in your mouth if you
like, you know, accidentallybite into some moldy bread or
something or bad fruit, right?
And it gets that that veryearthy, moldy taste.
I've I I've always had a very umstrong aversion to that taste,
and it would almost it wouldmake me gag every time I
(08:16):
accidentally, you know, bitsomething that tasted that way.
It would literally make me gag.
Um, and this was always a thing,and it didn't happen very often.
It was just, it was a thing,right?
It was just like I hated it.
I couldn't stand it.
But there was a period, therewas a period shortly after um I
turned 40, maybe a couple, maybethis was after I came back from
(08:39):
Asia, I believe.
Um and I was I was reallyheavily into my spiritual
healing journey, right?
I started to have multipleepisodes where I feel like I
don't know what was happening inthat time, but for some reason I
kept eating moldy bread.
(08:59):
Like I just would bite into asandwich, suddenly I would taste
mold.
I would go to the cafe, I wouldorder, I remember one time I
ordered a bagel with cheddar anda coffee, and I tasted mold in
the bread.
I would order a fruit salad fromthe grocery store.
I was eating it in the car onthe way home, like as a snack,
um, mold.
And I'd like, and and it wasgetting so intense.
(09:20):
Like my response to the taste ofthat mold was getting so intense
that um I would actually startto gag um and almost dry heave,
and I would start to panic.
I'm like, this is not normal.
Like something about this justdoesn't feel right.
Like I feel like there'ssomething more here.
Um, and I could sense it.
I could sense that there wasmore going on beneath the
(09:41):
surface than just a reaction tomold.
So I spoke to a friend of mineand she's like, you know what?
She's like, you should totallyhave a past life regression and
see where that's coming frombecause that sounds like it was
literally like I was having anemotional flashback to
something, but I didn't knowwhat.
I thought maybe it was somethingin my early childhood, maybe
something I choked on orsomething, and then it was
coming back, like you know,something along those lines.
(10:02):
But she's like, you know what?
It's not and it was, it wastruly an emotional flashback.
She was bang on with that, andso I decided to to to reach out
and have like early childhoodslash past life regression
session done.
Um, so I reached out to thislady and I've actually tried to
find her contact information soI could put it in the show
notes, but I've not managed tofind it yet, but I will.
(10:24):
Um, and I will eventually put itin the show notes.
I don't know if she does online,but I I had in-person sessions
with her.
Um, so what we did was um, youknow, we did the session
together, and so we started tojourney to discover, you know,
what was kind of coming up forme, where was I, where I was at,
where I was at in my life, andwhat my past lifetimes were kind
(10:47):
of trying to show me.
So there were multiple.
So there was, I think, I mean, Iam gonna mention six, six
lifetimes that I rememberedwhere there was detail that I
could I could share with youthat lends well to you know the
topic of the conversation.
I don't think I remembered muchother than what I'm talking
about here.
(11:08):
If I did, they were flashes andI couldn't make sense of what
was happening.
Okay.
So the first one that Iremembered was where I was uh
writing something.
Well, I don't know, it wasn't abook.
I I got the sense that I waskind of I was some sort of a
scribe or like record keeper oruh but I was writing and I was
(11:30):
trying to write stuff down thatI knew and I was right, like I
remember writing so hard I couldhear like the pencil score the
pen um scratching the paper as Iwas writing it.
I was feverishly trying to writedown as much as I could.
It was like a race against theclock, and I I was on I was in
an underground something, likeum it was like a cave in the
(11:52):
rocks.
There were two lifetimesapparently where I was in a
cave.
It was like a cave undergroundin the rocks.
Um, I remember I was surroundedby bookshelves and they were
filled with books, and I hadbooks all over my desk and a
lantern lit.
Um, and I was trying to writeall this information down, and
overhead there was this roundcircular window, um, the top of
(12:14):
the the the cabin or whateveryou want to call it, um, bunker,
underground bunker.
There was a a round window, likea like a latch, like a doorway.
And I remember hearing thismassive thunderbolt, and I and I
I just kind of shook and I Ilooked up and you could see like
there was a storm, a massivestorm coming in overhead.
(12:36):
And my my sense at the time, itwas that I was writing stuff
down, wisdom, knowledge, truth,whatever.
Um, I was writing it down asfast as I could before this
incoming catastrophic storm hit,whatever it was.
Um, I got the sense that timewas running out and I needed to
write things down and as muchdown as soon as possible.
(12:58):
Um, and so that was it.
That was all I remembered fromthat lifetime.
And that was the first one.
So definitely there's somethingthere about wisdom and like
wisdom, knowledge, thingscarried over, like things that
are trying to be recorded from adifferent timeline, from a
different era.
Um, and also like, you know,just recognizing, you know, what
(13:20):
this means, I think, for eachand every one of us is, you
know, sometimes there is sacredknowledge that we're carrying,
whether spoken or not, hidden ornot.
Um, and I think that, you know,there's this um, there's this
need, there's this fear for usto kind of preserve a lot of
(13:40):
this wisdom.
So just, you know, kind of takethat with a grain of salt and
and and and let it mean, youknow, what it means for you.
But that that that's kind of thesense that I got.
But definitely this theme oflike having access to some sort
of wisdom or truth or teachingand trying to write it down so
that it doesn't get lost, as andwriting down as much as I could
before it's too late.
(14:01):
Okay.
The second one that Iremembered, and um in this
particular, this was also just aflash.
Okay, so these ones were justvery short flashes, very short
instances.
I didn't get very deep into thestories behind a lot of these.
I really didn't get deep intothe story until the last couple,
(14:22):
and we're gonna talk aboutthose, but um, the stoned woman.
So I remember being stoned.
I was standing against a wallthat also felt like stone.
I was standing against a wallthat also felt like stone.
I was crouched down and men werestoning me.
(14:43):
It wasn't for promiscuity oranything like that.
Like that, that's not what I wasbeing stoned for, but I believe
what it felt like to me is thatI was being stoned for
non-conforming.
I was being stoned for steppingout of um my role or what was
expected of me or beingchallenging or or going against
(15:06):
the grain.
And that and then that's kind ofthe sense that I got because I
wasn't, I didn't get thisfeeling that I was promiscuous
in any way.
I just felt this feeling like Iwas, like I had been um, I had
been charged with something,something to do with um how I
presented myself in society.
(15:26):
Um, nothing to do withpromiscuity and more to do with
um, you know, who I believed Iwas and how I showed up in the
world.
So um, and that's just the sensethat I got again, right?
And so um there I was and I wascrouched down and they were
stoning me.
I couldn't feel the stoneshitting.
Thank God I didn't want to feelthat.
(15:46):
Um I couldn't feel it happening,but I could hear them hitting.
I could hear them hitting thewall around me and kind of
bouncing off and making thatcracking sound.
And I could also like I wouldjust I remember just being
crouched down in fetal position,and you know, when you brace for
impact, I was like bracing forimpact, and like I almost got
(16:07):
this sense that one was about tohit me when I woke up and came
out of that um vision.
Um, and so um, you know, thesense that I got from that, um,
you know, it takes yes, I gotthe sense that obviously, you
know, I I was being persecutedfor um, you know, having the
(16:30):
courage to speak my mind or toto live in my truth and and be
the honest um expression of ofwho I believe that I was.
And I I that's what I'mguessing.
And that it went against thegrain of of what society said a
woman should be or the role sheshould play in society.
Um, so definitely there wassomething there about, you know,
(16:52):
me, you know, surprise,surprise, not conforming, right?
And and and stepping out of whatum society expected, but also,
you know, this importance of,you know, staying true to your
essence.
Sometimes, you know, we've allhad past life experiences.
And if you follow this podcast,then chances are you've had some
(17:12):
past life experiences yourself.
Sometimes following who ourauthentic truth is is very scary
because we may have beenpersecuted for it in a past
life, or we may have beenrejected for it in a past life,
or we may have been exiled in apast life.
And so sometimes the fear thatwe come up against, that that
when we experience that fear,like it feels like the fear of
(17:35):
death if we're if we're notaccepted by the people around
us, or if we stand out or or dothe wrong thing or or say
something, and then realize thatyou know people aren't accepting
what we're saying or beingrejected for it, that can be
really scary.
Um, and it can feel reallyuncomfortable.
And the invitation with this isto remember is to lean into that
(17:59):
fear and to lean into thatdiscomfort and continue to try
and share your truth and shareyour wisdom and be yourself
anyway.
Um, and and and just trying to,you know, cultivate that safety
so that you within yourself, sothat you can be the fullest and
most honest expression ofyourself.
Because there could be manythings, many gifts, many
(18:20):
talents, many truths, manywisdoms that you're afraid to
bring forward because maybe youwere prosecuted for them in a
past life.
Okay.
So have a think on that.
The third one, and this is whereit starts to get more visual.
And this is the one that I alsohave proof happened.
(18:41):
Okay, so pay attention.
So um in this one, so the thirdone, I was a Puritan wife, okay.
Um, it was so clear and so vividfor me um what going through
this journey and through this,this, this lifetime, because I
can remember it was alight-colored wooden cabin.
(19:06):
It almost looked like a pinecolor, or maybe something just
slightly darker than a pine.
Um, but it looked like a a verylike blondish wood cabin.
Um, very clean, very new.
It almost looked like it wasfreshly built.
I could actually just smell thewood in the vision.
(19:27):
And um, I, you know, Puritanwife, I kind of and I had this
this really like strong, big,hulky, broody husband.
We almost look like, if youremember Popeye, I don't know if
anybody remembers Popeye, but Iused to watch Popeye all the
time as a kid.
Um, and I can remember beingreally uncomfortable with
(19:47):
Brutus, but uh we look likeOlive Oil and Brutus.
Like, if I had to paint animage, that's who we look like.
We look like Olive Oil andBrutus from Popeye.
And I also had these twochildren, a boy and a girl.
Um, my husband was Bruty, verystoic, very straight faced, very
like non-real, like just just umnot mean, but controlling.
(20:16):
I felt very controlled.
I felt he was very controlled,um, and just serious and stern.
And my two children were like,you know, they look like little
Puritan children, but you know,they had the same sort of um
mannerisms or characteristics astheir father.
They were also like very likestoic, very straight-faced, you
(20:40):
know, no, no one was smiling, noone was smiling, no one would,
everyone was just verystraight-faced and very reserved
and very um oppressed.
And in this vision, I wasscreaming, I was roaring in
rage.
I had so much rage in me, and Iwas unlike I was just roaring it
out of myself and out of mybody.
(21:03):
And my husband and my childrenwere just there looking at me
like they were completelydisappointed in me, like they
completely rejected me as aresult, like they wanted nothing
to do with me because I wasletting out my rage.
And so the next thing that Iremember is being on the outside
(21:24):
of the cabin, looking in in thecold ground, and I could smell
the earth, and there was thatearthy smell in the air, and the
earth was cold.
There was no leaves on thetrees, so the sense that I got
was that it was it was eitherlate fall or early spring.
The sense I got was that it wasearly spring because the ground
(21:44):
was very, again, very moist,very cold, um, and it had that
that moldy, um, heavy, earthysmell.
And there was that um that uhnot humidity, that dampness in
the air that usually, you know,that you usually sense in early
spring.
No snow on the ground,everything had melted, but
(22:05):
everything felt very cold, verydamp.
Um, and so I was outside in thedirt watching um and looking
inside the cabin through thewindow where there was like this
warm glow of like lantern light,and suddenly like my my husband
and my children were happybecause I wasn't there, and so I
(22:26):
was feeling very left out in thecold, literally.
Um, and all because I expressedmyself, because I was because I
let my emotion out, probably notin the best way.
Um, but yeah, I was filled withso much rage that it finally
just came out and theycompletely rejected me and
exiled me for it.
(22:47):
So um, you know, this really wasprobably where, you know,
growing up, you know, I wasalways so repressed with my
emotion.
I would always had a hard timeexpressing how I was feeling.
And when I did come out, it wasclunky, it was messy, it was
damaging, like it was never agood, it was never a good scene.
Um, and that's probably where alot of that came from.
(23:10):
Um, so you know, in reflection,and before I even get to the
reflection, actually, let's justsay two things.
I later had a follow-up visionto that vision where my husband
and I were sitting across fromeach other at that same pine
wood table that matched thewalls, right?
Everything was pine, even thefurniture was pine or pine-ish.
(23:33):
Um, so we were sitting at thatpine wood table, sitting up
against propped against thewall, two chairs opposite each
other.
We were holding hands, and I wasexpressing to him how I was
feeling.
Or I was expressing to him umwhat I was feeling, what I was
(23:54):
going through, why I did what Idid.
And he met me withunderstanding.
Okay.
He met me with understanding,and we were coming together and
we were connecting and we werecommunicating and we were
hearing each other and we wereholding space for each other.
So there was a healing and atransformation that took that
took place in that lifetime.
Um, and I don't know whathappened between those two
(24:18):
points from the point of where,you know, I was kicked out and I
was out in the cold to havingthen the conversation with him
where we're holding holdinghands and finding understanding.
What I did know is that I wasbeing honest about what I was
feeling and I was communicatingit in a way that wasn't damaging
to our relationship, right?
(24:38):
And so I think that's a veryimportant lesson, right?
Like I think, you know, when itcomes to communicating our
truth, um, you know, we can beopen and honest in our
communication and we can and weand I healthy relationships need
our honesty.
They need our authenticexpression, right?
But we need to learn to do it inways that um aren't damaging to
(25:01):
the relationship.
And I think um, you know,releasing a rave, the rage that
was behind a lot of thosecommunications was a huge part
in that.
And so that's where I thinkemotional alchemy really came
into play for me and why I dothat kind of work that I do.
Um, because so much of what weexperience and what we feel and
(25:22):
what we manifest and and and thepatterns that we experience in
our relationships comes down toemotions that we've repressed
and that we're holding on to andthat are literally trying to
kick in and scream their wayout.
Um, and when we learn toactively and consciously hold
space for those to be present,to be felt, to be experienced,
(25:42):
and to move through them.
Um, and then communicate from acalm and neutral state and move
and make decisions from a calmand neutral state, I think it
really transforms um how we showup in our lives and in our
relationships and what's trulyavailable and what we can truly
manifest.
That ability to kind of sit inthe discomfort of some very
(26:05):
uncomfortable emotions has beenprobably the one of the most
life-changing things that I'veever learned.
And that's why I kind of hold myclients through that now, um,
because it has been solife-changing for me.
Um, so but um, you know,understanding that you have
learned lessons in otherlifetimes that will bring value
(26:26):
into what, you know, whatevercurrent dynamics or
circumstances that you're movingthrough.
And also sometimes emotions canbe carried over from one
lifetime to the next.
So sometimes when there's whenyou're holding on to an emotion
that you can explain it, youknow, is it from this lifetime?
Is it yours?
Is it somebody else's, or is itsomething that you brought in
from a past life?
You know, these are importantquestions that we can, you know,
(26:49):
reflect on.
And your intuition, when youstart to get really like, when
you start to get really in tunewith your intuition, it'll it'll
start to answer those questionsfor you and you'll be able to
trust it.
And that's one of the thingsthat we talk about in um in the
um feminine awakeningsuperpowers that I talked about
in the masterclass.
One of I think the first onesthat we talked about was
(27:10):
intuition.
So you can go ahead and checkthat out.
Um, okay, so the next lifetime,and this was another short,
very, very short flash.
Okay, it almost felt like therewere two lives that I was shown
back to back.
Because first I saw one life andit felt a little uncomfortable
for me.
And then I saw I immediately sawthe next life.
(27:31):
Um, so the first life that Isaw, I was a man.
I had um, I I felt like I I kindof looked like I had this tall,
sort of lanky body.
Um I was naked at the time.
I don't know why I was naked,but I was naked.
Um, but I was this tall man,naked, long curly hair.
(27:52):
And I remember I had my handslike kind of opened up to the
sky, and I was looking up toGod, and I kind of felt like I
was in complete surrender, youknow?
Um, and maybe that's why it wasuncomfortable for me.
I don't know.
Maybe it was a surrendering thatwas uncomfortable.
Maybe it was because um, youknow, this was very early on in
my journey, and I felt like thiswas a man who was um a little
(28:17):
bit more comfortable being inhis feminine energy, not to say
this is not this is not anexpression of his um, what's it
called?
Um this was not an expression ofhis sexual preference, okay?
This was about energy, okay?
Let's make that clear.
Um, sexual preference hasnothing, gender has nothing to
(28:43):
do with anything about whatwe're talking about today.
Energy is energy and exists inall of us in different ratios,
okay?
Just accept that it is notlinked to gender, it is not
linked to sexual, like sexualpreference.
Um, this man would felt like aman who was very comfortable
being in this feminine, whichfelt a little foreign to me at
(29:04):
the time.
I'm not gonna lie, it felt alittle uncomfortable.
Um, and he had completelysurrendered to God, and it's
almost like in in that moment inhis nakedness, he was able to be
fully vulnerable and fully seenand fully in his authenticity
without, you know, it was almostlike his ego was gone, you know,
(29:28):
and he was just pure, umempowered masculine and feminine
energy, like surrendering to ahigher power.
And that was uncomfortable forme, right?
I remember feelinguncomfortable.
I was like, I'm like, I don'tthink I want to stay here much
longer.
Like, I think I want to go.
But I think and I think theimportant thing to mention with
(29:48):
that is it can be uncomfortableto surrender.
It can be uncomfortable um beingfully um.
Tapped into and being able toembody both your masculine and
your feminine in healthy waysand surrendering to a higher
power and trusting that in theunion of those two beautiful
(30:11):
energies, you are capable of somuch magic.
Yes, it can be uncomfortable.
And I think, I think we havebeen intentionally programmed to
feel uncomfortable in thatspace.
Okay.
Um, sorry, I'm picking likeeyelashes or something out of my
eye.
Um, so that was the end of that.
(30:31):
So, so, you know, remembering,you know, true power is, you
know, that the true power thatcomes from having faith in a
higher power and humility andbeing in divine alignment and
divine access to both yourmasculine or feminine.
You know, where is that maybeuncomfortable for you?
Where have you been taught tonot lean on your masculine,
(30:52):
which is, you know, it's verymuch creating foundations and
taking actions and buildingstructure and protection.
And where have you beendiscouraged from being in your
feminine, which is really abouthigher wisdom and intuition and
creativity and and andnurturing, right?
Um, so really look at thosethose two, and maybe I think we
(31:14):
need to do an episode on whateach of those energies actually
means to really give help givepeople some clarity, and maybe
we'll do that in the nextepisode.
So, on to the next lifetime.
The I hate to say this.
Well, it was an army general.
I'd hate to say he was aConfederate general.
Um I can only tell by the thetunic he was wearing, like he
(31:40):
was wearing the traditionalConfederate tunic.
But initially, in the vision, Ididn't see him right away as a
general.
What I first saw was a littleboy.
Um, and he was holding a woman'shand, and I couldn't see the
woman, but I could see the boy,and I could see his hand holding
the woman's hand, so I can onlysee the woman's hand from
(32:02):
probably her forearm down.
And I could see, I'm not a bighistory buff by any means.
Um, but I'm gonna guess this wassomewhere in the 1800s before
the Civil War because I was achild at the time, or maybe it
was just the beginning, I don'tknow.
Um, but she was wearing like,you know, the full like
pioneer-ish type skirts.
Um, and so I and I could see theruffle on her sleeve.
(32:25):
Um, and she was holding my hand.
And as and we're standing on oneside of the street, we're
standing on a wooden planked umboardwalk of some sort.
It was roofed, um, maybe behindmaybe we were walking in or just
past or out of a mercantile ofsome sort.
Um, and across the street, itwas a dirt road.
I was seeing like horse-drawncarriages walk back and forth or
(32:49):
go back and forth on the road.
And on the opposite side of thestreet was a white church with
just a door.
I saw the white church with thesteeple and just a door, but the
windows were along the sides.
There was no windows in thefront.
It was a very narrow, longchurch, and I saw the church
explode.
And in that moment, I wasovercome with so much grief.
(33:14):
I don't know who was in thechurch.
Maybe it was my family, becauseI didn't get the sense that the
woman that I was with was myfamily.
I got the sense maybe she was ateacher or a guide or a
caretaker of some sort orsomebody who was just kind of
watching me for a moment.
Um, but so I don't know if maybemy family was in the church or
(33:35):
just the townspeople who were inthere that I felt so much grief
for.
But I remember being overcomewith grief and like crippling
grief.
And then that grief immediatelyalmost immediately turned into
anger and hate.
Um and and then in the nextmoment, I saw myself as the
(33:58):
Confederate general.
And I was leading a battle, andI was leading so many young men
into battle.
Um, and the reality was is thatI was so focused on getting back
at uh revenge, at overpowering,at winning, at gain, gaining
(34:21):
strength and power over whoeverit was, I guess, that was
responsible.
I I I guess it was, you know, ithad something to do with the
civil war.
I I'm not sure.
Um but whoever I felt wasresponsible, which was whoever
on the other side of thebattlefield was at the time, um,
(34:41):
all I wanted to do was was wasliterally like like d d d take
their power away completely andhave them annihilated, have them
destroyed.
That was all I care about.
All I cared about was destroyingthe enemy, taking out the enemy.
And whatever means I could, andwhatever strategy I could use,
(35:05):
my only goal was to take out theenemy.
And in that process, so manysoldiers lost their lives.
I actually saw the I actuallysaw a vision of a young woman.
Sorry, I'm getting a littleemotional.
I actually saw the image of ayoung woman jumping in front of
a bullet to save her partnerwho's on the battlefield.
(35:30):
Um I I I killed so many youngmen in in that experience.
I widowed so many women in thisquest for authority, in this
quest for power, in this questfor annihilating a whole group
or population of people thatcaused me so much pain as a
(35:55):
child.
So it was a lot of, you know, alot of what was behind, you
know, my rage and my anger, myaggression.
And even then, like no emotion,no emotion whatsoever.
It was like I was a programmedkilling machine.
I felt nothing other than, youknow, how many more people can I
(36:18):
take out today?
And and what what steps can Itake to take out as many people
as possible?
I was a programmed killer,basically.
Um, and in the and then I flashforward to the end of that
lifetime when I was an old man.
I was an old man, I was livingalone, I was smoking, um, I was
(36:42):
in a cabin in a very hotclimate.
It was another again, anotherwood cabin, but this one was
darker.
Um, it's kind of in the middleof nowhere.
You could see tumbleweedsrolling past where I was.
So I I got the sense that I wassomewhere in the southwest in my
old age, um, smoking and diedalone in bed um with a cigarette
(37:03):
in my hand.
And that cigarette fell to theground, and then I didn't see
anything after that.
Um, so you know, a real hugelesson, lesson on the shad, like
on the shadow side of power,yes, but also understanding
where the shadow side of powercomes from.
It comes from unhealed pain andtrauma, right?
(37:28):
Um, and really being able tounderstand that beneath the
hate, beneath the anger, beneaththe the quest for power and
having more and taking more andcontrolling and and and and and
taking advantage, you know, allunder all of that was hatred and
anger.
And under that was this massiveunhealed grief.
(37:53):
And so, you know, again, thehealing, the healing journey,
and this was really theunderstanding, you know, the
imbalance masculine and why um,you know, sometimes they can be
the aggressor or the oppressorbecause they've never, and
(38:13):
again, it's nothing to do withmen and women, guys.
Like everyone in my comments wasmaking this about men, and it's
not about men, although, well, Imean, yes, men last week's
episode was a little bit, butum, this is about masculine and
feminine.
It's about giving them masculinepermission to feel their
emotions.
So giving, giving ourselvespermission to be in our feminine
(38:35):
and feel the uncomfortableemotions that are lurking
beneath the surface.
Because these are what canbecome destructive in our lives
and make us make destructivedecisions um and and and and
sort of take out a lot of ourunprocessed pain on other
people.
(38:55):
Um, and it's it is when this iswhen we become separate from our
heart space and separate fromlove, is when we're holding on
to all this unprocessed trauma.
Um, and it's not to say thatunprocessed trauma is bad.
We all have it.
I just think um what we'reseeing more and more is the
(39:18):
importance of not avoiding itanymore and just giving each
other the space and thepermission to experience it, to
move through it, to release it,to let it out of our physical
body, our emotional body, ourenergy body, so that we can tap
into a different layer of anemotional experience.
(39:40):
Otherwise, we just become stuckand repressed and disconnected.
And this is when weunfortunately do become capable
of doing some pretty tragicthings.
Um, because, you know, funnything happens, you know, we all
repress emotion.
Um, I repressed quite a bit ofit, you know, growing up.
And it took me a long time toreally be able to kind of
(40:02):
process through the backlog, ifyou will, of repressed emotions.
Um, but sometimes we can becomeso repressed in our emotional
experience that we completely wedon't want to feel anything, so
we completely disconnect fromourselves.
And sometimes when we do that,it's very dangerous because we
can also disconnect fromempathy, from remorse, from
understanding.
And I think that, you know, oneof the beautiful things about
(40:25):
the human experience is beingable to experience and feel all
a whole scope of emotion.
And we've done a really good jobat making certain emotions bad
and certain emotions good andavoid these ones and feel these
ones.
And, you know, really the pathto healing is being able to
fully heal, is being able tofully experience all of those
and to do so in very healthy,healing ways, so that we're not
(40:50):
either, you know, projectingthem onto people around us or
taking them out on people aroundus or pressing them completely
and disconnecting from self andempathy and all these other
beautiful, healthy emotions thatwe have access to, right?
Um, so that's kind of the lessonin that experience, and that
brings us to the last one, okay.
(41:11):
And this one was by far the mosttelling of all of them.
Okay.
And that was um, I rememberseeing myself as an old woman,
okay.
Um, I was cloaked, old, gray,straggly hair, and I was living
(41:32):
in a cave, not an undergroundthis time.
This time I was above ground.
Um, but again, there was thatearthy smell around me.
I felt like I was I was in aforest.
Um, and there was a stone cavein the forest, like within like
the hills or the mountains orsomething.
Um and as I saw her face, andthen I saw her in the cave, and
(41:55):
then the next thing I know, Ifelt someone grab me by my cloak
and start dragging me, right?
And there was multiple men, andI could see their feet, and they
were just dragging me, and Icould fear their, I could hear
their feet stomping on the trailas they dragged me along on my
cloak.
(42:16):
And the next thing I know it wasnighttime.
This was in the daytime, and thenext thing I know, I can see
that it's nighttime.
I'm in a grave and they'reburying me alive.
And I could clearly see now thatthey are clergymen, um, and
they're burying me alive.
I think one person is reading memy last rites um while they're
(42:36):
doing this.
Um, and so I'm being buriedalive, and this is where the
choking on that mold-tastingearth started to happen, and I
started to feel it, and Istarted to feel like I was like
um like gagging on it andchoking on it.
Um, and then the next thing Iknow, like I'm literally buried
alive underground.
And then I flashed to the nextscene, and there's literally
(42:59):
three women who were how do Idescribe them?
Um, they were mystics, they weredefinitely mystics, but they
were of a younger generation,and the impression that I got
from them was that they were inservice to the clergymen.
Funny enough, right?
Um, and and and they werereaping the benefits of of that
(43:22):
service.
Um, so take that to mean whatyou will, because I wasn't clear
on it, but I I kind of gotinsight, like, was it sexual?
Was it like, was it sexualbenefits, was it material?
I don't know.
What did they were they givenpower?
I there was definitely, therewas definitely, there was
definitely benefits on bothsides.
What those benefits looked like,I'm not 100% sure.
(43:43):
Um, but basically the what whatI got from that journey was that
they had ratted me out to theclergyman because they wanted to
get rid of me, because I wasvery powerful.
And I remember actually, and Iforgot to mention, when they
grabbed me and started to dragme, I saw in my hand I was
holding a hand-tied um driedbundle of lavender that fell.
(44:10):
Well, as they started to dragme, it fell out of my hand.
I saw it fall and drop on theground.
So the impression that I got wasI was a normalist of some sort.
I was a healer of some sort.
And I guess they didn't want mearound anymore because something
about me threatened those women.
Um, whether I was more powerfulthan them, whether I had more
(44:32):
knowledge or wisdom than them,whether I had more healing gifts
than maybe I I actually think Iactually saw right through them.
Um, and um they didn't like thatvery much.
So um they told the clergymanclergymen where to find me.
The clergymen came, dragged me,buried me alive, and when they
were done and they buried me,these three women, mystics,
(44:54):
whatever you want to call it,danced on my grave in joy.
And that was the last journeyexperience that I had.
And that was that that basicallygave me everything that I needed
with a nice, neat little bowaround it.
Um, so definitely a massivesisterhood wound there, which I
have experienced a lot in thislifetime, both from um friends,
(45:17):
from, you know, co-workers, frombosses, teachers, other coaches,
um, where I just felt like I wasthrown under the bus and
betrayed so deeply by some ofthe women that I trusted so much
in my life.
Um and so a lot of what I'veexperienced in this lifetime has
(45:38):
been healing that wound ofbetrayal and learning to trust
and lean on women as my some ofmy greatest supporters.
Um, and to really, really, youknow, and this is why, you know,
I started this podcast and why Ido the work that I do, to make
other women feel supported, tomake them feel seen, to make
(45:59):
sure that they have a safecontainer for their gifts, for
their powers, for their magic,for their authenticity to have
like a place in the world, youknow, and that's really why I
want to do, why I do the workthat I do.
Um, and then obviously, youknow, there's that theme about
transforming betrayal andpersecution into, you know,
compassion and empowerment,right?
(46:19):
Which has also been another verystrong theme.
Um so sometimes, you know, thepatterns that we experience in
this lifetime, and this has beena very prominent pattern for me,
they don't come from this life.
Sometimes we do bring them froma past life, but the reason why
they're here, whether or not weexperience them in a past life
is irrelevant.
The point is, is that they'rebeing presented for us to take a
(46:42):
different route, to take adifferent action, to change and
break a cycle, right?
And that's why they kind of showup.
So the golden thread in all ofthis, right, and we're gonna
break this down further in thenext episode, but the golden
thread in all of this was inbeing able to find your voice,
(47:03):
to speak your truth, and to tapinto power and potential in a
way that is honest, in a waythat is compassionate, in a way
that is an integrity, and in away that really and truly um
(47:24):
helps to preserve not just yourown integrity, but you know,
whoever you're in conversationwith or in connection with or
working with, or you know, Ithink um I think it's pretty
obvious that, you know, thisjourney for me has has kind of
come full circle where I'vereally learned to just put
(47:44):
myself out there, speak mytruth, um, share my message,
even though I may be judged forit, even though I may ruffle a
few feathers with it.
I've always tried to do it veryrespectfully.
Um I have held back quite a bitum in terms of you know some of
the nuance.
And like I I've shared mymessage, but I've shared it in a
(48:09):
very palatable way, you guys.
Like I'm being, I'm beingcompletely honest.
Like I've always kind offiltered it through the lens of
is this gonna be people off?
Do I need to tone it down alittle bit?
Do I need to take certain thingsout?
Do I need to make it morepalatable, you know, just to
make sure I'm not rufflingfeathers.
But sometimes we have to rufflefeathers if we're gonna do the
(48:29):
work that we came here to do.
We need to, we need to break themold, we need to do things
different, we need to be able tochallenge a status quo.
And I think that's reallyimportant.
And I think that when we'recoming into the space, and this
sets up the next episode reallybeautifully, when we're coming
into the space where we'reevolving in our um, you know,
(48:50):
when we're going through thisfeminine awakening and we're
going through it collectively,men and women, I think we need
to be able to look at thingsvery differently.
I think we need to be able tofind the courage to challenge
the status quo.
I think we need to be able to behonest, to voice our truth, to
(49:10):
be able to say what is withoutbeing, you know, condemned or or
judged for it, you know.
Some of the things that I saidlast in last week's episode were
very hard-hitting for somepeople.
I actually got some flack onlinefor it, you know, people saying
that, you know, it was direct,it was a lot of anger directed
towards men.
And nothing could be fartherfrom the truth.
Like I said in the episode, andmaybe they didn't listen to the
(49:31):
full episode, I don't know.
But like I said in the episode,there's so many amazing,
heart-centered men out therethat, you know, aren't
uncomfortable being in theiremotional experience and also
aren't uncomfortable holdingspace for a woman to be in her
masculine and and and and andstep up in her game and be able
to to to really and fully stepinto and embody her power,
(49:53):
actually get turned on andattracted to it, you know.
Um is that everybody?
No, it's not.
There's there's exceptions,right?
Um, but I think what the episodewas really about was, you know,
my episode last week when, youknow, when I said, you know,
stop calling us all angryfeminists, it's because, you
know, feminism was a movement tocreate equality for women, to
(50:16):
create an equal world world forwomen.
And we are not done yet.
This world is not yet equal.
And not only is it not equal, itis also not safe for women.
And we should be able to voicethese things without getting
retaliation for it, withoutgetting pushback for it, without
being labeled an angry feministfor it.
The fact that we live in a worldwhere there is still gender
(50:37):
violence, where we're stilltargeted for violent and sexual
crimes just because we're women,I mean, you know, that in itself
is proof that there is stillhealing to do.
And it's not just the women whoneed to be healing.
Like it seems like there's thisnarrative that it's just women
that need to heal because we'vemoved into this feminist
mentality that has separated usfrom men and and created
(51:00):
division in relationships.
Well, was that the breakdown, orwas the breakdown that also, you
know, men and women weren't ableto be in their feminine and be
in their true feminineembodiment and be vulnerable and
be, you know, create thatconnection and a relationship.
And now it just feels like um,you know, we stepped into our
(51:22):
power and it's almost like we'rebeing condemned for it, you
know, in some in some circles,not everybody, not this is not,
these are very generalstatements, and these are not,
these are never to be takenliterally to say that all people
out there are doing what I'msaying.
But there is this theme of likewhere femin the repression of
(51:43):
women and repression of thefeminine is real.
It is out there, it is in ourschools, it is in our churches,
it is in our religions, it is inour politics, it is everywhere
and is definitely in ourrelationships, right?
And when I say repressing, yes,repressing women, but also
repressing feminine within bothwithin everybody, regardless of
(52:06):
what gender you identify as,right?
Okay, so post-recording thisepisode, I realized I left out a
really important bit ofinformation.
So I'm recording it now andtrying to try and edit it back
in.
So I'm gonna have to get reallycreative with my editing skills,
you guys.
But I forgot to mention the mostimportant thing, which was the
(52:26):
proof that the past life whereum I was the Puritan woman was
actually real.
And the proof that I have thatactually a lot of these past
life, like I the whateverinformation I received in this
past life journey was actuallytrue.
And that was when I was thePuritan wife.
(52:47):
And here's how I got the proof.
Several years after I had donemy whole past life journeying,
actually, it wasn't severalyears after, I think it was
maybe the following year.
I want to say maybe it was thelike the following year that I
did my past life journeying,someone else that I um, a woman
(53:12):
in my life that I'm very closeto, that I have a very close
relationship to.
Um she went through, we've hadlike, I mean, we've had like,
you know, we've shared a hugechunk of our lives together.
Okay.
Um she was going through her ownsort of spiritual process and
she started doing meditations athome for past life regression.
(53:37):
I believe she might have done umone of Carolyn Miss meditation,
is it Miss?
Miss Myth, Myth.
Anyway, meditations for pastlife regression work.
And she had done it multipletimes and she said to me, she
goes, Oh, she goes, you know,I've been trying these
meditations, and you know, I'vereally gotten like some really
(53:58):
cool sort of um visions fromthem and imagery.
I'm like, oh wow, like pleaselike tell me more.
And so anyway, she startstelling me about like, you know,
she did this meditation and howit was like past life
meditation.
And she goes, Yeah, and I sawmyself, and I was a man, and um
who would have thought, right?
Like I was a man in a past life,and I remember I was this big
broody man with like curly hairand a beard, and I'm like, um,
(54:22):
really, like I'm right away,like I'm paying attention.
She's like, Yeah, and she'slike, and I remember there was
this wood cabin, and I had awife, and she looked like like a
and she described she describedher like exactly like I said,
look like olive oil from Popeye.
And I'm like, huh.
I'm like, did you also have twokids, a boy and a girl, like
Puritan looking?
(54:42):
She's like, yeah.
I go, was it in a wood cabin?
She's like, yeah.
I'm like, guess who the wifewas?
She's like, who?
I'm like, me.
So I literally fell to theground in shock and awe.
And she was in shock and awethat we had literally just and
we started to compare notes andfacts and details.
(55:04):
And we could like we literallycame to the conclusion that we
both had the exact same pastlife experience.
I'm not even joking.
I was the wife, she was thehusband.
It was messed up.
But proof that the past lifejourneying that I was doing was
very, very, very, very real andvery true.
(55:27):
And obviously, it wasn't a lie.
If she was thinking the exactsame, if she was visualizing the
exact same story that I wasvisualizing, only from a
different perspective.
So there you go.
There's the proof.
Clearly, guys, I'm tired.
I've been doing this work for avery freaking long time.
That wraps the 150th episode.
(55:48):
Let me know what resonates foryou in the comments below
wherever you're seeing this.
Please, please, please feel freeto reach out to me at the
Femcast on Instagram.
You can send me a DM there.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the
(00:02):
show and welcome to episode 150.
I'm so excited you guys.
Um thank you so much for beinghere, for being along on this
ride.
I am so excited to be at 150episodes.
Um there was actually more, butI deleted a huge batch in the
beginning of ones when I firststarted that I wasn't, I just
wasn't happy with, and I justdeleted them and started over.
(00:24):
Um so here we are, 150 episodes.
Um we are, we've been down thisup, this podcast um has been
downloaded in almost 100countries, just under 100.
I think it's like 94, 95countries, and over 1100 cities,
you guys, across the world.
And we are in the top 10%.
Slowly trying to make my way tothe top five.
(00:46):
I'm I'm I'm inching my waythere.
So um thank you so much forbeing here and thank you so much
for being on this journey withme.
I love and adore each and everyone of you, and I'm so excited
about the content that we'retalking about the direction that
we're going in, um, because ithas been so liberating these
fast last few episodes.
And I just feel like I'm finallyfully stepping into my message.
(01:10):
Not that I was not beingauthentic before, um, but I
think I was holding back a lotbecause I was on, I didn't want
to share the polarizing content.
I didn't want to share um thestuff that I think was gonna be
triggering for a lot of people.
And now that I've really startedto share it, yes, I've triggered
and I've ruffled a few feathers,and I'm sorry, but I'm not.
(01:31):
Um, but I am I'm loving it.
I am loving it because this,this is, this is me.
This is me, this is what Ibelieve, this is what I've
learned.
And apparently, as you're gonnafind out today, this is what the
work that my soul has been doingfor literally centuries.
So this is part five of theunapologetic feminine awakening
(01:54):
series.
Um, if you haven't listened tothe masterclass, you can go
ahead and listen to that now.
There's actually a link in theshow notes where you can
download the masterclass, theplaylist, um, and also get
access to some really wild andpowerful affirmations and
journal prompts that are goingto support you in really
harnessing your sacred femininesuperpowers.
Um, but today we're gonna betalking about my journey through
(02:18):
my past lives.
Um, this is hard for me to talkabout because, you know, I am
somebody who was intuitive froma very young age.
Um, it it's actually it's itruns in my family.
A lot of us are wildlyintuitive.
Um, and at a young age, Istarted to have like these
visions and and intuitive uhguidance sort of starting to
(02:41):
come through, but I didn'treally know how to explain it or
how to articulate.
And then when I went into myteens, it really started to amp
up.
Um, and it started to get moreobvious what was happening, and
I was really starting to be ableto really understand what was
happening and be able toarticulate it, and it was scary.
It was scary because I was nevera spiritual person, I was a
religious person.
Um, and so many things that myreligion taught me that I'm
(03:04):
questioning now.
Um, but one of those things was,you know, that intuition is bad
and you know, psychic gifts arebad.
And it, you know, so I wentthrough this phase of being
afraid of it, of being, youknow, some of the things that I
was picking up.
It was scary for me and it wasuncomfortable.
And it also made me wonder was Ia bad person for for having this
(03:25):
ability, for having this power.
Um, and so I shut it down.
I shut it down pretty quick, andI tried as much as I could to
stay in logic and reason and onthe straight and narrow path.
And then somewhere around 40,um, I went through what can only
be described as a spiritualawakening, where I really
started to see the through thecracks of my life, of the the
(03:47):
reality that I had created, ofwhat I'd been feeling and and
thinking and believing my entirelifetime, and where it just
wasn't resonating for meanymore.
And I went through this wholelike massive evolution um to
really open up to my my my soulpath, my spiritual gifts, um,
(04:08):
and to really, really come backto myself.
And the reality is, is, and andI'm gonna get into the detail,
um, and again, this is soesoteric for me.
So this is not something thatI'm very comfortable talking
about because I was so practicaland logical my whole life.
So for me to be sitting here tolike talking to you about my
past life journey experience iskind of weird.
(04:32):
Well, it's not weird for me nowbecause now I get it, now I
believe it.
Now I'm I actually have proof.
I actually have proof that mypast life experience was
actually like what I what whatwhat I saw in my journey through
my past lives was actually real.
I have concrete proof that thevisions that I saw, the stories
(04:55):
that I saw, the people that Iwas, the lifetimes that I lived,
the struggles that Iexperienced, I have concrete
proof that they were real.
And that kind of scares the fuckout of me a little bit, but also
I kind of love it because thereality is I have been doing
this work for lifetimes.
Um, so I'm glad I'm finally likeletting it out and letting it be
seen and letting it um, youknow, kind of be out there in
(05:19):
the world.
So um, so in this episode, likeI said, we're gonna talk through
my journey through my pastlives, soul purpose, and healing
the divine feminine andmasculine within.
And this has really been thejourney that I've been on for as
for every lifetime that I'veremembered, literally.
Um, and so um I'm gonna besharing, um, I'm gonna be
(05:41):
sharing some of my most vividpast life experiences and
visions that I had.
And I'm gonna be tying it backto themes about how we heal the
masculine, the feminine within,and where we might might have
taken a wrong turn, right?
Um and you know, I I say thisand I want to stress this.
I have been the oppressor andthe oppressed, I have been the
(06:04):
persecuted and the persecutor.
I've I've dabbled in each side,and I've been in a masculine and
I've been in a feminine role.
I've been um in both healthy andtoxic masculinity.
I've been in, I've been anoppressed feminine in several
lifetimes, um, you know, where Iwas um silenced or punished or
(06:29):
um, you know, exiled for, youknow, trying to step into my
power.
So this is something that isvery alive for me in my energy.
And so I'm gonna try and kind ofstay as grounded as I can as I
kind of share um, you know, whatthis journey taught me about
(06:50):
healing the masculine and thefeminine within and our soul's
journey and all of this.
So um the first I so let me letme just set the stage for a
second as to why I did this,okay, and why I went down this
this path to go down thisjourney, um, which, like I said,
for me was like weird at thetime.
I was like, past lives, really?
(07:11):
Are we really going there?
Because, you know, I I was verypractical my entire life, and
all of a sudden I go through aspiritual awakening when I was
around 40, and suddenly, like,I'm leaning into intuition, I'm
doing meditations, I'm chanting,I'm channeling, I'm buying
oracle cards and and andintuiting what they're trying to
tell me.
And now I'm like, okay, well,might as well do past life
(07:32):
regression, sure, why not?
Um, but it was uncomfortable forme at first, and I had a hard
time believing that it was areal thing.
Um, but here's why I did it, andhere's what finally pushed me
over the edge to really do it.
I've always had this aversion tothe taste of um like that moldy
(07:53):
earth taste.
Um, very much so that I couldn'tput my finger on it.
So, you know, that taste thatyou get in your mouth if you
like, you know, accidentallybite into some moldy bread or
something or bad fruit, right?
And it gets that that veryearthy, moldy taste.
I've I I've always had a very umstrong aversion to that taste,
and it would almost it wouldmake me gag every time I
(08:16):
accidentally, you know, bitsomething that tasted that way.
It would literally make me gag.
Um, and this was always a thing,and it didn't happen very often.
It was just, it was a thing,right?
It was just like I hated it.
I couldn't stand it.
But there was a period, therewas a period shortly after um I
turned 40, maybe a couple, maybethis was after I came back from
(08:39):
Asia, I believe.
Um and I was I was reallyheavily into my spiritual
healing journey, right?
I started to have multipleepisodes where I feel like I
don't know what was happening inthat time, but for some reason I
kept eating moldy bread.
(08:59):
Like I just would bite into asandwich, suddenly I would taste
mold.
I would go to the cafe, I wouldorder, I remember one time I
ordered a bagel with cheddar anda coffee, and I tasted mold in
the bread.
I would order a fruit salad fromthe grocery store.
I was eating it in the car onthe way home, like as a snack,
um, mold.
And I'd like, and and it wasgetting so intense.
(09:20):
Like my response to the taste ofthat mold was getting so intense
that um I would actually startto gag um and almost dry heave,
and I would start to panic.
I'm like, this is not normal.
Like something about this justdoesn't feel right.
Like I feel like there'ssomething more here.
Um, and I could sense it.
I could sense that there wasmore going on beneath the
(09:41):
surface than just a reaction tomold.
So I spoke to a friend of mineand she's like, you know what?
She's like, you should totallyhave a past life regression and
see where that's coming frombecause that sounds like it was
literally like I was having anemotional flashback to
something, but I didn't knowwhat.
I thought maybe it was somethingin my early childhood, maybe
something I choked on orsomething, and then it was
coming back, like you know,something along those lines.
(10:02):
But she's like, you know what?
It's not and it was, it wastruly an emotional flashback.
She was bang on with that, andso I decided to to to reach out
and have like early childhoodslash past life regression
session done.
Um, so I reached out to thislady and I've actually tried to
find her contact information soI could put it in the show
notes, but I've not managed tofind it yet, but I will.
(10:24):
Um, and I will eventually put itin the show notes.
I don't know if she does online,but I I had in-person sessions
with her.
Um, so what we did was um, youknow, we did the session
together, and so we started tojourney to discover, you know,
what was kind of coming up forme, where was I, where I was at,
where I was at in my life, andwhat my past lifetimes were kind
(10:47):
of trying to show me.
So there were multiple.
So there was, I think, I mean, Iam gonna mention six, six
lifetimes that I rememberedwhere there was detail that I
could I could share with youthat lends well to you know the
topic of the conversation.
I don't think I remembered muchother than what I'm talking
about here.
(11:08):
If I did, they were flashes andI couldn't make sense of what
was happening.
Okay.
So the first one that Iremembered was where I was uh
writing something.
Well, I don't know, it wasn't abook.
I I got the sense that I waskind of I was some sort of a
scribe or like record keeper oruh but I was writing and I was
(11:30):
trying to write stuff down thatI knew and I was right, like I
remember writing so hard I couldhear like the pencil score the
pen um scratching the paper as Iwas writing it.
I was feverishly trying to writedown as much as I could.
It was like a race against theclock, and I I was on I was in
an underground something, likeum it was like a cave in the
(11:52):
rocks.
There were two lifetimesapparently where I was in a
cave.
It was like a cave undergroundin the rocks.
Um, I remember I was surroundedby bookshelves and they were
filled with books, and I hadbooks all over my desk and a
lantern lit.
Um, and I was trying to writeall this information down, and
overhead there was this roundcircular window, um, the top of
(12:14):
the the the cabin or whateveryou want to call it, um, bunker,
underground bunker.
There was a a round window, likea like a latch, like a doorway.
And I remember hearing thismassive thunderbolt, and I and I
I just kind of shook and I Ilooked up and you could see like
there was a storm, a massivestorm coming in overhead.
(12:36):
And my my sense at the time, itwas that I was writing stuff
down, wisdom, knowledge, truth,whatever.
Um, I was writing it down asfast as I could before this
incoming catastrophic storm hit,whatever it was.
Um, I got the sense that timewas running out and I needed to
write things down and as muchdown as soon as possible.
(12:58):
Um, and so that was it.
That was all I remembered fromthat lifetime.
And that was the first one.
So definitely there's somethingthere about wisdom and like
wisdom, knowledge, thingscarried over, like things that
are trying to be recorded from adifferent timeline, from a
different era.
Um, and also like, you know,just recognizing, you know, what
(13:20):
this means, I think, for eachand every one of us is, you
know, sometimes there is sacredknowledge that we're carrying,
whether spoken or not, hidden ornot.
Um, and I think that, you know,there's this um, there's this
need, there's this fear for usto kind of preserve a lot of
(13:40):
this wisdom.
So just, you know, kind of takethat with a grain of salt and
and and and let it mean, youknow, what it means for you.
But that that that's kind of thesense that I got.
But definitely this theme oflike having access to some sort
of wisdom or truth or teachingand trying to write it down so
that it doesn't get lost, as andwriting down as much as I could
before it's too late.
(14:01):
Okay.
The second one that Iremembered, and um in this
particular, this was also just aflash.
Okay, so these ones were justvery short flashes, very short
instances.
I didn't get very deep into thestories behind a lot of these.
I really didn't get deep intothe story until the last couple,
(14:22):
and we're gonna talk aboutthose, but um, the stoned woman.
So I remember being stoned.
I was standing against a wallthat also felt like stone.
I was standing against a wallthat also felt like stone.
I was crouched down and men werestoning me.
(14:43):
It wasn't for promiscuity oranything like that.
Like that, that's not what I wasbeing stoned for, but I believe
what it felt like to me is thatI was being stoned for
non-conforming.
I was being stoned for steppingout of um my role or what was
expected of me or beingchallenging or or going against
(15:06):
the grain.
And that and then that's kind ofthe sense that I got because I
wasn't, I didn't get thisfeeling that I was promiscuous
in any way.
I just felt this feeling like Iwas, like I had been um, I had
been charged with something,something to do with um how I
presented myself in society.
(15:26):
Um, nothing to do withpromiscuity and more to do with
um, you know, who I believed Iwas and how I showed up in the
world.
So um, and that's just the sensethat I got again, right?
And so um there I was and I wascrouched down and they were
stoning me.
I couldn't feel the stoneshitting.
Thank God I didn't want to feelthat.
(15:46):
Um I couldn't feel it happening,but I could hear them hitting.
I could hear them hitting thewall around me and kind of
bouncing off and making thatcracking sound.
And I could also like I wouldjust I remember just being
crouched down in fetal position,and you know, when you brace for
impact, I was like bracing forimpact, and like I almost got
(16:07):
this sense that one was about tohit me when I woke up and came
out of that um vision.
Um, and so um, you know, thesense that I got from that, um,
you know, it takes yes, I gotthe sense that obviously, you
know, I I was being persecutedfor um, you know, having the
(16:30):
courage to speak my mind or toto live in my truth and and be
the honest um expression of ofwho I believe that I was.
And I I that's what I'mguessing.
And that it went against thegrain of of what society said a
woman should be or the role sheshould play in society.
Um, so definitely there wassomething there about, you know,
(16:52):
me, you know, surprise,surprise, not conforming, right?
And and and stepping out of whatum society expected, but also,
you know, this importance of,you know, staying true to your
essence.
Sometimes, you know, we've allhad past life experiences.
And if you follow this podcast,then chances are you've had some
(17:12):
past life experiences yourself.
Sometimes following who ourauthentic truth is is very scary
because we may have beenpersecuted for it in a past
life, or we may have beenrejected for it in a past life,
or we may have been exiled in apast life.
And so sometimes the fear thatwe come up against, that that
when we experience that fear,like it feels like the fear of
(17:35):
death if we're if we're notaccepted by the people around
us, or if we stand out or or dothe wrong thing or or say
something, and then realize thatyou know people aren't accepting
what we're saying or beingrejected for it, that can be
really scary.
Um, and it can feel reallyuncomfortable.
And the invitation with this isto remember is to lean into that
(17:59):
fear and to lean into thatdiscomfort and continue to try
and share your truth and shareyour wisdom and be yourself
anyway.
Um, and and and just trying to,you know, cultivate that safety
so that you within yourself, sothat you can be the fullest and
most honest expression ofyourself.
Because there could be manythings, many gifts, many
(18:20):
talents, many truths, manywisdoms that you're afraid to
bring forward because maybe youwere prosecuted for them in a
past life.
Okay.
So have a think on that.
The third one, and this is whereit starts to get more visual.
And this is the one that I alsohave proof happened.
(18:41):
Okay, so pay attention.
So um in this one, so the thirdone, I was a Puritan wife, okay.
Um, it was so clear and so vividfor me um what going through
this journey and through this,this, this lifetime, because I
can remember it was alight-colored wooden cabin.
(19:06):
It almost looked like a pinecolor, or maybe something just
slightly darker than a pine.
Um, but it looked like a a verylike blondish wood cabin.
Um, very clean, very new.
It almost looked like it wasfreshly built.
I could actually just smell thewood in the vision.
(19:27):
And um, I, you know, Puritanwife, I kind of and I had this
this really like strong, big,hulky, broody husband.
We almost look like, if youremember Popeye, I don't know if
anybody remembers Popeye, but Iused to watch Popeye all the
time as a kid.
Um, and I can remember beingreally uncomfortable with
(19:47):
Brutus, but uh we look likeOlive Oil and Brutus.
Like, if I had to paint animage, that's who we look like.
We look like Olive Oil andBrutus from Popeye.
And I also had these twochildren, a boy and a girl.
Um, my husband was Bruty, verystoic, very straight faced, very
like non-real, like just just umnot mean, but controlling.
(20:16):
I felt very controlled.
I felt he was very controlled,um, and just serious and stern.
And my two children were like,you know, they look like little
Puritan children, but you know,they had the same sort of um
mannerisms or characteristics astheir father.
They were also like very likestoic, very straight-faced, you
(20:40):
know, no, no one was smiling, noone was smiling, no one would,
everyone was just verystraight-faced and very reserved
and very um oppressed.
And in this vision, I wasscreaming, I was roaring in
rage.
I had so much rage in me, and Iwas unlike I was just roaring it
out of myself and out of mybody.
(21:03):
And my husband and my childrenwere just there looking at me
like they were completelydisappointed in me, like they
completely rejected me as aresult, like they wanted nothing
to do with me because I wasletting out my rage.
And so the next thing that Iremember is being on the outside
(21:24):
of the cabin, looking in in thecold ground, and I could smell
the earth, and there was thatearthy smell in the air, and the
earth was cold.
There was no leaves on thetrees, so the sense that I got
was that it was it was eitherlate fall or early spring.
The sense I got was that it wasearly spring because the ground
(21:44):
was very, again, very moist,very cold, um, and it had that
that moldy, um, heavy, earthysmell.
And there was that um that uhnot humidity, that dampness in
the air that usually, you know,that you usually sense in early
spring.
No snow on the ground,everything had melted, but
(22:05):
everything felt very cold, verydamp.
Um, and so I was outside in thedirt watching um and looking
inside the cabin through thewindow where there was like this
warm glow of like lantern light,and suddenly like my my husband
and my children were happybecause I wasn't there, and so I
(22:26):
was feeling very left out in thecold, literally.
Um, and all because I expressedmyself, because I was because I
let my emotion out, probably notin the best way.
Um, but yeah, I was filled withso much rage that it finally
just came out and theycompletely rejected me and
exiled me for it.
(22:47):
So um, you know, this really wasprobably where, you know,
growing up, you know, I wasalways so repressed with my
emotion.
I would always had a hard timeexpressing how I was feeling.
And when I did come out, it wasclunky, it was messy, it was
damaging, like it was never agood, it was never a good scene.
Um, and that's probably where alot of that came from.
(23:10):
Um, so you know, in reflection,and before I even get to the
reflection, actually, let's justsay two things.
I later had a follow-up visionto that vision where my husband
and I were sitting across fromeach other at that same pine
wood table that matched thewalls, right?
Everything was pine, even thefurniture was pine or pine-ish.
(23:33):
Um, so we were sitting at thatpine wood table, sitting up
against propped against thewall, two chairs opposite each
other.
We were holding hands, and I wasexpressing to him how I was
feeling.
Or I was expressing to him umwhat I was feeling, what I was
(23:54):
going through, why I did what Idid.
And he met me withunderstanding.
Okay.
He met me with understanding,and we were coming together and
we were connecting and we werecommunicating and we were
hearing each other and we wereholding space for each other.
So there was a healing and atransformation that took that
took place in that lifetime.
Um, and I don't know whathappened between those two
(24:18):
points from the point of where,you know, I was kicked out and I
was out in the cold to havingthen the conversation with him
where we're holding holdinghands and finding understanding.
What I did know is that I wasbeing honest about what I was
feeling and I was communicatingit in a way that wasn't damaging
to our relationship, right?
(24:38):
And so I think that's a veryimportant lesson, right?
Like I think, you know, when itcomes to communicating our
truth, um, you know, we can beopen and honest in our
communication and we can and weand I healthy relationships need
our honesty.
They need our authenticexpression, right?
But we need to learn to do it inways that um aren't damaging to
(25:01):
the relationship.
And I think um, you know,releasing a rave, the rage that
was behind a lot of thosecommunications was a huge part
in that.
And so that's where I thinkemotional alchemy really came
into play for me and why I dothat kind of work that I do.
Um, because so much of what weexperience and what we feel and
(25:22):
what we manifest and and and thepatterns that we experience in
our relationships comes down toemotions that we've repressed
and that we're holding on to andthat are literally trying to
kick in and scream their wayout.
Um, and when we learn toactively and consciously hold
space for those to be present,to be felt, to be experienced,
(25:42):
and to move through them.
Um, and then communicate from acalm and neutral state and move
and make decisions from a calmand neutral state, I think it
really transforms um how we showup in our lives and in our
relationships and what's trulyavailable and what we can truly
manifest.
That ability to kind of sit inthe discomfort of some very
(26:05):
uncomfortable emotions has beenprobably the one of the most
life-changing things that I'veever learned.
And that's why I kind of hold myclients through that now, um,
because it has been solife-changing for me.
Um, so but um, you know,understanding that you have
learned lessons in otherlifetimes that will bring value
(26:26):
into what, you know, whatevercurrent dynamics or
circumstances that you're movingthrough.
And also sometimes emotions canbe carried over from one
lifetime to the next.
So sometimes when there's whenyou're holding on to an emotion
that you can explain it, youknow, is it from this lifetime?
Is it yours?
Is it somebody else's, or is itsomething that you brought in
from a past life?
You know, these are importantquestions that we can, you know,
(26:49):
reflect on.
And your intuition, when youstart to get really like, when
you start to get really in tunewith your intuition, it'll it'll
start to answer those questionsfor you and you'll be able to
trust it.
And that's one of the thingsthat we talk about in um in the
um feminine awakeningsuperpowers that I talked about
in the masterclass.
One of I think the first onesthat we talked about was
(27:10):
intuition.
So you can go ahead and checkthat out.
Um, okay, so the next lifetime,and this was another short,
very, very short flash.
Okay, it almost felt like therewere two lives that I was shown
back to back.
Because first I saw one life andit felt a little uncomfortable
for me.
And then I saw I immediately sawthe next life.
(27:31):
Um, so the first life that Isaw, I was a man.
I had um, I I felt like I I kindof looked like I had this tall,
sort of lanky body.
Um I was naked at the time.
I don't know why I was naked,but I was naked.
Um, but I was this tall man,naked, long curly hair.
(27:52):
And I remember I had my handslike kind of opened up to the
sky, and I was looking up toGod, and I kind of felt like I
was in complete surrender, youknow?
Um, and maybe that's why it wasuncomfortable for me.
I don't know.
Maybe it was a surrendering thatwas uncomfortable.
Maybe it was because um, youknow, this was very early on in
my journey, and I felt like thiswas a man who was um a little
(28:17):
bit more comfortable being inhis feminine energy, not to say
this is not this is not anexpression of his um, what's it
called?
Um this was not an expression ofhis sexual preference, okay?
This was about energy, okay?
Let's make that clear.
Um, sexual preference hasnothing, gender has nothing to
(28:43):
do with anything about whatwe're talking about today.
Energy is energy and exists inall of us in different ratios,
okay?
Just accept that it is notlinked to gender, it is not
linked to sexual, like sexualpreference.
Um, this man would felt like aman who was very comfortable
being in this feminine, whichfelt a little foreign to me at
(29:04):
the time.
I'm not gonna lie, it felt alittle uncomfortable.
Um, and he had completelysurrendered to God, and it's
almost like in in that moment inhis nakedness, he was able to be
fully vulnerable and fully seenand fully in his authenticity
without, you know, it was almostlike his ego was gone, you know,
(29:28):
and he was just pure, umempowered masculine and feminine
energy, like surrendering to ahigher power.
And that was uncomfortable forme, right?
I remember feelinguncomfortable.
I was like, I'm like, I don'tthink I want to stay here much
longer.
Like, I think I want to go.
But I think and I think theimportant thing to mention with
(29:48):
that is it can be uncomfortableto surrender.
It can be uncomfortable um beingfully um.
Tapped into and being able toembody both your masculine and
your feminine in healthy waysand surrendering to a higher
power and trusting that in theunion of those two beautiful
(30:11):
energies, you are capable of somuch magic.
Yes, it can be uncomfortable.
And I think, I think we havebeen intentionally programmed to
feel uncomfortable in thatspace.
Okay.
Um, sorry, I'm picking likeeyelashes or something out of my
eye.
Um, so that was the end of that.
(30:31):
So, so, you know, remembering,you know, true power is, you
know, that the true power thatcomes from having faith in a
higher power and humility andbeing in divine alignment and
divine access to both yourmasculine or feminine.
You know, where is that maybeuncomfortable for you?
Where have you been taught tonot lean on your masculine,
(30:52):
which is, you know, it's verymuch creating foundations and
taking actions and buildingstructure and protection.
And where have you beendiscouraged from being in your
feminine, which is really abouthigher wisdom and intuition and
creativity and and andnurturing, right?
Um, so really look at thosethose two, and maybe I think we
(31:14):
need to do an episode on whateach of those energies actually
means to really give help givepeople some clarity, and maybe
we'll do that in the nextepisode.
So, on to the next lifetime.
The I hate to say this.
Well, it was an army general.
I'd hate to say he was aConfederate general.
Um I can only tell by the thetunic he was wearing, like he
(31:40):
was wearing the traditionalConfederate tunic.
But initially, in the vision, Ididn't see him right away as a
general.
What I first saw was a littleboy.
Um, and he was holding a woman'shand, and I couldn't see the
woman, but I could see the boy,and I could see his hand holding
the woman's hand, so I can onlysee the woman's hand from
(32:02):
probably her forearm down.
And I could see, I'm not a bighistory buff by any means.
Um, but I'm gonna guess this wassomewhere in the 1800s before
the Civil War because I was achild at the time, or maybe it
was just the beginning, I don'tknow.
Um, but she was wearing like,you know, the full like
pioneer-ish type skirts.
Um, and so I and I could see theruffle on her sleeve.
(32:25):
Um, and she was holding my hand.
And as and we're standing on oneside of the street, we're
standing on a wooden planked umboardwalk of some sort.
It was roofed, um, maybe behindmaybe we were walking in or just
past or out of a mercantile ofsome sort.
Um, and across the street, itwas a dirt road.
I was seeing like horse-drawncarriages walk back and forth or
(32:49):
go back and forth on the road.
And on the opposite side of thestreet was a white church with
just a door.
I saw the white church with thesteeple and just a door, but the
windows were along the sides.
There was no windows in thefront.
It was a very narrow, longchurch, and I saw the church
explode.
And in that moment, I wasovercome with so much grief.
(33:14):
I don't know who was in thechurch.
Maybe it was my family, becauseI didn't get the sense that the
woman that I was with was myfamily.
I got the sense maybe she was ateacher or a guide or a
caretaker of some sort orsomebody who was just kind of
watching me for a moment.
Um, but so I don't know if maybemy family was in the church or
(33:35):
just the townspeople who were inthere that I felt so much grief
for.
But I remember being overcomewith grief and like crippling
grief.
And then that grief immediatelyalmost immediately turned into
anger and hate.
Um and and then in the nextmoment, I saw myself as the
(33:58):
Confederate general.
And I was leading a battle, andI was leading so many young men
into battle.
Um, and the reality was is thatI was so focused on getting back
at uh revenge, at overpowering,at winning, at gain, gaining
(34:21):
strength and power over whoeverit was, I guess, that was
responsible.
I I I guess it was, you know, ithad something to do with the
civil war.
I I'm not sure.
Um but whoever I felt wasresponsible, which was whoever
on the other side of thebattlefield was at the time, um,
(34:41):
all I wanted to do was was wasliterally like like d d d take
their power away completely andhave them annihilated, have them
destroyed.
That was all I care about.
All I cared about was destroyingthe enemy, taking out the enemy.
And whatever means I could, andwhatever strategy I could use,
(35:05):
my only goal was to take out theenemy.
And in that process, so manysoldiers lost their lives.
I actually saw the I actuallysaw a vision of a young woman.
Sorry, I'm getting a littleemotional.
I actually saw the image of ayoung woman jumping in front of
a bullet to save her partnerwho's on the battlefield.
(35:30):
Um I I I killed so many youngmen in in that experience.
I widowed so many women in thisquest for authority, in this
quest for power, in this questfor annihilating a whole group
or population of people thatcaused me so much pain as a
(35:55):
child.
So it was a lot of, you know, alot of what was behind, you
know, my rage and my anger, myaggression.
And even then, like no emotion,no emotion whatsoever.
It was like I was a programmedkilling machine.
I felt nothing other than, youknow, how many more people can I
(36:18):
take out today?
And and what what steps can Itake to take out as many people
as possible?
I was a programmed killer,basically.
Um, and in the and then I flashforward to the end of that
lifetime when I was an old man.
I was an old man, I was livingalone, I was smoking, um, I was
(36:42):
in a cabin in a very hotclimate.
It was another again, anotherwood cabin, but this one was
darker.
Um, it's kind of in the middleof nowhere.
You could see tumbleweedsrolling past where I was.
So I I got the sense that I wassomewhere in the southwest in my
old age, um, smoking and diedalone in bed um with a cigarette
(37:03):
in my hand.
And that cigarette fell to theground, and then I didn't see
anything after that.
Um, so you know, a real hugelesson, lesson on the shad, like
on the shadow side of power,yes, but also understanding
where the shadow side of powercomes from.
It comes from unhealed pain andtrauma, right?
(37:28):
Um, and really being able tounderstand that beneath the
hate, beneath the anger, beneaththe the quest for power and
having more and taking more andcontrolling and and and and and
taking advantage, you know, allunder all of that was hatred and
anger.
And under that was this massiveunhealed grief.
(37:53):
And so, you know, again, thehealing, the healing journey,
and this was really theunderstanding, you know, the
imbalance masculine and why um,you know, sometimes they can be
the aggressor or the oppressorbecause they've never, and
(38:13):
again, it's nothing to do withmen and women, guys.
Like everyone in my comments wasmaking this about men, and it's
not about men, although, well, Imean, yes, men last week's
episode was a little bit, butum, this is about masculine and
feminine.
It's about giving them masculinepermission to feel their
emotions.
So giving, giving ourselvespermission to be in our feminine
(38:35):
and feel the uncomfortableemotions that are lurking
beneath the surface.
Because these are what canbecome destructive in our lives
and make us make destructivedecisions um and and and and
sort of take out a lot of ourunprocessed pain on other
people.
(38:55):
Um, and it's it is when this iswhen we become separate from our
heart space and separate fromlove, is when we're holding on
to all this unprocessed trauma.
Um, and it's not to say thatunprocessed trauma is bad.
We all have it.
I just think um what we'reseeing more and more is the
(39:18):
importance of not avoiding itanymore and just giving each
other the space and thepermission to experience it, to
move through it, to release it,to let it out of our physical
body, our emotional body, ourenergy body, so that we can tap
into a different layer of anemotional experience.
(39:40):
Otherwise, we just become stuckand repressed and disconnected.
And this is when weunfortunately do become capable
of doing some pretty tragicthings.
Um, because, you know, funnything happens, you know, we all
repress emotion.
Um, I repressed quite a bit ofit, you know, growing up.
And it took me a long time toreally be able to kind of
(40:02):
process through the backlog, ifyou will, of repressed emotions.
Um, but sometimes we can becomeso repressed in our emotional
experience that we completely wedon't want to feel anything, so
we completely disconnect fromourselves.
And sometimes when we do that,it's very dangerous because we
can also disconnect fromempathy, from remorse, from
understanding.
And I think that, you know, oneof the beautiful things about
(40:25):
the human experience is beingable to experience and feel all
a whole scope of emotion.
And we've done a really good jobat making certain emotions bad
and certain emotions good andavoid these ones and feel these
ones.
And, you know, really the pathto healing is being able to
fully heal, is being able tofully experience all of those
and to do so in very healthy,healing ways, so that we're not
(40:50):
either, you know, projectingthem onto people around us or
taking them out on people aroundus or pressing them completely
and disconnecting from self andempathy and all these other
beautiful, healthy emotions thatwe have access to, right?
Um, so that's kind of the lessonin that experience, and that
brings us to the last one, okay.
(41:11):
And this one was by far the mosttelling of all of them.
Okay.
And that was um, I rememberseeing myself as an old woman,
okay.
Um, I was cloaked, old, gray,straggly hair, and I was living
(41:32):
in a cave, not an undergroundthis time.
This time I was above ground.
Um, but again, there was thatearthy smell around me.
I felt like I was I was in aforest.
Um, and there was a stone cavein the forest, like within like
the hills or the mountains orsomething.
Um and as I saw her face, andthen I saw her in the cave, and
(41:55):
then the next thing I know, Ifelt someone grab me by my cloak
and start dragging me, right?
And there was multiple men, andI could see their feet, and they
were just dragging me, and Icould fear their, I could hear
their feet stomping on the trailas they dragged me along on my
cloak.
(42:16):
And the next thing I know it wasnighttime.
This was in the daytime, and thenext thing I know, I can see
that it's nighttime.
I'm in a grave and they'reburying me alive.
And I could clearly see now thatthey are clergymen, um, and
they're burying me alive.
I think one person is reading memy last rites um while they're
(42:36):
doing this.
Um, and so I'm being buriedalive, and this is where the
choking on that mold-tastingearth started to happen, and I
started to feel it, and Istarted to feel like I was like
um like gagging on it andchoking on it.
Um, and then the next thing Iknow, like I'm literally buried
alive underground.
And then I flashed to the nextscene, and there's literally
(42:59):
three women who were how do Idescribe them?
Um, they were mystics, they weredefinitely mystics, but they
were of a younger generation,and the impression that I got
from them was that they were inservice to the clergymen.
Funny enough, right?
Um, and and and they werereaping the benefits of of that
(43:22):
service.
Um, so take that to mean whatyou will, because I wasn't clear
on it, but I I kind of gotinsight, like, was it sexual?
Was it like, was it sexualbenefits, was it material?
I don't know.
What did they were they givenpower?
I there was definitely, therewas definitely, there was
definitely benefits on bothsides.
What those benefits looked like,I'm not 100% sure.
(43:43):
Um, but basically the what whatI got from that journey was that
they had ratted me out to theclergyman because they wanted to
get rid of me, because I wasvery powerful.
And I remember actually, and Iforgot to mention, when they
grabbed me and started to dragme, I saw in my hand I was
holding a hand-tied um driedbundle of lavender that fell.
(44:10):
Well, as they started to dragme, it fell out of my hand.
I saw it fall and drop on theground.
So the impression that I got wasI was a normalist of some sort.
I was a healer of some sort.
And I guess they didn't want mearound anymore because something
about me threatened those women.
Um, whether I was more powerfulthan them, whether I had more
(44:32):
knowledge or wisdom than them,whether I had more healing gifts
than maybe I I actually think Iactually saw right through them.
Um, and um they didn't like thatvery much.
So um they told the clergymanclergymen where to find me.
The clergymen came, dragged me,buried me alive, and when they
were done and they buried me,these three women, mystics,
(44:54):
whatever you want to call it,danced on my grave in joy.
And that was the last journeyexperience that I had.
And that was that that basicallygave me everything that I needed
with a nice, neat little bowaround it.
Um, so definitely a massivesisterhood wound there, which I
have experienced a lot in thislifetime, both from um friends,
(45:17):
from, you know, co-workers, frombosses, teachers, other coaches,
um, where I just felt like I wasthrown under the bus and
betrayed so deeply by some ofthe women that I trusted so much
in my life.
Um and so a lot of what I'veexperienced in this lifetime has
(45:38):
been healing that wound ofbetrayal and learning to trust
and lean on women as my some ofmy greatest supporters.
Um, and to really, really, youknow, and this is why, you know,
I started this podcast and why Ido the work that I do, to make
other women feel supported, tomake them feel seen, to make
(45:59):
sure that they have a safecontainer for their gifts, for
their powers, for their magic,for their authenticity to have
like a place in the world, youknow, and that's really why I
want to do, why I do the workthat I do.
Um, and then obviously, youknow, there's that theme about
transforming betrayal andpersecution into, you know,
compassion and empowerment,right?
(46:19):
Which has also been another verystrong theme.
Um so sometimes, you know, thepatterns that we experience in
this lifetime, and this has beena very prominent pattern for me,
they don't come from this life.
Sometimes we do bring them froma past life, but the reason why
they're here, whether or not weexperience them in a past life
is irrelevant.
The point is, is that they'rebeing presented for us to take a
(46:42):
different route, to take adifferent action, to change and
break a cycle, right?
And that's why they kind of showup.
So the golden thread in all ofthis, right, and we're gonna
break this down further in thenext episode, but the golden
thread in all of this was inbeing able to find your voice,
(47:03):
to speak your truth, and to tapinto power and potential in a
way that is honest, in a waythat is compassionate, in a way
that is an integrity, and in away that really and truly um
(47:24):
helps to preserve not just yourown integrity, but you know,
whoever you're in conversationwith or in connection with or
working with, or you know, Ithink um I think it's pretty
obvious that, you know, thisjourney for me has has kind of
come full circle where I'vereally learned to just put
(47:44):
myself out there, speak mytruth, um, share my message,
even though I may be judged forit, even though I may ruffle a
few feathers with it.
I've always tried to do it veryrespectfully.
Um I have held back quite a bitum in terms of you know some of
the nuance.
And like I I've shared mymessage, but I've shared it in a
(48:09):
very palatable way, you guys.
Like I'm being, I'm beingcompletely honest.
Like I've always kind offiltered it through the lens of
is this gonna be people off?
Do I need to tone it down alittle bit?
Do I need to take certain thingsout?
Do I need to make it morepalatable, you know, just to
make sure I'm not rufflingfeathers.
But sometimes we have to rufflefeathers if we're gonna do the
(48:29):
work that we came here to do.
We need to, we need to break themold, we need to do things
different, we need to be able tochallenge a status quo.
And I think that's reallyimportant.
And I think that when we'recoming into the space, and this
sets up the next episode reallybeautifully, when we're coming
into the space where we'reevolving in our um, you know,
(48:50):
when we're going through thisfeminine awakening and we're
going through it collectively,men and women, I think we need
to be able to look at thingsvery differently.
I think we need to be able tofind the courage to challenge
the status quo.
I think we need to be able to behonest, to voice our truth, to
(49:10):
be able to say what is withoutbeing, you know, condemned or or
judged for it, you know.
Some of the things that I saidlast in last week's episode were
very hard-hitting for somepeople.
I actually got some flack onlinefor it, you know, people saying
that, you know, it was direct,it was a lot of anger directed
towards men.
And nothing could be fartherfrom the truth.
Like I said in the episode, andmaybe they didn't listen to the
(49:31):
full episode, I don't know.
But like I said in the episode,there's so many amazing,
heart-centered men out therethat, you know, aren't
uncomfortable being in theiremotional experience and also
aren't uncomfortable holdingspace for a woman to be in her
masculine and and and and andstep up in her game and be able
to to to really and fully stepinto and embody her power,
(49:53):
actually get turned on andattracted to it, you know.
Um is that everybody?
No, it's not.
There's there's exceptions,right?
Um, but I think what the episodewas really about was, you know,
my episode last week when, youknow, when I said, you know,
stop calling us all angryfeminists, it's because, you
know, feminism was a movement tocreate equality for women, to
(50:16):
create an equal world world forwomen.
And we are not done yet.
This world is not yet equal.
And not only is it not equal, itis also not safe for women.
And we should be able to voicethese things without getting
retaliation for it, withoutgetting pushback for it, without
being labeled an angry feministfor it.
The fact that we live in a worldwhere there is still gender
(50:37):
violence, where we're stilltargeted for violent and sexual
crimes just because we're women,I mean, you know, that in itself
is proof that there is stillhealing to do.
And it's not just the women whoneed to be healing.
Like it seems like there's thisnarrative that it's just women
that need to heal because we'vemoved into this feminist
mentality that has separated usfrom men and and created
(51:00):
division in relationships.
Well, was that the breakdown, orwas the breakdown that also, you
know, men and women weren't ableto be in their feminine and be
in their true feminineembodiment and be vulnerable and
be, you know, create thatconnection and a relationship.
And now it just feels like um,you know, we stepped into our
(51:22):
power and it's almost like we'rebeing condemned for it, you
know, in some in some circles,not everybody, not this is not,
these are very generalstatements, and these are not,
these are never to be takenliterally to say that all people
out there are doing what I'msaying.
But there is this theme of likewhere femin the repression of
(51:43):
women and repression of thefeminine is real.
It is out there, it is in ourschools, it is in our churches,
it is in our religions, it is inour politics, it is everywhere
and is definitely in ourrelationships, right?
And when I say repressing, yes,repressing women, but also
repressing feminine within bothwithin everybody, regardless of
(52:06):
what gender you identify as,right?
Okay, so post-recording thisepisode, I realized I left out a
really important bit ofinformation.
So I'm recording it now andtrying to try and edit it back
in.
So I'm gonna have to get reallycreative with my editing skills,
you guys.
But I forgot to mention the mostimportant thing, which was the
(52:26):
proof that the past life whereum I was the Puritan woman was
actually real.
And the proof that I have thatactually a lot of these past
life, like I the whateverinformation I received in this
past life journey was actuallytrue.
And that was when I was thePuritan wife.
(52:47):
And here's how I got the proof.
Several years after I had donemy whole past life journeying,
actually, it wasn't severalyears after, I think it was
maybe the following year.
I want to say maybe it was thelike the following year that I
did my past life journeying,someone else that I um, a woman
(53:12):
in my life that I'm very closeto, that I have a very close
relationship to.
Um she went through, we've hadlike, I mean, we've had like,
you know, we've shared a hugechunk of our lives together.
Okay.
Um she was going through her ownsort of spiritual process and
she started doing meditations athome for past life regression.
(53:37):
I believe she might have done umone of Carolyn Miss meditation,
is it Miss?
Miss Myth, Myth.
Anyway, meditations for pastlife regression work.
And she had done it multipletimes and she said to me, she
goes, Oh, she goes, you know,I've been trying these
meditations, and you know, I'vereally gotten like some really
(53:58):
cool sort of um visions fromthem and imagery.
I'm like, oh wow, like pleaselike tell me more.
And so anyway, she startstelling me about like, you know,
she did this meditation and howit was like past life
meditation.
And she goes, Yeah, and I sawmyself, and I was a man, and um
who would have thought, right?
Like I was a man in a past life,and I remember I was this big
broody man with like curly hairand a beard, and I'm like, um,
(54:22):
really, like I'm right away,like I'm paying attention.
She's like, Yeah, and she'slike, and I remember there was
this wood cabin, and I had awife, and she looked like like a
and she described she describedher like exactly like I said,
look like olive oil from Popeye.
And I'm like, huh.
I'm like, did you also have twokids, a boy and a girl, like
Puritan looking?
(54:42):
She's like, yeah.
I go, was it in a wood cabin?
She's like, yeah.
I'm like, guess who the wifewas?
She's like, who?
I'm like, me.
So I literally fell to theground in shock and awe.
And she was in shock and awethat we had literally just and
we started to compare notes andfacts and details.
(55:04):
And we could like we literallycame to the conclusion that we
both had the exact same pastlife experience.
I'm not even joking.
I was the wife, she was thehusband.
It was messed up.
But proof that the past lifejourneying that I was doing was
very, very, very, very real andvery true.
(55:27):
And obviously, it wasn't a lie.
If she was thinking the exactsame, if she was visualizing the
exact same story that I wasvisualizing, only from a
different perspective.
So there you go.
There's the proof.
Clearly, guys, I'm tired.
I've been doing this work for avery freaking long time.
That wraps the 150th episode.
(55:48):
Let me know what resonates foryou in the comments below
wherever you're seeing this.
Please, please, please feel freeto reach out to me at the
Femcast on Instagram.
You can send me a DM there.
Until next time, you guys,massive love.
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