September 18, 2025 • 37 mins
Have you ever felt like you’re living two (or three) different lives—shifting your personality, silencing your needs, or watering yourself down just to be accepted? The truth is, every time you hide your authentic self, you’re not only draining your energy—you’re unconsciously sabotaging your relationships, your career, and even your ability to reach your highest potential.
In this episode of The Femme Cast, I pull back the curtain on the hidden cost of inauthenticity and reveal how trying to be a "palatable" version of yourself keeps you stuck in a cycle of burnout, unfulfilling relationships, and missed opportunities. We’ll unpack:
🎤 Why compartmentalizing yourself across work, family, and friendships blocks you from real connection
🎤 How pretending to be more flexible, easy, or accommodating than you truly are repels aligned people and opportunities (even if it once worked for survival)
🎤 The massive energy drain of living life as a “16-hour-a-day performance” instead of your authentic default setting
🎤 Why showing up as a crisp white shirt pretending to be a sleek black turtleneck will never magnetize what’s actually meant for you
🎤 A simple yet powerful daily practice to step into more authenticity, attract aligned love, and create success without sacrificing who you are
The journey to your next level of love, fulfillment, and abundance doesn’t come from becoming “more” of anything—it comes from stripping away the layers of performance and remembering that your truest self is your greatest magnet.
If you’ve ever wondered why you feel drained, stuck, or unseen—even though you’re doing “all the right things”—this episode will feel like the wake-up call you didn’t know you needed.
Because here’s the truth: You will never reach your highest potential as a watered-down version of yourself. The moment you stop performing and start embodying your whole self is the moment you unlock the love, opportunities, and freedom that have been waiting for you all along.
Tune in now, and let’s talk about how to stop hiding, start aligning, and finally step boldly into the life that was made for the real you.
Ready to stop shrinking for others? Let this episode be your sign → Step into your Unapologetic Era: https://thefemmecast.com/breakthrough
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
You guys, what is up?
And welcome back to the show.
I'm so excited and gratefulthat you're here.
In this episode we're gonna betalking a lot about how powerful
the powerful connection betweenyour authentic self-expression
and the ability to magnetize theright people, places and
opportunities and experiencesinto your life, and the two are
(00:21):
so much more powerfully relatedthan I used to realize, honestly
, when I was younger.
But now it totally makes senseto me, but I didn't always know
that then.
So we're going to talk abouthow we and we talked a lot about
this in the ASMR healing thatwe did at the beginning of the
(00:42):
month, right In the month ofAugust, where we talked about
how we compartmentalizeourselves to fit into different
environments, differentrelationships and we know we
have all these differentversions of ourselves that we
bring to the table at each andevery interaction or environment
and how that dilutes our energy.
Right, this is actually takingthat one step further.
(01:04):
You know, when you're silencingyour needs, watering yourself
down, pretending to be, you knowsomething that you're not, or
easier or more flexible or moreaccommodating than you really
are, how it's unintentionallyhaving the opposite effect of
what we want, because what weusually want when we do those
things.
We want to be loved, we want tobe accepted, we want to be, we
(01:25):
want to feel like we're part ofthe tribe, we want to feel like
we've pleased everyone around us.
But what we don't realize isthat that behavior works when
we're younger, but then at somepoint, it stops working and it
actually starts to repel verypowerfully, I might add or at
the very least, it starts toattract all the wrong people
(01:48):
into our life and all the wrongopportunities into our life and
into our reality.
So we're going to talk aboutrecognizing how, you know,
hiding different parts ofourself or compartmentalizing
ourselves in general is blockingyour success in love and career
and various other opportunities.
We're going to talk about howto step boldly into your
(02:09):
authentic self and let your trueself be seen in all of these
different areas, and how to useyour authenticity to attract,
you know, more alignedrelationship, deeper connections
and opportunities that matchyour highest potential.
Okay, and that is reallyimportant.
So here's what we're going to.
So here's where we're going tostart today.
So, first of all, I want to Iwant to touch on that note that
(02:30):
we just ended off, those twowords that we just ended with,
which were highest potential.
You cannot reach your highestpotential by being a fake ass
version of yourself or a watereddown version of yourself.
Let's just, let's just, let'sjust say that We'll end this
episode, we'll call it there,take that away, have a think on
(02:50):
it, let me know what you comeback with.
Okay, you cannot, you will not.
I can guarantee you.
You will not ever reach yourfull potential as long as you
water yourself down, keepyourself small, hide parts of
yourself right.
(03:11):
You have to bring your wholeself to your life and to your
experiences if you really andtruly want to reach your full
potential.
And this is hard, this is notalways easy, because we just
want to be liked.
We want to be liked, we want tobe fit in.
We want to fit in, we want toplease everybody, and so we kind
of tend to edit ourselves a lotand alter ourselves a lot and
(03:36):
camouflage different parts sothat we are adaptable, palatable
.
Love that word palatable, yes,no, let's not be that.
But in doing so, we will never,ever ever reach our full
potential.
Okay, and so, as difficult andas uncomfortable as it might be,
(03:59):
the challenge for us is to howdo we show up more like our
authentic selves each and everyday.
And if that can be your process,if that can be your process, if
you can come to every day, comewake up every morning, get out
of bed, stretch.
You know, if you're like me,you walk with one eye closed
(04:21):
immediately to the coffee maker,you push your button to make
your coffee.
If you haven't actually set thealarm because I never actually
do that I'm notorious about likein case I like sleep in, I want
my coffee to be, like,perfectly made.
I don't want it to sit there ifI happen to like hit the snooze
one too many times.
So if you're like me, you'vemade your coffee from the night
(04:42):
before.
You have everything ready andprepped.
All you have to do is push thebutton and then you pour your
cup of coffee and then you startyour day.
So if you can do that, if youcan have a nice stretch and get
out of bed and push the buttonand make your fresh cup of
coffee and sit down and askyourself how can I be more
myself today than I wasyesterday, then you're good.
(05:05):
You're good Every little day.
Every day you do somethinglittle to bring you closer to
your true authentic self, yourtrue, authentic expression and
to do so in every area of lifeas much as you can.
Understanding, obviously there'scertain parts of you that you
can't bring to work, I get it.
And understanding, obviouslythere's certain parts of you
that you can't bring to work, Iget it, but for the most part,
(05:27):
like you should, you may not beable to bring all your quirks to
work, but you can bring yourpersonality to work, you know.
And if you can't, then maybeyou have the wrong job, you know
.
You know it's like they say youhave to get the.
You know when people always saythis when they go shopping for
wedding dresses, you have to get.
The people always say this whenthey go shopping for wedding
dresses you have to get thedress that fits the bride, not
the bride to fit the dress.
(05:47):
It's the same thing.
You have to get the job thatfits the person, not the person
to fit the job.
So think about that.
And I'm not saying quit yourjob tomorrow, but I am saying
have a think about whether ornot you're really in alignment
if you have to really andcompletely alter yourself in
order to get to your job day today.
So have a think.
(06:14):
That's some homework I leavewith you.
Okay, think on that.
But I want you to be aware ofhow and why, when you're hiding
parts of yourself, you areblocking yourself from the
relationships you want, from theopportunities you want, from
the career you want, many timeseven the money.
I know I've learned this thehard way because you guys know
I've shared my financialchallenges with this group
before.
Like I've told you guys, likeyou know, I am not a stranger to
(06:36):
financial collapse.
I am not a stranger to you knowlosing my business.
You know losing jobs.
You know I've been through somestuff, right, and that's why
I'm up here telling, talking toyou guys, you know, every single
week, because I get to sharewhat it is that I've learned
from those experiences.
Right, and a lot of it did comedown to I was being an
(06:58):
inauthentic version of myself.
Sorry, I'm just gonna take asip of water really quick, sorry
, guys.
So when we're looking at, youknow hiding parts of ourselves
and how it impacts the type ofpeople and opportunities, let's
(07:18):
just, you know, the best exampleis you know you're a blue shirt
, you're a blue shirt.
Who doesn't love a blue shirt?
Actually, I don't love a blueshirt.
Let's come up with anotherexample.
You're a white men's shirt.
I love a nice white men's shirt, especially in the fall.
(07:38):
Oh, I love it.
It looks so good.
You can wear it with a blazer,you can wear it on its own, you
can wear it with jeans,especially if it's oversized.
Right, I love a white men'sshirt, but maybe the look of the
season is a black turtleneck.
So now you're out there tryingto be a black turtleneck, a
fitted black knit turtleneck,when really your nature is to be
(08:06):
a crunchy.
I don't know if crunchy is theright word, but you know what I
mean.
Like that, that cotton, neat oftwilly kind of fabric, that
shirts are, that crisp men'sshirt fabric.
Right, you're a cotton, crisp,collared, loose, fitting men's
shirt in white, not black.
Now you're starting to now.
(08:27):
But now you see, the market islike everybody.
Oh, but nobody wants whitemen's shirt anymore.
Everybody wants a blackturtleneck.
You know, nobody's going towant me.
Everybody wants blackturtlenecks.
Now I've got to morph myself tobe a black turtleneck.
Do you know how much energy itwould take that white shirt to
become a black turtleneck?
Just think about that for asecond.
No, I'm kidding, that's just asilly example, but you know what
(08:48):
I'm trying to say.
Number one when you try tobecome something that you're not
, you're burning a lot of energybecause it takes so much energy
for you to be anything other.
Your authentic self, anythingyour authentic self is your
(09:08):
default setting.
You don't have to think aboutthat, okay, you don't have to
try at that.
You don't have to strategizehow to be that.
You simply are.
I think you know I was.
I just finished my traumacertification course and I think
there was a stat in there anddon't quote me on this I should
probably have Googled this, butI didn't know.
I was going to pull the statout during this conversation,
(09:32):
but I think there was, if I'mnot mistaken, the.
The number was and please don'tquote me the 95% of the energy
that our body uses is our brainand that's just regular
day-to-day function, right?
So our brain uses a lot of ourenergy.
So can you imagine now addingto our day-to-day, like our
(09:55):
daily activities, that the brainnormally does and normal
thinking processes the brainnormally does?
Can you now add to that thefull-time job beyond full-time,
like the, how many hours are ina day?
24.
We sleep for eight, let's saymaybe.
So how many hours are left.
How many does that make 16?
Can you imagine the 16 hour aday job of trying to be anything
(10:19):
other than who you are andhaving to filter each and every
one of your responses, yourreactions, every little thing
that you say, every little thingthat you think, every action
you take through this lens oftrying to be something other
than who you are?
Can you imagine for one secondthe amount of energy that would
(10:40):
take?
Tons, tons of energy, tons.
Like you are in deficit now,okay, you are literally.
This is where burnout happens.
Right, because you're in adeficit, you're burning more
energy than you actually have.
Right, and it's because you'respending so much of your energy
trying to be this inauthenticversion of yourself, trying to
(11:01):
think of okay, well, what wouldthis fake version of me say next
, what would the fake version ofme do?
What would the fake version ofme wear and how would the fake?
What movie would the fakeversion of me want to go see?
And I know I'm exaggerating,but you get the point of what
I'm trying to say.
Right, you're trying to besomeone other than who you are.
That takes thought, that takesstrategizing, right, that takes
(11:26):
premeditation Anytime you gosomewhere or do anything so that
you can figure out the stepsthat you're going to take,
because you're not doing it froma place of authenticity, right,
you're doing it from a place ofstrategizing, to fit in, to
please, to prove something, toconvince someone of something
you know it's not coming from.
(11:48):
You know who you naturally areand who you're naturally being
right, and this is wheresometimes I think, like you know
, I'm a firm believer ofembodiment work, but you know,
to a degree like it does need tobe aligned with who you really
are, who you really want to belike, really, really at the core
, want to be like.
It has to be aligned for you.
(12:08):
You know who you are right nowand being able to be you in the
moment and accept it fully andlive from that place and be able
to recognize your right to beloved, to have joy, to have
fulfillment, to have successjust from being who you are,
(12:29):
that is probably one of the mostself-loving stance we can take,
and life has taught me thatmany times.
They're not always easy lessons, you guys, okay.
So just, life has taught methat many times.
And they're not always easylessons, you guys, okay.
So just learn the lesson,honest to God.
So the first part, that thefirst way that it's blocking you
is that it drains a lot of yourenergy, right.
And so, with all that energydrain gone and, you know,
(12:51):
constantly dealing with burnout,we have less energy stores
available to actually do andcreate the opportunities and the
relationships that would reallybe meaningful for us, because
we're operating on a deficit.
So now we don't have the energyto put into our passion project
, we don't have the energy tomake the lifestyle changes that
(13:14):
we know would make us feel morefulfilled, we don't have the
energy to invest in and nurturethe relationships that we would
really thrive in, because we'retoo busy wasting all our energy,
being an inauthentic version ofourselves, and so we've left
little energy for anything else.
And that's literally whathappens, because you do deplete
(13:36):
so much energy that you don't.
You know all these things thatwe want to do, goals that we
have, dreams, aspirations theydo take energy.
They take energy, they takecommitment.
Sure, it's fun, sure, it'sgreat and it's inspiring, but
you know we have to be able topull that energy from somewhere,
otherwise we're just going tocontinue to burn out, to be able
(13:56):
to pull that energy from somesomewhere.
Otherwise we're just going tocontinue to burn out.
Um, and you know, yes, ofcourse, doing the things that
excite us and delight us alwayscreate energy as well as take
energy.
Obviously, they actuallyusually sometimes create more
energy.
But when you're in a deficitright, when you're already
burning yourself out and youstart to add more to your list
(14:17):
of things to do, it doesn'tmatter how much you like those
things, sometimes you know thatburnout just starts to snowball
and you know you can't.
It's like you know you can'tcharge yourself fast enough for
how much you're burning throughyour energy stores.
You know, like that littlecharge is just not enough.
You're just going, going, going, going going and eventually you
(14:37):
just burn out completely.
And so you know that if you'veworked really hard for something
, if you're working towards adream, a goal, a relationship,
and suddenly you can't devotethe time that it needs to really
see it through, you know itcould cost you a lot of
opportunities.
You know when you do that, youknow because you're not
(14:58):
energetically available toinvest in the things that you
want to see for yourself and thechanges you want to make for
yourself, you're notenergetically able to invest in
the relationships that youreally want to see thrive.
Because you're burning your andI know it sounds like I'm being
dramatic, but I'm not Becauseyou're burning your and I know
(15:18):
it sounds like I'm beingdramatic, but I'm not it gets to
the point where it burns youout Because, again, this has now
become your 16 hour a day job.
The only time you're not doingit is when you're sleeping right
.
For 16 hours a day you'retrying to figure out who it is
you need to be and who you needto show up as, and how you need
to act and what you need to sayand what you need to look like
(15:39):
and how you could.
It takes energy and youprobably don't realize you're
doing it because you've beendoing it on default for so long.
But it is there right and theway that you know that you're
doing it the quickest one way.
This is if you can look at whoyou are in your friendships and
if you can look at who you arein your family and if you can
(15:59):
look at who you are at yourworkplace and if you can look at
who you are at any other place.
You spend significant amount oftime churches, social clubs,
whatever.
Are you being the same personat each of those places or are
you different?
If you're a different person,chances are you're morphing
yourself, you're hiding parts ofyourself, you're diluting
yourself or making yourself morepalatable to fit into all these
(16:22):
different places.
If you're almost pretty muchconsistently the same person
across the board, like I said,maybe you don't show all your
quirks at work or whatever,maybe you don't swear as much
and cuss as much at work, butyou're still relatively the same
person, then you're good.
If you know that you're being adifferent person in all of
(16:44):
those areas, like I used to be,you would see me at work.
You'd be shocked If you, if youwere somebody who knew me at
work, you'd be shocked if yousaw me at home.
And if you were somebody whowould spend time with me at home
, he would be shocked if you sawme at work, shocked, my friends
would be shocked by all of it.
Who is this person?
(17:05):
You know, and again, likeleaving, like obviously you know
there are quirks that we can'tbring to all of these
environments.
Of course.
Of course I'm not going to talkthe way I talk with my friends,
the way I talk with myco-workers and so forth, but you
know, for the most part.
We have to be able to show upas our authentic self.
When I first started thispodcast, I wasn't myself on the
podcast.
(17:26):
I don't know who I was.
I listened to old episodes.
I'm like, oh cringe.
But now I'm, you know, I'm ableto be more myself, and that has
come from always asking myselfthat question how can I bring
more of myself to the day today?
How can I bring more of myselfto work today?
How can I than I did yesterday?
(17:47):
How can I bring more of myselfto my relationships than I did
yesterday?
I bring more of myself to myrelationships than I did
yesterday.
How can I bring more of myselfto my podcast than I did
yesterday?
Right, always asking myself howcan I be more me?
How can I bring more of me andstop?
Where am I hiding and why am Ihiding that part of myself?
And what would it look like ifI stopped hiding?
(18:09):
Right, maybe it would beuncomfortable, yeah, sure, but
wouldn't it also be like a wholefound sense of freedom?
You know, to be able to outthat and just like be open about
who you really are and what youreally want and what you're all
about, rather than trying topretend that you're something
that you're not right.
So I looked at it that way, andeach day I literally challenged
(18:33):
myself to say how can I be moremyself each and every day?
So we talked about, you know,using all your energy trying to
be something that you're not.
But there's another way that itblocks you, and that is by
false representing who you are.
(18:53):
And so, therefore, the alignedopportunities and the aligned
relationships that you'relooking for, that would make
your heart sore, that would makeyou shine from the inside out,
can't see you Because you'rethis whole other version of
yourself that they're not meantfor.
You know, they're meant for thewhite men's shirts, right?
(19:16):
They're a perfect fit for thewhite men's shirt.
They look awkward with a blackturtleneck, so there ain't going
to go for the black turtleneck,even though the black
turtleneck is the more popularchoice, right?
But the things and now I'mtrying to think of an accessory
that doesn't go with a blackturtleneck, that would go with a
white shirt, and I can't thinkof one I'm like thinking a vest
(19:37):
no, that would look cute About.
No, that would look cute too.
A tie you would never put a tie,or could you?
I don't know, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't put a tie with ablack turtleneck.
I would put a tie with a shirt,though, fuck yeah, and I would
leave it nice and loose.
Oh, it would look so super cute.
(19:57):
I would not wear a tie with ablack shirt.
So maybe the tie who would bethe perfect fit for you, who
would make you feel completelyfulfilled and over the moon to
spend time with, to investenergy in, to evolve with you
know, whether it's arelationship or not, career
opportunity or whatever it is,you know that tie ain't going to
(20:21):
come looking for you becausethat tie is looking for white
shirt, white shirt, white shirtwhere are you?
White shirt, where are you?
I can't see you.
All I see is this blackturtleneck.
I ain't going, I ain't hangingout with that, because that's
just going to look weird.
You know that is literally whatthe people who are meant for you
are doing.
(20:42):
That is literally what the jobsthat are meant for you are
doing and that's literally whatthe opportunities are meant for
you are doing.
These are the things that wouldbring you joy, soul level,
fulfillment.
They can't see you.
They are looking for you, butthey cannot find you because you
are wearing a mask andpretending to be someone else.
(21:03):
What they need is you.
Do you feel me on that, right?
You think do you feel me onthat right?
And so you're missing out on somany things that would bring you
joy and fulfillment and passionand inspiration, and instead
you're forcing yourself to fitinto these environments that,
because are really looking for ablack turtleneck, are never
(21:27):
going to be happy with youbecause you have sold yourself
under false pretense that you'rea good fit for them.
You've created this falseillusion saying this is who I am
.
I am perfect for you.
They've taken you on.
You're expending all yourenergy trying to keep up this
facade that you told them.
I know I'm exaggerating, butbelieve me, take all of this,
(21:48):
everything that I'm saying, witha grain of salt, because this
is exactly what's happening onan energetic level.
Everything that we're doingenergetically is tenfold, okay?
So, even though it sounds likeI'm being a little dramatic,
just go with me on this, okay?
You've told these people places,situations, opportunities,
right Places of work that thisis who you are, and you're
(22:11):
expending all your energy tryingto fit the mold that you
created for yourself, right?
And these places are startingto see the cracks in your story.
They're starting to see theflaws.
They're starting to see wherethe white men's shirt is
starting to show through theseams of the black turtleneck.
They invested in right, becauseyou can only do it for so long
(22:35):
before it starts to you know.
People start to pick up thatthere's a lack of resonance
there, that what you're sayingis not really in alignment with
who you're being, in alignmentwith who you're being right.
And so you're around people now, where you're constantly having
to work to please, where you'reconstantly having to work to
prove that, are constantlydoubting you because there's
(22:55):
incongruency with who you sayyou are and who you're actually
being.
And so now you're stuck inthese unfulfilling relationships
that you're never going to fitinto, that you're never going to
feel like you can be yourselfin, which is really draining.
Now you're attracting morerelationships that you can't
feel like you're yourself in.
Oh my God, this is literallywhat led me to blowing up my
(23:18):
life back in 2015, when I likepacked my bags, sold everything,
quit my job and, likehightailed it to Southeast Asia
for like six months.
Literally, that's what led tothat right.
It was a complete what do youwant to call it?
(23:41):
It was a complete profile.
Collapse is what happenedBecause I just could not keep up
with who I was pretending to beany more Like.
I needed to just drop the ballon that, because I was burnt out
, I was exhausted, all myrelationships were completely
(24:02):
unfulfilling and never satisfiedwith anything because I was
incongruent with who I said Iwas to, who I was actually being
right.
It was all based on a big, fat,ugly, fabricated lie and it was
(24:23):
starting to fall apart and itwas starting to show.
And so what it cost me wasreally finding the right people,
the right opportunities, theright career paths, the kind
that would bring me joy andfulfillment, the kind that would
create more energy.
(24:44):
Rather than drain my energy, itwould actually create more, a
surplus of energy.
So I could do and be and haveso many more amazing things and
experiences with and now I knowbetter, obviously, but that was
a very hard lesson learned backin the day.
(25:05):
So you know how do you breakthat cycle?
Well, you know, when I was on mytrip in Asia, you know, one of
the beauties of being on thattrip and being so far away from
everyone and everything wasbeing able to check in with
myself and saying, well, what doI want this today.
What do I want?
What do I want?
What do I want?
(25:26):
I'm hearing what's his face?
Was it Ryan Gosling?
And, oh my God, that cute movie, oh, where he's.
Oh, what was it the Notebook?
I'm getting my movies mixed up?
It was the Notebook when he's.
Oh, what was it the notebook?
I'm getting my movies mixed up?
It was the notebook.
Is that Ryan Gosling?
Yeah, he was like what do youwant?
But what do you want?
(25:46):
Like that, asking myself whatdo I want?
What do I want to do today?
What do I feel like?
What do I need?
What's important to me rightnow, what's important for me to
do Right and how do I want toshow up?
How can I be more me today?
You know, bring that.
You know you don't have to like, you don't have to sell
everything, quit your job and,you know, hightail it to
(26:09):
Southeast Asia to do that.
You can do that anywhere.
I just waited way too fuckinglong and my life blew up.
Or I blew it up, I don't know,I'm not sure yet I think I'm
pretty well.
No, I am sure I did blow up mylife.
I did.
I blew up my life.
I did it very intentionally.
Parts of it started to blow upon their own.
But really, when you break itright down, I blew up my own
life because I just couldn't doit anymore.
(26:30):
I couldn't uphold the, Icouldn't play the part anymore.
I couldn't keep playing thatsame charade over and over again
.
It was too exhausting and itwas too draining and I was done.
I was so done.
So before you get to that point,you can start to ask yourself
well, how can I show up more asmyself today?
How can I show up more ofmyself at work?
(26:52):
How can I show up more asmyself in my relationships?
How can I show up more asmyself in my family?
How can I show up more ofmyself with my friends?
What would more as myself andmy family?
How can I show up more ofmyself with my friends?
You know what would it looklike to be authentic.
Where am I different?
Where am I showing updifferently?
Start there, even.
(27:14):
Start with recognizing.
Where are you showing up as adifferent person at work, versus
with your friends, versus withfamily?
And maybe even think about whoyou want to be right, because
there's that whole other partthat we don't often discuss,
especially for people pleasersthe who we want to be Like.
Who are you when you're notpleasing everybody?
Think about that.
That's a very importantquestion to ask yourself.
If I wasn't worried about whateverybody else said or thought
(27:34):
about who I was being, who wouldI actually be?
How would I actually show up?
What are the things I wouldactually do?
That is a very importantquestion.
Start there, actually, and thenstart to look at where the
differences are and then startto ask yourself well, how can I
show up more as my authenticself in all of these different
places, one by one, right, andjust take that step to show up a
(27:59):
little bit more of yourself ineach of these areas, each and
every day.
And I promise you which, eachstep, these things that I share
with you guys.
It's always hard anduncomfortable at first because
it's so tied in to so many ofour core beliefs and wounds.
But when you start to takethose steps, the first step is
always the hardest and then theyget easier each and every time.
You do it, I promise.
(28:19):
And the last thing, you know, Iwant to say to you is when you
do find who that authenticexpression of you is, when you
do find those alignedopportunities and those aligned
relationships and those alignedcareers and those aligned
passions, purposes and interests.
Just keep that momentum goingand keep putting your energy
(28:45):
into those things that feed you,that you get energy back from,
and that is where you're goingto create the momentum to really
make positive impact and changeand transformation and change
and transformation.
I did this with the podcast.
I did this with my practice.
(29:05):
I did this with my last job,when I was working at the
co-working space.
Like, I just put my energy intoall the things that really
truly lit me up from the insideout and I let that be the juice
that kind of saw me through mytransformation.
You know, I just used it, Imilked it as far as I could and
(29:28):
just used it to propel mytransformation.
Now, thankfully, this podcastis still here, because it's my
favorite one out of all of them.
So, and the practice is stillhere, obviously, the job, yeah,
not so much, but whatever it iswhat it is, you know what I got,
what I needed to get out of it,and then it was done, you know.
So that is how I would use.
(29:51):
You know, go through your life,analyze who you're being, how
you're showing up and where theincongruencies are where the
misalignments are and who areyou being in all the different
places and who would you be ifyou didn't worry about what
anybody else was thinking,saying or doing or whatever?
And start there and make itvery intentional, put it on your
to-do list.
(30:11):
Every day I'm going to show upa little bit more of myself than
I did yesterday.
And every morning you askyourself what would that look
like to show up more as myself?
Maybe it's having a more honestconversation.
Maybe it's saying no tosomething that I've been saying
yes to.
Maybe it's putting down theblack turtleneck today and
wearing the white men's shirttoday that we love so much.
(30:32):
You know, you know, maybe it's.
Maybe it's.
Maybe it is letting some ofyour quirks show at work or
within your other relationship.
Whatever it is, whatever it isfor you, make sure you make it,
make sure you set the intentionto do it every single day, that
you show up a little bit more asyourself, and I promise you,
each time you do it, it will geteasier.
(30:54):
It will get easier, I promise.
I promise it may feeluncomfortable at first and that
is okay.
It's supposed to, because,listen, and if you take anything
away from anything that I evershare with you.
Take this If it doesn't feeluncomfortable.
It's not fucking changing you,so it has to feel uncomfortable,
and if it feels uncomfortable,it's because it's working.
(31:16):
Okay, got it All right.
So let me know, wherever you'reseeing this in the notes, in
the comments or whatever, orrespond in an email what you're
taking from this episode, whatreally stood out for you, what
really like hit home for you.
I'm curious, I want to know,and also, obviously, if you
found this episode helpful,please, please, please, leave a
(31:36):
positive rating and review oniTunes or Spotify or wherever
you're seeing this.
That is all for now, you guys.
You guys, what is up?
And welcome back to the show.
I'm so excited and gratefulthat you're here.
In this episode we're gonna betalking a lot about how powerful
the powerful connection betweenyour authentic self-expression
and the ability to magnetize theright people, places and
opportunities and experiencesinto your life, and the two are
(00:21):
so much more powerfully relatedthan I used to realize, honestly
, when I was younger.
But now it totally makes senseto me, but I didn't always know
that then.
So we're going to talk abouthow we and we talked a lot about
this in the ASMR healing thatwe did at the beginning of the
(00:42):
month, right In the month ofAugust, where we talked about
how we compartmentalizeourselves to fit into different
environments, differentrelationships and we know we
have all these differentversions of ourselves that we
bring to the table at each andevery interaction or environment
and how that dilutes our energy.
Right, this is actually takingthat one step further.
(01:04):
You know, when you're silencingyour needs, watering yourself
down, pretending to be, you knowsomething that you're not, or
easier or more flexible or moreaccommodating than you really
are, how it's unintentionallyhaving the opposite effect of
what we want, because what weusually want when we do those
things.
We want to be loved, we want tobe accepted, we want to be, we
(01:25):
want to feel like we're part ofthe tribe, we want to feel like
we've pleased everyone around us.
But what we don't realize isthat that behavior works when
we're younger, but then at somepoint, it stops working and it
actually starts to repel verypowerfully, I might add or at
the very least, it starts toattract all the wrong people
(01:48):
into our life and all the wrongopportunities into our life and
into our reality.
So we're going to talk aboutrecognizing how, you know,
hiding different parts ofourself or compartmentalizing
ourselves in general is blockingyour success in love and career
and various other opportunities.
We're going to talk about howto step boldly into your
(02:09):
authentic self and let your trueself be seen in all of these
different areas, and how to useyour authenticity to attract,
you know, more alignedrelationship, deeper connections
and opportunities that matchyour highest potential.
Okay, and that is reallyimportant.
So here's what we're going to.
So here's where we're going tostart today.
So, first of all, I want to Iwant to touch on that note that
(02:30):
we just ended off, those twowords that we just ended with,
which were highest potential.
You cannot reach your highestpotential by being a fake ass
version of yourself or a watereddown version of yourself.
Let's just, let's just, let'sjust say that We'll end this
episode, we'll call it there,take that away, have a think on
(02:50):
it, let me know what you comeback with.
Okay, you cannot, you will not.
I can guarantee you.
You will not ever reach yourfull potential as long as you
water yourself down, keepyourself small, hide parts of
yourself right.
(03:11):
You have to bring your wholeself to your life and to your
experiences if you really andtruly want to reach your full
potential.
And this is hard, this is notalways easy, because we just
want to be liked.
We want to be liked, we want tobe fit in.
We want to fit in, we want toplease everybody, and so we kind
of tend to edit ourselves a lotand alter ourselves a lot and
(03:36):
camouflage different parts sothat we are adaptable, palatable
.
Love that word palatable, yes,no, let's not be that.
But in doing so, we will never,ever ever reach our full
potential.
Okay, and so, as difficult andas uncomfortable as it might be,
(03:59):
the challenge for us is to howdo we show up more like our
authentic selves each and everyday.
And if that can be your process,if that can be your process, if
you can come to every day, comewake up every morning, get out
of bed, stretch.
You know, if you're like me,you walk with one eye closed
(04:21):
immediately to the coffee maker,you push your button to make
your coffee.
If you haven't actually set thealarm because I never actually
do that I'm notorious about likein case I like sleep in, I want
my coffee to be, like,perfectly made.
I don't want it to sit there ifI happen to like hit the snooze
one too many times.
So if you're like me, you'vemade your coffee from the night
(04:42):
before.
You have everything ready andprepped.
All you have to do is push thebutton and then you pour your
cup of coffee and then you startyour day.
So if you can do that, if youcan have a nice stretch and get
out of bed and push the buttonand make your fresh cup of
coffee and sit down and askyourself how can I be more
myself today than I wasyesterday, then you're good.
(05:05):
You're good Every little day.
Every day you do somethinglittle to bring you closer to
your true authentic self, yourtrue, authentic expression and
to do so in every area of lifeas much as you can.
Understanding, obviously there'scertain parts of you that you
can't bring to work, I get it.
And understanding, obviouslythere's certain parts of you
that you can't bring to work, Iget it, but for the most part,
(05:27):
like you should, you may not beable to bring all your quirks to
work, but you can bring yourpersonality to work, you know.
And if you can't, then maybeyou have the wrong job, you know
.
You know it's like they say youhave to get the.
You know when people always saythis when they go shopping for
wedding dresses, you have to get.
The people always say this whenthey go shopping for wedding
dresses you have to get thedress that fits the bride, not
the bride to fit the dress.
(05:47):
It's the same thing.
You have to get the job thatfits the person, not the person
to fit the job.
So think about that.
And I'm not saying quit yourjob tomorrow, but I am saying
have a think about whether ornot you're really in alignment
if you have to really andcompletely alter yourself in
order to get to your job day today.
So have a think.
(06:14):
That's some homework I leavewith you.
Okay, think on that.
But I want you to be aware ofhow and why, when you're hiding
parts of yourself, you areblocking yourself from the
relationships you want, from theopportunities you want, from
the career you want, many timeseven the money.
I know I've learned this thehard way because you guys know
I've shared my financialchallenges with this group
before.
Like I've told you guys, likeyou know, I am not a stranger to
(06:36):
financial collapse.
I am not a stranger to you knowlosing my business.
You know losing jobs.
You know I've been through somestuff, right, and that's why
I'm up here telling, talking toyou guys, you know, every single
week, because I get to sharewhat it is that I've learned
from those experiences.
Right, and a lot of it did comedown to I was being an
(06:58):
inauthentic version of myself.
Sorry, I'm just gonna take asip of water really quick, sorry
, guys.
So when we're looking at, youknow hiding parts of ourselves
and how it impacts the type ofpeople and opportunities, let's
(07:18):
just, you know, the best exampleis you know you're a blue shirt
, you're a blue shirt.
Who doesn't love a blue shirt?
Actually, I don't love a blueshirt.
Let's come up with anotherexample.
You're a white men's shirt.
I love a nice white men's shirt, especially in the fall.
(07:38):
Oh, I love it.
It looks so good.
You can wear it with a blazer,you can wear it on its own, you
can wear it with jeans,especially if it's oversized.
Right, I love a white men'sshirt, but maybe the look of the
season is a black turtleneck.
So now you're out there tryingto be a black turtleneck, a
fitted black knit turtleneck,when really your nature is to be
(08:06):
a crunchy.
I don't know if crunchy is theright word, but you know what I
mean.
Like that, that cotton, neat oftwilly kind of fabric, that
shirts are, that crisp men'sshirt fabric.
Right, you're a cotton, crisp,collared, loose, fitting men's
shirt in white, not black.
Now you're starting to now.
(08:27):
But now you see, the market islike everybody.
Oh, but nobody wants whitemen's shirt anymore.
Everybody wants a blackturtleneck.
You know, nobody's going towant me.
Everybody wants blackturtlenecks.
Now I've got to morph myself tobe a black turtleneck.
Do you know how much energy itwould take that white shirt to
become a black turtleneck?
Just think about that for asecond.
No, I'm kidding, that's just asilly example, but you know what
(08:48):
I'm trying to say.
Number one when you try tobecome something that you're not
, you're burning a lot of energybecause it takes so much energy
for you to be anything other.
Your authentic self, anythingyour authentic self is your
(09:08):
default setting.
You don't have to think aboutthat, okay, you don't have to
try at that.
You don't have to strategizehow to be that.
You simply are.
I think you know I was.
I just finished my traumacertification course and I think
there was a stat in there anddon't quote me on this I should
probably have Googled this, butI didn't know.
I was going to pull the statout during this conversation,
(09:32):
but I think there was, if I'mnot mistaken, the.
The number was and please don'tquote me the 95% of the energy
that our body uses is our brainand that's just regular
day-to-day function, right?
So our brain uses a lot of ourenergy.
So can you imagine now addingto our day-to-day, like our
(09:55):
daily activities, that the brainnormally does and normal
thinking processes the brainnormally does?
Can you now add to that thefull-time job beyond full-time,
like the, how many hours are ina day?
24.
We sleep for eight, let's saymaybe.
So how many hours are left.
How many does that make 16?
Can you imagine the 16 hour aday job of trying to be anything
(10:19):
other than who you are andhaving to filter each and every
one of your responses, yourreactions, every little thing
that you say, every little thingthat you think, every action
you take through this lens oftrying to be something other
than who you are?
Can you imagine for one secondthe amount of energy that would
(10:40):
take?
Tons, tons of energy, tons.
Like you are in deficit now,okay, you are literally.
This is where burnout happens.
Right, because you're in adeficit, you're burning more
energy than you actually have.
Right, and it's because you'respending so much of your energy
trying to be this inauthenticversion of yourself, trying to
(11:01):
think of okay, well, what wouldthis fake version of me say next
, what would the fake version ofme do?
What would the fake version ofme wear and how would the fake?
What movie would the fakeversion of me want to go see?
And I know I'm exaggerating,but you get the point of what
I'm trying to say.
Right, you're trying to besomeone other than who you are.
That takes thought, that takesstrategizing, right, that takes
(11:26):
premeditation Anytime you gosomewhere or do anything so that
you can figure out the stepsthat you're going to take,
because you're not doing it froma place of authenticity, right,
you're doing it from a place ofstrategizing, to fit in, to
please, to prove something, toconvince someone of something
you know it's not coming from.
(11:48):
You know who you naturally areand who you're naturally being
right, and this is wheresometimes I think, like you know
, I'm a firm believer ofembodiment work, but you know,
to a degree like it does need tobe aligned with who you really
are, who you really want to belike, really, really at the core
, want to be like.
It has to be aligned for you.
(12:08):
You know who you are right nowand being able to be you in the
moment and accept it fully andlive from that place and be able
to recognize your right to beloved, to have joy, to have
fulfillment, to have successjust from being who you are,
(12:29):
that is probably one of the mostself-loving stance we can take,
and life has taught me thatmany times.
They're not always easy lessons, you guys, okay.
So just, life has taught methat many times.
And they're not always easylessons, you guys, okay.
So just learn the lesson,honest to God.
So the first part, that thefirst way that it's blocking you
is that it drains a lot of yourenergy, right.
And so, with all that energydrain gone and, you know,
(12:51):
constantly dealing with burnout,we have less energy stores
available to actually do andcreate the opportunities and the
relationships that would reallybe meaningful for us, because
we're operating on a deficit.
So now we don't have the energyto put into our passion project
, we don't have the energy tomake the lifestyle changes that
(13:14):
we know would make us feel morefulfilled, we don't have the
energy to invest in and nurturethe relationships that we would
really thrive in, because we'retoo busy wasting all our energy,
being an inauthentic version ofourselves, and so we've left
little energy for anything else.
And that's literally whathappens, because you do deplete
(13:36):
so much energy that you don't.
You know all these things thatwe want to do, goals that we
have, dreams, aspirations theydo take energy.
They take energy, they takecommitment.
Sure, it's fun, sure, it'sgreat and it's inspiring, but
you know we have to be able topull that energy from somewhere,
otherwise we're just going tocontinue to burn out, to be able
(13:56):
to pull that energy from somesomewhere.
Otherwise we're just going tocontinue to burn out.
Um, and you know, yes, ofcourse, doing the things that
excite us and delight us alwayscreate energy as well as take
energy.
Obviously, they actuallyusually sometimes create more
energy.
But when you're in a deficitright, when you're already
burning yourself out and youstart to add more to your list
(14:17):
of things to do, it doesn'tmatter how much you like those
things, sometimes you know thatburnout just starts to snowball
and you know you can't.
It's like you know you can'tcharge yourself fast enough for
how much you're burning throughyour energy stores.
You know, like that littlecharge is just not enough.
You're just going, going, going, going going and eventually you
(14:37):
just burn out completely.
And so you know that if you'veworked really hard for something
, if you're working towards adream, a goal, a relationship,
and suddenly you can't devotethe time that it needs to really
see it through, you know itcould cost you a lot of
opportunities.
You know when you do that, youknow because you're not
(14:58):
energetically available toinvest in the things that you
want to see for yourself and thechanges you want to make for
yourself, you're notenergetically able to invest in
the relationships that youreally want to see thrive.
Because you're burning your andI know it sounds like I'm being
dramatic, but I'm not Becauseyou're burning your and I know
(15:18):
it sounds like I'm beingdramatic, but I'm not it gets to
the point where it burns youout Because, again, this has now
become your 16 hour a day job.
The only time you're not doingit is when you're sleeping right
.
For 16 hours a day you'retrying to figure out who it is
you need to be and who you needto show up as, and how you need
to act and what you need to sayand what you need to look like
(15:39):
and how you could.
It takes energy and youprobably don't realize you're
doing it because you've beendoing it on default for so long.
But it is there right and theway that you know that you're
doing it the quickest one way.
This is if you can look at whoyou are in your friendships and
if you can look at who you arein your family and if you can
(15:59):
look at who you are at yourworkplace and if you can look at
who you are at any other place.
You spend significant amount oftime churches, social clubs,
whatever.
Are you being the same personat each of those places or are
you different?
If you're a different person,chances are you're morphing
yourself, you're hiding parts ofyourself, you're diluting
yourself or making yourself morepalatable to fit into all these
(16:22):
different places.
If you're almost pretty muchconsistently the same person
across the board, like I said,maybe you don't show all your
quirks at work or whatever,maybe you don't swear as much
and cuss as much at work, butyou're still relatively the same
person, then you're good.
If you know that you're being adifferent person in all of
(16:44):
those areas, like I used to be,you would see me at work.
You'd be shocked If you, if youwere somebody who knew me at
work, you'd be shocked if yousaw me at home.
And if you were somebody whowould spend time with me at home
, he would be shocked if you sawme at work, shocked, my friends
would be shocked by all of it.
Who is this person?
(17:05):
You know, and again, likeleaving, like obviously you know
there are quirks that we can'tbring to all of these
environments.
Of course.
Of course I'm not going to talkthe way I talk with my friends,
the way I talk with myco-workers and so forth, but you
know, for the most part.
We have to be able to show upas our authentic self.
When I first started thispodcast, I wasn't myself on the
podcast.
(17:26):
I don't know who I was.
I listened to old episodes.
I'm like, oh cringe.
But now I'm, you know, I'm ableto be more myself, and that has
come from always asking myselfthat question how can I bring
more of myself to the day today?
How can I bring more of myselfto work today?
How can I than I did yesterday?
(17:47):
How can I bring more of myselfto my relationships than I did
yesterday?
I bring more of myself to myrelationships than I did
yesterday.
How can I bring more of myselfto my podcast than I did
yesterday?
Right, always asking myself howcan I be more me?
How can I bring more of me andstop?
Where am I hiding and why am Ihiding that part of myself?
And what would it look like ifI stopped hiding?
(18:09):
Right, maybe it would beuncomfortable, yeah, sure, but
wouldn't it also be like a wholefound sense of freedom?
You know, to be able to outthat and just like be open about
who you really are and what youreally want and what you're all
about, rather than trying topretend that you're something
that you're not right.
So I looked at it that way, andeach day I literally challenged
(18:33):
myself to say how can I be moremyself each and every day?
So we talked about, you know,using all your energy trying to
be something that you're not.
But there's another way that itblocks you, and that is by
false representing who you are.
(18:53):
And so, therefore, the alignedopportunities and the aligned
relationships that you'relooking for, that would make
your heart sore, that would makeyou shine from the inside out,
can't see you Because you'rethis whole other version of
yourself that they're not meantfor.
You know, they're meant for thewhite men's shirts, right?
(19:16):
They're a perfect fit for thewhite men's shirt.
They look awkward with a blackturtleneck, so there ain't going
to go for the black turtleneck,even though the black
turtleneck is the more popularchoice, right?
But the things and now I'mtrying to think of an accessory
that doesn't go with a blackturtleneck, that would go with a
white shirt, and I can't thinkof one I'm like thinking a vest
(19:37):
no, that would look cute About.
No, that would look cute too.
A tie you would never put a tie,or could you?
I don't know, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't put a tie with ablack turtleneck.
I would put a tie with a shirt,though, fuck yeah, and I would
leave it nice and loose.
Oh, it would look so super cute.
(19:57):
I would not wear a tie with ablack shirt.
So maybe the tie who would bethe perfect fit for you, who
would make you feel completelyfulfilled and over the moon to
spend time with, to investenergy in, to evolve with you
know, whether it's arelationship or not, career
opportunity or whatever it is,you know that tie ain't going to
(20:21):
come looking for you becausethat tie is looking for white
shirt, white shirt, white shirtwhere are you?
White shirt, where are you?
I can't see you.
All I see is this blackturtleneck.
I ain't going, I ain't hangingout with that, because that's
just going to look weird.
You know that is literally whatthe people who are meant for you
are doing.
(20:42):
That is literally what the jobsthat are meant for you are
doing and that's literally whatthe opportunities are meant for
you are doing.
These are the things that wouldbring you joy, soul level,
fulfillment.
They can't see you.
They are looking for you, butthey cannot find you because you
are wearing a mask andpretending to be someone else.
(21:03):
What they need is you.
Do you feel me on that, right?
You think do you feel me onthat right?
And so you're missing out on somany things that would bring you
joy and fulfillment and passionand inspiration, and instead
you're forcing yourself to fitinto these environments that,
because are really looking for ablack turtleneck, are never
(21:27):
going to be happy with youbecause you have sold yourself
under false pretense that you'rea good fit for them.
You've created this falseillusion saying this is who I am
.
I am perfect for you.
They've taken you on.
You're expending all yourenergy trying to keep up this
facade that you told them.
I know I'm exaggerating, butbelieve me, take all of this,
(21:48):
everything that I'm saying, witha grain of salt, because this
is exactly what's happening onan energetic level.
Everything that we're doingenergetically is tenfold, okay?
So, even though it sounds likeI'm being a little dramatic,
just go with me on this, okay?
You've told these people places,situations, opportunities,
right Places of work that thisis who you are, and you're
(22:11):
expending all your energy tryingto fit the mold that you
created for yourself, right?
And these places are startingto see the cracks in your story.
They're starting to see theflaws.
They're starting to see wherethe white men's shirt is
starting to show through theseams of the black turtleneck.
They invested in right, becauseyou can only do it for so long
(22:35):
before it starts to you know.
People start to pick up thatthere's a lack of resonance
there, that what you're sayingis not really in alignment with
who you're being, in alignmentwith who you're being right.
And so you're around people now, where you're constantly having
to work to please, where you'reconstantly having to work to
prove that, are constantlydoubting you because there's
(22:55):
incongruency with who you sayyou are and who you're actually
being.
And so now you're stuck inthese unfulfilling relationships
that you're never going to fitinto, that you're never going to
feel like you can be yourselfin, which is really draining.
Now you're attracting morerelationships that you can't
feel like you're yourself in.
Oh my God, this is literallywhat led me to blowing up my
(23:18):
life back in 2015, when I likepacked my bags, sold everything,
quit my job and, likehightailed it to Southeast Asia
for like six months.
Literally, that's what led tothat right.
It was a complete what do youwant to call it?
(23:41):
It was a complete profile.
Collapse is what happenedBecause I just could not keep up
with who I was pretending to beany more Like.
I needed to just drop the ballon that, because I was burnt out
, I was exhausted, all myrelationships were completely
(24:02):
unfulfilling and never satisfiedwith anything because I was
incongruent with who I said Iwas to, who I was actually being
right.
It was all based on a big, fat,ugly, fabricated lie and it was
(24:23):
starting to fall apart and itwas starting to show.
And so what it cost me wasreally finding the right people,
the right opportunities, theright career paths, the kind
that would bring me joy andfulfillment, the kind that would
create more energy.
(24:44):
Rather than drain my energy, itwould actually create more, a
surplus of energy.
So I could do and be and haveso many more amazing things and
experiences with and now I knowbetter, obviously, but that was
a very hard lesson learned backin the day.
(25:05):
So you know how do you breakthat cycle?
Well, you know, when I was on mytrip in Asia, you know, one of
the beauties of being on thattrip and being so far away from
everyone and everything wasbeing able to check in with
myself and saying, well, what doI want this today.
What do I want?
What do I want?
What do I want?
(25:26):
I'm hearing what's his face?
Was it Ryan Gosling?
And, oh my God, that cute movie, oh, where he's.
Oh, what was it the Notebook?
I'm getting my movies mixed up?
It was the Notebook when he's.
Oh, what was it the notebook?
I'm getting my movies mixed up?
It was the notebook.
Is that Ryan Gosling?
Yeah, he was like what do youwant?
But what do you want?
(25:46):
Like that, asking myself whatdo I want?
What do I want to do today?
What do I feel like?
What do I need?
What's important to me rightnow, what's important for me to
do Right and how do I want toshow up?
How can I be more me today?
You know, bring that.
You know you don't have to like, you don't have to sell
everything, quit your job and,you know, hightail it to
(26:09):
Southeast Asia to do that.
You can do that anywhere.
I just waited way too fuckinglong and my life blew up.
Or I blew it up, I don't know,I'm not sure yet I think I'm
pretty well.
No, I am sure I did blow up mylife.
I did.
I blew up my life.
I did it very intentionally.
Parts of it started to blow upon their own.
But really, when you break itright down, I blew up my own
life because I just couldn't doit anymore.
(26:30):
I couldn't uphold the, Icouldn't play the part anymore.
I couldn't keep playing thatsame charade over and over again
.
It was too exhausting and itwas too draining and I was done.
I was so done.
So before you get to that point,you can start to ask yourself
well, how can I show up more asmyself today?
How can I show up more ofmyself at work?
(26:52):
How can I show up more asmyself in my relationships?
How can I show up more asmyself in my family?
How can I show up more ofmyself with my friends?
What would more as myself andmy family?
How can I show up more ofmyself with my friends?
You know what would it looklike to be authentic.
Where am I different?
Where am I showing updifferently?
Start there, even.
(27:14):
Start with recognizing.
Where are you showing up as adifferent person at work, versus
with your friends, versus withfamily?
And maybe even think about whoyou want to be right, because
there's that whole other partthat we don't often discuss,
especially for people pleasersthe who we want to be Like.
Who are you when you're notpleasing everybody?
Think about that.
That's a very importantquestion to ask yourself.
If I wasn't worried about whateverybody else said or thought
(27:34):
about who I was being, who wouldI actually be?
How would I actually show up?
What are the things I wouldactually do?
That is a very importantquestion.
Start there, actually, and thenstart to look at where the
differences are and then startto ask yourself well, how can I
show up more as my authenticself in all of these different
places, one by one, right, andjust take that step to show up a
(27:59):
little bit more of yourself ineach of these areas, each and
every day.
And I promise you which, eachstep, these things that I share
with you guys.
It's always hard anduncomfortable at first because
it's so tied in to so many ofour core beliefs and wounds.
But when you start to takethose steps, the first step is
always the hardest and then theyget easier each and every time.
You do it, I promise.
(28:19):
And the last thing, you know, Iwant to say to you is when you
do find who that authenticexpression of you is, when you
do find those alignedopportunities and those aligned
relationships and those alignedcareers and those aligned
passions, purposes and interests.
Just keep that momentum goingand keep putting your energy
(28:45):
into those things that feed you,that you get energy back from,
and that is where you're goingto create the momentum to really
make positive impact and changeand transformation and change
and transformation.
I did this with the podcast.
I did this with my practice.
(29:05):
I did this with my last job,when I was working at the
co-working space.
Like, I just put my energy intoall the things that really
truly lit me up from the insideout and I let that be the juice
that kind of saw me through mytransformation.
You know, I just used it, Imilked it as far as I could and
(29:28):
just used it to propel mytransformation.
Now, thankfully, this podcastis still here, because it's my
favorite one out of all of them.
So, and the practice is stillhere, obviously, the job, yeah,
not so much, but whatever it iswhat it is, you know what I got,
what I needed to get out of it,and then it was done, you know.
So that is how I would use.
(29:51):
You know, go through your life,analyze who you're being, how
you're showing up and where theincongruencies are where the
misalignments are and who areyou being in all the different
places and who would you be ifyou didn't worry about what
anybody else was thinking,saying or doing or whatever?
And start there and make itvery intentional, put it on your
to-do list.
(30:11):
Every day I'm going to show upa little bit more of myself than
I did yesterday.
And every morning you askyourself what would that look
like to show up more as myself?
Maybe it's having a more honestconversation.
Maybe it's saying no tosomething that I've been saying
yes to.
Maybe it's putting down theblack turtleneck today and
wearing the white men's shirttoday that we love so much.
(30:32):
You know, you know, maybe it's.
Maybe it's.
Maybe it is letting some ofyour quirks show at work or
within your other relationship.
Whatever it is, whatever it isfor you, make sure you make it,
make sure you set the intentionto do it every single day, that
you show up a little bit more asyourself, and I promise you,
each time you do it, it will geteasier.
(30:54):
It will get easier, I promise.
I promise it may feeluncomfortable at first and that
is okay.
It's supposed to, because,listen, and if you take anything
away from anything that I evershare with you.
Take this If it doesn't feeluncomfortable.
It's not fucking changing you,so it has to feel uncomfortable,
and if it feels uncomfortable,it's because it's working.
(31:16):
Okay, got it All right.
So let me know, wherever you'reseeing this in the notes, in
the comments or whatever, orrespond in an email what you're
taking from this episode, whatreally stood out for you, what
really like hit home for you.
I'm curious, I want to know,and also, obviously, if you
found this episode helpful,please, please, please, leave a
(31:36):
positive rating and review oniTunes or Spotify or wherever
you're seeing this.
That is all for now, you guys.
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