August 11, 2025 • 34 mins
Have you ever been told to tone it down? To stop being so extra? To take up less space so others could feel more comfortable?
If you’ve ever felt like your light made people squint—this episode is your reminder that the problem was never you. It was the room you were in.
In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Femme Cast, I take you behind the curtain of the subtle and not-so-subtle ways we’re made to feel like we’re “too much” in friendships, workplaces, and even sisterhood circles—and how those experiences are almost never about us, but a reflection of others' discomfort with their own unhealed wounds.
We’ll explore:
🎤How childhood trauma and abandonment wounds shape our fear of standing out
🎤What it really means when someone is threatened by your shine
🎤The difference between sisterhood wounds and survival wounds—and how they quietly sabotage female connection
🎤Why being palatable and pleasing won’t keep you safe—it’ll keep you stuck
🎤And how to finally stop shrinking in spaces that were never meant to hold your full power
I share personal stories—from being subtly silenced in the workplace to being policed by friends for being “too much” at brunch (yes, the outfit shaming is real). And I break down the invisible dynamics that turn confident women into emotional contortionists just to belong.
But here's the truth:
You were never too much.
You were just too bright for people still trying to hide in the dark.
So if you’ve been doubting your worth, questioning your voice, or wondering if you need to shrink to be loved—this episode will help you reclaim the parts of yourself you’ve been taught to hide.
Because real safety doesn’t come from dimming your light.
It comes from shining anyway—and trusting that the right people will never ask you to shrink.
Are you healing from cheating? Betrayal? A heartbreak that not only broke your heart but broke your life?
If so, join me for She Rises: A FREE & LIVE 90-minute healing and activation experience for the woman ready to alchemize the pain of lies, betrayal, and being cheated on into unapologetic power, radiant confidence, and the woman she was always meant to be.
Betrayal doesn’t get the final word — you do.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/masterclass
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
Hey you guys, what is up?
Welcome back to the show.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you guys back.
Welcome, if you're new.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that we recently had a
very similar conversation hereon the podcast, but I kind of
wanted to take it from adifferent perspective, and that
is this idea of how sometimeswe're made to feel like we're
(00:20):
too much, or we need to kind oftone ourselves down a little bit
, dim our light in order to fitin, in order to be liked and to
be appreciated, and sometimes wewalk into these rooms or
environments or situations andwe're made to feel like we're
too much, and then we're made tofeel bad for being too much, as
(00:42):
if being too much is kind of abad thing.
And I'm here to tell you thatyou're not too much.
You're probably just in thewrong room.
You know You're probably in thewrong room and there's probably
some mindset work to be donethere.
About again on that fear ofabandonment, right, and fear of
rejection and fear of being leftbehind, because ultimately
(01:04):
we're afraid that if we um, westand out too much, if we shine
too much, if we take up too muchspace, if we allow just
ourselves to be seen and otherpeople to be threatened by our
presence or to feel like they'rein competition and, worst case,
losing um, then we're afraidthat we're going to be ejected
from the tribe and exiled andleft to die alone, literally.
(01:25):
That is the core, foundationalwound that is coming up in this
moment.
So, again, you know, safetyfirst, always reminding yourself
that you are safe in all ofthese circumstances, is so
important.
So we talked about this fromthe perspective of the
sisterhood wound and how youknow, women constantly compete
(01:48):
against one another and this isprobably along the lines of the
same thing, but I want to bringa different lens to it.
So I recently had thisexperience of, you know, being
made to feel like I was too muchand I'm using air quotes right
now being made to feel like Iwas too much and I'm using air
quotes right now, um, and ithappened specifically in the
workplace and in my friendshipcircle, where I was made to feel
(02:10):
like I was too much, that Ineeded to tone it down, that I
needed to to um not take up somuch space, not be quite so seen
, not um, hold myself to such ahigh standard, because it was
making people around meuncomfortable In the workplace.
(02:31):
Specifically, right, thislooked like, you know, I wasn't
allowed to shine, I wasn'tallowed to really showcase my
skill set or my knowledge andyou know, what I brought to the
table?
I couldn't share an authenticperspective and insight and
opinion, and if I did, it wasall of the above was somewhat
(02:53):
treated more like competitionrather than my own, you know,
freedom to shine and to exceland to really share my gifts,
you know, and my talents with myteam.
So, instead of being seen as apositive where oh yeah, she's
really talented and XYZ andshe's, you know, she really
brings a perspective.
(03:13):
Maybe, ian, you know, maybe youdon't have to agree with me I
don't expect everybody to agreewith me, but I think that the
whole how dare you bring anopposing opinion?
Is different than, okay, I seeyour opinion and I can see where
it's coming from, but you knowthere's two different ways to
handle that.
Right, I don't believe, youknow, I don't appreciate being
(03:36):
in a silo where everybody justkind of agrees with whatever it
is that I have to offer, but Ido want to be able to offer, you
know, I do want to be able tovoice an opinion, a concern an
insight, a perspective thatmaybe somebody else hasn't seen,
I just put it out on the tableand just allow it to just be
there.
You know, whether people, likeyou know, want to adhere to it,
like whether people want to takeit and run with it, so be it.
(03:58):
If not great.
But to be made to feel like Ishould not have an insight or an
opinion or a differentperspective, to be made to feel
like anytime I shine or bring myskill set or my value or my
experience to the conversationto see if I could, you know, use
(04:21):
my experience to add more valueand to create positive change,
to make me feel like that's abad thing, that's not cool.
You know, that really justcomes down to again that you
know oftentimes and I see thisso much when I see, you know,
people pleasers in the roomtogether where we're all just
(04:43):
kind of trying to and I've beenthere, I've been in the
situation so many times wherewe're all just trying to like,
kind of like, outdo each otherto see who is the ultimate
pleasing person in the room,because we feel so safe when we
are the most pleasing and it canbe very threatening when we're
not.
It can make us feel like we'rereplaceable, like that.
(05:06):
And that's literally what I sawin this other person that I was
in this exchange with right.
So, and then also in friendshipcircles, where, you know, I
wasn't allowed to stand out toomuch or get too much attention
or, you know, especially frommen, right or I wasn't allowed
to look too good, I wasdiscouraged from, you know,
(05:29):
getting dressed up.
And I want to just preface thisby saying I'm a girl's girl.
I, you know, I went to fashionschool.
I love any excuse Not that Ineed an excuse, but I love any
excuse to put on a fucking cuteoutfit and get out, especially
now that you know I'm home somuch, right, like I work from
home, I run my business fromhome, I'm a home caregiver for
(05:52):
my parents.
Like I'm home, home, home, home,home.
Like I do get out.
It's not that I don't get out,but I spend way too much time at
home.
I'm usually in like some sortof like yoga pant or like
exercise or lounge wear, so Idon't get to get dressed up and
put on a cute outfit and go outall that often.
So when I get the opportunityto go out, I want to put on a
(06:12):
cute outfit.
And there was one of my friendswho was literally like, oh my
God, like why do you have todress up every time we go out?
It's just brunch.
Can't you just come casual andrelax?
It's like dude, why does itmatter?
Like, why I spend every day inyoga pants?
I don't want to wear yoga pantswhen I go for brunch.
(06:33):
I mean, sometimes I do, butmost times I don't.
Most times I want to put on acute fucking outfit and that is
my prerogative right.
I used to get so triggered bythat and I think I'm probably
still triggered because, like,listen to me, but it really like
I mean, at the end of the day,it comes down to and this is the
(06:53):
assumption or not assumption,but this is the conclusion I've
drawn from these experiences isthat when people are trying to
keep you down, when people aretrying to make you dim yourself,
shrink yourself, not get somuch attention, not gain so many
(07:13):
accolades, it's because they insome way, shape or form, feel
threatened by you.
Now, both of these individualsthat I'm speaking of today, you
know, initially, although it wasvery triggering for me and it
was very uncomfortable for me,and it kind of felt like it was
very off.
I'm choking Truth being toldhere.
(07:34):
It was very off-putting for meand what I realized in this
exchange with both of theseindividuals was actually how
(07:56):
uncomfortable they were with mysuccess because of in both of
them.
But ultimately both of themwanted to be the most liked, the
most appreciated, the most ofvalue they took.
They took pride in making surethat others around them not
everybody in most cases, butdepending on the environment or
(08:19):
the circle that they were in,you know, when it was one that
they wanted to win the approvalof, they took pride in going
above and beyond to win thatapproval.
There were some circles wherethey could give a flying fuck,
honestly, what the other peoplethought of them.
They were very strong women, tobe honest, so there were some
environments where they couldgive a flying fuck what anybody
thought of them.
So kudos to them for that.
(08:40):
But then there was otherenvironments where they needed
to be kind of the center ofattention, the most pleasing
person in the room or in theconversation at all times.
And luckily for me, I was in theroom with them when they needed
to be the most pleasing and themost appreciated, and so when I
(09:01):
would shine, it would unnervethe fuck out of them and they
would come at me and this wasvery jarring because it made me
feel defensive.
It would put me in fight mode.
So obviously there was a traumathere, right where, for me,
what was coming up was, you know, when I was younger and you
(09:22):
know, you know, with my circleof friends, you know, there's
always those, those couple ofgirls, was, you know, when I was
younger and you know, you know,with my circle of friends, you
know, there's always those,those couple of girls where, you
know, I kind of felt like Icould never really shine.
They were always like beratingme.
They were always judging me.
You know, when I did shine, theykind of, you know, they started
rumors behind my back.
They talk shit about me becauseat the end of the day, they
needed to have the upper hand.
(09:44):
They were very insecure girlsand they made themselves feel
better about themselves byputting me down.
And they were friends, but theywere almost bullies, like they
were your typical mean girl,right?
And so that's the vibe, that'swhat it was bringing me back to,
right, and so that's what kindof that, that that's the vibe,
(10:04):
that, that's what it wasbringing me back to right.
It was bringing me back to thatyou know, little nine, 10 year
old me, who was feeling bulliedby the girls around them, who
was feeling like you know, thepeople that she called her good
friends, her best friends, whoyou know, who for the most part
were loving and supportive andkind, you know, would suddenly,
like you know, who for the mostpart were loving and supportive
and kind, you know, wouldsuddenly, like you know, throw
(10:26):
them off the pedestal the minutethey started to shine or get
attention, because it made themfeel less uncomfortable and less
about themselves.
So, you know, that was, it washealing, sure, because I got to
go back to that little girl andtell her listen, boo, these
people would not be treating youlike this if they didn't, in
some way, shape or form, feelthreatened by you.
(10:47):
So actually, it's not becauseyou're a bad person, it's not
because you're uncool, it's notbecause you're uncute and it's
not because you don't deserveall this attention, affection
and accolades and the freedom toshine to your heart's content.
It's because you are shining somuch and it's making them as
comfortable as fuck, becausethey don't feel good in who they
are and so, instead of liftingthemselves up, which is what a
(11:09):
healthy, emotionally matureperson would do.
They are trying to tear youdown, to bring you down to their
level.
Well, so, needless to say, myhigher self was not going to
stand for that and flat out toldmy inner child you go and shine
, and shine to your heart'scontent and trust that the
people who are meant to be withyou will stay with you and the
(11:31):
ones who won't, who don't, won't, and that, no matter what
happens, know that you're safebecause I have your back.
And that's literally how wehave to have these conversations
with our inner child.
Sometimes, right, we literallyhave to say to our inner child
be the voice in the room that wewish we would have had back
when the trauma actuallyhappened.
Right, I'm here, I've got yourback, you're safe.
(11:52):
Go, fucking shine, do your damnthing and trust that the people
who are going to love you willmeet you there, you know, will
meet you at the door when youget there, you know.
And that does take trust andthat does take faith, especially
when you know we've beenconditioned for so long and we
believed for so long that it wasdangerous for us to not do
(12:17):
every pleasing thing out there,or to do the unpleasing thing
right and risk being abandonedand rejected, right, that is
scary when pleasing has beenyour default.
But in having you know andseeing it that way and seeing it
as okay, well, now they'reseeing me as a threat and I'm
(12:38):
seeing and now I'm seeing itplay out, and I'm actually
seeing the emotional response.
I'm seeing where they gettriggered.
I'm seeing where they getactivated.
I'm seeing what's activatingthem and I'm like, oh fuck, why
didn't I see the sooner?
And so I take that.
And so this was the mindsetshift.
I take that as this is not thatI'm being too much.
(13:01):
This is not about me taking uptoo much space.
This is literally about mestepping into my power.
This is literally about mestepping into my full potential.
And yeah, it's going to rattlesome feathers, but do I want to
not step into my full potentialand risk not rattling feathers?
(13:21):
Or just for the sake of notrattling feathers?
Or do I want to risk rattling afew feathers and actually step
into my full potential,especially when I think about,
right, and this was and I wouldliterally go on these mental
tangents right, well, what'swaiting for me on the other side
of when I reach my fullpotential.
Right, and that could be manythings.
It could be many things formany different people.
It could be stepping into theright career.
(13:46):
It could be earning more income.
It could be finding the rightrelationships.
It could be finding the rightpartner.
It could be, finally, you know,achieving the health and
well-being that you've beentrying to achieve for so long.
You know, whatever that is foryou, what is the cost?
Like, what is it costing you tokeep yourself small, to keep
other people from gettinguncomfortable?
Right, and how can you, you know, recognize that it has nothing
(14:09):
to do with you and everything todo with them, and you make the
conscious choice to take that asa sign that you are moving in
the right direction.
You are moving the directiontowards your full potential, and
it's ruffling some feathers andthat's okay.
And you continue to grow andyou continue to expand and you
continue to shine and youcontinue to evolve.
And when you outgrow the room,you enter a fucking different
(14:32):
room.
Like, just leave the room andgo into another room that can
hold your vibe, your energy,your shine, your light.
Right, instead of always tryingto fit into rooms where you've
outgrown, where maybe you'rejust too sometimes we're just
too good for the rooms thatwe're in, you know.
I know I was in a room that Iwas too good for what I was in
(14:54):
and I know that you know I hadmade that choice because that
was the choice I needed to makeat the time because of, you know
, whatever was going on with myfamily and my caregiving
responsibilities, and I justneeded something convenient in
that moment.
But I know that there was some,you know, powerful skills that
I was not utilizing in this role.
I was actually feeling like Iwas, you know, keeping myself
(15:17):
small by being there and itstarted to actually feel like,
you know, like like I was havingan aversion to being in my own
skin.
You know, because I know whatI'm capable of and I know what
it is that I bring to the table.
And, you know, as I started tolet that part of myself be seen,
I realized I was in the wrongroom.
(15:38):
And that's okay, you know,that's okay.
The important thing is that wedon't let the room decide what
we think we're capable of.
Right, I can recognize that I'mcapable of so much more.
I'm capable.
I'm capable of, you know,bringing XYZ to the table.
I have XYZ experience.
I have talents and gifts in allsorts of places.
(16:00):
Right, we're talking about theworkplace right now.
So I know that where I'm atright now, although it's great,
I have a great team.
I have, for the most part, Ihave a great team.
You know.
It's easy, it's flexible and itgives me the freedom to do what
I need to do.
But I know that I'm capable ofmore and I'm just I'm going to
keep leaning into what that moreis and trust that the pieces
(16:20):
are going to kind of fall wherethey may and I'm going to keep
my eyes open, my peepers peeled,to figure out what that next
step is, what that next room isthat I can step into.
That may feel a littleuncomfortably large at first,
but that, I know, is where I ammeant to be.
So I take it as a sign that I'mmoving towards my fullest
potential.
I take it as a sign that I'm onthe right track and I take it
(16:42):
as a sign that, you know, maybeI've outgrown some of these
spaces and that's okay and I'mgoing to keep my, my focus and
intention on always showing upas the best version of myself,
no matter who's uncomfortable inthe room, doing it obviously
respectfully, and then, you know, keeping my focus on what that
(17:02):
next step that I'm moving intois, and I think that when we can
take it from that perspective,you know, from that empowered
state versus okay, well, how amI going to like, how am I going
to say, how am I going to statemy opinion without actually
stepping on anyone's toes, orhow am I going to actually let
them know what it is that I cando without it making anybody
else feel like I'm somehowcompeting with them or outdoing
(17:24):
them or trying to outshine them?
It's not about that, and ifit's about that, then I will
look at your own insecuritiesbecause, you know, the only time
we ever try to compete or putother people down and make other
people feel bad aboutthemselves or what they bring to
the table, is because, in someway, shape or form, we feel less
than.
So maybe there's somewhere inthere that maybe you're feeling
(17:45):
less than, but if this is comingfrom a genuine place of I know
what the fuck I'm capable of, Iknow what it is I'm here to do,
I know my gifts and my talentsand the experiences that I bring
to the table, and I'm going tolet that be seen right and I'm
going to let that contribute.
And I'm going to let thatcontribute and I'm going to let
that add value and I'm going touse that in positive ways to
create impact.
When you can do that, and dothat from a place of recognizing
(18:12):
that when these things happen,they're just goalposts, letting
you know that you're moving inthe right direction.
And, rather than shying awayfrom those opportunities, lean
in.
Lean in to making people feeluncomfortable, lean in and keep
(18:35):
stepping forward when peoplemake you feel like you know
you're taking up too much spaceor you're shining too much, or
you're.
You know you're coming acrossum you're, you know you're,
you're, you're coming across umthey're.
They're taking it ascompetition rather than, um, you
know your own personal uh,achievement or elevation and and
how you're trying to toup-level yourself and your
career.
These are all very unhealthypatterns and obviously you know
(18:59):
they're coming from a woundedplace.
Um, you know, hurt people.
Hurt people, right?
Obviously, if they're feelingfrom a wounded place, hurt
people, hurt people, right.
Obviously, if they're feelingthis insecure to take me,
showcasing my skills as a threat, obviously there's something
wrong there, right?
I'm not saying that there'ssomething wrong with them, but
obviously there's some issuesthat they're working through
that is triggering for them, andmy hope is that one day they
(19:22):
see it that way, you know, sothat they can heal these wounded
parts of themselves.
But to hold myself down, to letmy to to you know, dull my shine
to to, um, you know, uh, uh,not sugarcoat, but to veil or to
hide the experience, the value,the skill set that I bring to
(19:45):
the table so that I can keepothers, by feeling threatened by
them, fuck, no, like, no, thatis.
I'm just not available for thatanymore.
There was a time when I used todo that, because the most
important thing for me was tofit in and to be liked.
And it's not that I don't liketo fit in, it's not that I don't
like to be liked, and it's notthat I don't like to fit in.
It's not that I don't like tobe liked, and it's not that I
(20:05):
don't like to be friend, createfriendships in the workplace.
I'm not ruthless Like, I'malways very respectful and I'm
always very supportive of otherpeople's ideas and perspectives,
and that's one thing that Ialways, you know, try to
advocate for is to people, forto create a space where people
can bring their insights, theirideas and and and and their,
their skills and feel celebratedand acknowledged for it.
(20:28):
Because I think, you know, themore we can do that, the more we
can accomplish.
When we can, you know, lifteach other up, and I'm I'm a I'm
a huge believer in especiallywomen lifting up other women.
Like we need more women inleadership roles, we need more
women out there making an impact, and if we keep cutting each
other down like this, like we'renever going to get there.
(20:49):
So I believe in lifting myselfand in lifting others too.
So you know, I will continue toadvocate for other women to
uplift themselves, to showcasetheir skills, to shine and to
add value and to create impact.
I will continue to try and dothe same and, unfortunately for
the women, that it makes themuncomfortable.
(21:11):
I hope that they take it as aninvitation to maybe get to that
place where they feel confidentenough and good enough and
worthy enough within themselvesto be able to lift up other
women as well and not see themas a threat.
And sometimes I think there'sjust like fine line of like oh
yeah, I'm willing to lift upother women and support other
(21:32):
women and help other womenelevate until they get better
than me and then suddenly I wantto cut them down.
There's that too, you know, andI've seen that.
Where it's like, yeah, I'mcheering you on, and I've seen
that, where it's like, yeah, I'mcheering you on and I support
you and I want you to accept.
What do you mean?
You're making more money thanme, right?
What do you mean?
You just got the promotion thatI've been pining for for like
(21:52):
the last like five years and youbasically just woke up one day
and it like dropped right inyour lap, like what do you mean?
What do you mean?
You got the perfect partnerthat I've been, like you know,
dating every douchebag for thelast 10 years, trying to sift
through, and you date one guyand suddenly you find him out of
like, like like an oyster outof a fucking, like a, like a
pearl out of an oyster shell.
Like what is that?
You know there's that too,right?
(22:15):
So don't let that mislead youeither.
All of these are tribal wounds,sisterhood wounds that we've
kind of again going back to thatwhole.
We do see other women often ascompetition, but in these cases,
especially in the workplace,this can happen with men too.
This is not a sisterhood wound,this is a survival wound.
(22:36):
This is a patriarchal beliefthat makes us believe that we
always need to be winning, thatwe always need to be the most
powerful person in the room, themost valuable person in the
room.
Otherwise, you know, our career, our livelihood, our survival,
our very survival, could bethreatened if we're not you know
.
So that's where I think thedifference comes between this
(22:57):
and last episode.
Last episode, we talked a lotabout the sisterhood wound.
This goes a little bit deeper,right, so I will leave you with
that.
I feel like I kind of went on atangent today.
I don't know if you gotanything from that, but other
than to say I give youpermission to shine to your
heart's content, to let yourvalue and your worth be seen and
(23:21):
witnessed by all, to lead, tocreate impact, to make positive
momentum in your life, in yourcommunities and in the world
around you, and to really stepinto your full potential.
And when you see people in thatprocess trying to tear you down
, take that as a sign thatyou're moving in the right
(23:42):
direction, because darkness willalways try and take down light.
So if the darkness is trying totake you down, take that as
confirmation that you're shiningas bright as fuck and to keep
shining.
And if you're in rooms orplaces or environments that just
you know, you feel like, youknow you keep putting your value
(24:03):
out there and people are yeah,yeah, that's great and anyway.
So we're going to go over here,you know, when it's not, when
you're not making the impactthat you want to make with your
skills, with your, with thevalue that you bring, with your
perspective, your insights, youknow, maybe it's time to think
about getting a different,getting into a different room, a
(24:26):
different conversation, sittingat a different table, one where
you can actually make adifference.
And I do believe and I willleave you with this one thought
you know it's not up to the roomto decide whether we think our,
what we have to bring, isvaluable.
We need to innately know thatwhat we bring is of value, and
waiting for the room to tell uswhether or not it's valuable is
you know that's another form ofthat's waiting for external
(24:47):
validation right, we need toknow that it's valuable and when
we know that it's valuable, andwe bring it to the table, and
we bring it confidently whetheror not other people want to pick
it up.
That is their prerogative right.
People always have a choice,but and we shouldn't let whether
or not people pick it updetermine the value that it
brings.
But and so I say that toillustrate the point you know
(25:10):
sometimes rooms that make youfeel small.
If it's making you feel small,then that means you have some
work to do so that you don'tfeel small in those rooms.
Are you following me?
So like, if you walk into aroom and no one's appreciating
what you bring to the table andsuddenly you're feeling really
small?
Well then there's some work todo because, regardless of what's
(25:31):
happening in your surroundings,you should never let your
surroundings dictate whether ornot you bring value or not.
Right, but when you can walkinto a room and add value, share
your gifts, share your talents,share your insights, and either
A, you'll make an impact withthem or, b, you know, maybe you
(25:54):
don't make an impact with themand people don't pick action on
them, or you know, work withthem, but you still feel like,
okay, well, maybe they didn'tpick that up and they didn't
want to run with it, but I stillfeel like I know I add value.
That's when you know you'recoming from a whole place and
(26:17):
when you can be in a room andsay, well, you know, maybe they
didn't pick that up or you knowmaybe, um, that wasn't for them
or they weren't ready for thatat the time, but I know that I
still bring value.
Um, you know maybe that maybeyou could still be in that room
and still contribute and stilloffer your ideas and still offer
your perspective and still letyour light shine.
And if it's constantly, if it'sconstantly where they're not
(26:39):
picking up your ideas or lettingyou shine or letting you share
your gifts and your talents withthe team or the community or
the organization, then itprobably is time to find a new
room or a new table to sit at,right, one that'll really
appreciate what you have tooffer.
Because if you know that youhave to offer it, now it's up to
(27:00):
you to find a place where youcan utilize it and make impact
with it.
Right, and if you have skillsthat you need to.
This is totally becoming we'vetotally veered from
relationships and targetedcareer thing or purpose.
But if you can walk into thosespaces knowing the value that
you bring, knowing the impactthat you can make and you can
(27:20):
continue to take aligned actionwith that.
That's what you want and youknow, eventually you'll get into
those rooms where you're meantto be, where you can make the
impact, where you can add thevalue and where you can lead
with confidence.
Right, so keep leaning intothat.
But if there's a part of youthat is feeling small in these
(27:42):
rooms because they're notvaluing your ideas, and that is
your work to do, to see, okay,where can I find the value in me
, the worthiness in me, withoutneeding that external validation
?
Because, let me tell you, I didit with this podcast.
Like, for so long I felt likenobody was listening.
I kept fucking talking.
I kept fucking talking becauseI knew I had stories, I had been
(28:04):
through some shit and I wantedto share some shit, right, and I
knew that some of that shit wasgoing to be really helpful for
other people to listen to.
And so had I not leaned intothat discomfort of feeling like,
well, nobody's listening, sonobody really cares anyway, here
we are a few years later.
You know, over 100 countrieslisten to the podcast, over
(28:28):
1,000 cities.
You know, all over the worldSome of them I can't even
fucking pronounce and they'vebeen listening to my content,
right, and imagine the impactthat I wouldn't have made had I
given in to that feeling of,well, nobody's listening, so why
bother?
You will find your mic.
(28:49):
You will find your mic, youwill find your podium.
The point is keep leaning in,keep believing, keep trusting,
keep sharing, keep shining.
And when it feels like you knowyou're in a space where you
know the value that you bring,you see the value that you bring
(29:09):
.
You know what you're capable ofbut there's just no room to
really make a dent with that,that's when you know it's time
to move.
Okay.
And if you're feeling smallbecause you know the people
around you aren't picking up onyour ideas or appreciating you
know what it is that you bringto the table and what you have
to offer and what you share,then that is yours to do.
(29:31):
That is your work to do beforeyou start to get into those
bigger conversations, becausewhen you get into those bigger
rooms you get to sit at thosebigger tables.
Let me tell you, if you're notsolid and believing, you know
who you are and what you're allabout and what you're talking
about, they are going to, like,rattle you more than any of
those small rooms ever couldtrust me.
So some unsolicited careeradvice today.
(29:55):
We started with relationships.
We moved into career andpurpose, so take with Matt what
you will.
I love you guys Until next time, massive love.
Hey you guys, what is up?
Welcome back to the show.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you guys back.
Welcome, if you're new.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that we recently had a
very similar conversation hereon the podcast, but I kind of
wanted to take it from adifferent perspective, and that
is this idea of how sometimeswe're made to feel like we're
(00:20):
too much, or we need to kind oftone ourselves down a little bit
, dim our light in order to fitin, in order to be liked and to
be appreciated, and sometimes wewalk into these rooms or
environments or situations andwe're made to feel like we're
too much, and then we're made tofeel bad for being too much, as
(00:42):
if being too much is kind of abad thing.
And I'm here to tell you thatyou're not too much.
You're probably just in thewrong room.
You know You're probably in thewrong room and there's probably
some mindset work to be donethere.
About again on that fear ofabandonment, right, and fear of
rejection and fear of being leftbehind, because ultimately
(01:04):
we're afraid that if we um, westand out too much, if we shine
too much, if we take up too muchspace, if we allow just
ourselves to be seen and otherpeople to be threatened by our
presence or to feel like they'rein competition and, worst case,
losing um, then we're afraidthat we're going to be ejected
from the tribe and exiled andleft to die alone, literally.
(01:25):
That is the core, foundationalwound that is coming up in this
moment.
So, again, you know, safetyfirst, always reminding yourself
that you are safe in all ofthese circumstances, is so
important.
So we talked about this fromthe perspective of the
sisterhood wound and how youknow, women constantly compete
(01:48):
against one another and this isprobably along the lines of the
same thing, but I want to bringa different lens to it.
So I recently had thisexperience of, you know, being
made to feel like I was too muchand I'm using air quotes right
now being made to feel like Iwas too much and I'm using air
quotes right now, um, and ithappened specifically in the
workplace and in my friendshipcircle, where I was made to feel
(02:10):
like I was too much, that Ineeded to tone it down, that I
needed to to um not take up somuch space, not be quite so seen
, not um, hold myself to such ahigh standard, because it was
making people around meuncomfortable In the workplace.
(02:31):
Specifically, right, thislooked like, you know, I wasn't
allowed to shine, I wasn'tallowed to really showcase my
skill set or my knowledge andyou know, what I brought to the
table?
I couldn't share an authenticperspective and insight and
opinion, and if I did, it wasall of the above was somewhat
(02:53):
treated more like competitionrather than my own, you know,
freedom to shine and to exceland to really share my gifts,
you know, and my talents with myteam.
So, instead of being seen as apositive where oh yeah, she's
really talented and XYZ andshe's, you know, she really
brings a perspective.
(03:13):
Maybe, ian, you know, maybe youdon't have to agree with me I
don't expect everybody to agreewith me, but I think that the
whole how dare you bring anopposing opinion?
Is different than, okay, I seeyour opinion and I can see where
it's coming from, but you knowthere's two different ways to
handle that.
Right, I don't believe, youknow, I don't appreciate being
(03:36):
in a silo where everybody justkind of agrees with whatever it
is that I have to offer, but Ido want to be able to offer, you
know, I do want to be able tovoice an opinion, a concern an
insight, a perspective thatmaybe somebody else hasn't seen,
I just put it out on the tableand just allow it to just be
there.
You know, whether people, likeyou know, want to adhere to it,
like whether people want to takeit and run with it, so be it.
(03:58):
If not great.
But to be made to feel like Ishould not have an insight or an
opinion or a differentperspective, to be made to feel
like anytime I shine or bring myskill set or my value or my
experience to the conversationto see if I could, you know, use
(04:21):
my experience to add more valueand to create positive change,
to make me feel like that's abad thing, that's not cool.
You know, that really justcomes down to again that you
know oftentimes and I see thisso much when I see, you know,
people pleasers in the roomtogether where we're all just
(04:43):
kind of trying to and I've beenthere, I've been in the
situation so many times wherewe're all just trying to like,
kind of like, outdo each otherto see who is the ultimate
pleasing person in the room,because we feel so safe when we
are the most pleasing and it canbe very threatening when we're
not.
It can make us feel like we'rereplaceable, like that.
(05:06):
And that's literally what I sawin this other person that I was
in this exchange with right.
So, and then also in friendshipcircles, where, you know, I
wasn't allowed to stand out toomuch or get too much attention
or, you know, especially frommen, right or I wasn't allowed
to look too good, I wasdiscouraged from, you know,
(05:29):
getting dressed up.
And I want to just preface thisby saying I'm a girl's girl.
I, you know, I went to fashionschool.
I love any excuse Not that Ineed an excuse, but I love any
excuse to put on a fucking cuteoutfit and get out, especially
now that you know I'm home somuch, right, like I work from
home, I run my business fromhome, I'm a home caregiver for
(05:52):
my parents.
Like I'm home, home, home, home,home.
Like I do get out.
It's not that I don't get out,but I spend way too much time at
home.
I'm usually in like some sortof like yoga pant or like
exercise or lounge wear, so Idon't get to get dressed up and
put on a cute outfit and go outall that often.
So when I get the opportunityto go out, I want to put on a
(06:12):
cute outfit.
And there was one of my friendswho was literally like, oh my
God, like why do you have todress up every time we go out?
It's just brunch.
Can't you just come casual andrelax?
It's like dude, why does itmatter?
Like, why I spend every day inyoga pants?
I don't want to wear yoga pantswhen I go for brunch.
(06:33):
I mean, sometimes I do, butmost times I don't.
Most times I want to put on acute fucking outfit and that is
my prerogative right.
I used to get so triggered bythat and I think I'm probably
still triggered because, like,listen to me, but it really like
I mean, at the end of the day,it comes down to and this is the
(06:53):
assumption or not assumption,but this is the conclusion I've
drawn from these experiences isthat when people are trying to
keep you down, when people aretrying to make you dim yourself,
shrink yourself, not get somuch attention, not gain so many
(07:13):
accolades, it's because they insome way, shape or form, feel
threatened by you.
Now, both of these individualsthat I'm speaking of today, you
know, initially, although it wasvery triggering for me and it
was very uncomfortable for me,and it kind of felt like it was
very off.
I'm choking Truth being toldhere.
(07:34):
It was very off-putting for meand what I realized in this
exchange with both of theseindividuals was actually how
(07:56):
uncomfortable they were with mysuccess because of in both of
them.
But ultimately both of themwanted to be the most liked, the
most appreciated, the most ofvalue they took.
They took pride in making surethat others around them not
everybody in most cases, butdepending on the environment or
(08:19):
the circle that they were in,you know, when it was one that
they wanted to win the approvalof, they took pride in going
above and beyond to win thatapproval.
There were some circles wherethey could give a flying fuck,
honestly, what the other peoplethought of them.
They were very strong women, tobe honest, so there were some
environments where they couldgive a flying fuck what anybody
thought of them.
So kudos to them for that.
(08:40):
But then there was otherenvironments where they needed
to be kind of the center ofattention, the most pleasing
person in the room or in theconversation at all times.
And luckily for me, I was in theroom with them when they needed
to be the most pleasing and themost appreciated, and so when I
(09:01):
would shine, it would unnervethe fuck out of them and they
would come at me and this wasvery jarring because it made me
feel defensive.
It would put me in fight mode.
So obviously there was a traumathere, right where, for me,
what was coming up was, you know, when I was younger and you
(09:22):
know, you know, with my circleof friends, you know, there's
always those, those couple ofgirls, was, you know, when I was
younger and you know, you know,with my circle of friends, you
know, there's always those,those couple of girls where, you
know, I kind of felt like Icould never really shine.
They were always like beratingme.
They were always judging me.
You know, when I did shine, theykind of, you know, they started
rumors behind my back.
They talk shit about me becauseat the end of the day, they
needed to have the upper hand.
(09:44):
They were very insecure girlsand they made themselves feel
better about themselves byputting me down.
And they were friends, but theywere almost bullies, like they
were your typical mean girl,right?
And so that's the vibe, that'swhat it was bringing me back to,
right, and so that's what kindof that, that that's the vibe,
(10:04):
that, that's what it wasbringing me back to right.
It was bringing me back to thatyou know, little nine, 10 year
old me, who was feeling bulliedby the girls around them, who
was feeling like you know, thepeople that she called her good
friends, her best friends, whoyou know, who for the most part
were loving and supportive andkind, you know, would suddenly,
like you know, who for the mostpart were loving and supportive
and kind, you know, wouldsuddenly, like you know, throw
(10:26):
them off the pedestal the minutethey started to shine or get
attention, because it made themfeel less uncomfortable and less
about themselves.
So, you know, that was, it washealing, sure, because I got to
go back to that little girl andtell her listen, boo, these
people would not be treating youlike this if they didn't, in
some way, shape or form, feelthreatened by you.
(10:47):
So actually, it's not becauseyou're a bad person, it's not
because you're uncool, it's notbecause you're uncute and it's
not because you don't deserveall this attention, affection
and accolades and the freedom toshine to your heart's content.
It's because you are shining somuch and it's making them as
comfortable as fuck, becausethey don't feel good in who they
are and so, instead of liftingthemselves up, which is what a
(11:09):
healthy, emotionally matureperson would do.
They are trying to tear youdown, to bring you down to their
level.
Well, so, needless to say, myhigher self was not going to
stand for that and flat out toldmy inner child you go and shine
, and shine to your heart'scontent and trust that the
people who are meant to be withyou will stay with you and the
(11:31):
ones who won't, who don't, won't, and that, no matter what
happens, know that you're safebecause I have your back.
And that's literally how wehave to have these conversations
with our inner child.
Sometimes, right, we literallyhave to say to our inner child
be the voice in the room that wewish we would have had back
when the trauma actuallyhappened.
Right, I'm here, I've got yourback, you're safe.
(11:52):
Go, fucking shine, do your damnthing and trust that the people
who are going to love you willmeet you there, you know, will
meet you at the door when youget there, you know.
And that does take trust andthat does take faith, especially
when you know we've beenconditioned for so long and we
believed for so long that it wasdangerous for us to not do
(12:17):
every pleasing thing out there,or to do the unpleasing thing
right and risk being abandonedand rejected, right, that is
scary when pleasing has beenyour default.
But in having you know andseeing it that way and seeing it
as okay, well, now they'reseeing me as a threat and I'm
(12:38):
seeing and now I'm seeing itplay out, and I'm actually
seeing the emotional response.
I'm seeing where they gettriggered.
I'm seeing where they getactivated.
I'm seeing what's activatingthem and I'm like, oh fuck, why
didn't I see the sooner?
And so I take that.
And so this was the mindsetshift.
I take that as this is not thatI'm being too much.
(13:01):
This is not about me taking uptoo much space.
This is literally about mestepping into my power.
This is literally about mestepping into my full potential.
And yeah, it's going to rattlesome feathers, but do I want to
not step into my full potentialand risk not rattling feathers?
(13:21):
Or just for the sake of notrattling feathers?
Or do I want to risk rattling afew feathers and actually step
into my full potential,especially when I think about,
right, and this was and I wouldliterally go on these mental
tangents right, well, what'swaiting for me on the other side
of when I reach my fullpotential.
Right, and that could be manythings.
It could be many things formany different people.
It could be stepping into theright career.
(13:46):
It could be earning more income.
It could be finding the rightrelationships.
It could be finding the rightpartner.
It could be, finally, you know,achieving the health and
well-being that you've beentrying to achieve for so long.
You know, whatever that is foryou, what is the cost?
Like, what is it costing you tokeep yourself small, to keep
other people from gettinguncomfortable?
Right, and how can you, you know, recognize that it has nothing
(14:09):
to do with you and everything todo with them, and you make the
conscious choice to take that asa sign that you are moving in
the right direction.
You are moving the directiontowards your full potential, and
it's ruffling some feathers andthat's okay.
And you continue to grow andyou continue to expand and you
continue to shine and youcontinue to evolve.
And when you outgrow the room,you enter a fucking different
(14:32):
room.
Like, just leave the room andgo into another room that can
hold your vibe, your energy,your shine, your light.
Right, instead of always tryingto fit into rooms where you've
outgrown, where maybe you'rejust too sometimes we're just
too good for the rooms thatwe're in, you know.
I know I was in a room that Iwas too good for what I was in
(14:54):
and I know that you know I hadmade that choice because that
was the choice I needed to makeat the time because of, you know
, whatever was going on with myfamily and my caregiving
responsibilities, and I justneeded something convenient in
that moment.
But I know that there was some,you know, powerful skills that
I was not utilizing in this role.
I was actually feeling like Iwas, you know, keeping myself
(15:17):
small by being there and itstarted to actually feel like,
you know, like like I was havingan aversion to being in my own
skin.
You know, because I know whatI'm capable of and I know what
it is that I bring to the table.
And, you know, as I started tolet that part of myself be seen,
I realized I was in the wrongroom.
(15:38):
And that's okay, you know,that's okay.
The important thing is that wedon't let the room decide what
we think we're capable of.
Right, I can recognize that I'mcapable of so much more.
I'm capable.
I'm capable of, you know,bringing XYZ to the table.
I have XYZ experience.
I have talents and gifts in allsorts of places.
(16:00):
Right, we're talking about theworkplace right now.
So I know that where I'm atright now, although it's great,
I have a great team.
I have, for the most part, Ihave a great team.
You know.
It's easy, it's flexible and itgives me the freedom to do what
I need to do.
But I know that I'm capable ofmore and I'm just I'm going to
keep leaning into what that moreis and trust that the pieces
(16:20):
are going to kind of fall wherethey may and I'm going to keep
my eyes open, my peepers peeled,to figure out what that next
step is, what that next room isthat I can step into.
That may feel a littleuncomfortably large at first,
but that, I know, is where I ammeant to be.
So I take it as a sign that I'mmoving towards my fullest
potential.
I take it as a sign that I'm onthe right track and I take it
(16:42):
as a sign that, you know, maybeI've outgrown some of these
spaces and that's okay and I'mgoing to keep my, my focus and
intention on always showing upas the best version of myself,
no matter who's uncomfortable inthe room, doing it obviously
respectfully, and then, you know, keeping my focus on what that
(17:02):
next step that I'm moving intois, and I think that when we can
take it from that perspective,you know, from that empowered
state versus okay, well, how amI going to like, how am I going
to say, how am I going to statemy opinion without actually
stepping on anyone's toes, orhow am I going to actually let
them know what it is that I cando without it making anybody
else feel like I'm somehowcompeting with them or outdoing
(17:24):
them or trying to outshine them?
It's not about that, and ifit's about that, then I will
look at your own insecuritiesbecause, you know, the only time
we ever try to compete or putother people down and make other
people feel bad aboutthemselves or what they bring to
the table, is because, in someway, shape or form, we feel less
than.
So maybe there's somewhere inthere that maybe you're feeling
(17:45):
less than, but if this is comingfrom a genuine place of I know
what the fuck I'm capable of, Iknow what it is I'm here to do,
I know my gifts and my talentsand the experiences that I bring
to the table, and I'm going tolet that be seen right and I'm
going to let that contribute.
And I'm going to let thatcontribute and I'm going to let
that add value and I'm going touse that in positive ways to
create impact.
When you can do that, and dothat from a place of recognizing
(18:12):
that when these things happen,they're just goalposts, letting
you know that you're moving inthe right direction.
And, rather than shying awayfrom those opportunities, lean
in.
Lean in to making people feeluncomfortable, lean in and keep
(18:35):
stepping forward when peoplemake you feel like you know
you're taking up too much spaceor you're shining too much, or
you're.
You know you're coming acrossum you're, you know you're,
you're, you're coming across umthey're.
They're taking it ascompetition rather than, um, you
know your own personal uh,achievement or elevation and and
how you're trying to toup-level yourself and your
career.
These are all very unhealthypatterns and obviously you know
(18:59):
they're coming from a woundedplace.
Um, you know, hurt people.
Hurt people, right?
Obviously, if they're feelingfrom a wounded place, hurt
people, hurt people, right.
Obviously, if they're feelingthis insecure to take me,
showcasing my skills as a threat, obviously there's something
wrong there, right?
I'm not saying that there'ssomething wrong with them, but
obviously there's some issuesthat they're working through
that is triggering for them, andmy hope is that one day they
(19:22):
see it that way, you know, sothat they can heal these wounded
parts of themselves.
But to hold myself down, to letmy to to you know, dull my shine
to to, um, you know, uh, uh,not sugarcoat, but to veil or to
hide the experience, the value,the skill set that I bring to
(19:45):
the table so that I can keepothers, by feeling threatened by
them, fuck, no, like, no, thatis.
I'm just not available for thatanymore.
There was a time when I used todo that, because the most
important thing for me was tofit in and to be liked.
And it's not that I don't liketo fit in, it's not that I don't
like to be liked, and it's notthat I don't like to fit in.
It's not that I don't like tobe liked, and it's not that I
(20:05):
don't like to be friend, createfriendships in the workplace.
I'm not ruthless Like, I'malways very respectful and I'm
always very supportive of otherpeople's ideas and perspectives,
and that's one thing that Ialways, you know, try to
advocate for is to people, forto create a space where people
can bring their insights, theirideas and and and and their,
their skills and feel celebratedand acknowledged for it.
(20:28):
Because I think, you know, themore we can do that, the more we
can accomplish.
When we can, you know, lifteach other up, and I'm I'm a I'm
a huge believer in especiallywomen lifting up other women.
Like we need more women inleadership roles, we need more
women out there making an impact, and if we keep cutting each
other down like this, like we'renever going to get there.
(20:49):
So I believe in lifting myselfand in lifting others too.
So you know, I will continue toadvocate for other women to
uplift themselves, to showcasetheir skills, to shine and to
add value and to create impact.
I will continue to try and dothe same and, unfortunately for
the women, that it makes themuncomfortable.
(21:11):
I hope that they take it as aninvitation to maybe get to that
place where they feel confidentenough and good enough and
worthy enough within themselvesto be able to lift up other
women as well and not see themas a threat.
And sometimes I think there'sjust like fine line of like oh
yeah, I'm willing to lift upother women and support other
(21:32):
women and help other womenelevate until they get better
than me and then suddenly I wantto cut them down.
There's that too, you know, andI've seen that.
Where it's like, yeah, I'mcheering you on, and I've seen
that, where it's like, yeah, I'mcheering you on and I support
you and I want you to accept.
What do you mean?
You're making more money thanme, right?
What do you mean?
You just got the promotion thatI've been pining for for like
(21:52):
the last like five years and youbasically just woke up one day
and it like dropped right inyour lap, like what do you mean?
What do you mean?
You got the perfect partnerthat I've been, like you know,
dating every douchebag for thelast 10 years, trying to sift
through, and you date one guyand suddenly you find him out of
like, like like an oyster outof a fucking, like a, like a
pearl out of an oyster shell.
Like what is that?
You know there's that too,right?
(22:15):
So don't let that mislead youeither.
All of these are tribal wounds,sisterhood wounds that we've
kind of again going back to thatwhole.
We do see other women often ascompetition, but in these cases,
especially in the workplace,this can happen with men too.
This is not a sisterhood wound,this is a survival wound.
(22:36):
This is a patriarchal beliefthat makes us believe that we
always need to be winning, thatwe always need to be the most
powerful person in the room, themost valuable person in the
room.
Otherwise, you know, our career, our livelihood, our survival,
our very survival, could bethreatened if we're not you know
.
So that's where I think thedifference comes between this
(22:57):
and last episode.
Last episode, we talked a lotabout the sisterhood wound.
This goes a little bit deeper,right, so I will leave you with
that.
I feel like I kind of went on atangent today.
I don't know if you gotanything from that, but other
than to say I give youpermission to shine to your
heart's content, to let yourvalue and your worth be seen and
(23:21):
witnessed by all, to lead, tocreate impact, to make positive
momentum in your life, in yourcommunities and in the world
around you, and to really stepinto your full potential.
And when you see people in thatprocess trying to tear you down
, take that as a sign thatyou're moving in the right
(23:42):
direction, because darkness willalways try and take down light.
So if the darkness is trying totake you down, take that as
confirmation that you're shiningas bright as fuck and to keep
shining.
And if you're in rooms orplaces or environments that just
you know, you feel like, youknow you keep putting your value
(24:03):
out there and people are yeah,yeah, that's great and anyway.
So we're going to go over here,you know, when it's not, when
you're not making the impactthat you want to make with your
skills, with your, with thevalue that you bring, with your
perspective, your insights, youknow, maybe it's time to think
about getting a different,getting into a different room, a
(24:26):
different conversation, sittingat a different table, one where
you can actually make adifference.
And I do believe and I willleave you with this one thought
you know it's not up to the roomto decide whether we think our,
what we have to bring, isvaluable.
We need to innately know thatwhat we bring is of value, and
waiting for the room to tell uswhether or not it's valuable is
you know that's another form ofthat's waiting for external
(24:47):
validation right, we need toknow that it's valuable and when
we know that it's valuable, andwe bring it to the table, and
we bring it confidently whetheror not other people want to pick
it up.
That is their prerogative right.
People always have a choice,but and we shouldn't let whether
or not people pick it updetermine the value that it
brings.
But and so I say that toillustrate the point you know
(25:10):
sometimes rooms that make youfeel small.
If it's making you feel small,then that means you have some
work to do so that you don'tfeel small in those rooms.
Are you following me?
So like, if you walk into aroom and no one's appreciating
what you bring to the table andsuddenly you're feeling really
small?
Well then there's some work todo because, regardless of what's
(25:31):
happening in your surroundings,you should never let your
surroundings dictate whether ornot you bring value or not.
Right, but when you can walkinto a room and add value, share
your gifts, share your talents,share your insights, and either
A, you'll make an impact withthem or, b, you know, maybe you
(25:54):
don't make an impact with themand people don't pick action on
them, or you know, work withthem, but you still feel like,
okay, well, maybe they didn'tpick that up and they didn't
want to run with it, but I stillfeel like I know I add value.
That's when you know you'recoming from a whole place and
(26:17):
when you can be in a room andsay, well, you know, maybe they
didn't pick that up or you knowmaybe, um, that wasn't for them
or they weren't ready for thatat the time, but I know that I
still bring value.
Um, you know maybe that maybeyou could still be in that room
and still contribute and stilloffer your ideas and still offer
your perspective and still letyour light shine.
And if it's constantly, if it'sconstantly where they're not
(26:39):
picking up your ideas or lettingyou shine or letting you share
your gifts and your talents withthe team or the community or
the organization, then itprobably is time to find a new
room or a new table to sit at,right, one that'll really
appreciate what you have tooffer.
Because if you know that youhave to offer it, now it's up to
(27:00):
you to find a place where youcan utilize it and make impact
with it.
Right, and if you have skillsthat you need to.
This is totally becoming we'vetotally veered from
relationships and targetedcareer thing or purpose.
But if you can walk into thosespaces knowing the value that
you bring, knowing the impactthat you can make and you can
(27:20):
continue to take aligned actionwith that.
That's what you want and youknow, eventually you'll get into
those rooms where you're meantto be, where you can make the
impact, where you can add thevalue and where you can lead
with confidence.
Right, so keep leaning intothat.
But if there's a part of youthat is feeling small in these
(27:42):
rooms because they're notvaluing your ideas, and that is
your work to do, to see, okay,where can I find the value in me
, the worthiness in me, withoutneeding that external validation
?
Because, let me tell you, I didit with this podcast.
Like, for so long I felt likenobody was listening.
I kept fucking talking.
I kept fucking talking becauseI knew I had stories, I had been
(28:04):
through some shit and I wantedto share some shit, right, and I
knew that some of that shit wasgoing to be really helpful for
other people to listen to.
And so had I not leaned intothat discomfort of feeling like,
well, nobody's listening, sonobody really cares anyway, here
we are a few years later.
You know, over 100 countrieslisten to the podcast, over
(28:28):
1,000 cities.
You know, all over the worldSome of them I can't even
fucking pronounce and they'vebeen listening to my content,
right, and imagine the impactthat I wouldn't have made had I
given in to that feeling of,well, nobody's listening, so why
bother?
You will find your mic.
(28:49):
You will find your mic, youwill find your podium.
The point is keep leaning in,keep believing, keep trusting,
keep sharing, keep shining.
And when it feels like you knowyou're in a space where you
know the value that you bring,you see the value that you bring
(29:09):
.
You know what you're capable ofbut there's just no room to
really make a dent with that,that's when you know it's time
to move.
Okay.
And if you're feeling smallbecause you know the people
around you aren't picking up onyour ideas or appreciating you
know what it is that you bringto the table and what you have
to offer and what you share,then that is yours to do.
(29:31):
That is your work to do beforeyou start to get into those
bigger conversations, becausewhen you get into those bigger
rooms you get to sit at thosebigger tables.
Let me tell you, if you're notsolid and believing, you know
who you are and what you're allabout and what you're talking
about, they are going to, like,rattle you more than any of
those small rooms ever couldtrust me.
So some unsolicited careeradvice today.
(29:55):
We started with relationships.
We moved into career andpurpose, so take with Matt what
you will.
I love you guys Until next time, massive love.
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