They told you to “let it go.”
To stay soft. Stay positive. Stay silent.
But what if your rage isn’t a problem to fix — what if it’s a portal?
In this raw, unfiltered episode of The Femme Cast, we’ll crack open the misunderstood experience of rage after betrayal — not as a weakness, but as a sacred, intelligent force calling you back to yourself.
Betrayal trauma doesn’t just break your heart — it breaks your trust in your own knowing. And the rage that surfaces in its aftermath? It’s not just anger at them… it’s the buried grief of how deeply you abandoned yourself to stay loved.
🎤 You’ll discover how unprocessed rage leaks out in misplaced aggression, dreams, or chronic tension
🎤 Why suppressed emotions distort your energy and keep attracting more emotional unavailability
🎤 How to safely give rage a voice, so it can stop screaming from the shadows and start guiding your healing
🎤 And the real reason “just forgive him” never sat right with you (and never should have)
I’ll share my own personal experiences — including the explosive ways rage surfaced in dreams, traffic, and everyday life — revealing how years of self-abandonment finally came to a head. And how choosing to listen to that rage became the most holy, transformational act of self-reclamation she ever made.
Rage is not the opposite of love. Sometimes, it is love — the kind that says, never again.
If you’re ready to break the cycle, feel it all, and reclaim the voice you silenced to survive... this episode is your permission slip.
🎧 Listen now and reclaim the very part of you that you that is trying to make you feel whole again.
Your rage is holy.
Let it lead you home.
PS: Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
In case no one told you today, you’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum. You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive here:
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/products/intensive
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
You guys, what is up?
And welcome back to this show.
Today is day two of our fivepart series, the five day sacred
reclamation podcast series, thebetrayal edition, where we're
talking all about how to supportyou if you've ever been cheated
on, lied to or manipulated bysomebody that you loved and
(00:23):
trusted, and how this canliterally be the platform in
which it elevates your entirelife and transforms your entire
life.
So yesterday was day one.
We talked about how did I notsee this sooner and how to
actually forgive yourself afterthese experiences, because I
know often that can really beone of the hardest parts.
(00:44):
It certainly was one of thehardest parts for me to move
through in the beginning.
So today is day two.
We're talking all about therage that you are afraid to feel
, and I know that this is scaryand I know that this is really
uncomfortable and it doesn'talways show up right away.
Okay, it doesn't always show upright away, or sometimes it
(01:05):
shows up in very sort of likesubliminal ways that you're not
really connecting with theexperience.
It's part of the betrayaltrauma response.
I think when we move throughthese, when we move through this
rage, when we move through thisdiscomfort, when we move
through this rage, when we movethrough this discomfort, but as
(01:26):
uncomfortable as it is and asmuch as we try to avoid it, it
is going to find a way topresent itself one way or
another.
I'll tell you some of the waysit was kind of showing up for me
and then I'm also going toshare with you how I use this to
create some truly powerfulhealing for myself.
And I've kind of built it intomy sacred reclamation intensive.
(01:47):
So when you do sessions with me, when we do a lot of the
emotional, energetic work andthe emotional clearing work, a
lot of times we do tap intothese rage frequencies so that
we can kind of ignore, becausemost of the women that come to
me I'll tell you right now, mostof the women who come to me and
that I work with you know wealways look at the emotions that
are trapped within theenergetic body or the physical
(02:07):
body.
Even, and usually nine out of10 times, those emotions are
related to rage, resentment oranger.
Right, those are the emotions Isee above all else, above grief
, above guilt, above shame,above sadness, grief above guilt
, above shame, above sadness,rage, resentment and anger.
(02:27):
And I truly believe, I truly,truly, truly believe and I'm not
again, I'm not a psychologist.
This is just from what I'veexperienced and what I've seen
in the woman that I've workedwith.
If you resonate with me, youresonate with my story and you
resonate with my content.
For you, I can almost guaranteethat the rage is an evolution of
(02:50):
the resentment and the anger.
The anger comes first, right.
The anger comes when you knowwe get taken advantage of or we
give more.
You know we don't uphold ourboundaries right.
We get taken advantage of.
People hurt us, people mistreatus, people manipulate us,
people devalue us right.
So we get angry.
And then, you know, when peoplecontinue to do that, we start
(03:12):
to build resentment towards them.
We start to give more than weshould, hoping that we'll get
the love back.
Then we start to get resentfulfor all that we're giving and
how little we're getting backand eventually that all turns
into rage.
And the rage right.
The rage is the, as I've seen,it is the repetition of self.
(03:32):
It's actually, it's actuallymore directed to ourselves than
it is the other person.
It's almost like it's got multilayers right.
So whenever we look at rage, wetap into that first layer.
What do you?
What's the rage about?
What are you angry about?
Like, where's that rage comingfrom?
I'm angry at this personbecause they lied to me, they
cheated on me, they manipulatedme, they totally just
embarrassed me and humiliated mein front of all my family and
(03:54):
all my friends.
And then we kind of go a layerdeeper, right.
We kind of sink into the okay,so we allow it, and we sink into
it and we feel it Okay.
So what's going on beneath thesurface?
Like what's really there?
What do you?
What is it that you're reallyangry about?
And the anger is how did I letthis happen?
You know, how?
How did I?
(04:17):
How did I let this continueagain?
And how did I let this behaviorcontinue again and again?
How did I let them hurt meagain and again and again?
Why?
Why couldn't I just make themstop, right and that's.
And so the the rage oftentimes,um, in the beginning and this is
not always, but oftentimes inthe beginning.
You know, when we tap into thatfirst layer, it's externally
(04:39):
being vented, whereas when we goin a little bit deeper, it's
almost internally expressed,right, or internally centered.
So it becomes more about whydidn't I do something different,
right?
So it ends up being like builtup anger that we have towards
ourselves, built up angertowards ourselves, resentment
towards them, um, all rolled upinto this big messy ball of rage
(05:03):
.
Okay, so we start to take thatapart.
Like, literally, a ball ofChristmas lights, um, but it can
be done.
Um, it's the Christmas night,like, not analogy is one of my
favorites but literally it'slike it's like a string of
Christmas lights in a knot, um,like the giant knots, like the
ones you have to, like spenddays unraveling.
(05:35):
So you know, when it comes tofeeling the rage that you're
afraid to feel, you know it isvery.
You know we're taught not to.
We're never taught to becomfortable with difficult
emotions.
We're never taught really to becomfortable being angry,
expressing ourselves and justletting shit out.
We're always taught to letthings be or let things go.
We're never actually taught tolet it out.
And when we do let it out, it'snormally in very unhealthy ways
(05:57):
.
And where you know we take itout, we, you know we take out
our frustration or ouraggression it's misplaced.
You know we take out ourfrustration or our aggression.
It's misplaced.
You know we're holding all thisrage and aggression towards our
partner but we don't sayanything.
But then if somebody you knowspills a cup of coffee on our
white blouse on our way intowork, you know it's game on for
(06:19):
like a full on, like rage, war,right?
So there's that misplaced rage,that misplaced aggression,
where we start to take it out onpeople in places and things
that we feel a little bit saferbecause they're not as
significant, they don't have.
You know, we don't have to riskconfronting something that
(06:42):
could really alter the directionof our life, right?
Or bring us into deeperconfrontation or, you know,
really shake the foundation of arelationship that is really
important to us, right?
So we take it out on theseseemingly insignificant things
and incidences as misplacedanger or rage as a way to
(07:03):
basically let the steam out ofthe pot is essentially what
we're doing, right?
So somebody comes along andthey bump you in the grocery
store.
Now you're like you're lettingsome steam out of the pot
because you're ready to over,you're ready to like over, like
explode, but you can't becauseyou're afraid to let your rage
out and your anger out, becauseyou're afraid of what the
(07:23):
fallout of that will happen,what will be in some way shape
or form?
And so you know what you do isyou let out steam with these
other sort of insignificantevents.
This was happening for me a lot.
I can remember one time I swearall my friends and family at
the time must have thought I wasgoing mental, like what is
(07:43):
wrong with this chick.
I remember one time driving towork one day and there was
always this cop stopped and youknow she was all and I remember
I think I was trying to rememberwhy I got so.
You know I don't remember why Igot so angry, like I don't
remember if she had pulled meover before.
I don't think she had.
(08:03):
But I remember there was a copthat was always on my route to
work and I, oh I think what hadhappened was um, because I was,
I was a speed junkie.
I used to speed all the time soI was like I would always do at
least 20k over like the speedlimit wherever the heck I was
going.
Um, don't do that anymore.
(08:24):
But um, so I, you know I'mdriving along and um, I didn't
realize how fast I was going andI knew it was.
I knew it was a sticky spot forwhere usually there was a cop
around, um, and I think I hadseen her there before and she's
always got like the worstattitude Um, um, cause you can
(08:44):
kind of, you can kind of.
I kind of heard the way she wastalking to somebody when I was
stopped at the light one daywhen she was giving them a
ticket, um, and I rememberdriving by one day and I was so
speeding and I was like, oh youknow what, something told me in
that moment I better slow down.
So I slowed down, um, and Icould tell that she'd caught me
on her, like on her.
I guess I don't know if shecaught me on her radar gun or
(09:05):
something, but she kind of gaveme a look and then kind of
signaled to me to keep on movingRight and I was like, so she, I
guess she flagged the.
Maybe she didn't catch me atall, maybe she flagged the next
guy, I don't know.
But either way, for some reason, I went home that night and I
wrote, or or I got to work thatday and I wrote this massive
(09:28):
long post directed at her, likebasically saying, haha, psycho,
whatever, I don't know what Icalled her.
I called her every name in thebook.
You didn't catch me, eventhough I know you really wanted
to and I know you were thisclose, but I got away with it
and I'm like.
I think back to that post often.
I'm like what was wrong with mein that moment?
What was wrong with me was Iwas experiencing so much rage at
(09:50):
home and I didn't have anoutlet for it because I was
constantly holding it all in andso I was letting it out and all
these other misplaced ways tolet some steam out of the pot,
because I was brewing with rage.
So hopefully that even madesense because, like I said, I
(10:10):
cannot remember the details.
I cannot remember the detailsof why I wrote the post or what
the circumstances were leadingup to me kind of, you know,
avoiding getting a ticket fromher.
All I remember is coming homeand writing this long-winded,
nasty post directed at her andhow I was celebrating having
escaped giving her anopportunity to give me a ticket.
(10:33):
That was essentially it.
I think if I had probably toldthe therapist, they probably
would have had me committed atthe time.
Calm down, nothing actuallyhappened.
There's really no reason for youto be angry.
But the truth was there was alot for me to be angry about.
It just had nothing to do withthat moment.
Right, it could be anythingfrom somebody bumping into you
(10:58):
in a grocery store or, like Isaid, somebody bumping into you
and spilling coffee on you orcutting you off on the highway,
you know, grabbing your parkingspot when you've been waiting,
clearly, like 10-20 minutes.
You know, in the middle ofChristmas shopping, traffic on
the other side trying to getthat same spot right, and then
along comes this guy on theother side and, you know, zooms
(11:19):
right into your spot withouteven like a second thought.
You know all these things arethings that can so quickly set
you off and become anopportunity to let out some
misplaced rage and anger rightVery quickly.
And it's funny like we thinkthese things are normal and we
(11:40):
think that's part of oureveryday life and we think that,
oh yeah, well, you know, it'sjust an annoyance, it's just
that you know when things likethat can make you angry, you
know you've got some storedanger and aggression that you're
dealing with.
You know you've got some storedrage because I can tell you
right now, like it's not to say,that I never get irritated when
somebody cut me, cuts me off onthe highway, or you know
(12:03):
there's also you know there'salso principle, obviously, and
it's still irritating, but itdoesn't get me angry, I think,
is the difference.
It can be annoying, it could bethat's not right.
You know you shouldn't do thatto people, but there's not that
same element of anger or rageunderneath it, right?
And so I think you know it'sreally important to look at.
(12:28):
You know, sometimes we think wedon't want to feel something,
we don't want to move throughsomething, but it's coming out
anyway, and in really unhealthyways.
I know for me actually too.
But it's coming out anyway, andin really unhealthy ways.
I know for me actually too.
Sometimes it can come out, um,when we're in a sleeping state.
So, whether you're, you know,you could be having bad dreams.
You could be having, um, youknow, like nightmares, like
(12:49):
dreams that are scary, or dreamswhere you're being attacked.
You can also have dreams whereyou were um, letting out some of
the rage.
I know I used to have theselike.
I don't even know what youwould call them.
They weren't night terrors,they weren't lucid dreams, but I
remember I would in my dream.
I would be fighting with him atnight as I was sleeping.
(13:10):
I would be fighting with him inmy dream and I don't remember
what we'd be fighting about.
All I remember is that in mydream we were fighting and I
would.
I don't remember what we'd befighting about.
All I remember is that in mydream we were fighting and I was
just roaring at him like nowords, no crying, just roaring
like a lion, like trying to letout all of this rage, all this
(13:30):
anger and all this frustration,and I would actually be
physically like screaming in mysleep as I was doing this, and
so I was waking up screaming inthe middle of the night bloody
murder, and it was verydisturbing.
I'd never experienced anythinglike that before.
I'm never like.
I mean, I had nightmares as akid.
(13:51):
Obviously we all do, but Inever had what would be
considered night terrors oranything like that, and you know
, I certainly never, you know,even spoke in my sleep like to,
to scream like that and to wakeup like this, night after night
after night for a very prolongedperiod of time, became really
frightening.
Um, and this was at the part ofthe point in this journey where
(14:13):
I was really trying to, um, bein denial of what was happening
and what I knew was happening,right, so I think it was the I
again when, when I talked about,you know the rage.
There's a rage.
How could you do this to me,how could you treat me this way?
How could you like betray melike this?
But there's always that layerbeneath it where it's like, how
(14:33):
could I have done this to myself?
Like, how could I have like,let this happen?
Why did I continue to stay inthis relationship?
So there was a part of me that,although I was angry with him,
but there was also a part of me,like a soul fragment of mine,
that was like, why are youstaying with him?
Like why you know what'shappening, why can't you trust
(14:55):
it?
Why don't you tell this personwhat you're really thinking and
feeling and what you reallybelieve?
And why are you waiting for himto confirm it or validate it or
apologize for it?
Like, why, like you know, Ithink there was both of those.
There was the rage that I wasfeeling towards him, and then
there was also the rage that Iwas feeling and that was
(15:15):
accumulating towards myself andwhy I wasn't trusting my inner,
knowing in the situation rightand waiting for him to validate
or confirm what I already knewto be true and to take
accountability andresponsibility and apologize for
it.
You know so the rage, like itor not, is going to find a way
to come out right.
(15:37):
And if it doesn't like,recognize this too right.
Even though some of my rage wascoming out either in my sleep or
in these like kind of isolatedmoments where I was, like, you
know, kind of letting it out onthose people's places and things
kind of triggering me or aroundme, there was still, like, for
every little bit that I wasletting out, there was so much
(15:59):
more trapped on the inside.
And all of that trapped rage,that unprocessed, unacknowledged
, unhealed rage, you know, itdoes build up, it stays there,
it stays in our body, it staysin our energy field and it
basically distorts our energeticsignature.
And so then we, you know, wewalk around the world, then we,
(16:20):
our signature, we put oursignature out there, we put our,
our energy out there for tomagnetize people, places and
things towards us.
And guess what?
I was magnetizing bunch ofangry, frustrated, difficult to
be there be with individuals.
Frustrated, difficult to bethere.
Be with individuals, right.
Especially when I started, when,after I left and after I left
(16:45):
the relationship and starteddating again and the douchebag
era began, they were all angryas fuck, like they were all
holding on to so much rage andanger and they would almost
always take it out on me, and Ithink that that was a byproduct
of all the rage and anger that Ihad was holding on to that I
had not fully released yet,right, other than you know that
(17:05):
little bits that were coming outin the circumstances around me
or that were coming out in mysleep, there was still a huge
chunk of it that I was holdinginternally that I wasn't
acknowledging.
You know, when I left thatrelationship, I just could not
wait to put it behind me andstart my life over and start
fresh and start dating newpeople and forging new
relationships and getting on apath to healthier, more loving
(17:28):
relationships.
And all I did was the exactfucking opposite.
I attracted so many more toxic,angry, difficult, painful,
emotionally unavailablerelationships than I ever had
before in my life.
It's like every partner gotworse in the last and that's
because I really wasn't doingthe work to heal the emotions
(17:50):
that were stuck beneath thesurface that were attracting
these types of individuals.
Okay, rage is a powerful thingand you know the reason I
practice emotional energeticsand the reason why we do this in
session.
Together we can manifest in somany ways.
You know, we manifest by thewords we say.
We manifest by the beliefs thatwe hold.
(18:12):
Yes, that's why, you know,things like affirmation and
mindset work.
Yeah, they're great tools, butmost of what we manifest comes
from what we feel.
Our emotions are soenergetically charged that they
can manifest very quickly.
And if we're not doing the workyou know, we do the work on the
(18:34):
mental body, we do the work onthe physical body like in terms
of like.
What actions are we going totake?
What goals are we going to setfor ourselves?
What habits are we going tobring into our lives to achieve
what it is that we want toachieve?
Right?
So we have the mindset, we havethe physical, we have the
energetic, you know, withaffirmations and things like
(18:56):
that physical.
We have the energetic, you know, with affirmations and things
like that.
But oftentimes we forget theemotional body is probably one
of the most powerful when itcomes to manifesting, because
the how do I explain this?
Emotions are what actually drawin and alter our energetic
(19:16):
signature.
Things like affirmations.
It's really about what we feelwhen we say them.
That's doing the attractingwhen we say certain words or use
certain language.
It's really about what we'refeeling when we say them.
That is doing the attracting.
When we take certain actionsand do certain things or align
in certain ways of being, it'sbecause of what we're feeling
(19:38):
when we do them.
So really, it's the emotionalbody that's doing most of the
manifestation work.
So when we're constantlyfocused on affirmations and
mindset work and energetics andthings like that, we're missing
a huge chunk of the puzzle,which is the emotional body.
(20:00):
And I don't believe that there'sany emotion that's bad or good.
I think all emotions are bad,healthy.
It's how we use them that candetermine whether they're
healthy or not.
The thing is typically emotionslike joy, happiness, love,
(20:22):
peace, all of those emotions welove to feel.
So we feel them fully and weallow them to move through us
and allow ourselves toexperience them, although
sometimes even those can getstuck.
If we feel like we havesomebody around us that doesn't
want us to be too happy, or ifwe feel like we're going to get
like you know, somebody is goingto, you know, be hurt or
(20:43):
uncomfortable.
If things are too good andwe're too happy and we're too in
love, and you know, we try tokind of restrict ourselves from
feeling those things.
That can happen, believe it ornot.
So oftentimes those emotionscan get sick, but usually
usually nine out of 10 times wehave no problem feeling joy
fully, feeling love fully,feeling appreciation fully,
(21:04):
feeling peace fully and enjoyingit when it happens and
appreciatingating it andallowing it to sort of be there.
When we start to feel thingslike grief, anger, rage, shame,
what's the first thing we do?
We try to avoid them.
We try to avoid them, we try tomake them pass quickly, we try
to move on to doing other thingsbecause we don't want to feel
(21:26):
the damn thing.
Whatever it is that we'refeeling, and we stifle it, we
silence it, we put it someplacewhere we don't have to look at
it or acknowledge it.
Right, sometimes, even when wedo feel it, we'll feel it for a
hot minute and then we'll moveon and do something else.
Right?
We haven't really fully movedthrough that emotion.
(21:47):
We think we have, but wehaven't.
You know, some people won'tfeel it at all.
Some people will just keepburying their emotions one on
top of the other and become thishot, energetic mess.
Right, and so there's reallynothing wrong with any emotion.
What's wrong is how we copewith it.
(22:07):
Right, and when we stuff ouremotions, things like our rage,
our anger, our shame, our guilt.
What ends up happening is weend up number one things like
our rage, our anger, our shame,our guilt.
What ends up happening is weend up number one, projecting it
on other people around us andsimultaneously attracting it in
the people, places and therelationships that come into our
lives as a way to get theirmirrors.
They're trying to get us to seewhat we're not seeing within
(22:29):
ourselves.
So if we're holding on to anger, we're going to attract a lot
of angry people.
When we're holding onto a lotof people who are, you know,
making us feel ashamed, there's,you know, shame that we're
holding onto internally.
When we're attracting peoplewho make us feel guilty, there's
a lot of guilt that we'refeeling internally.
So, you know, always look atyour relationships like the
(22:50):
pattern, the types of peoplethat you keep calling in and see
where they might be pointing atsomething that you're holding
within yourself.
Okay, so I know we got a littlederailed and it's already 22
minutes.
So understand, you know, havingsaid all of that, the rage and
the anger that you're feelingpost betrayal right is real.
(23:11):
It is very intense.
It is the most intense rageI've ever felt in my life.
Um, I've never experiencedanger that felt like it was
literally coming out of my poreslike that, like to be screaming
it out in my sleep, to betaking it out on a cop who was
(23:31):
innocently like innocentlygiving people tickets down the
street on my way into work, tobe holding on to that much rage
and be so quick to take it outon the world around me.
I don't think I had everexperienced that before in my
life and it was extremelyuncomfortable and it was
(23:53):
definitely something that I wasvery keen on ignoring.
But it could only.
You know again.
You know, when you ignore it,it's only going to get worse,
right, you're only going tomanifest more.
It's only going to get moreuncomfortable.
It's just not going to.
It just not going to bode wellfor you, right?
(24:16):
So what ended up happening is Istarted to allow that rage to
take up space and what Irealized in doing so and letting
it be uncomfortable and movingthrough the motions and feeling
the feelings, and not in a waythat I was taking it out on
anybody around me I made surewhen I was moving through and
processing the rage, it wasn'tabout having somebody else in
(24:37):
the room to kind of take it outon or verbally spew all the
things I was angry about.
It wasn't about that.
It kind of became a practicefor me where I would kind of
give my rage a voice and I wouldask it what it wanted me to
know.
What is it that you want me toknow?
What is it that you want me todo differently?
What would you have had me dodifferently at the time, and how
(24:59):
can I apply that to my lifetoday?
You know what made you feellike I or someone else let you
down in that moment, right?
So I allowed my rage to keeptalking, right, whether I was
just, you know, having aconversation with it in my head,
or sometimes I would journal myrage out on a piece of paper.
(25:21):
I would basically give it aplatform.
I would give it a platform andI would let it say its piece.
And you know, at first it wasmessy and it was ugly and I was
afraid good God, like if anybodyread my notes, they would have
again, they would have mecommitted, right.
So, but eventually, what endedup happening?
(25:42):
And I did this slowly over time, and obviously, you know, when
we do this in session together.
This really collapses the timein which you get to this point.
But if you're not ready to dothat yet, you know you just kind
of keep journaling and talkingto the rage and seeing what it
has for you and what it's tryingto tell you, and then you kind
of start to see the guidance andthe wisdom that comes out of
that.
You know, rage holds a powerfulmessage right, because again
(26:08):
it's accumulated anger andresentment.
I feel Like every time I'veworked with it that's the
pattern I've seen in the womanthat I've worked with.
It's usually nine out of 10times it's accumulated anger and
resentment that has built upover time that you've, you know,
failed to take action on right.
So when you get to that pointwhere you're feeling that rage
and there's usually some prettysolid takeaways in there for you
(26:31):
there's usually some prettysolid advice and there's some
you know, aha moments thatyou'll have, that you'll be
easily able to apply to yourlife.
Today and now what's happened isnot only have you felt the rage
and you've acknowledged therage and you've given the rage a
chance to speak, but you'vealso given it a purpose, because
(26:54):
it's now doing its thing andtransforming your life, your
behavior, how you show up.
It's guiding your decisions.
It's guiding what you're goingto do differently from now on in
your relationships, right, sothat you learn the lesson and
apply it.
So rage becomes such a powerfultool, and I think the reason
(27:20):
why it's more powerful than anyother is, well, number one.
I think I always, you know, whenwe're working with rage, it's
such a sacred experience.
It's one of those things whereI think the most intense
emotions that we experience inthis life bring us closer to our
divinity.
You know, even theuncomfortable ones like rage, um
, there's so much sacredness andgoodness and healing and
(27:42):
transformation stored in a lotof those emotions.
When we learn to use themproperly, um, and move through
them properly, um, they becomevery powerful, potent healers,
right, and we use a lot of thisenergy in our healing work to
transform and transmute energiesthat are kind of stuck in any
(28:04):
one of our bodies mental,emotional or physical, yeah, but
you know, having said that, youknow there's so much wisdom to
gain from it, right, there's somuch to learn from it, and it
can change so many things fromus when we give it that
unconditional love andacceptance and time and space to
(28:27):
really be there and allow it tolive its purpose.
You know that and then you knowtake integrating that back into
our experience, in our being.
That really becomes this sacreddance that we're constantly
doing with our emotional bodyand bringing us into union with
(28:48):
ourselves.
So we're no longer rejectingthese parts of ourselves.
Because we do that, we rejectparts of ourselves that we think
are not lovable and not likable.
Rage is the first part we startto reject in ourselves because
we think bad, no one's going tolove me, no one's going to like
this, no one wants to hang out.
I don't even want to hang outwith this rage person that I've
got on the inside.
Why would anybody else want tohang out with her right?
(29:09):
But when we start to allow thatin and we start to make space
for it, that is truly thehighest form of unconditional
love we can give ourselves.
And then we can start to andthis is what I always say start
to be a magnet for emotionallyavailable partners, because
we're able to hold and bepresent with our emotions.
(29:31):
So now we're going to attractpeople who mirror that back, no
longer going to be attractingangry, emotionally unavailable
people, we're going to be amagnet for people who know how
to communicate what they'refeeling, who know how to talk
through conflict, who areemotionally available to be in a
relationship.
And that's literally whathappens when you start to do
(29:51):
this, because you have to treatall your relationships as
mirrors.
So there's really powerfulhealing that can happen when we
start to acknowledge our rage.
So, recognizing that it's thereand knowing that it's going to
feel uncomfortable, you know,just start to feel it in doses,
right, you know, take an hourhere or there, shut the world
(30:11):
out, put on a song.
That's going to help you tapinto a lot of those feelings.
Right, start to rage it out ona journal or start to, you know,
talk into your audio notes andrecord it.
What does your rage have totell you?
What advice does it have foryou?
What is it angry about?
What does it wish you had donedifferently?
What does it wish somebody elsehad done differently?
What does it wish that youwould do differently in your
(30:34):
life today in order to changeyour relationships going forward
?
Right, start to ask all thesequestions and see what it has
waiting for you and keepjournaling and keep doing this
work and keep letting it out.
Scream into a pillow if youhave to, you know, keep letting
it out, keep like giving it avoice, let it take up space, let
(30:55):
it be acknowledged, seen,witnessed and heard and then
apply the lesson it's trying toteach you.
I promise you this willtransform you in so many ways
and it'll help you to movethrough whatever hurt or
betrayal you've experienced.
That, you know, has, you know,put it there in the first place,
(31:17):
and I can, almost I can tellyou that almost always you want
to ask it, not just about thebetrayal that happened and the
pain that you feel around that,but again, you know, going back
to the mirror thing, in whatways did I betray myself in this
relationship and how do I takethat back Right and how do I do
things differently?
Because I know, I know, lookingback to this relationship, even
(31:40):
though I thought it wasbeautiful and peachy in the
beginning, I know that Ibetrayed myself for this
relationship because I put allmy wants and needs and plans for
my life on the back burner tomake this relationship the
central focus, and that's how Ibetrayed myself.
So really, this relationshipwas just kind of mirroring how I
(32:03):
betrayed myself in the end andthat was.
You know, that's always not aneasy pill to swallow, right?
I mean, I'm not ever sayingthat you know it's your fault
that your partner cheated on youor lied to you or manipulated
you or made you think there wassomeone that they weren't.
I think that in a healthyrelationship, all parties can
come to the table and have aconversation if there's
something going on in therelationship.
(32:24):
And if they didn't do that andthey didn't choose to do that,
you know, and they chose to kindof manipulate you or lie to you
or cheat on you, that says moreabout them than it does about
you, you know.
But I think that in order to,you know, do everything that we
can energetically to be a matchfor people who are going to be
(32:44):
emotionally available for us andaren't going to betray us, is
we first have to start not, youknow, getting into the habit of
not betraying ourselves justbecause we're in a relationship
or for any reason.
Really, um, and so that was, Ithink, one of my biggest
takeaways.
I think my biggest takeaways was, um, and that the rage was
trying to teach me was why doyou keep betraying yourself for
this guy?
(33:05):
Like, why do you keep betrayingyourself to hold onto this
relationship?
That clearly wasn't.
You know what you thought itwas going to be.
So the lesson learned don'tbetray yourself for a
relationship ever again.
You still need to have your ownvision for your life, your
goals, your dreams, and you knowyour relationship should
complement that.
That's not to say we shouldnever make sacrifices.
(33:25):
Of course there's alwayssacrifices to be made and
compromises in a relationshipSorry, not sacrifice, that's the
bad word Compromises that wemake in a healthy relationship.
But I think ultimately, youknow we get to keep our vision
for our life and we get to movethrough life, and you know those
may change, but they have tochange because of internal
reasons, not external ones.
(33:46):
So that was the one thing, and Ithink the other thing was, you
know, learning.
You know I was angry at myselffor not trusting myself and not
taking action on what I alreadyknew to be true and waiting,
feeling like I needed to waitfor him to validate my
experience or validate what Iwas believing in some way, shape
or form.
So that was my takeaway from myrage.
Those were the two things myrage was trying to teach me.
(34:09):
And you know, going forwardsince then, all I've done in my
relationship is make sure that Ialways check in.
Is there a part of myself thatI'm betraying right now?
Am I?
Am I, am I turning my back onsomething that I said I was
going to do for me, that it wasimportant for me, and that I'm
leaving behind now?
Because I'm involved with thisperson, right?
And there were a few timeswhere I was like, okay, I could
(34:31):
turn the dial a notch and youkind of like you know you kind
of you always, alwaysreadjusting my path, always
readjusting my actions, alwaysreadjusting my decision-making
right and course correcting, andalways, always, always
remembering, you know, checkingin with myself.
Am I really listening to myinner guidance system?
Am I trusting what I know to betrue over what they're telling
(34:52):
me to believe Right?
So those have been my two bigtakeaways and I take those into
practice in all of myrelationships and I've put those
in practice in all of myrelationships and it has made
all the difference and this isthe thing that has actually
settled the rage, because I'vegiven it voice, I've given it
freedom, I've given it purpose.
(35:13):
Voice, freedom, purpose is whatyour rage, or whatever emotion
that you're stuck with, islooking for.
So give it and then, feeling it, feel it like you feel your joy
, feel it like you feel love,feel it like you feel pleasure.
Feel it the same way.
You feel all those things,because I can guarantee you,
when you move through those youget to feel all those other
things.
But we got to move through thisfirst.
(35:34):
We can't just avoid thesefeelings and only feel the good
stuff.
Everything's going to getmucked up when we do that,
because things are going to getstuck, clogged, murky.
Yeah, you don't want it.
Move through each emotion as itcomes up and if you can't do it
in that moment, make time to doit later in the day.
Like I know, obviously ragecomes up we're at work.
(35:55):
We can't really feel it whenwe're at work.
So make time later that day orthat week to process some rage.
Give it some time, give it someattention and allow your
emotional experience to move.
Allow your emotions to move.
Allow your emotions to move to,to be their own sort of living,
(36:16):
breathing body, um, and that'swhat's actually going to make
them move more quickly.
Um, and then you can spend moretime sort of enjoying and
appreciating the emotions thatfeel good, rather than getting
stuck in the ones that Don't.
So I know it's uncomfortable atfirst, but I promise you this is
going to be the thing that setsyour soul free.
Not only free, it sets yoursoul on fire, I promise, because
(36:38):
the advice and the guidancethat you're going to get from
some of these emotions is goingto be life-changing.
Okay, they all have a messagefor you.
You just have to sit with themlong enough to hear what the
message is.
So that is today's session.
Tomorrow's day three burning itall down, because I can tell you
right now, if you're like meand you've, you know, kind of
(37:05):
created this life for thisperson who betrayed you, where
you completely betrayed yourselfand turned your back on
everything that you wanted, andyou designed your life for this
person, now it's time torecreate that from what it is
that you really want.
So that's what I'm going to betalking about tomorrow.
We're also going to be goingdeeper into this in the
masterclass, so make sure yousign up for that.
All of the links are in theshow notes below.
If you love this episode,please leave a positive rating
(37:28):
and review on Apple Podcasts orSpotify or wherever you're
seeing this.
And until tomorrow, you guys,massive love.
You guys, what is up?
And welcome back to this show.
Today is day two of our fivepart series, the five day sacred
reclamation podcast series, thebetrayal edition, where we're
talking all about how to supportyou if you've ever been cheated
on, lied to or manipulated bysomebody that you loved and
(00:23):
trusted, and how this canliterally be the platform in
which it elevates your entirelife and transforms your entire
life.
So yesterday was day one.
We talked about how did I notsee this sooner and how to
actually forgive yourself afterthese experiences, because I
know often that can really beone of the hardest parts.
(00:44):
It certainly was one of thehardest parts for me to move
through in the beginning.
So today is day two.
We're talking all about therage that you are afraid to feel
, and I know that this is scaryand I know that this is really
uncomfortable and it doesn'talways show up right away.
Okay, it doesn't always show upright away, or sometimes it
(01:05):
shows up in very sort of likesubliminal ways that you're not
really connecting with theexperience.
It's part of the betrayaltrauma response.
I think when we move throughthese, when we move through this
rage, when we move through thisdiscomfort, when we move
through this rage, when we movethrough this discomfort, but as
(01:26):
uncomfortable as it is and asmuch as we try to avoid it, it
is going to find a way topresent itself one way or
another.
I'll tell you some of the waysit was kind of showing up for me
and then I'm also going toshare with you how I use this to
create some truly powerfulhealing for myself.
And I've kind of built it intomy sacred reclamation intensive.
(01:47):
So when you do sessions with me, when we do a lot of the
emotional, energetic work andthe emotional clearing work, a
lot of times we do tap intothese rage frequencies so that
we can kind of ignore, becausemost of the women that come to
me I'll tell you right now, mostof the women who come to me and
that I work with you know wealways look at the emotions that
are trapped within theenergetic body or the physical
(02:07):
body.
Even, and usually nine out of10 times, those emotions are
related to rage, resentment oranger.
Right, those are the emotions Isee above all else, above grief
, above guilt, above shame,above sadness, grief above guilt
, above shame, above sadness,rage, resentment and anger.
(02:27):
And I truly believe, I truly,truly, truly believe and I'm not
again, I'm not a psychologist.
This is just from what I'veexperienced and what I've seen
in the woman that I've workedwith.
If you resonate with me, youresonate with my story and you
resonate with my content.
For you, I can almost guaranteethat the rage is an evolution of
(02:50):
the resentment and the anger.
The anger comes first, right.
The anger comes when you knowwe get taken advantage of or we
give more.
You know we don't uphold ourboundaries right.
We get taken advantage of.
People hurt us, people mistreatus, people manipulate us,
people devalue us right.
So we get angry.
And then, you know, when peoplecontinue to do that, we start
(03:12):
to build resentment towards them.
We start to give more than weshould, hoping that we'll get
the love back.
Then we start to get resentfulfor all that we're giving and
how little we're getting backand eventually that all turns
into rage.
And the rage right.
The rage is the, as I've seen,it is the repetition of self.
(03:32):
It's actually, it's actuallymore directed to ourselves than
it is the other person.
It's almost like it's got multilayers right.
So whenever we look at rage, wetap into that first layer.
What do you?
What's the rage about?
What are you angry about?
Like, where's that rage comingfrom?
I'm angry at this personbecause they lied to me, they
cheated on me, they manipulatedme, they totally just
embarrassed me and humiliated mein front of all my family and
(03:54):
all my friends.
And then we kind of go a layerdeeper, right.
We kind of sink into the okay,so we allow it, and we sink into
it and we feel it Okay.
So what's going on beneath thesurface?
Like what's really there?
What do you?
What is it that you're reallyangry about?
And the anger is how did I letthis happen?
You know, how?
How did I?
(04:17):
How did I let this continueagain?
And how did I let this behaviorcontinue again and again?
How did I let them hurt meagain and again and again?
Why?
Why couldn't I just make themstop, right and that's.
And so the the rage oftentimes,um, in the beginning and this is
not always, but oftentimes inthe beginning.
You know, when we tap into thatfirst layer, it's externally
(04:39):
being vented, whereas when we goin a little bit deeper, it's
almost internally expressed,right, or internally centered.
So it becomes more about whydidn't I do something different,
right?
So it ends up being like builtup anger that we have towards
ourselves, built up angertowards ourselves, resentment
towards them, um, all rolled upinto this big messy ball of rage
(05:03):
.
Okay, so we start to take thatapart.
Like, literally, a ball ofChristmas lights, um, but it can
be done.
Um, it's the Christmas night,like, not analogy is one of my
favorites but literally it'slike it's like a string of
Christmas lights in a knot, um,like the giant knots, like the
ones you have to, like spenddays unraveling.
(05:35):
So you know, when it comes tofeeling the rage that you're
afraid to feel, you know it isvery.
You know we're taught not to.
We're never taught to becomfortable with difficult
emotions.
We're never taught really to becomfortable being angry,
expressing ourselves and justletting shit out.
We're always taught to letthings be or let things go.
We're never actually taught tolet it out.
And when we do let it out, it'snormally in very unhealthy ways
(05:57):
.
And where you know we take itout, we, you know we take out
our frustration or ouraggression it's misplaced.
You know we take out ourfrustration or our aggression.
It's misplaced.
You know we're holding all thisrage and aggression towards our
partner but we don't sayanything.
But then if somebody you knowspills a cup of coffee on our
white blouse on our way intowork, you know it's game on for
(06:19):
like a full on, like rage, war,right?
So there's that misplaced rage,that misplaced aggression,
where we start to take it out onpeople in places and things
that we feel a little bit saferbecause they're not as
significant, they don't have.
You know, we don't have to riskconfronting something that
(06:42):
could really alter the directionof our life, right?
Or bring us into deeperconfrontation or, you know,
really shake the foundation of arelationship that is really
important to us, right?
So we take it out on theseseemingly insignificant things
and incidences as misplacedanger or rage as a way to
(07:03):
basically let the steam out ofthe pot is essentially what
we're doing, right?
So somebody comes along andthey bump you in the grocery
store.
Now you're like you're lettingsome steam out of the pot
because you're ready to over,you're ready to like over, like
explode, but you can't becauseyou're afraid to let your rage
out and your anger out, becauseyou're afraid of what the
(07:23):
fallout of that will happen,what will be in some way shape
or form?
And so you know what you do isyou let out steam with these
other sort of insignificantevents.
This was happening for me a lot.
I can remember one time I swearall my friends and family at
the time must have thought I wasgoing mental, like what is
(07:43):
wrong with this chick.
I remember one time driving towork one day and there was
always this cop stopped and youknow she was all and I remember
I think I was trying to rememberwhy I got so.
You know I don't remember why Igot so angry, like I don't
remember if she had pulled meover before.
I don't think she had.
(08:03):
But I remember there was a copthat was always on my route to
work and I, oh I think what hadhappened was um, because I was,
I was a speed junkie.
I used to speed all the time soI was like I would always do at
least 20k over like the speedlimit wherever the heck I was
going.
Um, don't do that anymore.
(08:24):
But um, so I, you know I'mdriving along and um, I didn't
realize how fast I was going andI knew it was.
I knew it was a sticky spot forwhere usually there was a cop
around, um, and I think I hadseen her there before and she's
always got like the worstattitude Um, um, cause you can
(08:44):
kind of, you can kind of.
I kind of heard the way she wastalking to somebody when I was
stopped at the light one daywhen she was giving them a
ticket, um, and I rememberdriving by one day and I was so
speeding and I was like, oh youknow what, something told me in
that moment I better slow down.
So I slowed down, um, and Icould tell that she'd caught me
on her, like on her.
I guess I don't know if shecaught me on her radar gun or
(09:05):
something, but she kind of gaveme a look and then kind of
signaled to me to keep on movingRight and I was like, so she, I
guess she flagged the.
Maybe she didn't catch me atall, maybe she flagged the next
guy, I don't know.
But either way, for some reason, I went home that night and I
wrote, or or I got to work thatday and I wrote this massive
(09:28):
long post directed at her, likebasically saying, haha, psycho,
whatever, I don't know what Icalled her.
I called her every name in thebook.
You didn't catch me, eventhough I know you really wanted
to and I know you were thisclose, but I got away with it
and I'm like.
I think back to that post often.
I'm like what was wrong with mein that moment?
What was wrong with me was Iwas experiencing so much rage at
(09:50):
home and I didn't have anoutlet for it because I was
constantly holding it all in andso I was letting it out and all
these other misplaced ways tolet some steam out of the pot,
because I was brewing with rage.
So hopefully that even madesense because, like I said, I
(10:10):
cannot remember the details.
I cannot remember the detailsof why I wrote the post or what
the circumstances were leadingup to me kind of, you know,
avoiding getting a ticket fromher.
All I remember is coming homeand writing this long-winded,
nasty post directed at her andhow I was celebrating having
escaped giving her anopportunity to give me a ticket.
(10:33):
That was essentially it.
I think if I had probably toldthe therapist, they probably
would have had me committed atthe time.
Calm down, nothing actuallyhappened.
There's really no reason for youto be angry.
But the truth was there was alot for me to be angry about.
It just had nothing to do withthat moment.
Right, it could be anythingfrom somebody bumping into you
(10:58):
in a grocery store or, like Isaid, somebody bumping into you
and spilling coffee on you orcutting you off on the highway,
you know, grabbing your parkingspot when you've been waiting,
clearly, like 10-20 minutes.
You know, in the middle ofChristmas shopping, traffic on
the other side trying to getthat same spot right, and then
along comes this guy on theother side and, you know, zooms
(11:19):
right into your spot withouteven like a second thought.
You know all these things arethings that can so quickly set
you off and become anopportunity to let out some
misplaced rage and anger rightVery quickly.
And it's funny like we thinkthese things are normal and we
(11:40):
think that's part of oureveryday life and we think that,
oh yeah, well, you know, it'sjust an annoyance, it's just
that you know when things likethat can make you angry, you
know you've got some storedanger and aggression that you're
dealing with.
You know you've got some storedrage because I can tell you
right now, like it's not to say,that I never get irritated when
somebody cut me, cuts me off onthe highway, or you know
(12:03):
there's also you know there'salso principle, obviously, and
it's still irritating, but itdoesn't get me angry, I think,
is the difference.
It can be annoying, it could bethat's not right.
You know you shouldn't do thatto people, but there's not that
same element of anger or rageunderneath it, right?
And so I think you know it'sreally important to look at.
(12:28):
You know, sometimes we think wedon't want to feel something,
we don't want to move throughsomething, but it's coming out
anyway, and in really unhealthyways.
I know for me actually too.
But it's coming out anyway, andin really unhealthy ways.
I know for me actually too.
Sometimes it can come out, um,when we're in a sleeping state.
So, whether you're, you know,you could be having bad dreams.
You could be having, um, youknow, like nightmares, like
(12:49):
dreams that are scary, or dreamswhere you're being attacked.
You can also have dreams whereyou were um, letting out some of
the rage.
I know I used to have theselike.
I don't even know what youwould call them.
They weren't night terrors,they weren't lucid dreams, but I
remember I would in my dream.
I would be fighting with him atnight as I was sleeping.
(13:10):
I would be fighting with him inmy dream and I don't remember
what we'd be fighting about.
All I remember is that in mydream we were fighting and I
would.
I don't remember what we'd befighting about.
All I remember is that in mydream we were fighting and I was
just roaring at him like nowords, no crying, just roaring
like a lion, like trying to letout all of this rage, all this
(13:30):
anger and all this frustration,and I would actually be
physically like screaming in mysleep as I was doing this, and
so I was waking up screaming inthe middle of the night bloody
murder, and it was verydisturbing.
I'd never experienced anythinglike that before.
I'm never like.
I mean, I had nightmares as akid.
(13:51):
Obviously we all do, but Inever had what would be
considered night terrors oranything like that, and you know
, I certainly never, you know,even spoke in my sleep like to,
to scream like that and to wakeup like this, night after night
after night for a very prolongedperiod of time, became really
frightening.
Um, and this was at the part ofthe point in this journey where
(14:13):
I was really trying to, um, bein denial of what was happening
and what I knew was happening,right, so I think it was the I
again when, when I talked about,you know the rage.
There's a rage.
How could you do this to me,how could you treat me this way?
How could you like betray melike this?
But there's always that layerbeneath it where it's like, how
(14:33):
could I have done this to myself?
Like, how could I have like,let this happen?
Why did I continue to stay inthis relationship?
So there was a part of me that,although I was angry with him,
but there was also a part of me,like a soul fragment of mine,
that was like, why are youstaying with him?
Like why you know what'shappening, why can't you trust
(14:55):
it?
Why don't you tell this personwhat you're really thinking and
feeling and what you reallybelieve?
And why are you waiting for himto confirm it or validate it or
apologize for it?
Like, why, like you know, Ithink there was both of those.
There was the rage that I wasfeeling towards him, and then
there was also the rage that Iwas feeling and that was
(15:15):
accumulating towards myself andwhy I wasn't trusting my inner,
knowing in the situation rightand waiting for him to validate
or confirm what I already knewto be true and to take
accountability andresponsibility and apologize for
it.
You know so the rage, like itor not, is going to find a way
to come out right.
(15:37):
And if it doesn't like,recognize this too right.
Even though some of my rage wascoming out either in my sleep or
in these like kind of isolatedmoments where I was, like, you
know, kind of letting it out onthose people's places and things
kind of triggering me or aroundme, there was still, like, for
every little bit that I wasletting out, there was so much
(15:59):
more trapped on the inside.
And all of that trapped rage,that unprocessed, unacknowledged
, unhealed rage, you know, itdoes build up, it stays there,
it stays in our body, it staysin our energy field and it
basically distorts our energeticsignature.
And so then we, you know, wewalk around the world, then we,
(16:20):
our signature, we put oursignature out there, we put our,
our energy out there for tomagnetize people, places and
things towards us.
And guess what?
I was magnetizing bunch ofangry, frustrated, difficult to
be there be with individuals.
Frustrated, difficult to bethere.
Be with individuals, right.
Especially when I started, when,after I left and after I left
(16:45):
the relationship and starteddating again and the douchebag
era began, they were all angryas fuck, like they were all
holding on to so much rage andanger and they would almost
always take it out on me, and Ithink that that was a byproduct
of all the rage and anger that Ihad was holding on to that I
had not fully released yet,right, other than you know that
(17:05):
little bits that were coming outin the circumstances around me
or that were coming out in mysleep, there was still a huge
chunk of it that I was holdinginternally that I wasn't
acknowledging.
You know, when I left thatrelationship, I just could not
wait to put it behind me andstart my life over and start
fresh and start dating newpeople and forging new
relationships and getting on apath to healthier, more loving
(17:28):
relationships.
And all I did was the exactfucking opposite.
I attracted so many more toxic,angry, difficult, painful,
emotionally unavailablerelationships than I ever had
before in my life.
It's like every partner gotworse in the last and that's
because I really wasn't doingthe work to heal the emotions
(17:50):
that were stuck beneath thesurface that were attracting
these types of individuals.
Okay, rage is a powerful thingand you know the reason I
practice emotional energeticsand the reason why we do this in
session.
Together we can manifest in somany ways.
You know, we manifest by thewords we say.
We manifest by the beliefs thatwe hold.
(18:12):
Yes, that's why, you know,things like affirmation and
mindset work.
Yeah, they're great tools, butmost of what we manifest comes
from what we feel.
Our emotions are soenergetically charged that they
can manifest very quickly.
And if we're not doing the workyou know, we do the work on the
(18:34):
mental body, we do the work onthe physical body like in terms
of like.
What actions are we going totake?
What goals are we going to setfor ourselves?
What habits are we going tobring into our lives to achieve
what it is that we want toachieve?
Right?
So we have the mindset, we havethe physical, we have the
energetic, you know, withaffirmations and things like
(18:56):
that physical.
We have the energetic, you know, with affirmations and things
like that.
But oftentimes we forget theemotional body is probably one
of the most powerful when itcomes to manifesting, because
the how do I explain this?
Emotions are what actually drawin and alter our energetic
(19:16):
signature.
Things like affirmations.
It's really about what we feelwhen we say them.
That's doing the attractingwhen we say certain words or use
certain language.
It's really about what we'refeeling when we say them.
That is doing the attracting.
When we take certain actionsand do certain things or align
in certain ways of being, it'sbecause of what we're feeling
(19:38):
when we do them.
So really, it's the emotionalbody that's doing most of the
manifestation work.
So when we're constantlyfocused on affirmations and
mindset work and energetics andthings like that, we're missing
a huge chunk of the puzzle,which is the emotional body.
(20:00):
And I don't believe that there'sany emotion that's bad or good.
I think all emotions are bad,healthy.
It's how we use them that candetermine whether they're
healthy or not.
The thing is typically emotionslike joy, happiness, love,
(20:22):
peace, all of those emotions welove to feel.
So we feel them fully and weallow them to move through us
and allow ourselves toexperience them, although
sometimes even those can getstuck.
If we feel like we havesomebody around us that doesn't
want us to be too happy, or ifwe feel like we're going to get
like you know, somebody is goingto, you know, be hurt or
(20:43):
uncomfortable.
If things are too good andwe're too happy and we're too in
love, and you know, we try tokind of restrict ourselves from
feeling those things.
That can happen, believe it ornot.
So oftentimes those emotionscan get sick, but usually
usually nine out of 10 times wehave no problem feeling joy
fully, feeling love fully,feeling appreciation fully,
(21:04):
feeling peace fully and enjoyingit when it happens and
appreciatingating it andallowing it to sort of be there.
When we start to feel thingslike grief, anger, rage, shame,
what's the first thing we do?
We try to avoid them.
We try to avoid them, we try tomake them pass quickly, we try
to move on to doing other thingsbecause we don't want to feel
(21:26):
the damn thing.
Whatever it is that we'refeeling, and we stifle it, we
silence it, we put it someplacewhere we don't have to look at
it or acknowledge it.
Right, sometimes, even when wedo feel it, we'll feel it for a
hot minute and then we'll moveon and do something else.
Right?
We haven't really fully movedthrough that emotion.
(21:47):
We think we have, but wehaven't.
You know, some people won'tfeel it at all.
Some people will just keepburying their emotions one on
top of the other and become thishot, energetic mess.
Right, and so there's reallynothing wrong with any emotion.
What's wrong is how we copewith it.
(22:07):
Right, and when we stuff ouremotions, things like our rage,
our anger, our shame, our guilt.
What ends up happening is weend up number one things like
our rage, our anger, our shame,our guilt.
What ends up happening is weend up number one, projecting it
on other people around us andsimultaneously attracting it in
the people, places and therelationships that come into our
lives as a way to get theirmirrors.
They're trying to get us to seewhat we're not seeing within
(22:29):
ourselves.
So if we're holding on to anger, we're going to attract a lot
of angry people.
When we're holding onto a lotof people who are, you know,
making us feel ashamed, there's,you know, shame that we're
holding onto internally.
When we're attracting peoplewho make us feel guilty, there's
a lot of guilt that we'refeeling internally.
So, you know, always look atyour relationships like the
(22:50):
pattern, the types of peoplethat you keep calling in and see
where they might be pointing atsomething that you're holding
within yourself.
Okay, so I know we got a littlederailed and it's already 22
minutes.
So understand, you know, havingsaid all of that, the rage and
the anger that you're feelingpost betrayal right is real.
(23:11):
It is very intense.
It is the most intense rageI've ever felt in my life.
Um, I've never experiencedanger that felt like it was
literally coming out of my poreslike that, like to be screaming
it out in my sleep, to betaking it out on a cop who was
(23:31):
innocently like innocentlygiving people tickets down the
street on my way into work, tobe holding on to that much rage
and be so quick to take it outon the world around me.
I don't think I had everexperienced that before in my
life and it was extremelyuncomfortable and it was
(23:53):
definitely something that I wasvery keen on ignoring.
But it could only.
You know again.
You know, when you ignore it,it's only going to get worse,
right, you're only going tomanifest more.
It's only going to get moreuncomfortable.
It's just not going to.
It just not going to bode wellfor you, right?
(24:16):
So what ended up happening is Istarted to allow that rage to
take up space and what Irealized in doing so and letting
it be uncomfortable and movingthrough the motions and feeling
the feelings, and not in a waythat I was taking it out on
anybody around me I made surewhen I was moving through and
processing the rage, it wasn'tabout having somebody else in
(24:37):
the room to kind of take it outon or verbally spew all the
things I was angry about.
It wasn't about that.
It kind of became a practicefor me where I would kind of
give my rage a voice and I wouldask it what it wanted me to
know.
What is it that you want me toknow?
What is it that you want me todo differently?
What would you have had me dodifferently at the time, and how
(24:59):
can I apply that to my lifetoday?
You know what made you feellike I or someone else let you
down in that moment, right?
So I allowed my rage to keeptalking, right, whether I was
just, you know, having aconversation with it in my head,
or sometimes I would journal myrage out on a piece of paper.
(25:21):
I would basically give it aplatform.
I would give it a platform andI would let it say its piece.
And you know, at first it wasmessy and it was ugly and I was
afraid good God, like if anybodyread my notes, they would have
again, they would have mecommitted, right.
So, but eventually, what endedup happening?
(25:42):
And I did this slowly over time, and obviously, you know, when
we do this in session together.
This really collapses the timein which you get to this point.
But if you're not ready to dothat yet, you know you just kind
of keep journaling and talkingto the rage and seeing what it
has for you and what it's tryingto tell you, and then you kind
of start to see the guidance andthe wisdom that comes out of
that.
You know, rage holds a powerfulmessage right, because again
(26:08):
it's accumulated anger andresentment.
I feel Like every time I'veworked with it that's the
pattern I've seen in the womanthat I've worked with.
It's usually nine out of 10times it's accumulated anger and
resentment that has built upover time that you've, you know,
failed to take action on right.
So when you get to that pointwhere you're feeling that rage
and there's usually some prettysolid takeaways in there for you
(26:31):
there's usually some prettysolid advice and there's some
you know, aha moments thatyou'll have, that you'll be
easily able to apply to yourlife.
Today and now what's happened isnot only have you felt the rage
and you've acknowledged therage and you've given the rage a
chance to speak, but you'vealso given it a purpose, because
(26:54):
it's now doing its thing andtransforming your life, your
behavior, how you show up.
It's guiding your decisions.
It's guiding what you're goingto do differently from now on in
your relationships, right, sothat you learn the lesson and
apply it.
So rage becomes such a powerfultool, and I think the reason
(27:20):
why it's more powerful than anyother is, well, number one.
I think I always, you know, whenwe're working with rage, it's
such a sacred experience.
It's one of those things whereI think the most intense
emotions that we experience inthis life bring us closer to our
divinity.
You know, even theuncomfortable ones like rage, um
, there's so much sacredness andgoodness and healing and
(27:42):
transformation stored in a lotof those emotions.
When we learn to use themproperly, um, and move through
them properly, um, they becomevery powerful, potent healers,
right, and we use a lot of thisenergy in our healing work to
transform and transmute energiesthat are kind of stuck in any
(28:04):
one of our bodies mental,emotional or physical, yeah, but
you know, having said that, youknow there's so much wisdom to
gain from it, right, there's somuch to learn from it, and it
can change so many things fromus when we give it that
unconditional love andacceptance and time and space to
(28:27):
really be there and allow it tolive its purpose.
You know that and then you knowtake integrating that back into
our experience, in our being.
That really becomes this sacreddance that we're constantly
doing with our emotional bodyand bringing us into union with
(28:48):
ourselves.
So we're no longer rejectingthese parts of ourselves.
Because we do that, we rejectparts of ourselves that we think
are not lovable and not likable.
Rage is the first part we startto reject in ourselves because
we think bad, no one's going tolove me, no one's going to like
this, no one wants to hang out.
I don't even want to hang outwith this rage person that I've
got on the inside.
Why would anybody else want tohang out with her right?
(29:09):
But when we start to allow thatin and we start to make space
for it, that is truly thehighest form of unconditional
love we can give ourselves.
And then we can start to andthis is what I always say start
to be a magnet for emotionallyavailable partners, because
we're able to hold and bepresent with our emotions.
(29:31):
So now we're going to attractpeople who mirror that back, no
longer going to be attractingangry, emotionally unavailable
people, we're going to be amagnet for people who know how
to communicate what they'refeeling, who know how to talk
through conflict, who areemotionally available to be in a
relationship.
And that's literally whathappens when you start to do
(29:51):
this, because you have to treatall your relationships as
mirrors.
So there's really powerfulhealing that can happen when we
start to acknowledge our rage.
So, recognizing that it's thereand knowing that it's going to
feel uncomfortable, you know,just start to feel it in doses,
right, you know, take an hourhere or there, shut the world
(30:11):
out, put on a song.
That's going to help you tapinto a lot of those feelings.
Right, start to rage it out ona journal or start to, you know,
talk into your audio notes andrecord it.
What does your rage have totell you?
What advice does it have foryou?
What is it angry about?
What does it wish you had donedifferently?
What does it wish somebody elsehad done differently?
What does it wish that youwould do differently in your
(30:34):
life today in order to changeyour relationships going forward
?
Right, start to ask all thesequestions and see what it has
waiting for you and keepjournaling and keep doing this
work and keep letting it out.
Scream into a pillow if youhave to, you know, keep letting
it out, keep like giving it avoice, let it take up space, let
(30:55):
it be acknowledged, seen,witnessed and heard and then
apply the lesson it's trying toteach you.
I promise you this willtransform you in so many ways
and it'll help you to movethrough whatever hurt or
betrayal you've experienced.
That, you know, has, you know,put it there in the first place,
(31:17):
and I can, almost I can tellyou that almost always you want
to ask it, not just about thebetrayal that happened and the
pain that you feel around that,but again, you know, going back
to the mirror thing, in whatways did I betray myself in this
relationship and how do I takethat back Right and how do I do
things differently?
Because I know, I know, lookingback to this relationship, even
(31:40):
though I thought it wasbeautiful and peachy in the
beginning, I know that Ibetrayed myself for this
relationship because I put allmy wants and needs and plans for
my life on the back burner tomake this relationship the
central focus, and that's how Ibetrayed myself.
So really, this relationshipwas just kind of mirroring how I
(32:03):
betrayed myself in the end andthat was.
You know, that's always not aneasy pill to swallow, right?
I mean, I'm not ever sayingthat you know it's your fault
that your partner cheated on youor lied to you or manipulated
you or made you think there wassomeone that they weren't.
I think that in a healthyrelationship, all parties can
come to the table and have aconversation if there's
something going on in therelationship.
(32:24):
And if they didn't do that andthey didn't choose to do that,
you know, and they chose to kindof manipulate you or lie to you
or cheat on you, that says moreabout them than it does about
you, you know.
But I think that in order to,you know, do everything that we
can energetically to be a matchfor people who are going to be
(32:44):
emotionally available for us andaren't going to betray us, is
we first have to start not, youknow, getting into the habit of
not betraying ourselves justbecause we're in a relationship
or for any reason.
Really, um, and so that was, Ithink, one of my biggest
takeaways.
I think my biggest takeaways was, um, and that the rage was
trying to teach me was why doyou keep betraying yourself for
this guy?
(33:05):
Like, why do you keep betrayingyourself to hold onto this
relationship?
That clearly wasn't.
You know what you thought itwas going to be.
So the lesson learned don'tbetray yourself for a
relationship ever again.
You still need to have your ownvision for your life, your
goals, your dreams, and you knowyour relationship should
complement that.
That's not to say we shouldnever make sacrifices.
(33:25):
Of course there's alwayssacrifices to be made and
compromises in a relationshipSorry, not sacrifice, that's the
bad word Compromises that wemake in a healthy relationship.
But I think ultimately, youknow we get to keep our vision
for our life and we get to movethrough life, and you know those
may change, but they have tochange because of internal
reasons, not external ones.
(33:46):
So that was the one thing, and Ithink the other thing was, you
know, learning.
You know I was angry at myselffor not trusting myself and not
taking action on what I alreadyknew to be true and waiting,
feeling like I needed to waitfor him to validate my
experience or validate what Iwas believing in some way, shape
or form.
So that was my takeaway from myrage.
Those were the two things myrage was trying to teach me.
(34:09):
And you know, going forwardsince then, all I've done in my
relationship is make sure that Ialways check in.
Is there a part of myself thatI'm betraying right now?
Am I?
Am I, am I turning my back onsomething that I said I was
going to do for me, that it wasimportant for me, and that I'm
leaving behind now?
Because I'm involved with thisperson, right?
And there were a few timeswhere I was like, okay, I could
(34:31):
turn the dial a notch and youkind of like you know you kind
of you always, alwaysreadjusting my path, always
readjusting my actions, alwaysreadjusting my decision-making
right and course correcting, andalways, always, always
remembering, you know, checkingin with myself.
Am I really listening to myinner guidance system?
Am I trusting what I know to betrue over what they're telling
(34:52):
me to believe Right?
So those have been my two bigtakeaways and I take those into
practice in all of myrelationships and I've put those
in practice in all of myrelationships and it has made
all the difference and this isthe thing that has actually
settled the rage, because I'vegiven it voice, I've given it
freedom, I've given it purpose.
(35:13):
Voice, freedom, purpose is whatyour rage, or whatever emotion
that you're stuck with, islooking for.
So give it and then, feeling it, feel it like you feel your joy
, feel it like you feel love,feel it like you feel pleasure.
Feel it the same way.
You feel all those things,because I can guarantee you,
when you move through those youget to feel all those other
things.
But we got to move through thisfirst.
(35:34):
We can't just avoid thesefeelings and only feel the good
stuff.
Everything's going to getmucked up when we do that,
because things are going to getstuck, clogged, murky.
Yeah, you don't want it.
Move through each emotion as itcomes up and if you can't do it
in that moment, make time to doit later in the day.
Like I know, obviously ragecomes up we're at work.
(35:55):
We can't really feel it whenwe're at work.
So make time later that day orthat week to process some rage.
Give it some time, give it someattention and allow your
emotional experience to move.
Allow your emotions to move.
Allow your emotions to move to,to be their own sort of living,
(36:16):
breathing body, um, and that'swhat's actually going to make
them move more quickly.
Um, and then you can spend moretime sort of enjoying and
appreciating the emotions thatfeel good, rather than getting
stuck in the ones that Don't.
So I know it's uncomfortable atfirst, but I promise you this is
going to be the thing that setsyour soul free.
Not only free, it sets yoursoul on fire, I promise, because
(36:38):
the advice and the guidancethat you're going to get from
some of these emotions is goingto be life-changing.
Okay, they all have a messagefor you.
You just have to sit with themlong enough to hear what the
message is.
So that is today's session.
Tomorrow's day three burning itall down, because I can tell you
right now, if you're like meand you've, you know, kind of
(37:05):
created this life for thisperson who betrayed you, where
you completely betrayed yourselfand turned your back on
everything that you wanted, andyou designed your life for this
person, now it's time torecreate that from what it is
that you really want.
So that's what I'm going to betalking about tomorrow.
We're also going to be goingdeeper into this in the
masterclass, so make sure yousign up for that.
All of the links are in theshow notes below.
If you love this episode,please leave a positive rating
(37:28):
and review on Apple Podcasts orSpotify or wherever you're
seeing this.
And until tomorrow, you guys,massive love.
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