What if the girl labeled “jealous” wasn’t insecure… but traumatized?
What if the woman who seems "too sensitive" is actually just learning how to feel safe again in a world that shattered her?
This powerful final part of The Sacred Reclamation Series: The Betrayal Edition here on The Femme Cast is for every woman who has ever had the rug ripped out from under her — who gave her heart to someone she trusted completely, only to be blindsided by deception that fractured not just the relationship… but her very sense of reality.
When betrayal trauma hits, it doesn’t just make you question the people around you. It makes you question yourself. You start to wonder if your intuition can be trusted, if your emotions are valid, and if you’ll ever feel safe loving someone again.
In this deeply raw and healing conversation, I share what rebuilding trust actually looked like for me after betrayal:
🎤 How emotional flashbacks hijacked my nervous system and made normal moments feel dangerous
🎤 Why I took a 7-year relationship hiatus — and how I knew I was ready to try again
🎤 The red flags I ignored, the lessons I learned, and the ways I began to trust myself again
🎤 What it really means to distinguish between a trauma trigger and genuine intuition
🎤 Why you’re not crazy, and how to find your grounding again after chaos
We’re talking about nervous system healing, emotional safety, and the long road back to self-trust. This episode isn’t a five-step checklist or some fluffy “just let go” advice. It’s a reckoning. A remembering. A reclamation.
Because the truth is — love never comes with guarantees. But you can make it feel safer by knowing you have your own back. That you know what red flags look like now. That you won’t abandon yourself next time.
Because not all of us have Chris Martin at a Coldplay concert publicly validating what we already knew deep down.
We’re diving into what it really takes to rebuild trust after being cheated on and manipulated — and how to feel safe loving again after the person you trusted most shattered everything.
This is your invitation to stop gaslighting your own body, honor your lived experiences, and return to the version of you who knows exactly what she deserves.
🎧 Tune in now to hear the truth behind the healing.
PS: Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
In case no one told you today, you’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum. You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive here:
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/products/intensive
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
Wow, you guys.
Day five.
Here we are.
We made it.
I'm so excited.
Today is day five.
It is the last day of the veryfirst Sacred Reclamation series.
This is the Betrayal Edition.
Sorry, I'm at a loss for wordsright now.
I just had my favorite lunch,so I probably should take a nap
(00:24):
before I try to record this, butthat's okay.
I think the extra carbs that Ihad at lunch today is actually
going to help my brain power.
Maybe it'll kick in at somepoint, or it's going to make me
foggy brained, we'll see.
So yeah, so this series is foryou.
If you're somebody who has beenlied to, manipulated, cheated
(00:44):
on, betrayed by somebody youloved and trusted more than
anything else in the world, youprobably put some stuff aside
for, or some stuff on the backburner for, to make the
relationship the central focusof your life.
Lesson learned Hopefully, bythe time you get to this episode
, you've come to thatrealization, and today we're
(01:05):
talking about trusting yourselfand trusting love again, and
this was really one of the mostdifficult parts in the journey
for me.
As I mentioned at the end ofyesterday's podcast when I was
introducing this conversation,the process to rebuilding your
inner safety and trust afterbetrayal is a long process.
(01:25):
It took me quite some time andmy intention with this episode
is I hopefully can collapse thattimeline a little bit for you
and make it a little bit quicker, a little bit easier, a little
bit more painless, by sharingwith you what helped me through
this.
Again, this took years and itwas probably one of the most
(01:46):
challenging parts of the healing, to be quite honest, because no
matter how hard I did, themindset work, no matter how hard
I tried, no matter how whatdifferent situations I put
myself in, the trauma was stillthere and was still very, very
activated for quite some time,and so navigating new
relationships became verydifficult for me.
(02:07):
It's probably what led to myseven-year relationship hiatus,
to be quite honest, is that itliterally got too exhausting
going through this process andthen, having gone through a
relationship, as I came out ofmy hiatus I realized most of the
(02:28):
triggers were gone.
Some things were kind oftriggered back, but I noticed
that I was much stronger than Iwas before I went on that hiatus
.
The triggers weren't as active.
I was able to kind of hold myenergy for the most part.
I mean, you know, obviously allrelationships have sticking
points, but for the most part Iwas able to kind of hold my
energy for the most part.
I mean, you know, obviously allrelationships have sticking
points, but for the most part Iwas able to kind of hold my
energy.
We were even in a long distancerelationship which, to be quite
(02:51):
honest, before my seven yearhiatus I could not imagine being
in a long distance relationship.
I was filled with so muchanxiety.
So that in itself is atestament to how much work I had
actually done, how much I hadactually evolved through the
process and how much these toolsor these techniques that I'm
going to share with you todayactually really supported me in
(03:11):
a massive way, because who I wasbefore versus where I am now is
like worlds apart from oneanother.
So you know, hopefully you know, what I'm about to share with
you will help.
So this is the last day of theseries.
Of course, keep an.
Hopefully, you know, what I'mabout to share with you will
help.
So this is the last day of theseries.
Of course, keep an eye out.
For next week we're doing thelive activation, which is also
free.
You can sign up for that in theshow notes below.
(03:33):
Let's get into it.
So, learning to trust yourselfand love after going through
something like betrayal, very,very difficult thing to do
because, unfortunately you know,and this is where sometimes you
know girls I mean guys andgirls, I think, men and women,
(03:57):
um, but girls specifically andwomen specifically sometimes, I
think, get a bad rap for beingjealous, being insecure, you
know, being all these thingswhen you know certain things
happen and they trigger and theyautomatically assume someone's
cheating and you know what?
Hey, listen, let's be fair,right, let's always.
(04:18):
Let's always try and be fairand have a very real, balanced
perspective.
Yes, there are people out therewho are very insecure.
Of course, many of us strugglewith insecurity.
I've always struggled withinsecurity, to be quite honest.
But many of us struggle withinsecurity.
Yes, many women struggle withjealousy.
Unfortunately, it's a femininewound of the patriarchal beliefs
(04:44):
that, you know, we've kind ofalways felt, or taught for
centuries, to be threatened byone another, to compete with one
another, to always try and oneup one another, because, you
know, our whole purposethroughout time really was to be
chosen.
That was our only way ofsecuring our future was being
chosen by a man who can takecare of us.
(05:05):
So, yes, we, as women, we oftenvery much compete with one
another, very much throw eachother under the bus, nasty
things that girl like girl ongirl crime is actually probably
some of the worst crime I'veseen when it comes to
interpersonal relationships, ofthe worst crime I've seen when
(05:27):
it comes to interpersonalrelationships.
But I mean like having saidthat right, sometimes the girl
who you're seeing as insecure orjealous is actually
experiencing betrayal trauma.
And I say this because and Ican say this with a thousand
percent certainty, because Inever had the pattern of being a
jealous girlfriend.
(05:47):
I never checked my boyfriend'sphones, I never stalked them to
see where they were going, Inever like questioned them or
interrogated them.
If I saw them talking toanother girl, if anything, I
would often point out othergirls oh my God, oh my God,
she's so pretty.
Look at her.
Oh my God, I love her outfit.
Look at what she's wearing.
Oh my God, I love her hair.
Where did she get her hair done?
(06:08):
Like I would actually point out, hot women to my guys, right,
um and so like.
I never had it in me to to bejealous, to be threatened to
interrogate, to question, toinvestigate, to spy, to, um, you
know to to to like break intohis phone or anything, nothing
like that.
(06:34):
And so, and even in therelationship where there was
betrayal, I didn't know it untilit, like literally, like hit me
in the face, like the signswere everywhere and I was
clueless, clueless to what washappening.
There were some red flags inthe beginning, which we're going
to touch on, like very early on, which I totally ignored and I
brushed off to all childishnessor boys being boys, or whatever.
And you know, had I paidattention to those red flags?
(06:56):
Those are the red flags, thoseare the exact red flags that
came up and bit me in the asslater.
So, you know, when I found outthat it was happening, I was
blindsided, like I did not seeit coming.
I felt like the rug was pulledout from under me and suddenly I
felt like I put, like I wouldtrust this man, I would trust
(07:19):
this person with my life.
And to be in the situation rightnow where somebody that I
trusted so deeply could betrayme like that, who can I ever
trust again if I can't trust him?
And how can I even trust myselfagain if I put all my trust
into somebody like that?
So my trust was like it wasfractured on so many levels.
(07:40):
It was fractured in how could Iever trust another man?
And it was also fractured inhow can I even freaking trust
myself?
Like I put all my trust andfaith, I would have put my life
into this person's hands, andmeanwhile this happens right.
So you know, trying to put itinto perspective, you know when
we talk about betrayal, trauma,or you know I was experiencing
(08:03):
what can only be described asemotional flashbacks.
Ok, emotional flashbacks arewhen something in your
environment is very similar orreminiscent of a traumatic
experience and now suddenlyyou're starting to feel all the
emotions of that event.
So like, for example, I alsohad this.
I also had, like, um, I washaving emotional flashbacks
(08:26):
which is an easier way todescribe it when I was in a
really bad not a bad accident,but I was basically driving in a
car with no brakes.
My brakes failed.
I was driving at I think thespeed limit was 80 kilometers
per hour.
I was driving at about 90 or100 kilometers per hour.
This was when my speedingstopped.
I've never sped again afterthis day.
(08:48):
So I was doing about 90 or 100kilometers an hour.
I was coming up to a red lighton an intersection and suddenly
I had no brakes, like zero.
My gas pedal or my brake pedalwas like flopping in the in the
breeze, um, so I panicked, um,and I literally like, just
because of like there was like ahalf lane between the left turn
(09:09):
lane and the regular lane, Icoasted through, like in between
the cars and that little halflane, closed my eyes and prayed
I didn't hit anything, um, andso I got to the other side of
the intersection and then Ipulled, and then I thought to
pull my emergency brake.
So everything was fine, nobodywas hurt, nobody got hit,
nothing.
But that feeling of being not incontrol of my vehicle scared me
and that, that, that feeling of, you know, basically barreling
(09:33):
into an intersection at ahundred kilometers an hour with
no brakes, through a red light,when I know there's traffic
traveling on either side, I meanthat was horrifying.
And so what ended up happeningand this is so you understand
what emotional flashbacks arelike, right?
So what would end up happeningis, any time I was in my car
(09:55):
after that period and I wasdoing 80 kilometers an hour or
90 kilometers an hour, orgetting approaching close to
what I was the speed I was doingthat day in the car anytime.
I felt my car going that fast.
So as soon as I would hit likeI think it was 90.
As soon as I would hit 90kilometers an hour, my hands
would start to shake, my legswould start to shake, my palms
(10:16):
would start to sweat and I wouldstart to have a panic attack to
the point where I was likealmost in tears.
It took years for this to pass,years and it was very difficult,
because I'm somebody who'salways driven.
I've been a, you know, I lovedriving.
I actually used to drive.
I used to go into like thislittle, like mini racetrack that
(10:41):
we have just north of Torontoand like literally like, get
into cars and do like smalllittle like like not, they're
not, they're not go-karts,they're like mini race cars
basically, and basically bedoing like 300, 200 kilometers
an hour on a track, right.
So I'm not somebody who wasever uncomfortable with speed
and I was.
I loved speed and I loved speed, I loved road trips, I loved
(11:02):
getting in my car and just itwas my escape.
And now suddenly it became likethis huge source of anxiety for
me.
So that is how emotionalflashbacks work there's
something in your environmenttriggers a physical or emotional
or mental memory of a traumaand now your body starts to
react.
You physically or emotionally,start to react as though you're
(11:24):
reliving that trauma.
So in betrayal trauma, it couldbe something like he gets a
phone call from a girl or a textfrom a girl, or he's not at
work but suddenly he's gone MIAfor like three hours and he's
not returning texts.
It could be, you know, you cometo see him at work one day,
surprise visit, and you see himtalking to another woman, right,
(11:47):
and they seem kind of close.
You know anything that you knowyou experienced in the
relationship where you were liedto, betrayed and cheated on.
So any of their characteristicsthat you later equated with oh,
that was signs he was cheating.
If you see that in anybody else,even if it's innocent, your
(12:10):
body, your emotional response,your physical response is going
to be oh my God, he's cheating.
Bring me to safety.
Like, do something to help mefeel safe, because I don't feel
safe right now.
I am not safe, this isdangerous, and so like for me,
like because I remember when thebetrayal happened you know it
was very specific things likeyou know, unreasonably late
(12:33):
coming home from work, cominghome all hours of the night,
getting calls to go to work atlike 10 o'clock at night, you
know, mystery calls while we'rein bed, by other women first
thing in the morning going MIAfor hours, even when, like, he's
supposed to be off, and thennot being able to reach him
right and not returning my calls.
Those were out of character forhim, very out of character.
(12:56):
And so when that startedhappening again, at first I
didn't think anything of it.
I thought he was distressed, hewas busy, he was overwhelmed.
Anyway, it turns out they wereall signs that he was cheating.
So now, like fast forward, notnow, but after that relationship
.
When I started going out thereand started dating again, the
minute somebody would likedisappear for a few hours I
(13:17):
would panic.
The minute somebody would, Iwould see them talking to
another woman, I would panic.
The minute I would see a textnotification from another girl,
I would panic because it would.
It would literally bring meemotionally and physically like.
I would physically feel it andemotionally feel it right back
to the moment when I found outmy ex was cheating.
So that took a very long timeto go away.
(13:42):
I'm not going to lie and I, youknow, I think you know there's a
couple of ways, there's acouple of techniques that I used
to kind of move through that.
But I think ultimately the mostimportant thing is to really
just be gentle with yourself.
Be gentle with yourself, begentle in the environments that
(14:04):
you put yourself in and, youknow, if you know, be really
specific about what you'relooking for.
If you if I mean I would say toyou you know, take your time
putting yourself back out there.
You know for sure you don'tneed to put yourself right back.
I know a lot of people say, oh,you know, you need to get back
out there, you need to startseeing people, you need to start
dating.
Sometimes that is the worstadvice when you've been through
(14:27):
betrayal trauma, because there'sso much stuff there that it's
going to make functioning in anormal, healthy relationship
almost impossible, becausewhat's going to end up happening
is, if you do have a healthypartner, you're still going to
get triggered by the littlenuanced things that happen every
day, because they're going toemotionally bring you back to
(14:50):
the experience and you're goingto end up taking it all out on
this relationship right andregressing back into those old
fears, old pain points andexperiences.
So you know my advice is alwaystake your time.
You don't need to rush goingback out there.
Do your healing work, feel theagain, you know, moving through
(15:12):
the emotional experience, movingthrough the difficult emotions,
moving through the rage, movingthrough the grief, everything
that we've talked about in thelast few episodes.
Really discovering what thelearning, what the healing, what
the transformation, the gifteven though it may not feel like
it when it's happening thatthat experience had for you and
(15:36):
really reinforcing that andconstantly reinforcing that in
your mind and remembering I wentthrough this because of this.
It taught me how to do this.
It showed me where I needed togrow, how I needed to evolve.
It helped me transform in Xnumber of ways, really
acknowledging the purpose thatthat experience served, so that
(15:59):
it's no longer a pain point, somuch it is.
It is part of your evolution,right, and really putting on
that lens of it being anevolutionary experience as
opposed to a painful experience,right, really looking at it
from that lens as often as youcan, even though they are
(16:20):
painful and I'm not.
We're not denying the pain here.
We're here to acknowledge thepain, acknowledge the hurt, the
heartbreak, the rage, thesadness, the anger.
Acknowledge all of that andmove through that, give it space
, give it um, give it purposeand, you know, get to understand
what the message is that itholds for you.
Right, and keep keep reflectingon all that and you're going to
(16:43):
get to a point where you'restarting to feel like, okay, I'm
ready to dip my toes back inthe water again.
Now what?
Well, it's still going to be achallenge in terms of trusting
yourself and trusting others.
The best advice I can give youis three things.
Number one remind yourself ofall the ways you saw the red
(17:08):
flags early on, because wealways see the red flags and we
chose to ignore them.
So, acknowledge the red flagsthat you saw, even if you
ignored them.
That's okay.
That's okay, it happens.
These are the red flags I sawand, yes, I ignored them.
Maybe this is, maybe you wantto give a reason as to why you
ignored them or why it seemedlike it was harmless at the time
.
And then you know, reiteratingto yourself the importance of
(17:31):
doing the work so that you'restrong enough to walk away when
you see the red flags.
Right, when you see the redflags, just you know,
acknowledge that.
You know we make decisions.
We want to ignore the red flags,because we really want the
situation to work out, becausethere's a part of us somewhere
that really doesn't believe thatwe can do better, because I
truly believe and this is what Ibelieve I truly believe, if we
(17:54):
thought, if we knew, without ashadow of a doubt, that there
was somebody else better outthere, that you know that you
know, cooler, nicer, funnier,better looking, you know,
whatever, whatever it is thatwe're looking for, if we knew,
without beyond a shadow of adoubt, that he was out there
waiting for us, there's no waywe'd stick around to see if this
(18:16):
red flag sticks or not.
No way We'd be like bye, I'mgoing to go catch that boat over
there, right?
So you got to think of it thatway.
You have to think of it as youknow.
I know my person is out thereand my person wouldn't do this
for me, wouldn't do this to me,like.
So I'll give you an example.
So recently I, after my lastbreakup, I took my time.
(18:38):
I didn't want to rush out thereand start dating again.
I waited a few months and itwasn't that.
It was a difficult breakup.
I ended the relationship and Iwas comfortable with that
decision.
I didn't regret it and I knewwhy I had made it and then so I
decided, you know what, I thinkI'm ready to put myself back out
there again.
And so I started getting outthere and started dating and you
(18:59):
know, I met a couple of coolpeople and the one guy that I
thought was probably like thebest option of them all, like
you know, we had.
You know our sense of humor ismatched.
We had a similar perspective onlife, like there was a lot of
value alignment there, which issomething that I look for.
(19:22):
But you know, I kept sayingagain and again like listen, I
move at a glacial pace, likeyou're just going to have to get
over it.
I move very slowly when I meetpeople online and that's just.
That's just something that Ilive by now.
Like I don't rush into things.
I'm not in any um, I'm not inany way, shape or form looking
(19:45):
to rush into the physicalconnection of a relationship.
I'm fully prepared to take mytime to really understand and
know if this person is worth mereally getting attached to,
because I know me, I know me andsometimes, after being intimate
with someone, I tend to getvery attached, not attached like
(20:06):
I just tend to get veryvulnerable, right, I tend to
really let my guard down.
I tend to really.
That's when I usually make myworst decisions.
That's when I'm usually moreinclined to ignore some red
flags, right, especially ifthere's a lot of attraction and
a lot of chemistry there.
Chemistry doesn't always mean agood flags, right, especially
if there's a lot of attractionand a lot of chemistry there.
(20:26):
Chemistry doesn't always mean agood thing, right that.
It's easy to kind of getwrapped up in that and ignore
some of the red flags whenyou're there.
Rather, you know, I would muchrather just take my time, get to
know somebody, see what kind ofred flags I'm kind of dealing
with slowly, and then, you know,build that, you know, intimate
connection over time, and I knowmy person would want that for
(20:50):
me.
I know my person would be likeyeah, you should totally value
yourself.
You shouldn't just, you know,be in a rush to get intimate
with anybody.
You know you should holdyourself to a higher standard,
and I know my person would wantthat.
Well, this person did not seeit that way.
This person kept trying to like,find ways to like conveniently
(21:11):
get us alone and do things thatyou know put me in a position
where I, you know, being a totalstranger, like I didn't know
this guy that well, I'd only methim, like you know, we only had
gone out, maybe like once ortwice and we chatted for like a
couple of weeks, right, butbeing in a situation where I'm
alone with somebody who I hardlyknow, or in a situation where,
(21:33):
you know, there's not a lot ofpeople around or it's dark, or
I'm not OK with that, you know,not until I've really gotten to
know, you're just definitely notcoming over to my apartment
until I really get to know whoyou are and what you're all
about.
You know, and I think, like onthe second date, he's like why
don't I?
Just, you know, he always triedto find a way to get us alone
(21:53):
together.
No-transcript go through.
(22:13):
I don't know, maybe if you'relooking for a hookup, maybe it's
a different mindset.
But for me, you know, because Iam looking for somebody to be
in a relationship with, I amtaking my bloody ass time
because I know that my personwould want me to take my time.
Why did I go on that tangent?
Oh, I went on that tangentbecause I saw the red flags.
(22:36):
I saw the red flags that thisguy was pushing me beyond my
boundaries, that I wasexpressing my boundaries to him
and I was telling him, you knowwhat I needed to feel safe in a
relationship and what I waslooking for and how I was
looking to move forward.
And he kept trying to push pastthat and he kept trying to like
speed things up and I was likeyou know what?
Like I've told you like threetimes, like this is how I, this
(22:58):
is how I move through thisexperience.
You know, take it or leave it.
This experience, you know, takeit or leave it.
And he just would not let it go.
Like he was nice about it, hewasn't mean about it, but he
wasn't listening and that, forme, was a red flag.
So I immediately walked away.
I walked away knowing from thatmentality of I know my person is
(23:19):
out there and my person wouldappreciate the fact that I'm
being really careful and reallyselective about who I, you know,
choose to be intimate with andhave an energetic exchange with,
because I mean, there's nothingmore energetically, nothing
(23:42):
that impacts you moreenergetically than being
intimate with somebody on somany levels.
So, knowing what I know,knowing what I've been through,
knowing what I've experienced, Iam way more careful and
selective now of what, how Iused to be, when, you know, when
I was previous, before myseven-year relationship, before
my seven year relationshiphiatus oh my God, it was.
(24:05):
It was a gong show, okay, um,like, I mean, I think I had more
partners in a couple of yearsthan I did in my entire life.
Um, like, way more.
Um, that's not to say that Ihad, like, you know, I, they
were, they were allsituationships, put it that way.
So they were all people I, allpeople that I was seeing on
repeat.
But the intimacy came prettyquick and you know, it got toxic
(24:30):
pretty fast, right, and I gotattached pretty fast.
So I didn't want to go downthat path again.
So I learned from my past.
I looked at my past traits, Ilooked at my past red flags and
I said, okay, this is what I,this is what a safe relationship
looks like for me going forward.
And I was really clear aboutidentifying what that looked
like and I was really clearabout giving myself permission
(24:53):
to walk away if it didn't lookthat way.
And I think that was one of thethings that helped me not only
rebuild trust in the wholedating process again, but really
rebuilding trust in myselfagain.
And that was a muscle I got toflex over time and that's why I
think a lot of the times thesethings do take time is because
you do need to flex and work onthem over time.
(25:13):
And so this helped me to kindof, number one, know that I had
the strength to walk away if Isaw any red flags.
And, two, know that I couldtrust myself to make the right
decisions right and know that Icould trust myself to walk away
if I did any red flags.
And, two, know that I couldtrust myself to make the right
decisions right and know that Icould trust myself to walk away
if I did see red flags.
And this was huge in terms ofhelping me to make myself feel
(25:34):
safe again.
But on the chance that I did getemotional flashbacks if
something did happen that kindof brought me back to that
moment where I was betrayed andmade me feel the feelings again
and the panic again and the fearagain and the sweatiness and
the palm sweating and theanxiety I would literally just
recall.
I would recall the events, thatit was the same, the behaviors
(25:59):
that it was reflecting back fromwhat happened previously.
So like, say, for example, ifsomebody I was with went MIA for
hours and I didn't hear fromhim, and I would start to panic,
and I would panic and tailspinand spiral and do all these
things and then finally I wouldbe like, okay, you know what?
I know that I'm spiraling rightnow because so and so used to
do this and this was a sign thathe was cheating on me and I
(26:21):
didn't see it.
And I've equated this to meanthat anytime a guy does this, it
means they're cheating, whichis entirely untrue.
People can do this kind ofbehavior all the time and it not
mean a thing.
Just because he's doing thisdoesn't mean he's cheating,
right.
So I almost started to reasonmyself off the cliff.
(26:44):
I also brought myself back tothe fact that, with my previous
partner, these were all veryuncharacteristic behaviors that
came out of the woodwork, thatwere indicating that he was, you
know, seeing somebody else inthe relationship.
But you know, in this casemaybe this was normal behavior
for him to take a while to youknow with this new person.
(27:04):
Maybe it was normal for him totake a while to you know with
this new person.
Maybe it was normal for him totake time to call back.
Normal, healthy, well-roundedadults take time getting back to
you.
They're not always quick toreply.
You know people have lives,they have work, they have
meetings, they have demandingschedules.
Some people have children toworry about at this age.
You know Family, maybe elderlyparents are taking care of.
(27:25):
Like me, hello, like I can'talways reply to text messages
when I get a text, sometimes ittakes me hours to respond, even
if I'm not at work, right?
So it's about reasoning withyourself, talking yourself down,
talking yourself off that cliff, getting yourself to stop
spiraling and taking some deepbreaths and making sure you go
(27:47):
back to those signs that you'resafe in the relationship, right?
Or what signs to look for toindicate that you're not safe.
And maybe there are some newones, sure that you never
noticed before.
But at the end of the day and Ithink this is what kind of
makes it all puts a nice littlebow on all of it At the end of
it all.
Yes, you experienced some redflags in the past relationship.
(28:10):
Yes, you ignored them.
Maybe there are some new redflags here that you haven't paid
attention to or you're notaware of.
However, you know by looking atthat last relationship that none
of it was a waste, that itevolved you and transformed you
in ways that you never evendreamed of.
It opened you up topossibilities you never could
have imagined for yourself.
So, in actuality, and aspainful as it was, it was
(28:34):
probably a good thing that youwent through.
At least it was for me, andthat's what I always kept coming
back.
Even if the worst happens andit happens again and I get
cheated on, I know I'm going tobe okay and I know it's
happening to me for a reason,and I know that on the other
side of it I'll be sitting herejust as I am now going.
Yeah, I'd go through that allover again, just to experience a
transformation that I did Right.
(28:56):
So you have to kind of be yourown best friend and talk
yourself off that cliff.
It's not about believing thateverything's going to have a
happy ending.
It doesn't.
Love never comes with aguarantee and if you're not
willing to accept the risk,it'll be very hard to find love
again.
So you have to be willing toaccept the risk.
You just have to make the riskfeel not so scary and not so
(29:17):
dangerous, and that is reallyyour only criteria is to make it
feel a little bit safer andyou're going to be okay.
You've got your wits about youand you know what you're doing
and being able to trust yourselfagain and being able to trust
other people again.
Okay, and that is really thegoal, so I hope this helps.
This is the last of the series.
Make sure to join us for theactivation.
It's going to be absolutelypowerful.
The link are in the show notesbelow.
(29:39):
Make sure to leave a positiverating or review on Apple,
itunes or or Spotify or whereveryou're seeing this, and until
next time, you guys, big kiss,massive love.
Wow, you guys.
Day five.
Here we are.
We made it.
I'm so excited.
Today is day five.
It is the last day of the veryfirst Sacred Reclamation series.
This is the Betrayal Edition.
Sorry, I'm at a loss for wordsright now.
I just had my favorite lunch,so I probably should take a nap
(00:24):
before I try to record this, butthat's okay.
I think the extra carbs that Ihad at lunch today is actually
going to help my brain power.
Maybe it'll kick in at somepoint, or it's going to make me
foggy brained, we'll see.
So yeah, so this series is foryou.
If you're somebody who has beenlied to, manipulated, cheated
(00:44):
on, betrayed by somebody youloved and trusted more than
anything else in the world, youprobably put some stuff aside
for, or some stuff on the backburner for, to make the
relationship the central focusof your life.
Lesson learned Hopefully, bythe time you get to this episode
, you've come to thatrealization, and today we're
(01:05):
talking about trusting yourselfand trusting love again, and
this was really one of the mostdifficult parts in the journey
for me.
As I mentioned at the end ofyesterday's podcast when I was
introducing this conversation,the process to rebuilding your
inner safety and trust afterbetrayal is a long process.
(01:25):
It took me quite some time andmy intention with this episode
is I hopefully can collapse thattimeline a little bit for you
and make it a little bit quicker, a little bit easier, a little
bit more painless, by sharingwith you what helped me through
this.
Again, this took years and itwas probably one of the most
(01:46):
challenging parts of the healing, to be quite honest, because no
matter how hard I did, themindset work, no matter how hard
I tried, no matter how whatdifferent situations I put
myself in, the trauma was stillthere and was still very, very
activated for quite some time,and so navigating new
relationships became verydifficult for me.
(02:07):
It's probably what led to myseven-year relationship hiatus,
to be quite honest, is that itliterally got too exhausting
going through this process andthen, having gone through a
relationship, as I came out ofmy hiatus I realized most of the
(02:28):
triggers were gone.
Some things were kind oftriggered back, but I noticed
that I was much stronger than Iwas before I went on that hiatus
.
The triggers weren't as active.
I was able to kind of hold myenergy for the most part.
I mean, you know, obviously allrelationships have sticking
points, but for the most part Iwas able to kind of hold my
energy for the most part.
I mean, you know, obviously allrelationships have sticking
points, but for the most part Iwas able to kind of hold my
energy.
We were even in a long distancerelationship which, to be quite
(02:51):
honest, before my seven yearhiatus I could not imagine being
in a long distance relationship.
I was filled with so muchanxiety.
So that in itself is atestament to how much work I had
actually done, how much I hadactually evolved through the
process and how much these toolsor these techniques that I'm
going to share with you todayactually really supported me in
(03:11):
a massive way, because who I wasbefore versus where I am now is
like worlds apart from oneanother.
So you know, hopefully you know, what I'm about to share with
you will help.
So this is the last day of theseries.
Of course, keep an.
Hopefully, you know, what I'mabout to share with you will
help.
So this is the last day of theseries.
Of course, keep an eye out.
For next week we're doing thelive activation, which is also
free.
You can sign up for that in theshow notes below.
(03:33):
Let's get into it.
So, learning to trust yourselfand love after going through
something like betrayal, very,very difficult thing to do
because, unfortunately you know,and this is where sometimes you
know girls I mean guys andgirls, I think, men and women,
(03:57):
um, but girls specifically andwomen specifically sometimes, I
think, get a bad rap for beingjealous, being insecure, you
know, being all these thingswhen you know certain things
happen and they trigger and theyautomatically assume someone's
cheating and you know what?
Hey, listen, let's be fair,right, let's always.
(04:18):
Let's always try and be fairand have a very real, balanced
perspective.
Yes, there are people out therewho are very insecure.
Of course, many of us strugglewith insecurity.
I've always struggled withinsecurity, to be quite honest.
But many of us struggle withinsecurity.
Yes, many women struggle withjealousy.
Unfortunately, it's a femininewound of the patriarchal beliefs
(04:44):
that, you know, we've kind ofalways felt, or taught for
centuries, to be threatened byone another, to compete with one
another, to always try and oneup one another, because, you
know, our whole purposethroughout time really was to be
chosen.
That was our only way ofsecuring our future was being
chosen by a man who can takecare of us.
(05:05):
So, yes, we, as women, we oftenvery much compete with one
another, very much throw eachother under the bus, nasty
things that girl like girl ongirl crime is actually probably
some of the worst crime I'veseen when it comes to
interpersonal relationships, ofthe worst crime I've seen when
(05:27):
it comes to interpersonalrelationships.
But I mean like having saidthat right, sometimes the girl
who you're seeing as insecure orjealous is actually
experiencing betrayal trauma.
And I say this because and Ican say this with a thousand
percent certainty, because Inever had the pattern of being a
jealous girlfriend.
(05:47):
I never checked my boyfriend'sphones, I never stalked them to
see where they were going, Inever like questioned them or
interrogated them.
If I saw them talking toanother girl, if anything, I
would often point out othergirls oh my God, oh my God,
she's so pretty.
Look at her.
Oh my God, I love her outfit.
Look at what she's wearing.
Oh my God, I love her hair.
Where did she get her hair done?
(06:08):
Like I would actually point out, hot women to my guys, right,
um and so like.
I never had it in me to to bejealous, to be threatened to
interrogate, to question, toinvestigate, to spy, to, um, you
know to to to like break intohis phone or anything, nothing
like that.
(06:34):
And so, and even in therelationship where there was
betrayal, I didn't know it untilit, like literally, like hit me
in the face, like the signswere everywhere and I was
clueless, clueless to what washappening.
There were some red flags inthe beginning, which we're going
to touch on, like very early on, which I totally ignored and I
brushed off to all childishnessor boys being boys, or whatever.
And you know, had I paidattention to those red flags?
(06:56):
Those are the red flags, thoseare the exact red flags that
came up and bit me in the asslater.
So, you know, when I found outthat it was happening, I was
blindsided, like I did not seeit coming.
I felt like the rug was pulledout from under me and suddenly I
felt like I put, like I wouldtrust this man, I would trust
(07:19):
this person with my life.
And to be in the situation rightnow where somebody that I
trusted so deeply could betrayme like that, who can I ever
trust again if I can't trust him?
And how can I even trust myselfagain if I put all my trust
into somebody like that?
So my trust was like it wasfractured on so many levels.
(07:40):
It was fractured in how could Iever trust another man?
And it was also fractured inhow can I even freaking trust
myself?
Like I put all my trust andfaith, I would have put my life
into this person's hands, andmeanwhile this happens right.
So you know, trying to put itinto perspective, you know when
we talk about betrayal, trauma,or you know I was experiencing
(08:03):
what can only be described asemotional flashbacks.
Ok, emotional flashbacks arewhen something in your
environment is very similar orreminiscent of a traumatic
experience and now suddenlyyou're starting to feel all the
emotions of that event.
So like, for example, I alsohad this.
I also had, like, um, I washaving emotional flashbacks
(08:26):
which is an easier way todescribe it when I was in a
really bad not a bad accident,but I was basically driving in a
car with no brakes.
My brakes failed.
I was driving at I think thespeed limit was 80 kilometers
per hour.
I was driving at about 90 or100 kilometers per hour.
This was when my speedingstopped.
I've never sped again afterthis day.
(08:48):
So I was doing about 90 or 100kilometers an hour.
I was coming up to a red lighton an intersection and suddenly
I had no brakes, like zero.
My gas pedal or my brake pedalwas like flopping in the in the
breeze, um, so I panicked, um,and I literally like, just
because of like there was like ahalf lane between the left turn
(09:09):
lane and the regular lane, Icoasted through, like in between
the cars and that little halflane, closed my eyes and prayed
I didn't hit anything, um, andso I got to the other side of
the intersection and then Ipulled, and then I thought to
pull my emergency brake.
So everything was fine, nobodywas hurt, nobody got hit,
nothing.
But that feeling of being not incontrol of my vehicle scared me
and that, that, that feeling of, you know, basically barreling
(09:33):
into an intersection at ahundred kilometers an hour with
no brakes, through a red light,when I know there's traffic
traveling on either side, I meanthat was horrifying.
And so what ended up happeningand this is so you understand
what emotional flashbacks arelike, right?
So what would end up happeningis, any time I was in my car
(09:55):
after that period and I wasdoing 80 kilometers an hour or
90 kilometers an hour, orgetting approaching close to
what I was the speed I was doingthat day in the car anytime.
I felt my car going that fast.
So as soon as I would hit likeI think it was 90.
As soon as I would hit 90kilometers an hour, my hands
would start to shake, my legswould start to shake, my palms
(10:16):
would start to sweat and I wouldstart to have a panic attack to
the point where I was likealmost in tears.
It took years for this to pass,years and it was very difficult,
because I'm somebody who'salways driven.
I've been a, you know, I lovedriving.
I actually used to drive.
I used to go into like thislittle, like mini racetrack that
(10:41):
we have just north of Torontoand like literally like, get
into cars and do like smalllittle like like not, they're
not, they're not go-karts,they're like mini race cars
basically, and basically bedoing like 300, 200 kilometers
an hour on a track, right.
So I'm not somebody who wasever uncomfortable with speed
and I was.
I loved speed and I loved speed, I loved road trips, I loved
(11:02):
getting in my car and just itwas my escape.
And now suddenly it became likethis huge source of anxiety for
me.
So that is how emotionalflashbacks work there's
something in your environmenttriggers a physical or emotional
or mental memory of a traumaand now your body starts to
react.
You physically or emotionally,start to react as though you're
(11:24):
reliving that trauma.
So in betrayal trauma, it couldbe something like he gets a
phone call from a girl or a textfrom a girl, or he's not at
work but suddenly he's gone MIAfor like three hours and he's
not returning texts.
It could be, you know, you cometo see him at work one day,
surprise visit, and you see himtalking to another woman, right,
(11:47):
and they seem kind of close.
You know anything that you knowyou experienced in the
relationship where you were liedto, betrayed and cheated on.
So any of their characteristicsthat you later equated with oh,
that was signs he was cheating.
If you see that in anybody else,even if it's innocent, your
(12:10):
body, your emotional response,your physical response is going
to be oh my God, he's cheating.
Bring me to safety.
Like, do something to help mefeel safe, because I don't feel
safe right now.
I am not safe, this isdangerous, and so like for me,
like because I remember when thebetrayal happened you know it
was very specific things likeyou know, unreasonably late
(12:33):
coming home from work, cominghome all hours of the night,
getting calls to go to work atlike 10 o'clock at night, you
know, mystery calls while we'rein bed, by other women first
thing in the morning going MIAfor hours, even when, like, he's
supposed to be off, and thennot being able to reach him
right and not returning my calls.
Those were out of character forhim, very out of character.
(12:56):
And so when that startedhappening again, at first I
didn't think anything of it.
I thought he was distressed, hewas busy, he was overwhelmed.
Anyway, it turns out they wereall signs that he was cheating.
So now, like fast forward, notnow, but after that relationship
.
When I started going out thereand started dating again, the
minute somebody would likedisappear for a few hours I
(13:17):
would panic.
The minute somebody would, Iwould see them talking to
another woman, I would panic.
The minute I would see a textnotification from another girl,
I would panic because it would.
It would literally bring meemotionally and physically like.
I would physically feel it andemotionally feel it right back
to the moment when I found outmy ex was cheating.
So that took a very long timeto go away.
(13:42):
I'm not going to lie and I, youknow, I think you know there's a
couple of ways, there's acouple of techniques that I used
to kind of move through that.
But I think ultimately the mostimportant thing is to really
just be gentle with yourself.
Be gentle with yourself, begentle in the environments that
(14:04):
you put yourself in and, youknow, if you know, be really
specific about what you'relooking for.
If you if I mean I would say toyou you know, take your time
putting yourself back out there.
You know for sure you don'tneed to put yourself right back.
I know a lot of people say, oh,you know, you need to get back
out there, you need to startseeing people, you need to start
dating.
Sometimes that is the worstadvice when you've been through
(14:27):
betrayal trauma, because there'sso much stuff there that it's
going to make functioning in anormal, healthy relationship
almost impossible, becausewhat's going to end up happening
is, if you do have a healthypartner, you're still going to
get triggered by the littlenuanced things that happen every
day, because they're going toemotionally bring you back to
(14:50):
the experience and you're goingto end up taking it all out on
this relationship right andregressing back into those old
fears, old pain points andexperiences.
So you know my advice is alwaystake your time.
You don't need to rush goingback out there.
Do your healing work, feel theagain, you know, moving through
(15:12):
the emotional experience, movingthrough the difficult emotions,
moving through the rage, movingthrough the grief, everything
that we've talked about in thelast few episodes.
Really discovering what thelearning, what the healing, what
the transformation, the gifteven though it may not feel like
it when it's happening thatthat experience had for you and
(15:36):
really reinforcing that andconstantly reinforcing that in
your mind and remembering I wentthrough this because of this.
It taught me how to do this.
It showed me where I needed togrow, how I needed to evolve.
It helped me transform in Xnumber of ways, really
acknowledging the purpose thatthat experience served, so that
(15:59):
it's no longer a pain point, somuch it is.
It is part of your evolution,right, and really putting on
that lens of it being anevolutionary experience as
opposed to a painful experience,right, really looking at it
from that lens as often as youcan, even though they are
(16:20):
painful and I'm not.
We're not denying the pain here.
We're here to acknowledge thepain, acknowledge the hurt, the
heartbreak, the rage, thesadness, the anger.
Acknowledge all of that andmove through that, give it space
, give it um, give it purposeand, you know, get to understand
what the message is that itholds for you.
Right, and keep keep reflectingon all that and you're going to
(16:43):
get to a point where you'restarting to feel like, okay, I'm
ready to dip my toes back inthe water again.
Now what?
Well, it's still going to be achallenge in terms of trusting
yourself and trusting others.
The best advice I can give youis three things.
Number one remind yourself ofall the ways you saw the red
(17:08):
flags early on, because wealways see the red flags and we
chose to ignore them.
So, acknowledge the red flagsthat you saw, even if you
ignored them.
That's okay.
That's okay, it happens.
These are the red flags I sawand, yes, I ignored them.
Maybe this is, maybe you wantto give a reason as to why you
ignored them or why it seemedlike it was harmless at the time
.
And then you know, reiteratingto yourself the importance of
(17:31):
doing the work so that you'restrong enough to walk away when
you see the red flags.
Right, when you see the redflags, just you know,
acknowledge that.
You know we make decisions.
We want to ignore the red flags,because we really want the
situation to work out, becausethere's a part of us somewhere
that really doesn't believe thatwe can do better, because I
truly believe and this is what Ibelieve I truly believe, if we
(17:54):
thought, if we knew, without ashadow of a doubt, that there
was somebody else better outthere, that you know that you
know, cooler, nicer, funnier,better looking, you know,
whatever, whatever it is thatwe're looking for, if we knew,
without beyond a shadow of adoubt, that he was out there
waiting for us, there's no waywe'd stick around to see if this
(18:16):
red flag sticks or not.
No way We'd be like bye, I'mgoing to go catch that boat over
there, right?
So you got to think of it thatway.
You have to think of it as youknow.
I know my person is out thereand my person wouldn't do this
for me, wouldn't do this to me,like.
So I'll give you an example.
So recently I, after my lastbreakup, I took my time.
(18:38):
I didn't want to rush out thereand start dating again.
I waited a few months and itwasn't that.
It was a difficult breakup.
I ended the relationship and Iwas comfortable with that
decision.
I didn't regret it and I knewwhy I had made it and then so I
decided, you know what, I thinkI'm ready to put myself back out
there again.
And so I started getting outthere and started dating and you
(18:59):
know, I met a couple of coolpeople and the one guy that I
thought was probably like thebest option of them all, like
you know, we had.
You know our sense of humor ismatched.
We had a similar perspective onlife, like there was a lot of
value alignment there, which issomething that I look for.
(19:22):
But you know, I kept sayingagain and again like listen, I
move at a glacial pace, likeyou're just going to have to get
over it.
I move very slowly when I meetpeople online and that's just.
That's just something that Ilive by now.
Like I don't rush into things.
I'm not in any um, I'm not inany way, shape or form looking
(19:45):
to rush into the physicalconnection of a relationship.
I'm fully prepared to take mytime to really understand and
know if this person is worth mereally getting attached to,
because I know me, I know me andsometimes, after being intimate
with someone, I tend to getvery attached, not attached like
(20:06):
I just tend to get veryvulnerable, right, I tend to
really let my guard down.
I tend to really.
That's when I usually make myworst decisions.
That's when I'm usually moreinclined to ignore some red
flags, right, especially ifthere's a lot of attraction and
a lot of chemistry there.
Chemistry doesn't always mean agood flags, right, especially
if there's a lot of attractionand a lot of chemistry there.
(20:26):
Chemistry doesn't always mean agood thing, right that.
It's easy to kind of getwrapped up in that and ignore
some of the red flags whenyou're there.
Rather, you know, I would muchrather just take my time, get to
know somebody, see what kind ofred flags I'm kind of dealing
with slowly, and then, you know,build that, you know, intimate
connection over time, and I knowmy person would want that for
(20:50):
me.
I know my person would be likeyeah, you should totally value
yourself.
You shouldn't just, you know,be in a rush to get intimate
with anybody.
You know you should holdyourself to a higher standard,
and I know my person would wantthat.
Well, this person did not seeit that way.
This person kept trying to like,find ways to like conveniently
(21:11):
get us alone and do things thatyou know put me in a position
where I, you know, being a totalstranger, like I didn't know
this guy that well, I'd only methim, like you know, we only had
gone out, maybe like once ortwice and we chatted for like a
couple of weeks, right, butbeing in a situation where I'm
alone with somebody who I hardlyknow, or in a situation where,
(21:33):
you know, there's not a lot ofpeople around or it's dark, or
I'm not OK with that, you know,not until I've really gotten to
know, you're just definitely notcoming over to my apartment
until I really get to know whoyou are and what you're all
about.
You know, and I think, like onthe second date, he's like why
don't I?
Just, you know, he always triedto find a way to get us alone
(21:53):
together.
No-transcript go through.
(22:13):
I don't know, maybe if you'relooking for a hookup, maybe it's
a different mindset.
But for me, you know, because Iam looking for somebody to be
in a relationship with, I amtaking my bloody ass time
because I know that my personwould want me to take my time.
Why did I go on that tangent?
Oh, I went on that tangentbecause I saw the red flags.
(22:36):
I saw the red flags that thisguy was pushing me beyond my
boundaries, that I wasexpressing my boundaries to him
and I was telling him, you knowwhat I needed to feel safe in a
relationship and what I waslooking for and how I was
looking to move forward.
And he kept trying to push pastthat and he kept trying to like
speed things up and I was likeyou know what?
Like I've told you like threetimes, like this is how I, this
(22:58):
is how I move through thisexperience.
You know, take it or leave it.
This experience, you know, takeit or leave it.
And he just would not let it go.
Like he was nice about it, hewasn't mean about it, but he
wasn't listening and that, forme, was a red flag.
So I immediately walked away.
I walked away knowing from thatmentality of I know my person is
(23:19):
out there and my person wouldappreciate the fact that I'm
being really careful and reallyselective about who I, you know,
choose to be intimate with andhave an energetic exchange with,
because I mean, there's nothingmore energetically, nothing
(23:42):
that impacts you moreenergetically than being
intimate with somebody on somany levels.
So, knowing what I know,knowing what I've been through,
knowing what I've experienced, Iam way more careful and
selective now of what, how Iused to be, when, you know, when
I was previous, before myseven-year relationship, before
my seven year relationshiphiatus oh my God, it was.
(24:05):
It was a gong show, okay, um,like, I mean, I think I had more
partners in a couple of yearsthan I did in my entire life.
Um, like, way more.
Um, that's not to say that Ihad, like, you know, I, they
were, they were allsituationships, put it that way.
So they were all people I, allpeople that I was seeing on
repeat.
But the intimacy came prettyquick and you know, it got toxic
(24:30):
pretty fast, right, and I gotattached pretty fast.
So I didn't want to go downthat path again.
So I learned from my past.
I looked at my past traits, Ilooked at my past red flags and
I said, okay, this is what I,this is what a safe relationship
looks like for me going forward.
And I was really clear aboutidentifying what that looked
like and I was really clearabout giving myself permission
(24:53):
to walk away if it didn't lookthat way.
And I think that was one of thethings that helped me not only
rebuild trust in the wholedating process again, but really
rebuilding trust in myselfagain.
And that was a muscle I got toflex over time and that's why I
think a lot of the times thesethings do take time is because
you do need to flex and work onthem over time.
(25:13):
And so this helped me to kindof, number one, know that I had
the strength to walk away if Isaw any red flags.
And, two, know that I couldtrust myself to make the right
decisions right and know that Icould trust myself to walk away
if I did any red flags.
And, two, know that I couldtrust myself to make the right
decisions right and know that Icould trust myself to walk away
if I did see red flags.
And this was huge in terms ofhelping me to make myself feel
(25:34):
safe again.
But on the chance that I did getemotional flashbacks if
something did happen that kindof brought me back to that
moment where I was betrayed andmade me feel the feelings again
and the panic again and the fearagain and the sweatiness and
the palm sweating and theanxiety I would literally just
recall.
I would recall the events, thatit was the same, the behaviors
(25:59):
that it was reflecting back fromwhat happened previously.
So like, say, for example, ifsomebody I was with went MIA for
hours and I didn't hear fromhim, and I would start to panic,
and I would panic and tailspinand spiral and do all these
things and then finally I wouldbe like, okay, you know what?
I know that I'm spiraling rightnow because so and so used to
do this and this was a sign thathe was cheating on me and I
(26:21):
didn't see it.
And I've equated this to meanthat anytime a guy does this, it
means they're cheating, whichis entirely untrue.
People can do this kind ofbehavior all the time and it not
mean a thing.
Just because he's doing thisdoesn't mean he's cheating,
right.
So I almost started to reasonmyself off the cliff.
(26:44):
I also brought myself back tothe fact that, with my previous
partner, these were all veryuncharacteristic behaviors that
came out of the woodwork, thatwere indicating that he was, you
know, seeing somebody else inthe relationship.
But you know, in this casemaybe this was normal behavior
for him to take a while to youknow with this new person.
(27:04):
Maybe it was normal for him totake a while to you know with
this new person.
Maybe it was normal for him totake time to call back.
Normal, healthy, well-roundedadults take time getting back to
you.
They're not always quick toreply.
You know people have lives,they have work, they have
meetings, they have demandingschedules.
Some people have children toworry about at this age.
You know Family, maybe elderlyparents are taking care of.
(27:25):
Like me, hello, like I can'talways reply to text messages
when I get a text, sometimes ittakes me hours to respond, even
if I'm not at work, right?
So it's about reasoning withyourself, talking yourself down,
talking yourself off that cliff, getting yourself to stop
spiraling and taking some deepbreaths and making sure you go
(27:47):
back to those signs that you'resafe in the relationship, right?
Or what signs to look for toindicate that you're not safe.
And maybe there are some newones, sure that you never
noticed before.
But at the end of the day and Ithink this is what kind of
makes it all puts a nice littlebow on all of it At the end of
it all.
Yes, you experienced some redflags in the past relationship.
(28:10):
Yes, you ignored them.
Maybe there are some new redflags here that you haven't paid
attention to or you're notaware of.
However, you know by looking atthat last relationship that none
of it was a waste, that itevolved you and transformed you
in ways that you never evendreamed of.
It opened you up topossibilities you never could
have imagined for yourself.
So, in actuality, and aspainful as it was, it was
(28:34):
probably a good thing that youwent through.
At least it was for me, andthat's what I always kept coming
back.
Even if the worst happens andit happens again and I get
cheated on, I know I'm going tobe okay and I know it's
happening to me for a reason,and I know that on the other
side of it I'll be sitting herejust as I am now going.
Yeah, I'd go through that allover again, just to experience a
transformation that I did Right.
(28:56):
So you have to kind of be yourown best friend and talk
yourself off that cliff.
It's not about believing thateverything's going to have a
happy ending.
It doesn't.
Love never comes with aguarantee and if you're not
willing to accept the risk,it'll be very hard to find love
again.
So you have to be willing toaccept the risk.
You just have to make the riskfeel not so scary and not so
(29:17):
dangerous, and that is reallyyour only criteria is to make it
feel a little bit safer andyou're going to be okay.
You've got your wits about youand you know what you're doing
and being able to trust yourselfagain and being able to trust
other people again.
Okay, and that is really thegoal, so I hope this helps.
This is the last of the series.
Make sure to join us for theactivation.
It's going to be absolutelypowerful.
The link are in the show notesbelow.
(29:39):
Make sure to leave a positiverating or review on Apple,
itunes or or Spotify or whereveryou're seeing this, and until
next time, you guys, big kiss,massive love.
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