September 8, 2025 • 37 mins
Have you ever kept contact with someone who betrayed you—just to prove you’re “unbothered”? Maybe you’ve told yourself you’re strong, confident, and over it… while inside, you’re secretly crumbling.
In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Femme Cast, I pull back the curtain on one of the most destructive cycles I stayed stuck in after betrayal: maintaining contact with my ex to prove I didn’t care. On the outside, I looked like the “cool girl”—chill, unaffected, even introducing him to friends he flirted with. But behind the scenes, every interaction was gut-wrenching. Watching him move on, seeing him comment on my friends’ posts, and pretending I was fine triggered my deepest wounds of unworthiness, abandonment, and rejection over and over again.
The truth? The damage from staying connected was far worse than the original betrayal itself.
Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:
🎤 Why staying in contact with someone who betrayed you reinforces your deepest insecurities and blocks your healing.
🎤 How the “cool girl” façade keeps you trapped in pain while robbing you of true confidence.
🎤 Why cutting off communication isn’t about letting them “win”—it’s about choosing yourself.
🎤 The exact mindset shift that allowed me to finally block, detach, and detox from toxic connections.
🎤 How betrayal can become the most powerful catalyst for growth when you create the safe container to heal.
This episode is both a warning and an invitation: stop sacrificing your healing for appearances. Your greatest revenge isn’t pretending you’re okay—it’s actually becoming okay. It’s choosing yourself, setting the boundary, and stepping into the version of you who no longer needs external validation to feel worthy.
If you’ve been betrayed and you’re still holding on—listening to their stories, watching their posts, or answering their texts—this episode will show you why letting go is the ultimate act of self-love.
It’s time to cut the cord. It’s time to choose you.
Are you healing from cheating? Betrayal? A heartbreak that not only broke your heart but broke your life?
If so, join me for She Rises: A FREE & LIVE 90-minute healing and activation experience for the woman ready to alchemize the pain of lies, betrayal, and being cheated on into unapologetic power, radiant confidence, and the woman she was always meant to be.
Betrayal doesn’t get the final word — you do.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/masterclass
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST (00:00):
Hey you guys.
What is up?
Welcome back to the show.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you here.
I talk about leaving thingstill the 11th hour, so usually I
like to have my episodespre-recorded the week before.
I know some podcasters do likea month or two before, but I
just do a week before.
But I'm literally recordingthis on the day that it's going
(00:21):
up.
It should have been up at 5 amthis morning.
I recording this on the daythat it's going up.
It should have been up at 5amthis morning.
I'm recording it now at 8am.
It's just been a busy few weeksand we just had the eclipse
yesterday.
I was really feeling the energylast week, although it settled
down towards the weekend and itstarted to feel calmer.
But definitely a lot kind ofcame up and I posted a little
(00:42):
affirmation on my Instagram.
If that's something that youknow you think would support you
, that's there.
I posted it on Sunday, I think,the day of the eclipse, and
we're like a week away from themasterclass, so I'm super
excited for that.
I know it's going to beincredibly powerful.
(01:07):
We're doing she Rises, which isbasically helping you if you're
recovering from betrayal orheartbreak.
Rise from the pain of thatbetrayal and heartbreak and
really step into your power andunleash your full potential and
using that betrayal, the pain,body experience, really as a
catalyst for your transformation.
You know, and this is one thingI always keep coming back to
(01:30):
like the stuff that causes usthe most pain, the most upheaval
, the most challenging emotionalresponse is the stuff that
really transforms us, the stuffthat is really setting us free,
the stuff that is really pushingus to evolve into this next
version of ourselves.
(01:50):
And so, rather than avoiding itor, you know, trying to mindset
our way through it or whatever,you know, the power is really
in moving with it.
You know I, you know there's anold Native American saying and
I can't remember I'm gonna, Iknow I'm not going to do it any
justice, but it's somethingabout, you know, the buffalo.
(02:13):
You know, never try.
You know something about thebuffalo never running around the
storm.
It always just runs rightthrough the storm because it
knows it's the fastest way toget there or the safest, anyway,
something to that effect.
Okay, consider, look up that,look up that that saying and
apply it to your emotionalexperience.
Okay, I should have probablylooked that up.
(02:34):
I didn't know I was going to betalking about that.
Sarah was going to mention thattoday.
Okay, so let's dive intotoday's episode.
So I wanted to talk about thenumber one boundary that you
need to set after you've beenthrough some sort of intense
heartbreak or betrayal.
I mean oftentimes and myselfincluded I struggle to set this
(03:01):
boundary.
I really struggle to set thisboundary, and there was so much
wrapped up in it, and so we'regoing to unpack all that today
and we're going to talk aboutwhy it was so hard for me to set
this boundary and also why itended up in the end, doing more
damage than the betrayal everdid.
And you know we have to.
(03:22):
You know it was a powerfulmindset shift in the end that
kind of changed everything forme.
So hopefully you know that'llkind of support you if you're
struggling to set this boundary.
And the boundary that I'mtalking about is cutting off
communication and going nocontact.
It is so important, especiallywhen you've been through
(03:42):
heartbreak or betrayal.
I mean, you know, like Irecently had to cut off
communication with somebody justbecause you know it was just,
you know we were just stayingtoo attached and that's just.
That's a different, that's awhole different thing.
You know, um, what I, what the?
What I wanted to focus on todaywas when we stay in contact or
(04:05):
we keep ourselves open tocommunication with somebody who
has done us dirty, right, who'sreally hurt us on a deep level,
who's really made us questionour worth and how lovable we are
and our enoughness, right, allthese things that we talk about.
(04:27):
This person who has triggeredour fear of abandonment and
rejection, right and not beinggood enough.
So that's the person that Iwanna focus on, even though I
think, ultimately, like I mean,I think cutting off
communication, depending onwhere you're at or how you
always have to, it's always verynuanced.
(04:48):
I never tell anybody, yes, theyalways have to cut off
communication with their exes.
It really depends on yourenergy with that person.
I believe endings can beamicable, absolutely, and we can
have conscious uncoupling, ofcourse.
But in the case where you knowmaybe there is, you know, maybe
(05:11):
there wasn't that consciousuncoupling, maybe it was a very
painful breakup, maybe you didfeel abandoned and rejected in
the end, you know, or not enoughIn those cases, I think it's
very important if you haven't,or not enough In those cases, I
think it's very important If youhaven't fully moved through
that experience.
I think it's very important tocut off contact.
(05:31):
Okay, and we're going to talkabout why.
So, after I left my relationship, when, you know, the betrayal
happened, you know the betrayalwas kind of going on for years
and so I had been letting go ofthe relationship for quite some
time and so when it finallyended, you know, I I felt ready
to end it, to be quite honest,even though it, you know, it
(05:52):
ended not in the healthiest way.
But I was, I think, ready toend it and I was ready to kind
of move on with the next phaseof my life.
And when I say that, I say thatwith caveat, in the sense that,
yes, mentally I was ready tomove on and find somebody who
would really love me the way Iwanted to be loved, but
(06:14):
energetically and emotionally Ihad a lot of work to do before I
would get there.
Oh, yes, I would go through anever-ending stream of toxic
partners that would push me togo into my seven-year
relationship hiatus, where Iwould do the work on myself and
heal all the abandonment andrejection wounds that were lying
(06:36):
beneath the surface before Iwould be ready to really open
myself up to a healthyrelationship so ready but not
ready to a healthy relationshipso ready but not ready.
So all that to say, theunderlying self-worth, fear of
(06:58):
abandonment, fear ofrejectionment, fear of not being
enough, they were all stillthere, even though I had
energetically let go of thisrelationship.
I didn't want this person backin my life.
I didn't miss them, I didn'tneed them.
I was excited to find somebodyelse who could love me the way
that I wanted to be loved.
But that not enoughness wasstill there, beneath the surface
(07:19):
, right.
And so when we ended and thiswas in a period of my life when
I was just so adamant on showingup as the most confident
version of myself I was kind offeeling falsely on top of the
world, like I just got out ofthis connection where I felt
completely unloved and neglectedin so many ways and, you know,
(07:45):
starved for affection andattention, right.
And so I was in my mind like Iwas, like I was on top of the
world, like the world is myoyster right now.
Right, couldn't be farther fromthe truth.
What if I had known what wascoming at me?
Like around the corner.
(08:05):
But so, you know, I was adamanton showing up as the most
confident and empowered versionof myself, and so, you know,
when we ended it, I didn't feelthe need to break ties.
I wanted it to be an amicablebreakup.
I wanted us to try and remainfriends.
That didn't work Because andyou know, he was a very
(08:26):
manipulative person in the endand I think you know the the the
fact that the relationship fellapart and the fact that, you
know, I chose to leave therelationship, you know, I think
it really did a number on hisego, and so he he in his his own
brilliant way tried to kind oftake some passive, aggressive
(08:50):
digs at me, and not digs, butsort of intentionally going out
of his way to make me feel lessthan.
This looked like flirting withmy friends online on social
media, where I could see him.
This looked like postingpictures of his best new life
(09:14):
and all the things that he'sdoing that I wish we could have
done together.
That he didn't want to do, butnow he was doing with everyone
else.
This looked like I mean, at onepoint actually, um like sent me
.
I think I remember it was amessage or a phone call, I'm not
sure, but I remember him askingme about one of my friends that
he had seen and sort of like myacquaintance circle, Like we
(09:37):
weren't.
It wasn't anybody that I wasreally close to at the time, but
you know, we were acquaintancesand we were kind of like
running with the same socialcircle and whatnot.
And I remember him telling me Idon't know why, I can't
remember how he told me, but Iremember him telling me like,
wow, she's really hot and youknow, I'd like to meet her.
And I remember thinking tomyself, oh okay, well, why don't
(09:59):
I just like introduce you andput it out there, introduce you
and put it out there?
Because, even though I and Ifelt this niggle in my stomach
of like, oh like, just like thatfeeling of betrayal, but in my
mind I didn't think anything ofit because I was so done.
I'm like well, I don't want himback, I don't want to be with
(10:19):
him, I don't miss him.
So why wouldn't I like?
And a confident and empoweredwoman would not have an issue
with this.
But the issue was so buriedbeneath the surface where, you
know, there was still this see,you're not good enough.
See, you are going to beabandoned, see, you are going to
(10:39):
be rejected because you don'tlook like those girls over there
, so anyone's just going to like, bypass you and just go on to
the next chick, right.
There was that part of me thatstill felt deeply wounded and
insecure and that was the partthat I was ignoring, right.
And so I tried to do the coolchick thing.
(11:02):
I tried to look confident, Itried to be in that whole.
You know, we talked about blackcat energy a couple weeks ago.
I tried to look black cat,unbothered by the whole thing.
Yeah, I'm good.
I got this no skin off my back.
I'm good, you know not.
So not good, so not good.
I, underneath it all, there wasso much unworthiness, so much
(11:28):
not good enough, so much fear ofabandonment and rejection.
And as I went back out into theworld and started, like you know
, connecting with and datingother people, those wounds
started to get wildly activated,right, because that was the
work that I needed to do.
So, in a way, like thesituation was kind of serving me
because it was trying to try.
It was trying to flag myattention, to say, hey, listen,
(11:51):
honey, before you go out thereand start like trying to meet
people, why don't you deal withwhat you got going on underneath
, right, which I was totallyavoiding, totally.
I, I, I felt the niggles, Ifelt the discomfort and I I'm
like I'm just going to keepgoing, I'm just going to be
confident, everything's going tobe fine.
I'm going to show the worldjust how good I feel about
myself.
I'm going to take care ofmyself.
(12:12):
I'm going to do all thesethings.
I'm going to create thisbeautiful, fabulous life on the
outside, but on the inside, Iwas just so wounded and feeling
so unworthy and not good enoughthat it didn't matter, honestly,
what I did on the outside, youknow.
And so what was happening?
As you know, we were movingthrough this experience and this
(12:33):
went on for quite some time.
Right, it was quite some timebefore I finally said you know
what?
I just I can't do this anymore,like I need to just cut off
communication and I need to justblock them and not see what
they're doing, and not like Ijust need to not let them have
access to me and my life anymore, given what we've been through
(12:53):
together.
So, but that took a long timeand I think, if I'm not mistaken
, I think it was like I don'tthink, I think it was longer
than a few months.
I think it was like, I don'tthink I think it was longer than
a few months, I think it was ayear or two before I finally did
that, to be honest, and youknow, as you know, the plays for
(13:16):
attention and the and the playsfor, you know, like you know,
showing up online and flirtingwith my friends or being
interested in so andand-so, youknow that that kind of that
tones that calmed down after thefirst initial few months, but
the energy was still there,right.
So every time they postedsomething, and every time um,
(13:39):
they, you know they look likethey were out there living their
best life, you know, I stillfelt that little niggle in my
tummy, that little, that littlekick in the gut, right, not
because, again, not because Iwanted to be with them, not
because I miss them, not becauseI wish things could have worked
out, but because they weretriggering that part of me that
(14:00):
didn't feel good enough andthat's the part that I was
feeling in my stomach.
So, every time they didsomething to trigger that part
of me, whether it was, you know,posting someone that they were
seeing at the time or gettinginvolved with, or whether it was
, you know, flirting with one ofmy friends online or commenting
on how looking one of myfriends were, you know, looking
(14:23):
one of my friends were, you know.
It didn't matter what it was,but every time they did
something to trigger that partof me, it almost re-validated my
unworthiness.
See, you're not good enough.
See, you're not pretty enough.
See, you're not smart enough,you're not sexy enough, you're
not this enough, you're not thatenough.
It just kept reaffirming thisdeeply, deeply, deeply inherited
(14:49):
belief that I was not enough.
And it compounded over time,right, it just kept compounding
and compounding, and compounding, to the point where, you know,
when it was all said and done, Ihad a lot of work to do, you
know, and I don't think that itwas all from that period.
Obviously, I think that youknow there was a lot of damage
(15:10):
done during the relationship andeven before the relationship,
and that's obviously why Iattracted in the first place.
But, you know, having itcompounded like that in the end,
really like that was really thenail in the coffin, right, and
again, this was all because Ididn't want them.
I wanted to show up as the coolchick, unbothered, just
(15:34):
completely unscathed by anythinghe did, and coming out on top
and coming out as my best selfand coming out confident when
there was real damage that hadbeen done internally in my
self-worth and and and and how II saw myself and and my
worthiness in relationships.
(15:56):
That was wildly damaged andneeded a lot of repair and I was
ignoring it.
And so you know, at the in theend, you know me wanting to look
like the cool chick and tryingto look unbothered was just me
trying to let them make thembelieve that they like, not not
(16:16):
make them think that they won orsomething like that, or not
letting them know just how hurtor damaged I was inside.
I was trying to hide all thatand so it really all became
about when you break it down.
It really all became about whatthey thought of me and instead
of focusing on okay, well, whatdo I need?
(16:37):
What do I need in this?
What do I need to heal?
What do I need to feel whole?
What do I need to feel whole?
What do I need to feel strong?
And what I needed was to cutoff communication.
But the fear of cutting offcommunication was well, what
will they think?
If I cut off communication?
They'll think they've won.
If I cut off communication,they'll think, oh see, I did do
(16:58):
a number on her.
Oh see, I did hurt her.
Oh see, she's not as okay withit as she likes to let on that
she is.
But it wasn't about that.
It was about what I needed toheal, and so I needed to detach
from this worry of what theywould think and what everybody
else would think and just focusand just prioritize what I
(17:19):
needed and let people think whatthey think, just prioritize
what I needed and let peoplethink what they think.
You know, I had this exchange.
It was a while ago and I thinkthis is when I made the
connection of what was happeningfor me at the time, because
this was like years later and Iremember somebody had posted a
reel online and said you know,when somebody hurts you or does
(17:40):
you dirty or does you wrong orwhatever, this is how you want
to show up, this is how you wantto act, and you want to act
unbothered, and you want to dothis and you want to do that.
And I'm just like and I wrotein the comments like why would
you want to do that?
Why?
Like they were trying to saydon't block them, you should
stay in connection and actunbothered with the whole thing.
I'm like that why on God'sgreen earth would you do that?
(18:04):
If you are actually bothered,if it is hurting you, if it is
making you feel less than, whywould you subject yourself to
that?
If somebody hurts you, does youdirty or does you wrong, just
cut them off.
Who gives a crap?
What they think what's moreimportant is your own peace and
your own well-being.
And suddenly, as I'm writingthat, I'm like oh, that's what
(18:24):
was happening, right and so andI can remember like I don't
think I was conscious of it atthe time when I cut off
communication I just rememberthere was a clear moment where I
was like nope, nope, not today,satan, not today.
I am not going to give you.
Not that he was not him.
My like, my, my mindset, mybeliefs, my worries, my fears,
my unworthiness.
I wasn't going to give thatspace.
(18:48):
And by letting him constantlytrigger that for me, you know.
So I blocked him, I blocked off, I blocked him on social media,
I blocked him everywhere Icould possibly block him, so
that I didn't have to see whathe was posting or what he was
doing or who he was engagingwith or any of that anymore.
And it wasn't because it hadnothing to do with me being hurt
(19:11):
or missing him and not beingable to see him online or
wishing I had him back.
It had nothing to do with anyof that and it had everything to
do with I will, I am.
I just don't want to reinforcethis idea that I am not worthy
anymore.
(19:31):
I don't want to reinforce thisfear of abandonment or rejection
anymore.
I want to give I, I, I just, Ijust wanted to give that part of
me peace and not accept, like,not accept, not.
How do I?
What do I want to articulatehere?
(19:51):
I don't know why I'm havingsuch a hard time articulating
this.
It's not even about accepting.
It was about not wanting togive the opportunity for that to
be torn down repeatedly anymore.
You know, ideally I'd love toget to the.
You know, at that point I wouldhave loved to get to the point
where, you know, I really wasunfazed and unbothered by all of
it.
(20:12):
But you know, I had a lot ofwork to do until I got there
right, and so I.
This is what I didn't want toaccept letting this thing, this
pattern, reaffirm the alreadythe already very tragic beliefs
that I had about myself and myworth in relationships.
(20:34):
I just didn't want to reaffirmthat anymore, right, and I
didn't want to accept asituation that would
consistently reaffirm that againand again, and again.
And so what he thought of me andwhat everybody else thought of
me became secondary and finally,finally, finally, the priority
became me and what I needed toheal and what I needed to create
(20:58):
the peace that I needed tocultivate for myself in order,
so that I can do the healingthat I needed to cultivate for
myself in order, so that I cando the healing that I needed to
do and mend my heart.
And that was really my first.
That was really the first timeI really started to take my
power back from that connectionand say you know what, how I
feel is more important than howI look, and so I'm going to
prioritize, I'm going to chooseme and I'm going to prioritize
(21:19):
what I need to heal versus whateverybody else is thinking or
saying about me behind my back,you know.
And that was really the firstand most powerful step, and it
was really creating that safecontainer to say no, I'm not
available for things that makeme feel unworthy, because on a
soul level, I knew none of thatwas true.
I didn't need to feel unworthyanymore, I didn't need to fear
(21:43):
abandonment or rejection anymore, and my soul knew that.
And so it wasn't going toaccept being in that situation
anymore of having those thoughtsor having those feelings or
having those fears activatedover and over again anymore,
because it knew that nothingcould be farther from the truth.
(22:05):
But it came down to finally notgiving a crap what anybody else
says or thinks, especially theone that you know cheated on you
, betrayed you, misled you,whatever.
Don't give a crap about whatthey think and give all your
focus and attention to what youneed.
(22:26):
And I think you know, when Ilook back, that was again.
That was probably that firstpivotal moment where I said no,
I get to choose me here and not,I get to choose me and I get to
prioritize me, not whateverybody else is saying or
thinking or feeling.
Right, and so you have to.
(22:48):
Yeah, we'd all love to get tothe place where we get on.
You know we're completelyunbothered by it.
Sure missed him or I regretted.
You know how the relationshipended.
I couldn't be.
I could not be happier to beout of that connection.
To be honest, once the time hadpassed and everything, the dust
had settled on on that, um, I Ithink the part that you know
(23:13):
again that I was reallystruggling with was the damage
it had done to my self-worth andand my confidence and my
worthiness, that that the theworthiness that I held about
myself, um, when it comes tobeing in relationship, and that
fear of abandonment or rejection.
So you know, that needed to bethe priority, it desperately
(23:34):
needed to be the priority, andeverything else took a backseat
to that.
And so you know, like I saythis to say, you know, staying
in that pattern of wanting tolook like the cool chick, of
wanting to look unbothered, ofwanting them, I'm not going to
let them know that they won, I'mgoing to look like I don't give
(23:55):
a shit, I'm moving on with mybest life.
When, deep down, it'sreaffirming these hardcore,
limiting beliefs that you holdabout yourself over and over
again, you are doing yourself somuch damage, right?
Because now you're justreaffirming everything that that
heartbreak and that betrayalever triggered in you and you're
(24:16):
just reaffirming it again andagain and again and you're
leaving yourself vulnerable tobe betrayed further.
You're leaving yourselfvulnerable because even to the
manipulation of you know, thelittle mind, the mind games he
was playing with me, of, youknow, because it was very I do
believe it was very intentional,because he must have known on
some level that I would see it,you know.
So, even just leaving yourselfopen to especially if it was a
(24:38):
very toxic relationship, leavingyourself open to further
manipulation and you know thethese mind, mental, mind games
and attacks that sometimes, youknow, manipulative and toxic
people like to play to make youfeel, to trigger that, that that
part of you that they knowfears that they're going to be
(25:00):
abandoned or rejected.
Whether they're doing itconsciously or subconsciously,
jury's still out on that.
But, um, the point is, is thatyou just leave yourself so
vulnerable to so much moredamage by trying to play the
cool check, by trying to playthe unbothered check, by trying
to make them think, oh, youdidn't win, you didn't hurt me,
you didn't damage me, I'm good.
(25:21):
That's the mental shift I wantyou to take from this today.
Who gives a shit what theythink?
They've already done you dirty,they already hurt you, they
already betrayed you, theyalready misled you.
The important thing in all ofthis is what do you need now?
To heal, to come home toyourself, to feel whole again,
(25:45):
to really and truly, not justpretend, but to really and truly
feel powerful and confidentagain and not, you know, not
drain your energy every time yousee them post a photo with
somebody else, or engage withone of your friends, or like one
of your friends posts, or anyof that.
You know that people love to doonline just to like.
(26:07):
You know, take a dig at usright.
What is more important to you?
Is it looking good and lookingcool and looking unbothered, or
is it actually creating thecontainer that you need to do
your best and most powerfulhealing, because, like we've
been saying again and again eachweek, these things don't happen
to us for no reason.
(26:28):
They are trying to make, helpus to evolve and transform in
the most powerful ways.
And if you keep getting suckedinto the pain story, the pain
body, the pain experience,you're not going to be able to
evolve and move through to theother side of whatever this
experience is trying to bring infor you the transformation, the
change, change, the expansionthat this experience is trying
(26:51):
to be a catalyst for.
You're going to completely keepyourself stuck on this hamster
wheel of pain and trauma andbetrayal and delay getting to
the carrot on the other side,because you're just going to
keep reaffirming to yourselfevery fear, wound and limiting
belief that that betrayaltriggered in you.
So, please, if you findyourself in a situation where
(27:16):
you've been betrayed,heartbroken, misled in a
relationship, and whether it'spainful now or maybe it was
painful and you feel like you'vemoved through the pain, doesn't
matter If there's a part of youthat you know is wounded, that
is not feeling good enough, thatis not feeling worthy, that has
(27:43):
that little niggle of fear ofabandonment or rejection.
Every time something happens orthey post something where they
post a picture with somebodyelse and suddenly, even though
you don't want them back, youfeel like a sinking feeling,
like, oh my God, like why is hehappy with her but not with me?
Why is he doing all the thingswith her that I wanted him to do
with me?
Why can he do that with me?
Was I not good?
Like, even if it's happeningsubconsciously, you can feel it.
You can feel that sinking inyour stomach Every time you're
(28:10):
in a situation where that'shappening cut off communication,
cut off access.
You do not need to see whatthey're doing, you do not need
to see who they're engaging with, you do not need to see what
they're posting, and if somebodyhas hurt and betrayed you, they
certainly don't deserve to haveaccess to you Just saying right
, just saying, or to see whatyou're doing or what you're up
to.
So just cut it off.
Cut it off, let it go.
Your healing is more importantthan what they think of you.
(28:33):
Your healing is more importantthan any assumptions or
judgments that they are makingabout you.
What you need is your priorityin this situation, not what you
think they'll think Okay.
So how can you choose yourselftoday?
How can you cut offcommunication, put those energy,
(28:55):
put those boundaries in placeso that you cut off contact, cut
off access, cut off theirability to um, reaffirm and
compound the limiting beliefsand fears of abandonment and
rejection that you're alreadyholding so deeply within.
They do not need to bereaffirmed.
(29:16):
What you need to do now iscreate that safe container for
healing, and that needs to beyour first priority.
And if they choose to make that,mean something about what like
their worth in some way whichyou know what I mean you have to
be you all, the he would alsohave to be a very insecure
person to use this as validationthat he's in some way better
(29:40):
than you, worthier than you.
You know if he was going to letthis, you know you blocking him
kind of somehow boost his egoand thinking, oh look, I did do
a number on her.
Oh, I did hurt her more thanshe let on.
Oh see, she's not as confidentand put together, she likes
everyone to think who cares?
(30:00):
Let him, let him.
It's no skin off your back Likethis.
This is the person who you know,you've been through this
betrayal, you've been throughthis heartbreak with, so that
you can transform and evolve.
Let what he thinks not matter.
You know you, you are revolvinginto something.
(30:22):
You know who knows what thisexperience is bringing in for
you, right, and who knows whatit's asking you to step into.
You worrying about what hemight or might not be thinking,
or letting it get to you what hemight or might not be thinking,
is only betraying you further,because it is keeping you from
(30:45):
all the greatness that iswaiting for you on the other
side, when you fully accept andallow the transformation.
That is literally knocking atyour door, and that's why it
brought this betrayal and thisheartbreak to your doorstep.
So don't do yourself thatdisservice If you've been
through the pain of betrayal andheartbreak.
(31:06):
Make it mean something.
Don't focus on what he may ormay not be thinking.
Who cares?
He's the one who hurt you inthe first place.
Focus on where this is takingyou and how it is asking you to
evolve, and let that be yourgreatest fucking revenge,
because I'm telling you it willbe Right, rather than pretending
(31:27):
to be okay and cool now.
Your greatest revenge is what'swaiting for you on the other
side of the transformation, ifyou let it.
Okay, that is all for today, youguys.
I will see you on the nextepisode.
If you loved what we talkedabout today, please let me know
in the comments or email me atmaria at thefemcoachcom and let
(31:48):
me know what you took away fromthe episode and what kind of
really stood out for you.
I always love to hear from youguys and hear what's resonating
and what's not, and how we cantalk about things that are going
to make more of an impact foryou.
And, obviously, if you lovethis episode, please leave a
positive rating or review onApple Podcast or Spotify or
wherever the heck you're seeingthis.
(32:09):
Okay, until next time, you guys.
Massive love.
Hey you guys.
What is up?
Welcome back to the show.
I am so excited and grateful tohave you here.
I talk about leaving thingstill the 11th hour, so usually I
like to have my episodespre-recorded the week before.
I know some podcasters do likea month or two before, but I
just do a week before.
But I'm literally recordingthis on the day that it's going
(00:21):
up.
It should have been up at 5 amthis morning.
I recording this on the daythat it's going up.
It should have been up at 5amthis morning.
I'm recording it now at 8am.
It's just been a busy few weeksand we just had the eclipse
yesterday.
I was really feeling the energylast week, although it settled
down towards the weekend and itstarted to feel calmer.
But definitely a lot kind ofcame up and I posted a little
(00:42):
affirmation on my Instagram.
If that's something that youknow you think would support you
, that's there.
I posted it on Sunday, I think,the day of the eclipse, and
we're like a week away from themasterclass, so I'm super
excited for that.
I know it's going to beincredibly powerful.
(01:07):
We're doing she Rises, which isbasically helping you if you're
recovering from betrayal orheartbreak.
Rise from the pain of thatbetrayal and heartbreak and
really step into your power andunleash your full potential and
using that betrayal, the pain,body experience, really as a
catalyst for your transformation.
You know, and this is one thingI always keep coming back to
(01:30):
like the stuff that causes usthe most pain, the most upheaval
, the most challenging emotionalresponse is the stuff that
really transforms us, the stuffthat is really setting us free,
the stuff that is really pushingus to evolve into this next
version of ourselves.
(01:50):
And so, rather than avoiding itor, you know, trying to mindset
our way through it or whatever,you know, the power is really
in moving with it.
You know I, you know there's anold Native American saying and
I can't remember I'm gonna, Iknow I'm not going to do it any
justice, but it's somethingabout, you know, the buffalo.
(02:13):
You know, never try.
You know something about thebuffalo never running around the
storm.
It always just runs rightthrough the storm because it
knows it's the fastest way toget there or the safest, anyway,
something to that effect.
Okay, consider, look up that,look up that that saying and
apply it to your emotionalexperience.
Okay, I should have probablylooked that up.
(02:34):
I didn't know I was going to betalking about that.
Sarah was going to mention thattoday.
Okay, so let's dive intotoday's episode.
So I wanted to talk about thenumber one boundary that you
need to set after you've beenthrough some sort of intense
heartbreak or betrayal.
I mean oftentimes and myselfincluded I struggle to set this
(03:01):
boundary.
I really struggle to set thisboundary, and there was so much
wrapped up in it, and so we'regoing to unpack all that today
and we're going to talk aboutwhy it was so hard for me to set
this boundary and also why itended up in the end, doing more
damage than the betrayal everdid.
And you know we have to.
(03:22):
You know it was a powerfulmindset shift in the end that
kind of changed everything forme.
So hopefully you know that'llkind of support you if you're
struggling to set this boundary.
And the boundary that I'mtalking about is cutting off
communication and going nocontact.
It is so important, especiallywhen you've been through
(03:42):
heartbreak or betrayal.
I mean, you know, like Irecently had to cut off
communication with somebody justbecause you know it was just,
you know we were just stayingtoo attached and that's just.
That's a different, that's awhole different thing.
You know, um, what I, what the?
What I wanted to focus on todaywas when we stay in contact or
(04:05):
we keep ourselves open tocommunication with somebody who
has done us dirty, right, who'sreally hurt us on a deep level,
who's really made us questionour worth and how lovable we are
and our enoughness, right, allthese things that we talk about.
(04:27):
This person who has triggeredour fear of abandonment and
rejection, right and not beinggood enough.
So that's the person that Iwanna focus on, even though I
think, ultimately, like I mean,I think cutting off
communication, depending onwhere you're at or how you
always have to, it's always verynuanced.
(04:48):
I never tell anybody, yes, theyalways have to cut off
communication with their exes.
It really depends on yourenergy with that person.
I believe endings can beamicable, absolutely, and we can
have conscious uncoupling, ofcourse.
But in the case where you knowmaybe there is, you know, maybe
(05:11):
there wasn't that consciousuncoupling, maybe it was a very
painful breakup, maybe you didfeel abandoned and rejected in
the end, you know, or not enoughIn those cases, I think it's
very important if you haven't,or not enough In those cases, I
think it's very important If youhaven't fully moved through
that experience.
I think it's very important tocut off contact.
(05:31):
Okay, and we're going to talkabout why.
So, after I left my relationship, when, you know, the betrayal
happened, you know the betrayalwas kind of going on for years
and so I had been letting go ofthe relationship for quite some
time and so when it finallyended, you know, I I felt ready
to end it, to be quite honest,even though it, you know, it
(05:52):
ended not in the healthiest way.
But I was, I think, ready toend it and I was ready to kind
of move on with the next phaseof my life.
And when I say that, I say thatwith caveat, in the sense that,
yes, mentally I was ready tomove on and find somebody who
would really love me the way Iwanted to be loved, but
(06:14):
energetically and emotionally Ihad a lot of work to do before I
would get there.
Oh, yes, I would go through anever-ending stream of toxic
partners that would push me togo into my seven-year
relationship hiatus, where Iwould do the work on myself and
heal all the abandonment andrejection wounds that were lying
(06:36):
beneath the surface before Iwould be ready to really open
myself up to a healthyrelationship so ready but not
ready to a healthy relationshipso ready but not ready.
So all that to say, theunderlying self-worth, fear of
(06:58):
abandonment, fear ofrejectionment, fear of not being
enough, they were all stillthere, even though I had
energetically let go of thisrelationship.
I didn't want this person backin my life.
I didn't miss them, I didn'tneed them.
I was excited to find somebodyelse who could love me the way
that I wanted to be loved.
But that not enoughness wasstill there, beneath the surface
(07:19):
, right.
And so when we ended and thiswas in a period of my life when
I was just so adamant on showingup as the most confident
version of myself I was kind offeeling falsely on top of the
world, like I just got out ofthis connection where I felt
completely unloved and neglectedin so many ways and, you know,
(07:45):
starved for affection andattention, right.
And so I was in my mind like Iwas, like I was on top of the
world, like the world is myoyster right now.
Right, couldn't be farther fromthe truth.
What if I had known what wascoming at me?
Like around the corner.
(08:05):
But so, you know, I was adamanton showing up as the most
confident and empowered versionof myself, and so, you know,
when we ended it, I didn't feelthe need to break ties.
I wanted it to be an amicablebreakup.
I wanted us to try and remainfriends.
That didn't work Because andyou know, he was a very
(08:26):
manipulative person in the endand I think you know the the the
fact that the relationship fellapart and the fact that, you
know, I chose to leave therelationship, you know, I think
it really did a number on hisego, and so he he in his his own
brilliant way tried to kind oftake some passive, aggressive
(08:50):
digs at me, and not digs, butsort of intentionally going out
of his way to make me feel lessthan.
This looked like flirting withmy friends online on social
media, where I could see him.
This looked like postingpictures of his best new life
(09:14):
and all the things that he'sdoing that I wish we could have
done together.
That he didn't want to do, butnow he was doing with everyone
else.
This looked like I mean, at onepoint actually, um like sent me
.
I think I remember it was amessage or a phone call, I'm not
sure, but I remember him askingme about one of my friends that
he had seen and sort of like myacquaintance circle, Like we
(09:37):
weren't.
It wasn't anybody that I wasreally close to at the time, but
you know, we were acquaintancesand we were kind of like
running with the same socialcircle and whatnot.
And I remember him telling me Idon't know why, I can't
remember how he told me, but Iremember him telling me like,
wow, she's really hot and youknow, I'd like to meet her.
And I remember thinking tomyself, oh okay, well, why don't
(09:59):
I just like introduce you andput it out there, introduce you
and put it out there?
Because, even though I and Ifelt this niggle in my stomach
of like, oh like, just like thatfeeling of betrayal, but in my
mind I didn't think anything ofit because I was so done.
I'm like well, I don't want himback, I don't want to be with
(10:19):
him, I don't miss him.
So why wouldn't I like?
And a confident and empoweredwoman would not have an issue
with this.
But the issue was so buriedbeneath the surface where, you
know, there was still this see,you're not good enough.
See, you are going to beabandoned, see, you are going to
(10:39):
be rejected because you don'tlook like those girls over there
, so anyone's just going to like, bypass you and just go on to
the next chick, right.
There was that part of me thatstill felt deeply wounded and
insecure and that was the partthat I was ignoring, right.
And so I tried to do the coolchick thing.
(11:02):
I tried to look confident, Itried to be in that whole.
You know, we talked about blackcat energy a couple weeks ago.
I tried to look black cat,unbothered by the whole thing.
Yeah, I'm good.
I got this no skin off my back.
I'm good, you know not.
So not good, so not good.
I, underneath it all, there wasso much unworthiness, so much
(11:28):
not good enough, so much fear ofabandonment and rejection.
And as I went back out into theworld and started, like you know
, connecting with and datingother people, those wounds
started to get wildly activated,right, because that was the
work that I needed to do.
So, in a way, like thesituation was kind of serving me
because it was trying to try.
It was trying to flag myattention, to say, hey, listen,
(11:51):
honey, before you go out thereand start like trying to meet
people, why don't you deal withwhat you got going on underneath
, right, which I was totallyavoiding, totally.
I, I, I felt the niggles, Ifelt the discomfort and I I'm
like I'm just going to keepgoing, I'm just going to be
confident, everything's going tobe fine.
I'm going to show the worldjust how good I feel about
myself.
I'm going to take care ofmyself.
(12:12):
I'm going to do all thesethings.
I'm going to create thisbeautiful, fabulous life on the
outside, but on the inside, Iwas just so wounded and feeling
so unworthy and not good enoughthat it didn't matter, honestly,
what I did on the outside, youknow.
And so what was happening?
As you know, we were movingthrough this experience and this
(12:33):
went on for quite some time.
Right, it was quite some timebefore I finally said you know
what?
I just I can't do this anymore,like I need to just cut off
communication and I need to justblock them and not see what
they're doing, and not like Ijust need to not let them have
access to me and my life anymore, given what we've been through
(12:53):
together.
So, but that took a long timeand I think, if I'm not mistaken
, I think it was like I don'tthink, I think it was longer
than a few months.
I think it was like, I don'tthink I think it was longer than
a few months, I think it was ayear or two before I finally did
that, to be honest, and youknow, as you know, the plays for
(13:16):
attention and the and the playsfor, you know, like you know,
showing up online and flirtingwith my friends or being
interested in so andand-so, youknow that that kind of that
tones that calmed down after thefirst initial few months, but
the energy was still there,right.
So every time they postedsomething, and every time um,
(13:39):
they, you know they look likethey were out there living their
best life, you know, I stillfelt that little niggle in my
tummy, that little, that littlekick in the gut, right, not
because, again, not because Iwanted to be with them, not
because I miss them, not becauseI wish things could have worked
out, but because they weretriggering that part of me that
(14:00):
didn't feel good enough andthat's the part that I was
feeling in my stomach.
So, every time they didsomething to trigger that part
of me, whether it was, you know,posting someone that they were
seeing at the time or gettinginvolved with, or whether it was
, you know, flirting with one ofmy friends online or commenting
on how looking one of myfriends were, you know, looking
(14:23):
one of my friends were, you know.
It didn't matter what it was,but every time they did
something to trigger that partof me, it almost re-validated my
unworthiness.
See, you're not good enough.
See, you're not pretty enough.
See, you're not smart enough,you're not sexy enough, you're
not this enough, you're not thatenough.
It just kept reaffirming thisdeeply, deeply, deeply inherited
(14:49):
belief that I was not enough.
And it compounded over time,right, it just kept compounding
and compounding, and compounding, to the point where, you know,
when it was all said and done, Ihad a lot of work to do, you
know, and I don't think that itwas all from that period.
Obviously, I think that youknow there was a lot of damage
(15:10):
done during the relationship andeven before the relationship,
and that's obviously why Iattracted in the first place.
But, you know, having itcompounded like that in the end,
really like that was really thenail in the coffin, right, and
again, this was all because Ididn't want them.
I wanted to show up as the coolchick, unbothered, just
(15:34):
completely unscathed by anythinghe did, and coming out on top
and coming out as my best selfand coming out confident when
there was real damage that hadbeen done internally in my
self-worth and and and and how II saw myself and and my
worthiness in relationships.
(15:56):
That was wildly damaged andneeded a lot of repair and I was
ignoring it.
And so you know, at the in theend, you know me wanting to look
like the cool chick and tryingto look unbothered was just me
trying to let them make thembelieve that they like, not not
(16:16):
make them think that they won orsomething like that, or not
letting them know just how hurtor damaged I was inside.
I was trying to hide all thatand so it really all became
about when you break it down.
It really all became about whatthey thought of me and instead
of focusing on okay, well, whatdo I need?
(16:37):
What do I need in this?
What do I need to heal?
What do I need to feel whole?
What do I need to feel whole?
What do I need to feel strong?
And what I needed was to cutoff communication.
But the fear of cutting offcommunication was well, what
will they think?
If I cut off communication?
They'll think they've won.
If I cut off communication,they'll think, oh see, I did do
(16:58):
a number on her.
Oh see, I did hurt her.
Oh see, she's not as okay withit as she likes to let on that
she is.
But it wasn't about that.
It was about what I needed toheal, and so I needed to detach
from this worry of what theywould think and what everybody
else would think and just focusand just prioritize what I
(17:19):
needed and let people think whatthey think, just prioritize
what I needed and let peoplethink what they think.
You know, I had this exchange.
It was a while ago and I thinkthis is when I made the
connection of what was happeningfor me at the time, because
this was like years later and Iremember somebody had posted a
reel online and said you know,when somebody hurts you or does
(17:40):
you dirty or does you wrong orwhatever, this is how you want
to show up, this is how you wantto act, and you want to act
unbothered, and you want to dothis and you want to do that.
And I'm just like and I wrotein the comments like why would
you want to do that?
Why?
Like they were trying to saydon't block them, you should
stay in connection and actunbothered with the whole thing.
I'm like that why on God'sgreen earth would you do that?
(18:04):
If you are actually bothered,if it is hurting you, if it is
making you feel less than, whywould you subject yourself to
that?
If somebody hurts you, does youdirty or does you wrong, just
cut them off.
Who gives a crap?
What they think what's moreimportant is your own peace and
your own well-being.
And suddenly, as I'm writingthat, I'm like oh, that's what
(18:24):
was happening, right and so andI can remember like I don't
think I was conscious of it atthe time when I cut off
communication I just rememberthere was a clear moment where I
was like nope, nope, not today,satan, not today.
I am not going to give you.
Not that he was not him.
My like, my, my mindset, mybeliefs, my worries, my fears,
my unworthiness.
I wasn't going to give thatspace.
(18:48):
And by letting him constantlytrigger that for me, you know.
So I blocked him, I blocked off, I blocked him on social media,
I blocked him everywhere Icould possibly block him, so
that I didn't have to see whathe was posting or what he was
doing or who he was engagingwith or any of that anymore.
And it wasn't because it hadnothing to do with me being hurt
(19:11):
or missing him and not beingable to see him online or
wishing I had him back.
It had nothing to do with anyof that and it had everything to
do with I will, I am.
I just don't want to reinforcethis idea that I am not worthy
anymore.
(19:31):
I don't want to reinforce thisfear of abandonment or rejection
anymore.
I want to give I, I, I just, Ijust wanted to give that part of
me peace and not accept, like,not accept, not.
How do I?
What do I want to articulatehere?
(19:51):
I don't know why I'm havingsuch a hard time articulating
this.
It's not even about accepting.
It was about not wanting togive the opportunity for that to
be torn down repeatedly anymore.
You know, ideally I'd love toget to the.
You know, at that point I wouldhave loved to get to the point
where, you know, I really wasunfazed and unbothered by all of
it.
(20:12):
But you know, I had a lot ofwork to do until I got there
right, and so I.
This is what I didn't want toaccept letting this thing, this
pattern, reaffirm the alreadythe already very tragic beliefs
that I had about myself and myworth in relationships.
(20:34):
I just didn't want to reaffirmthat anymore, right, and I
didn't want to accept asituation that would
consistently reaffirm that againand again, and again.
And so what he thought of me andwhat everybody else thought of
me became secondary and finally,finally, finally, the priority
became me and what I needed toheal and what I needed to create
(20:58):
the peace that I needed tocultivate for myself in order,
so that I can do the healingthat I needed to cultivate for
myself in order, so that I cando the healing that I needed to
do and mend my heart.
And that was really my first.
That was really the first timeI really started to take my
power back from that connectionand say you know what, how I
feel is more important than howI look, and so I'm going to
prioritize, I'm going to chooseme and I'm going to prioritize
(21:19):
what I need to heal versus whateverybody else is thinking or
saying about me behind my back,you know.
And that was really the firstand most powerful step, and it
was really creating that safecontainer to say no, I'm not
available for things that makeme feel unworthy, because on a
soul level, I knew none of thatwas true.
I didn't need to feel unworthyanymore, I didn't need to fear
(21:43):
abandonment or rejection anymore, and my soul knew that.
And so it wasn't going toaccept being in that situation
anymore of having those thoughtsor having those feelings or
having those fears activatedover and over again anymore,
because it knew that nothingcould be farther from the truth.
(22:05):
But it came down to finally notgiving a crap what anybody else
says or thinks, especially theone that you know cheated on you
, betrayed you, misled you,whatever.
Don't give a crap about whatthey think and give all your
focus and attention to what youneed.
(22:26):
And I think you know, when Ilook back, that was again.
That was probably that firstpivotal moment where I said no,
I get to choose me here and not,I get to choose me and I get to
prioritize me, not whateverybody else is saying or
thinking or feeling.
Right, and so you have to.
(22:48):
Yeah, we'd all love to get tothe place where we get on.
You know we're completelyunbothered by it.
Sure missed him or I regretted.
You know how the relationshipended.
I couldn't be.
I could not be happier to beout of that connection.
To be honest, once the time hadpassed and everything, the dust
had settled on on that, um, I Ithink the part that you know
(23:13):
again that I was reallystruggling with was the damage
it had done to my self-worth andand my confidence and my
worthiness, that that the theworthiness that I held about
myself, um, when it comes tobeing in relationship, and that
fear of abandonment or rejection.
So you know, that needed to bethe priority, it desperately
(23:34):
needed to be the priority, andeverything else took a backseat
to that.
And so you know, like I saythis to say, you know, staying
in that pattern of wanting tolook like the cool chick, of
wanting to look unbothered, ofwanting them, I'm not going to
let them know that they won, I'mgoing to look like I don't give
(23:55):
a shit, I'm moving on with mybest life.
When, deep down, it'sreaffirming these hardcore,
limiting beliefs that you holdabout yourself over and over
again, you are doing yourself somuch damage, right?
Because now you're justreaffirming everything that that
heartbreak and that betrayalever triggered in you and you're
(24:16):
just reaffirming it again andagain and again and you're
leaving yourself vulnerable tobe betrayed further.
You're leaving yourselfvulnerable because even to the
manipulation of you know, thelittle mind, the mind games he
was playing with me, of, youknow, because it was very I do
believe it was very intentional,because he must have known on
some level that I would see it,you know.
So, even just leaving yourselfopen to especially if it was a
(24:38):
very toxic relationship, leavingyourself open to further
manipulation and you know thethese mind, mental, mind games
and attacks that sometimes, youknow, manipulative and toxic
people like to play to make youfeel, to trigger that, that that
part of you that they knowfears that they're going to be
(25:00):
abandoned or rejected.
Whether they're doing itconsciously or subconsciously,
jury's still out on that.
But, um, the point is, is thatyou just leave yourself so
vulnerable to so much moredamage by trying to play the
cool check, by trying to playthe unbothered check, by trying
to make them think, oh, youdidn't win, you didn't hurt me,
you didn't damage me, I'm good.
(25:21):
That's the mental shift I wantyou to take from this today.
Who gives a shit what theythink?
They've already done you dirty,they already hurt you, they
already betrayed you, theyalready misled you.
The important thing in all ofthis is what do you need now?
To heal, to come home toyourself, to feel whole again,
(25:45):
to really and truly, not justpretend, but to really and truly
feel powerful and confidentagain and not, you know, not
drain your energy every time yousee them post a photo with
somebody else, or engage withone of your friends, or like one
of your friends posts, or anyof that.
You know that people love to doonline just to like.
(26:07):
You know, take a dig at usright.
What is more important to you?
Is it looking good and lookingcool and looking unbothered, or
is it actually creating thecontainer that you need to do
your best and most powerfulhealing, because, like we've
been saying again and again eachweek, these things don't happen
to us for no reason.
(26:28):
They are trying to make, helpus to evolve and transform in
the most powerful ways.
And if you keep getting suckedinto the pain story, the pain
body, the pain experience,you're not going to be able to
evolve and move through to theother side of whatever this
experience is trying to bring infor you the transformation, the
change, change, the expansionthat this experience is trying
(26:51):
to be a catalyst for.
You're going to completely keepyourself stuck on this hamster
wheel of pain and trauma andbetrayal and delay getting to
the carrot on the other side,because you're just going to
keep reaffirming to yourselfevery fear, wound and limiting
belief that that betrayaltriggered in you.
So, please, if you findyourself in a situation where
(27:16):
you've been betrayed,heartbroken, misled in a
relationship, and whether it'spainful now or maybe it was
painful and you feel like you'vemoved through the pain, doesn't
matter If there's a part of youthat you know is wounded, that
is not feeling good enough, thatis not feeling worthy, that has
(27:43):
that little niggle of fear ofabandonment or rejection.
Every time something happens orthey post something where they
post a picture with somebodyelse and suddenly, even though
you don't want them back, youfeel like a sinking feeling,
like, oh my God, like why is hehappy with her but not with me?
Why is he doing all the thingswith her that I wanted him to do
with me?
Why can he do that with me?
Was I not good?
Like, even if it's happeningsubconsciously, you can feel it.
You can feel that sinking inyour stomach Every time you're
(28:10):
in a situation where that'shappening cut off communication,
cut off access.
You do not need to see whatthey're doing, you do not need
to see who they're engaging with, you do not need to see what
they're posting, and if somebodyhas hurt and betrayed you, they
certainly don't deserve to haveaccess to you Just saying right
, just saying, or to see whatyou're doing or what you're up
to.
So just cut it off.
Cut it off, let it go.
Your healing is more importantthan what they think of you.
(28:33):
Your healing is more importantthan any assumptions or
judgments that they are makingabout you.
What you need is your priorityin this situation, not what you
think they'll think Okay.
So how can you choose yourselftoday?
How can you cut offcommunication, put those energy,
(28:55):
put those boundaries in placeso that you cut off contact, cut
off access, cut off theirability to um, reaffirm and
compound the limiting beliefsand fears of abandonment and
rejection that you're alreadyholding so deeply within.
They do not need to bereaffirmed.
(29:16):
What you need to do now iscreate that safe container for
healing, and that needs to beyour first priority.
And if they choose to make that,mean something about what like
their worth in some way whichyou know what I mean you have to
be you all, the he would alsohave to be a very insecure
person to use this as validationthat he's in some way better
(29:40):
than you, worthier than you.
You know if he was going to letthis, you know you blocking him
kind of somehow boost his egoand thinking, oh look, I did do
a number on her.
Oh, I did hurt her more thanshe let on.
Oh see, she's not as confidentand put together, she likes
everyone to think who cares?
(30:00):
Let him, let him.
It's no skin off your back Likethis.
This is the person who you know,you've been through this
betrayal, you've been throughthis heartbreak with, so that
you can transform and evolve.
Let what he thinks not matter.
You know you, you are revolvinginto something.
(30:22):
You know who knows what thisexperience is bringing in for
you, right, and who knows whatit's asking you to step into.
You worrying about what hemight or might not be thinking,
or letting it get to you what hemight or might not be thinking,
is only betraying you further,because it is keeping you from
(30:45):
all the greatness that iswaiting for you on the other
side, when you fully accept andallow the transformation.
That is literally knocking atyour door, and that's why it
brought this betrayal and thisheartbreak to your doorstep.
So don't do yourself thatdisservice If you've been
through the pain of betrayal andheartbreak.
(31:06):
Make it mean something.
Don't focus on what he may ormay not be thinking.
Who cares?
He's the one who hurt you inthe first place.
Focus on where this is takingyou and how it is asking you to
evolve, and let that be yourgreatest fucking revenge,
because I'm telling you it willbe Right, rather than pretending
(31:27):
to be okay and cool now.
Your greatest revenge is what'swaiting for you on the other
side of the transformation, ifyou let it.
Okay, that is all for today, youguys.
I will see you on the nextepisode.
If you loved what we talkedabout today, please let me know
in the comments or email me atmaria at thefemcoachcom and let
(31:48):
me know what you took away fromthe episode and what kind of
really stood out for you.
I always love to hear from youguys and hear what's resonating
and what's not, and how we cantalk about things that are going
to make more of an impact foryou.
And, obviously, if you lovethis episode, please leave a
positive rating or review onApple Podcast or Spotify or
wherever the heck you're seeingthis.
(32:09):
Okay, until next time, you guys.
Massive love.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.